Weekend Open Thread

130 Comments

1. Any recommendations for waterproof iPad pouches for reading in the bathtub? Device is 9.5 x 6.5 inches and I’d prefer if I can place it in there without removing the every day case. Is there a reputable place to buy pouches that isn’t Amazon/Walmart/eBay? If I could just buy one from Apple I would, but they don’t seem to exist. Any brand recommendations? I had a SumacLife for my Kindle and it was fine.

   1. Maybe look for something designed for sports & outdoors? Lots of places that sell hiking/boating/kayaking gear will have waterproof pouches for phones and tablets in different sizes.

   2. I use a gallon Ziploc bag for mine.

      1. This is brilliant, I had NO IDEA the touchscreen would work through a ziplock but they do!! Thanks for this tip!

2. I could use some organizational tips. It seems that my apartment is exploding with items I use for my hobbies, but I’m having trouble figuring out how to organize things logically since I use some things (like jackets or hats) for multiple activities. Then when I want to go do a certain activity, I feel like I’m looking in ten different places for what I need. Some things are obviously grouped together (ski boots with ski helmets, riding boots with riding helmet), but what do I do about the sweaters and baseball caps and sunscreen and all the other random things that I use for multiple activities? We have a guest room with a closet I can use to store things, but it’s a tad inconvenient for the grab-and-go items I use frequently. Help!

   1. Can you keep a Go Bag ready? Like a zip-top tote bag where you keep a fleece and a cap and sunscreen and lip balm and an emergency Lara bar, etc. Change the items out seasonally, but you know to always grab it for adventures.

   2. We had the same problem. What has worked for us is to have a clear plastic container in our mudroom that contains random stuff like sunscreen, hand sanitizer, bug spray, hats, extra hair ties, swim goggles. On our way out the door, we grab what we need — sometimes the whole container! The system was a lifesaver during the summer months.

      1. In addition to this system, I would probably make packing lists for each activity, so I remember to grab the sunscreen or change for the locker or whatever.

         1. I meant to add: I have packing lists for business travel and long haul flights on my phone, so I remember the sleeping pills, the adapter for my laptop and all those little things. And somehow, without that list, I would forget my hairbrush every time.

   3. Can you pack a tote bag with those random things that you use for most activities? I have a nice cube style shelf with 8 12×12 cubes that I use for my hobby supplies (think ikea). 12×12 fabric totes fit perfectly inside, and I buy them at target. Its a great size for a lot of msc gear. Then you could use the upper shelf for smaller basket storage for the little things, like sunscreen, extra deodorant, etc. I also keep one drawer of my dresser for more athletic wear, sweatshirts, pants, yoga pants, tee shirts I don’t mind getting dirty, etc etc. That way they are separate from all the other stuff and I know where they are.

   4. Do you have a closet where you store your coats etc. that would be convenient? You could hang jackets and things there and add plastic sterilite drawers to hold sunscreen and other odds and ends.

      1. We use 2gal clear ziplock bags so we can see inside and so we can label “Skiing Stuff.” I also have a number of separate bags packed for various activities like the “go bag” idea.

      2. Shoe organizer bag with clear pockets to hang on the inside of the closet door!

   5. I have a couple different sport bags, one for swim and one for snow. I toss what I need into the bags when I am putting away laundry, and toss a note on top if I am missing something key.

3. Can you wear block heels with a skirt suit? Can you wear them at all for business formal?
   I have noticed that not one single woman in my rather starchy firm wears them at any time, but me. What is it that I don’t get?
   Weird thing is, it’s not like they are all wearing extremely conservative shoes. Au contraire, it’s stilettos every day, every occasion, every woman.

   1. I haven’t worn a tall, pointy heel…in 18 months maybe? And that was for an evening event, not work. I’ve been wearing low chunky heels exclusively at the office with skirts and pants. I rarely wear full suits, but I wear skirts with blazers all the time with the chunky heels.

      1. Tall pointy heels look really dated to me at this point, except for evening / dressy events. My eye is much more used to block heels at this point.

         1. Same

   2. The women partners at my firm retreats wear Ferragamo Varas to the point where it seems to be a thing. Easy to stand in. People wear with skirt suits, dresses, and pants. I like them, but my feet and budget don’t, so I wear something visually similar — 2″ block heel (Talbots, Brooks Brothers, etc. make them from time to time and I hoard when I find them every couple of years).

      A couple of partners are in higher / thinner heels, but my feet would be screaming at me for wearing them at anything where I’d be standing >1 hour.

      1. And the nice thing about Ferragamos is that they run true to size, so you can easily get them inexpensively on eBay from the estates of little old ladies who wore them only to church on Sundays!

      2. I wear block heels all the time – not destroying my feet with stillettos! Hang in there!!!

   3. They probably spent good money on those stilettos, ha! Block heels are cool too but definitely more recent in the past 2-3 years and probably a trend.

      1. agree that it’s probably more about the fact that they already have the pointy stilettos.

         I’ve bought a variety over the years but haven’t bought work heels (i’ve just accepted that I love flats and manolos) in a while.

   4. I think a portion of the stiletto set considers block heels to be “frumpy.” I disagree and think the best versions are actually most appropriate for business formal and go well with a skirt suit.

   5. I wear block heels (Everlane V Heel) with my skirt suit, but I bought them last fall. I agree that no one seems to do this, but I think it is because suit fashion tends to run 2-3 years behind trends. I don’t think it’s not work appropriate to wear block heels.

   6. I do but only ones that have a covered leather heel and a structured toe, not the ones that look like ballet slippers with blocks of wood attached. I wear the more casual ones with jeans.

4. I am almost five years post-partum from my fourth and final pregnancy. Looking at getting a tummy tuck as I am near my ideal weight, but have loose skin tone, weakened ab muscles and tons of stretch marks, none of which can be resolved by diet and exercise alone.

   For those of you who have had tummy tucks, how long did you need off of work? I have a sedentary desk job, which I can do from home, but only for 2 weeks max, and, ideally, I’d miss only 7 office days. Any other info on things you wish you’d known or details about recovery would also be appreciated!

   1. No direct experience, but for an unplanned c-section, I was fine pain-wise after about a week, but the wound was still painful/required pretty significant bandaging for about 6 weeks.
      I also found this article really interesting – maybe worth giving a shot to help speed/heal the scar!
      https://beautytap.com/2018/10/scar-care/

   2. I can tell you right now that two weeks off is nowhere near long enough to recover from a tummy tuck. The recovery CAN take two weeks if you heal fast, well and have a high pain tolerance. But for many it will be a month before it doesn’t hurt to do anything but lay down. Tummy tuck is a major surgery involving the repositioning of muscles, fat, and skin – it takes a lot out of you. Being able to work from home for two weeks would be great, but you won’t really be able to work at all for at least a week. I recommend taking off a week for recovery then work from home for two weeks. By then you’ll have drains and bandages removed and may be able to walk straight without lots of pain (maybe just dull mild kind of a healing wound).

      I highly recommend consulting with multiple plastic surgeons and seeing if you’re a candidate for skin removal only. Scarring is similar but if your ab muscles are in relatively good shape and you don’t expect or want a shape change, healing is much faster and easier, and some surgeons will do it under twilight anesthesia (put you to sleep and anesthetize locally as opposed to general anesthesia). If you get a tummy tuck talk to the surgeon about the process and procedure. Plastic surgeons will often reposition muscles like a corset to bring the waist in – you’ll never have 6 pack because your muscles aren’t shaped like that any more but you will have a nipped in waist. Make sure they know if you do or don’t want this.

      Also no one really tells you that you will have a scar from hip to hip that may or may not heal properly. Tummy tuck scar revision and cover up tattoos are a whole niche industry now.

      1. Thanks for your response! The surgeon I saw actually said I dont have muscle separation so dont “need” tightening, so maybe a mini would be an option. A lot to consider . . . thanks again

   3. one of the contributors to the mom edit just had a tummy tuck for extreme DR and is documenting all of it on her IG page: julietatorresd.

   4. I’ve had one and it is not for the faint of heart. I took a month off work and I was glad for every day of it. I had my drains removed too soon and developed a seroma and had to go to the doc every few days to have fluid drained via needle for several weeks, which was pretty darned gruesome. Also my belly button healed way too tiny and I had to have it revised twice before it looked normal.

      That said I’m happy I did it but man! It is not for the faint of heart!

      P.S. I’ve also had a c-section and a tummy tuck is a WHOLE ‘nother level!

      1. This is what scares me! I *really* want to have my extra skin removed. It really bothers me. But a month off work? I don’t even know how I could do that.

         1. It’s a lot but I will say it is really really worth it. And honestly I could have gone back a week earlier, just glad I didn’t have to. Couldn’t you do it in summer when classes are not in session?

            1. Oh and see above — might not be as bad without the muscle tightening.

            2. Yes and no about summer. In the summer, I am not teaching, but then I have more in the way of administrative work. It just depends. But I want to find out more about it!

5. Grabbed these in the aubergine. So excited, I’ve been looking for short rainboots for ages!

   1. Beware before wearing these for a decent-length walk — the ankles on these are tight compared to normal Hunters!

      1. Good to know. Thanks!

6. Any recs for holy grail black work pants? We’re business casual, so I’m thinking something with some stretch and that holds its color in the wash.

   1. My favorite, best-fitting work pants are from Loft.

      1. +1

      2. I also swear by Loft. I’m tall and they have a good selection for tall women.

   2. J Crew Cameron Pants. I ordered them in long to make them full length. I’m 5’6, petite pear.

      1. Me too! I’m 5’7 and pear.

   3. Everlane $50 work pants. Great fit and stretch.

   4. Nic + Zoe Wonderstretch. I got the straight leg version. I’ve been wearing them at least twice a week since I bought them.

      1. NYDJ knit ponte pants are comfy and often on sale.

         1. +1 for NYDJ ponte

   5. Banana Republic Logan fit.

      1. +1, but I have no butt and very slim thighs.

         1. Not the Logans then, but maybe the Sloans? They are great pants — just a matter of finding the right cut.

            Also +1 on the Loft recommendations above.

   6. Old Navy pixie pants are what I wear most days. I also really like the Everlane Italian GoWeave Easy Pant, but they’re dry clean only, I think.

   7. Brass Ponte Pants

7. Say, yogis:
   Could you recommend leggings that don’t have your foot sliding down your rooted leg during tree pose? Namaste!

   1. lululemons, old navy both helped with this. Sorry i don’t know if the specific type of pants. I find the thin and shiny material to be the worst offenders

      I also find rooting my foot higher up so the heel is almost in the crux by my pubic bone(?) to be helpful

   2. I find the athletic leggings are absolute no-no for tree pose. Looser sweatpants (or tights) that offer some friction when my legs are in tree pose, are much better for me. Also, focusing on the standing leg heels press into ground and the other leg press into the thighs help with balance as well.

   3. Lululemon has some good ribbed leggings, but the key is to use the glute of the raised leg to hold the foot in place and activate your lower core for balance.

8. Any recommendations for Roombas? Baby is almost mobile so would like to have the floors cleaner than we are used to keeping them. We have a combination of hardwood and carpet. Thanks!

   1. I don’t have a roomba, but I just want to say that I have a crawler and our floors are pretty dirty. We have a cleaning service but only once a month. We have a dog, so there aren’t a lot of crumbs lying around, but the dog’s tongue is not exactly hygienic either. Our daughter has almost never been sick, and there’s a lot of evidence that immaculately clean houses do more harm to kids than dirty houses (because their immune systems don’t develop properly). So you don’t *need* a roomba, if you don’t otherwise want one.

      1. +1

      2. Agree with this and kids will find a way to be gross af whatever you do (it’s like floor and dust bunnies are truffle seasoning to them)! Fwiw I’m a clean freak and had a Roomba about 10 yrs ago and hated it (it always got tangled up in random stuff). We recently bought a cordless vacuum and LOVE it- it’s awesome for cleaning up random messes our toddler makes so it doesn’t spread to the rest of the house.

   2. I have a roomba 675 (bump and turn style) and a 980 (smarter model that maps and learns a room). I like them both. The 980 was necessary downstairs because I live in an old house with lots of doorways and the bump and turn would get lost.

      So I keep bump and turn upstairs primarily for my bedroom (which has been an enormous help with my dust allergies) and keep the 980 downstairs. Both can handle rugs and hardwood. My rugs are Persian style.

      The 980 does a better job around the edges of the room and has more features, like showing me a map of where it cleaned.

      The only drawback with both of them is that they love to eat iPhone charging cords so you need those up and out of the way, but you’d probably do that as part of your babyproofing anyway.

      Overall, I love the roomba life and would never go back.

9. People here often mention regional biglaw firms or midlaw or boutiques. Are there recruiters who deal with those or do you solely get those jobs by networking esp at senior levels? That’s what I’m interested in and every recruiter I talk to seems to say – yeah that’s great but here’s this vault 25 firm that’s looking. Thoughts?

   1. Yes, but this may be location and firm dependent. I’ve worked with the Partners Group in Atlanta (they have a national presence though) for positions at smaller firms.

   2. Agreed with Anonymous at 4:42 PM. If you’re looking for Baltimore or Philly, Liz Schapiro and Annette Amato might be options. Liz has a network in NYC as well.

10. How do you know when it’s time to leave a job?

    I’m in a mission-driven organization and role. I love my work but hate my job. When I am just doing the substance of my work (I am an individual contributor who works primarily independently), I am happy. However, my organization is largely dysfunctional and now that I am becoming more senior, this dysfunction is starting to affect my work and opportunities for growth.

    The hesitation is that I cannot do this work anywhere else (only organization in my area) and relocating is not an option for family and other reasons. So switching jobs is basically doing a huge pivot in my career. I’ve been researching jobs that would have as many as possible of the functions that I enjoy, but without the same mission, I feel very uninspired by them. And of course, there’s no guarantee that a new job would be less dysfunctional than this one.

    Would love any advice.

    1. Curious to hear replies! I am in a mission-driven organization that’s also dysfunctional, but maybe not so senior as you? What I don’t like about my job is that I haven’t been able to form close friendships with co-workers – in fact, that two that sit closest to me don’t seem to have any interest in me/being nice to me at all. This is in direct contrast to previous jobs. I’m in a different life place and have a different background. I don’t blame them, but it’s not fun spending 45 hours a week sitting five feet away from people who are friends with each other but not with you.

       All that to say, I am looking to potentially make a change because I think I could sacrifice the mission a bit to be happier on a day to day basis. We spend a lot of time at work! I think you sound like a passionate person so while the mission of other organizations doesn’t inspire you now, that doesn’t mean you couldn’t find things in another position to inspire you down the road as you dig in. I think it’s problematic sometimes to have drunk the koolaid at one organization too much – bring a critical eye elsewhere and make it work for you!

    2. I have no idea because I’m in the same situation. Love the work, hate the job. I recently got a job offer at another organization that I ended up turning down. The fear of leaving for something potentially worse is … well, it’s the devil you know vs. the devil you don’t. I think I made the right decision because the new job had some serious drawbacks, but I’m not sure what WILL get me to leave.

       In the meantime, I’m trying to strengthen my relationships with coworkers and do my best to disengage from my work at the end of the day, which goes against my natural personality. (It’s the mission-driven thing, I think.)

       Commiseration and hugs?

    3. This makes me wonder if we work at the same place. I try to fill my plate with as much substantive work as possible and form true connections with my clients and co-workers who are not completely dysfunctional. I hope that by becoming more senior (I am upper mid-level now, if that makes sense) that I can have some influence on at least our particular division’s dysfunction, but the larger organization is always going to have its issues. I really, really believe in the work and love the substantive work that cannot be done at any where else, so I’m in it for the long haul. I do try and really disengage from work when I am off, It is hard and I am not perfect at it, but it helps. I also do things every so often to get re-energized on the mission and that helps push through some of the dysfunction. One of my favorite co-workers left because of the dysfunction, but the grass is not always greener she discovered.

    4. And to answer the question posed–it is time to leave when it affects the quality of your work. In my situation, I have seen lawyers stay longer than they should have and the client suffers for it.

    5. There are remote jobs out there! If you are used to working independently, you need to start looking at large companies to see what remote positions are available. You have a much better chance of landing one of these if you are more senior and have a good mix of skills (rather than just technical or just sales). Good luck!

11. I would like to buy bikes for me and DH this spring but have no idea where to start. I would appreciate any advice on what we should get. The plan would be to bike on paved trails with our almost seven year old who can now handle paved trails, bike around our neighborhood, and put them on our car to take with us to access paved trails. I don’t want to go overboard, but I want to be comfortable and buy something that will last awhile.

    1. Local Bike Shop! They’ll give you an idea of what’s best for what you want to do and may even have some good leads on high quality used bikes.

    2. I think you should go to a local bike shop, tell them what you posted above, and give them your budget. A good shop will work with you and let you test ride a few bikes, then can help with accessories or adjustments so it fits right and works for you, and then can also do maintenance. I paid about $1000 for my bike nearly a decade ago and it is still going strong. It was my first big purchase out of college, and my primary means of transport for 6 years while I was in grad school. I’m hoping too more bike commuting this year, it was one of my resolutions.

    3. Are you thinking road bike or hybrid? Or are you open to both/looking for advice on that question? I have an entry level Giant road bike. Hubby has the next step up Giant road bike for men and is getting a gravel bike (road bike styling with thicker tires) this spring. We love and recommend them. Some folks will say that hybrids are more comfortable. I understand where they’re coming from, but respectfully disagree. Because the road bikes are easier to move, it makes riding more comfortable for me. Personally, I like the posture I have on my road bike, because it makes biking easier/more efficient. With padded shorts, comfort is no issue. Reasonable minds could disagree and recommend a hybrid (which will be cheaper).

       In any event, wear a helmet!

       1. Personally, I’m an avid road/gravel cyclist and completely agree that if you’re riding for exercise a road bike is 100% the way to go (on paved surfaces, obviously), but I would recommend a hybrid for the usage the OP is describing. I think that if you’re trying to keep an eye on a new-to-cycling (and thus unstable) child, the stability of a hybrid is going to be more valuable than the efficiency/maneuverability of a road bike. I also personally wouldn’t ride a road bike without a chamois, and again, for casual expeditions with kids, not having to change into special clothes is nice. Plus a lot of road bikes won’t clear tires past a 28, and I generally recommend something more like a 35 for a running around town bike. Of course, when the OP realizes she loves cycling and we convert her to the dark side she will want a road bike…

          OP, like others, I’d recommend you go to a bike shop – even if you could get a cheaper bike at Wal-Mart or something like that, if you buy your bike from a local bike shop it will more than pay off in terms of support/repairs/etc. after the fact (a lot of times you get a tune-up for free, and if you have minor problems they can fix them right there). My very specific personal recommendation is to go to a Trek dealer and look at the FX range of hybrids. Trek’s quality is good even at their lowest price point (which is about $450); I commuted on a Trek hybrid for years and was very happy with it. Also, Trek is a big supporter of women’s cycling if corporate social responsibility is something you care about.

          Other stuff you will need, which the bike shop can get you: a flat kit (tire levers, CO2, spare tubes, and a bag to put it in), a floor pump if you don’t have one, and helmets. I highly, highly recommend daytime running lights if you will ever be on a road with cars.

          Anonymous: your husband will love the gravel bike! I do a ton of gravel racing and it is super, super fun. Not sure if you’ve tried it but would love to see more ladies out there on the dirt roads :-).

          1. Thanks everyone for all of the helpful comments. I got real sticker shock when shopping for a bike for my child and thankfully a friend ended up giving us one that hers had grown out of. But I also want to get the right thing because I am pretty sure we will use them since we have good bike paths where we live and also paths in a town where we frequently visit in the summer.

          2. I am so tempted to get into Cyclocross, but the last thing I need is another relatively pricey hobby and also I have no time with my running training, but MAN does it look fun.

    4. I suggest buying a nice but cheap bike from Target, Walmart, or a local bike store (maybe Schwinn) to see if you’ll actually use them regularly, then upgrade if you find yourself actually riding regularly.

       1. Or get a decent bike used –

          1. I’d much rather have a good, used bike than a cheap Walmart/Target bike. IMO, there is a big difference. If I had a bike that didn’t give me as good of an experience, I’d probably think I didn’t like biking and not get the nice one.

             1. FWIW I got an equal-to-my-purposes Trek from a local shop specializing in used bikes for about $280. Would recommend going that route if new bikes are giving you sticker shock.

       2. No, go get an entry-level model at the local bike shop. The crappy Target bikes aren’t worth the money and they’ll be ridiculously heavy, clunky, and annoying. Ask me how I know.

12. What are your best tips for working with someone who’s burnt you in the past (who you have no choice but to work with)? Tell yourself it was all in your head and not that bad? Not trust the person going forward?

    1. Go into it with an open mind, but also trust your gut and document everything.

    2. Once someone has burned me, I cannot trust them. That doesn’t mean I cannot work with them–I will be professional, and polite, but I will always double check things, etc.

       1. Exactly. No trust – document everything. Icy politeness with minimal interaction.

          1. I agree. I double check everything and try to get the information I need in other ways.

    3. Trust what you know but don’t stress out about it. Think about how you got burned before in broad terms (eg person is not able to see how actions affect others, rather than focusing on granular view of specific situation you learned this in). Don’t second guess yourself.

    4. Personally, I am incapable of re-trusting at work. I deal with them this way: be brief, be kind, be gone. I also try to deal in email only as much as possible.

13. Any tips on how to deal with burnout and related lack of focus at work? Already doing wellbutrin, therapy and not taking on ‘extras’ at work but I’m swamped and need to find a way to focus when I’m at the office. No prospect of taking anytime off in the next month or two. Ended up working evenings and weekends a lot because I’m not focused/efficient during regular hours.

    1. Figure out what it is about evenings that allows you to focus. Is it that you need the time earlier in the day to create a mental to do list? Can you approach this earlier/in a more organized fashion/ the night before?

    2. It isn’t much, but as much as you can remove stress/decisions from the rest of your life (for me, this means a meal service, planning my outfits, and letting my best friends know that I’d love to see them but have 0 energy to instigate plans – they’ll just call and say “pedicures Tuesday?” instead of waiting for me). It means I show up with a little bit more mental energy in the morning, because I’m not wasting it figuring out what to wear, or what we’re having for supper.

       Other than that, I find sensory deprivation helpful. If you can find a float studio nearby you may want to check it out. The road back from burnout is long – all you’ve got is is teeny little steps. I’ve never found a magic bullet.

14. This is a weird question, I know, but here goes: I’ve bought several pairs of flats and pumps lately where the length and width of the shoe is just fine, but the toebox just isn’t tall/deep enough. The shoes otherwise fit, but I can feel the top of the shoe tightly against the top of my toes. My big toenail squeaks along the leather inside the top of the shoe, and makes a loudish noise, and once or twice has rubbed off a whole salon pedicure, just in that one tiny spot. Any solutions – body glide or vaseline on my toes? How do you look for roomier shoes?

    1. By wider shoe size, which typically comes with a taller toe box, or stretch them out. You can buy shoe stretchers online or take them to a cobbler who will stretch it height wise not length wise.

    2. I have this too. I try making sure to clip my toe nails short regularly.

       But, it is just some shoes, not all. Doesn’t appear to be a rhyme or reason as to why… Like I’m still not good at avoiding it.

    3. That’s pretty much how all my shoes fit and it never really crossed my mind that that was unusual.

15. Kat, I’m accessing this site from Europe. I have to complete a Captcha literally every single time I want to view any webpage – even from one post to the next – from a landing page that says ‘we’ve had problems with people from your region’. This is really feeling like overkill and makes me want to visit the site less. I also cannot reply to posts without the same Captcha popping up and then leading to an error page. I have been a reader since 2009 (!) and this is a new problem for me.
    Do other European ‘rts have this issue?

    1. Thank you for reading! I know we require a captcha from some countries (China, Germany, and Brazil I think?) because we were getting a ton of spammers and DDOS attacks — I need to reassess taking that captcha off though now that I’ve moved servers. But that has been many moons now, if not a full year. If that is NOT one of your countries (or if the message you are getting is NOT from Cloudflare or with our old logo) please send me a screenshot through the tech page so I can ask my company about it.
       https://corporette.com/tech/

       1. yeah, I had this when i was last in Germany.

          1. I’m in Germany and almost never post these days because it’s so irritating, alas.

             1. Also in Germany, also find it irritating. Especially the Captchas that make you go through 4 or 5 rounds before you can finish.

       2. Korea, same.

    2. This happened to me when I was in Paris. Drove me batty. Didn’t comment as it was just vacation but felt really unnecessarily excessive.

    3. No, in Europe and I never have had that problem.

       1. In Europe and only had this problem 1-2x over last 12m.

    4. I do not have these problems.

    5. In France, and always have this problem!!

16. Going to a smallish short film premiere in late Feb in NYC to support a friend who is a lead in the film. There is likely to be a red carpet of sorts and friend will either want me to walk with them or want to take a photo of us on it before the end of the night. What do I wear that’s appropriate for the occasion but also isn’t ridiculous for the weather or requires shoes I can’t really walk in (we may take the subway and even if we don’t, it may be wet outside that day, won’t know much in advance). I don’t want to look as if I think I am the star but I do want to look like I fit in at the event!

    (I never know what stats to give so here’s a bunch lol: 5’2, mid 30s, hourglass shape, 36C bust, approx. size 10/12, pale olive skin, auburn hair, budget is “as inexpensive as possible but also not wanting it to look cheap”) Also, please talk to me about what shoes would go with something and even what accessories, I never know this kind of thing and I don’t want to cringe when I see photos after the event!

    1. I think you should ask your friend how formal you should go, and then people here can give you specific suggestions.

       1. I asked, she doesn’t know either but said the film is a short film about the lives of people who are in their late teens, early 20s! So I guess something that can go with weather appropriate footwear, something that photographs well, and something more casual cool “event,” less “I’m twice the age of the characters and/or I just came from work?” I really love bohemian styles but my hourglass shape often gets lost in them and I can look wide or pregnant in the flowy things that I always gravitate towards… help!

    2. Not sure how helpful this is, but I work at a Broadway theater company in the city and for opening nights, cocktail-ish attire is typical for stars/creatives; I am working so typically just wear a sheath dress and heels. (No one wants my picture!) Guests are often coming from work and dress accordingly. If the red carpet is outside you may want to be photographed in your coat anyway, so try to figure out where the red carpet will be. Re: shoes – you’re most likely going to want to take a cab, especially if the weather is bad. The alternative is to bring a bag large enough to hold spare shoes – you probably can’t find shoes dressy enough that will also work for bad weather/long walks.

17. Have a bit of weight in my belly button area but toned everywhere else. Since my upper 4 abs are visible, it doesn’t seem likely that the lower bit will go away with toning so I am interested in options to treat that spot. Lipo seems like an overkill for the one spot and I worry my skin wouldn’t snap back (I’m in my early 30s). Cool sculpting or that sonobello thing have commercials on often but I’m reading mixed results and it’s pretty expensive.

    I also watch a lot of Botched and I worry about making the wrong choice, but I would like for my clothes to fit me better and to not have to choose based on how things fall over that area, nor do I want to spend my life having to wear shapers/not really being able to breathe in many of my clothing items.

    Anyone have experiences to share?

    1. Lipo or accepting it. I vote for the latter but my sister did lipo mid-30s and had no problems with skin snapping back. She did have to wear girdling garments for the recovery though, so if you really hate those, that’s something to consider.

    2. I did lipo back in m mid-30s it was the best thing ever! I was a size 0 and I would constantly have people asking me if I was pregnant (even though I actually don’t think I looked pregnant…) now, years later, I am much heavier than I was at a size 8, but I absolutely love my shape now and am not worried at all about the extra pounds.

       1. How was the recovery? Was the price worth it for the small area you wanted done or did you do additional areas too? Did you end up gaining weight weirdly? (So many things I read about and I can’t tell what to trust!)

          1. The recovery was totally fine – I had it done on a Friday, and I was back at work on Monday. I haven’t gained weight weirdly – I actually think I’ve gained pretty consistently across my whole body, so I think overall my proportions are much better!

    3. I have been thinking the same thing, but about my tuchus, which has taken on a few inches over the last few years. I am otherwise svelte, but need to figure out a way to slim down my tuchus. I could not believe that women are looking to make their tuchuses bigger; this is VERY popular in South America, but the women there are much prettier b/c of their heritage. I think I will ask around b/c there are alot of women who live near Mom & Dad who have had some kind of work, and this seems to be an issue for lots of women in my family. I think even Rosa will have to deal with this b/c Grandma Trudy, Mom, and now me have the same issue. I hope I can figure it out b/c Grandma Trudy and Mom are just living with big tuchuses. That is NOT for me b/c I am NOT married and a big tuchus is not what I need right now. YAY!!!

    4. Maybe just accept your body buy larger pants and stop wearing shapers just cause you look human?

    5. I talked to a doctor about cool sculpting but wimped out when I heard there would be nerve pain and the treatment for the nerve pain is a medication I don’t respond well to. I have been wearing low key shapers, definitely not Spanx.

18. This is the weekend to talk about belly problems apparently!
    I just celebrated losing another 10 lbs (I am now down 42 from my all-time-high weight; looking to lose another 30) but I am going through my closet trying on work dresses annnnd…some of my go-to dresses I bought just a short time ago don’t seem to work so well any more because I have some flabby tummy pooch that I didn’t have before I lost weight. I am 42 so not sure the skin will “snap back” at this point without surgical intervention (I have also had a baby – who is now 12 – and my stomach never really did bounce back after having him). I don’t want to do anything major until I’m done losing weight, so any tips on picking dresses that won’t emphasize a tummy pooch? I am 5’4″, size 12/14. I have broader shoulders and I have a smaller waist relative to my hip size (which was true even when I was a size 22), so traditionally I wore a lot of wrap-style dresses. I feel like my overall *waist* is still small – but the tummy flab, ugh.

    1. I have a similar shape, and have found that dresses made of more structured fabric work: heavy ponte, scuba, woven suiting fabrics.

    2. I find that a traditional silk slip really works to help dresses glide over the pooch and not let the material cling right under the bulge (which is usually what my issue is). A high-waisted half-slip is super versatile if you don’t like the idea of a full slip.

19. Hi,
    Does anyone have a referral for a good, affordable hydroquinone fade cream? I have some facial skin discoloration and my Derm recommended Obagi at $99. Ugh would rather not *start* at that high price point.
    Appreciate any thoughts!!!

    1. I like my PCA pigment gel. It isn’t cheap, but I think I got it around $50 with whatever sale Dermstore was running. I think it is typically about $60. But it works.

    2. Depending on how pronounced your hyperpigmentation/melasma/discolouration is, the Obagi could be worth it. I had pretty pronounced (but not the worst I’ve seen) melasma as a result of being on the birth control pill for several years, and it was affecting my confidence. I bought some sort of Dr. ZO (Zein Obagi) starter kit for around $275 CDN (seemed sky-high at the time) and have been extremely pleased on the melasma front and the adult acne front. The kit included a glycolic acid lotion, Melamin bleaching cream, Melamix other bleaching cream, SPF 50 sunscreen, and “daily power defense” serum. Some of the products have lasted longer than 2 years and continue to be effective! I would purchase this kit again without hesitation.

    3. I hope you’re still reading this, but I has something similar and bought a fade cream called Ambi at the drugstore for under $10 and it worked like a dream! I don’t know if it has the ingredient you’re looking for, but it worked great for a few brown spots I had on my face. Good luck!

       1. Thank you all for the wonderful info!!!
          I will check out the suggestions!
          I did try Ambi a few years ago (hello $7 tube!!) but did not use as consistently as I should have. I have just a few spots so may give that a go again before splurging next on anything pricier! Thanks again!

20. Just ordered my first pair of Rothy’s after reading all the comments here for a while. Can’t wait to start wearing my black pointed flats.

    For those with Rothy’s, how often do you wash them?

    Also, here’s a link in case anyone wants $20 their first pair:
    https://share.rothys.com/x/STcGE3

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