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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 264 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Tweed Lena Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Banana Republic Tweed Lena DressOooh: cute lightweight “tweed” dress from Banana Republic. I normally think of tweed as being a heavier fabric with different wools (and Wikipedia kind of backs me up), but I like the idea of making a woven dress in a lighter weight fabric. Love the fitted bodice, the square neckline, and the slight pouf at the waist. I'd probably stick with cardigans and shrunken blazers to accessorize this dress. It's $130 at Banana Republic. Banana Republic Tweed Lena Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Maru

    Spotted on the Manhattan-bound L train, 7:25am: well-dressed woman in her 40s, seated next to the door, reading her Kindle. Nails bare BUT for a single blue-painted thumb (!!!!)

    • PollyD

      Is this a thing? I mean, is there some reason women in the general population (not Corporette punk’rs) would paint one nail blue?

      • FlaLaw

        Probably not in NY, but in Orlando, when the Magic (our NBA team) go to the playoffs, the radio stations encourage women to do it to support the team (team colors being blue and black). Guessing that isn’t the case for the woman spotted on the train.

      • TCFKAG

        Apparently, its a trend (it was featured in Cosmo last month I guess.)

        But I’m not convinced its a trend with well-dress 40-somethings (even in NYC) so I’m still hoping for Corporette prankster!

        • b23

          I saw a girl at a party this weekend with one nail painted a different color than the rest. I thought it was really cute.

          • TCFKAG

            Well — maybe she wanted to do “the statement nail” in a more conservative manner — so she left the rest bare.

          • 30

            Possibly – or she’s just road-testing the look before her next job interview. ;)

          • b23

            The only thing stopping me from doing it is that I do shellac, so I’m not ready to commit to the statement nail (just learned that term) for two weeks!

          • Awful Lawful

            The receptionist tells me that the “junk nail” is also a trend. She has an otherwise conservative manicure, but the nail on her ring finger is covered in little rhinestones. She tells me that’s called the “junk nail.”

          • Equity's Darling

            I’ve always called it an “accent” nail when the ring fingers on both hands are painted a different colour.

            I really like to do it on the weekends, just by putting a sparkle over my regular week polish, before re-painting my nails for the week on sunday night.

          • Houda

            Whenever I get a manicure, I have all my nails red and my 2 ring fingers in blue.
            I have been doing this for 2 years.
            Matter of fact I carry a blue and a burgundy nail polish in my everyday purse (in case I am locked in a huddle room for an incredibly boring conf call and I feel like doing my nails)

        • Can't Wait to Quit

          I have my left pinkie nail painted with OPI’s Diva of Geneva, because I was so excited about the color and just felt like trying it while I checked email at home last night. All the other nails just have clear polish. I might do a full manicure in the new color for the weekend.

      • KC

        The only thing I can think of is that she has a kid with beautician aspirations, and somehow ended up appeasing him/her with a bottle of blue nail polish.

        Life intervened before she could destroy the evidence…

        • CA Atty

          My brother, when he was around…20 maybe, had stayed out late the night before, gotten up early, was super grouchy and grumpy and pissy even around my grandparents…and then fell asleep on the couch with his bare feet up in the air. We were kind of tiptoeing around joking that he was like a 2 year old, throws a fit, takes a nap!

          My sister had left this neon blue nail polish out and my mom decides to paint his nails (why? I don’t know! that’s not a usual thing for our family) and she actually gets through all 10. And they dry. And then he wakes up (my mom had left the building) and throws a screaming fit about his nails, blaming me and my sister since we were the ones still there. Turned out he had to go to swim practice with his old HS buddies like ASAP…and my sister didn’t have remover. He um…got teased. A little. Or a LOT. :-D

          We hid behind grandma when he came home…

        • Nevadan

          I am really surprised that lawyers and other corporate types are concerning themselves to this extent over nails. There is so much to thnk about – worry about – deal with – in this world. So much of concern going on nationally – internationally. There are so many things to do to divert and entertain ourselves – read a book – write a book – write to a friend visit someone who’s sick – paint a room – why are nails coming to the forefront at this moment in history?

          • CA Atty

            Because they’re something we can control.

            Also, this blog’s focus is fashion and the workplace, not international politics.

          • Susan

            Also, just because we work in corporate, doesn’t mean we don’t know how to have fun!

          • ATC

            Yes. So why are you wasting time commenting here? Isn’t there a book that your superior self should be reading or writing?

    • NOLA

      That is awesome! Maybe it’s becoming a trend??

      Last week, I unexpectedly had to teach two classes in bare feet (they were being held in a studio) and I realized, after the second class, that my kitten heel slingbacks had worn the polish off of one of my toes. Do chipped toes also equal chipped soul?

    • Kanye East

      Umm, where have you guise been? One blue thumb nail is our signal to each other. It’s how you spot another Corporette reader IRL. You were supposed to give her your card!

        • Amelia Bedelia

          nice!
          is anyone else BEYOND excited for the Hunger Games film to be released? I feel like a tween waiting for the next Twilight film!

          • conbrio

            Beyond excited! I’ve had my tickets forever, and I’m going to get in line really early to get a good seat. I feel like a teenager.

          • Barrister in the Bayou

            I purchased my tickets a while back and I have no idea how I’m going to get through work tomorrow! I did my nails in Riveting (a HG nail polish) just for the occasion.

          • C

            I have to admit that I never read the books. But my 12 year daughter and all of her friends have multiple times! So, on Saturday afternoon I am taking Isabel and 7 of her friends to the movie as part of Isabel’s birthday party. Me and 8 12 year olds! I hope that I survive! It should be fun.

          • SF Bay Associate

            SO EXCITED! My DH is awesome because he’s letting me drag him to see it this weekend :)

          • Anastasia

            Me! And I convinced DH he needs to read the books — he just finished the first one a couple days ago and is almost as excited for the movie as I am. :)

          • Anonylicious

            Yes! I cannot wait (though I am under the weather at the moment, and if I am still sick Friday I will be so mad).

            I was really kind of worried about it until the trailer came out, but so far it looks like it’s going to be an awesome adaptation.

          • Hel-lo

            OMG, I am so freaking excited. And I am a grown-ass woman.

            But I love the books so much!

            My receptionist and I bond over Hunger Games.

    • qwerty

      another bottle of blue polish came home with me the other night. i may or may not have made that CVS run after several drinks with DH. i may or may not have failed to recall purchasing it until i saw it sitting on the dining table the following morning…

    • AIMS

      I usually do this by accident, when I tried a nail polish in store and then forgot to take off.

      Not always blue, but frequently there.

      • Also

        Deb on the Lifetime series Drop Dead Diva painted one nail blue for luck (the pinky, I think).

        • Anonymous NYer

          That’s where I recognize it from! It was floating somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I didn’t read it in cosmo, but I couldn’t recall where I had heard of this trend!

    • Happy Anon

      So from what I know from my hippie parents…one single painted thumb nail in a dark color (used to be black or navy blue in those days!) was some kind of indicator that you were “cool” or part of the revolution. Also had something to do with drugs and avoided you getting hassled by other somewhat more aggressive revolutionaries or something. Someone in her 40s is probably not old enough to be reliving the hippie glory days, but I think that was the basis for the trend! Lots of old pictures of my dad (now a respected oxford prof…shh..) with long beard, long hair, bell bottoms, platforms, and one thumb nail painted black!! Corporette revolution?!

      • TCFKAG

        This is fascinating. It also reminding me of the West Wing episode where President Bartlett asks the Christian missionary for the shibboleth. Our single blue nails could be our Corporette shibboleth’s. ;-)

        • Flamingo

          I swear I’m not making this up, but I stayed home from work today and that is exactly the episode that I am watching. Weird.

  2. lunch buddies

    Thanks all for the comments yesterday on my lunch buddy situation. I believe this was an issue even before I started, as I remember some complaints about it at that time and it seemed like my supervisor changed her behaviors a bit to make sure others were included more often. Now the supervisor’s attitude toward the rest of us seems to be going downhill and what is expected from the lunch buddy is not nearly so much as what is expected from the other employees, who are having to pick up a lot of the lunch buddy’s workload. There have also been attempts to promote lunch buddy, despite major performance issues, while those with good performance get passed over for raises/promotions.

  3. phillygirlruns

    philly ladies – meetup tomorrow night at 6pm, franklin mortgage on 18th between chestnut and sansom. looking forward to meeting people!

  4. Merabella

    Two things.

    1. I absolutely love this dress. I think it is adorable.
    2. I really love this community. The comments yesterday on the coffee break post had me refreshing like crazy.

    • TCFKAG

      1. I also love this dress.

      2. I also loved the comments — and when my husband gets back from his business trip, he better hug me before he hugs the dog (just kidding, dog gets lovin’ first, but just because she’s really demanding.)

      • Merabella

        I read that post too, and thought, man I really need to hug my husband before our cat. He’s a diva – the cat, not my husband.

        • MissJackson

          I thought the same thing! I always shower the pup with love before my husband. Oops!

          • TCFKAG

            My dog throws herself at anyone walking through the door! Since I don’t do that, I sort of figure, it makes sense. :-P

          • CA Atty

            Yeah, when you’re willing to risk facial disfigurement by squeezing nose, then whiskers, then head out the door the nanosecond it starts to open just to greet someone, that’s when you get hugs before a dog. :-)

            Cats on the other hand…

            Although my little boy (the one who had the abscess a while back for regular readers) did bring me a gift last night. Now these cats are NOT hunters. One had her a** kicked by a bunny rabbit once. Didn’t come out from under the bed for a week and NEVER went back outside the entire year we lived in that place.

            Anyway, so little boy comes in and is just going to town at the foot of the bed, meowing and growling and I was actually seriously afraid he had caught a mouse or a bird. He insisted I come over to see his “kill.” A 6-inch (at least!) long worm. That’s right, my cat, the great white hunter, brought me a giant WORM for dinner. (A chewed-on worm no less!)

            I did praise him, because he was clearly proud of himself but when I threw it off the deck he went running down to try to find it too.

        • SC

          CA – one of my cats brings us floppy/spongey coasters as gifts. It is hilarious that (a) we can never find coasters, (b) there are always like 6 coasters strewn around our bedroom, and (c) there HAS to be a secret stash somewhere in our apartment that I have not found yet :-)

          • CA Atty

            Oh yes! One of mine is obsessed! My SO has actually specifically purchased heavy coasters. (He says to make sure they’re still around, I think it’s to annoy the cat.) Only one though, and she’s also obsessed with hair bands (maybe to make sure I don’t wear them on my wrist?) the others, meh. But I 100% agree with a, b and c!

            The last time I moved though, we moved some furniture around and found all KINDS of crazy stuff. Coasters from downstairs moved upstairs, hair ties, chapstick, my GOD the chapstick! Lipstick, safety pins, ribbons, the fitbit I “lost”, pens, binder clips, an earring…the demons actually had crawled up inside the box springs on my bed and made a little cache.

          • MissJackson

            My [indoor] cat’s proudest moment was when he found and “killed” a pipe cleaner. I about died laughing.

          • ShortieK

            I’ve never had a cat that brought me murder presents….kinda feel like I’m missing out on the love.
            One of our cats will play fetch with a lucky rabbit’s foot. I think she actually enjoys it and isn’t just thinking “why do you keep throwing this away!”

          • CA Atty

            MissJackson, that is awesome. Thanks for the best laugh all day!

            I’m totally outing myself as a crazy cat lady today, but the same coaster stealing cat does this thing where she’ll sit somewhere high-ish, like dresser, desk, whatever. And she’ll fixate on something, chapstick, pen. And she’ll look at me, she’ll look at the item, she’ll look at me…by now I’m watching her because I know exactly what’s about to happen. She stares at the item studiously ignoring me (if I can’t see you you can’t see me! type of thinking) slaps the thing off the desk, jumps after it, gets startled by the item hitting the ground and carooms out of the room/under something to hide from the item she herself just knocked down!

          • Bonnie

            One of our cats is obsessed with socks. She steals them from our bedroom upstairs or the laundry room in the basement and leaves them for us in the living room. If we could just train her to take the dirty ones from the bathroom and take them to the laundry room . . .

  5. Tall Girl Suits

    Does anyone have suggestions for suit jackets with longer sleeve lengths that are narrowly cut? I recently tried JCrew’s tall line, but the smallest size is a 2T which is unfortunately too large in the waist and shoulders (and the sleeves are a big wide). Alterations are an option, though likely last resort.

    Thanks in advance!

    • rosie

      Have you tried BR’s tall line? I usually buy their suit jackets a size up to get the arm length right, but I found my size in tall in a store one time, and it was a much better fit.

      • KC

        Theory. It’s pricey, but try the outlets, if you have one close (DC has Leesburg, NYC has woodbury) I’m 5’7, but i have freakishly long arms, and their suit jackets are the only ones that don’t hit too short.

      • MsZ

        A second for BR. I have to size up on their suit jackets because they’re pretty snug.

      • Tall Girl Suits

        Thanks for the suggestions! I haven’t had much luck with regular BR suits (the sleeves on the two jackets I tried were oddly cropped), but I’m encouraged to give the tall line a shot. Will let you know how it works :)

    • eastbaybanker

      I have the same exact problem! I also have long arms and a narrow torso. Would LOVE to hear about a brand that doesn’t take alterations for a good fit.

      My last suit purchase was Theory. I bought up a size in the jacket to get the arm length right, then had the entire jacket tailored down a size so it fit my ribcage correctly. I keep an eye out for jackets without working buttons on the sleeves, which allows them to be let out.

    • EC

      Probably too late for this response, but worth a shot – try Zara. The fit is VERY close (it’s British). Love it.

      • Tall Girl Suits

        Glad I came back to check for any late responses. I’m fortunate enough to live by a Zara store, yet never thought to check their suiting. I’ll definitely make a stop this weekend, thanks!

    • Nancy P

      Boxy how? I like the pleats in the skirt — it makes me think it could fit my roundish hips.

    • Susan

      It looks like it’d make one look thick in the middle if you didn’t curve where the dress curves in & out.

      I like it mostly, except for the square neckline. In most square neckline dresses, even if I’m wearing a strapless bra, the top edges of the bra (the side near the armpits) usually stick out, because the square is just cut wide enough and low enough.

  8. b23

    Hey, guys. This is a follow-up from yesterday’s coffee break, so feel free to skip if you’re over it. But I was wondering what little things y’all do for your SOs to make them feel special. Not gifts on birthdays, etc., but just every day, no reason, gestures. I really liked the things people chimed in with yesterday!

    • phillygirlruns

      variation on a theme, but when i’m at the grocery store, i like to grab him little things i know he likes but doesn’t always think to ask me to pick up (dried strawberries, that kind of thing). he does similar stuff – if he runs into a store to get himself a soda, he’ll sometimes grab me a coconut water, or my favorite chocolate. we’re both pretty big into eating, so food-related things score serious points around here.

    • DC anon

      His favorite dessert is anything with peanut butter, so if he’s had a hard week I’ll make a peanut butter pie. When he sees it his eye light up like a kid in a candy store! It’s the best.

    • NOLA

      When my SO takes care of my kitty when I’m out of town (kitty girl loves him), I leave him love notes with the cat treats. Also, every once in awhile I go to the butcher at my grocery store and get them to cut me a perfect thick sirloin steak and I add all of the sides he loves (grilled asparagus, roasted sweet potatoes). He’ll sit down to dinner on a random night and say “What did I do to deserve this?”

      • phillygirlruns

        NOLA, that steak dinner thing sounds amazing. my husband cooks a mean ribeye, but he’s never surprised me with one on a random tuesday – clearly i need to send him to you for lessons.

        • NOLA

          It’s so easy! I usually prepare the asparagus ahead of time and leave it in the fridge so I can just toss it on the grill with the steak. And I’ll roast the sweet potatoes on Sunday (with olive oil and sea salt) so I can just heat them/recrisp them in the toaster oven. Honestly, it’s a meal I can throw together while he’s in the shower.

    • TCFKAG

      When I know he’s had a long day, I try to have dinner ready for him when he comes home. Or I make sure the kitchen’s super clean (because that’s usually his chore.) :-)

    • ANP

      Ditto on the food love — small treats, but they make a difference!

      This might sound housewife-ly, but I know my SO appreciates being able to come home some nights and just not worry about dishes/cleanup/etc. We both try to do this for each other — give the other person a night off, so to speak.

      He also LIVES for footrubs. I’m usually feeling too lazy to dole one out, but every once in awhile it happens. The man looooves having his feet rubbed!

    • Another S

      I leave my husband Post-it love notes that I stick in random places like the bathroom mirror. The best part is that he saves them! I didn’t realize this until one day I happened to open one of the cabinets on his side of the bathroom sink, and there was a whole stack of them stuck to the inside of the cabinet door (some dating back years!). I also leave them on his keys or on stuff in the fridge that I know he snacks on regularly. Another thing I do is send him a post card whenever I go out of town, even if we’re traveling together.

      • KLG

        I saw this yesterday and had to comment because my DH does this for me and I love it so much. On Valentine’s Day he left a post it on the only three places I am likely to see as I sleepily stumble out the door to work: the bathroom mirror (almost didn’t see it b/c he put it at his eye level :)), the coffee pot, and the speedometer of my car. Once I microwaved one he stuck inside some leftovers because I didn’t look inside the container first. :) Seriously, best thing ever. Your comment is prompting me to start saving them.

    • EC MD

      My husband hates driving in to the city so I always do the Trader Joes run and make sure that I get the things he likes….

      I always leave a doppio espresso on his desk if I have time to make an afternoon coffee run…

      I am super supportive of him getting out to ski/run/bike on the weekends and make sure we work the schedule so he can…

      He…

      1) Let’s me lie in bed an extra 15 minutes and makes breakfast for the 3 year old and coffee for us.

      2) When I was feeling terrible this weekend, he took the 3 year old in to work with him when he had non-patient care work (but work that definitely less easy to do with a 3 year old around) to do so I could have some quiet “me” time.

      3) Makes breakfast on the weekend (best french toast ever)

    • AIMS

      Things I do: If I pack his lunch, which is not often, I usually throw in some really random treat like peanut butter cups or a kit kat; randomly record movies and shows I know he would like (not stuff that’s scheduled but just random stuff I come across) – so he’ll come home and the Goonies will be on our tivo; let him read the New Yorker first (sometimes).

      Things he does: wakes me up with coffee and bagels on weekend mornings; randomly comes home with a bottle of champagne and/or dessert to have with dinner; records my favorite tv segments for me if I am not around; sometimes will do the breakfast dishes in the morning so I come home to a clean kitchen (sadly, usually we come home to a sink full of coffee cups and the omelette pan).

      Things we both do: send each other dorky “I love you” texts throughout the day.

    • Amelia Bedelia

      I randomly look at him until he notices and then tell him how handsome he is or how much I love him or how much I just enjoy him.
      seriously, he loves this. I think people just want to feel special. of course, it helps that he is eye candy and I could look at him all day! but still.

      every once in a while, I sneak peanut m&ms into his lunch box for an afternoon treat.

      I send him emails throughout the day telling him how excited I am to see him at night or suggesting something fun for the evening.

        • qwerty

          seriously. i started working on one of these cute lists and deleted my draft comment because he does everything for me. it’s embarrassing.
          according to my draft list, i show my love to him through shopping, picking out his daily tie, and food (both making it and buying it). luckily, i have a man who appreciates all of these things.

          • Amelia Bedelia

            I KNOW!!! it is embarrassing how long it took me to think of a few things. I pick out his clothes every day and he loves that, but that really isn’t much. He, on the other hand, makes me feel like a queen every day. a glamourous, beautiful queen.

        • qwerty

          he’s particularly amazing when i have rough 17 + hour work days: he orders dinner for me (and only me, but definitely hopes there are leftovers for him even though he already had dinner), makes me evening tea, buys snacks for me (last week it was chocolate covered pretzels and starbucks frappacinos to help me work through the night), takes care of boycat, sends me messages letting me know the boys can’t wait til i’m home, makes sure the sink is clear of dirty dishes (i hate a sink full of dishes, it causes me to freak out and think our home is falling apart), makes the bed, lets me sleep in…. the list goes on….

          • qwerty

            sometimes he asks me what i would do without him and my answer is always the same: “cry.” i feel like a sap sharing this on the internet but i am so lucky to have him. is this day over yet? i want to go home!

          • Anonymous

            Your comment reminded me of a song on the radio now – “A Woman Like You” by Lee Brice. It’s very sweet and sounds like it fits all of your amazing husbands!!!

    • marriage?

      I’m the OP from yesterday, and wanted to let you all know how much I appreciated the feedback. I’m beyond excited to get married and will make a concious effort to continue our good habits. The way to my man’s heart is his stomach, but he’s not a sweets guy. One nice gesture I do is to cook a meal just for him to take to lunch at work, usually of the chicken and rice variety.

    • P

      My fiance has a whiteboard next to his desk. I very occasionally draw overly-cute, lovey-dovey messages on them. The whiteboard is now unusable because it is covered with hearts, because he never erases them. :)

    • Monday

      I’m going to buy Mr. Monday flowers today, actually. He regularly gets me flowers for no reason, and once I mentioned that I’ve never done it for him. Somewhat surprisingly, he sounded like he would be happy to receive a bouquet. I’m making sure to get outrageous colors, because that’s what he likes.

    • KC

      Oh, I love this discussion! Many things are spur of the moment/situation dependent, but my favorites are:
      -Surprising him with a container of cookies or brownies, just because. He functions better with something sweet to snack on ;)
      -Leaving love notes.
      -Stealing his phone and changing the background banner to “I love you,” “You’re cute,” or something similar.
      -In the same vein, random text messages and emails just to tell him he’s handsome, sweet, or funny.
      -Making his favorite foods without a specific special occasion.
      -Picking up treats at the grocery store (ranging from chocolate to beer).

    • CKB

      DH is primary childcare giver in our house because I leave for work before him (and before our boys are up for the day) & I get home after him. Because he has more hours at home he starts dinner, often does the dishes (while the boys are eating breakfast in the morning, usually), and gets going on laundry (we have 2 laundry nights at our house). So, whenever I can I try to get a jump on a household chore that he normally does. Sort the laundry while he’s out for a run, unload the dishwasher in the morning if I have a couple of extra minutes, that type of thing. He always appreciates it. Oh, and physical affection is always a good thing. Things I know he especially likes that I don’t necessarily enjoy as much.

      • CKB

        I also let him sleep in as long as I can on the weekends. I’m a morning person, and his favorite indulgence is sleeping in, so it works out well, and i know he appreciates it.

    • Sconnie

      I also sometimes pick up his favorite treats when I’m out grocery shopping (super super dark chocolate). When we go on date nights, I wear specific dresses or tops that I know are his favorites of mine and I usually let him pick my earrings. When he decided he wanted to get into shape, I did the entire couch to 5k program with him, running his workouts with him after I’d done my own.

      On the flip side, he knows I eat a ton of bananas, so whenever he goes to the store, and sometimes when he’s just going to be driving past the store, he buys a bunch of bananas for me. Some of the cutest little things he’s done for me were when I was training for my first marathon. When I would come back from my long runs, he would make foamy chocolate milk for me – just cocoa powder, some splenda, and skim milk whipped up in blender. And on my 2 longest runs (18 and 21 miles), I mapped out my route for him, and he would drive to a couple spots along it to meet me with gatorade and chapstick.

    • roses

      We’re both students, so we often get stuck in a rut of hours upon hours of just staring at our laptops doing work in the same room without talking to each other. When one of us notices, we try to make an effort to ask the other to take a break, hold hands for a while, give each other a massage, etc. It sounds really small, but it really helps to stay connected to each other when it’s all too easy to take each others’ presence for granted.

      Oh, and because he often wakes up much later than me, I’ll make pancakes for us to eat when he finally gets out of bed. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t enjoy it also, but he does appreciate the gesture!

    • Anon mom

      I get up before him every morning and go work out. When my husband is in town, I let him sleep in and when I get back from my workout, our 2 year old daughter is awake in her room chatting to herself. I go get her and her favorite blanket and put them in bed with my husband so they get 10 minutes of snuggle time every morning while I shower. I know he loves it (I think he fakes he is asleep so that I will bring her in to wake him), and on the rare weekend morning that I sleep later than he does, he brings her in to me for snuggle time, (and usually joins us.)
      He also knows I hate filling my car with gas, so on the weekends if he has a quick errand, he’ll take my car and bring it back full.
      When he’s out of town (more often than not), I text him lots of little videos and silly pictures of the random things my daughter and I do during the day (eating cereal, walking the dog, etc.)
      When we travel together I try to remember to stash a little bag of his favorite candy in my purse and give it to him during a boring part of the flight/drive.

    • Ruthy Sue

      I always set the coffee before going to bed (there’s a timer) and make breakfast on the weekends. Occasionally I’ll mail a card to his office with a sweet note saying that i’m thinking about him, or put post-it notes with some variation of “I love you” or “you’re amazing” in his car or on his phone. Like others, I’ll also pick-up some of his favorite things at the grocery store. We also send each other lovey or silly texts during the day.

      He’s pretty good at doing little sweet things for me. He buys me flowers at random times. Although he leaves for work after me, he gets up at the same time and makes our coffee and packs our lunches (best thing ever!). He also does the dishes if they start to pile up, which is usually my job. If he’s doing his laundry he’ll wash towels or other things that need to be done, also usually my job. There are a lot of other things, but those are the first that come to my mind.

    • ChocCityB&R

      I buy gifts, he likes chocolate, for no reason and leave it on his desk. Also he likes doing fun and unusual activities, so I’ll plan a weekend kayaking trip every few years.

    • Amy H.

      I grind and set up the coffee for the next morning the night before. (He used to be the only one who drank coffee every morning, so always set it up but now I’ve become addicted too. This stayed “his job” though, so it feels like a nice thing to do.) I also buy him treats — usually fancy cheeses but sometimes a half-case of a favorite wine of his or Entenmann’s chocolate-covered doughnuts (which to me taste like wax).

      He buys me CDs (either someone he already knows I love or someone he thinks I’ll like) out of the blue for no reason . . . .

      • Amy H.

        Oh, I also bought him milk chocolate eggs from See’s on a whim last week — and last year I bought and filled an entire Easter basket for him b/c that was such a big deal during his childhood. But that’s a holiday, so that doesn’t really count as “for no reason.”

        Y’all are inspiring me to do more on this front!

    • Appelican

      I posted it on yesterday’s thread this morning, but I will repost here also:

      Some of the things that he does for me: makes coffee for me in the morning, unloads the dishwasher (I especially love this on the nights he works late, because it makes dinner clean up so much easier for me!), runs to the grocery store late a night when I realize I am out of something, or puts gas in my car, just little stuff to make my life easier. He is also always giving me hugs and kisses randomly which I love.

      Some of the things I do for him: back rubs, stuff in the bedroom (I’m sure you can figure that out), folding his work clothes the particular way he likes, watching the kids while he plays softball with his buddies, picking up his favorite beer, taking lunch to him at work.

      We both also send little texts throughout the day, just saying I miss you or I love you.

    • JustNML

      We both work full-time and generally long hours. I work from home and work east coast hours on the west coast, so I’m generally up and on conference calls by 6 AM. Two things I do for him that he has apparently been telling his friends about —

      1) He has had to fend for himself for breakfast and lunch for his entire life. About 4 years ago, I started making him lunch when I made mine in the mornings before commuting to work. Even now, you can generally find me on a conference call, chopping carrots or making a sandwich at 7 AM.

      2) I used to stress myself out about trying to make the house perfectly clean because he gets overwhelmed when it is messy or disorganized. About 6 months ago, I got a raise and took the plunge — hired a cleaning service to come in once a month and take the pressure off me and him. He readily admits he’s completely incompetent at cleaning. He really appreciates it and thanks me for it weekly (usually in the form of popping home for lunch with Thai food and a cookie!)

  10. blanket

    What do you all think of people who bring full-on blankets into meetings? I think it’s a little odd myself, but I have no clue how normal this practice is elsewhere.

    • Always a NYer

      I don’t have a full-on blanket but I have gone to meetings wrapped up in a pashmina. My office can get very cold and while people have commented on this, I just say that I’m cold, take a sip of my coffee, and shrug it off. When I’m not shivering, I’m much more productive ;)

    • Anon

      very weird.

      But when my old office used to be absolutely freezing (my office mate used to wear her winter coat while working) I often dreamed of bringing my leopard print Snuggie to work. Never had the nerve unfortunately.

      • Merabella

        I got a leopard print Snuggie as a gag gift from a friend. It is now my favorite thing in the world. Though I’ve never worn it to work.

        • Another S

          I got a Snuggie for my husband as a gag gift. The dog stole it. Seriously. So I bought another one, and she stole that one too. Those Snuggies are seriously her favorite things in the world. I don’t think either of us have ever used them because she always is!

          • Equity's Darling

            But there aren’t enough arm/leg holes for doggie legs……I feel like there is a market opening for special doggie snuggies…..

          • Anon

            I’m not proud that I know this but someone has already beat you to the dog snuggie ;)

          • TCFKAG

            Yup, the dog snuggie exists. They sell them in those catalogs in airplanes (and presumably other places.)

        • a.

          It is one of my fondest dreams that someone will give me a leopard Snuggie as a gag-gift-that-I-actually-really-want. I have dropped many hints, but to no avail, so Merabella, you give me hope.

          • Merabella

            The best part about this gag gift that turned into best gift ever, coming home and seeing my husband wearing it while watching Sports Center…

    • phillygirlruns

      very odd. i have an airplane blanket in my office but would never think of bringing it out into meetings.

    • Kady

      I had a colleague who had a thick wool plaid shawl that she brought to all of her meetings. She used it as a blanket across her lap during the meeting. Anyways, I always envied her because I would usually be freezing while she looked very comfortable indeed.

    • Coalea

      I once attended a meeting where the client attended wrapped in a blanket – and fell asleep during the presentation!

    • Hel-lo

      Uh. If you are cold, wear more clothes. Sweaters and long underwear are way more professional than a blanket.

  11. Always a NYer

    Has anyone tried these?
    http://www.zappos.com/product/7933829/color/589

    They look good for flats and I’m wondering how comfortable they’ll be. For the price, I’ll probably get them but just thought I’d ask first.

    Also, any cute flat recommendations that are comfortable without any embellishments (bows, flowers, buckles) and more pointy than boxy? Thanks!

  12. Chicago

    Anybody have tips on negotiating with the cable company? I’m calling them later today to try to get a much better price on cable/internet for my new apartment. Everyone always says that you can negotiate with them so much, but I’ve never had much luck getting major discounts.

    • ANP

      Tell them you received a flyer from X competitor and you’re ready to switch b/c your cable costs have simply become too exorbitant over the years, but is there anything they can do for you? This is the technique I used to get $50 knocked off our monthly bill, plus free movie channels, sometime last year.

    • LR

      If you live in an area with competition, tell them you have an offer from the other company for $X. I have a $20 discount on my FiOS for 2 years because Time Warner keeps sending me offers. It was relatively easy; I just spoke to someone in billing (although I hear to try retention if you’re an existing customer and billing won’t help). I explained that I didn’t want to switch but I had a substantially lower offer from the competition and they just added the credit.

    • Bonnie

      Click through to the cancel service option and tell the rep you’re thinking of canceling because of their high prices and their competitor’s lower prices. I’ve always had them reinstate the lower price when my contract has expired. I do need to call Comcast again. I hate that company.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I ended up cancelling cable entirely because I hate Comcast so much. The unpredictable bills, terrible customer service, and the hoops to jump through every few months to get some “discount” back. UGH. I get such a sense of satisfaction out of not giving Comcast any money right now.

    • anon

      I’ve done this for years. The last time I tried I had no luck – the most they were willing to knock off was $10. I’m not sure if it was because I’ve done it for so many years straight, or if my cable company (Comcast) is really tightening up on them, as the customer service reps I spoke to said. I wound up cancelling cable for 6 months so that I would be eligible for new customer rates again. When it has worked for me in the past, I’ve been super nice to the customer service rep and just explained that it was getting too expensive. Keep the conversation going – the longer you stay on the phone the more willing they will be to drop the price to get rid of you. Unless it’s a great offer, don’t feel like you have to take the first offer they give you. If you don’t currently bundle your service, ask them if that’s something that would save money. I know someone who was able to pay less for cable + internet + a phone line she never even plugged in than they were going to charge her for cable + internet.

    • roses

      Does your new building allow you a choice between cable companies? If so, although I know this sounds a bit shady, you can call and say you want to cancel your account because that company is offering you a deal. They *always* try to keep your business by offering you some sort of better deal. However, if your new building only offers the same cable provider you had before, I’m not sure you have much negotiating power. Maybe just threaten to cancel your internet (since there are almost always multiple providers on that front) and they’ll give you a better combo deal? In any event, it doesn’t hurt to ask!

    • anon

      So here’s what you do. I have done this successfully for YEARS, including on behalf of friends and family.
      1) Call the cable company and tell the automated system you want to “cancel your service.”
      2) When you get to a live person, they will ask you how they can help you. You say “I need to cancel my service.”
      3) They will say “Oh, yes I can help you with that. Is there any particular reason you are cancelling?”
      4) You say “I can’t afford the increase on my monthly bill.” [This triggers their retention script.]
      5) They will offer to help you, but it will be a small offer. Knocking a few dollars off a month.
      6) You reject their offer. Say something like “I’m sorry, that’s really not enough. I can’t afford to increase my bill more than X dollars. Is there anything else you could do?”
      7) They will probably say that they need to talk to a supervisor and then they willc ome back and tell you that they are authorized to give you a GOOD number. That offer you can take. Please note that you may have to reject more than one offer to get a good number–but you’ll know if they are low-balling you. Stay focused. Keep repeating that you cannot afford the annual increase.
      8) Then ask for free HD. They’ll probably throw it in for free :).

      Seriously, this works best if you’ve built up a few years of on-time payments and whatnot, but it is ALWAYS worth a shot. I have had better luck with Time Warner than with Comcast. If they persist in low-balling you, maybe ask them if you could get a better deal if you changed your services a bit–sometimes that is also a way to get to a good number [that’s only if you’re desperate though].

  13. ANP

    Love this dress. I’m so excited for spring clothes!

    TJ – Somewhat spur of the moment, husband and I booked tickets for me and our daughter to accompany him to Florida on a business trip next month. Daughter and I will hang out together for 2 days while her dad’s working, then the three of us will drive to Orlando (his meetings will be in Lakeland) Friday – Sunday.

    Suggestions on places to stay in the Orlando area with a 2.5 year old toddler? I’m completely overwhelmed by all the options. We’re mostly looking for good pool access and/or other kid-friendly activities. I’d like to keep the price to less than $200/night if possible. We’re not planning on going to Disney or other theme parks, although we’d be open to other field trip (i.e. nothing that’s more than a few hours at a time).

    • SC

      I grew up in that area (about 20 minutes away from Lakeland). I don’t mean to sound snarky, but why did you pick Orlando for your weekend trip? Don’t get me wrong – I really understand NOT going to the theme parks with a 2.5-year-old – it’s expensive, can be overwhelming, and they won’t remember too much of it. Maybe other readers will chime in, but I can’t think of anything in Orlando that would be particularly great for toddlers (then again, I moved to the area when I was 7 and do not have children yet).

      If you’re looking for a nice, kid-friendly place with good pool access, why not head to one of the beaches? St. Pete and Clearwater have nice beaches, as do some of the barrier islands a little south of Lakeland, like Anna Maria Island and Longboat Key. I’m sure you could find a lovely hotel with great pool access. And April is my favorite time to visit the beaches in that area!

    • Can't Wait to Quit

      If you want cheaper accommodations and are not going to Disney, why not go to Cocoa Beach. Plenty of affordable, nice places stay (We like the Radisson) and you can go to the beach too. You’ll only be an hour away if you decide to go to Disney, and you will also be near Cape Canaveral, if the space center interests you.

    • Accountress

      I like the Palm Parkway hotels in Lake Buena Vista- it’s touristy, but one of the hotels (the Clarion, I think) has a cute kiddy splash zone, and you’re really close to Downtown Disney- aka Free Disney. No rides, but lots of stores and it gives toddlers a nice dose of “I hugged Mickey!” when they really just hugged the $150 stuffed version.

      I do recommend you look closer at Tampa/St. Pete/Clearwater. It’s less hectic to travel around than the Orlando area.

      MOSI in Tampa is fabulous- Museum of Science and Industry, and if I remember correctly, it’s an “everything you can see, you can touch” sort of place. Very interactive.

      There’s also a zoo in Tampa- Lowry Park- and my 4 y/o little “cousin” loved it when we went there.

      • JenK

        There’s plenty of good stuff to do with kids here in Tampa, like the newish childrens museum & Curtis-Hixon Park downtown, or the free kiddie activities at the Morean Arts Ctr in St Pete, but the beaches here have no waves. If you just like sand, the Gulf is fine, but if you want to play in the waves, then you must head East to the Atlantic.

        I’m also curious as to why the Orlando stay if you aren’t doing theme parks. If it was simply the flight, then rent a car, curse the governor for canceling the rail construction, and head either East or West for an hour.

  14. superanon

    Regular poster here, but going anon in case this identifies me in any way.

    I’m a bridesmaid in a July wedding for my college roommate. We’re all in our early 30s. None of the bridesmaids (or the bride-to-be) live in the same city, or anywhere near each other — we’re spread out from coast to coast. She is the ultimate low-maintenance bride and asks nothing of us. What are the expectations as far as a shower/bachelorette? I tried emailing the group to see about doing a destination bachelorette, but the bride-to-be said it’d be too complicated given everyone’s schedules and she didn’t want to inconvenience anyone, so those of us who are able to come in a few nights early before the wedding will just go out in the city where the wedding will be (I plan to do this).

    I saw on FB that her maid of honor (her sister) planned a shower for her in her hometown. As far as I know, none of the other bridesmaids were involved or invited, so I’m guessing this was mostly family and local friends. But I still feel bad, like I’m not living up to my duties as a bridesmaid. What are the expectations for a long-distance bridesmaid? Besides being a supportive friend at the wedding and sending a thoughtful gift, what else can/should I be doing?

    • TCFKAG

      I have been both a long-distance bridesmaid and a bride with long-distance bridesmaids. I think that, while traditionally showers were thrown by bridesmaids, they are much more often thrown by family members now in the age of distance bridesmaids. I believe my local bridesmaid attended my shower (and of course the rest were invited, but I didn’t expect them to come.)

      When I was a long distance bridesmaid (read, across the entire continental United States) we did a “bachelorette party) the Thursday before the wedding and it was great because it meant many more of her friends could be there, because both her local friends could attend as well as anyone who was in town early for the wedding. I think that’s the most cost effective way to do it when you have a far-flung group.

      Otherwise, it is definitely hard to be super helpful from a distance, but you can always help look at pictures of everything under the sun she’s considering for this, that, and the other thing (many people lose patience with this quickly). Another thing you can offer to do is coordinate the bridesmaids for things like rides, shoes, dresses etc. so that the bride doesn’t have to deal with that. Or even, my bridesmaid who was long distance even called caterers for me and got quotes — you can do that on the phone. :-) But honestly, if she has it under control, then count your lucky stars, show up, have fun, and be helpful on the weekend of. You got yourself a good’un (bride I mean).

      • superanon

        Thanks, TCFKAG! That’s exactly what we’re doing — going out the Thursday before the wedding. Now that you mention it, I think most of the long-distance brides I’ve known have done a local, family-hosted shower, and it was not expected that the long-distance bridesmaids attend. Maybe I’m just putting unnecessary expectations on myself!

        I feel a lot better now reading your post. I agree… she’s a great bride (and friend)!

    • superanon

      I should add that I’ve asked her many times what I can do to help, but she always says she doesn’t need anything!

    • MelD

      Why don’t you ask her what she wants? Not everyone wants a big shower/bachelorette party. Can you come to town a few days early to help her out with last-minute preparations?

      • superanon

        MelD, I did ask her what she wants. That’s why we settled on the Thursday before the wedding group outing and no destination bachelorette — so yes, I will be in town a few days early. I just keep feeling like there’s more I should be doing!

    • Anon

      I’m in a similar situation. The bride is very frugal (reasonably priced dresses and she negotiated a discount on top of that, requested a certain shoe color but doesn’t care if the styles match, etc.) and she wouldn’t dream of asking us to fly in for a separate shower/bachelorette. She’s not even asking us to arrive early for the wedding to help! I’m going to come a day early anyways, and I’m also going to spend more on the present than I would’ve if I’d had to spend $500 on a bachelorette weekend. I’ve asked if there’s anything I could do and I check in on her just to chat and see how she’s doing (and offer her a place to vent any planning stress on someone besides fiance), but like you I’m not sure what else I should be doing.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      When I was a long-distance bridesmaid, everyone came into town early and we had the bachelorette party two nights before the wedding. The one bridesmaid that was local to the wedding (even the bride wasn’t local) arranged everything, and we just helped pay for it. The bride was very low-key and didn’t mind. I don’t think she had a single shower because everyone was so far-flung (we’re talking international flights here). After the wedding, she did have a separate party in our hometown for everyone who couldn’t make it to the wedding, but her mother arranged the entire thing.

      So no, I think she understands and really you don’t need to be doing more.

  15. TCFKAG

    On the topic of fun corporette connections.

    Last night at a networking event, I ran into someone i had met at one of our Boston meet-ups (hi!) and then, on the elevator up to the reception, two other women going to the event starting talking about Corporette and how they liked it. We gave each other meaningful looks. :-) It was fun.

    • Kady

      Wow, that’s awesome. By any chance, were either of them wearing blue nail polish on only one thumb?

  16. Legally Brunette

    I know some of us have thin/fine hair, and after trying a gazillion different products, I think I found something that works for me. It’s Aveda’s Invati hair care program, which is new. The set includes a shampoo, conditioner, and a leave in spray that makes my hair feel a lot more full.

    The biggest change I have noticed is that I have a LOT less hair left in the shower – signficantly less. And DH says that my hair looks a lot thicker.

    If you google Invati and testimonials, you should find a link to a video where various women review the product, which I found helpful.

    • MelD

      Is your hair at all oily/limp? I was interested in that product when I saw it, but it seemed to be for hair loss, which I don’t have. I just want something that adds more fullness.

      • Legally Brunette

        My hair is limp, and this makes it look more full. For example, I have pretty curly hair and I always have to wash it first if I let it down because it looks too limp otherwise. Today is the first time that I’m going with “second day hair,” and it looks quite full. But, I also do have hair loss issues and I think that Invati has been most helpful in that area. If you just want more volume, I think there are cheaper options out there (the Invati set costs $100, so it’s pricey).

    • canadian anon

      I do like Aveda products and have always gone to Aveda salons, and my hair is pretty fine as well. I believe last time I was at the salon they used that new line, but it sort of seemed to me that the only reason it really worked was because of the leave-in spray rather than anything else… the stylist sprayed right at my roots and said that’s basically the key part of the whole system. So I sort of feel like, sure, if I hair spray right at my rights to make my hair stand up off my scalp a bit, for sure it will look like there’s more volume there.. but I’m not sure it’s actually doing anything. Have you tried the set without the spray?

      • Legally Brunette

        I only use the spray every other day and or sometimes wait more because I often forget to use it. When I use the spray my hair looks fuller, but it also looks good without it. Again, for me the issue isn’t volume so much as hair loss, and the Invati products seem to really look in that area.

  18. D Train South

    Love this dress and considering buying it. But did she forget to change her shoes after shooting the previous outfit? There are many other shoes in the BR line that I think would have been a better choice. I’m not even sure whether the back is black or dark brown.

  19. Bee

    Any ideas for clubbing outfit on a Saturday night? Need new ideas aside from the usual sparkly top-skinny jeans or dress-sparkly heels combo.

    • Supra

      Neon is very big right now. You could do a fun top in a peachy-neon with some lighter colored jeans. Or add a bright neon leather belt to a cream colored dress. (I prefer the pinky-peachy neons with neutrals).

  20. Friend Dilemmas

    Sorry for the long question. Have you dealt with friends not being huge fans of your SO?

    I met my SO after college when I moved for my job. We’ve dated for years now, but since we live far away, many of my friends have only met him once or twice. Half of my friends don’t really have an opinion – they figure I must be happy with him and that’s good enough for them. The other half are hard to please (with good intentions), and I think SO has not made a great impression on them.

    I will admit he’s rough around the edges when you first meet him, but has been great all these years. It’s getting tough, because whenever we see my friends I can feel their disapproval, but they also do not say anything! I get really cagey and defensive. When I go home, I feel bad about my relationship, and angry at them for being so judgmental. I’ve started to reconsider whether we should stay friends. Has anyone faced this situation?

    • rosie

      I don’t know if this will help you at all, but one thing that I noticed, being in your friend’s position, is that how you talk about your SO to your long-distance friends can make a difference. I really disliked a friend of mine’s SO. I had only met him once or twice (I live very far from them). Then, I realized that my friend only complained about him when we talked. It was hard to see anything good about this guy when I hadn’t had particularly great interactions with him and my friend never said anything good about him.

      • CW

        I agree with this – my best friend married a guy that I initially wasn’t crazy about because in the first 6 months they were dating (during which time I hadn’t met him) all she told me about was his crazy jealousy, controlling behavior, and bad temper. I strenuously objected when she planned to move in with him after 6 months. After meeting him several times I realized that while there is that side of him (which I am not so fond of), there is also a much larger part of him that is crazy about my friend. He and I are very different people, and will never see eye-to-eye about most topics, but I think both of us recognize how much we care about her, and we generally enjoy each other’s company now.

      • Em

        Absolutely. One of my best friends has a long distance SO who I’ve only met twice and had an instantly negative impression of. I think I could get over it and give him the benefit of the doubt, but virtually everything she’s said about him to me has been like “Oh, SO was mocking me for that,” and “SO likes to make fun of me for this,” and it has just solidified my (possibly completely wrong and unfair!) impression that he’s a condescending ass.

    • Tuesday

      I’ve been on the other side of this. One of my very good friends ended up marrying someone that I pretty actively disliked. I didn’t think he was a bad person, just someone I didn’t want to spend time with (I thought he was loutish). We worked around it. I figured that there was a private side to him that was very different, or else she wouldn’t love him. He and I were always civil to each other (he never liked me particularly, either). Things changed for the better when she was seriously sick*: because he and I were both anxious not to cause her any stress, and because I saw how really wonderfully he cared for her during that time, and I think he saw that I was also in it for the long haul, we managed a more benevolent peace than just “being civil”. He’s never going to be _my_ friend, but I respect him a lot more now.

      She and I never had a conversation where I directly said “what in the world do you see in this guy?”, but all parties knew where all parties stood. Because she cared for him and I cared for her, I did my best to try to like him. When that didn’t work, I did my best to stay neutral, which did work.

      So, I guess my advice for you would be first, to give your friends a break. Not everyone is going to like everyone else. Work on your expectations. Second, think about this — if many of your friends, whose opinions you should value, feel the same way, is there a red flag that you’re not seeing? I’m not saying there is, just that you should look hard to see if there is one. You say you can feel their disapproval — is it of him, or of the relationship? If it’s of him, then it may be like my situation; he’s just not their taste. If it’s of the relationship, they may see something you don’t.

      Don’t cut off your friendships over this without talking to at least one of your friends about it. Give your side of the story (how great he is) and let your friend give hers (maybe she’s got pet peeves that he manages to hit every time she sees him). Then figure out a way to move forward without being defensive about your relationship.

      *Clearly, things didn’t get better _because_ she was sick (and she’s ok now); things got better because that situation brought out a different side of him (and maybe me, too).

      • anon

        A serious illness definitely brings out either the best or the worst in someone. I never liked the husband of a friend of mine, always thought he was controlling and obnoxious, but when she got cancer, he did everything for her. He held her head while she threw up, he helped her walk to the bathroom when she could not walk on her own, he organized her meds and made sure she took everything on time. He tried to get her to eat, he went to every doctor’s appointment. He earned my respect and admiration, and I finally saw what my friend saw in him, as a person. I also saw that he loved her more than anything.

    • MaggieLizer

      It’s really hard to tell someone that you see some potential problems with their SO, so I’m not surprised that your friends haven’t said anything. Have you tried to talk to them? If they’re critical of him for minor things that you don’t really care about, then thank them for their input and tell them that XYZ really good things far outweigh the minor bad things.

      As another poster said, though, they might be seeing red flags that you’re missing. I’ve had at least two breakups where friends have told me “Oh yeah, I never liked him because I saw X trait from the start” and X is why I left or would’ve made me leave a lot sooner if only I’d seen it too. In hindsight it sure would’ve been nice to have another person tell me, hey, you need to really take this issue seriously and not just blindly give him the benefit of the doubt.

    • AIMS

      Okay, so I had this happen with some friends who don’t live near me. Took the SO to visit them for a weekend, they didn’t go out of their way to make him feel included, he is someone who tends to withdraw if he is not feeling a situation so he went for a lot of walks by himself & was a bit of a recluse, they decided he didn’t really love me and they hated him. I spent about a year and a half getting everyone back on track: I would tell the friends every great thing he did for me and in general, and I said to my SO that, “look, right or wrong, these people think that when you don’t make an effort to get them to like you it’s because you don’t love me enough, so make an effort.” I am happy to say that while no one will ever be BFFs, everyone is getting along just fine now.

      • PharmaGirl

        I think we have the same husband, but I have never directly addressed it with him because, on top of the recluse behavior, he is extraordinarily sensitive so I fear mentioning it to him.

        • AIMS

          For better or worse, I have gotten past that – at events with my friends or family, I literally remind him to smile. It’s become almost a running joke. Of course, sometimes I go too far with all my joking and we end up getting into a tiff, but the benefits are well worth it. I usually just frame it as a “it’s not you, it’s them” issue. E.g., “Babe, I know when you’re bored, you’re content to just sit in a corner and play phone tetris, but other people think that’s weird. Humor them.”

          • PharmaGirl

            Oh, I am all too familiar with the husband in the corner playing on his phone. I actually prefer that to the latest problem. Ever since we had a child, he has taken to falling asleep on the couch when we visit friends for playdates. It’s so rude and embarrassing.

      • anon

        I’ve had this issue with one of my very good friends for many years. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t like or respect my husband. She’s never come right out and said it, but has made so many subtly critical comments that the message is clear. It’s not about some major character flaw or problem with the way he treats me (or her). Apparently, he’s just not her type, and she can’t seem to keep that to herself. This has definitely impacted our friendship — her judgment of my spouse makes me feel judged as well, and I trust her less. I’m sure this would’ve been a bigger issue for us, maybe even a friendship-ending issue, if my husband and I hadn’t moved far away from where my friend lives. My advice — it’s best to tread very lightly in this area. Unless your friend’s husband is abusive, try really, really hard never to comment.

    • Anon for this

      Friend Dilemmas, I think your friends are being too harsh on you and your fiance.

      I’m currently on the other side of this with a friend, whom I’ll call X. I detest X’s current guy (common-law-husband) but I would like to stay friends with X.

      X and I became friends back in our 20s and when she was dating her first serious boyfriend, I learned that he was a narcissistic jerk. I tried to tell her (nicely) and this blew up in my face. She pretty much told me off and basically told me her guy was a misunderstood prophet (not literally, but he did get preachy about whatever it was he was fixated about.) She moved across the country to be with him, dropping everything, thinking marriage, babies, etc. He was cheating on her the whole time, but also lying and leading her on the whole time and she had to take an STD test when the excrement hit the fan. After that, she reached out to me and we reconnected.

      Crank forward a few years, and she dates Narcissistic Prophet 2.0. This one is worse, because he has finesse. But he’s very controlling. He “supported”/leaned on her to drop out of her prestigious grad school program when she had some administrative issues, and quit her job, so she could be his “own little woman” cooking and cleaning for him. He likes being the breadwinner. He is also very controlling and has expressed his disapproval of her driving anywhere other than locally, because his previous SO cheated on him, but he hides it behind his eco-warrior environmentalism. He’s such a “prophet” that she now adopts all of his ideology and can hardly begin a sentence without saying, ‘Prophet sez….’ or ‘Prophet thinks that….’ I’ve had to jump in a few times and say, “X, if I want to know what Prophet2.0 thinks, I’ll ask him. He’s not shy about talking at people. I’m YOUR friend and I’m interested in YOUR opinion.”

      I have not told her to drop Prophet2, because they are hitched now, and because I know how she’s likely to react. However, I am less close to her.

      The reason why I am less close to her is not because of my disapproval of her Prophet2.0; it’s because her long association with this controlling creep has erased a lot of her personality, so there’s less for me to connect with. But I want to keep the lines of communication open, and the door very firmly open to her, in case things ever get ugly with Prophet 2.0— I want her to know she can reach out to me for help and not face judgment.

  21. Woods-comma-Elle

    I am having a serious afternoon slump.

    It made me think of an article I read on bringing back the 40-hour work week and how much more efficient people are working 40hrs/week than 55-60. I was thinking the other day in this context that, because I don’t have regular working hours and people generally work late when required, that I am more likely to postpone doing things because I don’t have to get out the door at a given time.

    For example, on Friday I had to catch a flight and I was really busy, so I got everything done in super-quick time because I had to. But on other days, like yesterday when I didn’t have any evening plans, I managed to spend an hour just chatting about nothing with the other associates in my team, when I could have been doing work and leaving an hour earlier.

    Stupid.

    • CA Atty

      I have this problem a lot. A LOT. It sucks because I want to do so much stuff after work! I’ve tried the Pomodoro technique and to-do lists but they don’t seem to help too much. Right now I’m trying to schedule my day, like “work on project 1 from 8am-9am, 9-9:05 coffee break, 9:05-9:15 evaluate project 1 and how much time you need until starting project 2.” But I do a lot of research these days and I just never know how long anything will take! It does seem to be helping a little bit, but I’m pretty flexible, which is probably a bad thing. :-/

    • CA Atty

      Like right now when I’m researching one of those “basic” constitutional questions. i.e. so basic I kind of wish I just had my con law textbook here, but at the same time I still have to find the support. Yes, everyone KNOWS dogs are man’s best friend but where does it SAY that!? By the Supreme Court, and as early in time as possible, and with a holding as uncontroverted as possible. Currently going for a 1900 Kansas railroad case. And hating life.

  22. New Poster

    Love this dress.

    It made me start thinking about new suits, because I need some and BR used to be my go-to for lined pants. I know there are others here who prefer the increasingly difficult to find suits with lined pants. Any recommendations on where to find these now? AT also used to carry a few, but I haven’t seen them there lately.

    Thanks so much!

  23. Herbie

    My SF peeps!

    I’m going to be kicking around your fair city Friday and Saturday. Friday’s sailing lessons are cancelled due to the weather. Any suggestions for what I should do? Really just looking to kill a few hours between lunch with colleagues on Friday and dinner Friday night and before heading out to the French Laundry for dinner on Saturday. I thought I might stop by the Museum of Modern Art.

    Thoughts, comments?

    • CA lawyer

      Corporette meetup at Cantor Arts Center at Stanford mid-day Saturday. It’s walking distance from the Palo Alto Caltrain station.

    • Lee B

      The Museum of Modern Art is great, one of my favorite places to spend a rainy day. Another option (that will probably be crowded) is the Jean Paul Gaultier exhibit at the deYoung museum in Golden Gate Park. It is opening on Saturday.

    • SF Bay Associate

      Saturday morning is the Ferry Plaza Farmer’s Market. Get your breakfast there (the lox guy in the back is awesome, Blue Bottle Coffee, Frog Hollow oatmeal and preserves, pastries everywhere), and pick up a light lunch (Acme bread, Cowgirl Creamery cheese, Boccalone salumi, perfect fruit) for later. You don’t want to eat heavy or even “medium” before TFL. If the timing works, come to our meetup in Palo Alto on Saturday afternoon!

      I presume you’re staying in Napa on Saturday night – consider Brix for brunch the next day. It’s always delicious and beautiful.

      MOMA is awesome. Are you traveling alone? For fun bars on Friday, I’d say either Rickhouse (artisan cocktails, they make their own bitters, a ton of rare scotches, very skilled bartenders) or Barbacco (regional Italian wine bar with a talented kitchen, lots of small plates), both nearish to MOMA. You could also hit the De Young and the Academy of Sciences, which are across the street from each other. I can’t remember if it’s the De Young or the Legion of Honor that has a Jean Paul Gautier exhibit right now, but it’s getting rave reviews.

      • TCFKAG

        I believe it was because you used the dreaded c*cktails un-edited. :-) Haha…I get moderated for that ALL the time.

    • SF Bay Associate

      I’m in moderation. I don’t know why. Basically, Ferry Plaza farmer’s market on Saturday morning, rain or shine. It’s awesome. Eat your breakfast there – Blue Bottle coffee, Frog Hollow oatmeal, pastries everwhere, huevos rancheros at Mijita – all good. Pick up your light lunch there as well – Acme bread, Cowgirl cheese, Boccalone salumi, perfect fruit. Eat light before TFL. And if you’re staying in Napa on Sat night (I hope you are), consider Brix for Sunday brunch.

      Things to do – Rickhouse or Barbacco for upscale bars, or Smuggler’s Cove if you’re down with rum drinks. Google all – they are awesome. MOMA is great. Consider also the De Young or the Legion of Honor – there’s a Jean Paul Gautier exhibit at one of those which is getting rave reviews. Friday brunch, consider Dottie’s or Brenda’s (sketchy area, be forewarned) or Canteen – I think Dennis Leary does breakfast on Fridays.

      • eastbaybanker

        All great suggestions!

        If you go to MOMA, get Blue Bottle coffee and a stylish desert by the sculpture garden. That’s my fave.

        For pre-dinner drinks on Friday, a wine bar I like close to MOMA is Press Club. It’s a stylish lounge type place and good for groups because it’s huge. Or, there’s tea at Samovar, which has nice views of the Yerba Buena Arts Center across from MOMA and is lovely on a rainy day.

      • Amy H.

        Second everything SF Bay Associate said. The Ferry Building and Saturday farmer’s market are awesome. I also really like taking the ferry to Alcatraz and taking the tour, but if the weather is going to be bad enough that your sailing lessons were cancelled, you probably won’t want to be out on the ferry.

        For Friday between lunch and dinner, ride the cable cars! And if you have time, visit the cable car museum. Or walk down at Crissy Field or across the Golden Gate Bridge and back (again, weather permitting).

    • Shaw

      I can’t add much to these great suggestions (hit tip to SF Associate), except if you go to SFMOMA, check out the Mark Bradford exhibit.

      Don’t forget your heart when you leave. :)

  24. conbrio

    Unfortunately, it’s supposed to rain on Friday and Saturday. If it were going to be nice out I would say wander around the Ferry Building farmer’s market on Saturday morning, then have a delicious brunch at the Plant Cafe at Pier 3. You could still do that, just bring an umbrella. Or if you would rather stay dry you could have brunch at Greens then check out this wine tasting thing at Fort Mason: http://events.sfgate.com/san_francisco_ca/events/show/242481964-15th-annual-weekend-celebration-of-american-rhone-wines

  25. Confused Lawyer

    Sorry for the threadjack, but in need of help! Next Tuesday I am interviewing for my dream job at an in-house. I will be interviewing with the head of HR and two attorneys, though I am not sure exactly who they are. What type of questions should I expect and should I bring redacted examples of contracts I have worked on in the past? I have never had an interview like this, found about about the position through someone who works there, and want to go in 100% ready!

    Thanks so much for reading.

    • Herbie

      I doubt you need to bring anything other than extra copies of your resume and business cards. I went through 6-7 rounds of interviews, and nobody ever asked me for a writing (or any other kind of) sample.

      As you’re meeting with HR, I’d be prepared for questions that examine how you service clients, build relationships, and resolve conflicts. Culture / personality fit is key in-house.

      • Anon

        Agree. My 2cents would be that business acumen or ability to learn the how the different business fuctions work together would be very important.

          • Confused Lawyer

            Thanks to everyone for answering. I have stayed at the same company since starting out, so interviewing somewhere else is a little foreign to me.

  26. Ellen

    I have NOT worked IN-HOUSE (and do NOT want too), but I think that you will get the SAME questions as you get in the firm–that is–
    Why do you think you can work here?
    Can you work LONG hours?
    Is your husband / SO abel to take care of the children in an emergency?

    • KLG

      Maybe she should ask if the manageing supervisor of her department has BAD BREATHE?

  27. CA Atty

    FYI: I did finally pull the trigger on this dress from a Frugal Friday (I think) a couple weeks ago:

    http://www.target.com/p/Merona-Womens-Scoopneck-Ponte-Dress-w-Pleats-Assorted-Colors/-/A-13844419

    I got both the green and the purple and they look like sacks on me. the neckline is high and the fabric is stiff so it gives me a bit of a uni-boob effect. Also, the front pleats look kind of bizarre. I think if I lost a little weight it would look better, but then the top wouldn’t really fit.

    However, at the same time I ordered this skirt:

    http://www.target.com/p/Mossimo-Womens-Ponte-Knit-Skirt-Assorted-Colors/-/A-13899837

    In the moss/teal color and it is FABULOUS. The fabric is thick so I don’t feel like people would be able to play connect the dots with any little imperfections on the read/thighs, it’s a good length although for me (5’4″) I will definitely need to wear heels with it, that’s pretty common for me though, longer torso, shorter legs. And the color is really pretty and bright. Now I just have to figure out if I can wear anything I already have with it or I need to do more shopping!

    Finally, I got this dress also:

    http://www.target.com/p/Merona-Womens-Cross-Front-Ponte-Dress-Assorted-Colors/-/A-13644057

    In “Stadium Red” but it’s not at all red, it’s more of a pinky-peachy-tangerine. NOT orange, but definitely definitely not red. But again, I LOVE it. It’s bright and springy, thick fabric again, beautiful neckline, very feminine. The only caveat is that on me it’s a bit va-va-voom, but the neckline has an inch or so of “fold over” cloth, and if I just don’t fold it over, and it looks fine when I don’t, and wear a necklace it’s barely work appropriate. Then I can fold it back for after-work fun! It’s also really comfortable and I can definitely see it being an all day, all spring-summer-(maybe)fall dress.

    • TCFKAG

      Maybe “Stadium Red” is the actual color of Michelle WIlliam’s Oscar dress that no one seemed to be able to identify or agree on a color for. :-)

    • PollyD

      I ordered a bunch of Target stuff last weekend, too (it’s not here yet). I ordered the scoopneck dress, but I have a feeling it will go back because I think the green might not be the color I want, and I fear the pleats will give me a gut. Last year’s model did not have the pleats. I own the crossover dress in the yellow-ish color and I really like it. It does make me look a bit busty, but maybe I just am busty. I ordered a couple of other styles, too, mostly because I would really like a casual navy blue dress for this summer.

    • I'm Just Me

      Good choices … I have that skirt in the royal blue and the red. I bought them after reading a recommendation in the coments here. I love them and have been wearing them at least once a week for the past month. I bought the cross over dress in Expressive Plum, which is really a nice lilac color. I haven’t worn it yet, but it is warm enough to now, so I should break it out.

      • JessC

        That may have been me recommending the skirt. I have two (the red and blue also). LOVE them. I’m in the process of losing weight and I feel they’ll last me while given their weight and stretchiness. My only gripe about them is that they’re kinda long. I’m 5’2″, wearing a medium, and the waistband sits about two inches below my bra.

    • MaggieLizer

      I’m wearing the cross-front dress today in black with a camel blazer. I was a bit leery of the red, but I’m going to get it now based on your suggestion, so thanks! I’m wearing a cami, which raises the neckline a bit and since it’s black I don’t think it looks odd. Might be harder to do this with the “red”. It’s a tad shorter than I’d prefer for the office (I’m 5’2″) but not really approaching inappropriateness and, like I said, I’m wearing it anyway.

      I haven’t made it to the tailor’s to get the scoopneck dress back yet. I think it’s going to be a weekend dress because the fabric drooped just enough during the day to be too low for work. I had the tailor raise the neckline a little, but there wasn’t a whole lot of extra fabric there to work with. I’ll update when I get it!

      • CA Atty

        That’s kind of funny, I didn’t think it was short at all. I’m 5’4…on the other hand I was wearing flats at the time and I did note that I’ll need heels for the skirt but didn’t think anything about the dress length. I’ll have to check that out! Not that it’s a bad thing if I feel comfortable wearing flats in it, I so rarely can find outfits I can wear flats in that every one is a gem!

        Interesting idea to wear a cami under the dress, I kind of thought the fabric would grab onto the cami and that wouldn’t really be possible, but maybe if the cami fabric is pretty sheer and slippery. Actually, I was thinking those “false fronts” you attach to your bra straps would work perfectly!

        • MaggieLizer

          I think we have opposite body types – you said you have a long torso, short legs; I have a short torso and longer legs. So it’s probably perfectly fine on you! The cami I’m wearing is a slipperier fabric (maybe from Limited? I’m not sure) and doesn’t seem to be pulling the fabric.

          • CA Atty

            That’s funny, we are opposites. :-) Guess we can’t go shopping together! I will say that I never realized I had a longer torso and shorter legs until recently when I started losing some weight. It was like…oh, my waist is THERE??? Also, my sister who is an inch taller than I has legs at least an inch shorter. So compared to her I have super-long legs.

    • CA Atty

      Wow, before my coffee this morning I was a big fan of run on sentences and the comma!! :-)

      TCFKAG, same genre but WAY less yellow! I do not do oranges or yellows at all. Maybe something of a coral?

      PollyD I really really wished it did not have the pleats. I’m not sure if they’re deeper than I’m used to, wider, whatever, but if I were pregnant and wanted everyone to know it I would definitely keep this as a maternity dress.

      I’m Just Me: I’m thinking about buying more colors of the skirt! I’m sososososo tired of pants all winter!

      • TCFKAG

        Well, I’m going to find out, because I ordered it! With a couple of shirts. I guess we’ll see how it works out. :-P

        • CA Atty

          I really need some shirts but I’m so hesitant to order online. The girls are not most-shirts friendly. But the dress worked out…on the other hand, my SO is the absolute best shopper ever. He enjoys it (which is more than I can say!) he finds the best bargains and the most flattering styles, it’s pretty awesome. Of course, that’s shopping for me. Shopping for himself is torture because he’s always trying to find “that one brand, with that one style, that I got 20 years ago that looked good.”

          Maybe we’ll hit the outlets this weekend…

  28. The Missus J

    Would any DC-area Corporettes be up for a Meetup? I keep reading about the ones in NYC and Boston and getting envious! My alternative, I guess, would be to don blue nail polish on one thumb and see who comments… but I figured I’d post the question first!

  29. Merabella

    Day #3 with homemade lunch goodness! I’ve been so good this week, even tho the vending machines have been screaming my name.

    • CA Atty

      I have never ever been a fan of bringing my lunch to work (I mean really, isn’t that just a mandate to eat at your desk? If you go out you get a break!) but I have been doing so in order to control calorie input. With a little more time to prepare meals I’ve found that I really enjoy it! And I still go “out” for a brisk 1 mile walk that I can usually get done between 17-18 minutes.

      However, due to an office0wide lunch event my office has been inundated with chocolate of every kind. It’s kind of horrible yet all too tasty.

      • Merabella

        Haha, I hate that horrible and tasty chocolate… Always deceptively delicious!

        • CA Atty

          I’m down to just one peanut butter cup (of course, that’s because I had M&M’s with my yogurt for breakfast) and I’m quite thankful!

  30. afl73

    Sorry, this is one trend that is NOT for me. I personally think even the blues and greens that have been out lately look wrong. Bare or all the same color (and something in the traditional nail color family – red, pink, tan) for me. I was in a meeting once with a Senior VP with black nails – it struck me as unprofessional, but I wouldn’t hold it against anyone.

    • PT Lawyer

      I actually know someone who is a former rockstar nanny — seriously, they earn their pay. She nannied for about 18 months for a rap producer (who is married to a fashion designer — guessing time everyone!) and it was hard hard work. It is literally 24/7 and travel on NO notice. The travel is not fun, since you’re watching the kids the whole time (you are the nanny, you know) and you wind up sitting in the hotel room a lot.

      She nannies for a family of 2 hedge fundies now, with very little travel involved. Less money, much better job.

      • Always a NYer

        What ever happened with the lamp incident, did you tell him to dock your babysitting fee? ;)

  32. Nonny

    Quick question – I know the quality of Shabby Apple used to be not so great. I’ve never bought anything from there but might be able to convince myself that an $80 “fun” dress doesn’t subvert my shopping diet. Does anyone know whether their quality has improved in the past year or so?

    • Echo

      I have two Shabby Apple dresses. I have a black A-line (V.P., Skyscraper collection) which is a closet staple (worn to graduations, weddings, concerts, etc.), and is quite good quality. I wouldn’t value it at $92-quality, though. The second dress, “Upper East Side” from the Manhattan collection, was poor quality despite being $72.

      I think some of Shabby Apple’s dresses are lovely, but personally I can find much better quality (and designer) pieces at T.J. Maxx, Marshall’s and department stores.

  33. CHL

    TJ – Any PG or formerly PG ‘rettes out there with tips on not gaining too much weight during pregnancy? I’m at 14 weeks and have gained about 10 lbs, which seems to be about 7 too many:) I’ve talked with my doctor about the ideal amount to gain, but I’m hungry ALL THE TIME, and still having weird aversion/cravings that I’m struggling with. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

    • cdaisys

      I found that eating 3 meals and 3 snacks helped with my cravings dramatically and also helped with keeping my weight gain moderate and steady. The key was a very balanced diet with a combo of lean protein, fruit, carb, veggies and low-fat dairy and snacks always combining a fruit or carb with lean protein. I hope it helps – it really helped me.

      And CONGRATULATIONS!

      • CHL

        Thanks – love the tip about combining fruit/carb with protein! My problem is that I ONLY want to eat the carbs, but then I’m hungry, so I could see how this would help make me last longer.

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