ByKat Hours Updated
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Wednesday’s TPS Report: Open-Front Cardigan

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. BCBGMAXAZRIA Open-Front CardiganI really like the way this cardigan straddles the line between a sweater and a jacket. The strong shoulders and lapels, as well as the curved hem and fitted details in the back are lovely and blazer-ish, but it's got the comfort and warmth of wool, as well as an interesting variation in the width of the knit (particularly on the back) that you just wouldn't get with a suiting material. Even better, it's 50% off — was $228, now $114 on sale at Lord & Taylor, which is in the midst of its Anniversary Sale. Available in black and gray in all sizes as of this AM. BCBGMAXAZRIA Open-Front Cardigan Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail editor@corporette.com with “TPS” in the subject line. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

156 Comments

  1. This is adorable. Would it be acceptable for the plus sized, large breasted ladies to wear?

    1. I don’t see why not. It looks like it would skim nicely and not add width.

      2. I’m large-chested and bordering on plus-size. I have a couple cardigans in this style from Nordstroms, and I find them extremely flattering. I like that they curve out over my chest, thus “breaking up the bulk” so to speak (I hate it when cardigans won’t stay over the breasts and instead fall to the side of them, a common problem for me). Yet, because of the waist shape, they don’t just hang down the front making me look more bulky. Mine have some nice gathering in the back to create more of a waist and hold that shape. I looooove them.

        Mine been featured here before, but the sizing is juniors and may not work for you (I wear an XL). If not, definitely give this one a try! Here’s the link to mine: http://tinyurl.com/626e3zb

        1. Thanks for pointing me to your comment up here, MM. This is super helpful. I also hate when cardigans fall to the side of my breasts!! I’m going to quote you and post your find to my blog.

    2. I have a similarly-cut yarn-knit casual cardigan from Macy’s. See how the BCBG cardigan nips in at the model’s waist? Mine does that too, giving me an hourglass shape where I normally have a rectangle (actually a barrel.) Unfortunately, said hourglass makes my top and bottom look enormous. I can cut the effect somewhat by wearing heels to elongate.

      1. This piece sounded neat as described by Kat but looking at it on the L&T website it looks much more like a typical open-front cardi. I also thought the horizontal knit orientation on the bottom rear of the cardigan emphasized the model’s backside so on more “typical” folks I can’t imagine it would be very flattering.

  2. Nice! It looks more ruffly (and less structured) in the L+T pics though.

    Reporting on the Leifsdottir orange/blue silk top from TPS: I just got it and tried it on. The print is beautiful (although more orange than I was expecting), silk is of good quality and the asymmetrical ruffle adds nice interest. It is definitely sleeveless and not cap-sleeved as it may have appeared in the photo. Runs a little loose (I got an 8 and it is loose around the middle, but fits at the bust) and may need a cami for the front V and/or armholes, depending on how it fits you, but I really like it. It will go very well under a black, navy or grey (? on the grey, will have to check) suit, and with jeans to go out to dinner on the weekend (the blue picks up med-dark jeans color v. well).

    Good pick, Kat! BTW, the $50 price point is about as much as I would pay for this kind of top – would definitely NOT pay the original $180 or whatever it was.

    1. Agree with everything L said – I got the 6 and will likely need to get it taken in a bit around the shoulders. The silk is very fine quality- much nicer than your run-of-the-mill BR or Ann Taylor offerings. I would say the $50 was good value, but yes, the original $180 was very high considering that this is an Anthro-type brand.

      I am very pale and have freckles, so to find an orange top that flattered is saying something.

      1. I got the 6 too and have the same problem w/ shoulder/chest area. I was looking at the construction though and was wondering if my tailor would actually be able to do anything to this – the underlayer and the fact that the ruffles overlap with the shoulder seam makes me think that this may be a costly endeavor. Let me know how it works out for you!

    2. I agree too! I think of myself as a pretty solid 12 on top, and I thought about returning it for a 10 (probably won’t though). It is totally sleeveless, which is fine with me because I would wear a cardigan or lab coat over it (which I think it would look good with white).

      The front is lower than expected and I’ll have to fool with it to get a cami to work underneath it. But the silk is nice and the pattern is pretty. Definitely a 50 dollar shirt though. It also came wrapped nicely in tissue paper in the box, which I have to admit, I really dig.

    3. I wanted that shirt so badly, but it had sold out by 11:30 that night when I finally got off work. :(

  3. I’m about to splurge on my first designer purse (as a graduation gift to myself!) and I have been looking at a nude/blush coloured leather bag. Do you guys think the nude leather thing is too trendy and won’t still be wearable in the winter, or in two years time? I want to get a bag that I can wear all year round for about three years. TIA

    1. No way, I don’t think neutral colors can ever go out of style. Beige/camel will always be a classic color to me regardless of what’s going down the latest runway shows.

    2. Congrats on graduation! I find that my nude bags, while they are goregous, show dirt and wear more than my black bags. My wardrobe tends to be a lot of black pieces, and I don’t like pairing nude bags with black clothes on a regular basis, so for my investment pieces, I tend to gravitate toward black or red (when I become bored with black). Good luck!

      1. also beware of color transfer! I can’t wear certain bags with my new dark-rinse jeans because the jeans color transfers onto my bag (I figured this out the hard way). With a nude/blush bag you have to be very careful.

        1. Speaking of color transfer, do you have any suggestions for removing denim-rinse or other transferred color from light-colored bags?

          1. you can try using leather cleaner, which will remove some of the stain but probably not all of it. You can probably send it to a leather-cleaning specialist, but that will be expensive. My method of dealing with it is to avoid certain bags with certain jeans, or always wear my bag with the same side against me so that the color transfer is only on one side.

          2. Thanks for the advice, found a peanut – I’m currently relying on the final method you mentioned, having exhausted all but sending it away to be professionally cleaned. Sigh. Live and learn.

    3. I think as long as you don’t get one with lots of trendy trim, a nude/blush bag is a classic that will be wearable for years. I got a creamy beige bag as a gift to myself when I got a raise/promotion at work about 5 years ago. I don’t wear it every day, but it’s still very much in rotation. One word on nude or any light-colored leather, though – you will need to do a little more to keep it clean. I’ve gotten very handy with leather cleaner since I bought this bag.

      1. VA Gal – What leather cleaner do you use? I need to buy some for a bag I have that is showing some scuff/dirt but it seems that there are a lot of choices. Any recommendations?

        1. Not VA Gal, but I love Cole Haan’s leather cleaner/conditioner. It costs $4.50. It doesn’t contain silicone, which many leather conditioners do contain and which can leave a waxy film on the leather. I also spray my bags with Cole Haan’s leather protector (also $4.50, also silicone free). You can get it at any Cole Haan store.

      2. I have a buff pink bag that I use in spring and summer, and to add to the cleaning cautions: I got it professionally cleaned a few months ago, and it came back looking better, but not like new. They said they couldn’t really remove all the marks/scuffs without damaging the leather and compromising the color. I still love and use it, but just an FYI before you make a committment. I would not bring it to a formal occasion at this point.

    4. I think lighter colored bags are for May-October, generally. Some exceptions obviously apply (depending on fabric/style), and if you live somewhere that’s warm year round, none of it actually matters. But, to me, most very light bags when there’s snow on the ground look a bit silly. Kind of like a pastel, easter-colored jacket in the fall.

      But, you could absolutely get the bag and wear it for years as your “warm weather” purse and it will still be a worthwhile investment! Congrats on the graduation!

    5. speaking of cleaning, does anyone have suggestions of places in nyc to get leather bags professionally cleaned? I’m not sure I trust myself.

      1. there is a place on 55th st between 5th and 6th ave (south side of the street) that has gotten very good reviews. I think it’s called leather spa. i also heard that it is very expensive.

    6. i don’t think they are trendy such that they would go out of style, but they are *definitely* seasonal… if you are really splurging, you may want a color that is more year round (caveat– if you live in a warm climate, you may be able to get away with it for more of the year!)

    7. The seasonality aspect of the bag will depend on what hue of beige you get. If it’s a pinky-nude, or a lighter beige, it will definitely be a summer bag. If it’s more of a tan nude you can wear it all year round.

      I also think that “nude” as a color is in right now. It is a neutral, but right now beige is HUGE. A few years ago beige was considered a very grandma color. I’m not trying to convince you not to get nude – if you love nude, get it – but I wanted to make you aware that in a year or two it might not be as ubiquitous as it is now.

      1. Thanks for all this advice! I didn’t even begin to consider the dirt aspect of having a light colored purse… now I am really starting to think that nude is not the purse color for me! Maybe a chestnut color would be better. I’m so glad I / you guys thought this out!

        1. I think “nude” and pinky-beige are very trendy right now, and I would not invest in a piece in those colors if I wanted to use it years from now.

          I think a better investment would be camel. I love my camel shoes, jackets, and coats. It matches everything.

          (Or maroon or aubergine.)

    8. I’d go for caramel because it’s (1) year round (2) less likely to show dirt (3) goes with all colours

    1. I agree. The gray looks way more casual. I also can’t decide how I feel about the v/notch in the collar in the back.

    2. I would say the same, except that the black version is the same as the gray, and therefore will not look at all like it appears in that one picture.

      Very deceptive picture of the black. The gray pictures make it clear that it’s not nearly as structured or authoritative looking as the picture of the black would suggest.

  5. Cute jacket. Love Lord and Taylor, I shop there all the time online now.

    Sorry for the early threadjack, but I really really need some advice about something absolutely not work-related.

    So, I found out via hysterical late-night phone call that my brother has at last discovered the “family secret,” namely that when he was about 6 my mom had an affair and it nearly broke up my parents’ marriage. I was about 9 when this happened and was also kind of precocious (I started reading Judy Blume’s “for adult” books around that time, if that gives you an idea) so I was a little more aware of things, and I had actually figured out something funny was going on between my mom and this guy – he lived in the neighborhood with his wife and kids not far from our house – while the affair was happening. The affair ended, my parents managed to work out their problems (how, I don’t know and I don’t wanna know) and now will be celebrating their 40th anniversary next year. My brother was apparently at their house looking for some document he needed in my parents’ papers and found letters from the affair guy to my mom, from the time the affair was happening. The fact my mom saved these letters doesn’t sit right with me, but I have bigger fish to fry right now than confronting her about that.

    My brother is hardcore Christian (we weren’t raised that way, he became that way after he left home) and is one of those people who thinks things are more or less black and white, and that if X happens then Y follows. He is also 31, not married, and has had few long-term relationships, so he doesn’t necessarily “get” that marriage is hard sometimes, especially for two people who got married at age 20, in 1972, to avoid getting busted for living together by their extremely religious parents. He is understandably livid that this happened, as he feels like now my parents “lied about who they were” to him. But he is also furious with me that I “knew” about this and didn’t tell him, and also that my mom and dad have told him that it’s over, it was 20 years ago and they have no desire to rehash the whole thing all over again.

    I guess I am looking for advice or some positive words about how we can handle this as a family and move on. I am really close to my parents and they spend a lot of time with my son. I am not as close with my brother, but it’s really important to my mom that we periodically get together “as a family” and I do NOT want some big blowup to happen in front of my kid. If at all possible, I would like to try to explain to my brother that A. life is messy, and things happen that people don’t anticipate; B. this really between our mom and dad and if they sufficiently worked it out, it’s not our place to get in the middle; and C. despite what my brother may think, my parents actually did us a huge favor by not dragging us into the whole thing when we were kids, and also by not splitting up. My husband’s father cheated on his mom and eventually left his mom for the “other woman” and the divorce was incredibly hard on my husband, he’s scarred from it.

    Anyone else ever been here? Anyone else handled it by getting their sibling drunk and telling them to get over it? I think that may be my only option at this point. :(

    1. Ahh family :) The main issue is that you all have had time to process it and he has not. He probably never thought his mom would do anything like that and that your parents had an almost perfect marriage and now this is shattering everything he thought he knew. I think you guys need to acknowledge that and let him know that you know this is a big deal to him and that you’re sorry you kept it from him but you were trying to protect him and do your best and well, you guys are human. Once you do that, I think he will be more receptive to yours points A, B, and C.

      1. I agree with most of this. Finding out something of this magnitude is definitely shocking. He needs time to process this. And, I agree with the point below, that he needs to talk to someone (his pastor) about this.

        But I don’t think the affair was or is any of his business, which is why I don’t think it’s necessary to apologize to him for not telling him unless it really is a big family secret where everyone knows, openly discusses it amongst themselves, and deliberately kept it from him, versus just not talking about it.

        1. CW, it’s very much that no one has ever talked about. Although, now that you mention it, there are some other “open family secrets” among my extended family that I am not sure my brother knows about or would be happy to find out about. Oy vey.

    2. 1) If he’s a hard-core Christian, tell your brother to re-read John 8:1-11.

      2) Frankly, I think it says something really great about your parents that they were able to get past this, repair their relationship, and are, apparently, happy together and have been for decades. “Who your parents are” are two people who have overcome something incredibly difficult to make a life together. The people that he knows are great people *because* of this, not in spite of it.

      But it’s true, if he doesn’t have much experience with long-term relationships, it’s hard to know if he’ll understand that. Ugh.

      1. I was going to make your points, but you did it much more eloquently than I could. I’m a Christian and I think a lot more of his parents as a couple because of this and not in spite in of it. They overcame something, apparently forgave each other, and remained together.

    3. If your brother’s a Christian, he should understand that people are worth more than their worst actions, and that sinners can change and should be forgiven. I think you should suggest to him that he get counseling from his pastor about this issue. Discussing it with your family will drag up hard feelings and anger and could do damage, but your brother obviously needs to talk to someone about it.

    4. I agree – you’ve had time to process it, and he hasn’t, and that’s probably the main difference. I also agree that Christians know that every sinner has a future and every saint has a past and that the good part of this story is that your parents found out a way to make it work. And WOW! That’s a big deal and no small accomplishment. It might take him awhile to realize that, though. I was thinking about how I would feel if I found out a secret like that about my parents, my parents who have also been married 40+ years, who have had a fairly happy marriage, who really seem to love each other. I imagine that it would rock my world for awhile until some time passed and I remembered that saints (and parents) have pasts. As Cat Lady said, we aren’t defined by that past, and I would add *thanks be to God!* I hope your brother will realize that soon, both for the family’s sake and his own. Maybe, in the meantime, you can ask him to not bring this up until at least a couple of weeks have passed so he has some time to process this. Perhaps some of his anger will subside and he may be more rational. Good luck to you, Ann. Sounds like you really do have a good family. :)

    5. Ann, sorry you are having to deal with this. It can’t be easy. But from your postings you have always struck me as being a very level-headed and sensible person and I am sure you will handle it well. I think your plan of attack is a sensible one – but remember that at this point, it is really up to your brother to process this knowledge and you should not burden yourself with the responsibility of it. I might add a (D) to your plan – i.e. tell your brother that you know it will take some time for him to work this through for himself, and you are there to support him, but please not to let this come up in front of your child and affect your child’s relationship with his/her grandparents.

      Chin up, good luck.

      1. He might also seek advice from his clergyperson about forgiveness. He feels wronged/betrayed, but your parents seem to have modeled forgiveness really well for many years (your dad, obviously, but also your mom for whatever might have precipitated this event.)

    6. Thanks so much everyone, for the kind thoughts. I really needed them today. Work is tough right now and it’s hard to handle family problems on top of that. :)

      There’s a lot of good advice here, I agree that he needs time to process this and maybe with time he will feel better (differently?) about the whole thing. My parents are good people but they are flawed like everyone else; my brother has always seemed to hang on to the “perfect parent” ideal and has not ever really been all that accepting of their human frailties, which I think maybe comes with maturity, and he certainly isn’t very mature at this point.

      I will suggest that he talk to his pastor and also to a couple of the friends on his church softball team who I know he is close to. I honestly think this more about some kind of “wounded inner child” problem than a religious/moral issue for him, but probably talking to someone about it will help.

      Thanks very much for the kind words of advice, I truly appreciate them. :)

      1. I think it’s also a lot more difficult to process strife in your parents’ marriage when you’re an adult than when you’re a kid.

        Kids are resilient, and don’t really know what relationships are. If your parents are distant, or sleep in separate bedrooms, or whatever, that’s just what family is.

        But when you’re an adult, you think you know what family is, and what relationships are, and what marriage is. And that your parents have modeled a good one.

        I think it’s very difficult for adults to learn about their parents’ marriage problems. You’ve basically had a lot more time to think everything is hunky-dory.

        1. I agree with this, but I also think that as an adult, my brother should have some perspective on the whole “imperfection” thing that a child would not have…he and my parents have clashed about other things that happened in our childhood (although nothing related to my parents’ marriage until now) and I think it should be clear now that they are not perfect individuals who have always made the best choices, just as he is not a perfect individual who has always made the best choices. I know that is easier said than done, though. I know that it wasn’t until I became a parent that I realized about 95% of parenting is improvised. :)

    7. Late to the party here….it’s nice to see that my perspective on my Christian faith synchs with many others of the same faith- concentrating on the original message. Perhaps what your brother has become involved with is, politely speaking, a group that sees life issues much differently than those of us on here, or chooses not to see the forest for the trees in their faith. It’s got to be difficult when you see that your brother’s associations are less than positive but I think the suggestion for him to talk to his pastor hit it on the head. If his congregation’s belief system causes him so many toxic feelings with this situation, the congregation’s leader is the best person to come up with guidance for him. The actions resulting from that should be pretty revealing on the dynamic in the congregation, good or bad. Hopefully his pastor is helpful and things can start healing.

      1. That 40-year anniversary thing might be affecting him too. His former confidence in the (supposedly happy) long-term marriage of his parents, who have now have decidedly have feet of clay is causing him to question his own life and the assumptions of his world.

        He’s questioning, feels betrayed, has a sense of lost innocence, and maybe a bit of a mid-life crisis coming on possibly?

        I have no idea IRL, of course, but that sprung to mind reading the post.

      2. “Perhaps what your brother has become involved with is, politely speaking, a group that sees life issues much differently than those of us on here, or chooses not to see the forest for the trees in their faith.”

        I think this is it. The church he is involved with is pretty fundamentalist and he has talked before about that his church thinks this or that (things our parents let us see/do as kids) are sinful and wrong. I am not sure they are of the “let him who is without sin cast the first stone” ethic. I do know, however, from meeting some of his friends from this church that they are nice people and I hope they can offer him some support.

        “He’s questioning, feels betrayed, has a sense of lost innocence, and maybe a bit of a mid-life crisis coming on possibly?”

        I think all of this is probably true.

    8. Ann, I have no parallels to draw but if your brother is a Christian, he will (hopefully) reflect that forgiveness is also an essential virtue.

  6. I really like this sweater, too. Sometimes I get tired of wearing blazers to dress up an outfit, but many of my sweaters are too casual in my opinion. This is a nice compromise of the two.

  7. I love the way the lapel splits in back at the neck and, as Kat described, both the structured and relaxed aspects of this cardigan. If someone large-breasted buys it, let us know how it works on you. It seems like the large lapel could either emphasize the bust OR distract from it. It’s less lapel-like in the grey cardigan pictures on the L&T site. This might be a win-win: a jacket-like cardigan that emphasizes the waist and back without the danger of bulging buttons in front.

    1. I posted above at more length that I am large-breasted and have a very similarly cut cardigan that I own in four colors because I love the fit so much.

  8. Threadjack- I have been having a discussion with friends lately about how they feel about a man asking his girlfriend’s father/parents for her hand in marriage. I strongly oppose the idea for a variety of reasons and am wondering how others feel. I just don’t see a reason for it if a woman is an independent professional. I would be mortified if a man asked my parents if he could marry me.

    1. My husband did it without me knowing and I really appreciated it. If you had asked me before he did it, I would have said “no you don’t need to do that!” But after he proposed and I said, “I have to call my parents” – he said “they are expecting your call, I already talked to them about it.” I realized it took a huge weight off my shoudlers. I knew they already loved him and approved of him and would be excited for my call.

      Granted, we were pretty young, just out of college, but I appreciated it.

      My husband’s family is southern and it is always done down there, or so I’m told. I liked being part of a tradition, even if I didn’t feel it was necessary. I was in no way insulted by it.

      That said, I have a GREAT relationship with my dad and if I didn’t, I think I would have a different opinion about someone asking his permission.

      1. I guess this should say blessing instead of permission. It was more the former and less of the latter.

    2. Totally agree. I would have been totally offended and probably would have broken up with my husband had he done this.

        1. Yes. It is an extremely sexist tradition and IMO, totally disrespectful of me. I am not a piece of property, and was 27 when I got engaged. I don’t need permission from anyone to make major life decisions. And btw, this is exactly what my dad would have said had he been asked.

          1. I wish I could be more like you. I feel I still need my parents blessing/approval to make lots of major life decisions – like whether I should move across the country, and I’m 30. My parents are not part of my every day decisions but they are certainly part of my big ones.

      2. I told my husband absolutely, under no circumstances, was he to ask permission. Personally, I saw it as lack of respect for me, although I recognize MANY women feel differently, and that’s A-OK. Live and let live. Anyways, after he proposed and I said yes, my first question was even if he asked permission to confirm he did not (and I also asked my mom as well, just to be safe.) It was a big deal for me. I don’t know if I would have broken up with him over it, but it certainly wouldn’t have been pretty, so I get where anon is coming from.

    3. i think that it depends on the woman’s parents – if they are conservative, i think it would be read as a sign of respect for her family and her parents’ values, not a reflection of the view that that the woman is actually something to be “given” from father to husband.

      i would also be mortified if my boyfriend did this, but i think that if my parents were more conservative i would appreciate the gesture at respecting their values/traditions/customs (after all, after the marriage they’d be his family too!). but i am also the only daughter of immigrants, so that may have colored my perspective a bit.

      1. i feel like i should also add that the idea of being surprised by a proposal is also not that appealing to me – i think that something as serious as marriage should be discussed first and agreed on, not something that one party asks another to do.

      2. Chuckling because somewhere in Asia in the late ’60s, my father asked my mother out on a date. Her reply was “You have to ask my father first.”

        So he did, they dated, and then he proposed. She replied “You have to ask my father first.”

        She and I had a LOT of culture clashes when I was growing up.

        1. i am also asian! my parents are relatively progressive, i think, as far as asian immigrant parents go, but clashes still come up even now.

          when my boyfriend (we live together and he’s met my parents loads of times) sent my parents a thank you card after he stayed with me at their house, they called me SUPER UPSET that he addressed it to “dear dad’s-first-name & mom’s-first-name” instead of “dear mr. & mrs. my-family-name” – which he didn’t want to do in the first place because my mom kept her maiden name after marrying my dad. they thought it was disrespectful that he’d address them by their first names because they are “adults” (we’re in our 20s) – i thought it would have been disrespectful for him to have written a card to a “mrs. my-family-name” that doesn’t actually exist. live and learn.

          1. Wow. I’m sure your parents are great people otherwise, but I’d hate to have them as my in-laws. The name thing was probably a lose-lose situation for your bf anyway.

    4. I get where you’re coming from, but the idea has never bothered me all that much (mainly as everyone I know who has done that has asked for the parents’ *blessing*, rather than permission). The idea of asking for permission does bother me a bit, but since you’re marrying your partner’s family as well as your partner, asking for their blessing seems like a reasonable thing to do.

      The one caveat is that I would be deeply upset if my BF approached my father for his blessing, but that’s because I am virtually estranged from my father and anyone who doesn’t know the status of that relationship clearly doesn’t know me well enough to marry me.

    5. In my country, this is part of the tradition. It is not like the father would say no but the men always do it (some women do ask a man’s hand but it is very rare).

    6. What if it was less like “Can I take your daughter?” and more like “How do you feel about me joining your family?” I think the best intention is really the latter, but it goes both ways (i.e. the woman hopes to be welcomed into the man’s family as well).

      I think if a relationship is long and serious enough prior to the engagement, then hopefully the question doesn’t even need to be asked. My boyfriend, whom I’ve lived with for two years, clearly cared A LOT about what my parents thought of him when they first met, and he continues to manage his relationship with my mom very actively! (My dad has since passed away.) My mom is crazy about him, and I also get good reviews from his parents. This has come from a substantial amount of contact over the time of our relationship. If and when we get married, nobody will be surprised, or feel they needed to be consulted. I guess if our parents had less to go on, it might be different, but–see my first paragraph. I’d want it to be more like that.

    7. I’m with you. I actually told my Dad that if any man asked for my hand in marriage, he should say no because the man obviously didn’t know me very well. I also made this very clear to my now husband. He likes tradition for tradition’s sake so kind of wanted to ask my dad but didn’t out of respect for my wishes. My parents, who are not very traditional, were surprised that there was even a tradition of asking – they think it’s strange that a man would ask a girl’s father for permission to do anything with his daughter.

    8. Interesting question: My husband asked for both of my parents’ blessing before he asked me to marry him, and I really appreciated it. My mother is pretty traditional, and I know that it meant a lot to her to feel like she was involved in this step in my life. Also, my parents are divorced, and there’s a certain amount of competition between them, so the fact that he asked both of them helped to put any pettiness to bed and make it the joyful family occassion that I wanted it to be.

      That being said, it was a completely symbolic gesture–had they said no, I’m 100% confident that he would have asked me anyway, and that I would have said yes anyway.

    9. My (now) fiance said part of the reason he didn’t do this is not because it would offend ME, but he thought it might offend my FATHER.

      Ha!

      But seriously, I think it can be a sweet tradition…sort of more along the lines of, just a heads up…this is what I’m doing. But, if the guy had any inkling the answer might be no, or didn’t propose because daddy might say no…well, then there are bigger fish to fry in THAT relationship.

    10. Like Ruby Lou said, my husband asked for my parents’ *blessing,* not their permission, before we got engaged. I too am from the South and have two deeply conservative (yet divorced and re-married) parents. It mattered to me in the sense that I love my parents and wanted them to be happy about my engagement, and I know that it meant a lot to them — especially to my Dad, with whom I had a rocky relationship as a teenager. Also, I think my parents know me well enough by now that they know whether or not they gave their blessing, I was going to marry my husband; it was … not exactly a formality, but a gesture of respect from him to them.

      On the other hand, if my husband HAD thought it necessary to ask for *permission* to marry me … well, we probably wouldn’t have gotten married. I’m not property — but I did appreciate that my husband cared enough about me, my parents, and my relationship with them to seek their blessing of our marriage.

      2. Someone I know just got a call from their son’s fiancee, telling them she wanted to marry their son.

        They loved it, and love her, and gave 100% blessing.

        Maybe it used to be a tradition to “ask permission” in the old days, but I still think it’s ok to give your future in-laws a call, whether you’ll be the bride or the groom.

    11. I think that you’re taking it too seriously. It’s just a ritual, a tradition, a request for blessing and support. No one (well, at least almost no one, and I’m sure no one that you would be considering marrying) looks at it as an actually request for permission.

    12. My now-husband told my parents he was proposing to me before he did it. What he actually told them was “I want to marry EPQ” so I guess he really didn’t “ask” per se — and my father’s reaction was something a-long the lines of “I’ve been waiting for this” (not that he’d been waiting for H to ask – that he’d been waiting for the engagement, we were together for 6 years at that point). My mother just gave H a hug. And while neither of us needed my parents permission to get married – it was still nice to have their blessing :)

      I think that if you view it as asking for the parents blessing and not for permission its compeltely in line with the strong, independent women we all are! (and on a side note – I think I would have felt compeletely differently if I wasn’t close with my parents)

    13. I actually like this tradition (although I like asking the PARENTS, not just the Dad) and think it’s more of a showing respect for your elders so opposed to “can I take your daughter?” But my sister’s now-husband asked my parents and my mom spilled the beans almost immediately and my sister was really upset so my parents have asked me to tell any future suitors to skip the asking because they don’t want to deal. :)

      1. Twist on the above threadjack —

        What’s the proper etiquette for a remarrying parent to follow vis-a-vis adult children (with their own well-settled families and lives)?

        My father, who has been divorced/single for 30+ years, is remarrying — a woman not much older than I am, whom he knew at the time for literally less than a month. I found this out first from my BF (did you see this email from your dad, he’s planning to propose on Saturday to the woman he’s seeing) and then from the family accountant (what do you think about your father’s upcoming wedding). My father than made an offhand remark in an email to me some weeks later, how I should meet this woman he is seeing because . . .

        I have a strong feeling I will not like her. (Socialite, with expensive tastes, lives off family money.) I also think my dad is being harebrained, which is in tune with his attitude to business deals, real estate purchases, etc. Although we are close in a way, there is a long history of terrible relationships between his girlfriends (while I was a young girl and then teenager) and me. They were horrible women (needy, whiny, broke) and I was a horrible teen (introverted, intense, scornful), and my dad was ineffective and insensitive at managing these explosive situations. I am now replaying so many long-ago memories in my mind it is not funny (although I though I had successfully distilled lessons in negotiating the dating scene as a single parent, and thereby put these memories to rest).

        So — how should I feel? How should I prepare myself to meet this woman? Should I plan to attend the wedding? My BF and I have talked this to pieces and while we know it’s my dad’s life, I am still so confused.

        1. My two cents: if you have a halfway decent relationship with your father and want to keep that relationship, then yes, you should go to your father’s wedding, even if this woman is horrible and you hate her.

          Like you said, it is your dad’s life. You want to be supportive of him, and if he wants to marry this woman, well, be supportive of him in this endeavor.

          Also, I think you need to suspend any notions that you will not like her because of your childhood. You don’t know her – you’ve never met her. You don’t have to be best friends with her, just polite acquaintances. I realize this is easier said than done. And, keep in mind that if your dad is marrying a woman roughly your age, she’ll be the one (hopefully) taking care of him when he’s old and infirm. Establishing a poor relationship with this woman now could result in huge issues down the road.

          1. Ouch. Learning it from the family accountant? That’s rough.

            But what your Dad probably wants (and needs) most *at this moment* is your love and support.

            Yes, he makes bad decisions. But it doesn’t do either of you any good for you to assume that this one is another bad one.

            You haven’t even met the woman. Take it easy on her. If only to model good behavior to both of them.

            And understand that it’s not easy for her either. She’s probably just as scared as you are to meet you. He’s likely told her that his previous girlfriends haven’t gotten along very well with his daughter.

            So he’s on his 8th marriage or whatever? So what? If that makes him happy, that’s what he’s choosing to do.

            Just go there and be happy for him, and for her. And if you want… sometime, when you’re both calm, it would be ok to let him know that you love him, and you were hurt that he didn’t tell you himself about the fact the he was getting married.

    14. My fiance did not ask for my parents permission or blessing, because I told him I did not want him to. By the time we got engaged, we already knew that we were going to get married, so it wasn’t a surprise to either of us. And I felt that the only opinion he should care about in that moment was mine. I don’t think my parents had any role to play in that moment.

      He told his mom that he was going to propose, and she was really excited to be kept in the loop. And, this is really selfish and hugely petty of me, but it really irritated me. I wanted to keep the moment to *just us*.

    15. I’m also strongly opposed. I’m not property, and it’s just one of those old traditions that kind of bothers me (sort of like debutante balls…)

      Having said that, my mother (being Southern and traditional) probably thinks the man should. My father (being Southern but far less traditional, and amazingly laid back) probably couldn’t care less, though he might wonder if any man asking actually knew me very well.

    16. My husband didn’t ask/tell my parents ahead of time. I think when we called my parents to tell them, they were a little bit miffed that they hadn’t been given the heads-up ahead of time, but they got over it! I think it is a silly tradition and awful if the guy is actually asking for *permission*!

    17. Maybe it would make you feel better if it wasn’t so much “I would like your permission/blessing” as “I am letting you know what I am about to do so that everyone is in the loop.” It’s just polite to let the parents know before you propose.

      I have a funny story about this. I told my husband to ask my dad first (mostly because I thought my dad would really appreciate it) and my dad, like, didn’t get it. This is the conversation (they were standing outside and I was inside the house):

      Husband: I’m going to ask your daughter to marry me.
      Dad: OK, cool. [walks inside house. Husband follows].
      Me (to Husband, whispering): What happened?
      Husband: I’m not really sure…
      Dad: WAIT, what did you just tell me????

    18. Oh memories…

      My husband asked my parents for their “blessing,” before proposing.

      According to him, my parents just stared at him in stunned silence…until my mom broke the silence by turning to my dad and saying “You know, YOU didn’t ask my father for his blessing.” Which begat a whole conversation between my two parents, as my incredibly nervous would-be fiance waited!

    19. Thanks all for the opinions. My parents are not traditional at all, so that’s partly why the concept elicitis such a negative reaction from me. I know it may seem innocuous to some, but if a guy asked my parents for a blessing/permission, it would show me that he didn’t know me well enough to be compatible with me. I can completely understand that some women come from more traditional families where such a gesture would be appreciated.

      1. I think it’s more about the relationship between your fiance and your parents than about your relationship with your fiance. So it’s not about how well your fiance knows you, but about how well he knows your parents (and can you really blame someone for not wanting to start out on the wrong foot with his future in laws?). I’m thinking about my friend who lives overseas–her now-husband hadn’t met her parents before the wedding, and he asked their permission over Skype (her dad’s reply was, “why are you asking me”).

        My fiance told my parents a month before we got engaged (we were at their place for Thanksgiving, but we don’t live near them, so it was a time to tell them in person before we actually got engaged), and I think they appreciated being in the loop. My fiance and I had talked about marriage and our future together and all those things before getting engaged, so I wasn’t miffed that my parents knew before I knew or anything like that.

        1. I disagree–either way it is about respecting the wishes of the person being asked to commit to marriage. For a woman who wants her SO to ask her parents, it is just as much an issue of respect for her as it is for those of us who didn’t want our parents to be asked.

          1. I agree with you goirish. Ultimately it’s about respecting the potential fiancee first, since she’s the one who is getting married. If a man can’t show his respect for her wishes before marriage, what does that say about what will happen during the marriage?

          2. I guess I’ve started using this issue as less of a judging benchmark after the experience with my friend that I described above. I did feel like it was silly for him to ask her parents, and it frankly made me skeptical of their relationship, but they’re married now, and I know that he respects her. When I thought about it, I wouldn’t have been overly thrilled if my fiance had asked my parents (versus informed them, as he did), but I know that if he did ask them, even though it’s not my style, I wouldn’t take it as a sign of disrespect to me because mutual respect is pretty well-established for us, and I just don’t think that one thing is such a big deal.

          3. Good point somewherecold–even though I’ve got strong feelings as this might have been a dealbreaker for me personally, this one issue BY ITSELF doesn’t necessarily indicate an entire lack of dispresect. I have friends who probably would have been happy either way. However, I think that if the woman expresses strong feelings (either way) to ignore those strong feelings would be a major sign of disrespect.

          4. Looking at that friend’s experience made me rethink a lot of the issues about proposals and marriage. I had only met her now-husband once before the wedding and hadn’t gotten to know him that well, so it was hard hearing about certain things and still thinking he was a good guy for her, but I realized that I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt, so that’s kind of more my approach now.

            I generally do agree with you goirish, though, that if the potential fiancee voices a strong opinion either way, it’s troublesome for the proposing partner not to respect that opinion.

        2. This is how I think of it too. I explicitly asked my then-boyfriend to talk to my father before proposing. Not because I thought my father would even particularly expect or want it, but because I wanted my father to feel involved in an important way. My mom got to help pick dresses and flowers, etc. My dad got to do this piece. And my dad is really introverted and my husband socially-awkward, so I thought this would be a nice way for them to converse (at least a bit) and share something special. I think in retrospect, my dad did like it because he’s mentioned it to me a handful of times now regarding the joke he told during the call (and that’s a lot of talking for my dad).

    20. This is a really interesting topic. While I personally think it would be unnecessary and a little offensive for my boyfriend to ask for my father’s permission, I think it would be lovely for him to include both my parents on the “secret.” This issue is actually incredibly topical for me, because I am shopping for engagement rings with my boyfriend right now, and we’ve casually discussed it recently. I’m dating a man who is incredibly chivalrous (he always-ALWAYS-opens the car door for me, which stunned me at first), thoughtful, and family-oriented, and I expect that he will include my family in his plans, which is just fine with me–though he won’t ask for anyone’s “permission.”

      1. I am not at all traditional. I have a good relationship with my parents, but not a traditional one and we don’t share a lot of details of our lives. I would not expect any man to ask them for “permission” or even for their “blessing” before proposing. But I can say that I found it incredibly comforting to learn that my BF had expressed to them in a moment alone that he loves me and intends to take care of me (*emotionally, not financially*). It just meant that the nature of his intentions and our relationship was clear within the family, opened the door to them forming an independent relationship with him (which is not their instinct), and also provided my parents notice that this could become serious. That gave them an opportunity to tell me what they thought – well before any contemplation of marriage. My sister’s boyfriend has also let us know, individually, that he has a ring for my sister, but did not ask anyone’s permission or let us in on a day or manner of proposal, or even if the ring will be given in contemplation of marriage or just commitment. I appreciated that.

    21. I’m from the South with pretty conservative parents, and it’s definitely a tradition to ask down here. So, I did want my now-husband to talk to my dad, but it wasn’t like my dad was going to say, “no”. It was more of a formality and respect for tradition than him “hoping” my dad would “allow” me to marry him. My husband had a decent relationship with my parents while we were dating, but he’s pretty introverted. Apparently when he made the phone call to invite my dad to lunch, he got so nervous that he forgot to mention a time, date and place to meet! And, apparently, after the phone call, my mom asked, “Who was on the phone?” and my dad answered, “Our future son-in-law.” So yeah, there was no question of “allowing” the marriage. I don’t find it offensive at all, it’s a tradition that I grew up with, so I fully expected that my proposal would be discussed with my parents.

    22. Wow, I am surprised to learn some women find it “offensive” for their S.O. to approach their father/parents before proposing! Like a lot of you have mentioned, I don’t think of it as asking for permission in the literal sense, but just giving a heads-up out of respect for the parents. I grew up in the Midwest, so I guess I’m more traditional than most, but I was a little sad that my husband (West coast) didn’t say anything to my parents first… even though we spent several days visiting them right before the proposal! Obviously not a deal breaker for me or my family, but it would have been nice.

    23. My husband didn’t ask my parents and I didn’t want him to, I’d been on my own for some years before we got engaged and we were already living together. His lack of asking did cause some harrumphing in my family and my mom at one point said “no one asked me if I was OK with him marrying you” and I said “Ma, it was not and never would have been your decision, alright?!?!”

      On the other hand, my best friend insisted that her fiance ask her father before he proposed, even though her fiance desperately did not want to.

      Antiquated custom IMO and hopefully one that won’t survive the next generation, mainly because it doesn’t seem like many of them will end up getting married.

    24. Being well past my 20s, in the 21st century, I would view this act as more a sign of respect and love for my family, and recognition of their importance to me. If my “future” fiance confides in my folks and/or sister and/or dog that he wants to spend his life with me, and considers their relationship important also, that would be a very positive thing to me. That’s how I view “asking for the hand” these days, rather than the legacy of property or “dependent” transfer.

    25. Feminist and goirish – how do you feel about dads walking daughters down the aisle? The tradition is they are “giving them away.” Do you find that sexist too? Do you consider being walked down the aisle by anyone offensive? I’m just curious b/c I think the two issues (asking for the blessing, being given away) go hand in hand.

      1. I also find that sexist. I much prefer for each spouse to walk down the aisle with his/her parents. Luckily in my faith (Catholic), the spouses-to-be should enter as part of the processional for the Mass, so there’s not an issue if you have a traditional wedding. (I’ve seen non-traditional Catholic weddings where the bride walks down the aisle in a separate procession, though.)

        1. I don’t really understand the cries for being given away as sexist, especially considering that these days, it is more of a ritual/symbol rather than a literal giving away. Traditions change over time and an act that once had one meaning CAN change to form another. To me, giving away means having somebody walk with you from one part of your life’s journey to the next- for example, when a father walks down the aisle with a bride (or anybody walks with a bride), to me it represents that person supporting the bride and walking with her to her next big life journey. To me, it’s no different than having your mother or something in the room with you when you deliver a baby-just an example of somebody being there with you to shepard you into the next chapter.

          That said, I had a traditional Catholic mass and walked up the aisle alone before meeting my husband halfway (we walked to the altar together after that). This was our choice and had nothing to do with being sexist- I just wanted to take the first few steps of my journey myself and have my husband (as opposed to my father/mother/aunt/friend/whatever other supportive figure) take me the rest of the way.

      2. It’s not the walking down the aisle that bothers me, but the “Who gives this woman to this man in matrimony” language. I give myself, thank you very much. But the actual escorting, no problem. Someone has to keep me from tripping, after all ;-)

        1. In most of the weddings I have attended recently, this language has been changed to “Who supports this couple as they enter marriage,” which I find much nicer.

      3. I know most (ok, probably all!) of my close girlfriends loved being given away but it was not for me. When I was an awkward teenager who couldn’t even get a date, I told my dad he would NOT give me away at my wedding because I was not property.

        When it came time to get married, all of this was irrelevant as my dad had passed away. I would have given anything in this world and the next to have had him there, but he still would not have given me away. It would have been a fight (my family is full of loud, stubborn jerks–including me and my dad!) but the bride would have won, although I might have agreed to have each set of parents escort each kid, like Cat lady described.

        Interestingly, I had a full Catholic traditional mass. Unlike Cat lady, most of my Catholic friends have done the processional so that the bride is escorted by her father. There may be no official “giving of the bride” but it’s pretty clear that’s what they are trying to go for.

      4. I don’t like the idea of being escorted down the aisle. But I’ve never been married, so I don’t know what I’d do.

        Dance, I think. And I think we are all capable of walking by ourselves.

    26. I hate the idea. I actually once had a conversation about this with my dad, and he told me “You know, if some guy asked me if he could marry you, I’d tell him he was asking the wrong person.” Sums up my feelings perfectly, but I know some women who are totally in favor of this because it seems chivalrous and romantic. I think it’s archaic and dates to a time when women were considered to be the personal property of men.

    27. I don’t think my parents would give their permission. They are extremely disapproving of “early marriage” (before the age of oh, ~35) and if I choose to marry before then, it will be some of elopement.

      They are crazy.

    28. With my husband, it was less about ‘asking permission’ and more a gesture of respect to my parents to let them know, ‘Hey, this is coming- we’re going to do this either way, but I wanted to give you a heads up and hopefully have your good will and good wishes over this happy occasion.’ My parents gave him that and appreciated it- afterall, though we can make marriage decisions on our own at the spouse level, we still can’t ignore that we are marrying each other families as well, so sometimes going that little extra mile in terms of offering information and respect can build good familial bonds.

      Sure, this method isn’t appropriate for everyone- for example, perhaps some people are more distant from their families, are older, don’t care if their families are in the deepest know about huge things going on, etc. There is nothing wrong with this. However, for a lot of people, family opinion/involvement to some degree is still important, and thus I don’t think the future-husband informing the future-brides parents of his intentions is weird or outdated or sexist, rather it’s simply informing the family and letting them know what’s going on, and in some cases, it might be preparation for a battle to fight (I’d rather know/be prepared ahead of time if it were going to be me vs. families to fight for my marriage- that’s a huge undertaking that would be horrible to find out after the proposal!).

    29. Mine did this – I liked it. Traditional and all that. Did not see it as any reflection on my independence or whatever.

      1. I should clarify:

        – husband first proposed to me & I said yes
        – the ‘permission’ bit was more out of respect etc
        – Dad knew he was going to ask (hubs & parents were in same city then, while I posted elsewhere for a year) and said a loud “No” to hubs, whose jaw dropped (till Mum told Dad to stop kidding around)

    30. DH not only didn’t ask my parents for permission, he didn’t even tell his family or friends that he was going to propose which is totally out of character for him since he and his brother share everything. His thinking was that I should be the first person to know he was going to ask me to marry him. He did make sure to ask me on a day when my parents were planning to come up to the city to visit so we could tell both sets of parents together and nobody would feel like they found out “second”. I truly felt that he captured the dynamic of both our families perfectly (neither of our feminist moms would have been too impressed by asking for permission), even though we knew they would all just be happy for us.

  9. I’m wearing a BCBG MAxazria blazer with my sheath dress today. It looks just like that! (except it is suiting material).
    I like how the front is shorter so I do not have to worry whether it will look stretched when closed. This is usually a problem I have with most longish blazers/cardigans as I have a small waist but generous hips.

  10. Threadjack – I need some tips on the most appropriate way to tell a potential employer in a great city why I want to move away from my current awful city. I received an email from a potential employer saying that they really liked my resume but that they were only interviewing local candidates and that I should contact them when I move to employer’s city.

    I also have a phone interview this week with another potential employer, and I know that location will likely come up.

    I have targeted approximately 5 cites and am carefully applying to jobs in each. Each city has been targeted based on proximity to friends and family, better weather, and potential connections for my husband’s career aspirations. Not easy things to explain to an employer.

    1. I think that talking with the employer and explaining your connections to the city would be a great first step. Any time you have friends or family in or near a city, I can imagine that it would show an employer that you haev a tie to that place and would be willing to stay.

      One of my good friends became convinced that she wanted to live and work in Seattle even though she had never spent any time in the city (she was from a large city in Texas). She did a ton of research about the city so she would be able to articulate what she liked about it, talked on the phone to lots of people who lived there who were friends of friends (not necessarily in her field), and flew up there for an interview with a firm that was interested in her resume. She ended up not getting the job with the firm, but the folks there did tell her that flying up so readily and being so knowledgeable about the city indicated to them that she was committed to the region even though she didn’t have any established ties there.

      1. Sounds like a cheap & short-sighted employer, if living locally is a prerequisite. Gah.

    2. Maybe include a sentence or two in your cover letter so they just don’t disregard your resume entirely? “I would really love to move to X because my family is nearby” etc.

    3. I was in a similar situation when interviewing for my current position. I think it’s actually good to tell the employer the external reasons you want to move, ie: family/friends, good for the husband’s career, etc. It helps them know you’re looking to stay with them for a while. Plus, if you’re happy outside of the office, you’re much more likely to be happy and productive inside the office.

      1. Good advice, though I would find it odd to say “good for the husband’s career” in a cover letter. It implies that you make your professional decisions based on what’s good for your husband, which is not a trait most employers would find desirable.

        1. Completely agree, I wouldn’t make “husband’s career” the center of my cover letter. But, if the employer was concerned about you changing your plans with the company because of external reasons, it might help them to know that the other big decision-maker in your life is also able to make progress in his career.

    4. I think you need to convey your enthusiasm for the city and show that you’ve thought through the move and the prospect of living somewhere else. Especially if the city is one that is a big commitment to move to (I’m thinking somewhere really far from where you’re from or somewhere more remote), you need to convince the employer that you won’t up and move when something comes along in another location, but rather you actually want to live in that city in addition to wanting to work for them.

      1. yes, but you also want to be sure the impression is the job wows you and the city is a plus, as opposed to just wanting to live in the city and using this job as a means to get there. Employers can be sensitive to this, especially if they are paying relo.

  11. THREADJACK! I need your help, corporettes.

    I have an interview coming up for my dream job. The initial application was through an online form, which I completed — I confess– at the last minute, filling in the form directly. Apparently, I filled it out okay. But now that I have the interview, I’m not quite sure exactly what the half-form/half-resume I sent said.

    Is there any delicate way of asking “Hey, could you give me a copy of that form I submitted to you?”

    Also, is it ever appropriate to wear a dress to an interview? I have two very formal (In my opinion) black suiting dresses that I feel may look a bit better on me than my actual suit does:

    This one:
    http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y193/hughesgold/jewelboxdreams/jcrew_dress_suit.jpg

    This one:
    http://images.jcrew.com/erez4/cache/images_onFigure_18_18844_18844_BK0001_m_tif_bb390be288411903.

    Would they be appropriate (with sheer hose, black heels, low-key jewelry), or should I just go and find a new suit?

    Thanks!

    Read more: https://corporette.com/2011/03/30/wednesdays-tps-report-open-front-cardigan/#ixzz1I69n4xRJ

    1. If you have the jacket that goes with the sheath I think it is OK, otherwise I would wear a suit. I would not wear a plain dress to an interview without a jacket over it.

      1. The dresses actually both have 3/4 length sleeves, which is why I was thinking about wearing them by themselves (they aren’t sheaths at all). And they’re made of suiting wool — they’re pretty much self-contained outfits.

        1. What is the position? What type of company? What area of the country? If you are a lawyer and/or this is a law firm or a large company, especially in a more formal city (ie, NYC) – suit up. If you have a matching suit jacket for the dress, wear it – that’s a suit. Otherwise (with the caveat that I am a lawyer in a large city), it is much safer to wear a suit.

  12. Threadjack:

    Does anyone have experience with getting A-line skirts hemmed? Would it be done from the bottom or top? And am I irrational in fearing it will come out looking totally ridiculous?

    Also, I’ve been deciding between the following two bags for work and I’m still torn- any input? (Still torn between the black and red too- I love the red but I know black is more practical).

    http://www.zappos.com/fossil-executive-center-zip-cognac

    http://www.zappos.com/fossil-executive-n-s-tote-red

    Thanks!

    1. I like the first one better – and totally support buying a red bag. Red is more versatile than you might think and will work in all but the most formal situations, like job interviews. (Full disclosure: I carried a bright red bag when I was in BigLaw, so I may be biased.)

      1. I have the Cognac bag and love love love it. I cram a ton of stuff in there for my commute, a kindle, files, newspapers a laptop and lunch most days. It holds up well, too although I did get a scuff but it came right out with a polish and cleaning.

    2. The second one because it zips at the top. I used to carry a bag that was basically exactly like your first option. I stuck my phone in one of the interior pockets at OCI my 2L year (not one of the zip pockets, just one of the little inside pockets designed for cell phones). Yea, the phone slid out in an interview and I didn’t realize it until the end of the day, which resulted in panicked searching. Lesson learned: always buy a zip-top purse (or zip the important stuff in interior zip pockets)

    3. I believe hemming, by definition, is done from the bottom (the actual hem). If the skirt doesn’t fit in the waist, have that tailored first before you alter the length. An A-line skirt can absolutely be hemmed, just like any other skirt, dress, or trousers.

    4. I once need a dress with an A-line skirt hemmed and it had to be done from the waist. But then the skirt looked strange and basically had to be completely reconstructed. The dress was from TJ Maxx, but the tailoring bill was almost as much as the dress itself. I was okay with that because it looks fabulous now and the total cost was still about what I would have paid for a dress off the rack at a more expensive place.

      Definitely have a detailed conversation with the tailor before getting this done. If it has to be done from the top, some would not take as much time to do a good job as my tailor did. I’m not sure if all a-lines have to be hemmed that way or if it was just something about my particular dress.

    5. I have a red Wilson’s leather bag similar to the center executive tote – I LOVE it. My only gripe is that when I overload it, the straps really dig into my shoulder. These bags are always at a large Macy’s somewhere – go try them on and see how they fit on your shoulder. They’re really nice.

    6. Whether you hem from the bottom or top depend’s on the skirt’s design. If there is some ornamentation on the bottom like a ruffle, pleating, or a kick pleat, you may need to hem it from the top to keep the line of the skirt. If it’s just plain at the bottom, you should be able to hem it fairly cheaply and easily.

  13. After being a faithful reader for many months now, my first post here is a total threadjack. I just attended my first Network Night with the local Chamber of Commerce, and I brought my tote bag. I kept having it slip off my shoulder, and banged into a couple people as well. Should I have left the bag in the car? What then, dear corporettes, should I have done with my keys, phone, and business cards? Do I just stick everything in my pockets, regardless of how much I begin resembling a pack mule?

    1. I have had this trouble myself and have resorted to avoiding rectangular purses/bags at networking events. There is no way to avoid accidentally knocking people with rectangular bags at crowded events.

      Bags with longer straps tend to stay on my shoulder better as well.

      1. It seems like keys, phone and cards can all fit into a much smaller purse. I am not advocating a tiny bag, but something that is more compact and that will be light enough to not require you to slip it off your shoulder frequently.

        Or consider the cross body! Leaves your hands free and you won’t be bothering a soul.

    2. I hang mine in the crook of my elbow instead of putting it all the way up on my shoulder, so that it is parallel to my front (if that makes sense). No banging into anyone, no bulky pockets, easy access to business cards and my phone.

    4. Get a bag that doesn’t slip.

      I usually carry mine, but I’ll set it down near my feet (it has little metal feet) while I’m talking if it gets heavy).

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