Weekend Open Thread

506 Comments

1. Ladies, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’d rather be doing than my deal-lawyer job. As part of that process, I was thinking about what I like about it, and I realized that what I’m best at (and enjoy the most) are the crisis-management aspects of it. I am not an exceptional lawyer at ordinary times, but in crisis, I’m calm, focused, more creative, more organized, more resourceful – and happier.

   If an example helps, I had a client last year who needed a very large loan to keep it afloat; I came into the office two days before the loan was going to close and found out that the collateral had burned down. This was a major disaster – without the loan, the client was going to be insolvent, but without the collateral, the syndicate wasn’t going to lend. That’s the kind of situation and environment that, for some reason, makes me happy and in which I’m best at my job.

   So my question: is there a job where this skill is particularly useful? Other than being a deal lawyer? I guess I’m trying to figure out if there’s something that’s like crisis communications, but isn’t PR.

   1. Chief of staff for a high profile CEO or government official or university president? Likely a large salary cut for you, though.

   2. Most growing start-up companies seem to have crisis after crisis. So you might do well in a start-up environment, although I am sure that it would be a huge pay cut.

   3. If you would work in a role other than a lawyer, there are emergency preparedness and emergency communications jobs. Most states have several state funded positions, there are probably a bunch with FEMA, there are some with the red cross. These are probably different than the types of crisis you are referring to but something to consider. I believe some of these are high level positions that pay well.

   4. Cbackson,

      I think some of the boutique consulting firms might have a niche to fit a trained attorney. I think the other posters have good ideas, but most companies don’t need 24/7 damage control. Consulting companies might have a roster of companies that would keep a crisis manager busy. Also, a large health care concern (e.g. large hospital system especially university hospitals) might be a possibility.

      Also, since I know that you’re in Seattle, friends have used and liked Centerpoint’s Passion Search class. I think they have classes that meet weekly for 8 weeks after work hours. http://www1.cpinst.org/

      Good luck!

      1. Thanks! Yes, I was thinking that something consulting-type might be a good outlet for this. Thanks also for the link – looks interesting and like it might help me. I’m really flailing around trying to figure out where to go from here.

   5. I’m not sure if emergency management (or “business continuity”) would be what you are looking for. It’s a lot of planning for disasters and not a lot of actual disasters.

      My fiance is in Emergency management / planning. And while he often “pretends” there are crises to plan against (lately it’s been what would happen if a steam pipe blew at the major hospital he works at) he actually has few crises on his plate. When he was studying, he told many people he wanted to work directly and continually with large disasters and the general recommendation was that he consider joining the Navy. (He didn’t.)

      Red Cross had some huge cuts in their staffing early in the recession and I still don’t think they are up to pre-recession staff.

      However, there are always positions with overseas companies like Drs. Without Borders or Amnesty International and other people who set up and run refugee camps if that’s what you’re interested in. Also, if you’d be willing to get another masters, lots of people transition by studying epidemiology or public health.

      If you live in NYC and are interested, there is an emergency management networking event every couple of months. And I’m sure my fiance would be willing to talk to you.

      1. Yeah, I don’t think that emergency management is really along the lines of what really draws me. I actually used to work in public health, and I know a bit about that sphere. I’m thinking more along the lines of crisis communications – the people the client call when the sh*t hits the fan – only not in a PR role.

         Basically, sort of like George Clooney’s character in Michael Clayton, only hopefully, with less covering up of nefarious doings.

   6. What about m&a consulting work? Most large big 4 and consulting houses have departments that would love JDs .

2. Ms. No Name, I’ve taken three exams, although not Texas. First was right after law school, obviously, then one about 7 years out. I did study while working, but did not take BarBri. I did buy a recent grad’s used BarBri book for the state-specific part of the exam (I didn’t have to retake the Multistate). Then I had to take a full exam after I’d been out 9 years, thanks to a ridiculous interpretation of the state’s reciprocity rules. For that one, I took the BarBri class in the evenings after working during the day, and studying on the weekends. I didn’t find the working and studying to be that big a deal, but I did find Barbri helped keep me disciplined about studying. Hope that helps, and good luck!

   1. Wow, three bars! That gives me hope that it can be done. Thanks for the response. :)

3. 你好，

   有没有人可以介绍一些想Corporette有意思，有用的中文博客？ 我很想找到好的中文博客－ 看新浪等网站太难找了。谢谢。）

   (FYI non-Chinese readers – Just asking whether anyone can recommend blogs in Chinese as interesting and useful as Corporette. I would really like to find some good Chinese blogs. thanks)

4. I’ve been feeling rather uninspired by my clothing lately.

   I work in a business casual setting. I’m the only female at middle management. My male counterparts wear button downs or polos with jeans or khakis. I often wear long-sleeved t-shirts with dress pants and long scarf or button down with jeans (or some variation of that). I’m ready to make a bit more of an investment in how I look, but I’m not sure where to start.

   I’d love to hire a stylist, but those listed in my area look like college kids who have no sense of what it means to work in what feels like a old boys’ club. Any advice or inspiration that you use that you could share?

   1. Hey!

      One piece of advice that people offer on this site a fair amount is that if you have a bit of money to budget towards the effort is that you can work with a personal shopper at Nordstroms. They do a great job and they can really help you spice up your wardrobe (with color, jewelry, whatever — you know, nordstroms has everything!). Their services are (I believe) free. I do believe you get added to their e-mail list, but they then send you deals and stuff so it isn’t so bad.

   2. Have you ever checked out YouLookFab? Not a bad forum and there are a lot of blog posts there about different levels of business casual – for example:

      http://youlookfab.com/2010/01/11/defining-the-context-for-business-casual/

      http://youlookfab.com/2010/01/13/16-ways-to-make-business-casual-pop/

      http://youlookfab.com/2011/03/24/building-a-professional-wardrobe-capsule-for-less/

      http://youlookfab.com/2010/01/28/business-casual-beyond-pants-skirts-and-dresses/

      http://youlookfab.com/2011/08/18/straight-leg-trousers-for-business-casual/

      http://youlookfab.com/2010/02/03/how-to-wear-a-tunic-shirt-business-casual-dress-code/

   3. When I was working out My Professional Style, I read a lot of fashion blogs, like extrapetite (even if you’re not petite, she does a lot of classy work-wear) and the Vivienne Files. In the same vein, I tried to be mindful when I saw professional women whose style I admired, whether it was walking down the street or on the news, so I could shamelessly rip them off later.

      I also thought about what things I liked about the clothes I already wore, what pieces of clothing made me happy every time I put them on, and tried to find ways to incorporate them into my working wardrobe. So for example, in college, I always wore lots of cardigans and big scarves, because I like them, feel comfortable in them, and am a master of the artful scarf drape–so at my job I wear a lot of cardigans and big scarves, because those things are still true. I just put them over a pencil skirt or dress pants, instead of my trusty Urban skinnies.

      I don’t have experience with a Nordies personal shopper myself, but that could also be a great idea, if you’d like someone who can push you outside your comfort zone.

   4. I’ve recommended this a lot lately, but check out youlookfab [dot] com [slash] blog. The author is a personal stylist who is based in Seattle — but I think she also does some consulting work from afar if you’re not in that area. Plus the blog itself has lots of inspiration for something more than LS tees but not full-on suits every day . . . .

   5. Agree with both the youlookfab recommendation AND a Nordstrom personal shopper. If you’re in Seattle, I’d recommend hiring Angie of youlookfab in a heartbeat.

      Part of the problem, though, is that business casual sucks.

   6. Thanks, everyone.

      I have used Nordstrom’s personal shopper before. I guess I’ll have to learn to be more firm with describing the office culture as conservative casual similar to an engineering company as described on You Look Fab. I bought some lovely clothes last time that I just can’t bring myself to wear to the office.

      I guess the real issue is that my personal style is more dressed up than what my workplace is. These are definitely some great sources to help me work on becoming more comfortable.

5. I need to vent for a second. Since starting my job search, I’ve gotten two interview offers. The first one decided they weren’t considering out-of-town applications, after we had already scheduled a phone interview. The second one, which I got this week, told me that I’d have to come for an in-person interview next Friday. I couldn’t make that happen, mostly because of recent car trouble which has lowered my savings to a level where I am not comfortable splashing out half of my monthly salary on a plane ticket. At least not for a first-round interview.

   So while I am happy to have gotten another interview offer (and the accompanying morale boost, which is much-needed since I’ve been feeling pretty hopeless recently) I am just so frustrated that, once again, I can’t even do the d a m n interview. For a variety of reasons, I feel that I need a change in location, and am not willing to compromise on that at this point–but is this really representative of long-distance job searches?

   1. But on a happier note, my new pup is currently lying in her crate doing the curled-up-husky-with-tail-over-nose thing. For any Corporette who is considering getting a dog who has not drunk the adoption Kool-Aid–she is living proof that you can get a really fantastic animal from your local shelter. She’s house-trained, sits on command, doesn’t get on furniture, doesn’t bark (but will do the husky a-roo-roo when she needs to go out), loves people, gets along with all the dogs she’s met so far, gets excited for toys and walks but calms down immediately when fun time is over, is happy to lie quietly on the floor while the people are occupied, sleeps through the night, and walks well on the leash. She isn’t perfect–she scratches at the door during her periodic confinements (but has done no visible damage), and being in the car stresses her out–but seriously people. Why on earth would you pay thousands to get a dog from a reputable breeder, or (heaven forbid) buy a puppy from a pet store, when it’s possible to get a lovely, purebred (if you care about that), and pre-trained dog from a shelter?

      1. Oh, I must have missed your post about the new pup! Congratulations, a. !

         Is she a husky?

         1. Yes she is :) She is the prettiest husky in the whole wide world.

            1. Here you go

               http://www.amazon.com/Knitting-Dog-Hair-Better-Sweater/dp/0312152906/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328503513&sr=8-1-spell

               :)

   2. I believe that most employers are going to expect you to come for an inperson interview.

      1. I would expect that for later-round interviews, but all of the advice I’ve been getting (and the experiences of my peers going through job searches in the same field bear this up) has been that employers have been flexible with first-round interviews. I appear to be the only one in my cohort getting slammed by it. So it’s frustrating.

   3. Have you countered their request for an in-person interview with an offer to do it over Skype or video chat? I work for an employer that often hires people from overseas or out of town, and we definitely don’t expect people to fly in just for a first round interview – that sounds really unusual to me and like a huge risk financially for you.

      1. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not crazy! I’ve offered the phone/Skype option both times. And obviously, it hasn’t worked out. Sigh. Just so frustrating.

6. Shopping update:

   Bought this skirt at Target today:
   http://www.target.com/p/Mossimo-Womens-Ponte-Knit-Skirt-Assorted-Colors/-/A-13908717

   Love it! It is super comfortable, almost a heavy sweatshirt material. The elastic waist is amazingly comfortable. It is lower rise than most pencil skirts too which is perfect for my short waist. The material is stiffer in person than it appears in the picture. I walked around and it kept its professional shape and didn’t look like lounge wear. It is a little fitted, as most pencil skirts are, so if you are between sizes, go up. I wear a 4/6 and bought a medium. It hits at the bottom of my knee and I am 5’7″. It might be a tad too long for the short-legged. While the material is substantial, you would need to choose the under layer carefully to avoid vpl. For $17.99 it’s a steal. I bought the fun turquoise color.

   On a more serious note, when I picked up my birth control, I asked the pharmacist to confirm that mine was not part of the recall. She informed me that there were two recalls, one NINE MONTHS ago, the other SIX MONTHS ago. She said for whatever reason, the press is just picking up on it now. Further since it is a voluntary recall and not a “patient recall,” whatever that means, pharmacies are not routinely notifying patients about it. FYI and buyer beware.

   1. Actually, there is a new one. Here is Pfizer’s press release for the recall. It sounds like your pharmacist was poorly informed.

      http://www.fda.gov/Safety/Recalls/ucm289770.htm

      There was one six months ago, but it had to do with the packages being positioned wrongly and you had to rotate them in order to take the pills correctly. This new recall is because the placebos and the active ingredient pills may be in the wrong order, so you would take placebos on a day when you could get pregnant.

      1. That’s what I thought. She claims she looked it up and confirmed. Either way, my bc isn’t made by pfizer so I don’t think it applies but she seemed totally uninformed. She made it sound like the one from 6 months ago was just making the FDA list now. Didn’t seem right to me.

7. I got an email from the dean that I won the jurisprudence award for the highest grade in my criminal law course last semester. I can’t tell any of my law school friends, and the other people in my life don’t really get it. I’m in an evening program and am married with two kids and work full time, and I’m super proud and astonished, so thanks for letting me brag here and get it off my chest! :-)

   1. Congratulations!!!! I cant’ imagine doing law school with a full time job OR kids, let alone both! You should be really proud.

   2. Congrats! You should be proud! 9 years later, I am still super proud of getting the highest grade in my property law course.

   3. Congrats! That is awesome.

   4. Way to go! High fives all around :-)

   5. Congrats!!!!

8. Seattle people: any suggestions on how to find a good housekeeper? Not just cleaning service, but someone who will get to know our home and do more (errands, some food prep, etc.)? Haven’t been able to find personal referalls from people we know. Craigslist no luck. Pregnant, work a lot, need to find more help soon!

   1. I would have loved a job like this in college. (I assume you will pay at least market, would be flexible with the schedule, etc.) Someone would probably love to fit your errands and housework round his/her class schedule. Maybe contact a local college career office?

   2. Check out Seattle Nanny Network. They don’t just do nannies — they also do house managers, etc. That’s where I found our nanny and really liked them on a personal level. Very professional, very responsive. Of course, you’ll pay a cut to them, but we found it very worth it. When our first nanny gave us 24 hours notice that she was quitting (I was a surgery resident and my husband was out of town) they found replacements that were fabulous. Also, when we took a little extra time to find our second nanny (who was AMAZING) they totally stuck with us and didn’t get impatient.

      1. Thanks EC MD! I will check that out for sure.

         Homestar- probably not the best fit… we currently have graduate students, working for a green cleaning company my friend runs. We pay way over market (way over). They transition a lot and honestly just aren’t that motivated to dig in- learn how the appliances work, etc. and as soon as we get a rythym, they leave. The hourly rate is too high to up it to weekly plus errands too. I hate to say it, as I don’t expect people to kill themselves working too hard, but they aren’t that efficient with the time pretty often either. Generalizing yes, but we’ve had them for years over several people. Ideally I think a person who does it as a career would be best- someone who takes pride in keeping things orderly/ship shape and supporting a family, and has the experience to know the tricks to do things efficiently. Not someone just wanting to make cash on the side.

         I had been corresponding with a woman who seemed perfect per her ad for a month, and let it go yesterday after her communications continued to be flaky/confusing. Need somone to help improve things, not make worse! We are willing to pay a lot if it’s a higher level service, but if they don’t understand basics, not so much.

9. Does anyone else find it annoying how stores call sales events now? I look forward to when that attempt at marketing buzz wears off some day.

   Interestingly, my being pregnant might end up resulting in a tiny bit of reverse discrimination, or basically, helping me nail down a promotion. I have an opportunity at work for a big leapfrog promotion simply because I happen to be the most qualified internal person. Way more money and responsibility, especially over time. They asked me to apply, and I had a very good meeting with the would-be boss. I am 100% qualified anyway just the way it’s written so would be in a strong position regardless. But, it is funny, it occurred to me that even if they get outside candidates, I probably have very strong chances, because any manager would have to have cross their mind- if they reject me despite being qualified, it could look like they did so because I was pregnant. Like I said- I am a great fit anyway- but wouldn’t it be a pleasing twist if that played a positive factor, since so often women get disadvantaged in these and other situations? We’ll see what happens- not counting chickens, but just occurred to me this could be a plus. Despite me being a tired pregnant mess every day lately:)

10. re: The $1.6B Woman, Staying on Message
    NYT Business section ran a story on Sheryl Sandberg and her message of female workplace empowerment. Anybody else read it and have a reaction to it?
    I thought it was interesting that the article neglected to mention that for all of Sandberg’s pro-women rhetoric, there is not a single woman on the board of Facebook.
    I also thought the comments that just because she has financial means, she does not have the same issues with raising children and balancing a career, was harsh. Sandberg may not have the same financial difficulty security quality day care and education for her children, but all the money in the world does not make the separation easy.
    curious to hear what the hive thinks….

    1. I agree with your thoughts. I have mixed feelings about her messaging. On the one hand, great motivational bits and all. But she has had a very charmed path for some reasons of family choices, not hers. She was Treasury Dep at age 28– extremely unusual– because her parents sent her to Harvard where she met famous sponsors with connections. Most people don’t get that chance. I do think she’s done as much possible with her opportunity and like that, and am glad for her. I like that she prioritizes focusing on women’s career/family issues. Some of the messages just seem overly general/harsh for the vast majority (just do it! or you’re the one at fault!) not leaving open the possibility that a stellar rise to the top is nearly off-limits for many.
       Agree also that just because she has the money (which does help I can only imagine) it doesn’t make balancing time with kids vs work easier. I report to a very wealthy high level corporate leader, who doesn’t see her kids much. Women at my company comment about that and some have turned down promotions. Sounds like SS has a better balance but it still requires daily tradeoffs.

       I wonder and guess that she might be one of these people with really high energy. My boss is like that- he doesn’t need much sleep and can perform while exhausted. I am not- I really need rest to stay coherent, especially if I am not feeling well (which has been the case for nearly all of my pregnancy). I have thought about this a lot given the opportunity I may have coming up at work for a promotion during my third trimester (post about it just above this topic). At first I was very hesitant to go for it, because I can barely keep up with my current job- most mornings I am a mess and often have to leave early later in the day. My current bosses have been great with flexibility and such as they know I’ll do all I can. the idea of having to earn new subordinate/boss respect and trust mid-stream on this is stressful. Although SS would say no brainer, go for it, it’s worth considering the health of one’s self and baby, not just advancement at all costs (I am not suggesting she jeopardized anything- just that she must have had easier pregnancies, higher energy, or something to promote her message on that so strongly- shows lack of awareness of range of women’s experiences). I’ve decided to apply and see what happens, in part because the new job is actually less stressful than my current one (once I got settled in). In some ways it would take me out of the more central business issues but is a good move for long-term purposes.

       On the Board lack of women- agree. Noticeable omission in FB’s persona.

       Anyway, thanks for the article note, hadn’t seen it.

       1. “But she has had a very charmed path for some reasons of family choices, not hers. She was Treasury Dep at age 28– extremely unusual– because her parents sent her to Harvard where she met famous sponsors with connections”

          How did her parents “send” her to Harvard? Even if they paid for it, and Harvard has excellent financial aid, she got in on her own. I understand that the privilege of growing up in a loving family that values education is a great one, but plenty of people have those opportunities and do nothing with them. She worked for it.

          1. Of course she worked for it. But if you don’t think that growing up in a household that can afford to send you to Harvard, and afford to give you every single advantage to get there isn’t charmed, then I my jaw just hit the floor.

             Of course there are people who have those opportunities and squander them. But the point is that most of the population does not get those opportunities at all.

             1. I think “charmed” might be a little strong a word. I usually save it for so-and-so’s family sent them to Exeter/Andover/Deerfield (etc.) or they donated X library so they could get into Harvard. I went to Princeton, and the school (not my parents) paid for most of it and I don’t think I would say that I am “charmed”.

             2. Right there with you, ELS.

             3. @Alanna I can understand the hangup on the word “charmed.” Maybe it’s not the best word for her situation or yours, as I’m positive that both she and you worked hard to get to an Ivy and worked hard after to get to where you are now.

                However, my point stands that there is a small minority of those with aptitude and potential that are able to afford Ivy schools, even with financial aid. I speak from experience – even with the generous financial aid packages, I wasn’t able to scare up the money to go to the Ivies to which I was admitted. Of course, I’ve done just fine for myself since, but attending an Ivy opens more doors to those with an excess of money and success that I just didn’t get at my schools.

                However, I do apologize if the use of the word “charmed” on my part seemed snarky or otherwise combative. I didn’t mean it to be so. I simply meant to point out the fact that in addition to hard work, there’s a lot of good fortune that plays into anyone’s success.

             4. I think I used charmed first… fine with another word:) What I mean is, it cuts both ways. Sure, the person with the opportunity must seize it and work hard on merit. But if you honestly think family money/culture etc doesn’t most often have a LOT to do with it, you may be in a bit of a bubble. Just the process of getting your credentials groomed in high school, the application form, etc. take extra oomph most of the time that isn’t natural to the masses. Not saying it can’t be done- but it’s a fairly self-perpetuating thing in those circles, breaking into them without any relevant background is hard and not that common. I recall a dear friend from a wealthy NYC family joking about how her mother’s paralegal wrote up her Harvard app essay for her (the typing/editing, not the idea). It’s little things that add up to admissions + connections+ big breaks.
                Again, not saying it can’t otherwise be done, and that the woman herself must deliver. But, there’s a lot of socioeconomic impact as well, so SS’s messaging that is very ‘it’s all in your hands’ is just a bit too removed for me. I grew up middle class, now do quite well, but after attending a mid-ranked law school, was often treated like a leper in NYC. It’s utterly different on the west coast. So I’ve seen a few sides of this- and the ivy/elitist/exclusionist thing of closed-circle opportunity is very real. And it is possible to escape it, and do really well on your own.

             5. Thanks for the responses–ELS & Ruby! I don’t think I can deny that an Ivy gets you those opportunities, that was one of the reasons I wanted to attend one. And I also can’t deny that it is easier for people of a certain class to get into an Ivy/Ivy-equivalent school. But I think I dislike the word “charmed” because it implies that the person benefiting from those opportunities doesn’t deserve them, even when that person may have gotten those opportunities on merit.

                Anyway, happy Super Bowl Sunday for me here in New York! Have a good week!

             6. I don’t think “charmed” implies “doesn’t deserve it” so much as implying considerable luck. I’ve described my life as “charmed” several times. Although I was born into a lower working class family, they valued education and set things up so that my tuition was paid all the way through school. It wasn’t enough to send me to a top-level university, but my mid-level one was fine, and I ended up with only the student loans from grad school. Most of the decisions I’ve made hoping it’ll pay out in the end worked out at least partially. I’ve also used it to encompass the fact that myself and those closest to me have never had major illnesses, I’ve had no hugely traumatic incidents in my life, no one close to me has died unexpectedly etc. That all seems pretty darn charmed to me.

                Although I’m also fine using “well-off” to describe my financial situation, which is another one people seem to resist strongly for some reason.

             7. You too!

                My husband and I were discussing the SS messages tonight. We agreed it may be possible that SS’s mantra of individual responsibilit/ambition/effort goes to her own wanting to believe she did it all on her own (and of course, did a lot on her own, just had the benefits of other things too). So may not subconsciously or consciously enjoy thanking or attributing other socioeconomic factors- less personal satisfaction/credit. Projecting onto her general theories about women, since she doesn’t usually drive all points home using herself. We are guessing here of course, but it might explain the over-generalized messages. Other explanations include ignorant of range of personal circumstances/experiences (unlikely- someone must have at least told her, if she hasn’t been exposed), or choice to deliver strong controversial soundbites to make a splash, even if knows reality way more nuanced (maybe), or simple arrogance (unusual in a female lead- and not becoming for most).

                WHen I represent my company at events to accept an award or such with famous CEO types there (Ted Turner etc.) my media guy has coached me to ALWAYS lead with a thank you to the employees who are the hard-working backbone of our success blablabla. It’s the typical classy approach- if our CEO stood up and said “and I made it all happen! I did the whole thing! etc.” it would not be well-received. Sheryl isn’t doing that, as she’s talking generally about what other women can/should do (sometimes referring to her own experience), but the lack of acknowledgement of the role of others can be odd- and perhaps bordering on tacky. What do others think?

                The Davos panel comments (just watched it) aren’t along her usual advice to women lines- more a citing of numbers about how women are treated/perceived, so more fact-based. Didn’t hear anything troubling in this one.

             8. Jas, thanks and agree with your thoughts. Maybe the definition/implication is more about the ‘non-charmed’ people… i.e. you can work your *ss off your whole life and still not experience wild success. Your inputs are just part of the equation. A must for success, but in itself, not often enough.

    2. “Charmed” is getting Lawrence Summers’ mentorship for your post-grad work in Washington. She was profiled in the New Yorker last summer and that’s the part that stood out to me. I don’t remember how their paths crossed, but he opened doors (figuratively at least) even before she graduated and then took her to Treasury with him. I’m sure she worked her a** off and is undeniably smart, etc. etc. Nevertheless, Harvard was not her only foot in the door.

       1. they met at harvard. yep, that was the key connection that launched her, stemming from her getting to go there, then catching his attention (merit + fortunate-ness)

    3. I admire her a great deal.

       And yes, her background and connections helped her get to where she is. But I don’t think her message is “every woman out there can be COO of Facebook.” It’s that whatever our personal career goals are, we have more control over them than we may think, and that we shouldn’t take ourselves out of the race because we think it isn’t possible.

       My father is a professor who’s won a ton of awards for mentorship of female graduate students and faculty (something he says became important to him once he had a daughter, thanks, dad!). His message to me, from an early age was that when it comes to work-life balance, the “deal” you make with your spouse is the most important factor in your success.

       My mother had a lower-status but inflexible job (public-school teacher). Part of their “deal” was that he couldn’t take on certain higher leadership positions at the college because he needed job flexibility to be able to handle childcare. I think that it’s one of the most important things he ever taught me, and it has definitely affected how I approach relationships: I won’t be with a man who isn’t supportive of my career and its demands. Otherwise I’m sabotaging myself.

11. Anyone else brave the lines for the Jason Wu for Target today? I got there 10 minutes before doors opened and managed to get a few blouses that I wanted for work (the blue with white polka dot and the pink with white short sleeve), the white and black purse and a scarf. So excited! I didn’t like the Missoni (it’s just not a look that I wear) but this collection was enough to get me up early and in line. Besides my iPhone this is the only time I’ve waited in line to shop for anything!

    1. Longtime lurker here… Anon, question about your Jason Wu for target experience- how was the sizing? I am currently obsessed with one of the a-line dresses, and planning to buy one on Ebay. I have a size 2-4 upper body and a size 8-10 lower body. I’m trying to decide between the 4 and the 6… how would you say that the jason wu sizing was? were the clothes tiny, or do they fit like regular sizes? TIA! I didn’t even know this was coming (lol, clueless, i know) or really who jason wu is but that stuff is adorable.

       1. I found that it really varied based on the piece. The button up ones with the tie waist were pretty forgiving. I just got a medium and it fit well (I fluctuate between 6 and 8 at most stores). The zip up A -line flare out ones were a little tight in the chest. The bottoms were forgiving but if you have any sort of chest I would recommend sizing up. You might want to wait and see if things get returned before spending a ton on ebay. My understanding is that a lot of Missoni stuff ended up getting returned.

       2. Can I also say I hate that people go buy all these things just to mark them up to sell on ebay. There are people who really want these pieces and can’t afford the markup. Also, the designers clearly want the pieces to be at a lower price point and more accessible for the average consumer, otherwise they wouldn’t partner with Target! It would also help if Target commissioned more of the pieces so people wouldn’t have to resort to resale with 100% markup or more. Sorry… rant over.

          1. Thank you! Yeah, maybe i’ll wait and the fever will pass. Sounds like I would be good with a four since I’m flat-chested and large-arsed :) you’re right about all these people just buying tons of it and putting a 100% markup on ebay. Grrr! Though there’s no way I could be bothered to go fight the crowds. they should commission more pieces… wouldn’t they prefer to make the money themselves, rather than have it go to the black market?

             anyhoo this is the thing I’m yearning for http://www.target.com/p/Jason-Wu-for-Target-Poplin-Dress-in-Navy/-/A-13840107#?lnk=sc_qi_detailbutton — so cute for a European holiday!

             maybe I’ll wait til the fever passes or someone has buyer’s remorse and puts it on ebay for 20 bucks.

    2. I was really looking forward to this. I got up early and got to the Target in my neighborhood about 20 minutes after it opened and they were already almost out of stuff. The things I did try on had really terrible fit. The cat T-shirt is super long and boxy-looking. I’m normally a Small/Medium in Target stuff but even the Smalls were too big and they were already out of X-Smalls.

       So disappointed and unimpressed. If this is what the “bring the designers into the mainstream stores” experience is all about, then No Thank You!

    3. I spaced on Jason Wu but went to Target for regular household things at about 9:30 am. Jersey City Target (i.e. NYC). CLEANED OUT. Nothing.

12. Made an offer on a great house yesterday. Just found out the seller accepted one of the two other offers on the house. I know rationally that it’s not the end of the world and that we will find another house. But I just wanted to say RATS!!!! in this anonymous forum.

    1. How disappointing! I’ll channel Ellen here and add FOOEY!! to your RATS!!

       Here’s hoping that this means the next house you find will be even better…

       1. Thanks, TechAnon! I thought of Ellen’s “fooey” as well . . .

    2. Don’t completely give up hope — deals fall apart sometimes. (Though if the deal does fall apart, be wary and find out why! Make sure its because the buyer couldn’t get financing and not because of the inspection.)

13. So I’ve applied for my dream job and have an interview coming up that I’m very excited about. The problem? I’m not sure I could afford to take the job if they offered it to me. It would require taking a significant pay cut and moving to a city that’s about two hours away from where I live now. I’m upside down on my mortgage thanks to the lousy real estate market, and would probably need to sink a few thousand dollars into remodeling if I want to attract renters. Meanwhile, I know my current job will be ending in six months (it’s a clerkship) and I don’t know if I’m going to find anything better anyway. Any thoughts on what I should do if this interview turns into an offer?

    Thanks!

    1. Figure out what’s the least thousands you’d need to sink into your place to rent it. Do you have something close to that? If so, take the new job. You can always come up with more money for more fixes later, if needed, in between renters or not as you feel about it. But you can’t come up with a good job at precisely the right time just by snapping your fingers..

    2. I was in your spot. I took the job and rented out my house. I showed it “as is” and mentioned I would be fixing x, y an z. The renter turned out to be a handy guy who built ships and new how to do plumbing, electric, etc. He said if I took $200/month off the rent, he would fix the things that needed to be fixed and anything else that came up during the lease. We took the deal and it worked out for us. Now we have crappy tenants that we have almost had to evict once for non-payment but we are much more financially secure now (almost 3 years out of school) and can handle rent and the mortgage when they are late with the payment. I say take the job and make the move. You could probably find renters without all the fix ups if you price the place accurately. You might not quite break even with the cost of the mortgage but it should make the move doable.

14. A couple weeks ago, we had a thread about what percentage of our income we give the charity. I just re-read it because I am rethinking this issue. I wonder: do my synagogue dues count toward that percentage? They are 501(c)(3) deductible, but I always thought of them differently than my donations to Planned Parenthood, ADL, etc. In my mind, this is just what I have to pay/give to belong to the synagogue of my choice.

    Some commenters wrote about tithing to their church(es). Synagogue dues aren’t really the same. There is a pricelist (for lack of a better word) that tells you how much to pay based on your family structure (single, married, kids, senior etc), not a set “everyone pays X%.”

    I would be curious to hear what people think.

    1. I’m not Jewish, but for what it’s worth this sounds like charity to me. The fact that the synagogue requires (or effectively requires) it for you to attend there doesn’t change the fact that you are choosing to give money to a religious organization.

    2. By paying to be part of a synagogue, you’re supporting the synagogue’s charitable and community works. The fact that synagogue dues are mandatory has always rankled on me, frankly – I don’t think you should have to pay money to worship God as part of community. But I do consider it a charitable donation akin to tithing.

       1. In the Bible, the tribe that had the title of priesthood was not allotted any land whereas the other tribes were given portions of land. People from the non-priestly lineage were required to support the Levites, who were granted the responsibility of administering worship. Here it is a similar idea.

       2. Synagogue dues are not mandatory… at least not in any of the synagogues where I have been (all Orthodox). Paying for membership is up to you. My family couldn’t afford membership fees so we never paid and it was never an issue. Most synagogues do charge for High Holiday tickets for non-members.

    3. Yep, that absolutely counts.

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