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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
I was perusing the sandals at Nordstrom to see which have the crazy high rankings, and — with 5,400+ good reviews — nothing even comes close to this leather flip flop from Tory Burch, now on sale.
(Two other contenders for non-pool sandals: the Mayari (1300+ good reviews) and this Sorel flat. This dressier Sofft sandal has also been a major favorite in years past!)
I know I've seen some readers suggesting this flip flop is “over,” but — particularly now, where you may or may not want to go to the store to try things on — I have a feeling a lot of these long-running favorites are going to see a resurgence as people buy the same size they had previously in a new color.
This fun rainbow logo option is marked 40% off, bringing it down to $118; there are lots of great options in sizes 4-13 depending on size and color. (As a reminder, both Nordstrom and Zappos have extremely long return periods — great for shopping now.)
Ladies, what sandals do you think you'll be living in this summer?
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Anonymous
This weekend: I am going to spend at least 4 hours outside, even if that means early morning. I am also going to finally sort my piles of paper (which I piled on my dining room table last week) – with the goal of recycling at least half of it. Scanning is another week’s goal :) Hoping you all have wonderful, relaxing, and/or productive weekends, too!
Ellen
My place is also a mess. I have to go into the office to make copies, and sign things, and scan things, so if we have to be working from home to much longer, I will ask the manageing partner to set me up with a scanner/copier/fax/machine that I can use to work from home. FOOEY on this pandemic.
Anonymous
I’m planning to totally geek out this weekend. This is the 10 year anniversary of me adopting my now 12 year old pup. He’s lost a lot of his pep but none of his love for the outdoors, and a new jogger stroller just arrived via FedEx. I’m so excited to take him for an extra, extra long stroll while I listen to audiobooks. And I’m going to make biscuits this weekend and eat them with lots of butter. And then I’m going to start working on a webinar presentation I’m giving at the end of June. I love giving presentations, so this is actually a really fun to-do for me. Happy, happy weekend to you all as well!
Anon
Wear sunscreen! :)
Horse Crazy
+1000000. I was an idiot and didn’t wear any in our little inflatable pool yesterday…guess who can’t wear a bra today? Me, because the tops of my shoulders are toasted. Sigh.
Sloan Sabbith
Yep. Didn’t wear sunscreen last weekend. Was wearing a necklace and a crossbody purse. Burned around both. It is a good. look.
Taking Risks
I know there are other women here who participate in risky sports and I’m hoping for some advice or solidarity. The pandemic feels so different to me – unlike with my favorite risky sport, mountain biking, there’s little room for preparation, skill, progression in stages, a sense of accomplishment and confidence…there’s only room for safety measures like masks where the guidance changes constantly and you never know if you’re doing enough. When I bike, I feel strong and confident in taking new risks, I only feel fearful and somewhat anxious about taking steps like going back to the hair salon or to the office. Any other regular risk-takers going through the same thing? Any advice? It’s weird to feel this way when I’ve embraced risk in other ways for so long…
Also, if you want to contribute just for fun, I’d love to hear what cool hobbies and sports readers engage in, or maybe risks you’ve taken at work or in your personal life that paid off! It helps somewhat to imagine a world where we take risks by choice, not because the pandemic forced us to. It also helped me to watch the Kim Swims documentary earlier this week about open-water swimming from the Farallons to SF – recommend for anyone else going through similar things as me.
Anon
I’m a runner and cyclist and I do look at my personal response to COVID similarly to other endeavors that have an element of risk. I have the right gear (a mask when I’m in a store). I’ve got the right skills – good handwashing, a day-to-day mindset of letting go of what I can’t control. I’ve got control of my body and am keeping it healthy by eating well and exercising, so that if I do catch COVID or anything else, I’m in the best position possible to fight it off. I think about how fortunate I am – that I have the option to not go out if I don’t want to. Not too many years ago, I’d have been one of the folks who was reporting to work COVID-be-damned because the shelves won’t stock themselves. I’d have done it, and probably been fine, but now I’m tremendously fortunate that I don’t have to. I don’t take that for granted, just like I don’t take for granted the fact that I am able to train for a marathon or century ride or whatever.
When I’m training for a run or a ride that’s out of my comfort zone, the mental aspect is the toughest part and it’s all about how you frame things. The rest is just putting one foot in front of the other.
Anon
Yes totally. I ride horses, ski double black diamonds, raft Class V rapids, and do a lot of other fun, cool things I really enjoy. They feel 100% different to me than coronavirus. For one, I get so much benefit out of those activities, but the riskiest thing for me with coronavirus is going in to my crowded office, which doesn’t benefit me at all. I fortunately can WFH and did so regularly before the pandemic, but now, there is no marginal benefit to going in (to see people’s faces? don’t care) and so that risk doesn’t feel “worth it.” When I ski or surf, I feel alive. It’s so worth it. Taking risks in this pandemic makes me feel like I’m putting my life and the lives of those around me at risk and so much is out of my control.
Anonymous
Dumb question, but as someone who grew up and still is kind of a generic weekend athlete, how does one become [good enough? athletic enough? risk tolerant enough?] to apparently excel at all of those wildly different sports?
Anon
I’m not amazing at all the things I do, but I think the qualities that help me enjoy them is being open to trying new things, prioritizing fun activities rather than slog workouts, saying yes and fighting the urge to stay home on the couch, and staying fit. Of course it helps to have grown up skiing (the sport I’m best at). I also played all the typical team sports as a child and teen, which I think helped my coordination and athleticism even though I was never the best on any of my teams.
generally fit
Not the person you’re asking and this will totally out me to basically anyone who remotely knows me IRL, but I also have an odd collection of active hobbies. I do musical theater (sing, act, dance), ride motorcycles, and kiteboard as my niche skilled activities. I’m also a pretty avid hiker/backpacker, solid snow skiier, and I’m a gym rat who tends to get a lot of comments on my muscles. The key for me is general fitness and body awareness, and a mindset that my body is capable of trying anything. I do a bunch of different types of workouts, including balance and flexibility work, so that when I encounter something that my brain thinks shouldn’t be done, my body has a harder time recognizing the limitation. Kiting was actually really difficult for me because I hadn’t done any sideways riding sports (downhill skiing and water skiing ride forward with parallel footing), and my workouts focused on a squared-up stance. I started incorporating more exercises with side balancing requirements or changing up the center of gravity to teach my body that going sideways is acceptable. Same thing when I’m learning new choreography or blocking for a show. I tend to get thrown around a lot in my roles because I know how to fall, I’m generally flexible enough that if something goes wrong I won’t get hurt, etc. So this perception that my body “belongs” in these weird situations is helpful. I’m extremely aware of individual muscle groups, I know how my face feels when it looks a certain way, I know the difference between muscle soreness and joint pain, I know if I need food vs. water vs. sleep, etc. That hyper-awareness makes it much easier to do the nuanced muscle movements required for singing in different vocal ranges, riding motorcycles at different speeds, and balancing on water vs. snow vs. dirt.
Anon
Your hobbies are awesome
Anonymous
I don’t think the risk of contracting covid is anything like a risky hobby.
CountC
With the caveat that I have not felt my risk of catching the Coronavirus is particularly high, due to a variety of factors, I almost never think of my hobbies as risky. They include horseback riding, ultra trail running, and cycling (albeit very casually). I also enjoy shooting handguns at indoor ranges.
For me, most of these are things I have done for so long that they never strike me as risky in the least. I know the dangers, I know people who have been seriously injured and even died doing them, and yet, still they don’t feel risky to me. I am sure studies have been done on this type of thing – is the difference that one is a choice and one is not? Is it that I have been doing them long enough that they feel old hat (although I am UBER serious about gun safety)? I don’t know the answer, but I agree that the analogy seems off to me.
Anonymous
I enjoy sports with an element of risk when I can understand and mitigate the risk, when I can choose whether or not to accept the risk, and when I do not have to entrust my safety to other people without some assurance that they are following best practices. For example, I only climb in the gym with a certified belayer whom I know or who is a gym employee. If I feel the risk level is unacceptable, I opt out. I don’t ski when the slopes are overly crowded. I don’t hike when thunderstorms are predicted. I don’t ski trails beyond my skill level or hike alone. Etc. etc.
To me, COVID is different in two ways. One is that I am not voluntarily assuming the risk in exchange for a perceived benefit. The risk is being thrust upon me by my employer when it demands my return to the office for no good reason, and by my child’s school if it refuses to offer on-line options in the fall. The other difference is that I have to entrust my own safety to the general public, which is not abiding by the most basic of safety rules. Too many people approach others closely, fail to wear masks, etc. etc.
Anonymous
And the risk that I spread it to someone unintentionally. My risky hobbies are just risky to me.
anon
My birthday is next week and my husband keeps asking what I want- help me think of something? I don’t really want/need anything, and I’m kind of a minimalist in most respects. interests are reading, fitness, and travelling/a bunch of things I can’t do right now. I have a huge preference that any gifts be useful and meaningfully improve my life. no particular budget. Any ideas?
anon
How about fancy workout clothes that you wouldn’t normally buy for yourself or feels like a splurge? That’s been my go-to for the past couple of years.
Side note, but it makes me crazy when my husband does the “what do you waaaant?” routine. Yes, it’s lovely that he wants to get me something I’ll enjoy, but sometimes I feel like … why do I have pick out my own g-d present? Me not having to choose WOULD be part of the gift! Sigh. He’s trying.
anon OP
Thanks! I don’t mind. I’m not into gift giving or receiving and would much rather pick my own gifts.
anon
Book of the month club?
Anonymous
My friends rave about BOTM.
Sloan Sabbith
I love BOTM. Only very rarely do I like none of the picks and now they let you choose from a handful of prior picks too each month.
anon
Oh man, I definitely do the “what do you waaaant”. Gift giving is not my love language. I find it crazy stressful to figure out what to get people.
Anonymous
Must it be a thing? How about a GC to a local B&B you’ve been wanting to go to that you can use when it’s safe to?
Anon
If you don’t have anything you want, just say no gifts. It’s so much less mental effort.
Anon
An IOU for future travel?
Cat
better ereader?
Subscription to something? (the NYTimes crossword subscription is on my personal wishlist)
Sloan Sabbith
The $40 a year for the NYTimes crossword app is SO worth it.
BabyAssociate
I totally agree
Anon
On that note, a few other crosswords my husband got me subscriptions to: The American Values Club Crossword (it is not, like, a 700 Club-y crossword), and the Inkubator, which is a crossword puzzle designed and edited by women and non-binary people.
IMO the cluing on them skews a little more modern than the NYT. Also less boys club-y than the NYT.
Sloan Sabbith
Intrigued by the Inkubator- going to look it up! I have a tough time with the clues on the NYTimes because they aren’t particularly modern.
Anon
Fancy PJs– my husband got me a nightgown from Recliner for my bday, and it’s wonderful.
Anonymous
+1 Lunya pjs are on my list. I told my husband for Christmas that I wanted fancy pjs and he gave me and my kids matching pjs from eddie bauer. Cute, but not quite what I was getting at!
Anon
+2. For my 40th last year I got a full Lunya set last year (pants, 2 tanks, long sleeve, socks) and have been super happy with them.
Anon
When in doubt I always go with jewelry.
Anon
Same. I now have a lovely collection. I don’t mind picking it out. The gift part is that my husband is frugal with our joint money, so the fact that he wants me to have a nice, unnecessary treat feels special.
I try to support a friend and a local business who do jewelry.
anne-on
+1 – I put together a wish list with a local store and update it periodically so he knows to just stop in. I also highly recommend Geegaw and Gimcracks on etsy for lovely pearls and semi-precious earrings.
My other go-to’s are fancy candles, nice workout clothing, a pretty robe/pjs, or massage certificates (maybe for the later times).
A.
Airpods if you don’t already have them! They’re great for workouts but also for puttering around the house listening to podcasts, audiobooks, or music. Also an Audible subscription if you like to read and don’t have one already.
Sloan Sabbith
Yes to both. Airpod Pros have made WFH SO much easier. That noise cancelling blocks out so much of the background noise that drives me insane.
If you want a replacement for Audible that helps local bookstores, Libro.FM also has subscriptions. I have Audible because I was far into it before I knew about Libro but others seem to really like it.
Anon
I love Libro.fm!!! It’s the same price as Audible, and I’ve never searched for a book on there that I couldn’t find.
Clementine
Things my husband has gotten me (or I have gotten him) that I’ve really enjoyed:
– Upgraded headphones/earbuds – especially with WFH
– A nice outfit from Lululemon/Athleta/Sweaty Betty – last birthday was the Define jacket from Lulu which I wear ALLLL the time and new running socks. Fabulous, fabulous.
– A genetic test to see what breed(s) our mutt is
– A new stackable jewlery box that actually fits all my stuff so my dresser is 4000x cleaner
If money is no object, maybe a Peloton or elliptical?
–
–
Anonymous
Dessert? Fancy chocolates, cookies, cheesecake, etc.
Amber
What about a membership to a local museum? A lot of places like that could use the support right now. Or a gift card to a locally owned store. And dinner or take out from a fancy restaurant! Hope you enjoy your bday!
Anonymous
Things that have improved my life: Nicer sheets! A “slip” sleep mask! (I know $50 seems ridiculous, but it is muuuuch better than any mask I’ve used.) Good socks! An All Clad pot. (It’s so much better than the random pot I used for years. No hot spots! Cleans up much faster!) A pair of yoga blocks!
Things I covet: A baking steel! Kitchen Aid pasta attachment! A Peloton! A hammock! A label maker!
If I’m stuck for gift ideas, I peruse Wirecutter. Maybe take a look there too.
Anonymous
Maybe this is not helpful, but I am the same way and my spouse and I are no gifts. I don’t say that to be moral superior, but I’ve realized it is truly my preference. I’d rather go out to dinner (or in this case probably a romantic picnic?) than have my husband buy me something. Also I want to buy myself what I want when I want it rather than direct my spouse to do so.
Anonymous
Sigh. One of my work friends is leaving for a new job, another is moving to one of our offices in another city, and while I’m happy for them as these are better positions for them, I am sad they are leaving, we can’t even have proper going-away drinks due to pandemic, and I’m having a bit of an existential mid-career crisis (which has been simmering all year–I’m up for partner this year. I don’t really want it as I don’t love what I do but am getting too old to easily pivot to another practice area. I haven’t had any luck finding a new job). I don’t have a question here, just needed to vent.
Anon
Pretty standard senior associate life — person after person leaves as you stick around.
Sloan Sabbith
I feel you. My closest colleague, who I’ve worked with for six years and was on a team of 2 with for 4 years, started a new job (still at our company, he’ll be in the same office next to me whenever we’re back) and this is the first week without him. And there’s just a ton of other work BS going on, plus WFH in a pandemic. All together it just feels like I’m drowning. I know I’m lucky to have a job, am healthy, etc but….this is exhausting.
Anon
It’s a hard time for big changes. My mom is retiring as of June 1, and I feel absolutely terrible for her in how it has gone down. She is so sad and lonely; everyone is too distracted and in crisis mode to congratulate or wish her well. She is moving for better weather, so she’s basically going to drop off the face of the earth and never see her colleagues again. She has been pulling 18-20 hour days to figure out telecommuting just to perform two months of wrap-up for three decades of work.
Anonymous
Maybe you can find a small way to honor her achievement or celebrate with her? This stranger wishes her the best.
InHouseAnon
I’m really glad you posted this. My mother is supposed to retire later this year, and she and many of her colleagues may still be WFH at that time. I hadn’t thought about how disappointing it’ll be for her to not be able to say goodbye in person to people she’s known for decades. Thanks for the reminder to be extra sensitive about this.
Hugs to OP, sorry you’re losing a work friend.
anon
Oh, this tugs at my heartstrings. I hope your mom can find some closure and/or celebration at some point, because this just stinks. :(
Anon
I was also feeling very stuck last year and then everything kinda just lined up to little credit of my own.
I was in a successful career on the surface, but I hated my job, had tried both govt and private and didn’t know if the industry was even a good fit, had a hard time pivoting to something adjacent, fearing starting all over again and wondering if that would even work, whatever it is. I also felt really blah about life outside of work; didn’t like my city, friends had mostly moved after college, felt tethered by family responsibility etc.
Then I went to Paris. Well I sought therapy and went to Paris :) and in Paris I met two amazingly successful and sophisticated women who were also traveling solo and they both had crazy tales of trying and failing in their youths before they got to where they are today. And I thought ‘sod it, am not sitting around anymore, am going to live the one life I’ve got.’ And lo and behold I saw a job posting for possibly as close to a dream job as possible, in my same industry, but with an A+ employer, that I never even knew existed? 3000 mi from home. I applied. I interviewed. I got the job. Now looking back, I have to thank my previous dreaded jobs for the experience they taught me and the connections I made. They were invaluable for both the application and negotiation afterward.
I’m still baffled how any of this worked out and I wish I could even say something frivolous like “go to Paris!” but I do want to send you good vibes and wish you the best of luck.
Anon
This is so inspiring! I love everything about this story.
Ellen
Yes, I am mabye a little older then you, and I am also facing an exestential situation in that I am almost 40 and still unmarried. And while I am already a partner, it has not been the fulfilling experience I hoped it would be, as I thought I would find a husband so much easier with the partnership crededential — but it just has NOT happened. Some men are scared off by me b/c they think they are intellectually not up to par with me; and others b/c they want a bimbo who will just “yes” them, no matter how dumb they are. Some men just want s-x, so they are out of the running, even if they are smart. So all I have left are a few schlubs willing to at least date me, but also looking for s-x without procreation, which is something I am not looking for w/o a commitment and w/o them being non-schlubs with a steady income. At this point, I am not sure where to turn b/c the COVID 19 situation has pretty much stopped all in person meetings (I do not count men whistleing at me on 3rd Avenue or clicking their tongues at me on the street as decent meetup candidates.) If any one in the hive has ideas for me, please let me know.
Anonymous
OP (and very longtime reader) here. My day is a little better since I got an Ellen response! Welcome back, Ellen. Delighted you made partner.
Anonymous
Ugh, why can’t I report Ellen the known troll?
Anon
The amount of racist comments on posts every day is extremely disheartening, and I find myself not visiting this site as often because I know there will be vile comments. Kat, can you please do something about this?
Anon
She isn’t going to. She’s been asked to improve commenting on this site for years and has rarely even responded to concerns or ideas. She also gets more ad revenue for each page refresh when there’s a comment sh*tstorm going down. I find it frustrating too, between the bullies and the truly horrific racist classist, or sexist comments, but I decided to keep reading because I still get something out of this site. I wish things could improve but I don’t think they will and I’ll leave if it ever gets to be too much.
Anonymous
So people aren’t allowed to disagree with you ever?
Abby
I hate that this is an argument used. You can disagree politely! You don’t need to be rude, condescending, or call people names.
Sloan Sabbith
This is a gross strawman.
Anon
No it’s not, and the most overused word of the day is “strawman”.
Anon
You seem to be the one who misunderstands what “strawman” means. Anonymous at 3:13 is illustrating the logical fallacy perfectly.
Sloan Sabbith
I know what it is, and this is it. Thanks, though!
Walnut
Call out the racism/classism/etc when you see it.
Of Counsel
You need to address this on the specific racist posts. Kat is not going to go through the hundreds of replies and try to identify the ones that step over the line. She can tag specific words/phrases but I suspect that is not what you are referencing.
Also – and I realize this is hard – sometimes the best course is just not to read threads that you know will enrage you. This is not really a forum that lends itself to nuanced discussion of issues of racial justice and the ability of commentators to be anonymous and our resident population of sh*t-stirrers makes that worse.
Anon
Unfortunately I don’t think this is trolling when it happens. I think these are people’s genuine opinions. I appreciate the opportunity to learn what people are really thinking but wouldn’t say in person, and I think it helps explain things about society that are otherwise difficult to understand.
Anon
(To be clear, I’m talking about long thoughtful posts I strongly disagree with. I appreciate the [deleted by management] decision below.)
Anon
Yes. Racism is gross, but half the people here have no idea what “trolling” is. Sharing a sincerely held opinion – however repugnant – is not trolling.
Anon
It looks like there’s a new “Report Comment” button, so that’s a start
Senior Attorney
I just watched Joe Biden talk about George Floyd and I literally can’t stop crying in my office.
anon
I took a day off of George Floyd news yesterday as an act of self-preservation. (Black woman who is weary and sad). I read Barack Obama’s written statement and an article on Christianity Today’s website about how Floyd ministered to people in the Houston projects and just wept and wept. I’ll watch Joe and weep too. Might as well lean into the grief.
Then I will stop working, pour myself a drink, and sit outside for hours.
Anonymous
[deleted by management]
Abby
Come on. Unnecessarily cruel. This place could use some kindness.
Anon
It’s been missing for a while. I read a lot of sites and the comments here are among the ugliest.
anon
What is wrong with you?!
Anon
Really what are you accomplishing with a comment like that? Are you proud of yourself? Find better hobbies and make something of your pathetic life.
Of Counsel
I am really hoping this is a troll just trying to be disagreeable for its own sake but in case not:
Empathy = the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. You might try it.
Also as a black woman this poster has to deal with the reality that this COULD be her family member someday in the future so maybe try not to be a complete unmitigated jerk.
Sloan Sabbith
This is an unacceptable comment and you should be ashamed of yourself. Do you understand the history of racism in this country? The constant fear of murder by cop? The pain experienced by individuals who continue to see members of their community killed? You disgust me.
Anon New Yorker
THIS is an example of a comment that should be removed, Kat. It contributes nothing to the discussion and is needlessly cruel.
anonshmanon
+1
Sloan Sabbith
+1 This is just someone being a b%tch and I don’t use that word lightly.
Anon
Agree. Please listen to your readers.
Sloan Sabbith
Thanks for adding the “report comment” button, Kat. It’s a step in the right direction.
Anon
The “Report Comment” is definitely a step in the right direction. Thanks, Kat! It’s a little close to the “Reply” button right now, but I imagine you’re still ironing out the kinks.
Sloan Sabbith
Question- what does it mean when a comment says “moderated” after it? It seems like it’s comments that are totally innocuous.
Kat G
those are all the ones that go through the modQ, probably because the person did not put an email address. I should note — we see things on the back end in order they were submitted, not in context — in fact when approving something on mobile it’s almost impossible to see what the original comment was that elicited the reply. I’m also not the only person moderating comments.
So something may be moderated and still be inappropriate/in need of flagging — it doesn’t necessarily mean we endorse it.
Bonafide
I’m having a difficult time understanding how you don’t recognize posts that say “eff you” or “you’re a paranoid freak then” as inappropriate even out of context.
anon
Wow. If you can’t muster up an iota of sadness over the senseless murder of an innocent man, then you’re the one who ought to “find a grip.” It’s not normal to be numb to something like this.
Poppies
Why can we only grieve for family members? Can we empathize with strangers?
Abby
anon at 2:53, I see you. I am sad, and cannot imagine how you and your community must feel. There’s nothing that I can say that feels right or enough.
Senior Attorney
Same, anon at 2:53. Sending you my love.
Sloan Sabbith
I’m so sorry- this is a terrible time, on top of so many other horrible things going on in the world. Sending you love, and I know so many others on here are too.
Anonymous
+1 I had hoped over the prior decade that we were on a path to greater justice. This is crushing.
Anonymous
Dear senior attorney, anon 2:53, and so many others,
I am sending you huge abrazos (hugs). You are not alone in your grief. Our country is ugly, racist, and unjust. Take care of yourself.
Anon
SA is white. This isn’t her grief to feel on a personal level. I’ll probably get flamed but I don’t think she needs to be in your thoughts.
Anon
Agree.
I am deeply grieved that this happened and that my fellow citizens are frightened about this happening to them (or being a Christian Cooper, minus the vindication), but that’s not grief anyone needs to think of ME for. Not the victim or the bereaved here.
anon
…where’s the harm in sending her virtual hugs, exactly?
Anon
There’s no “harm” in sending her virtual hugs, but she doesn’t need to be soothed for crying over this and told to “take care of herself.” She’s fine. People of color aren’t.
Senior Attorney
Don’t need your hugs, didn’t ask for them. Please don’t spare me a thought. If it’s wrong for me to be grieved, then I guess I’m wrong.
Senior Attorney
And certainly I am also fine. Never claimed otherwise.
And now I am very sorry to have risen to the bait because it’s not about me.
Anon
SA at 2:46 PM: “I literally can’t stop crying in my office.”
SA at 4:24 PM: “And certainly I am also fine. Never claimed otherwise.”
While those statements can be reconciled, understand that this medium does not lend itself to such fine distinctions.
Anonymous
So are white people supposed to care about this, or not?
Anon
Yes, white people should care, but I personally believe it should be at a political level more than a personal level – e.g., white people should step up and seek change, but not share their tears in a public way that inspires sympathy and outreach as if they are the victims. That’s one person’s opinion and I fully recognize that the issue is complex.
Senior Attorney
*sigh*
I shouldn’t have inserted myself in this. I apologize to all.
anon @ 2:53 pm
I understand the thought process behind this comment, but I am glad that Senior Attorney felt grief on a personal level and expressed it.
We should all grieve when an innocent person dies, even though the type and depth of grief is not the same. Feeling that sadness (or righteous anger) is often the first step in coming out of our respective bubbles to understand and help other people. One of the insidious things about racism and other forms of prejudice is that it reduces our ability to recognize the humanity in other people. Grieving means that you reject that idea, and understand the inherent dignity in someone else’s life.
Several years ago, there was a horrible anti-Semitic attack in my area. My Jewish coworker and I shared a moment of grief in the office about it. Is my grief the same as hers? Not really. But I still think of her when I call someone out on anti-Semetism.
Anyway, my view is that we should all publicly grieve for each other, care for each other, and send each other virtual hugs.
Formerly Lilly
Grief is not a pie, where if too many people take a piece there’s none left over. Grief is like love, it expands to fill the space available. I hope their is room in all of our hearts for grief over George Floyd’s death and for the racism that caused it.
Senior Attorney
One last thing for those of you who want to help:
Louisville Community Bail Fund: https://actionnetwork.org/fundraising/louisville-community-bail-fund?source=email&
Minnesota Freedom Fund:
https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/donate
Black Lives Matter:
https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019
Curious
I don’t know why people are suddenly jumping on you lately. I’ve always seen you as a role model on this site. Thanks for sharing your grief.
HW
Just wanted to share this article, which is both emotional and uplifting: https://www.grubstreet.com/2020/05/minneapolis-restaurant-owner-let-my-building-burn.html#_ga=2.122808265.336104356.1590783082-601248623.1567526310
Anon
I saw someone mention that BR will be going bankrupt soon-will this mean that they and associated brands (ON, Gap, Athleta) will stop selling clothing or file for bankruptcy in order to restructure? I get 99% of my clothing from these companies. :( Small, small in the grand scheme of things but just curious.
Cat
Most of the time companies just use it to restructure their debt. Only if things end up proceeding to liquidation should you worry they are truly disappearing.
anon
I mentioned that the other day. If they did file for bankruptcy (which is not a certainty), they’d likely file for Ch 11 (restructuring) rather than Ch 7 (liquidation). Probably would be relatively unnoticeable from the consumer standpoint, or maybe minor changes like more of a focus on ecommerce instead of brick and mortar or fewer new product options each season.
Anon
What exactly is the report button for? Racism? Sexism? Collared shirt trolls? People we strongly disagree with? I think it’s a good idea, but I hope it doesn’t turn into a “I don’t like this so I’m going to shut the conversation down for everyone” button.
Kat G
That’s why it only gets pulled if multiple people think it’s inappropriate. Flag whatever you think is funky.
Anon
What about abusive pile-ons? They happen somewhat frequently and I could totally see the Report button getting abused. Will you guys be reading the threads or will they be automatically flagged for deletion?
Kat G
We’ll be reading the threads. A lot of times if it’s 1 person going wild all over a thread being negative I put that poster in the modQ but leave the thread intact because it’s a lot of work to go through and delete all associated comments and replies. Depends where the thread is when it’s pulled, who is replying and what are replies.
Anon
Thanks! Makes sense.
Anon
Lol totally forgot about the collared shirt troll
anon
I love that this was moderated due to the words used to describe that poster
Bonafide
There’s plenty of mean comments lately that don’t say anything constructive at all. It’s just a brief sentence insulting the person they’re responding too. It’s fine to express an opinion but the name calling and insults are out of hand. I’d assume that is what us being targeted here & not worry about it. As an aside, why don’t you get a username that is not associated with the worst offender(s)?
Anon
Does anyone have advice on how to manage the situation when your boss is not an expert in what you do and is not able to give you meaningful feedback on your work? I’ve only ever had one job in my current career (which is my second career, so I’m not that new to the workforce overall). My previous boss (who hired me) was a great manager and person, but also a subject matter expert who gave me a lot of hands-on training. While he was generally very pleased with my work, he almost always gave me constructive criticism that made it better. He was involuntarily transferred, and my new boss is a higher level exec who has no experience with what I do. He seems like a perfectly nice person, but now I’m the only one who reviews my work before it goes out to internal clients, which is nerve-wracking. I’ve also noticed that my clients are suddenly hacking up and rewriting my work in a way they never did when I worked under my old boss. I’m not sure if it’s that my work product is appreciably different, or if it that’s that they don’t trust me the way they trusted my old boss (they’re very aware of the change in management). I suspect the latter, because by the time he left the edits my old boss was giving me were pretty minor. But I don’t really know. Some of these things have my name attached and it’s frustrating to have my name on things that I consider shoddy work, but I don’t know how to stand up to my internal clients on things like this. I just never got this kind of pushback before. Would appreciate any thoughts!
Ness
I have that kind of boss in the last years, right now he does not give me feedback at all and the advantage is how much I had to grow in my own, specially as I go to meetings in my own. He did not come since he relized he did not have nothing to add. But I do not have the client problem you have as I am seen as an expert in my area here (more becasue it is a quite new area here that because I am a real expert if you compare me not locally).
His manager is aware of my situation and he has proposed to hire more people in order we could work as a team.
What I have been doing is to network as much as possible outside of my organizations in order to look for mentors/colleagues that make me advance / improve. I make as many traning as possible in my subject and I talk / speak with other managers that although this is not his area of expertise maybe they have been involve in this kind of thing laterally at least to see other points of view. Right now I am able also to disagree with them as I realize that I am know what I do.
Do you think the critics of your clients are correct or were you happy with your work? Maybe it is also time for you to own your work and an oportunity to show them that you are “the person” for that kind of work. A lot of my insecurity at the begining become from a Imposter sindrome, with the time, as I said I realized for sure that in this subject here I am the expert.
Not sure if this help you but hugs, we are in the same boat.
Anon
Can you speak to your boss about the change in perception? Maybe they can help with bolstering your credibility? I’m sorry – it sounds like you’re also in a disempowering situation. At this point my only path is to look for a job elsewhere.
EM84
I was “the boss” in similar situation as you described, when I was managing a multifunctional team (think brand marketing, ecommerce sales, digital marketing, media buying). In this role, it is impossible to be subject-matter expert for all areas. My job was to manage the team (from people management perspective), help them bring our objective (specific top-level KPIs), plus I had my own workload. I was not able to advice my direct report on technicalities of digital marketing and he did not even expect it. I trusted his judgement and expertise and made sure that he has a network of people to turn to if he needs functional advice or coaching. Coincidentally, he left the company yesterday after 3 years and thanked me for the empowerment, trust and development opportunity this job gave him. I still challenged him on broader level (are our campaigns breakthrough, are we consumer-centric etc) but not on technicalities. This may have worked for him as I made sure he has other experts to consult with.
It also seems that your issue may not be the boss himself/herself, but the fact that clients are not accepting fully your work outlut, they challenge it and change it (despite thr fact you are signed). I sould talk to your boss about this situation to see if he can check with the clients on what is the issue – is it quality of your work or rather their lesser confidence as he is not an expert. You could also show the work to your previous boss for assessment. Once you figure out what is the issue, you can adress it.
Also, talk to your manager about development – how do you ensure you are expanding/deepening your skills and knowledge. Also, kind advice – your development and skills are your responsibility, not your boss’ responsibility. So be more proactive on this front.
Currently Masked
https://www.worthcollection.com/
Everything is $35 when you put it in your cart.
Anon
Thanks for sharing! Anyone have experience with their sizing/know how quickly they’re filling orders right now?