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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
We just rounded up some of the denim trousers we're seeing (and how to wear them), but another thing that seems to be back after a long delay is the denim maxi skirt.
There are a TON of variations out there — pieced, A-line, straight skirt, front slit, back slit, raw hem, asymmetrical hem, and more, at places like Nordstrom, Shopbop, Saks and more. A lot of the slits look, ahem, pretty high, and weirdly unsexy despite the fact that it looks like the entire room will know what underwear you're wearing.
This skirt from Wash Lab is the highest rated among the bunch, and I like the $128 price. I also like the details — the way the pieces don't exactly align in the front (but do in the back), the high waist with three buttons, and the darts along the bum.
It's available in sizes 25-34 at Nordstrom.
(Looking for something even more affordable? This skirt seems to have great ratings at Amazon.)
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Anon
Nope, this is a classic Pentecostal/conservative Christian look. I’ll pass!
BeenThatGuy
Fascinating. In my area, this is solidly an Orthodox Jewish look.
Anon
I’m in the Bible Belt but associate this look with Orthodox Jews too.
Anon
I think of Orthodox Jews in long black skirts and fundie Christians in long denim skirts.
Anonymous
Yeah, my first thought was quiverfull.
Anon
The Duggars must be thrilled it’s back in style!
anon
The Duggars must be thrilled it’s back in style!
Anon
I say this as a Christian who loves her faith: that is unfortunately true.
JHC
Perfect description.
Anonymous
Yeah, the uniform of [pick a conservative religious sect of your choosing]. No no no no no.
Anonymous
“See how cool we are? We let our teenaged girls wear denim!”
Anonymous
Home-school all the way.
Anonymous
I have a sibling that homeschools, lol. The people in their circle refer to this look as the ‘uniform of shelter-schoolers’. That is, the ones that keep their kids (especially girls) at home, teach young earth ‘science’, and generally avoid contact with anyone other than people from their church/movement.
Anon
Speaking of home-schooling — how did you learn to read? My mother (at that point, a former K-3 teacher) taught me the letters and then we sat for hours while I learned to “sound it out.” This was late 1960s. I did not realize this was no longer the done thing until I was reading recently about the Great Phonics Debate. Are there other ways that work to teach kids how to read? This whole “guess the word based on your cultural knowledge and the pictures” seems cray-cray to me. But I don’t have kids, so what do I know?
Anon
My mom was a K teacher who stayed home until my sister was in K and I cannot remember not reading. She had all of her Open Court phonics books on the bookcases at home and I must have just absorbed them. She mailed them to me when I had kids and while I didn’t “teach” my kids (work FT not as a teacher), I’d read to them from them and kept them in their bedroom.
Learning from words as if they are pictures vs letters representing sounds seems like something that would work better in a language like Chinese. It seems nutty the way our letters and alphabet fit together (even though laughter-daughter is hard to explain with why they don’t rhyme).
Anon
My understanding of the “whole word recognition” fad was that it was basically a mistake. Researchers discovered that highly fluent readers of English actually recognize whole words at a time as they read. (This is true!) For some reason this led some people to think that teaching letters and sounding it out wouldn’t lead to fluency as well as teaching whole words. But the fluent readers didn’t start off fluent; they learned letters and knew how to sound out words. Maybe this is what you were reading about?
Anon
Podcast recommendation: Sold a Story. It is riveting if you have even a modicum of interest in how kids learn to read.
Anon
Thanks!
Anonymous
My mother taught me phonics and I taught my daughter phonics. I do not know how any child learns to read in school. I used to make lots of money tutoring phonics for the children of rich people who had not bothered to teach their kids at home and were shocked when they didn’t learn in school.
Anonymous
I was hyperlexic, so I don’t recall how I learned, but my school taught a combo of phonics and whole word. This was the early 80s.
Fast forward to when I had kids and I taught them phonics. While I’m not a teacher, I wasn’t leaving something as crucial as reading to chance.
Anon
I learned from a combination of whole word and phonics in the early 1990s. At the time, phonics was kind of a joke, but now I think it’s regarded as the best way to teach kids.
In contrast to the people above, I don’t know many people that have done supplemental reading instruction at home. Most kids learn fine in school, though for many it doesn’t click until well into first or sometimes even into second grade.
Anon
Really surprised to see it recommended here tbh…
Cerulean
They’re definitely back in style. I can’t get past the fundie vibes, but I have a friend with edgy style who looked amazing in a skirt like this when I saw her last.
Anon
I am seeing it in the wild but styled with a crop top that definitely makes it look less religious- conservative
Anon
I confess to having recently bought one, but with a high slit that’s not so conservative. I see it ad very Ali McGraw in Love Story, but live in the Bay Area so I don’t have any religious baggage. I plan to style with boots and a cashmere sweater. I like casual denim that’s not jeans.
Anon
Yup. Way too Duggar for me!
Anon
I feel like something this long has to have a really long slit somewhere. It’s long enough to get mucky on the bottom. Below the knee with tall boots — probably a yes from me.
Anon
And yet: no slit. I’d like a version of this from The Americans (all of that fashion has come back around again) and not from the Duggars.
anon
I once made the mistake of wearing my denim maxi to the airport, with our four children in tow, when I was long overdue for a haircut and also wearing a flannel bc it was chilly, and I honestly looked like I should have been handing out Chick Tracts.
anon
Exactly. NOPE, hard pass.
Anon
Anyone remember when someone’s grandmother could make this skirt out of an old pair of jeans?
Anon
I don’t think grandma ever helped us out, but I do feel like these were only cool when they were old jean hacks.
Anon
Bonus points if it was made from your brother’s old jeans.
Anon
Bonus points if it was made from your brother’s old jeans.
Anon
Dude, I bought that skirt. Paid money for it. There was a denim shop down the street that had a rack of them and some uncontrollable monster within me saw it and said “cool.” I wore that bad girl for a whole summer before I finally saw a full body pic of myself in it.
BAD 2004 Me! Never again, 2004 Me!
Anon
We all probably need to forgive ourselves for some fashion crimes committed between 2002-2007. I know I unironically wore a newsboy cap.
Binkle
My mother made one for me, and I added rhinestone decorations. Very Glitter.
Anon
My sister wives and I can get matching skirts!!
praise be
Anon
You win the comments for today :)
Seventh Sister
This is the kind of thing that looks cute and ironic on other people, but on me, it looks like I’ve wandered off from the 15-passenger van and the rest of my sister wives.
Nun
hahah
NY CPA
Oh heck no. I know the style of the nineties and early aughts is back, but I draw the line here…
Anon
Interesting… no one I knew would be caught dead in this in 90s.
Maybe the 70’s….
Cat
Oh these were all over my HS in the late 90s. I wore mine with Steve Madden platform sandals and a Gap tshirt. One go-round was more than enough!
Anon
Ahh… I was in my 20s in the 90s. No one in their 20s wore these in NYC, although long skirts were in – usually more figure hugging maxis.
Cb
There was a style book called Three Black Skirts which I thought was very sophisticated as a teenager when I found it at barnes and noble.
Anonymous
Hello, STOP. CB. I read the exact same book when I was 22. I thought it was so chic and referred to it for at least a year like it was my guidebook to adulthood. I can still envision the illustrations precisely in my head!
NYNY
I rocked a below-the-calf denim maxi in the late 90s, but it was straight instead of a-line and had a deep slit in front and looked aMAYzing with a baby t and platform boots and a choker necklace. But it was nothing like this raggedy monstrosity.
I used to like having a dark denim pencil skirt for casual fridays in the office. I found it easier to style with work clothes than most jeans. But now casual Friday is at home, in sweats. Things have changed.
Worried
I had that book three black skirts as well…I’ve always loved skirts and that book was so validating to me at the time!
Anonymous
Yeah, I remember wearing this in middle school/early high school. I also had chunky black platforms, those rubber bracelets, and a stretchy choker necklace.
Anon
Ah, that’s exactly what my daughter wore to “90s Day” at her high school! Four years ago, in case you didn’t already feel old….
If it makes you feel better, I was an 80s teen myself. I couldn’t really advise her on 90s Day.
Anon
(To be clear, she didn’t wear a denim maxi. She wore a slipdress over a t-shirt. but you described the accessories perfectly)
Winter
The 6th grade teacher at my midwest elementary school in the late 80s/early 90s had a skirt like this. She wore it with a big belt and a turtleneck sweaters. I thought she was the absolute height of sophistication.
A good memory, but not adding it to my wardrobe now!
Anon
I wore it in the 70s.
AIMS
Tend to agree. Denim skirts were in but short ones and knee length and midi. Despite efforts to make long ones happen, it never took off much outside of whatever that was that Britney wore to the VMAs with Justin. I do kind of want a denim skirt now! Probably can’t do a short one as I did 20 years ago so may have try on some longer ones and see what sticks…
Anon
Flare pants and denim maxi skirts. That’s my line.
anon
I’ve been tempted by some of the straighter black skirts but will definitely not be doing denim or wider like this.
Anonymous
Vicarious shopping challenge! I just joined our city’s symphony chorus and need to find a black evening gown that complies with the most restrictive concert dress code I’ve ever encountered.
Here are the official requirements:
-Black
-Ankle-length
-Sleeves (two of them!)
-Conservative neckline
-No open back or cutouts
-No “light-catchers” such as beading or sequins, except at the cuffs and neckline
And here are my personal requirements:
-Not super frumpy
-Washable or dry cleanable (side note: who is buying all these $$$ dresses that you can’t rewear, resell, or donate because they are “spot-clean only”?!?)
-Not plus-sized, which rules out some options with sleeves
-Available within the next few weeks, which rules out some bridesmaids’ and MOB dresses
-Ideally under $350, although I could go up to $600 for a really fantastic dress
I have scoured the webs!tes of Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdales, Saks, Bergdorf Goodman, Macy’s, Dillard’s, Anthro/BHLDN, Mac Duggal, Ralph Lauren, and even David’s Bridal with no luck. Nordstrom had a few MOB dresses that met the requirements but were spot-clean only. There are plenty of gowns with no sleeves and no bling, but all the gowns with sleeves have bling. I guess old ladies are supposed to love sequins? Where else should I be looking? Where would Helen Mirren shop?
Bonus question: We are also required to wear sheer black hose and black shoes. I usually wear sandals with evening gowns, which won’t be possible with hose. Where can I find proper closed-toed evening shoes that are fabric, not leather, and not shiny? I haven’t seen anything like that since the 1990s.
Cat
I say this not to be flip but there are companies that specialize in choir or chorale dresses – have you tried searching using those terms?
Anon
Like this: https://www.stageaccents.com/talia-dress.html
Trixie
great website! several great options, and some are not frumpy.
Anon
What a great simple dress for this.
I played in a symphony orchestra for years, and this would have been my perfect comfortable “concert black” dress.
Anon
Great shout, although I think some of those sites have quite a significant order time and minimum order numbers.
Anonymous
This is tough! Can you ask you fellow singers where they got their dresses?
Sybil
Have you asked any fellow members where they’ve gotten theirs?
OP
The department stores where I struck out. :(
Anon88
I searched “modest evening gown” and found these:
https://www.newyorkdress.com/collections/black-dresses/products/la-femme-26955?variant=21442302214257
https://www.newyorkdress.com/collections/black-dresses/products/la-femme-26519?variant=21442270232689
https://www.newyorkdress.com/collections/black-dresses/products/cinderella-divine-7478?variant=32302668578929
NY CPA
https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=755335002&vid=1&tid=brpl005689&kwid=1&ap=7&gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35Rwji2J0Ttb9_zVMot5uU2GvPoM7NfPr7Ig7XvaM54HBx_HoWUCxIaaBoCj60QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content
Is v-neck considered not conservative enough? https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=578968002&vid=1&tid=brpl005696&kwid=1&ap=7&gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwvSvp_N1WCYmn_XASDUR08F3FDbQlazUmmkMMjyGmOuB_amPIBMJERoC1RMQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content
https://tnuck.com/products/black-lennox-dress?variant=43479199351006¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35Rwq5EHJd_4oY31iOb_1pQYOFQn811htx9q_eFULwtx7vekS_lennW5BoCN68QAvD_BwE
Cant attest to quality of brands on the rest but some more options:
https://www.jjshouse.com/a-line-scoop-floor-length-chiffon-bridesmaid-dress-with-ruffle-007255877-g255877?currency=USD&utm_term=255877&utm_size=16&country=US&ggntk=x&ggkey=&ggtgt=7&ggplm=&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwqBZvoWSgs6to5TBRpLvqixS77O_6LQt4xDmGwTxjOkJfYNjvGYUaBoC6_MQAvD_BwE
https://chicsew.com/products/elegant-soft-satin-3-4-sleeves-v-neck-ankle-length-mother-of-the-bride-dresses?currency=USD&variant=43601063805145&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwouPOJX3ojdv4QvXYP6GlBdwXUbKCm9qOqZOE2FZFHhHJib20Y9VLRoCHwcQAvD_BwE
https://www.lulus.com/products/stunning-behavior-black-square-neck-long-sleeve-maxi-dress/2177616.html?pla=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=%5BADL%5D%20%5BPLA%5D%20Dresses%20-%20tROAS&utm_term=BJD089%3A%20BLACK4&utm_content=144829614363_644930675512&s_kwcid=AL%217824%213%21644930675512%21%21%21g%212175812583511%21&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwqSeNIm37AI0hHpZeSYbKCBYJqIpMDARRbaczkBiPZkdpvH1MtQAIxoCrBkQAvD_BwE
https://www.amazon.com/Bon-Rosy-Womens-Cuffed-Sleeve/dp/B077MFMPNG/ref=sr_1_12_sspa?keywords=Black+Gown+with+Long+Sleeves&qid=1694802044&sr=8-12-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9tdGY&psc=1
Not sure if lace would be allowed but if so https://www.amazon.com/Ever-Pretty-Sleeve-PlUSSize-Formal-Wedding/dp/B094N534V7/ref=sr_1_38?keywords=Black+Gown+with+Long+Sleeves&qid=1694802044&sr=8-38
anon
If you don’t go with one from a supplier for concert dresses, net-a-porter has a tibi dress that fits the bill. The website allows you to filter for modest dresses. I also saw plenty that meet your requirements at Saks if you search for evening and long sleeve in black. The Staud, Ink long sleeve would work.
NY CPA
Shoes:
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/nina-womens-blakely-evening-pumps?ID=6680935
https://www.zappos.com/p/nina-contesa-black-luster-satin/product/9012575/color/9379
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/touch-ups-by-benjamin-walk-amanda-pump/535515?activeColor=001
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/journee-collection-tanzi-pump/391331?activeColor=001
https://www.dsw.com/en/us/product/journee-collection-orana-pump/446482?activeColor=001&cm_mmc=CSE-_-GPS-_-G_Shopping_Pumps-_-New_Pumps&cadevice=c&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35Rwrykf7sYdh4Yv-V9VUvdNWGSEKOZMDrpWA1ptNsgxcJ_DIU-OuCwiBoCxGEQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
https://www.revolve.com/stuart-weitzman-stuart-loveknot-100-pump-in-black/dp/STUA-WZ477/?d=F¤cy=USD&countrycode=US&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwpTkOI3KOIUjClKsW60BzKSSr_AooOUC-WsyT2-b5eFVN-7CcT4PQBoC-jwQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
https://www.ninashoes.com/products/nina60-black-peau?variant=28740812275786¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=&114399776299&utm_content=c&gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwmHSIjiFl2RsER6HJiLGSt1e0tPBGr4AbaCxbcalu3–ZPKQs8lfMRoChfIQAvD_BwE
Anonymous
Maybe search for modesty evening wear, something like this:
https://www.johnlewis.com/aab-plisse-maxi-dress-black/p110197431
Anon
Would any of these work for shoes? Is suede okay?
https://www.zappos.com/p/nydj-solimar-black/product/9892687/color/3
https://www.zappos.com/p/clarks-teresa-step-black-suede/product/9780825/color/106
zappos.com/p/vaneli-tabia-black-suede/product/9803499/color/106
Anonymous
Some of these might work
https://www.shopbop.com/product/vp/v=1/1507143099.htm?currencyCode=USD
https://www.shopbop.com/silhouette-dress-staud/vp/v=1/1562912529.htm
https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/long-sleeve-wrap-maxi-dress-black/sty-d0518-blk?cat=C1_S2_G4
https://www.revolve.com/zhivago-im-her-man-gown-in-black/dp/ZHIR-WD244/?d=Womens&page=1&lc=39&itrownum=10&itcurrpage=1&itview=05
https://www.revolve.com/anine-bing-freja-dress-in-black-butterfly-jacquard/dp/ANIN-WD63/?d=Womens&page=1&lc=40&itrownum=10&itcurrpage=1&itview=05
https://www.revolve.com/skin-nadien-surplice-dress-in-black/dp/SKIR-WD14/?d=Womens&page=1&lc=76&itrownum=19&itcurrpage=1&itview=05
NY CPA
Check back later. L!nks stuck in m0d.
Anon88
Same for me– I found a couple but they’re in m0d
Anonymous
https://www.thekooples.com/us/en_US/p/long-black-silk-dress-FROB26167KBLA01.html
https://www.thekooples.com/us/en_US/p/long-black-dress-FROB26040KBLA01.html
Anonymous
https://www.asos.com/us/women/modestwear/cat/?cid=50028&ctaref=deliver+elsewhere&xaffid=17294&r=1¤tpricerange=5-340&refine=attribute_10140:3680|attribute_10155:6764|attribute_10992:61379|base_colour:4
anon
Would this work or is the neckline too low? When I was younger and on a tighter budget but also going to lots of galas (long story as to why), I had a couple of these RL jersey gowns from Macy’s and they were total workhorses.
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-womens-twist-front-long-sleeve-a-line-jersey-gown?ID=13673325&isDlp=true&isDlp=true
Anonymous
https://www.adriannapapell.com/products/tuxedo-mermaid-gown-in-black-ap1e208564
Anon
Is a slit OK. Can you wear velvet?
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/betsy-adam-womens-sheer-sleeve-velvet-leg-slit-gown?ID=14832636&isDlp=true
Anon
They also have it in non-velvet, which I would personally feel comfortable washing despite the instructions:
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/betsy-adam-mock-neck-sheer-sleeve-gown?ID=12645195&isDlp=true
I think insisting that an evening gown have a “machine wash” or even “hand wash” care label is going to be your limiting factor. Most of them aren’t meant to be workhorses.
Anonymous
Doesn’t need to be washable, but it at least has to be dry cleanable. It’s shocking how many are “spot-clean only,” as if they are only meant to be worn once.
Anon
You can dry clean things that day spot clean only.
Anonymous
Ooh, this is perfect! You all have such great suggestions–thank you!
Anon
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/dkny-womens-side-ruched-chiffon-sleeve-velvet-gown?ID=16811483&tdp=cm_app~zMCOM-NAVAPP~xcm_zone~zSEARCH_ZONE_A~xcm_choiceId~zcidM88NAT-fc9987ed-f714-4696-87ce-938c05a0a6eb%40HB7%40You%2Bhave%2Bgreat%2Btaste%252C%2Bhere%2527s%2Bmore%2Bto%2Bconsider%24%2416811483~xcm_pos~zPos4~xcm_srcCatID~z5449
I don’t know if you think this style is frumpy. I’d wear it.
Anon
Here’s a casual option that says it’s washable, and first comment is about high school orchestra:
https://www.amazon.com/DEARCASE-Sleeve-Dresses-Casual-Pockets/dp/B0787T848S?source=ps-sl-shoppingads-lpcontext&ref_=fplfs&psc=1&smid=A2QVFTZ74LDW3K
Anon
Ooh this is pretty
Seventh Sister
I’d check out character shoes – most are cloth. My kid has worn Bloch sometimes but So Danca is another brand. They look like this:
https://us.blochworld.com/collections/adults-dance-shoes-character
SFBay Grrl
My daughter’s chorus has all the people who identify as female wear a specific dress that shown on this web site. (Sorry but I don’t know how to hyperlink on this site.)
https://www.stageaccents.com/women-s/formal-dresses-for-choir.html
I believe that they wear the one shown as “Mandolin Ladies”. That particular dress looks good on people with a range of heights, shapes, etc.
Anon
Try Dessy. They make bridesmaid dresses and ship fast.
Hollis
For those of you who have a blow-dryer brush (e.g., revlon, drybar, amika, etc.), do you use it daily and do you notice any heat damage? Any recommendation for someone who has fine, shoulder-length hair?
Lyssa
I have the Revlon, and use it approximately every 3rd day, or around twice a week. It works great; I’m really happy with it, but it does get hot! I use a heat protecting cream and I haven’t noticed any damage, though (fine hair, 1-2 inches below shoulders). One note – these things advertise that they can dry and straighten at the same time, but I’ve found that starting with wet hair just does not work. I usually wash, then have breakfast and prep my stuff, then put on makeup, then use it while my hair is still damp but not very wet. If I have to use it soon after washing, I blow dry most of the way first.
OOO
I use a blow dry brush from Hot Tools and it’s been a game changer. I have fine hair that’s curly and I blow dry it straight. It causes way less damage to my hair than the regular blow dryer, which I had to use twice as long and never got my hair very straight, so I had to follow up with a flat iron. My hair definitely looks better and healthier now
Anon
I do but you have to rough dry your hair at least 70% to not spend all day trying to dry it. I do it to about 90% with a blow dryer and finish with the drying brush.
Senior Attorney
Today is my last day at work. (Official retirement date is Sept. 30 but I’m taking vacation for the rest of the time.) I literally can’t wrap my head around the fact that I’m walking out of here this afternoon and not coming back. 35 years in the law, 18 years in this job. Holy moly!
Turns out the only way out WAS through… ;)
Explorette
CONGRATS! That must be a surreal feeling. I hope you have a fantastic last day!
Gail the Goldfish
CONGRATS!!! Have all the fun in retirement, and let us know what fun things you are doing so those of us still working can live vicariously.
NYCer
Congratulations! What a career, you should be proud.
Anon
So happy for you! I hope you still check in here during your well-deserved retirement!
Anonymous
Congratulations! I hope you’ll still hang out here with us now that you are a retired lady of leisure.
Anon
Congrats!!
H13
Congratulations! Enjoy every second of retirement and don’t forget about us :)
NYNY
So happy for you, SA! Please keep commenting here when you aren’t on some fabulous journey. I know you’ll enjoy the hell out of retirement.
Anon
Well done. What an achievement.
Now, I wish you a long and happy life.
Enjoy.
Anonymous
Holy cow! Congrats!
Cat
congrats!!
Auburn
Amazing, congratulations!!! I hoped you have fun celebrations planned this weekend :) enjoy your well-deserved retirement!
NY CPA
Congratulations SA! What an exciting day for you!
Abby
Congratulations! Cheers to a wonderful retirement!
Monday
Amazing! Congratulations and enjoy! GOALS!!!
Anonymous
Woohoo!! Good for you. Must be so strange!
anon
Congratulations!!! Wishing you the very best in retirement.
Ses
Congratulations! I wish you the best retirement, please keep visiting here and be our Cool Aunt Senior Attorney :)
Clementine
AGREED! Congrats!
Anonymous
Congratulations!!! Enjoy it
Anon
Congratulations!!
BeenThatGuy
Congratulations!!
Anon
CONGRATULATIONS!
Amber
Congrats!! So happy for you and please don’t leave us!
Anonymous
Congratulations!!!!! You’ve been such a beacon of light over the years and your wisdom has made the world a better place.
Formerly Lilly
Congratulations! And best wishes for you new life. I do hope you’ll keep hanging out here though!
Cerulean
Congratulations! Enjoy every minute.
Anonymous
Congrats!!! Hope you’ll stick around here.
Anon
Congratulations!!!
ArenKay
Congratulations! Here’s to a long and lively retirement.
Anon
Have an amazing time in retirement — you did the thing! Hope you continue seeing you around here. Your presence makes this place better.
AIMS
Congratulations!
Nylongirl
Congratulations & thank you for all the wise advice! Appreciate you giving & sharing over all these years!
Go for it
Go you SA!!! Have loads of adventures !
An.On.
Congratulations! Enjoy your next big adventure!
Senior Attorney
Oh my goodness! Thank you all so much for the warm wishes! I will most definitely still be around, though not, perhaps for the next few weeks as I am flying to my daughter’s tomorrow for a few days and from there I am getting on a train from Vancouver to Halifax with my husband and some friends. We had a big party on Wednesday and the office gave me a nice send-off yesterday, so I am feeling very happy, if a bit confused about the new world in which I find myself!
Coach Laura
Congratulations and welcome to the club! I sent you an email.
Anonymous
Comments here from you and others have helped me through a tough time and then adjusting to retirement, which I am thoroughly enjoying. Thank you and best wishes!
Anon
Congratulations, SA! You’re awesome!
Anon
Congrats Senior Attorney. Well done. I’ve always enjoyed your posts. I hope you will continue to comment in the future.
Hellooooooooo
Ooooooohhhhhh Congratulations!
Bay Area Travel help
In Nov, I am traveling to the South Bay Area for a family reunion – Palo Alto area. Will probably be there for 3 or 4 days over a weekend. I’m not a traveler at all, so would appreciate recs on how you economical travelers tend to buy/reserve things online – flights (either into SF or San Jose) + car rental + hotel.
I would rather not pay a fortune for hotel/car rental, but I know it ain’t cheap. I am thinking a budget Marriott is the way to go. Another sibling may stay at the same hotel as me. We’ll share a car. I’m flying from a major city and flight prices aren’t bad.
Years ago I vaguely remember going on one website like Travelocity or something, and buying my plane tix + car rental + hotel all at once and got a decent total price. Last time I flew I used Google flights though.
Anyone have a favorite place they stay for things like this in the Bay Area? I don’t think my sibling and I will share a hotel room because they snore.
I don’t have any credit card that is useful for travel/points except a Costco card. I do have some Marriott rewards points, and could get one of their credit cards just for this trip if you think it’s worth it, but I don’t travel much.
Cat
3rd party aggregators are a recipe for disaster – too much finger pointing with delays, cancellations, etc. Haven’t used them since…. 2007?
Use Google Flights to find the best airfare; it’s easy to play with dates, times, sort by airline, etc.
anon
Yep, I use Google Flights to get an idea of flight times, etc. Then I book directly through the airline.
Anonymous
Yes, use Google flights to book the best prices and then book directly through the airline. I would also book the hotel directly.
Anon
This. I book directly with airlines and hotels. My only exception is I do use Chase Sapphire rewards and will book through them, they’re highly reliable and easy to work with.
Anon
I like booking rental cars through Costco. The rates are good, it could not be easier, and you can cancel it until the last moment if you see a better rate.
Anon1
Love Costco rental cars. That’s the only way we book when we travel.
Southwest flies into San Jose. I’ve taken the route from Atlanta and it was fine. I know some people hate southwest but I haven’t had issues.
No suggestions on hotels, but I usually search on Google maps. Plenty of reviews and photos from people and you can get a very clear sense of what the neighborhood is like. I don’t book through third party sites. Typically I go straight to the hotel site. IHG and Marriott are usually reliable
Anon
Call the hotel directly and ask if the price on their website is the best available – sometimes it is, and sometimes they can get you a slightly lower price.
If you have a costco membership, check and see if they have any travel deals – I think on car rentals you can still save some money.
Palo Alto
Lovely time of year here! During commute times, traffic can be tough, so I recommend getting lodging as close to where you’re staying as possible.
Palo Alto hotel prices can vary dramatically based on what’s going on in the area. Around Thanksgiving has been a fantastic time to get a deal in the past at the Sheraton or Westin, which are close to downtown and on the edge of the Stanford campus. If there’s a home football game, it’ll be really expensive, though.
I’ve never had a loved one stay at the Cardinal Hotel, but it’s right in downtown and more affordable. No parking as far as I know, but it’s next to the City Hall garage.
If you’re looking to save money, an Airbnb might be better so you can have a fridge and prepare meals (a real treat if you get the fabulous produce at the Saturday or Sunday farmers’ market). Restaurants around here are often annoyingly costly. If you’re at the Sheraton, Westin, or Cardinal Hotel, you’re just a brief walk to the Whole Foods hot bar, though.
Anon
If you have a triple A membership, see if they have and AAA rate. I just traveled this week and saved a lot of money on lower level marriott (Fairfield) with the AAA discount.
If you’re staying on the peninsula and want to be a Real One, stay at Dinah’s Garden Hotel in Palo Alto.
Anon
https://www.dinahshotel.com/
OP
These recs are excellent. Just what I needed.
Thank you all so much!
Anon
Palo Alto is very expensive. I’ve had friends who have gotten deals on the weekend in Mountain View or further south, closer to where the tech companies are (business week travel). Not a lot of those hotels are in “cute walking areas”, but if you have a car maybe that’s OK. Traffic can be a bear, but Mountain View is still only 10-15 min from downtown Palo Alto (borders Palo Alto), so may be OK. Flying into SJ is more convenient under this plan, but check pricing (for this and for the rental car).
OP
Yeah, I was thinking I would stay Palo Alto adjacent. The drives on 280 are so fast I don’t mind at all. I’m from a part of the country with much worse traffic. I was wondering about Redwood City…. I figured Mountain View / further south might be just as pricey since so much tech is there…. or is everywhere about the same?
SFBayGrrl
You mention that the event is in the area of Palo Alto. Which community? If it’s not in Palo Alto itself, do you want to stay right near the reunion itself…even if you need to drive somewhere for restaurants, cafes, etc.? Or would you prefer to stay somewhere nearby that has things within walking distance?
Anon
My families homes are scattered in the towns there, and I will be with them almost all the time. Will just sleep at the hotel, and then drive to the many gatherings. I used to actually live there, but never stayed in a hotel anywhere so just trying not to spend a ton. So cafes/restaurants etc.. are not needed.
But I might like to do one yoga class somewhere…. !
Anonymous
If you want really cheap, when my husband was a grad student at Stanford he used to put visiting grad students/postdocs up at the Menlo Park Inn, which is close to Palo Alto. It’s a pretty bare bones motel though.
IMO Palo Alto hotels are actually nowhere near as expensive as you’d expect based on local housing prices. I’ve found that hotels in NYC, Chicago, SF and other big cities are considerably more expensive than South Bay hotels, because Palo Alto itself isn’t really a tourist destination the way SF is. (It’s not the right choice for a budget traveler, but the Four Seasons in Palo Alto has got to be one of the cheapest Four Seasons in the entire US. I stayed there recently for less than $300/night.) Although prices depend on Stanford events and home football games and graduation weekends will be more.
Anon
Also recommend the Cowper Inn in downtown PA, just off University. It’s charming, walkable to cute stuff on University Ave, and has ample daytime parking.
Redwood City has some good parts and some parts that are a bit dodgy (there’s a county court there–picture halfway housing and bail bond shops). Ask us here before you book anything there.
Menlo Park / Atherton also have some fine, but nothing to write home about, hotels on El Camino.
If you are looking furhter South, Sunnyvale and Santa Clara will have decent hotel deals too and are also pretty fast to the PA area on either 101 or 280 or Alma.
Anon
Autoslash for rental car search and price tracking!!! I love it.
Anonymous
I use Google flights to research flights and Booking.com and Tripadvisor for hotel research and then book flights with the airline direct and also the hotels direct.
I do not think you will gain much from the Marriot reward card but I would sign up for membership of any chain you use such as Marriott or Hilton because if there is an overbooking situation it may give you added muscle when pleading for the last rooms!
Anonymous
Ohmy…this skirt is such a stereotype. Very hard pass.
Anon
dear Covid, 3 years later and you’re still ruining Rosh Hashanah for my family… growing up my grandmother hosted 60 people for the holidays and i don’t recall anyone ever being too sick to attend
Anon
I’m sorry. I really wish they had gotten the new booster out a little earlier ahead of this wave.
Anon
Same — it runs through our house each September with kids heading back to school and people coming off of summer travels. I’d love to have a booster come out in August. Fall is for my post-COVID flu shot (and then, b/c I’ve just had COVID, I am not rushing out to get a booster and then it seems like another shot is in development, rinse, repeat).
Anon
I just went to a conference/ one day meeting where two of my favorite colleagues had to drop out due to COVID. I’m sure a hefty number of attendees at the meeting had symptoms and came anyway, so now it’s just a waiting game for me. I mask pretty much everywhere, but this meeting is networking for me so I took the risk to unmask.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry, that really sucks!
We celebrate Christmas, and growing up my Grandparents hosted dozens of people. It was normal for some family or other not to come because they were too sick. I can still remember the year it was my family that couldn’t go…
Anon
Yeah, especially with young kids. There was a Halloween we missed trick or treating because my kid had croup. It still sucks for the people who can’t go (and the others who miss them) but it isn’t a new thing.
Anonymous
Exactly.
Being sick and missing events and holidays has been a thing forever.
This post is the first time I’ve ever heard someone say their family never experienced it…
Anon
Well, we know that it’s new that there’s one more highly contagious virus going around that wasn’t there before!
I do think some families have always have better immune systems than others. My family does not have great immune systems, and I was amazed when I met people in college who had never been to a doctor for a sick visit in their lives.
Anonymous
There have always been highly contagious viruses. I think your being a bit over dramatic.
Anonymous
Yep, one more in a long list of viruses that humans have had to deal with for generations.
I was sick every winter as a kid, and have hearing loss from recurring viral ear infections. It amazes me that there are families out there who have never experienced being sick over holidays…
Anon
No, there haven’t always been viruses going around in every community that are comparably contagious to measles. Other viruses that go around are just not that bad or not that airborne, or the immunity is really long lasting so people don’t come down with them often. Obviously people used to live with a really high disease burden before we had public health initiatives to address this, but I was born long after the era of widespread measles, tuberculosis, polio, etc. in my country, so it’s new to me.
Anonymous
I’m not sure why you mention measles, polio, or tuberculosis…
Respiratory viruses are very contagious, and very airbourne, and have been for generations, they are also very mutable and people respond to every variant they catch differently. Sometimes they experince mild symptoms and sometimes they are knocked down for days…
Anon
I dunno, post-vax Covid was like a mild cold or allergies for most people I know. Lots of modern viruses and bacterial infections like hand foot & mouth, RSV and strep throat are way, way worse in most people. Give me Covid any day over strep, which causes my kids to spike high fevers and be unable to eat or move from the couch for the better part of a week.
I’m not minimizing the seriousness of Covid in the pre-vax stage of the pandemic, and my family is maximally vaccinated and will continue to get any vaccines that are recommended by the CDC, but we’re in a new stage of the pandemic. It’s not measles or polio.
Anon
My younger sister has autism. She goes to a large public high school and we expect her to graduate high school, go to college, and get a job. She wants this also. I almost registered for a DEI event at work and then realized that I was probably being really naive, and that this will have nothing to do with including people like my sister and that any comments I make about this will likely not be welcome. Yes? No? [I do feel that a lot of capable people who have Dxs like autism are excluded because workplaces look at the surface challenges and not the innate ability, resulting in high unemployment and underemployment. Maybe that is not the forum? But then what is?]
anon
DEI should include what you’re describing, but it often doesn’t. Without knowing more about your workplace’s event and what the goals are, it’s hard to give any meaningful advice.
anonshmanon
+1.
In my workplace, DEI conversations cover race, gender, physical ability, neurodiversity, veteran status, and probably many others that I’m blanking on. But any given event might focus on a particular topic!
Anon
+1
one session can't do everything
DEI is an enormous space and it’s reasonable for events to have different focuses, ideally with an emphasis on your workplace’s particular areas for improvement. If you’re curious about helping your workplace be more inclusive to people like your sister, then share that with the DEI office.
It’d be unreasonable to demand that a session tailored to race or gender or caste or or physical disability or something else instead pivot to focus on neurodiversity. Asking for a session for help on being more inclusive of neurodiversity is fair and appropriate.
Anonymous
I’m confused about what your question is. Are you asking if autism is likely to be a discussion topic at your work DEI event? You’re right that it probably won’t be, thought ‘disability’ more generally may be.
Anonymous
I have a kid with the kind of autism that will allow them to “pass” as typical in the majority of situations, even though they have struggles in a number of areas, and DEI initiatives do not apply to them.
Anon
Why not? My understanding is that it takes a lot of mental energy to “pass” and a lot of kids and adults get burned out by it or just fall apart when they get home or have huge anxiety and other MH struggles because of it.
Anon
If they’re struggling in a number of areas and putting effort into passing, I would hope that means something in a DEI context.
Anon
Where I work autism is absolutely included in DEI discussions. Not as frequently as disability, race, gender, etc. I’m a leader in an ERG which focuses on IWD and caregivers, and pretty active in our DEI activities without being in one of the full time positions and having my day job, FWIW.
Nesprin
DEI absolutely includes neurodiversity and there’s an increasing push in some liberal minded companies to increase neurodiversity in particular and disability presence in general in their workforces.
Seventh Sister
Different place, but my kids’ school district has affinity groups for special needs parents and children that are completely separate from the DEI affinity groups or DEI sub-committees. Many of the special needs parents who are involved in these groups have kids with autism. Unfortunately, our DEI infrastructure is about issues involving race and nothing else. And only some issues and some races.
Anonymous
So, what? You’re just going to sulk about it because you assume your contributions are unwelcome? Why.
Anon
I feel like some DEI is code for “we just want to focus on X” and ignore Y and Z.
anonshmanon
OP is going to a DEI event, which indicates a limited timeframe. You have to restrict the scope of this. Even if you have a DEI initiative, committee or office, it will never be able to (or have the resources to) do all the things, unless you want them to just create a laundry list of ‘here are the things we care about’ and do lipservice, or pretend that there is a silver bullet intervention that will magically help all underrepresented groups. You have to specialize to make a real impact.
Seventh Sister
That’s certainly how it plays out in my kids’ schools.
Anon
I get what OP is saying. Some places make an effort to serve the full DEI menu; other places, not so much.
Like colleges usually have offices dealing with DEI but it may not deal well with disabilities outside of physical ADA access (but less so on employment, etc.).
Anonymous
DEI technically includes neurodiversity on paper but in reality it very much doesn’t. I am autistic, but don’t disclose at work because it would impact my ability to be promoted solely based on stereotypes. The general population has a very poor understanding of autism and this is reflected in DEI.
Anonymous
I think DEI should include ND issues…
There is a thing right now in ND movements where profoundly autistic people (and their caregivers) are pissed that so many highly functioning autistic people seem to represent autism these days… but those are the ones who can get jobs so I think their voices (and your knowledge/sensitivity b/c of your sister’s issues) are most needed in the job space.
(My son is autistic but he probably won’t ever get a job. Not because he isn’t smart and capable of doing some work (coding, maybe) but because he will never manage the social or sensory side of it.)
Anon
My daughter is autistic and I feel this from the other side. My friends with autistic children who were identified early have a lot of support groups, camps, and friends in this space. They have found churches that are friendly to their child’s needs and also how their family works with their other children. My daughter wasn’t diagnosed until she was 10 and then COVID was happening, so we have nothing. And the few things we’ve shown up at, we don’t really feel welcomed (and I definitely don’t) — they see her abilities and not the immense struggles and meltdowns and how much we have on our plates. It may be less than they do (my child is potty trained and can read, for example, things some children may never do) — it’s like she isn’t affected enough for them (and yet when she can’t get through the noise of school assemblies without having to rock with her hands over her ears, and getting teased and bullied, I feel like she is suffering too much and we need to find a place that is safe for her and both of us both in the NT space and in the ND space).
Anonymous
this is late and you may not see it, but: it’s isolating being a parent to a child with unique needs, and even more so because finding mom friends who understand your child’s needs is almost impossible. my family doesn’t fit in with the wheelchair folks or the nonverbal autistics, but my kid isn’t an aspie or something like that.
You might want to look at some of the older social groups for autistic kids – around me they have discussions about sportsmanship (losing games with grace), dating, college prep, and other things that are pegged to the kids with lower support needs.
Anonymous
My fertility clinic is aggravating me. We’re just starting the process so we’re at the point where a lot of tests are being ordered, mostly for me but a couple items for DH too. DH needs the lab slips or whatever so he can get the tests done through his healthcare provider (for free). I have told the clinic and DH to coordinate with each other about whatever he needs to do. The clinic keeps not sending him the documents and then they follow up with me to ask why he hasn’t gotten the tests done yet. Call him. He contacts them to ask for the documents and they call me instead of calling him back. No, call him. I am working, stop creating more delays and stop treating me like I’m his secretary.
A man needs to do almost nothing for fertility treatments. This is the one thing he needs to do. He is a big boy and can handle his own paperwork, I promise. I wouldn’t be trying to have a kid with him if he were as incompetent as they are treating him. Welcome to motherhood I guess. Is it too late to be a father instead?
Anonymous
This is motherhood. Public health nurse was so confused when DH brought the twins for their one year shots on his own. Like she left the room to go ask someone if the dad was allowed to sign the consent alone. He gave up taking them with him for grocery shopping because little old ladies kept stopping him to ask where mom was.
Anonymous
That’s stupid. He stopped taking them to the store? What a baby
Anonymous
Yeah the comments are annoying, but it’s way more annoying for the husband to stop taking his children places because of dumb comments from strangers.
I still have a vivid memory of my daughter crying in a restaurant as an infant. DH & I took turns walking her around the mall the restuarant was in. He got coos and “what a good dad” comments. I got judgy eyes and one old woman said to me “feed your hungry baby!” There’s definitely a double standard, but grown-ups roll their eyes and ignore strangers’ opinions.
Anon
I’m calling BS on this. My dh was a stay at home dad 25 years ago and yes, he did get comments and some looks, but he was able to continue on and take the kids for all their wellness checks and to the grocery store, and clothes shopping and shoe shopping and all the other various out of the house errands. If an older woman stopped him to comment about my lack of presense, he would either blow them off with a cheery “someone has to bring home the bacon” or start a really deep conversation about the best laundry degeterent to get out grass stains.
anon
I’m wondering if this is a case where you are considered the patient, not your DH, and hence getting the runaround.
OP
I’m pretty sure I’m not the patient when it comes to his blood and sp!rm tests!
Karen
This is unacceptable. I don’t think I would be polite if they called again about why my husband didn’t do the thing when they didn’t give him the documents.
Anonymous
I guess now we know why Joffrey Jonas was so mad. He got dumped for Voldemort 😂
Seventh Sister
As a youngish GenX who was as a little duck imprinting on him in The English Patient and The End of the Affair (not to mention Strange Days), I wholeheartedly approve. Get it, Ms. Turner!
Anonymous
As a Xennial who also imprinted on The English Patient, I agree!
Anon
No, what? Is Sophie Turner dating Ralph Fiennes?
He’s sixty and she’s twenty-seven?
Anonymous
OMG that’s what I thought!! But no apparently some 20-something guy who played a young Voldemort in a prequel. Now I feel very old.
Anonymous
OMG no! The actor who played 16 year old Tom Riddle!
Anonymous
It seems is Frank Dillane (32). Good taste girl.
I though was gross reading here people “approving” that was someone with enough age to be his father or grandfather.
Anonymous
Maybe they (like me) forgot the Ralph Fiennes is not 40ish English Patient guy anymore.
Anon
Ralph Fiennes was so dreamy in the English Patient era.
Anon
Oh my god, quote of the weekend.
Anonymous
The amount of people who thought you meant Ralph Fiennes, though, hahahaha!!
Anon
They’re not dating though? The pictures everywhere are from them filming something.
Anonymous
Well, I posted on yesterday’s morning thread about managing a shared assistant who was bad at her job and personally vindictive. She just sent a resignation letter, giving no notice. Almost the entire letter is about how viscous, condescending, malicious and hurtful I am. She stated she knew that she had things to improve after our meeting last month (she was on a PIP), but how could I expect miracles overnight. She also blamed her recent health problems (the latest of a two-year string of different health crises) on me asking her to perform her job. She also called me a preschooler because I didn’t want to be her friend.
I’m not at all concerned about losing her as an employee workload and otherwise (I was honestly terrified that I would miss something because of her and get sued for malpractice), but I am annoyed with the things she said about me.
I think that I am well documented if I have questions from firm management. I’ve been keeping a file for the past ~6 months on substantive work matters. I’ve been giving her all assignments in writing, etc.
I’m not sure what I’m asking for other than commiseration and any tips for not stressing so much about it mentally.
anon
Commiseration that this kind of thing is really hard to read when it’s about you, even if you’re confident that you’ve done nothing wrong. On the bright side for you and your firm, you don’t have to wait any longer for her to be gone.
Anon
This will all be in the past, and frankly, someone sending such a toxic resignation letter shows how clearly they are not able to deal with personalities and the modern workplace. This will be but a blip.
She is choosing to live her life her way. You are not responsible for how she conducted herself.
If you are given any comments about this say, “Yes, it’s unfortunate that I asked her to perform the bare minimum for her legal assistant position and became some sort of ogre for holding her to that. However, we’re much better off now that we have [new person]” and then change the subject.
That’s it. Your work will be so much less toxic without this roadblock of a co-worker. Truly, you should be pouring yourself a drink. I’ve worked with the obstructionist legal secretary before, and it’s absolutely awful. I sympathize so, so much.
Anonymous
No-you do not disparage their reputation even if true, especially in a setting where the listener could be deemed as impacting professional reputation. This sort of response also makes it sound extremely personal. You stayed so it’s on you to not show immaturity or you risk making her claims look correct.
OP is better off saying nothing other than acknowledging the change and limiting details to only those who need to know— and pouring a glass of champagne tonight. Don’t get hung up on her parting words. She looks like the bad apple she is by leaving in such a vindictive way. No notice, finger pointing and overly personal attacks speak volumes without OP having to even reference any of her documentation. That’s not how a supposed professional exits.
Anon
God, don’t say this unless you want people to believe her.
Anonymous
I have neither commiseration or tips. If you’re being accurate about the situation and the content of her letter, you have nothing to worry about. Far from this something that should be stressing you out mentally, this should be something you’re celebrating. You’ve just been let off the hook! You don’t have to fire her, and now you can go about hiring someone you really DO want to work with!
good news
my motto for these kinds of moments is to not be a sore winner. You got, at the end of the day, most of what you wanted – she is gone. Don’t drag yourself down about her nutso letter.
I had a similar work experience recently and repeating this motto really helped. I don’t want to be a sore winner – I’m happy this bad employee left even though she semi scammed us out of months of paid fake health leave in the process. It’s not money out of my pocket so why do I care??1 Now she’s gone and i dont have to go through the PIP hardship.
Celebrate your victory and look forward to hiring a competent replacement!
Anon
I got called a string of foul language on a former toxic employee’s public facing blog after she submitted a similar resignation. It was stressful in the moment, but years later, it’s a little anecdote.
Anon
Oh I’d relish it, you got what you wanted, go pop some bottles and pour the bubbles!
Anon
PS, have a friend do a dramatic reading of the letter! Never take things like this so seriously, it’s pretty cray and funny.
Anon
The part about calling you a preschooler because you don’t want to be her friend – perfect evidence that this is personal, not professional, for her. Ditto for quitting without notice.
Anon
My former assistant had to be walked out of the building in handcuffs a year after I left. I kept documenting her behaviors and escalating but HR and my manager chalked it up to “women, they can’t get along with each other.”
After I left (and this was part of why) she got a new manager and then threatened to kill them. Handcuffs. Didn’t matter when she was threatening me – girl stuff! – but when she threatened her male manager the police got called.
Anyway, I’m sorry this happened to you. Good riddance to bad garbage, and good for you for documenting everything.
Anon
That is so awful…I hate how they discounted you like that.
Anon
I was once threatened at work and management DGAF. In retrospect, I wish I had gone to the police: there is no “but HR can handle it” exception to criminal conduct in our laws.
Anon
Related to the outfit and makeup hacks thread this morning, I had a question.
I am 40+ and have large pores on my nose, cheeks and even part of my forehead. When I wear foundation (and recently, e.l.f Glow Booster) it seems to accentuate my pores rather than spackle over them for a smooth face look. My pores are reflected back in full bright glow.
What am I doing wrong?
– I start with moisturizer and sunscreen (La Roche Posay)
– I use primer and a good quality foundation that I got color-matched at a departmental store for my skin tone
– I have Paula’s Choice BHA for exfoliation but I rarely use it. Not sure it makes much difference but will give it more of a try.
My skincare regimen is otherwise pretty minimal. I have some vitamin C cream and a serum but use them only occasionally.
Anon
Sorry, this may not help you, but some of us just have bigger pores and you aren’t doing anything wrong.
Are you using a prescription retinoid? This helped shrink my large pores dramatically. Dramatically.
Totally recommend.
Anonymous
Are you using a pore filling primer? Primer should be filling your pores, not foundation.
Anonymous
You might try a pore minimizing serum as part of your skin care routine. My facialist recommended one. I confess I have not yet got around to trying it, so I don’t know how well it works. I would try to get some samples to try.
Anon
Buff the foundation in with a dense foundation brush. Helps smooth over the pores. I use a cheap ELF one and it does the trick.
Anon
Don’t use anything radiant or glowy. It just emphasizes pores.
Try the Milk hydro grip primer, a small amount just in the area that bothers you. Make sure it dries, then pat on your moisturizer.
If you use too much foundation it’s more likely to settle into pores. Use less than you think.
Anon
I should add there are only a handful of foundation products that don’t settle into my pores within hours so it may just be searching for a new one, even though you got color matched. I tried and rejected A TON before I found the handful that work for me. Only one true foundation – Bobbi Brown Skin Long Wear Foundation, which I have to wear over the Bobbi Brown Vitamin Enriched Face Base to make it work – dot it on, less than you think, and blend with a good foundation brush (I use the same brand’s full coverage face brush.). For BB cream, the Dr Jart Premium BB cream doesn’t settle into my pores, and for Tinted moisturizer, the NARS radiant tinted moisturizer works well.
Anon
I have a high schooler who loves math. Are there any good books or other resources about possible career paths that use math?
Anon
Check out beanactuary.org!
I see it as Bean Actuary but it’s Be An Actuary dot org. I didn’t choose the domain name. :)
IL
There’s a book on that! https://bookstore.ams.org/clrm-64/
And not what you asked, but many of my math-inclined high school classmates participated in the Johns Hopkins Center for Talented Youth summer programs: https://cty.jhu.edu/programs/on-campus The math ones are particularly nice for exploring math topics your local high school probably won’t offer courses on.
Anonymous
I attended CTY as a kid and my daughter has participated recently. Sadly, I would no longer recommend it. The web-based courses are poorly designed and the instructors are disengaged. In the summer of 2022, they cancelled most of their in-person courses just days before they were due to begin, citing instructor shortages.
Anonymous
Yes it’s TikTok but I thought this was fascinating – different phd level math folks talk about what they’re researching:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8jC7GMg/
(Saved it to show to my 7th grader)
Anon
+1 for CTY or similar programs at local colleges, which are likely to be slightly less selective than CTY. If your child is a girl or not white or Asian, there are lots of STEM programs aimed at women and under-represented minorities in addition to the general programs.
If you think your child is interested in research mathematics, it’s worth contacting profs at local colleges to see if any of them would be willing to meet or potentially even guide an independent study. My husband is a college math professor at a top 20 public U who regularly speaks with talented high school students and has involved some of them in research projects. Having research experience in high school is also a big advantage in admissions to selective colleges (but don’t do it just for that reason because it will be obvious to the prof and you won’t get a good letter out of it – and it’s a waste of everyone’s time).
Anonymous
Physics, Chemistry, engineer and software development all use math (or at least math-centric skills). I do want to caution you, however, that pure math is all about proving theorems. Your child may like high school math, which is heavily focused on computation. There is no shame in that! I like it myself which is part of why of a physicist and not a mathematician. I recommend looking at the Ross Mathematics Program as a way to explore pure math. (My wonderful experience with it was 30 years ago so I’d definitely make sure it’s held up.)
Anon
Geometry in most high schools is proof-based. That’s closer to research math than other high school math courses are.
Anon
I have a skirt that is very similar to this one: https://poshmark.com/listing/NWOT-JCrew-Sunburst-Pleated-Midi-Rainbow-Colorblock-Stripe-Aline-AF930-6344d48017fb4b52d9640405?srsltid=AfmBOoq7kszUEx8GxdMqKAoPeZkoErDzvzYndxhrOeT_khU7fe8cs6NWUJA#utm_source=gdm_unpaid that I’m trying to style. What should I wear with it? This one is styled with a white button down, which I don’t own but could buy. Any other ideas? I’d wear it to brunch, or maybe to dinner at a semi-casual place. It’s been hanging in my closet for a few years because I can’t seem to figure out what to wear it with.
Anon
Denim top, white top or black. The skirt is loud so it just needs a neutral. I love it as styled.
Anon
I’d wear it with something sleek and dark navy on top. I don’t really think white works because it’s not one of the colors. So a tee or turtleneck that’s fairly close to the body. A dark navy cashmere sweater could work too.
Obviously I’m saying navy because this skirt has navy. If yours has a different background color like black, go for that.
Anon
+1 to navy (or black or whatever the base color of your skirt is)
Go for it
+1 and fitted . It’s a beauty!!
Anonymous
A bodysuit or close-fitting tee in one of the skirt colors. I like the navy suggestion. If you are a fashion person, I also think you could find a patterned top with perhaps two of the colors and wear that – think a white shirt with a small.floral pattern in hot pink and navy.
oldladylawyer
I know there’s a post like this basically every day but I don’t understand why, when I’m a reasonably trim 48 year with disposable income every single morning getting dressed is exhausting and a chore. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be wearing between the changing seasons and the changing norms of a hybrid office. Today wearing a knife pleat skirt with white sneaks and a cardigan. not sure if i look cute or not. can’t even tell anymore.
Anonymous
Put on real shoes and I’ll bet most of the questions go away.