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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 166 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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French Connection Holiday Poppy Romper | CorporetteSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. This dress is weekend perfection. Wear it with a denim jacket and flats (Keds would look great!) for brunch and running errands, or pair it with heels and some good jewelry for a wedding. I love the blue heels they matched it with on the model. If you want some cheaper options with a similar shape and vibrant prints, check out these dresses at Piperlime: Pim + Larkin fit & flare dress, Skies Are Blue sheath dress, Collective Concepts Floral Mini Dress. The dress pictured is $178 at Piperlime. French Connection Holiday Poppy Romper (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Amy H.

    This print is gorgeous — but it’s not a dress, it’s a ROMPER. Which means I will not be ordering it, even for the weekend . . . .

    • AIMS

      It most certainly is a romper. I want to be the kind of person that wears rompers, but I just can’t. I mean isn’t going to the bathroom just the biggest pain ever in one of these?

      • January

        +1… I don’t even want to be the kind of person that wears rompers, but I don’t think I could get into them for that very practical reason alone.

        • Anon

          +2. At least when you are an infant, your “romper” (onesie) has snaps for practicality.

          • Monday

            When you’re just smitten by rompers/jumpsuits, as I am, the slight PITA with going to the bathroom isn’t much of a deterrent. Most of mine are elasticized and just pull down, but a few have buttons. Total fashion victim, what can I say.

      • E

        I want to wear rompers too and you’d think they’d look great on tall people but most of them are too short in the torso so i get camel toe and/or the bottom becomes booty shorts bc theyre stretched to their limit. i’m 5’11″…

        • preg anon

          I’m 5’8″ and it has been a challenge to find one that fits me, so I can’t imagine how hard it would be for you!

          • ex enviro

            Look at Rachel Roy. I have a wrap-waist sleeveless romper from her diffusion line that is long enough for my legs and my torso. The shorts aren’t booty shorts, but they’re on the short side. It’s satin and hunter green, though, so it’s a winter piece and that means wearing thick black tights underneath. BCBG too. I have a BCBG jumpsuit and it’s plenty long in the torso. I’ve never looked at their rompers though. I’m 6’2 for what it’s worth.

      • ex enviro

        It’s not that hard. But Monday is right, I have a thing for jumpsuits (I’m 6’2 so that kinda rules out most rompers) and using the restroom is usually a very minor inconvenience at best. I don’t find myself in absolutely disgusting bathrooms all that often and it takes just a couple seconds more to remove/replace the outfit. Sure it’s not the most practical choice, but I don’t really care about practicality too much when it comes to my “fun” wardrobe.

    • Anonymous

      I rocked the romper in 1983 in university out dancing at the bars (with jelly shoes on, naturally). 2014 – not so much. Was I ahead of my time or am I just way old?

      • rockin' romper

        I, too, rocked the romper. My mother made one for my sister and me. Madras print of some sort. I was in first or second grade, probably…

        Now, I will wear a skort any day of the week. The ability to bend over and do gardening when I get home, and play with my kids without fear of whoopsie is well worth it. But not a romper.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          I always cringe a bit when I see someone acting “un-lady like” in a skort because you usually can’t tell at first that it is a skort. So, I think they are in a skirt and they are doing something that would normally show the goods and I kind of cringe and look away but then I catch a glimpse anyway and then see “oh shorts” oh, its a skort. But then it still seems weird that I can see the shorts. I don’t know. I’m just thinking of one odd coworker from years back that wore long skorts but would sit in meetings with her legs wide open and you could see straight up them. It was bizarre. Like, there were shorts in there but they were baggy. I wonder if she ever wondered why no one was looking at her.

      • CKB

        I rocked the romper in 1989-1990. Mine was button front, and it was pleated in such a way that it looked exactly like a skirt, unless I was EXTREMELY unladylike. I loved that outfit – I got tons of compliments on it, and it was so comfy. It was even floral. I didn’t care that going to the bathroom was annoying – it wasn’t much worse than a pair of overalls. And I sewed it myself. Ah, to be back in grade 10 again… lol.

      • Harriet

        Ha. I work on a university campus and that is exactly what the super fashionable students are wearing. Jelly shoes are everywhere. It’s cracking me up.

    • Bonnie

      Rompers should be reserved for little girls. Even if this was a dress, I don’t think it would look right with heels.

      • S in Chicago

        Would definitely never wear to a wedding. Not enough jewelry and heels to make that dressy enough IMHO.

    • Casper

      Vic’s On the River is amazing. And enjoy the ability to drink on the streets.

    • mascot

      Eats and Drinks: Chive, Local11Ten, Alligator Soul, Vic’s, Noble Fare, Circa, The Distillery, Green Truck, Crystal Beer Parlor, Cha Bella, Rocks on the Roof, Gryphon Tea Room, Leopold’s. Activities: Walk around the squares, ghost tour, SlowRide, visit the cemeteries, shopping downtown (Design district and Broughton). If you have any specific requests or questions, let me know.

      • Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie

        I’m getting to Savannah at 9am next Thursday. I’m figuring it will take about an hour to leave the airport/ get checked into the Hyatt Regency. DO you have any recommendations around the hotel to get a late breakfast/ early lunch around 10am? I love restaurants that use local foods and flavors and high-quality ingredients.

        Thanks so much!

        • mascot

          Hmm, maybe Goosefeathers or Huey’s- not local, but good. Papillote should be open by 10:30. Most places open at 11 for lunch- The Public, Kayak, Soho South are good lunch choices and not too far.

        • Ellen

          Yay! Open thread’s!!!! I love open thread’s and this romper! I have a romper when I was in high school and all the guy’s were wondering why I wore it. Because I liked it dummie’s!!!!! Great pick, Kat!!!

          As for the OP, I think if you go to Savanah, you MUST eat at the Pink House. It has a great fireplace (not that you care this time of year), but the FOOD is also excelent! My dad took Rosa and me there when Rosa was lookeing to go to college down there. I went along b/c I was already a college girl, and mom told me to in order to keep dad in line. Dad knew a guy from the Army who recomended the Pink House, and it was great. I remember it and it was more then a few year’s ago when Rosa was lookeing to go to college. She has since GRADUEATED, MARRIED (ED), and has had kid’s. I have ONLEY gradueated, but also law school –YAY!!!

          The manageing partner has told me he will have a firm outeing in August. Margie is planning it and we will be spending alot more time on their boat — which I think is 53 foot long or something like that. The manageing partner’s brother is goeing to be there and he has already staked me out. He says I should come alone so that he can spend more time with me. I think he realy think’s that we will date, b/c he is lookeing to moove into my coop. FOOEY! The doorman told me that Angie, a realestate agent has peppered him with question’s about if he knows any 2 bedroom’s that are comeing open. The manageing partner’s brother wants a 2 bedroom so that he can have a spare room for when his other kid’s come over. Harold is old enough to go home at night but there are 2 others, age 8 and 11. He think’s I will be around all the time to hang out with them. What am I supposed to be –their den mother? Worse yet, will they think we are dateing? I am worried that peeople will think I am sleepeing with him! DOUBEL FOOEY!

          I have to meet him tonight b/c the agent has a place for him to look at. I hope he does not want to hang around with me and Myrna. TRIPEL FOOEY!!!!!

          • Angie

            Ellen, do not let the managing partner’s brother get into your romper. He’s a smooth operator, with kids no less, so he knows how to get to a woman. Do not let him fool you into thinking it is harmless, or before you know it, you’ll have your own young-un with this guy and he will hardly be the one to take on child support obligations, since he already has a wife with kids. Please do not listen to him when he says he will be careful. He won’t and then he’ll blame it on you, particularly if it happens in your apartment. Have Myrna shoo him away, if at all possible, but repeat, do NOT let him take your clothes off.

    • Anon.

      I LOVE the Pink House. Truly delicious southern food and a comfortable but upscale bar for a drink!

      • AEK

        I’m a dissenter on Pink House. Was disappointed to have wasted a dinner in Savannah there. Ambience is absolutely charming, but we didn’t like the food (loved the offerings, just didn’t think they were done very well), and the staff really works to turn over the tables fast to accommodate the crowds. However, I’d totally recommend getting a drink in the downstairs bar there just to soak up the surroundings.

        • ContractsinTX

          I agree. The restaurant was just ok, but the bar downstairs was charming. Go for a drink.

    • ContractsinTX

      Go to Shop SCAD. It’s amazing – especially if you are looking for something unique. I found a gold ring sitting at the bottom of a sale bowl on a coffee table there, and I absolutely love it.

  3. Miz Swizz

    I’m shopping for a dining table and chairs and I had no idea how expensive they are! Any tips or tricks or places I should be looking?

      • Miz Swizz

        I’m looking to spend between 1000 and 1500 if it’s possible to find something we like in that range. We could potentially spend more but we’re looking for everyday use and nothing formal.

          • anon

            We have a great consignment store in our area that gets castoffs from the wealthy and also from show houses and “staged” homes. We got a new/nearly new sofa for $350 that retailed for $3000 and there have also been good deals on dining sets.

          • LondonBound

            I totally agree with craigslist. Thats the only way I got a table that has 3 leaves, goes from seating 4 to seating 12, super heavy duty, legs are removable so it can actually totally be taken down for easy transport/storage. Cost 100 dollars on craigslist. And then I did spend real money on these custom table pads that keep it looking nice, and make table clothes lay so much nicer when I do use one. . This company had the best company service ever: http://www.bergerstablepads.net/.

          • Anona

            I really regret buying my table at West Elm. 3 years later the veneer is horribly chipped and not worth what I spent at all.

    • MNF

      Try ebay. Sounds crazy but my MIL went looking for chairs to match her set (which is no longer being made) and ended up with six hardwood chairs and a gorgeous walnut dining table w/leaves for $800. Luckily for us, she didn’t want the table, couldn’t get the chairs without the table, and now I have an awesome table out of the deal!

    • Anon

      We got the round Bjursta table at IKEA and have been very happy. Had it for five years. It seats four, but has a built in extender which lets it seat six when needed. We got the Borje chairs, and those are fine as well, but not as sturdy as the table, we’ve retightened the legs a couple of times.

      • Portia

        We’ve had the giant rectangular Bjursta table, which seats 6 but extends up to seat 12 (which was the selling point for us as we love hosting dinner parties), for the past few years and it’s been absolutely great. It’s a sturdy, solid piece of furniture. Some of our friends have the square Bjursta table, though (with drop leaves instead of center leaves) and it hasn’t held up as well because the drop leaves eventually start drooping if you leave them out all the time.

    • LH

      Have you looked at Macy’s? I haven’t shopped there for dining room furniture but we just bought a sectional from there on big sale for $700 (which was less than half what would have spent at a furniture store in our area) and we LOVE it. I’d be surprised if you can’t get a dining room table and chairs from there for under $1500.

      • tesyaa

        I love my super-bargain Macys sofas too. I was a little wary of buying department store sofas, but they seem to be holding up to my kids very well.

    • Dulcinea

      Agreed – check if your area has a “ReStore” (benefits habitat for humanity, and at least where I am the furniture quality is a lot better than goodwill or salvation army) and I second craigslist as well.

      I have never bought anything on Ebay but my stepmother has gotten some amazing furniture on there.

      Finally, someone else says, a lot of furniture made today isn’t made very well but is still very expensive. I agree. Older stuff fulls sturdier and more solid.

    • Mischief Managed

      I would check World Market and IKEA, which has come out with some really cute modern dining chairs recently.

      • MJ

        My friend is the hardwoods buyer for Cost Plus and they really do source from the exact same factories as Pottery Barn….you can save a ton by heading to Cost Plus. However, you have to really like the “espresso” finish, as that’s all the rage there….

    • Brit

      If you have a Habitat for Humanity Restore in your area, try there. My step-mom is always posting pictures from the Pittsburgh one and they look like great pieces at a really reasonable price.

    • CountC

      I have been very happy with my six seater dining room table/chair set from Rooms To Go. Sure, you don’t get to look at it in person, but if you don’t want anything super fancy then it works. Mine is a dark wood with a bench. I love it!

      I’ve also had success with Value City Furniture and Bob’s Discount Furniture if you have those in your area.

    • anne-on

      If you’re in the westchester/CT area, the Lillian August outlet has incredibly well made furniture in your price range and very reasonable delivery. Its pretty classic stuff, so if you’re looking for more modern pieces it might not be a good fit though.

    • Jessica Glitter

      Have you looked at furniture outlets in North Carolina? I just got a Kincaid table (so solid wood)and chairs from Hickory Park Furniture – my state is very far fromNC, but even shipping 1/2 way across the country it was 1/2 the cost it would have been from a local furniture retailer.

  4. Gail the Goldfish

    I’m trying to decide on a tablet. Any suggestions? I want one that you can get a keyboard for (like microsoft surface style). I’m currently debating if I want one that runs Windows or if I’m ok with a mobile operating system, so if anyone has strong thoughts on the pros/cons of that, please share. I want it mainly for taking with me when I travel so I don’t have to take my laptop, which is fairly heavy (though I may still take my work laptop for work trips. But it’d be nice to have the option not to)

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Oh, pricewise I’d like something under $600, if that’s possible, which rules out the Surface Pro (the latest version of it, anyway)

    • Wildkitten

      I’m shocked at how functionl my kindle is. It has all the apps I would run on an iPad but for 1/5 the price. But I don’t use a keyboard or run Office on it.

      • MJ

        Yep–I just switched from an ipad to a Kindle and it’s perfect. Better size for my purse, no unnecessary apps I don’t need, no hefty price tag, and perfect for websurfing and reading. I have a Lenovo X1 carbon for “real” work. Don’t miss my pricy ipad with the horribly un-intuitive Apple interface at all.

        #teamdroppingapple

    • CKB

      I adore my ipad mini, especially for travel. The small size fits in all my purses (I’m a minimalist when it comes to purses) I use it to surf the net, play games, watch online tv/netflix and read the ebooks I signed out of the library when I’m traveling. Oh, and facetime with the family at home if it’s a work trip. Dh has one as well and got a bluetooth keyboard for his that worked great (until he dropped it, that is). SO much better than taking a heavy laptop!

    • Portia

      I came really close to getting a Surface Pro last year, and ended up going with an Asus Transformer instead because it was less than half the cost but had almost every feature (including the ones that really mattered to me – USB ports, Windows, Word, an integrated keyboard). I’ve been really happy with my decision so far.

    • Jan

      Why rule out the Surface RT? I use it and it’s great for Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and the internet. It’s lighter and cheaper than the Pro. Honestly, I’d go play around with one. It’s not suitable if you want heavier programs (like Photoshop), but I survived a couple semesters of my grad program with just a Surface RT.

    • Calibrachoa

      I have a Samsung galaxy tab 2 and I love it to pieces. Granted, I don’t write on it a lot, but it is an excellent travel companion and good for casual use. Doesn’t have USB ports, but then again it IS an older model. Android is a very robust operating system.

      I’d stay away from apple since I am not a fan of proprietary ‘ware for this kind of a thing.

      • anon

        I have the Galaxy tab 3 (I think?) and it’s great. I use it mainly for work, though, having a mobile device to bring to meetings. I’ve also used to for travel. I have a case with a built in Bluetooth keyboard.

    • Deep End

      I have the older version of the Surface – not the Pro and I love it. I never would have bought it myself but, DH bought it for me for Christmas and it really has been amazing. I had to get the additional keyboard with raised keys as I was too slow on the touchpad to do any work. Now that I have the raised keyboard, I take the surface exclusively on work trips. My trips are usually just a day or two and a few hour plane ride. The Surface is small enough that even on the puddle jumpers I can pull it out and work. I went on a work trip this week for an expert meeting. It was so helpful to be able to hop onto the work server and pull up documents and then walk around the work site with it as a tablet referring to the documents as we needed.

    • Ditto

      I have an a ma zon Kindle Fire (handmedown from DH) which is great but at work I use an I pad, which is well worth the extra $$$. Huge difference in the quality/functionality of apps. And you can buy a keyboard/case (bluetooth driven) in any best buy store.

  5. Money

    All the salary discussion earlier has led me to a realization- I’m not very money driven. I have a minimum salary, and above that is great, but otherwise, I almost always try to negotiate for more vacation time/other perks. Admittedly, the minimum level is pretty high, but I’m single, with no kids, and I just don’t see the need to argue when I am pretty well compensated. Maybe my view will change later.

    Are you money-driven? What do you think makes you money driven compared to others? Am I screwing over other women by not pushing harder to negotiate for more money? Should I change my point of view and always ask for more money over other perks? Do you have a minimum salary that you’re okay with?

    • Wildkitten

      But salary gets increased incrementally. Every time you negotiate now sets the floor for next time. Are you just going to one day say “hey boss, I’m pregnant and you should double my salary now?”

      • Wildkitten

        Or, you need even more flexibility to care for a sick family member but don’t have the savings you would otherwise because you didn’t ask?

        • Anonymous

          Wildkitten’s answer here has become the reason why I’m glad I have the high salary I do – I expect to need some flexibility in the near term for a sick family member and I hope to leverage it into a PT position.

    • tesyaa

      Why should you negotiate for money instead of perks, if you prefer the perks? As they say, there are some things money can’t buy. (Or as they say in HR-speak, consider your “total compensation” including benefits, perks, etc).

      People who are money-driven might prefer the money over free time, might have unseen financial needs (like family members in need of support), or be especially worried about financial security due to their upbringing. I don’t think there has to be one “right” way of looking at compensation.

      • Wildkitten

        I don’t think you have to be “money-driven” to want the best compensation for your work. You don’t have to want to dive into a pool of coins to want the freedom to say, have the money to leave an abusive relationship if you ever find yourself in that situation – or to want to be able to help others do that, or buy a house, or help your kids pay for college. Money is necessary for other freedoms and safety, not just to flash your black card at Neimans. And, you could just want your employer to value your contribution more than you want additional vacation.

      • Burgher

        I wouldn’t say I’m “money driven”, more stability driven. That’s why I went for engineering – pretty stable and a comfortable enough salary that we don’t want for much with a dual income. My company seems to pay at or above the market rate, so I’e always felt fairly compensated. I do have great benefits, so maybe if I didn’t have them I would take less money for more vacation or flexibility, but luckily I don’t have to choose. I may be relatively more money driven due to my upbringing with a single mom, being on welfare at times, etc., so I strive to always have a means to support myself. Just because I don’t necessarily “need” more money, it doesn’t mean I won’t take it or push for more when I have the chance. You never know what might happen.

    • West Coast

      You can also negotiate for both. Keep in mind that compensation ‘accrues’ in a way that vacation days do not; you can keep asking for salary increases each year, but vacation days, at a certain point, hit a limit.

      Ran the numbers quickly, and compared a year-on-year increase of 3% compared to 6%, with a starting salary of $120K over 10 years.

      After 10 years:
      3% y-o-y increase had a salary of $157k, compared to a salary of $202K after 10 years with the 6% y-o-y increase

      Income lost:
      You’d be losing out on a total of $206K, with a $143K NPV (given a conservative 5% discount rate)

      So, asking yourself what you could do long term with that amount money might be a good question, and what you might be missing out on by not asking for a better raise.

      • tesyaa

        It’s statistically impossible for everyone to negotiate “the best” compensation, or even for everyone to negotiate “above average” compensation (shout out to Lake Wobegon). I do agree that you shouldn’t shoot yourself in the foot by assuming that because you need flexibility in your schedule, you should accept less than you’re worth.

      • small town anon

        I appreciate both. I appreciate the flexibility with working hours that my office gives, especially in regard to work/family/life balance, but I also need enough to get by.

        I do have kids, a house, and all that comes with it, and there are certainly a lot of times when I see that big fat Comp Time added up on my paystub that I wish it were extra dollars. I agree that if you don’t negotiate for your own raise/money now, all your future raises will be short-sighted.

    • emeralds

      I’m in the not-money-driven camp and I’m okay with it. (And I’m okay with others feeling differently.) I want enough money to be my definition of secure, and to have enough left over to do the things I care about. But past that I don’t really care. More money would be nice, but for me it’s not worth the trade-offs that moving into a more highly-compensated field would mean making. Like, yes, I could be a consultant, or I could go to law school, but I like sleep, free time, and working in a field that I care a lot about.

      I negotiated my starting salary for my current job, and got a small bump up from their starting offer. That brought my salary up to roughly market for my area and my field, so, while maybe I could have wrung a few more dollars out of my employers…it wasn’t worth it to me. I got some vacation instead. Maybe I’m a traitor to feminism, maybe I’ll die alone in the poorhouse, but I’m too busy enjoying leaving the office at 5pm to go snuggle my dog and have a glass of wine to care.

    • West Coast

      As far as my own approach and being money driven, I would say that I am money driven based on principle. I am in a field with a lot of men, and I know they are pushing for raises. If I don’t push too, I won’t get as much of a raise as they are. I push because I know that if I don’t, then boom, I am getting paid less for the same work, and that’s not cool. When I have to have those raise conversations (that I don’t particularly enjoy), that is what motivates me.

      Of course, additional income is also more that I can invest in retirement, put towards a down payment, etc, and that is important long term.

      Although I am in a high work/high reward field, and there are definitely days I wish that the work day wasn’t quite as long, I absolutely love what I do and the people I work with. A high salary is an added benefit of my field, not what motivates me to do it.

      • Anon

        +1. I want to feel like I’m “fairly” compensated for my work, and that if I were a man (or white, or whatever else could possibly be relevant here) I’d be paid more or less the same. And I know that I have to be “money driven” in some sense in order to achieve that, as it won’t likely just come my way. I care very little about money as such.

  7. Philanthropy Girl

    Threadjack (again, since I was so late to the morning thread):

    I just learned that there is an excellent job opportunity opening up at a local company. It has the potential for significant career growth, and I’ve been eyeing this department for a while. I have some minor irritations with my current position and haven’t been actively looking, but I’m starting to recognize that my career growth potential is severely limited, and I would make a move for a great opportunity. I’m a highly qualified candidate for this opening position, and would be an excellent fit in the company culture. I live in a small town, where word gets around, and I’d prefer to not discuss this with my boss until I’ve decided whether or not to apply.

    The drawback: I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant in a high-risk pregnancy (meaning lots of extra medical care and no chance of being back to work in a few days). I know the head of the department and a number of other employees socially, so this isn’t something that I can hide or not discuss in a potential interview (I’m also huge…). It’s highly likely they would want me to start either right away, or right around the time I will be off for FMLA leave. So, the timing for me personally is terrible.

    I’m meeting with this department head and would like to ask a few questions about the position, but I have no idea how to navigate my current medical status. Any suggestions on how to approach this situation?

      • Philanthropy Girl

        Ideal would be January. That would give me both the leave time and benefits I’ve accrued at my current job, plus time for me to help transition my office after my leave.

    • Anonymous

      I think the only way to approach the situation is to tell them what you just said. They’ll either be willing to hire you anyway or will not. They have no obligation to give you the time off that you need. But maybe you are worth it to them.

    • Anon

      I interviewed while pregnant and the anticipated start date was exactly when I would need to be on leave. I was upfront with the hiring committee and said how much I wanted to work there, would be a good fit, etc. but that I would not be able to start until 2 months later. I ended up getting the job and everything worked out.

  8. Anon for This

    Salary question. Not sure if there will be anyone who has any input on this issue.

    I am a “director” at an insurance company (report directly to the VP, manage a number of people, etc) and an attorney. The VP is retiring next year and the CEO is trying to decide between me and another guy. But even if I am not named VP next year, the CEO has indicated that believes I’ll occupy that spot in the near future.

    My current salary is in the low six figures. It is lower than what I made in private practice, which is a source of contention. I will definitely be getting a raise next year, but I’m not sure what to ask for in either position. I think they will change my title to “General Counsel”, but otherwise I am not sure how my job responsibilities will change. In fact, if I am not promoted to VP, then I will probably consider it more of a recalculation of a salary I should have been making more than anything else.

    Anyone have any input on this? It’s very frustrating because a lot of the reported salaries for these positions relate to companies that have a national presence. Since mine doesn’t, the company has been able to justify lower salaries. But I am not interested in sticking around while they take advantage of my work ethic.

    And, since I am asking, anyone have any experience with a supervisor who simply won’t negotiate on salary issues? I sometimes read Ramit Sethi’s blog, and the assumption appears to always be that the employer is willing to negotiate a raise. But my experience with this company is that raises are a take-it-or-take-it proposition. I advocated for myself for a larger raise this year (when I was promoted into my current position) and the company simply refused to negotiate and instead told me to be patient. Bleh. I think I just depressed myself.

    • Wildkitten

      Why not look for another job so you have a plan B to negotiate against? That way, presented with take it or leave it, leave it is a very real option for you?

    • West Coast

      If you could do some research on how the national versus regional presence impacts salary, it would give you some leverage. I think that you might not be able to get it for your exact industry/position, but if you could get some data, it would help you decide what you would accept and what you should ask for.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      The link to the Robert Half salary survey I posted on the morning thread should be useful to you. They break up in house for small, small/medium, medium and large companies. The definition I think is based on revenue of said companies. I would imagine the smaller companies are the ones less likely to have a national presence and thus, should be a more accurate picture for you. It also lets you adjust for your state.

    • SH

      My company is the same way – raises are gifts and we should be so lucky to have them at all. I’m also an attorney, would make more in private practice, but because I’m “not a lawyer all the time,” I’m not “paid like a lawyer.” When I’ve tried to equate my salary to attorney ones in the government (private sector is a nonstarter) to bring me up closer to where I “should” be, my boss wished me luck in the government (i.e. told me to pound sand).

      That said, I’ve had luck negotiating on bonuses. We have a max amount of bonus we could receive based on the company’s numbers. We haven’t hit the max numbers, but I’ve received the max amount of bonus for the past couple years. Same with time off. Have you tried either of these?

  9. Julia

    For a kitchen table…absolutely look at consignment shops and antique stores. Like you, I was astounded at the price of furniture today and the poor quality. But when I poke around in consignment shops, I always see very nice,well made furniture, sometimes from well known brands, for a song. Too bad I don’t need anything!

  10. What to wear for meeting in Atlanta?

    I have to travel with a client to Atlanta for a negotiation meeting next week. My office here in CA is very casual. We’ll be in all day meetings with a large Atlanta corporation, at their premises. My hunch is that I should wear a suit – what do you guys think? I can’t remember the last time I wore a suit, and never meet opposing counsel and other side parties face to face so I’m pretty out of the loop on this. And I don’t know anything about what people wear in Atlanta. Is it pretty formal? Cbackson? Anyone?

    • Anon

      Suit or equivalent (suiting-material dress and matching blazer). However, jackets may come off early in the meeting, so make sure your dress or blouse can stand on its own.

      • Toffee

        +1. It’s been extremely hot here, which means most offices are freezing. So be able to adapt to 90+ degrees outside and 70- degrees inside.

    • Maudie Atkinson

      Former (and future) Atlantan here. I would say wear a suit, though I don’t think hose are necessary nor do I think it necessarily has to be a skirt suit, given what you’re describing. I don’t think anyone will think you are gauchely overdressed in a suit, so I would err toward that (unlikely) possibility rather than erring in the other direction.

    • What to wear for meeting in Atlanta?

      Thanks, guys. Suit it is. Good tip re: the A/C and freezing offices.

      • cbackson

        I’m late to this party, but I think it can be a less formal suit given that it’s summer here. So if you have an unlikely-to-wrinkle cotton or other lighter fabric (or a standard fabric in a lighter color) you can wear that. If you’re stuck with a darker suit, I’d wear a bright top. We love our colors down here.

        It doesn’t have to be a skirt suit but you’ll want it to be, given the heat. And no need for hose, definitely.

    • ATL

      I agree a suit is best. Also Maudie is correct that you don’t need to worry about skirt suit or hose, although you may see that. Skirts can be good for the AC to summer heat transition. Hope you have time to enjoy ATL!

  11. Lynnet

    My depression and social anxiety are rearing their ugly heads again, and while I do all of my normal things to keep myself sane, I’m wondering if anyone has any tips for dealing with thoughts that everyone in your life is angry at you. I’m convinced between being positive that all of my friends and coworkers are mad at me, and thinking that it’s all in my head. I tend to be even more socially awkward than normal when I’m going through these times (I think, or it could all be in my head) and am definitely less competent at work, which means I can think of dozens of reasons why people would be angry with me.

    I know we’ve talked about depression a lot here, but I don’t think we’ve ever talked about social anxiety, and it’s that aspect that I’m not very good at controlling.

    • small town anon

      One of the things that I realized through counseling with my husband, his sobriety from alcoholism (he drank to excess when we met/started dating, but morphed into true alcoholism after a few years, and finally sobriety a few years after that) is the ability to let things go.

      I realized what it kind of means, to let things go. It means not dwelling on it, but it also means not overanalyzing any intent. The thing that I have gained most in my interactions with my husband is realizing that he’s not doing things TO me. He’s not cleaning up after himself to spite me, or something, KWIM? When I remove myself from the equation, it’s a lot easier to take a step back and understand that there are no ulterior motives.

      In any case, big hugs, and I hope you can get it sorted out.

    • Anon for this

      My therapist challenging my thinking a few times on a similar issue with

      1.) Who cares what they think
      2.) You can’t control anyone else’s emotions but your own
      3.) It is not your business what other people are feeling
      4.) What is the worst that could happen if they all are mad at you / hate you? (my issue was different – worry over people thinking I’m faking my physical diseases. Worry over whether they are mad when I cancel. Worry over whether they think I’m a hypochondriac. Wanting to prove “it is that bad.” Her question was instead “so what if they think you are faking?” “so what if they are annoyed when you cancel.” “Why can’t they be annoyed when you cancel?” “Aren’t you are annoyed when you cancel even though it is justified? You get annoyed at your disease. They can too.”

      So, if you are slacking at work you are annoyed with you and others may be too but you can’t control their behavior and they might even be justified in being annoyed. Or you might just be perceiving them as annoyed. At the end of the day, not your business. You do you. Stop trying to gauge and control their emotions. If they are mad, let them be mad. Does it matter?

      When I was posed those questions I could only respond “of course it matters!” But had a hard time articulating reasons why and that was telling.

  12. Chicago-Newbie

    I am moving to Chicago in early August from out of state. Can anyone give me some insight into neighborhoods? Also, is Chicago the type of city where you need a leasing agent or is Craigslist the way to go? Any help at all would be excellent. Thanks in advance!

    • Anon

      Where will your office/school be located, and how long of a commute can you tolerate? Do you want to be near the water? Near nightlife? Near parks? Does school district matter?

      Do you have a large dog? If so, recommend going through a rental company/leasing agent as they can help you identify places that accept them more quickly (I remember the first time I looked for an apartment in Chicago with a large dog, and the list of available places in my chosen neighborhood and size went from 150 to 8, or something like that).

      • Chicago-Newbie

        DH and I will both be working in the inner loop area (near the Sears tower). We don’t have pets, but are looking for something newish with a gym and possibly a pool.

        • Romey

          Chicago-Newbie – I would highly recommend the high rise building that I just moved from earlier this year. Email me at romey dot the name of this blog dot com! :) I also really liked the leasing agent that I used to find it (he was free so it’s no cost at all to you).

    • roses

      You don’t need a leasing agent. If you’re fine with a high-rise (which is probably what will get you a gym and pool), I recommend looking on apartmentratings.com and calling places directly. River North and River West are very well-established neighborhoods close to downtown with tons of restaurants and nightlife. Lincoln Park is a little further north, lots of bars and such but a little “fratty.” South Loop has lots of new and reasonably-priced apartments but less in the way of nightlife. Trendier neighborhoods include Wicker Park, Bucktown, and Ukranian Village – there are fewer large apartments in those neighborhoods, but it’s worth looking around.

    • Anonymous

      Based on your wish list, I would consider Streeterville, River North, and maybe the Gold Coast (but you will have more of a flat there). These are the places I would look for a high rise apartment. If you want a more neighborhood-feel, I would look at Lincoln Park, Old Town or Lakeview. However, you would be less likely to be in a high rise apartment in these areas (so likely no pool or gym).

      If you are truly going to be near the Sears Tower, the closest El line is the brown line. The blue line is not nearly as convenient, which is why I did not mention Wicker Park, etc. If you just mean that you will be in the inner loop, various El lines will be convenient. I would look at which El stops are closest to your work, and then, make the decision partially based on El convenience.

      For what it is worth, my husband and I looked for apartments in Streeterville and the Gold Coast when we moved to Chicago. We picked an apartment in a vintage three-flat in the Gold Coast because we knew that a lot of family would be visiting/around our first year in Chicago. After that first year, we bought a house in the Boystown area of Lakeview.

      • Anonymous

        Oh, we used an apartment broker, and three years ago, the apartment building paid the cost of the broker. However, things may have changed.

  13. AttiredAttorney

    I’m heading out to Denver for a conference at the end of July and am looking to hang around for a couple of days after and see some of the sights and maybe take a day trip or two. Any recommendations for where to go and what to bring? I was thinking about doing the cog railway up Pike’s Peak, or maybe getting out to one of the hot springs. I enjoy hiking, and I will also have a rental car. Recommendations for historical sites and hole-in-the-wall foodie places would also be appreciated!

    • Anon

      If you enjoy hiking, Rocky Mountain National Park is way more exciting than Pike’s Peak, though if you’re set on going out towards Colorado Springs you should also stop by the Garden of the Gods.

    • Jules

      I asked about this in the summer of 2012 and got some great recommendations. If I could remember how to search the comments I’d link the post, but if you’re savvier than I am you can find the thread.

      Rocky Mountain National Park is amazing, it would be a couple of hours away IIRC. Red Rocks is much closer and gorgeous (and if you’re lucky there might be a good concert while you’re there). We’re vegetarian/vegan in my family; our favorites were sister restaurants Watercourse and City O City (the latter being the slightly more casual and definitely hipper place).

      I’d avoid the pedestrian mall area downtown (16th street?), it was just a lot of chain stores. But both branches of the Tattered Cover bookstore — one of which is downtown — are really great, if you like that kind of thing.

    • Lynnet

      I live just north of Denver. It really depends on what you’re interested in/what the area you’re from has. We don’t have a lot of big tourist sites.

      If you want to do a half day hike, there are a ton of trails starting at the NCAR headquarters in Boulder. The building itself was designed by I.M.Pei, and is fun to wander around if you like architecture. It also has a little atmospheric science museum. Mt. Sanitas is also right outside Boulder and is good for a two hour hike with gorgeous views.

      I always take visitors to one (or several) of our amazing microbreweries. Great Divide in downtown Denver or Avery in Boulder are both good choices.

      In terms of historical sites, the only one I can think of right now is the Brown Palace Hotel. It’s fun to walk around in (just pretend you’re staying there). Brunch is supposed to be amazing, if you have $50 to spend on brunch.

    • Anonymous

      Check out NY Times and WSJ archives from the last 6 months – year. Both have done great Denver articles (I’m a Denver-ite) and they both highlight some good restaurants, etc. I’d suggest staying on the LoDo end of town vs. further east. Have fun!

    • ArenKay

      Don’t bother with the Pike’s Peak train. That would take half a day, and it’s a tourist trap up top. I agree with recs for Red Rocks or Boulder hikes–Chautauqua is also pretty.

      For history, if fossils are your thing, you go to Dinosaur Ridge. Lots of tracks still in the ground there. It’s by Red rocks. Town of Morrison also has a very good, but small, natural history museum. In town, I would add the Statehouse, Molly brown house! and Byers-Evans house as possibilities. Five Points, just NW of downtown, has a few great small museums (it was Denver’s Harlem, and a jazz epicenter). The public library in Five Points, and the main downtown library, have great collections of documents. I am a fan of Denver’s art museums, as well.

      For hole in the wall food, I would recommend My Brother’s Bar (great burgers), Tom’s Home Cookin’ (Southern food, lunch only, cash only–outstanding Mac and cheese), Tacos Jaliscos for Mexican.

  14. Shopping help

    I am looking for a fitted gold top to wear to a wedding. Ideally short sleeves and a crew or scoop neck. Can be metallic lace but preferably in lighter shades. Needs to be available in a brick and mortar retailer (I am in Chicago) or fast shipping. Under $50. Has anyone come across anything like this??

  15. Anonymous

    What are your go-to brands for casual dresses? Not beach casual but rather weekend brunch in a nice restaurant casual.

  16. Anon for this

    A dear friend of mine is getting married in late August in the French Riviera. When I had to RSVP a few months ago, I had said yes. At the time, attending a destination wedding wasn’t a problem. However, my financial situation suddenly and recently changed, and going for this wedding is suddenly just not feasible.

    I debated waiting to see if things changed, but then decided that’s best to let them know immediately since it’s still two months out and if any adjustments need to be made they have time. Both my friend and her fiance have been terrific friends to me and I felt beyond terrible having to call and say I can’t make it. I’m pretty sure she’s wicked upset with me as I was one of a few friends from here in U.S. who was invited, leave alone attending.

    There’s no way to really make up for this, but is there something I can do to, I don’t know, ameliorate this? Or should I just let her get over it on her own time and send a card and the best gift possible when the time comes?

    • Flower

      She might be upset, but there is a difference between being upset you can’t make it (because she would love to have you there) and being upset AT you for not making it. I’m sure this friend realizes how much you wish you could be there, but it just isn’t feasible. When one of my close friends got married, a mutual friend couldn’t make it because she was due with her first child within a week of the wedding and it would have required extensive travel. My friend was understandably sad that the friend couldn’t make it, and complained about it to me – but it was never “I’m mad at Friend”, it was “I’m mad Friend can’t be there, even though I completely understand why”.

      I would encourage you to try to be there for your friend – help with any do-it-yourself stuff they might have planned in advance, offer to celebrate with them when they come back, listen and ask about how the wedding planning is going, etc. Just communicate to her what you said to us – you are devastated that you can’t be there, but it isn’t financially possible right now.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      I would not sweat this. Something similar just happened to us–we are getting married soon in the US, and one of my significant other’s good friends from Canada is no longer able to make it because of financial reasons. We offered to pay for this trip, but I suppose that he didn’t feel comfortable accepting that gift from us, so he will not be able to make it. We are obviously a bit bummed because he is a good friend, but it is what it is.

  17. Flower

    Does anyone have any tips for working remotely? I announced my intention to relocate to a new area to my company, and they have put together an offer for me to continue on (with a promotion!), but working from the new area. The new area doesn’t have a local office, so I would be working from home. I’m trying to figure out all the logistics – what sort of compensations I should ask for (phone/internet subsidy?) – as well as whether or not it really makes sense for me. I’m single and would be either living alone or with a roommate, although I feel like some roommates would not be cool with someone who had to work out of the house. Just looking to see if anyone has come up against these before and can offer any advice. Thanks!

    • Emmabean

      If you’re feeling uncomfortable with actually working from home maybe your company would consider leasing a small office for you (like an exec suite) or a space in a work co-op. Depending on the type of work you do, a work co-op could be an excellent solution.

    • Lily student

      Phone/ Internet/ heating subsidy, definitely. Whether you’re living alone or with a roommate, try to have your desk in a separate room or a big alcove that you can curtain off from your sleeping space.

    • Burgher

      I worked remotely from home for five months and was really surprised at how great it was. The key for me was to have a space that was office only and that working during work hours was non-negotiable, e.g., nope, not going to run and throw the laundry in because gee it’s only 5 minutes. I just felt like that would be a slippery slope and it was best to stay focused and on-task. Another really helpful thing was open communication, a minimum of weekly calls to my team, and always being available 7-5 for work emails or calls.

      I didn’t ask for any additional subsidies, because it was in the house that we already owned and paid for all the utilities either way.

    • Calibrachoa

      Check if they can have the internet in their name – companies tend to get lot better service from ISPs, especially for major outages. Not sure if this is a thing in the US though.

    • Anon Worker Bee

      I have been working remotely from home for around a year now (after relocating for personal reasons) and I think it’s important to have a space devoted only to working so when you are done working, you can walk away and put it out of your mind. I basically shipped my whole office setup and set it up in a spare bedroom (laptop dock, monitors, company phone) but I am in IT so you may not need as much equipment as I do.

      I would ask your company how often you will need to travel to the home office and whether or not they will pay for those trips. I have to go back at least once a year for annual reviews and they pay for that trip. They would also pay if I came back for project-specific work like internal meetings, training, etc. Also make sure you can expense office supplies because they can really add up.

      • Anon Worker Bee

        Oh, and because I feel weird telling clients I work from home, I always say that I work from a remote office and internally I make sure to say home office rather than home, because there is a difference between working from an office located in your home and working from the couch. It just feels more legit to me and I will even say “when I am back in the office” rather than “when I get home”.

    • tazdevil

      Do you have a basement or spare room to convert to an office room? It is best to keep your “work space” separate from your “personal space”. Set youself up with a desk and a back friendly chair (easily bought at staples, office depot, ect. Also, depending on the volume of prinitng you do, a laser printer may be in order. Have a schedule (I am in the office from 10 am to 6), and occasionally take yourself out to lunch to compensate for not seeing any real live people every day. The initial costs in setting up a home office my seem a little dauntin (it costs me$800 for desk, chair, printer, files) however that money is easily justified in the savings in gas, parking, drycleanin. lunches out. oh, and have a “work uniform” also (jeans and tee will do), because if you sit in your pjs all day trying to perform work, then your mind is still in weekend mode.

  18. Anonymous

    Ladies,

    This is a question specifically for the big law ladies out there. I am a junior-mid-level associate and my husband and I just found out we are having a baby (woohoo!) Separately, we had already been planning a move across the country for literally the same month the baby is due. My firm does not have an office there – I will have to job search but dont have major concerns about finding a job there and truthfully my current professional network will be immaterial b/c it is such a different market.

    My firm offers very generous maternity. It seems painful to leave work (probably just six weeks to a month before the baby comes – if the doctor will let us) and forego that salary. On the other hand, because I was already planning to move around that time, we would not want to stay beyond a few weeks past my maternity leave, really at most.

    I know people have dont it before. I am not super concerned about the ethics as this is just bad timing on our part (I would love to have started a new job and taken leave there but we got pregnant when we got pregnant and husband wont have his bonus in time for us to move earlier).

    Can I get away with leaving just after maternity? How many weeks would you say I would need to return at a minimum? I would also rather have that much longer filled in on my resume with a job.

    For what its worth, i have been working HARD the last few days – and cant wait regardless!

    • SH

      You said that you would need to leave your current job and search when you moved, so were you already planning on being without a salary when you moved? If so, I would ask why you say that it would be painful to forego the salary when you already factored it in? This is what I’m thinking: you work almost until the baby comes, have the baby, move, get settled for a few months while job searching, start a new job 2-4 months after you move in. To me, this is about the same amount of time (on the low end) it would be to find a new job in a new market in the first place. Without the baby, these 2-4 months would still be just on one salary, if I read your comment right. Maybe I missed something?

      FWIW, when I hire people and there’s a 3-6 month gap on their resume, and they tell me it’s because they moved and had a baby, then that gap totally makes sense and it’s not a factor in a hiring decision.

      But to answer your question, my personal view is that you shouldn’t take maternity leave at all, and just leave. Personally, I would very much be worried about the ethics because I think what goes around comes around. I think a lot of people would consider what you’re thinking of doing to be dishonest. If I were your boss, I would want you to come back for more than a few weeks, given the situation. If you came to me and said that you honestly decided to stay home and raise your child, which you didn’t think you wanted to do until you had him/her, I would respect that (totally valid) decision and wish you all the best. But in this situation, you’re also being honest.

      Since this has the potential to burn bridges, which you don’t need when you’re searching for a new job anyway, why do it?

    • cbackson

      Well, what does “get away with it” mean? Can you do this without burning bridges and making people upset with you? Probably not. Can you do this without contributing to the impression that women use maternity leaves to transition to new jobs or out of the workforce (less relevant in your case)? Probably not. Can you do this legally? Sure.

      I worked with a guy who took his firm-provided paternity leave and all of his vacation when his wife had a baby (so about 8 weeks of leave), and then announced his departure to a new firm the week he returned. People really didn’t like it – even though parental leave doesn’t come with a promise that you’re return, I think that when a departure quickly follows a leave, it can cause people to think that the leave (paid for by Firm A) was used in part to job-search and facilitate a transition to Firm B. That can create bad blood. Although the case above is a man, the idea that women use maternity leave as a bridge to a less-challenging job elsewhere (or as a way of having the firm pay for their first 3-6 months as a stay-at-home mom) is prevalent, and is damaging to all women (including those that don’t yet have kids).

      On the back end, if you’re asking how many weeks you need to be back, I think it needs to be months (not weeks). You can mitigate the damage (maybe even eliminate it) if you can give the impression that you all didn’t make this decision prior to or during your leave, and that you were committed to returning. I don’t know if that’s feasible for you, but that’s the best way to limit the impression of bad faith.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, I guess what prompted my question is that no fewer than FOUR men i work with have taken 5 weeks paternity and left within a month, all within the last year, and no one seemed to care. I am not even sure who WOULD care. Among Associates I spoke with the consensus was, “good for them.”

        I dont really have a “boss” – I have a lot of “bosses” and am a worker bee – think top 5 firm in a major market. I will be moving to a much smaller noncompetitive market and there will be no overlap, shared relationships, etc. Big law NY/DC moving to the midwest. I billed close to 300 hours last month, though that wont happen for the rest of the pregnancy I hope. I dont plan to stay in touch with any current “bosses” or whatnot since I will be in a very different market in a different part of the country.

        Is this something that men can just get away with better than women?

        • DCR

          I’ve seen may women do this at my big law firm, and with no really problems. Associates think its great of them and many women would like to follow this path (i.e. get pregnant and find a new job when out on leave). But partners may view it differently. Part of me thinks it depends on how long you have been at the firm (i.e. it’s viewed better if you have been at the firm 3 years and not 6 mts), but regardless it is done.

          I am a little concerned that the move makes it different. A person can fully intend to come back but choose not to for many reasons when the time comes. But if you move out of state, that is a clear sign that you are not coming back to your firm. You have also put yourself in a position where you are not even able to go back to your firm.

        • LH

          Even though you’re moving to a different market, I can’t imagine that you know for sure that you’ll never need anyone at your current workplace as a reference or something like that. If nothing else, an employer can ask for a reference from a specific job so it seems like a bad idea to me to burn every bridge at your current firm. And I really think doing something like this would burn every bridge, sorry. I think its a very different situation when a new mom or dad quits immediately after returning to work to stay home or quits to take a lower pressure job. People can give the person the benefit of the doubt and assume that they thought they wanted to come back but it turned out they couldn’t leave the baby/couldn’t swing both the demanding hours and the baby. It may not be true, but its at least plausible and some people will probably buy it. But when you quit right after coming back to move cross country, its pretty clear you just stuck around to collect maternity benefits.

          • Romey

            That’s a good point. At first when I read OP’s post I thought it’s honestly so common for female associates to quit after their end of maternity leave. At my prior firm (which sounds similar to OP’s) it was honestly more of a surprise when a female associate DID come back after maternity leave. But LH is right, people will know that you guys clearly planned to move so you can’t act like you just changed your mind and decided not to work. Is there any way you can postpone the move by a month or two?

  19. Trying to figure out the next step

    I practice in a decent-sized Southern city (but totally small-town atmosphere — everyone knows everyone). I started with a small firm and we merged with a larger firm a few years back. It was fine for the first 5 years because I was billing ridiculous hours but I always felt like we were insulated and never really “accepted” into the firm by the equity partners (my overseeing partner refused to be equity — he was older and had no interest in mgmt committees, hiring/firing, etc. and just wanted a paycheck). The past few years with the firm have gone south in my opinion.

    Last week the partner told me that he has about a year and a half left in him and wants me to take over all the clients. The book of business is substantial and worth $$$ and he wants to sell before completely retiring but wants me protected so I carry on his 40+ years of work with the clients. I cannot bear to stay at the current firm and risk one of them poaching clients and leaving me high and dry (or worse). We both want to form a new firm with him as of counsel which affords me protection. So here’s my dilemma — we need more attorneys to create the new firm. Normally a practice group just breaks off and makes a new firm. But I need at least one seasoned attorney and a mid-level partner and some associates to agree to a new firm. We’ve had one meeting with a few partners from another big firm (confidentially, of course) and they seem happy to stay put. My partner wants to make decisions quickly and I am now at a loss on ideas. Any thoughts?? I am being “gifted” with a huge book of business (2M+ depending on numbers of attys working the files) but do not want to join a local firm where I run the risk of no protection. And as I said, not staying at my current firm. My next idea is reaching out to partners I know at larger national firms who may be interested in opening an office in our market. I have to be so careful in this city. If word gets out, it will be ugly. Any advice is appreciated and I realize this is a unique request but any thoughts are appreciated!

    • Anonymous

      I guess I don’t understand the concern. Other partners and firms can poach the clients regardless of whether you stay at this firm, go to a new firm, or start a new one. Whether the clients stay with you as a factor of your relationship with the clients, your ability to serve them, and costs to the client. I would focus on what you would enjoy the most and would permit you to service the clients the best. That may be starting a new firm (or maybe not if you can’t get the attorneys necessary) or it may be joining another firm (or maybe not).

  20. BusyPeeps

    New Question: I recently started dating a first year associate who has been at trial for the last week and has one more week to go. We went from talking every day, or at least text conversations, to about 3 texts total last week. I know he is busy but are there any text messages I can send that will be encouraging to him so it doesn’t sound like I am abandoning him? I am running out of things to say because I will send a couple texts a day with an apologetic “ahhh im so busy i am dying” response every other day or so. Is it annoying for super busy people to get messages like “Hang in there!” “You’re a trooper!” ?

    • Wildkitten

      Probably annoying. When I am crazy busy and get messages, no matter how nice they are, they just add another thing to my to do list (even if the thing is “look at phone that just buzzed”). Why don’t you make cancelable reservations to do brunch after he’s done? That way you have the plans, but if he just wants to stay in and order pizza, or sleep for a week that’s cool too.

    • Ekaterin Nile

      The last time I was in trial I got AT BEST 2 hours of sleep a night because I was insanely busy. I barely recognized my husband when I got home. Don’t send your bf a text message every day. Maybe send one that says “I can’t even imagine how busy you are. I’ll let you focus on trial. Let’s get together when you’re back and you’ve recovered. Good luck!” Then LET HIM FOCUS ON TRIAL. It’s great that’s he’s there as a first year. Let him make the most of it.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      Yes. But I also used to skype with my bf at 3am when I got back to the hotel from the trial site during trial, which I LOVED, so if that is a stage in your relationship….

    • BusyPeeps

      Ok, thanks everyone. Ya, I am definitely a cheerleader so dating a lawyer is not for me. It has only been a little over a month so I will just stop texting and dump him when he emerges.

      Thanks!

      • Seriously???

        I think the consensus was to give him his space until the trial was over. Dumping him because he needs to focus on work for a week or two seems harsh…

    • Silvercurls

      Good news: this was addressed in a recent post so the information is somewhere in cyberspace. I think it was posted within the last month. I know this sounds snarky, but I don’t mean it that way; it’s just that after a truly hectic & exhausting week last week I’m unable to pull additional specific information out of my brain.

      Quick ideas for informal bags: Timbuk2 (messenger & computer bags); LLBean and Lands’ End for totes (canvas & nylon); also LLBean for a leather tote ~$100 (I have it in black and like it, although the straps are a little tight for shoulder wear, even w/out a winter coat) and Lands’ End for canvas and nylon briefcases with both carry handles and shoulder straps.

  23. Jennifer

    New Question: I would love your thoughts on these Ann Taylor suit separates, currently on sale. I love the skirt, and I’m currently searching for suits that are appropriate for a conservative work environment but have a bit more personality. Do you think that the skirt and the jacket together would be too much? I’m less interested in separates, but I’m thinking that wearing them both might be overwhelming.

    Ann Taylor Median Tweed Jacket:
    http://www.anntaylor.com/median-tweed-jacket/321075
    Ann Taylor Median Tweed Skirt:
    http://www.anntaylor.com/median-tweed-skirt/325159

    Thanks for your thoughts!

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