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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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Wedding / Job Advice Needed
I’ll be starting at a big firm in a midatlantic city in a few months. I don’t have a set start date, and I think I have some control over it. (I will be wrapping up a clerkship around July 15, so we’ve talked about me starting the job “around August.”)
I will get married in early September. The firm knows this. At some point, I need to talk to them about taking time off for the wedding and honeymoon. I am assuming that I will not be paid for that time given that I’ll have just started the job, and that’s fine. If I could totally have my pick, I would take off the week before my wedding, the week after my wedding (for honeymoon), and maybe a few additional days (to readjust and tie up any loose ends).
Does anyone have advice to share on:
1) How much time did you take off / would you want to take off around your wedding?
2) Potential pitfalls to avoid, to not get off on the wrong foot? Like, is 3 weeks off too much?
3) Any other advice is appreciated!
AIMS
I think it’s understood that people take off for weddings, but I think 3 weeks is too much. 2 weeks is pretty standard so I would ask for that without hesitation. Early September includes Labor Day so that may give an additional day depending on when the wedding is. I wouldn’t ask for 3 full weeks.
Batgirl
I don’t know if three weeks is too much given that you’re new, but I took three weeks off for my wedding/honeymoon (granted, after being at my current job for 4 years and saving up loads of vacation time). I will say that if you’re planning to take off the week before your wedding to plan, etc., rather than be away, I would actually just work most of that week (i.e. if wedding is Sat, I’d take Thurs and Fri off) because you’ll likely be really slow when you’re just joining the firm and won’t likely be billing much anyway.
I’d just bear in mind that most new firm associates don’t take more than a week off at a time for the first few years, but that honeymoons are generally the only exception. Not sure how that cuts when you’re brand new. Have you considered trying to push your start date to post-wedding and offering to do any training earlier?
Wedding / Job Advice Needed
I have thought about that! I wasn’t sure if pushing back my start date would come across as worse (read: lazy). I have some other reasons for wanting to start the job pre-wedding, like earning money, not wanting to deal with the hassle of dealing with health insurance during that gap, and I’m just looking forward to starting work.
I appreciate this advice! I have no frame of reference for this kind of stuff.
I think Batgirl’s suggestion of working for part of the week leading up to my wedding makes sense, as I think about it. I will probably just get stressed out about the wedding if I don’t have a job to focus on. And my firm has a branch in my hometown, where my wedding will be, and I am confident that I could work from that office so that I could do last-minute wedding things in the evenings.
Anon in NYC
I took a partial week before my wedding (rehearsal dinner on Friday, and I think I worked on Wednesday), then 2 full weeks for the wedding/honeymoon. I had been at my firm for about 10-11 months at that point. The partial week was totally fine – I think a full week would have been too much time to sit and think about the wedding.
Moonstone
I think you can handle this in one of two ways: Call and say you want to start as soon as possible after your clerkship ends so you are there at least four weeks before you leave for three weeks, or ask whether it would be less disruptive for the firm if you start after your honeymoon. Being there a week or two and then gone for three weeks is the worst option, in terms of how it will look to your new colleagues.
Maddie Ross
Are you doing the same training as the first years starting at the firm, or is your starting being handled differently because you’re a clerk? If you’re starting like a normal first year, I would do my best to arrange to be there for all the group trainings it at all possible and then ask for the time you need. For what it’s worth, I only took the Thursday and Friday off before my wedding (and did not get married in the city where I was currently living) and honestly, it was not that bad. Beyond having a few things to handle earlier in the week (a nail appointment and eyebrow wax appointment), there really was not that much left to do. I think I would have gone a bit crazy with all that downtime to fret. If you’re limited on time, take it after if you can. And all of this said, if you’re starting on a different schedule than a large group, I would probably just negotiate a start date after my wedding and honeymoon altogether.
Maddie Ross
I’ll add too to follow up on Lazy Lawyer below, there’s nothing that says you had to take a honeymoon immediately. And you may even enjoy it more once you’ve been at work at bit and could really use a break. We took a “mini-moon” immediately after the wedding for two days at a local resort, and then took our honeymoon three months later when it worked better for our schedules (and when the weather was more predictable where we wanted to go). If you haven’t booked yet, you definitely could do that.
Anonymous
+1 to only needing a couple of days before the wedding. I got married on the East Coast while living in the West Coast and I only had Thursday and Friday in my wedding location (I did get married on Sunday though). It was a bit hectic but overall it was fine and I was very glad I saved the time to use after the wedding (I had two full weeks after). If you’re getting married locally on a Saturday I think you can probably just take Friday off and be fine.
Lazy lawyer
I took only 3 days off when I got married as a first year associate (Thur, Fri and Monday). I had started working in Sept and got married in Oct, and my husband and I had taken a big trip after the bar that summer. When I returned to work, everyone (partners, associates) told me I was crazy for not taking more time for a honeymoon. So, I think people will expect you to take off time, but I think more than two weeks (and frankly, probably more like 10 days) is asking too much.
Anon2
+1
Time to readjust? I think you also need to be honest with yourself in that you’re starting a new job and there are expectations around that. You’re asking way too much.
Anonymous
I think 3 weeks is a lot when you’ve just started. 2 is pretty standard for a honeymoon, but usually people have been working at least 6 months when they take off. I would definitely ask them if they would prefer a later start date. You don’t have to say that’s what YOU want, but ask if it would be easier for them. My guess is they’ll say yes. If they say no, I agree with other comments that you should start basically on July 15 so you will have 6 weeks of work before you have to go out.
Anonymous
You do not need to take additional time off to readjust. That’s plain silly. Take 2 weeks, starting the Thursday before your wedding. And you should expect to be paid. Biglaw generally doesn’t fuss around with making you earn days of vacation.
kc esq
Having been at a few law firms, I will say that weddings/ honeymoons are viewed differently than regular vacations. 3 weeks is not uncommon. I have never known anyone who took that much time right at the beginning of the job, though, but I think it comes down to what the firm’s policies will allow. If they will give you the time off without too much trouble, I don’t see anyone else (who isn’t a total misanthrope) caring or judging your commitment based on the timing of your wedding.
ace
ITA with this, but I think it’s a little different that you’ve *just* started. If you started in August and your wedding is in January, I’d say go for the three weeks. I’d say you’d want to do a maximum of two weeks off — and if you want a longer honeymoon, consider moving it.
If your honeymoon isn’t booked, it seems increasingly common for people to take honeymoons a bit later, so you could consider taking a week or less off around your wedding (before plus a couple days after), then plan 2 weeks around the holidays when things are slower at work. I probably wouldn’t blink at that – I would blink at someone who took a 3 week long wedding/honeymoon when they’d only worked for a month or so. All that being said, if you were good and diligent, I’d probably have forgotten about it a year later — if you are not diligent or otherwise not a good associate, it will be added to the list of transgressions …. (evil cackling)
SoCalAtty
I did this – I started in February and got married in April. I took just a little over a week – 7 or 8 work days. I wasn’t really comfortable taking the full two weeks, and I was just a first year attorney so I was being extra careful. But I don’t see anyone judging you for this…especially since the wedding isn’t right away.
Anon
I got married on a Friday and took that Friday off (I worked the day before), went back to work Monday, and then took 8 days off for our honeymoon a week later. I had been at the firm for 1 year at that point. If you anticipate having that much to do the week before your wedding maybe you should consider hiring a coordinator. I had one and that is part of the reason I didn’t have anything that needed done the week leading up to my wedding.
cbackson
Three weeks seems like a ton of time to me to take off for your wedding – not just at a law firm, but in general. Barring extenuating circumstances (like you’re marrying in another country that is home for one member of the couple), I’d find that unusual for anyone, and doubly so for someone who was new to a job.
Batgirl
I’m biased since I took three weeks off, but I don’t think it’s that unusual. I think it’s kind of sad that taking that much time off is seen as crazy in this country–particularly something as significant as a wedding/honeymoon. That said, I think it’s a know your office kind of thing–and if you’re new on the job, I could see it not being ideal. I hate to say it, but I think it would have factored into what date I chose to get married on.
Wedding / Job Advice Needed
OP Here
I agree with this last comment! If I could change my wedding date, I would! Oh well.
I really appreciate everyone’s advice. I needed some kind of gauge as to what amount of time will make sense from my perspective, and what is standard from my job’s perspective.
I think that I’ll ask to take off the 2 days before my wedding, the week after, and then Mon following, when we’ll be returning from honeymoon. So, 8 days total. And I’ll ask if they would rather me start after the wedding. If I start the job right away, I will have 7 weeks before my wedding. I know that is not very much. But alas there’s only so much I can control at this point.
I also will ask to work from the office in the city where my wedding will be during the week before. I have heard from others that it’s not uncommon to work from other branches.
September Bride
I echo the poster above who brought up a later start date. I was in exactly your position – clerkship ended mid-August, early September wedding, new job, long honeymoon. I started Oct. 1 and it was the perfect solution. I had time in between honeymoon and day 1 to tie up loose ends and get mentally prepared to hit the ground running.
TOS
Most firms will absolutely want you to have some time off after the wedding, honeymoon or not.
For the honeymoon – we planned a closest-airport to destination that was really close to an airport to maximize R&R time.
For honeymoons at that time – the East Coast may not be your friend if hurricane season sends one up the coast. Look at the timing for your trip, and get insurance! I say that as someone who is planning a family vacation with driving near the coast in the mid-Atlantic after the ocean has warmed in early September.
anyanony
TGIF and Happy Easter and best Passover wishes to all.
anon
I know this is preaching to the choir here and that no solutions can be found now (really, it’s just venting), but I am still so bothered by Weil’s insane/stupid/callous/infuriating April Fools’ JOKE. Or rather, how it represents the work ethic in our country — everything from it being a “joke” to institute some semblance of work/life balance to the cr@p maternity leave policies (or lack thereof) so often discussed on this s!te that are just accepted as normal.
Nobody on their deathbed wishes they worked more. I’m all for being proud of accomplishments (professionally, personally, you name it), but it seems so often that people just slog through y e a r s of misery. Life’s too short, ya know?
SoCalAtty
Hadn’t seen it, but I just found it. That is messed up. In an industry where associates have actually worked themselves to death…if not immediate death, and earlier death due to stress-related illness…not funny.
I’m so glad I’m in-house. We’re totally dysfunctional right now, but they know with 100% certainty that if they email me at 11pm, they are not getting a response until I hit my desk in the morning.
nutella
So disappointing! So many of these mega firms have European offices, which are starting to require time-off hours, too. Weil could have actually made a great example in ushering the practice into US offices. What a wasted opportunity. (Is not working from 11pm – 6am really even a “break”?)
Anonymous
“(Is not working from 11pm – 6am really even a “break”?)”
I think this was actually the entire joke and it flew over everyone’s heads. It was making fun of the so-called balance-promoting policies at other companies that are really in name only.
Anonattorney
Ah, good point! I didn’t even think of that. You should be their PR person. Even if that wasn’t the actual joke, it would have been a great way for them to save face when they wrote their apology email.
Monday
I don’t know how good a save it would have been though–because then they’d effectively be saying, “at least we don’t PRETEND to respect your time and wellbeing, like some of our competitors!” I also think it would be hard to square this rationale with their “policies” on weekends and vacation time.
Either way, it came across very mean-spirited to me.
Meg March
I think the joke might have worked better if the break was from 3am-4am or something similar. Still terrible, but you could tell they were trying to be funny?
SF in House
I went into a Zara this week in furtherance of my quest for pointy toed navy flats (a colleague got some there, but alas, they are no longer available). I did see lots of other cute things, though. Is Zara like BR, Loft, etc., where you should never buy at full price? The prices are reasonable, but I hate it when things are 40% off 2 weeks after I bought them!
la vie en bleu
well the problem is that the reason they are so cheap but ‘fashion forward’ is they do really short runs of everything. So they run out faster than most other retailers. You definitely want to look for sales and I’ve gotten good deals, but if you really want something you are sometimes better off just grabbing it. Because once they sell out it is just gone.
I have a few pairs of their jeans and they have held up really well. Especially for what I paid. But I definitely only buy something if I really really love it, because it might trend out pretty fast.
Mello
With Zara, they usually have big sales at the end of each season. They just had one for the winter stuff. In store the deals were crazy — like marked down even more at the register than on the tag. I would wait if it’s something you don’t need — I find their prices are usually too marked up for the quality in my opinion.
Bonnie
Zara does seasonal sales so if you like something you should buy it because it will likely not be around for the sale.
Scarlett
I got a cute pair of navy flats by Sam Edleman at Nordstrom in the Westfield Mall on Market – pointy toes, suede, and a little embellishment at the toe if you’re still looking. I didn’t see them online or I’d post a link.
PolyD
Zara doesn’t really seem to have sales like those other places. Things will maybe go down a bit, but it’s not like BR or Loft where they seem to have a 40% off sale every other week.
I have to say, I’m a bit leery of their quality. I have only a few things from them. One shirt I got a couple of years ago, I really like it and it seems to be wearing well. On the other hand, a shirt I bought last fall and have worn twice has already split along the seams in a couple of places (and I hand-washed the thing because it did seem a bit delicate). It was from their TRF line, so I don’t know if that’s the reason. I also bought a purse a few years ago, and it’s nice enough for a non-leather purse, but the magnet that holds the top flap shut isn’t strong enough, so the purse pops open from time to time.
SoCalAtty
Wanted to update everyone from my post / plea to other in-house attorneys out there. I had my “review” yesterday, with two very important internal clients, the attorney that I now “report” to, and the other attorney that is going to be filling in as GC.
It was weird. Even though I have been practicing for 9 years now, and they are very happy with my work and turnaround time, they are still acting like I don’t have as much experience as the rest of the team. I’m certainly on the younger end of the department, but the attorney I’m “reporting” to has only been practicing 2 years longer than I have…and has a much narrower range of experience. I guess if they don’t want to use me to my full potential, that’s fine, for now. It won’t impact salary / bonus because the internal clients had really great things to say to me, and so did interim GC and the other attorney.
Another weird thing – they said they think this is a 60 hour a week job. In no reality is this true. I’ve been here a little over 2 years now, and have some of the fastest turn around times of any attorney here (there are 12). I’ve repeated this to some of the senior attorneys in my group, and they also thought it was insane. This is very typical in-house work – review contracts, help out HR, protect our IP, deal with project issues as they arise – and things DO get crazy, but that’s not the norm. It is very much a 7:30-5:30 job for me (but you do watch your phone / email in case there is an emergency). I don’t know what they could possibly be filling there time with….
So that’s the update. They are happy with my work, and the things they have asked me to work on are attending more of the “social” events (in house happy hour on Friday, wine and cheese during the week) which I can probably start doing, even though no other attorney in the firm does these things, and basically taking more time to turn things around because my efficiency is setting client expectations too high (I know). Whatever. I love my internal clients and do like hanging out with them.
I feel like I’m basically doing paralegal work, but they don’t want to give me more. Which I think is fine for now, since I’m going to be on maternity leave soon, and then I’ll have a baby. I think this whole weird leadership thing will have blown over by the time my brain gets back to a place where I want to start pushing and being ambitious and taking on leadership roles again.
Coach Laura
SoCalAttny – I’ve read many of your previous posts (including the anon ones) and warning bells are going off for me. (Not an attorney but I’ve worked with about a dozen in-house attorneys over the years and use outside counsel extensively.) With the change to a new GC and the new boss, along with their comments (or hints) about expertise, not giving you more challenging work and work hours, I’d be suspicious. Not that they are going to fire you but it could be they’re building a case that you’re not as valuable as others. I’d try to talk to your out-going GC or any other people in the know to find out if the new GC has a different agenda, new marching orders or something. And keep your network strong (attorneys and in-house clients) between now and when you return from maternity leave. I’ve seen too many people whose careers have been messed up with a change of command and though I doubt they’d demote or fire a pregnant or newly-returned from maternity leave employee, I think you’d be wise to be careful.
Meg Murry
Yes, I would be concerned if they are giving you paralegal level stuff that they will be building a case for why they don’t need you but rather just a paralegal.
Even though you’ve been practicing 9 years, are you the newest hire? Not to scare you, but I have a friend who went out on maternity leave and then was laid off in her first week back – they didn’t want to lay her off during maternity leave, but they claimed it was a case of “last hired, first to go” and they were able to justify it by not needing her during the maternity leave.
So I’d watch your back and keep your network running, just in case.
SoCalAtty
I totally understand what both of you are saying, and, in any other organization, would 100% agree. Leadership just seems so…out of touch with the fact that the work could be done by an experienced paralegal. It isn’t that they are intentionally giving me paralegal level stuff to do – they actually believe this stuff is really challenging work. In fact, I was specifically brought on to replace a paralegal that was doing some (but not all) of the work I do now. She is still here, supporting another attorney. I’m not the most recent hire, in fact, my new “supervisor” came in a few months after me, but since that they have hired 3 actual paralegals, and they are working on bringing on another attorney. So definitely not the last one in, and we are only getting more busy, so no positions are slated to be eliminated.
There are a lot of things I do that a paralegal couldn’t, like the IP issues and taking care of the fires that come up mid-project, and teaching the legal classes for our project managers, but a lot of it is just…easy. For me, anyway. Maybe because I’ve been doing this kind of work for so long, and a lot of the other attorneys came straight from litigation with 0 experience in transactional work? Could be skewing my perception. And maybe that is all it is. I don’t know. Because certainly there are other more senior attorneys in my practice group that have told me they consider me their equal, and agree that this certainly isn’t rocket science. It can get trick and complicated, sure, but we’re not litigating patents here.
They aren’t giving me anything new, but they aren’t taking away anything either, really.
I spoke with both outgoing GC and outgoing CEO before they left, and both confirmed no new marching orders or agenda, and that they are all super happy with me and my work product. But keeping your network running, in house, clients, and otherwise, is ALWAYS good advice and I’m being very good about keeping those things current.
You guys aren’t wrong. I’m just hoping this change in leadership is temporary (and rumblings from other department heads make me think it might be). I’m going to keep doing a great job and making everyone happy, and I don’t want to leap out somewhere else now, but I do see “proceed with extreme caution” signs.
I also just noticed a big fat typo in my original post. That should be “their.” Sheesh. Blame it on preg brain?
Former Biglaw
Your post mentions two troubling points….that you’ve both been asked to put in face time at social activities and have been told it’s a 60-hour-a-week job. The first seems to be a direct admonition that you need to put more face time in and the second (perhaps?) an indirect admonition that you’re not putting in the face time expected behind your desk. Focusing on your “turn around” time for assignments may not be the best approach to ameliorate an underlying concern that you’re not “committed enough” to the job, particularly if you’re not getting challenging assignments. They may be dismissing your quick turn around as indicative of the level of responsibility you are getting….and you won’t get more until you put more time in.
I’m sorry if I’m being overly pessimistic but when I read posts like this I am reminded of a young associate who couldn’t grasp that the “performance plan” she had been put on was basically a nice way of telling her she was fired and would get 2 more months of paychecks. The firm didn’t do her any favors with their obtuse language….but she also was unable or unwilling to hear the message being delivered.
Anon
As someone who has practiced for almost 20 years, including several years in-house, I have to say that the warning bells are going off as well. The 60 hour a week thing suggests that they expect more face time from you, whether that’s fair or not. Unfortunately, in-house is more about face time and being available to colleagues, who live with you, than being at a firm. Their comment about social events can only suggest to me that these aren’t just social events – maybe at your company it’s a way for the attorneys to show that they are being proactive about learning about what’s going on in the business, giving advice to the business folks “on the fly,” preventing problems before they happen, etc. I had really positive reviews and was at a profitable company, but because lawyers are overhead (and highly paid), my position was axed and I was truly shocked by that because I really enjoyed being there and even years later. I still close to some of my former co-workers. I second everything that Coach Laura said above.
SoCalAtty
You guys may not see this, maybe too late – but I am the first one into the office, and the last one out. The attorneys are spread across the country, with one or two sitting in each region, so “face time” really isn’t a thing here. Especially since we sit in 6 different time zones. That’s why it is so weird. It isn’t that I’m not being given more challenging assignments – because, really, the most difficult “assignments” go to outside counsel – it is that I’d like to take on more of a leadership role and I’m being blocked because…well, I’m not sure why. Other attorneys want me to do these things, our CEOs want me to do these things, but I’m being blocked. This truly is one of those weird situations where there is a power struggle going on and I’m just caught in the middle.
I actually spoke with one of our senior attorneys, who has been here longer than the two that did my review, and he said they are absolutely out of their minds if they think this is a 60 hour a week job. He said 40, at best, and it has been that way for the past 5 years. He feels that this is a veil of “busy busy busy” for them to protect their own jobs, and is just running down to me, not a real reflection of the job.
It isn’t them trying to get rid of me, and it isn’t some kind of “performance plan.” In fact, my review scores ended up being one of the highest in the department. Even I was surprised. With a review that great, my bonus will be equally great, and now I have a precise list of what I need to make them happy. Sounds like a win-win to me, as long as I can put my ambition on the back burner for now.
SoCalAtty
Oh, I should probably add – NONE of the other regional attorneys go to social events, just the “big ones,” – holiday parties, office grand openings, things like that. I make it to far more than most.
Quitter
I am now on my FOURTH day of being a non-smoker. I must say, it hasn’t been as hard as I thought. Probably because I only was at 1 or 2 a day. I can’t lie…I wish I could have a cigarette. It seems pathetic, but it’s true. I’m just glad I threw them away because I wouldn’t be able to resist otherwise!
Just gotta keep on keeping on, I suppose. :)
Trisha
Your skin will love you! Seriously, my skin today looks better than it did when I quit in 2007. I think I look younger.
nutella
Absolutely! A cousin of mine is a smoker and before she even tells me she has quit (it’s on and off, so beware!) I can always spot it because her skin is just GLOWING — supple, rosy! It looks like she’s been getting celebrity-frequency facials!
Idea
Um, I have never smoked and my skin doesn’t look like this. #notfair #needtoinhale
la vie en bleu
Aw, I know it’s still tough, but you got this! You are doing great already, congrats!!
Anonymous
Good for you! You’re doing great!
Sally
When I quit a similar habit, I had one relapse at a party about 5 days in. The best thing that’s ever happened to me was realizing at that moment that relapsing wasn’t inevitable and that I didn’t need it. I put the cigarette out and haven’t smoked one since (8 years, baby!).
Terry
If it takes 3 weeks to form a new (non-)habit you’re 20% in already!
Must be Tuesday
Congrats! Keep up the good work!
Update: J.Crew Striped Cap Sleeve Dress
I received the J.Crew Striped Cap Sleeve Dress that was featured earlier this week (I had ordered it previously and in both colors). I wore it the other day, and by the end of the day, it had barely any wrinkles (no more so than when I am wearing a wool suiting dress). Very comfortable and flattering. Highly recommend!
ETA: I have zero affiliation with J.Crew, but I recalled someone asking about likelihood of wrinkling, which is why I decided to post this update.
EduNerd
Thank you!! I’m not the one who originally asked, but I was wondering about that too. I tried it on in-store but didn’t commit because of the wrinkle factor and because it would’ve needed some slight alterations that I wouldn’t want to pay for if it was wrinkly. But it’s such a gorgeous dress!
Maggie
I really need to vent. Some time in the past few year, my office has turned into party central for the bosses and coworkers, most of whom are junior to me. A good number of us don’t go out because we have family obligations or and a few are in recovery. People can do what they want on a Friday night (and well, sometimes really loooong lunches) but it is annoying when a junior associate knows something about a work project and I don’t because I wasn’t at the party. Maybe it is just the cost of having different priorities, but I am really not up for college antics anymore so, no, I am not going to start showing up. And, honestly, I don’t think they want some of us there anyway.
padi
Gosh. In years past, I would have said “suck it up and go have a drink with them”. But I no longer want to spend Friday night with coworkers, either.
If you are hearing about things from someone junior, can you casually ask if he wants to go to lunch or coffee on Monday. Mentor him a little bit, help him with a project, etc., then ask him about what happened on Friday night. It will help you stay in the loop and he gets some hands-on mentoring.
Blonde Lawyer
This is a great idea. You could also just make it a point to make small talk with those that went and act like you are really interested and sorry you missed it.
Also, unless you are in recovery, consider just going once a month or once every other month. We have a few people in our office who don’t really enjoy the social activities and everyone really appreciates the times they do put in the effort (like a going away party for someone). It’s nice to see someone in a different light, outside of the office atmosphere. I think there is a middle ground between joining their frat party and never going.
Maizie
Good for you and stick to your resolve! Whenever tempted to relapse (yup, I’m another one who flirted with this terrible habit) I figured no, hold out, there may be something even worse in the future so why risk being mad at myself for giving in at something that wasn’t so bad?
Sorry so wordy.
TL;DR: Good for you and keep it going!
Calibrachoa
Why is it that people consistently fail to give their successors all the required info?
At my job, my team has some special shenanigans around public holiday pay due to our scheduling. At a first glance it looks like they do not have to pay us for some of them, but, ah, local law says yes they do. I have had to have this same battle with multiple HR managers because apparently it is impossible for them to brief their successor on it. It’s already been 2 weeks, going to be another 3 or 4 before this is sorted.
So. Much. Banging. Of. Head.
Moving to New Orleans Help!
Hello! I’m moving to New Orleans to take a job at a large, private university in the city. I am married with a 6-month old child. We are moving from a large, west-coast city. Are there any neighborhoods we should focus our housing search on? We would love to be somewhere residential but with restaurants and a neighborhood feel (e.g., not suburbs) with greenspace if possible. Is that do-able? Any suggestions?
NOLA
Yes you can do that, but the green space may be an issue. The area of Carrollton (in 70118) right near Palmer Park has a playground. Look in 70115 and 70118. The “large private university” is in 70118. Broadmoor is totally residential, no restaurants. Around Magazine St., you’ll get restaurants and shops. Carrollton has restaurants, no shops. Email me if you want to chat more at nolar3tt3@gmail.com. Substitute e for 3.
la vie en bleu
I would add one thing: as a large city person, basically the whole city is “greenspace.” I mean, I don’t know exactly what you mean by that, but even the balconies in the Quarter are covered in plants. ;o) I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the housing options. And you are totally describing Carrollton. I am so jealous!
NOLA
I should also mention that houses in those neighborhoods are getting snapped up really quickly and sometimes over asking price. You’ll need a good real estate agent.
SC
The most popular and expensive neighborhood is probably the “square” (wedge?) between St. Charles Ave. and Magazine St. and between Louisiana and Jefferson Avenues. There are a lot of great restaurants, and you’re not far from the university and park. Carrollton is also a great choice, especially if neither you nor your husband plans to commute downtown (although my guess is that no New Orleans commute stacks up to one in a large West Coast city). You could also check out the nteighborhood around Freret Street, which has undergone a major revitalization in the last 5 years or so. There are a few other great, trendy neighborhoods, although farther from the university — you could check out the Irish Channel or Mid-City, for example. NOLA’s right — Broadmoor is totally residential and boring, but probably has some of the best value for square footage and location.
You don’t mention whether you want to buy or rent. But NOLA’s right, you need a great real estate agent. The housing search often takes a long time, and good houses in good locations get multiple offers above asking price (and often all-cash and/or no-conditions offers). I’d recommend renting first, exploring several neighborhoods while you settle in, and taking your time with a housing search.
NOLA
The whole thing with real estate in this area is crazy right now. My colleague decided to move to the West Bank to get more space. Their house in Broadmoor was cute but pretty small. They had two offers (below asking) before the open house. So many people came to the open house that you couldn’t get down the block. Within two days, they had multiple offers over asking. They are now looking at the possibility of moving back to Carrollton because one of their kids goes to Lycee Francais and the school is probably buying an abandoned school on Leonidas and it looks like the area will gentrify as a result. Parents are already buying up properties in that area. The commute even to downtown from Carrollton wouldn’t be bad at all, even with the construction. It takes me 15 minutes to get downtown if I take Claiborne. The one I would avoid like the plague is Kenner… but it sounds like they’re not interested in the ‘burbs.
swmnw
Does anyone have experience starting a career after the military? I know there’s at least one mil mom and some mil & mil spouses on here, but my husband was enlisted, not an officer, so it’s a little different. He’s about half way through his undergraduate degree and considering getting his MBA after. We are very fortunate to live in a state that will waive his tuition and with some moderate income growth on my part, + savings and spending cuts, we can afford for him to be in school longer with no debt.
My concerns – he obviously has wotk experience, but not in his future industry, and I worry going in entry level will be frustrating and unfulfilling. Plus I think it may even be more difficult as an older applicant; is there a bias against older candidates applying for entry level positions?
For the MBA, many people advise getting work experience first, but I know he already feels “late” in his career progress, plus inertia and lifestyle creep, makes me worry if he doesn’t go right away he’ll miss his chance.
Also, I know nothing about graduate school because my career path doesn’t need it. Can anyone tell me about first jobs with an MBA?
None of his mil friends are doing college. They’re all either staying in, entering trades, or independently wealthy (really!). TIA!
Anon
My boyfriend was enlisted in the military, went to college on the GI bill afterward, and now has a full-time job and is considering going back to school for a Master’s. I don’t know what your husband’s degree is in or what he wants to do, or even how long he was enlisted, but I doubt he will feel unfulfilled – though I guess it all depends what his job is. I don’ t know why he wants an MBA, but yeah, he should work first. He might feel like he has a late start, but that’s not a good reason to get an MBA – especially one that will probably not come from a great program, and if he doesn’t really know what he wants to do with it, what’s the point?
Is there a veteran student group on his campus he can reach out to?
Sunshine
My employer recently held an informational session for hiring managers about hiring veterans and supporting veterans in the workplace. I learned a lot and I think I can offer some tips.
I agree with Anon on the MBA. IMO, he should find a job and then consider the MBA. Encourage him to be able to clearly explain what skills he learned in the military and how they translate to a civilian job. Many hiring managers have no idea how to draw parallels between military experience and the requirements of a civilian job.
He could likely benefit greatly from having his resume reviewed by someone who hires in the field he’s interested in, or even by anyone you know who is a hiring manager. This would help him to use the right words and phrases to explain his skills in civilian terms.
Also, he needs to get comfortable talking about himself. We heard that many vets think in terms of their teams and what those teams were responsible for, and what those teams accomplished. In an interview, he’ll need to be willing to share what he personally did, how he added value, and especially any personal accomplishments. Look up Behavioral Based Interviewing and you’ll get an idea of how a hiring manager approaches this; we need to tease apart exactly how the interviewee performed individually rather than how the whole team performed.
A veterans recruiter at our session said that a vet often leaves his/her first civilian job after 1-2 years, and then settles into another position for a longer period of time. There was also a lot of discussion about the adjustment to a civilian job. Many civilian workplaces don’t operate in a clear hierarchy; for example, one of my staff can walk into my boss’s office and talk with him. That wouldn’t happen in the military. In addition, things simply move a little slower, you have to navigate office politics, “orders” aren’t always clear, etc. I bring this up so that you and he can be preparing for some of these things as well.
Best of luck to your husband in his undergrad and subsequent job search.
Blonde Lawyer
Is your husband interested in law enforcement at all? He would likely still have to go through an academy but many law enforcement agencies actively recruit former military. Also, most fed government jobs offer veteran’s preference. You can search on USA Jobs for what is available in your area. Does the military offer any reintegration counseling? I know my friend’s family went through some reintegration process when her husband returned from deployment. I don’t know if they offer anything similar for people going civilian.
swmnw
Thanks for all the thoughts and ideas!
To add context, he wants to do marketing in a corporate setting. He’s not worried about doing entry level work, I’m 100% projecting my experience. Also, he would only go if he got into one specific top-rated program, so no guarantees but he’s an excellent student.
I understand how grad school would effect our finances; I wish i had just a firm a grasp on how it would effect his career prospects! Kind of surprised more people wouldn’t jump at the prospect of free grad school, but I do see the sense in getting industry experience first to get the most out of the program.
Senior Attorney
My son was enlisted but he had his degree before entering the Marine Corps. He is going to grad school beginning in June because, as you said — free grad school! Plus his program is in an entirely new field that requires a graduate degree.
As Blonde Lawyer says, law enforcement looks very favorably on former military, although it is certainly not for everyone. As my son says, if he wanted that lifestyle he would have stayed in the Marines. And yes, the military (at least the Marines and I’m sure other branches as well) offers rather extensive post-discharge counseling as the date of discharge approaches.
How old is your boyfriend? If he’s still in his 20s or even early 30s I wouldn’t worry at all about being “late” or “behind” in his career. My son is going to be 29 this year and nobody — not him, not me, not his graduate program — is worried about him being “old” or “late.” And I started law school at 27 and lived to tell the tale. You know the old saying: “And if you don’t do the program, how old will you be in three years?”
It sounds as though he is definitely planning to finish his undergraduate degree, which is a must. And I think working for a while before grad school is a good idea, both for the experience and also because one appreciates being a full time student a heck of a lot more after one’s been out there working for a while. You can certainly avoid lifestyle creep by just banking his salary and saving it for … whatever. House down payment? Grad school miscellaneous expenses?
Good luck to him and to you! Enlisted guys are the guys who get things done on the ground, so thanks to him for serving!!
PinkKeyboard
My only piece of advice is that contractors for the military hire tons of veterans and the experience/translation is much more understood. This would obviously be dependent on your location, but something to look into.
Val
My boyfriend broke up with me and its Easter. How cruel of him. I need a hug.
la vie en bleu
Oh no, that sucks. I’m sorry. Sending lots of hugs.
CountC
Hugs to you. I got broken up with very unexpectedly on Monday. Lots and lots of hugs.
Wildkitten
HUGS.
In House Lobbyist
I think companies are actively recruiting veterans and military service is seen as a positive. I work for a very military friend large corporation and I think many companies are becoming this way. He could google military friendly employers and see if leads to any potential companies in your area. There are lots of new stories about this – I read them on our internal site all the time. My husband was enlisted and it has only been seen as a positive for him.