Weekend Open Thread

390 Comments

1. To all the ladies out there, this could be an interesting read. “Pitching Women Against Men”
   http://arabiangazette.com/pitching-women-men/

   1. FOOEY! This has a MIDDLE easter’n slant to it.

      And you should NOT be comenting here on the HIVE. It is for ladies, not men.

      Don’t you KNOW that women are subjugated in the Middle East?

      FOOEY on MEN who do not respect us. FOOEY!

      1. Way to take on the spammer, Ellen.

2. I am so bummed. I wanted to get this Talbot’s blazer in the purple color from the sale that was mentioned earlier this week, but didn’t know my size. I went to the store to try on and by the time I figured it out, the purple was completely gone! I called around, but they said it was a catalog only color. I hate when that happens. :( http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi27416&rootCategory=cat90036&catId=cat80008&sortKey=Default&section=Sale&conceptIdUnderSale=cat90036

   1. What a bummer. If you really liked it that much, set up an alert on ebay. One is bound to turn up eventually.

      1. Did you ask them to check whether it’s in-stock at their distribution center? They checked for another item which was officially n/a and found it for me!

         1. Talbots’ Fan–They found it for me!! Thanks so much for the suggestion. =)

   2. Keep checking because they may get returns!

3. Ladies, do you think that a good seamstress could take apart a queen-sized duvet cover and make it into a twin-sized one? I have an old duvet cover that I adore and have been using on a twin-sized bed but it’s queen-sized – it is a complete pain in the neck to make the bed, you have to tuck it in under the mattress so it doesn’t drag, and it’s too warm at night to double it over.

   I have a pretty talented seamstress who does my clothes tailoring. For you ladies who know how to sew, do you think she could do this? I plan to call her and ask, of course, but I think she’ll say yes because she wants the business even if in reality it is a crazy idea, so I wanted to ask the hive first. Thanks!

   1. By duvet cover, do you just mean the cloth “bag” that covers the comforter? If that’s the case, I think this is absolutely doable, just a matter of removing extra material and making a new seam on one side to shorten the width. Does that make sense with the cover you’re talking about?

      1. Yes, just the part that covers the comforter. Glad to hear it seems (haha, I almost wrote seams) easy to do! Thanks ladies!

   2. This should absolutely be possible. She can just open the seam, cut out the excess fabric, and reclose the seam. She can also make throw pillows or a whole extra “standby” duvet cover out of the excess fabric that she removes.

   3. i’d think so. plus she can use that extra fabric to make pillow covers or a runner to go over the foot of the bed or something.

4. I think this was brought up a few months ago but I’d like to revive the conversation. Are there hair styles that is more or less professional for a conservative workplace? I have long, natural blonde hair and I hate the idea of cutting it but I am wondering what impression of me does it give. Young? Unprofessional? Girly? I don’t like the way it looks when it is up so wondering if I should just have it cut. Right now it is about the middle of my back near my bra strap.

   1. I think that this is a complicated question and is one of those factors that you will need to evaluate based on more than just your hair. Are you otherwise young-looking? Do you have a “girly” demeanor? Do you have an authoritative voice, presence, wardrobe? Do coworkers, opposing counsel, customers etc. give you the respect that you’ve earned? If so and it’s the only risk that you’re taking, I think you’d be ok. Just don’t play with it or toss it at crucial moments. Make it a non-issue.

   2. sounds a bit too long for the norm. you can wear it the same, but maybe keep a few inches shorter, just below the shoulders so it’ll still hang flat. or, you can just go for it be da*ned the consquences- some people can pull it off if they are assertive enough with a strong voice, hair is smooth/orderly naturally, etc.

   3. the length sounds OK to me as long as it stays out of the way – not hanging in your face, or getting intertwined in your fingers (because you’re playing with it), or leaving strands of hair on the table etc. If you don’t like putting it up, maybe consider just pulling it back if you, say, have to give a presentation or something.

      agree with coach laura that it’s not hair alone but a combination of factors that will make you seem young/unprofessional (or not).

      1. Thanks! I am concerned that it can be contributing negatively because I am young and I do have a more passive approach at work (trying to fix that!!). After reading this I am think I might have a few inches taken off though.

   4. Meh, I have long blonde hair and I’m keeping it that way as long as I like it. I occasionally cut it short (just above the shoulders) and like it like that too but I’m not going to pick my hairstyle just because of my job. When I want short hair I’ll wear short hair. Right now I like my hair long and I’m keeping it that way. When I was in law school I cut my hair above my shoulders and my boss at the time said “now THAT looks like a lawyer haircut.” For some reason it just totally rubbed me the wrong way. It felt like the whole “you have to look like a man to play in the man’s world” 1990’s thing. I’m not going to let my job dictate my hair. I won’t wear it pink or in a side pony tail but I will wear it long, and I will wear it blonde and I will wear it straight or curly.

   5. If you like it, don’t change it. If you want to appear older or more authoritative, work on changing the things about yourself that you don’t like about yourself that may make you seem young or inexperienced. Changing things you like will just reduce your self-confidence, which won’t help your overall goal.

   6. I agree with posters that say you should keep your hair the way it is if you really love it.

      BUT, I am a young-looking attorney and have brown hair. I used to wear it as long as yours, and it was pin-straight and kinda thin. One day I cut it to about an inch and a half below my chin. When I came in to the office, my marketing director literally shrieked and hugged me. She immediately said “I can’t wait to get your headshot redone!”

      I haven’t let it grow past my shoulders since, and I am glad I made the switch. I feel more professional, and my hair has more body.

5. * are more or less professional

   Doh!

6. I just discovered goodreads, and I am in love. And obsessed (given my reading list, apparently with chick lit). What fun.

   1. Checking out goodreads. Never heard of it before

   2. I love goodreads. it’s amazing. although it does sometimes make me feel slightly pathetic about my book choices in comparison to others.

   3. I love love love Goodreads too! The recommendations it generates are very helpful. The mobile version lets you barcode scan your home library.

   4. I love it, too! It’s so much fun to keep up with what your friends are reading, and it’s a great way to keep track of your past reads.

   5. I love it too! Its super easy to keep track of everything I’m wanting to read.

7. Do you guys workout when you are PMS’ing? I usually have bad cramps for a couple of days but I always take pain killers. Should I continue to workout during those days?

   1. Sometimes working out is the best thing for cramps. And it’s a great mood elevator. YMMV. Give it a try, I doubt it will make them worse.

      1. Agreed. I remember back in middle school, my health teacher said that whenever you got cramps, you should do some crunches. I don’t have super awful cramps or anything (thank god), and said health teacher was kind of nutty, but exercise definitely helps them chill out when I do get ’em!

   2. Yes, although not at as high as intensity as I would otherwise. I find that working out elevates my mood and helps reduce muscle soreness and headache. YMMV.

   3. I keep my workout schedule unless my body is really hurting. My workouts tend to be less intense (I don’t run as fast/get into more advanced poses) and that’s OK. With exercise, something is always better than nothing.

8. Thanks, L & J.

9. I’m sure this has been discussed many a time here at Corporette BUT…

   I have recently moved to the NY area for a promotion and my formerly robust social life is dead as a doornail.

   There have to be more of us out there, right? Remember that scene in SATC when Carrie moves to Paris and looks in the window at the happy French ladies lunching and then gets caught looking like an idiot? I’m just short of that.

   Are there any NY/NJ corporettes in my shoes who are interested in a happy hour type situation?

   1. Maybe try asking this tomorrow; there are so many comments by the end of the weekend that I think things fizzle out. For what it’s worth, I’m in a somewhat similar situation, but in the Midwest. So, although I unfortunately can’t meet you for happy hour, please know that you’re not alone!

   2. Yes, post again tomorrow. I’m currently in south jersey (been there my whole life) but may be moving to north jersey soon and I’ll be in the same situation as you. If it goes through and I end up there soon i’ll let you know!

   3. there is an nyc corporette facebook group – search for nyc corporette. we have been trying to set up a get together.

10. I know its late in the weekend, but does anyone have advice on handling an SO’s horrible parent? My fiance is incredibly successful by anyone’s standards (not to mention being a wonderful person, which more important) but his father is really cruel to him and repeatedly screams at him and tell him he’s a failure for not getting XYZ job or award, etc. His father has many other behaviors that make him extremely unpleasant to be around, but this is the worst. I’ve tried to talk to his father about how hurtful his comments are but he mostly wont’ engage me in argument (he thinks I’m not enough of an intellectual to debate with) and when he does he just hurls a stream of insults my way about my own failings & blames my fiances “failures” on me not being a supportive partner. It doesn’t bother me when he insults me: I have two very loving parents and a wonderful fiance, and essentially think of his father as a stranger, so while its not fun to hear comments like these it doesn’t really upset me. I get very upset, however, seeing how hurt and sad my fiance is after talking to him. My fiance would rather have this kind of relationship with him than no relationship at all, which I can respect, and so keeps taking his calls, even in stressful times when his father is more likely to get upset (e.g. right now, because he’s job-hunting).

    So I”m wondering how I should handle this situation going forward generally: should I just accept that this is between my fiance & his father & stay out, even though I see & hear my fiance getting very upset every time they talk? Or does anyone have any ideas on what else to do?

    Also, looking further down the line: When we have kids (3-5 years away, probably) I have made it clear to my fiance that I don’t want them exposed to these sort of comments or outbursts from his father. I certainly don’t want him saying horrible things about our children, but I also don’t want our kids hearing him say these things about me or their father. If it were solely up to me, my children would never meet the man but I understand that it is important to my fiance that they do. Currently I guess our plan is that he’ll never be around the children without me there, and that I will just remove them if we/I decide its necessary. Although I’m not sure how this would work if we are visiting them or they are visiting us, given that our current cities are separated by a plane ride. Does anyone have any other thoughts or advice about how to handle children around a person like this?

    Based on a horrible experience the last time I went to visit his parents (over 2 years ago now), I’ve decided I don’t want to visit them anymore & my fiance is ok with this. I have no problem with him going to see them as many times as he wants without me, so long as it doesn’t interfere significantly with our finances. Currently he goes 2-3 times per year, which is fine for us financially.

    His father hasn’t visited us much, but I’m worried that if we move closer (a possibility, since we will be moving at least 2 times in the next 5 years, since my fiance is in academia) and/or have kids, he will start visiting us much more frequently. I have no idea how interested in our kids he will be. He is definitely not a traditional Grandpa type (to say the least) but could decide he needs to manage his grandkids lives the way he tries to manage my fiance’s life.

    This whole situation is just so hard for me, since I came from a very loving family – my parents and I certainly had our fights when I was a teenager, but its unimagineable to me that a parent would call their child a failure, and that my wonderful, loving fiance could have been raised in such an environment. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

    1. 1) This sucks and I’m sorry for you. I would repost this on Monday morning for more responses. My quick thoughts, though:
       2) I would stop trying to engage your FIL on this topic. This is between him and his son.
       3) IMO your role is to limit your exposure to your FIL and, when you have kids, make sure you limit their exposure as well, as you and your husband have already begun to discuss.
       4) More generally, you need to recognize what’s in your control vs. not. You cannot control the way your FIL behaves around his own son or around you, and you may not be able to control his behavior around your future kids either (which is why you’ll focus on limiting their exposure, period). Accepting that this is out of your hands is difficult but important. If you’ve already discussed this with your husband, I’m not sure what more you can do.
       5) Regarding the management of your FIL and your future kids … you know you’ll set limits, but as for the details, you’ll have to cross that bridge when you come to it. I think worrying about that right now, given that you don’t have kids, you might move, FIL might change his tune, who knows … is unproductive.

11. Appreciate thoughts if people care to give.

    Facts/Situation: have basic dream job at global company, after many years of horrid jobs. Been in it under 2 years, top of staff levels. Love it in nearly every way, but company is big on heirarchy and there are limited pathways upwards, especially in my subject matter area and for my background, which I want to stay in. Many internal people at my level are thrilled to get to it and stay for good; many coming from outside become frustrated after some years at inability to get promoted up.
    Add: pregnant, mid-way, difficult time. Not smooth sailing; most days present challenges requiring limited mobility, doctor visits, etc. Mentally, fine and productivity really hasn’t suffered, but it has been H.A.R.D. Have the trust/flexibility of bosses though which helps a lot.

    Choice: was approached about a higher lever job I am qualified for in same company. The woman moving out of that position asked me if I wanted to apply. The listing is a few steps up and I could make the jump directly because it is the one job at the company that is geared for my background + senior manager level. It is step just below executive. Rare opportunity. Subject matter is same general area which is good, but less exciting/innovative/global than what I do now. Unknowns with bosses as transitions occurring there; team to manage are more than fine. Would round out my experience and provide manager experience + open up upward pathways.

    Downsides: Truly hate to leave a remarkbly good situation- stellar work, bosses, teammates, issues etc. Also not in state to take on anything with the pregnancy- can barely get through each day. Earning trust of new bosses and subordinates sounds stressful. But this chance may not come again. Current bosses would be disappointed/in a lurch. Have heard new department is flexible about maternity etc and that they wouldn’t consider it a problem.

    Currently leaning towards exploring it and seeing if I could work out a hybrid situation where I continue some current projects as well. Had been decided against it but realized over the weekend that may be rather dumb despite that I feel like staying put. Must put in application tomorrow, if going to do it. Thank you for any insights!

    1. I think you should apply. The opportunity sounds like promising and a good move for your career. One of the things Sheryl Sandberg said in her TED talk was that women shouldn’t leave before they leave. “Many times, from the moment a woman thinks about having a child she thinks about how she could make room for the child. So she doesn’t raise her hand for the extra project or exciting opportunity. Although she hasn’t left, she hasn’t brought her passion or her 100%. She is “leaving” early and which means she could be taking herself out of the running for future leadership positions long before she ever starts to have children. Why shy away from projects and promotions before having kids? We can’t slow our professional momentum in anticipation for future responsibility.”

       http://wisakc.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/don%E2%80%99t-leave-before-you-leave-by-roberta-rea/

       1. errr, sorry about the extra word. “The opportunity sounds promising and a good move for your career.”

       2. I hear her point, but honestly think she must have had very different pregnancies.. it just isn’t that simple for me… no need to harp on the miserable details but I have simply not been able to be at 80% let slone 100% just due to pure physical pain and exhaustion. That said, the new opportunity would work with me I think, and has long-term impacts to be considered.

          I also think about what’s best for my health and the baby- the career at all costs mindset is different when you are mid-30’s excited to conceive, then have a bad miscarriage scare- stress and such matters. But, in this situation the new job is actually maybe easier than current one, so it’s weighing that against stress of making the change third trimester, and potentially enjoying it less than current job (but more money and advancement). Thanks for weighing in.

    2. Go for it.
       Your downsides are all temporary (situations change; you won’t be pregnant forever; earning trust takes time but you’ll do it eventually) and the upside is significant and lasting.

       1. excellent point- thanks.

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