171 Comments

  1. What do people think about changes to haircolor? My natural color is dark blonde/light brown. For years (since law school), I’ve been highlighting to get a nice medium blonde. I’m kind of sick of it and looking to go to something closer to, or even a shade or two darker than, my natural color. Does a rather drastic change like that make me seem unprofessional – like a Hollywood starlet who changes hair with her mood? What if, God forbid, I hate it and want to go lighter? I don’t know if I have the patience for a gradual change. I kind of just want to go for it – if that would not be seen as unprofessional for the reasons stated above. Thoughts?

    1. My natural hair color is probably about the same as yours and two years ago I died it dark, dark brown. I had been concerned about how it would be perceived, but it worked for me because I was clerking, my judge didn’t care and I wasn’t going back to the firm where I had summered, so when I started looking for a job, no one would know that it wasn’t natural.

      That said, the concern about liking it is very real. Although I liked it a lot initially, I soon decided that I went too dark, and now I take it one half shade lighter (with more or less red depending on how I feel about the previous shade) every visit. At this rate, it will probably take me five years to get the shade I want, but that’s the only way to do it without making a dramatic change.

      My recommendation would be to do it. If you aren’t going to an extreme shade, I don’t think it will be seen as flighty or unprofessional, and if anyone asks, you can always say that this new color is (basically) your natural color.

      1. I say do it, but talk to your hairdresser. It’s extremely tempting to dye your hair darker yourself, but a pro can usually do a much better job and find a hair color that looks very natural.

        Also, going from blond-ish to brown would probably make people assume that you went back to your natural color (even if that isn’t the case).

    2. I think you should do it, and it’s fine if it takes you a few months to play with the color and get exactly the shade you like. After you make the initial, drastic change, though, be prepared for awkward comments, especially from older male coworkers or clients. Also, I would schedule the change for a time when you don’t have any major work events planned. You don’t want to change your haircolor mid-trial or mid-deal, and you don’t want to dye it just before a trial or a major meeting in case it comes out bad.

  2. I did this — I went from blonde to red. A rich shade of red. And my boss nearly had a heart attack. She said I looked “punk.” I have very fair skin, so others said it looked natural, but I guess they could have been lying to me? Looking back, I think it probably wasn’t the most professional thing to do, but at some point you’ve got to stop adhering to every single rule and do something that makes you happy even if it isn’t well received. It’s just hair, so you can always dye it back to your natural color if you think you’ve made a mistake. I really appreciate all of the “professional advice” on here–especially advice from people who are more experienced than myself. However, I think that sometimes it’s okay to take a risk every now and then, especially if it’s something that can be un-done, such as hair color. If all of us followed all of the “rules,” life would be sooooo dang boring! I’m interested in hearing what others think too…

  3. My two cents – changing your hair color (even a “rather drastic” change) is perfectly acceptable. Changing your hair color every time you go in for a trim might be seen as a bit odd.

  4. I went blonde to red, as well – and have never looked back. It is a little more difficult to keep the “grey” covered when you go darker (whether red or brunette), but with my pale skin and blue eyes – the red is definitely worth it! I did this in law school around the same time I had a breast reduction – I have to admit that the law firm might have been a bit suprised when the first summer I was blonde and chesty and the second I was a less busty redhead, but nobody at the firm or at my company (professional level position) complained.

  5. I say go ahead and take the plunge. You may end up with a shade you love that flatters your skin tone and will stick with it for the long-term. If not, you can go back to your current color. You’re not jumping from pink to blue hair or anything, and if you don’t like it, people will understand if you revert to your lighter color.

    1. Thank you all. I know it gets tedious the things we worry about sometimes, and I appreciate all the responses. I’m just going to go for it. I’ve been thinking of it for years, and I think it will flatter my coloring (cool coloring with very fair skin and blue eyes). I’ll let you all know how it went afterward!

      1. I have similar coloring (light blue eyes, naturally dark hair, except my skin is medium) and a few years ago, I stopped lightening it to blonde and went with a darker brown that’s closer to my natural color. I have really liked not having as much upkeep and expense, maintaining the lighter color. I still get it highlighted, but stick to auburn/light brown highlights. I think as I got older, I “grew into” my natural color and I actually look better with darker hair – less “washed out.” Good luck!

  6. Need some advice!
    My school is offering the opportunity to have a professional portraits taken in one of our nicer courtrooms on campus.
    Currently planning to wear a charchoal gray skirt suit, blue-green shirt/blouse underneath, and smallish dangling pearl earrings. Typical work-day make up. Hair down, but neat and styled.
    Any thoughts on hair, makeup, or outfit? I seriously haven’t had a professional portrait done since my high school senior portraits.

    1. Sounds lovely! Keep in mind these are sometimes printed in black and white (not sure what the intended use is), though that shouldn’t impact your choices too much.

    2. Is this something you’re going to keep for friends/family or going in a composite of everyone in your class? I went with my favorite navy suit with a light blue blouse and have regretted it since I received the composite. Almost every person had the same idea – dark suit and collared shirt. The best pictures were people with tan suits or those who wore something still professional but a little different. Everyone else, including me, looked way drab. (These were still individual pictures, but put together in a large print for everyone.) The darkness kind of sucked the life out of us, which was surprising. I’d vote for something that stands out more – like a rich colored suit (burgundy comes to mind if you have one) or a printed silk blouse underneath a more converative suit. But YMMV of course.

        2. Very common on deal websites/blogs (e.g., “Christmas gift wrap at CVS marked down 90%. YMMV.”)

        3. I’m on a topical legal listserv, and recently someone ended an email on a contentious topic with “YMMV.” One of the (fairly senior/prominent) members of the list started addressing the writer as “YMMV” as though he had signed his name. I didn’t have the cojones to correct him. lol.

    3. I would just recommend using a bit more makeup than you might normally wear. Photos (particularly professional photos for some reason) can always make people look a bit washed out, so go a little heavier on the blush, mascara and eye makeup and you will be fine!

      1. I LOVE the gray suit idea! Would you consider a white shirt with collar underneath? Not sure if it matters, though. Just a suggestion.

        1. If it’s a B&W portrait, stick to black suit, white shirt -i.e. sharp contrasts look best, unlike colour portraits.

      2. I completely agree with this. I wore more makeup on my photo day for my firm’s profile picture than I normally do. I wore mascara, foundation, powder, and blush. None of it too heavy, but I normally wear almost nothing. I’m thrilled with the way the pictures turned out. It doesn’t look like I have makeup on but I don’t look washed out like many of the other people did.

    4. Maybe just my opinion, but in these pictures I think dark hair looks better with dark jackets, and lighter hair with lighter jackets. If the pictures will be printed in B&W at all, make sure the gray jacket and blue-green shirt have enough shade-contrast.

      1. I would have said the opposite! If you have dark hair + dark suit, you can get a weird “where does the hair end?” vibe because it tends to blend together more in a black & white shot.

        That said, I have dark hair and did a dark suit for my firm photo because I think it makes me look older than a light suit (which was definitely the goal).

    5. I agree with the more makeup than usual, focus on eyes and maybe a little extra foundation. Also, they say never never never wear black because it looks too severe. I think grey is great, and I would avoid collars because more can go wrong with that. Good luck!

    6. sounds like a nice look for this purpose. I just had one done this week and the photog’s advice was “don’t wear white”. last one I wore black suit with french blue turtleneck and it came out great; this time I wore black shirt with blue/black tweed collared jacket – but ALL the other women who were getting photographed wore black, many all black, and I didn’t see it as washing them out. We all seemed to wear non-white pearls too, interestingly…

    7. Lucky! I went to a networking seminar recently where they advised us to have a professional picture on LinkedIn. My workplace doesn’t do these, so I’m wondering whether or not to just go to Sears portrait studio or the like and get one done there (like you I haven’t had a formal pic taken since high school, and they were disasters then – I am not photogenic!). Anyone have advice?

      1. Just take a picture with a nice camera, in a professional outfit, in front of a row of law books in the library or something. You can take a decent portrait without a pro. You just need a friend to help you.

        1. It might actually be better. I hate the way these “professional” portraits make everyone look kinda one dimensional and stilted.

    8. Hey all!
      Thanks for the words of wisdom! I had the pictures done this morning and, from what the photographer showed me on his camera, they seem to have come out pretty well. I stuck with the original outfit I mentioned above (I considered a button-front shirt, but as I am rather busty I tend to be very wary them).
      I did take the advice of putting on more make up than I normally wear. I felt like it was a lot, but in the pictures I saw it didn’t look like nearly as much.
      Thanks for the tips!

  7. Can we talk about The Deep End? And C, can you please do a fashion review post later, when there are more episodes and outfits to review? This show is ripe for both wardrobe and office behavior analysis. Not talking about the behavior that is so ludicrous it’s funny or just “no” (changing your shirt essentially in public, among other things), but other stuff. With so many ladies at law firms, I’m curious what your experience is. For example:
    – Ever been berated by a partner, Billy Zane style, for making a mistake? Male or female? Was it behind closed doors? Did they have anger problems or were they trying to help you?
    – I love the blonde’s clothes and her sleeveless looks (and I think she looks professional), but am I right that this would be inappropriate in most workplaces?
    –

    1. I was personally a bit disappointed by the Deep End Pilot. I love Gray’s and was expecting the characters on this show to be a bit more developed. A lot happened in the pilot, but I was left thinking, who cares? In my opinion, the show didn’t give the audience enough regarding the characters’ personalities to give them depth, dimension beyond a stereotype.

      Regarding the wardrobe, no complaints there! I loved seeing the new outfits the ladies put on and also was asking myself if these were appropriate in a large firm setting in real life. I do think that it would have to depend on age and experience. I think that a woman who has proven herself time and time again in a firm and has become a partner can pretty much wear whatever she wants as long as she keeps it professional. This echoes a lot of advice I have heard from women in these positions.

      1. I agree and thought the pilot was disappointing, not particularly interesting or entertaining. However, while still full of its share of “wtf” moments (not in a good way), I found last night’s episode quite entertaining and provided more in the way of character development. Hopefully it continues to get better.

        I think Susan, the woman partner, is drop dead gorgeous and looks fantastic in all of her outfits.

      2. Funny, as a surgery resident (in Seattle), I can’t even watch Gray’s without throwing up in my mouth a little bit — it is so fake and overdone that it is pretty painful to me. Lawyer shows, OTOH, I eat up because I have no accurate frame of reference.

    2. Haven’t seen the show (been crazy at work and I’m in school part-time) but I had a partner scream at me once… and it was only a partial scream, because I interrupted him and told him that neither my father nor my husband spoke to that way and I’d be damned if I’d allow him to talk to me that way, and he had a problem with something i’d done, i’d be in my office when he calmed down. (He was all ticked off about something minor, but it wasn’t my piece of the project,a dn had he bothered to ask a question, he’d have realized he was screaming at the wrong person, factually, as well as one who wouldn’t just take it. ) I left and went to the Managing Partner’s office and told him what happened, and that if I needed to get my things, just let me know. The partner was in his second year at the firm, and had come from another BigLaw shop where that kind of treatment was the norm but was definitely not okay where I worked. he eventually apologized, but not for screaming at me, but for blaming me when it wasn’t my piece of the project. That was when I decided it was time to move on and went in-house a few months thereafter. He eventually ran all of the women (all who’d come in through the summer program) out of the department. It is still pretty much all men now 5-6 years later….

      I have no issue with constructive criticism, but it gets completely lost in temper tantrums…

      1. I am 99.9% sure that at my firm, telling a partner who was mid-rant that he couldn’t talk to you that way because your father or husband doesn’t talk to you that way would result in either termination or seriously terrible reviews. I don’t think I would have the guts to do it (even though I think it is a reprehensible practice – it doesn’t take that much effort to treat your associates with common decency). Weren’t you afraid of retribution? Or were you already on your way out?

        1. You’d be surprised. At my first job, my boss yelled at me and I yelled back and told him what I thought. I didn’t tell him not to talk to me that way, but I made it clear that if he was going to yell I was perfectly capable of yelling too. And from then on we were fine, and he has written me several recommendations.

          People yell at people they don’t respect. Make them respect you.

          Of course, I probably wouldn’t recommend this technique if you actually screwed up and that’s why the partner is mad. It works best when the partner is in the wrong.

      2. Wow. I agree with the reply just above mine.

        Although part of me also says “lucky her, working in an economy where she could simply leave a perfectly good job and not be terrified about finding another.” Sigh. I can’t imagine having your confidence/ego, and I say that enviously!

        I’d tolerate SOOOOOO much more than that in order to hang onto my (not Biglaw salary) job.

      3. I once responded similarly to the senior partner in my small/boutique firm, who was verbally abusive in ways I had never seen before, and have not seen since. (I still marvel that I stayed at that firm for so long.) After telling him I wouldn’t be spoken to that way, I went on to say I was taking a break from him and the firm and would be back in a week – and I walked out and didn’t return for a week.

        I was fully prepared to be jobless, but didn’t mind – I’d sooner have waitressed than continue to be abused at work.

        When I returned we all pretended it hadn’t happened, and he did improve … for awhile. Then he reverted back to his old ways. I left maybe 8 months later and went in-house, which has been vastly better in every way.

      4. This was several years ago, and at the time I was working by choice, not necessity, the market was hot so I wasn’t worried about getting another job, and this guy was already brewing up a bad reputation. Also, he was completely wrong – (we were working on a multi-facility deal and the space where he had an issue was not my space) I rolled the dice, though, on my relationship with the managing partner, because this guy was abusing the other female associates and they were miserable, and I could tell I was next in line for him attempting to put his foot on my neck. I wouldn’t likely do that in that way in THIS market, put I also think that if you don’t stick up for yourself with bullies, they will just keep walking all over you. And it worked. While I was there he never screamed at me etc… but he kept screaming/abusing the other associates in the group. As I said, he more or less pushed everyone else female off within 18months-2 years….

      5. I worked for a small plaintiff’s litigation firm right out of law school (second career). The first named partner was known for throwing massive tantrums that resulted in a terrorized workplace where sudden firings for first mistakes or oversights were not unexpected. Basically, he was a control freak who tolerated no alternate views or minor errors, even if they were correctable. I decided he was a bully and that standing up to him would make me less of a target, so I chose a non-crucial battle to stand my ground and hopefully make him less likely to focus on me. The first time we disagreed on a (non-dispositive) legal issue that luckily involved a situation that I’d dealt with a lot in my prior career, I stood my ground rather than let him just tell me what to do. He got mad and ended the “discussion” by telling me flatly “I’m done. Just do what I said.” But he never went went crazy at me after that and I felt that he gave me more space and did not micro-manage my work as much. Typically, when we’d clash views, he would just hold a hand up and repeat: “I’m done” and walk out rather than erupting in a tirade against me. Luckily, my experiment worked (maybe because it was planned and I had experience to back up my arguments), but I recognize that he could have just fired me on the spot for daring to disagree with him. And, while I understand the economic constraints losing a job poses, I am too old to go to a job everyday that instills fear and dread in me and I do not want to let someone think it’s OK to abuse me just because they control my salary. In my current job, I have never heard anyone raise their voice to another staff person, which seems much more reasonable to me.

        1. You know, D, law is a second career for me too, and I wonder if the knowledge of having done something else before coming to the law gives a different perspective. I just felt like if I didn’t to take that kind of crap from the only two people who have clothed and sheltered me literally and figuratively, why would I take that from, for all intents and purposes, a stranger, and a bully.

          1. You didn’t take it because you had CHOICES. Most of us (all of us?) who are just starting out have no choices whatsoever.

          2. I agree that it’s a lot easier to say that when you are in an economy where you can get another job. But I’m curious — what on earth does the way your father and/or husband talk to you have to do with the way people you work for can talk to you? Since I don’t work for my husband or my father, and don’t view my male bosses as having equivalent roles in my life to my father or husband, I’m not sure what you meant by that.

          3. I disagree with S’s assumption that a 40-something brand new attorney has more “choices” than a 20-something brand new attorney in regard to leaving a job. I had no legal experience to speak of and no second-income in the household, so I too was “just starting out.” If anything, I had fewer “choices” in regard to employment since (non-discrimination laws notwithstanding), a 40-something brand-new attorney is not what a lot of big law firms are seeking. Plus, with retirement on the not-so-distant horizon, I had a dire need to make up for lost time/savings resulting from a non-profit career. I recognize that being willing to away from a job is not an easy choice and may result in a drastic fall in income and possible unemployment, but it IS an available choice, for everyone. And that may be the difference in coming to law as a second career, not that us older-folk have more “options,” but that we have the life experience to recognize that we always have a choice, even if it doesn’t seem like a great one.

          4. D-
            I don’t think that’s what S meant. About 6-8 posts up divaliscious11 said that at the time she was working by choice, that the job market was running high and she could have easily gotten a new job.
            In general though, I do agree that “new” attorneys have fewer choices. Especially in this economy (I say this as soon-to-be graduate scared out of my mind about trying to find a job).

        2. This was my experience with a yeller boss too (posted above, and at my first job). People yell at people they don’t respect. If you have a spine, they will not yell at you.

          Firing someone who is generally competent is not as simple as it seems. It’s a pain to replace an employee and always involves the risk that a new hire won’t be as good. So long as you’re right about the point you’re making, you’re very unlikely to get fired.

          1. Plus, there’s always a possibility that a fired employee will sue. Law firm partners may be jerks, but they know it’s not worth the hassle to fire you.

  8. Could I get some advice on what to wear to a family funeral? The basic run-down is that it’s taking place in a cold climate with a formal religious service and a reception following. Beyond the basics (dark colors, nothing flashy, etc.), I’m not sure whether I need to go shopping for a dress with sleeves or if a suit jacket and dress will work. My questions: (1) is a blazer/dress combo an odd thing for a 20-something woman to wear to a funeral? (2) does anyone have suggestions for non-flashy black dresses that have sleeves? and (3) if I didn’t wear a dress, should I wear a black skirt and top combo, even though the blacks likely won’t “match”?

    I really have no clue as to the proper “protocol” for this situation, so any assistance at all would be much appreciated — thank you in advance!

    1. I would think a blazer/dress would be totally appropriate. But do you think you really need to wear all black to this funeral? I guess it depends on your family, the type of ceremony, maybe the region, etc.. I’ve only been to a few funerals, but they’ve always been more like people are trying to remain upbeat and celebrate the deceased’s life. I think people just dressed mostly in church-appropriate clothes – nice, conservative, not flashy, but not necessarily limited to all black.

    2. I’m sorry you have a funeral to go to. I recommend a black wrap dress with sleeves. In my experience, women tend not to wear suits to funerals. If you don’t want to get a new dress, I recommend a black skirt and top and then a dark subtle cardigan that won’t stand out. So you’re wearing muted colors, but people won’t notice your blacks don’t match. Or black cardi and muted skirt. There’s a lot of room, but I would caution against a suit.

    3. I am definitely not an authority on this subject, but I once wore a black suit to a cold-weather funeral (I didn’t really have any other outfits at the time). I worried that I’d feel out of place, but I didn’t feel strange and would in fact do that again. If co-workers will be there, I would personally go with the black suit as a sign of formality and respect (but I’m sure others might have different opinions). I also wore a black BCBG short-sleeved dress to a funeral in the summer and have seen lots of women in dark navy/plum/black dresses.

      I wouldn’t feel compelled to dress in absolutely solid black from head to toe. For instance, if you have gray pants and a black or charcoal sweater, I would think that would be fine.

      I’m sure there are better outfits to be had, but overall it seems that the people who matter most will be very upset and will most appreciate your presence and support. So long as the outfit is respectful, I think you should be fine.

    4. I can’t believe I have no advice, and my best friend is a mortician! No seriously, dress comfortably, comfortable shoes in particular if there will be a graveside ceremony. I tend to wear dresses, in general, but nothing binding at a funeral if it of a loved one, versus attending someone in my spouses family I didn’t know etc.. and going to be supportive. Oh, waterproof eye make-up if you think you’ll cry 9and wear make-up at all). Bring tissue for yourself and others around you.

    5. So sorry to hear of your loss, but I do think I remember Lands’ End having dark (not flashy) long sleeved dresses, and they should be on winter sale now! The pieces should also be nice enough that you could dress them up with color to make them look less funerary at work. But I don’t think a blazer/dress combo is odd at all. And for me, if you go skirt and top combo, I wouldn’t wear all black, if you want to go dark, I find a deep wine or deep violet work well and still read as somewhat somber. But I agree with comfy shoes and, if it’s appropriate in your family, using some color.

    6. I can’t remember any women wearing skirts at the last funeral I attended. I wore black slacks and a dark gray sweater. Most of the other women were either wearing a sweater + slacks/skirt combo that included a dark gray, maroon, purple, or blue. The few women that did wear dresses tended to have on a color other than black.

      1. I wore a black suit to a funeral last year, which was in the dead of winter, and I wore a plum/magenta sweater underneath. Totally appropriate, many people were wearing something similar.

    7. Black or gray clothing is fine. If it was a very close family member (parent, sibling, maybe grandparent) you can wear whatever color you want; otherwise, wearing bright colors may be perceived as disrespectful. It’s fine to have small amounts of color in the outfit (i.e. black slacks and cardigan with a colorful, but not bright, top underneath).

      I wore a black dress suit to my grandfather’s funeral. It was warm outside, so it was a sleeveless dress and the suit jacket was cropped with short sleeves, and I wore peep toes. For my grandmother’s I wore pinstripe slacks and a black silk knit 3/4 sleeve top. However, as I recall it was extremely, extremely cold as only the upper midwest can be, and my warmest coat is bright orange, and you better bet I wore that to the burial (and no one minded). I’ll be attending a funeral in a few days for my other grandmother and plan to wear a black dress, gray tights, black cardigan and black boots. And now I have no grandparents left :(.

      To summarize, I think you should wear a sweater, jacket or shawl over a sleeveless dress, especially for the religious service. It’d be fine if the sweater/jacket/shawl isn’t black so long as it isn’t bright and your dress and tights are black. If you go for the skirt/top combo, it’s fine if one of the items isn’t black so long as most of your outfit is dark and subdued.

    8. I’m sorry for your loss.

      My advice, especially if the family member was close, is to wear something appropriately dark and solemn that you already own. In my experience, buying something new just leaves you with new clothes that you’ll always think of as “that dress I bought for Uncle Joe’s funeral.” Kind of makes that outfit sad right from the get-go.

      As long as you’re dressed appropriately, no one else will really notice what you’re wearing. Go, be supportive to those who are hurting the most, and don’t worry too much about your clothes.

      1. Louise: you hit the mark with this advice. No need to buy new clothes, just wear something dark and a bit sombre.

    9. Blazer/dress would work fine. My best friend’s mother died unexpectedly last year and I wore a black dress and a light cardigan sweater to her service (it was summer, and I would have melted in a suit). You don’t have to wear black to funerals any more, but I wear so much of it all the time it didn’t make much sense not to – I would have had to buy a new dress to get one in a “somber” color that wasn’t black, and there simply wasn’t time (and I suspect not much in the stores, since it was August).

      My $.02 on buying things to wear to funerals – most people I know have a hard time wearing the item again unless it’s to another funeral. And if the loss is traumatic you’ll always associate that piece of clothing with the funeral you wore it to.

      Don’t worry too much about not being dressed exactly right. As long as you are dressed reasonably conservatively, there won’t be an issue. There were people who showed up at my friend’s mother’s funeral in shorts and t-shirts and my friend’s wife and I were appalled – I mean, really. But generally, people have a lot of other things on their mind than how others are dressed.

      I’m so sorry for your loss.

    10. Head to Target and pick up a black dress … no one’s going to ding you for not wearing something expensive at a funeral. A black suit would look out of place in the Midwest (where I’m from) and I would recommend against it unless it’s a work-related funeral. I just went to one for a judge, and most of the female attorneys wore black suits.

    11. Original poster here — thanks to everyone for the suggestions, this is very helpful. Esp. the part about not buying anything new to avoid the negative association between the clothing and the funeral… good point! Thank you again for the help.

      1. I’m sorry for your loss.

        I second the black/sombre suit idea. However, since it’s in the middle of winter, I would also suggest a sweater underneath your suit and tights (not nylons). If you can’t do a sweater, do long underwear and layer (seriously). Standing in a cemetery in 10-degree weather with almost-bare legs and a thin shirt on underneath your jacket only adds to the miserableness of the day, no matter how long and warm you think your coat is.

      2. I’m from the Midwest and wore suits – black, plum, brown – to my granparents’ and great-grandparents’ funerals. However, I don’t think anyone really pays attention to anything that is worn at a funeral unless it is really out there – like a black cocktail dress (I’ve seen it done) or an all-red outfit. If you are the person who has had the loss in the family, I think you have even more latitude in what you wear…you should wear whatever you feel comfortable in.

      3. Hi D… Sorry for your loss. I agree with the majority of posters. However, in my experience, when a funeral invite states that the cermony is “in celebration of Mr. Jones’ life” then an all-black outfit is discouraged. In fact, if the invite states the words “in celebration” anywhere, all-black might not even be appropriate. I recently attended a funeral “in celebration of… ” and not a single person was wearing all black. Granted, no one was in prints or reds or pastels, but most everyone wore grey, brown, plum, forest green, etc. There were numerous black dresses with colored cardi’s (maroon, etc.), or vice versa – maroon dress, black cardi. This website has some good, simple, advice: http://www.howtodothings.com/food-and-drink/a3118-how-to-observe-funeral-etiquette.html

  9. I am attending a women’s professional organization’s holiday party this weekend (yes, I know it’s January) and I’m clueless about what to wear. It it at a nicer bar / restaurant in Chicago — appetizers and cocktails on a Saturday night. No dress information was provided on the invitation. I’m a senior associate at a medium sized law firm and I’m beginning to think about my next career move, so I’m hoping that the event will provide me with some networking opportunities as well as social ones. Any advice on how to look professional enough to network with a potential future colleague or boss, but also festive enough to fit in with the holiday party vibe?

    1. I have a go-to outfit for “semi-professional” events, which is a short pleated silk skirt, with a tank or cami, worn with a dressy tweed jacket, plus some faux-Chanel jewelry or other embellishment. I like kitten heels with this outfit, but could also wear high heels. You could get a similar effect with a dress and jacket. Or wear a monochrome jacket with a more colorful skirt/dress.

      Summary: For business/social event – a twist on business day wear with a little more color and accessories.

      PS – My great little skirt was from H&M, and the tweed jacket was a suit separate on sale (probably because jacket and skirt were too tweedy together).

    2. What do you want your next move to be? Are you looking to move to BigLaw, another med-size firm with better opportunities or are you looking to go in-house? You said your fairly senior – does that include a growing book, if you are looking to stay in private practice?

      If you are looking to stay in private practice, but have no book, I’d stay in the conservative vein, but I think you have a little more freedm to be somewhat less constrained if you are moving in-house, or have a book of business to bring with you to the next gig…

  10. Does anyone work in house doing government relations? I am interviewing for a job at a top company next week. It is with one of my current clients. I am currently at a big law firm in the South. I’ve been at the firm for two years and am basically happy but don’t expect to make partner. I think the best I can hope for is an of counsel position down the road or move to a firm that focuses on my practice area more. Anyone have experience either way from going to a firm to in house? I think because it is government relations it will be a bit different from a typical in house job. They have offered to let me set up an office in my home city rather than moving to the home office (which is several states away). All comments appreciated!

    1. I’m in-house after working at a law firm and I love it but I have to say it isn’t for everyone. For in-house, I find that I am expected to act more like a business person than a lawyer quite often – and without any business background that was hard for me to do. I also sometimes miss the intellectual challenges of law firms – briefs, memos, etc. – in-house I am much more likely to be giving basic advice or explaining things on a more basic level. And of course there is no court time or litigation although it doesn’t sound like you were doing that before.

      Basically, there are other options besides in-house or of counsel (go to a smaller firm as a partner, open your own practice…), so if you like what you are doing now I would make sure that you will also like what you are doing at the new job.

      Also, if you set up an office in your home city you may not be getting much interaction with people at the main office which will really impede your chances of moving up in the company (if that is even a possibility).

    2. Government Relations is fancy talk for lobbyist, in my experience. Is your home city a place where there is lots of government interaction? If not, expect to travel. As Yasmin said, in-house practice is not pure law, you are expected to be a business partner, not just a lawyer, which often means learning the business so the you can be more effective counsel. Its not for everyone, because not everyone can or is able to ‘get’ that business perspective, but if you can, it can be a great work experience…

  11. Does anyone know if any websites have Endless coupons? I know the site already has good deals but just looking to see if there’s any way to sweeten what’s already there. Thanks!

    1. Have you tried retailmenot.com? They accumulate sale codes for all sorts of websites there. Good luck!

      1. Another vote for retailmenot.com. Before I click the final “submit” button on any internet sale, I always check there for coupons. Free shipping, 15% off, all kinds of goodies show up. Worth a try!

    2. I second the recommendation for retailmenot.com and add that if you find a coupon open the website through eBates. If you do, you’ll not only be able to use the code, but you’ll also get 6% of your purchase price back. I love eBates and use it all the time, especially for Old Navy which gives 10%. I love getting the Big Fat Checks in the mail. ;-D

    3. I’ve started Googling on ‘coupon’ + name of shop before I check out these days. Sometimes nothing, sometimes free shipping or a discount. Happy happy happy.

  12. Does anyone else kind of not especially fired to get married, but feel pressured by the corporate world? I’m in my mid-20’s, fairly attractive, and work at a mid-size firm in the midwest (with mostly men with stay at home wives)…I feel like people automatically assume that something’s wrong with me/feel a little sorry for me almost? At the corporate firm events, if I don’t bring a date, the wives are all kind of cold/off (I can ASSURE you that I’m very NOT interested in my colleagues and dont’ give off those vibes). I feel like a pariah almost!

    I don’t have problems with guys, date a lot, but….I kind of love being able to do what I want, to pursue what I want, to not have to ask permission to make big changes, or worry that my ambitions mess up someone else’s life. I have good friends and a lot of community involvement, and am pretty happy with my life (minus the fact that everyone seems to think that I’m freaking crazy).

    1. In my big firm in Manhattan, I don’t really feel much pressure, however out among non-lawyers or lawyers from small firms, I certainly started to feel a bit like an old maid (I’m 31). I’m actually very attractive/dress well/outgoing and never had any trouble getting dates (and currently have a serious boyfriend), but people would seem very perplexed (perhaps even pitying me?). In any event, even when I’m dating someone I usually go to events alone anyway and don’t think I’ll make a habit of bringing a “significant other’ until I’m engaged or something (nothing against it, just my preference). IMHO, it’s really none of anyone’s business. For all they know, you might have a serious relationship and you just don’t feel like broadcasting it at work (just like many famous people don’t disclose whether or who they are dating).

    2. I remember getting the cold shoulder from the wives of my bosses/older colleagues when I was single. I think it might just be par for the course: you share time, talent and day-to-day details with their husbands and that can lead to a little jealousy. It will pass with time.

      As for not buying into everyone else’s standard American dream of college, job, marriage, house, kids: live your own life. It’s the only one you get and the heck with other people having expectations about how you do it!

    3. It’s probably jealousy – A. that you can do your own thing & B. that you have a good job/career that they either are not qualified for, or family commitments don’t allow them to aspire to.

      Enjoy your life! It’s not worth even thinking about this stuff!

    4. The stay at home wives are just jealous of you, because of your accomplishments. Every male attorney in the USDOJ office where I work is married, and most of the men at my lawschool were married or were married shortly after graduation. I have a theory that many men in our profession need a woman’s support to make it.

    5. I wouldn’t let it get to you. I didn’t get married or have kids until I was in my 30’2 because that’s when a) I met the “right” guy and b) felt that I was emotionally ready for the sacrifice necessary to be a good parent. And the stay at home wives, may not be jealous of you personally, but they envy your freedom as a single person, and may be intimidated by your interaction with their spouse. I found I almost felt sorry for many of them. If a guy is domineering and over bearing in the office, you probably are at home, too…

    6. On a similar front, any advice for women who don’t particularly want marriage+kids and get tired of being asked about it all the time? I am 33 and not interested in marriage. In fact, as I’ve gotten older, my desire to get married has actually decreased. I find it very annoying and somewhat offensive when people feel it’s necessary to remind me that I need to move it along if I want to have kids. I keep hoping that the desire to “convert” me will pass, but it seems like it just gets worse.

      1. MelD and odd duck, I’m really sorry that you’re being made unhappy by these nosy idiots. I’ve been happily married for a long time, but I can relate with you in that we never had children (just not interested in them). We were pressured about it when we were younger, but yes, it does pass, eventually people stop. The only reason to marry/have children is that you absolutely can’t imagine your life without him/them. Period. If you don’t want to marry, that’s all there is to it, it’s no one’s business but yours. Sometimes people ask about your marital/parental status because they’re poor conversationalists and that’s the best opening gambit they can come up with. Can you develop a line of convo that starts with a big smile and a cheerful “not yet!” and then immediately goes off about something else, maybe “do you have children? Do tell me about them!” You don’t want to hear about their kids (unless that’s just me:^ )) but it redirects them away from something that’s none of their beeswax. You are under NO obligation to explain yourself and your life choices to ANYONE. Hm, little bit of a rant there, sorry, but really, it’s none of their business, and if they pursue the topic in the face of your discomfort, they’re being bullies, and I just hate a bully.

      2. I sympathise – I’m married with a kid, but faced years of people asking when we were going to have children (my son was born after we’d been married 9 years). As an Asian, it’s impossible to answer nastily to these things that are “taken for granted” and every Tom, Dick, Harry seems to think they can poke into your personal life.

        OK – rant over, here’s what I did………

        – ignore them once, maybe twice (grace period)
        – third time & further, depending on who asks, i would ask similar nosey questions that would get people to shut up OR say that this was a personal/ private issue not up for discussion and that your decisions on marriage/kids affect you and no one else.

        Of course, you can choose to get really nasty too:) I’d just be discreet and frame an answer based on who was doing the questioning. No need to piss off everyone!

        PS – It really never ends…Singles get asked when they’re going to find someone, find the right person & you get “when is the wedding”…get married & you get “when is the kid coming?”….have a kid & people want to know “when is the 2nd one coming”….and so on ad nauseum.

    7. I agree that there’s pressure to get married and/or have a traditional family structure. I recently moved from practicing in a big city to a midsized, mostly male firm in the south. I’m in my 30s, and like you, I’m pretty happy with my life the way it is, but definitely have run into the mixed reactions — from pity to confusion to envy to assumptions that I just don’t like men. It’s frustrating. It’s also frustrating that I’ve had to spend a lot of time defending my right to a life outside of work in spite of my lack of children — but it is getting better, mainly because I keep doing it.

      As for the wives, I found that the problem at social functions wasn’t necessarily jealousy or envy or bad feelings — it was just finding common ground — or, really, anything — to talk about. As I’ve gotten to know the wives, I’ve gotten a lot better at asking about their community involvement, or their kids, or what have you. And they’ve gotten to know me and ask about things besides how I like working with their husbands. It’s not universal, but it definitely makes the Christmas parties more welcoming than they used to be.

      Good luck!

  13. As a follow-up to the hair dye question, what do you ladies think about hair pieces, extensions and wigs? I am beginning to have thinning hair . . .

    1. I know multiple women who wear wigs. Almost everyone looks fabulous in their wigs. If I didn’t know them well or if they hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t know they were wearing wigs. If you invest in a high quality, nice wig, it can look much better than your original hair. There are some stores that only sell wigs and can fit a wig to you. If you tell us what city you are in/near, perhaps we can give you suggestions for stores. Otherwise, maybe call up a hospital that specializes in cancer and get a recommendation for a wig store. (I don’t mean to be crass, it’s just that one woman I know whose wig is amazing was given the recommendation of her wig store by a nurse at her hospital. My friend was undergoing chemo and lost almost all her hair. Her wig looks amazing and makes her look even younger!)

    2. Wigs are fabulous. Perfect hair day, every single day.

      I would suggest exercising caution about where you start to wear one, especially if you have the luxury of a slow “timetable” — ie, female pattern baldness, not chemo falling-out-in-three-weeks baldness. If I were you, I’d start wearing a conservative wig (close to your current hair colour and length) on the weekends, to get a feel for wearing it. That way, you get an advance peek at the routine that you need to cultivate (where to hang it upside down, comfort level with significant other, brushing it out, etc.), so you can see if you can hack it. You will also get some practice in handling others’ reactions and comments with grace and aplomb.

      “Oh my goodness, you changed your hair!”
      “Yes, I like to change things up every once in a while.”

      (No embarrassed stammering about it being a wig, or other TMI. It’s your hair, and your business.)

      Once you are ready (and committed), I would suggest wearing the wig to work all the time. People will notice if you alternate between your natural thinner hair and the fuller-haired wig. That will lead to undesirable speculation and even questions and comments (hair is “public” especially between women). But if you start with the wig and stick with it, people will forget.

      Your ultimate revenge is to get two wigs that are the same colour and length, but one is curly and one is short — that is the best of both worlds! Did I mention you get to have fabulous hair every day?

      Female pattern baldness and female hair thinning are very common, but surprisingly taboo. You’re not alone.

    3. I think you should do what makes you feel comfortable.

      A skillful weave or extensions are not noticeable and may boost your confidence. Both a bald spot and a bad wig are noticeable, but only the latter makes me think the wearer is an idiot.

    4. Just get a good quality wig, and take it to your stylist so she can shape it to your face so it looks natural.

    5. If you haven’t already, get checked for PCOS. You may need to get referred to an endocrinologist to get competent testing done – a lot of general practitioners and gynecologists don’t understand what to do. There are other symptoms – irregular periods, acne, abnormal hair growth on your abdomen 0r face, etc. – but sometimes it can present with just one symptom.

      Whether or not you have PCOS, talk to your doctor about spironolactone, which is an anti-androgen. In some women it can stop hair loss and encourage some regrowth. I also know some women who have had good luck with Rogaine. But if none of the medical options work – I also think wigs are fabulous, as long as they look natural and are well-suited to your head shape and coloring.

  14. Fashion advice needed here!

    I broke my leg and am in a cast for the next 6-8 weeks (hard cast now; 3 weeks down, another 1-2 to go; walking cast for 4-6 weeks to follow). I’ve started going back to work slowly but have no clue what to wear. Most of my dress slacks are too long since they’re hemmed for a heel and I’m stuck in one sneaker/rubber-soled shoe. Skirts are a pain b/c tights and hose are out. Dress is right out; I’m terrified of hiking it up while swinging along with my crutches.

    I’ve worn dark-colored knit pants with a more businessy-top so far but they are yoga pants and feel way too casual. But I’m stumped on what else to do. AND online ordering only here; getting into a store would be a huge pain. Help!!

    1. This may or may not work, depending on how high and bulky your cast is and how long your skirts/dresses are, but what about thigh high socks? Buy a couple of inexpensive pairs (I seem to recall seeing a bunch at Target), wear one sock as is (on your good leg) and fashion the other sock into a leg-warmer of sorts to cover the gap between cast and skirt.

    3. Isn’t there some iron-on stuff that you can use for a temporary hem on your pants?

    4. Try New York & Co knit pants. Hadn’t been in their since it was Lerner’s in my teens, but they make a great knit pant that might work for you. I get them every year. I found them looking for a comfy pant for Mm activities that were dressier than sweats/yoga pants but not jeans or khakis.

      http://www.nyandcompany.com/nyco/browse/productDetailWithPicker.jsp?productId=prod1920053&categoryId=cat790004&FLCat=cat60036&SLCat=cat60078&addFacet=1002%3Acat790004

    5. RKS, oy, poor you, hope it heals quickly. How about a couple of inexpensive long boot skirts? Fixes the tights/hose problem.

    6. If you are visibly on crutches with a cast everyone will understand you aren’t wearing your normal clothes.

      I have some great very wide leg knit pants from Gap (Sailer trousers). You might look into pallazzo pants or other super wide leg pants.

      But, even more so than the maternity/weight loss discussion, don’t invest too much for the next 2 months.

      Also, this calls for the http://www.zakkerz.com/ recommended for commuting! temporarily shorten your pants if they fit over the cast!

  15. What if you wore a skirt and wore hose but just cut the leg off the hose on the side with the cast and just tuck the top of the stocking into the cast. I think this would probably look best with a mid-calf length skirt. It might not be the most fashionable but it would keep you warm.

    1. Several years ago, I broke my foot and was in a hard cast for about a month and a walking cast for about 2 months. I work in a conservative atmosphere where suits everyday are the norm. I found skirts to be easier than pants with the cast and so continued to wear skirts and would wear thigh highs on the leg that wasn’t covered and found that the casted leg was generally ok (went about up to my knee). I also second the flats with rubber soles suggestion. You don’t want to be unsteady on your “good” leg. Not sure if this would be possible for you, but I also tried to work from home more. I think I was able to 1-2 days a week. Good luck and hope you feel better soon!

      1. Thanks, everyone! I’ve already ordered the Lands End pants; they look like they’d be useful to have around post-cast anyway. Shoe-shopping is next since I foresee avoiding heels for a long time.

        And yes, I’m telecommuting as much as possible. Right now that means 3 days a week at home, 2 days in the office, give or take a day here and theren depending on meetings/workload.
        Flexibility — it’s not just for moms! :-)
        (said with sarcasm, since I’ve already got a bunch of kids, too).

  16. Anyone have any recommendations on blogs/websites such as this one with a more casual/weekend wear focus? I need all the help I can get!

  17. I’m going to Boston with my husband (he is going for business) and I’m wondering if anyone can give me advice on where I should go shopping? Is there one key area to hit? Also, how late are stores open on weeknights and weekends? Thanks!!

    1. One kind of shopping are you looking to do? High end, good deals? Downtown crossing (on the red line) has macy’s, h and m, marshalls and a tj max (I think) some sports stores, and then from there its a nice walk a few blocks away to faneuil hall, which has tons of restaurants and a lot of stores, I know theres an ann taylor, a nine west and a coach.

      Prudential center also is a good shopping place, http://www.prudentialcenter.com/shop/shop_category.php

    2. I double the downtown crossing comment but if you are looking for high end shopping that you can’t do anywhere else you want to go to Newbury Street.

    3. What the others said. Plus, if you’re looking for shoes, there’s an enormous DSW in Downtown Crossing – I get great buys there regularly. Also, there are some cool little boutiques in the Charles Street and Harvard Square areas.

    4. Depends on how much you want to spend.

      Most people would go to Newbury St. if you’re looking for the ultimate shopping experience. This is Boston’s mini “Rodeo Drive”, though it has stores at all price points. http://www.newbury-st.com/

      As for self-contained malls, Boston pickings are slim. I am listing them in the order I’d recommend to you if you’re just visiting the area for a short while:

      1) Fanueil Hall – http://www.faneuilhallmarketplace.com/
      2) Prudential – http://www.prudentialcenter.com/
      3) Copley Mall – http://www.simon.com/mall/default.aspx?ID=784 (connected by skybridge to Prudential)
      4) Cambridgeside Galleria – http://www.cambridgesidegalleria.com/ (technically in Cambridge)
      5) Washington St. stores/Downtown Crossing – http://www.downtowncrossing.org/resources/shoppers_map.php (Warning: This area seems to be overun by out-of-control teens, if you ask me.)

      All of these places are easily T-accessible and, honestly, Boston is so small that you could literally walk from Newbury St. to, say, Prudential or Copley if you were so inclined. Similarly, you could walk from Downtown Crossing to Fanueil Hall in a matter of minutes. When you get here, just ask a native, and (s)he can save you some time by giving you walking shortcuts and telling you what the next closest shopping destination would be. This truly is a walking city!

      Finally, you’re up for a slightly longer drive (say 20 mins) and are itching for Bloomingdale’s – make the drive to Chestnut Hill Mall – http://www.simon.com/mall/?id=786. On the way back, you can stop off at Atrium Mall – http://www.simon.com/mall/?id=331, literally right across the street, and check out their stores and restaurants too.

      1. Cambridgeside Galleria actually isn’t all that easy to get to via T. I think there is a free shuttle bus (maybe from Central Square? can’t quite remember), or it is a longer walk from a subway station – not so much fun in the middle of the winter! In my opinion, the Galleria is your basic mall and a definite skip unless you’re looking for mall basics or come from an area that doesn’t have malls…

    5. Depends on how much you want to spend.

      Most people would go to Newbury St. if you’re looking for the ultimate shopping experience. This is Boston’s mini “Rodeo Drive”, though it has stores at all price points. newbury-st”dotcom”

      As for self-contained malls, Boston/Cambridge pickings are slim. I am listing them in the order I’d recommend to you if you’re just visiting the area for a short while:

      1) Fanueil Hall – faneuilhallmarketplace”dotcom”
      2) Prudential – prudentialcenter”dotcom”
      3) Copley Mall – simon”dotcom” (connected by skybridge to Prudential)
      4) Cambridgeside Galleria – cambridgesidegalleria”dotcom”
      5) Downtown Crossing – downtowncrossing”dotORG”

      All of these places are easily T-accessible and, honestly, Boston is so small that it truly is a walking city! You could literally walk from particular points on Newbury St. to, say, Prudential or Copley if you were so inclined. You could also walk from Downtown Crossing to Fanueil Hall in a matter of minutes. So when you get here, just ask a native or your hotel concierge how best for you to kill two birds with one stone while you’re in any particular area of the city.

      Finally, if you’re up for a slightly longer drive (say 20 mins) and are itching for Bloomingdale’s – make the drive to Chestnut Hill Mall and then, stop off across the street at the Atrium Mall. Both can be found on the simon”dotcom” website.

      Note: I used “dotcom” instead of the actual hyperlinks b/c my comment is banned if I try to list multiple hyperlinks in one reply

      1. Have you had your comments outright banned? Or just moderated?

        When I put in multiple links, it takes a bit longer for the comment to show up because C moderates it to make sure it isn’t spam. If it is a legitimate list of links, she always approves them in my experience.

        1. Oh I see! I guess they were moderated b/c they now appear in the list with the hyperlinks. So in the future, I won’t double-post. I’ll just post the multiple links and wait for C to allow them to appear!

      2. Thanks so much for the help everyone! Are most of these places open in the evenings until 9 or so, or do they close around 6? I know every city varies so much in this…!

  18. Any Milwaukee lawyers out there? I have a trial in federal court soon, and I’m from out of town. The two times I’ve been to court there, I have worn a formal suit, like I would wear to court in Chicago or Washington DC. I think I am standing out for being an out-of-town lawyer, and it might hurt my case at trial if I look too out-of-town. So I’m wondering what you wear to court in Milwaukee. Opposing counsel is a man, and he wore a sport coat to court last time, which I thought was odd, but maybe it’s normal for Milwaukee. I’ve heard rumors that the judge wears jeans under his robes. I haven’t seen any women in court yet, as it’s usually just my case and the courthouse is pretty empty otherwise. I’ve never dressed down for court before, but am wondering if pants and a jacket (separates) might help me fit in, rather than looking like I think I’m a big-shot DC lawyer? Can anyone help me fit in with the Milwaukee crowd?

    1. Hey North Shore,

      I am a Madison attorney, so I think I can help a bit. I’m surprised to hear that an attorney “got away with” wearing a blazer at a hearing in MKE. I’ve heard (and experienced) just the opposite. For example, one of the associates in my firm went to a hearing (scheduling conference) at the MKE courthouse and wore slacks, buttondown shirt, and a tie. He forgot his jacket because he was in a rush. The judge gave him a loud, long, public dressing down because of his inappropriate attire. I’ve also seen scheduling orders where the judge specifically requires formal attire come out of MKE courtrooms.

      I would say, go with a regular suit. I had a bench trial on insurance coverage in MKE a few months ago and everyone wore full suits, including me. Just because Plaintiff’s counsel might feel comfortable wearing a blazer at a hearing, that doesn’t mean you should sacrifice your professional comfort. I seriously doubt Plaintiff’s counsel will be wearing anything but a suit when the trial begins.

      Anyway, my two cents. Even in super-liberal Madison, the judges don’t like it if you wear casual clothes.

    2. I’m not a lawyer in WI but I did go to school there and WI is very casual. I would not be surprised if the judge did have jeans under his robes! I’ve seen a few judges who are very casual. If you’re worried about what to wear, I would recommend wearing a suit the first day in a color other than black and looking around to see what other attorneys are wearing and then adjust accordingly. My gut says that the separates should be fine though.

      1. Ok, just saw the post above mine and of course I will defer to the expertise of the person actually practicing in WI. Also worth considering that there are likely people practicing in Milwaukee who are irked by how casual people in WI can be.

        1. I’m not from Milwalkee but I’d just add that there are different ways to wear a suit. If you’re really worried about looking too “hot shot,” I would wear a shell, not a button down; in-formal jewelry, plainer & more sensible shoes; etc.
          You can dress down a suit so that it doesn’t come across as a flashy power suit, but still look professional if everyone else is in “traditional” mode. I would also advise against black suits, I think a gray or brown would look less stark.

  19. Hi,

    I lurk all the time on this site but have never posted. I realised that you guys might be the best to ask on a query I’ve had for about 6 months.

    I’m allergic (or intolerant or irritated by – I’m not an expert) vitamin e in face creams. I want to buy a good moisturizer but it needs to have no vitamin e in it. Has anyone found one? My googlefu has failed me on this one sadly…

    1. Do you have any other skin issues you’re worried about- dry skin, wrinkles, or acne, for instance? Do you want a sunscreen?

      If you are just looking for a good, basic moisturizer with sunscreen, I recommend Olay Complete sensitive in the original formulation. Unfortunately it won’t be back on the market (as a “classic” version) until April. I’ve heard the generic versions in drugstores have the classic ingredient list with zinc oxide instead of avobenzone, but I can’t tell you whether they are as good as the original OC sensitive. I’ve heard the new one is much thicker, smells awful, and causes breakouts, so I would not try it.

    2. Biore Oil Free Skin Balancing Moisturizer appears to have no Vitamin E (tocopherol acetate) – but it has a few other culprits, which might bother sensitive skin.
      http://snipr.com/u89s5 [www_totalbeauty_com]

      Click on “See the complete manufacturer info” for ingredients and other data.

      Also try searching Amazon.com or Drugstore.com for hypoallergenic facial moisturizer. Most of the time, the ingredients are listed on the product page.

      Also, you can get moisturizing effects from plain petroleum jelly, mineral oil and/or glycerin – all of which you can buy separately in a drugstore. Good luck.

    3. I have extraordinarily sensitive skin. My allergist recommended Vanicream and it has been a lifesaver!! It has practically nothing in it except mosturizer. Although it does not have sunscreen in it, I have found it is the only thing I can put on my face daily. (Vanicream does make a sunscreen though). I use the Vanicream Lite on my face and body daily and the Standard Cream for a heavy-duty treatment, night treatment, heels, elbows, etc. I get it at Walgreens or online. And Walgreens will order any of the Vanicream products they do not already carry… Just ask the pharmacist.

      http://www.psico.com/products/vani_lite_lotion.cfm

      This stuff is amazing!

      1. And as a quick follow up… So many moisturizers are loaded with chemical irritants, it might not be Vitamin E that you are allergic too. Check out this list: http://www.psico.com/main/chemical_irritants.cfm

        One of the most common irritants is Masking Fragrance. Your lotion could say that it has “no added fragrance” but that does not include masking fragrance. There is no requirement for companies to add information to their packaging or on their list of ingredients regarding masking fragrance. So, your fav lotion might have masking fragrance and you’d never know it!

  20. Sort of a random professional question: does anyone out there know anything about http://www.mineeds.com? I keep getting emails from them (“Someone Needs An Employment Lawyer!!!”), which I originally dismissed as spam but which I’m beginning to think might be actual referrals. I work at a midsized southern law firm where building your own book of business is a big deal, so I don’t want to turn up my nose at a possible source of referrals. Anyone out there have any experience with them, and thoughts?

  21. I’m going to my brother’s wedding in about a month and I’m having trouble finding a dress to wear. The wedding is going to be on the more formal side of things, but not black or white tie. Just dressy. Its an evening wedding. My normal go to wedding outfit is a black dress that hits just above the knee with a colorful sweater. Problem is, the bridesmaids are all wearing black dresses in their own style. I’m not a bridesmaid so I don’t think my black dress would be appropriate.

    I’d love something that can be dressed up for the wedding but also could be worn to work in the future. I’m finishing up my LL.M in NYC this December and still trying to find a job here.

    The real problem is that I am a size 20. Does anyone have any recommendations, either for a store or a specific dress?

    1. You have more options than you think. My faves:

      -Kiyonna.com
      -Missphit.com
      -Monifc.com
      -ullapopken.com

      Also try:
      -alight.com
      -abbyz.com
      -ashleystewart.com
      -avenue.com
      -brownstone-studio.com
      -catherines.com
      -chicos.com
      -JessicaLondon.com
      -jms.com
      -junonia.com
      -lauracanada.com (Canada)
      -lanebryant.com
      -nordstrom (Encore department)
      -oldnavy.com
      -onestopplus.com
      -ovalclothing.com
      -promgirl.com (search by body type)
      -roamans.com
      -sowhatif.com/findmysize.htm (a list!)
      -target.com
      -torrid.com
      -womanwithin.com

      (Note: I didn’t post the actual hyperlinks b/c it tends to flag the comment for moderator approval and it never shows up. So just click copy and paste into your web browser.)

    2. You have more options than you think. My faves:

      -Kiyonna
      -Missphit
      -Monifc
      -ullapopken

      Also try:
      -alight
      -abbyz
      -ashleystewart
      -avenue
      -brownstone-studio
      -catherines
      -chicos
      -JessicaLondon
      -jms
      -junonia
      -lauracanada
      -lanebryant
      -nordstrom (Encore department)
      -oldnavy
      -onestopplus
      -ovalclothing
      -promgirl
      -roamans
      -sowhatif.com/findmysize.htm
      -targe
      -torrid
      -womanwithin

      (Note: I didn’t post the actual hyperlinks b/c it tends to flag the comment for moderator approval. Instead add a “dotcom” at the end of each name and search for yourself.)

    3. I’m an 18, and I feel your pain. I second the Kiyonna recommendation as well (and FYI, Overstock.com has some Kiyonna dresses right now for less than the regular website is selling them for.). Also check Talbots. They have started carrying more dresses in plus sizes and you might find something there. Also Dillard’s, which has a great selection of plus dresses right now.Check Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue and Lord and Taylor also. There’s some great stuff on sale right now, at NM in particular, and prices are pretty reasonable on the sale stuff.

      FWIW – I moved heaven and earth a few years ago to find a non-black dress for a wedding, only to find when we arrived that most of the guests were wearing – black. Especially for an evening wedding, I imagine quite a few of the guests will be in black. Just in case you don’t find anything that floats your boat in another color.

    4. Just to add to what was already suggested – Igigi dot com has great dresses, including formalwear; Nordstrom always has a good selection of plus sizes online; Macy’s tends to have a good selection in store; and Talbots also sells plus sizes and has less formal but still pretty styles.

      Since you’re the groom’s sister, I think the bride might be annoyed if you wore something that could cause you to be mistaken for a bridesmaid. Other guests can’t have been expected to know what the bridesmaids were wearing. So you’re right to avoid the black dress.

        1. @ Erin. Have you shopped with eshakti and how was your experience. I remember reading some mixed reviews about them sometime last year and wonder if things have improved, because there are some really cute dresses on their site.

          1. All the clothes I’ve ordered from them have been great and I love that you can customize their dresses. Everything I’ve gotten (a dress, a shirt, some scarves) has been good quality. I’ve read in reviews that their customer service is responsive. I’ve read that the photos on their old website didn’t always accurately reflect what the clothes looked like (in terms of color and fabric), but they’ve redesigned and at any rate I never had a problem. My only complaint is that they absolutely spam you with “special offer” emails, to the point that I blocked them.

            There are tons of eShakti reviews on the livejournal community fatshionista.

        2. OMG. Just spent the longest time looking at the dresses and blouses on their site. And the custom sizing! I think I might be in love.

  22. You can get an extra 15% off at Bare Necessities with code RETAILMENOT09. Still worked as of last night.

  23. I think my comment on another post got lost in the shuffle. Does anyone know the name of the software discussed on this site before that tracks how much time you spend on different websites. You can also limit how much time you spend on facebook in a given day, etc. I think it was free. Thanks!

    2. There was jjust a WSJ article ahout this, comparing 3 ediff programs, artile titled ‘services to help us stop dawdling online’ , I will pos t the link in a separate pos t so isn’t not all banned.

  25. Personal finance question for you ladies… Tax season is upon us (the WSJ is encouraging people to start early because of all of the changes!) and it’s stressing me out. A LOT.

    I was wondering if similarly-situated folks do their own (I always have, but it leaves me feeling as though I may have missed something that could potentially benefit me), use a computer program, or have a professional do it.

    Pros/cons? I’m leaning toward H&R, only for the peace of mind that may come from not doing it myself. And I don’t really see commercials for any other companies :) On the other hand, since I’m single and my only income comes from one job (and most of it goes toward student loans, haha), should I assume it’s simple and that I’m not missing any big, lucrative secret sitting on a 1040??

    On a related note, I resolved to look into getting a financial advisor this year. Again, I may be stressing over nothing, especially since my government attorney position doesn’t afford me too much money to spend wisely in the first place… But past comment threads seem to reflect that you guys have had good experiences with FAs. Of those who have, how did you find yours? How much should I expect to _spend_ on someone who’ll help me, you know, _save_? Thanks in advance for any input!!!!

    1. I have had a professional do it the last couple of years. I had some minor complications such as income from multiple states, but frankly, I probably could have done it myself and gotten the same result. However, between knowing that I wasn’t missing anything or screwing up, and saving myself the frustration that invariably accompanies any attempt to do that kind of thing myself,* I feel like it’s worth every penny.

      * The FAFSA was an annual nightmare for me in college and law school, and the forms weren’t even complicated. I just loathed them.

    2. Seems like most people I know use TurboTax rather than going to some place like H&R block, where you’re relying on people who may be less than competent. But I don’t see why you can’t do your own if your situation really is as simple as you say. From now until April there will be lots of articles with tax tips, like a list of the top-10 deductions/credits you should be taking, etc, so just go through those and look for anything that you might qualify for. Also read the instructions to the 1040 and see if any of the deducitons/credits discussed sound like something you may be able to get.

      I don’t think everyone needs a financial advisor, either. Seems to me like an unnecessary expense unless you really have a complicated financial situation or a lot of assets that need to be managed in different ways.

    3. I’m a law student now (married, home, paying hubby’s student loans) and I used TurboTax online after we sold a house, changed states mid-year, and I was really happy with them. I used TurboTax instead of a person because I couldn’t afford a person – but we came away with some decent money outside of the Lifetime Learning credit. Unless life gets more complicated, I’m excited to stay with TurboTax, but I will definitely use a professional if I need one!

    4. When I was in school, I did my own 1040ez, but since graduation I have used TurboTax. I have heard some definite negatives about the tax preparers at H&R, and as another government attorney, my taxes need to be correct. TurboTax hasn’t let me down yet.

      1. I’m a CPA and I use TurboTax for my own taxes. Many of my CPA friends do too. I’ve been very happy with it.

    6. I do my own and I do them fairly early so I usually have my refund by March (no reason for the govt to hold on to my money longer than necessary). I figure I’m a lawyer and I can figure out how to pay the lowest taxes possible. The IRS website has a ton of information if things aren’t clear to me. If I paid someone else to do it, it’d probably cost me 1/4 of my refund – money I’d rather have in the bank.

  26. I worked for the IRS before I went to law school, and I’ve volunteered with the VITA program (free low-income tax help) for several years now. I’ve heard lots of bad stories from people who went to H&R Block, and very few good ones. I get the impression they don’t train as well as they could, and that the level of expertise varies wildly from employee to employee.

    The reverse is true of TurboTax- I’ve heard mostly good things, and I’ve used it for several years with great, easy results. You might want to check out http://www.irs.gov/efile/article/0,,id=118986,00.html , although I suspect you make too much for TurboTax’s free version. Pay close attention to the student loan interest deduction (which tax software will prompt you about anyway), but otherwise you’re probably not missing out on any credits/deductions by doing it yourself. Good luck!

    1. I’m a VITA volunteer as well. It’s a great program!

      Seconded on H&R Block – I have heard nothing but bad things about them, and for what they charge, they ought to be more competent. For the kind of returns they do, it costs nearly as much for the midsize Texas CPA firm I worked at pre-law school to do it (and do it competently at that).

    2. VITA here too! I’m waiting on my certification results to come back so I can start again next week – I can’t say enough great things about that program!

  27. We have used TaxAct before – it is like free Turbo Tax. You only pay to file your state tax.

  28. Thank you all so much!! I will be going with TurboTax, as the stories I’ve heard of H&R Block (here and elsewhere) make me more concerned than I would be if I continued to do them myself. Thanks again for everyone’s input!! You ladies are great :)

    1. Something to consider when looking for a Financial Advisor… most CPA firms now have investment departments… think.. who better to advise you than a CPA that knows the tax implications of your investment options. When your taxes become more difficult… consider a tax person that is also a licensed investment representative. You get the whole picture.

    2. For taxes, I’ve been using H&R Block online software now for like 5 years, and I’m extremely satisfied. It’s basically an online interview (similar to TurboTax, I’d expect), and then you e-file at the end of it. It’s as affordable as using the H&R Block staff, but there’s less room for incompetence. And if you use them for multiple years, you can import your information from last year. It’s convenient.

      For a financial adviser, I’m early in my career, but I can see the need for solid financial footing in retirement from my parents’ experience. If you can put a little amount of money away per month, then a good financial adviser can double or triple it before you need to access it. Mine is a woman about my age who understands where I am. Check out a few – they’re not very expensive, and an excellent investment.

    1. Not sure if you got the sepia or the violet — for the violet, it would look great with a black turtleneck and black tights (or gray/gray).

      Because of the sheen, I’d probably not wear the jacquard to the office — but either way, it has a lighter feel to it that will probably work best with neutral shoes in the spring. I’m thinking I’d wear navy with it to keep it from looking too garden party (black — too heavy).

    2. I agree with the black turtleneck. I’ve also seen a woman in my office wearing a white button down shirt, tucked in, with the sepia skirt.

      1. Thanks! I tried both skirts (I did get the first one in violent) on with a white button down at the store. I thought it looked cute. I know I want to keep whatever I’m wearing on top simple since the skirts aren’t your typical black/grey pencil skirts.

  30. I second the recommendation for TaxAct. It’s free no matter what your income is (and filing the state return is ~$8.)

    No matter what software you use, I’d recommend filing out the irs forms in conjunction with the software as a way to doublecheck and be sure that you covered everything. For example, some of the less common tax credits can be a bit hidden in the software so doing the hard copy reminds you to include them. I actually found an error in a software package a couple of years ago using this approach! It helps me understand what the software is doing so I feel more confident in my returns.

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