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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
For women of a certain age, Alaia is a “like, a totally important designer.” (Thanks, Clueless!) This black and red scoop-neck dress with graduated polka dots would be a fun wardrobe addition for someone in whose office is on the more formal side of business casual.
I would wear it with a black blazer on days when I need to look professional, but not too stuffy, or when I have an after-work networking or fundraising event. (Remember after-work events? I’m even missing those right now!)
The dress is $2,620 and available in sizes 4–12. Polka-Dot Sleeveless Scoop-Neck Dress
A couple of more affordable options are from Ted Baker (on sale for $109) and Calvin Klein ($89); a lower-priced plus-size option is from Charter Club ($49 on sale).
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Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
Elizabeth, this dress is beautiful! Great pick! I only wish I had the model’s hips and body curves. I do think that I once did, when I was a college junior, but the toll that legal work has taken on my body, hips and tuchus over the years makes this but a wonderful memory. Nevertheless, Rosa can wear this, even after 4 kids, so I will share with her. Ed can also afford to buy this for her b/c she still is able to get him to do so w/o complaining. Ed keeps his income coming in, as peeople continue to buy and sell stock’s and bonds. Ed says that people are moving their portfolio’s into stocks, b/c the bond yield’s are so low. I let Dad take care of this for me, but Ed occasionally tells me what Dad is doing to “rebalance” my portfolio. He says it is b/c Merill Lynch must not churn my account, even though Dad controls it.
Myrna had to stay inside this weekend b/c she ate something that gave her the runs, and I do not know what that was. She occasionally gets Mexican take out from a place I never was crazy about, and I think that could be the source, but who knows? She says she is getting better, but is still not venturing to far from the toilet, just b/c she does NOT want to have an accident. I do not blame her b/c when I have the issue, I also do not go far from my own apartement.
I was very sad to learn from Dad that Phyllis George died. She was so pretty and was also a sports journalist and the wife of the governor of Kentucky. We will miss her. I hope the HIVE recognizes her for being a trail blaser for us.
LaurenB
Gorgeous dress.
Anonymous
Here is where I’d struggle with this dress. The coloring is (to me) fall/winter. But it has no sleeves. In the winter, I need . . . black turtleneck underneath (then: bunching issues, ruining the sleekness). Or a cardigan? cardigan coat? cape thing? blazer? It just seems to ruin things to keep adding pieces. And once the heat of summer comes, our A/C is probably what has led to a hole in ozone, and it will feel like a drafty 67 inside.
Anon
I don’t disagree with you, but just to keep in mind different climates: in the Bay Area, for example, the fall is oddly often our warmest time of year. So it could work with that in mind.
That being said I also don’t buy sleeveless work dresses often as the air conditioning in most offices as noted is insane. I’m almost colder in my office in warm weather than I am in the winter.
In-House in Houston
Same. In the summer I usually wear a cardigan of some kind due to the air conditioning. I know I look a little crazy when I run errands or go out to lunch and I’m wearing a sweater. I’m not a fan of my arms, so if I go sleeveless I’m almost always wearing a cardigan or jacket of some kind.
Housecounsel
I really like this but it looks wintry to me as well. I’d wear it with a belted cardigan or jardigan (which I still don’t own). That is, in my fantasy world where I have the money to spend on this dress and somewhere to wear it.
I should add up the amount of money I have saved on manicures, pedicures, hair color and cut and dining out. Maybe I can afford this dress.
Abby
PAGING DETROIT POSTER SURPRISING FRIEND FOR 40TH BDAY:
I suggested Flowers of Vietnam as a delivery option in Detroit on your post last week. I got takeout from them Friday and was really disappointed. I take back my recommendation, just in case your friend’s birthday hasn’t happened yet. In it’s place, Two James, craft cocktail bar/distillery, is selling a cocktail kit with all of the ingredients you need, recipe, with a bottle of their nice liquor. They don’t deliver, but could be a cute way to send your friend a drink – they’re my favorite bar in Detroit.
Okay that’s all, Happy Monday y’all!
Clementine
Mundane ‘fantasy’ thread.
Anyone else have a fantasy of ‘normalcy’ that they keep daydreaming of? (Not looking to minimize the current situation, merely distract from some pretty dark stuff I know many of us are dealing with – directly or indirectly.)
Mine is getting an iced coffee and bringing my kids to the playground on a Saturday morning.
kk
Mine is drinking a margarita on a crowded rooftop bar in the sunshine with live music!
Anon
Wow that is my dream day! I miss rooftop bars in NYC.
AnonATL
Same! Especially because I’m in my third trimester. Dreaming of the day of a patio cocktail in a sundress.
I also really miss moseying around Target mindlessly on a Saturday afternoon. I’ve started edging toward that, and it has been so nice to just walk around the baby section for last minute supplies for a few minutes vs strictly doing curbside pickup.
pugsnbourbon
Yes to both! The art museum in my city has beautiful gardens and they have a little biergarten in the spring and summer. It’s so, so nice to sit in the warm grass, look at flowers, eat a soft pretzel and feel the sunshine on your face.
And yeah, I want to go to target and find something weird on the clearance endcap and spend 15 minutes picking a $5 lipstick.
Anon
I do some of my food shopping at Target (city living…) so I’ve still been going every week. I’ve been treating myself to something small and non-food related everytime I go and it’s become one of the favorite things I do each week, just because it feels normal (and normally I don’t let myself buy stuff like that).
My Target is a city target though, so pretty limited in what they have (they don’t even have the $5 section!). What I’m REALLY looking forward to is browsing TJ Maxx and Marshalls!
SAME
There’s a market/food/music place that we used to love on the weekends with friends. Everyone gets food from a different vendor and it all goes in the middle of the table and we all just share. And we offer to let each other sample our drinks to determine if they want one, willy nilly, like germs don’t matter (I mean, sure, we drink from a different side of the glass and kinda ask “are you sick” but still, we’re sharing drinks). And then we dance and sing in each other’s faces and hug at the end of the night even though we’re sweaty from dancing.
Anonymous
Dialing it down — would like to take my kids hiking without having to bring the car potty that we used when they were little (but, sadly, using it for all of us because nothing is open but the trails). It is gorgeous outside. We have maxed out on walks around the block. And the next block, too. In my mind, grocery store bathrooms are open, but I’m sure I’ll wind up being perp-walked on NextDoor if I were to bring my kids in to pee (so my mind has been Very Busy thinking up stealth peeing tactics — going in one at a time, not talking to each other or making eye contact, and promptly returning to the car).
FWIW, a neighbor tried to hike about 2 hours away in our state and could get gas but no go into the bathrooms. 4 stops later, a relief stop was successfully made. I would have reached a failure point by then. Time for Depends?
Anon
Learn how to pee in the woods.
Anon
Lol this.
Anon
Ha, that’s what I thought when I first read this. Desperate times and all that. Definitely not making 4 stops before I let nature run it’s course.
(I’m also super confused by the sentence about the grocery store perp watched stealth peeing thing?)
Anonymous
I think we’ve had people shamed before for bringing their kids into grocery stores and Walmarts (but that is the answer: go to a grocery store or Walmart or Target to pee now if you are away from home). My sympathies for truck drivers — IDK where they go now that you can’t get inside of a fast-food restaurants. I used to marvel at places like the Flying J — you could eat, shower, buy clothes, send a fax, etc. I hope for the sake of all of us that those place are open. Never before have I been so aware that as a society, we are completely dependent on sanitation workers.
Anonymous
I think what she meant is that somebody would see her taking ::all:: her children into a grocery store (she “should” have left them at home and picked up her groceries at the curb), and not only that, but taking them ::all:: into a bathroom and run straight to NextDoor and post a shaming picture.
Anonymous
I get that boys do this all the time, but I am actually concerned that women get a big undressed for this and I think it would be hard to find a truly private place away from home without getting yourself in trouble (and no one wants you peeing or pooping on their property). I think that some people are such Karens now that it would be my luck to get photographed and wind up on the internet (look! she is unmasked and peeing in the woods!).
Anon
The odds that you’re going to find yourself in an area with nothing but private residential yards for miles and miles and miles with no open gas station, closed gas station, woods, vacant building to duck behind, construction site port-o-let, empty church property, or cemetery are absolutely nil.
Outside of the middle of a major city, the USA is simply not that densely populated.
It’s not like we’re all doing our business outdoors for the hell of it, but it is a useful skill to learn and shouldn’t take but a minute; after all, no one wants to be hanging around with their ass bare.
anon
Depends on where you live and where you hike. Not every hike is through trees.
Anon
Substitute wherever you’re at when nature calls for “woods”. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Let’s not overthink this.
anon
Ha. I live in south Louisiana. Our hikes are on boardwalks through swamps. Even when you’re over land instead of water, there are gator tracks in the mud (which are cool–they look like dinosaur tracks). I’m not stepping off the trail to go to the bathroom. I’m also not hiking right now because of this dilemma and the fact that visitors’ centers, which normally update people on trail conditions (i.e., alligators on the trail) are closed.
S in Chicago
Damn, I thought worrying about a coyote on our trails with my small dog was bad. Gators take it to a whole other level! (Definitely not a good time to get caught with your pants around your ankles! LOL). Seriously though, the bathroom thing is a problem. When I make trips to my elderly mom (about two hours away), it makes for a shorter visit since I don’t want to go into her house. And I hate having to cut that precious time short. There’s only so much beverage limiting you can do though.
Anonymous
I’m irrationally terrified that someone is going to take a video of me peeing in the woods and post it to social media and I’m going to get arrested and disbarred. I really really try to hold it but sometimes you can’t!
Anonymous
This — the only time I’ve been overtaken by a GI problem, I was in an industrial area when I pulled off of the interstate. I thought I’d be safe and was going behind the open door of my car just as a shield. A family of 4 pulled up next to me in what I thought was a deserted parking lot and I was scared they’d call my tag # into the police (for either being temporarily bottomless or some sort of “befouling property”). In San Francisco is is a major nuisance and people in the rest of the world are probably less forgiving. IDK what went wrong since this is like never a problem, but when it was, it just kept getting worse and worse. I was lucky I had a box of tissues in my car at the time and missed my shoes.
Somehow it is OK to throw up in public when you have to but not having anything coming out of the other end.
Anon
Eh, hang out with runners, cyclists, triathletes, XC skiiers and/or returned Peace Corps volunteers – we all have a story or two. I did the waddle-of-shame to a construction site port-o-let just the other day when my poor choices caught up to me mid-run.
Anonymous
Cyclists in my state tell stories about being threatened with a registry offense for changing in the car.
Anon
That’s nuts! Either the cops (or whoever is threatening) are assholes or your friends suck at deck changing. I can’t imagine anyone giving it the first thought in my region.
TrixieRuby
Throw a long sleeved shirt and a roll of toilet paper in your car, and a small plastic trash bag. When going into the woods, which I do frequently, tie the shirt around your waist, hide behind a tree/bush, don’t pee on the shirt, and go for it. If you are wearing a rain jacket or sweatshirt you don’t need to bring the shirt. Wipe yourself, bring the TP back to the car, put it in the trash, and you are on your way.
I prefer the woods to most small gas stations and random small shops.
This is a good mini-skill to learn!
No-Face
Bodypump or spin class at the YMCA while my kids are in childcare. Family trip to the botanical gardens or zoo.
Anon
Body pump. The one pair of 6 pound weights I could find in this pandemic so far are not cutting it.
Anon
Playgrounds are opening in our area next weekend and I’m so excited to go (what I’ve read about practically non-existent outdoor transmission plus the virus not liking sunlight and humidity make me comfortable with this). The normal day I crave most though is waking up, getting ready and going to daycare/work and that won’t happen for a loooong time.
Anonymous
Yes, like this poster, my wish is simple: I wish I could have gotten up this morning, gotten dressed and gone to work. WFH is mostly working for me but I miss working in the office and I miss my normal routine.
We were able to go to Total Wine this weekend for the first time in two months and that was nice.
I have regret and some anger at myself because there were many weekends we talked about going to the zoo or one of the museums in our area or an outdoor concert and said, nah, we just want a quiet weekend at home, we’ll do it some other time. I didn’t appreciate the freedom to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, when I had it.
Pure Imagination
I feel your last paragraph so hard. I’ve done better in recent years than in the past, but there were still too many weekends where we opted to be lazy and putter at home instead of go do something fun. Puttering is almost never the right call unless you’re TRULY exhausted for some reason!
Sloan Sabbith
I made a list to go to 20 new museums in and around my city this year.
I have been to one. I don’t know when they’ll be open again. Really disappointing.
I am thrilled that I finally got it together enough to ski one weekend and can cross that off my 20 in 2020 list.
Pure Imagination
Yay, glad you went skiing! I still managed to get in a few days even though my main trip was cancelled. I’m glad I have a few fun weekends to look back on as I stare into the abyss of nonstop couch days this summer…
Anon
I”m a very active extrovert, and many of my friends are introverts. We’ve been joking that once this is over no one will have an excuse to want to stay home instead of doing something fun!
anonshmanon
Hugging my friends.
BeenThatGuy
I miss hugs
Anonymous
I hugged a friend last week. Of course we knew we shouldn’t, but the circumstances were serious. It felt so good to embrace him when he really needed it. Social distancing is costly even if necessary.
cat socks
Same here.
Anonymous
I am actually hoping that hugging never returns. It makes me so uncomfortable. I have multiple co-workers who will hug anyone and everyone, including chief justices of state supreme courts, and I am just not down with that.
CountC
I am here for never having to hug anyone ever again, too! Luckily, my friends (and most of my coworkers) know this about me and don’t push it.
Anon
My friend is an American living in France and she jokes that the only good part of Covid is that she no longer has to kiss her co-workers. ?
Anon
I have a couple of folks I come into contact with through work and they do the cheek kiss thing. I HATE it, have wondered in the past how to tactfully put a stop to it, and am glad that this is hopefully a permanent way to do that.
Sloan Sabbith
Same. I hate hugs unless it’s my immediate family or a few friends who I’m comfortable with. But people I don’t know well? GTFO.
Anon
God, same.
Cb
I want to sit in the Swedish cafe with an oat milk hot chocolate, a cardamon bun, and my book. Just surrounded by strangers.
Ribena
You know they’re delivering the buns? Different part of town each day!
Cb
Ahh, the perils of being in the south. Liberton isn’t bougie enough for cardamon buns. I’d also kill for a Bearded Baker donut.
anon
Ahhh, I’m Swedish and used to live in Edinburgh, but that must have been long before the Swedish cafe existed. There’s a Scandinavian cafe in my current city and I’ve been getting their cardamom buns delivered.
Carrie
Ahh… could you remind me the place that does this? I’m assuming you are talking about the place in NYC?
Snoozy
As someone who used to live there (and who was living there when the bakery in question opened), I’m fairly sure it’s Edinburgh.
Cb
Edinburgh, sorry!
Snoozy, it’s an empire now! They have 5 of them.
Carolyn
I realllly just want to go get a nice cocktail at a fancy cocktail bar. And go to a coffee shop. I know I’m 25 years old but I’m quarantining with my parents and I almost had a fight with my mom about going to drive through Starbucks. Feels like middle school all over again!
Vicky Austin
Going to yoga class on Thursday night.
Just running to the store for a few things.
Going out for burgers and beer with my husband.
Driving to the next town over for a shopping trip (this is very Midwestern of me, but I miss it, dang it!).
pugsnbourbon
Big +1 to the “quick run to the store.” Had no idea how much my quality of life depends on being able to dip into Kroger whenever I need to.
anne-on
Yes! Fries do not travel well. I desperately want to have a burger, a beer, and a cold glass of white wine on the patio at our local French bistro.
Anonymous
Going to the Mall.
Anonymous
Summer camp season where I annoyed at the 20+ extra miles of rush hour driving I have to do and dealing with wet swimsuits and towels and hopelessly snarled hair. Instead, I will be so, so, so grateful that my kids will be able to spend 8 hours outside running around at a lakeside nature camp or swimming or being on kayaks.
cat socks
I want to plan a vacation and have something to look forward to travel-wise.
Anon
ME TOO. Or at least have a date certain by which I can travel so I can plan. My 10 year wedding anniversary is in 2022 and lately I’ve seen some things that make me think even taking a vacation for that might not be a sure thing. Gahhh.
Anonymous
Me too. Delta just sent me a notice that it was time to check in for my flight to Paris, even though it was cancelled weeks ago. The reminders are hard. I always knew I loved to travel, but I didn’t realize to what degree. Can’t wait to be able to look forward to a trip again.
Cb
Me too!
anon
Me too! I’ve rescheduled our 10-year anniversary trip to Thanksgiving (back when plane ticket credits had to be used by the end of the year), and I doubt that trip will happen. Even if it does happen, there’s no telling now what restrictions will be in place, what businesses will survive, or what will personally feel safe, so I still can’t really plan it.
Senior Attorney
YES.
Anon
Getting my baby into the pool at our complex. I have baby swim gear all ready and am just so excited to bring him into the water.
Anonymous
I saw an article recently about pools being relatively safe. I think social distancing is still appropriate, but outdoor pools should be among the first things to open (under protocols). And I say this after investing hundreds in inflatable pools for my yard.
Anon
Totally agree that public pools are relatively safe, but things are not opening in the order of safety, or even some balance of safety and necessity. They’re opening in order of political clout and/or what the governors constituents most want to have access to. Bars were among the first things to open in my state.
Anon
*outdoor pools
NOLA
I really want to be able to work out at the gym, even my crappy gym. And take a vacation.
LifeScienceMBA
Going to the local gym while my kid has swim lessons in the same facility on Sunday afternoon, then an early dinner at a Mexican place.
Going to the library for story time and then taking the kid to the local bakery for croissants on Saturday, or to the coffee shop which has a fantastic play area and train table. Meet friends there and chat.
Seeing our friends in the park and having a picknick.
Going on a long weekend trip in a nice hotel, rent a boat, go to the train museum, and eat a lot of good food and ice cream.
LifeScienceMBA
And, the most important of all: Be able to book travel to see our families in Europe. Hug my parents, brother and best friend.
Anonymous
Yes!!!
anon
My Saturday morning yoga class followed by a stop at my favorite coffee shop for an iced mocha, with whipped cream because am a child, then leisurely, meandering trip home on some of the most beautiful streets in this city.
Anonymous
Getting my pixie cut trimmed. It’s currently a poofy mullet and I’m so desperate I’m considering buzzing it all off.
Sending my daughter off for her first day of high school in September.
Sloan Sabbith
My pixie looks hideous and my mom keeps saying she likes my hair longer. Cool, not your head, I want it GONE.
Elderlyunicorn
I know this is random and so not the point of this thread/your comment but having grown out a pixie cut, I know your pain and felt moved to comment. You may find it helpful to use a small flat-iron (1/2″) to help reduce some of the volume/give your hair a sleeker look. Also, getting creative with tiny braids and bobby pins to change the shape around your face. Good luck … it gets better!
Katie
Same. This isn’t a good look.
anon
I’m still going into the office but I miss my old morning routine, and I hate to say it, but I miss my subway commute.
I currently wear our god awful “uniform” which is a terrible polo shirt, even worse cargo pants, and boots. We only wear this for certain circumstances, but apparently COVID is one of them. For several reasons, I am currently driving to work instead of taking the subway.
I miss doing my full morning routine, instead of waking up just before I have to leave. I miss putting on a cute office outfit (really, I miss wearing dresses to work). I miss my commute, which is walking 10-15 minutes to the subway (I could take a different subway and transfer but I enjoy my walk), and then a 5-10 minute subway ride. I would occasionally run into a friend on the walk portion, which was always fun. On Mondays, I’d mobile order a latte from Starbucks and pick it up before I get to the subway. I got my steps in, I got to enjoy the scenery in my beautiful city, I got to see people. I miss that.
The subway line I take is notoriously gross (frequented by addicts who shoot up on the train, use it as a bathroom, pass out there, etc) and my driving commute is 10 minutes shorter than my subway commute, a monthly subway pass is more than my gas is, but I still miss it!
Anonymous
Two things: wandering around my favorite local stationary store picking out random cards for all sorts of occasions. It’s the wandering and looking at things (rather than browsing the internet) that I miss.
and – having friends over for dinner/drinks. My baby is about to turn one, and we were going to do a party to celebrate me and DH for making it one year as parents (honestly, just an excuse for us to throw a party that we’ve wanted to for a while). Rent an outdoor movie projector, speakers, show a movie, and invite all of our friends and their kids over for a summer move night. Have a BBQ buffet, popcorn machine, and novelty ice cream treats (drumsticks, the red white and blue Popsicles, creamsicles, etc.). We hadn’t picked the movie yet, but were leaning towards Ghostbusters. I just don’t know how soon people are going to (1) want to go to a party and (2) eat from a buffet.
Housecounsel
I miss wandering, too. I want to touch pretty clothes and test makeup shades on the back of my hand.
Anonymous
PUTTING MY KIDS ON THE BUS TO SCHOOL. Literally, my entire family would cry with joy if that could happen. We wouldn’t even complain about being the first stop.
Anonymous
Backyard dinner with friends.
Ribena
Sitting in a coffee shop window watching the world go by. There’s one coffee shop I like which is in the lower ground level, so the window is at the perfect height to see dogs being walked!
Ribena
And being able to see my parents! It’s a long journey so I suspect coffee shops will come first
pugsnbourbon
I’ve been walking more (like most folks, I imagine) and I’ve seen so many amazing dogs that I can’t meet.
There’s a bar we like with an outdoor railing facing the street. SO much good people and dog watching!
Housecounsel
I want to take my daughter to a volleyball tournament. I loved seeing her in her element and we were lucky enough to have a good group of girls and parents.
Anon
If I’m honest, my individual daily life has seen net improvements compared to what was normal before (my life was fine before, but I don’t miss my old routine). I’m realizing I used to make myself do a lot of things I don’t genuinely enjoy basically out of peer pressure I guess? But I’m currently missing travel to see friends and family, social gatherings, and swimming.
Anonome
Visiting my FIL in his dementia care facility. He’s too far gone to understand why we can’t come, and he gets angry and swings at the iPad when they try to FaceTime with us.
Vicky Austin
Oh that’s so sad; I’m terribly sorry.
anon
Just browsing in my favorite bookstore. Its not really about buying books, just my favorite “getaway” from stress & daily life. Happen to have missed it since October of last year, amd now they are shut down.
Sloan Sabbith
+1 I miss my local bookshop so much. And just wandering the stacks.
KP
Going to church. Passing the peace (which I used to hate) and coffee hour. Just being relaxed around lots of people on all sides.
Anon
This is a very frivolous one, but Refinery 29 money diaries that aren’t written during quarantine!
Anon
This is reading like a new verse of my favorite things!
I cannot wait to go down the shore again. Next weekend will be the first MDW in my life that I don’t go. Technically, I could go (beaches are open), but I don’t trust people to not be idiots. I’m an essential worker and can’t risk bringing the virus into work accidentally.
Sloan Sabbith
My weekend walks with the dog: We went to the bagel place in a local park, got a bagel and a latte and ate it outside while I read and he watched out for squirrels or skateboards or other scary things. We then took a long (3-5 mile) walk in the city with a stop for another latte around mile 3. I do it both days on most weekends, yearround and I miss it so much. The bagel shop is closed because the park is closed, the coffee shops are closed, everything is empty and sad.
January
Planning my wedding without a cloud of doubt hanging over it (will this happen? when? how?)
Anon
I missed that you were engaged! Congrats!!!
January
I didn’t mention it! Thank you!! :) Happened right before the you-know-what hit the fan.
CountC
I want to be able to run on the trails without being in violation of the state stay at home order (I have abided thus far) and be able to go to my favorite brewery and eat and drink with a date and/or my friends, heck, even with a book and my dogs!
Seventh Sister
I want to go to the movies and get a fountain drink, a pretzel or popcorn, and Milk Duds for dinner. And I want it to be some amazing new arthouse movie, an audience of just a few other people who make small talk before the movie starts then shut their pie holes, and to clap afterwards.
Seventh Sister
Also I want to drop the kids off at a ballet class or a birthday party and run some semi-optional errands and get a coffee in a paper cup.
Belle Boyd
I want to go to dance classes. I want to teach a dance class.
I want to have a girls’ night out with my girlfriends and hug and drink and steal bites off of each other’s plates and laugh all night.
I want to start getting ready for the Jimmy Buffett concert that I paid a ridiculous amount of $$$ for tickets for my sister and I to go to. We should be planning our outfits – grass skirts and all — and how we’re going to decorate my car for the party in the parking lot before the show.
And I want to go shopping. I’m tired of all my clothes and I want to try new makeup colors and just want to browse around trying on ridiculously high heels and pretty things.
And I want to take my dog to the groomers. He looks like hell right now.
Anon
My bestie and I serve on a board together. our tradition after monthly meetinwas to walk to a neighborhood bar (we are second-generation patrons) afterwards for dinner. Just a fun, casual, easy girls night. I will never take it for granted again!
Dressing a more mature figure
My dress aesthetic is Selena Meyer. My self is settling into a Selena Meyer + 40 pounds shape. Formerly, I was a pretty flat-chested pear (butt/thigh pear). I am adding on a stomach (I suspect family history of fibroids or maybe just the COVID-15, but who knows b/c I can’t get in to see a doctor and will probably be in the queue for a while). Late 40s, so it is probably the onset of my middle-aged shape, which isn’t horrible, but just not what I am good at yet (my early thinking: your menopause shape-shifter is your shape + less waist definition). At any rate, I’ve gained no pounds or inches in the bust area.
How do I start dressing this shape? And would any stores be better for clicking through right now? Office is casual but I do have some Webexes that I need to look more professional on.
Ruth
I might not be terribly helpful, because I work in a fairly casual field, but I’ve defaulted to a “uniform” of black skinny pants/jeans and looser, longer tops. I’ve found some from Banana Republic, from LOFT (not recently), Garnet Hill, H&M and evening Express’s slim-fit Portofino. Eileen Fisher may also work?
Anonymous
Basler at Bloomingdales?
Housecounsel
Shift dresses instead of sheath dresses? There are some shift dresses that look very classy.
Anon
I started following a lot of the “plus size” and “midsize” IG accounts and hashtags. Katie Sturino does a #SuperSizeTheLook series where she wears the same thing as a thinner model, and it’s helped change my perceptions of what looks good.
It seems like structured, well-made tops with layers or accessories are important. For bottoms, fit is super important – they need to be tight but not pulling or gaping. Basically, shopping just takes longer and requires more patience to find the pieces that fit well (or that you can tailor) and flatter your features.
Anon
Please share some “mid-size” blog recommendations. I agree on the importance of fit for pants, but I find it nearly impossible to find pants to fit my thickened waistline and nonexistent a**.
Anon
I hadn’t tried Express pants in years, but some of them fit me well.
Anon
I love Caralyn Mirand – she’s about a 12-14, tall, and has cute clothes and is super helpful with fit tips (she’s a bit of a bra fitting evangelist for sure).
KP
Try Halsbrook for dresses. All my weight goes straight to my chest and tum so I have to avoid woven tops, any dress with a waist. and jackets that have to close! These are your happy hunting ground.
Z
Moving question
I’m moving out of my 1 bedroom apartment into a 3 story townhouse. I need to be out of my apartment by June 28th and the lease on the new one starts on July 14th, so I will need a storage unit in between. I got a quote for a local moving company that has storage space and can do the whole move (move out, storage for 2 weeks, and move in) for $1500. I have never hired movers before, is this a good price? Should I keep shopping around?
I know the general consensus on this board is to hire movers, but I’m not sure if its worth the $1500 when I could pay $200 for a truck for a couple days, $100 for a storage unit, and buy dinner for friends that help. But I also feel like in a pandemic, it’s not responsible to ask friends and I should just hire a company to do it.
Anonymous
If you can afford to be moving from a one bedroom to a three bedroom congrats on entering the stage in life when you hire movers. Your friends don’t want to help! Moving is hard work! I would definitely try and get another quote but that doesn’t sound outlandish to me.
Anon
I might be biased but:
Any price is worth not asking friends. Sorry. Moving is awful, even for yourself. Moving for other people, no thanks. And me and most of my friends felt this way even in our early to mid 20s when none of us had money and we all started hiring movers.
It would not be worth a dinner.
Anonymous
Yuppppp. I helped people move back when we were too poor to hire movers and barely owned furniture. Being asked to help now? Lol no way. Like, if you’re fleeing an abusive man or something I will rent a uHaul but you’re just being cheap. Nope nope nope.
Anon
This. I don’t think it’s ok to ask friends in normal times and certainly not in the midst of a pandemic!
Anon
+1 million. Especially if you’re at the life stage when you are buying a townhouse!
Anonymous
I actually loved this in my early-mid 20s, when time was plentiful and money was not. At any rate, I’m not 22 or 25 any more. If you can move into a townhouse, you can get movers.
And now, if you aren’t already socializing in person with these friends, if you only reach out to ask them to help you move, it’s not a good coronavirus look.
Anonymous
Right.
We moved in 2018 and we had people generously offer to “help us move.” We were grateful for the offers but we declined as we were hiring movers, who are compensated with wages (and tips – at least from us, we tipped them) for doing dirty, difficult, back-breaking work. I did have a friend drive me back to the house (we only moved across town) later in the evening on the day of the move to pick up a few things we didn’t want the movers to handle, but that was it. OP, you’re a grownup now, with a grownup job and hopefully a savings account. Hire movers.
Anon
Ditto, I’ve never asked friends to help me move and definitely would not once I was buying my own place!
LaurenB
When one of my kids has moved, we (husband, me, other kid) pitch in and help, but that’s within the family. I don’t think that extends to friends. I would never ask a friend to move me nor would I expect to move them, barring some kind of extreme emergency (escaping an abusive husband or something).
Senior Attorney
Amen. Your friends don’t want to help you move and they REALLY REALLY don’t want to help you move in a pandemic. How is that even an option?
CountC
+1 the only time since my mid-20s I have asked friends to help me was when I had to move out of a shared home after a breakup in less than 24 hours.
Anon
Definitely hire movers! Your friends can come over and have fun helping you unpack while you supply the booze and pizza.
Nope
We don’t even want to do that. Move in. Get the place ready-ish and host a party. Nobody has fun unpacking?
(This is in a pre-COVID world. Now, who knows?)
Anon
Same. Sorry but even unpacking for someone else is not how I want to spend my time. Also, it would be like cleaning up in someone else’s house x 1000, you don’t know where they want anything and would just feel useless, right?
LaurenB
Unpack someone else?? Again, yes for my kids to help them out, but no to anyone else. My sister is moving in a month (a move that was planned pre-Covid) and I love her dearly but no, she gets to unpack and put away her own stuff.
Anon
I meant like unwrapping dishes and glasses from bubble wrap and helping to organize. Much easier than lifting heavy things but still helpful. I’d help out a friend and want good music and a cocktail while I’m doing it.
Seventh Sister
Oh my goodness no. I hate having people help me unpack because everyone has a different idea of where certain things ought to go. My mom and sister got into a huge fight the last time my mom helped my sister move over all of this because my mom (bless her heart) is the queen of asking you what you want then doing what she wants.
Most of my friends have kids, so in pre-corona times I’d offer to let them drop off their kids for a few hours so they could pack in peace. Also I gave a friend who was moving cross-country a bunch of boxes and tape that we’d used for a closet renovation.
Mrs. Jones
Hiring movers is among the best money ever spent.
Your price doesn’t sound unreasonable to me.
Anonymous
I’d agree — I’d pay that just not to have to deal with the truck rental, truck picking up, driving, returning — TWICE. Not to mention making the storage place arrangements and having your friends stack and store your stuff well. And then everyone has to come back in to weeks and move you again. You’re not asking them to move you once, but TWICE.
Seventh Sister
That sounds like a great price to me. Also movers are usually a LOT faster than even the most enthusiastic volunteers. I stopped asking friends to help me move when I got furniture that was too heavy to be lifted easily by two people, and I’ve never regretted it.
Anon
Ok that sounds like a lot but I’ve never hired movers before bc that is just unheard of in my circles. Luckily, I have local family and we’ve all helped each other move before and will continue to do so in the future.
However, I would likely make an exception during the pandemic. My lease is up in July and I never even thought about getting movers but maybe I’ll have to budget for that.
Anon
You’ll never go back, I promise. Movers are soooo worth the money.
No Face
I don’t know about prices, because I have only moved with the help of friends and family. This is normal at all ages and income levels in my community/circle. Even still, I would not ask friends and family to help me move in this pandemic for safety reasons. That’s a lot of heavy breathing indoors in a group.
I would get multiple quotes and pay for movers.
anonshmanon
In your calculation, you forget the cost of the actual labor. Last time I hired movers, I think it was $50/hour and we had two guys for two hours. We did everything but the big furniture ourselves and only moved 2 miles away. With your storage unit plan, you are essentially paying for the labor twice. You can probably shop around to shave off another $200-500 but the ballpark makes sense!
Lydia
yeah, I think you’re underestimating the DIY costs in general — don’t forget gas for the truck; renting a dolly and furniture pads; late fees for returning late and all those random fees Uhaul, etc, add on. The storage unit estimate also sounds low — will that really fit all your stuff? Every time I’ve tried a DIY move it’s been more than the original estimate. Also, asking your friends to help you with what’s basically two back-to-back moves sounds terrible. I agree with anonshmanon — call around for a couple other etimates but *definitely* hire movers.
Anonymous
That sounds reasonable to me, but I’m sure it depends on your market and how much stuff you have. Get 2 more quotes and pick one.
Cat
That price is reasonable given you are essentially moving twice, not once. We paid $600 for a similar cross-town move that was just furniture, clothes, and books. (We had a month overlap, so had the time to move fragile or awkward-to-pack things ourselves.)
And for the love, just pay the movers rather than enlisting friends.
Z
Thanks, all. I will look for a couple more quotes and not ask friends.
Anon
I think we paid $400 for a move 40 miles away (highway, no traffic, rural-ish area), but we had moved most of it ourselves via my station wagon.
When you price out the truck plus storage unit, price out the minimum rent, truck both times, mileage, and fuel. Gas is cheap now, but those things get about 10 mpg. Determine if you would need to make multiple trips. Do you have non-refundable deposits on the storage unit? What does insurance on the rental truck cost?
I just don’t think two truck rentals is going to be $200.
Anon
Forgot to add: are you comfortable driving the truck? Do you live in an area wherein driving a truck is hard, like a city?
Anonymous
That sounds a little high for a 1 BR but if you’re on a high floor with no elevator then that might drive the price up. Also note that you’re moving into a 3 story townhouse – I’m guessing the bedroom is on the top floor? Which means a lot of your heavier furniture is going up 2 flights of stairs.
Anonymous
I don’t know where you are, but that sounds like a decent price to me because of the storage. Moving out of a 1Br (?1000? Sq ft?) apt should be <$1k for sure but who knows how much stuff you have or how much of a pain it is (stairs, parking, etc). Storage itself for a month for all that should be a couple hundred.
DH and I loved ourselves out of our 1BR Apt when we bought our first house and it was a LOT of work. We hired movers to move us from our 1100 Sq ft (barely) 2BR house and it was like…$3k? We had two trucks of stuff, though (packed basement and garage).
Nan
We’ve had pretty good luck renting a truck and then hiring people specifically to load and then to unload at our destination. My husband has no problem driving a moving truck (I’ve never tried personally) and it is significantly cheaper than hiring a moving company to do the whole thing.
It also is more work and may not be worth it in these weird COVID19 times- particularly since you need storage- but in normal times it’s a good option. I was shocked how much cheaper it was to do it this way vs a full on moving company.
Sadie
My husband and I are essentially in our mid forties (he’s older than I am but we average out to 45 lol). So all of our friends are somewhere between 40 and 55. Many of them have older teenage or young adult kids. So our last move, was a really short, move. Like a mile. So we thought, ugh so silly to hire movers for that. we can do it with our friends and their kids (all aged about 17-22). we offered to dinner and beer at the end, as per usual lol.
Never. Again.
The kids actually did ok but the adults? Not so much. They were all in SUCH a hurry it was a disaster. we had so much stuff damaged and someone managed to throw out a package that had literally ALL of my husband’s shoes in it except the ones on his feet (I’m talking everything from expensive athletic trainers to cole haan dress shoes). An antique dresser that was my great grandmothers was irreparably broken, somehow, taking it into the new house .
No one owned up to anything. I wouldn’t have made anyone like, pay for anything, but an “Oh my gosh I’m sorry” would have been nice. However, like, we asked these people to do us a favor, they did because we’ve been friends forever, but they obviously were not really interested in spending their saturday like that and the bottom line is, I SHOULD HAVE PAID SOMEONE. Our fault, lesson learned. We’re out of the ‘have your friends help you move” age and income group. NOTED. Learn from my mistake. Hire the movers!
CountC
I’ve hired movers multiple times and with a two-week storage fee included, $1500 sounds reasonable to me.
Anon
Sounds 100% worth it to me! And yes, for two moves and storage, I think it also sounds quite reasonable.
Anonymous
Do not be the cheapskate friend who wants a day of heavy lifting for a dinner. It takes nerve to even ask. If you are over 22 years old hire movers. Thats what adults do.
DLC
That sounds very reasonable, particularly given the storage. I moved out of a 3 bedroom 1600 sq ft house and it was about $2000 (+ $100 tip and sodas for the movers). This is Maryland suburbs of DC. The move was about a mile, took about 2.5 hours and there were four movers.
Also- at a certain age, even not in a pandemic, your friends, through happy to help you move, probably would rather not be asked to do it.
anon
” buy dinner for friends that help”
No. How much do you think your friends’ time and manual labor is worth? Honestly, if a friend who had enough money to purchase a 3 story townhouse had the gall to ask me for help with moving (twice!), we’d be spending a lot less time together. You’re not even compensating them with money they can use on something they want, you’re offering dinner during a pandemic? This applies to any time, pandemic or not.
Anon
We just moved our 3 bd townhome into a 3 bd house. We paid about $2500, including storage. Definitely so, so worth the money.
Anon
I had friends help me move when I moved halfway across the country. But… several of us were sharing a big house, a few other friends came over, and it literally took 20 minutes to load the truck. I would have hired loaders if they had not been able to help, but I think they laughed when I suggested it. Unloaded with my partner in my new state.
But the biggest issue is that doing the move myself saved me four thousand dollars. I would absolutely spend an hour of my time in exchange for dinner to save my friends a huge pile of money, but that’s not your ask. You’re asking your friends to load your truck, drive to the storage unit in their cars, unload the truck, then repeat in reverse three weeks later.
Anon
Has anyone found a face mask that feels breathable? (And like it won’t make your face break out?) Or would a “breathable” face mask mean that it doesn’t actually work?
Anon
Whenever I see face mask I still think the skincare kind.
Anonymous
When I search, G00gle thinks the same thing.
Anon
I got one from this Etsy seller, and it’s fairly breathable: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ButtercupForrest?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=803555507
But I was using a N95 before that so maybe I just had a low bar for breathable in comparison.
anon
Just ordered some for my kids! TY!
Anon
8creativestudio on Etsy sells one that finally worked for me after much $ wasted. It’s not the flat, Jersey like one but the one that comes in 3 different sizes.
Anon
I have a mask from 8creativestudio and I like it. The medium size has a nice loose fit. The small would probably be good for a slightly snugger fit. I have read cotton and silk are best for breathability.
Anonymous
I have multiple cotton masks made by multiple makers and I don’t find any of them to be “not breathable.” And I hate having my mouth and nose covered typically. I am surprised this is a concern. I can report back on the Johnny Was silk masks when they arrive later this week.
Housecounsel
I received my Johnny Was masks on Saturday! They’re gorgeous and generously sized. One of the five is made from the same fabric as a dress I bought last summer. Anyone dare me to go out (where?) in my matching dress and mask? I wore one for about 20 minutes in the grocery store. It was breathable, although not as much as my cheap cotton ones, but a little bit hot.
Monday
Less breathable and a little bit hot, to me, are good signs. I wear a surgical mask most of the workday, and that’s definitely what it feels like! Thanks for this review, and yes, I totally dare you.
Anonymous
Yeah I don’t get this? They aren’t supposed to be breathable. That is the point? They aren’t doing what you think they are doing. Also, how, went to the hair salon today (obviously open in my state), and about 70% of the stylists were wearing the masks below their noses. I may wait a while before going again this r even try to find a different salon. I was really disappointed
Senior Attorney
OMG matching dress and mask!! SO FAB!!
I got my Johnny Was masks this weekend, too, and was very pleased. Ordered a set in “neutral” prints for Hubby.
Anon
Not really. I’ve used N95, single use medical masks, and cloth masks before. They are all suffocating and I definitely removed them multiple times to get a breather. Back then I was using these for air pollution in Asia, and for protecting others while I had a cold so it wasn’t a big deal that I fidget with them. These days I minimize the time I spend outside at all just so I don’t have to deal with mask on for a long time.
Anonymous
Right? I think feeling not breathable isn’t a bug, it’s a feature.
sleep
+1
They more breathable the mask is, the less protection you are getting, if that matters to you.
Either you are breathing “around” the mask, with air following the path of least resistance and not being filtered through the mask, or the thickness and filtering capacity of the fabric mask is so low that air passes through too easily.
BB
I have sort of high expectations for these masks I ordered from Brooks Brothers over the weekend (not a joke, seriously, you can go on their site and order their PPE masks). They look much, much lighter than the 3 ply cotton masks I’ve been wearing. I’ll post a review when they get here!
XStitcher
Following this thread with interest. I had my first court hearing last week. Everyone was in masks all day. It was…difficult. And I definitely feel like it caused my problem areas on my face to break out.
Housecounsel
May I ask if your court hearing was in the US, and if it was criminal or civil?
XStitcher
In the US. It was civil-child custody hearing.
Anon
I had one today, civil US. Judge and opposing counsel did not wear masks.
Anonymous
Our court is all court personnel, including the judge, and all participants and visitors in masks.
anon
If your mask is super breathable, it is not going to be that effective.
Anonymous
Cleaned my closet last weekend. Realized I don’t want to get rid of a few items, even though I know they aren’t in style anymore. Do you have any trendy items you just can’t get rid of? If so, have you worn them again?
Anon
I think I’ve tried this in the past, but when I pulled them out for the second time for various reasons, didn’t feel great in them if I was being honest b/c I knew they were old and not great anymore. So then I got rid of them.
Anon New Yorker
Yes, I saved my favoritest favorite bootcut jeans when I realized I wasn’t wearing them anymore, and recently I started wearing them again! That’s the only time I’ve done that.
amberwitch
I have had multiple cycles of using clothes, then not for years before starting to use again. But then my wardrobe never skewed particularly trendy.
At this point I am seeing things returning that I have from the previous cycles, like blazers with shoulder pads and I have no qualms using things from back when. To me it is more a question of fit whether I feel comfortable with an older piece of clothing.
Anonome
I actually have a good amount of clothing that’s way out of style and will never fit me again, but I hang on to it because it was made by my mom (a professional seamstress). My closet is a bit like a photo album. I don’t think it’s wrong to set aside a section of your storage for memories.
Amberwitch
Agreed!
Anonymous
I keep them if they fit and are in good condition. For example, there are only so many resort wear looks: athletic, preppy, tropical, EuroTrash, BoHo and Americana. If you wait, the next rotation will find you either ready to go or just needing to buy a few items.
Worried
Hi — I did the same this weekend and over the last few months and I can relate to this dilemma! I think it depends on you incorporate the older trend pieces with newer items. I noticed that the pieces I keep are things I would buy again. For example, I bought a gorgeous sheath dress in 2004 that over the years has been too loose and too tight. I lost a bit of weight during this time, and this dress is now on the looser end and I will hopefully reach for it again when things open up (restaurants in my city are opening up this week). What makes this dress unique is that it is a more unique piece — it has a semi sweetheart neckline a tiny square pattern, but looks like one color from a distance. It may not be ‘fashionable’ by today’s standards, but it is still a pretty, well made and more unique item that you might find again. If your style skews more unique and quirky, or classics with a twist, it may be worth keeping items that you love, especially if they are a unique color, texture or material. I agree though it is hard to let go of certain items (dresses are the easiest to keep, while pants and tops (for me) seem to ‘date’ more easily.
Anon
I’m in such a slump at work and probably a little burned out. I totally understand why and understand that this is a totally normal reaction to everything going on. Due to COVID, we were pulling some seriously long hours (80-90 hour weeks at it’s peak, now down to 50ish, thank god, always working in the office). I’m off today (we have to cover 7 days a week in the office so today is my new regular day off, we still aren’t able to take PTO) .
Tips for what I can do today to hit “reset”? Have cleaning / errands, etc to do today, planning on going for a run and have a call scheduled with a friend but what can I do for that hard reset for my work mindset?
I’m very honored that I’ve been given covid work that is way above my current job, it’s a great opportunity to show what I’m capable of, but I’m having so much trouble focusing and actually doing good work!
Anonymous
Disconnect. Go for a long walk. Read a physical book. Take a bath.
Anon
I’m not in your exact situation so I’m not sure this is quite what you are looking for, but I always feel the least “reset” when I spend any amount of time on my phone mindlessly. So try to avoid that. Find something you can do as a “filler” instead, as obviously you can’t be active for every second of the day (for me it’s reading a book, doing a crossword puzzle, or reading one of the two blogs that actually bring me joy to read).
Pure Imagination
+1. However you spend your time does not need to be grueling, but nothing makes me feel more lethargic or irritated after a day off than spending the whole day scrolling on Instagram or watching TV that I’ve seen before. Try reading a childhood favorite book, going for a nice walk, or doing some other hobby that you enjoy. Don’t use the time to clean your house!
Monday
Yes, my go-to “filler” activities are scrolling on my phone and online shopping. At best, this is more of a drain, and at worst, it leads to overspending. I noticed that I needed some totally mindless activities to replace these when my energy is tapped out. I recently got back into adult coloring books. I had a mental hurdle about how it was “pointless,” but I realized it obviously isn’t pointless if it helps me relax and save money.
Housecounsel
I would get outside as much as possible. You’re going for a run, but maybe add a long walk and listen to a podcast about something fluffy, or a good audiobook? I am with the others who say that spending the day scrolling is a terrible idea . . . but I keep doing it over and over again.
Anonymous
I’m in your shoes but have a different day off! My honest advice – spend as many hours without looking at a screen as possible. If you have kids in a program and a number to reach you, program your phone to only sound if that program tries to call you. Silence email, calls, texts, go for a walk, read a physical book or do a cross stitch. Organize your sock drawer or catch up on laundry. Face mask and bubble bath with music or public radio. Nap. Also get off this site and check again tomorrow :)
anon
I have hit the quarantine wall, so to speak. I am sad all the time and feel like there is very little to look forward to. My state is opening back up, despite cases still rising. Living in this gray area is mind-boggling, and I feel like I’m constantly making choices for which there is no good, clear-cut answer. Like finding child care for my preschooler, for example. I have even started asking myself whether this isolation is even worth it, when I’ve been a total rule-follower and started social distancing before it was required. My anxiety is through the roof. How do I pull myself out of this slump? I keep beating myself up for not being a better wife/parent/family member/coworker during all this. I fear that if I keep feeling this bad, I am going to backslide into full-blown depression (maybe I’m there already?).
Anonymous
Make a teletherapy appointment today. It is hard and it is going to continue to be hard and you need and deserve help to get through it.
Anon
(virtual) hugs. Give yourself grace and take care of yourself in the way you would take care of a loved one. This is a really hard situation and it makes perfect sense that you’d be feeling this way, so you should not be hard on yourself. No one knows what the right thing is to do right now! You’re doing the best you can with the information you have.
Do you have a therapist? Talk therapy has really helped me during this time. It helps to dissect what you can and can’t control, and what’s a real problem vs. your anxiety talking.
I believe the isolation was worth it, but we will never be able to precisely measure whose lives it saved or which hospitals it helped. But what’s done is behind us. Look ahead to the future and take it one day at a time (okay, so cliched but it’s cliched for a reason). What can you do today to feel better? How can you make today a good day? What decisions do you have to make today?
Hope you feel better soon.
go for it
I am confidant you are not alone in this. Speaking for myself, I have felt whispers of despondency throughout this
and used resources available to help work it out, or at least lessen the flow of spiraling.
Would you consider making a video mental health appointment?
Anon
If you haven’t already, I would suggest you speak with a therapist. Even if you are not in a full-blown depression, it is helpful. Honestly, the best time to start is when you are not in crisis. And remember… you are not alone. People will cycle through these feelings at different times. It is hard. There are no easy answers. Be gentle with yourself.
Anon
I had the same thoughts, heavier on the anxiety than depression. But amen to feeling like I’m failing because I’m not a better wife/parent/friend/etc. Every choice feels like it’s vitally important to everything, and yet there are no options I can choose where even one aspect of me gets 100%. So I sit and spiral and ultimately feel worse.
I talked to my DH, explained what I needed, and asked him to arrange it for me. The thought of researching someone who is taking patients, on our insurance, doing telemed, and available during non-work hours…. it was daunting and I couldn’t do it. So I asked him and he was a rockstar who found a few candidates and set up the consultations. Once I picked someone, he then did the work to set up the first appointments.
A few sessions to work on CBT techniques, talk through my concerns, and develop a strategy for how to get through this, have been huge. I’m continuing through her recommended course of 10 sessions, and then we’ll evaluate at that point and determine next steps. But already I’m noticing my irritation levels are slowly decreasing, and I even had a long stretch of hours this weekend where I was genuinely happy and able to focus on the moment. I’m still freaking out about childcare, but have a few techniques I can use when those thoughts start to spiral.
I’m not there yet, but I can see that I’ve at least started on the road and it feels good. Get someone you love to help you take those first steps to get an appointment, and I promise it’ll be worth it.
CountC
Second the suggestions to see if you can get a therapy appointment.
I just texted my therapist to see if she is doing virtual appointments. I am taking my anti-depressant and don’t feel anxious or anything, but it’s clearly affecting me as I am struggling with confidence at work (hasn’t been an issue in some time) and having emotional reactions to things that are really nbd at work.
Anonymous
it’s not worth it! take your life back with precautions.
Mindy
I am praying for you. This is so very tough. I’m with you sister.
Anon
Are eye creams a waste of money? Are they demonstrably different or just same product in smaller packaging? I already use a retinol cream at night and hyaluronic acid moisturizer (plus SPF) in the daytime. Trying to reduce spending and minimize packaging waste.
Anon
In my experience there is no benefit to eye cream. However, overall, you will get the best results from prescription Retin A. Your doctor or dermatologist can prescribe it. Start out slow, every 3rd day mixed with moisturer until your skin gets used to it.
Anon
My skin just does not tolerate Retin A (yes, I started out slow and took all my dermatologist’s advice). I’m having better luck with retinaldehyde. But the thought of putting the prescription product anywhere near my eyes made me shudder.
Anon
Same product, maybe thicker, smaller packaging. A separate eye cream only makes sense if the skin around your eyes is dry and can’t tolerate what you put on the rest of your face.
Anon
Another problem with most eye creams is that they’re packed it little open jars, which you stick your finger in and open to the air every time you use it. The exposure to air will erode any actives more quickly than the air-tight pump packaging that many non-eye moisturizers come in.
The worse problem is the sticking in of the finger. We all carry bacteria on our skin. Your little jar of eye cream can easily become a bacteria colony and here you are, putting it around your eyes.
https://theskincareedit.com/2018/01/18/skincare-jar-packaging
Housecounsel
I put my money toward Botox in my crows’ feet and buy cheap eye cream at Target.
Anonome
As others said, it depends on if you need or want a different formula near your eyes. For example, I don’t use dimethicone on my forehead or cheeks because it causes sebaceous hyperplasia on me, but it’s a good ingredient for a little slip when applying around the delicate eye area.
Period swimwear brands / suits
Has anyone used period swimwear? There seem to be several competing brands. I’m looking for a tankini-style, maybe buying 2 bottoms (dark) and one top (can be basic; no need for support). Any specific recommendations (or whatever the opposite of a recommendation is)?
Anon
I haven’t tried any, but have tried Thinx a few times but they always ended up smelling even after washing despite my best efforts to follow the care insructions/use OxyClean. I have a very heavy period though, so may work for people with lighter ones.
Stuff piling up
We’re moving in a couple of weeks and I suspect that when I unpack I will hate a lot of what I packed up (and hate that I didn’t donate it back when goodwill was open).
For clothes, my thinking is to bundle items and offer for crazy cheap $ on poshmark (like 2 dresses for $25) just because putting them into the trash seems so wasteful. Other things I can put on a curb alert on our neighborhood google group (and moving boxes — what small kid wouldn’t like a new box to destroy for a couple of hours?). What am I not thinking of in terms of options?
Anon
Look for a “Buy Nothing” group on Facebook that encompasses your geographic area. It is an official organization with local “leads”. I am often amazed what gets taken, and quickly. I find this much more successful than what I see go on Nextdoor or emailed to neighborhood group listserves (that presumably are not focused on giving stuff away) b/c it is a targeted market of people actually looking for stuff on an ongoing basis.
Anonymous
Are they hoarders?
In-House in Houston
Does this mean that nothing is sold, it’s all free to whoever wants it?
busybee
Yes, correct In-House. Also, that’s pretty rude and classist of you, Anonymous at 10:17. I’ve donated and received several items on my local Buy Nothing group, not because I am a hoarder but because I don’t see the value in spending money when I could get the item for free. Additionally, there’s a big environmental benefit. Most recently we got a free dog crate and watering can for the garden, and we’ve donated home decor and wedding decorations.
Anon
LOVE by neighborhood buy nothing group. Lots of interesting gives in there (pre-COVID people would give their leftover birthday cakes, etc), but also a lot of gems! I’ve gotten books, resuable shopping bags, a bedside table, hair product, etc. from there. Other friends have gotten couches, food processors, etc.
Yes – it’s all free. You post what you’re trying to get rid of; other people post if they’re looking for something specific. Generally, a great alternative to throwing things out!
The original Scarlett
I use mine all the time too to get rid of things – one persons trash is another’s treasure, saves the headache of dealing with disposal. Some k. My neighborhood have their own posh mark sites, other will donate what they can’t use, saves me time
Anonymous
The trash. I know I know but sometimes things are trash.
LaurenB
+1. I give plenty to Goodwill, resale shops, etc. but at some point – things are trash and not worth the effort.
Ruth
I sell things on ThredUP, typically. I don’t have the patience for Poshmark, so it’s easier to just toss everything in the bag and send it to ThredUP.
Cb
I still use Freecycle loads and our local enighbourhood facebook group. You can do socially distanced pick-up.
I don’t know if I’d want to deal with packaging things up or shipping things in the midst of moving and lockdown so I’d favour getting rid of things quickly rather than making a bit of money.
Anonymous
We donated a lot of items recently to a local church and they got the items to those who needed them. I was super easy and no contact.
Anon
I have a few bags of clothes that I’m going to donate and/or take to consignment shops when this is over. I totally get the mindset of just wanting something gone, but if you can stow it away somewhere might not be a bad idea to wait until you can donate/sell locally.
Anon
Just a fair warning that my sales on Poshmark have pretty much frozen since COVID started. No one is buying anything, rightfully so.
anon a mouse
Someone on my neighborhood buy nothing just posted a bunch of work shirts (hers and her husband’s) that were fairly dated in style but could be used for the fabric to make masks.
Anonymous
Exactly. We got rid of actual trash. A giant cardboard box.
Local kids used it to color and make a fort.
Anonymous
This makes me happy!
Anon
The COVID-15 crept up on me and now that I’m pulling out summer clothes that don’t fit, I’m committed to losing the weight.
Currently live alone (so no one for accountability), but working in the office (where we cope with lots and lots of junk), and in an area where gyms will be closed for months yet.
Planning on eating real foods only and doing 3 runs and 3 body weight circuits a week.
How do you stay motivated? I’m very afraid of succumbing to the office take out or coming home exhausted from work and just ordering dinner. Planning on meal prepping tonight, but I think I’m at decision fatigue with work and am sure I’ll have a hard time making good choices.
Anon
Buy some new summer clothes. Why put this much pressure and stress on yourself right now? It’s already almost June and you’re not going to lose 15 pounds safely and sustainably in a few weeks.
Anonymous
Both/and
I thought that being at home would help me lose weight without a giant restaurant meal at lunch each day. Wrong wrong wrong.
So I have e-shopped a bit, but want to course-correct by the time I am tired of the few new clothes I have.
amberwitch
Agreed – this is not the time to add pressure.
Do something physical that will give you a bit of joy, but don’t stress over the weight loss.
OP
My weight impacts my happiness a lot. I was already a little heavier than I’d want to be, and I just don’t want to give in and accept the weight gain. My clothes mostly fit, they just don’t fit the way I’d like them to. In addition to making me gain weight, my current habits are also just not healthy, or financially sound.
pugsnbourbon
+1. I bought an inexpensive pair of black pants with an elastic back. I’ll have enough workwear to get me through until I’m back in my groove. Same thing for casual summer bottoms.
Anonymous
I find for me that the key is not having so many decisions to make and tracking what I eat. I eat the same breakfast every day, I eat one of a few lunch options, I do a lot of planning ahead for dinner. Emotionally I’m struggling at the moment so I’ve been leaning into making really interesting and delicious food when I can and reframing everything as choosing to take care of myself.
Anon
That’s exactly how I approach these phases of life (down to cooking delicious food for emotional help). Today I’m making arroz con pollo with fresh oranges I got in my imperfect box. It will be today’s dinner and lunch for two more days. Breakfast every day is salty oatmeal. This makes me feel happy that I’m eating well and reduces the decision fatigue. I also make a giant greek salad in the middle of the week that becomes a dinner side or lunch or both. It needs to be finished on day 3 but that’s good amount of time for a fresh side with fewer decisions to make on those days.
Anon
Take a 20 minute break every morning and do a mile walk. Put it on your work calendar as “busy.”
Get healthy and easy to prepare groceries. Buy precut vegetables, fruits like apples that do not require preparation, and salad kits. Keep healthy snacks at your desk.
OP
Thanks! Part of the problem I think is that I no longer have my 1 mile walk to and from the train every day since commuting has changed! Can’t get away from work, but will try to incorporate walks in addition to my workouts!
Great idea about getting things precut! I’m normally too frugal for that (thanks government salary!) so I think saying screw it, I’m just going to spend the extra money is a good idea. Precut veggies are still cheaper than take out!
Anon
Ah, you’re me. I finally figured out that the cheapest food is the stuff I eat that doesn’t get thrown out and doesn’t make me buy takeout instead.
If you’re car commuting and have an office, bring a kettlebell. Do a minute of kettlebell swings every hour (swing up to eye level or a bit above). Do a lap around the office, five minutes walking.
OP
Love that mindset!!
Old habits die hard, and grew up in a family where we didn’t ever pay for something we can do ourselves
(I’m baffled by the conversation about movers above! I’ve never known anyone to get a mover – just family and friends and someone’s truck). But, as someone working a lot of hours and trying to lose weight, buying pre-cut veggies is definitely the best option. Thanks for that.
Anon
Hi friends! I also used to stress about spending extra for luxuries like precut veggies. But then I just did it and realized the “extra” money I was spending on precut veggies was completely offset (and more) by the food that I stopped throwing away
Anon
I’m the Anon at 11:07. When I look at those salad kits at Trader Joe’s and pre-baked tofu, I think that it’s $7 for food that I could make myself for $4. Two lunches worth of food, but I just think I should make them for $4, or $2 per meal.
Except I never make those $2 lunches; I run out of time in the morning and then buy Qdoba.
Or maybe we “shouldn’t” have those pre-made pizza crusts and pre-portioned sauce packets laying around (at $10 for a pack of 4 at Costco), but when we are both fried and don’t want to spend time making dinner, we aren’t saving any money by dropping $25 at Papa John’s or $20 at Blaze.
In-House in Houston
Check out the app “run-bet.” It’s really kept me motivated to exercise. You pay a fee ($30 or $40) to join a “game” or a challenge which means you have to run X times a week for X weeks. If you complete the challenge, you get your fee back, but the neat thing is that for those who didn’t complete the challenge their fee is forfeited and those who did complete the challenge share in the “pot”. I’m pretty cheap, so I don’t want to forfeit my fee. The most I’ve “won” is about $9, but that’s okay. For me, it’s about keeping me active. They also have one for walking if you’re not into running and I think they might have other games for other types of exercise.
OP
This sounds PERFECT!!! Thank you!!!
Sloan Sabbith
Stepbet is the other one by the same company, I love it. I tried to do one a couple weeks ago and failed on day 2 after I got sick but I might try again.
Anon
I totally feel the decision fatigue. If I don’t have an easy plan, I always cave and grab takeout instead of thinking up something to cook. I’m pretty good with food repetition, so I usually plan to pack lunches four days a week and eat lunch out one day a week. I also prep dinners ahead, usually a couple different meals a week and eating leftovers. And I have roughly four breakfasts that I eat ever, so I eat one all week and then switch to another the next week. Having a stash of (relatively) healthy snacks at work has also been a game changer.
For exercise motivation, I’ve fought decision fatigue by pre-packing my gym bag for the whole week and pre-planning what I’m going to do every day. Once I put a schedule together, I don’t have too much trouble sticking to it, but I do struggle to come up with something to do on the spot.
I do resent that all that planning means a good bit of my weekend goes to getting ready for the next week, but it does leave my weekday evenings fairly free of stuff to do. I could theoretically switch to doing my planning ahead on a weeknight (Thursdays seem good for that), but I haven’t gotten to that advanced level yet.
go for it
Agree with anons at 10:02 & 10:11
Easy does it.
Anon Probate Atty
Make a big batch of healthy meals on weekends. Doesn’t have to be complicated. I do this every Sunday. Sometimes I grill a bunch of marinated chicken breasts and steaks, roast a couple batches of veggies, and have food for most of the week. If I’m feeling ambitious, I’ll make batches of empanadas with almond flour for a fun low-carb meal. Also, buy a lot of healthy snacks to keep handy so you don’t fall off the wagon. Fruits, little packs of cheese, etc.
Anon
I would start with a much less ambitious workout plan. If you don’t accomplish all 6 of those workouts, you’ll feel bad, then you’ll feel like why even bother doing it anymore? At least, that’s what would happen to me. If I promise myself one or two workouts a week, I get much better result
Another thing that I must do if I want to lose weight is to stop buying any junk food at all.
NOLA
Everyone is circulating this article on social media: https://www.businessinsider.com/riskiest-to-least-risky-activities-during-coronavirus-pandemic-ranked-2020-5. It says that going on date is medium risk. I have been texting/talking to guys on a dating site (well, off of it now) and I still don’t feel comfortable going on a date or exploring the possibility of getting involved with someone new. At least not yet? Unfortunately, I feel like things will fizzle with most guys if we don’t meet at some point. Someone asked me out for this weekend, but he doesn’t live here and is not someone that I could really date. He seems interesting – a high powered music career – and fun,but not really partner potential and I feel like that’s a huge risk for someone like that. Thoughts?
Anonymous
Why would you bother going on a date now with someone you don’t think is a potential partner? I’m single and just not dating because we’ve been told to stay home. If I can’t hang out with friends I’m certainly not meeting up with strangers.
NOLA
Oh I definitely told that guy no. He has tried to date me before and, like I said, he seems really interesting. I looked him up and he has a very cool job in the arts and a friend of mine knows him. He is from here and has a place here, but he doesn’t live here and I’m not moving to the Midwest. I also am not going to just go on a date with someone right now, unless we have been talking for a while and have decided that we want to do that.
go for it
You are me! I did not even look at my dating site until this week. Presently, I am considering a socially distant meet for a walk ; as really, I do not want a pen pal. I am willing because the in person experience gives me an accurate assessment on whether or not to move forward.
I am still unsure about full on getting involved with someone new right now.
NOLA
Same. I got back on when the dude and I decided that we would explore dating other people and I’ve been texting with a few guys. One of them would date me today, if I would let him. We might consider a bike ride, but he lives on the West Bank, so that could be more difficult (getting a bike to the other side of the river, etc.). The other guy is a dentist and has reopened and is really busy, as am I. We’ve talked on the phone and he seems great, but I don’t think he’s in a hurry either.
Carolyn
For a date does medium risk include kissing someone new? I get what they’re saying about on.y meeting one person, but if you kiss them etc you’re definitely getting it if they have it. While if you meet a friend outside and stay apart, wear masks etc it seems less likely
NOLA
That’s what I was thinking. I think this is misleading.
Anonymous
It’s often said that you shouldn’t make major life changes for a year after a big, traumatic event. I would argue that the pandemic counts as such an event, and that it could be a bad idea to enter into a new relationship at this time because your judgment might be clouded.
Anonymous
Lol no. Please don’t go around telling people they shouldn’t date for a year because of this. Women get shamed enough for normal activities, let’s not add to it.
LaurenB
It’s not shaming, it’s being aware of safety.
Anonymous
It’s not just about safety, it’s about decision-making. Is the partner you choose in the midst of a massive crisis the same one you’d choose otherwise? Will you settle for someone who doesn’t meet your standards or doesn’t treat you right just so you aren’t lonely?
Anon
Safety includes not dating for a whole year after a pandemic? I don’t think so.
Anonymous
I honestly can’t imagine getting involved with someone right now (I’m single and in a hotspot). I’m not sure when I’ll feel comfortable with that idea, but probably not until I can do more important things like seeing high-risk family members. While going on a date seems of moderate risk, being physically intimate in any way seems very high risk and it doesnt seem like there’s any point in going on a date without being able to foresee eventually progressing to anything physical (even as simple as kissing). If I can’t hug my friends, why would I hug or kiss a relative stranger?
NOLA
That was my thought! Going on a date is a moderate risk, but you can’t touch each other, so that’s just weird! The dude and I are still seeing each other and have agreed that we will discuss if we get to the point of any kind of physical contact with another person. We’re being pretty careful. He’s even wearing masks now. His employer requires them and the city is now requiring them. We went out to lunch on Saturday and had to wear masks other than while we were eating and we were the only people there (first day open and it wasn’t clear that this place was open until we popped in). He and I have had some conversations about how so many people are not taking social distancing seriously. This is so hard!
Anonymous
Wait why? I thought you broke up? If this relationship isn’t going to work out and you’ve agreed to start seeing other people, actually end it and give yourself the space to move on.
Cat
+1! NOLA, I recall you had previously been staying in regular contact with another ex because the friendship was good… but it is really a mental barrier to moving on. Don’t let history repeat itself with this guy!
NOLA
We never broke up, just scaled things back. Yes, I have a hard time with this sort of thing and I am aware. We just can’t see anyone else right now and we enjoy the time we spend together, so why not. I can’t move on, at this point. If this were normal times, I would be dating and have moved on. But these are not normal times.
Anonymous
Ok! I don’t mean to pile on just saw that and got concerned!
Anon
But you can move on without dating somebody new?
Anonymous
I didn’t read the article. This will be unpopular . . .
I started talking to someone right at the begining of the shut down. Our state is beginng to lift stay at home restrictions. We are both working from home. I live alone and go to the grocery store about every other week. He has two kids who are week on week off with their mom. When we talked about the idea of meeting up in person, my concern was for his kids. His ex-wife has been having get togethers at her house and allowing the kids to see their friends, so his take was that they have a much higher risk of being exposed by her than by the two of us adding one more person to their bubble (me) who has much less exposure than the rest of their family. I am fine with the risk to myself (given that I expose very few other people) and he was fine with the risk of exposing his kids with his exposure to one additional person. We see each other only and are not dating anyone else – we have discussed this. We only go to each other’s houses, nowhere in public.
It’s what works for my risk tolerance and he is their dad and can make the decisions he thinks is best for them (although I agree that their mother is exposing them at a much higher rate than he is, even with introducing me to the mix). He’s had the discussion with her and while she agrees to agree with him on their activities for reasons of exposure when they talk, Facebook clearly tells a different picture (party pics, etc.). That’s not my ball of wax to deal with so I can only approach it from my own risk tolerance POV.
Anon
A guy friend of mine said he’s been asking ladies to socially distanced daylight walks in public areas (parks, historic areas) for first dates. Because yes, in-person chemistry is everything.
Ribena
There was a good discussion on dating on the Slate Social Distance podcast recently. The key message was, get to know the person online, then go for walks at a safe distance, and only when you’ve really decided they’re a contender do you merge your isolation bubbles and get to touch each other. Clearly less terrifying to do that if one or both of you live alone and WFH.
anon8
Interesting, that reminds of the old fashion way of courting someone. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I like the idea of getting to know someone online first.
Ribena
Yes, exactly! Jane Austen style. I’m fully up for being courted. It kind of suits me, I find that I need to get to know a guy before I know whether I want to date him. Online dating can be too fast.
Anonymous
Do we have any scuba divers on this board? I’m considering taking it up and I don’t know where to start.
Right before COVID, I started seeing a guy who’s a very experienced diver. We’ve been isolating/living together since March and I’m happy to report it’s going really well! We’re starting to talk about vacationing together when things open up (and in the coming years). It’s looking like my July vacation in Europe might not happen, so we’ll have to find something more local. This seems like a good opportunity to dive together. I’m not much of a beach or water person (v fair skin plus body issues) but I’m down to try it out. I know I’ll have to get certified locally first. Any advice that BF/a man isn’t likely to know/give? Will I need a wet suit? BF isn’t wearing a wetsuit in any of his pictures. What should I wear so I look cute but also safe? Should I start swimming so I become a stronger swimmer? I know how to swim but I get winded pretty quickly. Any boards or resources about diving for women are greatly appreciated!
Pure Imagination
Not a diver myself, but my brother and several friends of mine are really into it and say it’s one of the best things they do. Go for it! It never hurts to be a stronger swimmer (especially if you might go somewhere where you can also try surfing or ocean swimming) so I’d work on that if you can.
Anonymous
Yes! I’ve gone a handful of times and loved every one!
See if you have a local dive shop near you that does classes (obviously once things start to open up near you). I was able to do a 3-day weekend of classes (both in the classroom and in the pool), and then was able to do my open water “test dive” on a vacation through a local dive shop there. My dive shop at home also offered trips to a flooded quarry in Pennsylvania where many people did their test dives as well, so you may have a local option that doesn’t involve being near a beach.
You definitely want to wear a wet suit of some kind, at least the first time. I even wear a short-sleeve-short-legs one when I’m in the Caribbean. Being in the water indefinitely can get kind of cold, plus I find it more comfortable to have a barrier between my skin/swimsuit and the BCD (vest thing). You should easily be able to rent a wet suit along with your dive gear.
I would practice swimming if you can. Getting winded easily is hard because it means you use up your oxygen more quickly. However, I find swimming under the water to be easier than swimming at the surface of the water. You kind of mostly just float and then propel yourself with your legs. You shouldn’t really be using your arms while scuba diving, so if you’re going to practice swimming, practice your kick most of all (maybe with a kick board or something?).
OP
Thanks! Where did you dive in PA, if you don’t mind sharing? We might be able to make the trek! We were also considering the Finger Lakes if they open to tourism this summer.
Anonymous
I didn’t actually dive there as I did my test dive while on vacation in St Lucia, though a relative did. From a quick goo.gle search, it looks like Dutch Springs near Bethlehem, PA might be it? If you’re in the NYC area, I highly recommend Scuba New York in Yonkers, NY as a place to do lessons. The guy who owns it is great and I enjoy talking to him now about different places he recommends diving. He’s become a real resource for my family.
Kdubs
I am way late to this, but in case you check back, the PA place is in fact Dutch Springs, I got certified there back in 2013. A warning note – the water is COLD. Even though it was 90 degrees out, I was in 2 thick wetsuit layers with a hood and gloves, and still got chilly. Either way I’d recommend finding a dive shop that does trips there for purposes of getting certified, but especially so you can rent the appropriate gear. If your guy isn’t wearing a wetsuit in pictures, you’re likely going to be on trips to much warmer water, so you definitely don’t want to buy heavy gear.
As far as what to wear, even in tropical water (temps in the high 70s or low 80s, which is typical in the winter) I like wearing a 3mm wetsuit. We eventually got our own full length suits, though shorties are easier to get in and out of, and are very popular. I personally only go without a wetsuit if the water temp is close to 90, and even then I like to wear a rash guard on top of my swimsuit. For out of the water, I have a tech fabric dress with a zipper that I like for some sun protection and quick drying over a wet swimsuit, but still feels cute.
My other girly diving tips: a headband to control flyaways while underwater (they make diving specific ones but I prefer regular thin elastic headbands with rubber on the back to grip), SPF chapstick, and I keep a hairbrush in my dive kit to avoid really bad saltwater tangles post dive. Also, diving is brutal on a pedicure, so I often bring nail polish with me on a trip for touch ups.
Enjoy!! I love diving, especially with my husband. It’s a great pairs activity – the joke goes that it’s good for married couples because you can’t talk to each other underwater :). But in reality it promotes nonverbal communication and anticipating each other’s needs.
scuba diving
We went on an intro dive for our honeymoon over a decade ago and immediately decided we should get certified. Fast-forward 10 whole years and we finally did it! Certification takes quite a bit of time, and it’s fairly expensive. Given that you say you’re not really a water person, you might consider doing an intro dive first that has a lower barrier to entry to see if you would actually enjoy it. I already knew I enjoyed scuba diving but it took a long time for me to be willing to pay the time and money prices to get certified. Lots of places will do an intro dive that only requires an hour in the pool to understand the equipment, and then you’ll dive shallow enough that you don’t need to worry too much about air consumption, emergencies, etc., but you’ll still get the feel for whether diving is something you want to commit to.
For your other questions: I’d recommend a wetsuit if you’re generally a cold person, regardless of whether BF is wearing a wetsuit in his pictures. We did our intro dive in Maui in the summer, and I wore a 3mm wetsuit. Guide was in a shorty wetsuit, husband was also in a 3mm. I literally came up shivering from a shallow dive for a short time period. Now I wear a 7mm to dive, and again, the guide was asking me about my temperature well before I needed to come up due to air consumption. The wetsuit is also good so you don’t scrape your skin on the sandy floor or rocks. In theory, you’re hovering above those, but bouyancy is a difficult skill that takes practices, so it’s likely that you’ll rub up against some rough edges. Overall fitness is generally good because you have to be able to at least walk to the end of the boat with all your gear on. I think it’s less about being a good swimmer and more about generally being in good shape. Swimming is definitely helpful but you you should also practice some balance and leg work to handle lifting and walking with the tank and BCD.
Cat
If you haven’t snorkeled before, that is also a really easy way to test whether you’d want to start diving. I personally like to be able to take breaks while paddling around (take the mask off to let my eyes breathe a little, and a break from having the breathing tube in my mouth) so diving has never appealed.
Anon
Get a neoprene mask strap cover to avoid the mask strap making tangles in your hair. You will be in chlorine for the pool dives, so you may need stronger conditioner. If your hair is braidable, I would suggest trying braids to avoid tangles. FYI metal hairclips/pins will rust- I still use them, but don’t clip them to the bottom of your shirt after a dive!
Pick a bathing suit that doesn’t need a lot of fussing with- it varies per person what works best, but I would not recommend anything with ties on the side unless your knot game is strong. You can buy a rash guard for surfing to make the wetsuit easier to take on and off without flashing, but it’s optional. If you are fair, rashguards and water leggings are a great (and reef safe) alternative to sunscreen. Waterlust has some beautiful leggings. I use them for snorkeling fairly often in place of a wetsuit. Bring a hat that shades your face (but won’t fall off) for the trips on the boat out to the dive site and find a good reef-safe sunscreen (zinc-based) that you like.
I suggest renting wetsuits – they are a pain to bring and you’ll need different thicknesses/lengths for different types of diving. The dive shop can recommend the right one for your specific dive conditions. Based on my experience, most women get colder quicker, so you may need thicker than your guy. I bought a shortie 2mm, which is only for tropics- otherwise, I rent. They will feel really small when you put them on- that’s by design. Sizing up too much will remove the benefits by allowing too much water to circulate.
I use a scopamine patch to combat motion sickness on the boat. You’ll want to at least bring bonine or dramamine your first time just in case you do get seasick (and maybe try out at home first to see if they give you side effects).
Girls that Scuba http://www.girlsthatscuba.com might be a helpful stop for any more specific questions. Have fun!
Anon
Forgot to give my resume- been diving since 1996, although with some big gaps in there- probably around 30 dives total. I took classes at my local scuba place and did the pool work locally, but did my certification dive in the tropics, which I recommend over the local quarry/lake/river. Mt father is a divemaster and my husband was recently open-water certified (we’re all PADI). I’ll usually dive once a year on vacation- I can only do one or two days before getting too water logged – couldn’t do a 7 day dive vacation, like some people. Open-water cert. is plenty for me.
Regular Diver
First, yes! It’s great! And a really awesome thing to do as a couple. You can get certified at a local dive shop. You’ll be a beginning diver (usually called “open water”) with limits that are more stringent than a more advanced diver. You will have classroom stuff and in the water stuff, usually a pool, then some more open water. Once you have your first certification, if you like diving, you can get the next level (advanced open water) and dive together. The advanced open water course is pretty easy, since it builds on what you know and gives you some additional experience.
RENT EVERYTHING initially. Rent a wetsuit, etc etc. Figure out which kind you like,and then if you dive regularly, but the right stuff for the climate and conditions you will most often be diving in. I prefer to own my own mask and I own a dive computer, but don’t travel with anything else. Dive shops have stuff and take care of it if you go to a reputable one. In short, don’t buy a thick wetsuit if you are usually going to be diving in the Caribbean in summer. Note: I get cold no matter how ‘warm’ the water is, so I always always always wear something. Usually a very thin full-body wetsuit , but sometimes a short (short sleeves and shorts like suit). I am very fair, so it also helps with sun protection a bit.
Swim more often if you aren’t a strong swimmer. It will make you more comfortable in the water.
If you get certified in cold, low visibility conditions (quarrys, lakes, off season), it’s actually a good thing. You are supposed to dive in conditions at least as good as ones you’ve trained in, so don’t let it put you off diving if you hate it during certification dives because it’s cold, dark, and no pretty fish in your quarry.
editrix
-Second to the advice to take classroom instruction online here, do cert dives there.
-And to the advice to rent everything, except possibly a good-fitting mask.
-I always wear a wetsuit because diving means water that is >10 degrees colder than your body, and you don’t want to have to end a dive early because you’re cold. A wetsuit also means you can wear any kind of swimsuit you like.
-Swimming is an important skill but diving is not at all strenuous, and in fact you can stay down longer if you don’t use up your tank with heavy breathing.
-Post-dive snacks and beers taste better than anything, anywhere.
For a resort with excellent diving and instructors who take great care of beginners, check out Ocean Frontiers on the remote east end of Grand Cayman.
Daily Ritual
Has anyone tried the brand Daily Ritual at the River Site? I don’t like to shop on that site, but it’s got a really cute dress that’s $100 less than a similar one I’ve been eyeing elsewhere. I’m a bit skeptical about the quality and the sizing. Cap Hill Style says she’s a pear-shaped 6 and takes an XS. I am a straight-up-and down size 2 and am concerned an XS would be too big.
anon
Either Abra’s clothes are too tight or she’s being dishonest about what size she’s wearing. I’m a 4 and wear a small in the Daily Ritual tops and dresses that I own. I’d say the quality is a step above Old Navy.
kk
Probably both. I like her style but she seems to care a lot about what the number on the label says, and not whether the item actually fits her body. I’ve raised my eyebrows at a few of her instagram OOTD shots – I think it might be more flattering if she sized up in a few things.
Housecounsel
ehhhhhh. I have purchased a couple of tee shirts and they’re no better or worse than Target. I have a dress in my Saved for Later items but haven’t felt a need to buy a dress for a while.
Anonymous
I am a huge fan of the things I’ve bought from this brand. I have purchased a pair of skinny jeans, several pairs of leggings, v neck tshirts, and a hooded sweatshirt. I’m wearing the leggings as I type this. I’ve had them for almost two years now and they don’t have any pilling (Even on the inner thighs) and are the only leggings that don’t seem to stretch out and fall down over the course of the day. The v neck t shirts are really high quality – thick cotton, actually long enough so that they don’t ride up. I have a plain white v neck and it’s thick enough that you don’t see the outlines of a bra through it. The jeans are great, thicker denim as well. I’m usually a size 14/XL in tops (large chest). The XL t shirts are too big and I should have exchanged for a smaller size. I am wearing a size L in leggings and they fit better than the XL ones I also have, so I do think the clothes run a bit big. (Most of the items seem to be “Prime Wardrobe” eligible if you wanted to try a few. Although it seems like you probably don’t have Amazon Prime since your comments says you don’t like to shop on that site.)
JuniorMinion
Another vote for daily ritual! i like the jogger sweat pants / and the shirts / tailored sweatshirts. I am a size 6-10 depending on cut / fabric ( curvier with 34DD chest). I find the mediums fit comfortably / not skin tight in the daily ritual shirts / sweatshirts and I usually go for either a medium or a large in pants given I am curvier.
Anon
It could just be how she’s shaped. When I had a smaller chest I could wear xs dresses even though I was an 8 or 10 on the bottom.
Sloan Sabbith
Thanks to those who have mentioned or recommended Down Dog over the last few months! I did one of their barre workouts last night and liked it. I wish it had some arms focus (any arms work, at all) but I like that it uses real songs and is $20 a month cheaper (for all the apps!) than Pure Barre Go.
Gail the Goldfish
I need to try their barre app. I had been using the yoga app and did end up subscribing after the free trial ran out because it was discounted and cost about the same for a year as one month of my gym membership that’s currently on hold.
Ribena
The only arm stuff is sometimes in plank. Today it had me do push ups in pike/ downward dog and also from a high plank with one knee tucked into my chest. I don’t think any of that showed up with any regularity until I upped from 18 to 20 minutes. Glad you’re enjoying it!
Buying childhood home from parents
Has anyone bought their childhood home from their parents and lived into it? My parents are looking to downsize and for a variety of reasons (logistics and finances being the main ones!) it may make sense for us to buy their house. DH is probably more in favor of it than I am – it’s a great house. And I had a great childhood growing up there. I think maybe I feel weird recreating that same experience for my kids, but maybe I should embrace it? We’d be looking for a house of a similar size in the neighborhood soon either way… Important note: I truly think my parents would be fine with our doing renovations and redecorating and changing it up as much as we want.
Anonymous
My parents kept my childhood home when they moved, and are renting it out with a view to my moving in eventually once I have a family. However, I definitely plan to make some changes when I do eventually move in to make it more in line with my style. I like that I already know a lot about the house and it’s quirks. I know the issues ahead of time, as opposed to finding them out later on, and now have some time to think through how I plan to solve (or at least improve) those issues. It feels a bit less risky to me, since I know what expensive repairs are likely in the cards. I also love the neighborhood and it’s a good size house for a family, so it seems like an ideal solution to me. If you’re in the same boat, I’d just say go for it!
Cat
One of my friends did it, but they totally remodeled the master bedroom and bathroom. Partly because their parents hadn’t updated it so it was very 1990… but also to mentally get over the fact that it was Mom and Dad’s Room.
Senior Attorney
A high school friend of mine did this and it seems to be going well. Difference is that all parties are a generation older — the parents are in their 90s and in assisted living and my friend and her husband are early 60s and empty nesters. So the parents haven’t been around to actually see the extensive changes.
Anon
My parents bought the house that my dad grew up in and did extensive work on the house before we moved in. I think his mom was less upset with the changes than his siblings were. My parents also never really felt like it was “their” house– they have done some more extensive renovations now that they are empty nesters and now “love” the house but spent about 20 years feeling uncomfortable with it because they felt like they couldn’t make too many changes to offend my dad’s siblings, etc.
Anon
i would do it if i lived in that area. particularly since they are moving the middle school to be walking distancing and renovating the elementary school, so my kids could basically walk to brand new schools in what is a good school district. and i love the house
Anon
A friend did this and it worked out very well. She and her husband made major changes, both inside and out (but not immediately), with no negative response from her parents. In fact, her mother said she wished she has thought to make some of the modifications.
Anonymous
BIL and SIL did this. Extensive Renos – like whole new kitchen and bath and repainting everything Including exterior and all new flooring was key to it feeling like their house and not his parents house. They did all Reno’s before moving in.
It would not have worked with my parents – my mom cannot accept changes
Clementine
I know two cases where this went really well.
In one case, the parents were looking to downsize and the child was looking for a larger family home. They actually ended up swapping houses.
One of the keys was that there was clearly a situation where there were no siblings who objected to this issue (only child in one case, in the other case the other siblings all had drastically different wants/needs so it was a non-issue). Renovations happened for both, including a two story addition with a master suite on the second floor and a big playroom/family room on the first floor for the only child.
Anon
I did this and it was less weird than I expected. We’ve made a number of changes gradually over the years. Family doesn’t care about the changes – everyone agrees it looks so much nicer than before. For a while I struggled to change some things because “x had always been that way” but I’ve gotten over that now.
anon
One silly side issue I saw from a friend who grew up in her mom’s childhood home: people will assume that your parents gave you the house, not that you bought it from them, and some petty neighbors or friends might be either quietly or openly resentful that you didn’t have to pay the entry fee like they did. Obviously that is the problem of the judgmental people, but it would drive some people crazy. It might not be such a big deal now that anyone can see what a house sold for on Zillow.
Anonymous
We have my parents’ vacation place. It was weird at first because we were slowly peeling away their things but now after a remodel it feels like ours. We put in new flooring, kitchen and baths. And got rid of acres of 80s wallpaper.
sleep
I apologize if this question has been asked recently…..
Anyone selling a bit more of their investments these days? Particularly while the market is surprisingly “stable” and even up today?
I am considering selling a decent amount today. My extended family is pretty investment savvy, and most are selling (or sold already….). This will be a long recession and slow recovery, and I fear the predictions of a grim winter are accurate. We were due for a correction already + COVID = time to be conservative. I will likely re-invest over the next year/years as things are down.
I am close to 50, so a bit older than most on this board, so my time frame is also a bit different. I am also a long term investor that never “plays” the market and usually just holds for the long term.
Anonymous
If you’re a long term investor who never plays the market, why start now?
anon
so you never ‘play’ the market, but you are also wanting to sell now and re-invest later when things are down? If you’d said that you want to cash in now, before things go worse, that would at least be consistent.
Senior Attorney
I’ve been reallocating some of my investments, which honestly was overdue. I feel lucky that the initial big crash bounced back some and gave me a chance to do that.
sleep
Thanks for your input SA. I was curious what you would say.
While I am a long term investor, I am somewhat closer to retirement age now and realize I should be rebalancing a bit. That is a better way of putting it.
Anonymous
I am 57 and going to ride this through to the recovery on the other side. Our planned retired age is 65. YMMV if you expect to need the funds sooner than that.
sleep
Thanks for sharing your plans.
I think I have realized that my risk tolerance has changed, and that I am worrying too much.
I sold the bulk of my funds (mostly S&P) in my brokerage account today, but left my IRA alone.
Appreciate the input
A.
Hiya! Has anyone ordered from Universal Standard — specifically, their dresses? I love that they use people of all body shapes as models and I’ve heard good things about their general practices. I want to order a couple of US dresses but I’m an apple shape so am picky about how fabrics lay/skim on my body (specifically around my stomach). Would love feedback on this! Thanks.
Housecounsel
Yes! In sharp contrast to the Daily Ritual tees I commented on above, the Universal Standard fabrics are great, sturdy and not clingy. I bought a t-shirt dress from U/S. It was a little short for me but I really good quality, and I see online that they have longer ones now. If you’re looking for not clingy, and structured for a t-shirt dress, go for it.
j
Which dresses are you eyeing? I buy most of my clothes from US and LOVE their stuff – agree it is high quality, and has a layer of cool that I just adore. I’m a size 14/16 who is also sensitive about my stomach and so I may have tried what you’re considering.
anon
I am an apple shape as well and I find it very dress dependent. I would say anything that is more A-line or sheath style from them works really well and love. I have and love the Hannah denim dress. The Michelle cupro dress i got in one of their mystery boxes, and it technically fits but I don’t like the way that cupro fabric lays on me. Next on my list to order is the Misa jersey dress. I also get a lot of wear out of their pants (jeans, casual joggers, and cigarette pants).
Anonymous
Are you relaxing social distancing/doing more stuff than previous weeks? If so how? I haven’t yet in Va but wondering how to even start? I feel like I could live like this just out of fear as normalcy resumes. Helpful if you could say where you are/if cases are growing/hotspot etc.
Pure Imagination
I’m considering resuming riding lessons. My barn is taking precautions and it’s all outdoors and I think the risk would be pretty negligible other than needing to use shared equipment. I live in the Bay Area, which is a hotspot but not explosively so anymore.
CountC
My trainer has started to allow us back onto the farm, but no more than two at a time. We schedule our rides with her and it’s quite easy to stay 6′ away from people as we have three different barn areas, two rings, and several different cross-tie areas. We all have our own tack and our own horses, so no one has to share equipment among boarders. I am riding twice a week again and it is really helping! (Central PA)
Gail the Goldfish
We were allowed back to our barn at the end of April. We sign up for spots (no more than 4 people at a time), wash hands immediately upon arrival, can’t touch anything inside but your own tack locker/trunk (and have to have a separate halter/leadrope so you don’t use the same one the employees use to bring in/turnout), one person in the tack room at a time, tack up outside, and have to disinfect anything we touch. We are probably going to do away with signup spots once my state moves to Phase 2 reopening (probably in a few weeks). I’m no that concerned because it is all outdoors (I count even inside the barn as “outdoors,” except for the tack room, since the doors are open and airflow is so great) and you aren’t close to other people (and those recent studies about how rare transmission is when outside are comforting). This works well as we’re a boarders-only barn, so everyone has their own stuff. I would be slightly more nervous if we were sharing grooming equipment, tack, etc.
Anonymous
New York. Not really. I offered to help a friend move out of their apartment next weekend since they’re in an abusive relationship, but it does make me nervous due to COVID. But I’m willing to sacrifice my own personal safety to make sure they’re safe. However, other than that one unique situation, I continue to minimize trips to the store (trying for once every 2 weeks), order delivery about once a week, and stay at home otherwise.
I know that my sister had two friends over for a picnic in the backyard, and that seems like a good place to start… Whenever nail salons open back up, I plan to get a pedicure, as that feels reasonably low risk to me, since we’d both be wearing masks, and the nail technician would be distanced from me by a few feet and not near my face.
Anonymous
I am in VA. We are not meeting the governor’s benchmarks for reopening, but are doing so anyway. I will continue to stay home. If all the signs didn’t point to a massive surge in cases on the horizon due to the premature easing of restrictions, I might feel differently.
anon
+1. I’m not changing my routine just yet.
Anonymous
Maybe helpful, look into Georgia, they have the lowest rates (that Georgia has had)) after reopening a few weeks ago. Also, Montana opened school 2 weeks ago.
Cb
Cases are down here in Scotland and we’re on full lockdown. I’m slightly more relaxed about my kid particularly in outdoor settings. He just watches the kids play with such enthusiasm and I feel so bad for him all on his own. We ran into some nursery friends on a cycle ride and we let the boys show off their bikes for a few minutes, 1m rather than the 2m apart stipulated.
It looks like things might relax slightly from the end of the month but my husband is going into work one or two days a week, where he’s in quite close proximity to others. So we’ll remain very isolated to reduce our exposure and keep other people safe.
Ribena
We’re also allowed out more than once a day now! I have been taking full advantage of this by going to the pocket park opposite my apartment to drink my coffee and wander around in the mornings. It’s made such a huge difference to how I feel about things.
I also went further than two miles from my front door for the first time in two months yesterday, to cycle over to some friends’ places and drop off some home baked treats. It meant I got to have (short ish and well distanced!) chats with friends I haven’t seen since late Feb and it made me so so so happy!
NOLA
Last weekend, we went to a sports bar in the suburbs and sat outside in a tent and had lunch, with social distancing. It was a little chilly and we def noticed how many people were there just drinking and not there to eat. I think people were tired of being cooped up.
This weekend, we went out to lunch at a place downtown. They didn’t have any signs up saying that they were open for in-house dining, but I stuck my head in and asked and they said yes. We wore masks (as required) and we were the only people there. They brought us our food packed for takeout, which was a little weird, but fine. Other restaurants are requiring masks and doing temp checks. It’s a brave new world and none of our restaurants want to have an outbreak traced back to them.
Carmen Sandiego
NOLA – how are people wearing masks inside of restaurants? You clearly cannot wear them to eat? I am already bracing myself for the inevitable spike in New Orleans and the metro area in the next two weeks. I’m dying for some amazing food and cocktails as much as the next person, but until literally yesterday, we were still having pretty big numbers of new deaths/cases each day.
Anonymous
I’m curious about masks in restaurants too. Like, I don’t want to fuss with my mask every time I take a sip of my drink or eat. I thought we weren’t supposed to touch our face? Isn’t that just making me less safe?
Anon
IDK but I assume NOLA means that people wear masks when they walk and even when ordering/waiting for food, only taking the mask off when the food comes. Though I guess that means you’re not sipping a beverage when you sit down — if the point is to keep the mask on for the majority of the time you’re in the restaurant.
Carmen Sandiego
Right – and this is I guess my question/point. I think taking it off (and putting back on intermittently) to have to eat and drink defeats both the purpose of the mask and the experience of enjoying a nice meal out.
CHS
This is how they’ve handled it in South Korea and other spots where restaurants either never closed or already reopened: wear mask into restaurant, take it down for the duration you are eating or drinking. The risk is pretty low unless you are actively coughing or yelling while you are eating, which hopefully you’re no because that sounds hard. Cases have not spiked in these areas, at least not from eating in restaurants.
AnonInfinity
I’m in a state where restaurants have reopened with lower capacity and masks required inside. The masks are only required until drinks arrive at the table, at which point the diners can take theirs off. The employees have to wear them all the time. Honestly, wearing a mask and sitting in a restaurant that is mostly empty while watching nervous servers hustle around in masks sounds very unappealing, and I am a person who LOVES eating out.
Amber
Hey! I am in NOLA too – live in the suburbs. I went uptown for a waxing appointment this weekend and had to wear a mask, got temp checked and signed a certification that I wasn’t sick. Can’t wait for haircut appointments for me and the kids this week! We have been doing take out this whole time but haven’t eaten inside a restaurant yet. We got fat boys pizza to go yesterday and had a nice picnic at City Park!
Anon
i live in Houston. cases are rising and our governor is nuts. i wish he would let each city make its own rules. i am generally very risk averse and have been taking social distancing seriously. DH is now back in the office with 3 other people total. The pool at our apartment complex is opening today, but with limited hours, no outside guests, closing for an hour each day for cleaning and the email said they are removing furniture to encourage social distancing. i plan on walking through today after work to see if i will feel comfortable taking my kids over the weekend. we survived last summer’s heat at the children’s museum which is definitely a no go this summer and going on walks will soon become very unpleasant. i am also less obsessive about wiping down/removing all takeout packaging bc the risk seems very low. other than that no – even though i could get a haircut, manicure, go to a restaurant, shopping, the gym, etc. took my kids to the pediatrician on Friday and she told me not to take them or myself to the dentist, unless it is an emergency.
Anon
cases are growing where i live, though not a hot spot. DH and I were talking over the weekend that we see no reason to go to a restaurant anytime soon. It does not seem to be particularly enjoyable to dine out at a restaurant, worrying about touching things, masks, etc. how is that relaxing or enjoyable?
Pure Imagination
That’s where I’m at too. There are certain activities that I won’t be rushing back to because the “new normal” version doesn’t sound fun or relaxing. I wasn’t a big restaurant person before this, though.
Carmen Sandiego
This. Maybe that is what I was trying to say above – if you’re wearing a mask in a restaurant, you obviously have to remove it. Do you replace it between bites? Between courses. Sounds just so not fun, and also seems to defeat the entire purpose of wearing a mask!
anon
Yeah, a little. Things are still super locked down here though so there aren’t too many opportunities. I’ve met my SIL and her BF in their backyard, and I met up with two friends in another backyard. DH has been golfing. I am in Philadelphia where cases are decreasing. Pennsylvania has a death rate of 7.09 percent and 70% of deaths were in nursing homes.
Anon
I’m in Atlanta. There’s been some weirdness in our local data because they’ve changed how they determine the day of a death a couple of times, but the overall situation seems to be that cases and deaths are trending downward here. We are okay on hospital capacity as well. Antibody testing and active infection testing have recently become very broadly available here and they are encouraging people to get tested, which is great.
Personally, I am now seeing my parents regularly, and just this weekend have started seeing two other friends that I know are also restricting their activities, although we’re only meeting up for outdoor activities (hikes or dinner on someone’s porch, spaced out). Other than that, I only leave the house for outdoor exercise, the doctor, or essential shopping (like the pharmacy or the grocery store – the delivery services always say everything it out of stock, but if I go in person, stuff is there; Target won’t sell TP/paper towels online but will in person). I wear a mask for the doctor/shopping.
I think it will be a very long time before I’m comfortable doing group activities, eating in a restaurant, or doing discretionary shopping. Restaurants near us are offering “socially distanced” patio seating but it’s still outside the comfort zone for me. And if our cases start to rebound, I would probably pull back on my activities with those two friends, but would keep my parents inside our germ circle – it’s been too hard not seeing them (for them and us).
anon for this
We’ve relaxed a decent amount (Ga). Cases in my town are relatively low and stable. No risk factors in our immediate family. Things that felt fine- going to see family a few hours away who had also been distancing, going into the office some, getting my haircut at the basically empty salon. Things that felt a little more risky- neighborhood pool is open and families were trying to give distance but it’s not perfect. Thing that we did once and aren’t eager to replicate any time soon- went out to eat and while it was on a deck, it felt like full crowds and only the loosest precautions (which we wouldn’t have even noticed pre-pandemic)
Abby
I am…Detroit/Hotspot but our hospitals are no longer overrun/DH’s residency program started up nonessential services again last week. His program had a happy hour (with just the residents) in their lounge and I was wildly jealous. I went to a greenhouse this weekend to get herbs/veggies, which I wouldn’t have done a few weeks ago. We also have had people over in our backyard just to chat from a distance.
Senior Attorney
Nope. I am following our governor’s orders and we are still in stay-at-home mode. I’m going to work every day and that is plenty of risk for me, TYVM.
Senior Attorney
Note we are taking walks in our neighborhood with masks, staying much more than 6 feet away from our neighbors.
AnonATL
I’m in Georgia which we all know by now opened up without actually meeting the guidelines. We are pretty much following the old quarantine rules, but I have noticed we are doing things that we said no way 2-3 weeks ago.
This weekend we went to Home Depot, wearing masks, and picked up a few things for projects we’ve been wanting to do but delaying. As I mentioned in a thread above, I’ve started piddling around Target a bit more, also in a mask. I’m not wiping down every surface when I return home from the outside world. We use sanitizer when we get back in the car and then wash hands when we get home, but I used to be way more diligent.
We are still doing weekly takeout which we have been doing from the start. I’m not ready to eat physically at a restaurant yet. I also desperately want to get a pedicure but I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.
I’m thinking I might get a haircut here in a couple weeks, but I haven’t decided yet. I’m in my third trimester now, and if I don’t get one before the baby, it will be like a year between cuts by the time I get around to it. I haven’t decided if it’s worth it at my salon. They are following protocols, but it’s still a vanity risk.
I have noticed a ton of people down here are not wearing masks while out and about. Nothing much I can do about that, so I wear mine while I am out and try to avoid the mask-less people. I have reached the mental point of easing back to “normal” and not being constantly afraid. It’s still scary, but I am so much happier now doing little things than I was a few weeks ago when I was only going out for groceries.
We went and visited my parents a couple weeks ago. We didn’t strictly follow a 6′ rule, but we spent most of our time on their porch, and it was so nice to sit and visit a bit. I felt comfortable going because they had been following the same level of precautions we had.
We are definitely taking baby steps toward normalcy, but there are hard lines for me for a while. No restaurants, live music, sports events, etc. I don’t want to be in a crowd of strangers anytime soon.
Anon
I’m not but I worked in my front garden this week. Lots of people were out walking. Of the 30+ people I saw, two were wearing masks. Kind of depressing.
Anon
Masks are really not necessary outside when you can keep your distance from others. They’re for situations where you can’t keep your distance from people, particularly in indoor settings. I never wear a mask for outdoor exercise but wear one religiously whenever I have to enter a building.
Anon
Our county office recommendation is masks at all times outside the home.
Anon New Yorker
Not really. I’m in NYC. I’m still doing all the same things I’ve been doing since mid-March, except now I’m also wearing a mask.
Anon
Midwest; state is not a super hotspot and my rural-ish county has fewer cases per capita than the state; politically conservative and is “reopening” now. I see no reason to resume stuff like restaurants and salons – takeout has been fine, and I can do without pedicures and haircuts indefinitely. My office has said anyone who can effectively work from home can do so indefinitely, so I don’t expect to be back in the office this calendar year. Daycare is closed, allegedly reopening in August but I’m not optimistic about it, so life won’t be anything close to normal for us for a long time.
One big thing is that I hope to get back to outdoor activities soon. Playgrounds are opening this weekend and I plan to let my kids go to them. I’m also hoping to do things like zoos and outdoor waterparks once they open in June. We’ve been doing some day trips to hike, and at some point this summer we might do a long weekend trip to an outdoorsy area where we could maintain distance. Basically, I think the next few months we’ll be trying to do as much as possible as we can outdoors.
anon8
My church reopened with social distancing guidelines, smaller number of people allowed in, etc. I went and wore my mask the entire time and was easily able to keep a distance. I stopped at the grocery store afterwards. The majority of people were wearing masks, but I still saw a good number without.
My salon is back open, but I haven’t booked an appointment yet. I’m considering booking an appointment for a pedicure. At the salon where I go the techs are wearing masks and face shields and all clients are required to wear masks. There is a plastic divider now between you and the nail tech for getting a manicure.
DCR
I’m in DC. I went for a hike in VA this week – it’s the first time I’ve gone since mid March, and I’m normally someone who goes hiking 2 to 3 times a month. I would be fine doing something outdoors with friends, such as a socially distanced picnic or byob happy hour. I haven’t brought it up with friends for two reasons – First, most of my friends are more risk averse than me and more OK with quarantine because they don’t live alone. Second, I’ve continued to have my boyfriend come over for the weekend. Since he lives with others, they would be taking more of a risk then if I had been truely completely isolated for the last two months.
I’m not comfortable with other things yet.
Anonymous
My area recently reopened, including pools. I am debating whether to go swim laps and how that can be done as safely as possible. Sadly, I don’t think gyms or city aquatic centers realize that the germs still spread when you are breathing (so sharing lanes isn’t a great idea for when you pass each other) and germs will still live on things like the ladder. I asked my gym (which has four pools) what the cleaning plan was for surfaces at the pool and the response was chlorine kills everything so nothing more was needed. Not super comforting in an area where cases are still increasing and the bars were packed throughout the area all weekend.
Anon
Outdoor pool? Sunlight and humidity both decrease how long the virus can last on surfaces and fresh air is good for reducing the risk of breathing in the virus from a nearby person.
Anonymous
Has anyone tried anything from “last brand”? I am considering trying their silk t shirts but couldn’t find much about them online. I have a few of the Cuyana version but don’t think the quality justifies the price so I am eager for alternatives. Thanks!
anon
I found their sizing to run really small.
Anon
Oooh, those look very intriguing. If you do buy, will you report back?
Paging moms of girls
Hi Hive – I am moving out of my apartment and the little girl next door (who is being raised by a single dad), is heartbroken. She’s 5. I’d like to get her a “goodbye” present.
What is cool for five year olds? Willing to spend up to $40. She likes pink, princesses, etc., but not sure if there’s a specific toy or glitter set or the like that might go over really well. Would really appreciate a specific rec. Thanks!
Anonymous
A nice hardcover copy of a book you enjoyed as a kid, inscribed with a note.
Anon
i don’t have a rec as my kids are younger, but that is very sweet. you’ve clearly been a really nice presence in her life. you are obviously under no obligation, but have you thought about your willingness/desire to stay in touch? you could be pen palls?
anon
I love this idea! OP, maybe you could get her a pretty stationary set and include your new address to correspond?
Anonymous
As a parent, this would be a no-go for me unless you had been really close with the parents.
Anonymous
I’m curious about your concerns around this. I penpal with several of my friends kids, some who I have never met in person (distance reasons) but who love getting mail. The parents read the notes with the kids (they are young) and they co-write me back. All reports are that the kids LOVE getting the mail. I always use fun stamps and can ask them about things I see them up to based on their parents social media account. Sure, I am friends with the parents, but I wouldn’t say I am super close with them.
Anon
Just curious why? Because at age 5, letter writing will require a lot of parental involvement?
Anon
I hear where anonymous is coming from. I have kids around that same age. I would also be reluctant to take this on as it would require almost full involvement from the parent (the reading of the letters, the prompting to respond, the writing of the letters including helping to think of content to write in addition to the actual writing, the mailing…everything about it) and would just be another thing on my constant list of “to-dos” and of people to keep up with, which already includes long distant grandparents, aunts and uncles, local kids my kids are still friends with from prior schools that we try to still see, my adult friends IRL….
I think what OP is trying to do is lovely and absolutely support her getting an actual gift to acknowledge the bond that they clearly had. But – and I hope this doesn’t sound harsh – I also feel like some relationships were meant to be great in the moment but when logistics majorly change, to fade away. That’s what’s happened to some wonderful people in my life over time, and just to be frank that would be what I would expect to happen with a neighbor that moved away from my kid when they were 5, no matter how lovely of a time they had together at that time.
Just my 2 cents.
Anonymous
This is so sweet! What about getting her some kind of “treasure” more long lasting than the latest toy to help remember you? Lots of little necklaces that can be engraved (with her initial or the street number?) on Etsy in the ~$15-25 range. A very grown up present she can have for a few years.
Anon
Stickers and a sticker book to put them in. Then if you become pen pals, you can enclose a few stickers in every letter.
Anon
This. As the parent of a 5 and 7 year old, this would be the big winner for my kids. Bonus points if it’s a “cool” sticker book, like a notebook with a hard cover and neat design. A stationery set with a fun pen/pencil would be the icing on the cake. You wouldn’t even have to write much, just send the occasional note with new stickers for their books, and you would probably be the favorite “auntie” for years.
DLC
Some thoughts: notebook and sparkly glitter pens,
My daughter had a pair of dress up Cinderella shoes that lit up at that age and she looooved them.
Any kind of dress up things- butterfly/fairy wings and purses were really popular at our house.
For clothes- you can find lots of clothes with flippable sequins.
A nice back pack if she is going to be starting school soon.
Amber
Aw – that is so sweet! Love the idea of a book – you could write a short note inside and even tape a picture of yourself (or the two of you if you have one). Or a gift basket of fun things like play doh, lol surprise doll toys, bubbles, coloring book/crayons etc.
Anonymous
My girls are 4 and 6.
Toys: Legos, LOL dolls
Books: if she’s PreK something like Rosie Revere Engineer or Ada Pect Architect, or a series she can read either with her dad or by herself (my kindergartener was reading chapter books like Magic Fairies by Daisy Meadows and Magic Tree House books by the end of but I think she was on the more advanced side of the class-but others were too).
Crafts: gel pens and paper, a tracing paper pad, stamps, work/coloring books, or some kind of craft kid (make a pillow/decorate a bag/male bath bombs etc)
ANON
I got a haircut over the weekend. At my salon. It was amazing.
Airplane.
I am so envious. That sounds fabulous.
Anonymous
I did today but I don’t feel great about it. Everyone was wearing their masks below their noses!
Anonymous
The US’s first virtual jury trial begins today in TX.
Housecounsel
I googled. It’s a fine experiment but it is some sort of non -binding thing. I expect a knock down drag out fight over whether “real” ones will ever happen.
ANON
I got a haircut this weekend. At the salon. With my regular stylist. It was amazing.
ANON
Not sure why this posted twice. But it was great to get out and start to return to normal.
Non-Essential Doctor's Appointments
What are people thinking about scheduling things like dentist appointments and optometrist appointments? I need a permanent filling and crown that I’ve been putting off, but my dentist has just reopened and sent around an email regarding the precautions they are taking. I also really need new glasses since my prescription is 2+ years old, and I am getting minor headaches with staring at my computer screen. That said, I feel like these would be the more risky doctor’s appointments to do right now.
Anon
Both of those things sound pretty necessary, so I would do them. I can’t stand those eyestrain headaches. At the dentist, the risk is much greater for the dentists and hygienists, since you obviously can’t wear a mask while getting your teeth worked on. I got my teeth cleaned last week and they were taking lots of precautions. Of course everyone has their own risk tolerance, but those are things I think are important enough to do.
OP
That’s good to hear about your experience at the dentist. I think if I were going in for something less intensive like a cleaning, I would perversely feel more comfortable.
busybee
I would absolutely go to the optometrist. Daily headaches aren’t worth it for me! Your eye doctor will be the only person near your face and he/she will be wearing a mask.
OP
Agree on the headaches. I also think the optometrist is the safer of the two, so I’m just going to make the appointment.
NY CPA
Dentist makes me feel way more nervous than any other kind of doctor’s appointment, even if they are taking all possible precautions, because there is no way for patients they are around all day to wear a mask and your mouth is a key spot for infections to enter the body. But if I was in pain, I guess I’d just have to go so depends on if “needing” a permanent filling and crown mean you actually need them urgently or if they can wait awhile longer.
Agree that eye doctor seems fairly risky as well, but they will probably take precautions not to actually touch your eyes, just use their machines, etc. However, could it just be a blue-light fatigue issue, as opposed to needing a new prescription? Are you reading any physical books? How do your eyes do reading those?
OP
That is my main concern with the dentist. I think I could wait another month or two on the filling/crown, so I might do that. I hadn’t thought of the blue-light fatigue issue, but I’m almost certain it is a prescription issue since my prescription was pre-pregnancy and I’m coming up on 9 months postpartum. And my eyesight is pretty terrible to begin with.
Anonymous
I am debating whether/when to go to the dentist for what might be a major issue but might also be nothing. I am thinking it might be safest to go soon, before caseloads spike due to the reopening.
anonn
My husband is an optometrist and started seeing routine vision exams again last week. He was terrified too, but also they are being so careful, only allowed to book appointments at half their normal capacity, everyone wears a mask, screening via phone the day before, then at the door, no waiting room, no extra people, constant cleaning. the opticians bring frames for you to try, and then clean them thoroughly, you can’t just browse the wall and try-on. Oh and healthcare workers can get a drive through covid test for free whenever they want, no symptoms needed. His entire staff already tested negative last week, I think the plan is to go every few weeks again. On another note, many of his techs/opticians are still on furlough because they are not back to full schedule yet and want to come back and start earning a paycheck again. I’d like him to start getting paid again too. If you feel fine and haven’t been exposed, please go back to the eye doctor.
Housecounsel
ASAP. I need a new contact lense prescription and my kid needs her braces tightened or she will never get them off.
Anonome
Getting braces adjusted promptly is SO important. Mine were on so long that it caused gum recession, which is not fixable.
anonn
if your rx is just expired many states have extended expiration dates.
Housecounsel
I need to check this! Thank you!
Anonymous
Pro tip, you can buy contacts at Costco. If you have a membership you could get it + groceries all done in one trip. Good luck!