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Weekend Open Thread

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Have you seen people in your social media feed getting dressed formally for dinner, either as a one-night goof or a weekly tradition during these strange times?

(Cue Alec Baldwin saying, “It's after six; what am I, a farmer?“)

Here at Casa Griffin we kind of like the idea, but haven't followed through on it yet… 

I was hunting like mad last year for a dress to wear to a formal wedding and wish I had seen this one — it's fun and sexy without being over the top, and it isn't too serious.

(It's also a great dress to put the focus on a necklace or brooch if you have a great one.)  It's also pretty affordable (and on sale!) and comes in a zillion colors. It's $273 full price, but select colors are on sale for $164; it comes in sizes 0-22. Lux V-Neck Chiffon Gown

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 1/16/25:

  • M.M.LaFleur – Tag sale for a limited time — jardigans and dresses $200, pants $150, tops $95, T-shirts $50
  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles with code — readers love this blazer, these dresses, and their double-layer line of tees
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything
  • L.K. Bennett – Archive sale, almost everything 70% off
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Sephora – 50% off top skincare through 1/17
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Summersalt – BOGO sweaters, including this reader-favorite sweater blazer; 50% off winter sale; extra 15% off clearance
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – 50% off + extra 20% off, sale on sale, plus free shipping on $150+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

310 Comments

  1. I like this dress, but dinner means no pants in my house so don’t really need it. However, my boss is requiring us to dress up for a company-wide Zoom check-in later for “fun.” *cries*

    1. Ugh my boss (a man) insists that our team (all women except him) look professional for conference calls, which are now video calls rather than audio calls so we can “stay connected while working from home.” I am resentful of how much time and energy I have to spend on hair and makeup while he just has to make sure none of his 14 hairs are sticking out. I also dislike half of my colleagues and am grateful for the time away from them, so that’s not helping either.

      2. That sucks, but why not skip the hair and make-up? I don’t wear make-up and am terrible at hair, but I can do a simple professional ponytail with very little effort.

          1. I might have to dig into the archives circa 2009 for the answer to that important question :)

          3. Ponytails are awesome and you will have to pry my ponytail holders from my cold dead hands, and if a boss doesn’t like it, too damn bad.

          1. Me neither. Wish that weren’t true, but it is — especially on video. I look very, very ill without it.

          2. If I don’t wear makeup on Zoom, I look dead.
            If I DO wear makeup on Zoom, I look like a clown.
            Too pale, eye circles too dark. Can’t win.

        3. Yes! I usually wear makeup to work but thanks to the Touch Up My Appearance feature in Zoom- I’m not doing anything. It makes my skin look flawless. Wish it was a feature I could use IRL.

      3. I mean, just don’t do your hair and makeup then? You can look professional without doing hair and make up to the tilt.

        1. Consider the possibility that she is used to her colleagues seeing her look a particular way and does not want to change that. Consider that she does not want her colleagues to think she’s not trying or caring (even though that would be ridiculous and s*xist). Obviously they should not draw that conclusion, but perhaps she would prefer just to meet their stupid expectations (while also allowing her to feel more comfortable) rather than turn this situation into a battleground over sexism.

          1. Consider that she said this was her boss’s requirement when turns out it isn’t at all, she just prefers makeup and hair did for a video conference. Consider that there is a massive difference between those two things.

      4. Don’t. Can’t believe this is real. Makeup is not required to look professional. I never wear any to work. Hair should be clean. That’s it.

        1. This. I’ve never worn makeup or done anything to my hair other than brush it, and I resent the implication that I look less professional than a man. If you enjoy make up and hairstyling, great. But it’s not a requirement of being a woman.

          1. No, it’s certainly not a requirement but I personally don’t feel comfortable without makeup. I recognize that this is a personal problem but I wish that my boss hadn’t introduced the video feature into our team culture because it creates work for people like me — and I know I’m not alone in this. An older colleague who has been unable to touch up her gray roots is pretending to have connectivity issues for the same reason.

            Judge me all you want but I’m allowed to care about looking a certain way, while also respecting your right to do things differently.

          2. I am judging. You complained this was required. It is not. It’s your choice. Own it.

          3. I literally said it’s not a requirement and I recognized that it’s a problem of my own creation. But sheesh can’t a girl vent in these weird times? Thanks to everyone in this thread who weighed in without being rude!

      5. Haha my boss is a woman and while we often have video calls we all look…. disheveled.

        1. Yes me too – took my lead from my boss who is often in a hooded sweatshirt and tee.

      6. Skip the hair styling and makeup. These are not requirements for women to look professional.

      7. At least the manageing partner does not care that I don’t wear makeup, but he said no tee shirts or sweatpants or yoga pants on client WebEx’s. For partner’s meetings, he does NOT care, as he also does NOT dress up at all. That is what I love about the manageing partner. He is normal, and even tho he is older then me, when he was my age, I think he would have been a great catch for me. Margie is lucky to have him, and she is about my age!

      8. Just no. Reasonably groomed (as in hair combed and sleepers out of eyes) is sufficient for these purposes. These people are dinosaurs.

      9. Rolling my eyes at this so hard and so thankful my firm doesn’t expect us to look dressed up while WFH.

      10. F*ck that! Brush your hair, put on biggish earrings, some lipstick, and call it a day. Will he even know? Wear a nice top, and your pjs on the bottom.

      11. hi, is anyone interested in discussing their experience with a journalist? wouldn’t need to use your name or firm, but I’d be curious to hear more if bosses are requiring makeup/fancy clothes for zoom calls.

    2. My desk is in front of a window, which makes me backlit and very washed out. Bonus, no one can really see my face or hair that well. I suggest trying it!

    3. Do what I do: “Gosh, I think I have bandwidth issues–my home internet has been so slow because of everyone working from home, if I turn my camera on, it lags soooo much; I’m afraid I’ll have to leave it off to meaningfully participate.”

      1. This is all funny and good for you—but layoffs are coming. Having been in management for a number of layoff rounds–almost every layoff has self-selected themself by “outsmarting” management. Take “tips” like this with caution…

      2. Haha I’ve totally done this too. And to the poster above, I think half of us are going to be laid off in the next few months anyway. It’s not like the layoffs are going to be limited to those of us shirking the video chat.

    4. A partner I work with showed up to a 5PM team Zoom happy hour in his pajamas. He said he put a sweatshirt on top to “look fancy” when talking to the client #WFHwin

    5. I’m kind of with your boss on this one; having the video definitely makes the whole WFH experience much easier for teams that have to work together. So many visual cues that would otherwise be lost, plus it just builds camaraderie. I’m glad our company’s norm is to use it.

      As a side note, what video applications is everyone on this thread using? My office uses skype, Zoom, and Webex and I feel like I look fine on all of them without makeup (definitely not sick or washed out), and this is true regardless of where I sit relative to windows / lights in my apartment. My coworkers all look fine too. The way readers on here describe their videos it sounds like some companies are still using technology from the early 00s.

      1. Same here – I’m the evil boss making my team video chat, but I’ve appeared in sweats, sock buns, zero makeup (not my normal lewk), baseball hats, knit caps, etc – there’s no expectation to look nice, but you get so much more out of seeing people. It’s also our culture and I’m happy about that. Once you get over it, it works a lot better than a phone call.

      2. +1 on the video, our culture has always been to use it and it’s so helpful to have the visual cues. There’s way less, “Oh, are you talk- wait, oh, no sor-you-but…” with people trying to talk over each other. We see when someone takes a breath to jump in or leans forward to say something or makes a grumpy face if they don’t like something. We have offices around the world, so we’re used to seeing people on video, even if they’re in the office. Sometimes the time difference means that people are taking a call outside business hours, and we know that they probably just returned from the gym, and that’s fine. They’re drinking a smoothie, hair in a bun or headphones slung around their neck, and it’s fine. I get that not everyone wants to be seen without hair and make-up done or a proper suit or whatever, but I think it’s more that everyone else is coming up with this pretense of what’s “professional”. I also don’t look ill or washed out on video, certain angles or lighting is better than others, but I don’t need to be wearing a full face of make-up to look alive and reasonable well. I don’t think my colleagues are any less competent when they call in wearing a t-shirt or sit in a darker-than-the-office room, they either get their work done and it’s quality or they don’t. It’s the same thing with all the kids in the background, schools are freaking closed. Where are they supposed to go? Are they not allowed to make noise in their own house? Whatever, just mute your mic if you’re not currently speaking so they aren’t a distraction, but babies cry, dogs bark, phones ring, and we’re all doing the best we can. I’m childfree and pet-free by choice but I totally understand that my colleagues with toddlers are going to be struggling a bit, I can cut them some slack if their kid wanders into the office during one of our many video calls!

    6. My son and his fiancee got married yesterday and shared it via Facebook Live- I did dress up to “attend.” It was a nice distraction from the outside world.

  2. Oooh I love this. Wish I had an occasion for it. We haven’t progressed to fancy dinner attire here yet, but our wedding anniversary is this month and we’ll still be under a stay-at-home order, so I was planning on doing fancy stay-at-home dinner that night.

    1. A family friend did this with her family. I thought it was a great morale booster! I live alone, so will not be taking part.

    2. Very cute dress, but if I bought this, and wore it out, men would likely be trying to sneak a peek exactly where they should not be peeking. The hive knows where I am talking about. To this end, I remember in college I went to a formal event, and that’s what men did then, so I do not think they would be any more respectful of our private parts on bodie’s now then they were back then. FOOEY on men like that!

    3. One of my friends reported on social media that they had gone out for a walk and ran across a mom in a fancy dress and sneakers, accompanied by two little boys in tuxes. She called out to them, “Happy Formalwear Friday!” I think it’s an awesome idea.

  4. Does anybody know of or have mask patterns for sewing them at home? I saw a WaPo article yesterday, but all the links were to YouTube videos and I don’t need a video, I just need a pattern.

      1. Thank you! That’s perfect! I don’t think I have much, if any, elastic in my stash and I’ve heard it’s in short supply these days!

    2. This national website is matching sewist sewists with need, and keeping track of which hospitals request which pattern: getppe.org
      (Probably to late, I may repost monday)

  5. I was in the process of negotiating a job offer but it’s now on hold until at least this summer. It’s probably not going to come through, right? I don’t see things getting much better by summer. I’m sure I’m not the only one in this boat- how are other job seekers handling things? Is it going to be really bad later to have to explain a COVID related resume gap?

    1. Lol I think the only excuse for the next year for job gaps will be “lay off”or “furlough” due to Covid19. No one will blink.

      1. I even suspect that a gap in employment that began in March 2020 (or after) will be assumed Covid-related. You won’t have much explaining to do. Nobody is going to forget this.

    2. It’s probably not. Sorry.

      We were in the process of hiring to backfill a position when all of this started, and now, the empty role probably just means that we won’t have to cut a head when the inevitable cuts come.

      I’m pretty sure a lot of people will have COVID-related stretches of un/underemployment on their resumes. It’s not going to be “really bad” to have explain – it’s going to be pretty understandable.

      1. We were just about to send a candidate an offer letter, the same day we implemented a hiring freeze. Now not hiring for that position is one of the three layoffs I had to do, so it literally did save someone else’s job. That said, I will be trying to hire that person ASAP as soon as I can because work in my department hasn’t slowed, and WFH is not a problem for our team. I feel really really guilty about laying off even the low performers in this situation, and it has been really affecting my outlook on the disaster and my level of dread/panic.

        It just sucks overall. I just barely (finally!!) made partner in January, and now we have taken more pay cuts, so after capital contribution and taxes, it has not been a raise. But I shouldn’t complain. Sigh.

    3. It may come through, depending on the field. Companies that are going to survive this crisis still need human resources to run their business. Not EVERYONE is getting laid off, and if there is a need, they may still have to fill it.

      I’m job-hunting right now, and really, as far as I can tell, there’s nothing I can do but treat it like normal times and hope for the best. (And of course be flexible about doing interviews by video chat rather than in-person, etc., acknowledge the tough circumstances, etc.)

  6. Any recommendations on where to buy resusable masks online that will ship relatively soon? I get overwhelmed searching etsy or ebay (I’m trying not to shop amazon for now — not judgement on those who do, just trying for myself) so a specific listing would be great. Thanks!

    1. Etsy has a lot but I had a hard time finding ones that could ship before May. I bought from LuLindsayBoutique but haven’t received them yet.

        1. Their adult size masks are out of stock currently, but seem to be restocked daily. Fast shipping, excellent quality & filters available. I am a smaller woman and the child size fit me best.

    2. Two days ago MindfulMomArt on Etsy shipped to me within 24 hours. I just checked and they have a handful left.

    3. Los Angeles Apparel. I read about it in the NYTimes and got them in the mail a few days later.

  7. Anyone else getting caught up on house or personal projects during quarantine?
    So far we have cleaned our rugs (got that carpet cleaner my mom gave me out of the box finally), put new knobs on all our cabinets (we have a lot of cabinets so it was almost 100 knobs), and this weekend will be cracking open the four cans of wood stain we bought months ago to restain a pergola in our backyard that is in dire need of it. We’re also going to put new felt pads on the feet of our dining chairs. What are you getting caught up on?

    1. Sewing! My mending pile is almost done and everything in my home is pristine.

    2. We’re hanging up some art we inherited and my husband is scanning a bunch of negatives from his father’s photography collection from the country they emigrated from. That’s a task that’s been on his to-do list for 10 years now…

    3. We finally got the garage shoveled out to the point I can park my car in there. Very big win!

    4. I cleaned out the kitchen food cabinet today: bye bye lasagna noddles in an open box from 2010. I’ve also got 1/2 way through filing personal paperwork. I made two masks from fabric I had on hand. I have also planned an international trip in minute detail for when we can travel again.

    5. My catch-up project: I’m finally going through boxes and boxes of old documents, deciding what to keep, toss and shred. The important stuff is getting scanned, too. The day before yesterday I was shredding too enthusiastically – not letting the shredder pause between documents – and paid for it with about 90 minutes of clearing jammed paper bits out of the shredder’s teeth with the end of a paper clip, with the machine turned off and unplugged, of course. I also discovered that my scanner was no longer compatible with my computer after I upgraded to the most recent Mac OS, so I had to buy and download third-party software to get them to talk to each other again. The scanner manufacturer is no longer upgrading the software for my model machine and the third-party software was much cheaper than a new scanner. Once that’s (mostly) done, I intend to move the bedroom furniture over to make room for exercise, but right now I have stacks of paper all over the floor.

    6. Just cleaned out my garage, will be planting grass seed as soon as it’s warm enough to fix up our patchy yard! I already reorganized our basement to make sure I had a good idea on our pantry items going into this. I hope I don’t have to organize our house for 6-12 months once we are allowed to leave our house!

    7. Swapped out ratty interior door handles and hinges, finally put shelf paper on some of the shelves. Cleaned out the apps and data on an old phone so we can donate it.

    8. This is the annoying part: I had already Marie-Kondo’ed all my clothing, books and most of my household goods, AND decluttered / pared down my photo albums before this all hit. I have one room I could work on, but just not motivated.

    9. I have done an excellent job cleaning out the wine fridge, if I do say so myself.

    10. Today’s project is to determine whether the cold-water leak from my kitchen faucet is fixable or if I need to replace the faucet.

      We have been deep cleaning one small area of the house each weekend and that has been incredibly satisfying. And gross to realize just how much dust has been lurking behind all the big furniture, on the walls, and in the ceiling cobwebs, especially since I didn’t think my house was really that dirty…

    11. We reorganized the garage yesterday and flagged some items to sell once social distancing is over.

      Otherwise, nothing “big” — just keeping up with dishes, laundry, and cleaning (which my blessed cleaning lady typically does once per week) has taken up a decent chunk of time. Not to mention I’m still working full time (and posting on Corporette obv).

  8. I need some help deciding what to do, if any of you need a break from COVID/work/childcare and want to spit out some advice (but please be nice, my nerves are a bit fried).

    Basically, I was matched online with a guy who lives across the country a few months ago. At the time, I was super busy and didn’t have actual hours in my day to start anything new. But when COVID and self-isolation started in my area last month, I figured since I couldn’t focus well on work anyways, might as well see if there was any potential with the guy so I reached out. He seems to be very into me but has been taking cues from me and hasn’t been smothering me (a feeling I can get at the beginning of new relationships if a guy comes on too strong).

    Sounds great, right? I’ve been longing to find someone for ages and his personality seems like a good fit so far. But, here’s where I get a bit shallow. I’m just not attracted to him. And the fact that it would be months of just distance “dating” before we could have a real, in-person date means that I won’t be able to tell if the looks are a real turn-off or something I can deal with/become attracted to in-person. He’s not bad-looking, I’m just simply not attracted (his photos vs FaceTiming are somewhat disparate). I also realized that having added yet another distraction now to my life was really not a good idea. My attention span/energy available is now being split into even more directions and I can’t focus on anything for long.

    I feel terrible leading him on and I am starting to sort of resent any energy spent on him – I think because I know this really can’t go anywhere real for months and has to be electronic indefinitely. If I had already met him in person and knew that there was at least some chemistry, I’d be much more willing to keep spending the time to build a relationship with him. But for now, it seems like a waste of months of mental energy (which I don’t have a lot of right now – between COVID and work stress) and isn’t really fair to him. I keep leaving it up to him to initiate communication each time and I think he’s starting to think I’m that not interested. So, I know I have to decide one way or the other soon – and right now, I feel like my only realistic options are to either end things completely or to just put a pause on things for a while.

    So, help?! Am I being nuts? What would you do?

    1. You’re just not into him. That’s ok! But break it off now before you waste more mental energy on this.

      1. That’s how I’m leaning. But in general, I find it so much more difficult to find someone I click with when it comes to personality which is why I’m hesitating, since we seem to click pretty well.

      2. +1. You are not into this relationship and you’re already resenting him. Why keep going?

      3. This. I’m sorry. I had to do this right as all of this was ramping up. It sucks even if you’ve meet them in person.

      4. I think you should not waste time. Athough some could call you petty, Men that I have met just on line maybe b/c of the cameras tend not to be as attractive as in person, as I often see up their noses where they have boogers and I only assume their breathe is bad. Also I can’t get over the fact that I would be having to spend time looking at that in bed. I trust that is also what is driving you to stop the relationsip now, b/f you meet in person, as if you do, he will be expecting a big wet kiss, and more after month’s of online dating. There must be another man out there for you. Just go out and look for him (virtueally), so go for it.!

    2. End things completely because you aren’t interested in this man and don’t want to date him.

      1. Yeah, I feel like you owe it to him to do it now rather than later when he’s more invested.

    3. Ok, i don’t know if you’re not interested in the photos or the facetime, but I’ll share my story. A guy reached out last year based on my comment history on a different internet forum. Based on his photos, I was not interested. He was also not in my city/state. However, we kept up minimal convo (usually initiated by him) but then they became phone calls. And then face time, and then 2 months of texting and phone calls later, I realized I had some real feelings for the guy. It also turns out that he’s just REALLY BAD at selfies, but good looking in person. Fast forward 2 weeks from that night we realized we both had feelings for each other and we were able to meet in a mutually convenient city for a first date that was mindblowingly good. We’re apart for this social distancing time, but our relationship is great. I didn’t think i’d fall for this guy, but I’m so very glad he came into my life. He’s shown me the kind of love that was lacking in my first marriage, that I hoped for and dreamed of, and now I know it exists.

      tl;dr–sounds like he may not be the guy for you, but I wouldn’t write off a guy completely just because you’re not initially attracted to him.

  9. My firm sent an Excel sheet with names and phone numbers. Is there any way I can move this into a format I can import to my iPhone or Android device? Ideal is five minutes and they’re added as contacts instead of typing all 150+ names and numbers in manually.

      1. Thank you!!! I swear I googled it and asked 3 friends who have had iPhones for years – but I came up empty. I’ll blame Covid brain. Thank you again!

  10. I’m feeling a lot of rage at people who act as what I perceive in an irrational fashion.

    Example: I get furious seeing my neighbors going out just for coffee daily. I try to ignore it, but it feels so unnecessary to expose workers and themselves because they can’t make their own.

    Usually I would blow it off as it is their life and choices, but I feel their bad choices could hurt all of us. How can I keep in mind that I can only control myself and my family? I guess my rage is from feeling vulnerable at people’s ignorance.

    1. Maybe by reminding yourself that we are all allowed to get take out coffee if we want and that they aren’t being ignorant you’re choosing to do something different but that doesn’t mean you’re right?

      1. This is sensible, but I don’t think it’s going to help the OP because that kind of rage doesn’t seem rational and is probably immune to common sense.

      2. Getting takeout coffee may be “allowed,” as in, not prohibited by stay at home orders, but that doesn’t change the fact that people doing it are taking an UNNECESSARY risk. As OP said, coffee can be made at home (or foregone completely, but you don’t even have to go that far).

        Popping out of your house to pick up luxury items exposes you and others to the virus every time you do it. Authorities are balancing people’s physical need to eat and move their bodies against the risks that going out poses and are issuing guidance accordingly. That doesn’t mean that all of us don’t have an obligation to MINIMIZE our risks to the extent possible. I’d love a flat white from Starbucks right now. I’m not going to get one, period.

    2. How is takeout coffee different from takeout food? I would look at it like they probably have coffee at home, desperately want to get out and the coffee shop and employees desperately need the money. So it’s a win-win…..except for me, I stopped doing takeout about 3 weeks ago. Some people are okay with it.

      1. I don’t think people should really do takeout food, either, when no contact delivery is available. I understand not everyone can cook, and you can get several meals’ worth of food at once versus daily Dunkin. We are under a stay at home order in my state. I do agree the rage is irrational. I hear yall that we need to support small businesses. I suppose this is just rage from anxiety.

        1. Yup. Anxiety. It’s no safer for a minimum wage employee to deliver my meal than it is for me to pick it up.

        2. My state’s stay at home order explicitly allows takeout and most businesses with takeout don’t offer delivery. I prefer delivery (even if I have to pay a fee) but that isn’t an option for most places.

        3. No contact delivery is not available everywhere. Signed, I live in a rural area and Doordash/Uber Eats/etc. literally do not exist here, and local restaurants don’t deliver.

          1. I hear you. It is available in my suburban area, although we don’t have grocery delivery. I do think no contact delivery is much safer for the worker.

        4. Not every business has no contact delivery. In fact, the ones that do are the larger chains that will probably weather this better than the smaller businesses.

          But that’s the rational part, and you aren’t being rational. You CANNOT control other people. Not that it’s just not possible; you should not try to do so. You cannot blame them for the pandemic, which is what you’re doing.

      2. Agree, I’m very uncomfortable with takeout, and even delivery of single meals like pizza (though we’ve done it twice). We’re getting grocery delivery or curbside pickup, only because it’s necessary to feed us. Everyone can gauge their own risk tolerance, but I don’t think anyone should be patting themselves on the back for TECHNICALLY complying with stay at home guidance while getting as close to the edge as possible (takeout coffee 3x a day is allowed as is a long jog in the park!)

        Just. Stay. Home.

    3. If the coffee shops haven’t been closed down for takeout this is not against the rules. I get concern for the coffee shop worker but restaurant jobs are scarce so they are choosing to be there. (I’m not insensitive to the difficult choice of a low wage worker to stay home or feed their family. But for everyone working these jobs that still has one, five more people are out of a job and would likely it.) if people stop going the job is gone.

      I’m starting to think we’re all so miserable and scared that we’re pointing fingers at anyone seeking comfort or normalcy, even when they’re obeying guidelines. You are allowed to leave your house and get food and drink even if you could make it at home. Being more miserable than necessary isnt keeping everyone safer. Everyone keeps saying the less we comply the longer we have to do this, but that’s not necessarily true. It’s a marathon. Let’s try to obey the rules, but not be so miserable that we lose our minds and give up.

      If you’re mostly staying home this has little impact on you. Please try to have some grace here.

      1. Yep. The finger pointing is incredibly unhelpful and is just going to make everybody more miserable than we all need to be.

      2. This. Things that are still allowed are FiNE and getting annoyed at them serves zero purpose. You don’t want take out or to go coffee? Don’t get it. But step off my lawn – I’m so irritated by the policing of everything because people are anxious.

    4. It’s not ignorant to get takeout food and drink. It’s allowed everywhere in the US. I can certainly understand why an older or immunocompromised person would choose to skip it, but those of us who are low risk can do a lot of good by continuing to support local businesses.

          1. Because the Karen meme isn’t associated with WOC, that’s why. The Karen meme is a white woman.

          3. I recently heard the term “middle aged mean girl.” That seems like the right term for a grown women outraged at people obeying all the rules and guidelines but not meeting her personal standards.

    6. I understand the frustration. Even though we rationally know that getting coffee or whatever is allowed, the fact is that a lot of people are not taking things seriously. It’s not like every person who is getting coffee has carefully debated it and considered their impact and how they can be safe. Instead, a lot of us are seeing nonstop “teehee I’m here for a good time, not a long time” or “not even corona is going to stop me from hanging out with my friend on his birthday” and so on. My recommendation is to unfollow as many people as you can and to literally say out loud to yourself “I can only control myself.” It sounds corny but it helped me.

    7. I have had moments of rage at my husband and neighbors in recent weeks because I perceive them as being irresponsible or way too panicky for their own good. Ater a lot of self-reflection I have learned that this is the anxious part of my brain wanting to have everything under control. In my saner moments, I recognize this but when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed, anxoius brain takes over and seems to default to rage.

      It sucks. I can’t seem to control it but at least I am more aware.

  11. Anyone else riding out this time alone and basically fine with that? I’ve had a few conversations where people with families have expressed — oh this must be soooo bad for you — as I’m kind of like shrug. Don’t get me wrong — same health etc worries as everyone. But as someone who always feels on the outside looking in as an older single woman with no spouse, no kids, very few friends, I almost feel like it’s hard to go pick up takeout on Friday night or out on a weekend and everywhere I look it’s families or groups of friends. And I guess my own loser status isn’t in my face as much. Am I the only one?

    1. I’m okay. But my lifestyle prior was mostly only seeing local friends once or twice a month and remaining in consistent contact with video, social media, and text/calling with my closer out of state friends. I guess leading an otherwise fairly solitary life – other than not going in to work – my life isn’t that much different – which kind of makes me sad in a theoretical way – but I’ve been doing okay.

    2. You’re not alone! I love not having to do anything, while also not feeling like I’m missing out.

    3. You’re not the only one! I live alone (in a studio apartment) and yes, I do miss hanging out with my friends, but otherwise, it’s fine. I am healthy and have food and a job that I am incredibly fortunately to be able to do at home and will get paid. There are also TV, books, and zoom hangouts with my friends (trivia night tonight). I’m doing the best I can and everything could be so profoundly worse.

    4. As an introvert with only a handful of good friends, I feel similarly. I am worried about my health and the state of the country, but I’m fine with the alone time. I do miss my outdoor hobbies though and had to cancel a trip with one of my best friends, which sucked.

    5. I’m perfectly content being home. I am working from home and have been busy, so I think that helps a lot. I am married but my husband is working (not at home) so we’re not together all the time. Primarily I miss going to the gym and getting library books. I really don’t miss happy hours, going out to eat, or any of that. I also have no FOMO, which anon at 2:56 alluded to. I often feel like there’s something wrong with me for not wanting to go out frequently, and this quarantine has made me realize and accept that being home with my dogs and husband is actually how I’m happiest.

    6. Yeah, I’m honestly not miserable with this – maybe a little stir-crazy from being stuck indoors, and I miss my friends and outdoor hobbies, but this is bearable. I have a secure job that I can do from home, I’ve been videochatting (and this has been a great opportunity to catch up with friends in different timezones that I rarely see in person) and have some popping group texts (my phone literally just dinged!), and I’ve got supplies for my indoor hobbies. Compared to the abject misery of the 14 months I spent unemployed, during which I got to spend 8 months watching my mother’s slow, awful decline and death, this is gravy. Not ideal, but this too shall pass.

    7. Honestly, I have been so busy with work that I haven’t even noticed. And I’m a commercial real estate lawyer – I’m not in a field that’s even semi related to COVID 19. I’ve just been slammed, so I haven’t even had time to fully process what’s going on, other than I miss all the space my office has, having access to a fridge full of la croix seltzer at work and being able to print surveys on 24″x36″ paper.

    8. It’s taken some adjusting (see my very inelegant wobble over the morning post….. not my finest hour) but 90% of the time I’m with you. I’m in my twenties and chat almost daily with my mum (but we have done that for a good few years anyway) and she seems very surprised with how non-awful I’m finding it. I’m doing a lot of counting my blessings – Life could be so materially worse than this so I’m just happy chugging along. I miss a lot of life before but this is the new normal now.

    9. I’m not alone, with my husband and toddler son, but I truly love all this alone time and not having to go to work and see my annoying co workers. It’s basically been my lifelong dream as an introvert living in an extrovert society.

    11. OMG, my life has trained me for this. I LOVE cooking, and organizing and knitting and reading and being alone. And always buy food and basics (soap, TP, alcohol) like a hurricane could come through. BUT, I’m too wrapped up in reading the news do much other than cook.

    12. I’m personally OK as an introvert; honestly, I will probably have trouble with life returning to normal. I’m just very sad and grieving for the world. I am looking forward to a recovery so I can relish the alone time instead of feeling guilty about liking it.

  12. This is admittedly a good “problem” to have but for those of you with decent PTO that you can’t carry over in full, are you planning to use it this year for staycations? At this point, I’m not sure that even summer will work for any trips, but I don’t want to go through all of summer with no time off. For those with kids, we could hopefully use the days to take the kids somewhere, although not sure if playgrounds will be open! We usually do a couples trip once a year, but again that will require childcare and for hotels to be open. Or am I being too optimistic for this year and I should just forget about “time off”?

    1. I’m hoping that my company will adjust the rollover or payout policies so I don’t have to waste PTO just to do nothing around the house.

    2. I think I’m still going to need time off, even if I can’t go anywhere. But if you don’t think you’d use as much as you would normally, can you cash some in?

    3. Nope. I would use PTO if I could take my kids to the zoo or something fun like that but literally nothing is open. I have 5 weeks of vacation per year and am looking forward to taking 10 weeks in 2021 (or maybe 15 weeks in 2022, the way things are going). This is assuming I don’t lose my job, which is a big if at this point. But if I get laid off I get cash for the accrued PTO so there’s no downside to saving it.

    4. I’m going to have the same issue. I’ll probably have 10 days to use between now and August 15 or I’ll stop accruing more vacation. I have kids but i don’t trust toddlers not to touch what they aren’t supposed to do i do not think I’ll really want to take them to many places

    5. I will absolutely take vacation days, even if all I get to do that day is stay home and not work. Our PTO is use it or lose it, and I’m pregnant so I’ll lose all but whatever they’re statutorily required to let you keep once I’m on mat leave anyway, since PTO gets burned up before STD kicks in. Also, I will burn out if I don’t take time off.

      1. + 1 Ours is use it or lose it and at the rate I am working these days (a LOT), I am 100% taking it even if all it means is that I work in my yard without having to open my computer/respond to emails that day.

      2. Same here – I was supposed to take the first Friday we were all working from home. I had to move it to the next Monday because of meetings, but I still took it. Just the ability to shut my brain off and take an extra long walk was nice.

    6. I’m banking mine until this blows over and/or I feel confident that I’m not getting furloughed or anything like that.

    7. Our isn’t use it or lose it, so no. I’m not wasting PTO on a couch day. I’ll try to use it for camping trips away from other people, though.

    8. I took this last week off after working 10 hour days for over a month. It was my son’s “spring break” so he did not have online classes or assignments this week. We obviously did not go anywhere but let me tell you, being home and not working and not supervising homeschooling was a vacation. I had been feeling like I was at the end of my rope and this week off has really helped me get my head together and feel like I can manage what comes next. If people are feeling emotionally overwhelmed and like they can’t do this anymore, I highly recommend taking a couple to a few days off. It really helped me.

      I also think that when the quarantine lifts, a ton of people on my team will be trying to take PTO, and the reality is, our workload and business rhythm won’t be able to accommodate everyone’s requests. I’ll just take some vacation days now and then see what happens later. We have an actual vacation planned in July that I hope will still hold but beyond that am not making any trip or vacation plans for the rest of the year. Everything’s just too uncertain right now.

    9. I have 10.5 days of PTO to use before the end of the year. I had to cancel a May trip to Hawaii, and I doubt our traditional summer trip to the beach is going to happen. We rescheduled our Hawaii trip to November and extended it from 5 days of vacation to 8 days of vacation. If that trip gets canceled, I’ll take off between Christmas and New Years for a staycation. I’m not usually supposed to plan vacation then because we could have a closing–if I need to work and can’t take my PTO, I may ask for an exception to the policy (depending on the firm’s financial situation).

    10. To answer the crux of your question, I actually in normal life take random vacation days off all the time, so yes, I would use them for staycation days. The best ones are when I send the kids to school anyway :) (no offense kids).

    11. I have a decent number of PTO days available so I often take long weekends to get caught up on yard work or chores around the house. I also plan to leave my current role and start another job next month (still moving forward in an industry that is not at risk from this current situation) so I plan to use as much of my available PTO as possible right now.

  13. For those of you still reading “serious” books, I just started Erik Larsons newest book “The Splendid and the Vile” about Churchill during the Blitz.
    The parallels to the shit we are going through now are too strong in a reassuring way. Highly recommend it and all his books for that matter!
    A quote from one of the intro pages that really struck me: “It is not given to human beings- happily for them for otherwise life would be intolerable- to foresee or predict to any large extent the unfolding course of events”
    Churchill sure had a way with words during hard times.

    2. Same! I am also reading that! I have realized that when I am anxious about the world, I find extreme comfort in reading / listening to podcasts about Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill. And buying metallic footwear.

    3. Yes, I started this book a few days ago too. Loved Larson’s Dead Wake and this one is good so far.

    4. This is my next book. I love love love his books. Dead Wake and In the Garden of Beasts were both incredible.

  14. I am a subject matter expert and I earn much of my income speaking and giving workshops, often at conferences. After them, I am often asked for my slides. Most tell me it is so they can give the training to their staff. I don’t want to seem rude or stingy. However, being in a one hour talk or workshop does not qualify them and it could be harmful if they misinterpret or misconstrue the info when they teach others. It is also them asking to use my slides to take away possible income. However, I DO want people to learn the information. What is the best way to respond so that it turns into an opportunity rather than comes across as me being unwilling to share, since I think most have no clue that they are asking for something for free that takes my knowledge and income away.

    1. Make a website with some of your more basic stuff and put it on there for free. Then add on something you can sell – an ebook, video training course, etc.

    2. Give them your card to contact you if they’re interested in hiring you to give a presentation to their staff?

    3. Is there a summary or info sheet that you’d be comfortable giving out? Could be marketing for your work (put your name and contact info on it prominently) while also allowing some knowledge to be more widely shared in a responsible way.

    4. Is it possible to give them a one-page summary slide with your contact info on it?

    5. It’s not rude of them to ask and it’s also not rude of you to tell them your slides are proprietary and direct them to your website.

      1. Nor is it “rude” to sell them or other materials with license rights – you don’t have to give away your work

    6. I also speak at conferences… or did. Who knows what the conference world is going to look like by the end of the year… but anyway!

      Every conference I’ve spoken at for the last year has required me and every speaker at the conference to upload their slides to the conference app and website. No exceptions. Yes, it’s possible that people will misrepresent the information you provided, but that’s nothing new. Make sure your name and logo, if applicable, are clearly displayed on the slides and that they are in a non-editable format, and then get on with your day. There is no such thing as keeping other people from using your materials incorrectly. You have to let it go.

  15. I’m as pro vaccine/medicine as they come but idk how i feel about an expedited vaccine that hasn’t followed typical protocol to ensure there aren’t long term effects. Similarly, I’m not normally distrustful of the government, but it doesn’t seem like they’ve been totally honest/have been in denial in order to avoid economic impacts and it seems like they could open things back up before it’s really safe because they’ll cave to pressure. In China, the schools that have reopened show pictures of kids wearing masks- i can’t imagine getting kids here to wear masks daily

    1. I’m not sure what you’ve heard or from what illegitimate source but there has been nothing from official sources that indicate a vaccine before 12 to 18 months out. A vaccine requires proof of efficacy and no harm, which require lots of trials and time.

      1. Not OP but the normal vaccine development timeline is 20 years. Even the 18 month timeline is incredibly rushed and many experts have expressed skepticism about the safety of such a vaccine. When you do work in 1/10th the time it’s supposed to take, is it high quality work?

        I also have concerns about the safety of such a process and probably won’t vaccinate myself or my family, all of whom are low risk of serious illness and death from Covid. I would I encourage my parents to get the vaccine because the risks of the disease are much higher for them so the cost-benefit analysis for the vaccine is different.

        OP, parents would definitely make their children wear masks if that was the only way to get them back to school.

        1. Agreed – I definitely won’t be getting the vaccine but wouldn’t discourage at-risk relatives from getting it.

        2. The majority of the 20-year development timeline for a vaccine is in early R&D, not safety and human testing. The 12-18 month course is the time for safety and human testing, hence any COVID vaccine will have to be just as safe as other vaccines. Please cite your source on experts concerned about safety?

          1. Not the OP, but agreeing with you. I am not too concerned about the safety of a rushed vaccine, but instead worry whether it would truly be effective or not.

        3. The 20 year vaccine development timeline is pre-CRISPR. China had the virus genome uploaded for public use in January. You know how long that would have taken even five years ago?

          This is the future.

    2. 1. I wouldn’t take stuff out of China at face value.

      2. Martha Washington got a homemade smallpox vaccination. Not only would I get a covid vaccination, I would volunteer for early research and testing. I want us to get past this even at a personal risk to myself.

      1. I work from home for an academic medical center that is involved in the research. The most current discussion I’m seeing from the university scientists & research physicians is that they could have something ready to test in 6 to 8 months, with another year of testing after that, if they are able to use the egg-growth method that is used for the influenza vaccine (this is a theory that they think might work, anyway). Once they are at that stage, they have said that they’ll ask for volunteers among the work from home employees who have not had the disease as test subjects, since most of us have controlled environments and we won’t put patient care at risk if the vaccine doesn’t work and we contract the disease. I am of two minds about potentially volunteering. Watching what Chris Cuomo and Ali Wentworth are going through as the course of illness plays out terrifies me and the chance that I’d be knowingly subjecting myself to that is even more so. On the other hand, they are going to need healthy people who are able to follow their instructions and I fit the bill perfectly. It is something I could do without a lot of effort that would help literally the entire world.

        1. There are vaccines already in clinical trials now. But most people think 18 months is still very optimistic because it requires 1) clinical trials going perfectly and 2) the ability to quickly mass produce the vaccine with most of the world still shut down.

      2. I agree (and would happily volunteer as well, as long as it wouldn’t impact my family too much). Yes, it’s not ideal, but the alternative not anything like OK or sustainable.

    3. 1. Scientists are the most interested in a safe COVID vaccine – if you don’t trust government and the global health community, trust that the thousands of scientists working to develop a vaccine want it to be safe and efficacious to protect themselves and their loved ones just as much as you.
      2. Everyone should be wearing masks. Period. Children will learn that from their mask-wearing parents.

    4. Hospitals will prioritize enrollment and staffing for these trials, but they won’t be ‘rushed,’ in the sense that first safety and then efficacy have to be proven before anything hits the market.

  16. Happy Friday y’all! I “started” my new job last Monday and will be interacting with my new coworkers for the first time at 4 for a virtual happy hour! I think I’m making an old fashioned and sitting on my porch to enjoy the sun. What’s your drink of choice for today?

    1. I was wondering if your new job came through in this chaos, Abby! Congrats. And margaritas over here, with fresh lime and good tequila.

      1. Thank you! I am truly blessed, it seems like a great company, team, and boss. I love how they’re handling all the uncertainty, so it is a good (but weird) start. And yum margs, I’m waiting for it to get a little warmer to transition!

    2. Pink wine…it’s what’s in the fridge. ;) Really glad your new job is still going ahead!

    3. Postmates is on their way right now, so with any luck a cool, refreshing gin and tonic, lots of lime.

  17. Background:
    By boss and I are both part of a cross-functional committee formed by our employer to address all things COVID-19. We’ve had differing opinions on some issues, which both of us have expressed professionally and ultimately gets resolved by committee. Through this all, we are working remotely, which is a 180 from the face time culture we had before. My boss was always a poor communicator (vague, incomplete, untimely communications) but the effects have been exacerbated now that we go longer between live communications and I cannot gauge body language (we don’t do video calls, just conference calls). I’m equal parts annoyed by my boss and insecure that boss is mad at me for disagreeing in front of others and that my job is at risk.

    Issue:
    Yesterday and this morning, I’ve felt my heart racing and got visibly shaky opening emails from my boss. Undoubtedly, these are anxiety driven but I’ve never experienced these physical responses outside of very big presentations or the very rare occasion where someone yelled at me at work. What are strategies for dealing with this? Is this what anti-anxiety meds are for?

    1. Anti stress ball to squeeze – make one with and old sock and beans if you don’t want to go out.

      Calming photo within sight (eg fav beach vacation) to look at

    2. It definitely sounds like anxiety. This all sucks! Everything is off! And anxiety is a logical reaction to such a crappy situation! Has your boss given you the indication he’s upset?

    3. I’ve been drinking tons of chamomile tea & taking Rescue Remedy. IDK about you but my limbic system is hair trigger right now. I have been taking lots of pumping walks (2x daily) providing endorphin replacements for my sadly missed gym workouts.

      1. Thanks to both respondents for the sympathy. I will try exercise.

        Boss hasn’t said anything to indicate being upset with me but it feels like boss is ignoring me. There are no thank you’s or daily check ins to understand big picture. Boss is slow to answer my emails or answers curtly, but then I see boss responding to others in a more timely fashion. This could be boss adjusting to telecommuting, irritation at me, irritation at situation, or some combination.

        I should add that these episodes of heart racing and shakes have lasted as long as an hour at a time. They came and went all work day yesterday, and I had a spell of it this morning (but not this afternoon). I’m not sure at what point I should be concerned…

        1. Google grounding techniques & try a few different ones to see if it helps. Also quadrant breathing (think yoga) helps with the heart racing for me.

        2. A few years back when I was having these symptoms I would up going on a low dose of anxiety medication (after years of therapy which was great but didn’t help in the moment). I haven’t had these sorts of physical reactions to anxiety/stress since. It may be something for you to look into if this continues and you are open to the idea of medication.

    4. Box breathing for me is the best option — breathe in for four counts, hold four counts, exhale four counts, hold four counts. Helps me tremendously with the unintentional/subconscious physical responses.

    5. This is anxiety & possibly a mild panic attack. The important thing to remember is that it will pass. Stay hydrated, do breathing exercises, try to burn off anxiety by (safe) exercise. Are you sleeping? If you’re not sleeping well, solve that before all else. Magnesium helps, supposedly CBD helps, talk therapy helps. Medication can also help, but since this is new to you it may also just go away.

  18. Adjunct Prof at 2 universities in different states in different regions, one in the top 10 in the nation, the other no one has likely heard of. Expectations and plans are that both schools are staying fully online through end of 2020. Adjuncts are most likely to lose work as lower enrollment happening and expected to continue. Summer classes I was booked for are canceled due to lower enrollment. I had an edge as an online trained instructor. Now everyone is becoming such which removes my edge. Heartbroken and worried that only those with PhD’s will be hired again for a long time. Love this work and will miss it greatly.

    1. I’m really sorry. I think a lot of universities are battening down the hatches. I’m staff at a top 10 public school that recently announced an indefinite hiring freeze and no faculty or staff raises this year. The admin has committed to no layoffs before June 30 but that’s cold comfort because everyone just thinks it’s going to be a massacre on July 1. My husband is TT, supposed to be up for tenure next year. I’m hoping he can get through and get tenure even if it comes with no salary increase, but I’m becoming increasingly worried that won’t happen.

      1. +1 I am staff at an Ivy, and the story is precisely the same here. There’s a hiring freeze, top to bottom, with some exceptions for TT faculty hires, but even those lines are being approve individually at the top level. We managed to hire one postdoc this spring before the university clamped down. Even our undergrad student workers are on freeze for the moment. Faculty promotions with the expected salary increases are still in the clear at the moment; no other raises or shifts from adjunct/PT/temp to other statuses are allowed.

        All of us are also expecting dramatic changes July 1, probably starting with golden (brass?) parachutes to encourage more senior people to “retire” or simply leave after 10 years of service.

    2. I’m the one who has been posting a bit about whether or not to go to grad school this fall. I’m so sorry to hear about the continuing disruption to higher ed and the impacts it is causing for you and other higher ed professionals and faculty. I wanted to say that I really appreciate what posters like yourself have been sharing, as it’s helpful for me to make an informed decision. Best of luck out there!

  19. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Your years of experience and willingness to teach online before you were forced should mean something, if only hiring committees realize that. Some universities are expanding summer offerings as students rush to fulfill graduation requirements. Is it possible with all remote teaching that you could cast a wider net and apply to distant schools? But I understand that you may be right that there just will be no market if PhDs fill all the available slots.

  20. Thought you might enjoy this coronavirus struggle of the day: My neighbors will not stop blasting golden age rap/R&B. And I mean BLASTING. So loud I cannot get their attention. I respect the music choice, but I’m a lawyer who had a by-video three-hour hearing today in federal court in Texas. After about 20 minutes:
    Judge: “What IS that cacophony?”
    My misguided colleague: “Sounds like Ice Cube.”
    Judge: “An ice machine?”
    Me: “I’m sorry, Your Honor. My neighbors are playing rap music.”
    Judge: *in southern drawl* “I reckon we’re all strugglin’ right now.”
    Me: “Indeed, Your Honor. I’ll go on mute.”

    1. This is literally the best thing I’ve read all day. Thank you for sharing! I’m a New York lawyer so no court hearings by video yet but I promise to relay my best stories in reciprocation thank you!

    3. That is amazing, and I’m also sorry.

      It’s stories like these that make me skeptical when people are like “after this we’ll all see how perfectly work from home went and everyone who can will just do that!”

    5. This is an amazing story and thank you for sharing this with us. I have read it aloud to my whole family!

  21. Hey all, thanks so much for the sweet comments on my exhausted post yesterday. I literally did not get back here to even remember that I had posted until just now. First of all, giving blood wasn’t nearly as awful as I expected. I am still exhausted from trying to essentially do about three peoples’ jobs right now and I find myself getting emotional because I’m so tired. My vet is awesome and gave my cat her allergy shot today when I couldn’t figure out how to learn how to do it. I sort of know, but didn’t want to hurt her and my two vet friends are not available – one is quarantined with her fiance who has COVID-19 and the other is on crazy ER night shifts. Taking a little road trip with the dude tomorrow to pick up his car and plan to drive back with the top down. We have decided to play it by ear. He knows that my dating other people would mean that he would lose me eventually and he’s not happy about that, but feels like it’s the right thing for me. I informed him that I am in charge of my own life and my decisions and that I will decide how to handle this on my own. Went back on the dating site and LOTS of interest there, but you know, global pandemic. Oh, and for the person who asked – my church has a group of paid soloists and we are in rotation doing solos for the online services, keeping good social distancing. They had given me about 3 weeks off while my real job is so crazy, but now I’m singing for Palm Sunday, a recorded duet and solo for Maundy Thursday, and a solo and quartet for Easter. It’s a lot!

    1. I commend you for making beautiful music to help the hearts of your congregation. I hope you can get some peace this weekend!

      1. So far, so good! Had a quiet night in and cooked and watched silly TV. I am still in bed this morning, but he is at a meeting about turning one of the large downtown hotels into a hospital. When he gets back we will leave on our road trip. At some point, when I get home, I need to practice for tomorrow!

  22. Y’all, this is such a small silly victory but I’m taking the wins wherever I can… I successfully coached my client (70+) WHO DOES NOT USE EMAIL (!!!!) through setting up Zoom with video! This is not for nothing, as we have a hearing on Tuesday that is held via Zoom. Woohoo!! I didn’t even care that I have zero makeup on and am wearing a t-shirt when we finally connected today.

    1. CONGRATULATIONS. I work with so many non-tech literate clients and this is a legitimate success to be celebrated. Explaining that stuff over the phone is SO HARD.

    2. Two of my colleagues related yesterday about how they had taught their relatively older parents how to use Zoom and that they were now the envy of all of their friends! Too funny.

      1. My 71 year old mother, who still works as a consultant for nonprofits, introduced me to Zoom! I’m an average tech-y person, but just had never used it before.

        1. I hadn’t either, although I had taught using Collaborate, which is embedded in our LMS. One of my colleagues said that her mom was all excited because she was more Zoom-savvy than her friends.

  23. hi y’all. i hate the “new normal” and this pandemic. does anyone else think it’s completely crazy that the economy has been shut down, freedom of assembly is gone and the government is encouraging people to snitch on their neighbors? I’m not trying to troll, but i am genuinely blown away by the fact that we have all just DONE this with seemingly no thought for the long term impact, with people just living in their pods making handmade masks with no end in sight! football is cancelled? the high holidays? seriously wtf! I am an extrovert/anxious/control freak when i read the comments about this being the new normal it makes me want to k*ll myself. end rant.

    1. I never ever ever say this, but this is a tr0ll right? I mean, going against the CDC, as people are dying, AND ending with a thoughtless comment on taking one’s own life HAS to be a tr0ll… at least I hope so.

      If it isn’t, I apologize, I encourage you to realize that safety and life take priority right now, everything else comes later and via voting for whom we want to represent us. Personal freedom doesn’t get to cause others to be sick or die, so please stay home. Also, please call a Lifeline for support if you were serious about self harm and please choose other kinder words if you were being hyperbolic. <3

      1. If we don’t protect our rights we may lose the opportunity to vote for leaders….

    2. I agree. I can live with luxuries like football and vacations being canceled, but I agree it’s insane that we’ve all just agreed to not leave our houses until there’s a vaccine, which might be years. I don’t understand why we’re destroying the economy and the quality of life of everyone to save the lives of the few. When I say “quality of life” I don’t mean luxuries, but rather basic needs like people’s mental health, the education of an entire generation of children and people’s careers, many of which will never recover after this complete economic collapse. I worry about what we’re doing to our children most of all. I think history is going to say we sacrificed our children’s future to add a few years to the lifespans of the elderly, and judge us very harshly.

      1. I suspect there will come to a point where we weigh those things and lift restrictions, hopefully when we at least get the stabilization of health care supplies and those who have already had the disease so it’s not complete chaos. In the meantime, it feels like the overcompensation olympics in which government body, media institute, or internet commentator can talk about the furthest thing out that of course will be cancelled. No one knows. Agreed there are more dynamics here than just one.

        1. I hope you’re right. I waver between feeling like things should be a lot better by late summer, due to increased testing and hopefully one or more of the experimental treatments being proven at least partially effective, and then feeling total despair that we’re in lockdown for a minimum of 18 months. The recent talk here and elsewhere about school not opening in the fall has been really hard to take. My kids will survive being homeschooled for a year or two, even if we all whine about it. But it just really devastates me thinking about all the kids who get their only hot meal at school or for whom school is a sanctuary from an abusive home.

          1. dude, this cannot last years! it’s insane!!!! the models have not been borne out (thankfully) and no one is questioning it.

        2. I’ve heard governor Cuomo talk, albeit a few days (a lifetime) ago, about how at some point he will have to figure out how to gradually bring back normalcy to balance public health with other societal interests, but that this is an emergency for the next few weeks. I believe him. Perhaps because I’ll lose my mind if I don’t, but I find it reassuring.

          1. Thank you, that helps to hear. Maybe I should start watching Cuomo’s briefings. I totally agree this is an emergency for the next few weeks and we should all stay the f-ck home in the short term, but long term there are more factors than just # of Covid deaths and we need to figure out to balance them in a way that prevents as many Covid deaths as possible without destroying other lives.

          2. You’re welcome and we will. I’m grateful for this board but the vibe lately is really fear-driven and judgmental and scary. The whole nation doesn’t feel this way.

            I’m grateful for the governor right now. He’s not perfect but he’s level headed and he’ll be leading the nation in a rational, if imperfect, approach to reopening things gradually and continuing trying to save lives. It’s still scary. But your concerns are valid and they’re shared. Big virtual hugs.

          3. I don’t live in NY and I have started watching Cuomo’s briefings. I find them oddly reassuring. This (the lockdown) isn’t going to last 18 months. I agee with the comment above–generally, i love this community and have learned so much from the discussions here (and been entertained), but lately there is just a deep deep vibe of anxiety (tempered with some control issues) that has not been helpful. My perception is that the situation in NYC and other large cities identified as hot spots might be very tense but i feel like posters who identify themselves as from those areas seem to be the most practical about what is happening. NO ONE really knows anything. This is completely unprecedented for our country. All of the government officials (at the federal, state and local levels) are making decisions based on data modeling that may or may not be accurate.

          4. These threads are the only reason I keep coming on here. I cannot get over the lack of concern for the destruction of the quality of life and failure to balance the real harms that we’re seeing now.

          5. The thing about New York is we have this relatively recent memory of living what we thought was the darkest time we would ever see and ultimately surviving and rebuilding. We affirmed, I think, both collectively and as individuals, that we’d tolerate a degree of danger to continue to live the lives we value. But we also committed to helping each other and we decided that the strong are brave and righteous to protect the vulnerable at their own personal peril. We’re going to do the latter and then the former balanced with the latter.

            I’m angry when I see what I think is unamerican indifference toward New York and New Yorkers’ pain right now. But I get that other parts of the country are terrified and lack the recent collective memory described above. It’s hard to be reminded that New Yorkers are dying by the thousands while the rest of the country mostly watches on tv once again. Part of me is comforted by the thought that at least if we experience the worst of it first, we can remind America how we maintain our civil rights values and humanity in the face of unimaginable destruction, death and fear. We’ll get through this. You will too.

        3. We also just need time to catch up with this disease. A friend was telling me that ICU doctors online are saying that intubating according to oxygen levels (which is the current protocol) may actually be killing patients who would have done better on non-invasive ventilation and on oxygen (apparently the hardening typical of ARDS often happens only after intubation). Neurointensivists are saying that the oxygen readings on oximeters are far too low given patients’ alertness levels and must not be a good proxy for cerebral oxygen in this condition. They are trying to figure out how the virus may be interfering with standard tests and what protocol is needed to treat it. For me the take away is that they need desperately some more time to figure this out.

      2. I agree with this. I am complying fully with social distancing but this isn’t sustainable.

        I remember a poster making a comparison to how things were “worse” in wartime or other times but that people still managed to find joy in those times. That post actually really depressed me because this is exactly the opposite. I’d much rather go without toilet paper or eat only oatmeal for a year than continue not interacting with people for much longer.

        Solitary confinement is considered torture in many countries. I don’t understand how so many people on this board insist that sucking all of the joy out of life (not to mention constitutional rights) for an endless period of time is fine. At some point I’d be happy to take a 50% or more (noting the chances are no where near that high) chance of this thing killing me than continuing to live like this. At some point this “life” isn’t really a life anymore. Then again I have a DNR and don’t understand the obsession in America with prolonging life at all costs.

        1. Please reach out to someone; mental health support is available through telemedicine currently. Many people live in isolation for much longer periods of time than this because of poverty and disability. This really isn’t that different from “not being able to afford to go out” and “not being able to drive when living in a place with no public transit.” It may be hard, but it doesn’t mean that all the joy is sucked out of life.

          1. I think you’re trying to be helpful but I find this really rude.

            Living in isolation is terrible for mental health. I am so over people trying to pretend like this is no big deal.

            In theory sure this isn’t any worse or different than people living in isolation due to poverty or disability. That doesn’t make it ok. That just means we are failing those people in normal times. Not that the rest of us should just deal with the current situation because others have it worse.

            You wouldn’t tell someone who can’t feed their kids tonight that someone else hasn’t been able to feed their kids for two nights. It’s not helpful.

          2. Is it polite to imply that the lives of the poor and disabled are joyless or “not really a life anymore”? I’m saying that people live rich and meaningful lives are under similar limitations. I’ve been there, and it’s hard to hear people say that it’s not really living.

          3. I’m sorry that’s how you read this. I was expressing how I am feeling not making a judgment on how others live. This is sucking all of the joy out of my life. But thanks for adding to the list of things that are bad right now by telling me on top of the depression this is causing me I should really be finding a way to live a rich and meaningful life in these circumstances. You are clearly a much better person than me.

        2. China started lifting control on Hubei province 90 days after the first cases were discovered. Had we acted more quickly, we could have had a shorter timeline than that. If we don’t, it’s the fault of the federal, state and local authorities we rely on. Korea retooled after SARS and seems to have handled this better than we have. If that turns out to be the case, we should invest in improving our reaction time because with global warming there will be other public health emergencies we need to deal with.

          With respect to civil liberty, if you are carrying this and go about your business you could kill someone else. The government has power to protect the rest of from you.

          1. I find it odd that you acknowledge the government is failing us in the same post as you are advocating that same government stripping us of our rights.

      3. Let’s be clear-it is not just elderly dying. As of today, NYC has reported 110 deaths in the 18-44 age group.

        1. I know that sounds scary but to put things in perspective more than 3500 people die worldwide every day in car accidents (about 1.3 million/year) and yet no one is advocating banning driving.

          1. Nobody advocates banning driving because 1) driving deaths are steady — we know about how many there will be and about where; 2) this stability means hospitals are generally prepared for their driving accidents, 3) driving deaths (while global) are localized, when there was that horrible 70 car accident years ago resources and doctors could be moved to the location of the accident.

            A global pandemic is a surprise, we’re not prepared for and using up all available resources. Are you sure you’re smart enough to be an “overachieving chick”?

          2. Wow. What a mean response. This was clearly meant to illustrate that we can all manipulate numbers to make things sound scary.

            I’m going to choose to assume that the nastiness of posters recently stems from a place of anxiety.

            I’m sorry you’re scared but that doesn’t mean you need to be unkind.

            And as an aside to your point about this being a surprise, but this is exactly the type of thing a lot of scientists who are smarter than all of us have been warning about for years.

          3. But it *doesn’t* put things in perspective, since anyone who isn’t a blithering moron knows that the issue isn’t deaths, it’s hospitalizations and how this overwhelms the medical system. But sure, go ahead with comparisons to car accidents and the everyday flu. @@

          4. The comment on car fatalities was in response to someone posting about the number of deaths in New York not in response to someone posting about hospitalizations. Jeez. Also LaurenB you’ve posted repeatedly about number of deaths.

            We get it. You think we should all be on lockdown for a year. Others disagree.

      4. Woah, guys, we are not going to be inside for years. It took 4 months of devastation, but China has closed down the temporary hospitals built to deal with Covid-19 because the usual healthcare system can handle the existing cases. Schools and businesses are re-opening. We’re doing this so hospitals aren’t so overrun with Covid-19 patients that we can’t treat traumatic injuries or chronic diseases, etc. It’s not just about “lifespans of the elderly”.

        1. China’s lockdown was a lot more complete than the US’s though. I feel like with a) the freedoms we’re allowed like going outside for exercise and b) some small percent of people breaking the rules (which is inevitable in the US) we’re never going to get to zero new cases a day, which – at least in China – was the criteria for reopening. I definitely agree with getting past the surge and waiting until there are many more hospital beds available before reopening, but it seems like people have a vision of getting to zero before anything reopens.

      5. It’s not to save the lives of the few. It’s a lot of people dying including young people with no preexisting conditions. What if it was your life or the lives of your family members? Why is the economy and social interaction more important than people’s lives?

        1. Then we should do this every flu season. Social distancing would no doubt stop the flu from spreading as much and save lives. No one is arguing that we shouldn’t be saving lives but there is always a trade off and pretending like we should always do everything possible to save every single life at the expense of a lot of other good things is absurd. People are just questioning where to draw that line, which has always been drawn.

          1. The flu does not kill 1% of infected a year, and cause 10% of infected to require ICU treatment/life support. It is not at all the same.

          2. Of course it’s not exactly the same. My point is we always have to make trade offs. I’m all for what we are doing now but the suggestion that we keep doing this for months or years basically assumes we should keep doing this until we have solved it completely or have a vaccine is absurd.

          3. Engineering controls are the gap you are forgetting: everyone wearing masks, increased HEPA ventilation, increased testing/contact tracing/isolation.

          4. I see your point. While the death rate so far is higher than the flu, there is obviously some death rate between the flu death rate and the Coronavirus death rate that we as a society deem an acceptable risk in order to live our lives and have a life worth living. Similarly, there are thousands of deaths a year from car accidents, but we don’t demand everyone stop driving to save every life. What is the right level? I don’t know. There is no exact right answer. To other’s points, the healthcare infrastructure obviously plays a role in determining that.

        2. I don’t think all of this social distancing is really to decrease the number of people getting sick or dying–we aren’t “fixing” anything. It is just to protect the hospitals and those who work in hospitals. We are literally buying time for people to get prepared, with more PPE or ventilators. Perhaps treatment drugs will be discovered in the meantime, but until a vaccine is developed, the entire point of shutting down the economy is to protect the hospitals. The only lives that are being saved by social distancing are those who would end up in a hospital without enough ventilators. Probably also some hospital workers. It is a temporary fix to give the hospitals more time to get prepared to treat patients.

        3. The newest estimates have the mortality rate below 1%. It is, quite literally, the lives of a few. I have elderly parents I love very much but they don’t want to stay in solitary confinement indefinitely either!! Their life expectancies are not long at this point and they want to travel and spend time with their grandchildren in their remaining time, something that they can’t do in lockdown. A couple months is one thing but my parents would voluntarily take a 10% chance of dying to not be locked up for a couple years. I’m sure a lot of other elderly people feel the same. Or what about people with terminal cancers who are spending the last couple years of their lives isolated from family and friends? Extended isolation is not what everyone wants, even the people most at risk from the virus.

          I’m not saying elderly people don’t matter, but the discussion is so much more nuanced than just “minimize number of lives lost to Covid at all costs,” which many people here seem to think it is.

          1. Exactly. My elderly parents feel this way, they’d much rather be out and seeing their family while they have time left. This approach is insane.

          2. This. Plenty of people choose to forgo treatment of many diseases understanding that they are trading years of living for quality of life. I don’t understand why some people on this board can’t seem to grasp that some people are ok with dying if it means they get to see their grandkids. Especially if not seeing their grandkids doesn’t guarantee they aren’t going to die from this anyways.

          3. Feel free to sacrifice your elderly parents. My parents are 77 and 78 and quite vital and active, thank you. And they aren’t the immature types who whine about the travails of being confined to the couch.

          4. Nobody is “sacrificing” anyone, drama queen. I’m telling you what my (also healthy, active) 70-ish parents have told me about their own feelings. Statistically, the life expectancy of a 70 year old man is less than 8 years. Not wanting to spend one or more of those years unable to see his grandchildren does not make my dad “immature.” Many people care more about quality of life than just the number of years they have a pulse for. Your parents are entitled to feel differently.

          5. I’m having a hard time understanding why my grandparents who know they are unlikely to live more than another 5-10 years are immature by not wanting to spend a year or even months of that time not seeing their great grandchildren and are ok with trading off a health risk to do so. Especially given that the number one thing people regret on their deathbed is not spending more time with family. We aren’t visiting them because we are complying with social distancing but it’s unfair to say their disappointment/willingness to risk their heath to see great grandkids is immature.

          6. This isn’t about being bored. Going without personal contact with your loved ones is a very real sacrifice, and recognizing that fact does not make you selfish or immature. I’m too exhausted to do the research for you because you clearly just want to have a fight, but if you search the internet you will find literally thousands of scientific articles touting the benefits of physical touch and personal interaction to pretty much every aspect of mental and physical health, as well as cognitive abilities. Going without seeing our loved ones hurts all of us, but it especially affects seniors who may already be beginning to see natural declines in cognition and physical health that will be accelerated by this. And it’s especially, especially applicable to seniors who live alone and don’t have the companionship of a spouse, which is a lot of people.

          7. I’m with LaurenB on this one. Medical workers in NYC are having nightmares every night about how they are spending their days. Many haven’t worked in an ICU since they were residents and trainees, and even the ICU veterans are shaken. They are asking us to stay home. If there were no lockdown at all, what would that be like for people’s mental health? Once the hospitals were overwhelmed, the mortality rate would rise, and we’d lose younger and healthier people. If fifteen percent of people in my life were in the hospital, and a handful of them were never coming back, that would not be life as normal for me, even if I got to go on social outings.

          8. Anon 7:25, I think most on here arguing for some sort of freedom eventually agree with you, in that the shut downs we are doing right now for a few weeks/months do make sense, especially because of the healthcare issues you cite.

            The real debate is if we continue this shut down for 6 months -2 years until there is a vaccine or cure, and that is where many are saying no. So it’s all about the time frame that’s up for debate. You may feel the same way regardless of time frame though, which is fair.

          9. Anon @ 7:25 – this is such a good point: nothing about this is normal, the issue is how to best deal with it and the medical professionals are uniformly asking that people stay home so that we can figure out how deal with it. It wouldn’t be any more normal to ignore this ad have dead bodies drop dead on the streets (as happened in China) or to go to a family dinner and have 4 family members drop dead after (as happened in NJ).

            I agree that it’s little unnerving how some people are willing are trade all freedom for security but I don’t think there is reason to panic yet. It’s been 3 weeks or less. We should obviously be vigilant but we don’t need to panic yet either. No one other than people in this board is saying that we will be home for 18 months and I see no reason to think that. Breathe guys. Let’s take this one day at a time.

        4. Yes. I’m fine with that. I’ll take my chances even if my odds are high that I get sick and die. I’d prefer to live in the meantime. I also would opt out of cancer treatment and other life prolonging measures, but ymmv

    3. Have you no one at risk in your family that you care about, such as brave survivors of cancer? Have you no one elderly whose wisdom you want to preserve? Have you no middle aged men depended on for family financial security who are in the class most likely to die of this disease?

      1. You could make this same impassioned plea about the 6.6 mm people that applied for unemployment last week alone and more to come. And no, I’m not trying to equate jobs with lives, but at some point that equation does come into play. So many people in this economy literally have no savings. And while there is unemployment for now, that can’t last 18+ months for everyone. People will have difficulty feeding and housing entire families. Will that lead to deaths? Or at the very least millions of people that feel like their life is barely worth living? Increased crime that might lead to deaths? Drug addiction that leads to countless issues, including obviously death? I’m not saying we are doing the wrong thing for now – but the solution doesn’t play out in a bubble. There are offsets, and everyone has to weigh when the offsets are worse than what we are trying to fix, and the current solution can’t come out on top indefinitely.

        1. +1. Increased financial instability for an extended period of time will lead to increased drug use, smoking, drinking, violence. We can not (and I can promise you, we will not) stay locked down for 18 months. The hospitals just need to prep up to be able to treat and care for patients. Meanwhile, treatment drugs are being researched. Malaria drugs plus a zpack might work.

        2. Yes, there will be lots of related deaths not directly due to the virus if this continues for many months. Suicides, domestic violence (always increases during times of economic stress), dr*g overdoses, people dying from other illnesses since basically all healthcare is on pause at the moment (including cancer treatments). Cumulatively, it’s a lot and will only continue to grow. I hope soon people will realize it’s something we can’t ignore.

          1. +1 not to mention the increase general violence/crime that also tends to follow periods of economic stress. That will result in a lot of death and ruined lives.

          2. Politico has a good series of interviews on the cost benefit analyses. It may sound odd, but the actual data is that we don’t have an uptick in deaths during a recession. The actual data is also that the cities who took care of all of their citizens during the Spanish Flu ended up with more vibrant economies during the recovery, which makes sense because there were more survivors. So let’s look at the actual data and think through the situation armed with it, instead of ranting that it’s inconsiderate of the few not to want to die to prevent a recession. We have also had 5 recessions in my Boomer lifetime and we have come back from them all.

          3. I’ve read some articles that argue similar about the lower death rates in a recession, I believe some of it was because you had more unemployed people not driving to work every day so less car accidents. But I also found the analysis that I read at least on deaths caused by a recession very limited at best. For instance, it probably doesn’t count the person that starts down the road to addiction but doesn’t actually die until a few years later. Also, sure that family of 4 living in a tent now doesn’t count as death, but I’d put it up there in terms of horribleness.

            I also think there is a difference between a typical recession, where things at least have a fighting chance to start normalizing at any time (re: Hope is important) than literally the world being shut down with no end in sight. If you are a Boomer, that means your experience doesn’t include the Great Recession, and while yes, of course we eventually got out of it, I know I sure don’t want to live through something like that.

            To be clear, I am not arguing we are currently doing the wrong thing. But I will go head to head with someone that says we can go like this for a year or more and have it still be worth the cost.

            I will check out more of the Politico stuff specifically in detail, hopefully to feel better, so thank you.

    4. I like how you value your extroversion more than the lives of >100,000 people. Nice.

      1. I like how you just piled on someone who may be considering suicide. Nice.

        OP – please reach out to a therapist to help process your feelings.

      2. Social distancing isn’t going to save the lives of 100,000 people. If that number is right (which, none of them are), all we are trying to do right now is get to a point where 100,000 people die over a longer period of time.

      3. Oh stop. People are allowed to think about the implications and ramifications of the unprecedented situation we all find ourselves in without your hyperbolic judgement. Even those of us who are 100% on board with all measures taken to date should be thoughtful and sober as to the nuanced and disparate societal interests at play while this situation evolves. I would argue it’s irresponsible and dangerous to dismiss concerns about the unintended consequences of a near complete societal upheaval. You can entertain her valid concerns without sharing them. Do better.

    5. My husband works in healthcare supply chain and let me say, you’ve had two (or three) weeks to learn about the “new normal”. Everyone in pandemic planning, health care planning, etc has been on alert since December. And planning something since January. And starting to work late nights and weekends since February. Getting the government to react at all to this situation has been a teeth pulling, kicking and screaming knock down drag out fight (possibly because politicians are all also high energy extroverts). From my view this isn’t a sudden change but a vague admission by the government that they can’t let people die.

      1. Thank you to your husband for the late nights and weekends and the effort to get politicians on board!

    6. I don’t think life will be shut down for “years.” The American federal government is incompetent, but there are several state governments out there who decided that preventing a sudden increase in deaths is better than trying to deny the fact that this virus is a problem. Lives over profit.

      The goal is flattening the curve, and maybe I’m optimistic here, but I think NYC and Seattle are at/close to reaching peak infection cases, and after that we maybe can project a better expectation of when outside social life can resume. Humans, in general, are a pretty resilient and adaptable species. I believe that we can go a few more months of this general stay-at-home conditions, then slowly transition to smaller and limited gatherings before we go back to 2019 conditions. Things will be different, but we can adapt.

      1. I agree that we can do without music festivals and the NFL, but I’m also not sure how much impact canceling those things would make if we all go back to school and work. And if we don’t go back to school and work, we’re pretty much all still staying home.

        1. Defer to the experts but just thinking of my own life/interactions with people in normal times, going back to “normal” (i.e., work, school, socializing) but without any gatherings outside work/school of more than 10 people would still significantly cut down the number of people I interact with on a weekly basis. Especially with modifications at school/work to limit the number of larger group meetings, I think there’d still be a big impact. I remember when this was first starting how annoyed I was that my office was still holding things like department lunches. It seemed so unnecessary to put 50-100 people in a room together when on a normal work day each of those people probably interacted with a maximum 2-5 people in close-ish contact. Some small tweaks to work/school plus limitations on large gatherings seem like it could make a big difference. Maybe I’m missing something but I really don’t get why this seems to be presented as an all or nothing calculation.

  24. Does anyone have suggestions for slippers (not too pricey) that don’t make your feet smell or is that inevitable ?

    2. LL Bean Wicked Good Slippers are great. They are expensive but they last longer Dearfoam slippers.

      1. Their website says the inside is shearling which “whisks away moisture from your feet”

    3. Anything real sheepskin. Wool is incredibly moisture absorbent so I rarely notice perspiration (unlike, say, in cotton socks). Sheepskin is considered hypoallergenic and lanolin is antibacterial, which helps reduce odor from sweating. I’ve had a series of different types, RJS Fuzzies, Cloud Nine (off Amazon), and a couple others. You can usually find replaceable sheepskin insoles in stores like SoftMoc and Aldo for ~$15 to help extend their life!

  25. Any Corporettes based in EU who would have a recommendation for online stockbroker? I would like to set up a simple account and buy some stock and sell it in 6+ months. Thanks

  26. Hi, everyone.
    Part-time reader, new poster. I just took a position with a agricultural company as CFO, a new position to me. I come with a background on 30+ years living and working in the ag world and 10 years in accounting and tax, with some managerial duties. I am in need of good blogs/communities/podcasts/books for female CFOS, new CFOs, dealing with small company culture, and of course . . how to work under a boss who is a raging alcoholic. I am going to rejoin the Accounting and Finance Women’s Association (AFWA) and my state chapter. I am would appreciate ANY suggestions! Thanks!

    1. Congrats on the new job! For a raging alcoholic boss I strongly recommend Al-Anon, you will need it more than you know. Boundaries will be essential.

      1. A good friend also suggested that one today. She said there were some really good groups around me. I will find one. Thanks!

    2. All of the big accounting firms (and many midsized and smaller ones) have email newsletters and regular webcasts with current information. They have many tailored to different industries, roles, types of companies. I would get on as many of those lists as you think are relevant (you can always unsubscribe later). Create a rule in your email that automatically filters those to a separate folder so you’re inbox isn’t flooded. You generally don’t need to be a client of the firm to access this info because it’s marketing for them.

    3. All of the big accounting firms have email newsletters and webcasts with current info. You generally don’t need to be a client to access these since it’s marketing for them anyway.

      Sign up for anything that seems relevant, create rules in your email to filter these to their own folder and go through every few days. You’ll get a sense of which ones are most useful to you. They have options by industry, role, type of company, etc.

  27. We used to have a Tempurpedic and loved it. It wore out after7 years and was relegated to guest room. We want to get another. Which one do you recommend? There are so many options now!! The only issue we had with ours was how hot it could get. Did they fix that? TIA!

  28. This may make me sound like a terrible mother, but an unexpected effect of this Covid situation is that I have LOVED being at home with my children. Of course, I have always loved *them* but I never felt guilty for having them in full-time daycare and never wanted to be at home more or work less. My career is very important to me, and to be perfectly honest, I’ve always felt that motherhood came less naturally to me than litigation. So it’s been more than a little surprising, and frankly reassuring, that the thing that seems to be working the best right now is my time as Mom. I’m very thankful to have a job right now and hope to stay fully engaged and employed for the long term. But this experience has made me wonder if there are alternatives to the way I’ve been doing things. I’ve got BigLaw billables but very little FaceTime requirements, probably even less after all of this. Maybe a non-typical schedule could work long term so that I could spend more time with my kids? Is this the delusion of isolation talking? Interested to hear from anyone else who is thinking they can balance anything after surviving this!

    1. This does not make you sound like a terrible mother at all! It’s great that you love your career and also great that you are enjoying all this unexpected time with your kids. I don’t have any advice (not a lawyer) but just wanted to say you sound like a great mom. Don’t feel guilty for not feeling guilty about having your kids in daycare.

    2. That doesn’t make you a terrible mother. You can be a great mother without “doing motherhood” 168 hours a week.

    3. Thank you! I should clarify that I don’t think it makes me sound like a bad mom to not feel guilty about working a lot. Just that it might not sound great that I’ve been surprised by enjoying time with my kids! ;)

    4. I realized that I like my kid so much more after 8:30am and before 6pm. She’s a lovely person! Just not when I’m getting her ready for school or after picking her up at the end of a long day. It’s honestly a revelation, I thought this would be so much harder based on our normal time together.

  29. So for various reasons I no longer talk to either sister. Can’t start now either I don’t think.

    Anyway I do get updates on the one sister from my parents and apparently she is doing about the same as usual so that’s good I guess. The other one I haven’t had contact with (and neither has any family) since Thanksgiving when she sent me a passive aggressive message that she clearly didn’t want a response to. I still pay that ones phone bill. She hasn’t asked for money on over a year so I assume she’s doing fine.

    Basically I really hope everyone is okay and happy. At many times in her life my little sister lived with me and I feel like I half raised her (apparently terribly).

    And I would do a lot basically to go back and change things but nothing can be done. And if I could reach out to her and offer any help
    I would but I know she would not want to hear from me.

    Isolation has definitely made me feel very alone without my sisters.

    1. I don’t have contact with my mom, so I’m in a different situation. But yes, it is very lonely. I’m sorry and I hope you see this.

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