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The Anniversary Sale is almost over for the year — are you going back in for any purchases, different sizes, or anything like that? This fun “Out of Office” bag caught my eye almost immediately and I sadly forgot to post about it — I think it's a really fun “message” bag. (Also, think about how cute your vacation pictures will look…)
The pictured bag is $58 (after this weekend it will go back to $98). The brand has another bag in the NAS as well that says “Beach Please” (and more message bags outside of the sale).
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Breakups suck
This is basically just a vent, because I’m not sure anything is going to help. But how do you get over a breakup? My ex-bf of two and a half years and I broke up in May and he moved out of the house we had lived in together for 18 months in early June. Since we were both working from home, we spent basically 24/7 together. I miss him so much and think about him all the time. I really though we were going to get married and spend the rest of our lives together. On the one hand, I can recognize that there were some problems in our relationship and that he isn’t mature enough yet to be the partner I want. On the other hand, I really miss him, don’t think the problems were that big, and just wish he could be the guy I know he could be. It’s also so hard because I wish we could get back together, but know that he doesn’t want to do so. Maybe I’ll look back at this in a few years as the right choice, and maybe he will also be the one that got away.
I can’t stop thinking about him and it hurts so much. My friends are trying to help and be there, but most of them haven’t had a breakup of a significant relationship. I just feel so lonely and like I’m going to be alone forever. I really miss having a partner and talking to him.
I don’t know what I’m asking here. Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest.
Senior Attorney
Aw, I’m sorry! Breakups do suck. But… if he could be that guy, he would be that guy. And he’s not. And he doesn’t want to get back together so that’s not even an option. So… the task on your plate is to break the attachment. If you haven’t gone no-contact, you need to do that. And even if you’re not in contact, you need to work hard on stopping the stinking and wishing and hoping. I know we recommend this a lot around here, but some sessions with a therapist might help.
When I was going through my divorce, I kept telling myself “the only way out is through,” and “this time next year things will be way better,” and guess what? I was right on both counts. And if you tell yourself those things, you will be right, too!
Hugs, OP! I’m sorry this happened but you can get through it!
Emma
Everything you’re describing is a lot of what everyone feels after a breakup! Not to minimize your feelings, but it is helpful to remember that just because you feel like it is a mistake doesn’t mean it actually is. Breakups are super hard and it’s a form of grief and mourning. If you were spending every second together, relying on one another for emotional support, physically intimate etc, it’s going to feel like a huge loss to not have him near anymore. Be kind to yourself and remember you just have to feel this way until you don’t anymore.
One thing that sticks out from your post is it sounds like you’re caught up in who he could be, and feel like it would be easy for him to have just magically become the guy you wanted. That type of thinking seems like it may keep you stuck. He wasn’t that person that you wanted him to be, and it sounds like he didn’t want to mature in the ways you wanted him to right now. It may be easier to fully mourn and let go if you really embrace the fact that who he was is who you were going to be with, and there was no way to guarantee he’d change. Think of all the things you didn’t like, all of the problems you had, all of the ways in which he wasn’t enough for you right now. Now, remember that you are now free to find someone who is enough in all of those ways. And there will be someone – it is just a matter of healing, letting go of this person, and then trusting that when the time is right you’ll be able to move on. One day, this will be a speck of a memory, even if it doesn’t feel like that now.
I would say for your own sake, cut out any thoughts that he’ll be “the one who got away” or that he could magically turn into your perfect guy. It’s not rational, and it’s the kind of post-breakup logic that everyone has. Think of all the reasons this is a good choice and really sit and think about what you want in a partner and what you want in life. The closing of this door opens up so many opportunities and new possibilities. It just is going to feel horrible, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the right path.
Going to post my favorite breakup healing guide in a separate comment. Sending you lots of love!
Emma
https://www.instagram.com/p/B01qp5CF-vv/?hl=en
Anon
The only way to get over it is to get under it. Get out there and start dating again. Don’t expect to meet Mr. Right. You’re looking for Mr. Right Now.
anon
I’m so sorry about your breakup. I was in your position many years ago – the person I thought was the love of my life, who I wanted to marry and have children with, broke up with me somewhat unexpectedly after just about two years of dating. What made it even worse was that we worked in the same office (as peers) so I had to see him pretty frequently. It took me the better part of a year, but I eventually did get over him (I also left my office, which is probably what allowed me to move on since I didn’t have to see him anymore). I won’t lie to you – even though it’s been 10+ years now, I still think about him sometimes, and all the pain and hurt he caused me, and the humiliation and bitterness comes back. But I’m working through that in therapy, and I remind myself that I met a wonderful man who did want to marry me, and I have two healthy, happy children – and that ultimately, I know he did me a favor because if we had gotten married and he then divorced me, it would have been much, much worse. Hang in there, I promise it will get better. Remember SA’s mantra: “the only way out is through.”
Anonymous
I have given this advice before here, but I will say it again — One lesson I have learned is that breaking up really is hard and you can make it worse for yourself if you keep telling yourself you shouldn’t feel all the feelings about it or punish yourself for grieving a breakup. It is normal to grieve the loss of someone who was the center of your life, even if they are still alive. Most of the great art (all forms) is driven by love or the loss of love. It is a deeply emotional event. You thought you had found the one. You did find a good guy who just wasn’t quite the one. Learn from that and use the information you will get from this period of examination.
That does not mean you should wallow for months and not move on, enjoy the things and people who are still in your life, or find new passions and new love, but it really is okay to go through the pain and you are not weak for doing so. Maybe this isn’t you, but it was definitely me, and I regret the time I spent beating myself up for being sad and trying to punch down the feelings rather than just working through the emotions.
Anonymous
I agree with this 100%. You have a right to feel sad. It’s part of the grieving process. Give yourself space to feel your feelings and it will help you move through them faster. But also do things that nurture you. When I went through a rough time I made a list of all the things that nourished me – spending time with friends, taking a luxurious bath, etc. I made it a point to do something that nourished me every day. Be intentional about taking care of yourself while allowing yourself to grieve. Hugs to you. Like SA said, in a year you will feel better and the only way out is through.
Monday
I agree with all the comments above, and also just want to add something on “the one that got away.” I’m sure someone here will chime in with a counterpoint, but here’s what I’ve seen by age 40: all couples who broke up, broke up for good reasons. The only people who talk about “the one that got away” are the ones who blew their chance by cheating, substance abuse, or other bad treatment of some kind. You put in your best for 2.5 years, and it still didn’t work. I have never heard anyone say “I wish I was still with so-and-so” unless, again, they did something obvious and major to ruin the relationship, and they know it.
This is the hard part. I’m pretty sure you will not be dragged down by any regrets in the coming years.
Senior Attorney
This is so true. When you get to be my ancient age, everybody regrets the breakups that didn’t happen, not the ones that did!
Anon
I largely agree with this comment with a wrinkle. I didn’t do anything major to screw things up, but I loved an amazing guy who loved me, too. I was just not ready to settle down and I ended things. I know that I would have messed things up if I stayed and that ending it was right, but I also believe that we would have been great IF I had beed ready. And if my grandmother had wheels, she would have been a wagon . . . .
pugsnbourbon
I’m so sorry about your breakup. You’ve gotten some good advice, and I’ll add – can you go on a trip? Get out of the house you shared for a little bit and go somewhere new. If you can’t, try to shake up your routine in other ways – a new coffee place, restaurant, shops, etc. I hope you start feeling better soon.
Anonymous
Was just coming here to advise this. Also, shake up the space itself. Move around the furniture and try things out in different rooms. Buy some new rugs or pillows or pictures. Pick out some candles or diffusers you like. Change up your plates and the place where you eat dinner. It’s time to let in some new energy and make the space yours.
Anon
Definitely rearrange the furniture. I broke up with someone and was glad about it. But when I would come home and see his spots, it made me sad. One was right after you entered the apartment. I moved the furniture and it was AMAZING for how I felt. I also second going no contact, even if it’s just for two weeks to see how it feels.
Anon
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It can be helpful just to vent. Breakups are tough – especially when you’ve invested a lot of time. I hope you can find some peace.
Anonymous
So I know I’m out of touch because I’m in a workplace that STILL hasn’t reopened at all. They keep pushing it out and now are at a Jan reopen, under the guise of safety but really they know it’s what the majority of employees want and are trying to keep people happily employed here. But because I’ve been sitting home I know I’m out of touch with how workplaces are handling covid and could use guidance.
Thing is I want to move on from this job due to the actual work and also because I know for me professionally and mentally, I can’t have a remote job forever and want something that’s hybrid. But I AM very nervous about engaging in the world maskless when covid is still so rampant as I do have some health issues. Ideally from a work perspective I’d like to start a new job in the new year, which to me means I need to start scheduling some networking calls in the next month or two as I expect it to be a process. One industry I’m interested in seems to be hiring and one firm seems to be in overall growth mode.
When I talk to these places, do I or can I say anything about wanting to work from home for a few more months as being the reason that I’m looking for a job for next year? Can I or do I ask anything about masking? I mean I know no place requires anyone to mask but say the networking call goes well enough to where they invite me in to sit in a conference room and chat with them, do I mask or no? Do I ask if it’s ok to mask? I know this is a deal with it when it happens issue, but with one place I feel like it could happen so it’s not a pure hypothetical. I’m in DC, these employers are in the DC suburbs in Virginia and Md.
And while I know turning the calendar won’t be any kind of magic bullet, I guess I’m hoping that things will continue to improve and we’ll have variant specific vaccines in a few months so I figure why not stay fully remote until then.
Anonymous
It’s fine to wear a mask inside – no need to ask for permission or anything. No one in this area will blink if you wear a mask, it’s more likely that people will ask if you want them to mask up too.
ELS
Agreed. I’m in a law firm with multiple offices in the NOVA area, and even outside the District there are a fair number of folks who are masking indoors, in all of our locations. I wouldn’t bat an eye at a coworker or consultant who was masked.
Anon
You can wear your mask wherever and whenever you feel most comfortable wearing a mask. If the potential employer has an issue with that, then it’s clearly not the employer for you.
It is also fine to ask about remote and WFH but I wouldn’t lead with it, and I’m one of the most cautious people out there. I’d find out whether I was interested in the substance of a job and I’d also want them to get a chance to know whether they liked me and wanted me to come work there before I started talking about those things. For me, that’s a negotiation step.
Cat
there are lots of reasons people want to stay in a job through year-end, and they typically start and end with the word “bonus.”
I would just say you are exploring making a change in Q1 if you are firm on the timeline.
FWIW, in my hybrid office, I see a mix of people who do or don’t wear KN95’s around the building. No judgies either way. (Philly.)
Anonymous
Don’t ask permission to mask. Just do it. I even make presentations wearing a mask and nobody dares to say anything about it.
Anon
I would try flipping the WFH part, at least in your head. State that your current office is strictly WFH at least through January and quite possibly making it permanent. Let the interviewer know that while this precaution has been comforting with case numbers high, you realize you prefer not to WFH long-term. Ask if they can describe how they are navigating this going forward.
Anonymous
I can’t imagine anyone in the DC area saying anything because you showed up to a meeting in a mask. While most people aren’t masking now, a consistent percentage still is, and we’re also an area where people turn masking on and off more than other areas. There are definitely people who won’t mask in the summer because it’s too hot but will mask in the fall as case rates rise.
Also it isn’t unheard of to want to make a switch in January – for everything from bonus reasons to I want to spend time with my family or travel for the holidays. I would not lead with WFH or anything but since a good part of the reason you want to switch is to not end up fully remote, you can definitely ask what they’re doing about having people in the office. Like you can let it be known that you don’t want fully remote – employers like hearing that as they are contending with a crowd that never wants to come back. And then listen up to what they say – if they say they’re hybrid, go on about how that’s exactly what you want. If they say they’re Monday thru Friday in office only and that’s how it is, you don’t have to say much but you file that away in your head for when you think about whether this place is really for you.
Anonymous
One of my partner orgs is in DC and is still requiring masks in the office.
M2020
I’m in suburban Ohio and lots of people mask in our nonprofit office.
Anon
I’m in a red state and wear an N95 on the rare I have to be in the office. I’m the only one masking but no one has ever said anything rude to me. Definitely don’t ask permission to wear your own mask.
Anonymous
Has anyone been officially diagnosed with ADHD as an adult? Just got off the phone scheduling the appointment and the psychiatrist seemed confused why I’d want to do it. (Also: it costs $1400?)
Anonymous
$1,400 seems in the ballpark for comprehensive testing with a psychologist, including a full IQ test. Not sure what a psychiatrist would do to diagnose it other than the quick questionnaire.
Anonymous
No experience with this but I am curious. Why do you want or need to be diagnosed as an adult? Would you medicate? I figured people diagnose kids so they can medicate them to get them through a dozen years of school and or get them extra time on tests and things.
Anonymous
OP here – I gave my regular doctor the ADHD questionaire and she said, yep sounds like ADHD but I can’t medicate until you get an official diagnosis. (Ms. $1400 Dr said she’d give me a QBCheck test and talking to diagnose, no IQ/neuropsych workup.)
I’m pursuing it b/c my eldest has allll my issues but (like me) Adderol didn’t work. My youngest is ASD/ADHD/GAD/SPD and he’s having a tough time with meds also… Also self-validation and to feel justified in identifying as ADHD/ND.
pugsnbourbon
I mean, you don’t necessarily grow out of ADHD?
My wife’s diagnosis was really eye opening for her. She had always been very high-achieving, but felt a lot of shame around procrastination, forgetfulness, etc. Getting diagnosed was validating, and the medication has also been helpful. But it was pretty pricey (at least $1k, partially covered by insurance).
Anon
Can’t you get this through a covered by insurance specialist?
I don’t know why I’m asking that really. When my daughter was diagnosed we had to use a physician who didn’t take insurance (a behavioral pediatrician) so we submitted her bills to insurance after the fact and got a very small reimbursement.
I have not been diagnosed as an adult but I will be very interested to hear your journey as you progress because I relate so, so much to my daughter’s issues.
Anonymous
That price sounds about right, I’ve recently sought a diagnosis for ASD. The psychologist was similarly confused as to why I’d want a diagnosis, because on the surface I’m very ‘successful’. I did it mostly for personal validation, it’s been really revolutionary for my mental health to be able to know that I’m bullied because of my disability so I no longer see being the victim of bullies as a moral failure. My DH got a diagnosis for ADHD recently for similar reasons, its easier for him to accept his spaceyness as a disability he has work arounds for rather than a moral failing.
roxie
I really appreciate the way you framed this here so succinctly (a disability to work around and not a moral failing) – thank you.
Anon
All you need is a competent primary care physician who can administer a Vanderbilt assessment and hear your school/work history to diagnose and potentially prescribe meds. I wouldn’t go to a psychiatrist unless I were pursuing a full neuropsych eval, IMHO.
Anon
Yes. And yes it cost $1400, ugh.
Anon8
I’m not sure how “official” this was but I saw a psychologist in my early 20s who said I had ADHD and anxiety. Years later I went to a psychiatric nurse practitioner, told her my symptoms and she said basically, “You have ADHD. Here are the meds.”
This year I went to my primary care doc and said I’ve been struggling with anxiety and she basically said, “let’s try these meds”
So if you’re trying to get an official diagnosis to try meds (and you have insurance) there are probably more affordable options.
Dee 2
The diagnosis used to be like that. “Here are meds. If it helps, you have ADHD.” I was told this in my early 30s and ignored it.
In early 40s the exam and screening was questionnaire + a test at a computer with a motion-sensitive camera and being recorded & with an actual printout and comparison of non-ADHD vs. ADHD havers. More seemingly scientific. I went with the diagnosis and am using meds.
I got diagnosed as an adult and all of a sudden I understood myself so much more and could accept and do things that actually helped me, instead of just trying to be… like some ideally organized person, I can be me, but with the meds + learnings, can actually be a better higher functioning me. Does that make sense? Also a lot easier to take different kinds of advice because a lot is offered for the ADHD community.
And I thought the diagnosis process is helpful because if you don’t have it, then you can cross it off your list and move to the next step of getting help
Anonymous
I live in Princeton, NJ area and have a free day tomorrow for a day trip to North Jersey. Any recommendations for cute small towns (good food, coffee, parks, things to look at/do etc.) to explore in North Jersey?
Anon
Montclair? There’s an art museum, coffee, restaurants, and Brookdale Park. There are fancy houses to look at on Upper Mountain Avenue and nearby. It doesn’t seem worth a trip to me, but if you are just looking for a change of scenery it might be a choice.
BeenThatGuy
+1 for Montclair. Ridgewood is an option too
roxie
why go north when you could go east to the beach, I don’t get ;)
but maybe Maplewood? Montclair is great too.
Anon
Hoboken or Jersey City. If Hoboken strikes your fancy: stroll along the waterfront, get a coffee/pastry at Chocopain, visit the shops along Washington street.
Anonymous
Thanks, all! My goals were to explore someplace new and avoid crowds. Went to Montclair vicinity and had a lovely time – the view from Eagle Rock Reservation was really gorgeous too. Have Hoboken on my list for my next trip!
Anonymous
Just another vent, but frivolous in the long run – I hate my new haircut. This is entirely my fault. I did a walk-in at a local salon yesterday, because I was sick and tired of having my long thin, fine, hair be a sweaty mess in this sweltering heat. I did not go to my usual salon a 40 min drive out because my usual stylist was out of the country to visit family, and I was tired. I asked for 2 things – 1) short enough to tie up, and 2) layered hair. I got 1) done, and not 2), which means I now have a really short bob. Which… actually looks okay if I didn’t have some issues with having a similar haircut back when I was 13 (20+ years ago) and people thought I was a boy instead of a girl for a summer.
On the bright side, my hair is still long enough to tie up, and if I just wait a couple of months, it’ll grow back out and hopefully my usual hair stylist will be back and can give me the layers I want.
Thanks for letting me vent, Hive.
Anon
You might get used to the bob and stop associating it with your old memories! It’s a fine cut for the summer. But I sympathize because I also recently got a bad cut and had to fix it up myself when I got home!
Bonnie Kate
oh hey we have the same hair cut right now. In my case it’s that my shorter hair layers have grown out and I’m now all one layer, which is my least favorite. I’m wearing a bunch of low ponytails. I’m impatiently waiting for my regular stylist appt next study that I made two weeks ago, although I have checked her schedule a few times to see if I could just get in for the cut ahead of time because all one length is not my fav either.
Anon
Ugh I had this happen to me, except it was at the salon I was going to but my usual stylist was unavailable. My parent forced me to have short, above the ears short, hair until I was a preteen. I also have similar issues as you with shorter haircuts after being mistaken for a boy. Stylist didn’t listen to what I wanted and I ended up with a bob just below the ear and the kind of layers at the back that I absolutely Hate. I felt so ugly for months and months while it grew out, and stupid for letting the stylist do it in the first place. The layers took almost a year of growing and cuts for my regular stylist to fully be able to correct for me.
Celia
Maybe try accessories? When I got my hair cut short and hated it, I got a few skinny silk scarves and had fun playing with that for a while; the really classic ones looked good at work too. Also small pretty clips / headbands for at home.
Anonymous
Any good books that take place in Singapore or Malaysia? I’ve already read everything Crazy Rich Asians.
Kristina
Are you specifically looking for contemporary? If you want older, more “classic” books, both Somerset Maugham and Joseph Conrad wrote extensively about Singapore and Malaysia.
Anna
Garden of Evening Mists or The Gift of Rain by Tan Twang Eng are both wonderful.
Anon
Jealous! They are both on my bucket list. Soy Sauce for Beginners is set in Singapore. It’s good but not great.
Ovidia Yu!
If you like historical (WWII) mysteries, try Ovidia Yu’s series. She’s a Singaporean national treasure.
Anon
The Art of Hearing Heartbeats is set in Burma/Myanmar, which borders Malaysia. It is amazing but, although I haven’t read CRA, probably not similar to CRA. But still–amazing. Protagonist is a female lawyer if that appeals.
Anon
The Night Tiger and Gohst Bride by Yangsze Choo.
anon
I posted on the earlier thread- one more shopping help ask. should I get this? someone talk me into or out of it!
https://thefoldlondon.com/product/cloudsly-cardigan-lake-blue-cashmere/?attribute_pa_size=small
Anon8
Long, shapeless cardigans always make me feel like I’m wearing a bathrobe– I’d pass!
Anon
Agree.
Senior Attorney
Yup.
Anonymous
+1 you can get stuff like that for $50 on amazon or in sales. spend the money elsewhere with The Fold!
Cat
the other sweater is way more unique and worth the money IMHO.
Anne-on
I would 100% spend the money on the other draped sweater (which I also had to convince myslef not to buy, so I’m enabling you to live our my dream). This one isn’t as special imho
Anon
I can see being tempted by something like this. The color is gorgeous, it looks comfy as hecks, and it’s on sale.
The downside of long cardigans is what everyone else is saying – they look kind of like bathrobes. It might be great for popping on over leggings and wearing for WFH.
The downsides of this particular cardigan, for me, are all in the sleeve area. The shoulders are extremely dropped, and the sleeves are a blouson shape (look at the cuffs vs the sleeves.) Both of these features are gonna to make the wearer look larger, which is fine if that’s what you’re going for. But it wouldn’t be great on most of us.
Anonymous
I’ll go against the grain and say buy it! The color is lovely, and I kinda love the idea of this for upcoming late fall /winter days when I want to feel cozy. Caveat that I work in a very casual office so this would be perfect
No Face
The pink sweater you posted earlier was gorgeous. This, not so much. I am perfectly fine with a work bathrobe sweater, but you should pay less to fill that slot.
anon
Thanks ladies! I am always happy to be talked out of buying things :)
Anon
Shapeless. I’d pass.
Anon
I posted before but didn’t get many responses. I got my second piercing about a month ago and love it! Thanks for all the encouragement.
I was looking forward to wearing all the studs I already own in the second piercing but my piercing studs are flat back style and I now realize how much I like that.
Is there a way to convert earrings with the regular post + butterfly back to accept flat backs?
(Or I guess nap earring style as may of you have posted about)
Earrings
The way nap earrings work is that one post is open inside and the other one screws into it. Look at something like the porter lyons website for a depiction. So in theory you could get earrings put in those types of posts but I’m guessing it would be spendy.
eertmeert
I responded but my comment got caught in moderation, probably because I included links.
I only wear earrings I can sleep in and talk on the phone comfortably in. I was avoiding my studs and only wearing huggies for many years, but recently discovered I can use these backs and not have any issues with posts poking me. They aren’t flat backs, but I have no issues sleeping on my side wearing them.
I’ll follow with links, but in case those get caught in moderation again, here are the names to search on amazon/wherever:
Silicone Earring Backs Earring Backings 1200 Pcs Soft Clear Ear Safety Back Pads Backstops Clutch Stopper Replacement for Fish Hook Earring Studs Hoops, Diameter 4mm
3-Pairs Locking Earring Backs For Studs,14k Plated White Gold Earrings Back For Studs Secure,Hypoallergenic Earring Backs Apply To Earring Backs for heavy earring(2White+1Gold)
For the silicone ones, I snip the bottom, widest ring bit off so they are more flush to my ear.
eertmeert
I posted the links but that comment is in moderation so I’ll just assume it won’t go through :)
OP
Thank you!!
Anon
+1 for these.
eertmeert
https://www.amazon.com/3-Pairs-Locking-Earring-Earrings-Hypoallergenic/dp/B096TGDHJ4/ref=sr_1_4_sspa
https://www.amazon.com/Silicone-Backings-Backstops-Replacement-100Pairs/dp/B07CJ6C6B2/ref=sr_1_5
Anonymous
PSA to everyone: After a doctor’s visit (especially a specialist) email yourself what they said AS WELL AS THE DOCTOR’S NAME. This has come up numerous times recently where I needed the name of a doctor I saw 15 years ago and couldn’t for the life of me remember it.
Anon
Good advice – I wouldn’t remember the name after one year, let alone fifteen!
Anonymous
I am surprised you would need the name so long after. Why? But yes, keep these records.
Anonymous
I’m looking for some new caffeine-free teas to try – what are everyone’s favorites?
Bonnie Kate
Yogi Tea Echinacea Immune Support is very good. I generally like all of the Yogi Tea flavors.
Anonymous
I love the Yogi Chai Turmeric. Lovely taste and turmeric is great for you.
Anonymous
Tazo Passion! It’s delicious.
Anon
Tazo Turmeric Bliss
Anonymous
Republic of Tea decaf ginger peach. It is actual black tea decaffeinated instead of herbal “tea.”
AIMS
The TJ Turmeric Ginger tea is really good.
I like Tazo’s mint and chamomile teas, too (i will be the outlier on passion – I find it thin, if that makes sense, but I also don’t sweeten my tea so that may be why).
There is also a company called Clipper that makes really amazing fruit teas – if you can’t find it in store, Amazon sells a “fruit pack” that is delicious. Main Squeeze (citrusy) is my favorite.
Anon
Maybe it’s peach season but I’ve been drinking peach teas this month
Hollis
My favorite is Bengal Spice from Celestial Seasonings. Most herbal teas taste like water to me, but Bengal Spice has tons of flavor and tastes like big red gum.
BigLaw Anon
Would really appreciate hearing what “market” compensation (salary and bonus) looks like for nonequity / income partners at BigLaw in NY. Completely understand that it will vary from firm to firm (and perhaps practice to practice). But what is a reasonable range to expect in an offer for a transactional practice in this current environment?
Nyc
Income partners – $600k+ starting and increases over time
I’ve also been hearing of a few firms that start counsel at this level + the equivalent market bonus given to senior associates. Imagine those firms also pay more for income partners
anon
At my firm it’s 650k to 1.5m starting depending on seniority and book.
Anonymous
Dear company owner. This is the second time you’ve emailed me out of the blue after 4 on a Friday to have a meeting Monday morning where I will need to deliver a lengthy report. I will now spend this weekend writing that report in between the approx. 7 hours of other work already planned. I also appreciated your companywide Slack talking about all the fun things you are doing this weekend with family one last time before school starts. I haven’t done anything with my family all summer. I’ve gone from feeling guilty when I give notice in a couple of weeks to relishing it. The three weeks notice I was planning to give just dropped to two.
No Face
…if you’re giving notice soon anyway why spend your weekend doing the work?
Anon
Yes I also vote not doing it
Anonymous
Agree.
“Owner, I’ll be there Monday to discuss the metrics you would like to see for this report. These reports typically take me approximately 7 hours to prepare, so I’ll let you know Monday if I can have it ready Wednesday or Thursday. Thanks!”
anon
+100
Anon
Yes this!!
Anon
Why on earth would you work 7+ hours on a weekend after giving notice?
Anonymous
Right this is a you problem. “BenSteve. I will run that report Monday and we can meet Tuesday.”
Anon
+1 don’t be a martyr
Anon
I also would have declined the meeting
Woof
Well, as you are resigning, it is time to push back. Email back,and say that you have weekend plans, and you will not be prepared with this presentation, and that you can do it another day next week, maybe Wed.-Friday. This boss is a bully, and good for you for resigning.
ArenKay
Everyone’s advice is correct here, and I personally hope you report back after you give notice so we can all hear the glorious details and congratulate you.
Anon
+1 please report back with details
Anonymous
I am glad you are leaving this job but I could not disagree more with the advice to blow this off. I would suck it up one last time to preserve the relationship and good reference. You aren’t going to be able to say “I can’t give you a reference from that employer because the owner is an ahole and I decided not to complete an assignment before giving noice [yes, unlike others, my reading comp is pretty good – you haven’t given notice yet] and though weekend work is a regular expectation in this job i really didn’t feel like it so I told the owner to shove it. So sad. Too bad. Hire me anyway as I am very good at setting boundaries.” Just get out. Hopefully you have vetted the next job for more balance.
Anonymous for this
What are some of the most important questions and issues one would want to raise about the firm or the interviewer’s experience there in the context of a mid-senior-level interview in a buyside finance context? (Apologies, I’m being deliberately obtuse, but I’m both eager to be anonymous for this question and I’m also trying to ensure I’m not overlooking important considerations for vetting the firm as a fit)
Anom
Childcare vent – I’ve now interviewed 5 people for a part time babysitter job for my elementary school kids after school. One person checked all the boxes, her references were good, but she took a different job. Three people never sent me their references after i did the initial screening call. And one person, while she sent me references, is actually looking for a full time job. What am I doing wrong that people aren’t even sending me references?? I ask them what they want to get paid and agree it’s reasonable. I’m not trying to cheap out. Why is childcare so difficult??
Anon
My daughter does this kind of work. She doesn’t want to provide her last employer as a reference because the employer was unstable, which is why she left. She had no trouble finding plenty of jobs with no references. Perhaps you’re not getting interest because babysitters are so in demand they’re finding work that doesn’t require them to jump through the hoops you’re requiring.
Anom
I need something! Would you leave your 7 year old with a complete stranger where the only connection is that they answered a post on Facebook? I need someone to vouch that this person who is going to drive my kids around is not a child molesting maniac. I’m not asking for a resume or college degree. Or to talk to their last employer. Just give me something.
OP
I hear you but I’m just saying you’re being selected against if sitters can get the same money with fewer hurdles. If you really want this, then pay more and make it worth the hurdles.
Curious
Oh, no answers, but preach.
Weekender
Commiserating- it is hard to find excellent childcare especially part time after school. Regarding references, Maybe don’t ask for references until I’m ready to hire. That makes it more fair to the applicant- their references shouldn’t be called by multiple people. It’s more of a safety and trustworthiness check at the end rather than part of the interviewing process.
Anon
Doesn’t anyone use word-of-mouth any more? I would ask a friend with similarly aged kids who they used, or ask the teen-ager on the block if they babysat or knew someone who did.
AnonManager
It’s performance evaluation time in my org and this is my first set of evaluations in this org. I have an employees who is good at their specific skill set but lacks in what I think we still call “soft skills”. The person has a very negative outlook, balks when asked to take on new tasks just slightly outside of the defined role, complains a lot, and also has not been very good at follow-up and communication in general. I am struggling with how to frame this evaluation since the individual is demonstrably good within their niche and day-to-day tasks but lacking in these other areas, which I strongly feel are just as important in any role. It’s also challenging to say “you have a bad attitude” in a way that is constructive. Has anyone “been there done that” and have any wisdom to share?
Cat
An evaluation should never come as a surprise. How have you been managing this person’s attitude to date?
AnonManager
OP here – we’ve had discussions over the past few months although not super recently. I try to let a lot go in the day-to-day. But I think the “official” evaluation part is making me blank on how to word it/frame as a goal for improvement.
Curious
“Employee is strong in technical areas and needs improvement in soft skills. Example: in situation X, employee did Y, leading to Z. A better approach would be Q. Employee has already made N progress toward this goal and we need to see more for the employee to continue to meet the bar / get up to the bar for adequate performance.
Curious
Also, +1 to Cat. You should ideally be using clear words you’ve already used to give this feedback, ideally in the format (situation – behavior – impact – alternative) I mentioned above (it’s a nice actionable format). If you haven’t been able to do that and this will be surprising, that’s a very normal growth area to note in your own self-assessment.
Anon
Following with interest, as I mentor a colleague who has this same problem. Decent at the quantifiable aspects of her role but very acerbic in her interactions with others and not open to constructive criticism. It’s demoralizing for our team.
Sloan Sabbith
Got Paxlovid rebound. Tested positive today 3 days after testing negative (with a resurgence of symptoms including cough + fever) and my doctor put me back on Paxlovid because I’m high-risk and my lungs were already not doing great before I got COVID this time (I was already on several antibiotics for a pulmonary infection).
Back to eating only spicy or sweet foods for the next five days (when I have an appetite which is never).
MagicUnicorn
Ugh, how frustrating! I hope round 2 does the trick for you.
If you need a book suggestion, I’m currently reading The Lincoln Highway by Amor Towles and find it enjoyable and well written without requiring too much mental engagement.
Ses
Ugh, sorry to hear it. May you have delicious curry experiences to see you through this time of trouble. (Thai curry specifically for me is the sweet/spicy combination needed to cut through all illnesses).
Ellen
Sloan, feel better! We depend on you here at the hive for inspiration, and now you tell us you have had COVID again? I would get a doctor at Mt. Sinai hospital to diagnose you, as they have the best doctors from all over the country. I have an ENT doctor there named Dr. Gendin you should look up. He can diagnose and fix anything in your ears, nose and throat, which is where COVID comes from.
Anonymous
Hey Investment Gurus—Thanks for the recommendation to buy I-bonds a few months ago. Any other investment insight in the current environment? How about buying Treasury Inflation-Protected Securities?
Anonymous
Happy Weekend, Hive. I am looking for recommendations for a good gift whiskey or scotch for my SOs upcoming milestone birthday, if you have any you’d care to share. Budget up to $150. TIA!
Anonymous
Lagavulin 16 YO
Anon
Small vent: condos and water issues seem to go together like peanut butter and jelly. Calling plumbing companies was not the way I wanted to start my long weekend!
Anon
I’m settling into a permanent 2 days in office / 3 days at home work routine. I haven’t done any closet purge and want to try now that I know my schedule. How many different work wear items and outfits do you think is a reasonable number? Most days are smart casual with occasional need for business casual and rare (1-2/ year?) need for business formal.Despite having an overly full closet I also have some thin spots in my wardrobe (eg, I only have two pants that still fit well) so I’ll probably need to do some shopping. I’d love suggestions on items that are versatile for my needs. TIA.
Anonymous
Maybe do a project 333? Put “extras” in boxes.
Anon
Does Eileen Fisher or department stores that carry the brand ever do across the board discounts on current merchandise? I have my eye on something specific that I’ve been unable to find on Poshmark, etc.
Anon
Rarely. They do have end of season sales. Sometimes Macy’s has a pre season sale with coupons; but even then certain brands may be excluded.
Sign up for emails from the EF website. Occasionally they’ll offer a percentage or a flat dollar discount.
Anonymous
Ugh. I’m in a rut in my long distance relationship. We want to spend more days together, and can both work remote 1.5 weeks per month, but between pet care and a few recurring monthly in person meetings that are mandatory, it’s really hard to find any stretch of more than 3-4 days. Sigh.
Anon
I think the only variable here is the pet care. I would consider hiring a pet sitter or taking a mode of transportation that allows for pets so you or your SO can bring theirs.
Anon
Does anyone wear shirts anymore? My whole city (female population under 50) is all just wearing sports bras and bike shorts. I am actually going biking today, so am in padded bike shorts but feel almost in modesty attire in a bright yellow tee in addition to the other items.
Anon
Ha! I’m wearing a white tee with bike shorts :P I’m also 5 weeks postpartum so using that as my excuse for living in altheisure…
Celia
Ha! I was in NYC with a much older coworker this weekend and he asked me at some point if wearing shirts was just unfashionable now. I think his phrasing at one point was “is this the year of the no-top top?” And…he wasn’t wrong! I actually love those styles but am sticking to actual tees myself.
Anonymous
Huh. I am in ATL and go out quite a bit despite being old-ish and, while I see crop tops a lot, I have mostly seen actual tops/shirts. Then again, we tend to dress a bit less casually here than other places. (You can sometimes tell a scene in a movie/TV show was filmed in ATL by the “better” dressed extras.)
amberwitch
Probably mostly a US thing – haven’t seen that in any part of EU I’ve been in recently. Albeit, no heatwave either:-)
Anon
This was my experience Saturday while shopping. I was surprised, but I guess when it’s too hot any little breeze on the belly helps to cool down
Anon
Underwear appears to be appropriate for day wear nowadays. Whenever I am feeling judgemental, I remember that I wore roach clips with feathers as a hair decoration in the 80s.