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Updated: Feb 19, 2021 245 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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I always love the supersoft, washable fabric of Barefoot Dreams — and while I still love my circle cardigans, I'm drooling over the new pullovers.

I think the one above is my favorite — I'm not sure what it is about me, but I'm always a sucker for a thumbhole. I also like the wide/low neckline — almost a scoopneck — which is so different from all of the high, crew-necked sweatshirts you find.

The pictured pullover is $89 at Nordstrom; they also have a number of other ones (hoodie! ultralite pullover! rolled neck!). They're plenty big but if you really want an oversize look there are also some similar options in the men's section.

Other places to look: Amazon also has a few pullovers… Nordstrom Rack doesn't have any cardigans but they do have throws down to $59, as well as a few lucky sizes of Circle Cardigans as low as $45. Costco does have a few Max & Mia sweaters in stock, although I'm not sure of the fabric — meanwhile Amazon also carries the Max & Mia line, including Circle Cardigan dupes for $25.

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Comments

  1. Anonnnn

    I bite/pick my nails. I’ve done it all of my life, and I need to stop. It’s a childish and gross habit, especially during a pandemic, and my nails look terrible. I was doing ok for a while when I was getting regular gel manicures, but I’m not comfortable going to nail salons right now. I sometimes paint them at home, but it chips easily and then I just get back to picking them. I have tried the clear coat that tastes bad, but it transfers to things you touch which is disgusting when you’re trying to cook. Any suggestions for ways to stop or at-home gel manicure sets that actually work and last a while would be greatly appreciated.

    • anon

      the only thing that ever helped me– and it really did help– is hypnosis.

      • Anon

        OP, I commiserate with you, I’ve tried almost everything, and anon, I suspect your suggestion is the only thing that would maybe work for me.

      • Falsies

        tell us more! I could have written OPs post and hypnosis seems like my only way out!

        OP – during pandemic I have gotten really into press on nails, either with the gooey sticker or the glue. While I am fully aware the glue messes up your nails in a real way — you and I both know that messing up nails from glue is no different than the nail/finger picking. Maybe give them a try, $8 at drugstores, low buy in to try it out

      • OP

        Yes, can you please say more about hypnosis?? I’m down for pretty much anything at this point…

    • Ribena

      I’ve never been a biter but was always really bad for picking my nails. My solution is to keep them really short so there’s nothing to pick. Inelegant but not messy.

    • Cat

      Rubbing a rich cream into your nails & cuticles? Keeping a nail file close at hand to quickly smooth out anything that would tempt you to nibble at to “fix”? Just putting clear polish on (so chips don’t show but it thickens the nail)?

    • Flats Only

      I used to bite mine back to the elbow. I was finally able to stop by making a concerted effort to keep them constantly groomed, so there weren’t little irritating hangnails, chips, etc. to pick at and bite. Since you are WFH this could be simple for you to implement. Get a file with a fine grain, a buffing block, a pair of really sharp cuticle nippers, and some Aquaphor or other cuticle cream (Burts Bees is nice). Take off all nail polish. Cut/file back each nail, and go over it with the buffing block to make it smooth. Then use the nippers to cut off any hangnails. Slather each nail/cuticle in cuticle cream. Plan to do this constantly, all day long. Probably hourly. It’s not hard if you’re sitting at your desk all day. You will fairly quickly train yourself of file/clip anything that you would be tempted to bite, and your cuticles will heal so there will be less to pick at after a couple of weeks. You can also make a cuticle scrub cream with baking soda & coconut oil (combine them to make a thick paste) adding a couple drops of essential oil if you have any around, just for the nice smell. Massage each cuticle with this abrasive scrub every day or so to keep little snags from developing.

      This all focuses a lot on cuticles, which will sounds odd, but I found that once my cuticles weren’t constantly tempting me to bite at them I stopped biting the nails too.

      After a few weeks you could try a strengthening nail treatment like NailTek which will help get your nails strong as they grow.

      • pugsnbourbon

        The kind of intense moisturizing Flats describes is the only thing that’s helped me stop. (picker). OP I’m in the same boat – between pandemic and work stress my nails are a nightmare. Gotta get back into this routine.

    • Anonymous

      I paint them weekly and keep cuticle cream everywhere. When I would otherwise pick them I rub cuticle cream into my nails instead.

      The most helpful thing was figuring out when I was doing it. For a few weeks I made a log and realized I mostly do it on calls where I’m speaking/not taking notes. I actually got a coloring book and started mindlessly coloring to give my hands something to do which has helped a lot.

    • Anon

      File your nails regularly. It’s tempting to bite them if they’re not smooth and even, like there’s a little catch that you need to fix but then it escalates.

      • Anonymous

        Me too — biter — my significant other helps remind me not to bite and I do same with him. I use nailtiques #2 daily and keeping nails and cuticles neat are great. I’ve gotten to where I only bit my pinkies occasionally.

    • Anonymous

      The only thing that works for me is painting my nails with clear polish every single night. I always watch a bit of TV at night and so I just keep my nail stuff in an inconspicuous box on the coffee table and do it then. But I fall out of the habit after a few weeks or months and have to pick it up again.

    • NY CPA

      The only thing that helped me was that no-bite nail polish. I still shudder thinking of how gross it tasted.

    • Anon

      This is a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB). Do an internet search. Check out bfrb.org. Hair pulling, skin picking and nail biting are among the most common BFRBs, with nail and cuticle biting and picking probably the least disruptive. Public Service Announcement, because many suffer, sometimes intensely, but don’t realize what BFRBs are.

    • Trixie

      I stopped biting after 6-10 months in therapy, without trying or knowing why. I started talking about things that had haunted me for years but I had ignored and suppressed.

    • Anon

      No help, but sympathies. I was a perpetual biter until I met and married my SO and he would make comments about being grossed out when I bit. It was sort of a revelation to me that this was disgusting to other people, LOL! It seemed so natural to me, like a cough or a sneeze. So I stopped biting in front of him and somehow I ended up stopping altogether.

  2. Anon

    If Ted Cruz wasn’t dead to me already, he left his little dog at home in a freezing, unheated house. He can rot in hell.

    It may be animal lovers who finally give Beto the boost he needs.

    • No Face

      One thing that drives me crazy about him is that he is from Texas. There are so many Republicans there, surely the party can find someone better than him for the seat!

      • Anon

        Good point. He is universally disliked, surely they could find somebody who shares his values but isn’t such a complete ass.

        • BelleRose

          From Newsweek: “Search traffic for when Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) will be up for reelection to the Senate spiked following his trip to Cancun during the current crisis in his home state. He is next up for reelection in 2024.”

        • LaurenB

          If he’s so universally disliked, why was he elected? (Don’t get me wrong, I’m thoroughly disgusted by him on every level.)

      • Anonymous

        Mitt Romney strapped his dog to the roof of his car for a 12-hour trip.

    • AnonMPH

      Oh my goodness I didn’t think this story could get better/worse than him throwing his children under the bus.

  3. Sloan Sabbith

    Modern Mrs Darcy recently posted her yearly post about “What’s saving your life right now,” which is a question she’s asked herself and her readers every year for a few years now. Her post is here: https://modernmrsdarcy.com/domestic-tasks-saving-my-life/

    I thought it would be a good discussion on here, as well.

    The things that are saving my life right now are:
    – A dual coffee/espresso maker. I like espresso, my parents like coffee and we split a two in one on Black Friday. It makes good coffee, fairly good espresso and fairly good frothed milk.
    – Peloton. I started the app workouts end of November and got the bike exactly 2 weeks after dad had his stroke. Having the bike quickly available has made me much more likely to work out. The restorative yoga has also been great.
    – Excellent historical fiction. I’ve been able to get completely enthralled in historical fiction recently when nothing else is doing it for me.
    – My mom. For all the misery of the last two months, she’s been here and we can support each other.
    – Jigsaw puzzles.

    What about you?

    • Ribena

      Also Peloton rides.
      Romance novels.
      Cooking.
      The guy who means I can no longer truthfully and uncomplicatedly describe myself as single (what a long way to describe it! It’s a thing but maybe not yet a Thing.)

      • Sloan Sabbith

        Romance novels are also a go to right now. I’m reading Alisha Rai’s brand new book and I am so glad I preordered it because it’s very cute.

        • anon

          My thing is fan fiction, expanding on a one-season TV show from almost 15 years ago… I stumbled on this a few weeks ago and it just is a nice escape from reality.

          • Anon

            Also newly obsessed with fanfiction. I can search a giant database of free stories that fix all the problematic parts of books, TV shows, and movies that frustrated me? Hell yes!

        • Marie

          Loved the first two in that series! Looking forward to getting my hands on the latest. I have a hold on it in the library and am not too far down the list :)

    • Vicky Austin

      Cooking.
      My dog (is learning to cuddle peacefully and take naps together as he exits puppyhood at the snail-like pace Labs do – but how those doggie snuggles fill my bucket!).
      Yoga.
      Sarah Millican’s comedy (try her YouTube channel but do turn the closed captioning on if you’re American; her accent takes some getting used to).

    • Senior Attorney

      — Reading fiction. So far my book of the year has been Susanna Clarke’s Piranesi.
      — My sweet husband, who is just the very best person in the whole world and proves it anew every day in the pandemic.
      — The rescue kitties, Felix and Oscar. They are shy and skittish and completely hilarious and I don’t know what we would have to talk about if they weren’t around.
      — Baking. I’m never buying bread or pizza again even when it’s okay to leave the house.
      — Two biggish house projects on the horizon — very exciting!

    • Anon

      Thrift stores/FB Marketplace. I know “shopping as emotional boost” is bad, but at least I get my thrill over scoring something for $3 instead of full priced shopping… Just snagged a pair of Pottery Barn drapes that were $325 new for $40, so that’s exciting.

      (And man, my tolerance for crappy books has gone downhill significantly. It’d better be good or I’m tossing it aside in disgust. I’ll accept historical fiction recs if you have them.)

      • Senior Attorney

        You’ve probably read The Other Boleyn Girl but that’s one I really enjoyed. Also an oldie but a goodie is Josephine Tey’s Daughter of Time, in which a ca. 1950 police detective is stuck in the hospital and fills his time researching the case of Richard III and whether he really was the villain Shakespeare made him out to be.

        And I’m right there with you on tossing aside the crappy books!

        • Ekaterin Nile

          I love The Daughter of Time. And I also love The Murders of Richard III by Elizabeth Peters, which is a fun take on The Daughter of Time.

          All of Josephine Tey’s novels are good. It’s a shame she didn’t write more.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        I had a list of recommendations and accidentally shut the browser. I’ll add more tonight!!

    • EM84

      *Similar to yours: a spinbike and Les Mills subscriptiom. We had hard lockdown in Poland and couldn’t even leave the house for 2 weeks (only essential grocery shopping certain number of meters feom home), this kept me sane and active. I love working everyday and being able to mix&match workouts.
      *Trying (& keeping) new hobbies – like sewing and growing plants (houseplants, veggies)
      *Moved to a different country (for work) with better air quality, more sunshine, closer to family (2hr drive vs 7hr), and I managed to find a great apartment (insanely big + 2 balconies)
      *Being able to visit family 3x more often then before
      *Having a call with friends every day (I rotate 2 friends)
      *Reading books, listening to ASMR, some Netflix shows
      *Being an introvert, which means I can do just fine working from home, doing my stuff and not meeting anyone F2F for days
      *Decided to leave my current job after I finish all my “healthcare tasks” (dental work, surgeries)

    • Friday

      Buying fancy coffee.
      Burning a candle while I WFH.
      Taking a bath whenever I feel like it.
      Cooking.
      Working out even though I really really really don’t feel like it.
      Have a friend with small kids who shares her coping strategies/commiseration.

    • Is it Friday yet?

      – Spending the week in Vermont, part skiing, part working remotely from a house with a spectacular view of the mountains. The lovely moonlight skin and ski down (and mountain beers) I had last night with my brother. Plus! Governor Scott’s announcement today that as of Tuesday, fully vaccinated people no longer have to quarantine/test to enter VT, so I can drive up here last minute whenever the snow looks good.
      – My Nintendo Switch, specifically the game Hades.
      – Books – currently working through some of the Tournament of Books short list.
      – The group chat (and occasional zooms) I have with my BFFs – our friendship has lasted for like 25 years now and is truly something special.

      • Anonymous

        Man, I get sooo jealous whenever you post here, but I couldn’t backcountry ski right now anyway due to the avalanche conditions out west. They’re pretty insane right now.

        • Is it Friday yet?

          I know, I’ve been seeing all the accident reports, it’s awful! If it makes you feel better/less jealous, we stayed inbounds last night, as it was my first time out on all my new gear (my prior skinning experience has been on rental gear). It was kind of cool skinning up the bunny hill that I learned to ski on as a two year old several decades ago, though!

          • Anonymous

            That’s awesome! And to be clear, I’m jealous/happy for you :) Would love to hear how the gear works out since I need to upgrade my set-up. These frame bindings weigh a metric f*ckton.

    • Sal+Goodman

      The Libby app has reignited my love of reading which has been a great escape during these stressful times. Looking for available books to download is addictive. Also knitting and binging Heartland and Hart of Dixie on Netflix.

    • Shelle

      Everyone has great items!
      – Historical fiction has been helping me mentally travel far away from here.
      – My nuclear option: pimple popping videos, ear cleaning videos. So soothing. Not ashamed.

    • pugsnbourbon

      My Concept2 rower and making linocut prints. Also Grippos potato chips.

    • anon

      Trying new cocktails
      Peleton app with spin bike
      Walks with friends
      Good books

    • A.

      **Group texts with my two girl gangs — one of college friends, one of local pals.
      **Peloton bike — I hate working out and this thing makes it enjoyable.
      **The Crown on Netflix
      **Great black coffee in my trusty Cuisinart 12-cup

    • KS IT Chick

      Listening to/watching a new-to-me music group on YouTube (Home Free, winners of the Sing Off Season 4).
      WandaVision
      Cookbooks
      Randomly making loaves of bread
      My oversized cardigans from Target in spruce green & purple
      A cookbook called The American Table. A chef took a year and did a road trip to find America’s comfort food via diners. Not a Guy Fieri style, but all the Blue Plate Special recipes. It is great for 5 to 10 minutes of reading every night to help shut my brain off.
      J.D. Robb novels
      Our cat

  4. Anon

    Ooof it has been a week. Favorite Friday night cocktail (no vodka, but anything else goes) recipes?

    • Shots. Shots. Shots.

      You rang?

      I’ve been neglected in the pandemic. Apparently many of you find me only appropriate for large indoor group gatherings. But I can adapt! I too have variants. For late February I recommend a Manhattan- it’s basically just a shot + of alcohol repackaged in a form people are more likely to consume alone on your couches.

      • Senior Attorney

        Love a Manhattan. My husband is very picky and actually had little cards printed up to hand to the bartender. The front says “Make mine a Manhattan,” and the back has his list of demands:

        Makers Mark
        Extra bitters
        Two cherries
        Up
        In a martini glass

          • Senior Attorney

            Really? We’ve never had a bartender do anything but laugh and say “This is great! Can I keep it?”

            I guess it’s all in the presentation. (Obviously I say “list of demands” tongue-in-cheek.)

          • pugsnbourbon

            It would definitely be out of place at the bars I go (went?) to, but I think SA goes to classier joints than me :)

          • Anon

            It definitely sounds rude. Especially when you describe it as a “list of demands.” Gross.

        • Editor

          I think it’s clever and efficient, and that more people should do this. And not only NOT rude, but considerate.

          • Flats Only

            I’ve never tried this with a drink, but on several occasions I’ve gone to place a takeout order in person, with a list of what I need in hand, and had the person taking my order offer to just use the list. Saves everyone time and trying to understand each other through a mask.

          • Anon

            +1 as long as there’s a “please” involved, I think it’s fine. It’s too hard to shout at the bartender some places about all the specifics, and having this available to read would make it easier. Bartenders do prefer to make a drink you like the first time so they don’t have to re-make it, and also appreciate that you will tip well if you get exactly what you want.

        • Anonymous

          I think it’s a little rude too, tbh. It depends on the place, but some bartenders or restaurant owners take a lot of pride in how they make a drink. I’ve always heard it’s rude to request alterations that aren’t due to allergies.

          • Anon

            no no no, that’s just for pretentious “mixologists”. Even those dudes, and they’re always dudes, will make you a standard drink with your specifics. It’s when they have a specialty drink on the menu that they invented that you’d like to order, but different, that they might get annoyed. But ordering a martini, use Hendricks, extra olives is not a weird or inappropriate order.

    • Horse Crazy

      I’ve been loving margaritas with Casadores silver tequila, Simply raspberry lemonade, and Tres Agaves mix. It’s low calorie and delicious.

        • pugsnbourbon

          That sounds good! My go-to cocktail of late has been a lazy Paloma: grapefruit juice, (diet) 7up and tequila.

      • AIMS

        I love a good Negroni. Also Stanley Tucci has some surprisingly good recipes. I’m totally going to get his cookbook if I ever make it to an actual bookstore again. I tried his recipe for rosemary potatoes and it was amaaaaaaaazing.

      • Anonymous

        I prefer 1 part vermouth, 1 part Campari, 2 parts gin. This ratio is more balanced–neither overwhelmingly bitter nor cloyingly sweet.

        Even better, a boulevardier: 1 part vermouth, 1 part Campari, 2 parts bourbon.

    • NY CPA

      Dirty Tanqueray martini. Lots of olives. Yum.
      Completely different alternative — gin, St. Germain, club soda, squeeze of lemon, with a lemon twist

      • Friday

        Tonight I will have a peach/pear La Croix over ice in a pint glass, with a shot of Tanqueray Rangpur.

    • Anon

      If you have brandy or cognac, a sidecar. Shake the juice of 1/2 lemon with 1 oz cointreau or triple sec and 2 oz brandy or cognac. Serve in chilled glass. Sugared rim optional (I don’t like it because it gets my hand sticky)

      The whole category of sours is delicious. You can make the above with gin instead of brandy and call it a White Lady. With tequila as the alcohol, you can sub lime for the lemon it’s a margarita. A margarita with rum is a daquiri. Clearly, I love citrus. Have fun!

    • BelleRose

      A mule is my go-to! Doesn’t have to be vodka; gin is actually really good. TBH, I actually do keep a 6 pack of ginger beer and some Triple Sec on hand, but ginger ale works in a pinch, just omit extra sweetener.
      “Poor mule”: ginger ale, whatever liquor is on hand, lemon/lime. May not taste exactly the same, but still yummy! Also my go-to if I want low-calorie; just use diet ginger ale.

    • Bean74

      Brown Derby, from Dinner: A Love Story
      2 ounces bourbon
      1 ounce grapefruit juice
      1/2 ounce honey syrup*
      grapefruit rind (for garnish, optional)

      To make honey syrup: Heat honey and water in a 1 to 1 ratio in a small saucepan, stirring until it’s liquidy and integrated, about 1 to 2 minutes.

      Combine bourbon, grapefruit juice, and honey syrup in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a coupe glass and garnish with grapefruit.

    • Marie

      Pomegranate Margarita:

      2.5 oz tequila
      1.0 oz triple sec
      1.0-2.0 oz pomegranate juice
      Juice of half a lime
      Sea salt rimmed glass
      Served on the rocks

    • MagicUnicorn

      My glad tonight has the fresh-squeezed juice of one grapefruit, 1 oz simple syrup, and 2 oz gin. Yum!

    • Anon

      Great question! I have taken at least 14 virtual cocktail-making classes since the pandemic started because education is important! Tom Collins variations.

  5. Anon

    Help me think through a difficult situation.

    After years, a dear friend is finally willing to make some positive steps – go to rehab, leave an abusive relationship, and move across the country to be with her family, who is better able to manage and assist with her extensive addiction / mental health needs. We’ve reassured her we will ‘take care of’ the multiple things she has used as excuses to not take these actions earlier: we’ll pay to have her dog accompany her on the trip back home; we will figure out packing up her stuff and shipping out the things she wants to keep; we will figure out getting her house on the market. We know those are all big things to be responsible for, but she isn’t in a mental place to figure out how to do these things on her own without significant support from us.

    Here’s our biggest problem: her live-in, unemployed, worthless boyfriend. He’s never paid rent and there’s nothing in writing about the terms of his ability to live there (of course), but he’s lived in her house for a couple of years. How do we get him out? He’s told her she “can’t” kick him out because of the current prohibition on evictions. I think those rules don’t apply since he’s not a tenant … after she moves out, he’s just a trespasser. Any practical ideas about how to manage this situation?

    • Senior Attorney

      She needs legal advice. So the best way for you to help is to get her some.

      • Senior Attorney

        And yes, in many states he would be a tenant with certain rights.

      • Anon

        I agree with Senior Attorney. I’d be surprised if the process to remove the bf was terribly difficult, but there likely will be a process. Important to get counsel before she moves if that won’t delay getting her out and help—it’s often easier to remove someone who lives with the homeowner than a tenant who has control of the whole property.

        • Anon

          Agree with this…he needs to be removed before she leaves, otherwise it could be a whole different ball game.

    • Anon

      I agree with SA’s advice to see an attorney. But also, call his bluff. He doesn’t really seem like he’s in a position to retain his own counsel to fight it. But that’s just me. I have firsthand experience of being in an abusive relationship, and there is no legal or financial threat in the world that I would allow to hold me hostage. Kick him out and let the chips fall where they may.

      • Anon

        Cash for keys could be a viable path to getting him out, too. But yes – legal advice is in order.

        • Anon

          Yes! This exactly. He sounds like scum so just buy him off and good riddance.

    • Anonymous

      This is based on the state tenancy/common law rules. No one can give you advice without knowing the location.

  6. Anon

    Last summer, I went out of my way to help a colleague with a very in-depth project that isn’t part of my job, but did require my best skill set (which isn’t commonly held in my company). Working weekends is not usually done in my department, but he had a tight timeframe and the project was high-stakes due to an industry conference, so I sucked it up. My boss thought it was nice, but it didn’t actually affect my metrics or standing in any tangible way.

    As of 5:00 tonight, I have a packed-full weekend that involves prepping a portfolio to apply for a new job. I expect to spend all weekend on this; it’s slightly diagonal to my usual work, and my standard samples aren’t quite right.

    So OF COURSE said colleague popped up in my e-mails ten minutes ago, needing urgent help redoing the same project to submit to another bid. WTF, I thought this was over!

    Now I have to figure out an excuse why I’m busy, when he knows I’m snowed in and not doing regular work.

    • Senior Attorney

      “So sorry, can’t do it this weekend. I am snowed under (haha) with lots of crazy family/personal/health/whatever stuff and I just don’t have any bandwidth at all.” If he inquires further, say “It’s personal and I don’t really want to discuss it.” Repeat as necessary.

    • Marie

      His failure to plan does not create an emergency for you that ties up your entire weekend. Just no.

  7. Anonymous

    How do you manage ongoing feelings of disappointment in your life? Early 30s. Over the past few years, my life has been, due to forces outside my control, fairly awful – e.g., a lot of deaths and serious illnesses in my immediate family, including my own illness.

    We’ve finally started fertility treatments (my illness caused infertility). The constant fertility appointments are weekly appointments with 60 seconds of hope followed by new bad news. We’re also looking at apartments in a VHCOLA (SF), so we’ve bid on…10? apartments already, and lose every time. There are good things in my life (health is better; lovely husband; job is good; etc.) but I’m finding it hard to deal with the constant reminders of things I want but can’t have for reasons beyond my control. I also feel left behind – my friends all have kids in the suburbs and are living the life I thought I would be living and I don’t find them to be particularly sympathetic on these issues (I think they just don’t know what to say).

    I guess I am looking for either practical advice on how to manage periods of constant disappointment or how to try to refocus on things I can control. Or even stories about how it gets better.

    • Anon

      I’ve had years like that, where it seemed like everything that could go wrong did. I also did it while shopping for a house in a very stressful market. It sucked and I felt like I was just putting my head down and charging through trying to do what I needed. There’s a certain level of grief I feel about that time in my life and when I think about it I still cry. But still, everything has a season and I’m betting you’ll come out of it. You just have to get through it first. :)

    • Anon

      No big advice, just commiseration on one piece. We are also in the Bay Area, and bid on 6 houses over the course of a year before we finally got our first home. It was super emotional – I vividly remember some really low points finding out we didn’t get a couple in particular.

      We did eventually get one, and we were happier with it than we would have been with several of the others that I was so disappointed at the time we didn’t get… although of course obviously I can’t promise that will happen to you. Hang in there.

    • anon

      I love the Zora Neale Hurston quote that there are years that ask questions and years that answer.

      When I’m in a tough year (like the year all my remaining grandparents died), I chalk it up to being a year that asks questions and look forward to the better ones.

  8. privacy anon

    Reposting from this morning. Any suggestions on recruiters in the privacy space?

    Currently doing digital health/data privacy work in-house, and looking to figure out what my next career step might be either in-house or at a firm. Also would love to chat about privacy careers generally if anyone is interested. Email is crettefan at gmail.

    • Anonymous

      Really? The NYPost? We are going to pretend that’s a legit news story? The Reuters and AP stories are very different.

    • Lilau

      So it’s a tabloid paper for a reason. That said, even with the wildly misleading headline, the article itself says:

      “Asked if China was not already too powerful to be stopped from its appalling human rights practices, Biden expressed confidence that human rights would win the day.”

      I’m not totally familiar with Biden’s statements on this and I’m not going to argue if you are angry/frustrated with them. But we shouldn’t mistake headlines for substance, especially with a rag like the NY post. Please do yourself a giant favor and g00gle John mulaney’s very funny bit on NY post headlines. It’s great. (It also gives you a great idea of the caliber of paper you’re dealing with if you’re not familiar with it. )

  10. Curious

    Gift recommendation, please! What can I get my 5 year old nephew who loooooved Robot Turtles last year? He is very smart, both spatially and verbally, and has a baby sister who needs his toys to not be choking hazards.

    • anon

      Robot Turtles is a hit with my 5 year old, who also has high spatial intelligence. My First Caracassone is his favorite board game and is really fun for the grown-ups too! All game pieces are thick, square cardboard tiles that are probably 2.5-3 inches on each side, so no choking hazards at all.

    • Anonymous

      Seeing this late, but Rivers, Roads and Rails! It’s a tile-laying game with just large square tiles, no small game pieces. Once baby sister is a bit older, Kingdomino; just enough luck is involved that my almost-6yo can trounce us. Said kindergartner also loves regular 100-piece kids’ jigsaw puzzles.

  11. Honey

    I’m treating myself to a staycation next week and want to lose myself in a few really good books. I’ll read most genres, but I recently read and liked Case Histories by Kate Atkinson, She Come By it Natural: Dolly Parton and the Women who lived her Story by Sarah Smarsh, The Woman in the Window by AJ Finn, Broken Ice by Matt Goldman and Into the Wilderness by Sara Donati. What would you ladies recommend I read next?

    • Senior Attorney

      I haven’t read her other work, but I loved Life After Life by Kate Atkinson.

      • Anon

        +1
        and I think? there are two books in the Life After Life series. I’ve only read the one. Really loved it after a slow start, though.

        • Senior Attorney

          Oh my gosh, you’re right! It’s called A God in Ruins! I didn’t know that — off to get it!

          I also found the first one started slow and I’m glad I stuck with it.

          • Cat

            FWIW, I wished I hadn’t read God in Ruins – the first book alone was perfect, and the sequel just didn’t measure up.

        • Is it Friday yet?

          Yes, there’s also a God in Ruins – also good, but a little bleaker, and the ending, oof.

      • Anonymous

        Ha, that’s the one that everyone here loved (I think at least one person said “my favorite book ever”) and I picked it up so excitedly and absolutely hated it. So funny.

    • Jules

      I also love Kate Atkinson, both her Jackson Brodie detective series (which really transcends genre, IMO) and her other fiction. There are now four follow-ups to Case Histories: One Good Turn; When Will There be Good News?; Started Early, Took my Dog; and Big Sky. Highly recommend all of these.

      I also second the rec for anything by Tana French. I also like Ruth Ware for thrillers along the lines of The Woman in the Window – The Turn of the Key is great – and for lyrical historical fiction The Patron Saint of Pregnant Girls. Carl Hiaasen’s Squeeze Me is hilarious.

    • Anon

      Anything written by Riley Sager.
      The House in the Cerulean Sea
      Calling Me Home
      The Poppy Wars series

    • Cat

      I adore Anthony Horowitz mysteries. The Word is Murder is delightful – it weaves the author’s real life (writing Foyle’s War, etc) into the author-slash-sleuth character in the book.

    • Carrots

      Invisible Life of Addie LaRue sucked me in and took up most of last weekend for me

  14. Anonymous

    TikTok girls are introducing me to new stores like FashionNova and 437 — everything looks so cheap and ummm slutty. Thoughts? What’s the mid-30s version of these stores?

    • Anon

      I avoid stores like that because I don’t like throwaway clothes, but I’d imagine the equivalent is any fast fashion store.

    • Anon

      Fast fashion is terrible for the environment, not to mention nothing ever fits right and it doesn’t last.

    • Cat

      Do people still say ‘sl-tty’?

      IMHO the beauty of reaching my mid 30’s is that I don’t feel compelled to buy a bunch of cheap fast fashion stuff. When you aren’t living for the camera you don’t need a new look every day and can just… buy nicer pieces that you love for years.

    • Anon

      Lulus and Asos? (Both online only).
      Both are probably trying to target the 20 something crowd, and there is definite some share of smut on them, but as a late 30s to early 40s woman I’ve definitely found a few cute pieces on both. (With Asos it’s usually I have something specific in mind to look for, as otherwise it’s fairly overwhelming with some whackadoodle stuff; Lulus is more manageable to just browse and get inspired by).

    • Anonymous

      I am confused as to what you seek. Higher-quality s l u t t y clothing? If so, try Reformation.

    • Anon

      Yeah, H&M, Zara, and Asos as others have said.

      I know it’s considered “correct” to buy more expensive brands and try to make them last forever, but my job is hard on clothes. I’m not shelling out for fancy stuff when I end up with grease stains every week.

      • Anon

        Why aren’t you wearing coveralls or something similar? If you get grease stains on your clothes every week, plan for that?

  15. Books

    Let’s talk books! I just read The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers. It struck me that it was just the type of book my ninth-grader needs to read to practice analyzing themes in literature–fun brain candy that explores a theme (e.g., what is family?) in a pretty obvious way. Does anyone have suggestions for similar books with easy-to-discern themes that would be fun for a young teen who is actually a strong reader but for whatever reason suddenly claims to hate reading? Preferably without $ex (there is a lot of it in The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, not graphic and totally age-appropriate, but at this point she prefers books without it).

    • Anon

      I think that some of the YA trilogies are good for this and sound age appropriate:
      Hunger Games
      Chaos Walking
      Daughter of Smoke and Bone

      Also – have you considered just letting them read whatever, just for fun? I ask because I recently listened to the Masterclass by R.L. Stine and he talks about this, that his books are strictly for fun; adults allow themselves books and magazines just for pleasure reading and kids should be allowed that too. And I thought it was a good point. Maybe some Fear Street?

      • Senior Attorney

        I agree in theory but OMG do R.L. Stine’s books have to be so aggressively crappy???

        How about A Wrinkle in Time and its sequels?

        • Vicky Austin

          Here to wholeheartedly endorse this, obviously! (There is some sex in Many Waters. I can’t remember if An Acceptable Time has any.)

        • Anon

          Ha! Idk, SA, I loved Goosebumps as a kid and I now have a lifelong love of reading! Crappy books for us now can start that habit when it counts! I haven’t read his books in ages, though I do plan to re-read Night of the Living Dummy just for fun after listening to the Masterclass!

          • Senior Attorney

            Heh my son and I had story time together long, long after he could read on his own, so I put in a ton of Goosebumps time. What really pissed me off was a book called The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena. We lived in Pasadena at the time, and it happens to be a particular place with particular characteristics, not a single one of which was evident in that book. To the contrary, the way it was described was exactly like the neighboring San Fernando Valley. Grrr. But you’re right — my son is a lifelong reader, too!

            And you kids? Get off my lawn!!

          • anon

            +1 to crappy books. I read every Babysitter’s Club and Sweet Valley book as a kid. I read everyday now. I rarely read anything aggressively crappy, but I mix up my reading between books that I consider a break and books that are more challenging for one reason or another.

          • Valley girl

            You dissing the Valley, SA?

            Pasadena is awesome and it is not the Valley. But R L Stine is from Ohio and lives in NYC, and no one in either of those places even knows that Pasadena isn’t in the Valley.

          • Senior Attorney

            I am totally dissing the Valley. ;)

            And re R.L. Stine, that’s my point — you live far away so why even bring up (amazing and fab) Pasadena if you’re not going to do even a moment’s research about it??

            AND YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

        • Books

          She loved A Wrinkle in Time but the sequels not so much. Currently rereading The Hunger Games. I agree that kids should be encouraged to read just for fun, but on-line school is rotting her brain. Her English class has neither read nor discussed any literature this year, and she’s going to be woefully unprepared for next year’s courses. I am trying to sneak in a little literary discussion at the dinner table.

          • Senior Attorney

            If she liked The Hunger Games she’d probably like the Divergent trilogy.

          • Anon

            I honestly don’t know if these books are technically for YA audiences, and maybe they are too adult. I don’t have kids and I read pretty adult books as a teen, so I really have no idea. But what about Never Let Me Go and/or My Sister’s Keeper. Both of them deal with similar themes. In Never Let Me Go, the main characters are teenagers who are clones and their purpose in life is to donate their organs to (real) people or be caregivers. Of course, the point is that they are real people with their own souls and desires. In in My Sister’s Keeper, one sister has cancer so the parents have another baby so that sibling can donate blood, marrow, etc. to the sick child. The book starts when the parents want the healthy teenager to donate a kidney and she seeks out a lawyer so she doesn’t have to donate the kidney. Maybe too adult? Or maybe interesting enough?

          • Vicky Austin

            What about Jane Austen or the Bronte sisters? I identified SO strongly with Jane Eyre at that age, and the sex is minimal bc Ye Olde Times. Elizabeth Gaskell and George Eliot come to mind as well, although those books are denser.

          • Cat

            Oh yes to Jane Austen. Re-reading them as an Adult I appreciate them SO much more, but in high school they were lovely too.

        • Anon

          I remember thinking Christopher Pike was highly superior to RL Stine when I was a tween.

    • anon

      I recommend With the Fire on High, and I’ve heard good things about The Poet X by the same author, Elizabeth Acevedo. Also, anything by Jason Reynolds.

    • anon

      The His Dark Materials trilogy (Golden Compass and sequels) is perfect for 9th grade, if she hasn’t read that. Especially in the 2 sequels, there are lots of not-so-subtle themes about religion, free will, the nature of personhood and consciousness, etc. But it’s also a great adventure trilogy, and the last book left me sobbing when I was in high school.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Yes! Phillip Pullman also wrote the Sally Lockhart series (teen girl detective in 1890s London) which is great. One soft-dissolve gardening scene plus there’s plotlines about s*x work in the third book. There was an Australian series called Tomorrow When The War Began that I liked at that age.

        Maybe she’s tired of fiction? Memoirs or other nonfiction might be refreshing – maybe some Bill Bryson? Alexandra Fuller’s Don’t Lets Go To the Dogs Tonight and Teatime under the Tree of Forgetfullness have lots of themes/issues that she can dig into.

    • Anon

      Carlos Ruiz Zafon has some YA novels that are excellent: The Prince of Mist, The Midnight Palace, and The Watcher in the Shadows. And because I can’t recommend them enough, his Cemetery of Forgotten Books series is amazing – but those books are not YA.

    • Ekaterin Nile

      Has she read Becky Chambers’ other novels? A Closed and Common Orbit is sort of a sequel (I actually read it first) and it was wonderful.

      Also, Martha Wells’ “Murderbot” novellas (there are four) and the recently released novel are fantastic. I know the name “Murderbot” might not seem attractive, but they really are excellent books, and if she liked The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, I bet she’d like these. Also, no sex.

    • Ekaterin Nile

      Has she read Becky Chambers’ other novels? A Closed and Common Orbit is sort of a sequel (I actually read it first) and it was wonderful.

      Also, Martha Wells’ “Murderbot” novellas (there are four) and the recently released novel are fantastic. I know the name “Murderbot” might not seem attractive, but they really are excellent books, and if she liked The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, I bet she’d like these. Also, no $e-x.

      (Reposting to avoid mod.)

      • amberwitch

        Heh – I replied with the same recommendations before reading the rest of the thread. Twinsies!
        And love the Lois McMaster Bujold user name reference:-)

        • Ekaterin Nile

          Well, thank you!

          Another suggestion is anything by Dorothy L. Sayers.

    • Anon

      What about Tamora Pierce books, particularly the Alanna of Trebound quartet. There is minimal s*x in the later books with no real detail because it’s a YA novel. At that age, I also loved the Circle of Magic series, which I don’t remember having anything intimate.

      Of the “fun brain candy” persuasion, I also devoured the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series. Can’t in good conscience describe that as “literature,” but I loved those books.

    • amberwitch

      The second Becky Chambers book is good too. I couldn’t make it through the third, but that might just be me.
      Martha Wells have some really great series that I would recommend – her latest series about a cranky cyborg, Murder Bot, starting with “All systems red” has gotten great reviews, but her straight fantasy is amazing as well.
      Ann Leckie’s books are good too. The SF series that launched her career is really thought provoking.

      And then obviously Ursula K LeGuin – The left hand of darkness is one of those that I come back to again and again, but most of her oeuvre is really interesting.

      • Ekaterin Nile

        Agreed as to the third Becky Chambers book. I finished it, but it didn’t move me the way A Closed and Common Orbit did.

        You and I seem to have similar taste in books. Have you read A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine? It is amazeballs. Seriously. Also, I really loved the Infomacracy series.

        • amberwitch

          Thanks for the recommendation, A Memory Called Empire looks like a great read.
          I’ll have to put it on the TBR list.

      • Another anonymous judge

        Signing on to second anything Ursula K LeGuin! And Jane Austen. And the whole Anne series by L.M. Montgomery. Code Name Verity, maybe? But honestly, by 9th grade I was reading EVERYTHING, including lots of trash from the library with s*x scenes that my mother either didn’t know about or let slide if she did (I’m looking at you, Judith Krantz). As my handle implies, none of my trashy reading interfered with my ability to read and digest heavier material as a grownup, lol.

        • amberwitch

          Judith Krantz for the win! I read them in Danish translation, from this low-brow publisher. Loved the s*x scenes and the over the top campy-ness

  16. Anon for this

    Super anon for this. My partner and I just hit a net worth goal and we might even hit 7 figures in a year or so. This is so huge for us. My partner grew up in poverty, our net worth was negative 10 years ago, and it turns out that not being able to afford a house where we live has benefited us overall. I cannot tell a soul in real life but had to tell someone!

    • Also anon right now

      Congrats! And we are financial twins!
      DH and I just realized our net worth is nearly seven figures… and a decade ago we were negative. We’ve hit some good luck along the way but much of it is due to us making better decisions and buckling down. Hooray!
      And we are realizing how much money is freed up now that our kids are out of daycare/pre-K. Minor minor costs for before and after care but obv not this year. Sushi for all!

    • Anonymous

      Congratulations!!

      I have an aversion to home ownership, do you mind explaining your experience on the benefits of not being able to afford a house.

      • Anon for this

        We have put our money into the market instead and I believe the gains we’ve seen there are much more consistent and larger than we would see if we sunk our money into a house we can’t afford here. Since we haven’t done that, we have been able to max out our 401Ks and Roth IRAs and also make contributions to non-tax-advantaged accounts. I have seen too many friends and family members end up with very expensive money pit homes and most were not able to sell them for what they expected. I still sometimes wish we could afford a house and we might move somewhere else where we can, but we do have a great deal on rent in a VHCOL area right now.

        • eye

          +1

          I’m in the same situation.

          Compared to my peers who own houses, where they spend a small fortune on maintenance/utilities/furniture/remodeling etc… , I have taken all of my money and invested instead and have done incredibly well. I never considered real estate that I am living in a good investment. And I love not spending time on maintaining a large home.

    • Anon

      I’m also in the net worth hitting 7 figures (this month!), but can’t really afford a house club. We did own for a while when we lived in a MCOL area, but moved to a VHCOL area a few years ago and have been renting ever since. We’ve been on the fence about whether we should try to buy, but our salaries don’t easily qualify us to buy anything in our area unless we had a massive down payment. Then covid hit and there’s nothing on the market to buy, so we’re sticking to renting for now (also not sure if we’ll stay here forever, and the transaction costs on a million dollar house really give me pause). We’ve been saving like crazy for the last ~8 years (net worth <50k), and living somewhere cheap and then renting after our move has really paid off, given the market gains over this time period. We've never made more than $150k and usually less, so this is possible even on a salary much lower than many here (though fairly high compared to the average person).

    • Anon

      That’s a wonderful accomplishment and it must feel really good! Congratulations!

  17. Anon

    My college aged student lives in a 2 br off campus apartment with 4 people, two to a room. The apartment complex is large and not all students.

    Apparently maintenance found mold affecting their unit and they will need to move out for remediation. The complex will be finding alternative housing for them, but it doesn’t sound like an apartment in the same complex. Both a hotel and air bnb have been mentioned. Their lease ends in June and the roomates were planning not to renew.

    Does anyone have advice for me to help my kid make sure he doesn’t get taken advantage of in this situation? He did ask for help, this is not me butting in.

    • anon

      This isn’t specific to the mold issue, but if they’re planning to leave in June, advise him to read the lease really carefully and figure out how soon they need to give notice not to renew. My first lease as a young adult had a 1-year term, with a 6-month notice not to renew. We ended up stuck there for a second year.

    • Anon

      I’d try to negotiate with the leasing office to get out now and move somewhere else. There’s no point in moving into a hotel, moving back to original apartment, and then moving somewhere new in a 3 month time span.

    • anon

      You could easily make a Covid argument that a hotel is an unsafe and insufficient solution. Have they confirmed there arent any empty apartments in the complex?

  18. Anonymous

    Looking for tips to prevent or treat whiteheads along my jaw from wearing a mask. It’s been a long time since I’ve had regular acne so I don’t have a good sense of what treatment options are anymore. I re-use disposable masks, allowing them to dry fully between uses and replace after a handful of uses.

    • Anonymous

      Wash the masks, by hand or by machine and air dry. Even the disposable ones.

    • Anonymous

      I like sulfur masks (as a skin treatment, not a face covering). I am not sure how you prevent it if this is from mask-wearing and you want to keep wearing the same disposable masks, other than perhaps using cleansing pads throughout the day.

    • Anon

      counterintuively, apply more moisture than usual to create a bit of a barrier between your skin and the bacteria your exhalations produce.

      Wash or tone with something containing Salicylic Acid. I like the toner from Farmacy for this.

      Use Benzoyl peroxide or a sulfur product on existing blemishes, or maybe a benzoyl peroxide wash at the end of the day after mask wearing.

      but don’t totally dry out your skin. That will just tend to produce more acne.

    • No Face

      New wash cloth every day and no repeating masks with makeup on them cleared up my maskne.

      • Anon

        Related, fresh pillowcase daily and showering at night. Lying on clean bedding with freshly washed hair makes a huge difference for me.

    • Anonymous

      If you’re sure it’s just the masks this may not help or be the issue, but I used to have cystic acne around my jawline and my derm prescribed spironolactone and I haven’t had the problem since.

    • Carrots

      I found that consistently using mouthwash helped with my mascne as well. I also let my masks dry out complete if I plan to reuse it before washing

  19. Dior Nail Glow

    I could use some retail therapy after a hard week and am thinking of treating myself to a bottle of Dior Nail Glow. I do not use any nail products currently because I’m hard on my hands, don’t mind the no polish look, and don’t want to damage my nails. Can anyone address weather Dior Nail Glow is damaging to nails? I don’t want to start a vicious cycle of having to paint my nails because they become weak and discolored.

    • Sunflower

      I’ve used it for years and it definitely doesn’t damage my thin weak nails. It’s expensive, as you know, but it lasts forever. You might want to also treat yourself to some Dior Crème Abricot. It, too, lasts forever.

  20. Paging DEI Book from earlier

    Don’t forget to add this one! “Creating an LGBT+ Inclusive Workplace: The Practical Resource Guide for Business Leaders” I didn’t see the post this morning but wanted to make sure it made your list!

  21. Anon

    Fairly embarrassed to admit that I haven’t read a book in at least a few years. Between kids and a demanding job I tell myself I don’t have time, but it’s more like my brain is tired at the end of the day and it’s easier read stuff from NYT on my phone when I want enrichment.

    I want to model reading for pleasure for my kids though (even though I need to work on the “for pleasure” part). I’m thinking a book of short stories might be good, or a light novel? Ugh. I don’t know where to start so any recs are thoroughly appreciated.

    • anon

      I was you a few years ago, I used to be an avid reader then basically stopped for several years. I’m getting a little better (and stepping back from a stressful job and having my kids get a little more self-sufficient did help, so don’t discount the brain fatigue), but I still struggle to choose a book over phone scrolling. I’m convinced having easy access to short, clickbaity articles has damaged my attention span and made me so used to that emotional spike I get from reading something outrageous (or funny or whatever), that it can be hard to read a book because the little sparks of emotion are fewer and farther between. So, IME, you have to start slow. Books that are more “fluff” than you’d maybe normally read; and/or, I’ve had good success with books that are memoirs or otherwise focus on people, maybe because it’s almost like reading a gossip article. :) I skimmed my goodreads, some that I read a few years ago that went pretty quick were Sweetbitter, most of the Liane Moriarty books, and more recently Wild Game, Educated, and The Glass Castle. I’m sure you’ll get way more up to date recs from the avid readers here. Solidarity on the effort to get back into reading!

    • Anon -- straight leg / curvy cut

      I get the paper delivered to the house each morning. I need to read something at breakfast (which I eat alone as I am the first one up). I have caught the middle-schooler reading it, along with my non-reading spouse. I know that they scan the headlines, but they actually read the articles that interest them. And it’s the WSJ, so it’s got some real 12-grade-reading level text in there. I’d also want the daily paper just for the metro section, but am also the sort who could lose hours a day to just reading newspapers.

      I don’t really have the bandwidth for any sort of complex or long fiction right now. But short stuff is fine.

      • Anon

        +1 not quite this level, but I also get the actual paper delivered on Sundays. I read it front to back in a way I just NEVER would scrolling through the same news site on the internet. Getting it every day when my kids are older isn’t a bad idea.

    • LaurenB

      I love short stories and I’m not ashamed! Look for the O Henry compilations every year — really great stuff.

      • Anonymous

        And the annual “Best Short Stories” and “Best Essays” compilations, too. I get these every year and keep them near the bed to encourage myself to read at bedtime/ on lazy weekends.

    • Anon

      I enjoy Jorge Borges’ (very!) short stories, which I’ve found also spark curiosity about other things to read (since he seems to have read… everything).

      But often when I haven’t read anything for a while, I find a good “page turner” novel can get back into reading more easily than short stories can (not sure why). What’s a page turner for any individual probably varies. Tana French’s the Likeness. Robin McKinley’s Sunshine. Or even something like Red Dragon or Silence of the Lambs, or something not great but insanely popular like Twilight (not sure what the current book in this category would be).

  22. Anon

    Update on the Mouse Chronicles: yes, he had a friend. Spare trap was baited yesterday afternoon; there was a mouse in it this morning.

    Me: 2
    Mice: probably still winning at this point

    Ugh

    • Anon

      Find where they’re coming in (any opening the size of a dime or larger is a possibility) and seal the holes up, or you’ll be playing whack-a-mouse in perpetuity.

    • Hildy J.

      You’ve got to block the entry points, which seems like a pain in the ass, but once you do, you’ll be so much happier.

  23. anon

    Wise board – what is the book on periods/hormones that is always recommended here? My search attempts are failing!

  24. Anon

    Favorite drugstore lipstick/tinted lip balm? I currently have Clinique Almost Lipstick in Pink Honey and Burt’s Bees tinted lip balm in Hibiscus, but not loving the lack of staying power. Basically looking for a MLBB shade.

    • Anon

      I really like Revlon’s colorstay, but it’s paint on rather than a stick/balm. I just put balm on over it.

      • Anon

        (More specifically, I wear it for hours, and then if my lips eventually feel dry by mid-afternoon, I put a tinted lip balm on at that time as a touch up.)

    • Anon

      I was going to recommend burt’s bees in hibiscus but I see you have that one already!

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