Weekend Open Thread (Plus Deal Alerts on Lord & Taylor, Brooks Brothers, Kate Spade, and Sephora)

254 Comments

1. Considering buying the Brooks Brothers sheath… how is the fit? I wear a size 2 in BR pencil skirts, but am a bit larger in the chest area… would a 2 work for BB, or should I go with the 4?

   1. this could be an abberation, but I am a slim pear, size (o on top, 2-4 on bottom) at BR, AT, etc. and I recently went to brooks brothers and tried on the ‘caroline’ pant–I needed a size 8-10 to fit. It shocked me because I had always assumed that brooks brothers, being for an older demographic, would run large.

      1. aaaaand it’s aberration.*

      2. I also need to size up in BB pants (Caroline and Lucia), though not as many sizes up as you. I had the same assumption. I really like the Lucia pants because they are a bit longer.

      3. I’ve had the same experience at BB. I wear a 2 or 4 everywhere else, and at BB I need a 6 or bigger in the bottoms.

   2. I had a very different experience at BB – I bought that exact sheath and it fit perfectly in my normal size, which matched the measurements on their size chart

   3. They’re fit can be very odd. But measurements per garment are usually accurate.

      FYI: you can now get free shipping through Shoprunner – since that’s my biggest gripe with BB, I highly recommend this.

2. My TJ is actually on topic with Kat’s sale rundown but re the Sephora sale – any suggestions? I’m in the mood for a Sephora shopping spree but don’t actually need anything so I’m open to any suggestions on must-haves. Plus making a Sephora wishlist may be a fun Friday activity on this rainy day!

   1. My favorite lipsticks are Dior Addict and YSL. Ironically, I have never found a drugstore lipstick worth its price but am always satisfied with those costing $20 or over–it’s one item in which I think you actually do get what you pay for. I will probably buy some backups for my go-to lipsticks on sale, since I’m always paranoid about them being discontinued.

   2. I’m planning on getting some LaVanila stuff, because I love how it smells, and probably the Naked I Palette. And I use Bumble and Bumble shampoo/conditioner, so maybe one or two of those, since it’s not like I won’t use them.

   3. I just bought the new Urban Decay eye shadow palette (to be unnamed in order to avoid being stuck in moderation). All of the colors are natural matte colors. I am very excited to try it!

   4. My Sephora sale order:

      -ALTERNA Bamboo Smooth Kendi Oil Dry Oil Mist
      -Korres Wild Rose + Vitamin C Advanced Brightening Sleeping Facial (haven’t tried this before but it gets great reviews)
      -Living Proof Amp² Instant Texture Volumizer

      Other Sephora must haves include:
      -Benefit Ultra Plush Lip Gloss
      -Soap & Glory “Hand Food” Creme
      -Benefit Boi-ing Concealer
      -Tarte EmphasEYES Inner Rim Brightener

      …and I wonder how I qualify for their VIB program every year.

      1. Oh, I know, it makes me so sad/confused when I realize I’ve requalified every year. I mean…I take advantage of all the benefits, obviously, but I think in doing so, it just ensures that I’ll be a VIB member again.

      2. I absolutely love Sephora and carry no shame about the amount of money I spend there on a yearly basis. (incidentally, I have the same feelings about starbucks)

      3. Soap and Glory hand food is amazing. Basically just order all the soap and glory they have. You won’t regret it.

   5. Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliner. Amazing.

      1. How does it hold up to the lady lizards with oily lids?

         1. I am not a lizard, but do have fairly oily skin, and haven’t noticed any slippage. If I am going out at night, and mixing it up, I reinforce w powder.

         2. Not a lizard, but have oily lids. A thin swipe of UD primer potion makes it stay for the whole day (and into the night) for me, as long as I don’t rub my eyes.

   6. Smashbox liquid liner marker is a must-have if you don’t already have a liquid liner marker you love.

      1. Does this give raccoon eyes? The Stila marker used to be really good but they changed the formula so it’s gross. How opaque does it get in one pass?

         1. I don’t get raccoon from the Smashbox eyeliner marker or the Soap & Glory one – I’ve never tried the Stila one.

            The Smashbox eyeliner marker is very pigmented – I tried switching to the Revlon one, but it was opaque. It holds up well on my oily eyelids, however, If do touch it up if I’m going out at night after wearing it all day.

   7. I bought the Smashbox Try It Kit and the Beauty Editor Darlings Kit. I have wanted to try a new primer and I figure the small size will be great to stash one at the office and one in my travel bag. And, I might go back for more.

   8. Fresh Sugar tinted lip treatments! Pricey but so worth it IMO. I’ve tried a lot of other brands, but they don’t compare!

      1. I got the full size sample of these last year and love them. I’ll definitely buy replacements when they run out.

   9. T3 hairdryer. They qualify for the 15%, which is unusual. You will love it.

3. I feel like this has been discussed before, but I am jumping on the “10,000 steps a day” bandwagon. Anyone have a favorite pedometer (and do you prefer wristwear v. clip on?)
   TIA!

   1. I’ve been wondering if there is an iphone ap I could use, but I am afraid it would drain the battery. (I use RunKeeper for running, but want to measure steps – especially on days I don’t get to run).

   2. I’m in love with the Fitbit-mentioned here by none other than ELLEN! It’s pricey at $70-100 but it syncs automatically with my phone and computer and therefore I can always look back on my activity levels over time. I find it to be very motivating-maybe I just want to make sure I get my monies worth but I wear it every day and look forward to my weekly report (which is emailed to me). Highly recommend!

      1. I am obsessed with Fitbit. Bought it recently with the REI 20 percent coupon. I wasn’t going to track diet or anything like that, but it makes it so darn easy. I have an android phone, and it’s great because I can see at a glance how I’m doing. It also tracks where you are against goals for water intake, stairs in a day, etc. It’s been kind of life changing. I’ve lost 10 pounds already without even really trying just by being more mindful about activity and calories.

         1. Another fitbit fan. It syncs to your iphone very easily.

      2. I agree, but lateley, I have put back some of the pound’s that I took off BEFORE Passover. I ate so many matza’s that I think my tuchus actueally got BIGGER! My dad is very dis- satisfied at me for not getting my wieght down and for letting my TUCHUS expand. FOOEY!

         Gonzalo I think called again, but there was JUST breatheing on the line. I know his NUMBER so I KNEW it was him. What a strange man he is to just breathe on the phone. DOUBEL FOOEY b/c he had his hand on the tush (down the jeans) of the woman’I saw him walkeing with.

         I cant wait to see the BRONX DELI tomorrow and Roberta. Myrna will drive b/c I am NOT thrilled with takeing the 1 train up there. Alot of guy’s just stare at me and Myrna. Tripel FOOEY. Robert wants to meet, but without a METS ticket, I said I would wait. David keep’s texting but I am reaally unsure of his MOTIVE’s. I will have to ask my DAD, b/c I do NOT want to waste time with anyone who will NOT give me a BABY right away.

      3. I had a fitbit–I had an older one that I even put through the wash a couple times accidentally and it survived well. But I travel a lot and wanted the one that would synch to my phone via bluetooth. Sadly, after I had it about a month, it fell off (and I didn’t notice until I was home) in Costco. I keep thinking of getting another one…but it mostly told me what I already knew about which days I was slothful and which I wasn’t!

   3. I use the Fitbit Zip. It’s only $50 and I’m obsessed with it. In fact, I’ve been fretting today because the weather is miserable so I haven’t gone out for a walk

   4. I have an Omrom (HJ-112 I think) that I like. It’s a clip on, but you can remove the clip and put it in your pocket.

   5. Fitbit, fitbit! I love mine.

   6. Anyone use any of the BodyMedia products? Seems to be as accurate as the fit bit but it syncs with the website my gym / trainer uses.

4. I’m really ready for the one-button jacket trend to end.

   1. Agreed.

      Signed,
      Large of chest and tall

      1. OMG YES! I have needed to buy a few new suits for months now and have had no luck finding anything I like with 2 (or, gasp! 3!) buttons.

   2. Please, no!

      Signed,
      Small of chest, short-waisted, and petite

      Real talk though, I think the solution is to have a variety of different jackets be on-trend. I look like an stumpy idiot in 50% of two-button jackets and 100% of three-button jackets, but I know that isn’t the case for everyone.

      1. This is interesting. I am short-waisted (and short in general, haha), though I have an average-large size chest and look horrible in one-button jackets! Is it chest size that is the deciding factor I wonder?

   3. I think it has a lot to do with the button placement as well. I am also large of chest but I have sometimes found a one-button jacket that works and I think it’s because the button is in the exact right place (although I can’t pinpoint where that is, I just have to try them all on).

   4. There must be something I am missing. What is the main difference between 1 button and others? One of my favorite suit jackets has 1 button and I am plus sized. I think it looks great!

      1. I can’t speak for others, but my figure is full-busted (regular or smaller body, above-average sized bust), and most one-button jackets do not work for me. I do have the experience of an earlier poster in that a few do, though I cannot articulate precisely where the closure needs to be positioned to work for me.

         I am also frustrated by the dearth of two-button jackets.

5. Runners: do you find that the shoes you wear for walking around town tend to effect your joints’ resilience? I’ve been having increased knee and ankle issues lately and realized it might be because my warm-weather shoes, which I just started wearing again, have a lot less support than my winter shoes. I’m just wondering if it’s worth shelling out for some higher-end sandals with more cushioning, to make sure I’m recovering right in between runs. Thanks.

   1. I’ve never found this to be the case… do you think it could just be that you’re running more now that the weather is better?

      1. I’ve been increasing my times over the past few months, so it’s not the weather exactly, but yeah–I know this could be part of it. Maybe I just pushed myself too hard. That has happened before.

         1. Is it warm enough that you have started breaking out the flip flops? Because if so, that is probably the culprit.

            1. Do you mean because they have no structure and your foot is sliding around? I only wear flip-flops around the house, but I have some slide sandals and gladiators that I’ve walked around in.

            2. One of the other big problems with flip flops is the toe clenching that happens to keep them on results in muscle strain.

   2. I have definately had that happend in the past. When I have been in heavy-duty training mode (marathon or half), if I spend a day walking around in really unsupportive sandals, especially flip-flops, my joints and feet feel it. That being said, I have custom orthotics for my feet, so your joints and feet may be more resilient.

   3. It may have more to do with lack of support haan lack of cushioning. Try putting insoles in your casual shoes.

      1. +1. Get thee some arch support.

      2. +2 arch support/ OTC orthotic or custom orthotic for sure.

   4. I don’t know if I’m serious enough to call myself a “runner,” but I ran 2x a week pre-pregnancy, and I definitely had this issue. If, after a nice 4-mile run, I walked around all day in flip-flops, my ankle joints would hate me the next day. On the other hand, if I wore some nice supportive Born sandales, I could still tell I ran the next day, but it wasn’t excruciating.

   5. I don’t know about whether my cute spring/summer shoes affect my recovery time, but I have definitely developed repetitive stress injuries in my feet from wearing unsupportive/uncushioned shoes–to the point where I had to take 3 months off from running this winter. So yeah, I’m the one wandering around town in sensible commuting shoes. ;)

   6. Yes, the shoes you wear in your normal life affect your feet/legs. They can lead to serious strain and injury.

      It’s important to treat your feet well, all the time.

6. My skin is AWFUL. It is dry, flaky, rough, bumpy, and I have tons of clogged pores. It’s always been this way, but now it’s worse than ever. I feel like I’ve tried everything–moisturizers, BHA, AHA, clarisonic, jojoba oil, you name it. Nothing has helped. It’s really starting to affect my self-esteem and I’m at a loss about what to do. Any advice is appreciated.

   1. for the flakiness, Clinique’s toner (I use II) is great- it’s pretty non-irritating but it will get rid of any flakes after you wash your face, so that your moisturizer isn’t compounding the problem.

   2. My issues were not the same as yours (oily, acne-prone, clogged poors, never “felt” smooth), but what worked for me was to cool it with all of the products/techniques. I wash morning and night with a cleanser, apply a mild exfoliant, and a moisturizer (spf daytime, regular evening). I use a face mask when I remember that it exists (probably 4-5 times a year). My skin has literally never looked better, and I tried EVERYTHING.

      My products of choice are all Paula’s Choice.

      I also don’t wear makeup (except for undereye concealer) and I think that helps, too.

      1. you know, you could be right. I think I’ve gotten into this bad cycle where the worse my skin looks, the more products I apply. I have tried Paula’s choice and it really hasn’t made a difference, but that could be because I am using *so many* products at this point.

         1. I would definitely give it a try. I was so frustrated when I felt like I was trying everything (seriously – cleansers, lotions, vitamins, avoiding caffeine and dairy, etc) and not getting results. It turned out that the problem was mostly me :) I rarely get breakouts anymore and my skin generally looks a million times better.

            Also – I was spending a lot of money on random cr*p for my face. Money better spent on shoes :)

         2. Oh, and I agree re: *so many products*. When I first started with Paula’s choice, I used the whole “balancing line”. But I’m lazy :) and quickly started skipping steps, and found that my skin is happier with just cleanser/exfoliant/moisturizer.

         3. I totally agree with cutting back. If you’re using more than a couple things, you’re using too much. And especially my acne really cleared up after I got rid of the acne stuff that over-dryed and therefore over-stimulated my skin.

      2. It’s really hard to do less when your instinct is to solve a problem by doing more but I find that my skin often looks the best when I do the least to it. On vacation when I never wear makeup and just simply wash it with gentle soap my skin glows (or at least comes the closest to glowing that it ever does given how terrible my skin usually is.)

      3. I second this. Cut out on all products; use a very mild cleanser once a day (Cetaphil or the like) and try a natural moisturizer (either oil or something free of parabens etc). Stick with this routine for at least a 4-6 weeks because your skin may get a bit worse at first and then clear up so you’ll need to give it time. Also if you are shampooing daily or using a lot of hair products, cut down on those too as they can impact your facial skin. Don’t use makeup for a while or if you do, cut down on products and switch to brands like Tarte which use good ingredients

      4. I agree, particuarly if you’re late-20s/early 30s, when skin seems to change. I cut back to washing with mild soap at night, washing with water in the morning, and using a senstive moisturizer and voila, problem solved.

         1. Same for me. I went from doing nothing my whole life (not even washing my makeup off at night) and having great skin to late 20s break outs to using acne products to more break outs. It finally got better when i switched to all super mild products. I also went to the dermatologist and got a Rx for a mild retin a to nip a few remaining problem areas in (blasted chin), but have since stopped using it and my skin has been fine. My basic routine is cetaphil + clarisonic with the sensitive skin attachment + very mild moisturizer (Oil of Olay sensitive skin beauty fluid works fine, I also like Origins and Body Shop moisturizers) and all non-pore clogging make up.

      5. Yes, this was my first thought – too many products. I’d go back to gentle cleanser plus only one serum or moisturizer and cool it. Sunscreen during the day, of course. You might try using a physical sunscreen (zinc oxide and titanium dioxide) because some people are sensitive to avobenzone and other chemical sunscreen.

   3. My skin is exactly the same and the only things that has worked is my Clarisonic (teamed with the Clarisonic brand refreshing gel wash and the sensitive skin brush), with the occasional cleanse with Eve Lom cleanser and a muslin cloth.

      1. Try collagen pills. I got mine at GNC because I read they help with hair growth but noticed within days that my skin seemed improved.

      2. Second the Clarisonic. I’ve been using it for a couple of years and it’s worth the money.

   4. I use Aveda Botanical Exfoliator in the morning (toner consistency) with salicylic acid. I use it in place of a face wash. Then I use the DDF acne control treatment in the AM as well. A cleansing oil at night to make sure I get all the makeup off. That combination seems to keep my combination skin from breaking out and the pores relatively open.

   5. Dermatologist?

      1. I second this. If your skin is affecting your self esteem, please see a dermatologist! I started years ago (for acne issues) and it was a life changer.

      2. Third on seeing a derm. She may tell you the same things that we do, but it wouldn’t hurt.

         In the short term, cut out most of those products. Stick to a cleanser and a simple moisturizer. Cut out most makeup temporarily.

         And make sure you are eating healthy and drinking tons of water! Body inputs actually make a huge difference to skin. (Increasing sleep and decreasing alcohol intake also make big differences.)

   6. Not for everyone, but I would try a chemical peel. You can do them at home if you are ok with that sort of stuff — I’d start with the 12% TCA peel from MUAC (just google it). Watch some videos on the process first to see if this is something that you would be comfortable with or is ok for your skin type. I’ve done a few and they have really ‘reset’ my skin.

   7. Of all acne products I have tried, I continually come back to neutrogena deep clean cream cleanser. Feels good, not too drying. Clarisonic. Neutrogena oil free moisturizer/loccitaine precious cream. If your skin is really dry or for night, I like the shea butter for face from loccitaine. Add a sulfur mask or mud mask, the glam glow at sephora is a great splurge. I also find that my skin stays clearer when I shower more frequently, opens up my pores more? That might be in my head. I also underestimate how bad picking at my face is and how many additional problems it causes in the surrounding area. The less I look in the mirror, especially in the magnifying mirror, the less I’m tempted to try and pick at something to fix it and end up making everything so much worse.

      1. Those magnifying mirrors in hotels make me feel so horrible. I want to banish them!

   8. I agree to cut out products. I wash my face with Cetaphil and use Neutrogena moisturizer. Also, I know most people will disagree, but I do not wear sunscreen every day unless I plan to be outside for more than 10 minutes (which sadly does not happen on most weekdays). Sunscreen clogs my pores and causes breaking out. Of course, I protect my skin if I am going to the beach, but not on a daily basis.

      Also, go get a good facial with microdermabrasion and maybe a mild peel. I get micro + a light peel every couple of months and my skin has significantly improved since.

      The pill was really the best thing ever for my skin . . . but I stopped when I started with pregnancy/breastfeeding.

   9. Makeup Artists’ Choice has at-home chemical peels that solve just about every problem. Customer service will direct you to what will work for you.

   10. I would also try diet changes. I’ve had awful skin for years and I recently cut out dairy (accidentally, at first) and the difference has been amazing – no breakouts, smaller pores, you name it. I never had any luck with all the fancy products, either – I just use cetaphil and boots no7 moisturizer.

       1. thanks so much everyone.

   11. You’ve already gotten a lot of great advice but here’s my 2 cents. I have very, very sensitive combination skin. (So we’re talking pimples in some spots and dry flakes in others. Awesome.) Every drug store cleanser I’ve ever tried has irritated my skin, even Cetaphil. I’ve had good luck with the following: only washing at night wtih Amore Pacific Treatment Cleansing Oil (it smells gross to me and I thought it was going to cause WWIII on my skin but it’s been great) and exfoliating twice a week with Cure Aqua Gel (it’s Japanese; I buy it on Amazon). Every morning and night I moisturize the very dry/irritated parts of my face with pure shea butter and on the rest of it I use something like Cetaphil lotion or Eucerin CoQ10 wrinkle cream (I don’t think it does anything for wrinkles but it doesn’t irritate my skin).

7. Shoot, I just bought a Kate Spade crossbody on sale on Sunday and would have waited. Oh well, it was still a good deal. That said, I don’t see it on their site now so maybe it’s good I bought it when I did!

   1. I had the same thought initially (bought a charm bracelet last week), but when I checked this morning it had sold out as well. So I’m glad I picked it up when I did!

8. So today I had a long and convoluted argument with my boss that got really heated… over Doctor Who. I prefer Smith over Tenant and I will stand by my opinion, darn it!

   Anyone else looking forward to the new episode?

   1. Always – and I don’t know if I have a preference. I definitely have been enjoying the Smith run, but I can on board in the Tennant years. I just like the whole darn show. Maybe more River Song (which is probably done now…)

   2. ECCLESTON!

      I’m getting so tired of Eleven. And Twelve needs to be Idris Elba or GTFO.

      1. Ooh, is Idris Elba actually being discussed? I hadn’t heard that but *really* like the idea…

         1. He is always being discussed.

            In my pants.

            Which makes no sense.

            1. I really want to see your boyfrahn as Bond. Why that hasn’t happened is beyond everything.

            2. Le sigh. He is a stone-cold fox.

            3. AS BOND. OMG.

               Apparently I need a comment thread that’s just “Idris Elba as ___________.”

      2. Eccelston <3

         I would dearly love Idris Elba in the role that's for sure..

   3. I’m a week behind right now, so I’m excited to catch up on that one and see this week’s episode. Every time a companion or doctor is replaced I think I’ll never like the new one as much. I’m still a die hard David Tennant fan, but I do like Matt Smith a lot too. I really like Clara Oswald so far as the companion even though I bawled my eyes out when Amy Pond and Rory left.

      1. Ooh you are in for a treat :D and yeah, I bawled my eyes out too… I was ambivalent about Clara but thus far I really like her! “It’s smaller on the outside!”

   4. Serious question: is Dr. Who worth getting into? If yes, why? It seems to have a strong contingency of fans, but I don’t know why. Where would I start- its seems very overwhelming because there are so many seasons…

      1. Start with the 2005 Eccleston series and get caught up with the current/reboot seasons. Then, if you were inclined, I’d go back and watch the older seasons.

         As for why…it’s fun and loopy and serious and heartfelt and you brain bends in different ways and then all of a sudden snaps back into understand about that timey-whimey loop you just made.

         1. Slightly different recommendation, although I 100% agree that it is worth getting into. Watch the episode called Blink first. Then go back and start with the 2005 episodes. The first season of the reboot can be a little difficult to get through, but it is so worth it. Blink is a really awesome episode that stands on its own and you don’t really need to know anything about it to watch it first.

            1. Ooo, also a good path. It’s also pretty scary (in a smart way)…so don’t let that put you off the rest of it.

            2. I just recommended Blink to someone the other night. God Christ, is that a scary episode.

      2. Equity’s Darling, I guess whether it is worth getting in to is dependent on what you like. It is a little silly/funny and has some character driven drama and story arc. I think if you like the original Star Trek you’d probably like it. Also if you like the TBS shows like Covert Affairs, etc. What I mean is, you can usually watch one episode, miss one, and watch another and you won’t be confused. (On the Science Fiction scale it is not on the Battlestar Galactica end.) I think there are excellent, thought provoking, emotional episodes now and again, but many are just fun or funny or exciting without requiring a lot of thought.

         Blink is a good episode to start with, except it is not a good test to see if you will like the rest. It’s just an excellent use of the facts on the show to create a unique, self contained, short story. I’d say start with The Eleventh Hour or Smith and Jones. When a new “companion” (AKA female lead) shows up, you get some establishing information, and a feel for the relationship. Both of those episodes have wacky scenes, some “space adventure” scenes, and some problem solving. They are better “samples” of what the show is usually like than Blink.

         Also, Doctor Who is a show where you can often just start with the current season. If you watch “The Snowmen” & the two most recent episodes you can watch the current season without much background and get caught up when it suits you.

   5. 1. You’re wrong. 10 was amazing. 11 is okay. Benedict Cumberbatch turned down the role as 11. I sometimes daydream about how amazing he would have been.

      2. Amy Pond is the worst companion ever created. Only wish we’d seen her die horribly.

      1. At the risk of sounding juvenile, Benedict Cumberbatch looks like a potato :P

         1. An alien potato.

            He has a lovely voice, though.

            #bodysnarking

         2. And we already have one potato-lookalike, a Mr. Sontaran (or Mr. Nurse, if you prefer). :)

         3. You are wrong.

            But that’s okay, because that means there are two less women in the world I will have to trample in order to get him!

      2. You are SO right about Amy Pond. We couldn’t take her anymore and stopped watching long before she and Rory left. But if the writing had remained as good as before, we would still be addicted.

         1. The RTD series were great. Moffat displeases me. Greatly.

9. Hello lovely ‘r e t t e s!
   I am an expat who has been living in NYC for the past few years, planning on moving for work later this year. I think I will have a week or two of time from the end of my job to when I will leave the city, and want to take advantage of the city in a way I couldn’t while I was working. I’m thinking of some cultural stuff to do, but what I really want to do is plan to take advantage of some fitness/wellness stuff as well.
   At this point, I do cardio several times a week and yoga on weekends (used to do yoga 5+ times a week, but can’t with my current schedule), and would consider myself to be in pretty good shape, if not in peak physical form, so I guess I’m looking for fun/challenging, but not utterly insane suggestions (studios/teachers/trainers).
   If you were planning the ideal fitness week in NYC in the warmer months with a free calendar, what would you do?

   1. Boot camp perhaps? Some type of urban extreme fitness? Sorry, no recs for you.

   2. I would see if you can find some exercise classes in Central Park, or, if you’re into running, run across the Brooklyn Bridge. Check out rateyourburn DOT com – you might get some good ideas there. I’d also take some new yoga classes (try out new studios – I’ve been meaning to try hot yoga (not Bikram) at Moksha), and classes that might be hard to take where you’ll move to (Barre, Pilates, strange hybrids of the two, Bootcamps, etc.).

10. I’m a sucker for v-neck sweaters, so I checked out the merino sweater on the BB sale. I’m not sure why — because I, ahem, bought three? — but the price came down from the posted $23.70 to $14.74 each. (Original $118.) Happy Friday!

    1. I’m looking at that, but the comments about BB sizing above make me nervous. Do you know how the sweater sizing works? I suppose I can buy too big and shrink it…

       1. In my experience BB knits run large. If you’re between sizes, I recommend sizing down.

          BTW, I love the CH heels posted by Kat above. I keep having to remind myself that I have a small city closet and these are not practical for my life!

          1. Love the shoes, too. I have recently developed a magpie-like attraction to sparkly things.

          2. Eek, now I hope my XLs will fit! At least I can return to a store.

       2. Actually, I never shop there and am taking a chance. I’m large of chest so went with XL based on the size chart. (And the shoulders will probably be too big, but that’s the case with pretty much everything I own if it fits in the chest.)

          Anyone else have any info about BB sweater sizing?

          1. I have the BB v-neck sweater in two sizes – the chocolate brown in S and light blue in XS. I got the chocolate brown first and intended to wear it over button-front shirts — it is the perfect size for layering and doesn’t show any lumps and bumps from the wrinkles of the shirt underneath. The XS fits well as its own layer. It’s longer in the torso than any other v-neck I’ve found, but the sleeves are average length, which is awesome b/c all of my shortie-limbed height is in my torso. For reference, I take a 4-6 in button-front shirts.

             1. Oooh, this is perfect. I’m pulling the trigger now based on this advice. Yay!

    2. Can anyone explain this sale to me??? I am so confused. Ordered a bunch of stuff yesterday that all got a reduced priced once I hit submit ($44 scarf became $35, $29 sweater became $23, etc.)… Decided to do some more shopping just now and the sweater I bought for $23 is now marked full price but in the sale section, as is a lot of other stuff. I assumed the sale price would show up in the cart and added it, along with a belt and another scarf… Lo an behold everything got marked down again by $5-10 but the “full price” sweater only became $128 from its full $144 price. So, I got rid of it and my scarf and belt went back to their listed sale price, no additional discount. I added another scarf and everything got even further reduced again ($60 instead of $74, $29 instead of $35, etc.)…. I’m happy for the savings but how does any of this make sense???? If there’s a minimum order I have to hit to get the additional discount, why can’t they say that? And if that’s the case, does the discount keep getting bigger the more I order? I’m so confused right now.

       1. BB website is so random. Seriously. The system is so buggy. They canceled orders of mine twice this year. Called customer service to resolve. Payment went through both times. They couldn’t explain it, but I kept getting emails saying my order was canceled. Finally just decided it’s not worth to buy from BB online until they fix the back end systems.

       2. Oh my… i came on here because their site is having serious issues. the Merino V neck is now $118 and other things that were $69 are now $358 again…. wtf.

11. How do you define beauty? Discuss.

    1. I find happy people to be beautiful. Happiness in life, with other people, with themselves. I think everyone has potential for natural beauty, and that happiness can bring it out. I think it even radiates in pictures.

       1. I agree entirely. Have you ever looked in a mirror after spending a fabulous night out with good friends? Yeah, I always find that’s when I look my best …

          1. Sorry, that was me. Arghhhhh.

          2. For sure! Some of the pictures where I think I look the prettiest were taken at my bridal shower. Considering I did not prep myself at all before it since I had to work, then drive 1.5 hour and was still slightly late, I definitely see that happiness did it’s work that day.

    2. Beloved of the gods.

       Wait, that’s the good.

       //kicks self. rereads Symposium//

       1. Kanye, I think I love you.

    3. I don’t bother defining beauty. I just decide that I am beautiful and continue on with my day.

       1. ^^ That was me, not the Anonymous that started the thread.

    4. All my friends are gorgeous. People I don’t like, not so much. Personality is key.

12. Kate Spade is one of my favorite brands. For many reasons and one them is the colors. They are happy, bright and feminine. I usually choose bright colors for the outfits I create in my blog ClosetMixer.

13. Is there any difference between the Levi’s Curve ID jeans sold at Brooks Brothers for $128, Levis for $78, and JC Penny for $45 – or is that simply mark-up?

    1. Maybe where they’re made? I think some of the men’s jeans at Brooks Brothers are made in the U.S.

    2. It could be where they’re manufactured. I think I remember reading that men’s Levi’s sold at Brooks Brothers were made in the U.S.

    3. Good guess, but the descriptions on BB says “Imported.” Too bad, I would have been willing to pay extra for made in the US.

       I want to buy all three and compare. Considering BB and Levis seem to both have a sale price near JCP’s price, it looks like mark up to me.

       1. Please report back if you do! I really don’t like paying tons of money for jeans, but finding any that fit my curvy butt and even curvier thighs has been a challenge, even in high end brands.

          1. I have a similar shape to yours and I have fallen in LOVE with Gap’s Long and Lean.

             1. Agree. I bought some recently after seeing them recommended multiple times on this site. They fit me perfectly.

    4. I buy them at Ross for $17.99

14. Does anyone have any experience with Fossil bags? How is the quality? I’ve kind of wanted one for a while, and am thinking about getting one as a summer purse. I keep getting hung up on $150+, because I associate Fossil with high school watches. I know my association is kind of dumb, but it makes me hesitate. Specifically thinking about the Explorer Hobo, although in some pictures it looks just a little bigger that what I want.

    Related, does anyone have any suggestions for a canvas purse with leather trim, under $100? Bonus points for navy stripes. Sort of like the Modalu Riviera Shopper, but a little smaller.

    1. I’ve had a good experience with Fossil. I have a black crossbody I use on the weekends that has lasted 2 years. The leather has worn well with only a few barely visible scuffs and the hardware is still as shiny as the day I bought it.

       1. Me too. I wonder if we have the same black crossbody. :)

    2. Not sure if they’re what you’re looking for, but Aldo has two. Link to one of them to follow.

       1. This should have said, two with navy stripes and (faux) leather trim.

          http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/handbags/shoulder-bags-totes/product/93623150-gerst/4

       2. Thanks! That’s close, but I guess I really don’t love the drawstring closure. Which I think is what the Modalu has, so I think that was a bad starting place for me to provide.

          1. Or there’s this one:

             http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/handbags/shoulder-bags-totes/product/95201947-bellino/4

             1. Ooh, that’s contending. Thanks!

    3. I have a Fossil wallet and I love it – I’ve had it for years and it’s in great shape. My friend has a lot of Fossil bags (I was actually admiring one this week) and she really likes them – she probably gives them quite a bit of wear and tear.

    4. Like this, but smaller: http://www.dsw.com/handbag/poppie+jones+canvas+stripe+tote?prodId=268974&productRef=SEARCH

       1. I LOVE Fossil leather bags and wallets. Serious quality leather – I treat them like garbage and no scuffs, tears or loss of color when it rains. I have three bags and two wallets and they’ve held up really well. The Heritage collection is my favorite. I usually purchase the bags from Macy’s with a 20% coupon.

    5. I love my Fossil bag too. . . 2x weekly use for probably 9-12 months and it looks brand new. It is a little heavy, but that’s the leather for you.

    6. I have a Fossil … work bag/tote (I never get the terminology right) … and I love it. I wasn’t expecting to because a) the price point was frankly lower than what I thought I should spend on a work bag, and b) the high school gear association. But it is fantastic; really holding up well.

    7. I regularly carry a smaller fossil clutch. i am pretty abusive towards my bags, and it has held up great. It dresses up and down quite easily and fits my out of work style well.

15. Merino Wrap Sweater at BB: I really want to buy it but am hesitant because it looks like it’s short in the torso or long in the sleeves. Any chance someone has tried it?

    1. http://www.brooksbrothers.com/Merino-Wrap-Sweater/WY00223,default,pd.html

       link

16. So I’m back on the lifestyle change wagon after letting my weight get… completely out of control over the last few years. I’m doing it the right way (exercise, healthy eating, slow etc)

    I would love to just get a big jolt though – to energize me and give me additional motivation. Just wondering, since I’ve never seen this asked before on thissite; has anyone been to or used a short term weight loss camp/spa for adults?

    1. I have been thinking of doing the same thing. If you do it, please report back.

    2. I really love weight watchers. They have a new Active link thing that’s like the fitbit discussed above.

    3. I’ve never done it, but if I could afford it I would go to Canyon Ranch.

    4. Not specific to weight loss alone, but a wonderful place to jump-start positive body and life changes: Rancho La Puerta. http://www.rancholapuerta.com
       Vegetarian plus seafood menu, and tons of fantastic activities/classes/yoga/wellness/hikes.

17. Ok – I just went to the Outerware section of Lord & Taylor’s website, and the first page that came up included a coat featured on CapHillStyle this week (or last?) from….. Kohl’s. Its the exact same coat, people!!!! P.S. It’s cheaper at Koh’s (duh).

    http://www.kohls.com/upgrade/webstore/product_page.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524893129373&pfx=pfx_shopcompare&cid=shopping7&mr:referralID=511c1aed-a3ae-11e2-a969-001b2166c2c0

    http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/womens-apparel/Quilted/zip-front-quilted-coat

    1. APRILPYD will get you another 20% off Kohls if you use your Kohls card.

18. I’m a mid-level associate at a firm with a fairly laid-back atmosphere. Today, a partner pulled me aside and asked me to give some “guidance” to a first year associate. Apparently, the first year is a little too informal and is giving off an immature vibe to several partners. But the partner didn’t give me any details about specific behaviors. She basically wanted me to help the jr. associate avoid developing a reputation for immaturity.

    Any suggestions on how to approach the jr. associate? Especially since I don’t have specific examples?

    1. Ask jr. how they experience partner interactions and what they think of the firm. Maybe over lunch. Make suggestions as necessary, or just listen and at the end, remind jr. that while the firm is laid-back, that doesn’t mean unprofessional, and partners deserve respect (or just, partners get respect because they’re partners). Good luck!

       1. First, I’d go back to the partner to get some specific details. It’s hard to tell her what she’s doing wrong if you’re vague.

          Second, I’d schedule a lunch or grab a coffee or a drink, whichever would be more appropriate for your office. Talk about the firm. Talk about the culture. Ask how she feels there, etc. And tell her that you’ve noticed she sometimes acts like X and that she might go further / it would help her if she did Y instead and stopped doing X. Also tell her lots of things that she’s doing well. This is exactly how my judge started mentoring me. Like many type A personalities, I take any criticism very personally, so I very much appreciated the encouragement as well as the feedback. She gave me concrete ways to do things differently. I’d also give her an opportunity to ask you any questions about things she doesn’t understand at the office.

          Good luck – I think as long as you’re kind it will be okay. It sounds like she’s young and the advice you give her now will serve her throughout the rest of her career.

19. I need a commuting shoe for the summer- any suggestions? Usually I wear the nautralizer maude flat that everyone has, but now that it is over 70 I really need something more summery. I’d prefer not flip flops, but Id like them to slip on. But something that if my boss saw me walking the halls in he wouldn’t notice. So not hot pink but colors besides black are fine. I’d like it to be light, breathable, slip on, and arch support. TIA!

    1. I don’t know if this is too casual, but I really like Birkenstock Gizeh sandals. After messing up my back by wearing crappy shoes last summer, I got these to replace flip flops/other cheap shoes. So comfortable and they don’t flop around like flip flops. I think I got them in Onyx, but they come in tons of colors. I can’t wait to get them out again, but unfortunately here in Wisconsin we’re still dealing with slushy snow and ice storms. Grrrr.

    2. I spent most of last summer commuting in Kork Ease “Ava” sandals. So comfortable!
       If you want something that slips on though, what about espadrilles?

20. Was someone on the hunt of this? Not cotton, but Wacoal has a new line designed to keep you cool.

21. HELP!
    My husband and I are co-chairing our son’s Montessori school silent auction, it’s tomorrow night. I’ve had my outfit planned for awhile (thought about rent the runway but i’m glad I didn’t, there’s still snow on the ground) but I forgot to plan anything for him! He’s the emcee. It’s at an upscale bowling alley and supposed to be casual. I’m wearing black riding boots, black tights, denim pencil skirt, some kind of black top and black/white/gray scarf. What does he wear? I’d love to find him a cheesy bowling shirt, but I’m out of time now. Any suggestions?

    1. Um, could just like khakis and a blue button-down shirt work, with a blazer? I feel like dudes get away with way more than women do in the wardrobe department.

       (Do you usually pick out his outfits?)

22. Here’s a hypothetical question —

    If the love of your life summarily dumped you with no warning, which was incredibly hard for you but you moved past it and eventually were able to become friends, and then seven or eight months later, you found out (through them coming clean) that one of your best friends had fooled around with him about a month after your breakup, would you be able to forgive either (or both) of them? Could you ever move past it and maintain the relationships?

    If it helps, they both apologized.

    1. gosh that is really hard. I think there is a few different issues in that paragraph. 1) Why do you want to be friends with him? Is it to have a true friendship, or is it in the hopes of something happening again? I admit I am biased- but when I have loved someone intimately, I have not been able to maintain a true friendship, where we share and support each other like real friends, but I am able to let go of feelings of want, nostalgia, jealousy, etc. I’ve only been able to remain friends with casual dating, and I am civil and wish the best for my exes, and if I saw that would genuinely be happy and interested in how they are, but I don’t want to see them every month to keep the friendship you know? So I ask that question because in an ideal world, it doesn’t affect your friendship with either of them. It is shitty that it happened and that they kept it from you, but you didn’t have dibs on him once you broke up. So if what you are interested in is a genuine friendship with him, I think it would be possible to forgive him.

       Personally, and I realize this speaks to my own failings, I would be able to forgive both of them but would be extremely furious, and it would definitely affect my relationship with my best friend. Possibly permanently. Him I wouldn’t be friends with anyway, I just can’t really do that. The apology would mean very little in terms of mending my frienship with her. Like I said I think I could forgive it, but it would absolutely be hard for me to trust her again. I am assuming she listened to you and supported you while you were upset? And it was during that time that she was fooling around and hanging out with him? That to me would be the hard part to get over. It is very dishonest I think.

       1. I think it is and I do want it to be an genuine friendship. He and I have both seen other people in the interim and I’ve found a way to be comfortable with that. I don’t ever want to be with him again, so I don’t think my feelings are colored by jealousy.

          I’m more hurt that at a time where I was finding it difficult to even make it through a day without sobbing, they were having the time of their lives with one another. But maybe I am overreacting? I don’t know.

    2. It sounds like you might as well just acknowledge that you need time. Saying either “I will get over this, eventually” or “I’m sorry, but I can never forgive you” would be premature. Are you wondering about this because they’re asking? If so, just tell them you don’t know, and either maintain contact or take a break based on how you’re feeling.

       For what it’s worth, I do think eventually we tend to forgive these kinds of things as part of the natural process of moving on. They’d get points with me for telling me themselves, but that’s just me. Overall I just say: don’t force forgiveness if it can’t be genuine, but don’t rule it out either if time brings you peace and you want these people in your life.

    3. I would forgive, but the relationship between best friend and I would never be the same. If she can do something like that (assuming she knew that you considered him the ‘love of your life’), I would never be able to trust her again.

       My feelings are much the same as cfm regarding the ex.

    4. Personally, no I would not be able to or want to forgive either of them. I would find it easier to forgive the ex than the friend because once he has dumped you he really owes you no obligations. Although it is still crappy for him to hook up with your friend and he has to know that is going to greatly reduce the chance of you and him ever having a friendship in the future, he has not done as much wrong in the betrayal sense. Still, I would not want to forgive him or try to have a friendship because I don’t believe in having friendships with serious exes. It’s one thing to maintain a cordial relationship and wish him no harm, but I would never want to be close friends with anyone I’ve really cared about in a romantic way. That’s just my feeling though, I know others who disagree and have close friendships with people they used to love.

       As far as the BFF, I think its completely unforgiveable and I would never be able to forgive or trust her. Your ex’s obligation to treat you well ended when he dumped you. Your best friend was supposed to still be your best friend at that point and no real friend would hook up with a friend’s ex in this situation. We are not talking about someone you dated casually, or about a friend asking you if she could date someone you had dated a long time ago and were completely over (and even then, I think you should ask). This was a serious relationship, it had ended very recently, you were still devasted (reasonably so) and your friend got together with him when it would obviously hurt you very deeply. That’s not someone I would ever have any interest in speaking to again.

    5. I would stay away from both of them for a few months and see how I felt. Including hiding or de-friending them on facebook/unfollowing on twitter/etc.

       You may be able to forgive them. Or you may not. But it’s hard to say right now. And either option would be 100% appropriate.

       But rehashing this over and over, and thinking about it when you contact them, isn’t helping anything.

       My favorite website for this kind of thing is http://www DOT baggagereclaim DOT co DOT uk. It really helped me through some tough stuff a few years ago.

23. I’m hoping to get some feedback about some things I’ve been dealing with lately. It’s a little disjointed, so apologies, but I think they’re all ultimately related. I will try to keep it short.

    First, I’ve been thinking that it’s time to see a therapist for a few issues that’ve come up in my life. None of them are extremely serious, it’s just time to finally deal with a few things. The trouble is that I’m in a rural community with only a few therapists. I have professional connections to all of them. For that reason, I don’t feel comfortable going to therapy with them. It would take me an hour to get to another one. Even then, I would only have a few from which to select. My work schedule is unpredictable and hectic and not conducive to weekly appointments during work hours.

    Second, I’m struggling to manage my finances. My salary has been less than 50k – mostly significantly less – since I graduated from undergrad. I also have lots of student debt. The rest of my life (really, even though I think it’s time for therapy) is not too out of sorts. But I can’t seem to work out a financial system. I’m not married, no kids, no boyfriend – which I think would help to have a financial buddy to work on it with me and help me improve my habits. I’ve tried Mint, LearnVest, and tried my hardest, and I end up slipping back into bad habits. It’s destroying my sense of control over my life and I worry that it’ll impact my professional future (which I’m hoping will include some time on the bench). It definitely has impacted my credit score. I hate this about myself and want to do better.

    So — (1) any ideas of what to do about therapy? I absolutely can’t bring myself to go to anyone around here. Has anyone worked with an online therapist or know someone who does this? I think it’s my best option. (2) Short of just telling me to “suck it up and be better at money” – because, believe me, I’ve tried – does anyone have suggestions? I can’t live this way and still sleep at night. While I understand how terrible my money habits are intellectually, actually changing them is proving to be extremely difficult.

    Thanks in advance for any advice.

    1. Without knowing what exactly you’re struggling with — have you thought about automating and manually limiting yourself? Assuming you get paid steadily (if it varies month to month, and you need to readjust your budget, this may not work):

       – Set up autopay for all your bills. You don’t have to think about when to pay and pay at the last minute, etc.

       – Automatically transfer some amount into your savings account on payday. This helps because you never really feel like you have this money. It’s okay if this isn’t very much — TBH the amount you can save, while repaying student debt, on 30, 40 or even 50K is not going to be a huge huge amount. But getting in the habit will help.

       – Switch to entirely cash (or a prepaid Visa) for your spending money. Cash if you want to keep things easy, prepaid Visa if you want to keep tracking your spending. If you get (say) $150 of money a week after bills are paid, then withdraw that every Sunday. When it’s gone, it’s gone. Keep your other cards not in your wallet – ideally someplace that’s kind of a pain to access like the top of your closet.

       Basically, you remove the option to be like “ooh, cute pair of boots! Wellllll I can pay cable a few days late and I’m getting paid on Saturday anyway…” because you’ve only got $40 in cash on you anyway.

    2. I think you can set up safeguards, as mentioned, but ultimately, you need to determine the “why?” Why do you make self-sabotaging decisions? What are you seeking from your purchases? These are common issues, and are not limited to you, but therapy may help you reach the root of the issue.

       I wouldn’t be scared of going to someone local. It’s all confidential and records like that are not aggregated anywhere.

       1. This is exactly why I think it’d be best to talk these things through w/ a therapist– there’s got to be something else there, a “why” as you call it.

          Unfortunately, though, I can’t go to the locals. I will run into people I myself see professionally (my own clients) throughout the entire building, in addition to the therapists knowing me. The building is too small to go in a back door unnoticed. Way, way, way too personal, especially having my clients know this about me.

    3. Someone on here mentioned that a friend was involved in a company that provides online Skype therapy. I can’t find the post now but maybe someone else can.

       1. It’s called Breakthrough and my freshman dormmate founded it. Google it. I hope it helps. All of the therapists are licenses and legit, and they take some insurance (not all).

    4. you could always email K…in transition. She hasn’t been around here in a while (or at least I haven’t seen her) but if I remember right, she does therapy via phone or skype for people who will pay directly (as in not through insurance). Her email is munchkin 16 16 at juno dot com (no spaces, of course)

       good luck!

    5. I would call the therapists in the 1 hour away town and discuss this with their offices. Maybe you could come in for a first appointment, and then do weekly appointments by phone/skype/chat, and come in to the office once a month/ 2 months? I’m not a therapist, but it seems like this is something people would be willing to try. I do think a lot of therapists have flexible, non-office hours Saturdays? Mondays at 7AM? Thursday at 7PM? THis might be especially true if the could see you “virtually.”

       I think what you should do depends on what behaviors are the problem. Is it buying expensive things that you don’t need/ use/ and can’t afford? Going on buying sprees where you way over spend in one weekend? Then therapy is a great idea.

       If it is more like you spend “too much” on coffee, groceries, movie tickets, and little things I think the solution is to look hard at your big expenses. If $100/mo on incidentals is sinking you, it’s probably that your rent, car payment, insurance, loan payment etc. are too expensive. However, in the meantime going cash only might stop that kind of thing. If you freeze your cards in a big bowl of ice you’ll need to wait HOURS to use them.

       1. Thanks – I’ll check with some not-too-locals to see if they have this arrangement with any of their clients. I didn’t consider that some might have evening, morning or weekend appointments for people like me.

          It probably would help to be more clear about what behavior is the biggest problem. It is avoidance. I avoid the problem as long as possible and then try to fix it once it’s gotten pretty bad. It takes a lot of effort for me to go through and pay bills. It’s occurred to me that I do this because I don’t feel like I have enough money to pay those bills. In contrast, if I had a higher disposable income, my ability to pay that $400 doctor bill wouldn’t be nearly as stressful. On my salary, that $400 means scary things for my budget. And then once that $400 blows the budget, maybe my utility bill is high because it’s been a cold winter. The domino effect is rough.

          Fortunately, I have $0 in credit card debt. It’s all student loans and bills.

          Thanks, everyone, for your input so far. It’s given me a lot to think about.

          1. I think what you need is temporary austerity to save a cushion and then a normal savings plan. I think everyone who doesn’t have a lot of money hates those bills.

             If you can put away $1000 in an “uncommon unpleasant expenses” fund, then you can just pay the doctor bill with that. Or the higher utility bill, or whatever. If you can save that much in 2 months, and then put $100 a month more in that account you will be able to just pay for the car repair, etc.

             Even with this method (which I use) I really hate paying the bill. But I just do it, immediately. “Eat the frog” and all that. (My particular fear is dental bills and car repair.)And then, I feel better “paying myself back” by saving over the next few months instead of stressing about the outstanding bill.

             If you have a good feel for what these expenses are annually that’s even better than my $1000 guess. Say annually you probably spend $500 on medical stuff, $500 on car stuff, $200 on house/apartment stuff, and have two annual memberships that add up to $300 a year. Then you know, over the course of the year you need to save $1500. So, austerity (or tax refund/ bonus?) until you get that amount. Then save $125 a month. If after 12 months you have used more or less, adjust your savings.

    6. While I love this site, I would start reading other blogs based on frugality – like Get Rich Slowly. I used to read Get Rich Slowly every day, and now not so much. At the same time, I read this site pretty much daily and know that this site enables me/puts me in a different frame of mind. Not that it has to be either/or, but to help reset your “normal” spending habits you might have to change your framework/reference points of “normal”. For me, this would be by changing my reading habits.

    7. For your relationship with money, I highly suggest the book “Your Money Or Your Life.” I skipped the first two steps, but the principles behind it are really having an effect on my spending choices.

    8. With money, what I find helps is to have multiple accounts. So every month my money goes into what I call my ‘buffer’ account, then every week I transfer £65 (about $95 I think) into my main account, which I live off.

       My biggest thing though, is to write everything down. Absolutely everything.

       1. Totally agree with this method. DH and I have a bunch of bank accounts that are for lots of different purposes. Each pay period, $x goes directly to our long term savings, $y goes into our designated “fun” accounts, $z goes into the fund from which we pay bills, and the rest goes into checking for things like groceries/gas. When the checking account is getting too low, we either cut back on spending or tweak our deposits.

          I had no idea how well this worked until I had literally forgotten about account we contributed $100/month to for “vacations” starting 4+ years ago. Woo hoo!! Totally forgotten about $5k. (downside is this $$ should have been sitting in the market but hey- it’s there!)

          1. I should add that we are not, in fact, going on vacation with this money, but using it to re-do our kitchen floor. Almost as exciting.

    9. The most helpful financial decision I ever made was to start auto paying my bills out of a different account. I made a list of all my set monthly bills, added up the total cost, and divided by two since I get paid biweekly. I rounded up a bit in order to start building a small cushion in that account, and direct deposit that amount from my paycheck. The rest of my paycheck goes into my day-to-day account to cover things like food, gas, and spending money. I set all of my bills to be auto-payed from the account, and I have a google drive spreadsheet that I use to track deposits and payments. I’m a little neurotic about it – even though I’ve had the system in place for almost a year I still check it every week and make sure the expected bill payments have come out. I’m paid every other week, so twice a year I have three paycheck months. I leave that extra paycheck in the bill-paying account in order to build a little extra cushion. While it wouldn’t help in large scale emergencies, it has been a helpful little emergency fund for things like my $400 tax bill this month. It took me probably five or six hours to set this up in the first place, and I now spend maybe 15 minutes maintaining it weekly. It has made me feel a lot more in control of my money!

       1. My husband and I use this “bill paying only account” system too, and it helps enormously. Everything we could possibly automate or have the same every month is there. You can even use it for services you would normal write a check for, like rent – most banks now have online payment options which will automatically mail a check for a set amount on a certain day of the month. I do this for my daycare and they are SO happy that our check arrives on time, every month, directly from the bank.

          Another option to throw out there is rather than use Mint, etc, which is just a retroactive look at what you’ve ALREADY spent, is to use a system like “You Need a Budget” (YNAB) or Mvelopes – an envelope accounting system. You can either do it electronically or with real envelopes, but the idea is that every paycheck gets divided up and put into separate envelopes – groceries, rent, utilities, etc. It helps you save up for those “rare but to be expected” expenses too – what I refer to as the “everyday emergencies” like dental treatments, needing new tires, taxes, etc – as opposed to the “true emergency” fund – the one for if you have a major medical emergency like cancer or get hit by a bus, or lose your job, etc.

          Also – if you are stressing about things like having a cold winter, most utilities offer a budget payment plan so that you pay the same amount every month, winter or summer. That might help you spread things out a little.

          Personally, as a “stranger over the internet” non-therapist it sound to me like you are stressed because you feel out of control when it comes to finances – and the sooner you get that in a way that you feel is in control, the better you’ll feel. I totally get the avoidance thing – I’m with you there too. But rather than just avoid the $400 dental bill, could you call the dentist’s office? A lot of places will set up a payment plan with you ($100 a month, or even $50 a month) for lower than credit card interest. But you don’t know if you don’t call. I’ve found that a lot of places will work with you as long as you send them some amount of money.

          You may want to look for a therapist who will do cognitive behavioral therapy with you for avoidance and making financial plans. Or maybe rather than a therapist, some kind of personal organizer who can help you make a long term financial plan with you (for each check – put $x into an account regular bills, $y for student loans, $z for irregular/unexpected bills and $v for a “true emergency” fund).

    10. There are therapists who participate in virtual therapy (via skype etc). If you’re interested in that, you might look at your state’s licensing board and go from there

24. What do you say in a TY email after an interview if you are not sure you would accept the job, if offered? After I have a great interview and feel good about the potential job, I typically say that I would be excited about the opportunity/think it would be a great place for me/etc., but I am not sure about saying that sort of thing if not necessarily true. I feel like I am overthinking this, but I would appreciate any advice. Thanks!

    1. Even though you’re not sure about the job, the letter shouldn’t be too much different. Thank the person for their time, follow up on anything discussed or loose ends from the interview, and add a general line that you look forward to hearing from them.

    2. Right. Unless you are going to withdraw your application (which you may be considering), still act as though you’d like the job. You can always decline an offer. Think: Don’t Leave Before You Leave.

       If you’re 100% sure you’d not take it if offered, then thank them for their time and withdraw your application.

25. I’m hoping to get some feedback about some things I’ve been dealing with lately. It’s a little disjointed, so apologies, but I think they’re all ultimately related. I will try to keep it short.

    First, I’ve been thinking that it’s time to see a therapist for a few issues that’ve come up in my life. None of them are extremely serious, it’s just time to finally deal with a few things. The trouble is that I’m in a rural community with only a few therapists. I have professional connections to all of them. For that reason, I don’t feel comfortable going to therapy with them. It would take me an hour to get to another one. Even then, I would only have a few from which to select. My work schedule is unpredictable and hectic and not conducive to weekly appointments during work hours.

    Second, I’m struggling to manage my finances. My salary has been less than 50k – mostly significantly less – since I graduated from undergrad. I also have lots of student debt. The rest of my life (really, even though I think it’s time for therapy) is not too out of sorts. But I can’t seem to work out a financial system. I’m not married, no kids, no boyfriend – which I think would help to have a financial buddy to work on it with me and help me improve my habits. I’ve tried Mint, LearnVest, and tried my hardest, and I end up slipping back into bad habits. It’s destroying my sense of control over my life and I worry that it’ll impact my professional future (which I’m hoping will include some time on the bench). It definitely has impacted my credit score. I hate this about myself and want to do better.

    So — (1) any ideas of what to do about therapy? I absolutely can’t bring myself to go to anyone around here. Has anyone worked with an online therapist or know someone who does this? I think it’s my best option. (2) Short of just telling me to “suck it up and be better at money” – because, believe me, I’ve tried – does anyone have suggestions? I can’t live this way and still sleep at night. While I understand how terrible my money habits are intellectually, actually changing them is proving to be extremely difficult.

    Thanks in advance for any advice.

    1. What are the bad money habits, if you’re comfortable sharing. That would help give some advice on how to change them. For example, if you have a hard time paying bills at the end of the month, pay anything that is due in that pay period as soon as you get paid (plus your savings contribution). The rest is yours to spend as you see fit. If that results in using credit cards to spend on things not in your budget, then don’t carry the credits cards on a daily basis (freeze in a block of ice a la Confessions of a Shopaholic if you have to). I know just sucking it up and doing it is hard, but at some point, that is the answer.

       I’m fairly OCD about money, but I do this to myself with food and calorie budgets. I’ve really learned to consider each choice (does this cookie get me closer to my goal? No.) Occasionally, I’ll say screw it and have the cookie as a mental health break, but most of the time, I will acknowledge that it doesn’t and forego the cookie. You could do the same: does this $5 Starbucks get me closer to my goal of saving $1,000? No. I get one a week, is this the day? If not, then no. Then take satisfaction when you see that $5 in your savings account.

       Granted, its all a mental game, but it may help you. Its hard when its little things, because $5 seems like so little. Until you aggregate it over a month and its $100 or more.

       I guess the extreme would be to have a parent or trusted friend ration you out cash and help make sure your bills are paid on time. That doesn’t really help change your habits, but it might change your financial situation.

    2. You sound sincere. I think when you master your spending, you will find a boyfriend and get married. I wish you Godspeed in attaining these goals!

       1. ???

          No advice, OP, but ood luck to you.

26. I just got the score of a lifetime with an Equipment blouse at TJMaxx for $30. Polka dot thistle print — the pink one. I also picked up an Ali + Ro dress for $50 and a Tahari (the real Ellie Tahari, not the cheaper label) for $40. I’ve always loved TJMaxx, but are they really stepping it up recently?

27. Wasn’t someone looking for shorter scarfs? Brooks Brothers has this pretty red silk one: http://www.brooksbrothers.com/Silk-Twill-Stripe-Bias-Oblong/WK00050,default,pd.html?dwvar_WK00050_Color=RED&contentpos=347&cgid=Womens_sale_category

28. I know there are Boden fans on this site, so I’m passing the word on a coupon code for 20% off plus free shipping for on-line purchases, good until midnight 14 April, UK residents only. It’s ‘K395’ from the Mrs Moneypenny column in this morning’s FT.

    1. Thank you so much! Love Boden!

29. Hive, I need some good vibes sent my way. I am a 2L, and I just scheduled a clerkship interview with a d.ct. judge for early next week. I have done well in law school, but I attend a lower-ranked local school, not even close to T-14 or T-2o or what have you. I’m struggling with a major case of impostor syndrome right now!

    If anyone has any advice as far as what I can do to prepare for the interview, I’d love to hear your input. Otherwise, send me some strong, confident, capable ‘r-e-tte vibes!

    1. Sending good vibes your way! Remember that the judge knows what law school you are attending, so it’s not like s/he will find that out in your interview and freak out. S/he recognizes that you are awesome and has chosen to bring you in to interview.

       As for how to prepare–be comfortable talking about your writing sample, and talking about yourself.

    2. My husband refers to what you are feeling as P.I.C (pervasive inferiority complex). I went to a top 10 MBA program, he went to a non-brand name business school (for free), and found it hilarious that everyone was always in “awe” of the top 10 MBA program students at various events. My DH could (and has) run circles around me in the business world, but I just happened to have better undergrad grades and got into a better program. He knows some of the clowns I went to school with, and is not intimidated by the “brand.”

       Our running theory is that some programs give people the confidence to know they are good, regardless of their actual talent, before even walking into the room. If you didn’t’ come from one of those programs, just be confident in your abilities. You wouldn’t have gotten an interview if they weren’t interested.

    3. I hope the following will give you some confidence. I have taught in different capacities at an elite law school (one in the top half of the T14 or 15 or however it is defined these days) and at a Tier 2 law school, and found that there is significant overlap in student quality. I also have no doubt that the very best students at the Tier 2 law school would have ranked at or near the top at the elite law school.

       Good luck!

    4. Maybe that judge knows that people at the lower-ranked schools are just as smart and awesome as the top-tier schools. And that the ones at the top schools can often be really arrogant and entitled and just as incompetent as anyone else.

       You’ll do great. You’re a smart, awesome person.

       There are tons of judges that know it’s better to “hire the C-students.” They work harder than A students.

30. Just need a gut check from you ladies:

    A young woman who works for me in a professional position wore an outfit yesterday that I thought was questionable. She was wearing a very sheer blouse (pockets over her chest but still completely sheer) in peach with a hot pink bra trimmed in white lace under it. The hot pink completely showed through the sheer blouse. I think it was intentional. I know that’s a look but it’s not a professional look, in my opinion. She probably had only internal meetings yesterday and it was a Friday – but should I say something? I know she’ll be embarrassed, but I want to prevent her from further embarrassing herself. She works with a discipline that is primarily male and she is young so she could damage her credibility.

    What do you all think?

    1. Is this the first time you noticed something? The outfit does sound inappropriate, but I would give her a pass if this is out of the norm. Maybe her camisole for under ripped or she accidentally grabbed the wrong bra and didn’t realize until she walked in the door, etc.

       If it is part of a larger trend, then I might say something. Or if the same outfit happens again but all other outfits remain appropriate, she might just be unaware of the sheerness of the shirt, at which point I would say also say something.

       1. No, it’s not the first time. When she first came to work for me, her outfits were quite tight and short, but she told me she had gained some weight and I didn’t want to point out that her outfits were showing a bit too much. She mainly dresses appropriately, skewing young. In fact, she has worn the sheer blouse before and, although I noticed that it was sheer, didn’t think much of it because she wore it with a nude bra. Who knows. Maybe she got dressed in the dark. I think I’ll ask her mentor what she thought.

          1. Please make sure someone says something to her! Unless ability to deduce fashion trends is a job skill (which I doubt!), it should not hold her back, but you know it will.

    2. Most workplaces have a policy that undergarments should not be seen. This applies to all genders.

       If your workplace doesn’t, then it would be helpful to tell her that such outfits are not appropriate at work. Do it politely, and in private.

       1. Are you her manager? Then say something. Are you a close confidant? Then say something. If not, leave it be. I feel like many women on this site have to micromanage everything, and sometimes it’s best just to let it be.

          1. Yes, I’m her manager. And if I weren’t, I’d leave this to her manager.

             1. So I know I’m late to this, but if you haven’t already, pull her into your office or conference room and say something. You could frame it as “maybe it was a mistake or wardrobe malfunction, but …” if you think that is a possibility. You also might want to give her the general advice often discussed here that the “wear to work” sections in fashion magazines are generally NOT appropriate unless you actually do work at a fashion magazine – and that she should probably avoid things like sheer blouses in general, no matter what undergarments she’s wearing, if she wants to be taken seriously with both men and women at the workplace. If you want to soften the blow a little more, you could also add to her an ancedote of a time you wore something you thought was appropriate at home but was more sheer at work/shorter when you sat down/etc if you have one. Would you say something to a young man you managed if he came to work in something inappropriate – maybe taking casual Friday too casual in ripped jeans, for instance? If you would speak to your male underling about appropriate dress, you should say something to the woman.

31. Hi guys! I need an outfit check for tonight, please (sorry for the short notice). Am going to a charity fundraising dinner that is being run by a client of mine. The dinner is being held at a brew pub and no dress code has been given. Knowing the client and the fact that it is at a brew pub, I feel like I should be dressed casually, but I am stymied by the fact that I am going as a representative of my firm and will be seeing the client. I was thinking of wearing my fuschia (original) Skirt, a flowy silk top from Anthro (i.e. not a top that I would ever wear to work – more casual), a black cropped one-button jacket (again, not something I would wear to work) and probably nude-for-me heels. Do you think it is too much to wear the Skirt? I partly think maybe I should just wear jeans. Feedback?

    Thanks,
    Nonny

    1. Hmm, I think the Skirt with a jacket might be too much, I think, because this is at a brew pub, I’d be really worried about coming off as overdressed, especially if the client is not the dress-up type. I think jeans might be better.

       I’m quite junior, as you know, and so I think I may get more of a pass when I’m dressed too casually, but, for frame of reference with what others might be wearing, if I were invited to an event like this, I’d probably be going with either:

       a) jeans, a blousy top and a blazer (making sure that I could ditch the blazer if people were dressed more casually, so I’d choose my blouse carefully…I might even wear a patterned tee or sweater under? I’d have to think about that…I’d also consider coloured skinny jeans with a boot over); or
       b) a casual dress (I’m thinking of a navy one I have, with caramel abstract pattern, elbow length sleeves, and red skinny belt), with flat knee-high boots and nylons/stockings of some sort

       1. Thanks, you confirmed my feeling. I will go with jeans!

          Have a great weekend!

    2. I know I’m late for your original question, but I work at a brewery in a corporate role. For all future brewery/brewpub meetings (unless it involves a judge or equivalent authority … or a deposition or something), wear jeans/casual dress. My boss cannot STAND when lawyers, accountants, etc come in suited up. He actually cut a tie off a banker once (yes, jerky move, but he did tell the guy not to wear a suit to the brewery). I wore a skirt to my interview, and he STILL won’t let me live it down. Obviously, you don’t want to be sloppy, but people in this world (unless your client is one of the larger breweries) are of the beard/jeans/hoodie persuasion, and are judgey about people in suits. Or pencil skirts. Or heels. I get a lot of crap every time I wear something like that to the office now. :) If we were having a charity function, I’d wear pretty much what Equity’s Darling suggested: jeans, cute top, bright colored blazer, cute flats. HTH, and hope you had fun at the event!!

32. I am a high heel junky, or at least I was until I broke my foot at the end of February. I’ve had to wear a special shoe on my broken foot for the past 6 weeks, but recently found out that I can begin transitioning into normal shoes again at the end of this month/beginning of May. Unfortunately, because the break is on the ball of my foot I cannot wear my heals agin until after the 4th of July. I have a few pairs of flats, but they are mostly in dark leather or suede. Anyone have any flats Spring/Summery flats they love, bonus points if they are work appropriate (business casual) and under $150. TYIA!

    1. Are you me? I broke my foot at the end of January, and finally get the boot off on Monday, but have to wear sneakers for a week or so, and then probably no heels for awhile. Ugh. I have no suggestions, but looking forward to seeing if anyone replies. If you just want some very inexpensive flats, I’ve always had good luck with casual flats from Target.

       1. Oh, and this page:
          http://www.6pm.com/womens-shoes~1gp?s=recentSalesStyle/desc#!/cole-haan-women-flats/CK_XARC11wFaAt0NwAEB4gIEGAELAg.zso?s=recentSalesStyle/desc/

          The Air Reesa and Air Tali are under $100 in some colors, and just over in other colors. I don’t have them, but I think they are go-to flats for a lot of people.

    2. I love these:
       http://www.6pm.com/naturalizer-maude-coffee-bean-leather?zfcTest=mat%3A1

       I have them in red. They feel summery to me in the tan color or the pearly color.

       http://www.6pm.com/naturalizer-inez-veggie-green-leather?zfcTest=mat%3A1

       I think these are cute too, and the green could be fun.

       http://www.6pm.com/clarks-plush-bea-dusty-rose-leather?zfcTest=mat%3A1
       These are very summery, and too casual for my office. You might be able to find them in other colors elsewhere.

    3. I own two pairs of these flats now, because I didn’t know I what I would do when the first pair died. Some of the best $15 I’ve ever spent. Not super office appropriate, unless your office is super casual like mine, or very supportive, but…they’re $15.

       http://www.target.com/p/women-s-mossimo-ona-patent-ballet-flat-black/-/A-13381447#prodSlot=medium_1_8

       For work, I tend to go for flats with an almond or more pointed toe, especially under pants. I personally prefer flats without much adornment, but cap toes or a small buckle in the front can also help.

       I think I own these, or a previous iteration of these: (as with all Nine West shoes, they probably come in about 10 colors, all available for different prices on different sites)
       http://www.zappos.com/nine-west-widgeon-black-synthetic

       I also have a similar shaped pair from Calvin Klein. Basically, I take the idea of the most traditional heels and envision that shoe without the heel. They’re probably not the most supportive, but you can always add additional padding.

33. Canadian r e t t e s who are lawyers:

    When you hire back articling students, is the first salary negotiable? Will that make the firm think you are less dedicated to them (even if that is not the case)? Asking because hireback season is nigh.

    1. In my view, no, not negotiable, particularly in the current market. Having said that, if you know what the market range is for first year salaries in your area and size of firm, and you are being offered something markedly less, it might be worth just mentioning that to the firm and asking if there is a particular reason they are offering so much less. Asking that wouldn’t make me think you are less dedicated to the firm. However, you can’t expect the salary to change much – the first year rates are pretty standard in each market and really just vary within each market according to the firm size.

    2. I could see how it *may* be negotiable if you’re at a sole practitioner’s or a small firm, because I know friends who practice in small family law firms, for example, and their salary is set up to X hours, and then they keep half their billable rate, etc, but if you’re with a bigfirm, or a regional midsize, or even a boutique firm, I’d say definitely no, lockstep is the deal, and the only difference in pay would be from bonuses (which you’re not usually eligible for until you’ve done a full year as an associate, so not your first january as an associate, your second january). I think if your firm has more than 5-10ish lawyers, it’s probably not a negotiating situation.

       And Nonny is right, given the current market, and given that finding another job as a new call would be very difficult, it’s not like you have much negotiating power.

    3. I would think that if it’s a National firm, or National-like, it wouldn’t be negotiable – they all pay the same to all the students. If it’s a smaller shop, and they’re paying less than the regular rate, I definitely think it’s negotiable.

    4. Agree with the others – this will depend on what type of firm you’re at – BigLaw, or big-city boutique/mid-law, not negotiable; smaller towns or smaller shops, maybe. Certainly know of people who have (successfully) negotiated in that second situation – may be an element in those cases that the firms themselves are less willing to go out into the market and find someone new, so are willing to pay a bit more to keep someone they know, whereas the bigger firms are aware that they can fill slots any time with little hassle.

    5. Articling rehire may not be the place for negotiation even at small/mid-sized firms. The market is not great, you havent’t added much value to the firm yet, and after May there will be plenty of unemployed new calls to choose from.

       If you feel you need to sweeten the deal, you could ask for more paid time off or for the firm to pay your professional fees or CPD costs.

    6. Agreed with everyone – in a big firm, there is no room for negotiation. But in a smaller firm, particularly if you are the only first year associate they would/might be hiring, and even more particularly if you’re the only first year associate they’ve hired in a few years, there is definitely room for negotiations – both in terms of salary, and in terms of what happens if you exceed your target/bring in your own work (do you get a percentage of that, bonus, bonus structure, etc.). Really, I know it’s the wild wild west out there for hirebacks, but the worst they can say is no, our offer is X, take it or leave it, right?

34. I’m going to a wedding this summer and I am looking for a dress to wear. I stumbled on a BCBG dress — the madge strapless ruched cocktail dress in begonia — and thought it was far too short/sexy to wear to a wedding, but decided to try it on anyway. It looks AMAZING on me — perfect color for my skintone, fits great, etc. I have a lot of trouble finding dresses that fit because I am petite (5’0 100lbs) but with a very hourglass figure (DD and large hips), and usually dresses are too tight in the chest/hips if they fit my waist. And then everything is always too long. This dress fits better than probably anything in my closet. It’s not very short on me at all (comes to just an inch or two above my knees) because I’m so short. So… my questions are (1) given that it’s longer on me, is it at all appropriate to wear to a wedding or is it too sexy? and (2) if I decide I can’t wear to it to the wedding but want to get it anyway, where else could I wear it? Seems a little too fancy for an ordinary date or night out. Thoughts?

    1. So pretty! FWIW, I am about the same size (though less hourglass), so I feel your pain. When you find something that works, you have to get it!

       That being said, we need more info about this wedding. Is there a religious ceremony? May need to cover your shoulders. Time of day?

    2. Definitely don’t think it’s too sexy for a wedding given the length on you (doesn’t look worse than a lot of bridesmaids dresses to me…) but if it’s a church ceremony, you may want something overtop for that. Definitely good for a reception, though. It would also be a great classy Vegas dress!

35. I’m a lawyer filling out a performance review and asking for a raise. I’m nervous about it, but I’m doing it because I know that in my state, female lawyers are being paid less than men, and I’m being paid less than most people in my field. I think because I was hired after a clerkship, so they didn’t give me “full credit” for those years. That was fine when they didn’t know if I’d need new laywer type training or if I’d be pretty independent. I think I’ve proven myself, but I’m still worried I’ll seem “greedy” or disloyal, and I don’t know what I’ll do if they say no.

    Have you ever had negative consequences from asking for a raise? Should I mostly focus on how awesome I am, or also bring up the research about other area salaries? Would you supervising attorneys ever react badly to a request for a raise at review time?

    1. I was about to post a similar question! Should I just focus on my accomplishments so far, my increased responsibilities because I’ve proved myself, or can I also say I’m underpaid, esp. given how much I do? And what about asking for a raise at a time other than at a review?

    2. Hi Anon,

       I don’t know of anyone who has had negative consequences from asking for a raise– and I think review time is a perfect opportunity to ask for a raise (in fact, in my experience “review” is usually code for “possible raise time.”) They might be planning on giving you a raise already. If so, I think most negotiations experts say that it’s best to let the other side throw out a number first. The askamanager website has a lot of good tips about raise negotiations, so you might want to check that out.

       Personally, when I have asked for raises (I’m a lawyer), I talk about my awesomeness, the extra responsibilities I’ve taken on, any improvements they previously asked me to make and how I have progressed on that front, etc. I’m not sure what you mean by bringing up salaries in other areas. If you say people in X town are making Y, it would be easy for them to come back with, “but we’re not in X town.” I guess I wouldn’t bring that information up initially unless you have a lot of it and it clearly shows that you’re being underpaid in your market.

       One way that I help myself get over my nerves in this situation is that I tell myself: Hey, they’ve hired me to be an advocate. They shouldn’t be surprised when I do some advocating for myself– actually they should be happy to see that I can do this, since that’s part of the skill set I need for my job. Therefore, I should take this opportunity to show them how good I am at this. =D

       Anyway, best of luck to you. Go get ’em, Tiger!

       1. Re the 3rd paragraph–the only thing I don’t like about that reasoning (which I have heard before) is that it can’t be used by, say, a kindergarten teacher or social worker. It’s great that it applies exactly as it should to many of us, but I do feel a little bad making an argument for my own hard work and skills that excludes others who work just as hard and have the same experience level. What do they say? “You hired me to be caring and nurturing, and always sensitive to others’ needs. However, I’m also an adult professional who deserves to be paid what I’m worth, so here’s a side of me you don’t particularly appreciate! I want to discuss a raise.”

    3. Lean In has a fairly interesting section on women and negotiation. As others have mentioned, studies have found that women are perceived negatively when they negotiate on their own behalf. However, women can mitigate that impact to a certain extent by ground their negotiating position in external or communal factors. So yes, bringing up what other firms in the area pay for someone with your skills and abilities would be helpful; you’ll also want to focus on the value you’ve contributed to the firm and hope to contribute in the future. And you’ll want to phrase this in a way that identifies you with the firm (“we” and “our”, to the extent possible, not “me” and “my”).

36. Mission accomplished! I just took my husband shopping for jeans that actually fit and look good (as opposed to the 1969 Levi’s that he bought because my dad had them). A pair of Citizens for Humanity and a pair of AG jeans later, he looks good! Thank you, Nordstrom!!!

    For the record, the Levis look good on some guys, but not my husband.

37. Maybe a little late in the weekend to post, but I was asked by my boss this week to mentor a coworker. I’m skeptical this will work as a) we’re technically on the same level, b) I think mentoring probably should be sought out by the mentee, and c) I don’t even think the coworker really cares about their work. I’m willing to give it a try since my boss asked, but I’m a little at a loss as to where to start. Tips, warnings, success/horror stories welcome.

    1. Since this was a request from your boss, I’d take her to lunch and get to know her a bit better, professionally. What is she working on, what types of things does she want to work on, long term plans, etc.

       After that, I think you can leave the ball in her court. If she begins to reach out more, maybe a relationship will develop.

       Also – you mentioned she doesn’t seem that interested in her work. Maybe she’s trying to branch out into other areas and trying to reach out to other coworkers? Or maybe your boss is hoping you’ll motivate her to care more about the job/your company/etc. Without more details it’s hard to know exactly what it is, but I bet her disinterest is one of the reasons your boss asked you to reach out.

    2. Your boss is looking for the easy way out with an employee who isn’t doing well. But regardless of whether or not the request is appropriate, I agree you should follow big dipper’s advice.

       You can see it as a point in your column, though, that you are so clearly on the right track that you’ve been asked to mentor someone who technically would be at your own level.

38. Thanks for almost every other helpful web page. The spot else may I get that sort of data designed in this sort of perfect strategy? I’ve a enterprise that we are only at this moment running about, we are already with the look out for such information.

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