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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 670 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Frye Carmen Harness TallSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I had a conversation a year or so ago with a friend that I think about often. I — as a fan of the bootcut pant — was bemoaning the continued existence of skinny jeans and leggings, and wondering whether they would finally go the way of the dodo. My friend looked at me and said, “Kat, come on. We've all spent way too much on boots — the skinny jean is never going away.” See? Very profound. So if you're looking for a bit of a splurge for a great boot to wear on the weekend, check out these Frye Carmen Harness — they're a classic for their comfort, durability, and great look. They're $378 at Zappos. Frye – Carmen Harness Tall (Black Waxed Suede) – Footwear (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. a., how is your mom?

    Apologies if you’ve already posted, but has your mom received her results yet? I’ve been thinking of you, and worrying.

    ~Seattleite

    • a.

      Oh, thank you so much for asking! She got them back, and has Stage 0 cancer. She’ll be having a lumpectomy in October, followed by three weeks of radiation. The bad news is: all of that. The good news is: no chemo or mastectomies; with full treatment it only has a 10% chance of coming back, since they caught it early; and that all of the pink fluffy ribbon binders and Chicken Soup For The Breast Cancer Patient’s Souls that they shoved down her throat made her grumpy and feisty. (Not that I mean to disparage the whole pink ribbon thing; I know many women find it meaningful and comforting. But that is Not My Mom.)

      It really means a lot that you ladies asked. Seattleite, I hope you’re holding up, and I’d just like to say how invaluable your advice was the other day. It turned out that, when I talked about it with her later, that she was feeling basically everything you said. So that was just such an incredibly useful perspective to have going into that conversation. I can’t even thank you enough. You are absolutely in my thoughts and prayers.

      • Seattleite

        a., I’m so glad I was able to help. It honestly does make my situation easier, knowing that maybe it’s helping me contribute something elsewhere. And I’m glad that your mom’s prognosis is so good. I understand completely the grumpiness about the pink ribbons – I told a friend yesterday I was going to buy an Axl Rose skull and crossbones kerchief for the bald days.

  2. Anon For This

    So 18 months into my relationship with a great guy, I’m learning that he has virtually no conflict resolution skills. He’s wonderful at navigating situations where there’s a clear cut “right person” and “wrong person”, which are most of the fights we’ve had thus far. He’s great at apologizing when he’s in the wrong and accepting apologies when I’m the one in the wrong.

    However, when we get into a “gray area” kind of conflict, he completely shuts down. We’re a few months away from moving in together and he prefers a more “lived in” house (to put it mildly), whereas I like things clean and neat. I tried to talk to him about coming up with a compromise for our messy/neat differences this morning and he got really defensive, then shut the conversation down by leaving to go to the office in a hurry.

    I know he grew up with an uber-controlling, mentally ill mother, so I think some of his defensiveness about his behavior/messiness stems from that. I also know that in his last serious relationship, which ended two years ago, they fought ALL THE TIME – like screaming, yelling, incredibly heated fights. He’s never once raised his voice to me or gotten very angry with me, but he’s told me he’s afraid of ending up in another relationship like that, so I think that’s why he just shuts down when conflicts between us arise, rather than try to hash things out with me.

    Aside from this, he’s a wonderful guy and I really can see a future with him. I know that he does not want to lose me and would work on it if I asked him to, but I also know that he’s got some pretty thick walls up, due to his past experiences.

    I know a lot of commentors here have mentioned that one of the things they learned in their first year of marriage/living together was how to fight. Any tips on how to begin or facilitate and go through that learning process with him? Any advice or books to read? I’d love to come up with a healthy way of dealing with conflict that works for both of us.

    Thanks in advance!

    • snon

      No real suggestions, but I’m sorry for your situation and hope things work out for the best!

    • KK

      My DH was a bit like this back when we started dating- his mother isn’t mentally ill or anything, but he had come out of a relationship w/ a lot of fighting. A few thing:

      1. It will probably get better the longer you’re together- the more comfortable you get and the more secure you are in the relationship, the more he may be willing to work through conflict.

      2. You need to take a lot of care to come at these fights from a no fault point of view. For instance, you probably feel that it is better (morally, practically, and otherwise) to be neat than messy. He likely feels otherwise. If he feels you are judging him or being critical of him, he will shut down instantly. So, it’s best to be specific about things you want (Honey, can you please put your dirty clothes in the hamper/dishes in the dishwasher?) instead of general (how can you live like this?!?). And pay attention to the timing of fights- perhaps the morning when he’s getting ready to leave for work is not the best time for a big talk?

      3. Accept that not everyone wants have big talks about conflicts. DH doesn’t and that’s fine. We rarely do. We deal with specific things as they come up (as above), but we’re not the type to sit down and have a discussion about a particular problem. We certainly didn’t have a specific conversation about household tasks before we moved in together. We just kind of figured it out as we went along. And that’s ok.

      4. Focus on what you can do (by yourself) to resolve the things that bother you. For instance, if nagging him to help keep things to your standard of neatness just irritates him, pick your battles (see 2) and do it yourself.

    • e_pontellier

      I feel like my DH is a bit like this. Get yourself in therapy NOW, so that you have a safe place and you don’t lose perspective on who you are when you move in with him.

      As far as actually working through the fights, I think you should put all of this (what you said above) on the table with him. Tell him you’re ready to work through grey areas, you want to do so calmly, and ask if he could help you work through it. I think it’s useful to ask the guy to help you work through a challenge that you’re having, rather than accuse him of not being willing to work through what is a clear problem that both of you have.

      Also, set a time limit on these discussions, and give yourself somewhere to go (like the gym) afterwards. That way, even if you do get worked up, you won’t feel (as) bad leaving after say, an hour.

      • e_pontellier

        OH — books! For Women Only and For Men Only. I’m still convincing my DH to read For Men Only but FWO was awesome. Also, for moving in with an SO, The Defining Decade (if you’re in your twenties).

        • Anon For This

          I just got the Defining Decade from Amazon – it’s waiting for me at my place to read. :)

    • Anne Shirley

      Can you tell him all of this? Tell him you’re concerned about how you two are going to handle working through the many shades of gray that come with living together, and you’d like to see a couple’s therapist pro-actively to learn some skills for that. I think most couples just sort of muddle through and learn when to save things for later, and when not to bug someone about their mess (srsly before work in the morning? maybe not an uber productive time :) ). Since you know there’s a history that could make this more challenging, I think you present it as an opportunity to learn to work even better together.

    • N.

      I don’t especially like the “learning to fight” phrasing because it implies that fighting is the only way to problem solve. I guess what I learned early on in living with my SO is that he doesn’t fight, and if I come at him in a “fighty” way he completely shuts down. I used to think that this was a serious red flag until I realized that he wasn’t at all unwilling to solve problems, just unwilling to fight about them.

      We also have the neatness/messiness issue and it’s one of the few things that we have ongoing conflict about. I’ve had the most success by trying to explain why it is that messiness is an issue from my perspective, focusing on how it affects me and not general “this is the way things should be done” type arguments (eg, walking into a messy house makes me feel physically stressed and unable to relax). Then, we’ve tried out a bunch of different solutions to see what’s liveable for both of us. The best solutions so far for us are 1) he has one room entirely that he can mess up as he likes, and I basically don’t go in it, 2) the living room, kitchen, etc each have a “stuff” bin where I can deposit the random little things he leaves everywhere when they start to bug me (and then if he asks “where’s my X? It was on the kitchen table,” I can just tell him to look in the kitchen stuff bin), and 3) coming to terms with the fact that he just doesn’t (and probably never will) see mess the way I do (it’s like it’s invisible to him), so I do a bigger proportion of the “neatening” household work and he does more of other things (laundry, grocery shopping).

      Hope that helps, and good luck…

    • NOLA

      To me, it doesn’t sound like he needs to learn how to fight – he needs to learn how to deal with conflict in a healthy way. One thing you may use to discuss this with him is that successful managers have to deal with conflict among people constantly. The best managers deal with it well. I had a very conflict-averse manager and it means that a lot of little things can fester into larger ones. Encourage him to learn more about managing conflict – and phrase it that it will help you two in your relationship and also help him in his career. Just my two cents.

    • Hel-lo

      At a calm time, like during dinner or when you’re both in the car riding somewhere together, ask how he would prefer to discuss things he doesn’t want to talk about.

      What time of day would he like to discuss things? For me and my SO, it’s not the morning before work, but it’s not immediately after we come home from work either.
      What tone of voice would he like you to use?
      Does he prefer to have intense look-each-other-in-the-eyes conversations, or would he prefer to be able to look away? Some people find that easier to open up.

      Listen to what he wants.

      He may ask you how you would like to have difficult conversations.

      But first, listen to what he says. And to what he doesn’t say. He needs to feel comfortable enough to actually let you know what’s going on.

    • Anon For This

      Thanks everyone for all of the thoughtful advice and feedback. I really appreciate it & will take your thoughts to heart. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one in a relationship with someone like this too!

      I agree with the commentors who said he doesn’t need to learn how to fight, but we do need to learn how deal with conflict in a way that works for both of us. I think I may try to talk to him about what I posted here – he may be more open to “conflict” when he realizes I’m not trying to fight, just resolve conflicts in a way we’re both comfortable and happy with. My natural inclination is to hash it out and be done with it, which I’m quickly learning isn’t his.

      To clarify on the “don’t bring this up right before work” thing – I posted this on a Saturday afternoon, before he voluntarily went to the office to work on some extra projects (which he does frequently, but isn’t required of him). I do try to take timing into account when bringing these things up, but obviously could still use some work in that area. :)

      Thanks again for all of the input. I can always count on you ladies.

  4. Jules

    Ladies I have a bra/pregnancy SOS. I’m six months pregnant and my breasts are KILLING me. I think the problem is the underwire in my bra combined with my rib cage expanding. But the problem is I can’t find any that fit, and even going up a couple band sizes I still feel like it’s cutting off my circulation, but when I went up a cup size and a band size the cups were much too large. Plus, now my left boob is super sore and let’s just say something weird is going on there. Anyone have any suggestions for a really comfortable bra to wear during pregnancy? I’m not super concerned with looks here I just want something I can wear without crying from pain thirty minutes after putting it on. Any suggestions for style/brand/etc. would be super appreciated!

    • anon

      Why not go to underwireless? I’m not pregnant (and never have been, hence the lack of suggestions), but I have an issue with many bras in that they feel like they pinch me and then my breasts hurt. I switched to no wire bras, but I still have the feeling (a little better, though). I haven’t really found a solution, but I figured I would share that thought/explanation of reasoning.

    • anon

      Since breast cancer/radiation/surgery, my mom has been unable to wear anything around her ribcage because it hurts too much. She buys camisole-style ones – like sassy backs (bax?) or flexees, but I’m sure there are more out there. I can’t promise that it will look the best, and they might provide too much compression on the breasts, but just another idea.

      Or you could use her other solution, which is take her bra off the second she gets home.

    • Lalo

      According to the woman at my local Nordstrom, the spanx bras are the most popular no underwire bra they sell, mostly to women post breast surgery or those who just can’t tolerate underwires.

    • New2InHouse

      I bought a lot of wireless bras from Cacique when I was pregnant and my breasts got GINORMOUS. Wearing an underwire was just too uncomfortable.

      I also just found a slip-over-the-head style by Hanes that looks like a camisole. It doesn’t offer enough support for wearing out of the house, but it’s nice to bum around in.

    • Bonnie

      Old navy has a ruffle collar top for 12 and simple polos with just one decorative button for 15. Use code Ontake25 for an additional 25% off.

    • anon

      This won’t help quite yet, but keep an eye out for it to appear “on the counter” or in LE’s sale. Sometimes, you have to keep checking the sale section because everything doesn’t show up in the regular section, but you can find better deals. Also, I know they just finished a 25% promotion, but I wouldn’t be surprised if more are around the corner.

    • M-C

      This is a slightly beside the point response.. But there’s no need for “laundry day”. I do most of my laundry 19th century style – put it in a dish-basin of hot water and detergent at night, give it a 2mn swish in the morning, rinse as I get out of the shower, it’s often dry before I get home at night, even in the winter. You may not be enthused by say one round a week to make your 3 shirts last, but it’ll tide you over till you get the paychecks coming in from the new job.

      People think hand laundry is hard or difficult, but it’s really not. One thing is I hardly ever really wring things, it’s painful on hands and wrists and doesn’t really do much for drying time, while it can necessitate ironing (something to be avoided at all costs :-)). The other trick is that I have a special laundry-only toilet plunger which I use for agitation, it’s incredibly efficient. “poor man’s washing machine” is what my weaving/spinning teacher called it when showing us how she uses it for felting. Be sure you spend your $3 on one with a good long handle so you get a lot of leverage, and be assured that even 1mn of plunging will get your clothes as clean as any rich man’s washing machine :-). I don’t need to specify that I put the basin into the bathtub or shower before agitating, right? Otherwise you have to factor in another 10mn for mopping :-).

  6. Also Anon

    NYC Ladies, the studio apartment featured in NYT’s real estate section (Clinton area for about $250k) looks like a great pied-a-terre.
    Is there something about the area I don’t know (but should)? Why are there so many affordable units in that building?
    Thank you!

    • Ellen

      First of ALL, it is a STUDIO with a MURPHEY bed, which mean’s it is not to big. No counter space and NO dishwasher. FOOEY!

      The neaighborhood is OK; but I think it is a little out of the way b/c my freind lives near there, and I have to take the BUS b/c there is NOT a subway line that far over. It’s near the water pier where the barge’s send out the City’s garbage, so mabye you want to open the window’s to check which way the wind blow’s. FOOEY!

      Also, 57th street is a VERY busy street, which mean’s alot of cars and trucks. There is a BUS line on 57th –YAY!!!, But if your a light sleeper and the apartement is faceing the street, you could have a probelem.

      I do NOT have alot of time to get into it, but as my father say’s: You get what you pay for. He is smart.

      This is not alot of money for an apartement $255K in Manhattan, and the mainteneence is not CHEEP. Be carful b/c there is alot of dog poo around so watch your STEP’s if you value your shoe’s!

      Myrna and me went to the beach yesterday. We were aproached by 3 guy’s who wanted to Hang out with us. But they were all guy’s from LONG ISLAND, so we were not to interested, even tho I grew up there, I am now a city girl and do NOT want to have to date a guy from Long Island. FOOEY!

      • ELLENWatch

        Some of my reader’s have been expressing concern about you, Ellen. Were these guy’s older? Is Myrna the cuter one, or were they targeting you?

        I’ve been asked to INTERVEEN to make sure you don’t get mixed up with the wrong peeple. I don’t think you want my input, but there’s certainly nobody who cares about you more than I do. I think you should look up NERDY GUY in your OUT-Look contacts and finally meet him for that lunch. Fooey on Jim, Frank, Harold, and LONG ISLAND loosers! Nerdy Guy is the one.

    • e_pontellier

      That one is still over $1,000 per sqft and you’re in between 2 hospitals.

  7. BU Law To Be

    This is probably late in the weekend to ask, but I haven’t been around much.

    Any suggestions for a good, but inexpensive, massage place near BU/Packard’s/Coolidge general area?

  8. K...in transition

    I just want to apologize to anyone who has felt left-out because of my fill-in-the-blank games (see the comments at the beginning of this post)… I truly didn’t mean to cause harm or hurt feelings and it breaks my heart that some of you felt this way. I tried to apologize earlier (within that thread) but someone read it differently than I meant it, so I suppose I should have worded it better. I’d never want anyone to feel kept out or not part of a “cool clique” or whatnot. To be honest, being here within this website’s community IS the cool clique, and I feel lucky when y’all let me hang out in your clubhouse.

  9. Constance Justice

    Anyone else working on this glorious Sunday? Anyone have any tips for making working weekends less awful?

    At least I’m working from home, with a pup at my feet. :)

  10. AJ

    How to foster a budding feminist?

    This weekend I attended a family function and had a gra girl who is starting her senior year of high school. She is a neat kid and I see such leadership potential in her. I want to give her a nudge toward political awareness. I’ve been thinking about what was influential to me at that age, but I know things have changed and the messages that resonate now are different. I just read in the Beloit freshman outlook survey that there has been a woman secretary of state for much of their lives. !!! That blew my mind a bit. And has anyone else seen the 21 Jump Street movie? Hella funny, but made me feel OLD. I have no clue about high schoolers. When did that happen?

    Anyway, any suggestions for books or magzines? Or is that old thinking? My one thought was a copy of Half the Sky. What is a “gateway” into being a feminist for a slightly sheltered kid from SE Michigan

    • AnonInfinity

      One thing you can do is encourage her to go to a more liberal college. I went to a liberal arts college, and it changed my life. I’m from a small Southern town and had never really been exposed to lots of ideas I learned just in the first few weeks of class.

      If you want to get her a book, maybe something like Virginia Woolf?

    • rosie

      You could get her a copy of the DVD “Iron Jawed Angels.” A great movie about women suffragists with big-name actors (e.g., Hilary Swank and McDreamy).

      • DC Jenny

        This a great suggestion. That movie is so moving, it made me ugly cry. Also, shout out to Alice Paul, who attended my law school!

    • DC Jenny

      This is so cool of you. Full Frontal Feminism by Jessica Valenti is a great feminism 101-type of book. You could also forward her links to individual articles from feminist blogs that you think might interest her. Also, just spending time with an older, wiser lady role model who listens to and respects her and will engage with her on tough topics would probably go a long way!

      • DC Jenny

        One more: When Everything Changed by Gail Collins. I consider myself a varsity-level femin@zi, and even I was shocked reading about how women of my Mom’s generation couldn’t get credit cards or mortgages without their husbands’ approval not all that long ago. It’s a great book to show her how much progress has been made, but also how far we still have to go.

    • Silvercurls

      Great impulse! I’d suggest take a continuing interest in this young person and her studies and activities. Build a relationship, ask her about her life, tell her something about yours, and send her links to articles or sites that relate to or extend her activities. (Or maybe go retro and send her a real old-fashioned note along with the one or two books of your choice. I think I’d second Woolf’s “A Room of One’s Own.”)

      However, walk softly: Meet her where she is right now and bring up these ideas in the spirit of “This is something interesting that I wanted to share with you” rather than “Here, absorb these ideas in order to rise above your less-than-ideal current circumstances.” To steal a phrase from Carolyn Hax, I sensed a whiff of disdain in your comment about “a slightly sheltered kid from SE Michigan.” She’s probably being raised by caring parents who–despite having chosen to nurture their family in a quiet part of SE Michigan rather than, say, central Manhattan, downtown Detroit, or some other location that offers a diversity of cultural events, and everyday activities–are probably cultivating in her the basic human values of kindness, loyalty, living up to one’s responsibilities, and not picking on people just because they are somehow “different.”

      The “basic values” can seem very narrow when they appear in a white-picket-fence, bedroom suburb where everybody goes to church on Sunday (or synagogue on Saturday) but over the past few decades our country has seen significant social changes as people people realized, over time, that it was only a logical extension of these values to decide that it isn’t fair to let skin color determine where or whether people got a seat on the city bus, that girls can play sports as well as boys if they have the same coaching and encouragement, or that loving families don’t all have to match the template of George Jetson, Jane his wife, and their son and daughter.

      I’m not trying to attack your desire to expand this girl’s horizons. I was raised in a liberal-leaning household myself and also attended a liberal-arts university so I’m guessing that we probably share some of the same cultural preferences (and biases). Rather, I’m trying to say that people should not be dismissed as “narrow” just because they have not yet (or will not ever) adopt all of the approaches that some of us see as basic parts of the personal scenery. A young woman can be a feminist by being a strong athlete and team captain. It’s also possible to be a feminist and be pro-life. (This is NOT my personal opinion but I’m willing to respect it in other people as long as they can acknowledge that not all other women would make the same choices if faced with an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy.) Ditto being a feminist and also being religious, or being a feminist even after taking one’s husband’s last name (both of which apply to me although I’m definitely on the liberal, not fundamental, side of being religious)…

      Sorry this got so long. Readers of this blog have probably realized that I love to write (or run on at the keyboard). Because I need to go do something IRL I’m signing off for now.
      @ AJ: kudos to you for your impulses, and apologies if I’ve offended you in any way in my reply. To everyone else who made it this far, thanks for reading.

      • Herbie

        Ooh, I would have felt so absolutely scandalous reading that as an 18-year old.

    • M-C

      I think the most effective thing, in the long term, is setting a good example yourself. So be sure to bring up feminism in casual conversation and how much it has meant for you, even if it’s off-hand and a 30-second info flash.

      Written materials of course are always good, much less personal lecturing. I second Virginia Woolf, especially “a room of one’s own”. I also think with someone that age, a blog run by younger women would be a better reference. How about http://feministing.org or http://bitchmagazine.org/ or even http://geekfeminism.org/ if she seems a bit geeky too :-)?

  11. New2InHouse

    I’m a long time lurker and now have a legitimate fashion question for the Hive:

    I’m going to be traveling to a fairly conservative country for work where dresses/skirts are expected. I have a lot of foot problems and, while low heels are okay for a while, I can’t see wearing them for long days of walking (I’m expecting to spend a lot of time on my feet touring facilitites).

    So, if I am going to have to wear flats with a skirt/dress, what do you suggest? Assume the suit or dress is black and I have very fair skin. Would you go with nude-for-me flats and sheer hose? Or black flats? If black, sheer hose or black? Also, the weather is going to be hot and AC is spotty so boots are not a good option.

    • LF

      Make sure that the facilities you’re touring don’t require protective footwear, but otherwise, black flats are fine. Find some that are made by companies known for comfortable shoes, if you’re going to be walking long days. Clarks, Sofft, Softspots, Born, and Naturalizer come to mind for non-sporty shoes. I think either black or sheer hose would be fine, but in the heat, I would personally choose sheer hose (assuming that this is culturally OK).

    • snon

      I’d suggest supportive flats (or supportive low heels, but you know your feet best) above all else. I’d probably go for black shoes and sheer or tan hose based on the conservative culture.

      Another option would be formal shoes that are more like sneakers in terms of support (not look). I have a friend with a lot of problems with her feet. She has some shoes like this that fit her inserts and look pretty good. I unfortunately don’t know the brand, sorry!

    • Mountain Girl

      I’m not sure why the link isn’t direct but search for “eurosoft adelle” on that site and tell me what you think. Thanks

      • LF

        As anything, it depends on the styling – what kind of shirt/accessories are you wearing with the suit? I think it would probably be OK.

        • Mountain Girl

          I could accessorize to fit the shoes. I would most likely wear a sweater shell with a scoop or v neck. I have lots of jewelry so I can make that work. I guess I’m asking more about the color and modified mary jane style strap.

  13. NOLA

    Crap y’all. This hurricane thing sucks. I know, I choose to live in a bowl on the Gulf Coast but seriously, school starts tomorrow and now the models are all over the place and the cone is so wide it’s hard to know whether we should look to evacuate east or west, if it comes to that. My inclination is not to evacuate (I’ve done it three times and have been through 6 hurricanes in 22 years) but in the past, I’ve had to evacuate because I had to keep working.

    • Coach Laura

      NOLA, just finished watching CNN and was just going to post and tell you I hope you’ll be ok. Wishing for no/minimal damage and disruption.

      • NOLA

        The university hasn’t put anything out yet and the governor and mayor aren’t calling for evacuation of the city so far. Just the low-lying areas or those outside of levee protection. Just talked to my colleague. I may go get her and we’ll get get her laptop and a backup of my desktop. Katrina was such a surprise we didn’t have anything so we don’t want to get caught in that again.

    • architu

      Just moved to NOLA and this is my first hurricane… I am nervous, especially since the storm seems so unpredictable. I guess I’m going to try to stay put unless things look BAD. Though it will all look bad to me.

      • NOLA

        Oh, I’m sorry! Don’t mean to freak you out. I’m more annoyed than anything. I’ve lived here for 22 years and I’ve stayed for 3 (Andrew, Georges and Cindy) and evacuated for 3 (Ivan, Katrina, and Gustav). Honestly, for all of the hype, if you stay it’s just days and days of no power. Unlike Jackson, where we went for Katrina, we’ve never had to boil water. Just make sure you have food, water (tap and bottled), gas, batteries and ice. The models are really unpredictable. They usually say to go west (I always go east) but this time, it may “nudge” west. That’s what happened for Gustav – people went to Baton Rouge and it got hit worse.

        • Anonymous

          No no you didn’t freak me out, just anxious in general. I know it’s just part of living here but it’s my first natural disaster type thing. And that’s good to know about the storms sometimes hitting Baton Rouge worse. I will get myself a good food supply and hope for the best!

  14. 2lawl

    What in the world do you write in thank you notes (emails) after a callback? I sincerely want to thank them for taking the time, but I can’t seem to find a more elaborate or custom-tailored way to say it. Every interview was different, but I don’t see the point in rehashing what we talked about so that they’ll remember me.

    Arg! This shouldn’t be hard.

    • M-C

      Most of the point of the thank you is to rehash :-). Haven’t you had any of those “staircase wit” thoughts, where you thought of something better to answer to one of their questions? Or thought of another point that got overlooked in the heat of the moment? You don’t have to go on and on, “it’s occured to me since that you seemed a bit concerned by… let me assure you this would not be a problem, since…”.

    • JessBee

      Keep it short. You’ve got a great start; sincerely thank them for taking the time. Then add a quick line that refers to something in the interview– the more sincere, the better. “After hearing more about _____________, I’m even more excited about the possibility of bringing my experience in ___________ to [name of firm/job].” In some (admittedly rarer) cases, I think it can be really nice to include good wishes about a personal thing your interviewer talked about, too. “Good luck with your son’s move-in to college!” or “Thanks especially for your great advice about Louie’s Restaurant– it was delicious!” or whatever. Ideally, your note shows that you (a) are still enthusiastic about the position, (b) appreciate their time (and/or understand that a thank-you is expected), and (c) understood, retained, and digested some of the information you received during the interview.

  15. momentsofabsurdity

    You GUISE. I just moved (almost) everything I own into the hallway of my apartment – it’s about 3/4 of my stuff. I thought it would expedite the moving process tomorrow and be less stress on the dog if most of the moving time, he can just chill in the apartment without boxes and sweating strangers. I’m keeping valuables and fragile stuff locked in the apartment until they actually get transferred to the Uhaul, of course. But I moved 3/4 of my stuff out the door of my apartment MYSELF! Hopefully that means tomorrow (when I have a helper and am not doing it alone) will be easy peasy and quick.

    And I’m finally leaving my terribleawful apartment! Sweet.

    • rosie

      It sounds like today is move-day, so good luck and I hope it’s going well! Good thought about the dog–the only time my dog ran out the door by herself was when we were moving and she was beyond freaked out.

  16. Anon With an A

    Hello All,
    Any ideas on how to politely correct a senior manager who spells subordinates’ (e.g. my team’s) names incorrectly in emails?
    This manager is a witch, a spiteful creature, and holds a grudge forever – and she’s still the boss. How to deal?
    Thx!

    • Aline

      Very simply. Give her anonymously (and everyone else) a list of all persons’ names, together with their e-mails, and telling all that this woman has a habit, possibly inadvertant, of getting people’s names wrong. Share it with her boss.

      This way, if the woman continues to get the names wrong, you can tell the senior boss this time that this hideous sumbeeotch is now doing it intentionally, and for the senior boss to sanction her, if not fire her bony arse altogether!

    • NOLA

      I’ve done it with a colleague in a “hey did you notice that you spelled Alicia’s name incorrectly” kind of thing? I think the problem is that she set up a couple of people’s contacts with names misspelled in Outlook then it got perpetuated (not in the body of the email but in their name in the contact). She’s goodnatured about it, though, and your senior manager may not be. I think it’s important to both spell and pronounce peoples’ names correctly. It’s a respect thing.

    • JessBee

      Given how spiteful/sensitive your manager sounds, I’d be really wary of directly correcting her, so I’d probably take a much more passive-agressive tack. I would try to respond to her emails with correct spellings included in the message, like this:
      Manager: “Uhnon, Berry, and Ketie: Please follow up with Captain Carrot about the Shades case. Thanks, Manager Evil”
      You: “Manager Evil, Thanks for the heads up. Barry, Katy, and I will follow up as soon as possible. Yours, Anon.”

      In my experience, if repeatedly seeing it done right doesn’t at least prompt Manager Evil to ask someone whether she’s been doing it wrong, she probably doesn’t care that much. In which case a more obvious correction would probably not be well received.

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