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Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here. I'm not quite sure why, and I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it: but I squealed with joy when I first saw this dress. I think in my mind's eye I'm just waiting for a great party to wear a flapper-style dress with feather trim to, although I suppose it also calls to memory Carrie's look in the opening credits of Sex and the City. Either way, the dress is getting good reviews, is a mere $158, comes in both white and blush, and is right there if anyone has any suitably fancy parties coming up requiring such a dress. Squee! Feather Trim Sheath Dress This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
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  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
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  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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231 Comments

  1. What are some delicious roasted vegetables that will please kids? My kids love roasted carrots and sweet potato, but I have had no luck with roasted broccoli (it’s too dry) and roasted cauliflower is hit or miss. No regular potatoes — kids get serious indigestion when eating them.

    1. Butternut squash. Most supermarkets sell it already cut into chunks, which in my view is totally worth the price premium. It also good in combo with sweet potatoes (Trader Joe’s sells that mix, pre-cut.)

      Also root vegetables like beets, turnips and parsnips.

    3. Roasted Brussels sprouts with maple syrup and bacon. Do you have a mandoline? You can make oven roasted chips out of all sorts of root veggies. Kale chips aren’t bad if you experiment with seasoning. Roasted asparagus is good, but my kid only eats the tips.

    4. Zucchini and yellow squash, in rounds or sticks. Fresh yellow squash gets really sweet when roasted and is divine. Pattypan is also great.

      1. I tried zucchini and it was so soggy — the kids refused to touch it. Maybe I needed to use less oil.

        Thanks everyone for the suggestions!

        1. They might like zoodles. Zucchini can be watery, if you have a soft one you can salt it and let it sit a bit to firm it up.

          1. Zucchini loves the grill (or, realistically the grill pan). I think it’s easiest in long thin flat strips.

    6. Did you put lots of olive oil on the broccoli? I put a bunch on it, roast on 400 for 35 mins and its soft enough for my 13 month old to eat (who only has 5 teeth).

      1. Second this – I use a ton of olive oil before roasting, and it’s the only way I, as a 36 year old adult, will eat broccoli.

    7. Green beans and asparagus are delicious when roasted. No more than 15- 18 minutes.

    8. Parsnips! Roasted with just some olive oil and salt is delicious. You can also then throw the roasted parsnips into a food processor with some veggie stock for a delicious alternative to mashed potatoes.

    9. My kid will *not* eat roasted broccoli, really most roasted vegetables. But he will happily eat them steamed or microwaved. No butter/oil/salt, either. I usually buy frozen broccoli, put some in a pyrex with water, microwave for 1-2 min and drain.

      1. Same here. It’s sad because roasted is the best, but not for Kiddo. She likes her broccoli steamed beyond recognition and topped with shredded cheddar.

    10. My sister and BIL swear by zoodles! My nieces love bolognese zoodles, and I was skeptical the first time I had it when I had it for dinner at their place, but the kids will eat all long stringy things, really.

      I remember loving zucchini as a child, except I grew up in England so, ahem, *courgettes*.

  2. I know people always say if you want to stay home for a while, stay current, go to conferences in your field. Just looking to register for a conference and with 150 people attending, by looking at the attendance list — it looks like all of 2 people aren’t working — i.e tax law conference and their listed occupation is PTA member or personal trainer; granted there are probably 20 others who appear to litigate, work in corporate etc but not in tax but to me that signifies a speciality switch or having worked in tax previously but not now etc. Do people actually go to conferences if they aren’t working? (Working currently with random thoughts of staying home; I’d rather not because of the difficulty of getting back in while husband – whose career wouldn’t take a hit – is always like NBD so you’ll go to conferences.)

    1. I’m not in tax law, but in my field it’s not unusual for folks to state they are “consultants” or “business owners” or they are “writer ” but it’s all freelance without any gigs or the rare couple that are booked to back. So there may be a bit of that puffery. I wouldn’t give a second thought if someone was SAHM for the time being. If the content of the conference looks good, then don’t let something silly like that keep you from staying current with education and mixing with others in your field.

    2. I’m ina different industry, but people do gonto events like conferences for networking. You dontnist show up and sit at a table- you go with some kind of purpose. Meeting up with former colleagues and seeing what they’ve been up to, checking out new companies, having lunch with potential employers, that sort of thing.

  3. anyone ever adopt an older dog from a breeder? I am thinking about adopting a boston from a very reputable breeder, with whom I’ve very familiar. The dog is 7 and will be spayed before we get her. My only concern is she lives in a kennel, with a door, so while she keeps her area clean, she is not “house trained.” I dont want to take on more than we can handle with house training, as DH and I both work full time and we have four young kids. anyone have experience with house training an older, kennel-trained dog? I’d appreciate any advice/insight!

    1. Will she tolerate a crate or a small gated area (laundry room, bathroom) when you aren’t there? We have a dog who came as a crate trained adult, but was not house broken. We slowly exposed her to the house so that she thought of all of it as her den to keep clean and once she proved trustworthy, she earned free reign. She didn’t mind her crate so it wasn’t a big deal to take our time.

      1. You will have the same issues as house training any dog, except with the added bonus that this dog is crate trained, which is how many people begin house training their dogs. Look into house training generally since you will need to know that information as a dog owner – many dog’s house training can get disrupted with a major move like a new family so you will have to reinforce it anyway.

    2. Was she a dam/bitch? Why wasn’t she spayed earlier? Keeping a dog solely in a kennel doesn’t seem like a thing a reputable breeder would do.

      1. She was a bitch, and will be spayed once her milk dries up from her most recent litter. Do most reputable breeders have all the dogs in their house? Sorry if that is a stupid question, I really am not well educated, so I appreciate all insight. I definitely dont want to inadvertently go with an unethical breeder.

        1. Many breeders who are breeding for breeds popular with young families will have their dogs in their house and around their own families so the puppies are well socialized. I’d be cautious about a dog that wasn’t raised around young children.

          1. Well, I think her kids are older, but she said that she is great with her grandkids. The dog was definitely not kept exclusively in her house though.

          2. I’d want to see her setup. If she has a dog room or similar where the dogs go to sleep but otherwise they chill in the house, that’s one thing. If this dog is kept separate from her humans most of the time, even if it is with other dogs in a lovely kennel, I’d be more wary. Has she been well socialized? Does she know how to walk on a leash, play with toys, act like a family dog? Any food or resource guarding tendencies. 4 young kids is a lot for a dog and you want one that is bomb-proof in temperament.

      2. I would agree that this sounds more like a backyard breeder than a reputable breeder. Having rescued dogs from backyard breeders, you are potentially looking at behavioral and health issues.

        1. +1. I had a dog from a backyard breeder. We loved her so much but she was extremely dog aggressive and had issues with people in some cases. I could not believe how quickly she would go from my cuddle bug to a raging menace. She was a 100 lb malamute and knowing much more about the breed now I can see how horrible this breeder was. These dogs, especially females, need a TON of socialization and she was kept alone in a kennel.

          We now have a retired show dog. We got him at 4. This dog was indeed raised in the farm house with the breeder but also among a bunch of other dogs, so he spent a good amount of time being crated since they didn’t want all the dogs running around at once. He is pretty great but has some weird quirks. For example he does this weird march/trot in place dance which is a symptom of over-crating. He is also afraid of a lot of things which means he wasn’t exposed to them as a puppy (I’m talking mirrors, stairs, glass doors) and he’s not comfortable being left alone in the house without being crated. He also doesn’t know how to play games because no one really played with him. And other things that dogs usually pick up on within the first year of life – move out of the way when someone is coming at them, realize what things to bark at and which are normal noises, become afraid of heights – it’s like it’s all new to him and because he’s older it’s taking him forever to learn this stuff. It’s adorable and infuriating at the same time.

          I would get a retired dog again because I do not have the resources for a puppy, but I would be extremely careful about the breeder selection.

          1. To be clear – by “resources” I meant time and patience and spare furniture. Geriatric expenses for dogs will outdo any purebred puppy costs.

    3. The house-training issue would give me pause, frankly. But more seriously, I would wonder if a dog who has been used as a breeder – which I personally have come to see as a bad system and I would only get a dog from a shelter, but I’ll try to put that aside – would be socialized to being around people, particularly children.

      Many years ago, ex-H and I got our one and only purebred dog, an English mastiff. (He was the sweetest creature who ever lived but was bred for size and developed difficult, expensive and ultimately heartbreaking health problems as he got older.) The father was kind of free-range on the breeder’s farm and very friendly but the mother basically lived in a large fenced-off area in the barn and was not friendly at all but quite skittish.

      I would spend some time with the dog to make sure she is friendly and will be comfortable – and safe – around your family before deciding to adopt her.

    4. My dog, Rose (also a Boston Terrier), was a breeder surrender. She was five when we adopted her and had just finished weaning her last batch of puppies. (Her breasts were still swollen and I swear she spent the first few weeks wandering around the house searching for her puppies. It was heartbreaking.) She was not house broken and it took a couple of weeks of crate training for her to learn to go outside. She is still (three years later) not 100% reliable so we take her out frequently and keep her in a confined, easy to clean space when we are not home. It has taken a while for Rose to learn to be a pet. It was a full year before I could pet her without her flinching and she is still nervous around my boys (8 &12). She is not aggressive–at all–just nervous and avoids the boys if at all possible. She is incredibly sweet however and she is really starting to come out of her shell, it has just taken a lot of patience. (We had a bit of a set back when she discovered a squeeker in the toy she started to play with and had to hide under the bed for a day. Now it is my mission to find dog toys without squeekers–harder than you might think.)
      I think breeders are on a sliding scale. Some breeders do keep their dogs as pets, but a lot of breeding dogs spend their lives in kennels. According to the rescue organization we adopted Rose from, it is not uncommon for breeders to euthanize dogs when they are no longer useful for breeding. My opinion is don’t adopt a puppy from an unethical breeder, but if you have the patience to work with a retired breeding dog (and are willing to accept that even after training they might not be “perfect”) it can be really rewarding to give them a chance to be part of a family.

    5. One of my friends did this with a Scottish Terrier and it was a disaster. The dog had never lived inside a house and had no idea how to be a house dog. Massive amounts of destruction ensued. They called in the vet, the behaviorist, the holistic vet, etc. The dog just wasn’t a house dog. It did not want to stay inside at all, for any length of time, crated or uncrated. Finally, one day when they were home, the dog jumped through an open bathroom window (3 feet off the floor!), went running, and got hit by a car. So please go into this with your eyes open.

  4. For anyone who did IVF, did you shop around for your meds? My insurance doesn’t cover fertility benefits but it did pay for my IUI meds surprisingly. I am having them run my IVF meds through my insurance to see if they are approved or not. If not, the out of pocket for one cycle is $5,637 just for the meds. I’m wondering if I should be calling other fertility pharmacies or if I should trust that my clinic knows where the deals are. If you shopped around, where else do you suggest I look? I think my current pharmacy is Village Fertility.

    1. Call around! I called 5 or 6 pharmacies and pricing varied a lot. Freedom had the lowest pricing for me. Don’t trust the clinic because pricing changes frequently. I also called Mandell’s and Walgreen’s speciality pharmacy. But $5600 is about right- you might do better but probably in that ball park.

    2. Yes, definitely shop around. Most clinics aren’t that helpful with this, and that price seems quite high to me. Plus, you’d be surprised how many significant coupons you can get by just calling specialty fertility pharmacies and asking. We ended up using Freedom Fertility, but they’re generally considered more expensive and it just worked because we had partial coverage and a coupon.

      There are people on the internet who advocate for shipping meds in from overseas. It’s all pretty shady and unregulated and I would not do that, even for the significant cost savings.

    3. Yes, definitely shopped around from cycle to cycle/protocol to protocol — although I never was willing to split up the order to buy each drug from its individual lowest-cost supplier, I preferred to choose the overall lowest cost for the administrative ease of just having one place to deal with. I always tried to order enough for the first few days of the protocol, then re-up about 48 hours at a time. Do look for manufacturer coupons for cash payment, which can offer really significant savings.

      1. I’ll look. Thanks! I’m familiar with shopping around meds for a family member with a high deductible but it’s a lot easier when I’m calling Rite Aid / Walmart versus fertility pharmacies around the country that have to do mail order. I’m nervous about having different meds coming from different places because everything is so time (and temperature) sensitive. For that price, it’s worth the extra work though.

        I have my fingers crossed that my insurance surprises us like they did with my IUI meds.

    5. Have you applied for the discount programs? They’re income based. There is one from DesignRx First Steps and another from EMD Serono Compassionate Care. I believe everyone who applies through Compassionate Care gets a 25% discount, but because DH is self-employed and we show little income on our tax return, we qualified for a 75% discount. I believe you have to use certain pharmacies if you want to use one of the discount programs, but there were pharmacies in our medium sized city that would accept both plans. Otherwise, if you g00gle, you can find online pharmacies or individuals selling unused meds for fairly cheap. Also, ask your dr’s office if they have any samples. My FS gave us a several day supply of one of the meds that they got from a drug rep. Good luck!

      1. Thanks. I’ll look into this but I received a large bonus last year so my personal income was around $150k putting my household income at about $230k. I don’t think I’d qualify for any income based discount plan. Even outside of a bonus year I still make $90k.

    6. You might do what I wish I had done for my first cycle, which ended up being canceled early on – buy enough drugs for a couple of days at a time. At least Mandel’s would ship everything next day so if you plan well you can have significant savings if you end up canceling. I ended up with about four grand worth of drugs in my fridge that I couldn’t use for that cycle. For my three later cycles I bought everything just in time

    7. I did not shop around, but from reading message boards, it seems like a good way to get a better deal on meds. if you are willing to use meds from abroad, ivfmeds seems to be a good one that many folks use.

  5. Going to New Orleans for the first time. Would really appreciate any recommendations – hotels/restaurants or must do’s — family friendly as we’ll be with our 4 year old. Thank you!

    1. The zoo and insectarium are both FABULOUS and not to be missed.

      Plum Street Snowballs for a treat.

    2. Go to Audubon Park. Lots of water and ducks and plants. The sculpture garden at NOMA is free and beautiful to walk around in. City Park also has some rides and kid-friendly stuff. Ride the streetcar to either Audubon Park or City Park (different streetcar lines). There is also a riverboat cruise from the aquarium to the zoo that could be fun.

      There are a gazillion restaurants and they change constantly. I would suggest having a look at http://nomenu.com for some ideas by cuisine or by neighborhood.

      I don’t have particular hotel recommendations, but the last time I had a friend stay in a hotel here, she stayed at Le Pavillon and they had complimentary hot chocolate and PB&Js for guests at night.

    3. DH and I went to Muriel’s for a jazz brunch based on recs from this site, it was great!

      Definitely beignets at Cafe du Monde too.

    5. We loved going to Brennan’s for brunch. Food is fantastic and it’s pretty kid friendly. We did the jazz cruise on Steamboat Natchez, which I felt was slightly overrated, though it was definitely relaxing. My 4-year-old loved going on a swamp tour – we definitely got our money’s worth of alligator watching. Check out Honey Island Swamp Tours if you are interested. It rained on one of the days we were there, so we went to the Louisiana Children’s Museum which was lots of fun for a 4-year-old.

  6. Has anyone had Dysport (similar to Botox) injections to smooth forehead lines? I got a relatively small number of units injected a couple of weeks ago. Over the last week, I have had headaches, brain fog/stuffiness, and a sore throat. I knew headaches and throat irritation were possible side effects, but all of the information seems to suggest those side effects occur 1-2 days after injection, not 7-10 days later. I am trying to steer clear of message boards on the topic because those people tend to sound like candidates for the “Botched” reality series. Just curious as to whether anyone has had similar side effects, and if so, when (or if) they subsided. Thanks!

    1. I would more lean towards you have a cold/allergies. I’d wait it out a week and see what happens.

    2. I have heard that this can cause neurological type pain. I wouldn’t be surprised if your issues are coming from this.

  7. Ok ya’ll – we’re moving into our new house (semi-local) in 1 month, what would you do before the big move? Every weekend we’re taking over a load and doing minor projects. It doesn’t need any painting and we’re taking care of anything that NEEDS fixed (which is like one thing right now). We’re going to install baby gates, hang blinds/curtains, hang shower curtains, and line the kitchen/bathroom cabinets with shelf-liner. Utilities are set up and mail is forwarded to our current place until we move. What am I forgetting?

    1. How are the floors? Carpets need cleaning, wood need polishing, tile/grout need scrubbing? Any paint touch ups that need to happen?

      1. I agree. Unfortunateley I will have to move into a new apartement soon after it is completed, and I am going to start fresh. No moving expenses except for clotheing. All furniture will be donated to good will and NY cares, and Dad is buying me new furniture for the new apartement, primarily b/c he does NOT want to have to even see the bed where Sheketovits slept, etc. He said there is bad Karma associated with a guy who would mistreat me, so my best bet is to get all new stuff and a new guy will MATERIALIASE who will MARRY me, and not just skrew me over like Sheketovits. FOOEY!

    2. I’m assuming from ‘baby gates’ that you have kids. I would prep baby’s room as much as possible. We painted kid’s room the same color as in the old house to help with transition.

      If you didn’t have the house professionally cleaned post construction, I’d wash the walls, floors, baseboards, crown mouldings etc and have the heat vents vaccuumed or have someone do it.

    3. Clean the ceiling fixtures, including any ceiling fans. Much easier when there’s no furniture underneath!

    4. We just did this! Stanl3y Ste3m er did a really good job – we had them clean out our ducts and do a deep clean of all floors. That meant shampoo and steam clean carpets, steam clean and buff hardwoods, clean all tile and grout – omg the grout! Then we had a cleaning crew do a super deep clean which meant dusting every surface, cleaning the cabinets, the baseboards, etc. in addition to the normal cleaning routine. I have pet allergies, so that was the main focus, but the house is SO clean now. As far as window treatments go, they are expensive! So I would install what needs to be done first – for light blocking, privacy, etc. and then make your way to the other rooms over time. Speaking of prioritization, prioritize your rooms and set those up first – this also means boxing like things together and not just stuffing random items into any box.

      Ideally speaking, any paint would also be done but depending on how much room you have and the state of the walls, could be done later. Do you have cable/internet set up? Do you know your trash days and are there any other city specific things you need to do? (Your agent or RE lawyer might know some of these too.) We had to get vehicle stickers which involves going to the DMV first. If you want to get your house re-keyed or new security system set up, that’s more scheduling time you need to factor in.

      FYI, we notice mail forwarding takes something like a week to kick in, so you might want to start. I would also let whoever is living at your current place know your forwarding address.

      Finally, pack some suitcases of personal items- clothes and toiletries for a few days, etc. We had a clear plastic box called “the important box” which had everything from checkbooks (boy do you need those!) to passports and our important documents, to phone chargers, to mail that needed to be sorted but wasn’t getting top priority in the move, to box cutters/tape/scissors. (Oh, also in there were ziplocks and sharpies so that screws from the bedframe, etc. were labeled and put together.) We are organized people and labeled every box with a number and then had a manifest that listed every item in each box so if later we thought “hmm… where in the 6 ‘Kitchen Supplies’ boxes is the meat thermometer? We just CTR+F our list and found the exact box it was in.

  8. An update to my post on Wednesday re whether or not to reach out to a guy. Thanks to everyone that responded – definitely helped me reframe the situation mentally (especially AnonZ for the lovely quotes)!

    I did text, figuring that if he was into me, it wouldn’t hurt, and if he’s not, I’ll at least know more quickly, rather than waiting around and letting him breadcrumb me or whatever. So yesterday I texted him and asked if he wanted to climb that night – he said he did, but was on call, so couldn’t commit. I said that was fine, and that I was going either way. He ended up having a late ACL repair or something, and let me know around 5pm that he couldn’t make it. No prob, I suggested maybe this weekend instead – took him so long to respond that I mentally decided I was done, poured one out (and by that I mean, poured myself a glass of wine) for his high quality gardening equipment, ngl, probably the biggest loss in the situation, and then finally “yeah, for sure.” Ugh. I suggested Saturday afternoon like last time, and no response. I figured maybe he’d had early rounds and gone to bed, so I went on OKC to scout for other prospects and, dun dun dun, he was online. Hear back this morning “Saturday sometime probably works.” Which feels just a liiiitttle vague, like maybe he’s keeping me hanging until he figures out whatever other date(s) are happening. I told him I was free mid/late afternoon on, and nothing yet, but if he takes forever again, not gonna lie, tempted to tell him I made other plans (and have an invitation to climb with other friends so he does have a time limit). No longer feeling overwrought, just sort of annoyed at the runaround.

    So TL;DR, I may or may not see him tomorrow, and kind of don’t care either way at this point. If I do see him, it will be knowing that it’s most likely casual on his end, and that I can take what I want from the situation (possibly use of his nice gardening equipment) and not feel bad about it. If he flakes, hey, I just got a whole bunch of cute new climbing clothes from REI, and am going to live my life and climb with my friends, and when I inevitably run into him at the gym I will be looking awesome and crushing it on lead while he’s stuck with autobelay and bouldering because he doesn’t have any climbing buddies. His loss.

    If it’s right, it’ll happen. Nothing good gets away. :)

    1. I’ve gone climbing literally one time as an adult (it was last month and I’m dying to go again) and still snickered at this line: “I will be looking awesome and crushing it on lead while he’s stuck with autobelay and bouldering because he doesn’t have any climbing buddies.” Yes girl!

    2. Just FYI, I am not a surgeon, but I watch a lot of baseball, and repairing an ACL is usually scheduled surgery, not something done on a sudden emergency basis. So if he really used that as the emergency that kept him away, it sounds pretty flimsy to me. Either way, too bad about the gardening tools if it doesn’t work out.

      1. “I am not a surgeon, but I watch a lot of baseball” is one of the more delightful intros I’ve read.

        1. She doesn’t even play one on TV! ;)

          OP, I once experienced something very similar… we saw each other once more after this flakiness began and called things off shortly after that. YMMV, of course.

      2. He didn’t specify what it was, just said at 5pm he still had one more case and couldn’t make it. Don’t know if it was an emergency, or something scheduled that started later than planned because his earlier cases ran long (both of which are valid things that do happen). For what it’s worth, I don’t think he was lying about that – I just threw in the ACL reference for context (I’m corporate counsel at a hospital system, and that specialty has a certain, uh, reputation for being obnoxious).

      3. Flats, an ACL surgery may indeed be scheduled, but if a car accident comes in and they need the OR, or another surgery runs overlong for whatever reason, the OR may indeed not be available and the ACL surgery might indeed be pushed back an hour. Or two. Or three.

        It was just a wild guess on your part, and inaccurate one.

    3. I’m not dating so I’m sure the rules are different than they are with friends but I tend to text a bit like this guy. First, I’m not on my phone all day, particularly if I’m in court. I get short breaks to check it and I triage my messages. If he’s a surgeon I’m guessing it’s the same. He can’t reply right away and when he does, it’s quick. I don’t feel the need to make small talk via text. I just answer the question.

      Second, I suck at nailing down my weekend plans. Not because I am waiting for something better but because I want to see how my week winds up. If I get out of work at an early or normal time Friday night I’d love to get up and go hiking Saturday. If I get stuck working late, I want to sleep in and meet up in the afternoon. Climbing sounds like a lot of work. I would probably love it if I wasn’t exhausted but hate it if I had a rough week.

      As a quick example a bunch of my girlfriends are planning a wine tasting via group text. There is a ton of “oh that sounds so fun!! Emoji emoji emoji!!” I got the texts mid trial. I looked at the main question. I replied “sounds fun. I’m in if the date you decide on works. I’m in trial and won’t reply again until after 4.” I was not a part of the rest of cutesy chatting. I’m also not chiming in on the million date questions. If the final date works I’m there. If it doesn’t, oh well.

      It might be about his job and not about his interest or lack thereof in you. That said, again, I fully recognize that the rules of dating may be different.

      1. I’m not concerned by the infrequency during the work day, but the unclear communiques I do receive. I said I was free Saturday afternoon. He responded “yeah, Saturday sometime probably works.” Is that a yes? A no? Why the “probably”? Whereas, if I’d suggested the morning and he’d said “let me see how tired I feel when I get out of work, but maybe afternoon is better” that would be no problem for me. I was not mad about the maybe yesterday, because he explained it was because he was on call. I would love it if the texts were short and clear, and don’t care about frequency because I don’t really like chatting via text anyway.

          2. I don’t know. Keep guessing tone of texts if you want. The angst you post trying to read into 5 words is pretty breathtaking.

          3. Eyeroll – calling is still totally a thing, if parties want it to be. Sometimes text isn’t the right medium for communication. It can be easier/faster for making plans than texting.

    4. He’s an orthopedic resident?

      Your expectations are totally unrealistic. His life is not his own. You literally dumped him in your mind while he was still in surgery, mad at him because he didn’t text you back quickly enough.

      An orthopedic surgeon’s girlfriend is not a good role for you. Look elsewhere. I have to laugh….

      1. I disagree with this. He can still communicate even if he’s busy.

        OP – finding him online is really telling. I never had one of those guys work out. I was also comfortable with gardening for fun, but you have to watch yourself too, it’s really easy to get emotionally involved by hoping it works, especially when you add in all the good on paper factors and the sheer, utter, frustration of finding someone who even seems adequate. As hard as it is, I think cutting bait here is a better call. You’ll feel empowered by it, too. I like Senior Attorney’s don’t chase boys advice, too – when they want to be in your life, there’s zero trying to see them, they’re here. Medical resident or not.

        1. I think you’re probably right. If I see him tomorrow, I’ll suss it in person and make a decision. If I don’t, I’m not putting forth any more effort unless he decides to step it up.

          1. Good luck and hang in there. Dating is the worst. My best motivation came from one of my favorite coworkers who told me though that dating sucks untill it doesn’t. I held onto that as my mantra.

        2. No …. you really can’t. When you are a junior resident you can’t just step out of surgery and say…. “sorry Dr. Senior Attending surgeon…. gotta get text back the woman I’m dating who expects a text within the hour….”

          Residency is worse than big law. I’m amazed this orthopedics resident is as communicative and able to commit as much as he is! When I was in residency, I saw friends maybe…once or twice a year. Everything was non-committal, and I cancelled all the time. It is a very rough time. I would often say “hope I can make it….” and not know if I would be trying to make up work that day, so exhausted I couldn’t manage or still in the hospital.

          It is absolutely fine for the OP not to want to put up with this. There is a reason why surgeons in residency get divorced constantly, yet there are always other women waiting in line to take the place of the woman who gives up. Men quickly learn that there are women willing to accept the lifestyle. It is what it is.

          1. I don’t mean that he can text all day, I do mean he can communicate better than non-commital/ vague responses when he does get on his phone. He can say “hey, I’m super into you and want to see you this weekend. My timing is up in the air because surgery, and there’s a possibility I might be wiped out, but don’t take that as meaning anything.” That’s communicating, and you can do that even if you’re super busy. And if you’re too busy for that, then you’re not in a place to be dating.

      2. Yes. I am aware of what residency entails – I come from a family full of doctors and work for a hospital system. I didn’t “literally dump him in my mind” because he took too long to text me, I made the decision that the situation was not worth continuing to stress over due to a consistent pattern of non-communication over the last few weeks (after two weeks of frequent communication) that cannot be attributed to him being in surgery. Like, he didn’t text when he was off all last week. And when I try to make plans, he’s being non-committal. That’s not because of his job either. I have no problems scheduling around his call schedule, do not mind if he’s on his phone when we meet up and he’s on call or that his maybes turn into no because he has a case, and do not expect that he texts me from the OR.

        But the fact that I was stressing over whether or not he was still in surgery is indicative of an overall communication issue, which is a valid reason to decide that a situation is not right. I’m fine with the demanding job, I’m not ok with the fact that seem to be just an option.

      3. If he’s a resident then he is sleeping, studying, eating, and working. If he just came off call after Friday, he was likely sleeping on Saturday. Dating a resident is hard. Especially if he’s taking his boards this spring. Ask me how I know.

        1. He’s a third year, so no boards yet. He specifically told me that he thinks he has time for a serious relationship at this point, whereas he didn’t his first two years. *shrugs*

          1. I’m engaged to a dr and we met in his third year of residency. It got easier as he went along in residency although he had a lot of exams at the end (he’s a fellow now so that has a whole other set of stressors). He also said he couldn’t date the first two years. I agree with previous posters that he probably can barely think beyond that day especially when on call. We now make plans when he’s on call that are really local knowing I might have to go alone (his call is also way less intense now). I think it’s so hard early on because you can’t suss out if he’s not interested or just busy. However i will say that I didn’t feel like it was hard to schedule time with my current fiancé and I did always feel like a priority. I know we clicked right away so that probably helped his motivation ahaha. I remember distinctly him willing himself to stay awake just so I could pop over to say hi some evenings. See how today goes and update us!

      4. Agreed and I chuckled too. I’ve dated surgery residents and their schedule is punishing (even compared to my schedule as a big law m&a lawyer). Many residents, and other people in demanding professions, are simply not available to date at some points in their careers even though they may want to.

        1. I think it’s funny that the OP thinks she understands because “she works in a hospital”. hmmmm…

          Agree that this guy may have different ideas in his mind as to what dating entails compared with the OP. Your expectations are different. Just accept that and move on.

          1. My issue is that his communication patterns completely changed after we gardened (daily texts to near silence), not that he didn’t text me back quickly enough that one time. And he had last week off, so the lack of texts then definitely weren’t because he was stuck in the OR.

            I’m just trying to figure out whether it’s lack of interest or that he’s just really busy, and manage my expectations accordingly.

          2. Of course, there is no way we can know that, right? You barely know this guy, how can we know that when he has the busiest work scheduled that exists. And if he was just on vacation and you had only seen him a couple of times before that, of course he wouldn’t be texting you either.

            I think you are answering your own questions. You are not a good match. Maybe he is a dog and just used you for s3x. Who knows. Probably not since he is still communicating and indicating he would like to see you again. But he is going to be way way way way distracted for years… and actually for the rest of his life… in his career. You need something different, if you are looking for a serious long term relationship. So you shouldn’t date residents, especially surgical residents.

    5. Wait is this guy a resident? I feel like you might be overestimating his free time and ability to respond while he’s at work. Also, I haven’t been on OKC in years, but I know that some apps show you as “online” if the app is open in the background on your phone, regardless of whether or not you’re using it. I could be wrong about the OKC app though.

      1. This is what I was wondering. If the app was open on his phone so he showed online even though he wasn’t “online” per se.

        However, I agree about the vagueness, however, you could also be less vague. don’t say sometime saturday. Say Saturday at 2pm? Or don’t, if this isn’t working for you then it isn’t working, but it sounds like he’s been like this the whole time. He’s showing you who he is, don’t look for reasons why he isn’t, just believe him and decide if you like it enough or not.

    6. You have already been able to assess the quality of his gardening equipment? I was under the impression you have NOT had s-x with him yet! However, perhaps you are judgeing based on the fact that you see his equipment from underneathe his clotheing and from that you are makeing an assessment as to it’s quality? FOOEY!

      I caution you that you cannot ASSESS the quality of the equipment without a tryout. You CAN assess the size, but as we all know, size is not everything. It’s what a guy DOES with that equipment that matters. Sheketovits had quantity, but virtually ZERO quality. If you haven’t test drove his equipment, you simply can NOT make a judgement about it. End of story.

  9. Here’s a fun Friday work-wardrobe question. Next week I will be appearing in a short marketing video for my biglaw firm that will probably get trotted out for various purposes over the next few years. I plan to wear a navy suit– what kind of shirt would you put underneath? Maybe a jewel tone? I usually just wear white shirts under my suits but I’m thinking that may look too harsh.

    Anything else I should think about to look professional and camera-friendly? Aside from a little extra powder I’m figuring my normal work hair and makeup should be fine.

    I know I’m overthinking, but it’s my first time getting interviewed on camera and I’m representing my firm, so I want to get this right.

    2. Wear a little more eyeliner/eye makeup than you usually would. I would go with a jewel tone underneath, but that’s personal preference. Not white so that you don’t have to worry about whether your shirt is whiter than your teeth on camera.

      1. I would avoid SPF altogether, including in makeup. But, I probably care too much, so ymmv. For best results, use an SPF-free primer, SPF-free foundation and powder. Then, a little blush. Agree, curl lashes, dark eyeliner at the lashlines, nude eyeliner on the waterline of the bottom eyelid, neutral eyeshadow, mascara. in general, nothing glittery or too shimmery. Shine is prominent on camera, so I would for sure use powder, even if you dont on the regular. oh, and for eyebrows, if you usually fill them in, do that, if not, I would still use a gel to give them some volume/depth. Lipstick can be a touch darker/richer than usual.
        For shirt color, I would choose a color that best suits you, even if its not seasonal. For me, that would be green or dark purple. Really depends on your coloring though.

    4. Jewel tone sounds good. I’d go slightly heavier on the makeup that usual but I’m fairly lite on the make up normally. Think like extra BB cream or foundation instead of light BB cream, maybe curl your lashes + mascara instead of just mascara.

    5. I agree a jewel tone would be good, but as long as it’s a solid and classic color it probably doesn’t matter too much. I would avoid nude for you and other colors that might clash with your skin tone (pink, yellow, orange, brown, bright red, depending on what nude for you is).

    6. +1 on the makeup. Go heavier but if you’re not comfortable make sure to at least have evened skin tone with a liquid foundation, no sunscreen as it creates flashback with camera lights, defined eyes with eyeliner and heavier mascara than normal, and lipstick, even if it is just a lipliner with a nude for you color (so that your lips don’t disappear into your face).

    7. Fun! I was interviewed on camera for my job in January and it was very exciting! They may have someone there to do hair/make up touch ups. Wear a little more makeup than you would normally, echoing sentiments above, specially about eye makeup. Also blush and lip (I don’t wear blush daily but I would for on camera). I also got a blowout for my interview. You want a little bit of volume for your hair. Jewel tones sound nice. You might know this already, but no busy prints, and no greens (on the off chance they green screen anything but that doesn’t sound likely – also if they green screen anything, very curly hair can be problematic FYI). I brought options when I did my interview. Good luck!

    8. I’d wear a shell or other collarless shirt- lots of folds (like on a button down blouse) can show up funny on camera. Color is good, and dont go with a small scale print as it can get weird on camera. Make sure you’re wearing blush and lipstick- what looks neutral in real life can sometimes look washed out on camera.

  10. I’m looking to upgrade my shoe wardrobe and am thinking about the Ferragamo Vera or Verina. What I’d really like is a flat I would be able to commute in (NYC) and wear to work in a business casual environment that would make me look pulled together. Is the Verina up to the task? Is that too much to ask of any flat (i.e., should I have a separate knock-around flat for commuting)?

    1. OMG don’t wear $550 flats to commute! Get a pair of cheapies for outdoors. The Ferragamos will look good if your office skews “corporate casual” but if it’s business casual to the point where no-one wears suiting fabrics at all, they may seem too dressy.

      1. I don’t understand how this works. Do you change shoes every time you go outside? Is that weird if you are going to lunch with colleagues, or to a meeting? Do only the people in your office ever see your cute shoes?

      2. I don’t understand this either. What’s the point of spending so much on something if you never wear them in real life? Isn’t the fun of insanely expensive shoes showing them off as part of an outfit in public and appreciating the craftsmanship that allows you to wear them for normal use far longer than Payless pumps would last?

  11. Oooh the gal who is getting married at the courthouse should wear this dress!

    3. 100%

      If I ever get married it will be low-key / courthouse style in a dress like this.

  12. I received a wedding invitation addressed to Mr. & Mrs. John Doe. Mr. John Doe is my husband. I am Ms. Blue Stocking. It annoys me that this is still a thing. Even under super formal Emily Post etiquette rules, a married couple where the woman retained her name should be addressed as Mr. John Doe and Ms. Blue Stocking.

    Anyway. I love my millennial cousin and the future spouse, and I’m excited to attend their wedding. Yet my feminist side was very annoyed upon seeing the invitation addressed that way.

    End of rant.

    1. I’d assume she delegated invite addresses to her mom or MIL. Even if not, just RSVP with your actual name.

      1. didn’t mean to imply that it’s any better if the MIL or mom did it. My own mom made our church change their mailing list away from this archaic addressing format in the 1980s.

    2. The women’s studies department of my undergrad (i minored in women’s studies) invited me to come back to a celebration. Except they somehow found out I am married, and addressed my invitation to “Mrs. my husband’s name.” I did not change my name. I understand that they they probably got my info from the university’s marketing department or whatever (don’t know how they found out about my marriage either), but the irony of the women’s studies department randomly calling me Mrs. Husband’s name really killed me….

      3. What if it was slick marketing to instill feminist rage and thus inspire you to give money because the world needs more education in women’s studies, dang it?

      4. I am not even married and constantly hear “Mrs” inserted before my last name. What is it about women of a certain age that makes us presumptively married—and want to be known as Mrs.?

        And believe it or not, I practice law in the NYC area.

        1. Me too. FOOEY on them. People must assume (incorrectly) that all pretty accomplished female attorney’s at law just MUST be married, but we are NOT, and that is because I am selective. After all, we do not just want to settle for any schlub just so we can say we are MARRIED. I have friends that did that and they regretted it. Sure they had a guy at home every night to slobber over them and have s-x with them, but that is NOT the point. We need to feel that we have the RIGHT guy slobbering over us and haveing s-x with us or it is just NOT worth.

      6. I wonder if we went to the same school, because the exact same thing happened to me. Mrs. First Maiden Husband’s Last. I cracked up – I did change my name but got that mail before it was official.

        1. I *did* change my last name (didn’t really care for the one I came with) but I have ALWAYS only gone by Ms.

          I’m a lawyer, everyone always calls me Ms., it’s never been an issue, but my husband the other day was talking about me doing something in court and was like pretending to be the judge and said something like “oh that’s excellent Mrs. Ourlastname” and it was all I could do not to scream I AM NOT YOUR MISSUS AT WORK BUDDY

          It was a moment of totally irrational rage that literally had me almost changing my last name.

    3. Ehh fair rant. I have the same situation and don’t mind when this happens. I always think, ahh, I am mrs dashing brown-eyed husband in the sense that he’s also mr. Rockstar lawyer.
      * but it would be better if the invitations were sometimes sent to the latter.

      1. My husband and I are both barred-in-state lawyers, and our “congratulations” for our wedding from the governor was addressed to Mrs. Maiden Name, Esq. and Mr. Married Name. It took me months to change my name (ended up keeping all 4 so I am First Middle Maiden (as a middle) Married), and to this day stuff still comes to Mr. First Maiden for stuff I registered for. And when I hadn’t changed my credit cards over and we used my card out to dinner, we would get “thank you Mr. and Mrs. Maiden”.

    4. I describe the feeling as the same rage I got as a kid being called my sister’s name.

      I’m Clementine Smith who married Davey Jones. I’m now Clementine Smith-Jones. The best thing is that somehow many, many documents have gotten so mixed up that my husband is constantly Davey Smith-Jones, Mr. Smith, or (my personal favorite) somehow we get something that is addressed to Clementine Smith-Jones and Davey Jones Smith-Jones. He just laughs.

      1. My partner and I work together (we are pretty private but not secret about it) but do not live together and are not married.

        Someone called him by my last name and I laughed and laughed. He also did find it funny, to his credit.

    5. Food for thought – if there’s a question as to whether a woman has kept her last name or changed it after marriage, shouldn’t the polite thing to do be addressing her by the name you know she had? That way, even if you’re wrong, it was the name she did use, at one point, vs. being wrong in the other direction, when it may never have been a name she ever wanted to be addressed by.

    6. I have been surprised at how much this kind of thing irks me since I got married and didn’t change my name. Even people who know darned good and well what my name is can’t manage to write it properly on an envelope.

      And also? Get the title right, while you’re at it (I’m looking at you, travel agent who puts “Mrs.” on my reservations). I am never Mrs. Senior Attorney. If I am Mrs. anybody (which I am not), I am Mrs. Lovely Husband. Mrs. Senior Attorney was my first mother-in-law. I am Ms. Senor Attorney.

      So… I feel your pain, Ms. Stocking.

      1. And… I can’t spell my own name. Serves me right for going on a rant! ;)

        1. I don’t know, I kind of like “Senor Attorney” lol. Though you would be a senora.

    7. I really hate this too. I get this on cards, invitations, etc. My husband are both from cultures where people don’t change their names when they get married – it baffles him more than me.

    8. Technically the invitation is properly addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe” or “Mr. John Doe and Ms. Blue Stocking.” Because you are, in fact, as Senior Attorney points out, Mrs. John Doe even though your name is. It Doe.

      Unless your professional title outranks his, in which case it’s “The Honorable Blue Stocking and Mr. John Doe.”

      1. When you are saying this is the proper way – what authority are you referring to?

        1. Probably some etiquette book from the 1800s when women were still considered property

    9. I’m glad I’m not alone. This makes me ragey, especially since the big offenders are my family who have listened to me rant for decades about not changing my name, ever. The most recent thing that did make me laugh was the complete omission of my last name and my husband’s where everyone else was invited with a last name (i.e. “Scarlett and Rhett v Melanie and Ashley Wilkes”). I don’t understand how this is so confusing for people.

      1. I sort of love that they left it off instead of risking your rage!

        It makes me rage-y too — i had been called to the bar for 7 years when we got married, my husband has a career that is much less reputation-based. We sent out our invites with MyLastHisLast@gmail.com as our RSVP email, and both of our lasts on our return labels.

        Fully 80% of the cheques we received were addressed to Mr. & Mrs. HisLast. At that point we didn’t have a joint bank account, so I made my husband deposit them.

        My grandfather’s 93 year old second cousin, who is a doctor, got it right. <3

        1. I have to say it made me laugh too – I decided to embrace the Madonna/Prince aspect of just having a first name.

      2. (Hides face) this is what I resort to. I never talk about last names with my friends and cousins when they get married, so when I send Christmas cards, I just use first names if I don’t know whether they changed their last name or not.

        1. To be fair to you, it doesn’t bother me at all when friends do it! It just drives me crazy when my family who I’ve had the conversation about my name a million times does it.

          1. Yeah, one side of my family is like this too. They are fully aware that I didn’t change my name, and the reasons for it, but they still act like they are “confused” 6 years after we got married. It’s clearly a passive-aggressive thing…

    10. I’ve returned-to-sender invites from husband’s family that come addressed that way. It also turned me off when a college friend sent me a wedding invite to Mr. and Mrs. MyFirst and LastName. The person knows I’m a PhD that kept my name – and should not be Mrs. It’s such an inherently degrading way to refer to someone.

      1. Wait, why is referring to someone as Mrs inherently degrading? I get that you have a PhD so you should be addressed as doctor. Aside from that, doesn’t Mrs just acknowledge that you are married? Is it because a man has Mr. before and after so there is no clear indication of whether he is married? I’ve never really been bothered by the term Mrs except that it makes me feel old.

        1. Because you are supposed to use the most important title. That’s why titles like ‘the honourable’ or similar are used instead of mr/mrs if they apply. So when a woman has a phd and they chose the mrs title it makes it seem like that is the more important title. A man is rarely referred to as mr. if he’s married and an md or phd.

          1. I address things to my PhD-holding male relatives as “Mr” all the time (things like Christmas cards and thank you notes, though, not wedding invitations). I guess that’s “wrong” but oh well.

        2. I think part of the offense is many of these obliterate the woman’s name altogether. ie, 60 years ago my “name” was basically “Mrs. John Smith”

          Mr. and Mrs. Smith is one thing. Mr. Smith and Ms. Jones is one thing. But Mr. and Mrs. John Smith I think is offensive.

          I actually did change my last name. So I’m Susie Smith. I go by Ms., but Mrs. Smith doesn’t offend me. Mrs. John Smith does. I have a name. It’s not John.

          1. It’s also offensive to women who have chosen not to change their name or go by Mrs. to expressly contravene their wishes–regardless of respective prestige levels or whatever. It’s about respecting women’s choices.

        1. Yeah, you do because they are real doctors unlike MDs. MD is like a JD, it’s not a Phd.

    11. My only revenge for this is that I always book vacations for me and my differently-named husband, so all hotel employees refer to him throughout trips as Mr. R in Boston.

      1. Ha! My husband says he’s happy when the hotel people are calling him Mr. Senior Attorney because that means it’s my credit card on file!

    12. I think that the millenials are NOT as much as into FEMINISMs as we are. After all, it was US that had to do all of the dirty work to succeed in a MAN’s world, and the millenials are NOW REAPEING the benefits of our hard labor. As they said in the Pasover Seder, it is what OUR generation did that the rest of the world will benefit from! I myself and not an angel! I am NOT a messenger, I am faithful to our friends and family! YAY!!!!! BTW, I am still stuffed up from all of the MATZAs I ate and put on 6 pounds over the last 2 weeks. I think it had to do with the extra storms and me sitteing inside for 2 weeks b/c of the snow eating and eating and eating. FOOEY! Now I have to figure out a way to loose this extra pounds b/c I need to be svelte by the time we go out on Memorial Day to the manageing partner’s yacht. I do NOT want to have to wear a coverup all day on the boat b/c of my tuchus being to big. I want MEN to want to date me for my intellect and my body, if need be. I do NOT want to look like a mess when they come on to the boat ! YAY!!!!

  13. How long can you wait until you update your LinkedIn after a job switch? Does it matter at all?
    Today was my last day at my current job. I did a small speech and accidentally mentioned I’ll be working in x area, managed to dodge the question about my actual next job.
    I have accepted an offer and will only start in June and for various reasons (incl. that new job is at a competitor) don’t want to disclose where I’d be working.
    I am moving countries so won’t see any of my former colleagues. A couple of them have my phone number but everyone else would eventually find out from LinkedIn. How long is is acceptable for me not to change my job on LinkedIn? My notifications are off so no one would get a hint of the change unless they specifically search for me. Would my new employer be susceptible that I didn’t reflect the new job on my profile? as in maybe I’m ashamed of them? The new job is the next level in my career (think from senior consultant at job 1 to engagement manager at job 2) with a slightly smaller yet highly regarded firm.

    1. I think you are overthinking it. Your employer is not trolling LinkedIn, checking that all of their employees advertise that they work there. I once left a hostile work environment (think sexism and racism) for a direct competitor (who increased my salary 50%. I waited 3 months before updating LinkedIn, on the theory that by then I would have made a good impression on my new colleagues and if someone from my old workplace tried to slime me, then it would have less impact on my career and job security. No one at new workplace said anything, or even noticed that it took awhile for me to update LinkedIN.

      1. Thank you, this is reassuring. I guess I had the same worries as you so I’m glad it turned out ok in your case. I hope the same goes for me.

      1. I’m just being paranoid from being slapped a few times so don’t want to take unnecessary risks in my new career.

        1. Thanks. It’s been tough emotionally but I went through an interview marathon (up to 5 per day) and got multiple offers. I was in the very lucky position to choose the one I liked. This community was of great help (aside from the couple random people who were unbelievably rude or called me tr0ll). I am thrilled but slightly burned out from all the screening calls , skype interviews etc. It was worth it and I am grateful that things worked out, but some people were mean to me in real life and I’d rather celebrate here and not tell them until I am emotionally ready for more beating up.

    4. Major overthinking. Your new employer is not checking your LI to see how quickly you update it. No one cares.

  14. Finally biting the bullet and getting cleaning help at home. My family is me, my husband, our toddler, and cat. Most friends and family say it’s only necessary every other week. Do folks here agree? Is every week cleaning help worth it? We’d still do all of our own laundry, dishes, and sheets, as well as regularly wipe down the kitchen counters. I feel kind of silly asking, because quite frankly anything will be better than the zero help we’re getting now (which means tons of stuff never gets done). And it would be a lot easier to ask them to come more often than decrease the service probably. But I’m curious what others say. Thanks and happy weekend!

    1. Personally, I prefer weekly. Two weeks means a big part of week two is insufferable, especially with pets and a kid. We’re two relatively neat people only, and once a week is just right to always have a clean house.

    2. I would start with every other week and see how you do. Like you said, it’s easier to increase than to decrease.

    3. We’re honestly fine with once/month although we have an infant not a toddler and I know toddlers are messier. We have to clean the kitchen ourselves every day or it would be a pigsty and we really don’t need bathrooms or carpets cleaned more than once per month. Every week sounds excessive if you’re doing daily kitchen cleanups and with a toddler I think daily kitchen cleaning is probably pretty mandatory. It’s counter intuitive but I think an adults-only household might benefit from more frequent cleaning services because there is less self-cleaning. Parents really have no choice but to be constantly cleaning/picking up after kids and can thus get away with less frequent professional cleaning.

    4. I would start out with every other week and see how you feel. While I think weekly would be awesome, one thing to think about is that there is a bit of pre-cleaning that you will want to do before the cleaners come — in our case, that is usually putting away toys, kids’ books, Amazon boxes lying around, etc. Not a huge deal but it takes some time. Cleaners are the best – enjoy.

    5. We have an every other week service (myself, husband, 2 cats, baby on the way). We are pretty clean people and even so, I agree with the above comment that the latter part of week 2 in particular is not pleasant. We’re seriously considering upgrading to weekly once baby gets here.

  15. Can anyone recommend a good career coach with experience working in biglaw? I don’t mean someone who will assist in transitioning out of biglaw, but someone who can help guide me on team management and etc. NY based would be ideal.

    1. Try Nan of Rapid Evolution. You can google her. She’s great and does remote work. I worked with her from my desk once a week for two months, and she helped me tremendously.

    2. I use Amy at Apochromatik after someone posted about her here. She used to be at Skadden. I’ve only worked with her a few weeks but it’s been great so far.

  16. Does anyone have a recommendation in the DC area of where I can take my wedding dress to be cleaned and preserved after my wedding in 3 weeks? Please help!

    1. Ah no recommendations but congratulations!! I am in the process of job hunting in DC and ocassionally will Pinterest DC wedding venues, etc. So exciting!

      1. I am extremely single, bu in terms of DC wedding venues if you’re just casually looking I would take a peek a Rocklands Winery out in MD. I went there with friends last summer and all I want is for someone to have a wedding there because it’s adorable.

  17. I am thinking about going to a Bobbi Brown counter for a teaching/consulting session on make-up application. I know I will need to buy a few things…… Wondering which Bobbi Brown products are ones that you go back for, and any that are not worth it. I am looking for a natural look, and am particularly interested in lip color, eye shadows, and possibly BB creams and/ or concealer.

    In my 40’s.

    2. I love their stick foundation and a lipstick. Used both for my wedding with my super super pale pink-toned skin. They were the only ones who could go light enough in a pink undertone (apparently most are yellow) for me.

    3. I love Bobbi Brown, and 75%+ of my makeup is from them. Typically when you do a session with a BB counter, they ask you to buy 3+ items. I always buy the lipstick + lip liner (I have many colors of each and love them), and then pick one other thing they used that I think looks amazing.
      I’ve only ever bought 1 of their eye shadows (the shadow stick in Vanilla, which is a good base for other colors), but those are what’s next on my list.
      One thing I would recommend not buying: I do not believe in expensive mascara since (1) you have to replace it often, (2) drugstores have very good mascaras, and (3) I find BB’s is a little clumpy.
      Also if by any chance you’re in NY, I recommend the BB counter at Saks. They have consistently done a great job on my makeup!

    5. I’m a big fan of B.B. eyeshadows, they have very even coverage and stay put. The brushes are also worth it. I can live without the foundation, blush and mascara.

      1. That was supposed to be a +, not a ÷…that’s what I get for typing on my phone after 3 glasses of wine!

  19. I need help from those of you that are knowledgeable about NYC. DH and I are headed to NYC in a few weeks to see HP and the Cursed Child at the Lyric Theatre. We are seeing both parts in one day (Saturday), so have approximately 2 hours for dinner in between shows. Do we make reservations somewhere close by? Wing it and grab something quick? Taxi to a better food location?

    We enjoy eating good/fancy/delicious food, and this is our first kid free vacation in two years, so I am trying to fit in as many nice meals out as I can. However, I am not sure what is realistic for this meal. Any advice would be appreciated!

    1. You’re so lucky you scored tickets!! I’ve been wanting to see this show for a while now. I would definitely find a place in the area and make reservations in advance. Midtown is especially busy and two hours is not really enough to enjoy a nice meal without anxiousness about making it back into the theater on time.

    2. There’s a Shake Shack half a mile from there. I’d probably just go there and save the fancy meals for the other days.

    3. I would make reservations for lunch nearby, or walk over and find something tasty looking on to 9th avenue. There are lots of very decent restaurants nearby, and better not to feel rushed. 9th avenue feels so much less touristy than 8th or 7th – it’s like night and day. Marseille, 5 napkin burger, lots of good options. And if you want inexpensive burgers I highly recommend Schnippers over Shake Shack – no line at Schnippers and the food is just as good. Schmackary’s cookies are delicious.

    4. The Lyric is right in Times Square, so it’s a pretty long, crowded walk to Ninth Ave. I’d get reservations at John’s Pizza on 44th street. It’s coal oven pizza in a decommissioned church. Not fancy, but the pizza is very good, and you’ll have plenty of time that way.

  20. Just got a workplace promotion which, ironically, means a move from an office with a window to one without. Any tips for decorating a windowless office to make it less claustrophobic? (Painting walls is not an option.)

    2. Link in moderation so check back. But congratulations on the promotion!

    4. Plants – one on the credenza/bookcase and a larger one on the floor. A large wall hanging with a favorite scene – Europe, Hawaii, your childhood beach vacation spot – or a garden/outdoor painting and good lighting. In addition to a good desk lamp, you might want a formal table lamp or standing lamp in the corner with a pink or “true light” light bulb to counteract the yellow of fluorescent ceiling lights.

    5. I’d say make sure you sit facing the door. I get claustrophobic staring at a wall all day and always set my screen so that I’m looking towards the front since there’s usually more visual space that way. You may not have done that in the past because of glare from the window, but it’s worth re-thinking your standard set up without a window. Also, bring in good desk lamps! They really do help. It’s amazing how dim overhead lighting is after having daylight.

    6. At least one wall with a large mirror (or several smaller mirrors) arranged on it. They give the impression of a wider space / window, and light bouncing around.

  21. Aw nuts. Just found out Polyvore is shut down. What visual tools do y’all use to make outfits again?

  22. I just got an e-mail announcement for a law school alumnae (i.e., women only) event that starts out “Come walk the streets…” I guess we are supposed to be raising funds in addition to networking?

  23. https://corporette.com/speckled-tweed-cropped-shrug/

    So maybe some of you ladies could help me. I’m trying to figure out how to search for more things like that, but I don’t really know the terms to use. I know “shrug” but I’m also looking specifically for that sort of straight edge that fastens only at the neck pattern. And that same sort of structured could kind of be part of a suit look.
    (Because sleeveless tops and separate shrugs are the broke and curvy lady’s friend.)

    Is there a way to distill that into actual search terms?

  24. Maybe a weird question for this forum, but does anyone deal with occasional flare ups of vague, non-specific existential dread? I’ve gotten my generalized anxiety mostly under control with Zoloft and healthy lifestyle, and my life is objectively a good one, but sometimes I still become completely overwhelmed (like to the point of panic attack, even wanting to hurt myself) by feelings of inadequacy or like my life isn’t living up to the exceptional specialness I for some reason thought it would when I was younger. I’d really like to get past this mindset; I know it’s immature and entitled. Any advice?

    1. Sounds awful. This is not immature or entitled behavior and to even say that tells me you are not able to look at things clearly at the moment.

      How long do these “flare ups” last? How often do they occur?
      Makes a difference. Like if they are brief and sterotyped (like a few minutes), they literally could be a tiny seizure. But in the context of your known anxiety (do you have a therapist?) they are most likely similar to a panic attack if they last minutes to hours. If they last longer (days to weeks), you may have some instability wrapped into your mood disorder that needs to be leveled out. Sometimes medicines that help depression can sometimes throw your anxiety out of wack.

      So you should talk with your psychiatrist who is prescribing your medicine ASAP, and your therapist. You may need a tweeking of your meds, which is common over time, or something that you can take in the moment when you feel yourself spiraling. This is also where a therapist and CBT teaching could be really helpful for teaching you some strategies in addition to your healthy lifestyle (nice job with that).

      Call your doctor, and keep us posted.

    2. This sounds like a med issue…or health issue. Thyroid probs and even high dose vitamin D supplements, or even Lyme Disease, can cause these feelings.

    3. This isn’t immature or entitled. It’s a sign you do not actually have your anxiety and depression under control and that you urgently need to discuss this with your psychiatrist and your therapist.

    1. I think they are kind of adorable.

      Honestly, I don’t think seniors wear skinny ankle jeans. The light wash is a little bit challenging though.

    3. I think it depends what you wear them with. A minimalist (maybe collarless, one button) red or black blazer with point toe flats and dangly statement earrings? Cool! A cotton pointelle Henley tee and keds and socks? Totally “senior”

    4. And would definitely wear these jeans! Not with a tank top like someone much younger but these would look great with a white button down, fitted t-shirt or sleeveless top.

  26. My doctor suggested I have hypothyroidism. Of course I will follow uo and if confirmed, I will start the treatment. Just wonder if anyone went through the treatment and how fast after the start of treatment did you feel better. I am tired, slow, my skin and hair are wrecked, I gained some weight and may have slight depression.

    1. The meds help right away, though it takes a few months for them to kick in fully. It can also take some time to work out the correct dose, but the goal is usually to get there quickly (since an adequate dose of thyroid can suppress the autoimmune process underlying autoimmune hypothyroidism, whereas an inadequate dose can exacerbate it).

      It’s my view that it’s worth finding out if hypothyroidism is autoimmune or not, though not every doctor agrees. There’s also some controversy over what’s a normal test result and when to start medicating. There’s even more disagreement over what to do with patients who seem to have issues with T4 conversion. If you decide to read up on this, “Dr. Jacqueline Jonklaas” (a researcher at Georgetown) is a good name to start with. She takes a balanced view that is also up-to-date.

      Getting a thyroid issue addressed can feel transformative. I hadn’t realized how extensively hypothyroidism had affected my life until I was medicated and recovering. I hope you have this experience as well!

      1. My doctor told me that there are two forms of hypothyroidism, the automimmune version (called Hashimoto’s) and a non-automimmune one. They treat both with levothyroxine. It makes a difference quickly. The non-autoimmune version may also respond to a low-carb diet, although the thyroid needs some carbs so you can’t reduce them too much.

    2. Give it a good six weeks for the brain fog to clear, and several months to see improvement in hair/skin. Also, be aware that different types of medication work better/worse for different people, so you may need to try more than one. Some people are okay on synthroid, while others need natural derivatives. Don’t give up, it’s worth it.

      Also, when your hair does start to come back, be aware that it may go gangbusters on you. I did gain back all the thickness and volume I’d lost…but I also grew a mustache. Be prepared to wax/thread/bleach.

  27. Any other admin assistants here? Due to a variety of reasons (mainly that I was unemployed for 6 months due to a layoff) I took an admin/receptionist role last year as a way to have an income. I’ve been in the position for about 8 months and while I’m doing well in the job, I’m, to be frank, extremely bored and not getting the intellectual challenge I need in a job. I’ve been applying to positions over the past 8 months that are more in line with what I want to do, but none of them have panned out. I’m getting a little paranoid and anxious that the longer I stay in this role, the harder it will be to transition to anything outside of admin. I’m worried I’ve basically cut off my career before it really had a chance to get started (I’m 28, so been in the workforce ~5 years) and will only be able to do admin work from now on, with no chance or potential to earn more than $30k or use my actual college degree. I feel extremely stuck and hopeless. I feel like such a huge failure and so stupid because I’ve had such terrible luck in the job market and I’m not getting any younger or more marketable the longer I keep working in this role.

    Can anyone advise or give any suggestions? Internal advancement isn’t an option, due to the company structure.

    1. First, courage! You’re not a failure or stupid.

      Second, post again on Monday, so you’ll get responses.

      Third, you haven’t wrecked your career, you WILL make more than $30K. I’m in my 50s and have restarted about ….four times over the past decades. Each time, I was afraid I’d tanked my career and would never use my skills again. EAch time, I was wrong. I have had some amazing opportunities to do new and different things. So will you. Show up tomorrow, take pride in the fact that you’re working and doing what’s needed to support yourself, and keep moving toward the next thing.

      If you need a challenge, ask someone at work for a project, take a night course, or find a way to learn something new.

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