Weekend Open Thread

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Canvas Women’s Fit and Flare DressSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

Our casual wear recommendation for this week is this fabulous dress from Land's End's new line, Canvas. We're usually not khaki fans (not our best color), but we like this dress enough that we might try it. We'd wear it with a bold pop of color — a bright lilac purse, for example — for a weekend brunch and shopping date with a girlfriend. It's $59.50 at Land's End in sizes 0 through 14. Women's Fit and Flare Dress

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175 Comments

  1. So cute ! I’ve been eyeing this dress for a couple of weeks (along with a bunch of other Canvas stuff). I think I’ll order it today in Navy as a little treat for my weekend being ruined (again) due to work. Great pick!

      1. Grr..it sold out! A few weeks ago they had khaki and navy! even more incentive to order asap.

  2. When we were discussing reader mail a little while ago, the “dress too well” mail, ‘pearls’ were frequently suggested. Since I really only associate pearls with my grandmother & women of a certain age wearing 18 inch pearls and pastels, I would love to hear some suggestions of nonfrumpy ways to wear pearls. wfiw, I am 23, 5’4

    1. I am five years older than you and a practicing attorney. I wear pearl (or faux pearl) studs or small drop earrings and silk scarves with basically all of my suits every day. I consider them my signature pieces. I also have a single 16″ strand of pearls, and a long strand of river pearls that I wear knotted for a more dramatic look or doubled or even tripled for a more buttoned-up look. I don’t wear pearl earrings with my pearl necklaces – that look is a little too southern cheerleader for me. I prefer to wear my Paloma Picasso X studs that I got as a high school graduation gift with my pearl necklaces.

      Pearls are classic – they’re not only suited to one age group, and they look just as good with formalwear as with jeans and a sweater. They’re ultra-feminine and professional all at once. Wear them with whatever clothes and accessories suit your style. If your clothes aren’t frumpy, your pearls won’t be either.

    2. I’m 23, 5’3 and I wear pearls every day– either simple pearl studs with a silver or gold chain or small hoop earrings with a 16-inch strand of pearls. I generally wear my pearls under a collared shirt or a v-neck sweater. I haven’t yet mastered the pearls+crewneck look– it always looks wrong on me.

    3. I’ve read before that the younger the woman, the smaller the pearl should be, although I think you should wear whatever size you think looks best on you. One way to avoid any frump factor is to wear pearls some other way than as a long string. For example, Tiffany’s has some nice pieces that are mixed in with lengths of chain, and other pieces that use non-white pearls, which is a more modern look. For my two cents, I think even a simple classic string of pearls looks perfect on women of any age.

    4. Consider a short necklace made of the big, gobstopper faux pearls?
      People have different takes on the look, but I know Mrs. O has been a fan.

    5. I wear tahitian black pearl stud earrings every day. Consider it a signature look, and super easy in the morning – they go with everything, always look nice.

    6. You just have to have different pearls for different occasions. Save the classic strand of white pearls for the days when you are full on business. If you feel a little frisky, you can perk the strand up by hanging a colored stone or coin pearl drop on a pearl bail on the strand.

      For less serious pearls, David Yurman makes a 16 inch strand of variegated size pearls randomly interspersed with gold rondeles and with an interlocking cable silver and smooth gold slide clasp. The variegated sizes make the pearls more fun and you can wear the clasp in front to bring in the mixed metals and dress them down. I got them in white, but these pearls also came in peach, pink, lilac and mixed colors as I recall. Try calling the David Yurman outlet in Vegas if your local vendor does not have them; they call these pearls their “giftables”. Ask for Jean — she is fabulous. There also are coordinating bracelets, but avoid wearing them together with the necklace to prevent the matchy matchy to prevent the frump effect you mentioned.

      Ross-Simons does or did a very reasonable strands of mini grey pearls. They go well with grey and charcoal as well as plum, lilac, and pink pieces. They often come with matching drop earrings, but, again, you may not want to wear all of that together. I have a link bracelet of irregular grey pearls, cream pearls and smooth cabochon amethysts that I wear with the necklace to change things up. You could add a cute silver or amethyst drop to the mini necklace for variety.

      You also can get really fun pearl pieces that Honora makes. A lot of their items come in colors (the “tin cup” champagne pearls on an “invisible thread” are really fun and go great with a chocolate suit or a green cardi) and more modern styles. You can sometimes find the discontinued Honora pieces at really great prices on the web.

      My jeweler has some pearl drops that are simple and modern here:

      http://www.kasadesigns.com/pearls.htm

      She sources the pearls herself and does custom pieces on request. I have a fun cream coin pearl drop from her and cream coin pearl earrings that also have small grey pearls on them. The prices are not crazy and because the pieces are interchangeable, they are a lot more versatile.

      Have fun! There is no such thing as too many pearls in my book!

      @Erin – I love the river pearls. Next on my pearl list is an opera length strand.

      1. I love the opera length! Mine are even longer (rope length?), and I also have a river pearl choker. I pick up a lot of river pearl pieces while traveling for work – they tend to be dirt cheap especially in Central America. I’m probably destroying endangered oysters or something, but they’re really pretty.

        1. Classy. The old “I don’t care how they were produced or what harm it causes as long as they’re pretty.”

          1. Wow, I’m glad that my friends have better sarcasm detectors than you. You must be a blast on Saturday nights.

    7. I’ve been coveting these from Blue Nile for a while now – http://www.bluenile.com/freshwater-pearl-strand_7189 . I like them because they’re just a little bit different than the classic single strand, so I have promised myself that I’ll buy them when I hit a particular weight loss goal. I’m almost there and I can’t wait to get my pearls!

    8. I personally like non-traditional pearls (I’m 25, btw). I have one set of very traditional pearls which rarely ever wear because, well, I feel they’re a little boring. However, I have a set of freshwater champagne-colored pearls that I love and wear far more often. But also – I like slightly funkier, non-traditional jewelry. So I guess the main thing is just to wear ones that suit your style (or none at all if you can’t find a set you do like).

      1. Try different shapes. I bought pearls when I hit 30, a few years ago, and they’re medium-large south-sea baroque pearls. Helps me reassure myself that the “Frump” factor is at a minimum as they’re not the classic round shape.

    9. Pinkrobot,

      I also had to overcome that association of pearls with older women, but once I did, I didn’t regret it. Pearls are cool any age. What helped me to overcome that association was to buy (in addition to my plain strand of pearls) a pearl necklace that integrated some silver to make it a little more modern. It helped me to “ease” into being comfortable with wearing a classic pearl strand necklace.

      I suggest something like this:
      http://www.bluenile.com/freshwater-pearl-necklace_3790

      As others stated, I’ve worn it with button downs, V-necks, and even with tank tops/camis under a cardigan.

      I think if you’ve got the attitude, you can rock pearls and make them hip.

      If you wear 3.5/+” stilettos with pearls, you won’t look so grandma-ish. Honestly, stilettos help make any outfit less frumpy. God bless them.

    10. If you don’t want to break the bank, I suggest trying the Honora line on QVC.com. Modern designs with freshwater pearls, which reduces the expense. However, they are of decent quality. Consider also button pearl earrings rather than a full round–sits closer to the ear and is quite flattering.

    11. I’m 24, 5’4″, and I kind of hate white pearls (omg sorority, omg Southern), but black pearls are totally doable. I have a short strand of gobstopper-size faux black pearls, and I actually get a lot of use out of it (especially for court, under collared shirts). I think I got it at Macys. I also have a bib necklace of faux black pearls with big silver links going around the neck, which is a bit more casual and statement-y, but I feel like since it’s technically “pearls” I get the grownup points associated with them.

      1. Me too. I really like dark gray/black pearls, but cannot get over how old fashioned white pearls look.

  3. Oh I like that! Maybe it would be work appropriate for casual friday with a cardigan. I think it will be great for summer weekends with a light cardigan, a wide belt, and cute sandals. And it’s a great price!

    1. I just placed my order. I have hopes for it, since I’ve tried other Lands End items and have been happy with their clothes. My only problem was that I felt the general audience they were aiming for was older than me (I’m 29). But, this new line looks to be more to my taste. It looks like the sizing is still the same – so where I’m a M/L or a 12 at BR, I’m likely to be an Small or 8 at Lands End.

    2. I don’t know about this dress specifically, but Lands End has some pieces at Sears. Even if they don’t have this dress, it’s a good way to figure out how they fit.

  4. New question – I will be going to Miami next week for a meeting at a South Beach hotel with a group of potential clients who are very attractive young people (men and women) in the performing arts. What is the usual professional attire in Miami? My clothing should not undermine the message that I am an aggressive, take-charge advocate. I am a short, 55 year old attorney living in the Northeast. I usually dress in black with jewel tones, skirt suits (or skirt with colored jacket or dress with jacket), not pants.

    1. Living in Florida and having spent some time in South Beach, I’d avoid colored jackets in favor of black. Plan ahead to possibly take your jacket off. I’d go with a more interesting blouse/top in softer colors than a solid jewel color. Open-toed heels (even strappy heels, especially in Miami) are generally accepted everywhere in Florida, and hose is unheard of (unless you’re going to court, I’d imagine). Bare (moisturized) legs and a good pedicure are a must.

      I would really make an effort to look more modern – maybe with “trend right” bold jewelry – something that pops. South Beach is all about skin and sex appeal – so to give a nod to that vibe in a more professional setting, you want to dress just a bit edgier than you’re maybe used to and amp up the confidence.

    2. Miami attorney here. If you can at all, I’d really suggest wearing a pantsuit with a sleeveless silk shell (Talbots has nice ones on sale) and NOT strappy sandals, but open toe pumps. Get the suit jacket with a cute cut, e.g., nipped in at the waist or 3/4 sleeves, and I’d suggest solid or tweeded grey, or grey-and-lavender windowpane plaid, for example, with a silky (darker) purple top. Ann Taylor usually has cute petites, but in a pinch Macy’s will have something in the Petites section like that. If you wear a blouse (a button-up one), make it silky, don’t button the top two buttons, and keep the collar inside the jacket. Toenails should be polished, fingernails at least manicured and buffed. French pedicure is best. Wear some David Yurman or Yurman-look studs, or small gold hoops; or, if you have diamond or nice CZ studs, wear those. People tend to be matchy-matchy here w/jewelry (e.g., wear Yurman ear to throat to fingers), but, a necklace is not absolutely necessary, and, artsy folks probably are not as matchy.
      If you simply feel you can’t or don’t want to wear pants, go with a black skirt suit with the same type top mentioned above (silky, solid-colored, aqua or purple), and black open-toe pumps. Heels should be 3 inches or so if possible. No hose, as noted. Don’t button the jacket.
      No colored jackets or short-sleeved jackets.
      I’d steer clear of the dress with jacket look if meeting with young people in the arts. It’s usually a look I like for court, but the SoBe type will not get it.

      1. Great advice – even the mention of no strappy heels. I guess I didn’t mean traditionally strappy – but something open-toed that’s a little more funky. The 3″ call out is a good one too. Miami to me is fitted, modern, with a bit of an edge.

  5. I am not sure if C will let this post through, but here goes….
    This is what I wanted to post on the charity thread. …

    I am so inspired by all of you to donate. You guys do a great job!

    I do have one request. Please think hard when donating ot missionary causes! Especially those whose objective is to convert people! That is just wrong on so many levels. In my country missionaries take advantage of the poor and extremely burdened people and sell them the idea that all their troubles would go away only if they become christians, look how their God does not care enough for them. These people in my country..a developing country are usually illiterate and emotionally swayed by the dollars and promises of prosperity dangled in front of them. The ruse and procedure adopted to lure the beaten down people to convert by missionaries is highly unethical in my opinion. Yes, if we had enough money, we would certainly help them. But americans have to realize that most of the world is not at the same prosperity level as americans or europeans.
    the same people will not “give” without the underlying proseletyzing objective.

    1. N. Kristof wrote a great article about this in the NY Times last week — it was not about missionaries, but about Christian charities and all of the good work that they do abroad. Yes, some of them engage in conversion tactics which is horrible and unethical, but many of them don’t. (I’m not Christian, by the way).

    2. I accidentally started donating to one of these – I had heard that it was a great organization, so I “adopted” a couple of children in developing countries. Only after I received (and to be honest, it took a few months to get around to reading) their literature was it clear that they proseletized. I felt pretty bad removing my support from the families, but I just couldn’t continue contributing to an organization like that. Thanks for your post, I feel a little better about it now.

    3. I agree with you so much my teeth ache. I tried to make that point yesterday, but you did it so much better.

      1. Actually, PJB, what you said was you couldn’t understand why anyone would give to a church and that churches only benefit others who think like they do. That is different than saying people should check out missionary organizations before they donate.

    4. Well said, Anon. Help with food, education, etc., should not come with the price tag of having to listen to a religious pitch.

    5. Have you met with and talked to the missionaries about their tactics or listened to them speak? It’s much more complicated than a surface label of bribery or manipulation. The missionaries themselves know that some of the people who claim to be converted are simply doing it for the money, but they also know how hard it is to talk to people about their spiritual lives when they are physically hungry. They therefore help everyone in the hope that a few will be drawn to their message.

      Perhaps the missionaries you know actually do preach a “prosperity doctrine” and if so, that is unfortunate. If Jesus’ goal had been prosperity on earth for everyone, then most of his Apostles would not have met with such horrible deaths. There are many Christian groups in the United States who overlook this detail as well. However, since not all Christians adhere to a prosperity doctrine, neither do all Christian missionary groups.

      No matter what the missionaries’ message, and no matter how illiterate or oppressed the people to whom they are preaching, there is always the element of free will.

      I can understand people not wanting to donate to a group because they disagree with its message, but if you want to help someone, and the missionaries are the only game in town, I would encourage you to consider donating rather than withholding. When someone else that you agree with or consider neutral enters the market, donate to their group instead.

      1. I think my issue with those types of groups is that sometimes I think their tactics end up doing more harm than good in the long run. Yes, they may give out food/supplies in the short-term, but what about the long-term health of the community? It’s easy to say there is free will when you’re living a fairly comfortable life, but when you are starving and lacking in basic necessities, are you really going to turn it down? As many have pointed out, there are many secular and religious groups that do not proselytize, and I know I’d much rather donate to those groups.

      2. Hi, I am the original anon. You are kidding yourself if you think that there is even an element of true free will. Yes, there are ways of enamoring someone to change their religion and these tactics vary from subtle to outrageously obvious.
        From my own personal story, I have never seen these missionaries come to my town or area where people are also poor by american standards, but may be the majority are not starving. We are a family that can be called lower middle class. Growing up, my father worked as a bank manager, but we always had to sell our newpspapers by month end to make ends meet. We also sold our old clothes to buy dishes and cups. And I would bet that half the people in town were as poor or middle class and poorer. Yet, we were an educated, well read bunch of people. We never had missionaries come to us and try and convert us even though we technically could have used help and/or donations. They always targeted the much much poorer AND uneducated people who would be appropriately overwhelmed by their temporary largesse. There is also the element (rightlfully or wrongly) of resentment and blame among such people towards the better off people like us that is taken advantage of. This resentment and blame is artfully channelled and directed towards religion. Their current religion is blamed for their dire straits so to speak and false hope is given of social and monetary parity upon conversion. After having converted these people sadly find themselves continuing their old lives.
        Yes missionary groups do great and much needed work, but mainly for wrong reasons.

  6. guess i’m the only one that thinks it looks like an apron sewn onto a tank top . . .

    1. It looks like something a teenager would wear … not for me. But I can see how it’d be cute on the right build.

  7. Just ordered this dress…I think it would go great with the cardigan from BR featured a week or so ago…

    Free shipping through 3/11
    Promo code: HARMONY
    PIN: 3027

    1. Thanks! Didn’t get the dress, but finally picked up a few cardigans and shirts for the weekend.

  8. Why do dresses with sleeves not exist? Except for shirtdresses (which I think are tacky and not office-appropriate) and the typical long-sleeve deep v-neck dress? There are no short-sleeve dresses?

    1. This has been my lament for ages. My upper arms are my trouble spot, so dresses are basically out for me unless a cardigan is involved. Would rather not let my chicken arms hang out.

    2. I couldn’t agree with you more! Dresses are very popular in my office, but I simply won’t wear something that shows off my armpits, even if colleagues are doing the same.

      1. Look for them in J Crew (caveat: they’re usually carried for the fall/winter, though they have year-round versatility). I have a lovely gray, v-neck, 3/4-sleeve dress in Super 120s wool from there, and I absolutely love it. Though I bought it several seasons ago, I usually see it reinvented every fall.

    3. I’ve got some really nice Max Studio dresses with elbow length sleeves – absolutely love them. They are a sort of jersey material that doesn’t wrinkle and have great fun patterns. Not great for work, but I wear them out a lot on the weekends.

    4. Talbot’s also has one or two really nice dresses, that won’t make you look like you borrowed them from your Mom every season….

      1. I have this same problem! My upper arms are a problem area and I just wouldn’t feel professional without having my arms covered. At Target, of all places, I’ve found some cute short-sleeved dresses. Also Macys and Nordstrom have had some cute short-sleeved professional dresses.

    5. I have a few short sleeved dresses – one from Studio Max (I think this is the name of the place?), one by Ellen Tracy via Filene’s, one from Talbot’s, one faux-wrap dress from Limited. I don’t think sleeveless is work appropriate even if one has really toned arms, and I don’t feel like throwing a jacket on every time I leave my office when it’s warm out.

    6. You know, I read this in “Casual Power,” and it really makes sense to me. They don’t make short-sleeved or sleeveless business suits for men, so that clothing is probably not a good idea for women who want to project authority and competence. Regardless of how casual the office is, I am just not a fan of cropped clothing. The day I see a man come in wearing a sleeveless sport coat, man-pris, or a half-length business shirt, I’ll feel differently about women wearing things like that to work.

      1. I read that too, and I do think that a short sleeve lacks authority. Somehow, I feel differently about 3/4 sleeves – those seem more like “stylish feminine version of the male uniform” and less “little girl’s playclothes.” But perhaps that’s just because I have nice wrists, and because it saves me the trouble and expense of getting every long-sleeved item (including those sized for petites!) shortened. I wouldn’t wear 3/4 sleeves for a serious meeting, but for everyday 3/4 sleeve jackets feel like just the right blend of “I’m authoritative because I’m wearing a jacket, but accessible because it’s not a stuffy suit.”

    7. I could not agree with you more. I actually don’t mind my arms, but sleeveless is not appropriate at work and I’m so tired of having to wear a jacket/cardigan over everything. Unfortunately, with the spring/summer collection now in many stores, the sleeveless trend will continue for the next several months. I bought a beautiful three quarter length dress from Sigrid Olsen that I get a lot of use out of — unfortunately, looks like they are now out of business.

  9. a question on belts. I really like the belts over cardigans or dresses in theory, and I feel like they look great on other people, but I try and it just fails miserably on me. I’m somewhat pear shaped and feel like putting on any belt just makes my hips look huge and my already small bust even smaller. Anyone have any suggestions for a way to wear belts that I don’t have this problem?

    1. Play around w/different belts (width wise — bigger might be better), and also different tops.

      1. I’m also pear shaped, and I’ve been wearing a wide black belt right under the bust, so it creates more of an empire waist, and I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on the look. Speaking of which, I’d love some feedback on this Michael Kors belt – http://www.bluefly.com/MICHAEL-Michael-Kors-chocolate-studded-interlocking-leather-belt/sale-cat20054/301462202/detail.fly. I bought it yesterday (at Ross for $18.99) because I loved how different it was, but then got it home and realized it might have been intentioned as a trouser belt (to go through your belt loops) rather than a waist belt (fastened right under the bust, which is how I was intending to wear it). Any thoughts? The design and width make me think waist belt, but will the buckle make me look like I’m wearing a trouser belt around my middle?

    2. I don’t have any tips on this — just sympathy for the problem! I’ve played around with different sizes until sales associates have looked askance at me. They just don’t look great on anyone. I’m actually not even pear-shaped to begin with, but I really dislike what the look visually does to my figure.

      1. Aaahhh!! Horrid typo. I meant to say they don’t look great on EVERYONE. Yikes. Sorry about that.

    3. I have the same problem. I’m pear shaped and just can’t wear belts, even though I have a pretty small waist. What is frustrating is that so many dresses these days have belts which excludes them from my consideration.

      What I have never understood is that Michelle Obama is pear shaped yet manages to wear belts on a regular basis and she looks good.

      After shopping today at the mall, another thing that I have sadly come to realize is that V neck cardigans don’t look right on me either. For some reason, they make my bust look small and my hips big. Ugh!!

      1. I think Michelle Obama’s not really pear shaped. She’s thick all over (in a good way). Her waist/hip ratio isn’t that dramatic. Plus, she’s very tall and has a long torso, so the belt hits her farther from her hips. And she has a great butt so I doubt she minds if the belt highlights it.

        A belt should accentuate the smallest part of you, which makes more evident the contrast with your larger parts. Many pear-shaped women aren’t going to be crazy about that contrast, especially if they’re short-torsoed. The look just might not work for you. If it helps, I’m apple-shaped and accentuating my waist absolutely doesn’t work for me.

        1. Good point about her being very tall, that probably helps. Maybe I always thought she was pear shaped because her hips are quite curvy.

          I’m pear shaped and short torsoed, so that probably explains why belts don’t look good on me. :)

          1. My sister and I are the same size and are both pear shaped. She is tall with a short torso and long legs and I am a medium height with a long torso. I look good in styles that have some sort of waist detail or a belt and she looks better in empire waist styles that I can’t wear because my chest is not high enough.

      1. Spanks. Okay, I don’t know this for sure, but I’ve never successfully pulled off a belt over anything. But I wonder if you wear spanks to smooth everything out, if a belt would look better…

  10. Does anyone here attend a spinning class? I’m about to start one and am contemplating buying some spinning shoes if I decide I want to keep up with it after the first couple of classes and was wondering if anyone could recommend some good shoes?

    1. I can’t recommend good shoes, as I’m trying to find some of my own right now. Just a general tip, however, is to not forget that you are going to YOUR spinning class; if you can’t maintain a pace at level 9, bump down the resistance until you can. A lot of people follow the instructor’s resistance directions to a T, and then end up not coming back after a couple classes because they can’t handle it. Not saying that you can’t handle it, but don’t forget about the line you cross from saying, “Awesome workout! Hurrah for toned legs! This is so much fun!” to “Holy $&% why can’t this stop already.” It’s better to stay behind that line and have fun and continuously go back, rather than push yourself to your absolute max once or twice and then never do it again. Also, don’t fall off the bike; it’s impossible to do gracefully. :-)

    2. I used to spin and just used my bog standard cross-trainers/inside trainers for it (as opposed to my outdoor trainers). It’s nice to have specialised kit for everything, but you don’t need it. Pretty sure even our instructor was just wearing bog standard kit.

      Do however take a water bottle you can put in the holder !

    3. I’ve been spinning three days a week for the last four months and my regular running shoes work just fine. Though I’d suggest you should bring a towel as well as your water bottle. Thirty minutes in, I always manage to have sweat dripping into my eyes and if I have a towel draped over the handlebars, I have a remedy.

  11. new thread-

    the lead partner on a huge case i’ve been working on for months (as the bottom of the totem pole of ~20 attorneys) asked me yesterday to come with her to the deposition on monday that i’ve been doing the doc prep for. i will be managing all the exhibits, and also have a chance to see one of the firm’s top rainmakers in action (and one of the very top women!). seventeen months into my job, this is my first billable business trip and first billable depo, so i am REALLY excited. and nervous. but mostly excited. thank goodness i just had my suit cleaned and tailored.

    i’m flying from SFO to LAX for 36 hours and am not totally sure what to bring/expect.
    -i have to check luggage because i’ll have my set of the exhibits with me (the other copies have already been shipped) – check exhibit binders? check clothing? carry on suit? carry on some exhibits? basically, i can’t carry on both the exhibits and my clothes, and i can’t carry on all the exhibits. this reminds me of that fox-duck-grain across the river problem.
    -i’ll be prepping the partner all day at our office tomorrow – any ideas on what to wear?
    -i’m not sure about dinner tomorrow. we’ll be prepping all day (and maybe during and/or after dinner) and the depo is monday morning. i’ll of course do whatever she wants, but any ideas on what to expect?
    -suited up for the depo, but what to bring beyond the boxes and boxes of exhibits. should i bring office supplies?
    -to maximize this learning opportunity, any tips on what to listen for?
    -other tips??

    thank you all so much in advance.

    1. If all the exhibits are shipped ahead of time and you have confirmation that they arrived, then I would check your exhibits and carry on your suit. If you are going to be screwed if your copy gets lost, then carry them on and check the suit and if that gets lost buy a suit when you land? Or fly in a different suit and check the power suit but have the one you are wearing as a back up. I can’t help you on the rest! Sorry.

    2. FedEx the exhibits. Seriously. I just had my luggage get lost for 2 days and for a day the airline had no idea where it was at – it somehow did not fly the same route that I did, and the airline lost track of it in its system. And there’s no reason for you to lug it, anyway. The firm will pick up the cost of shipping. My luggage included business documents, btw.

      If you check your clothes and your bag is misplaced, you can buy new ones and be reimbursed even if the bag is later located (I had to do this). So since a suit is easily replaceable and your exhibits are not, check the suit.

      Dinner will probably be room service.

      Wear whatever you normally wear to work to prep the partner. Just because it’s a weekend doesn’t mean you can wear jeans, but working with a partner doesn’t mean you need to wear a suit on a Sunday, either.

      Ask your secretary, or the partner’s secretary, if you need to bring anything beyond the boxes of exhibits.

    3. For documents: Pack as much of the exhibits as you can in advance, and ship them to your hotel (fedex, ups, etc). Get a tracking number for your own piece of mind, and let the hotel know they are coming. Throw in some staplers, post-its, highlighters, and pens. If your hotel won’t have copy/printing services available, you might throw in a laptop printer or any other electronic equipment you might need. Make sure you have some electronic copy of the exhibits in your laptop, so that worst case, you can make any missing copies yourself or send some files to the local 24hr kinko’s.

      For clothes: For prepping the boss, wear your best ‘average day’ outfit–not your killer black suit–don’t look like you’re trying too hard. Wear something that looks good if the jacket is off (as it may be as it gets late), and that holds up all day (don’t wear the shirt that gives you pit stains by 6pm).

      For the flight–depends on your schedule–are you meeting anyone important (besides the boss) before you get a chance to change? Sounds like you’re flying in one day, prepping that night, and then the depo is the next? If you’re not doing the depo as soon as you get off the plane, I wouldn’t wear a suit. Just wear something pulled together that travels well.

      Wear a suit to the depo. If you are working for the kind of place that doesn’t get you into a depo for 17 months, I’m assuming a suit is in order for most ‘official’ business.

      For working at the hotel when only your boss will see you: Bring a nice outfit w/ dark jeans, and bring a nice work outfit that’s not a suit. That way hopefully you’ll get a feel for what your boss wears in those situations (like on the plane), and can adjust appropriately. Or depending on the schedule, if you wear your “work” outfit during the day, you’ll have something nice but causal/comfortable to change into later (like dinner).

      For tips/what to listen for: Are you deposing an expert, a fact witness, a 30(b)(6) witness? Google around about how this type of depo is particularly done, or read a quick practice guide if you have time. That way you’ll kind of have an idea of what the boss wants to get out of the deposition, if you don’t already. If you feel it’s appropriate, ask her about what she plans to do. Caution–do this during “downtime” (meals, breaks) and only sparingly when you are hot-and-heavy into depo prep. A little bit of questions when she’s in the middle of prepping says “boss, you’re smart, I’m paying attention, and I want to learn about how to do this” and she’ll be flattered happy to pause and give you a little training/mentoring. However, to much of that type of question when she’s trying to get actual work done says “boss, I really don’t know what I’m doing and maybe you should take someone who doesn’t ask so many questions next time.”

  12. New topic, please advise!

    Has anyone tried the Brazilian Keratin Hair Straightening Treatment? Does it work, and did it help or damage your hair? I read some horror adverse effects stories online (i.e. harmful chemicals like formaldehyde and hair falling out), but a couple of people told me it worked out great for them? Any fellow corporettes tried it? I really want to get it but want to be aware of others experiences before shelling out the money too. Thanks!!

    1. I know someone who had it done and 16 hours later it looked great! She had really coarse and thick hair, and even though it was still thick after straightening, it definitely fell much better. I personally haven’t tried it, but she said it was a miracle and definitely worth the money. As far as the damage issue, I would imagine that if you went to a reputable salon and then babied your hair afterwards it shouldn’t be too bad, but of course, you’re completely revamping your hair’s texture and so some damage will naturally occur.

      1. I’m always curious when I hear someone describe another’s hair as “coarse.” What exactly is “coarse” hair? Is that just a synonym for hair that’s not like yours? Why are some people’s hair described by shape of the strand, but others by some imagined characteristic that is inherent to the strand? Please discuss.

        1. I think that “coarse” is the opposite of “fine” in hair terminology, but I haven’t thought about it too much. Are you asking about culture connotations? If you’re implying that “coarse” is code for not “good” hair, woo, that’s a big topic that I don’t feel I have the ability to comment on.

        2. I have coarse hair. It has roughly the texture of the rope we used to have to climb up in gym class. It’s about as thick as it, too. The shape of the strands of my hair is curly, which is another adjective one might use to describe my hair. Red is a fourth adjective. Coarse, thick, curly and red. And now that I’ve mentioned that, I’ll add that I’m white, since I suspect that race is somehow behind your odd comment.

          Walk around a hair product aisle and you’ll find many products marketed for coarse hair. So I don’t think it’s some imagined characteristic, and those of us who have it know what it means.

        3. My understanding is that ‘course’ hair refers to hair is in which each strand is thick. ‘Fine’ hair, on the the other hand, has thin strands. This can be contrasted with ‘thick hair’ or ‘thin hair’ which refers to how many strands of hair a person has. A person with fine hair, can also have thick hair, for instance. That’s my understanding anyway.

        4. Coarse hair can belong to anyone, regardless of culture. I think the connotations are individual-strand thickness, frizziness/proneness to curl, and a lack of shine (especially/even when straightened), and perhaps proneness to knots. I myself (red-headed Jew) have fairly coarse hair. It’s the opposite of soft, fine, and slippery hair, I think. I’m sure some people use the adjective in a more pointed way, but I don’t think it’s just referring to some “imagined characteristic.”

          1. Thanks, ladies, for weighing in!

            So it seems there’s no consensus on what the word “coarse” means. Some of you use it to refer to individual-strand thickness (as do Sarah and Anon), but others use to describe the strand’s texture irrespective of the strand’s diameter (as do Erin M. and the original poster — both of whom had to describe the hair as coarse AND thick.”

            No matter how “odd” Erin M. thinks my comment/question is, I still find it interesting that people are able to comment matter-of-factly on the thickness of an individual strand of another person’s hair — hence, I am still quite skeptical of claims that most third parties make about someone else’s hair being “coarse.” I do not read women’s mags, but I do find it interesting that the people with self-proclaimed “coarse” hair are white Jews with red hair. Interesting! I’ve never once seen any hair care article using such a person as the subject of column on how to deal with “coarse” hair. The racial connection between the use of the descriptor is not something that I “oddly” created, but one which I’ve always genuinely wanted to have answered — particularly since these articles tend to be set up to give advice to “straight”, “wavy”, “curly”, and “coarse”-haired women. Even your own responses defy the logic in such a classification system, as it would be clear that all the “coarse-haired” women could easily be reclassified across any of the preceding categories. Hence, those “culture connotations” that E. asked about above become further entrenched in our common vocabulary when it comes to thinking about women’s hair. But I will always need clarification as to what it means to be “coarse”, and I think it’s most appropriate to ask the speakers who use the word to define it for me. All of your responses (minus Erin M’s snark) were a helpful step in that direction. Thanks!

        5. It’s not a racial thing. I come from a white family. My grandmother had “coarse” hair – each strand was thick and fairly wiry, and had a natural curl to it. She had to wear it short and curly. My mom’s hair is similar, although not quite as coarse as my grandmother’s. Then I came along. I have a lot of hair but it is very fine – each hair is thin and fairly breakable – and stick-straight. My mom had no idea what to do with it, and ended up perming it, to disastrous results. I underwent all kinds of painful attempts to curl my hair until I was in middle school and finally insisted on wearing it straight. It has nothing to do with “hair that’s not like yours.” In my family, my stick-straight, fine hair was hair that was not like anyone else’s.

          1. The term “coarse” refers to hair’s texture. Mammal hair comes in a wide spectrum of charactristics. A person can have thin, coarse hair or thick, coarse hair. Alternatively,a person can have thin, fine hair or thick, fine hair–regardless of their racial background.

            Hair texture is an observable phenomenon–that is why a third party can comment on the observable texture of another’s hair. It is not an “imaginary characteristic”. Ask any stylist.

            As a frame of reference, if you have ever run your hand through a horse’s mane or tail, that is what super coarse hair feels like. Thin/thick refers not only to the diameter of individual strands but also to the overall quanitity of hair strands.

            It seems to me that if you don’t know what coarse hair is, you don’t have it, and there’s no need to be so concerned about it.

    2. Make sure to consult with your hair stylist before you do it to make sure it will work. My sister (with coarse, very tight curly hair a la Gloria Rueben if she would grow it out) desperately wanted this treatment. She consulted with her hair stylist, who then refused to do the treatment on her because her hair was such that it would do nothing but damage her hair. It turns out my sister’s hair was too thick/coarse/curly for the treatment.

      1. Just one point of clarification, as nebbe and others have substituted the word “imaginary” in place of the word I actually used, which was “imagined.”

        I never once said that a person could not have coarse hair in fact. What I take umbrage with is the casual way that some third parties describe someone else’s hair as “coarse” (however they are defining such a term). I can certainly understand that one might look at another person and describe her hair as “thick” or “thin.” It is only when the word “coarse” is added as a descriptor that I want some objective information on (a) how that term is being used and (b) whether there’s indeed a basis for that determination — particularly if it is true that it refers to the diameter of an individual strand or the texture of a strand that may be either curly, straight, or wavy.

        Thus, I use the term “imagined” to be more in the vein of forming a mental picture or image of; thinking, conjecturing, or guessing; and/or
        having a notion of or about without adequate foundation when it comes to another’s hair. Thanks!

    3. I use the Japanese thermal reconditioning treatment. It’s very expensive, and worth every penny. My hair is effortless, and always looks shiny, straight and polished.

    4. I do the non-brazilian keratin treatment – the formaldehyde in the Brazilian weirds me out. I’ve had it for a few years now, and love it. I get it done ever 6-8 months.

      I have long thick wavy-ish hair (but not the good kind of wavy, the unmanageable frizzy kind) and it works great. Takes a few minutes to blow dry and a few minutes to run over it all with the iron.

    5. I would never, ever do this, because you have no idea what concentration of formaldehyde in the mix your stylist is using. There’s no oversight at all. That said, my boss and her boss both did it ($300) a few weeks ago and they’re very happy. But you can’t wash your hair or pull it back at all for at least 4-5 days. That was pretty gross. You could end up with “dents.” And from my perspective, their hair still looks coarse and stiff – but straight. It’s kind of weird. Some breakage too. They say they’re happy, but it might only last 6 weeks, in which they won’t do it again. They say if it lasts longer, like 10-12 weeks, maybe they’ll go back and do it again.

  13. I am moving from a Big Law job to an in house government relations job where the dress code is business casual. I will be spending my first week at the home office where it is stressed that the dress code is business casual and for me to wear comfortable shoes because the office is so large. I have been in suits for so long now, I don’t think I really know what is business casual anymore. Also, I will be 7 months pregnant when I start. I’m thinking dresses may be my only options, anyone have any ideas?

    1. if they make a point to stress business casual, usually they mean the lower end of business casual. My guess is that pants and a cardigan would be about the level. But when you are 7 mos pg, really, just wear what you can find and is comfortable, even if it is slightly dressier than everyone else. Good luck!

    2. I’m 8 months preggo right now and work in-house so this one is right up my alley. :)

      I got 3 pairs of maternity trousers from the GAP and wear them with *sigh* the 3 remaining shirts that fit me…2 button down blouses with cardigans over them (or not, depending on the weather), and 1 short-sleeved turtleneck with a jacket over it. I can’t bring myself to buy more stuff when I only have 2 weeks left in the office…but if I was going to (and wanted to make a good impression, LOL) I would go for some cardigan twinsets, I just had to retire the last of mine as my belly seems to believe I am having triplets… ;) I personally don’t love dresses for work but may be forced to start wearing one if my available shirt count goes below 3. :)

    3. I work in government relations and we can often get away with stuff that other posters on corporette say is not office appropriate. For example, dresses, sweaters, flat shoes, etc. I also think you get a pass when pregnant. If all you have is suits, maybe buy a couple tops to make them a bit less corporate (if you are like me, you will continue to be big for a bit after the baby comes anyway, so you might get to wear them on the way down again t00.) Good luck on the new gig.

    4. My go-to business casual look is black pants (a little more casual – nice cotton, rather than wool), a silk shell or t-shirt, and a gray/tan/patterned (non-black) jacket. I pair it with dressy ballet flats or short wedges. Comfy, “business,” but much more casual than a suit. I usually find that the jacket makes me a little more dressed up, but that’s me.

      I just went to a marketing event for my firm, and business casual was almost uniformly interpreted as black pants, high heels, and a jewel-colored sweater or cardigan.

      1. Dresses. Gap has lots of nice maternity dresses that fit me right through 9+ months. Wear with a nice necklace and a cardigan or jacket (I wore jackets that didn’t button for the last couple of months) and nice ballet flats if you can’t deal with heels any more (I couldn’t).

  14. Hi, everyone. HUGE sale at Ann Taylor RIGHT NOW but today ONLY. 25% off 2 reg price or 40% off 3 reg price. Code is ANNSTYLE.

    Today only!

    1. Ann Taylor rant, having just came back from the mall. Their sizing has gotten out of control. I saw many XS shirts that look more like mediums. When I asked the sales clerk what was going on, she told me that AT has recently adjusted their sizing and that everything is bigger now in order to accommodate women’s sizes in the US. I really, really wish they would quit it with the vanity sizing. Soon enough I’ll have to shop at the junior’s dept., and I’m not even that small at all.

      1. The problem is that not everything is bigger! I tried on a skirt yesterday that seemed to be true to size but bought a pair of pants that was a size smaller than I normally wear. If they’re going to make everything bigger, they need to do just that. They can’t decide to shrink the skirts while making pants bigger!

  15. I have a non-fashion question. I have a phone interview on Monday for a program analyst position with the federal government. In previous years they would likely have flown me to Ottawa for a series of interviews, but with the economy the way it is right now they are conducting at least the first round of interviews over the phone. I know all the basic phone interview tips like smile and wear a suit even though the interviewer can’t see you, keep a pen and pad of paper handy, speak slowly and clearly etc. but I’m wondering if anyone who has conducted phone interviews or has been successful at getting a job from a phone interview can give me any other hints at how to best present myself to overcome the disadvantage of not being there in person. Thanks in advance!

    1. – Make sure you know if you are calling them, or vice versa
      – If you’re not naturally someone who makes “listening noises” you might make an effort to drop an mhmm two in — because there are no visual indicators that you’re paying attention. Likewise, let them know if you’re thinking about an answer (instead of just going silent). However, I think “um” and other filler words stand out more on the phone, so be particularly mindful of those.
      – Have your resume, and bullet points with your answers to the standard questions (best / worst qualities, most relevant experience, etc) nearby — but not totally spelled out, because then it would be obvious that you’re reading
      – If there’s more than one person on the phone, write down the names as people introduce themselves and if you have the time, what they sound like (deep, high, bridget jones, southern, buffalo… I often do this when I’ll be working with a team of people long distance multiple times)
      – Keep the background as quiet as possible — if you’re near your computer, mute all those email alert noises, and turn the ringer off on any other phones.

      good luck!

      1. Thanks for the info! I never would have thought of writing down vocal markers along with the person’s name. I’ve started working on a bulleted cheat sheet that details previous projects and experience. A friend has also agreed to conduct a mock interview over the phone so that I can feel a little more comfortable with the whole thing. I think I’ll record it so that I can hear how may “ums” and “likes” I use and whether or not I need to practice limiting them.

        I feel like I am way more nervous than the interview warrants, but can’t help obsessing. I usually interview quite well in person, but the phone is a different thing altogether. I have been interviewed by phone before, but although I was offered the job, the feedback I got was that the interview was the weakest part of my application. Hopefully I will do better this time around.

        1. Also, have several friends or family members assess how you sound on the phone you’ll be using — specifically (this is huge for cell phones) whether your breathing can be heard. I recently learned that, while my voice sounds fine on my cell, it sounds as if I am panting into the phone! Horribly embarrassing.

          1. One tip I read (actually, perhaps in a novel): If you’re about to say “um” or otherwise need to buy some time before you answer, say instead something like “now” or “well.” It makes you sound more thoughtful and mature.

            “What is your biggest weakness?”

            “Um, I’m not good at delegating.”

            vs.

            “Well, I’m not good at delegating.”

            Or whatever.

          2. I think that “well/now” thing is actually something Dave Eggers’s dad used to do, per A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.

    2. On important phone calls, I turn the mouthpiece/microphone away from my mouth when I’m listening and not talking. Keep the speaker/ear part on my ear, but swivel the handset up and away when listening, then back down to speak. So stray throat clearings and coughs and such don’t get picked up. Especially this time of year, when my allergies are acting up and the pills don’t always fix everything.

    3. Hi, SRS.
      First, congratulations on landing a phone interview! It means your resume is marketable! :)

      To build on the great advice posted thus far, I would add disabling call waiting during the interview, for obvious reasons.

    4. Also, if you are not familiar with talking with people who are on speaker phone, you may want to practice. Especially if there is more than one interviewer, they are likely to be on speaker. So, when they are talking, they cannot hear you and when you are talking you cannot hear them. Be sure to wait until the interviewer stops talking completely before you respond to the question so they can hear your entire response.

      Keep in mind that experienced interviewers know phone conferences are not ideal so don’t second guess yourself afterwards, thinking you could have been more poslished or more charming. It’s really tough to shine in a phone interview so do your best — make sure they know how enthusuastic you are so you will get what you really want – an in-person second interview.

      Good luck!

      1. Thanks everyone. Y’all had a lot of good advice and I’m feeling a lot better about the interview than I was yesterday.

        1. One more thought: use a land line if at all possible. Don’t risk having your call drop or any cellphone related interference.

          1. I was a college career counselor for several years. I used to tell students to get dressed up for a phone interview and also to do it standing vs. sitting or laying on the couch. Both of those things will help you present yourself more professionally. Sounds silly but think about the casual conversations you have in sweats on your couch.

  16. I second spacegeek about buying Honora pearls from QVC. They are quite beautiful for the price. I own a few pieces and have given several as gifts. Theycarry both traditional and trendy pieces. The inventory is larger around the times that Honora shows are airing. I enjoy watching the Honora shows, because of the information provided about the individual piece and pearls in general.

  17. Stylists have referred to my hair as coarse. It is thick, not smooth, can be dull, expands in width in any amount of humidity, frizzes uncontrollably, and has stubborn waves that refuse to be curled or straightened. I am also told that my hair is very healthy, so I believe all of this stems from the “coarse” texture.

  18. Totally different question; I’m hoping someone out here can help me. A client recently gave me a set of these BVLGARI ‘au thé blanc’ Oshibori as a gift because she knows how much I travel, and she “loves to have them with her when she travels.” I of course thanked her for the thoughtful gift. However, I am not sure what I am supposed to do with them — are they an alternative to perfume? Towels for cleaning up like you sometimes get at Asian restaurants? Facial wipes? I really am not sure. Any advice appreciated! Thanks. I’d like to be able to mention them to the client again, with some idea of what I am talking about.

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2887813

    1. Your second statement is correct – they are analogous to the towels you get at Asian restaurants. Oshibori are used in Japan for cleansing and refreshing before meals. They are ubiquitous there – just about any nice establishment will offer you an oshibori for cleaning your hands (and men their face) before sitting down for a meal. In the winter, people heat disposable oshibori like these in their plastic packages before giving them to customers. Your client probably gave them to you because they’re excellent for “freshening up” on long flights – on flights to Japan, they hand out cold or warm oshibori (depending on the season) every few hours. Pack them in your carryon the next time you fly and pull them out for a quick wipedown of your hands and neck before you land – I think you’ll see why she gave them to you. After flying to Japan I now really miss getting oshibori on my longer flights. I’m jealous of your gift! :)

  19. I’m interested in hearing what this group thinks about going grey, or staving it off with hair coloring. I’m a 40 y.o. brunette who’s starting to go grey – more than a stray strand, but much less than full salt-and-pepper. If I were going to start coloring my hair, I think now is the time. On one hand, I’m concerned that the grey may look frumpy, even if I dress well and keep my haircut current and well-maintained. On the other, I’m a midlevel associate in a law firm. I’ve got increasing client contact, and I wonder if some grey helps signal maturity and experience. Usually, people estimate that I am in my early thirties (thanks for the great skin, Mom!), but I am comfortable with being, and looking, 40. Another concern of mine is that starting down the road of hair color will tie me to years of more-frequent salon visits, anxiety about roots, and the eventual need to transition to a color that will be lighter and more plausible (on an older woman) than my current dark brown. What do you think?

    1. Hi, I have been going grey from a young age. I will definitely keep coloring my hair until I get really old and don’t care any more. Grey hair definitely dates you. As long as you don’t look like a simpering 22 yr old, looking young or rather not looking old is the way to go IMO.
      I don’t go to salons to keep my hair colored and just use at home kits. I think that they do a great job. I also like Revlon root touch up kits. They are the best when you have roots showing. You can prolong your hair color by another week/2 weeks easily.

      1. I am in the same situation as Bizzy…enough grey to notice it, but not enough for what I consider the “cool” looking all-grey styles. After watching my mother mess w/ home dye kits for my entire life, and now watching her struggle now, in her 50’s, to do the transition from dark brown to almost all silver, I have vowed never to dye my hair like that. However, I am very curious about how the greys come across on women in their late 30’s early 40’s–can you be otherwise put together (nice clothes, in shape, cute haircut) and still rock the salt ‘n’ pepper?

        1. Great topic; one that’s close to my heart! I’m 41 and have been dying my brunette hair every six weeks to cover the gray for about 10 years. Without the dye, I’d be full-on salt and pepper. The rest of me (skin, figure, etc.) still looks pretty young; people usually peg me in my early 30s. I have been tempted to let nature take it’s course and go gray. It would save me a load of cash at the hair salon, lend me some additional gravitas at work, and would be more authentic “me.” I don’t want to be one of those women who try too hard to stay young. I’d rather age gracefully with class and sex appeal. I’ve seen a lot of women rock the gray with style. But they tend to have more olive or darker skin tone; unfortunately, if I went gray, my fair skin wouldn’t provide much contrast. During my most recent hair appointment, I asked my long-time hairstylist when it’s time for a woman to make peace with the gray and stop coloring her hair. He said, “When you can no longer afford to come see me.” Ha. Seriously, though, for now, I’m going to take his advice and keep my chestnut mane. After all, I won’t be able to pass for 30-something forever!

    2. Can’t you do those semi-permanent washes at home that cover up the gray a bit?

      I think as a mid-level associate at a law firm, I’d be more worried about partners thinking you don’t have the energy and enthusiasm to take on big, demanding cases than I would be about whether clients think you have maturity. Hopefully you will convey that maturity in the way you carry yourself (and by not using the word “like” 10 times in every sentence) and that will be enough, together with your work, to impress them.

      I think in general, age discrimination applies in the workplace and if you are older than your peers, you risk being subconsciously viewed as more of an “office mother”/organizer/advisor figure over time rather than an “up and coming go getter” who should be assigned the next big, important case. I’d color the hair to avoid that, but do it in the least burdensome way possible so it doesn’t interfere with your life.

    3. If you are going to color it, make the commitment to get it done well and keep it maintained. IMHO, nothing is worse than a skunk stripe. If you are not the sort of person who is going to stay on top of maintaining the color, then my advice is don’t even start.

      Kind of off topic, but I’ve noticed that the oldest women at my firm (i.e., the first female partners at my firm, now nearing retirement age) have mostly gone for the hair dye route, but the women from the next generation down have taken a more natural route and many are going grey gracefully. Don’t know if it has something to do with the fact that they felt more comfortable about their spot at the firm or what.

    4. I’ve been thinking about letting my grey show to save money, but I just don’t like the way my it makes me look washed out and tired. Hair color brightens my face the same way the right clothing color and makeup do. There’s a woman in my business plan boot camp who I thought was ages older because of her grey hair. It turns out she’s only 4 years older than I am.

      I recommend getting referrals for the best colorist you can afford. You get the most cost per wear out of your hair cut and color because you wear your hair 365 days a year. My money-saving compromise was to buy an herbal hair color from Whole Foods for the roots every four weeks. I’ve used it twice so far, and everyone I reveal my secret to says they can’t tell a difference from the salon-colored base and the home-colored roots. I’ll go back to the salon for a double process a couple of times a year, but no longer for roots every six weeks.

    5. I’m not your age and not gray, but my advice, in adition to the points you already mentioned, would be to look around at others at your firm and at your clients and in your city. I can’t think of any woman at my firm your age who has gone gray, it seems like all dye, so that would definitely influence my decision were I in your place.

      1. I have to say that it really saddens me that even in a group of extremely well educated, well employed, successful women, we are worried about appearing “older.”

        Really, what is the downside of looking 50 vs 40 vs 30? Will it make a difference in your career? Will your friends and family love you less as you age? Are you taken more/less seriously?

        I find that each decade is exponentially better than the last, so shouldn’t we be looking forward to those improvements? Constantly chasing/mourning youth is a waste of a good life…

        1. I want to add to my own comment that I don’t really have any answers, and I do hear those who say they simply like having red hair, or feel washed out by gray hair. I was born bright blonde, aged to more of a dishwater, and now am graying. I can understand that if you are naturally a dark brunette that gray would be a big departure from what you are used to seeing the mirror.

          I struggle with other signs of aging, such as crows-feet and a certain loosening of the skin, and I’m trying to understand my fears and regrets about it. I really don’t feel less intelligent, loved, respected or valued in this older body (certainly the sex is waaaaaay better), so why the angst? Any thoughts?

          1. Society still fetishizes youth. Although it’s gotten better in recent years, with 40+ actresses and such being able to get better roles and maintain visibility, it’s the 40+ actresses that still look young, not 40+ actresses that look the way 40 looks for a lot of “normal women.” These days, 40 is not what it used to be – so many women in their 40s, 50s and beyond seem so much younger than, say, my mother or grandmothers did at the same age – but there’s still an emphasis on youth and attractiveness as the cardinal values for women. I totally agree that life just keeps getting better the older I get (and I also agree 100 percent about the sex – girls in their 20s have a lot to look forward to, is all I can say!) but there are still a lot of messages out there telling women that looking old is the road to irrelevancy. Those are hard to shake off, despite how we’re all supposed to know better these days.

        2. Unfortunatly, men just look better and distinguished as they age while women just start to look old.

          1. I hit reply too soon –

            Our society treats our elders like kids. We offer them our seat, hold doors, carry heavy files, etc. While you are by no means elderly at your age I think women worry about being seen as fragile as they age and want to look young and strong as long as possible.

    6. No right answer here. I am 40 and started coloring up the gray the same color as my sandy blonde/ light brown hair a few years ago. Now I do highlights as well and the combination makes me look better than I did a decade ago. I only go every 8 to 12 weeks and its not that much of a hassle, and due to the color of my natural hair and the highlights, you can’t tell. Also the blonder color makes the grays harder to see. Its not that much of a hassle.

  20. I started going gray around 28 and have been coloring my hair ever since (I’m 30 now). I feel that I am way too young to be showing gray. My mom is 61 and colors her hair as well. It’s entirely up to you, but I think gray often ages women so much more than it does men. I color my hair at home and use Naturtint, which is available at Whole Foods and other health stores. It’s supposedly less damaging to hair, but who knows.

    Bottom line, it’s a personal decision and you should do what you think is best. My husband stopped coloring his hair (he is nearly all salt and pepper) and while it took me a while to get used to, I think it looks good on him.

  21. New question — where can I find those little socks that some people wear with heels? I’m pretty sure they exist and have been mentioned on here before, but I don’t know what they’re called. I’m referring to some kind of socks that you can wear under your pumps without them being visible, so you don’t have to wear hose in the summer and don’t have to have bare feet.

    1. Target has these, in several different colors and styles. I tossed the packaging, so I don’t remember what they are called. They were on khaki/brown colored cardboard cards and hanging in the sock department.

      Some of them come up further on your foot than others, so you might have to try a couple different ones until you find the style that doesn’t show in your particular shoe. I bought a two-pack in black, and one doesn’t work and the other does.

    2. Payless also sells them in ultra low rise as well as Burlington Coat Factory.

    3. I’ve also found good pairs at Meijer and Stein Mart. Both seem to carry styles in thinner materials than I’ve found at Target. The Target ones often seem to be more like sock material while the ones I have from Stein Mart and Meijer are just slightly thicker than shoe store footies.

    4. Macys had a pretty sizable hosiery rack with lots of no-show socks the last time I was there.

    5. I buy the Hue ones on Amazon, spend $25 and get the free shipping. They’re always cheaper, and I find the Hue brand lasts longer and feels better than the less expensive options. And there are a range of skin-tones!

    6. They are everywhere – Target, DSW, Macy’s. You want to look with the hose/trouser socks. They are really comfy, but for me they still show under most pumps. They work well on things with a higher vamp.

      1. Thanks for the replies everyone! The Hue on Amazon look good, I’m going to try a couple of those.

  22. Hi Everyone,

    Long-time lurker, first time poster hoping for thoughts and opinions on wristwatches of all things.

    Is it worth spending huge sums on say, an Omega or Tag, or are less expensive watches perfectly acceptable?

    Kind thanks in advance!

    1. Good question! Maybe C could put a poll up on this?? I’d be curious as well…I have noticed that people in the younger generation – especially women – tend either not to wear a watch at all or if they do, to wear a high-end watch. I have always wanted a really nice high-end watch but after years of not wearing one at all am not sure I would get enough use out of it.

    2. I think if you work in a law firm, a “nice” watch is a good idea. I don’t see a reason to go crazy, though; I can’t tell the difference between a $500 watch and a $5,000 one unless I happen to have liked it enough to price it. (I was drooling for a while over the Cartier that came out a few years ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to pay $2,500 for it…ended up buying a watch that cost about half that).

    3. 7 years ago, I spent $1500 on an Omega (I got the one with white & yellow gold metallic straps and tiny diamonds where the numbers would be on the dial) and haven’t looked back since. That said, I wear my watch anytime I leave the house (feel practically naked if I forget it), so it’s been great value for money.

      It’s also my ONLY watch (I think the tiny diamonds make it dressy enough to wear to parties etc + the fact that it has a white + yellow gold band makes it versatile). Happy shopping!

    4. Standard fashion advice is to buy the best watch you can afford, because people do notice.

      That being said, I have a Coach Lexington watch that I bought on eBay a few years ago and I love it. I spent $100 (regular retail would have been considerably higher) but this watch is perfect for me. It has a great face with roman numerals and a gold-and-stainless band so it’s versatile with all types of outfits. Spending a little more than department-store money on a nice watch is well worth it. A well-made watch will last you a long time, since you can always get it professionally cleaned, crystal replaced, etc. if you need to. However, to me spending multiple thousands on a watch is probably not necessary, or a great idea, considering they can get lost, stolen, or irreparably broken. And considering there are a lot of other uses for that money.

    5. I like Skagen for nice looking, relatively inexpensive watches. My current everyday watch is a Skagen I picked up at RueLaLa for $60 or so (original retail $195).

    6. Very interesting post. I have never worn a watch and most of my friends (late 20/early 30s age) don’t wear one either.

    7. Haven’t worn a watch in ages, but I’ve noticed a lot at (what look like) great prices on Rue La La/Gilt and Overstock and other sites like that … probably because so fewer people are wearing them these days.

    8. I think a nice watch is a great investment.

      If you get something classic and well made, it will not go out of style, you always have use for it (yes, even with cell phones… think about, e.g., when you travel); it looks elegant and (I think) makes you look professional at the same time (better than a bracelet!). You can pass it down through the generations, and if it’s a “nice” watch, you can also always sell it if need be (or just trade it in for a newer model).

      I do think there is a lot of ground to navigate in buying a watch. Expensive does not equal classic or worth it (I am thinking of some of the trendier makers, here, like Michele or Jacob the Jeweler, etc.). I am, personally, also not a fan of the “fashion” watches . . . Here, I am thinking guess, anne klein, michael kors, etc. (fine as a “fun” watch, but I would not want it as a primary time piece).

      Basically, I think “good” watches usually come from watch makers, not fromcompanies just trying to branch out into accessories.

      I think Skagen, Swiss Army, Timex, Citizen, etc., all makes really nice, simple watches that will stand the test of time and that would work well in just about any setting. They’re also often available online at pretty steep discounts.

      For what it’s worth, I got a “nice” watch about 10 years ago and it’s one of my all time, top 5 favorite possessions (as in, I would be absolutely devastated to lose it, and I wear it pretty much everyday, no matter the occasion.)

  23. Thread hijack….am considering buying a diamond solitaire from bluenile.com and wondered if anyone has had prior experience? While I’m fairly comfortable with the 4Cs of diamond purchase, I’m stumped by terms such as “table”, “depth” and “fluoroscence”. Also, I notice that diamonds listed on the site seem to have different prices even when the colour, clarity, cut, carat size is the same.

    1. My husband and I bought the stone for my engagement ring on bluenile–no complaints here. They have a 30-day return policy, so we took the stone to a local jeweler to get appraised, and the appraisal for a stone we spent about $2000 on was $2400, so we kept it.

    2. Take 45 minutes or so and go shop the Tiffany & Co. diamond section. Many years ago, I had an associate there educate me on how to buy a diamond and that knowledge has been really useful.

      Table and depth relate to the cut of the diamond. Cut doesn’t mean just round, square or oval. It looks at how the diamond is cut proportionately. The relationship of the table to the depth shows how well the diamond will reflect light. BTW, the table is the horizonal top part of the diamond, while the depth is the vertical measure. So an ideal-cut diamond has perfect proportions and will be more expensive than a diamond with the same carat weight, color and clarity that is not ideal-cut. Picture it this way: let’s pretend you have a raw 2 ct stone. To get an ideal cut, that stone would be cut down to 1 ct. With a good or very good cut, it may be 1 1/4 ct or 1 1/2 ct when done. With a poor cut, it may be 1 3/4 ct when done. You “waste” more diamond getting an ideal cut which is why it’s cheaper to get a larger diamond with a less high quality cut.

      From Blue Nile:
      http://www.bluenile.com/diamonds/diamond-cut

    3. I would recommend visiting pricescope.com and reading the detailed tutorials about cut – it really does make the biggest impact on a diamond’s sparkle. When it comes to online vendors, you get what you pay for and there are numerous online vendors who sell a variety in quality of stones, including with respect to cut. Once you educate yourself, you can judge for yourself whether a stone you find on Blue Nile is a good price or not. I would stay far, far away from mall stores. Good luck and have fun!

  24. I bought diamond earrings for my daughter’s 16th birthday from BlueNile. I was incredibly pleased with the quality and I would definitely recommend them. It was helpful to see the tradeoffs made in playing around with the color, clarity, etc. which you can easily do on their site.

    1. Sharon, thanks a lot. My biggest concern is the quality of their cut – that is the most critical part and yet the most difficult to “quantify”. But I must say that they’re priced far lower than the jewellery stores and very tempting to try them out.

      1. My husband bought my engagement ring through Blue Nile. Like you, cut was most important to me, and I am entirely satisfied. I can no longer remember the cut I chose, but I know it’s the reason my ring sparkles as much as it does and gets so many compliments when it’s a simple solitaire.

      2. I don’t think you can compare Blue Nile to brick & mortar stores – not only do you have to compare comparable stones (the detailed specs of which are not always readily available from B&M stores unless you get a copy of the GIA report – not just the 4Cs, but measurements and angles) – but B&M stores have higher overhead costs and the mall stores generally sell lower quality stones (except for premium stores, which it doesn’t sound like you are considering). You should compare Blue Nile to other online vendors, if that’s the route you want to go.

        1. I agree that Bluenile is the place to go for good prices, and that mall stores are a nightmare. However… I also think that for the money, Yehuda diamonds are a great option. They are clarity enhanced, but the cut, color, carat are all like other diamonds, so are therefore less expensive, but have guarantees and upgrades available. They operate a website that looks like Bluenile, so compare two very similar stones and the price difference. And, they will ship to a local jeweler, for free, so the jeweler can check it out and you can, too.

          1. This one I can definitely help with. Have bought earrings and solitaire pendant from BN, no regrets.

            If you’re buying earrings or a necklace cut is everything — cut = sparkle and at a distance that’s all most people will see.

            For a ring, the other three Cs are important since the stone will be shown, up close, and inspected very closely. HTH.

            Thanks for the watch help. It seems that watches are much more important among male co-workers than women.

  25. I’d actually wear this dress with a turquoise or bluish piece of jewelry. Pearls or the brown tones just wouldn’t add enough color here.

  26. All those to replied to the BlueNile qt, thanks! Finally decided to opt for cushion cut solitaire (instead of the more traditional round cut). Waiting to receive it now!

  27. I’m not sure if anyone is reading this since it is long past the weekend, but I wanted to let everyone who gave me advice for my phone interview know that it went really well. The interviewer all but offered me the job and they are flying me to Ottawa next week to meet with the rest of the department. This is an amazing job and an excellent learning opportunity and I never would have felt as comfortable as I did if not for all the excellent advice you all gave. Thank you so very much!

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