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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Has anyone else been in an unproductive funk this week? Just me? Anyway, I've mentioned before how I like the Wit & Wisdom twill pants for comfortable, lightweight pants — these will still be comfortable at temperatures where jeans feel heavy and ugh.
(They're a bit too casual for a conservative office, but for a business casual one I think they'd probably be appropriate if other 5-pocket styles are OK.) They're regularly $68, but often — as now! — they go on sale for 40–60% off.
There are a ton of colors, including these cute polka dots (wouldn't they be fun with a stripey top?) and these gray ones, on sale in lots of colors and sizes. At 5'4″ I often do prefer the petite sizes to the regular ones, but it depends on your proportions.
The pictured pants are down from $68 to $27.20.
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anonforthis
For discussion, if you will: what luxury brands will suffer in the coming downturn? What will you never buy again, for instance?
Pure Imagination
Not exactly you’re asking, but one thing I might not buy again is a multi-resort ski pass. My ski trip that I bought the pass for got cancelled (it was scheduled for basically the same week that COVID blew up) and I could not get my money back. In the future, I think I’m likely to hold off on season-pass purchases and just buy ad hoc tickets instead. I imagine others might be doing the same for things like theater tickets.
Abby
Do you mind sharing what pass you had? I had an Ikon pass and it was still cheaper than buying separate tickets/they are now offering a major discount for renewing the pass.
I mentioned this earlier this week, but I don’t know if I’ll get eyelash extensions anymore. I’m so pleasantly surprised with them after using lash serums. My extensions aren’t even expensive, it’s more the time.
I kind of hope the insta influencer bubble pops…
Pure Imagination
I had a Mountain Collective pass. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to use it once, although I did get 5 ski days in elsewhere. Better than nothing!
Carmen Sandiego
Same re: insta influencer bubble! I’ve actually been curious about this though – do we think it will burst or will it actually get worse due to more and more things shifting online?
Abby
I think it’s gonna burst…I read an article that amazon decreased the payouts for swipe ups. Plus people have to be shopping online much less right?
Maudie Atkinson
I had the Epic Local pass, and I got a credit for about 20% off next year’s pass after the remainder of this season was cancelled. I though that was quite fair.
I can’t speak to the IKON or Mountain Collective passes, but in my experience with the Epic resorts, if you’re going to ski more than about 3 days, the season pass is still cheaper than buying individual lift tickets, or even multi-day passes.
Pure Imagination
Yep, there’s incentive pricing for next year’s Mountain Collective as well, but I think I probably won’t use it. It seems way too soon to tell whether any resort skiing will be possible.
Maudie Atkinson
Yep, there’s incentive pricing for next year’s Mountain Collective as well, but I think I probably won’t use it. It seems way too soon to tell whether any resort skiing will be possible.
Is it Friday yet?
Ikon is letting you defer your 20/21 pass to 21/22, as long as you elect to do so before December 10.
Anonymous
All of them
S in Chicago
I’m a purse person and have passed up some amazing deals on things that never go on sale because I keep trying to remind myself of how bleak the economic future looks. It’s not the time to drop a couple of grand on a bag anymore. If I were buying, my tastes have changed considerably. I’m much more interested in crossbody styles since the idea of holding purse handles icks me out now.
Not really luxury, but I was thinking the other day about how much Tumi must be hurting. I have no interest in luggage now and probably going forward since I live with someone highly immune-compromised.
anne-on
I bought a Monos bag RIGHT before this happened as my son is big enough to travel more now and was really looking forward to using it on some business trips. I imagine it won’t get much use until at least 2021, oh well.
These days I try to only carry my phone, ID, bank card, and one credit card. I just don’t want to wipe down my wallet/purse every time I run a (rare) errand.
Anon
Summer shoes. I have passed on shoe shopping from luxury brands lately, because why drop $$$ on sandals that I likely won’t get to wear this year? Same with bags. This isn’t really luxury, but summer work clothing as well.
Anonymous
Same. I am not buying anything that isn’t for at-home wear. No shoes except Birks for walking the dog and running shoes for the treadmill. No bags at all. No work clothes, court clothes, church clothes, party clothes, going-out clothes. Nothing that needs tailoring or hemming.
Anonymous
Hmm. I feel like I am having the opposite reaction. I only want a few nice things now. I am over the 150 random mall-brand outfits cluttering my house. I want clean, organized closets, and if I am going to go out less, with most of my face covered, and probably pay more to do so, I want some nice things for when I do. The exception may be formal suits. It is hard to tell how luxe my suit jacket is, or whether I wear it often, when I am on Zoom or appearing telephonically, and I was already going to return the Basler suit I bought but did not wear before I shrank out of it anyway. That said, I was never one to buy Chanel, Gucci, Prada, and the like, or to spend a lot at the makeup counters. I just want quality, not brand prestige.
Anonymous
I am mentally here, but my fluxuating size (COVID-15 FTW) means that I am never done. If I am done, really, I want the Akris / Cuyana / St. John / Everlane version of what I get on sale at mall stores now.
anon
I don’t know if its COVID for sure since I’ve been trending that way recently but I agree. I only want nice things. No more cheap clothes for me. Agree that higher quality does not necessarily mean lux brands though.
Anon
I’ve been trending that way as well, before COVID. I no longer want a bunch of cheap crap that never fits or wears well and that clutters up my house. Fewer, higher quality items are my goal.
Monday
I have never owned nice luggage, but especially now I can’t imagine ever buying it, and I assume its sales will go way down. Obviously the virus is a global disaster nobody would ever wish for, but actually I’ll be kind of relieved if the air travel craze dies down. It often feels superficial and ostentatious to me, to say nothing of the environmental impact.
Anon
I don’t really see air travel taking a permanent hit – this year and maybe next while there are still safety concerns, sure, and it will be probably be slightly depressed for a while when the economy is bad and people have less disposable income. But I don’t see there being a permanent backlash to do it or anything. Pretty much everyone I know is hoarding their PTO and the money not spent on travel this year and hoping to do way more travel than normal once we can get back to it. And we’ve all spread out so far away from friends and family that air travel is a necessity for a lot of us to see loved ones.
Anon
I think business travel will take a hit. Companies will look at how no travel affected (or didnt) and that as a huge thing to trim from the budget. Especially now that everyone is used to zoom. I just can’t see most companies wanting to spend big on travel, especially on internal events.
That said, totally agree that personal travel will bounce back.
Anon
Personal air travel will come back with a vengeance. Many people – myself included – have travel credit from trips canceled during the global shutdown and are going to use that credit. For us, it’s over a thousand dollars; we’re not able to just eat that expense and not use the credit and feel good about it. We only take one big trip a year and we will take one in 2020. Most people I know IRL feel the same and are just waiting for things to calm down before booking new trips.
I do think business travel will remain low for a period of time, but I imagine a year from now we’ll be seeing posts from people who are traveling as much as they did before or just slightly less. People, speaking in a general sense, have short memories. I was in the workforce after 9/11 and also after 2008/2009 and it’s pretty amazing to recall how all the vows companies made about not doing this or that to be more fiscally responsible or to keep employees safer got broken.
Anon
I don’t disagree re companies making similar statements after 9/11 and in 2008 but the prevalence of zoom really does feel like a game changer this time.
Anon
I actually think it may have the opposite effect. Videochat software has been pretty prevalent for at least five years or so now, and I know my company and others were looking to cut back on business travel even pre-pandemic for financial and environmental reasons. But the pandemic has made people realize that Zoom is not a replacement for in-person contact, and it seems like our management is more determined than ever to have our company-wide retreat when it’s safe to travel again. My husband is in academia and I don’t see academics giving up their in-person conferences (often in really cool destinations) willingly. I realize an annual corporate retreat or conference is different than having your sales people on the road 200+ days per year, so there may be some changes to the road warriors but I don’t see all business travel crashing to a halt.
Re: personal travel, this pandemic has given me a seize the day vibe. Before this, I was starting to think about the environmental effects of air travel more and of the human rights issues in the places I was considering trips to. And of course I was also trying to be budget conscious and save as much as I possibly could for retirement, since I felt like I had my whole life ahead of me for travel. Now I’m watching my 70-something parents’ bucket list evaporate before their eyes, and witnessing their heartbreak at knowing that by the time it’s safe to travel they may be too elderly or infirm to see all the places they’ve dreamed of for so long. So now my attitude is just f*ck it, as soon as it’s safe I’m going everywhere I possibly can, because I know that a retirement filled with travel isn’t guaranteed. My travel budget has always been high relative to my income (I live super frugally otherwise) and frankly I expect it to double as soon as I feel comfortable getting on a plane again.
Anon
I worked at Kaiser’s corporate offices in the late 90s. We had video conferencing capabilities, intended it to cut down on the “going to a 1 hour meeting in Oakland from Los Angeles” habits. I couldn’t figure out why it never really gained normalcy.
Housecounsel
Elegant business professional clothes. I am seeing all these sales on Boss and Theory and my instinct is to grab them but I just don’t know when I will ever have an in person meeting to wear them.
Anon
I bought a small purse that cost 525 Euros in Paris (Longchamp) – I know that doesn’t compare to what some of you carry but for me, 525€ on a purse that doesn’t fit my wallet is a lot, and I really thought about it before I pulled the trigger. It was meant to be for going out to dinner, occasions like weddings, etc.
Now thinking of any of those occasions seems so distant it seems ridiculous that I bought it. I haven’t left the house in two months! I haven’t carried any kind of purse at all.
I don’t think that kind of splurge will ever be repeated.
Anon
I’m curious how many of these resolutions, for lack of a better word, will last. Which isn’t a knock on the people making them, I think it’s just human nature to do so. But I bet some/most people will eventually return to some/most of the behaviors they’re saying “never” about.
Anon
I think that’s generally true although I think this downturn will permanently change things. I don’t know for sure for instance that I’ll never buy a luxury purse again but I probably won’t for the foreseeable future and could definitely see this resulting in a prolonged period where people favor washable fabrics such that luxury handbags just aren’t a thing for a while. I’m sure they’d come back but they may also just die out.
Anon
+1
AIMS
At the moment I have a hard time buying anything too formal. But I can’t imagine that it lasts and nor do I want to ? I think I’d rather ‘hold off’ while it all gets sorted but I really hope that I’ll still have plenty of chances to dress up, and wear heels, travel, etc.
Anon
I was thiiiis close to buying a new Lo and Sons OG 2 – my original OG is my daily commuter bag and also my go-to for travel, which I thought I would be doing some of this fall. It looks like I will be WFH for at least the remainder of this calendar year and our travel budgets have been slashed to zero so there was no need for a new commute/travel bag.
I usually buy a few new work tops for summer right now; instead I am buying on clearance for next winter as I think that’s the earliest I’ll really be around people again.
Dry cleaners are reopening in my state and I am going to go pick up some items at my cleaner that have been sitting there for two months, and drop off my winter coats to be cleaned. Once I pick up the coats I don’t think I’ll be back to drop anything else off at the cleaners for a good long while.
LaurenB
I like a nice leather handbag as much as the next person, but if my going-out is to be drastically curtailed, I really don’t need the “wardrobe” of nice bags that I have. And, I’ll want bags that are cross-body or have long straps, versus bags that are clutches.
(Was at a Trader Joe’s recently where they announced “don’t put your bag in the cart, it must stay on your person” and that prompted this thinking.)
handbag addict
I love luxury handbags and usually buy 2-3 a year. As long as I have my job, I will probably continue purchasing bags just because they give me joy…I don’t even need to wear them, just looking at them make me happy (yes I’m weird, I know). But I am thinking harder before pulling the trigger on the really expensive ones. I’m probably going to hold off on buying another Chanel bag, for example, partly because of the economic environment and partly because I’ve been so turned off by their constant price increases (they just increased their bag prices another 10-20% this past week…during a pandemic). I’m also looking at purchasing second hand more (via reputable sites like Fashionphile, Yoogi’s, etc). But overall, I still plan on making discretionary/frivolous purchases as long as I can financially afford to do so and as long as they make me happy.
Maudie Atkinson
In a wild–but also very exciting and lovely–turn of events, my fiance and I went under contract on an amazing home last week. We weren’t really looking; the house we’re buying wasn’t yet on the market, etc. We are SO excited, but now we’re in the unexpected (and less than ideal) position of needing to sell my house during a global pandemic.
I have a great, trusted realtor, but this is the first time I’ve sold a home. Any tips? Things you wished you’d known? Secrets for getting it sold quickly? We’re having the exterior painted and having fresh landscaping put in, clearing out closets and cabinets, and de-personalizing. We’re fortunately able to move out of my house while we list it so that we’re not in the position of having people traipse through a house we’re living in and so it can be shown on short notice. The furniture will remain there while it’s listed. Other things we should consider doing?
Also–to those of you going through divorces or other break-ups–let this be a reminder that however dark things are right now, it is temporary. Almost two years ago, I came home from work on a random Wednesday, to the house I’m now selling, and my then-husband told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. We’d been together for 10 years and were actively TTC. What followed was a very unpleasant divorce that, at the time, I very much didn’t want. It was hell, and the only way out was through. But life on the other side–even without meeting and falling in love with my fiance–is SO much better than I could have imagined.
Cat
Your realtor can help in knowing your market, but several friends have had success pricing their home a little low to drum up interest – and then the price ended up reasonable thanks to competing offers. That’s pre Covid though…
Anonymous
Yes — price it a bit low to encourage a serious buyer to jump on it.
Anon
That has been a classic Bay Area maneuver for years (to the point it’s comical, the list price means nothing in the inner area) but even here in COVID I’ve noticed a shift to “transparent pricing” (ie what the seller would actually take) I’m assuming given nervousness that the lack of open houses won’t drive quite the same call to action/bidding war.
Jules
Bo house-selling advice, but I’m so happy for how things have turned out for you.
Jules
NO house-selling advice.
Senior Attorney
Hooray for new beginnings!
My advice is to think about orofessionally staging the house, especially since you don’t have to live t here while it’s listed.
Anon
+1
You mention your furniture will remain there, but I’m going to guess that you have way more furniture than what a professionally staged house would look like, and the staging allows it to look bigger, less cluttered, & opens up the buyers imagination.
Anonymous
Realistic expectations. The economy is collapsing. The outlook is uncertain. Your house is only worth what someone will pay for it.
Anon
Congrats! On finding the house, and on the engagement!
We just sold a house (went under contract on new house right before the shut-down, before we’d even listed our house, and by the time we listed our house a week later everything was pretty much shut down and uncertain), and I’ve also sold several houses in the last ten years (it’s a “me” problem). This most recent house was under contract in about a week despite everything. Here’s my advice:
1. Good realtor. Your realtor should have all the same advice I have, plus the connections and ability to wheel and deal to get people in the door (or the virtual equivalent). Your realtor should work well with other realtors and have good ideas for negotiation — we perceived some hesitancy in our potential buyer over the HOA dues when things like pool and other amenities were uncertain, so we ended up covering some future HOA costs. Since we priced the house right and got a good offer, that was doable. Be open to creative negotiation. Since you have a trusted realtor you should be good here.
2. I don’t think professional staging is needed so much as the ability to de-clutter. Get basically everything off your counters. No runners or small area rugs on the floor. Leave minimal furniture. Should be easy since you won’t be there.
3. Put the time in to freshen up wall paint, repair and paint-over dings or nail holes inside, use a Magic Eraser to clean up dirty spots on doors, little things like that. It shouldn’t take long or be that expensive. It’s amazing how much fresher the house looks once all of that is done. Sounds like you’re already doing a lot of curb-appeal type things, which are so important, but maybe consider painting the front door a color that pops.
4. Great photos. Your realtor should have a good photographer.
5. Price point – we priced on the low end of our comps, and ended up getting an offer above list price due to competing offers.
[6. Bury a St. Joseph statue – ok so this is kind of a joke, but we *did* do it on the last three houses and all three were under contract in a matter of weeks so … in the interest of full disclosure, I am listing it here.]
Honestly, my observations over the past couple of months are that the residential housing market has adapted better than many industries and is humming along, in large part thanks to the low interest rate, and also to the fact that no one gets paid until closing. Good luck!
Anonymous
Re #1 — I have never been able to figure this out, except in the negative, and except in retrospect. Advice on how to avoid going forward?
I am usually good on evaluating other people (tenants on a rental, new hires at work, etc.) and proposals, but I feel that if you are good at the sales part of getting listings, maaaaaybe you are good at talking the talk only. I feel that because this profession has low barriers to entry, you can catch some people on their way to flaking out. And in a good market, anyone can probably sell at least some houses. How can I figure out in advance who can sell houses in a bad market or deal with really nutty buyers/sellers?
Another anon
Ask for recommendations from recent buyers and sellers! Even people I don’t know well who live in the area I’m looking were happy to give me names if they liked their agent.
Senior Attorney
Ask around. Bankers and lawyers (especially divorce lawyers) should know who is good.
Maudie Atkinson
I bought my St. Joseph statue today, right about the time I made this request!
Housecounsel
I just love this update. Everyone keep sharing good news!
cbackson
I am so, so happy for you!
Junior Associate
No advice except what everyone else has said. I’m so happy for you!
Anon
If your best friend’s husband is a deadbeat, you should just keep your mouth shut when she’s ranting about him, right? I don’t really see another way around this, but man, it’s getting hard to keep quiet when he’s unemployed (not due to COVID), refuses to job search but will occasionally take a temporary job in the one extremely niche, low-paying field he’s interested in, doesn’t take on ANY emotional labor, and does barely any chores to maintain their small house. I just want to scream “DIVORCE THIS MAN!!!! DON’T HAVE KIDS WITH HIM!!!!” but obviously it’s not my relationship and not really my problem until she’s ranting about him to me for the 10,000th time. Ugh, just wanted to vent for a sec…but if anyone has helpful tips about learning not to care as much, I could certainly use them.
Maudie Atkinson
Have you read the classic Captain Awkward response “Darth Vader Boyfriend”? It’s the best advice I’ve ever seen for this situation.
Pure Imagination
I’m in a similar boat as OP (although not quite as severe-sounding) and I think that story is a little hard to follow, but the end point seems to be that you should act like your friend’s therapist and say non-judgemental things to help them reach conclusions in their own time. I can tell you, though, that acting like the therapist when you’re not getting paid for it is freaking. exhausting. OP, no real advice from me; if I had any, I wouldn’t have a similar friendship dynamic and the resulting frustration! It’s definitely tough to see friends getting taken advantage of.
editor
Not helpful, but I’ve mentally checked out of work for the day. I’m having fun trying to think of “extremely niche, low-paying fields”.
low-paying fields:
social work
publishing
flight attendant
teaching
day care
So maybe a subset of, or substitute in, one of these?
Anon
None of those. Think being a wild mushroom inspector for the county open space management office (not his actual job) to get an idea.
anne-on
Is he a film major specializing in hand-drawn animation but refusing to work for Disney because that would be selling out? No? That was my early 20’s contribution to the useless boyfriend pool. For bonus points, does she also do his laundry and buy him groceries so he can ‘focus on his art?’.
I personally thanked each and every one of my friends for still talking to me after that relationship went on for about a year and a half longer than it should have after college…
Vicky Austin
omg, that’s a doozy.
Anonymous
hahahaha I’m sorry this is good
Housecounsel
That is pretty epic.
Anon
I’m not E1len but I just need to tell you, in case she doesn’t chime in, that this guy is a giant DOOSH.
I’m so glad you just said FOOEY and moved on!
Ellen
I sympatise with you. Hugs! had a looser like this, but I was already in the working world serving subpeenies, and he was a budding CPA in training – or so I thought, so I let him get romantic with me. It took a few years, and him loosing his job and drinking and moving in with me b/f I reaslized that he was a total zero, and by then, I had moved from serving subpeenies to getting a real law job, and my dad told me he was going no where, but nonetheless, it took over 2 years b/f I finally got rid of him for good. Plus I never looked back, even tho before I finally gave him the boot, he was eating my food, not working, and treating me like his s-xueal rag doll when I came home from work, making me do stuff I was NOT comfortable doing for him. FOOEY on all that!
Anonymous
This is me and one of my good friends. She’s always dating some loser and it puts a real strain on our friendship. One thing that helps is the idea of taking turns. You complained about Loser for 30 minutes now I get to talk about whatever I want for 30 minutes. Sometimes though I just have to take a step back for a week or two so I can recharge.
Ellen
If she is still with the loser, then we are missing something. Perhaps he has some good qualities, or she just has a need to say she has a boyfriend. I used to be her, but have since jettisoned my ex, and have not looked back. It simply does not add up to me to have a guy just to say you have a guy if he is a loser, and does little for the relationship other than providing occasional s-x. That is NOT worth the greif of having a boyfriend. You can get something cheap at Babeland that will not have the baggage and will not “peter out” after 2-3 minutes of huffeing and puffeing. That is my recommendation–Babeland has great choices for us that will satisfy our needs w/o having to put up with all of the BS of a boyfriend. FOOEY on men who are not worth it to us!
Anon
So, at some point or another during all these rants, you have told her that she deserves better, a real partner contributes more, etc, etc? I ask because in my early 20s, I was with a guy who wasn’t right for me, but we fit on paper and I felt like I needed to make it work and “relationships are hard work, right?” So I stayed in that relationship 3 years longer than the 3 months it should have lasted. When I’d vent to friends, what I was really hoping for deep down was “permission” to break up with him, that I was justified in it not working.
Anon
Yeah 100 times :( I’ve stopped recently since I don’t want to tell her how to live her life, but she keeps venting about the same old problems.
Anon
:( I think it might be time for some tough love: “Rachel, I love you, but I can’t listen to these same old vents. They’re stressful for me and I’ve told you how I feel about Ross. I’m happy to chat with you about something else, but I can’t sit by and listen to the same thing about Ross month after month.”
CountC
+100
ELS
As someone who has been your friend: this was very helpful for my friend(s) to say to me (and I’m sure helpful for them, too). It may have the intended effect of saving your sanity, but also to cause her (like it did me) to examine whether she’s actually happy at all and make some kind of change.
Monday
My best friend’s husband sucks. Gaslighting, condescension, cheating, keeping secrets, power trips, you name it. I’m especially concerned because he’s the sole breadwinner and she can’t afford to leave him. Here are some things I say:
“I’m concerned that you’re saying (her exact words here).”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Wow.”
My goal is to avoid acting like his behavior is ok, while also avoiding alienating her or wearing myself out.
Anonymous
This where I also sadly start screening her calls and only taking them when I am at home and in the mood to swiffer everything and also possibly iron. I cannot take these calls except when I can multitask them.
Anonome
YES I have a few people in my life who communicate via complaint, and they are the ones who keep my brain occupied during chores I hate. Bonus points if you get a headset to really streamline the process.
Ellen
DTMFA! DTMFA! That is all I can and would tell her! DTMFA! DTMFA!
friend's bad partner
My friend came to me asking for advice, so not exactly the same situation. She’d tell me about a problem or recent argument, ask if I had ever dealt with a similar problem or argument in my marriage and how did we solve it? I’d recommend books or conversation tactics or anecdotes about how we approached it and she’d try them out. What finally helped her see that she needed a divorce was realizing that my situation always got discussed/resolved/prevented. Hers never did, no matter what she tried. She finally realized that the reason my marriage worked was because BOTH people in the marriage were giving effort and working towards the same goal. She was the only one putting the work in on her relationship. I don’t know what to say about someone who’s just ranting, but when I shared how my husband and I worked through a similar issue or how I approached my husband about something similar to ask for something to make it better, that seemed to help. Again, it sounds a bit different because your friend doesn’t seem to be asking for actual advice, but maybe seeing how it doesn’t have to be that way or is not that way for all other couples would help her realize that something is wrong.
Anon
I have a friend who has seemed to go from one bad guy to the next. She married and divorced two of them. I’ve been through her cycles of “this new guy is so wonderful, and my ex is the worst person in the world” and 15 minutes on why her ex was the worst, which I totally agree with. But I’m not so on board with why the current guy is such an improvement.
The worst part of the cycle is that once she breaks up with the current guy, the first immediate ex starts looking golden.
It’s like this.
A is the best guy!
A is the worst guy! B is the best guy!
B is the worst guy! Things were great with A.
C is the best guy! B is the worst guy!
C is the worst guy! B was great in hindsight.
It is exhausting. I love my friend but she attracts assh0les like sh1t attracts flies.
Seventh Sister
I’m so sorry. When I dated Mr. Very Very Awful, nothing my friends could have said about him would have convinced me to stay away from him. But my friends stayed in touch, invited me to stuff, told me I was great, and eventually, I realized that Mr. Very Very Awful belonged in the dustbin of my history. It’s so hard.
A dear friend has a husband I absolutely loathed for most of my 20s, and several decades on, he’s remarkably pleasant on the rare occasions I have to interact with him. She doesn’t talk about him with our circle of friends, pretty much ever, which is fine (some of them still loathe him) and they seem happy enough. However, my heart did jump when she said some things that made me think they had an open marriage because honestly, maybe that would make her realize he isn’t that great.
Seventh Sister
Also, when a mutual friend said, “You know, it is so awful what happened to Dear Friend” and I thought it was something her husband had done, my lizard brain response was, “Do we need to kill him? Let’s plan a meeting and get a spreadsheet together.”
Anon
If you’re planning a murder using a spreadsheet, you’re my kid of people. Come sit by me.
Ps we look good in red lipstick, people like us
Anon
Is it too late to get in on the first 5 episodes of The Last Dance on YouTube TV or Sling TV, or do they only have a couple-few of the latest episodes on there now? I don’t have ESPN, and I don’t want to wait for July for this to come on US Netflix. All the hype is getting to me.
relatively zen
Download the ESPN app – they’re streaming it from there.
Anger and Caffeine
My debut album will be called this. No one take it in the meantime, prettyplease?
Senior Attorney
Haha my band name was always going to be Anhedonia and its first album was, of course, going to be self-titled.
Anon
I can’t wait for the (online, socially distanced) listening party!
Anonome
Whining for Cheese
I can’t justify a grocery trip until I’m out of essentials, but I need more stinky snack cheese.
Anonymous
Has anyone worked for a company that is predominantly based in Europe while living in the US? Tips/considerations? Cultural differences? Business philosophy differences?
DH was approached about taking a role where he would be one of ~10 US based employees while the remaining 150 or so are in Europe. Company is HQ’d in Germany,
If it matters. It’s hard to get a true look at company culture because the whole process has been remote- and would have otherwise been a few days in the office in Germany.
He would be building out an entirely department and he’d have a team of global employees but many of the new hires would be US based as that’s where the company is seeing growth.
The one thing we’ve noticed so far is when he let them know he could start in late June at the earliest, they laughed and said 3 months was standard in Europe. They already have the US benefits worked out (healthcare, retirement).
Cat
The time difference can be rough. Hopefully he is a morning person. Even if he is not expected to be “on” German hours, waking up to an inbox full of a morning’s worth of emails and feeling “behind” can be challenging.
Anonymous
We are in NY but the other 9 Americans are in Cali and TX, so at least someone has it worse ;)
Cat
Ooh, that could be worse for him depending on how much he has to work with them. That sounds like a recipe for “firing off emails at 5am to keep up with Germany while still fielding questions at 8pm as CA wraps up the day”… worth asking about!
CountC
+1 I work for a company that has employees in every time zone. I predominantly work with those in North America; however, I have certain responsibilities for EMEA as well. I am a morning person, but I like getting in early and being able to settle in to work. Instead, when something is happening in EMEA, I arrive at 6:30 am eastern to a bunch of frantic urgent emails which starts my day off with a bit of a fluster.
Anon
I have worked for this sort of company (global, 80% of operations out of Europe with the other 20% scattered around the world). Things to keep in mind:
1) They’ll have a lot more holidays and time off than your husband will. He should try not to get frustrated or annoyed when they regularly disappear for two weeks at a time multiple times a year
2) Agreed about the time difference. I found it helpful to mentally block off afternoons as actual work time and mornings for all calls
3) Culturally, it is pretty hard to read Europeans in general, but especially Western Europeans because they keep things close to the vest. Humor tends to be dry and they respond awkwardly to lots of emotion or enthusiasm in the work place.
4) Work ethic may be a little bit lower than what you’d expect here – not that they don’t work as hard, but the workers will often put in fewer hours on a daily basis because of worker protection laws that we don’t have.
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for this! My husband did some work overseas when he was with MBB and he was often mistaken for part of the German team, not the American team. He has a German last name and a fairly neutral last name and acts as you describe above.
Holidays are a good question. He’d be coming in at the level right under the c-Suite but his team and responsibilities will largely be American. I think managing a team that has half European vacation schedule and half American would be interesting.
Anon
I’d ask how holidays are handled. Germany has different holidays than the US, so which will he observe in reality vs on paper – if there are big deadlines in Germany on July 5th, does he still work on July 4th? If he needs something from the German team and it’s Oct 3rd, how does that impact his schedule? Etc.
Anon
My husband did. 75 in Sweden, 6 in one office in the states. It was….. not good. The operation in the US was very clearly an after thought and almost felt like they weren’t taken seriously? They were really just gophers for whatever corporate wanted and it didn’t matter that DH was in theory far more senior than a number of the folks in Sweden. For as accommodating and understanding as DH tried to be of cultural differences, he never once felt that was reciprocated. The company is arguably a solid one, and the c-suite people were good, thoughtful and strong one-on-one but it never translated into a positive, welcoming or productive working environment.
Ses
I’ve been on the European side of a company like that, and want to emphasize the time zone thing. If he’s not a morning person, this could be a real mis-fit. It won’t be intentional, but work will pile up during the early morning, people will schedule important meetings thoughtlessly, and it will become inconvenient if he can’t be on 7am-your-time calls.
Peach
I have worked for a company based in the NL for about 10 years. My experience has been positive overall. I have found them to be very process-oriented and interactions tend to be quite formal yet very frank. They seem quite well informed about what is happening in the US, but I cannot say that I know as much about what is happening in the NL. Sometimes there can be a little arrogance — i.e., they think their way is better because they don’t really appreciate why our ways of doing things work. They work hard when they are working, but they definitely have plenty of vacation. Although I don’t get the same amount of vacation, no one over there would balk at me taking a two week vacation, and I see that as a positive.
The Culture Map by Erin Meyer is a great book about different cultures that discusses how hierarchical, open, etc. different cultures are. One particularly interesting chapter was about persuasion — ie. How people in a culture are persuaded. In the US and English speaking countries, people tended to be more persuaded by arguments based on analogies whereas in Europe (e.g., Germany) people tend to be more persuaded by arguments that apply principles / derive a solution.
I think your husband should learn basic German even though he probably would never need it. That could go a long way to forging relationships.
Yes, hours tend to be earlier. That is rough if you are best on the West Coast but not too bad for the Eastern part of US.
Anonymous
Random question: when did you start drinking coffee/your daily caffeinated beverage of choice? For me it was junior year of HS, I had a daily energy drink in the morning and then switched to coffee during my morning study hall period because energy drinks seemed bad for you. Here I am decades later still hooked on morning coffee.
Cat
I tried a coffee drink for the first time in middle school (thanks to Friends, ha) but wasn’t old enough for it to taste good yet! I stuck with milk or OJ until I was around 15-16 at which point coffee was more necessary (less sleep due to more going on) as well as actually tasted good to me.
Anonymous
I’m 43 and still waiting for it to taste good. I can’t even stand coffee ice cream. I’m the same way with alcohol though; I think I’m very sensitive to bitter tastes.
Cat
That’s interesting about alcohol! I love bitter flavors (and salty snacks like cheese). I do enjoy sweet desserts but am one of those people that can absolutely limit myself to 1 Hershey’s Miniature as satisfying :)
Vicky Austin
I started drinking tea when I lived in Europe for a year at age 20. I remain generally opposed to (and physically unable to handle?) coffee.
Anonymous
I thought that the coffee-drinking part of life would just come at some point. 49 now and still waiting for that.
I do like crisp Diet Pepsi in the morning. Or a Diet Mountain Dew over crushed ice.
Anonymous
I’ve never been one for sodas or energy drinks, but I started drinking latte’s in college due to exhaustion… and promptly learned I’m actually allergic to caffeine! So that killed that plan. But it also taught me that it actually *is* possible to make it through college, grad school, and 60+ hour work weeks without the ubiquitous coffee others seem to rely on.
Anon
If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of allergic reaction do you have? I’m extremely sensitive to caffeine and I wonder if it border on a medical condition.
Anonymous
If I have any (even decaf coffee), it’s like I have food poisoning within about 30 min.
Housecounsel
When I waitressed during the summer after freshman year in college.
Anonymous
In college during exam time (but not every morning at breakfast). At my first job where I had to have my butt in seat at 7-8am on the regular. I’d make it and drink it on my way in.
Panda Bear
Also junior year of high school, because in 11th grade we were allowed to walk over to the coffee shop during free periods. So it was sort of a tradition/rite of passage for us all. Of course some folks bought sodas, but coffee felt so grown up. I still love it!
anne-on
Junior/senior year of HS, weak bagel shop/street vendor coffee was a rite of passage for those who suddenly had 7am classes. I didn’t really get into the daily habit until after college when working. We weren’t allowed coffee makers in the dorms, so I switched to tea. A semester abroad in Italy was what truly and forever made me a daily coffee drinker. Sadly, good coffee was not ubiquitous in the early ‘aughts and it took quite a while for me to find a good latte that didn’t taste scorched…
Abby
I think I started Sophomore year of college. This is so gross to think back on, but I’d get a large black coffee before my first class, and I’d get refills like 2-3 times a day in between classes, before the library etc. That’s like 60+ ounces of coffee! I also drank naked juice as my vegetable source and orange juice was my fruit intake.
Anonymous
haha, I was also big on the naked juice in college. The mango one. I thought it was healthy (and KNEW it was delicious)!
Vicky Austin
OMG, this reminded me of a story about my freshman speech class, taught by an adorable ancient old man. Another student gave a speech that was a tribute to her best friend and cited the times they drove around the city “eating junk food and drinking Naked.” Prof was utterly bewildered.
pugsnbourbon
Once I started driving myself to school – I’d stop at the Speedway on the way in and get a “cappucino” out of the machine. Then I started doing 1/2 “cappucino”, 1/2 coffee, and eventually just coffee. I’d suck down a 21-oz gas station coffee in first period and then just vibrate the rest of the day.
Anon
The gas station “cappuccino.” Man, those things were really something. We would get them in college when we had to pull all-nighters. In my college experiment-with-drugs phase I once took speed and honestly the feeling I had on speed wasn’t that different than the feeling I got from drinking what we called “truck-stop cappuccino” (because we usually bought them from a truck stop outside of our college town). I can’t imagine that anyone who drank those things regularly over a long period could possibly live a long healthy life.
I did not seriously start drinking coffee until between my junior and senior years of high school when an espresso cafe opened up in our small town and we started drinking it because we wanted to seem hip and cosmopolitan, things we most definitely were not. I didn’t really enjoy drinking the espresso drinks but I did it anyway. This was well before Starbucks had a tentacular nationwide profile and introduced things like Frappuccinos which are basically milkshakes with some coffee in them. I didn’t start drinking coffee every day until I was out of college. By contrast, the number of kids who show up to my son’s school with Starbucks cups in hand (and looking at the drink labels, it’s not just hot chocolate in the cups) is pretty amazing.
Anon
My mom had coffee every morning from the age of 6 or so. One time she threw up and was sent to the nurse, and the nurse asked what she had for breakfast and she said “eggs, toast and coffee” and it resulted in a very confused call to her parents who told the nurse that yeah their child drank coffee and wasn’t lying. :)
I never really started drinking coffee regularly since my parents don’t drink it at home (my mom quit when she was pregnant and never resumed). I will have the occasional java chip frapuccino and I like iced coffee (usually decaf now) in the summer months. I never acquired a taste for hot coffee and will only drink it if it’s free at a conference or if I’m out to brunch with my dad and he orders it.
Housecounsel
I also quit while I was pregnant, not as any sort of health-related decision, but because I lost my taste for it immediately every time I was pregnant. I wish I had never started up again. I have an expensive Starbucks (nonfat latte) habit.
Anon
Sometime after college. My life has been immeasurably better with coffee in it. Years later, I was prescribed a prescription medication with a similar mechanism to caffeine but without any stimulant effect (just the cholinergic effect), and it explained so much.
Anon
I looked up cholinergic and I don’t really get what the effect is. Can you elaborate?
I get too jittery on coffee and have to be really careful with my consumption, but I absolutely love it.
Anon
Caffeine is a stimulant AND an acetylcholinesterase inhibitor. Acetylcholinesterase is an enzyme that destroys acetylcholine. Inhibiting it gives you a bit more acetylcholine. If you’ve ever felt energized by cool temperatures, that could also be from an increase in acetylcholine, since cold slows down that enzyme.
Things that decrease acetylcholine and make feel sluggish include exhaustion, fatigue, warm weather, and alcohol (either because it was used up or because the enzyme sped up). This is my understanding.
Some people take huperzine instead of drinking coffee since it’s an acetylcholinesterase inhibitor without any stimulant (and it doesn’t mess with sleep the way caffeine does). Other people take alpha-GPC to boost acetylcholine, but I think that’s a subtler effect (though apparently choline deficient diets are kind of common). Some people are better or worse, genetically, at keeping up levels; I’m still waiting to find out if I’m just bad at maintaining levels genetically or what. It was just complete news to me that caffeine was more than a stimulant to begin with.
Anon
Thank you!
Anon
Also, this is totally unrelated, but some people take theanine to fight the jitters when drinking coffee. I have wondered if it would make the effect of coffee more like tea, since tea has both theanine and caffeine to begin with.
Anon
I drank coffee with my breakfast as a kid, although it had heavy cream and sugar in it back then. I come from a community of heavy coffee/tea drinkers, reinforced by endless church events where coffee was on constant supply and every kid new how to put on a pot. Even now when I go back to my hometown, a pot is brewing in every house no matter the time of day or night.
In high school I switched to pop (Mountain Dew and Pepsi!!), and then switched back to black coffee when I worked my way through college. That morning coffee habit has largely stuck with me my whole life. Now that I have elementary-aged kids, I’ve offered it to them a few times but so far they’re not excited about the taste (probably because I’m not loading it with cream and sugar).
Lyssa
I guess I started actually drinking a morning tea habitually when I started my first office job, at about 22. It gradually increased to needing one after lunch as well, and hear lately frequently not finding that to be enough. Funny thing is, before I made it a habit, it seems like I could drink coffee/tea/soda or not any time without much effect, at night, whatever. It ticks me off to be dependent, and I’m always worried I’m going to get more so if I add to it, even though I know I drink less caffeine then most people (since I usually do tea).
Anon
My first professional job. We had coffee breaks. 15 minutes in the morning, 15 minutes in the evening. My office buddy and I would go to a restaurant in the lobby and order at the counter, then a waiter would bring us each a cup of coffee (cup and saucer, restaurant china), sugar and creamer to our table. White tablecloth. We’d sit at the table and sip our coffee and then get back to work at 15 minutes on the nose.
In reflection I don’t know how we did all that in 15 minutes but we did. Sitting at a restaurant table with tablecloths and table service seems so sophisticated now.
This was 1988. The office had a no food or beverage at the desk policy that was strictly followed, which honestly still seems like a good idea to me.
Anon
pS To OP. This was such a nice memory for me. Thanks for bringing up the topic!
Jules
I love this story. The firm where I clerked in 1988 did not have a no-beverages policy, but it had plastic lids that fit the ceramic coffee mugs with the firm’s name on them, to prevent spills on the carpets and otherwise; you could be fined (like $.25, but still) if you were caught in any common areas with no lid on your coffee mug.
Anon
Not so much the no beverage policy, but the idea that you were not just encouraged but required to leave your desk three times a day for a break seems so quaint and old timey now.
There were secretaries who would take phone messages on pre-printed pink pads and put them on your desk if you missed a call while on your break or lunch.
Of course, not everything about the old days was good. My coffee drinking work friend and I (the only female professionals in our department) were required to fill in for the secretaries if too many were out sick in busy days. The men, including men junior to us, were never asked.
Juliska
Anon at 6:17 – that brings back a memory that is not about coffee. The first law firm I worked at as a paralegal had the support staff – secretaries, file clerk and me – take turns at the front desk when the receptionist was at lunch. When the receptionist went on maternity leave, we expected the firm to hire a temp. The senior partner said no need, “the gals” could take turns working all day from the front desk. However, at that time there were only three of us. Not a problem, said the senior partner, because “Anna” could take turns, too. I cannot describe the shocked silence that greeted this; “Anna” was the only female attorney in the firm.
PolyD
I don’t remember a time I didn’t drink tea -hot tea with lots of sugar when I was a kid. Probably I was 10 years old, maybe a little less. We can thank my Dutch grandmother for it.
Didn’t drink coffee until I was a sophomore or junior in college. I remember hanging at a guy friend’s place, we were studying and he made coffee in a pot on the stove with lots of sugar (it wasn’t Greek or Turkish coffee, just regular coffee). That was my gateway coffee, very strong, very sweet. Around about my second or third year of college, one of the first coffee shops opened in my college town. I think it was called Espresso Royale, and it introduced all of us to espresso, cappuccino, etc.
In real life, I have tea in the morning and then coffee mid-morning at work. I’ve been working at home since March 13 and found I missed coffee, so I dug out my little drip coffee maker and now I have coffee most weekday mornings, tea on the weekends.
Bean74
PolyD – did you go to a Big Ten school? Totally understand if you don’t want to answer but my Big Ten college town had an Espresso Royale and your comment brought to mind some fond memories.
OP
If you’re referring to Espresso Royale at University of Illinois, you just made my heart sing! I don’t think it is still around (on campus anyway).
cbara
We used to have an Espresso Royale in Minneapolis but I recently noticed that it has closed.
anon
In high school, when I started driving myself places. I would study at Barnes & Noble’s cafe after school/sports and order caramel macchiatos. My friends and I also drank those bottled Starbucks frappuccinos.
In college, there was a good coffee shop with fair trade coffee from all over the world. People got coffee there before class and used it as a hangout/meeting/study spot. I got pretty into coffee there, and I still miss that place.
Anon
I was a fetus. My mom was not giving up her tea. I’ve drank hot tea for as long as I can remember (age 3 or so).
AIMS
Did we have the same mom? My parents gave me watered down tea at breakfast from whenever I was old enough to have breakfast.
I didn’t drink coffee until I got my first non-babysitting job at around 17, and am older coworker would bring me coffee in the morning to be nice and I felt impolite to refuse. Funny enough, for years I drank coffee exactly the way she did (milk and two sugars) because that’s how I started.
I’ve since given up sugar but still like a bit of milk unless it’s a really good cup of black coffee and I still drink tea by the gallon daily.
Anon
Possibly, lol! My first chore was to start the kettle in the morning. I’m pretty sure I needed a stool to reach the knobs on the stove. It was my job until I left home.
Jules
I was 17 and living in DC for an internship. I stayed for the first few weeks with a very glamorous (to me) staff member of the foundaton that sponsored me, in her Dupont Circle apartment. She introduced me to cafe au lait from the cafe at Kramerbooks – still one of my favorite places many years later. Another nice memory, thanks for posting the fun question.
Anonome
Not until my mid-30s. I preferred hot cocoa prior to that, but I made a strong push to eliminate added sugars in my 30s. I now drink unsweetened coffee with almond milk, since diary has decided to hate me as much as sugar does.
Anonymous
Age 42. I finally was diagnosed and treated for sleep apnea and now that I’m not habitually exhausted I can’t stand being tired. It is still a “functional beverage” for me and I absolutely hate the taste!
C
I was, like, 4. My Gramma shared her coffee with cream and sugar with me and I loved it and it was also a special Gramma thing. And then my mom kept it up to help be get out of bed because I’ve always been a night owl. I do drink it with just cream now but I love the stuff. I think I tried cutting it down once in college but didn’t really seem worth the trouble as I’ve never seemed to have many ill effects.
Sloan Sabbith
I’ve never liked regular coffee, but started drinking sweet espresso drinks in high school (started with frappuccinos) and now I’ll have regular lattes. But still won’t drink regular coffee, even with lots of milk and sugar.
Anon
Yall. Tjmaxx.com is open again! I irrationally miss that place and its ilk.
Anonymous
I legit need some fireplace mantel decor. Is that stuff on their site or only in person?
Anon
Worth a shot. And Kirkland’s, too. If you haven’t been there since the early 2000s when everything was burgundy and gold, it’s changed a bunch.
Anon
lol you gave me some strong flashbacks I hated that store then. I went in recently and was pleasantly surprised with the selection.
Anon
Thanks for this tip as I had not been in there since that early 2000s over-the-top almost-Downton-Abbey phase they went through. I will have to check out the one near me.
I am thrilled about the return of TJMaxx dot com and also Sierra dot com, I love Sierra so much and have gotten great outdoor equipment (and also housewares!) from there.
Anonymous
Thanks for the tip, Sierra is key to my survival!
Anon
PBS NewsHour spoke with 74 former Biden staffers about the Tara Reade allegations: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/what-74-former-biden-staffers-think-about-tara-reades-allegations
Pure Imagination
Honestly, I don’t care what 74 former Biden staffers think about the allegations. The only relevant line from this article is “Former staffers said they believed Reade should be heard, and acknowledged that their experiences do not disprove her accusation.”
I’m getting really, really tired of the “but I know him and he’s such a nice guy” defense. Unless these people were flies on the wall during the assault, they have no idea what happened and should not think their own interactions with Biden mean anything at all. Every abuser in the world has family and friends and social contacts to vouch for them. It means nothing.
Everyone should go read Know My Name, by the way.
Anon
Every abuser has friends and family that vouch for them, but it’s also true that abusive men rarely abuse only once. The absence of other accusations or an observed pattern of abusive behavior is not dispositive, but it is relevant evidence.
Monday
I find it totally believable that he usually just does creepy things like smell women’s hair or call little girls “attractive” (many reports, no real dispute on that), but only occasionally commits a full assault.
Anon
I think that would be unusual for someone who has had a career as long and public as he had. Not impossible, but highly unusual. I can’t think of anyone (from Weinstein to Louis CK to Al Franken) who didn’t have a cascade of very similar allegations emerge pretty much immediately after the first one.
Anon
@Anon 3:42 all that means is that we’ve only caught the worst ones with the most victims.
Anon
I wish these things could be disqualifying on their own. I have so many memories of men treating me this way when I was a grade school kid (too many comments on appearance, unwanted “friendly” touching, etc.). It was always men who had some kind of sway too (important, rich, powerful). It’s gross and unacceptable.
Anon
I was the only target of my abuser. I know this, because my abuser is family.
But thanks for saying that 15 years of misery didn’t happen.
AnonNYC
After her full interview with Megyn Kelly, frankly, I don’t find her credible. I think she’s being heard and that’s all well and good, but there’s no way to affirmatively disprove or prove her allegation, and ultimately, I’d vote for the guy who actually raped me in college over Trump.
Anon
I don’t find her credible either. To me, “believe women” means you default to believing women, but it doesn’t mean you have to believe every allegation after the victim has had the opportunity to be heard. I’d say I believe 95% of sexual assault allegations (including accusations against both Bill Clinton and Trump) but I don’t believe this one.
Anon
+1
Housecounsel
Someone on this site said she was voting for the “less rapey” of the two candidates. That’s pretty much my position.
Senior Attorney
Honestly at this point I am about ready to conclude there’s not a man out there who isn’t guilty of behavior that would be disqualifying in a sane world. But Biden vs. Trump (or not voting or voting for a third party candidate which is the same as voting for Trump)? That’s not a hard call.
Anon
Same. Biden wasn’t my first or second or third or fourth or fifth choice (neither was Bernie, for the record) but he’s miles ahead of Trump. Literally the lesser of two evils.
And there’s still a maybe around Biden’s evils. Trumps are numerous and well-documented.
AIMS
Plus one. Take my feminist card if you will but I don’t think this is a call that needs to be made in this election. One admitted assault on video and multiple allegations including actual rape, and one has a questionable but potentially benign pattern of behavior and one (to me, incredible) allegation. Biden is by no means my first choice but he is indisputably better for women as a president than the other option, both in terms of policy which is what I am voting on and as a human. I don’t think I can afford to be too idealistic here. It may be sad but it’s not any less true.
anon
Second everything AIMS said
Anon
Thirded
Anon for this
I’m not thrilled with Biden, but am horrified by Trump. I would love to vote for someone I believe in, but sometimes I just have to choose the least-worst choice. To me, it’s feminist to be a thoughtful voter instead of sitting it out because frankly, the stakes are too high.
That said, sometimes I do want to shake big liberal donors and say, “YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU GET A CANDIDATE WITHOUT HARASSMENT ISSUES? ACTUALLY SUPPORT A WOMAN!!!”
Monday
I don’t see anyone suggesting we shouldn’t vote for Biden (among Democratic voters on this board, or in my life). I’m just saying I think the allegation is probably true. I am voting for him, for all the reasons stated, and I think he committed this assault.
Anon
You think that of your own husband, Senior Attorney?
Senior Attorney
Nope but I think he’s an exception.
Senior Attorney
Also he’s not high up in politics or business. I think, frankly, that sociopathy is highly correlated with having those Big Jobs.
Anonymous
Biden is less bad than Trump. Its a low bar.
Anon
I’m firmly in the anyone but Trump camp.
Anon
Just wanted to share that if anyone was losing their mind trying to work in a tiny home like me with a spouse/kids, and you have the space and $, I highly recommend getting a small travel trailer RV/camper. It has allowed me to utilize it as a small office space, maintain my sanity and hopefully travel with it someday soon.
Anon
Is there really a market for people that live in a really small space but also have enough land for a trailer?
Anon
You have clearly never heard of the tiny house “movement”. There are many entire tv shows dedicated to these kinds of people.
Vicky Austin
Hi, I would count and so would most of my state.
AIMS
I would think so. I’m in an apartment so not applicable, but if you have any sort of yard with room for a shed I would think so!
Anonymous
What a fun idea, will you tell us more about it? Did you buy it with this in mind? Where do you park it? Do you live somewhere that you could use it year round weather-wise or do you do anything for heating a/c? Did you do anything to convert it into an office and is it secure enough to leave your office equipment in there or do you carry it in & out … I have more questions
Anon
I don’t know if there’s a market for it, but my budget only allowed for a 2-bedroom house, but I have a decent sized yard and driveway. It’s a relatively small camper (20 feet.) We had been thinking about a pop-up camper for quite awhile, but I read that they mildew easily. I park it on the side of our house (it is nice looking and relatively unobtrusive so no one has complained yet.) It may be tricky to use in the winter, but has a built-in faux fireplace/space heater and AC that could be used if power them up. I transport my laptop in and out but otherwise leave everything in it. I don’t know-something about having a tiny house of my own has just really eased my anxiety. It was about $12,000 so not cheap but not incredibly expensive as well, and hopefully we’ll be able to camp with it.
Anon
Also, we bought a less expensive one, but Casita/Scamp/Airstream were all really nice looking and lightweight
Anonymous
My neighbor has a Sprinter van as his extra room. It’s like the conversion vans from the original A-Team era.
Anon
There was Am I The Assh0le about this a week or so ago. Was it you?
The gist was, husband had a man cave no one was allowed into. Kids had a playroom or something of their own. Mom didn’t have her own space but was gifted an old camper trailer by her parents, which she had fixed up as her own space. By the time it was fixed up, everyone wanted the space and she was “selfish” for not wanting to share it. Dad, he of the do not enter man cave, was encouraging the kids to call her selfish. Infuriating!
Anonymous
OP here-not, that wasn’t me.
Housecounsel
I read that and it made me so mad! Dad was a jerk, having rallied the kids to support his desire to have no child-rearing responsibilities ever.
Vicky Austin
RAGE. I would be like, “sure, go hang out in the camper!” and then hijack the man-cave. (Aside: I have never liked the phrase “man cave.”)
AIMS
I find the whole ‘man cave, she shed’ phenomenon sort of gross. But I also recoil whenever my law school classmates (and it’s only them, my other friends never ever do this) do the whole “men here, women there” at random get togethers.
Anonymous
OP again-our small house felt fine enough when I had an office to work in but stuck at home with the only possible work space being a dank basement or in my small bedroom surrounded by loud children felt really hard. The camper feels much more like my own office.
Ses
I’m so delighted by this idea.
Anonymous
We bought an airstream basecamp two weeks ago because we want to travel a bit and we will not comfortable with the idea of a hotel for quite a while. We stayed it in it overnight in our drive way to try it out and it seems to meet all of our needs for shelter when travelling. But I never thought to use it as an office. What a great idea. Thanks for sharing!
Anon
Oooh, the Airstream Basecamp is lovely!
mini fridge?
Does anyone have one they like? We’ll be going back to the office but won’t have access to our kitchen or break rooms. We are allowed to have mini fridges at our desk.
Senior Attorney
I don’t think it matters. I’ve had a few and they seem like they’re all the same. Just get one that’s the right size and the right price and call it a day.
Senior Attorney
That said: https://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-mini-fridge/
The original Scarlett
Agreed for something like that. If you were doing a small apartment or living space, SMEG makes adorable ones, but I wouldn’t spend that for an office fridge.
A just world
If someone you are in open disagreement with on a substantive issue (that you are right on) ends an e-mail saying “no” with “Thank you for your understanding,” a just world would know that this needs a reply of:
“OK, Karen”
“Bless your heart”
[Lengthy explanation that that isn’t how concept of “thank you” works; WTF is wrong with you; I wouldn’t take that tone with anyone, ever]
It is surely drinking o’clock now.
Anonymous
Ok, Karen is sexist, agist and racist.
anon
Wait, what? Of course, my impression is one without any background context. But saying “No. Thank you for your understanding” is not remotely rude compared to “Ok, Karen” or “Bless your heart.” I’m so confused.
Anon
Same. Very confused. No thanks for understanding isn’t rude at all.
Anon
I’m not sure what you’re getting at but surely the person who will not accept an answer of “no” is more deserving of scorn than the person who said no.
Either way, name calling, especially the sexist, ageist Karen, doesn’t elevate your position.
Anonome
Can anyone recommend a YouTuber (or other similar venue) for arm exercises that can be done modified? I want to increase strength and tone up the dreaded tricep flap, but I have a weak wrist from an old sprain. Even knee push ups cause it to give out.
Anon
Look up Lauren Hefez on youtube, she has a ton of exercises that can be done with light weights.
Anonymous
Barre is good for this. You do tons of reps with little to no weight but really feel it. I do barre3 online but there are several options.
Anon
Since this was touched on this morning, I thought this was some interesting data about how the virus is actually spreading in the real world: https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2020-05-15/will-i-get-coronavirus-at-the-grocery-store-unlikely
One of the takeaways is virtually no transmission outdoors.
Anon
No transmission outdoors is great.
The arguments about probability seem a bit circular to me? Of course close contact for hours while singing (e.g. church) is higher probability of transmission than a quick trip to the store. But if I am staying home at all times except for trips to the store, then, for me, the trip to the store is my highest risk activity, and people have gotten sick with no other known source of transmission than the grocery store (because that was the only time they were within 30 feet of another person). I’m not a population, I’m an individual, so I calculate risk as it impacts me.
Seventh Sister
I’m happy to hear about the lack of transmission outdoors – we’ve been going for walks and biking in our neighborhood. Sometimes people do get a little bit close, or we can’t jump into the street right away, etc.
As for church, I really really really hope that church leaders figure out ways to have services in person. I go to a super-hippie Episcopal church with great music, and church is the social interaction I miss the most. To be frank, it’s a little bit galling (my temperance grandma would be SO proud) that there is so much emphasis on opening bars OMG now but it’s all “wait and see” over church services. Then again, I’m not the kind of churchgoer who is clamoring for communion or singing (it can wait, it’s fine, we won’t be struck by lightning for forgoing communion).
Anon
Churches near me have been having socially distanced parking lot services (using speakers so everyone can hear).
Seventh Sister
I’m sure that works great in some places but we don’t have a parking lot on the property (city church).
Bitey Bite
Dog bite question— will post again in the am if necess. My sister was bitten by a dog her neighbor had just brought home from the shelter. Broke the skin on her wrist, but doesn‘t appear deep or anything, more like his teeth scratched her. But he got his rabies shot this morning and bit her about 4 hrs later. Should she worry?
Anon Probate Atty
If I were her I’d book a (video?) appt with the dr. just in case.