ByKat Hours Updated
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Weekend Open Thread

Velvet by Graham & Spencer Baby Jersy Oriah DressHappy Friday! Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Our weekend recommendation is this great dress from Velvet — we love the casual look to it, the soft jersey, and the criss-crossing, sporty back. Lovely. It's $108 at Piperlime (sizes S, M, and L still left). Velvet by Graham & Spencer Baby Jersy Oriah Dress

264 Comments

  1. Reporting back on the Lands End Canvas ballet flats: Love them. Comfortable enough to wear for a morning of shopping on concrete/tile floors. They are not the same shade of navy that they are in the picture– in reality, they are a dustier navy rather than that bright navy they appear to be. Would totally buy the orange suede too, if they were on sale.

    http://canvas.landsend.com/pp/TheHeritageBalletFlat~203391_-1.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::OSP&CM_MERCH=IDX_00017__0000002203&origin=index

    1. Interesting! The J.Crew ballet flats are incredibly uncomfortable, so this may be yet another example of Canvas doing J.Crew classics, but better.

      1. Question about hosiery for ballet flats:

        Is it true you should never wear any with ballet flats? What about the above style that has a bit more structure like a regular shoe?

        If you should wear socks/tights with ballet flats, what’s the proper type; style, color, etc? Everything I research online says to absolutely never wear any with ballet flats but it seems a bit odd to me…especially when it’s winter and cold out or for work.

        Opinions?

        1. I think in the winter you wear tights if you’re wearing a skirt, and knee highs if you’re wearing pants.
          If it’s warm out, then you don’t wear anything.

        2. This seems ridiculous. Why wouldn’t you wear tights with ballet flats? I’d wear the same kind of hosiery you’d wear with other shoes in the same color and weather conditions.

          1. Don’t know…read it online and notice most women are actually wear footless leggings with their ballet flats so thought perhaps there was something to it.

        3. I always wear tights with my ballet flats. I see the footless tights on other women and think it looks good, but I have short legs, so I want to create as long a visual line as possible. Breaking up the line to show a little ankle just doesn’t work for me.

    2. Can I hijack a hijack? The mention of Lands End made me want to say thank you to whoever recommend the modern-cut t-shirts that just came out for summer. I never shop Lands End. I’ve always felt like the clothes are cut rather boxy. However, I picked up one of the t-shirts in black after reading the review about how it has such a feminine cut. I absolutely love it. So flattering! I’ll be stocking up on a bunch of colors now.

        1. My family always got the Lands End catalogs and so I’ve read it faithfully over the years. I always thought their stuff was super boxy and not tailored but I noticed in recent years they have been changing that, and the ad copy really emphasizes things like “shaped for a feminine fit” or “gently tailored- but not too tight!”. Whereas they have tone down the remarks on “guaranteed not to show more than you want to” etc. I think their demographic is pretty modest/conservative + preppy dressers, but they got ‘behind the curve’ (so to speak) for a little while and were TOO conservative venturing into frumpy. But they are getting caught up now.

          Speaking of ad copy….my vote for most ridiculous ad copy is Coldwater Creek. (“It’s been decades, but Saturday night is still date night for you two! In this lush flowing skirt with cheeky little bolero and crisp button down, you’ll be the light of the room ( not just his heart)”, and the like). Anyone else have a nomination?

          PS: You can tell catalogs are sort of a hobby of mine. I briefly considered going into marketing.

          1. LOL. I have been making fun of Coldwater Creek copy since I was in middle school, when my mother got the catalogs!

          2. I love reading (and laughing!) at the Coldwater Creek catalogue. I went into the store once looking for a pair of shorts and the salespeople took one look at me and said, “I think you’re looking for something a little trendier…you aren’t exactly our target demographic.”

          4. That is hilaaarious. I need to get on their mailing list; I could afford to laugh that hard more often!!

    3. Am wearing the floral “Canvas” ballets right now. They have AWESOME arch support and a teensy bit of cushion. And great round toes, so my feet aren’t scrunched. And for any other bigfeet out there, the Size 11 actually fits my 11.5 feet! Love them. They may be my new summer faves.

      And have gotten tons of compliments today too!

      1. What’s the consensus wearing ballet flats like these to work (in a NY law office)? Not to court or an important meeting, but for a normal work day with a blouse and pencil skirt or trousers?

        Starting a summer associate job and don’t want to be too casual. Thanks all!

        1. I have no idea about whether it’s too casual for a law firm, as I’m not a lawyer. My style advice is that on a lot of people, a totally flat shoe with a shorter skirt can make for a stumpy look, unless skirts are worn higher on the leg than is appropriate for most workplaces. Usually with pants it’s not as much of a problem, but I see a lot of women in ballet flats and knee-length skirts, and the effect is very “schoolmarm.” Unless you have particularly long, thin legs, flat shoes with short hems can be hard to pull off. So just watch your proportions, if you go this route.

          1. I’ve worked in New York at a V5 firm. I probably wouldn’t wear ballet flats on a day I knew I was going to meet clients, but, it’s pretty doubtful you’ll meet too many clients as a Summer anyway. I do second the below comments that say they look casual dependent on your body type and the level of embellishment on the flats. I am super-longlegged with tiny ankles (and huge feet) so ballet flats look good (and professional) on me. I think there is an aura of “little girl” about them depending on what you wear them with, so just be aware of this when you are dressing. There are other flats that are a bit more polished if you’re anti-heels.

        2. I always thought that the ballet flat was too ‘young’ looking for that kind of workday wear. It’s the shape more than the fabric — the rounded toe combined with the little bow.

        3. I think it really depends on the wearer. My colleague is very tall and she wears nice, leather ballet flats all the time. She’d tower over people in heels and looks polished and professional in flats. I don’t look so polished in them because my legs are rather short, so I don’t wear them.

        4. As a summer associate, I would take a couple of weeks to check out what the norms are in your firm/office. I have a pair of black patent ballet flats that I like to wear with tailored charcoal pants on days when I’m just going to be hanging around the office – especially nice if I’ve had a long day on my feet in high heels the day before, and I need to give the balls of my feet a little break. I wouldn’t wear them with a skirt, though – for me, that would be both unflattering and too schoolgirlish.

          1. I am 5.8 and wear ballet flats all the time at work (I am a boston lawyer in an under-50 lawyer firm).

  2. Can anyone give any specific recommendations for short-sleeved sweaters, with a scoopneck neckline, to be worn under a suit jacket in the summer?

        1. I was hoping for something with a lower neckline (though not too low), but thanks for the suggestion!

          1. Do you only want a knit/sweater type of shell?

            These are my two favorite tees to wear under suits:
            http://www.landsend.com/pp/ShortSleeveShirredScoopneckTop~206243_59.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::CSH&CM_MERCH=search-_-shirred&origin=search

            http://www.anntaylorloft.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=23125&N=0&Ntk=KeywordSearch&Ntt=twisted+silk&Nty=1&Ntx=mode+matchallpartial&found=3&defaultSizeType=Regular (also available in a similar look but with cap sleeves: http://www.anntaylorloft.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=24668&N=1200005&pCategoryId=3359&categoryId=204&Ns=CATEGORY_SEQ_204&loc=TN&defaultColor=Ochre&defaultSizeType=Regular ).

      2. Try August Silk – available in Macy’s (also seen in TJ Maxx on occasion) – they make both short sleeve and sleeveless shells – they wash well, and look great under suits.

        1. I second the August Silk suggestion. I’ve also seen their shells at Filene’s Basement.

      1. I don’t know about the tencel/spandex blend.. mostly because I don’t know what tencel is though. also dry clean only? yikes

    4. in case it’s stuck in moderation b/c of the link — have a version of this Jones New York top from a few years ago, and it looks great under a suit / easy to accessorize — the “Platinum Silk Knit Shell” at the JNY website, hand wash, $35.

    5. I know Talbots is not a brand that works for everybody, but this sweater/knit shell looks like it would be perfect for layering under suits. Also, since it would be covered by a jacket, perhaps a slightly less flattering fit would be alright.

      http://www1.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi24409&rootCategory=cat70008&catId=cat80002&sortKey=Default&section=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70008

      Comes in many nice colors as well, and assuming you DID find a flattering size, I think this could also be worn as is without a jacket and would be lovely with pencil skirts/silk scarves.

      1. I do like that one, thanks! I’m going to have to go to a Talbots store and try things on for fit… I feel like this is an item that should be incredibly easy to find, and yet…

      2. I have this and like it — the neckline isn’t too low but doesn’t look too “bateau” on me , and if you get your normal size or a size down it’s form-fitting enough to be attractive. Good quality knit too. I would recommend.

    6. Ann Taylor and Loft outlets usually have a good selection. I remember Loft had them in quite a few colors the last time I was there in early March. I am probably going to at least one of the outlets this weekend and can give an update when I get back.

    7. Here are a couple from Ann taylor:

      http://www.anntaylor.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=25187&N=1200005&pCategoryId=3939&categoryId=183&Ns=CATEGORY_SEQ_183&loc=TN&defaultColor=Periwinkle&defaultSizeType=Regular

      http://www.anntaylor.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=24900&N=1200006&pCategoryId=3939&categoryId=181&Ns=CATEGORY_SEQ_181&loc=TN&defaultColor=Coral%20Reef&defaultSizeType=Regular
      (but this one is 3/4 sleeve)

      http://www.anntaylor.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=24898&N=1200006&pCategoryId=3939&categoryId=181&Ns=CATEGORY_SEQ_181&loc=TN&defaultColor=Soft%20Teal&defaultSizeType=Regular
      (cowl neck, but pretty)

    9. This is the very type of item I go to Macy’s for, they always seem to have the basic ‘shell’ type of knit shirt or sweater available in a wide range of colors and levels of knit. No one is going to notice whether the shell is designer or not if it sits under a jacket.

  3. Hi Ladies,

    I need your help. My husband’s birthday is coming up, and I have no idea what to get him! We are both law students, so my budget is pretty modest (under $100). I would usually get an “experience” item, like cooking classes or a weekend vacation, but that’s out on cost and lack of free time. He is very practical and doesn’t like or use much “stuff”, but I really hate buying him clothes because I don’t know what else to get. He will be interning out of state this summer, so I was thinking perhaps something he can use for his job (he will be at a gov’t agency), or something that will make him more comfortable while he’s away. A professional-looking messenger bag, maybe? I really have no idea, but would appreciate any ideas…
    Thanks so much!

    1. What about a really nice travel mug (the super insulated, leakproof kind), a small Bodum french press, and some really nice coffee from an artisan roaster? And/or a couple very nice coffee cups and saucers from Aplico from France – ridiculously expensive (2 for $50??) but they are apparently *perfect.* I wouldn’t know, I don’t drink coffee, but my SO has gotten very into coffee, learned to use a french press and now buys nice beans. We are lucky to live in the Bay Area with so many artisan roasters, so this may not be as feasible in some areas of the country.

      The other thing I got him that was a big hit was a real shaving kit. A real silver tip badger hair brush and Taylor of Old Bond shaving cream from England (off amazon.com). It works so, so much better than the drugstore stuff, is better for his skin, and smells wonderful. He actually sorta likes shaving now -woohoo!

      1. Ooh, I like the shaving kit idea. I will look into that. He likes coffee, but he has a nice (and disgusting- not dishwasher safe, so never washed…) Westlaw commuter mug that I couldn’t pry out of his cold, dead hands if I tried…

        1. I know what you mean. I find that the best way to encourage changes in behavior is to buy him better things than the one I can’t pry out of cold, dead hands. I’m not touching your (gross!) mug honey, but here’s another (nicer!) one. Weeks later, the nicer one gets into rotation, and then I start hearing comments like “wow, this mug is really great” and then after a few months of that… the gross one just disappears into the back of the cabinent one day. He never notices it’s “gone,” and I have plausible deniability because I didn’t actually throw it out. I just introduced a superior alternative and let the other one naturally fade away :).

          Kinda the same thing happened to his wardrobe, too. It’s all still there, but mysteriously the higher quality stuff I buy for him ends up in much heavier rotation than the scratchy, cheap stuff.

        2. I got my husband one of those silver shaving brush/stand/soap combos like 12 years ago and he still uses it, so I second that recommendation – from a store called “The Art of Shaving” I think?

          1. The art of shaving is super helpful. I got my bf a straight razor that didn’t work out but their products are great

        3. Art of Shaving stuff is my go-to for my husband, he loves the shave oil. The other thing that has been a big hit is shampoo and conditioner from American Crew. It’s expensive so he doesn’t feel good buying it himself, and loves to get it as a gift.

      2. 3rd the shaving kit – got my husband the art of shaving starter set off amazon and he loves it. also got him a nice set of cuff links from undergrad which he doesn’t get to wear often but really loves.

    2. I actually had the same dilemma last year about my boyfriend’s birthday present. We are both law students as well, and I ended up getting him this portfolio/messenger bag to use for work.
      http://www.johnstonmurphy.com/product.aspx?c=308&pid=56716

      The retail price ($295) was a bit outside of my budget, but I purchased the store display, which was in great condition, for somewhere between $170 and $220 (my memory’s a bit hazy). Also, just found it online elsewhere for $236: http://www.suitcase.com/detail/?ID=23607

      and for $220 at http://www.amazon.com/Johnston-Murphy-Portfolio-Brief/dp/B000JFP38K/ref=pd_sbs_a_1

      For what it’s worth, he has gotten many compliments (even his judge liked it!). And I am sure he will use it for many years to come.

      If you’re reluctant to go over your budget, there are lots of similar items on the sites I noted above for a lower price. Best of luck!!

    3. Gift certificate for a straight razor shave? Some sort of nice shaving product? A travel toiletry kit and suit bag?

      How about a nice wood umbrella?

      Cuff links?

        1. Yes — I have no idea why, but men – even those who wouldn’t be caught dead in the woods – LOVE the gadget-y Swiss Army knives – which I believe you can have his initials put on.

    4. Wow, thanks for the help, everyone. I knew you guys could help me come up with something brilliant! After some research and browsing, I went to my local Art of Shaving store and purchased one of their kits. It smells great, and I think he will love it. I also think he would appreciate the Swiss Army knife idea, so now I have something to keep in reserve for the next gift-giving occasion.

      1. My bf’s birthday is coming up in June. I checked out the shaving kits, but he just uses his electric shaver. Anyone have any other ideas? Plus he isn’t a lawyer; he’s more into computers and “techy” gadgets/typical guy stuff.

  4. clothing question. A friend of mine had an extra ticket to a benefit thing and invited me. It’s a “casino night” event for the USO to kick off fleet week. The attire is “cocktail,” but it’s at 7 pm, so I’m wondering if rather than shiny cocktail dresses, people will be wearing more “I came from work and just had time to change shoes and accessories” dresses. I haven’t been to any charity-type events in New York and have no idea. Does anyone have any thoughts on what would be more appropriate (specific suggestions always welcome)? (I couldn’t find any pictures from last year to compare)

    1. All the lawyer related charity events are fairly boring…the few people who come in actual cocktail attire (and not work clothes) tend to stick out. That being said, this sounds different, both because of the casino theme and the drunk sailors that will probably be in attendance. Are you single? I’m guessing you are a woman because you mention shiny dresses…If I were single and going to an event with hundreds of cute sailors, I would wear a shiny cocktail length dress with hot heels and fun jewelry. Depending on your appetite for color, I would go with something along these lines…

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3090928/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014146?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014146&P=1

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3020180/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014146?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014146&P=1

      Have fun!

    2. 7pm on a weeknight? Black pencil skirt, pretty top, wrap or cardigan, pumps or peep-toes. Last time I went to a cocktail thing after work most people were wearing their suits.

      1. Agree — its hard to go too wrong with basics!

        Stick a sparkly necklace in your purse to dress up the outfit if you need it!

    3. I would wear some version of an LBD & stuff something sparkly in my purse (e.g., shawl, jewelry, shrug, etc.) — this way if you feel underdressed you can add something (or you can wear & take off if it is too much).

      1. My friend’s husband is married to a naval guy and apprently when they dress up, they DRESS UP. So be warned !

        1. I would suggest a black dress, heels, and a wrap cardigan. You can leave the cardigan on if people are in work clothes and lose it if people are dressed up. I imagine any sailors who are going to be at this are there to PARTY and have a good time so that makes me think that it’ll be more of a party atmosphere rather than business.

  5. I’ve been wanting to buy myself a pair of diamond stud earrings, and I have decided to finally treat myself with some of my law school graduation money. I have about $1,000 that I’m willing to spend and want the biggest pair of studs that I can get for that much because I am plus-sized, so larger jewelry looks better with my proportions. I know that I don’t have a huge budget, but I thought maybe someone would have a suggestion. Thanks!

    1. Macy’s is having a fine jewlery sale. It starts today. 50% off plus more if you have a Macy’s card. I got my sister a pair of small(ish) studs for her grad school graduation. I saved about $200. While they may not be the finest quality diamonds, they are white gold and look pretty nice to me.

      1. Please please please don’t buy any diamonds from Macy’s. I worked in their jewelry department for a few years and when I bought my studs as my “I finished my first year of law school” present, I bought them elsewhere. Even with my employee discount, I found a nicer, cheaper pair elsewhere. I highly recommend Shane Co (www.shaneco.com). They don’t have a lot of retail stores, but you can buy online. Lifetime warranty. For the same price as my discount at Macy’s I was able to get bigger diamonds of a much better quality.

    2. I think Bluenile is going to have the best prices, unless you can get to the bargain district in new york and bargain hard. Fun splurge!

        1. I would third blue nile, unless you live in a big city with a diamond district where you might find a great deal with a jeweler who primarily does wholesale, but still has some things for sale retail.

          you can also check out whiteflash.com, another large online diamond seller.

      2. My husband purchased the center stone for my engagement ring on diamonds dot com (avoiding the posting delay). He had been aggresively shopping both that website and Blue Nile – diamonds dot com came up with the perfect stone at the right time (so that I would not freak out about the absence of a ring at the proposal – seems silly now.) They sell matched diamonds from time to time, and having them set yourself can be shockingly cost effective.

    3. never purchased a pair for myself but I have had great success with high quality jewelry from bluenile.com.

    4. Personally, I would go to a reputable jeweler you like (not a giant national chain) and explain that you are willing to sacrifice some degree of quality for size. The trouble with national chains and online stores is that not all diamonds of a given grade are truly equal. For example, you will pay much less for stones that have some inclusions, but within a given grade of inclusions you will find some stones with clear “bubbles” or flecks and others with black inclusions. A reputable jeweler can steer you toward the better quality individual stones within a given grade.

      As for where to go specifically, I’m of no help unless you are in Chicago. :-)

    5. Go to a wholesaler. I can offer some suggestions if you’re in Milwaukee. You definitely get more bang for your buck that way and in far better quality that most mall jewelery stores.

      1. I bought my daughter diamond stud earrings through BlueNile, and we were highly impressed with the quality that we got for the price we paid. (Of course, that’s a function of how you shop at Blue Nile … you set your own size, quality parameters and you can see how altering them changes the price.) I would shop there again for fine jewelry.

      2. L, are you in Milwaukee? I am in Madison. If you don’t mind, can Kat exchange our e-mail addresses? I’d love to meet a connection that also checks out corporette!

        1. Sorry for the delay in responding but I am just now re-checking the site since my last post. I am in Milwaukee and I will send Kat my email address to have her get us in touch. Looking forward to talking with you!

    7. The legal job market must be looking up! If I had $1000 to spare when I graduated last year – with no job prospects in sight – I would have thought, “oh good, rent!” Congrats on your success – I’m sure the ladies on here have some good suggestions.

      1. Um, yeah, lol…I am a still-employed ’08 grad, making six figures, but because of my loans, I will think “oh good, rent!” about that kind of money for a long, long time:/

        1. I spent more than $1000 on my post-bar trip. If people are gifting Law-Less with money, no reason why she shouldn’t buy something nice after three years’ hard work. Let’s not be so judgy.

          1. I didn’t read it as judgy – just congratulatory with a little hint of cheerful jealousy!

            (And I say this as someone whose current loan balance is 3x her annual salary…)

    8. Love the Blue Nile suggestion – they run good deals often, so you might be able to get a coupon (do you have an Amex card? They also have coupons for Amex).

      I will also suggest Charleston Alexander — http://www.wherethediamondsare.com/. I got my first pair of “congratulations” diamond earrings from them. Same premise as Blue Nile – pick your parameters and it gives you what they have in stock. They have a store where I live (DC area), so I actually got to go to the store and work with them on what I wanted.

    9. I recommend looking in to clarity enhanced diamonds at http://www.yehuda.com – with earrings, you get a lot more for your money than at a jewelry store and you can compare the difference between the clarity enhanced and the naturals by looking at Yehuda and Blue Nile b/c they run their sites the same way. Also, since you want them to be large, you can put the money you have right now into a pair from Yehuda and then upgrade them at any time to something bigger when you have a little windfall :)

      1. Another suggestion for Blue Nile–my husband bought me the most beautiful, internally flawless Asscher cut diamond engagement ring on Blue Nile, and told me he couldn’t have been happier with the experience. I later needed it sized, and thought the customer service was really great.

    10. Don’t go too big or – ironically – people will think they’re fakes – which totally defeats the purchase!

      Sounds weird – but Kohls’ has a decent jewelry selection, and with their sales/coupons I’ve gotten basic jewelry of good quality at a great price.

      1. Sorry, but this is ridiculous. For $1000, she’ll be lucky to get studs that are 1 carat tw, which is not very large. Women who know real diamonds can spot the difference between fake and real stones from across a room.

        To the OP: Some general principles when buying diamond earrings:
        1) You do not need to go for the same quality stones that you would in an engagement ring. For whatever reason, women tend to grab your hand and admire a stone on your finger, but they won’t be getting up into your face to look at your ears.

        2) Thus, inclusions are acceptable, but black spots are not. Do not buy stones with black spots in them. Ever. For earrings or otherwise.

        3) Go to a jeweler first, and have them explain to you what you should look for in diamonds, and literally, show you the diamonds. You don’t need to pretend like you know more than you do, and you shouldn’t feel awkward about it. If they make you feel foolish, leave and go someplace else. Tell them you want to think about it, and then go home and play on blue nile to get a feel for what you are looking at. Personally, I prefer to buy jewelry from a jewelry or wholesale mart and not online. But, at the end of the day, we follow a capitalist system and you should go where you can get the best bang for your buck. :) When you have more disposable income to part with, you can start caring about building a relationship with a jeweler in your town.

        4) Buy slightly under whole sizes to save $$. For example, instead of 1 carat, buy .95, instead of 1/2 carat, buy .47.

        Have fun shopping!

        1. I agree. $1000 isn’t going to go a long way depending on how good the stone is. My husband got me diamond studs from Bluenile and spent $600. They’re high quality, but small.

          I love bluenile. My diamond engagement ring is unbelievably beautiful and the quality of the stones are flawless. I had it resized at a local jeweler who made my wedding band, and he even commented that the quality was incredible.

        2. Sorry ladies — skimmed quickly through the question and haven’t bought myself any diamonds recently— but honestly, if you’re a smaller woman, with proportionately smaller ears, smaller studs can still look ridiculous on you —

  7. I can vouch for bluenile. My husband bought a terrific tahitian pearl necklace for me there and got a great price. They were out of the size he ordered, so they upgraded him for free.

    How great that you are buying yourself some earrings. I’ve been hinting that I want new pair of diamond studs. Maybe I’ll just need to buy them for myself if I don’t get them soon.

    1. Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I have been wanting studs for so long and I rarely treat myself, so I thought now was a good time :)

      1. Also try Borsheim’s. Obviously, buying online or over the phone is not as fun as going in and trying them on – but I grew up going to Borsheim’s and cannot say enough about the quality and value of their products and the store. http://www.borsheims.com. If you can’t find what you’re looking for online, call them. They have the best customer service. I purchased diamond studs over the phone (with half the budget), and absolutely love them.

          2. I did. Borsheims is still my go-to place for jewelry, china, wedding/baby gifts, etc. That’s probably a little weird, but even going into Tiffany’s isn’t as exciting for me as walking into Borsheims. (Warren Buffett would probably be thrilled to read this.)

  8. OK ladies… I posted several weeks ago… I have quit my corporate gig to be able to spend more time with my baby and am starting my public servitude gig in a week… wish me and my budget luck!

    2. Good luck! Remember we also have better job security. I chose to go to DOJ when my clerkship ended in 2007 because I wanted to get good litigation experience. Most of my co-clerks went to NY firms. Many of them got laid off.

    3. A year from now you will have less “stuff” but more precious memories of time with your child – guess which will last longer…best of luck to you :)

    4. Good luck! Good news – less fashion pressure, summer hours that you can actually take, and a retirement plan :-) (I work in a major exempt org., so I’ve seen some of those perks, and they’re awesome)

  9. I’m having a very emotional day, and just need to vent a little bit. We’ve been using a vendor for quite a number of years that we’re really happy with. They provide a unique business service, and are good at what they do. In the course of working together, I’ve become quite friendly with most of the employees and the owners. Friendly to the point of many fond dinners, BBQs with the families/kids, weekends on their boat, etc.

    This is a family business. Mother and father own company. Son manages. Son’s best friend is shop foreman.

    This week, I was working with them on our yearly intense project when I found out that the son was separated from his wife. Everyone suspects son is having affair with secretary and it is the talk of the company. (Secretary rents her apartment from the mother and father/her bosses/business owners. Everything is very enmeshed, unhealthy.) I’ve been trying to remain neutral and friendly, but supportive, without getting overly involved, but unfortunately, son decided to confide in me that he is, indeed, having affair with secretary. Asks me not to say anything.

    I have dinner with his wife the next night. Remember, we’ve been friends for years. She asks me, point blank, if son has told me about secretary. I have to, at that moment, decide whether to lie to her and keep his confidence, or break the confidence and tell the truth. She is a smart cookie and not accepting waffling answers. I tell her what he has told me. I am the first person who has confirmed her suspicions.

    Now I’m in the middle of the “he said/she said.” Son has denied everything to the wife. She wants me to confirm with him what he told me. I feel I need to own up to breaking the confidence, but beyond that I can’t be further involved. I know I was put, unwillingly, into the middle of this, but still feel awful about it all. The wife is heartbroken; she thought they were working on their marriage but now knows he is with someone else.

    This has deeply colored my view of the whole company, as well. I’m wrapping up the project today, so I’ll be physically away from them soon. But they are important vendors. I dread coming here again. I know when I talk to the son at the end of the day, he’ll be angry (he’s angry at everyone.) I don’t want to have a confrontation about personal issues with a vendor, yet I do have a friendly, personal relationship with them.

    Ugh. I’m sorry this is long, but it’s been weighing so heavily on my mind. My stomach is queasy and I feel trapped until the work is done. I could use a cyber hug from some completely uninvolved, intelligent, funny on-line friends…

    1. Goodness, that’s awful! I can’t believe the son chose to put you in that position. It’s completely mental.

      Is there any reasonable, career-appropriate prospect of you moving up to a different project at this time next year, and somebody else dealing with this vendor?

      1. Agree — time for a change! Mental/Cyber hug!!

        Tell the truth though — because remembering what story you told who is going to catch up with you eventually -and will not be pretty!

    2. Ugh, I’m sorry you have to deal with this, its terrible. CYBER HUGS!

      1. I’m sorry to hear that this happened. . .It’s a terrible intersection of business friendship and marital drama. . .

        I once learned an invaluable lesson from a savvy marketing manager who was a good listener that lot of people–colleagues, customers, and vendors–confided in. Whenever someone told him something personal, painful, sensitive or all three, he would ask them, “What do you want me to do with this information?”

        That was the ideal lead-in for the response–whether it a personal vent to feel better, gossip that needed to make the rounds, or something that truly needed to stay confidential for personal, business, ethical, or legal reasons.

        It won’t put the spilled milk back in the bottle, but it may be helpful in the future. I wish you the best in mending the relationship (at best) and managing the damage (at worst).

    3. So you put your friendship ahead of your business interests. It may make you a terrible businesswoman, but you’re a good person.

      Unfortunately, if you don’t let the husband know that you broke his confidence, your friend might end up thinking you lied to her. But she obviously suspected the truth anyway. There’s nothing you can do to make it better – just be supportive of your friend, and I’m sure your business will come out okay.

      1. Thanks for these reasoned and compassionate responses. I can’t tell you how helpful it is to feel a little sympathy! Truly. A tearful phone call to my mother helped, too.

        @microentrepreneur, your advice is stellar. I will remember to ask that question in the future.

        I did talk to the son and tell him that I had broken his confidence. He already knew because his wife had confronted him, and I knew that he knew, but I needed to Woman Up and admit my choice.

        After worrying and ruminating about it all day, envisioning worse-case scenarios, he actually was pretty calm about it. I don’t think the business relationship is badly damaged, and I’m hoping that my small role in the timing of the marital train wreck will be forgotten in their big picture. He didn’t give me our usual discount, but we were able to joke about that, a little bit.

        So, I will leave town tomorrow and be so, so grateful for my good, stable marriage. I’m passing your cyber hugs on in person to my husband! Thanks again, ladies.

    4. There’s not much that can make me yell “oh, shit!” out loud but this did it.

      You did the right thing. The fallout may not let it feel that way for awhile, but you did. Business friendships get messy, and while the good advice is to avoid them, that’s not always possible.

      Look at it this way – if you were in a relationship and your partner was having an affair, and you asked a friend about it and they lied to you, despite knowing the truth – how would that make you feel? Pretty crappy, I would imagine. My rule of thumb is I support the wronged party – in your situation, if the wife had been cheating and the husband asked me if I knew about it, I would have told him too. Think about Sandra Bullock and Elin Woods – I am sure, if they were not told about their husbands’ affairs, they would have appreciated being told before the whole thing blew up in the media and they looked humiliated. Also, consider this: if the son didn’t want a big mess on his hands, he shouldn’t have A. cheated and then B. told you about it. Plus, they are the vendors, you are the client. They are important to you, but ultimately your company is the one signing the checks, not the other way around. There are always more vendors out there, waiting to take over when the other guy screws up. I wouldn’t worry too much about the business aspect – but I would definitely not beat yourself up about telling the wife. It was the right call. Big hugs to you. Remember this too shall pass. :)

      1. Totally agree with this advice. As unfortunate as it is that you were put in the middle, when his wife had suspicions and asked, I believe it was that right thing to not lie to her.

        As someone who has been cheated on in a long term relationship, the worst part is not knowing and having that suspicion. It eats you up at night.

    5. That’s awful. In retrospect, maybe choose a less personal company/keep your distance, but there was no way to know that would happen and I think its natural to become friends and be trusting.

      I think, technically, you’ve already chosen sides with the wife since it seems like you are close to her because of the dinner.

      I would tell the son you told, say you are sorry for betraying a confidence but that it was an awful situation and a novel one for you, and that you are not used to dealing with such personal matters in business. Then I think you need to find a new vendor, they can’t be the only one with the unique thing you need.

      Best of luck, so sorry that happened!

    6. That sounds like a terrible situation. I’m sure both you and the company want to keep the business relationship afloat. If you want to continue using them, I think you can probably work that out and if not, then look for another vendor. I’m sure his parents would not want to lose your business over the son’s poor personal choices, both cheating and confiding in you. Also, I have to wonder if the son wanted to get caught. Knowing your relationship with the family, it seems obvious that you would see the wife and be so guilty about knowing that you tell her. Plus, his cheating is disgusting and of course, he deserves to lose his wife.

  10. I have a very Off topic question.
    I have worked at my current company for 9 months after my 3 month summer internship.
    I have been commuting from another city for about 10 months, then with great help from my father, I bought an apartment near my workplace and moved in last week.
    Now my colleague/department assistant keeps asking for a housewarming party, and I know it is mostly because she is curious to see my place.
    What is an appropriate way of doing a house warming in a professional setting?
    As I said my apart. is very close to work so people coming would be from work since all my friends are in the other city.. I am expecting a handful of people including my line manager.
    How do I go about announcing the housewarming, do I have to be formal if I am surrounded by colleagues? I am mostly anxious because I do not want to appear as a person who wouldn’t want to share such a good event with coworkers, but at the same time I am a reserved person and would like to keep some privacy.
    Any tips?

    1. Don’t have a housewarming unless _you_ want to have a housewarming. Certainly don’t have one just because people from work _want_ you to have one. That’s kind of creepy, I think. (Then again, I’m a big believer in keeping the separation between work and personal life. I would never dream of inviting a supervisor to my home. Way too awkward.)
      That said, the simplest thing to do might be to do a Sunday afternoon open house, put out some bagels, cream cheese, coffee, OJ, and have people stop by for as long as they want. Then they’ll leave.

      1. Don’t have a party unless you really want to. It’s rude of her to hint around, and rudeness should never be rewarded. If she keeps hinting just say, ‘nah, I don’t feel like it.’ No explanations needed.

        1. Yeah, don’t get pushed into a HW party unless you would have given one anyway. You’re not obliged to satisfy her curiosity.

    2. I too work in a workplace where it’s expected to organize social events and invite colleagues to your home (I think this is cultural). After I last moved my colleagues hinted at a housewarming until I had one, too. I would invite friends too; they should be willing to drive an hour or so for a party! I don’t think you need to be formal at all – a simple email invitation for drinks and snacks to inaugurate your new home is fine.

      2. I think it is cultural, I am from Morocco!
        I will try to follow your advice all.
        First for the next two weeks, I will tell her that I don’t feel like doing a party (plus I still don’t have furniture!).
        Then when I have less stress and at least a sort of dining table and fridge, I am going to follow Res Ipsa advice, and set up some sort of sunday brunch at my place :)
        The assistant is asking for the party because she is so curious about my apartment and how I mananged to buy one after 9 months of work.. she keeps hinting I must be “loaded” because I went to a top school – btw I had full ride but she does not know- and things like that… This is the part that makes me uncomfortable, it seems almost like voyeurism! I work hard and save a lot and have priorities, I don’t like when she keeps implying that I don’t know what it is like not to have money, I DO know what is like to eat a less than 1 dollar dinner everyday! and I do not want full disclosure of my life !
        My male colleague and my manager are very laid pack and not judging so I would feel so great having them.
        I will also extend the invitation to my friends back home, Eponine, you’re right they should drive one hour because it is only once!
        Thank you all for your advice, I feel like I belong to a family here :)
        I will let you know how it went once I do the housewarming

        1. I absolutely agree with Res Ipsa and Delta. The assistant is being creepy and rude and accomodating her pushiness would only reward such behavior. I dread the idea of inviting co-workers to my house.

          Think of what will happen AFTER you hold this housewarming. Will the assistant have even more reason to be snarky/jealous and make comments? Will she make snide remarks to your superiors or comment on how you won’t need a promotion any time soon? It seems like opening up pandora’s box. But please keep us posted and good luck whatever you decide!

        2. Hmm, that is kind of weird actually. My colleagues were happy and excited to see my new place, not jealous. But if you want to have a housewarming anyway, I can’t see anything wrong with inviting her too. Maybe tell her you’re saving up to buy furniture, and once it’s furnished you’ll have the party. That will get her to stop asking, and the suggestion that you have to save for furniture might make her stop hinting that you’re loaded.

        3. I wouldn’t worry about the assistant – in every office, there will ALWAYS be one person who scrutinizes everyone else’s financial decisions. Don’t let her stress you out :)

          Have a housewarming if you want to but don’t feel obligated. It can also be helpful and less-pressured to center a housewarming around some other type of activity. For example, if you enjoy football, and you have a television, you could always invite some colleagues and friends over in a month’s time to watch a World Cup match. That way it isn’t about “your home” as much as “spending time with friends enjoying an activity”.

    3. I passed on the housewarming party for the same reason – I just kept saying, too busy, maybe in the fall when everyone is back from vacations (I moved in the summer), and thankfully by then, everyone had let it go.

    4. Just have a party. Invite only a few non-work friends. Then when Ms. Nosy asks later, just tell her you already had it but didn’t feel it would be appropriate to mix work and home…

  11. Thank you, C and others, for suggesting comfortable heels. I have serious foot issues due to sports injuries in my past, and my tendinitis is so bad that in the past, if I’d wear high heels for just an hour or so, my feet would be in pain for the next week. This week, I wore heels three days in a row, and my feet feel fine! I wore the Naturalizer Bohemia shoes with the Insolia insert that C featured a while back. My goodness, what a difference. I think I’ll be looking for more Naturalizer shoes in the future.

  12. (little in age, not in size!)

    I’m an undergrad at a large research university in the Midwest who has received an invitation to my college’s honors reception next week. (I don’t know what award I received: it could be either academic or student-life-oriented.) A knowledgeable friend says this means “business casual”. In an academic context, what does this mean? Do I really have to wear heels? (I’m a pretty-flats or boots kinda girl)

    Are there other things that I should know about these kinds of receptions? I would like to pursue my major in graduate school (academic, not professional), but I’m pretty sure I also don’t know what I want to do with my life.

    Thanks!
    LL

      1. Oops, hit Submit prematurely, not finished yet. Anyhow, yes, dress like your own version of special. Don’t feel obliged to go outside your own ‘look’, it’s not expected of you. Flats or boots are fine.

        And congratulations. Relax and enjoy your time in the spotlight.

    2. Wear something you’d feel comfortable wearing in church, and be prepared to be photographed. So no jeans, sneakers, band t-shirts, cleavage, black lipstick, whatever the kids are wearing these days :). Otherwise wear what suits your style.

    3. I just graduated from undergrad, and I would dress up for something like this — like nicer flats rather than hiking boots, but I don’t think heels are necessary. I went to undergrad on the east coast though, so could be different.

      If you are interested in doing research — something like this might be a good place to meet professors in your field. I would try to talk to more adults rather than your classmates, and ask them about suggestions for where to go next in your career.

    4. I got a letter like that when I was an undergrad. I wore a suit. Then again, I was in a business school.

    5. Congrats on the award
      I would say go with something you are confortable wearing then dress it up just a little.
      The reason I am saying this is that it happened to me and next thing you know, you find these pictures 3 years later on some Alumni facebook group or in a University brochure or Flyer.
      So make sure you’re comfortable and that you are OK if your picture pops up again in few years (when you have a GREAT job and life, as I am sure you will)

      1. During undergrad (at a small private school in the midwest), I found out the day of the reception that I had won 2 awards, I wasn’t even planning on going to the thing! I remember rushing back to the dorm and changing into a skirt to head to the thing with my boss (who was a VP at the college).

        It was during the day, but most people were in skirts/blouses or dresses. I had to go up to accept the awards, so I was in front of everyone and my picture was probably taken.

        I’d go for a nice pencil skirt and twinset sweater set/cardigan. Not too dressy, but professional and nice looking. Wear professional flats, but I don’t think heels are necessary, especially if you have to walk up to accept, you want to feel comfortable doing so in front of the crowd.

        Congrats!

    6. Flats are fine, boots sound a bit casual —

      Think black pants and nice blouse, or a skirt — jacket is optional, but if you’re going to be in an over air conditiond auditorium, a jacket is a much better look than a cardigan or another more casual outer layer.

      Enjoy your time in the spotlight – there aren’t many of those moments!

  13. One more questions, ENTIRELY off topic –

    I’ll be in San Francisco with my best friend for four days next week. Any suggestions for things we shouldn’t miss? Shopping, food, and casual drinks? We’re both from NYC and plan on doing mostly just a lot of walking around, if that makes a difference.

    1. If you’re shopping in the Union Square Area, check out Midi. It’s a super-reasonable dinner spot. The Ferry Building on weekends is awesome, plus they have a Tuesday Farmer’s Market. It’s a great lunch spot. I would also cab it to the Marina for a walk on Chrissy Field (bring comfy walking shoes) to see the Golden Gate and take some photos. Shopping–Union Street/Cow Hollow, the Fillmore or just the general Union Square area are all good bets, depending on whether you’re looking for a chain-experience or a boutique-type outing. Check out sfmagazine for more. If you have more time for outings, take a hike at Land’s End (gorgeous!), and if you have a car, maybe hop over the bridge to Murray’s Circle for a gourmet prix fixe dinner. SF is very Yelp-friendly too–you’ll find great suggestions there. If you’re more of a hipster, look toward stuff in the Mission. More of a prep, try for Russian Hill, Pac Heights and the Marina. Hope that helps.

      1. ditto the recommendation for the Ferry Building–I like really Boulette’s (sp?) larder for breakfast or a nice but quick lunch.

    2. Jeez, I don’t mean to be all over this thread. And this is super off-topic, but you’ve hit my sweet spot.

      All food questions should be answered by checking chowhound – chowhound.com/boards/1. I’m a years-long poster on there but I’ll leave out my handle to preserve some semblance of anonymity. Please, please run some searches on that board before you post a generalized question on Chowhound. Also note if you’ll have a car, that you’re from NYC (which helps us make appropriate recs), where you’ll be staying, and how much you want to spend.

      Overall, SF is generally considered to have better regional latin american (Poc Chuc, Nopalito) and regional Italian (Delfina, Perbacco, La Ciccia, Incanto, Flour + Water, Quince) and unusual asian (Burmese Kitchen, Mandalay, Bodega Bistro) than NYC, but relatively inferior sushi, ramen, Spanish, and African so don’t bother with that here. We also excel at the midrange restaurants (the regional Italian recs + Spruce, Canteen, Bar Crudo, Nopa, Chapeau, Cafe Jacqueline, Frascatti) but aren’t comparable to NYC on the splashy fancy meal. Brick oven pizza: Tony’s, Pizzeria Delfina, A16. Breakfast: Brenda’s, Dottie’s, Mama’s, and Tartine. Ice Cream/Dessert: Bi-Rite, Humphrey Slocombe, Tartine. Coffee: Ritual, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, Philz. Drinks: Bourbon & Branch for a unique experience, RN74. Search also for posts by j.jessica.lee – a recent NYC visitor who was great about posting reports. Other restaurants worth considering if you’re feeling spendy and unlike anything in NYC include Coi, Ame, Commis (in Oakland), and the Dining Room at the Ritz.

      Shopping – depends on what you’re looking for. Union Square is a mecca for most shoppers, but you’re coming from NYC so you have those stores already. Union/Chestnut sts, Fillmore St, and the Mission (Valencia st) all have interesting shops.

      Do not miss the Ferry Plaza farmer’s market on Saturday mornings. Seriously. Don’t miss it. And get there early, by 10am.

    4. If you have a car, and are from NYC, a visit to Muir Woods, across the bridge, might be a nice change of pace. The paths are quite smooth, so flat street shoes are fine, sneakers or hiking boots not needed. Also, Golden Gate Park has several museums in it.

      1. I just did Muir Woods and would recommend sneakers – I did a slightly longer path and while it was still “easy,” there was some sloping and a few tricker spots that made me happy to be in sneakers.

    5. If you can check out Tres Agaves – it’s a tequila bar with great food and drinks – two shots per margarita = my kind of place – and it’s right around the corner from the Giant’s ball park

      A Giant’s game is always fun and the field is beautiful

      House of Prime Rib

      Maya SF

    6. My absolute favorite restaurant in SF is Greens – it’s entirely vegetarian and is set on a beautiful waterfront. Always gets rave reviews. Try to go for Sunday brunch, when prices are more reasonable.

      1. My favorite restaurant in SF is Absinthe, in Hayes valley. This neighborhood can be sketchy at nite (great shoe shopping during the day), and is near the Opera House. Please stay away from Fisherman’s wharf, and the Marina. Nothing all that interesting there, I promise.

    8. Drive south along the coast toward Carmel. Once you get past the SF outskirts there are a bunch of livery stables. Rent a horse and go riding on the beach. It’s one of my favorite memories of travelling on business back when I was young & single.

    9. Thanks for all the suggestions, we had a great time! If someone else is looking for suggestions here for whatever reason, here are my impressions –

      Shopping: Union Square area is great for shopping, but we have all those stores in NYC so we mostly skipped it. On the other hand, I had fun trying to think of chain stores that weren’t there – failed miserably. Surprisingly, Chinatown stores had better kitchy souvenirs than NYC ones, and I actually picked up a few things.

      Sights: Museum of Asian Art was spectacular. If you have any intersts leaning that way at all, don’t miss it. The gift shop has an amazing selection of decorative vases, too – but if you think that might be your thing, leave it for last. I wasn’t prepared to carry my lovely selection around the rest of the day and missed out. Alcatraz cruise was great, but go early – otherwise it tends to eat up the whole day. Skip: Ghiradeli square, Japantown. Instead of going to Alamo park to look at Victorians, go to the Castro – more bang for your buck. On the other hand, there are at least two small playgrounds in Alamo park – if you luck out (like I did) and get there when there are no kids around, there are amazing views from the top of the swings…

      Food: We ate at Millenium (vegan) and Greens (vegetarian) and both were fantastic. Greens was annoying to get to, so look closely for your transportation options and allow extra time. The tasting menu with wine pairings at Millenium was $$$ but totally worth every penny. Places close early! By NYC standards at least. Dinner after 10pm is not really anywhere to be had (except fast food).

      Renting a car: Zipcars are everywhere. We drove up to see some people we knew who took us around wine country – redwoods, wineries, and the ocean all in one day. It was spectacular (had to check a suitcase of wine on the way home – cheaper than shipping), but if you don’t have a guide, do a lot of research before you go!

      Overall, a great trip – three days was not nearly long enough, but I’ll have plenty more to see when I go again…

  14. If it truly is business casual, I would think that a jacket/trouser/flat combination would be fine. I don’t know if you want to venture into dress territory–that might open a can of worms for you!

    There’s a blog written by three stylish graduate students who deal with the issue of looking polished and stylish in academe all the time–you may want to take a look at what they wear to teach or go to conferences in. They’re at http://www.academichic.com.

    Hope that helps!

  15. So, a group of my friends are planning a week’s trip to Venice this summer–I know, Venice!–and I’m looking for a good pair of sandals to take with me. Ideally, I’d like to bring just one pair of shoes, which means that they have to dress up AND down, as well as being comfortable for long days of sight-seeing. What do you guys think of this pair? The brand–Clark’s–is supposed to be comfortable, but I’ve never tried them before. However, the sandal looks sturdy, and the heel is low enough that I hopefully wouldn’t have to worry about turning an ankle and pitching headfirst into a canal. I like the tan the best; it seems like a nice neutral that will go with everything. Thoughts?
    http://www.endless.com/indigo-Clarks-Womens-Smooch-Sandal/dp/B002HJ20FK

    1. I’d take two different pairs and wear them alternating days. Using slightly different muscle sets can make all the difference. Whatever you take, break them in first.

      1. I’d bring a pair of light ballet flats too. Sometimes you don’t want your toes out (especially if it gets chilly at night) and you’ll be grateful to have a closed-toe alternative.

        1. I couldn’t agree more. Trust me when I say from experience that you do not want to stub your toe while traveling. For heavier walking I’d stick to something cute and closed toe and maybe keep the open toed shoes for going out at night or less walking intensive activities.

      2. I second that, and also if you alternate shoes you let them breathe between wears which is very important as it gets hot and damp in Italy.

    2. I love Naot sandals. Super comfortable and versatile. (Some of them have removable insoles, which is great for those of us who wear orthotics.)

      2. These look beach-ish and casual to me. Cute for Tevas, but probably not something I’d walk around an Italian city in. The Clarks option you posted originally seemed to me to strike the right balance between comfort and style.

    4. Oh, Venice! I’m envious!

      Check out barkingdogshoes.com, which is devoted to comfy but cute shoes. The woman who writes it has rheumatoid arthritis but a fun, casual style and tells it like it is. There are reviews of each shoe by her readers and herself, with lots of photos.

    5. I would never go anywhere with just one pair of shoes, personally, no matter how comfortable – alternating is definitely better. I think those sandals are nice (though I sure wouldn’t bring brand new shoes with me anywhere I expected to do a lot of walking no matter how comfortable they seem, break them in first), but it’s good to have a pair of sneakers, or supportive flats, too.

    6. – Definitely break in whatever you plan to wear well in advance of your trip.
      – I totally agree with the “two pairs” suggestion. Venice involves a lot of walking as there are no cars anywhere and gondolas, while unique and romantic, are expensive. Sweat from your feet can affect the way your shoes fit from one day to the next – and Venice is a very damp city anyway. It’s best to be able to alternate pairs.
      – I actually like the ballet flat suggestion more than these sandals. Venice is damp and like a lot of older European cities, it’s a bit grimy. When we were there, there were lots of puddles as it had been raining, and also getting in and out of gondolas and vaporettos, you have to be careful as it can be slippery. Being on the water, it can get a bit chilly in the mornings and evenings, even in the summer. I would go with shoes that are a bit more “closed” and that have a nonslip rubber sole. Travelsmith has some great travel shoes that are not totally dorky-looking. It’s worth spending some money on the primary pair, and then you can spend a little less on the secondary pair.

    7. Travel tip: take the vaporetto to tour the city by water. So much cheaper than a gondola (6 euros instead of 50-150)

    8. I would actually suggest more structured shoes for long hours of walking, and keep the sandals for after-hours. You could wear the more substantial shoes on the plane and toss the sandals into your bag.

    9. Bets, if your choice of name has to do with the Mad Men whirlwind Italy trip — that is fab.

      Agree with the “at least two pairs” recommendations. I almost never wear the same pair of shoes a week in a row at home — would definitely not trust abroad.

    10. Funny – I’m going there, too! I’ve been trying to decide between two pairs of Danksos, one closed toe clog and one open toe sandal, or these Kork Ease sandals that I’ve been lusting after
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3065582?Category=&Search=True&SearchType=keywordsearch&keyword=kork&origin=searchresults

      They look pretty comfortable and supportive, but I haven’t tried them on yet…

      In any case, I prefer a thicker sole (not ballet flats) for walking around in older cities, as the streets tend to be uneven and dirty. The thicker sole lifts you up and out of the muck a bit.

      Another thing to consider is that Italy is famous for footwear – I may end up taking only one pair of shoes, and getting another pair there. (Yes, I realize this could backfire if I can’t find anything I like…)

    11. Cute shoes! I personally love Clarks and have several pairs. Be warned that not all of their shoes fit the same. I highly recommend that you go to a store and try on different styles. I actually just spent about an hour at my local Clarks store last Tuesday and tried on about 8 pairs. Only one of those fit my feet right. I think their Artisan line is more comfortable than their Indigo line but Indigos are more “stylish”.

      I second (or tenth ;-) everyone’s advice about bringing at least two pairs of shoes. There’s nothing worse than walking around a European city with uncomfortable shoes. I brought 5 pairs when I went to Greece for 2 weeks. For a typical week long business trip to London, I would always bring at least 3. Also, a bit of advice when touring Venice. A lot of the churches require you to have your shoulders and knees covered (i.e., no tank tops or shorts) if you want to go inside so plan ahead. A friend of mine was in Venice for one day and couldn’t go in to all of these beautiful churches. Talk about disappointment.

      Another tip, I’ve always used the Frommers Travel Guides on holiday and they’ve always been great. I find their recommendations for hotels and restaurants to be spot on.

    12. I love Clarks!

      Also, Born and (if you can afford them) Mephisto — I trekked through Paris and London a few years ago in a pair of Mephistos and they were AWESOME :-)

      Whatever you get, make sure you break them in before going – my mom always told me to walk around on carpeting in the house (to avoid wearing out the sole) for 20 minutes a day for a week or so, and its worked for me.

      Have a great time !

    13. Keen has several sandal styles from sporty to the Paulina which goes either way. They’re the makers of the worlds best hiking shoes/boots and the sandals have the same support. You can walk in them forever.

  16. I wear Clarks sandals all the time. They are sturdy and wear well. Sometimes they can be a little frumpy looking but the last few years their new offerings have seemed to be much more appealing. I am drooling over a couple of new pairs of Clarks for this summer but I promised DH I would quit buying shoes if he quit buying accessories for his Harley (a deal I am starting to regret that I made, lol). Find a store where you can try them on. They seem to run just a bit wide so make sure they are really comfortable. And, now you have me lusting after another pair of sandals…

    1. They have a a couple diffusion lines that are younger looking, but the quality is a little less… the Clarks outlets carry all of the lines though.

  17. So my property final consisted of 40 multiple choice questions that we had to do in class and then we were given two fact patterns with a total of seven questions that we had 24 hours to do. Five hours into this 24 hour period I am almost done with the first set of questions when I get an email from the registrar saying that the professor did not think up his own question, there was already an answer floating around somewhere and as a result the entire first question is thrown out. So now our entire grade rides on the multiple choice and three short answer questions. Each of the short answer questions has word limits that total 850 words. All I can do right now is shake my head.

    1. Craziness! So sorry to hear that. I’m sure it’ll all work out fine in the end.
      And your prof sounds like a total dummy (which only ever ends up hurting the students). :(

    2. Last semester, instead of sending the instructions for my administrative law exam, my professor’s assistant accidentally sent the exam instead. It took days before he decided whether to write a new test or just assume that nobody had seen the questions and had an advantage. It all ended up on Above the Law. He ended up writing a new exam and I got a much better grade than I expected, but it was a nightmare while it was all happening.

  18. Does anyone have a hair dryer they just love? I am looking for something around the 1875 watt range, tourmaline/ionic, multiple heat settings and a cool shot, and here’s the key – not too heavy. I got tendinitis in my right arm from some bad-form lifting at the gym and my current dryer, which is almost 10 years old anyway, is killing my arm. I don’t mind spending a little bit to get something good, but would prefer to stay under $100. Thanks!

    1. Take a look at this hair dryer stand, see what you think. Got one when I tore my rotator cuff, which took nine months to heal completely. Best $20 I ever spent. Use it still, for recurring tendinitis, also I like having two free hands to fiddle with hair and brush. I leave the dryer clamped in place, it sits on the floor beside the vanity when not in use.

      http://www.skymall.com/shopping/detail.htm?pid=102241144&pnr=M53&cm_mmc=Shopping-_-Google-_-M53-_-102241144

      1. Have you tried ART (active release technique) from a specialty chiropractor for your tendinitis? I tried lots of things for my reoccurring shoulder tightness/muscle injury and ART worked really well to loosen up some really small muscles that I had no idea were tight. Voila, no more pain. Might be worth a look if there is one in your area.

        http://www.activerelease.com/providerSearch.asp

    2. I swear by the T3 below. It cuts hairdrying time down to nothing and my hair seems a lot healthier since I’ve been using it over the past 8 months or so. (I’m a supernatural blonde :), so it’s really important to me that I avoid as much damage as I can). They run around $200 at Sephora and many other retail places, but I was able to get a new one on ebay very easily for around $100.

      http://www.t3micro.com/store/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=65&products_id=181

      2. I also have tendonitis and have the T3 featherweight at the suggestion of my hair person (stylist?) in downtown SF. I bought it at Nordstrom for full price, which pretty much gave me a heart attack, but it’s guaranteed for 3? 5? years if you get it from an “authorized retailer” like Nordstrom, plus Nordstrom is amazing about returns anyway. I ended up choosing full price because there were a lot of amazon reviews saying “mine died after 3 months, but since Amazon isn’t an authorized retailer, I was stuck without the warranty,” and like many lawyers, I am risk adverse. The T3 is very lightweight and effective, though I remain inept at blowing out my hair.

        As for the tendonitis, I got it from doc review. I went on workers’ comp and got some physical therapy, which was great. CA has a unique workers’ comp system, so I didn’t need to file a suit to get help, but the flip side is that you have to keep proving you’re still injured by going to doctors that take workers’ comp. Surprise, surprise, many of these doctors only see workers’ comp, and are effectively captured by the insurance companies who pay the bills. I got tired of proving that I was still injured, so I gave up, which I suspect is part of the plan all along. I still sleep in wrist braces, use a track ball mouse and switch hands often, and categorically refuse to move any bankers boxes of docs. It still flares up sometimes, but I am trying to be good by doing the exercises that I got in physical therapy.

        1. I find if I do wrist-curls regularly at the gym, the tendinitis stays away. 5lb, for me. I also have some Handeze, tight thin fingerless gloves sold at quilting places. They really help when my hands are sore.

    3. Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I think I am going to stalk one of the T3s on eBay until I can get it at a good price. I am also seriously thinking about the dryer stand – I have enough room on my counter for it, and it would make things a lot easier until my arm heals. I’m going to see the PT recommended by my doc next week and hopefully I won’t spend too much longer with a nearly-immobile arm. :)

      1. The T3 really is awesome. I have the Evolution ($300), but the Featherweight ($200) is lighter. The reason I got the more expensive one is that it has 200 extra watts which means even faster hair drying – I have long hair so this makes a difference.

  19. Does anyone know of a site for Merrells online? All the main shoe candidates have struck out for me. Specifically, I have been looking at this for a trip to australia in the fall

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3067706/0~2376780~6009391~6014022~6014026~6014031?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014031&P=1

    However, as I believe in “blending in” and am too old (?) to appear trying to be a teenager, I would like something in black or grey! Let’s face it, just because you’re in your 50s doesn’t mean you have to adopt the putty/beige shoes of the blue hairs :)

    Also, does anyone know how these work without socks? As they are meant to get wet, I am curious. I have taken Merrells lace ups for hiking all over the place, but this trip is more walking as I have done in Rome and Spain rather than hiking and hunting for rocks and dino bones in Canada. would love to just have one pair of “walking duty” shoes with me. Thought they would also do well for daytime on deck or running into town and walking around.

    thoughts?

    1. This is where I usually go for Merrels.
      http://www.sierratradingpost.com/search/SearchResults.aspx?Ne=9900000&anyWords=&N=9400354+9913400&allWords=&exactPhrase=&allAnyWords=&searchWithin=
      They are cheap and I have always had great service from them, but it’s lucky sizes. They don’t appear to have anything exactly like your picture right now, but they do have some cute Mary Janes that could work.

      You might also try Naot or Keen brands for their comfort and style.

      As for the waterproof/sock issue, they look like they could get wet without problems. I would try to avoid walking long distances in them while wet, though, as this would probably cause chafing. If they are the only pair of shoes you bring, I would bring a few pairs of short socks that blend in with the shoe, so if you have serious trouble breaking them in, you won’t be in pain the whole time.

  21. Some advice needed here:

    I’d like to start wearing more suits, blazers etc, especially since it seems like summer will never arrive. In any case, as I’m at a university, most of my formal requirements happen when the weather is colder.

    However, I never know how to wear a suit jacket or blazer with another jacket! It’s fine in winter, since I have an enormous puffy coat that could hide a moose, but at other times of the year…I would just wear top + jacket or trenchcoat and then put the other piece on at the office, but I’m out and about between sites for my job quite a lot, so that doesn’t work too well, and changing as I arrive in a classroom is also awkward. Besides, it’s cold enough for much of the year that a thin top + jacket isn’t enough – I need the warmth the other suit half or blazer gives.

    But if I double layer with most of my jackets, I look like a barrel and am forever chasing inner sleeves that end up around my elbows.

    Any suggestions? (As the moniker suggests, this is not a problem I had in my home town!)

    1. I think that some trenches and wool coats are designed to be worn over a suit jacket. I actually usually wear my suit jacket when I go coat shopping to make sure they fit fine. The sleeves and shoulders on both my trench and my wool coat are loose enough to fit comfortably over my suit jacket. Both my coats are lined, so they don’t cause the suit jacket to bunch up, although I also do hold onto the end of the suit jacket sleeve as I put the coat over it just like your mom probably taught you to do with a sweater when she helped you put on your snowsuit at age 5. So other than bringing your suit jacket with you the next time you buy a coat, I’m not sure I have any other suggestions.

    2. It sounds like the sleeves of your outerwear layer are too tight. A trenchcoat or light spring jacket should go on and off over a blazer without pulling the sleeves of the blazer up. Have you tried going to a store wearing the blazer and trying on different sized jackets?

      If that doesn’t work, there are some other ways to add warmth without wearing an outer jacket. Try wearing a thin sweater under your blazer (although when I do this, I usually end up taking my blazer off inside because it is too warm for inside the office). Another alternative is to buy a medium- to heavy weight wool or cashmere wrap/pashmina, something like this:

      http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=310198150055&rvr_id=&crlp=1_263602_263622&UA=M*F%3F&GUID=4fa950001200a03664463f26fff0ee37&itemid=310198150055&ff4=263602_263622

      or this:
      http://www.overstock.com/Worldstock/Pashmina-Wool-and-Silk-Blue-Sky-Shawl-India/3552928/product.html?cid=123620&fp=F&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=11614215

      1. Eponine, I vaguely remember my mother passing on that advice about holding your sleeves, but having grown up somewhere rather warm, I’ve never worn a snowsuit in my life! Two long-sleeved layers was really strange when I had to do it regularly for the first time.

        Anon, thanks for the ideas as well. You probably won’t believe this, but I’ve never thought of taking my suit jacket/blazer when I go jacket shopping. I’m clearly clueless with weather below 10 celsius. Anyway, I’ve got an old trenchcoat that’s a little big, so I’ll dig it out and it should work for the moment. Let’s hope it gets warmer soon!

        Next season I’ll take my suits shopping with me and try to find something that fits well. I was always worried about things fitting neatly round the waist and bust – sounds like I need to consider the sleeves more.

        A pashmina sounds like a possibility – I haven’t had much luck with them in the past, but maybe something more structured will do the trick.

        1. I always forget that there are people in the world who aren’t from Colorado :). Anyway, try holding onto your sleeves and see if that helps!

    3. I have the same problem, I have a great down coat that does not fit over my suit jacket. So, I roll up the suit jacket and place it in a carry bag. I’ve never had it get wrinkled. Or, I leave it hanging in the office, but I have a hidden place to hang suit jackets and not everyone does.

      1. I have the space, but I need the warmth from the jacket. Unfortunately, it’s only my winter coat that’s big enough to go comfortably over a suit. I clearly need to adopt a similar policy for other seasons. Is there a cold weather guide for idiots out there?

  22. This has nothing to do with attire so really really very offtopic.

    I am a lawyer practising in a niche area. I am shortly moving to a firm that is essentially a rival of my current firm, and was essentially poached to grow a particular business area in the department. I am really conscious that I don’t want to step on toes. In particular, there is another woman only a year my junior who I think is interested in my area and I have seen at events and seminars in my area over the past year.

    I am really excited about my new role but I am also a bit apprehensive about how to come in without alienating this woman (or anyone else).

    Does anyone have any suggestions?

    1. I think you need to make it clear from the outset that you view her as an ally in growing your business area, rather than a competitor for future promotions. Since you’ve met her before, and I’m sure she remembers you (probably she was asked for input on hiring you), you should send her a note or email saying you’re excited to be joining the firm, you’ve enjoyed meeting her in the past and are very happy to be working with her, and you hope she’ll be available to have coffee and show you the ropes in your first week. Once you start, gauge her interest in the business area, and if she does sound interested in moving to that area, try to find ways to collaborate with her. If you succeed in growing the area, you’ll need more staff anyway, right?

    2. Are your friendly with her? If it were me I’d invite her to lunch and get to know her and ask about her career plans/goals and objectives, give guidance where you can and establish your intentions on neutral ground. she may be able to give you the lay of the land and you can start establishing a relationship. And if she is good, grow the business with her. Its great to grow a practice specialty on your own, but if your the only person, there goes your vacations, days off etc…. I am real clear that while my boss encourages my professional growth, a small part of it is because she isn’t going to be able to get out of the office if she is the only person who knows what is going on…….

  23. I’m not a lawyer (yet) so this is a genuine question:

    Is it really appropriate/smart to ask a junior colleague to show you the ropes when you are new, just to be nice? Or to be so afraid of making waves? This seems kinda like the kind of attitude which screws women in the workplace. If Lateral has been brought in for a reason, she should be polite and respectful but do her job. Her job is not to prime this other woman to replace her. I’m not saying she should stab her in the back but at the end of the day Lateral was hired for a specific task and the other associate was not. Why is it Lateral’s job to develop this other woman’s business for her?

    ‘Not wanting to step on someone’s toes’ seems like the kind of thing women tie themselves in knots about while men just get on and do the job and get promoted accordingly.

    1. Because as you may soon learn, being a Rockstar is great but it has its drawbacks…. Also, the more junior attorney who has been at the firm longer is, unless she is completely out of the loop, is going to have a ton of office/practice knowledge that the lateraling attorney is going to need to know to grow her own career. It is the RARE attorney who can be successful without allies at the firm……

      1. This. Also, because in order to be successful you need to build a strong team and invest in others’ success. Collegiality goes a long way.

        1. Interesting.

          So it’s not better to try to ally with someone more powerful/senior to you who can help you?

          1. Thanks for the comments ladies.

            For info:
            My thinking was that if I were in her shoes (assuming she, like me, is ambitious) I would be a bit peeved. Who knows maybe she totally will not be concerned, will see me as a natural ally etc.

            For me the reason not to step on toes is twofold: 1) I don’t want to go to work everyday to awkwardness, and 2) i will need her on side if i am to delegate to her and work with her — the better the business area does, the better I have done.

            I too think men do their competitiveness differently from women in general, but in these circumstances I think any lawyer who waltzed in and treated a near-peer like a minion would be in for an uphill battle to make the business grow alone.

          2. You really need allies and supporters at every level in an organization–lateral and junior as well as senior. People who are lateral or junior to you may not have direct control over your work and future, but they certainly have information and influence, and getting them in your corner will help you enormously in your daily life and your career in any organization.

            I can’t speak to law firms, since my corporate life has been in staff positions in Fortune 500 companies, but most of the work gets done in cross-functional teams these days. If you don’t have good relationships with people who are lateral across the company, you’ll have a tough time getting your work accomplished.

          3. As Micro says, even in law firm life you need allies up, down and laterally, especially if you are being brought in to develop as new practice area. You need some one to block and tackle for you (senior), who assists in you development as a business leader. You need someone laterally as a check point (I actually think you need this at all times – for me its my former co-clerk), and you also need someone junior, who can work with you, who can develop their practice with you and help you service you clients.

            So for example, I am in-house and am division counsel for one of our 4 divisions. I therefore manage a pretty hefty outside counsel budget. If I ask for coverage on a matter that is junior level, and I get it back billed at a senior level associate or partner rate, and it wasn’t particularly time sensitive, the first one, maybe two times, I am going to be kay with it, but soon thereafter, you are not going to remain my “go to” firm because I have to manage my spend and you aren’t able to resource for me in a way that is cost effective.

          4. This is not law-firm experience, but life experience:
            Allying upwards is a good idea but do not neglect those on your level and those below. I can say from personal experience that it is hard to know absolutely and comprehensively what loyalties exist between people. That receptionist you’re snubbing may be the boss’ goddaughter, and you just haven’t heard about it, or people just assume you know. The best policy is to be pleasant and polite to everyone and do not make it obvious you are trying to form strategic alliances. My feeling is that in most offices, people try to start enough BS unprovoked, you don’t need to do anything that is obviously provoking, like obviously currying favor with higher-ups.

          5. Both. Believe me, junior people can help you, and perhaps more importantly, they can make your life hell if you get on their bad side and later need them to do something. I get my knowledge of office gossip and politics almost entirely from trusted colleagues who are 2-3 levels below me but in other departments, and they’re the ones who save my butt when my immediate juniors/assistant are out and I don’t know how to do something that needs to be done.

            I think this attitude of competition harms women more than an attitude of collegiality. It contributes to the stereotype of catfighting and pettiness. If older women invest get to know our younger colleagues and invest in their success, we’re making the workplace a better environment for all women.

          6. I see.

            I still think that while I agree with everything you are saying – treat people with respect on all levels, make allies across the firm, build a supportive team etc, that is different to what Lateral was expressing – which seemed like fear of not being liked and of offending someone she doesn’t really know anything about or owe anything to.

          7. Just to add some context to that – in my current workplace (0L – project management) I work with a number of people who are very difficult and in order to do my job well I have to be friendly and give on a lot of the small things in order to keep the process going. I am strategic and polite and consistent and I’m sure if you took a poll they would all say they like me. Also, only very stupid people are ever rude to a receptionist.

            But I don’t actually care about them as people. I’m not really ‘worried’ about how they ‘feel’. I find a strategy that works but it is just that – a strategy. I don’t ‘put myself in their shoes’. I’m not thinking about their feelings and thinking ‘what if it were me, how would I feel’ even before I’ve met them. That seems like wanting to be liked/nice rather than having a strategic plan in place to effectively manage someone. And it seems like a recipe for disaster because most people will sense it and exploit that in the long run.

            It almost seems like Lateral is afraid of this woman. Apologies if I’ve got this wrong.

    2. I was going to observe the same thing. Its this type of careful tiptoeing that means we get run over by men who couldnt care less. Not saying to be mean or cold, but, don’t sacrifice confidence and determination to make her feel comfortable.

      1. YES! This is so true — the reason (one of them anyway) that men get so much further ahead of us as a gender (yes, I am generalizing, but I’m also right, check the research that’s been done) is that women are more emotional, and, frankly, we care more about our colleagues where men care more about their own careers.

        Care about yourself, please!! Because in the end, you are the one who is responsible for your retirement, for your future financial health, and the success of your career.

  24. Two questions on shirts and suits for the readership from a (sadly) uninformed law student…

    -Are there any shirt colors that specifically should NOT be worn with a black suit / can be worn, just don’t look nice?

    -For interviews (mock or real) must it always be a white shirt underneath said suit?

    1. I think the black/gray suit and white shirt is a dead giveaway of a nervous law student. There’s nothing wrong with such a basic look, and it can’t hurt you, but it’s not mandatory either. I’d avoid anything distracting, like dangly earrings or very bright or shiny tops, but so long as the suit itself is muted, a colorful shirt or shell is perfectly fine.

      I’d avoid a dark shirt with a dark suit, just because most people will look better if there’s some contrast. And most people follow the rule of not wearing black with navy or brown.

      1. Thanks so much! What about a striped shirt for an interview? I guess I just don’t know, beyond what you suggested above, what is considered not “conservative” enough. I worked before law school, but my job was of the casual variety, so business clothing is all new to me.

        1. I love pinstripes, but I don’t know what the consenus is. I know I usually keep my louder and wider striped shirts for slightly more casual occasions. (Mind you, I had a successful interview in a purple shirt with thin gold and silver stripes, but I doubt this is something to recommend.)

          Don’t look like a rainbow, and horizontal stripes aren’t too flattering, but otherwise I wouldn’t worry too much.

        2. Hard to say without seeing the pattern, but as a rule stripes should be fine. Obviously there’s a big difference between a classic blue shirt with white pinstripes and, like, Harry Potter-style stripes. What you want to avoid is wearing anything distracting – you want the interviewee to focus on what you’re saying, not what you’re wearing. And if you’re not used to wearing a suit, make sure your outfit is comfortable so you won’t be tempted to fidget. Good luck!

      2. Part of the answer may lie in how much ‘older’ you need to dress. A pinstrip suit would add some gravitas to your look if you happen to look young. Ditto for a neutral colored shirt underneath.

      3. Yes – no black and brown, black and navy, navy and brown weird combos! Think about what colors make you look your best – if you look deathly pale in pastels, don’t wear them no matter what someone else may advise. I would stick with a solid color, or a very simple embellished top that draws the eye upwards toward you face, and nothing low cut.

    2. I’m a law student too. I find a white shirt with a black suit to be too young and inexperienced looking, but its certainly fine. And bright red kind of looks garish with a black suit to me. Any lighter, neutral-ish colored shirt would go well. Stripes are good, as long as they don’t stand out too much. And don’t wear a striped shirt with a pinstripe suit!

      Personally, I like lavender under my black suit.

      1. Thanks for the suggestions everyone, much appreciated! I realize I should have been more specific above… when I said stripes I meant of the classic blue dress shirt variety, not anything off the wall. From what I’ve read above, though, it sounds like that would be a fine combination, which makes me happy.

  25. Open thread random curiosity question:

    On average, how much would you estimate that you spend on your work wardrobe as a percentage of your take-home salary?

    I have heard from a corporate style consultant that at the early end of a career, one should be ‘investing’ 10% of take-home pay into workwear. This seems high to me but maybe I am just feeling a bit broke and saddled with student loans?!

    1. Oh my goodness nowhere near that much here. I suspect your style consultant wants extra commission. I probably spend $3-4K per year on clothing/shoes (total, maybe $500-1K of that is “play” clothes); my salary is in the mid $100K’s.

      I do buy nice brands (BB, Theory, Ferragamo shoes), supplement with less-expensive but still good quality basics (J.crew (most of the time), Talbots, Ann Taylor) but rarely pay retail and have no problem with quality vs. quantity.

      Fellow student-loan sufferer here, though.

      1. Thinking about it — biglaw may be the exception here. Starting salaries are high but there’s not a huge difference in base salary from one year to the next (5-10K/year at first, except bonus potential) at many firms. So associates several years further ahead than you don’t necessarily spend lots more cash on clothing or upgrading brands — they’ve just had a few extra years of stocking up.

        In a field with bigger income disparity in the short term, spending a greater % as you’re starting out so you look ready for a promotion, and then decreasing that % as your salary grows (so you have a bigger and bigger clothing budget, but it’s a smaller % of your income) may make sense. 10 definitely seems high, though.

    2. No way, unless you are talking like JUST the first year and you don’t have any professional clothes to start off with. When I started as a young associate, I had $500/month in my clothing and haircut budget. This worked out to $6000/year, or about 5% of my take-home salary. My salary has gone way up, but I still spend about the same on clothes and haircuts. I would say that, in comparison with my lawyer peers, I’m above the curve in the quality and style of my clothes, but not at the very top. And that works for me. I’d much rather have money in the bank than be known as the most fashionable person in the office. Studies show time and time again that women find they have less money saved for retirement, etc, than men — don’t let this happen to you.

    3. Depends where you are in your career. Are you building a work wardrobe? It may get that high not because you are buying volume, but because you are buying quality key pieces. After you have a solid base wardrobe, you won’t likely be spending that much, as your income increases, your percentage drops naturally.

    4. I also wouldn’t be shocked if it was that much early on in your career. I’m a 1L and I spent quite a pretty penny this year buying two nice suits (skirt and pants each), a few shirts and two pairs of shoes in anticipation of interviews and summer job. I’d imagine the first years of working could cost quite a bit.

      When I worked for three years between undergrad and law school, I spent a lot building my business casual wardrobe the first year. After that it tapered off because I already had stuff and also in anticipation of going back to school.

    5. Hard question to answer. I would say probably 5-8% of my takehome salary is spent on clothing or related accessories. I know that’s quite high compared to some, but I have a hard time finding clothes that fit and if I do find something I will buy multiples in order to have SOMETHING that fits.

      1. Oh, and I guess I should mention that I make in the mid-90s for a salary, and I’m about five years out.

    6. In the last year I’ve probably spent at least that much or more, but mainly because #1 I recently discovered online shopping, and #2 I gained weight and had to buy a bunch of new clothes. Oh, and #3 I’m pretty junior and still trying to build my work wordrobe. On the plus side, I think I look nicer and more professional than when I spent less on clothes, but obviously, this is a huge money suck and not sustainable.

    7. I track my spending so I can answer this pretty easily. In a time period in which I had take-home pay totalling about $15,500 I spent about $600 on clothing and shoes. That’s not even 4%. That’s about average for me.

      1. I should say though that I’ve been working awhile, and although I have to revamp/upgrade my wardrobe from time to time, I don’t need that many new clothes normally. If you are a recent grad starting from scratch, you probably want to set aside $1000-2000 to build a good work wardrobe over the next year or so. It’s definitely better in the long run to buy nice suits, shoes and bags that will last, rather than cheaper ones that may only last a few months. You can get a lot of really good work clothes at places like Filene’s or Marshalls.

    8. Wow, that’s a lot of money to spend on just workwear! Actually it’s a lot to spend on all clothing!

      I do highly recommend bargain hunting/shopping – think outlets, online sales, in store 7 a.m. sales, TJ Maxx/Marshall’s etc. which is how I wear better quality clothes (Michael Kors, Calvin Klein, Ann Taylor, Cynthia Rowley, etc.), but not Chanel, or anything like that… I like being able to switch out, grow/pare my wardrobe as the styles change with minimal guilt over how much I paid for something, and I don’t want to spend several thousand a year on work clothes – that’s money that can fund my retirement, my renovate-the-house fund, or the vacation fund!

      I probaby spend about $2K/yr on clothes total – both work and out-of-work (with the exception of those special occasions requiring dresses/shoes,etc.)

    9. I’m in finance and spend about 2% of base, 1% of total comp (and we’re not talking about huge numbers here – low 6-figures total). I’m known to be pretty cheap though, and a $150 bag purchase yesterday was a HUGE decision for me (one that was several months in the making).

    10. I’ve always wondered this too!

      I’m at work and don’t have access to all my personal finance stuff in Quicken, but if I spent more than $750 last year on clothes/shoes/haircuts/etc, I’d be shocked. I really couldn’t even afford that, but I lost a bunch of weight and HAD to buy some clothes so that I could wear appropriately-sized things to work. With the exception of one pair of jeans, I haven’t bought anything in over a year that can’t be worn to work – I just don’t have the money.

  26. I might get up to this level if I get a made to measure suit this year, but wouldn’t otherwise (I am a mid-level associate). I tend to shop sales, though, and inherited my jewelry from my grandmother, so don’t buy much in the way of super-expensive pieces.

    1. Just out of curiosity… where are you getting a made to measure suit? I know that’s something that’s an option for men, but had never heard of it for women. Possibly something to file in the back of my mind for a few years down the road…

      1. I got a beautiful cashmere suit (like wool but softer) made to measure while visiting my best friend in Singapore. She and her hubs had lived there for years, so they steered me to a fantastic place. I also got a few shirts made and brought my favorite pair of Zara Woman slacks to copy, which they did perfectly. Was ~500 well spent. I would have paid that much just for a three-piece cashmere suit. And, if I do say so myself, I look like a million bucks when I wear it, because it fits me so, so well. Caveat was that I gained some weight in the last few years when I busted my knee, so I grew out of it. But now I’m back in business, in my power suit.

  27. maxi length skirts/dresses for petites this summer?

    it seems to go against all conventional wisdom but…what do you think?

    1. I’m on the tall side of petite (right at 5’4) and size 4. I find maxi skirts to be very stump-ifying but maxi dresses can be cute if the proportions are right (the “waist” needs to hit in just the right spot).

      1. Agree- and love the term ‘stump-ifying’ (I’m 5’2″)

        Also – aren’t maxi dresses/skirts (finally) out of style?

        1. I was hoping they were, mainly because I’m 6’3″ and I look like Olive Oyl in them. Picture them stopping about 4 inches above my ankle. lol

    2. I’m a fan. Personally, I shoot for things that are really full length instead of things that stop at the weird half-way point on the ankle. But other than that I don’t worry about it. Their might be a shortening effect, but sometimes you just feel like wearing a super-girly long skirt/dress and I’m not going to let my height destroy that for me.

      1. sorry, that should be “*There* might be a shortening effect.” Too many hours staring at documents this weekend.

      2. They seem to be back in fashion. I’m seeing them everywhere in southern California all this spring.

    3. At our health club pool today everyone had one except me, I felt like a tool. I am still not sure if they will totally “work” on me but today women of all shapes and sizes were wearing them.

  28. I’ve am in search of a lightweight (probably cotton or cotton/nylon) v-neck cardigan for summer. I have this dress

    http://www5.jcpenney.com/jcp/X6.aspx?DeptID=50434&CatID=64185&GrpTyp=PRD&ItemID=17cd81e&attrtype=&attrvalue=&CMID=50434|50452|64179|64185&Fltr=&Srt=&QL=F&IND=34&cmVirtualCat=&CmCatId=50434|50452|64179|64185

    as well as a number of other v-neck dresses which (in my opinion) would look nice with a cardigan.

    Crewneck sweaters don’t work with this neckline.

    Any suggestions?

    Thanks.

  30. After getting out of an abusive relationship this woman is trying to stand on her own feet. Try her designer collection and help support her while adding some ethnic flair to your wardrobe :)

    http://www.tashaan.net

    Great summer collection of ethnic bright tops, sheer scarves, and unforgettable jewelery – with LOW PRICES!

  31. I went to a Lands End Canvas store yesterday and liked a lot of the clothes. But, I tried on the Lands End Canvas sailor T-shirt in white and it was see-thru. As in, I didn’t want to come out of the dressing room in it to grab something else.
    http://www.landsend.com/pp/SailorTee~207884_-1.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::BPN&CM_MERCH=IDX_00017__0000002201&origin=index
    I also tried on the Lands End Canvas Heritage Polo in yellow. Same thing — see-thru.
    http://www.landsend.com/pp/TheHeritagePolo~203249_-1.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::CSH&CM_MERCH=IDX_00017__0000002201&origin=index

    If you don’t mind having to wear a camisole or T-shirt under the polo shirt, the yellow might be fine, but otherwise I’d try a different color.

    I saw — but didn’t try on — the fit and flare dress and it looks really cute.
    http://www.landsend.com/pp/FitandFlareDress~205622_-1.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::KHA&CM_MERCH=IDX_00017__0000002209&origin=index
    They had it on a mannequin with a jacket and it looked like it would be work appropriate for some offices with a jacket or sweater, but too casual for others.
    It reminds me of a less formal version of that dress (under a cardigan) that Michelle Obama wore to meet the Queen of England — the Isabel Toledo one where people thought she was wearing a tank top and a skirt but was actually wearing a dress.
    http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/politics/obama/chi-michelle-obama-dress-story,0,1949360.story

  32. I just checked out this site tashaan and it seems like their collection is great for making outfits with leggings or tight pants. Their shirts are long enough and they look very elegant. The colors are amazing. Definitely ordering a few today.
    http://www.tashaan.net

    2. I checked out this site and found the checkout process to be extremely suspicious. And the apparel did not allow size selection, though some seemed to be labeled “medium” or “small” at the overall picture. If this is a legit business theyought to invest in a better site.

      1. i actually got something from the website and its not a scam. yeah, they do need a better sizing methodology. since it was from paypal i tried it out. from my understanding, these types of tunic tops don’t really come with exact sizes.
        btw whatever i did get from there was really nice. you usually find those kinds of tops at macys for 70/80 dollars.

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