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Updated: Feb 22, 2019 186 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

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Above, clockwise: burgundy / brown / pink / black

Something on your mind? Chat about it here. The Nordstrom Winter Sale continues (see our other coverage here), and there are still a lot of great deals to be had, particularly in accessories. I'm always a fan of Botkier, and their burgundy tote pictured top left (it also comes in olive and navy) looks great for $140 (was $198). The mink brown satchel looks sophisticated and streamlined, and I like the top carry handles as well as the optional crossbody — a nice Minkoff bag for $208 (was $348). Ted Baker's fun pink purse is very feminine, but I think it would be a great neutral pop for someone who favors creams/grays/beiges — and I love all the pockets and organization on the interior. (That one is also $209, originally $349.) Finally, it's hard to go wrong with a basic black bag, and Kate Spade delivers on this roomy hobo — it was $358 but is now marked to $240. Have a great weekend, guys! This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Please forgive what seems like a dumb question, but I’ve been wondering this for weeks – isn’t vegan leather just…pleather or vinyl or some form of plastic? Do we call it vegan leather because it sounds better or is there something that goes into it that makes it different than the $25 pleather tote I’m carrying from TJ Maxx?

    • K

      We call it vegan leather because it’s meant to look and feel like leather specifically

    • TheElms

      I think its intended to indicate higher quality or better finishing. Whether it does or not, seems highly bag dependent.

      • Ellen

        I think vegan leather is different from plastic (fake) leather, or a/k/a “pleather.” Dad says that vegan leather is leather from a source NOT originated from a living animal like a cow or horse or a veal. Pleather is cheap plastic that has been coated with coloring but it will still crack in cold weather and sweat in hot weather. FOOEY on pleather!

    • Anonymous

      I hate the term “vegan leather.” I think it’s made up to jack up profit margins.

      • Anonymous

        I think it’s also to pretend that there’s something environmental about buying short-lived bags made of vinyl.

  2. PODs vs storage facility

    We need to have some work done to our house that will mean that at some point we’ll need to move our stuff out for a week to have the floors resanded and sealed.

    I’d like to purge / box up bit by bit even though we only need to be out for a week. We have kids and also distinct seasons (it is winter now but will be hot/humid when the work is done; when I pack up our winter clothes, I could just put them in storage).

    Would you rent a storage locker somewhere in town (and then use a POD for furniture, etc.) or start a POD in your driveway now (would maybe be disruptive)? Do not have a garage and our attic is hard to access and I can’t manage to carry anything bulky/heavy up a ladder.

    In the meantime, am in PURGE mode (esp re outgrown kids books/toys/art supplies) — husband’s junk/clothes will be the big problem (and that we haven’t moved in 11 years).

    • Anon

      Assuming it’s in reasonable driving distance, I’d rent a storage unit. Having a pod in your driveway for months seems disruptive and may piss off the neighbors. I also think pods are relatively expensive and seems like it be more than renting a storage unit for those months

    • Anon

      I would go with a storage unit, which would cost the same or less money, may be climate controlled, and are not a massive thing in your driveway.

      • Anonymous

        Definitely a storage unit for all of these reasons.
        And you might consider getting a smaller unit now and then moving your items into a larger unit later, when there is more stuff, to save some $$.

      • NOLA

        Yes, but be careful with storage units. I found that the ones that have a garage door to the outdoors are not climate controlled and let in a huge amount of dirt and grit. I rented one that was climate controlled in a big old warehouse and it was just subdivided by prefab walls. That was a much better situation, although getting stuff in and out was a tad harder. They provided big wheeled carts to move things, but you couldn’t pull right up to them.

          • Anonymous

            I personally expect that my things will not be destroyed? I’m aware that the odds aren’t what they should be, but I’m not ready to just accept that storage units can’t be relied upon to do the one thing we use them for (safely store our stuff).

    • anon0222

      Just an idea in case you didn’t think about it- we had our floors done in 2 stages & the company was ok w/ it– so we just moved the stuff from 1 half of the house to the other.

  3. Patricia Gardiner

    What do you find most useful on the Apple Watch, if you have one? I recently was given one (series 3) and am using it for texts and the stand up reminder… what are your favorite ways to use it? Thanks!

    • Anon

      Honestly, I wear one every day and basically only use the stand reminder and easy way to check emails and texts in public – other than using it to track my workouts, which is the main reason I wear one. I also lose my phone a lot in couch cushions and the like and use the ping feature to find it.

    • Anon

      I occasionally use mine to check texts, but leave that to my phone mostly.
      I mainly use it as a fitness tracker and love the monthly fitness challenges that it gives me. I like to set my move goal pretty high and work to achieve it. I also use it to check the weather, just because I’m somewhat of a weather junkie. I just use the native app. I use Siri on it to make myself reminders and make lists. I use Siri to set a timer when I’m cooking. I have the TripIt app, and I like using that while I’m traveling. And I like how the watch is integrated with navigation on my phone, and the haptic feedback is so much better than having my phone beeping or vibrating.

    • Anonymous

      The only apps I use on my Apple Watch are iSmoothRun for interval training and Intervals to time stretching. I turned off the stand reminders because they kept going off during meetings. I tried and sort of liked the Maps turn reminders.

      I cannot stand the watch interface, especially the honeycomb app screen that is difficult to organize and impossible to remove extra apps from. I also dislike being interrupted by texts and calls, so I turned all those notifications off.

    • Anonymous

      I just listed these for someone today:
      1) Ping my phone – constantly losing it
      2) Glancing at text messages when I shouldn’t be
      3) “Silence for one hour” — LOVE that feature; wish the phone had it too.

    • The original Scarlett

      The text feature is my favorite – you can customize your responses on your phone to pop up. My are variants of “stuck in a meeting and yes, I do need something at the grocery store”

  4. Anonymous

    Looking for suggestions for a small gift for my boss. She wrote my recommendations for graduate school, so I was planning to write her a sincere thank you note and give her a small gift. I haven’t seen her drink coffee or tea. I can’t drink wine for health reasons, so I feel like it’d be odd to give her something she knows I know nothing about. Looking to spend $20-25. Any suggestions very much appreciated!

    • Anonymous

      Does she have plants in her office? Maybe it is just because I am on a plant kick, haha but I would appreciate a pretty plant. But really, your heartfelt thank you note is enough!

    • rosie

      If you know she likes wine, just go to a liquor store and tell them your budget. I don’t think that’s odd. Or nice chocolates–there is a store in my neighborhood with a case of fancy truffles that they put in nice gift boxes. I think your heartfelt note is the key–don’t overthink the other piece.

      • Anon

        Eh I’m a non-drinker who also feels weird giving liquor as a gift. Most people don’t give something they know nothing about. It makes it pretty clear you didn’t pick it out yourself and that can feel wrong to some people.

        • K

          Agree. Also, for someone who “likes wine” a $20-25 bottle isn’t a very nice gift, no offense.

    • Ellen

      Give her a subsription to a magazine of her choice. Personally, I prefer US or Marie Claire, but if she wants a real nice magazine, get her one that relates to local decor. Dad says we need to support magazines, not webzines, and I agree! YAY!!!

    • Anonymous

      Late response, but thank you all! Others in my org have all given inexpensive but thoughtful gifts, so I don’t want to only give a note.

  5. Lots to Learn

    How do you learn about fashion trends for normal people? Last night, as I was trying on a new dress and speculating about which necklace would look good with it, my teenage daughter informed me that long necklaces were “out.” And I realized that I really need a source to help me figure out what’s in and out so that I can look at least moderately on-trend. I’ve tried to search online and I’m only finding what’s in and out in the high-fashion world (e.g. necklaces with hammered coins, charm bracelets, neon, denim-on-denim, boiler suits) – none of which I’m ever going to wear. And I read on this site about skinny pants moving over for boot cut, or chunky heels replacing thin heels, or cold shoulder shirts or bell-sleeves being “out” or even that a sweater with a pencil skirt is no longer “fresh.” Are there any websites that would be good resources for this type of information? I don’t want to be cutting edge, but I also don’t want to be two years behind the times!

    • Anonymous

      1. I didn’t know charm bracelets were back. Squee!

      2. I have no idea what a boiler suit is.

      3. I have a hammered coin necklace on a long chain — not sure if this is in or out.

    • Anon

      I’ve really been enjoying IGers respecttheshoes and fablifeforever for office looks that are professional, completely attainable with mall brands, and way more interesting than whatever I’d put together on my own…without seeming Out There.

      Also, I don’t think long necklaces are out. See those IG pages for examples.

      • Anonymous

        Just looked both of these up. Neither one is fashionable/on trend. They definitely have their own signature style but I don’t think they are what the OP is inquiring about.

        • Anonymous

          I’m LMAO at the proclamation these IGers are “not fashionable.” Maybe not for someone who can dress in Fashion Nova at work, but for executive-level women like myself, those women wear looks that are doable for my job, where I have to look professional and want to look like I have authority and take my job seriously. If your version of “fashionable/on trend” is whatever Cardi B or Kim Kardashian is wearing that day – then I have to ask, where in the world do you work???

          • Anonymous

            I looked up these IGs up too, and I would really not criticize them for erring on the side of “professional,” “authoritative,” or “serious.”

      • Sfconsultant

        I looked them up. For context, I’m in my thirties and have lived in major coastal cities since I “fled” the Midwest after college. At that time I realized I looked painfully like I shopped exclusively at a mall Macy’s and forever 21 and started what was a multi year effort of learning about what I liked, what looked good on me, and what felt stylish for me. I now feel I am very well dressed and getting better.

        I find both those bloggers to have a style that I think is boring, not very unique, and trite in this way that reminds me of the conformity of small town America. Now, I think they are perfectly professionally dressed for some jobs (not mine – way too casual), and the looks are mostly flattering and put together, but I have to echo that I don’t think they are on trend.

        However, I don’t know that “on trend” needs to be what matters to you. I certainly follow high end designers and some fashion blogs I like – mostly to see shapes and colors and prints that are in. That’s more what they are for than actual outfit inspiration. And then I shop for myself a few times a year at the premium outlets putting together my core outfits for that season, building on things I had in the past but retiring at least a few things quarterly. I look around me in neighborhoods where I see cool looking people and tag in my mind looks I like. I also am a religious user of rent the runway unlimited, and their whole collection is kept fresh so I have a few new items to try every week. It’s a minor hobby and my husband is really into fashion as well so we like to people watch and outfit watch together.

        • Anonymous

          To each their own. I’m not in San Francisco (thank goodness; don’t know if I could live daily with the urine and feces all over the streets that I saw on a visit there recently – I enjoy my expensive shoes too much) and what probably looks “on trend” to you and your coworkers would probably look odd to me and my coworkers in flyover America. Personally, I would rather have someone look at me and say “she looks put together and appropriate” than “she looks fashionable and trendy” but as I said above – to each their own. I like clothes but following fashion is not one of my enthusiasms.

    • cat socks

      I like the following blogs:

      Putting Me Together
      Jo Lynne Shane
      Cap Hill Style
      Extra Petite
      Savvy Southern Chic
      Wardrobe Oxygen
      You Look Fab – I don’t always find the blog posts helpful, but you can ask specific questions in the forum and even post pics of your outfits if you want.

      But honestly there is so much variation in fashion, I don’t care what’s in or out any more. I still wear skinny jeans even though boot cuts are making a comeback. I have ankle boots, but knee high boots are still warm and practical where I live.

      I don’t think long necklaces are out of style. They look great with certain types of outfits.

      If you’re wearing an outfit that fits and makes you feel fabulous and confident, that’s going to look a lot better than wearing something just for the sake of being trendy.

      • JTM

        Love Putting Me Together and Cap Hill Style!

        for the plus size ladies I also love GarnerStyle, Beauticurve and Girl With Curves

    • Anon

      I largely just watch what people in my world are wearing. I think it varies so much by location that it’s hard to rely on any site or other online sources. For example, I always feel really frumpy when I wear boot cut jeans in DC. Regardless of what this site says, everyone I see is wearing skinny jeans and so I’m going to continue to wear skinny jeans.

      • Vicky Austin

        +1. Pry my skinny jeans from my cold dead hands. People have been called worse things than “frumpy”!

      • Anonymous

        Yes, this. I pay attention to what I see people wearing at work, at bars and restaurants I go to, on public transit, at the gym, etc. I also enjoy celebrity gossip so I’ll look at what celebrities are wearing in casual pics (e.g., at the airport, casual paparazzi photos). I don’t personally need to be on the forefront of any trends, I’m happy to start adopting new trends when they start achieving critical mass in my city.

        I actually don’t find what I will call lower/mid-tier IG/bloggers to be that helpful because once they get a reasonable number of followers so many of their clothes are sponsored posts (so either the item is given to them or they get money to buy something at a specific store). So you’ll see 10 IG accounts all wearing a similar style from a store that paid them all to do a post. I don’t know how to articulate it well – but basically many of them have the same style, and that style is dictated by the startup brands paying them for publicity, not their own personal taste, and I kind of stereotype it as an “IG fashion girl” look that doesn’t actually feel very fashionable/fresh.

    • Anon

      No offense to your daughter, but teenage fashion is very different than professional woman fashion. I wouldn’t really take advice from her on this subject.

    • Anonymous

      I look at what celebrities wear, then take my cues on shape/proportions/colors from that and make it my own

    • Lots to Learn

      OP here. Thanks for these comments. Sounds like I need to be watching what people are wearing around town and keeping up with a few key blogs. But I really was hoping there was an easy source that has articles like “What’s in and what’s out spring 2019” so I wouldn’t have to glean it from a zillion blog posts – could just check in once a season or so. Am I being unrealistic? Surely someone has filled this niche for me!

      • Leah

        Those sort of lists can be found on infotainment sites, like People/Cosmo/In Style, but they’re motivated by ad sales and may not be the demographic you want.

      • Anonymous

        I look to the site, Who What Wear. There are a lot of things in there that i don’t adopt for myself (r.g., I’m definitely not buying a midi shirt dress soon) but it’s a great reference.

    • Anon

      I had a similar moment a few years ago and have found The Mom Edit very helpful.

      • Kh

        One thing I’d just keep track of how old you are. Changes in cut are subtle but most things that are 8-10 years old will show it. Jackets more so than a plain round neck wool sweater but it’s really made me question “investment dressing” and the idea of e.g., a “camel hair coat you’ll wear your entire life.” Best comment on the subject I ever heard was from a weight watchers leader who said her son told her that just because she could wear her 15 year old clothes didn’t mean she should. So keep your eyes peeled to what’s going on around you and add new things. What I do find fashion mags good for are the spring and fall issues (so that would be June and Jan lol) – they are remarkably consistent at saying Safari looks are in or orange is this season’s accent color. Don’t go out for a Pith hat, but maybe get a D-ring belt. O and Real Simple are pretty good for my aspirational real person.

        • Anonymous

          Eh, I have a camel’s hair coat and it looks like…a coat. There are no embellishments in design or decoration that date it to a particular time. The buttons are an average size and are plain plastic horn. It’s probably 15 years old and it looks no different from coats I see by Loro Piana or similar at Neiman Marcus…so why upgrade it? Same thing with a couple of scoop-neck black cashmere sweaters I have. They’re no different than new ones out there and they don’t look worn, so…
          One thing I will say needs updating more frequently than some women think are suit jackets/blazers. Whenever I see a women wearing a long blazer, it looks dated to me (because that’s what we all wore in the late 90s). Shorter blazers look more modern to me, as do one-button blazers vs. multi-button. I think the J. Crew Going Out blazer is a good example of what’s “current” and I try to find and wear blazers that look similar.

    • The original Scarlett

      I read Vogue (still the fashion bible), and follow bloggers that go to fashion week to keep up to date (there are tons but a couple of favorites are Brooklyn Blonde and Cheetah is the new black). I also read Refinery 29, the Zoe Report and Goop. I also subscribe to the Newsette newsletter that covers this kind of thing. For work looks, I like See Anna Jane. From these and a few others, I think I have a good sense of what’s on trend or being pushed as trendy. I’ve always loved fashion so I think it’s fun to follow, but I’m also a believer in finding your own style and wearing things because you love them.

      • Anonymous

        I look at the Neiman Marcus website, it has a Trends tab, for positive suggestions about what’s in, but totally ignore what people say is out. If you keep your older pieces for more than the lifespan of a fruit fly they will come back, but in a different mix than before.

  6. BR Sloan styling help

    I’m 5-4 and these cover my ankle. Should I hem them to show my ankle? I feel like the current look on pants is slightly cropped (so the whole ankle shows) and to wear either with heels or flats. But if with heels, they need to be skinny heels but not block heels.

    I always seem to leave the house with a B- version of this look but somewhere my proportions are skewing mumsy and frumpy and I can’t quite put my finger on it.

    • Inspired By Hermione

      I can’t figure out ankle pants, so I just don’t wear them. They’re either too long or too short apparently no matter what. So I either wear regular length ankle pants (I’m usually in petite) and they hit at the bottom of my ankle bone or just wear slim or skinny pants that don’t have this problem. I want ankle pants to work but they don’t for me. I look shorter and wider pretty much regardless. I look longer and leaner in longer pants.

      But if you search “pant length women” there’s a post that’s comes up from Jo Lynne Shane that’s useful.

    • Anon

      I’m 5’4″ also, and the Sloan pants are too long for me. I think that they offer a “short” length online that you could try to use to get this look.

      • Anon

        Also, you may want to consider getting a higher rise pant and wear tops that hit that rise better. I have found that if I wear lower rise ankle pants I tend to wear tops with longer hems, and it looks weird because I’m making my pants end early and start late, visually if that makes sense.

    • Anonymous

      I’d check out the blog Jules in Flats – I think she does a good job styling her ankle length pants with flats and booties and she wears the ON pixie frequently, which is pretty similar to the Sloan.

  7. Career Changer

    Recommendations for resources or books for career changers? I’m in my early thirties and seriously contemplating leaving my in-house counsel job for something different. I’m at an okay company with a great pay and flexibility but still miserable. I’ve given therapy a chance and considered other in-house positions, but ultimately I don’t think this is the career for me. Not looking for specific job ideas as much as I am looking for things to consider to make sure I don’t end up in the same boat in my next career.

    • Anonymous

      Designing Your Life. It’s like a modern version of “what color is your parachute.”

      • West Coaster

        +1 for this! Recently went through a slew of changes in my personal life (relationship ending, moving cities, new job), and found it a great resource.

    • anon a mouse

      What Should I Do With My Life by Po Bronson. It’s dozens of short stories about people who made career changes.

    • Caitlin

      Take advantage of being in-house and dig into what other people do at your company. I was in-house counsel and made the move to HR by taking as much employment law work as they would give me and eventually jumping departments when an opening came up. Maybe your path isn’t HR, but I would imagine you could do the same with sales, accounting, operations, consulting. Good luck!

      • Anon

        This sounds like great advice! Also, try to figure out exactly what you don’t like about your current, what tasks you enjoy, and see what fits. Just saying I don’t like my job isn’t going to help you figure out a better fit. Really dive into the specifics. Also, I hired a great career coach when I left law.

    • Abbie

      Working Identity by Herminia Ibarra is really good about process, and touches on the social aspects of career change without any networking platitudes. Remarkably refreshing.

  8. rosie

    Any suggestions for programs or methods to organize articles to read? I go through a lot of trade press and news sources, and I am looking for a way to organize links to things that are either longer than I can read in that moment or relevant to a project I’m working on that I may want to refer to later. I have been using a clumsy combination of google keep (just pasting links with a few words, no real organization) & browser bookmarks (again, no real organization) — any suggestions? Thanks!

    • Anon

      I use Pocket for this and really like it. You can get the app on your phone or tablet and as long as you open the app while you have an internet connection, the articles will be there for offline reading.

    • Inspired By Hermione

      OneNote! I used to use Pocket but I run my whole life off my OneNote Bullet Journal and having everything in one spot works best. You can clip photos with links, send articles directly from your computer or phone browser, and title them however. The search function is also good, and you can add notes. You can insert printouts of PDFs (like for journal articles) and add notes next to what you’re reading. I love OneNote. So much.

      • Anonymous

        Wait, tell me more about OneNote – the Microsoft program that was big 10-20 years ago?

        • Inspired By Hermione

          Yep. They’ve continued to work on it and update it and it has apps for all the iOS devices that I like a lot. I run my work and personal life entirely in my notebooks. You can organize the notebooks pretty deeply.

    • anonshmanon

      in case you are preparing material(like a report) and will end up citing your sources, Mendeley is a reference manager that’s pretty easy to use, integrates with MS office. Lots of scientists use it.

    • rosie

      Thanks, all! This all sounds so much better than having lots of browser tabs open.

    • Abbie

      Have you looked at the Evernote? It has a web clipper feature which allows you to clip and organize entire webpages, as well as regular documents, photos, audio files etc.

  9. Anon

    I’ve been noticing my heartbeat recently throughout the day, which is not typical for me. I want to track it for a few days to make sure my patters are normal. Any recommendations for something affordable? It looks like fitbit has a few options over $100, but I’m wondering if there are any options that are better or less expensive. Thanks in advance!

    • Anonymous

      No advice on your main question, but I’ve noticed I get palpitations when I’m dehydrated, if that helps the underlying issue.

    • Ellen

      Go with the Fitbit Charge 3 or Fitbit VERSE. I now have the VERSE and it does alot for me, tho either can watch your heartbeat and tag it to the APP, but watch it, b/c my dad monitor’s my steps and GPS so he knows everything about what I am doing and where. Also, you do not want to have s-x wearing it b/c your dad can monitor that too. FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      This sounds like a anxiety symptom. It was one if my earliest symptoms. If you dont have medical reasons to monitor, i wouldnt start.

      • Anon

        Feeling my heartbeat was my only real symptom of an overactive thyroid, which can be serious, even life-threatening, if not treated. I would consult a doctor.

    • Anonymous

      A doctor can fit you up with a Zio patch if they have any concerns.

      If a doctor isn’t concerned, maybe you don’t need to be?

  10. EB

    I am interviewing for an attorney position while visibly pregnant. I just wanted to cosign the article in the news roundup that you should go for it if you feel like it is time for the next step. I do struggle with the idea of leaving my job where I have lots of goodwill built up for the unknown at a time in life where I could really use the goodwill. Would love to hear from others who have made a move right before or right after having a kid. This is my second, so at least I kind of know what I am in fo.

    • FP

      I interviewed and accepted a new job about two weeks after returning from maternity leave. I’ll be honest, it’s hard, and my husband has had to pick up a ton of slack to allow me the brain space to start a new job during this crazy time of life. My baby is still not sleeping through the night so that’s a fun challenge. My new office knows I have a new baby and they have been nothing but accommodating for whatever I need, but I still feel pressure to really be 110% since I’m new. I’m trying to keep my eyes on the endgame – which is, this is a much better fit for me and my family long-term, so it’s worth the stress right now. But yeah: we are living off of pre-made dinners and my kid is getting a bath like once every four days. It’s also been hard with clothing – I still don’t fit into everything and this office is slightly more formal than my old office. I don’t want to buy much since I’m expecting to lose weight after weaning (which is what happened with my first) so every day it’s a new puzzle to figure out what fits on my body.

    • anon0222

      I interviewed (& got!) a position right after I found out I was pregnant w/ #1. The job ended up being more flexible and more $ and a great overall fit for the past 4 years. I’m pregnant w/ #2 now though and not sure I’d be as brave knowing the extent of the big changes I have around the corner. But, I always figure- interview, get the job, then make the decision on whether to move. At the very least it may give you leverage/confidence in your current role.

    • ANP

      I’ve done this twice. With my first child, I went straight into a new job off of maternity leave. With my third child, I changed jobs at 6 months pregnant, worked twelve weeks, took a leave and then came back. Both times it was great and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. While yes, you will need to rebuild goodwill with new colleagues, I found that new jobs had plenty to learn/do but there’s usually some ramping-up time. Also, if the new org wants you they’ll have no choice but to accommodate your post-partum life — it’s a good time to get what you need in terms of time, flexibility, and/or benefits.

  11. Microblading

    Microblading question, the internet in general has failed me so I’m hoping some ladies here have experience. I’m considering getting my brows microbladed. I have thick relatively bushy brows, but they are patchy in areas. I am terrible at makeup and not good at filling in my brows, it’s a really fine line between under doing it and overfilling them. That being said, I think my brows have the biggest impact on my overall appearance, and take up the most time in my morning routine. The thing that is holding me back is I think 95% (maybe more) of people who get their brows microbladed, their “after” looks like my brows, so I’m being ridiculously picky when I’m pretty lucky when it comes to brows. Should I go for it?

    • Anonymous

      No. But, I think Microbladed brows look exceptionally fake and much prefer a more natural looking brow, so YMMV

    • Anon

      I’ve gotten them done and it was the best thing to pull together my look. I can now go out without makeup on and feel put together (mine were seriously sparse though). Don’t listen to Anonymous at 4:57, as long as you go to a very good and very experience microblader (and it will cost $$ but it’s worth it), your brows will look fab. Microblading works best on women with existing but sparse or patchy eyebrows because to the extent you can see the strikes (you shouldn’t it should look like hair) or tattoo existing hair will cover it. Also many women on the “look I got microblading” train on social media have only done their first visit. First visit is for shaping, second visit is for filling. Touch up a year or two later fills in faded spots or makes it denser, whichever your need is. I suggest looking at the results of GOOD microbladers. For the portfolio of a good microblader, see @sasha_browboss on Instagram out of Houston.

      • Anonymous

        Yes! This. Check out eyebrowdoctor on Insta. She is amazing. Her work is even more amazing.

    • Anonymous

      No. They look hideous and fake. Justget iver it and wear your brows the way they grow

  12. anon

    I can’t tell too many people IRL but I need to put it out into the universe – I paid off my student loans!!!! 36 years old, 15k undergrad (c/o 2005), 225k law school (c/o 2012), took out law school loans at 7.5-8.2% interest rate (30 year payment plan) until I refinanced the first time with SoFi in 2015 to 5.25% (15 year repayment plan), and then refinanced again in 2016 to 1.95% with First Republic (5 year repayment plan). Paid off the final lump sum with my bonus, the interest rate was low but because I got that interest rate with a 5 year repayment plan, i was paying over 3k a month to paying them off so it didn’t make sense to me to keep the loan around. Feeling cash poor but WOW what a relief, I could cry!!! I am blessed with a well paying job that helped significantly, but also went through a divorce and started my life over during this time, and dating has been a string of entertaining stories at best with a few real disappointments along the way (including this morning actually), so just in a celebratory mood! If my team reads this, I will 100% be outed, but i dont care!! =)

  14. Wedding jumpsuit

    Can I wear a jumpsuit to my San Francisco City Hall elopement without committing some sort of fashion crime? Be honest because I’m really considering it. If I can, can you help me find one? I’m lost. Don’t want to wear a dress but also not sure what style of jumpsuit will suit a wedding (albeit an unstuffy one). Many thanks!

  15. Senior Attorney

    Hey, ladies, I need some advice for a young friend.

    This person is about a year out of grad school (not law) and her first job was with Division A of a large company. It was not a good fit but she was able to find a position with Division B of the same company, which does similar but not identical work. One of the issues with Division A was the lack of training and direction.

    When she started with Division B, her supervisor seemed to assume she had more training than she actually had. She was told “let’s put our heads together in a few weeks and figure out what training you need.” That never happened, and it turns out she has very little of the training she needs. Apparently this is a firmwide issue.

    At this point she is totally stressed out and wonders the best way to raise the issue of training, especially given that she feels like her supervisor is also stressed out and she worries about adding to that stress. I told her to just do it: Say “Hey, remember we said we needed to talk about training? The time has gotten away from us but I really need to address XYZ areas because I’m not feeling confident about them.”

    Have any of you successfully navigated a similar issue? Any tips about how to approach the supervisor?

    • Inspired By Hermione

      I would go in with a couple of ideas about how to get up to speed- trainings or professional development or even online courses. Just have some ideas that don’t put the onus on the supervisor to totally figure it out.

    • mascot

      I think your script is good. I’d add a little to it. Can she proactively identify training opportunities that are available to her either internally or externally and have those ready for this conversation? If this is training that her supervisor need to provide directly, can she articulate what she already knows and where the gaps are? This might be more useful to the supervisor instead of feeling that she has to start at the very beginning.

    • anon0222

      She needs to have weekly (bi-weekly, monthly, whatever) 1:1s with her boss set up. I have always done this in new roles and it creates that space to bring up issues/ask questions at a set time without constantly badgering her boss. I also think it’s a good way to highlight things that are going well in terms of her own successes, and highlight where she can get more support- like training.

    • Kate

      I agree -she should ask! If she can identify the areas she needs training in, that’s a huge start. I’ve done all variations, such as: “Boss, I found this seminar on XYZ and am interested in attending so I can be more effective in my role,” “Boss, I am working on XYZ and often have questions about that. Where could I get some training to be more comfortable with XYZ in the future?” and “Boss, when I first started we talked about a training plan. Would we be able to set up meetings at _ frequency to help with that?”

      If Boss is stressed and can’t meet or won’t train, or if your friend can’t identify exactly what she needs, she could try asking Boss or others for recommendations for who to go to for training, seek out corporate training/development department, and/or do a heck of a lot of Googling to find other people in her role or resources about the role.

  16. Anonymous

    Q for the jumpsuit-wearing apples out there — any tips? Belt or no belt? (Seen any great belts lately?) Can I wear flats with a jumpsuit more than I can with a dress? Size 16P, body shape definitely an apple even when beSpanxed.

  17. no antibiotics for my ears

    Advice on how you would make an ear infection feel better without antibiotics? Actually, the dr tells me I have extreme drainage issues, which are symptomatically creating pressure, throbbing pain, nausea and vertigo just like an ear infection would, but it’s non-bacterial. Advice for getting through the next stormfront rolling in?

    • Anonymous

      Hot tea, hot soup, hot compresses on your nasal region, all help with clearing.

    • hydrogen peroxide

      Hydrogen peroxide helps me a lot as long as an infection has not settled to the point of closing my ears. I let it sit and roar for a few minutes each side.

    • anon0222

      Garlic oil ear drops (from WF) and homeopathic drops- actually recc’d by my dr. She said that even though there’s not tons of studies, she finds a lot of patients get help anecdotally from it & it won’t hurt (& it did give me relief personally). Sudafed/Benadryl will help with drainage as well.

    • Of Counsel

      My sympathies! I have very short eustachian tubes and get these all the time. What I find helps: (1) heat – especially wet heat such as a hot washcloth pressed to my ear or steam; (2) an antihistamine; (3) a nasal spray (such as Afrin; but be VERY careful not to overuse this – I save it for “I want to cry” pain); (3) those ear plugs people use for flying (I like EarPlanes, although I find the child ones fit better). Also, be sure you sleep with your head slightly elevated.

      Good luck!

    • Mpls

      Massage. If the drainage issues are related to tight neck muscles, a good massage therapist can do something to loosen them up and other promote drainage. It’s what I had to do to help resolve pressure from my last cold.

    • kay

      My chiropractor sued to so something called ear pulling, which helped with some release of pressure.

      Best thing for ear infections – cut dairy!! Lots of people get ear infection because they are intolerant to dairy and not know it. (Mom of a child who HAD dairy intolerance – it went away after 8 yrs of no dairy)

    • Anon

      Your doctor didn’t give you any advice? I’d ask specifically and then find a new doctor if you don’t get any answers.

      • anon

        ..She gave me some sudafed (its prescription only here) and a referral to an ENT. Sometimes there jusy isn’t much to be done medically, which is when you ask you freinds ;).

        Unlike other drs, she actually listened to me, believed me about the symptoms I reported, and gave me an explanation that makes sense. So my 48hr pitched feminist battle againts the medical establishment can pause till the next round

    • Anon

      I have drainage issues, and around cold season, when I first feel symptoms of an ear ache, I will begin taking a decongestant during the day and an antihistamine at night to help drain the fluid. The more fluid sits and and builds up, the worst ear pressure I experience. This is short of an ear infection but very painful. Placing a blow drier on a low warm setting provides some relief, as does the warm wash cloth mentioned previously.

    • MomAnon4This

      When I was breastfeeding and got a bad earache, I didn’t want to use the antibiotics.
      I ended up having my eardrum punctured by the ENT in the office.
      It felt SO MUCH BETTER, allowing for the drainage and healing itself.
      Highly recommend if the doctor also suggests it.

      • pugsnbourbon

        I had a severe ear infection once that led to temporary hearing loss and vertigo. Eventually my eardrum ruptured on its own after warm washcloths/steaming. Gross and painful in the moment, but it did help with healing.

  18. Anonymous

    We are going to Boston for a week (first week in April for spring break) with three teen boys to look at colleges, including BU as well as UMass, UVM, Tufts, UConn.

    We need a 3 bedroom VRBO, does anyone have any advice on neighborhoods to stay in or any advice in general? We are from CA. Also what do you think the best day trips from Boston are? My kids have never been to New England. I was looking at Salem, Portland, Newport…???

    • JB

      We rented a VRBO in Beacon Hill that last summer that was the perfect location. You could walk everywhere if you wanted (very central). The neighborhood is very safe and has lots of restaurants and shops. Would stay there again!

  19. SFMom

    Advice on neighborhoods in Boston to stay for our spring break in April? we are coming from CA with three teens to visit colleges (BU, UMass, UConn, Tufts, UVM).

    Also any advice on day trips from Boston would be much appreciated! Boys have never been to New England before. I lived a year in Boston a very long time ago and went to school on the east coast. We really love walking, hiking, and eating good food.

    • Anon0221

      I would stay near the public gardens, it’s super central… to get anywhere in Boston on the train you need to go into town then back out- so it’s good to stay in the middle. It’s also walkable to BU (go terriers!).

      • R in Boston

        Disagree here. If you were only looking at schools in Boston, this would make sense. However, you’ve got three day trips in there already (UMass, UConn, UVM), so you will be spending half of your week attempting to get out of the city. That is an absolute beast if you’re starting from the public gardens. I would recommend staying somewhere in Cambridge (which would also make the trip to Tufts easier and would be convenient for BU – it’s just over the bridge); otherwise the Liberty Hotel, which allows you to hop right on the highway/freeway, would be good but it also might be pretty pricey these days.

  20. SFMomOfBoys

    Advice on neighborhoods in Boston to stay for our spring break in April? we are coming from CA with three teens to visit colleges (BU, UMass, UConn, Tufts, UVM).
    Also any advice on day trips from Boston would be much appreciated! Boys have never been to New England before. I lived a year in Boston a very long time ago and went to school on the east coast. We really love walking, hiking, and eating good food.

    • Anon

      I’m assuming by UMass you mean the Amherst campus in which case I would plan to do UConn, UMass and UVM in a row staying locally to each of them. They are each several hours from Boston and each other (UConn to UMass is maybe an hour so you could stay in Amherst and do UConn as a day trip. Amherst/Northampton area is better for spending a day doing things other than the campus tour I think. UVM is probably worth its own day or two of you are into outdoorsy activities – tour the campus one day do a hike the next day then head to Boston.)

      Do the Boston area schools before/after your trip to the schools in western New England and hotel options will really depend on how much you want to spend. Downtown area is really central and convenient but also expensive and if you’re not planning on spending a lot of time at the hotel might not be worth it. BU is right in Boston and Tufts is not very far – you could probably ditch the car and do public transit to both and have plenty of hotel options.

      As far as day trips I would plan out the school tours and see how much time you have leftover. You may want to just hang in Boston for a day and you could do museums or local tours – otherwise you already have quite a bit of New England travel just going to the different schools and you may feel like you’re spending the whole trip traveling rather than being anywhere.

      • Anon

        Also, not sure if those are the only schools your sons are interested in but Tufts seems not really like the others. Are there other similar schools that they’d want to see as well? Amherst College is right by UMass and several of the other “little ivies” are in New England. (I’m all for visiting a variety of school types but I’d consider the other four large universities and Tufts is more of a small New England liberal arts school. Why not plan to see at least two of those for comparison?)

    • Cat

      FWIW, when I saw the images, I was transported back about 10 years — this was The Look when I got out of law school. Stiff button down, high collar, under a collared jacket. You may be having trouble finding a dupe as this style is no longer as popular.

      Brooks Brothers still makes a decent variety of this type of shirt (lucky sizes — # WV00954, # WV00886, or # WV00901, though no covered placket). Talbots also still carries a selection at a lower price point, check out # P183075804 for a blue/white stripe pattern (lucky sizes only).

  22. TopdownRachel

    Anyone here practice any material arts or hand-to-hand combat? I want to obtain some self-defense ability. Do you think I should try a self-defense class or something more professional, like karate, Jujitsu and H2H? I’m 29 years old now.

    • Miss

      I took a self defense class from the police. Honestly it was all about escaping and I think that’s sensible. You don’t know what you’re up against and you’re much safer if you get away from the situation. I thought it was very helpful.

      • Ness

        I took too a self defense course at a gym with my girlfriends after one of us was attacked. As it is said above it was about techniques to give you a way out. Really helpful.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, I did martial arts for years and my teacher always said “the best way to use your legs in a fight is to run away!”

        Also: Do not get in the car with the bad guy. Once he gets you to the second location he is going to kill you. Better to take your chances using your legs at the first location!

      • Sam

        Second this. Also took a class from the police and it was the best thing I did that year (and the next). Great tips, good roleplay at the end (they had simulated attack situations and you had to temporarily fend off the attacker and get away – they told you how). They also went through different scenarios of attack (you are at an ATM and someone grabs you from the back, for example) and discussed tools for each one (in this case, elbow jabs, kick at his ankles etc).
        A few years later I also did Krav Maga but that had more of a fitness orientation and not self defense.

    • Lana Del Raygun

      I do karate and jiujitsu! (I’m currently on a break due to having a baby.) I think the main thing to look for is consistency, so a 12-week self-defense class would probably be good but a one-day workshop isn’t going to do you as much good. You really need to (re-)train your reflexes so that your automatic response to, say, being grabbed is to fight back, and to make sure you’re really comfortable taking up space, yelling, asserting yourself, and being violent if necessary. That doesn’t happen in a day. Also some self-defense training is really gimmicky (please do not wolverine-claw your keys; that will really mess up your hand and you should just punch with a regular fist or use your nails), so I would look out for that. On the other hand some karate schools are very formal and don’t focus on real-world applications, so it depends a lot on what’s available in your area.

  23. Liz

    Anybody have experience with severe asthma and scents? I’m an admin for a school and we have a student protected under ADA with this. We’ve tried really hard to keep this classroom scent free as much as possible. The new kink is when other children in the classroom want to use essential oils. Thoughts?

    • Anonymous

      Provide the kids and their parents with info that confirms essential oils are worthless and a waste of money.

      • Anonymous

        If only it were this easy. All the SAH mommies in my area are WAAYYY into EOs and insist their kids “need” them for dealing with stress and anxiety at school. Our school had to send out more and more sternly-worded letters until they finally said, if we catch your kid with oils at school they will be sent home for the day. They had kids having asthma attacks and also severe migraines at school from smelling the oils. Miraculously, once the school started sending kids home for the day the mommies stopped sending oils with the kids, I imagine because having their kids with them really cuts into MLM networking and “me” time. Sorry if I sound bitter, but my kid got nauseated one day because the kid in front of him slathered herself with some kind of oil blend that made him feel sick – and then the mom insisted it was my kid’s problem because her kid “needed” the oil “to feel confident and happy at school.”

    • Irish Midori

      Other kids are bringing EOs to school!? At the very least, a note home to all parents stating that scents, INCLUDING EOs are to be left at home, due to a student sensitivity. Be prepared for pushback from the EO evangelists (“It’s impossible to have allergic reactions to EOs because they don’t have proteins, blah blah blah.”) Tell them this is legally required, and yes sure it’s a government conspiracy and they are welcome to homeschool.

      • Liz

        Yup, already had that parent and now the district office is involved. This hasn’t been addressed, but I anticipate it will now. Yes, students freely bring the oils to school.

      • Sadie

        Maybe add that essential oils used at school will be confiscated.

        If the parents are part of one of the MLMs (young living, doterra etc) those oils are EXPENSIVE. Maybe the risk of having them confiscated will make them rethink!

        • Liz

          Parent claimed medical discrimination and her child’s medical needs weren’t being met. I was speechless.

    • Idea

      Worked in an office where co-worker had adverse reaction to another coworker’s lotion scent. The lotion was being applied at work, in the office across the hall.
      New policy became: We cannot police or change what you do at home, but we ask you NOT to apply scent-only items like perfume or cologne, or scent-heavy shampoo or lotion, especially right before you walk into the office. All scent-only items and scent-heavy items are prohibited at the office, even in the bathrooms, and although of course you can bring them (no one will search your purse) please do not apply them at the office/you are are prohibited from applying them at the office. Please be respectful, etc.
      It was a small nonprofit.

  24. Lana Del Raygun

    Anyone have a Uniqlo BLOCKTECH coat? I’m looking for a lightweight coat to wear when it’s rainy but not cold and I’m wondering if that would fit the bill since it doesn’t seem to have a fuzzy lining.

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