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Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Zella has long been a reader favorite because of their comfortable, stretchy, opaque leggings and other activewear — but lately they've been getting into dresses more and more. This dress caught my eye — it looks extremely flattering and has pockets and a bungee cord waist. It's made from a “breathable performance fabric” and, maybe I'm weird, but I'm psyched to see a “normal” back — no cutouts or anything else you often see on dresses like this.

I've pictured it in “pink paradise,” but it comes in five colors, sizes XS–XL, and colors are starting to sell out.

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Sales of note for 12.5

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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159 Comments

  1. Recs for a good speaker/mic for multiple people for Zoom, etc.? My tiny firm needs a good quality but not insanely expensive combination speaker/mic that will allow at least two to four people to be in the same room on Zoom or Teams without feedback or other audio problems. This would be for, say, a deposition where the attorney and client are together in one room, or for an online meeting with a few people together here. Headsets are less than ideal, and the small speakers we have are not cutting it.

    1. I think that’s a lot to ask of one piece of equipment. Separate mic and speakers are going to be good, and individual mics for everyone even better. The Blue Yeti microphone is omnidirectional and would probably be good for plopping in the middle of a small table.

      1. I’m not sure how separate mics and speakers would avoid the feedback problem of having everyone just on their own laptops. I did a hearing last fall with one combo mic/speaker – a JBL – that worked pretty well in what was a large room but am looking for some options. I’m thinking of something like one of those Starship Enterprise-looking speakerphones, but without the phone part.

        1. if the mic and speaker connect to the same computer, then zoom should be able to handle the feedback issue.

          1. Right; I was looking for a rec for a good one, to connect to a single computer. Thanks.

      2. I went to biamp’s website and there are a couple of options that might work, but there are no prices; you have to fill out a form to be contacted by a salesperson. I think this means that, if we have to ask the price, we can’t afford it. But thanks.

      1. One of my clients has this, and it’s great. But I was hoping to spend less than the $1000-$1200 price of an Owl. Might have to go that route, though …

      3. I have heard that the facial recognition on the Owl doesn’t work well for people of color. If you need to use that part of the tech, I would be cautious.

    4. Jabra! I have used at my office with 3 people for a virtual hearing, and it worked great. Not sure which model we had, they come at different price points.

    6. Thanks to all who have responded. I have been looking at the Jabra and Anker options, and the personal rec from Daffodil is helpful. I’d also be glad to hear about anyone else’s experiences with these or any other similar item.

      1. My Jabra died a fast death and had tons of feedback – could have been a lemon….

      2. I’m super late to this, but everyone I know at my company uses Jabra speakers for conference calls. They work great. I would definitely recommend. From their website, it looks like the Speak 510 is what we use.

    7. Do you mean that everyone logs into Zoom in the same room? Have you considered putting a large screen, computer, and camera in your common rooms? That is what we do.

    8. Why are headsets less than ideal? Maybe try simple wired earbud headphones and each person on their own laptop if you don’t want a big headset.

  2. This weekend I was supposed to get together with my siblings but I’m high risk (take immunosuppressive meds for an autoimmune disease) and my anti vax sibling won’t get vaxed and refuses to even entertain masking, so I can’t go. I haven’t seen my siblings since before the pandemic.

    I’m depressed about it. I don’t think there’s any brining my sibling back from their cult like adherence to conspiracy theories and super-right BS. (I’m not going to even get started on how they think this is a border issue.)

    Those of you who have siblings you don’t have a relationship with, how long did it take to get past the sadness?

    1. Zero minutes. It is so much easier to be free of the burden of the relationship.

      1. +1
        My sibling is an abusive addict, so there’s no loss not having them in my life.

      1. Your sibling is my dad. I don’t know when or if we’ll feel comfortable with him meeting our baby. I go through waves of emotion with this, all over the spectrum from anger and sadness to resignation. Sometimes I wish mean things on him like a scary hospitalization that would “wake him up.” Then I feel horrified. I’m sorry for your pain and loss.

        1. I’m so sorry.

          A friend who is a nurse got heckled in her scrubs today. The hecklers were people protesting a school mask mandate and she was at the school office dropping off forms for her kids who are students there.

          She had just been dealing with pediatric covid patients in the ICU when she left work for the day.

          There is no reasoning with these people.

    3. I didn’t go 100% cut off with my sister, because I’ll still respond to 2x/year texts if they’re about our aunts, but I don’t know if it ever stops being sad. I’m mostly fine, but at big occasions (weddings, holidays, deaths) it sometimes roars back at the weirdest moments.

      I’m upset that YOURE the one being cut from the sibling gathering, and not the jerk sibling.

        1. I’m OP. It was my choice at the end of the day not to take the risk. There’s only one other sibling, who unfortunately fairly recently had COVID (between first and second vax) so feels safe enough to go ahead and attend.

        2. I’m saddened that your other siblings (and your parents if they are still around) don’t appear to be having your back. There is no way I would put up with an anti-mask/anti-vax sibling whose actions were preventing me from seeing my immunocomprised sibling.

    5. We had this issue with an in-Law, and my family member is severely immunocompromised. So we don’t see her anymore, and see the other family members who are vaccinated and come masked/after testing etc….

      Getting past the sadness…. well, it will always be sad. But like most loss, you learn to live with it.

      But do not deprive yourself from seeing your other siblings. Not sure why you haven’t done that? And make sure you aggressively treat your mood/depression if that is raising its head, or you never “get past the sadness”.

      1. I haven’t seen my other sibling (there are three total of us) because they live across the country and this was their one trip to visit us all

        I’m trying to work it out where I can be the ride to and from the airport for my vaccinated sibling so I can at least see them.

    6. I’m so sorry to hear about your sibling– how sad that they won’t take even simple actions for your health.

      I do not have a sibling, but I am estranged from my family (only 2 cousins will still talk to me, and my uncle, aunt, and other cousins ignore my existence or berate me when they do see me). It has been a year and a half, and I am still sad about it, even though they are very unkind to me. I am in therapy, which has helped immensely. My understanding is that it’s one of those things that gets easier to deal with over time, and my situation has. There are many days when I don’t even think about it, but then something will remind me that I wish I had a big, happy, loving family and I’ll get sad again. I just try to be gentle and understanding with myself. Losing a significant relationship involves a period of grief, just like a death, and feeling the emotions, even the unpleasant ones, will help in the long run.

    7. It took about five years. I have one sibling to whom I was quite close; I basically lost a person I thought was a very close friend, and it took awhile to fill that hole. I was not the initiator of the separation; she separated herself from our entire family. I’m now about eight years out from the separation and no longer miss her. I miss the idea of her and I sometimes think of her when I pass a specific store or hear a song (much like you might think of a person from a former romantic relationship). But the space in my life where she fit has been filled with other people. I still wonder how I will feel when my parents die and I’m the only one left when I didn’t have to be because I had a sibling.
      I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hugs. This really is the death of a relationship and I encourage you to mourn it as such. Allow yourself to cry, be sad, remember the good times, and remind yourself how you got to where you are today. This can be a huge life loss.

    8. It is hard. I’m high-risk and have obviously had to deal with a lot this pandemic (as we all have), but I’ve barely gotten so much as a text saying “how are you” since the pandemic began from my two self-centered brothers. Neither is anti-vax or anti-mask, but they are almost completely focused on themselves at times. I am more pissed and angry than sad, but it comes and goes.

    9. A very long time. I miss the idea of multiple siblings but I don’t count that one as a sibling anymore. It took me a long time to accept that we could never be close. But I also realize we never really were because they were always as they are.

    10. It’s like bereavement because of a sudden death in the close family. When you realize that your sibling is never, ever going to give you any emotional or other positive input ever. Ever.

      You need to grieve, and it takes time. I know that I had a very angry period where I compared my sibling to people with seemingly idyllic, harmonic, supportive relationships with their sibling, and it was so shit.

      Nothing I can do or think will make it not shit. Nothing I can do can undo my sibling’s behavior or circumstances.

      But I can choose to not engage. I can choose to not try to fix unfixable tings. I can choose that the people surrounding me are people I like, who like me. It’s still hard.

    11. Perhaps it would be helpful to reframe what it means to have a sibling in your mind. Yes, you come from the same family and had perhaps shared experiences growing up, but ultimately you are individuals with your own personalities that may or may not match.
      I do understand how you feel because I also would like a nice relationship with my siblings but for various reasons it just isn’t really on the table (huge age differences mean we did not grow up with common experiences, we definitely don’t have similar personalities, and if we met in regular life would not be friends).
      Getting over differences and the resulting harms and hurt feelings can be tough (for example, my brother genuinely thinks Bill Barr is a great dude). What might help is stopping expecting your siblings to be different from what they are, because the hope for things to be better will lead to continual disappointment. Rather, you could make your peace with it and begin to meet your needs for closeness etc in other relationships that you CAN choose

  3. I’m on a real smoothie kick and trying to find a recipe for a coffee smoothie, preferably without banana. Any recommendations?

    1. Maybe try freezing your coffee, freezing a milk or cream of some kind, and then blend with oats for thickness, and possibly a little more liquid?

      Or look up coffee milk shake or iced coffee recipes?

      1. Xanthan gum (a LITTLE goes a long way) does seem to be key to making it taste like something at Starbucks, in my experimenting.

  4. I am going to take the advice on the Board and “do the thing!” This weekend I’m going to handle the (growing) pile of returns/donations. If it didn’t fit me and I missed the return window, I’m donating it.

    1. This is inspiring, I’ve been meaning to do this too. I have the bag prepped, just haven’t gone to the thrift store.

    3. I did this 2 weekends ago it was truly a burden lifted. I have a friend struggling financially with some free time because she is underemployed and I am offering her the chance to sell NWT/barely worn items of some value on Poshmark or the like before donating. If she’s not into it, that is totally fine.

  5. I was raised in a very conservative and religious home. My long-distance boyfriend wants to remove the distance by having me move in with him. I’m in my mid-30s and am still struggling with the idea of sharing a household without marriage. This is not totally logical – I know I’m not ready to marry him. I’m in a LCOL and he is in a HCOL so it would make sense to live together … but something is holding me back, plus I know my family would not support it. (I am financially independent but I do care about them and my relationship with them). Anyone else struggle with the live together concept? Any good articles?

    1. If you’re not ready to get engaged in the near future, don’t move in with him.

      1. I agree. I broke up with someone I lived with for years and living together made it that much harder. We probably would have broken up a lot sooner if we hadn’t lived together.

    2. Question: do you WANT to live with him? That’s the most important part of the puzzle.

      1. +1. That’s the main thing! If you’re not ready to marry him and you don’t feel the pull to live together, you don’t have to.

      2. Maybe I’m out of touch, but I don’t think its absolutely necessary to live together before marriage if you’re not comfortable with it. There are good reasons to, like becoming used to roommates, but there are other ways to figure things like that out.

      3. +2. You are listing a lot of cons, and how valid each one is will be highly subjective, but where are your pros? Do you want to spend more time with your bf? Move to his city? Give up your place?

    3. If you didn’t independently think “what a great idea it would be to move in together!” before he even suggested it, don’t do it.

    4. Did you have a plan to remove the distance before he asked you to move in? A long distance relationship will never work without a mutually agreed upon way to end the long distance part. Can you identify if it’s something about the relationship that’s holding you back or your pre-existing feelings/your family’s feelings about cohabitating before marriage?

    5. I did but for a different reason. I didn’t want to move in with my then-bf (now estranged H) before knowing we would get married. When we finally did move in together, engagement was a foregone conclusion and we were engaged a month later. Sorry I have no advice or helpful articles to help you think it through. However, aside from the parents’ opinions, what else bothers you about the idea of moving in?

    6. I’m not religious but I wouldn’t live with someone without being engaged at my age (also mid 30s). Not worth the disruption to my life at this point if it’s not going anywhere.

    7. I am as liberal and s3x positive as one can be. I’m not religious. I would not judge anyone for living with someone else while unmarried.

      But for me, I needed a commitment. It wasn’t because I thought I was going to h3ll if I lived in sin. It was because I didn’t want to entangle my life and possessions and finances with someone unless we’d decided to make it permanent.

      So I didn’t move in with my now-husband until we were engaged.

      If you are at all hesitant, listen to that. Don’t get pressured into something that you’re not comfortable with.

      It would have “made sense” for my husband and I to save on rent by combining households a good six months before we did, but I needed to be sure.

      1. This was me too. I joke that my real anniversary is the day my now husband gave up his rent controlled apartment and moved in (which was a couple of month before we got married). I don’t think you need to live together to figure it out. I had my own life and things going on and there was no way I was giving any of that up for someone I didn’t actively plan to marry. If I was in a LCOL area with tons of housing options and not super established then maybe I’d move in with less of a need for commitment. But probably not because I’d want to know I could break up with the guy and have my house after. I wouldn’t want to be so entangled with someone I wasn’t planning to spend my life with. I also think you can tell enough about how someone “keeps house”(to the extent it’s a dealbreaker) by spending time in their space and you don’t have to move in.

    9. Could you look for a roommate situation in his HCOL city? Maybe a 6-month lease? Then you HAVE a place to stay but can also stay with him.

    10. I’m about a decade older, and while my parents are conservative but not especially religious, I got a big dose of “don’t live together” without getting married when I was a teenager/college kid (my mom loved to say “he won’t buy the cow if you can get the milk for free!”). In my own circle of friends, it seem like my friends who moved in with a partner either never married or married after 5-10 years, while the relationship-to-marriage timeline was a lot faster for people who hadn’t moved in together. One thing to consider is that if you live together without being married, the law often views an unmarried partner as a roommate rather than a spouse in terms of things like making medical decisions in an emergency.

      1. “he won’t buy the cow if [he] can get the milk for free” is just so, so degrading. I hope you’re not passing that sentiment on to future generations.

        1. Oh goodness gracious, no. It’s about the last thing I’d say to my own kids.

        2. H and I did not live together before marriage (mid-80s) — it was just more “scandalous” for lack of a better term back then. We absolutely have advised our young adult children that if they are in a serious relationship with someone (one that is leading towards a permanent commitment), we think living together is a smart thing to do. We wish we had lived together in hindsight — our first year was difficult as we got used to one another.

        3. Late, but there’s a retort to that – “why buy the whole pig when you just want a little sausage”. Both are equally degrading but sometimes it takes a pig to point out the problem with the cow.

  6. Personal wins for the week!
    First win: Closet reorganization project started last Saturday on a whim and just finished today (morphed into a whole apartment declutter session that’s still on going). Completely emptied the 2 suitcases and cardboard box I was storing clothes in and got everything on hangers except for offseason sweater and jackets (Before I was only hanging what I was wearing each season). Sweaters and jackets are now in actual plastic storage bins and my extra duvet and quilts moved into one of the suitcases. My bedroom closet feels less like an avalanche and now I don’t have to make a mess of sweaters when I need to use a suitcase.
    Second Win: Deep cleaned the bathroom and fully scrubbed down the shower – including wiping down the walls and ceiling (weak bathroom fan plus poor air circulation plus hard water). It’s been longer than I’d like to admit since I’ve done more than the basic bathroom wipe down.

    2. Woot! I did my thing today too! I’m almost 37 weeks pregnant and on leave, and I’ve been struggling with energy. Today I managed to (1) chat with my mom about how to manage bottle and pump part washing/ sterilization/ storage, (2) select what we will use at first from a ridiculous supply of hand me downs, (3) wash and sterilize all but the bottle nipples and the tubes for the pump, and (4) pick up ziplocs and Rubbermaids at Target for part storage. We will see if I manage to put everything in its place, but that’s FOUR things where lately I’m lucky to get one done!

    3. I’m in the midst of doing my thing and I’m hating it as much as I thought I would (tedious work thing) but I swear I’m going to have it done today so I can enjoy the weekend!!

    4. Yay you! I feel you on the bathroom cleaning… I am definitely not my mother (WOHM who scrubbed everything and changed all sheets and towels weekly without fail).
      I am getting ready to do the thing (marathon training run) and then will do something that is VERY HARD for me – relax and enjoy myself when there is work to be done. We are in the middle of a DIY house reno – and I need to Finish the Things – but DH informed me that I am to shower (see: run), eat, and then we are hanging out with friends. No work, “We’re not on a deadline here.” This is why he is so good for me :-)
      But Sunday, I need to Finish the Things!

    5. My Thing was finding a new primary care doctor and setting up some of my many Covid-deferred appointments. I am on the wait list now for a new doctor and have the most dreaded appointments on calendar. Go Team! Real self-care isn’t scented candles, it’s taking care of your health.

  7. Who’s heading back to work soon and what will your “first day outfit”? Still assessing mine…

    1. I’m going back Wednesday and I have no idea! I have a longish walking commute so it’ll be weather-dependent.

    2. I went back impromptu a while back and was wearing a too tight dress over pink leggings because #pregnancy. My boss was there in shorts. So we set a low bar, if it’s any comfort.

      1. ha! I saw the ED of my agency in literal cartoon-printed flannel pants this winter.

  8. A friend has entered into a situation with a married man. Married man’s career is on the road fulltime and he and wife have agreement that he can have one ongoing partner while he’s away as long as it doesn’t bleed into home life (friend has confirmed this). The plan is that my friend will fly to visit him for a week here or there as she works remotely and will work while he does and then they spend evenings together. She is worried about getting attached or that he will in ways that won’t work (they work in short bursts but he isn’t who she’d choose as a life partner and he does not want to end the marriage as there are logistics at work). However, they work quite well in the short term and each have said it is the best s3x they’ve ever had and it works in the temporary as they genuinely enjoy each other’s company, so neither wants to cut this off.

    Without judgment, do you have advice or guidance or experience to share? She asked my thoughts.

      1. This. And man is lying that wife agrees one ongoing partner is fine. What a load of BS.

      2. Yuppppp. This will fail spectacularly. Will be good popcorn eating for OP though

    2. Advice or guidance is for your friend to end this relationship. This is not going to work long term and she is going to get hurt.

    3. I think unless both folks are experienced in and committed to polyamory, someone is going to get more attached, and it will all go down in flames, honestly.

      1. I feel like “experienced in and committed to polyamory” is key here. Maybe I’ve just been in Seattle listening to Dan Savage too much, but my immediate reaction is this does not have to go down in flames. That said, poly relationships take oodles of communication (this would include the wife) even compared to the normal lots of communication needed for a successful marriage/ relationship. Does friend really want to take that on? What would friend be giving up?

    4. I mean, setting aside the ethics of it (because that’s a big ball of wax I don’t want to touch) want does she want long term? If she DOES want to be settled down with someone, the time and energy she’s devoting to this person is actively taking away time and energy she could be devoting to finding someone who is open to building a relationship with her. That’s the tack I’d take when discussing it, and avoid all the rest.
      I (like many, many friends in my early 20’s) had a ‘friends with benefits’ situation with an ex that I took much too long to cut off. It was keeping me from finding someone new I could really be with because it was easier to just be with the ex even though I knew he didn’t want the same thing I did. Ripping off the band aid stunk because I had feelings for my ex. But I then dated guys who were fully available and eventually met my now husband. I would have only gotten more enmeshed with ex the longer it went on, and my friends who did similar things kicked themselves for the time they wasted on guys who weren’t able to give them what they wanted.

      1. This, exactly. If she wants a life partner (seems like she does) this guy is a waste of time. Unless she has a cutoff date for this arrangement?

        1. A literal waste of time — why is SHE flying to be with him? All of her time with him is spent in hotel rooms and she’s working from them? If he wants her so badly why isn’t he doing the traveling?

          I cannot fathom doing all that to be a sidewoman/2nd GF whatever term they’ve chosen. I also can’t imagine d!ck that good cannot be found elsewhere or in a new set of batteries. Your friend must be a genuinely fascinating woman.

        2. +1 This type of arrangement is a waste of time if she wants a life partner.

          If she doesn’t want a life partner, there are much easier / better ways to find good s*x

      2. Yes to all of this. And, even if she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone else long term at the moment, spending all of this time in random hotel rooms in random cities waiting for this man to be done with work sounds like a great way to lose focus on her own presumably (??) full life – friends, hobbies, career, community, making a comfortable home for herself, etc. I’d encourage her to stay invested in other parts of her life, and if short visits here and there while he is nearby or in genuinely interesting places work out, then great, but if not, she’s gotta take care of herself!

    5. I’m side-eyeing that this was okay’d by the wife with a pandemic ongoing. She had a nice chat about it with the wife? Really? Like if he showed her some email from Jane doe at g Mail that said it was okay…..Seems super real and not like he made a fake account.

      This will use up all her relationship energy esp with all the travel involved. So she has to go into this accepting that it is super unlikely that she meets anyone else while with him.

      1. Yeah, the purported rule that he is allowed to be with only one other person, long-term…sounds pretty tailored toward making “friend” think both that this is ok and that she is special.

    6. + to everything everyone else says. I also wouldn’t take this man’s word that he’s only sleeping with two women, so I’d advise using a condom every single time.

    7. Eh my good friend did a version of this for years and of course she was the one who got hurt. She’s now the villain to the wife and the husband is no longer allowed to contact her (though he does from time to time, but only for booty calls.)

      This is specific to my friend and my friend only, but it was a sign she didn’t value herself that she got involved in the first place.

    8. I don’t see any ethical issue here. Open marriages are more common than you’d think. However, she needs to end this now because she’s already worried she’ll get attached. She will likely try it for a few more weeks or months and it will crash and burn and she’ll get hurt. She will learn quickly whether non monogamy is for her. I found out it wasn’t for me!

      1. Actually, I suspect open marriages are _less_ common than we think. I’ve heard of far more straight men who claim they’re allowed to step out, than of straight women who claim they’re allowed to step out…I’d want a 3-way Zoom meeting to verify, with everyone showing ID.

        1. (Obviously I’m joking about the Zoom. But that’s the level of verification it would require to make this not sound ridiculously naive.)

        2. I think open marriages are more common than people think (it’s not something people in open marriages tend to volunteer but I know of two couples who I know are in open marriages (both parties confirmed) after finding out in awkward ways….they didn’t just open up about it).

          But I cannot imagine any open marriage functioning in the way described here. I agree that this feels designed to make the friend feel special while also ok with the likely reality that dude is cheating on his wife.

    9. This sounds like the the plot of Luster by Raven Leilani. A very interesting book, but all very stressful.

    10. Advice:
      ~ she needs to be on birth control.
      ~ he needs to wear a condom.
      ~ she should regularly get tested for STDs/STIs. I would also recommend she require him to show her the proof of his results, but I recognize this is a challenging conversation.
      ~ she should prepare to be subpoenaed {depending on the state} for potential adultery — even in no—fault filings, it can influence child support/misery in divorces. Does this mean man and wife are getting divorced? No. But this is in the category of things “I wish I would’ve been told”.
      ~ if they haven’t worked out who is paying for flights, hotels, meals, any “date-like” extras – she should know that that money might be hidden from wife or separately negotiated from the husband and wife’s budget. Why does this matter? She should assume anything she covers might never get repaid, even if promised, and be OK with that.
      ~ terrible things happen, they are not spouses of each other so no legal presumptions even if someone is hurt (physically). So.Have they traded emergency contact information? Do they have health insurance cards in their wallet?
      Along those lines — she should treat him like most of us treat non-spouses and not lend money unless she’s truly OK with not getting it back, not give him access to her credit cards or social security number, and she should pull her credit as often as her score can tolerate (lots of myths and literature on this) to make sure she is financially where she thinks she is.

      Here ends my attempt at non-judgy, practical advice.

      My other advice is: if she doesn’t “sad” cry often, then she should set a max number of times she will sad cry about this situation. My measure is: if I sad cry more than twice the first year I’m dating/seeing someone, because of them/how they make me feel, then I’m done. I almost never cry and have found that if I am, its because I feel rotten in the relationship. This doesn’t work for everyone, so she may have a different metric. If X happens and she’d dump a boyfriend for it, or advise you, her friend, to dump YOUR partner for X, then she should dump this guy for X.

    11. Hahahaha, “the best s3x I’ve ever had” generally lasts about three months. In this case, it may last longer because they’re only seeing each other periodically and there’s also that whole “semi-forbidden fruit” thing going on. But over the long term, this relationship has nowhere to go and someone’s going to end up getting hurt. Either your friend will get attached or the guy will, or the guy’s wife (I would love to know just how into this arrangement she really is) will get sick of the whole thing and boot him out and that will be drama – the permutations of ways this can go all pear-shaped are endless.
      You can’t save people from themselves, if they don’t want to be helped or saved, and so I would recommend not saying much to your friend beyond “it’s your life.” And then be there for her when this inevitably falls apart. It’s too bad your friend is settling for this kind of situationship instead of a real relationship, but it’s her choice. Nothing you can do or say, most likely.

  9. High-risk people, who is getting a third vaccine dose? It’s not a “booster shot” for our population (rather part of the necessary series to attain a response), but still, it’s been hard to interpret the vague FDA statement about who is included in the recommendation. What are your doctors saying? Mine is “highly recommending” it for me.

    1. If I were immune compromised I would be jumping all over this. I’d be glad to get one myself!!

    2. I haven’t spoken to mine, in part because I read the FDA release and don’t think normal immunocompromised people qualify. But if I had had an organ transplant and qualified, I’d be all over it.

    3. I’m planning to. I take a TNF blocker.

      Not looking forward to possibly having my second shot reaction again but hopefully it beats having the real thing.

    4. I got the single-dose and am not sure how to proceed, since this would be only a second shot. Do I need two more, then?

      1. At least from what I have read, Johnson and Johnson folks will be getting a single Pfizer shot.

      2. Yes, I think so. Everyone I know who got J&J went back for a double round of Moderna or Pfizer. I absolutely would if I’d only gotten J&J.

    5. reposting because I forgot to asterisk something out.
      Your comment is awaiting moderation.

      I haven’t spoken to mine, in part because I read the FDA release and don’t think normal immunocompromised people qualify. But if I had had an organ tr^nsplant and qualified, I’d be all over it.

    6. I am getting mine tomorrow! I know from conversations with my oncologist that I qualify and from studies of lymphoma patient’s immune status, I know that I need it. From The Hill “Notably, the CDC panel said patients will not need a prescription or any kind of proof from their physician before getting the third dose. They will only need to attest they fall into one of the specific categories.
      The panel also recommended the third dose should be the same manufacturer as the first two.”

    7. I’ll be helping a family member who has a Primary Immunodeficiency on immunoglobulin replacement. So he falls into the med/high risk categories. But we’ll touch base with his Immunologist to confirm.

      The CDC website says pretty clearly which disorders fall into the med/high risk categories, so this might be more helpful.

      https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/recommendations/immuno.html

      His Immunologist told him he would probably die if he got COVID.

      1. Wow, that’s pretty irresponsible of the immunologist. Yes, your family member is at higher risk, but PI isn’t a death sentence. I have one too (also on IG), I am following the research, and am seeing that many people with PI have mild cases. Obviously it depends on your individual situation, but the mental burden of “you will die” when poorly backed up by evidence is not cool.

        Getting my third vaccine today btw.

        1. There are many different primary immune deficiencies. I think you shouldn’t assume that you know more about this than the immunologist if you don’t know the Dx. Specialists are conferring with each other on patient outcomes in advance of what’s being published.

          1. +1

            Anon @ 10:33 here

            Yes, the Immunologist was being too black and white, I think, but …. he is right. My family member has a complicated medical history, and if you can believe it, his PI… while very serious… is one of his least significant medical issues.

            My family member doesn’t leave the house anymore. His doctor also told him that this may be his life ongoing.

    8. A family friend who is 78 and has chronic kidney disease is getting his 3rd shot today. My mother, also 78, but not immunocompromised (but has a pacemaker) is getting her third shot next week at the recommendation of her doctor.

    1. And Nordstrom has it in other colors, on SALE!

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/zella-rosie-sleeveless-woven-dress/6485587?color=BLACK&mrkgadid=3323087879&mrkgcl=760&mrkgen=gpla&mrkgbflag=0&mrkgcat=&utm_content=68641964768&utm_term=pla-961801215327&utm_channel=low_nd_shopping_standard&sp_source=google&sp_campaign=1647808954&adpos=&creative=316751388445&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&acctid=21700000001689570&dskeywordid=92700053890013595&lid=92700053890013595&ds_s_kwgid=58700005467971629&ds_s_inventory_feed_id=97700000007631122&dsproductgroupid=961801215327&product_id=26931592&merchid=1243147&prodctry=US&prodlang=en&channel=online&storeid=&locationid=9030258&targetid=pla-961801215327&campaignid=1647808954&adgroupid=68641964768&gclid=CjwKCAjwsNiIBhBdEiwAJK4khsKRSyBjbu7rrMbKyhv3ZW8jhfhxi21glUaznr8V1MAO2LVp7Aa6oxoCz_MQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

      1. Ok the sale price was enough to make me pull the trigger on the olive one. Looks like a good throw on for after the pool/beach!

    2. Are the little bungee cords at the waist obnoxious? I feel like they would rub my arms raw.

  11. restaurant recs for a DINK couple in their mid/late 30s living in Naperville, IL?

    1. so my disclaimer is I grew up in Naperville and only go back to visit my parents so this may not be the hippest recommendation, but I love meson Sabika

        1. Mason Sabika is great!

          I’ve also had fabulous entree salads from
          White Chocolate Grill.

      2. +1
        I also grew up in Naperville and enjoy eating here when I go back to visit my parents. During the day the crowd skews older white women, but the food is fantastic!

  12. Sharing a win- I just received a job offer! I am starting my last year of graduate school and oh my goodness does it feel nice to go back to school with an offer in hand and know the financial risk of leaving the workforce for school was worth it. I have to move several hours away, but I’m hoping I can make new friends and start a fresh chapter of my life after a very rough period. I’ve come to this board from time to time for advice (usually personal stuff) and wanted to share a positive update.

  13. Any recs for neighborhoods to live in London? (American) law firm will be near Bank and Monument stations and I am moving over as a single mid-30s second year. I would love to find something in a walkable neighborhood (or less than 20 minutes’ commute by public transport) with close access to running paths or parks. Not so much into drinks but hugely into good food and groceries.

    Other advice for culture, fashion, life in London also very welcome!

    1. Islington / Angel / Clerkenwell. Basically north. I lived there while working at a law firm in the city and it was amazing. Walk to work and walk east to fun bars / restaurants (living further East will be louder).

    2. Welcome to our city! Angel, Hoxton, Spitalfields, Clerkenwell, Columbia Road, Borough/Southbank and St Katherine’s Docks would all be walking distance (albeit potentially up to 30 min walk). These aren’t the greenest parts of London, but you can run along the canal from Angel/Hoxton/Clerkenwell, in Hagerston and Victoria parks from Columbia road, and along the Thames from Borough or St Katherine’s docks. These are all vibrant areas with lots of restaurants, coffee shops etc. Hoxton and Columbia Road are particularly hipstery and trendy. If you are prepared to take public transport, a bit further afield Kentish Town, Highbury, London Fields, Stoke Newington and Belsize Park are all nice areas with access to greenery. If I were you, I would prefer to stay within walking distance of the office (Delta levels are still high in London, and public transport gets notoriously crowded and hot in the summer). The weather allows comfortable walking year round.

    3. Don’t live in the City of London (where Bank and Monument are). The City is quiet and deserted during weekends, so you’ll not have a nice neighborhood during your time off.

      You might like Shoreditch, as a foodie (20 min. walk to Bank/Monument). And you’ll have Borough Market and Spitalfields in walking distance from work for lunch every day if you want. But you’ll find excellent food everywhere, that’s not a problem in London.

      When you look at places online, reference this map of London. It’s the Transport for London tube map with walking distances between stations. It’s easy to use this map to see if you really need to change between lines or if you just as easily can walk over ground, and how far the next station actually is.

      https://content.tfl.gov.uk/walking-tube-map.pdf

      If you end up living somewhere like Canary Wharf / Docklands (east) or Lambeth (west) at the river, you can take the Thames river ferry to London Bridge to work.

    4. Subscribe to the Londonist newsletters, you’ll get varied tips and recommendations about what’s going on locally around London.

      And read “London: Immigrant City” by Nazneen Khan-Østrem before you go, to get a feel for the diverse backgrounds and influences both your own chosen neighborhood and others.

    5. Welcome. I worked in exactly that area for several years. Feel free to get in touch at londonrette@gmail.com if you want any ideas.
      Transportation to that area is great. It all just depends on your budget, need for space, and commute preferences. I chose to spend more on housing so I could have a walking commute.

  14. Hi! I’m an American living in London, also in law.

    I live in Wapping and highly recommend—it’s an easy walking commute to Bank. There are small parks but not huge ones with running trails; however, the Thames riverfront is great for walking/running.

    Clerkenwell/Barbican area is also really easy to walk from.

    If you prefer the large park, a lot of my friends live in South Kensington near Hyde Park. You should be able to get a tube into Bank in 25-30 minutes depending on how far you live from the station.

    I think 20 minutes by tube is generally tough—to get anywhere in London from central it seems to always take at least 30 minutes.

  15. If you could live anywhere in PA (retirement income tax reasons) where would it be and why? Starting research…

    1. My aunt and uncle retired to Pittsburgh and they really liked it; they’re fairly active in the community (volunteering-wise), there’s a lot of ways to spend your time no matter how you spend (arts scene, good access to outdoor locations, etc.), and if you’re interested in travelling once retired, the airport is nice and fairly large. Depending on the area of the city you live in, you can get away with one car (no car is hard, but doable) and because of the major universities in the area, the medical care is good.

    2. I live in center city Philly and have for over 15 years now. Love that it’s a big enough city that there’s always something new to try, but small enough that you can walk or bike easily. It’s HCOL but not NYC or SF type insanity so you can get a nice home without being a slave to the mortgage. If you want to escape to the country you can do that in an hour; likewise for some of the closest NJ shore towns. Airport, while not as awesomely connected as the NY ones, means a pretty good variety of nonstop flights. Penn Medicine is basically half the city at this point so access to good care is easy.

    3. The Lehigh Valley. Driving distance to Philly and NYC for big city events, driving distance to the Poconos for winter, driving distance to the beach for summer. Lehigh Valley Health Network ranks well nationally for multiple categories. Property options are very diverse: large rural areas, center city, college town (near Lehigh U, DeSales U, Moravian U, etc), or suburb. Four seasons with very few extreme weather events and slim possibilities for natural disasters.

      Drawbacks: not a good area for allergies and asthma. The Valley is a basin, and pollen just sits in it and marinates. Air quality is otherwise good.

      1. Just spent the weekend in New Hope and we’re looking at property there now. It’s super pretty and seems like a lot to do. One of dh’s hobbies is well represented there as well.

  16. Most romantic hotels/spas in Florida?

    Hi my wife posts here regularly and said this was THE place to crowdsource recs for a romantic weekend spot here in FL (limited to FL since I just have Fri-Sun) couples weekend (21 years anniv).

    I know FL sucks (I live here, I GET IT) but need to keep it local due to time constraints.

    Excluding panhandle and keys (LONG drives), I am looking at Omni amelia isl, vinoy st pete, jw macro island, and eau palm in palm beach

    Thoughts?

    Thanks for your help
    A Planning Husband

    3. Can’t help with the hotels, but post again on Monday morning for more responses.

    4. Post early in the day on Monday. There is more activity so you are more likely to get helpful responses.

    5. Also look into the Breakers on PB or the Brazilian Court. The Colony is trying to get influencers to come but personally I find the decor “girls weekend fusty-preppy” rather than romantic.

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