Weekend Open Thread

Cut Out Shoulder Circular Top in Many Colors - designed by Emerson Thorpe Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Cutouts are one of the major trends I’m seeing right now, and while I feel like they’re often too sexy for the office, I really like them for the weekend. This circular blouse from Emerson Thorpe (available in a zillion different colors!) looks like it hits the perfect slouchy sexy note. It’s $190 at Singer22. (There are some lower priced options here and here). Cut Out Shoulder Circular Top in Many Colors – designed by Emerson Thorpe

(L-4)

Comments

  1. Nonny, I will forever remember you and your desire of colored lace dresses. I saw a few at Charlotte Rousse. $30 or less. I wonder if the store exists in Canada.

    • Ru, I’ve missed you. I was just going to post a “Where’s Ru?” question!

      • Hi! I’ve been around, just lurking. I’ll always be here, this place is home =).

    • Everytime someone asks for color suggestion, I wonder where is Ru?

      • I know, right?! Ru is a color genius.

        • Ha, flattery will get you everywhere, gurrrrrllll. Y’all don’t need me, I was reading the suggestions for the bright orange blouse and I was like, “Oh snap, homegurls got it goin’ ON!”

    • Equity's Darling :

      Def. not in Canada :( But they’ll ship to us, as long as we pay duties/taxes/shipping, etc.

  2. SF Bay Associate :

    I think I wore that outfit in the ’80s, and have no intention of doing so again. Yikes.

    • Agree, there’s something very dated and cheap-looking about cutouts to me.

      • What was the name of that Spiegel spin off catalog with the awful clothes…something like Silhouettes?

    • Research, Not Law :

      I was wondering where her walkman was.

      • I loved my walkman. It was awesome, but not as cool as my friend’s that was waterproof and yellow.

        • I hated all the girls with the waterproof yellow and grey walkmen. Mine was lame and black. I was so deprived.

        • Still have my waterproof yellow walkman. I just can’t bring myself to throw it away.

  3. Snarky In House :

    Happy Friday!

    I have a friend who is a reporter for one of the Boston corporate news papers. She’s working on a story about alternative careers for young lawyers. She’s looking for people who’ve decided, in part because of the hyper competitive job market, to stop practicing law.

    Does this apply to any of the Boston corporettes?

    • How are there not 8 million replies to this already?

      • I think it must have been stuck in moderation. I’ve read this site a few times this weekend and it is the first time I have seen it. It doesn’t apply to me but I’m sure she will get responses!

  4. How is everyone doing on their New Years resolutions?

    My top resolution was to work out more consistently (defined – for now – as 15 minutes of cardio, 3x per week). Right now I’m averaging about 2x per week because of work and an inability to drag myself out of bed in the mornings. Any tips on morning exercise?

    • MeliaraofTlanth :

      My new year’s resolution was to enter my time on a weekly basis at least, preferably other day. I spent the last two nights entering all my time for the month, so yea, that one didn’t go well.
      Secondary resolution was to actually get through the entire couch 2 5k program, but I just restarted with that one. (I usually get like 4 or 5 weeks in and decide I’m too busy)

    • I think we’ve talked about morning exercise before here. The most unique suggestion was to sleep in your workout gear, which is a variation on the “get all your gear ready the night before.” I put mine in the bathroom next to my toothbrush so I can’t miss it. But I am struggling, with the snooze button, so it sounds like we’re in the same boat.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        I did this when I had 6am dance practice. It allowed me to get an extra few minutes of sleep, but I don’t think that alone would get me to the gym without the threat of my coach yelling at me.

    • Two Cents :

      The only times I can work out in the morning are when I go to bed early. I have a terrible habit of staying up until midnight reading (current book – Game of Thrones) and then there is no way I can get up early enough to work out. Can you go to bed earlier, would that help?

      • I do the up late reading thing all the time. I was up ’til midnight on Wednesday reading The Flight of Gemma Hardy. It’s basically the story of Jane Eyre, but set in the 60’s in Scotland.

        I work out at lunch everyday. I don’t have a problem motivating because the gym is in my building and it’s an excellent escape from my desk (and boss).

    • My advice for someone who can’t get out of bed and into the gym at 5 am? Try moving your workout time. Seriously. I struggled with this for years and then one day I realized I’m just not a morning workout person. Now I go in the evening and find that I have more energy for it and don’t feel like I have to rush through my weights after my cardio since I’m not having to dash off to work immediately after.

      • My advice is to get a workout buddy (one who doesn’t live with you). I run with my brother in the morning. I have to show up at 5:30 because he’s going to be really mad if I leave him standing alone in the street when it’s 30 degrees outside. But if he can’t make it on a given morning, I sleep in–even though I know I should get up to run, I like to run early in the morning, and I know I’ll have a better day if I run. But, ah, how can anything compete with a warm bed?

        My resolution was to kill my sugar addiction. I’ve now reduced my frozen yogurt consumption to once per week (don’t ask how frequent it used to be!). I’m still struggling with the chocolate part of the resolution.

        • this. I set my clothes out the night before, from contacts, to underwear, to gloves. And I have a workout partner that keeps me honest. She rarely flakes and as a result I do not either. we text like this almost every day. – tomorrow? -yep. -k. The only excuses acceptable to miss are early morning hearings/work appointments, or puking kids during the night.

          • a passion for fashion :

            I do this too. It really helps, and doesnt wake up the rest of my family

        • Because of the whole carnival season thing here, I only give up chocolate for Lent. It’s a struggle. I’ve also tried giving up other things in addition to chocolate because I know there I’ll just talk myself into substituting other sweets in place of chocolate. I have a serious addiction to the chocolate toffee peanuts in the bulk bins at Whole Foods. My SO reminded me the other night that Lent will be here before I know it…

          Oh, and by the way, I hate working out in the morning. Just can’t face it. So I get up earlier and get to work early so I have time to work out in the evenings. I know that I have to make it palatable to continue doing as much exercise as I do.

          • Sweetknee :

            I used to hate working out in the mornings, and now I do it 4 times per week. I got in the habit by hiring a a personal trainer. Knowing that someone was there waiting on me ( and I forfeit $$ if I did not show), was VERY motivating. You don’t have to keep the trainer for long, just long enough to get in the habit.

            Although, my guy is so good, he’s worth keeping !

        • Yes, workout buddy definitely helps. The only reason I kept to a marathon training schedule was b/c my running partner lived below me — I couldn’t stay in bed knowing she’d woken up, was waiting for me downstairs, and had a tight schedule so I couldn’t be late. I hate working out in the a.m. too but got used to it then. (now I live across the country and don’t work out regularly, boo).

      • I appreciate this perspective, ceb. Sleep is important and forcing yourself to get up early to work out isn’t always the best option. So many of us seem to think that you have to endure pain and suffering in order to get results, and that’s just not true. Sometimes the healthy choice is to get more sleep when you need it.

      • Completely agree. Getting up early only makes me sad all day, and being tired makes me more hungry. I love my 7pm Zumba and spinning classes.

    • My resolution was sloth.

      So far, I have been working way too much. Not even close to getting there.

      • Ha, this made me laugh out loud. Fabulously wealthy sloth is my secret ambition.

        • People are always so dismissive, like, “Oh, you say that now but you’d be so bored at home all day!” “Oh, you’d be so ready to get back to work!” But let me tell you: I was out of the office for a month last winter after having back surgery, and it never got old, not for a second, not even a little bit!

          Everything was sloth, and nothing hurt.

          • 100% agree with this. I would not be bored if I didn’t work. I would read, watch TV, shop, cook, excercise, go on hikes, snowboard and the list goes on and on and on and on.

      • I had that one as well (only kind of kidding — I billed 2400 last year). I was doing great and then freaked out mid-month and went back to 50+ hour weeks. Oh well.

      • This was my resolution, too. Except I have somehow become an overtime fiend. Fail.

    • My best advice for morning exercise is to get up well before you want to start exercising. So if you want to start working out at 6:30, get up at 6:00 and have some coffee and wake up slowly. I find it nearly impossible to get up and rush out the door for exercise, and the thought of getting up and putting on exercise clothes right away is much more daunting than the thought of getting up and having some coffee.

      • That’s a great idea – I will try to implement it. Coffee makes everything better.

      • I agree with this! I ran really early in the morning a couple of times a week over the summer, because it was so blasted hot; but I couldn’t handle it if I tried to just make myself roll out of bed and into my shoes. If I got up earlier than I had to, drank some coffee, ate a little toast, etc., I was just fine.

    • a passion for fashion :

      i dont do resolutions, but i have started working out in the morning recently. My trick was to sign up for classes a few times a week that I paid for and couldnt skip. (5:40 wake up for 6 am class) Then on the off days go up to the gym. The first week or two I made it to the classes, but not the gym. The next week i made it to the classes, and the gym half the time. Now im making it to the classes and the gym all the time. and guess what, its already totally light out by the time class is over, which means we are inching towards spring!

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Mine was to start online dating and I’ve been doing well. I’ve met 3 people, been on 5 dates, and am meeting a 4th person and having a 4th date with someone else next week. I won’t be able to keep this pace up for very long, but I’m proud of myself for getting out there.

      • great job! nice going!
        for the benefit of everyone else who has thought about it, but can’t bring themselves to do it – would love to hear whether it’s been as rough as you thought it would be, or whether you’ve been pleasantly surprised, or what. i personally think it’s all in the attitude but would love to hear your thoughts.

        • Anon Lawyer :

          I recently joined again – I tried it before last year and hated it. I went out with four guys and each was perfectly nice but we just weren’t right for each other. The problem was that I didn’t find it ‘fun’. I found it too much like hard work talking to all these people and taking precious hours (sometimes only minutes) out of my few spare hours, to go and meet a total stranger. I realise it wouldn’t have been this painful if I had met someone I had clicked with, but I didn’t click with any of these people at all.

          I think part of the problem was the site I was using so I’m on a different site now and I have found the people to be more my kind of people, but I’ve also found it hard to engage with anyone. I have been a lot more proactive about contacting people instead of waiting for them to contact me, but so far literally one person out of about twenty I have contacted has actually replied. But I think that works both ways because (1) I don’t reply to everyone who writes to me and (2) I tend to like the pretty guys who obviously have like 400 messages a day.

          It’s early days but I feel more positive about it this time around. I don’t know that I would expect to meet anyone serious there, but I haven’t dated anyone for a while and chance would be a fine thing.

          Good luck to the fellow online corporettes – being a high-achieving chick takes a lot of time and it just makes sense to have a screening process like this!

          • Congrats, Sydney! I agree with Anon Lawyer that it’s a great screening process. Also no actual success (measured in “relationship,” I guess) with it, but for me it also turns my radar on more generally. Part of me thinks that if I’m trying online, I should also try in real life more than I might otherwise, since I tend to have blinders on otherwise.

  5. My wallet was stolen from my purse this week which was sitting on my desk at work. I had been in and out of my office all day, but saw it after 4 p.m. I suspect it was likely the cleaning staff as much as I hate to say that (yes, I checked everywhere). This has been a good wake up call that I was way too lax in locking up my personal belongings at the office. Anyone have any good advice? My purse doesn’t actually fit in a desk drawer to lock up so I assume I will have to take the contents out (you know, when I have a license, credit card, and cash again) when I’m in the office.

    • another anon :

      For one thing, you should definitely report this to your office manager and to building security if you have not done so already. If it is one of the cleaning staff, they will certainly want to figure out who it is. At one of my previous workplaces we had an issue with a member of the cleaning staff stealing from people’s desk drawers–security installed a camera and caught the person within about a week.

      Also, your coworkers should be informed of what happened so that they can keep a closer eye on their belongings too.

      As far as keeping things locked up, if your purse doesn’t fit in a drawer, then yes, I would just take your wallet out and lock that in a drawer. Alternatively, is there any chance of getting a filing cabinet for your office that has a drawer big enough for your purse to go in?

      • Does everyone lock up their belongings? There is a lock on the drawer where I put my purse but I don’t have the key and have never thought to inquire after it. Should I?

        Of course, recently I have been here late enough every night that I see the cleaning crew. Just try stealing something from me – I’m here 24 freakin 7.

        • I was also here when it happened — but I ran to the copy room or to the restroom and I think that’s when it happened — I literally never left the office that day. Yes, I think locking up your stuff is the way to go now.

        • MeliaraofTlanth :

          No. My office is only about 100 people, though, and there are almost never random people wandering through (I’m on a different floor than reception, and cleaning comes later at night). I just leave my purse behind my desk. If someone steals something, it’s a pretty small pool of suspects.

        • I’ve never locked up my belongings – my purse sits on the credenza in my office. Never even occurred to me to put it in a drawer, much less lock the drawer.

      • Yes, I have done all of the reporting to building security, office manager, co-workers, police (mainly to generate a report until I get a new license). I’ve also cancelled my cards.

        I’m bothered because I think of my office as my personal space and now I feel like I have to be on guard. Plus, I’m annoyed that I could be so silly as to just run to to the restroom later in the evening and leave my purse sitting out. Dumb dumb dumb.

      • Research, Not Law :

        I would go with filing cabinet.

        FYI, at my current office and previous office, thefts were by random people off the street. Only one has been a “secured” building, but both were in areas away from the public where everyone wears an ID badge (and knows each other by face). Some people are apparent very sneaky.

        You should definitely report to the building manager and security. They should alert staff in the building. You’re likely not the first or last.

    • I think there has been a post on here about those little liner type organizer things you can take in and out of purses that can hold just your wallet, cell phone, etc. Then you could just lock that up and leave the purse itself under your desk.

    • That’s really terrible. When I was in law school I worked at an agency where thefts were common and everyone either locked their stuff in their desk or in their closet.

      At my current job, I am lucky enough to have my own office and I usually just lock my door if I am going to be gone for longer that, say, 20 min. I don’t lock it if I am just going down the hall or to the bathroom, but I probably should if I want to be really safe. That said, I usually keep my purse further away from the door so that if someone came in, they wouldn’t have easy access.

      In terms of advice, if locking your purse in your desk is not an option b/c of fit, I would minimize the hassle by keep all the essentials in one tidy pouch so that you can easily transfer stuff in and out.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Wow, that’s awful, L. I’ve never locked up my stuff in the years I’ve been at my firm. While I take my purse with me if I leave the building for lunch or something, I don’t for meetings or coffee or such. I guess I should.

    • Middle Coast :

      I don’t have a drawer which locks to store my purse in, so I hide it in a banker’s box which I keep under my desk. Right next to the one with my food stash.

    • That sucks, sorry. I have a cubicle, and I always lock up my purse in my biggest desk drawer. One of the people that has an office near mine told me that there have been some thefts from our area in the past (I’m fairly new). I have gotten into the habit of locking my drawer whenever I am away from my desk, and I carry my wristlet (ID, keys, cell phone) everywhere, including restroom or kitchen.

      I was out for a long weekend for Thanksgiving, and when I came back, my lotion had disappeared. It was just some drugstore stuff that I kept out on the desk (and probably not even a half-full bottle), but someone took it, and it made me feel like my personal space had been invaded. Would someone take my calendar? A picture frame?

      • I lost sunglasses this way. I think I left them sitting on my desk, in my locked office. Never saw them again…

    • Will it fit in a file cabinet drawer? That’s what I do with mine.

      It’s pretty common for people to sneak into buildings, wearing professional attire so they don’t look suspicious, and steal stuff. This has happened in my building a couple of times. Since the cleaning staff are there every day, if you’ve never had anything go missing before, I doubt it was them. Most people know enough not to s–t where they eat.

    • It’s also a good idea to make sure your phone is protected. Most corporate IT departments will make sure that company-issued BBs are properly secure but you should look after your personal phone to avoid letting personal info getting into the wrong hands. Most phones can be set to clear themselves after x number of incorrect attempts to key in a pin number.

  6. Posted earlier this week, but it ended up on a thread that was kind of dead (oops). I thought I had learned my lesson in the past and I seriously sized down, but I’m still disappointed with my Talbots red hanger order:

    Purchased the Donegal tweet suit – skirt fits fine, but the ruffle in the back is wider than I had imagined. Jacket fit perfectly through the bust, but was too large in the waist – that I could have dealt with, but the arms are also huge and dowdy. I thought about keeping the skirt, but I don’t love it, so the whole thing is going back.

    Purchased the flannel tuxedo jacket in hot pink – sized down, still way too big. I have medium-to-narrow shoulders, but all the jackets I buy at Talbots make me look like a linebacker. No green left on the website, but I’m going to call and see if they can track one down in a few sizes smaller and exchange.

    Double faced wool sheath – sized down, and it’s a tad too big. I like the feel of the wool, and living in a cold climate, it would definitely keep me warm in the winter. I’m going to explore getting it taken in. I knew it probably wouldn’t work, but since it wasn’t final sale yet, I got a doublefaced wool jacket to see if I could make it a suit, and that’s going back (linebacker effect, again).

    It wasn’t all a loss – I’m keeping an oatmeal 3/4 sleeve merino wool cardigan, a black sparkle sweater (a hint of sparkle, perfectly office-appropriate on casual Friday – wearing it today, as a matter of fact), a pair of dark wash ankle length jeans, a bright pink suede belt (a little big, but easily fixed with a leather hole punch) and a pair of black leather driving gloves.

    • My jacket also had HUGE arms….I mean, I can’t imagine having arms big enough to fill out that jacket.

  7. I have a THREAD Jack for the HIVE:

    I made a resolution to lose 15 lbs by Memorial Day, figureing that I had 5 months to do it, and it would ONLY be 3 lbs / month.

    So here it is the END of January, and I have GAINED 3 pounds. THAT is going BACKWARD’s! FOOEY!

    The question is::::::

    Should I AMEND my resolution or STILL try to loose 15 lbs by Memorial Day?

    The manageing partner wants me to loose the 15 lbs, but I say it is to dificult now that I gained 3 lbs?

    What does the HIVE think?

    • First, you should only try to lose weight if you want to lose weight yourself.

      Second, you should not try to lose more than a pound to two pounds a week max. So you’d be pushing it if you tried to lose that much weight by Memorial Day.

    • Ellen, we would just love it if you joined our Corporette fans Weight Watchers online group!

  8. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

    Does the exposed zipper make this work inappropriate? http://bit.ly/x5CufB

    • I have more of an issue with the way the colorblocking draws attention to the breasts. That plus the zipper make it work inappropriate to me.

    • Tired Squared :

      Agree with NB–I don’t mind the zipper, but the orange kind of outlines the breasts in a way that would seem work-inappropriate to me.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

      Sad. :-(
      Thanks ladies.

      • Agree with the other posters about the work-appropriateness, but I just wanted to say that it’s a really cool dress and you should get it for parties/weekend use! And I actually really like the way the model’s styled, too.

      • Agree. Watch for this to go on sale and then snap it up for weekends, girls night out, etc.

      • Anon from Chicago :

        I actually think this is work approproiate, though it does draw attention to the boobs.

    • I love this dress! I wouldn’t wear it to work, although I might style it with a sweater over the top for the office and take the sweater off for post-work drinks. This dress is hot!

  9. Silver lining to a cr *ppy Friday… I just got through my phone interview with a Golden Retriever rescue and they are moving my application along to get matched! So excited (and slightly nervous) to get my first dog of my very own!

    Any good recommendation for dog “stuff” (toys, leashes, etc.)?

    • Seattleite :

      Kong. And stock up on peanut butter.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Aw, jealous! I grew up with a golden. +1 on a Kong. Goldens are chewers, so get sturdy toys, or toys that are cheap and you won’t mind if they are destroyed. My dog loved stuffed animals with squeakers far, far more than the Kong, but she never was able to destroy the kong. We went through a lot of plush squeaker toys. A couple tubes of tennis balls. Bully sticks were also a big hit. Also buy a gallon-size of Nature’s Miracle, and a big bottle of Bitter Apple spray. For grooming, those wire paddle hair brushes are great – goldens have a prolific undercoat which is caught by those wire paddle brushes and need frequent grooming. Any sturdy nylon harness and leash will do well.

        • AnonInfinity :

          OMG, on the brush recommendation — The Furminator! This is an essential tool in our house during the summer. It gets so much loose hair out when ours are shedding.

          • Dear god yes, the furminator is worth every penny. I have a long-haired double coated cat and it is amazing the amount of fur that thing gets.

          • Thirded, fourthed. Shell out the extra money for a Furminator. I’ve had labs for the past 10 years and the Furminator is the only brush that even puts a dent in their shedding. My current lab looks like she’s lost 5 lbs every time I finish brushing her.

          • Fifth on the furminator. I use it every day in the summer on two long haired cats and swear I could form another cat out of the fur I get, every day. Wish I could sell the cat hair, I’d be rich!

          • Sixthed. Our lab mix loves it without reservation, and you should see the gobs of hair it takes off.

          • My pup doesn’t shed (poodle mix), but you guys should make some crafts with all this extra pet fur!! win-win.

            http://www.amazon.com/Crafting-Cat-Hair-Cute-Handicrafts/dp/1594745250/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1327786787&sr=8-1

            (just kidding, I just really wanted to post a link to that book)

          • ACk! Kitty krafts = so very creepy

      • AnonInfinity :

        Yesssss. Kong + peanut butter = doggie crack.

        Have fun with your new dog, Anon! Will this be an adult?

        My dogs’ favorite toys are the stuffed kind with a squeaker, but they do tend to disembowel them after a while, so we tend to buy the holiday ones on sale at the pet store (think Santa toy bought the week after Christmas). If you want some that are more durable, the AKC makes some very high quality ones that look and feel like real little animals (which might freak you out, but the dogs LOVE those).

        My anti-recommendation — Nylabones. They keep the dogs occupied for a while, but my dog ate an entire one when we left her alone with it for like 2 minutes. That was a scary day.

        • Yes, it will be an adult. Most likely male, between 2 and 5 years old.

          Thanks for the recommendations! I’ll put the Kong on my list of essentials!

          • AnonInfinity :

            Fantastic! 2 of our 3 were adult rescues, and I’d never get a puppy again. I shudder to think about those chewing and peeing inside stages. Have fun!

            So as not to be too up in this thread, I will say here that I disagree with the flexileash recommendation, especially if you intend to take your dog into crowded areas. You can lock most of them, but if the lock pops open (which I have seen happen), the dog just takes off. And when the dog is as far away from you as the flexileash allows, you usually don’t have great control of the dog. Not sure where you’ll be walking your dog, but I often bike or run on a multi-use path, and the dogs on flexileashes are much more likely to run out in front of me, only because the owners can’t control the dog as well on that long of a leash.

          • And if you DO get a flexileash, never ever ever allow the thin part of the leash to wrap around your fingers. A friend of mine is a paramedic, and I was a bit scarred by her story of a call she went on where a woman’s dog took off running while the leash was wrapped around her pointer finger. They had to transport the figure to the hospital in a cooler to be reattached.

        • squeak squeak POUNCE :

          My dog tears apart toys to get to the squeaker so she can eat it, which is not good. Kong makes some toys that squeak but are very durable, at least they work for our dog. They have two squeaker balls and a fabric tail, but the fabric is very tough–they come in multiple sizes.

    • My parents’ golden retriever loves the Kong. :) Good luck!

    • My tip would be not to rush out and buy everything you think you might need all at once. We did this when we got our dog, and we have a ton (a ton!) of stuff we don’t need or use at all. I’d start with food/water bowls, retractable leash with built in trash bags, a crate and a couple of toys. See how things go from there. One other thing is that it took our dog some time to get comfortable before she would play with her toys. So don’t worry too much if the new pup seems uninterested at first.

      Have fun! Having a dog is wonderful!

    • Don’t go too crazy with tons of toys at first – buy a couple of different types and see how the puppy responds. Although some Goldens love stuffed toys and will carry their “lovies” around with them, my Golden was a hard-core chewer and could only have Nylabones and really hard rubber toys (Kongs, etc.) – anything else would be destroyed on sight.

      If you live in a northern climate with snow, use Mushers Secret and/or get boots – the salt and chemicals used on city sidewalks can be harmful to their feet.

      Plan to do some formal training with your puppy – not only is it a good bonding experience for both of you, but it is important for healthy socialization with other animals (something a rescue may be lacking). Also, Golden Retrievers can ultimately be big dogs – which makes good canine manners even more important.

      Congratulations on being a new dog mom and thanks for opening your heart and home to a rescue puppy – Golden Retrievers are great dogs!

      • dog boots! :

        If you decide to get boots, I recommend www (d0t) dogbooties (dot) com. We got them for our dog when we lived in a snowy/cold climate after she seriously cut her foot on some hidden danger under the snow. We tried some booties from the pet store, but they came off easily and were expensive (around $28/set of four). From this site, you can order individual booties for something like $1-2 each, so I just purchased a bunch, so if she loses one, it’s not a big deal (although I do find that they stay on better than the ones we previously had).

        • Second this company and these dog boots! Have them for both of my dogs – it’s a company that makes dog boots for sled dogs and they are great – $2.50 a boot. They stay on and are great!

    • Anonymous :

      A good crate! If not a chewer, you can get some pretty wooden ones that look like end tables, but I would start with a metal one, just in case. You can get them reasonably cheap off Craigslist, but make sure if you buy a used one that you clean it with bleach before doggy comes home.

      Nature’s Miracle – an enzyme cleaner that you can use if there are any accidents (and you should expect, in any transition into a new home, that there may be some accidents).

      Leashes – I have a bags on board retractable leash that I like a lot. I can “lock it” in position when I want to keep it short, unlock it when there’s room to roam, and quickly lock by pressing it down if there’s something unexpected in the road, for example.

      If pup is a chewer, antlers are a GREAT and non-dangerous chew toy. Skineez are a huge waste of money IMO. If you buy anything with stuffing, watch pup with it – most likely, they’ll de stuff and your house will be covered in fluff!

      Also, a good beginner obedience class will help both of you bond.

      • Anonymous :

        One more thing to add –

        You will likely, somewhere between 24 and 72 hours after picking up your pup, experience an “oh sh**” moment. As in “Oh sh**, what have I done? Now I am responsible for this animal and what if I have to work late and oh my god I didn’t figure out a plan for if I get sick and it needs to get walks and I forgot to identify 15 different backup boarders in the event of emergency, etc etc etc”. Don’t worry, it’s normal and it’ll be fine. And the dog will be worth all of it =)

    • PSA to dog owners: Beware of treats made in or from China or with ingredients made in or from China. My in-laws dog was very ill recently and the vets were totally perplexed at what it could be. She would mysteriously get better, and then act like her kidney’s were failing over and over. Turned out, a neighbor she visits was giving her dog chicken jerky. They sell it at Petsmart and other major retailers. Made in China. The vet thinks it was tainted but because she got it so infrequently, it wasn’t killing her. She would have just enough time to get better before she got it again and would get ill again.

    • I heart my pup :

      Congratulations! I urge you to resist the temptation to get tons of stuff until you get to know the dog better. What you will eventually need/want depends on the age, personality and energy of the dog. The following is what I think are essential things to have for when you bring a non-puppy home… Then, you replace and add to as you go. Have fun!

      Essentials:
      -Food & water bowls (just get a cheap one for now, or use a container you already have)
      – Very small selection of toys (resist the urge to buy tons of stuff now): 1 stuffed, 1 rubber, 2 tennis ball sized balls, 1 treat ball. Dogs have preferences (mine loves rubber toys, my bff’s loves stuffed, my neighbor’s loves treat toys, etc. Goldens usually adore balls or stuffed toys but each are different!) You’ll want to give your new dog some options and he/she will tell you which ones he/she prefers.
      – 1 large rawhide bone or nyla bone
      – Cheap collar (you will want to replace this later but it’s good to have an extra one anyway)
      – nylon leash with a handle1/2 way up (basically an extra loop in the leash) . LOVE it for bigger dogs.
      – small bag of dog treats (get more as you learn his/her taste preferences)
      – waste bags
      – spray bottle of Nature’s Miracle
      – dog shampoo (just get a small bottle of mild shampoo for now until you determine the status of his/her skin)
      – verify the rescue center provides a bit of food with the dog.

      Other items to consider getting later, after you bring the dog home and get to know his/her preferences:
      – Placemat under water bowl (I like the felt ones since they absorb water)
      – Nice food bowl (unless the old one works great)
      – Food container (the pet store sells great ones) & scooper for easy measuring
      – personalized dog tag with his/her name and your contact info
      – Toy basket or bin for self-serve toys
      – Comfy dog bed (this really depends on the dog too. my first dog loved the beds that are like lg pillows, my current one loves the kind with the bumpers around so he can prop his head up)
      – different food (do some research regarding dog food and decide for yourself what type of food you want to feed your dog. when you research, look for how to safely switch food (not supposed to do it all at once))

      • AnonInfinity :

        YES! You have described the best type of leash. Love it.

      • When we got our dog, the rescue did not give us food, but told us the name of the food so we could buy the same one. It’s good to give the same food while the dog gets settled in, so be prepared with that, even if you intend to transition to something else eventually.

        For larger dogs, I’ve read that it’s healthier for them to eat off of a slightly elevated surface. We bought a plastic container with lid that’s about 6” high, and we keep some extra treats, nail clippers, etc. in it, and put the dog bowls on top.

        Not sure where you are in the country, but if you’re getting wintry weather, have some junk towels (or go get some inexpensive towels) to use on your dog’s feet when coming in from outside–good to get into that habit early.

        • Co-sign to the junk towels. We also got a cheap Ikea rug to put inside the mud room to help with the muddy feet issue.

      • I wouldn’t drop the money for a dog bed until you know whether the dog is a chewer. For the first few weeks, some old towels or blankets will surely do; and once he’s proved himself you can buy him a superdeluxe bed with the heat pad underneath.

        Sincerely,
        Wistfully Waiting for My Dogs to Stop Chewing EVERYTHING

        • DO NOT GET A HARNESS LEASH OR A RETRACTABLE LEASH UNTIL YOU HAVE TAUGHT THE DOG TO WALK ON A NORMAL LEASH!! The harness and retractable leashes teach dogs to pull…

          • Totally agree with this. HATE those leashes. 9 out of 10 times, the owners using them have zero control over their dogs.

          • MissJackson :

            Unless you get a harness that is designed to keep them from pulling — I have the “Easy Walk” (from the same company as the “Gentle Leader”) which is a harness that prevents pulling by kind of drawing the dogs front legs together when he tries to pull — it was life changing for me to help control my 75 lb golden retriever mix (who is usually very good, but gets way too excited when he sees other dogs).

    • I have friends who are GR rescuers… there are websites, read up on them… it’ll both give you tons of advice from those who know the breed and give you a place to ask questions as you and your GR get to know each other’s behaviors

    • Tigger227 :

      Definitely agree with all on the Kong — if you stuff them, seal with peanut butter and freeze, it can keep the dog occupied for a good while when you leave, tiring the dog out and cutting down on separation anxiety, which is something I struggled with when I adopted my adult dog a year ago.

      I’ve also had good luck using a “gentle leader” harness, b/c my girl is strong and pulls, but like everyone else says, I’d use a regular collar and leash and assess your needs before buying tons of stuff. Nature’s Miracle is lifesaver, though!

      • Sweetknee :

        If your dog has a shaggy coat, and sheds like a beast, get a Furmintaor brand brush. They are the bomb ! I laugh and say I getn enough hair off my dog to make another dog ! I brush Moxie outside to minimize the indoor air/hair issues.

    • Have fun with your new dog! And if you’ve ever thought about getting a Roomba (or some other motorized vacuum) now is the time. I think I would be knee deep in pet hair if I didn’t have one. (I just push a button every morning and it runs. I keep it in the kitchen, where the dog likes to nap (and shed copiously)).

    • I second the poster who said to try to feed the dog the same food he has been having so that he doesn’t have stomach troubles. You can transition him to another food by mixing them together slowly.

      I also suggest the Furminator. They’re a little pricey, but that thing is a lifesaver. Of course, I also had to buy a vacuum that can address the dog hair problem, but the Furminator definitely helps.

      I have noticed that all of our dogs *love* our down comforters and blankets. They won’t sleep in/on a dog bed, though. Depending upon whether you will allow him on furniture, in bed, etc., you might want to get him a blanket of some sort so that doesn’t go in his kennel, so that he feels like he has a place to curl up.

      • Oh, and I saw Ellie’s comment down below about deer antlers – our dogs love them. They are so much better than pretty much any other option that I can find because they don’t smell, they don’t get all slobbery and disgusting and they last forever. I know they are sort of expensive at the pet stores, but I think that I would be willing to pay for them if we didn’t get them the good old fashioned way. (We have a large deer population on our farm.) I do *not* however, like how painful they are to accidentally step on. Right up there with legos.

    • If you’re interested in dog training, I HIGHLY recommend Ian Dunbar’s website & youtube channel, www.dogstardaily.com. He has lots of great advice, and he has a PhD in Animal Behavior (unlike some other dog trainers on the TV machine).

      • John Bradshaw’s book _Dog Sense_ makes for an interest read.

        I love that he goes to interview tough military guys who train dogs (military K-9 units) and learns that they only use positive reinforcement training — they might put new human recruits through hell, but they spoil and love their doggies! Bradshaw debunks the old, persistent, and wrong idea that dogs should be “controlled” with dominance-style training.

        Also, he talks about separation anxiety and has some practical tips for helping dogs cope with that. Congrats on having a dog! Lucky you and lucky dog!

        • Interesting read, I meant to type. *sigh* OK. I’m tired. Accuracy is way down. Time to go home.

    • Elizabeth :

      How wonderful – you just opened your home and life to so much love. Congratulations! Public service announcement: Beware of golf balls! My friend was out walking her Lab (off leash, in a secluded area) and came across a golf ball, which she idly threw for her dog. Who promptly chased it, and accidentally almost swallowed it! So there she was, out in the middle nowhere with a choking dog, trying to do a doggie-Heimlich, and finally she dug it out of the dog’s throat with her finger. Very scary.

      • Also beware of bouncy balls about the size of a golf ball. We had a lab growing up and when he saw my brother playing with a bouncy ball he went to catch or fetch it like a tennis ball and it went right down his throat. The surgery to remove it was almost $800 (and that was in the late 90s), not to mention the pain it caused our pup. Needless to say bouncy balls were banned from our house after that.

    • Good luck Anon! I am super excited for you :) I don’t have any recommendations for stuff, since I just got through my own pup rescue phone interview on Thursday! Meeting potential match dogs tomorrow! So excited I can barely stand it! Also extremely nervous.

      Reading over all the other responses has been super useful for me too, and I’m glad you started this thread. Yay for rescue dogs!

      (PS. This is the most exclamation points I have ever used at once in my life. What can I say, I love dogs.)

      • Charmed Girl :

        I’m so excited for all of you new rescue parents! We have a rescued Golden and she’s been with us for about 5 years. I grew up with Goldens and my family would now seem incomplete without her.

        Kongs and PB are great treats. We also think it’s too cute for her to run around with birds. So she has several of the “Migrator” brand birds. She loves them even after she’s killed the squeaker.

        I would highly recommend a training class. Classes will have different philosophies. Our trainer (and owner/ lover of goldens) actually suggested a prong collar. What a god-send. She was practically unwalkable on a regular collar. She HATED the gentle leader and would scrape up her nose trying to get it off :(

        We also live in an urban environment and use a fixed leash instead of a retractable. When she wants to chase something she can be strong and I don’t trust a retractable.

        And then my final recommendation is “Dispoz a Scoop”. Makes cleaning up the poop a much more palatable chore.

        Good luck and have fun. You will find that your pup will give you so much more than you can even imagine.

    • Everything above is good advice.

      Couple things I haven’t seen on the list:

      (1) We bought a 30 foot training lead for hiking in the woods since our dog can’t be truly off leash.

      (2) Invest in a good laundry basket that can be closed or can be put away somewhere. Because your dog may very well steal things — like socks and underwear — that smell like you. It gets expensive after awhile!

      • This. Especially if you get a dog with some separation anxiety, which can happen with rescues. Also make sure all of your trashcans have lids. Congrats on the new addition and kudos for adopting a rescue pup!

    • Innova EVO red meat food. No grains, human quality, best food you can buy, if you don’t have time to cook for your dog ( not that anyone actually does that). I consulted a canine nutritionist when my dog had cancer, and she said that was the only kibble she fed her dogs, when she couldn’t cook for them. Watch carb/protein content in treats – avoid grains and fillers – get the highest protein content you can find.

    • Tired Squared :

      A regular leash, as opposed to the flex-kind. I’ve always used the regular, and admired the flex ones… but then two dogs broke theirs while leaving the dog park today, and their owner had to chase after them for a solid 10 minutes. I’ve never admired my regular leash more!

      • Tired Squared :

        Oh, and I would identify a couple clothing items that you wouldn’t mind “giving up” to the dog. They love to snag things that smell like their person … and in my experience it’s better to give them an old winter scarf or an old hoodie to curl up with, as opposed to coming home and finding that the dog got into the ENTIRE laundry basket.

    • Sweet as Soda Pop :

      – a 4″ non-retractable leash (with a huge dog, retractable isn’t sturdy enough and there’s not enough control). I love the Kong brand one with the traffic strap
      -EASY WALK HARNESS it has a loop in front so it’s impossible for your dog to pull. It makes walking so much easier with a large breed. This is by far the one dog thing I can’t live without.
      – Kong
      – Nylabone keys on. Ring chew toy
      It’s a wonderful thing you’re doing. Be prepared to think your rescue dog has rescued you!

      • Second! The easy walk harness is my hero. We tried the Gentle Leader with our Golden, who is aptly named “Dozer” will bulldoze people over if not properly restrained, and he would not only pull but also pitch toddler-esque fits on other people’s lawns and paw at his snout! :) Also — try out ice cubes for treats, Goldens love ’em!

        • MissJackson :

          Yes! I just posted about this above, too. Easy Walk Harness = life changing. And agree on the ice cubes!

    • aww congrats, goldens are adorable! I have a 90 pound lab and I liked to use a double loop nylon web leash when he was a pup, so if he’s pulling you can grab the closer handle, and it also keeps him closer when you want to stop to chat with someone.

      http://www.arcatapet.com/item.cfm?cat=15069

  10. Happy weekend, all! I’ve been asked to write an article in the local bar journal, for their “state of the profession” series, from the perspective of a young attorney entering the field during the recession. Any suggestions for how to approach it or get started or thoughts in general?

    FWIW, I think that I could write an awesome peice if I were totally honest, but I’m a bit concerned about letting my current employer (who will definitely read it) catch wind of how much of a compromise taking my present job was, and how much disappointment there’s been along the way. I genuinely like my job and my employer is fantastic, but it’s a total 360 from What I Went to Law School to Do, and I’ve had to accept that the opportunity I planned for, which seemed completely realistic pre-recession, probably will never come. I don’t think that would be appropriate to say, though. I’d love to hear what others think.

    • sorry my biggest pet peeve…. 180 not 360

      I think you could phrase it as the dissapointment, but end it uplifting with where you are now.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I think you could say how hard the process was without going into how different your current role is from what you thought you’d be doing in law school. If you had been at your firm for several years, maybe it would be different because you’d be more established there. IIRC, you’ve been there for less than a year? If so, I’d not really harp on what I wanted to do because I wouldn’t want them to think I was even considering the slightest notion of jumping ship.

    • Maybe include anecdotes from a couple anonymous friends, one of which can secretly be you and your story.

    • Can you spin it as tale of woe/compromise/worked out great in the end? I remember your posting when you were semi-self-employed, and how you moved cities for your new job. I don’t think your employer would mind knowing that you gave up a lot to take the job, so long as it’s clear that your job is a happy ending.

      • Agree with this. If you end on the note that you are upbeat and happy where you are, I think it is OK to admit that where you are now is not where you thought you would be. A lot of people, from many fields, could relate to that.

    • It would be a much more interesting article if you could be completely candid about it, but that’s probably not a smart move.

    • You could approach it from the perspective of: went to law school to do X but given the economy X wasn’t a possibility, thus was forced to look more broadly at the profession, readjust my thinking, be more flexible, embrace new ideas (however you want to put at it) and wound up where I am happy to be with an excellent employer and great co-workers. The economy made you more broadminded. Put a positive spin on it because your firm will read and dissect and remember everything you put into print. Also, it will be in the public domain for your entire career and you don’t want to get pegged as the whiney/ungrateful corporette (no matter how justified it might be).

  11. I went off birth control a few months ago and now I am breaking out like crazy. The strange part: I am not breaking out on my face at all (although I have noticed that it is a bit more oily than usually), but my back is covered in painful bumps. I am wondering if anyone has had this experience before and what if anything helped.

    I am suppose to be going on vacation soon and plan to wear a bathing suit! UGH!

    • “Bacne” as we used to call it, is pretty common. Back (haha) in the day I used to use the same acne face wash, topical cream etc. on my back that I used on my face. The Neutrogena oil-free line works for me.

    • Someone posted within the last two weeks about using dandruff shampoo (maybe the original formula of Head & Shoulders?) to help body acne–maybe someone can repost the right information.

      • Can't wait to quit :

        The St. Ive’s apricot scrub cream also comes in a anti-acne formulation, and you can get the big jar of it for the shower. I use it regularly, and if I have a breakout I follow it up with some pro-active lotion and a light moisturizer.

      • No idea about H&S for acne but it works great for dry skin/flaking around the eyebrows.

      • Yes! It was original Head & Shoulders. I’ve been following that poster’s advice and its been the only thing that has every worked for me. I’ve tried everything with salicylic acid, all the stuff that specifically says for acne and NONE of it made a difference. The Head & Shoulders has worked great.

        Thanks to whomever recommended it!

    • check out what you’re doing with your hair and your laundry detergent too, if something else is rubbing on your back or depositing more oils/fragrances, etc. that could cause it!

      • My guess is that my break out is hormonal since it coincided with stopping birth control and I have never had “bacne” before.

        I am wondering how long it takes the body to regulate itself? At this point, I am ready to just to get back on bc.

    • Ugh, I had this happen last time I went off birth control too. I would get the knock-off Proactive from Target and literally do the entire Proactive routine all over my back, which was time consuming and difficult (especially to reach the middle of my back). It helped a little bit, but not as much as all that effort. I finally went back on the pill and my bacne cleared up immediately. Now I’m planning to go off the pill in a few months to try for a baby, and I’m dreading the return of the bacne!

      • That is what I was afraid of. My partner and I talked about trying for a baby in the next year or so and that prompted me to get off of bc (just in case it took my body awhile to start ovulating). But, now with this “bacne” I am ready to get back on bc and get off only when we know we are ready to start trying! Which, I find disappointing because everything else about getting off bc has been great: no chemicals in the body, better mood, better s-x drive, and just knowing my body is doing what it is naturally suppose to do without putting hormones in it.

        Bacnista, how long were you off bc the first time? I wish I could just wait it out, but I am going on 5 months and the break outs are not getting any better.

        • I have had the same problem. Has cleared up significantly, but not completely for me, and it’s been four months. I use the neutrogena acne body wash, and that is great, but dries out my skin too. Also, make sure you are washing your back AFTER you rinse out your conditioner, and I also second the proactive (or target brand) refining cream. Other than that, you have the choice of toughing it out now, or toughing it out for a second time when you go off bc again.

          And then you need to be more careful about toxins. How often do you change your sheets? Pillow case? Towels? Workout clothes? Just be mindful of the dirt you are putting near your skin, and that should help. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and for me, I’m just glad to be going through this period of “bacne” during the winter!

    • Evening primrose oil helped for me. Not as great as the pill for controlling hormonal acne, but pretty good.

    • I second the suggestion to use the neutrogena oil free acne wash on your body. Something else to keep in mind – shower and make sure to clean your chest/back immediately after you work out – sweat immediately made me break out as did hanging out in sweaty workout clothes for too long.

      • Talkin' Texas :

        Go to the dermatologist and get a prescription for EpiDuo . It’s the best thing since, well, Differen. It combines benzol peroxide and adapalene (Differen). This stuff rocks. Use a very gentle non-soap cleanser morning and night. Apply EpiDuo at night. It will fade clothes and sheets because of benzol peroxide. You should see improvement in a few weeks. As much as you want to scrub — don’t. This will probably just irritate everything.

    • The last time I went of bc my face broke out first, and then my chest and back. As a teen, pre bc, I had face pimples, but never had any on my back or chest (I worked out more then!). The only thing that helped was going back on bc. However, I just went of bc again. It’s been a little more than 2 months and so far so good, even with the face. However, my skin and hair is even oiler.

    • I saw my facialist yesterday and asked her your question! I also went off hormonal BC a few months ago and had a random cyst appear on the back of my neck (?!). She suggested a detox regimen, particularly milk thistle. I haven’t ever really bought into the idea of “detox” but I’m considering giving it a shot with some pills from Whole Foods maybe. Anybody tried something like that out?

  12. No motivation :

    Hello all. Need some advice.
    I was due for a promotion and did not get it. I feel that the reasons were really thin, and mostly relate to the fact that a superior (not my direct boss) took a dislike to me and that he needs to approve all promotions, and denied it – even though my immediate boss approved it. This is the second time I have been denied the promotion, unfairly in my opinion. I know that this particular superior forms negative impressions based on the slightest things and other people in the organization have languished in their careers for years due to having created a negative impression.
    So I’ve started looking for other jobs. At work though, I feel extremely unmotivated and listless. I feel like I am slipping in my work and actually doing a bad job and I don’t want to prove them right! At the same time, I feel that nothing I do will ever be recognized or rewarded (though my immediate boss does appreciate my work) and there’s no point in even making an effort.
    I want to leave on a high note with my head up, but it’s getting increasingly hard as I feel myself surfing the net, getting bitter about the company I work for, and avoiding the superior in the break room. Advice about how to get into a better mindset?

    • Does the bad attitude person have a boss? Perhaps you could speak with said boss about all of the awesome stuff you’ve done and explain that you were shocked when you were passed over twice but you wanted to give him/her the chance to give you some critiques to help you become better. That may get people’s attention. Then, because you know others might be watching, you’ll naturally do better just in case anyway!

      • No motivation :

        Thanks K, unfortunately that person is the head of our division, so no question of going over his head! Thank you though.

        • if there’s nowhere to go with the complaint, you’re probably stuck there… at best, keep the work at a level that’ll keep your direct boss happy so you’ll get a good review (which sounds like you’re on track with already). Otherwise, don’t put in any more effort than you have to except in places where a client or other innocent person will suffer. Channel that energy into finding other work!

    • karenpadi :

      Honestly, if you are looking for another job, I’d just do the minimum to get by/keep my job. You’ve been passed over for a promotion twice. They have to suspect that you are unhappy and looking for a new job. I wouldn’t blame you for slacking off.

      As to a better mindset, the best I can do for you is to watch the movie “office space”.

    • I’ve struggled to keep motivated at my job. I also feel like my efforts are largely overlooked, and it’s really hard not to sit there and stew. One way I stay happier is to reward myself with activities I enjoy while I’m at work. I’ll secretly listen to one of my favorite podcasts after I finish x hours of working on blah project. I’ll go for a fifteen minute walk. I’ll plan to get coffee with a co-worker I like. I’ll write an email to a friend I haven’t heard from in a while. Since no one else is going to reward me for the work I do, I try to take care of myself in little ways that can make a small but real difference in my day. Maybe this could help you as well. It’s won’t turn your day around, but it can be a buffer against a downward spiral of negativity.

      Another thing you can try is to think of other people who are in a not-so-great job but manage to keep a sunny attitude. Think of the receptionist at a doctor’s office who is always friendly and kind. Or your dental hygenist. Or your hair dresser. Surely these people don’t always love their jobs, but they manage to find the good in them. Let that inspire you. Everyone has to find a way to cope, and it’s not just your problem you deal with alone.

      • I’m in the same situation. I’m just try to be patient and hope to fing another job soon. I’m in software and there is hiring freeze around right now. But yeah, I’ve been slacking off and absolutely not motivated. I so understand your situation. Ive even started feeling guilty about not concentrating t work, but i really cant hink of quitting and then finding another job. In the meanwhile, I’m brushing up and getting ready for interviews… Stay put and apply for another job. Since you’re in good terms win your imm boss, you’ll get a good reco.

      • I love viv’s idea. I’m trying t on Monday to see how it works out or me.

    • I’d concentrate on cultivating references prior to your exit. This may require some serious effort at work, just not on the same tasks as if you were staying forever. You never know when your current supervisor (who seems to like you) may be unreachable, and it’s nice to have at least one solid, senior-level reference from each employer.

  13. Amelia Pond :

    I am looking to see if anyone has good advice/been there/ whatever. I moved to my current city for my current job. I had never thought about moving here and I knew exactly 0 people in town when I moved. I am currently shopping around for a new job because while I like what I do the office culture drives me nuts. There is an opportunity that has been offered to me at a different company literally a block from my current office. I have made friends and settled in to the downtown life here but I am still not in love with the city. What I am trying to tell is if my dissatisfaction with my job has colored my opinion of the city and I should take the new job and stay or if since I am not crazy about the city I should look for opportunities elsewhere.

    • I see three possible scenarios.

      (1) You really want to leave the city, in which case you should use your job search as a way to make this happen.
      (2) You want to give the city a chance and continue to build on the life you have started to build there. If that is the case, I would focus on opportunities in your current city.
      (3) You are indifferent about staying in your current city (it seems like this is the most likely scenario) – if this is the case, I would search for the BEST opportunity for you right now. It may be the one in current city, or it may be in a different city. By being open to all opportunities, you increase your chance of finding an office culture where you feel like you fit.

      Good luck :)

    • How long ago did you move there? My friend wisely said to me when I moved to New York City “you know you’ll hate it for the first 6 months.” He was totally right. But now? Love it. So if it’s still your first 6 months . . . I wouldn’t think much of it. Moving to ANY new city is hard. What is it about this city that you don’t love?

      • Amelia Pond :

        It’s been 18 months. I gave myself a year to settle in. It is a very different vibe from where I used to live. The people as a collective are not as friendly (but they are great individually). There are places I know I would not do well (NYC would eat me alive) and this city is borderline.

        • Amelia Pond :

          It’s grittier than I am used to. If that makes any sense.

          • It isn’t clear whether you are thinking about moving back to where you lived before this job or a 3rd location. If the latter, do consider how heading down the block for a new job is a much smaller risk than heading to a new city AND a new job. And it doesn’t preclude you from looking again if it’s clear in a year that you are still unhappy in your current city – some prospective employers might query your history of job changes but I think the relocation explanation should pass credibly.

      • Very true – a good friend of mine moved to a brand new state and said it took her about 3 years to find her niche in the town.

        I moved away for law school, and I hated my new city for about a year.

        • I just moved to a new city and am still trying to make friends/get to know the city. All of my friends have assured me that it’s going to take 2-3 years before I really settle in to the new place.

  14. I could use some help on salary negotiation. I’ve been asked by my company to relocate from a (relatively) low cost of living area to a (very high) cost of living area. The move is optional – they really want me to move, but I will still be employed if I don’t. They have agreed to increase my salary 15% for the move, but the cost of living difference is estimated at 25%. I’d flagged at the start of the relocation discussion that while I wasn’t trying to exploit the company, my salary needs to be adjusted for the different costs.

    I’ve countered their offer with my 25% increase, backed up with documentation to support my number. I’ve already said that I wouldn’t move on their current offer (which is true), but I really would like this to work out. Any tips on what to do if they stand firm?

    • http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704895204575320881220191998.html?mod=WSJ_article_related

      this might be helpful…

      Also, consider other perks you may want that you can try to get if they can’t budge everywhere else you’ve asked

  15. Not sure how I feel about these sleeves, and I hate colored denim, but I love this color combo! Carrie wore it once in SATC (blue top, red skirt, red stone necklace) and it looked so brilliant.

    • One of my favorite very-casual summer outfits is a bright blue flared skirt with a bright red halter-style tank. Makes me feel just a little bit like Super(wo)man.

    • Agreed. I saw a woman out to dinner last night in bright red jeans and a blue chambray button down. She looked very hip and cute!

    • I also love various red and blue combonations, as long as it’s not royal blue and true red.

  16. Does anyone have a recommendation of a good hair salon in Chicago? Moved here a few months ago and I’m now in desperate need of a haircut. Preferably somewhere in/between the Loop and Lincoln Park. Thanks!

    • I’ve gone to Blueberry Moon (2108 n halsted)–I don’t remember the name of my colorist at the moment (Ryan?). The haircut was fine and the blowout was particularly good.

      • Second this. Also, there’s a nail tech named Cristina at Blueberry Moon who does a lovely job.

    • Asha, ashasalonspa dot com.

    • Formerly of Chi-town :

      Salon Blonde is good.

    • I go to a guy who runs his own shop in Wicker Park. Vlad has a great eye for what is flattering – he used to work at Vidal Sassoon before striking out on his own. (And unlike Sassoon, he charges $50 for a cut.) His shop is called “I’ll cut you”, which reflects his quirky sense of humor (but he’s great, I promise).

    • Anon from Chicago :

      This is a little further north, but I go to Gordon Salon, which is an Aveda Salon. Its on Clark, just north of Belmont. I wlaked in one day about 5 years ago after I moved here and have been going there ever since. I really like it.

    • Salon U. Love those guys.

      • I didn’t have a great experience at Salon U – the guy I had just didn’t seem to know how to work with my very thick, multi-textured hair. I now go to Streets of London, which is technically in Lakeview but not much further north than Lincoln Park.

        • Huh. I’ve only ever gone to Duschan, the owner, so I can’t speak to the rest of the stylists (though I know that he trains them himself). He books up way in advance, like 5-6 weeks out, which can be a real PITA if you need to change your appointment time. But, he really does a great job on my hair (thick, red hair – probably not “multitextured” like yours).

    • Salon Buzz in Lincoln Park (on Halsted and Armitage, I think they have other locations as well). Been going there for several years and love it.

    • Wow, you guys are the best! Thank you so much!!

    • For a cut, Keri at Michael Anthony State Street. Then you can go to Pops across the street to celebrate your hair.

    • Old Towner :

      Red 7, right across from the Merchandise Mart.

  17. Just wanted to send a shout out to everybody who helped me with suggestions for getting my colleague to respond with feedback on documents on time. What I’m trying seems to be working so far:

    1. Give slightly longer deadlines and usually nothing with less than 3 days. A week,if possible, with comments due at the end of business Monday.
    2. Explain to everyone involved why I need this deadline (time to make edits before the final document is vetted, etc.). This helps them realize that it’s not padded.
    3. Sending a reminder out the night before the deadline (even if I send it from home late, it’s working).

    You all are great!

  18. Charlotte :

    Open thread — yay! I have been watching this coat for a while, and it is now at a palatable price for me. I was wondering what everyone here thinks about it…. is it versatile enough to wear on a semi-everyday basis (i.e., is the color too loud or too… something?), and is it conservative enough? For reference, I am in my mid-thirties, and work in a government legal position, with frequent courtroom exposure (not that I’ll be wearing it during cases, but still….). I would appreciate your input! Thanks…. I’ll post the link in a second.

    • Charlotte :

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/ellen-tracy-belted-notched-collar-coat/3211509?origin=category&resultback=5693

      • Former MidLevel :

        This looks very versatile to me – definitely appropriate. And cute!

      • Kat, every time I click on a nordstrom link left in the comments, the link gets blocked my company’s internet killer or whatever. Do the nordstrom links have to get redirected by some ad service?

      • it’s really nice! It’s versatile and neutral but it isn’t boring or one of a million in a room… plus, since you’ve been watching it for a while, it’s not an impulse buy you’ll regret! Go for it!

    • Tired Squared :

      I love it–and especially love that you didn’t choose the more standard black/beige. The color is great … definitely not too loud!

      • Very nice color and a good break from black

      • I agree the color is neutral enough to wear most days, but the reviews on it were not good so that would steer me away from it, even if i had my eye on it.

  19. I love red and blue together.

    Recently paired a pair of red wool trousers with a light blue silk blouse.

  20. Tinkerbell :

    Question regarding sleep studies: If you’ve ever had one done, how did you go about getting one prescribed? What did you say to your doctor or what symptoms did you have? I find myself exhausted and while I don’t have the greatest of sleep habits, I do think I get sufficient sleep. Or maybe I’m not getting enough sleep – how do you know how much sleep you need (I feel really stupid asking this). Is this something you bring up to your regular doctor?

    • law talking girl :

      I did a sleep study and it was a waste of money. My psychiatric provider ordered it because I had been complaining about sleeping too much and feeling tired during the day, which I attributed to my anti-depressants. We ruled out a thyroid problem with a blood test. I did not think I had sleep problems, but she wanted to make sure, and lo and behold I didn’t. Bye-bye to my $1200 co-pay. Sleep studies are incredibly profitable for the company. They employ a bunch of low-paid “sleep technicians” to do the work of hooking up the wires and watching you as you sleep. The doctor then spends about 5 minutes reviewing your test results via internet while s/he is on the beach in Hawaii. A consultation with the doctor costs extra. The test procedure costs $3000-$4000, so your co-pay could be quite steep. I’d suggest only getting a sleep study if you think the chance you have a real sleep problem like snoring, apnea, or restless legs is high, or if your co-pay is very low.

      • Not really like that... :

        My father is a sleep specialist/neurologist and he has never been to Hawaii. In fact, he rarely takes off more than a week in a year, and I think the last time he took more than 2 or 3 days off was my wedding almost 2 years ago…

        I’m sure he’d like to work for the place where he can do his job from Hawaii and make money without working.

        • law talking girl :

          Your dad probably prefers to work with patients rather than just read polysomnogram test results online. I used to have a sleep clinic as a client and the consulting doctor hardly ever saw patients, did all his study reviews remotely, and made a very nice living. I think the key is a very high volume of patients though. The clinic owners also made bundles. Then there was a falling out and he opened a competing clinic. There are now 3 sleep clinics serving my area of only about 300,000 people. At one point I almost thought I should open a sleep clinic myself. But I’m not that ambitious.

          • Not really like that... :

            I’m really sorry you had a bad experience with a doctor, but not all doctors are horrible money grubbing people who don’t work. Most of the doctors I’ve grown up around, including my dad, are some of the hardest working, most genuine people I know, especially the ones in private practice who are struggling to make ends meet. Anybody who says that doctors (as a whole) have a kushy existence have no idea how hard it is to deal with all the laws and regulations and insurance requirements and licensing and the entitlements and rudeness of people. My dad’s private practice has a rule where he won’t see people 20 minutes late because it messes up the entire schedule of patients- he has this posted in the waiting room, the receptionists tell patients that when they make appointments, he has this on his web site. and yet, people show up an hour late, demand to be seen, and yell at my dad and his office workers when he won’t and can’t see them. I am sure there may be some doctors out there with kushy existences or who game the insurance system, but that really isn’t the story for most. It took my dad 30 years to pay off college. The whole class of doctors shouldn’t be generalized to be such bad people in it just for the big bucks (ha), especially when at the end of the day, money or not, a lot of them save your life at best or try to at least help with your problems at worst.

      • I had this same problem. I was sleeping about 7 hours a night, but I was EXHAUSTED. I felt like I was two seconds away from passing out at any given moment. My friends have standard jokes about me falling asleep at 9 at night while socializing at their houses. I went to the dr, and after they ruled out thyroid and some other things, they decided I might have narcolepsy. So I did a sleep study ($4000).

        Got the results back, and awesomely enough, no sleep disorder of any kind. When the dr looked at the results, she said I was so tired that I was displaying symptoms similar to narcolepsy. She suggested I try and get 9 hours of sleep a night (seriously!).

        Since then, it has been a struggle. I have learned if I get at least 8, I do ok. If I get less than that for longer than a week or two, and I am borderline unable to function. My suggestion would be to try getting more sleep each night for a couple of weeks, and see how you feel. If there is an improvement, that may be your issue.

    • there are phone apps now that you can turn on and then put the phone on your bed before you go to sleep. It’ll measure how much you move and such and after a week or so, it gives probably a pretty accurate picture. Maybe it’s worth trying before spending a fortune more?

    • Anonymous :

      You can bring it up to your regular doctor. Honestly, I would try other interventions before an actual sleep study. On average, adults need 7-9 hours and most adults tend to need at least 6 to function well.

      One really easy way to do your own sleep study is to rent an actigraph watch or band which will help you track the quality of your sleep. It tracks minor arm movements to see how much you move through the night and thus, how well you sleep. If no one’s ever told you you snore, you probably don’t need to be concerned about the really dangerous issues, like sleep apnea and you don’t sound like you’re concerned about RLS.

      Limiting exposure to blue light at night (often emitted by screens – televisions, computers, smart phones) for about an hour before you go to bed can help. Also keeping your bed a “sleep” space – ie, don’t do 50 million things from your bed, only use it for sleeping nad get up if you want to go do something else.

    • My sleep study wasn’t helpful. It confirmed what I already knew–that I sleep just fine. Turned out the chronic exhaustion was because I was an undiagnosed celiac with anemia issues. Even after getting off gluten, the exhaustion continued. Once I started paying attention to my iron intake, the fatigue finally went away. Apparently a lot of reproductive-age women have low iron so consider whether that could be your problem.

      Also, sleep study cost me over $1,000. I was quite surprised when that bill arrived!

      • I am glad you pointed out the gluten connection. I feel like “chicken little” when I mention one of the 300 or so (wide-ranging) symptoms of celiac. But if one is sensitive to gluten, it could cause tiredness and lack of energy.

    • My copay was $25 but my insurance was billed over $4000. I was diagnosed, much to my surprise, with severe sleep disordered breathing which was waking me up 38 times/hour/night though I had NO idea. A second sleep study confirmed the disordered breathing was from chronic obstructive sleep apnea. I know get to rock a kinky CPAP mask and machine every night. My “symptoms” were actually the same as ADD, plus always feeling tired, and sleeping for 12 plus hours if my alarm didn’t go off. I also had sinus issues, a high heart rate, always felt like I had an ear infection, sore throats, and would also wake up “choking” occasionally which I attributed to acid reflux. All sleep apnea. I’m not overweight and I never snored (according to my husband.)

      • Tinkerbell :

        Oh! This sounds like me. So, were all of these symptoms resolved with your CPAP mask and machine? Do you have allergies, too? How did the discussion regarding a sleep study come up with your doc? Tell me more, please!

    • Even if you are getting 8 hours per night, you should know that some people also need a lot more than 8 hours. I read an article in the NYTimes recently that said approximately 1% of healthy adults needs 10 or more hours of sleep per night. I think I am one of those people. I always slept 9-10 hours per night until I went off to college and then didn’t sleep that much in college (probably averaged 7 or 8 hrs per night, but it was usually 4-7 hours during the week and then 10-12 hours on weekends). After college I started sleeping better & I’ve since averaged at least 8 or more hours per night and regularly sleep 9-10 but I always feel tired. I can also sleep indefinitely once I’m asleep – if I don’t set an alarm I can regularly sleep upwards of 16 hours consecutively, which I’m aware is not normal. I’ve slept as much as 20 hours straight after a few nights of not getting enough sleep. My SO was very concerned when we first started dating & tried to get me to do a sleep study, but I didn’t do it since I think it’s probably just genetic (I’ve been like this my whole life, and my mom is the same way). I did ask one PCP about it & she said I probably just need a lot more sleep than average and a sleep study would probably be a waste of money. But if its a change, e.g. you’re getting the same amount of sleep as in the past and feel way more tired, I would definitely bring it up to your regular doctor.

    • My fiance had one three years ago when I insisted on it before we move in together. I think it saved his life. He has horrible obstructive sleep apnea and now has a CPAP.

  21. So jealous!
    Strongly recommend getting deer antlers for your dog to chew on. They last longer than bones, don’t smell, and dogs love them. We got one at the recommendation of our trainer.

  22. Random question, but does anyone have suggestions for a good gynocologist in Chicago? I recently moved to the city and I’m due for my annual exam/birth control refill pretty soon. Anywhere in the city is fine (but not out in the burbs where I’d need to drive). Thanks!

    • Shayna Rubin (her office is in the Loop) is good…although if I remember correctly the first time I saw her it took me several months to get an appointment.

      • Backgrounder :

        If you can’t get in to see Shayna Rubin I would highly recommend Kellie Butler, another doctor in the same practice/office. I went to see her and she seemed warm/personable and I was able to get my annual done and b.c. refill pretty painlessly.

    • The Association for Women’s Health Care, 30 N Michigan, is a great practice. I see Dr. Kleinberg but there are plenty of doctors in the practice – so it’s fairly easy to get in.

      • I see Dr. Jane Blumenthal at Gynecologic Specialists of Northwestern. 680 N Lake Shore Drive. Pretty easy to get an appointment, can do a lot of stuff online, and Dr. Blumenthal is very skilled and knowledgable. Not super warm and fuzzy, but I don’t need warm and fuzzy for a routine appt. One of her colleagues routinely appears on Dr. Oz :-)

    • Another Chicago Anon :

      I go to Dr. Roberts at Hejira Health, which is on Halsted right off the Wellington stop on the Brown line. Love her and her office. They use bathrobes instead of paper gowns, and the whole vibe of the office is very peaceful. They also give you organic lollipops after your appointment :) She is more of a GP which works well for me, but may not be what you’re looking for.

      • Tired Squared :

        I never thought I could be jealous of an OB-GYN, but now I definitely am. Can this bathrobe and organic lollipop thing become a nationwide trend, please?

    • Another Sarah :

      When I lived there, I went to Dr. Kimberly McMahon. Her office used to be in the Gynecologic Specialists of Northwestern offices, but then she and a bunch of other doctors moved to new offices on Orleans (I think…it’s right on the river). Never would even think about being judgmental, very easy to talk to, and listens.

      She also does the bathrobe, but I don’t remember getting any lollipops :-D.

    • Another Anon :

      Robbye McNair at Northwestern Memorial Physicians Group is wonderful. In addition to being a well-trained and thorough physician, she’s funny and personable. She remembers not only my name but my husband/kid’s names too. And I never feel rushed. Good luck!

    • Scott Moses at the NMPG group in Streeterville. Great doc and such a nice man.

      • Anon from Chicago :

        Yes! I was slowly scrolling down the list here and couldnt believe no one had mentioned this group. (McNair, above, is also in the group) Dr. Moses delivered my first baby. All of the drs in that group are awesome (my Dr. is actually Dr. Foley, who I love too)

  23. Today I am wearing my green velvet blazer, and not feeling at all Christmas-y. Thanks for the advice earlier this week! (oh, and: leaf print blouse dominant black/tan; light khaki-colored dress pants; black pointy-toed kitten heels)

    • Ekaterin Nile :

      Awesome! I have a green velvet blazer I wear outside of the holidays. I’m thinking about pairing it with my leopard drape top and jeans next time…

    • This sounds so, so lovely!

    • I have a navy one which turned out to be the most useful thing I took on a 10-day multi-city business-plus-clients-plus-social trip early in December. It went to the office with a skirt, to drinks with jeans and to a black-tie do with cropped satin trousers and jewelry. I didn’t wear it much before the trip but have worn it lots since.

  24. Barrister in the Bayou :

    I have been working out for a few weeks and realized that I might be doing better with audiobooks rather than music. When I listen to music I am much more aware of the time and this doesn’t seem to be a problem for me with audiobooks.

    I would prefer fiction, but nothing too heavy,cerebral or depressing. Right now I’m listening to Wicked Autumn from the Max Tudor Series. It is a “cozy” mystery and that seems to be working well, but I’m not necessarily attached to that genre. Any good recommendations?

    • Agatha Christie’s “A Pocket Full of Rye”!

      • Anon nom nom :

        Not exactly a book rec, but have you considered downloading a podcast like This American Life. It’s an hour long and typically broken down into three separate anecdotal stories. I get so absorbed by the stories when listening to it during a workout I quit looking at my watch every 2seconds. Also, it’s free to download the current episode.

    • I don’t listen to audiobooks, but rather NPR streaming via a smartphone app. Also really helps me pass the time. I can’t stand working out with just music – I get so bored.

    • As crazy as it sounds, I love to work out to Harry Potter. Jim Dale has won awards for his performance in those audiobooks, and they are just phenomenal.

    • I love the audiobooks of Tony Hillerman’s Navajo Tribal Police mysteries. The reader is amazing.

      There’s a nonfiction audiobook by Rory Stewart called The Places In Between telling the story of how he walked the length of Afghanistan in 2001 right after the American defeat of the Taliban that’s really good as well.

      The audiobooks of Naomi Novik’s His Majesties Dragon series are fairly good, too.

      When I was working out I would read Michael Koryta’s Tonight I Said Goodbye and it worked really well- fast paced enough to keep me distracted, but brainless enough that I didn’t have to read closely. I don’t know if there is an audiobook, though

    • I second podcasts–check out the Moth (a storytelling podcast) and PRI Selected Shorts (classic and contemporary short stories read aloud by actors). Also, if you don’t already do this, check out your public library for audiobooks. I hate paying for something I’ll only listen to once, and libraries nowadays have websites where you can download the mp3s to your ipod at home! So easy. I do this for Kindle books, too.

    • I loved The Help. It really works well on audio. So enjoyable.

      I’m working my way through Tina Fey’s Bossypants. It is very funny and also insightful.

    • Seattleite :

      “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society” audiobook is especially good. It’s an epistolary novel, and so has a different reader for each of the letter writers. I’ve also really loved the Jane Austen books on audiobook…the humor is much more obvious when read aloud.

    • Anonymous :

      I listen to NPR all the time in my car. I need something a little different when I work out. I already check out some audiobooks from the public library’s website and I was just looking for suggestions. I need a little guidance because many of the audiobooks offered by the library are romances. I don’t dislike romances per se, but I don’t want to listen to that when I work out.

      I also listen to the Katniss Chronicles about once a week – imagine that the Hunger Games was an old timey radio show… you’re listening to the story but its not an audiobook. Does anyone know of any programming that may be similar?

      • Barrister in the Bayou :

        OP here, I don’t know why this comment wasn’t attributed to my handle. I guess I just wasn’t paying attention.

      • I think you mean an audioplay? It’s like a stage play, only designed for the radio. I’ve listened to some Sherlock Holmes radioplays the BBC put together that a quite good. If anyone’s a fan of Dr. Who, Big Finish has a line of fantastic audioplays starring the old Doctors and their companions. They’re a lot more nuanced and (due to no special effects) a lot less campy than some of the old school episodes.

        • I love the Lincoln Lawyer series on Audiobook, also all the Stephanie Plumb books by Janet Evanovich. I love the voice of the woman who reads them (who also does the voice announcements on Continental or at least it was her the last time I flew on that airline a few years ago). The Hunger Games was fun to listen to, and the guy who reads the Harry Potter books is amazing – different voices for every character. I also really liked the guy who read King of Torts (Dennis Boutsikaris) and am always on the lookout for other things he has read. Other all time faves for audiobook are Jurassic Park and Congo. I drive a lot in places with terrible radio reception so these are life savers for me!

  25. Poodle Seeker/Vacation Planner :

    Can anyone recommend a miniature poodle breeder in the Sacramento area?

    Can anyone recommend an all inclusive vacation spot for a family with elementary/middle school kids coming from the west coast?

    • petfinder.com will have mini poodles in the area!

    • Chicken Counselor :

      Club Med Ixtapa is nice for that age group and would be easy to reach from the west coast.

    • I don’t know about poodles in Sacramento, but I found my corgi by going to my regional corgi kennel club’s website and they had a list of recommended breeders. I called one breeder who didn’t have any litters at the time, but she recommended another breeder who did have a current litter. Good luck!

    • If you are seriously about getting a dog with limited health problems/bred for temperment, etc you may have to go farther afield. This is in direct contradiction to all those amazing stories of rescues above (I always had rescues as a kid and swear by them) but my husband had his heart set on a particular unusual breed. We ended up getting our dog from a breeder in the midwest because of health and temperament issues in the breeders closer to home. I’m somewhat embarrassed by the indulgence of it, but she is a fabulous creature. My husband hunts with her, and then she sits by the fire and licks our preschoolers face in the evening.

  26. Has there been a layout change to the website? I seem to remember a super useful list of tags going down the right hand side of the page, and now there’s just a much-diminished tag cloud and a bunch of adds. Has it been like this for a while?

    • I just noticed yesterday when I was looking for the list of sales that used to be on the side! Where did they go? Of course it could have been like this for months and I am oblivious.

    • The mobile version of the site has just kicked in for me and while nice, it’s awfully slow.

    • I miss that too!

      • In Search of Bunkster's Bark :

        I miss the numbers on individual posts. I know additional comments may throw it off a bit, but they really help when I’m checking in on the weekend and need to figure out where the new stuff starts .

  27. Anonymous :

    Just wanted to say thank you to the person who recommended VCF during our birth control discussion awhile back. I have been using it for a month or so and I love it. Thank you!!

  28. I need new rainboots and Hunters aren’t really my thing. What do y’all think of these: http://www.lacanadienneshoes.com/us/boots/parma-smoke.html

    Worth the price?

    • Love them! I don’t know anything about the brand so I can’t say if they’re worth it but they’re very stylish and different from a lot of other rainboots.

    • Equity's Darling :

      I love them!

      I’ve been looking for a pair of patent boots for a while. And La Canadienne is a pretty reputed maker, from what I know. I’m saving these to look at again…I may get them in the black, but the smoke is very nice too.

    • If you have small to average calves, Kamiks are great. They have a really comfy insole for rain boots and are still reasonably priced. I just can’t see spending $260 on a rain boot when you can get something nice for well under $100.

  29. Talkin' Texas :

    How often do you ask for client referrals? And how do you ask? I know many rainmaking programs say you should be asking for a minimum of 3 referrals a day. My New Year’s goal was to ask for one a week. So far, it has been painless and well received. I just need to be intentional. Any comments from some folks that make rain for their practice?

    • AnonInfinity :

      This is interesting to me. How do you ask for client referrals? Are you a lawyer? I’m still a baby shark, but I’m always on the look out for tips like these that will help me be a completely bad*ss rainmaker one day…

  30. Help me, Corporettes! A guy I work with has recently begun asking me to do things with him outside of the office. Now, I’m friendly with him and we get along perfectly well, but I’m uncomfortable with the idea of hanging out with him.

    I honestly think he’s just lonely and looking for a friend (he’s 20+ years older, no family, that sort of thing), but his invites are making me very uncomfortable. I interact with him daily and would like to stay on his good side.

    Do I just keep claiming other commitments? Come down with a sudden case of something highly contagious when I have a meeting scheduled with him? Develop a clever form of cube camouflage so that I can work while appearing to be away from my desk?

    Thanks!

    • I would politely but firmly keep turning him down – you’re busy, you’ve got plans – or else, turn it into a group work activity and bring other colleagues along. After enough of that he’s got to get the hint.

      Not for nothing, but single men should know that trying to strike up platonic friendships with women 20 years their junior is never going to look totally innocent, even if nothing is meant by it. And if other colleagues notice that he keeps asking you out socially – word will get around. Point – it’s really in his best interest and yours that it goes nowhere.

    • As someone who is experiencing this and has yet to address it, a coworker made a few suggestions:

      1. State that you have different interests.
      2. If you don’t hang out with co-workers outside of work, tell him about your policy.
      3. If you would be willing to socialize with him in group activities, let him know.

  31. So I just found out that several of my friends think the guy I recently started dating is quite annoying. Help! I feel like I’m back in middle school asking this, but I feel awkward and am not sure what to do.

    The backstory: I have a loose Thursday happy hour routine with a group of friends from grad school. We’ve been doing this for a couple years now, and of a group of ~20, there’s usually about 10 of us on any given Thursday and people regularly bring significant others and friends. I’ve invited Guy I Recently Started Dating a couple times (and have likewise started meeting his friends, so from that perspective it’s normal) and thought everyone got along fine. But I was informed today that the consensus is that he is really annoying, which I certainly don’t see… I guess the solution is to not invite him along for now, but I feel so awkward with the friends now! Anyone been on any end of this situation?

    • Should also add, to clarify – these are pretty close friends (been out of school for almost 7 years (yikes!) and are still close) and the friendships are important to me even if I only get together every week or two. If it were co-workers or even work “friends,” I wouldn’t care/would think it was weird that they shared an opinion.

      • I’m not sure why your friends would find it necessary to tell you this. You’re dating him. They’re not. It’s irrelevant. If he makes you happy and things are going well for now, I’d ask the friends to understand and hold off judging for your sake. Maybe don’t bring him around for happy hour for a few weeks. If your friends are putting you in an “us or him” kind of situation, they need to stop watching Gossip Girl and get real. Our friends and our SOs aren’t always going to get along – same goes with our friends and our families, our SOs and our families, etc etc. – but that’s life.

        *Note – if annoying is code for something more serious, that’s worth understanding. If they’ve actually got a serious beef with him, listen.

      • I’m going to go against the crowd and suggest you ask your friends *why* they think he is annoying. Is he condescending? Really obnoxious when he’s drinking? Is “annoying” code for something else, like they really feel uncomfortable about the way he’s treating you? Even with close friends, I don’t know why they’d mention this unless there was a good reason for it. If it’s just a personality conflict, you deal with it and move on with life. Not everyone gets along.

        • Right – I think it depends on the friends. If they have a history of doing this kind of thing, that’s one thing and can be discounted. If they don’t, they might be spotting some kind of danger signs you missed and be trying (poorly) to warn you about it.

      • I’m surprised your friends judged him so quickly. That’s off-putting. Why didn’t they take your feelings more into consideration? Either he’s super annoying and they couldn’t hold back one more minute from commenting about it, or your friends are on the outspoken side and should learn to reign it in. If you really like this guy, stick with him and include him in the happy hour. Sometimes it takes people time to warm up to each other. If comments persist, find out if there’s something deeper, but it might be a superficial personality conflict thing that you shouldn’t worry about.

    • hiphopanonymous :

      If its only been a few times and you honestly don’t think he’s annoying, then my first instinct is to say, f*** them. Bring him if you want him there (and he has fun), and only don’t bring him if you/he don’t enjoy his presence there. It sounds like this is a pretty steady thing in your life and if this relationship (?) goes somewhere, you’ll want him to be a part of it.
      Groups can be clique-ish for no reason and I bet he will grow on them. Also, if they’re your good friends they should give him a real chance. And if they’re not your good friends, you shouldn’t care what they think.

      I have a tight knit group of friends from a previous stage of life and during that phase multiple people brought SOs into the group. I’ll be honest and say it takes time to adjust (and yes, we were sometimes judgy). The one instance that half the group (not me) went sour on an SO, it cost us that group member and I have always been sad about that. I also thought that the member/SO didn’t put up much of a fight. So, the fault is on your friends but you also shouldn’t give in that easily.

      • my friend has a super annoying husband but none of us would ever tell her that, we;re glad if hr works for her. i do limit my time around him though

    • Thanks for the thoughts, all! I thought about it after I calmed down a little and I think it’s probably a combination of a personality thing with the friends involved and the group needing time to adjust. But I will see if I can get more details to make sure they mean “he wouldn’t stop talking about the Patriots” versus “he is a jerk to you.”

      I am also wondering if it doesn’t have something to do with the fact that the “alpha males” of our wonky group feeling threatened in some way by a more stereotypically masculine guy in their midst… but I might also be extrapolating from my dog training book to my human friends :)

      Anyways, thanks for the comments! Corporette is the best.

      • annoying may simply mean “not our type” … and that’s really not your problem :)

  32. Hi ladies,

    Can anyone comment on the quality/fit of the Talbots Kate Fit Velveteen Jacket? It’s on final sale so I would like to obtain reviews if I can prior to possibly buying

    http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi27416&rootCategory=cat90036&catId=cat80008&sortKey=Default&section=Sale&conceptIdUnderSale=cat90036

    TIA!

    • Now I want it too! I have to go to the tailor today which is across the street from a Talbots. I’ll try to swing in and try on something else in the “Kate fit” and report back. Let me know if you find any extra coupon codes.

    • DC Association :

      I ordered it a couple weeks ago and got it the other day. The quality is really good. I would say it is true to size and close fitting…it was a little tighter than I wanted so I’m not keeping it. I got it in Petite if that makes a difference…it might. I am disappointed it didn’t work out!

    • Yes. Kate in petite has moved much closer to AT/Banana/JCrew sizing. It was TTS for me this year too (last year it was too big). So order in your regular size.

    • Can’t comment on petites, but in regulars it’s generally true to size. I’m between a 6 and an 8, depending on sizing, and I’m happy with my 6. It’s pretty fitted, and I wanted a slim fit to it. For $28, I might have to get another one . . . .

    • Just tried it on. The Kate is pretty slim fit. I am 5’7″, 34 DD, 130 lbs. I tried on 4, 6, and 10. I couldn’t move my arms in the 4. The 6 fit but was pretty snug in the boobs. They didn’t have an 8. Surprisingly, the 10 still fit without looking boxy. There was probably an extra inch or two in the waist but it fit in the boobs perfect. I was shocked at how little difference there was between 6 and 10. Also, it is a bit short. It ended right at the top of my low rise jeans. I think it would have to be styled similar to “shrunken” blazers. I tried on a regular suit jacket in Kate in a 6 that fit great. In the velveteen, I think I would need an 8. It is definitely a younger, trendier look that would go great with jeans too. I don’t think it would be flattering on someone that is heavy set or carries a lot of weight in the stomach area. There is very little extra room and it would probably look strained.

      They had an apple red, fall brown and black velveteen ones in store. The black was picking up all kinds of junk and looked like it would get really linty. I liked the brown. The red wasn’t the “right” shade to me but the staff said the online red is different from the in store red. I’m blonde (hence the name) so the red just wasn’t flattering for my skin tone. I think it would look nice on a brunette. I might try the online red since that one is more burgundy. I hope that helps!

      • Anonymous :

        I have this jacket in the online red (Vixen). It is actually more of a rust/burnt orange color. I really like it, and think it would look good on a blonde, though I am not one. I agree on the comments on sizing –runs true to size or a little small and close-fitting, not the old, boxy Talbot’s top sizing.

    • I bought it and actually went up a size, unusual for me at Talbot’s. It’s very fitted at the waist, and quite flattering.

      • MissJackson :

        I bought this in-store. I had a similar experience — I bought it in my regular size (8), but after wearing it, I acutally wish that I had sized up (extra odd, because the Kate Fit wool jacket that I bought in the same size fits great). Since I’m used to sizing down at Talbots, I was shocked.

  33. MeliaraofTlanth :

    Does anyone know anything about the shoe brand Sanzia? I’m getting a new pair of black boots, and I’m debating between the Sanzia Stephanie and the Ecco Hope (not posting links to avoid moderation, but they’re available on endless if anyone’s curious what they look like). I like the look of the Sanzia boot more because I think it looks a little more work appropriate (the Hope has a buckle around the top), but it’s about $80 more and I don’t know anything about the brand. Do they hold up well? Good quality? I know Eccos are good, but I’ve never heard of Sanzia.

  34. I could use some advice from anyone who has been a matchmaker. My twin brother is an awesome guy but currently single, and I just met a great girl through work/grad school who I would love to set him up with. I casually mentioned to the girl (after she said she was single and interested in meeting people) that I would love to set her up with my brother.

    I have class with the girl every week, and she also knows my husband a little bit too. I’m wondering what the best way is to get these two to meet? Should my husband and I get together with a group of friends and invite this girl and my brother? Should I just have them exchange contact info and they can work it out? I guess my main concern is that I don’t want to be too overbearing – i.e. I would love them to meet, but if there’s not a love connection, no big deal. I would still like to be friends with the girl if things don’t work out.

    Thanks in advance for your help!

    • I think that putting them in the same room with one another and telling each of them that this is someone you think they might like (but don’t tell them that you’ve told the same to the other–that way they’re not shy) and let them figure it out. Either sparks will fly or they won’t but it’s a very low-risk way to do it.

    • Group get-together, definitely–and you just happen to invite both of them. It means less pressure all around.

      • Second this. Little bit different situation, but my husband and I originally met fairly briefly at a party. His sister and I were classmates, though not really friends, just casually friendly, but when he expressed interest in me after the party, she and the guy who had thrown the original party arranged for a few friends, including the 2 of us, to get together and play cards and go bowling. It was really fun and not nearly as much pressure as going on a date with a guy that I had just barely met.

    • Seattleite :

      You don’t mention whether your brother would like to be set up with someone. Assuming he’s amenable, this sounds like a perfect excuse to host a game night and invite both of them. Not just a foursome because that’s too much pressure…I’d vote for at least 8 people.

      I specifically suggest a game night because it lets each of them focus on something other than the-elephant-in-the-room-of-a-setup that might exist at a free-form party. OTOH, maybe your brother and friend are both more socially adept than I, and wouldn’t be nervous to meet under those circumstance.

    • My current boyfriend and I were set up by friends. I’m not sure exactly how it went down from his end, but they knew I was on the dating scene so they asked if I’d want to meet up with a friend they thought I’d like. I said yes, so they passed him my contact info and he called me.

      A group situation would be good, too, but I think then you need to tell them you think they might be good together. Otherwise it might end up like a New Years party I went to a few years ago where I thought the guy and his female roommate/best friend were together, and therefore assumed he was skuzzy when he flirted with me after she left the room.

      • Just asked the boyfriend what happened from his end, and apparently it was just “Jen has a friend who is single. Do you want me to get her number for you?” So don’t overthink it. And now that I think about it, my friend did ask if I wanted her to put together a group thing we could meet at. I didn’t want an audience for our awkward first-date conversations, so I declined.

    • going against the grain by saying that if they’re both amenable, you should give them each other’s contact info and let them take it from there by themselves.

      i always felt awkward when i was in a group situation and half the room – sometimes more – knew that people were trying to get Single Guy and me together. every interaction felt like a lot of pressure under so many watchful eyes. sure, i’m probably exaggerating, but i would have preferred to get to know him on an actual date context, or even two-people-having-coffee context, without an audience.

      • Chicken Counselor :

        Totally!! Give him her number. He can call her and set up a real date. Who wants to have your first date chaperoned, observed and analyzed by an audience of family members or close friends with a vested interest?

  35. PD Question :

    Yay, weekend thread!

    I am a public defender at a fantastic organization in a high-cost-of-living-city. Love my hours, colleagues, clients, work, benefits etc. The pay is fine but not great…and now that my SO and I are considering children, we are also considering a move somewhere less expensive. Anyone have thoughts about PD offices besides the ones known to be excellent? Any Federal Defenders out there? Many thanks.

  36. My best friend is moving across the country. I’m so happy for her because she got her dream job and can now live in the same city as her fiance. They are getting a new place together. I’m also going to miss her a ton.

    What should I get her as a going-away/housewarming present? She’s not very domestic, so housewares are kind of out- the two of them are in the art/tech field and are workaholics. I know they are planning on getting a dog (which she is really excited about) but I don’t think that’s for a while.

    I’m feeling clueless. Any ideas?

    • Since she’s moving across the country, I wouldn’t get her anything for her new home now, it would just be one more thing to haul across the continent. Maybe a packing care-pack for now (packing tape, permanent marker, bubble wrap, xacto knife, twine)? With an invitation to a going-away meal?

      • Her company is paying for professional movers and she’s getting relocation funds for supplies like boxes, etc. I was planning on taking her out to dinner, but I wanted to get her something tangible and personal to show her how much she means to me.

        • I was going to say a gift card for Lowe’s or Home Depot or Target for when they get there (or a gift card for a restaurant in their new town) but it sounds like you want something more personal. Maybe you could get her a framed photograph or piece of local art that reflects where you live now as a memento, but ship it to her at her new home so she doesn’t have to move it.

          • i second these ideas. a framed photo, a cool picture/poster that reflects the town you live in together (or a place you visited together) .. etc.

    • I’d also say a gift card to a nice restaurant in her new city for a “welcome to her new city” place.

      Or maybe some guidebooks to her new city with some maps and maybe a one year membership to a local museum or something like that.

    • Seattleite :

      Small photo album, filled with photos of the two of you and places that are special to her. Bonus points for including stories, memories that may not have been photo-doc’d, etc.

  37. I’m considering buying a treadmill so that I can work out at home. Does anyone have any recommendations or suggestions (either brands to check out or those to avoid, for example)?
    Thanks!

    • I have a NordicTrack treadmill that I’ve been using 6 days a week for about the past 8 years. It folds up and stows in the corner of my livingroom (I keep it on a rug so I can slide it on the hardwood floor). I think, given the beating it takes, it has held up very well. I bought mine at Sears and had it delivered and assembled (which I would highly recommend) and bought the extended warranty (which I would also recommend). After about two years, it had some weird electrical problems which took awhile to diagnose but once that was settled under warranty, I’ve had no problems. Mine has the fan built into the console, which I like. The people who have done maintenance on mine (you occasionally have to have someone come to resolve belt slippage) say that I should probably buy commercial grade equipment, given how much I’ve used it, but honestly, I think 8 years is pretty good! I just looked at the Sears website and it looks easy for choosing what you want in terms of features and price range.

    • MissJackson :

      I highly recommend SOLE if you intend to run on it. I have the F80 (I think) — I did a ton of research before purchasing. It was a little more than $1,000, and in that price range it gets highest marks from runners. Basically, it does not come with as many “bells and whistles” as some other brands (for example, less built-in programing) but the key components are high quality, and there is a very good warranty. It’s extremely stable to run on (even for my husband). Basically, unless you are interested in spending a lot more money on a gym-quality machine, I think it’s the best bet. The only difference that I notice from a gym-quality machine is that it takes a few seconds longer to switch speeds (so if I’m running intervals it takes 3 seconds instead of 1 to go from a 5.5 to a 7.0 or whatever).

      Note that if you don’t intend to run on it, you can possibly get a cheaper treadmill and be fine. But if you are going to run on it, stability becomes more of an issue.

      Important note: it is one heavy m-f-er (which is why it’s so stable). You are going to want to buy it somewhere that includes delivery *into your house* (not just to your door step) especially if it needs to go up any stairs. It folds up easily, but it’s not something that you can move from room-to-room on a whim.

      • Yes, I should have mentioned that I have never used mine to run, but not because the treadmill can’t handle it. It’s my house! I live in an old raised house with hardwood floors and when my ex-husband ran on it, the whole house shook. I walk at 4 mph at high incline and have never used the built-in programming.

        The delivery and assembly is so worth the extra money. I have assembled a lot of gym equipment and furniture but the treadmill was beyond what I wanted to try.

  38. Anonymous :

    Wow, weekend open threads are out of control so quickly! I have a question about hair removal that I hope people are still around to answer:

    I’m trying to save money by doing more things at home, and my eyebrows are easy because I am a natural plucker, but with my upper lip I’ve come to a crossroads. I tried home waxing, but embarrassingly, I’m not capable of pulling off the little strip of paper. I just can’t do it (I also can’t pull off bandaids, I just wet them and slowly edge them off). Shaving and plucking are a no-go for me, and letting it go natural won’t work. I can’t bleach because I’m African American and so it’ll look weird, so my last resort is some kind of hair removal cream.

    Is this a crazy idea? Do any of you ladies use hair removal creams on your face, and if so, what are your results? I don’t have sensitive skin, but I worry about putting harsh chemicals on my face.

    • I use Nair, the little squeeze-bottle that’s made for faces. I’m Caucasian with fine blondish hairs (plus the occasional thick black hair that pops up out of nowhere and is like half an inch long before i notice it, ugh). Anyway, Nair works well for me, although I sometimes have to grab a few strays with tweezers afterward. You’re done in like 5 minutes–so easy.

      • I use the same routine as Emily, and it works. If you don’t have particularly sensitive skin, and you don’t leave it on past the recommended time (about 5 minutes), then you shouldn’t hurt your skin. Do get the ones that say they’re for faces, though. Nair is my current go-to, although I’ve heard that Oil of Olay is going to put out a face hair removal cream and if I can find it I’m kind of curious to try that one out.

    • Ekaterin Nile :

      I use the Nair for faces. So long as I don’t leave it on too long, I have no issues. I do make sure to moisturize the upper lip heavily after removal and for the next couple of days to avoid flaking skin at the corners of my mouth.

    • SOmeone posted recently about how great Vaniqa works. It’s a newish (I think) prescription cream that prevents facial hair from growing. I’ve been thinking about trying it, but haven’t yet. Maybe that would work for you? The poster had said that you just rub it on as part of your daily face routine and it works great.

      • Anonymous :

        I use Vaniqa and love it. You just rub it on once in the morning and once at night. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, it has dramatically, dramatically slowed my hair growth, and the hair that does grow back is usually lighter and finer. It doesn’t take the hair away forever, so you’ll still need some kind of removal method, but you’ll need to do it waaaaaay less often. Areas that I used to have to pluck every single day I now pluck every few weeks.

    • Jacqueline :

      I use Sally Hansen hair removal cream for my upper lip, and it works really well. It’s intense, but it does the job. It comes with a decent conditioner for the skin that soothes and helps my skin recover from the cream. My skin is fairly sensitive, so sometimes the area is a little red right afterward, but it’s usually fine within a day or so. Definitely do a patch test on your arm somewhere if it’s your first time using any cream, though, just to be safe!

    • Have you considered threading? It may not work for you if you consider it a variation of plucking but the only equipment you need is some thread and the techniques are shown on youtube. This is the preferred method for south asian women. It does work and it is pretty easy to do your own upper lip. I do find it quite painful but the pain lessens as you get used to it and your technique improves.

  39. Ballerina Girl :

    How much is an appropriate amount to spend on a wedding gift when you’re not attending the wedding and aren’t that close to the couple? I don’t want to be cheap, but I haven’t really been friends with the bride since college (some 10 years ago).

    • I think they should be so grateful that you’re giving them a gift in this situation, that you can pay whatever you d*mn well please. Say $20, maybe in the form of a gift card if there isn’t a specific item you have your eye on/they haven’t registered for any reasonably-priced salad tongs.

      But then I’m with all the people who are bemoaning wedding gift-grabs.

    • Ekaterin Nile :

      I probably wouldn’t even send a gift. I think a $20 gift card is more than enough from someone you haven’t been friends with for 10 years.

    • I don’t think there’s any obligation to send gifts to people who send out as many invites as possible in order to get gifts.

    • Depends on what you can afford. I’d probably spend about $50 assuming it was someone I genuinely like (by way of comparison, for my close friends’ weddings I’ve normally spent around $200). It is nice that she apparently misses you and wants you to come to the wedding. I certainly don’t see an invitation as a grab for gifts.

      • I agree with J. I have moved a lot and haven’t always kept up as good as I should have with friends. However, I do try to make it back to places for weddings and things and am happy when I am invited, even if we have fallen out of touch for a few years. I don’t usually view it as a gift grab, it depends upon the friend and how close you once were.

  40. Amelia Bedelia :

    Why is it that more and more of my weekends are spent catching up on work I should have done during the week??? And yet my billable hours are low?
    grrrrrrrr. Pulling all-nighters on weekends are not fun . . . especially when they involve no drinking and legal research!

    • I know this is an entirely rhetorical question (and just a vent) — but you need to take a minute to figure out what non-billable things are pulling you away from your work during the work week and whether you can eliminate any of them. If you are spending an indordinate amount of time during the week doing some non-billable activities that results in you having to work all weekend on billable work (and still being low), can you cut back on that activity. Have a frank discussion with whomever is asking you to do them?

      Otherwise, it does completely suck. Super sorry.

      • Amelia Bedelia :

        Unfortunately, the problem is much simpler and yet more difficult to fix. During the week I often have two days a week where my work languishes on a partner’s desk for review and I have little to no other work to do. Then he clears his desk on Thursdays and I have to turn things around by Monday. Essentially, he needs to determine why HIS time management is so poor!!!

  41. To all the ladies out there, this could be an interesting read. “Pitching Women Against Men”
    http://arabiangazette.com/pitching-women-men/

    • FOOEY! This has a MIDDLE easter’n slant to it.

      And you should NOT be comenting here on the HIVE. It is for ladies, not men.

      Don’t you KNOW that women are subjugated in the Middle East?

      FOOEY on MEN who do not respect us. FOOEY!

  42. TooSlowShopper :

    I am so bummed. I wanted to get this Talbot’s blazer in the purple color from the sale that was mentioned earlier this week, but didn’t know my size. I went to the store to try on and by the time I figured it out, the purple was completely gone! I called around, but they said it was a catalog only color. I hate when that happens. :( http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi27416&rootCategory=cat90036&catId=cat80008&sortKey=Default&section=Sale&conceptIdUnderSale=cat90036

    • What a bummer. If you really liked it that much, set up an alert on ebay. One is bound to turn up eventually.

      • Talbots' Fan :

        Did you ask them to check whether it’s in-stock at their distribution center? They checked for another item which was officially n/a and found it for me!

        • TooSlowShopper :

          Talbots’ Fan–They found it for me!! Thanks so much for the suggestion. =)

    • Keep checking because they may get returns!

  43. Sewing question :

    Ladies, do you think that a good seamstress could take apart a queen-sized duvet cover and make it into a twin-sized one? I have an old duvet cover that I adore and have been using on a twin-sized bed but it’s queen-sized – it is a complete pain in the neck to make the bed, you have to tuck it in under the mattress so it doesn’t drag, and it’s too warm at night to double it over.

    I have a pretty talented seamstress who does my clothes tailoring. For you ladies who know how to sew, do you think she could do this? I plan to call her and ask, of course, but I think she’ll say yes because she wants the business even if in reality it is a crazy idea, so I wanted to ask the hive first. Thanks!

    • By duvet cover, do you just mean the cloth “bag” that covers the comforter? If that’s the case, I think this is absolutely doable, just a matter of removing extra material and making a new seam on one side to shorten the width. Does that make sense with the cover you’re talking about?

      • Yes, just the part that covers the comforter. Glad to hear it seems (haha, I almost wrote seams) easy to do! Thanks ladies!

    • This should absolutely be possible. She can just open the seam, cut out the excess fabric, and reclose the seam. She can also make throw pillows or a whole extra “standby” duvet cover out of the excess fabric that she removes.

    • i’d think so. plus she can use that extra fabric to make pillow covers or a runner to go over the foot of the bed or something.

  44. I think this was brought up a few months ago but I’d like to revive the conversation. Are there hair styles that is more or less professional for a conservative workplace? I have long, natural blonde hair and I hate the idea of cutting it but I am wondering what impression of me does it give. Young? Unprofessional? Girly? I don’t like the way it looks when it is up so wondering if I should just have it cut. Right now it is about the middle of my back near my bra strap.

    • I think that this is a complicated question and is one of those factors that you will need to evaluate based on more than just your hair. Are you otherwise young-looking? Do you have a “girly” demeanor? Do you have an authoritative voice, presence, wardrobe? Do coworkers, opposing counsel, customers etc. give you the respect that you’ve earned? If so and it’s the only risk that you’re taking, I think you’d be ok. Just don’t play with it or toss it at crucial moments. Make it a non-issue.

    • sounds a bit too long for the norm. you can wear it the same, but maybe keep a few inches shorter, just below the shoulders so it’ll still hang flat. or, you can just go for it be da*ned the consquences- some people can pull it off if they are assertive enough with a strong voice, hair is smooth/orderly naturally, etc.

    • the length sounds OK to me as long as it stays out of the way – not hanging in your face, or getting intertwined in your fingers (because you’re playing with it), or leaving strands of hair on the table etc. If you don’t like putting it up, maybe consider just pulling it back if you, say, have to give a presentation or something.

      agree with coach laura that it’s not hair alone but a combination of factors that will make you seem young/unprofessional (or not).

      • Thanks! I am concerned that it can be contributing negatively because I am young and I do have a more passive approach at work (trying to fix that!!). After reading this I am think I might have a few inches taken off though.

    • Meh, I have long blonde hair and I’m keeping it that way as long as I like it. I occasionally cut it short (just above the shoulders) and like it like that too but I’m not going to pick my hairstyle just because of my job. When I want short hair I’ll wear short hair. Right now I like my hair long and I’m keeping it that way. When I was in law school I cut my hair above my shoulders and my boss at the time said “now THAT looks like a lawyer haircut.” For some reason it just totally rubbed me the wrong way. It felt like the whole “you have to look like a man to play in the man’s world” 1990’s thing. I’m not going to let my job dictate my hair. I won’t wear it pink or in a side pony tail but I will wear it long, and I will wear it blonde and I will wear it straight or curly.

    • If you like it, don’t change it. If you want to appear older or more authoritative, work on changing the things about yourself that you don’t like about yourself that may make you seem young or inexperienced. Changing things you like will just reduce your self-confidence, which won’t help your overall goal.

    • OneHappyShort(er)HairedGirl :

      I agree with posters that say you should keep your hair the way it is if you really love it.

      BUT, I am a young-looking attorney and have brown hair. I used to wear it as long as yours, and it was pin-straight and kinda thin. One day I cut it to about an inch and a half below my chin. When I came in to the office, my marketing director literally shrieked and hugged me. She immediately said “I can’t wait to get your headshot redone!”

      I haven’t let it grow past my shoulders since, and I am glad I made the switch. I feel more professional, and my hair has more body.

  45. * are more or less professional

    Doh!

  46. I just discovered goodreads, and I am in love. And obsessed (given my reading list, apparently with chick lit). What fun.

    • Checking out goodreads. Never heard of it before

    • I love goodreads. it’s amazing. although it does sometimes make me feel slightly pathetic about my book choices in comparison to others.

    • I love love love Goodreads too! The recommendations it generates are very helpful. The mobile version lets you barcode scan your home library.

    • Jacqueline :

      I love it, too! It’s so much fun to keep up with what your friends are reading, and it’s a great way to keep track of your past reads.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I love it too! Its super easy to keep track of everything I’m wanting to read.

  47. Do you guys workout when you are PMS’ing? I usually have bad cramps for a couple of days but I always take pain killers. Should I continue to workout during those days?

    • Sometimes working out is the best thing for cramps. And it’s a great mood elevator. YMMV. Give it a try, I doubt it will make them worse.

      • Agreed. I remember back in middle school, my health teacher said that whenever you got cramps, you should do some crunches. I don’t have super awful cramps or anything (thank god), and said health teacher was kind of nutty, but exercise definitely helps them chill out when I do get ’em!

    • Yes, although not at as high as intensity as I would otherwise. I find that working out elevates my mood and helps reduce muscle soreness and headache. YMMV.

    • I keep my workout schedule unless my body is really hurting. My workouts tend to be less intense (I don’t run as fast/get into more advanced poses) and that’s OK. With exercise, something is always better than nothing.

  48. Thanks, L & J.

  49. Lady Girl :

    I’m sure this has been discussed many a time here at Corporette BUT…

    I have recently moved to the NY area for a promotion and my formerly robust social life is dead as a doornail.

    There have to be more of us out there, right? Remember that scene in SATC when Carrie moves to Paris and looks in the window at the happy French ladies lunching and then gets caught looking like an idiot? I’m just short of that.

    Are there any NY/NJ corporettes in my shoes who are interested in a happy hour type situation?

    • Maybe try asking this tomorrow; there are so many comments by the end of the weekend that I think things fizzle out. For what it’s worth, I’m in a somewhat similar situation, but in the Midwest. So, although I unfortunately can’t meet you for happy hour, please know that you’re not alone!

    • Yes, post again tomorrow. I’m currently in south jersey (been there my whole life) but may be moving to north jersey soon and I’ll be in the same situation as you. If it goes through and I end up there soon i’ll let you know!

    • there is an nyc corporette facebook group – search for nyc corporette. we have been trying to set up a get together.

  50. I know its late in the weekend, but does anyone have advice on handling an SO’s horrible parent? My fiance is incredibly successful by anyone’s standards (not to mention being a wonderful person, which more important) but his father is really cruel to him and repeatedly screams at him and tell him he’s a failure for not getting XYZ job or award, etc. His father has many other behaviors that make him extremely unpleasant to be around, but this is the worst. I’ve tried to talk to his father about how hurtful his comments are but he mostly wont’ engage me in argument (he thinks I’m not enough of an intellectual to debate with) and when he does he just hurls a stream of insults my way about my own failings & blames my fiances “failures” on me not being a supportive partner. It doesn’t bother me when he insults me: I have two very loving parents and a wonderful fiance, and essentially think of his father as a stranger, so while its not fun to hear comments like these it doesn’t really upset me. I get very upset, however, seeing how hurt and sad my fiance is after talking to him. My fiance would rather have this kind of relationship with him than no relationship at all, which I can respect, and so keeps taking his calls, even in stressful times when his father is more likely to get upset (e.g. right now, because he’s job-hunting).

    So I”m wondering how I should handle this situation going forward generally: should I just accept that this is between my fiance & his father & stay out, even though I see & hear my fiance getting very upset every time they talk? Or does anyone have any ideas on what else to do?

    Also, looking further down the line: When we have kids (3-5 years away, probably) I have made it clear to my fiance that I don’t want them exposed to these sort of comments or outbursts from his father. I certainly don’t want him saying horrible things about our children, but I also don’t want our kids hearing him say these things about me or their father. If it were solely up to me, my children would never meet the man but I understand that it is important to my fiance that they do. Currently I guess our plan is that he’ll never be around the children without me there, and that I will just remove them if we/I decide its necessary. Although I’m not sure how this would work if we are visiting them or they are visiting us, given that our current cities are separated by a plane ride. Does anyone have any other thoughts or advice about how to handle children around a person like this?

    Based on a horrible experience the last time I went to visit his parents (over 2 years ago now), I’ve decided I don’t want to visit them anymore & my fiance is ok with this. I have no problem with him going to see them as many times as he wants without me, so long as it doesn’t interfere significantly with our finances. Currently he goes 2-3 times per year, which is fine for us financially.

    His father hasn’t visited us much, but I’m worried that if we move closer (a possibility, since we will be moving at least 2 times in the next 5 years, since my fiance is in academia) and/or have kids, he will start visiting us much more frequently. I have no idea how interested in our kids he will be. He is definitely not a traditional Grandpa type (to say the least) but could decide he needs to manage his grandkids lives the way he tries to manage my fiance’s life.

    This whole situation is just so hard for me, since I came from a very loving family – my parents and I certainly had our fights when I was a teenager, but its unimagineable to me that a parent would call their child a failure, and that my wonderful, loving fiance could have been raised in such an environment. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

    • 1) This sucks and I’m sorry for you. I would repost this on Monday morning for more responses. My quick thoughts, though:
      2) I would stop trying to engage your FIL on this topic. This is between him and his son.
      3) IMO your role is to limit your exposure to your FIL and, when you have kids, make sure you limit their exposure as well, as you and your husband have already begun to discuss.
      4) More generally, you need to recognize what’s in your control vs. not. You cannot control the way your FIL behaves around his own son or around you, and you may not be able to control his behavior around your future kids either (which is why you’ll focus on limiting their exposure, period). Accepting that this is out of your hands is difficult but important. If you’ve already discussed this with your husband, I’m not sure what more you can do.
      5) Regarding the management of your FIL and your future kids … you know you’ll set limits, but as for the details, you’ll have to cross that bridge when you come to it. I think worrying about that right now, given that you don’t have kids, you might move, FIL might change his tune, who knows … is unproductive.

  51. Appreciate thoughts if people care to give.

    Facts/Situation: have basic dream job at global company, after many years of horrid jobs. Been in it under 2 years, top of staff levels. Love it in nearly every way, but company is big on heirarchy and there are limited pathways upwards, especially in my subject matter area and for my background, which I want to stay in. Many internal people at my level are thrilled to get to it and stay for good; many coming from outside become frustrated after some years at inability to get promoted up.
    Add: pregnant, mid-way, difficult time. Not smooth sailing; most days present challenges requiring limited mobility, doctor visits, etc. Mentally, fine and productivity really hasn’t suffered, but it has been H.A.R.D. Have the trust/flexibility of bosses though which helps a lot.

    Choice: was approached about a higher lever job I am qualified for in same company. The woman moving out of that position asked me if I wanted to apply. The listing is a few steps up and I could make the jump directly because it is the one job at the company that is geared for my background + senior manager level. It is step just below executive. Rare opportunity. Subject matter is same general area which is good, but less exciting/innovative/global than what I do now. Unknowns with bosses as transitions occurring there; team to manage are more than fine. Would round out my experience and provide manager experience + open up upward pathways.

    Downsides: Truly hate to leave a remarkbly good situation- stellar work, bosses, teammates, issues etc. Also not in state to take on anything with the pregnancy- can barely get through each day. Earning trust of new bosses and subordinates sounds stressful. But this chance may not come again. Current bosses would be disappointed/in a lurch. Have heard new department is flexible about maternity etc and that they wouldn’t consider it a problem.

    Currently leaning towards exploring it and seeing if I could work out a hybrid situation where I continue some current projects as well. Had been decided against it but realized over the weekend that may be rather dumb despite that I feel like staying put. Must put in application tomorrow, if going to do it. Thank you for any insights!

    • I think you should apply. The opportunity sounds like promising and a good move for your career. One of the things Sheryl Sandberg said in her TED talk was that women shouldn’t leave before they leave. “Many times, from the moment a woman thinks about having a child she thinks about how she could make room for the child. So she doesn’t raise her hand for the extra project or exciting opportunity. Although she hasn’t left, she hasn’t brought her passion or her 100%. She is “leaving” early and which means she could be taking herself out of the running for future leadership positions long before she ever starts to have children. Why shy away from projects and promotions before having kids? We can’t slow our professional momentum in anticipation for future responsibility.”

      http://wisakc.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/don%E2%80%99t-leave-before-you-leave-by-roberta-rea/

      • errr, sorry about the extra word. “The opportunity sounds promising and a good move for your career.”

      • I hear her point, but honestly think she must have had very different pregnancies.. it just isn’t that simple for me… no need to harp on the miserable details but I have simply not been able to be at 80% let slone 100% just due to pure physical pain and exhaustion. That said, the new opportunity would work with me I think, and has long-term impacts to be considered.

        I also think about what’s best for my health and the baby- the career at all costs mindset is different when you are mid-30’s excited to conceive, then have a bad miscarriage scare- stress and such matters. But, in this situation the new job is actually maybe easier than current one, so it’s weighing that against stress of making the change third trimester, and potentially enjoying it less than current job (but more money and advancement). Thanks for weighing in.

    • Go for it.
      Your downsides are all temporary (situations change; you won’t be pregnant forever; earning trust takes time but you’ll do it eventually) and the upside is significant and lasting.