Corporette.com

Updated: Jan 4, 2024 244 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

black leather bootie with thick, striped lug sole, very similar to the Prada Monolith boots that Gwyneth Paltrow wore at her ski trial (also: waterproof)

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

One of the big looks this season are flared, cropped jeans — and they pair really well with the ongoing trend of combat boots.

I'm personally a fan of big stompy boots. I have a pair from a few years ago (from brand Earthies, if I recall) that has the buckle across the front, which is great, and now I'm pondering whether I want one with a thicker platformed/lug sole.

(I feel like this was one of Gwyneth Paltrow's looks from her trial, perhaps? I am generally anti-Gwyneth but her Prada boots looked great… Here's a good article from the Independent with pictures of her looks, but warning: I keep getting a loud autoplay video ad.)

There are a TON of options out there right now. These Blondo boots (pictured) are probably the best of a lot of worlds — they're affordable, waterproof, and getting good reviews at Nordstrom for $150. (They also come in a bunch of other colors, and I like the fact that for all of them the lug sole matches the color of the boot's upper.) Another option that's really similar to the Prada boots: these boots from Thursday Boots.

If Blondo is too narrow for you (and/or you want to be able to adjust it), these Sam Edelman boots have a ribbed sweater detail as well as a zipper and laces. If you want a slightly pricier, more edgy option, these AllSaints boots look great for $349. If you want the comfort option, these ones from Vionic have a ton of great reviews.

Readers, do you plan on wearing either flared, cropped jeans or stompy combat-ish boots? What brands have you tried, and how are you wearing them?

Our latest favorite lug-sole boots…

If you ARE on the hunt for lug-sole boots for the office, we're fans of these ones from Blondo, Sam Edelman, Marc Fisher LTD, and Vionic; on the pricier side we'd go for the Prada ones Gwyneth Paltrow wore to her trial. Know your office, though!

Sales of note for 9.16.24

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. anonymous

    I have a 10% off code for Colourpop that I won’t be using. It expires next Thursday. Code: HELLO103-9xp9rb

  2. Sunshine

    Life improvement. I tried making hard boiled eggs in my Instant Pot using the so-called 5-5-5 method. I’ve now done it twice, cooking 8-10 eggs each time. They’re easier to cook and the shells come right off! I should have done this years ago.

    Anyone have other tiny life improvements they’ve discovered lately and want to share?

      • Anonymous

        This. My husband teases me but having them made properly and on hand has upped how much protein I get by making breakfast easier on busy mornings and has made a big difference in keeping off weight.

      • Anon

        On a related note – frozen diced onion from the grocery store. Never chop an onion again.

      • Anonymous

        but don’t you feel like the hardboiled eggs at the grocery store are rubbery and gross?

        • Anon

          Yeah, that’s how I feel… yuck…
          But for convenience at times, I’ll eat a lot of things

        • Anon

          They are overcooked and I love and miss soft jammy eggs, but I’m too lazy to peel themself and as someone else said this helps me eat a lot of eggs, which are a nutritious and filling food.

          • Anon

            I’m one of the people who bought the Dash cooker, but it’s partly because I kept getting little bits of eggshell somehow inside the pre-peeled grocery store eggs. If I were busier I’d probably get them again though.

    • Anon

      Wondra. Now I can easily make all the gravies. Important fall and winter skill.

    • AIMS

      Freezing soup/broth without noodles and just adding new noodles on reheat tastes so much better!

    • No Face

      Maybe not tiny, but strength training is such a life hack!

      I am wearing pants that I have not been able to fit in years, even though I weight 20 pounds more than the last time I could fit them.

    • Anonymous

      if you like egg salad have you tried that hack where you crack a bunch of eggs and then bake it in a loaf pan, with the loaf pan sitting in a pan of water? looks gross but perfect for egg salad or chopped eggs in large quantities…

    • Anon

      We moved this summer, and my second power bill was $700+, which was painful, so I enrolled in an alternative rate plan with my power company that charged me more for usage during summer peak hours (2-7 PM) and less all other hours. Told everyone my new hobby was getting my power bill under $300 for my big house with a pool pump and 3 HVAC systems in the SEUS. I have been walking around like someone’s dad, unplugging things, turning off lights, and refusing to turn on the oven until 7 PM. My power bill today, in my first full month with the alternative rate plan, was $281. I feel like somebody gave me $400 of free money today.

    • Anonymous

      Heating milk before adding it to the roux. It was one of those ‘I cannot believe I never did this before’ moments the first time I did it, lol.

    • Runcible Spoon

      Dash egg cooker and Better than Bullion condensed broth paste. I can hard boil eggs without keeping track of the timer, and I can prepare a mug of chicken bouillon for a snack or meal at will. No more cans or quart cartons of chicken broth when I only need a couple of tablespoons’ worth!

    • Runcible Spoon

      Oh, also, smearing mayonnaise on the outside of a grilled cheese sandwich before pan frying it in butter. I can’t believe I was so old before learning this trick! Makes the bread nicely toasty brown.

    • Nesprin

      any time you make cookies, double the quantity of dough and freeze half. Frozen cookie dough lasts forever and you’ll never be more than 15min from fresh baked cookies.

  3. Anon

    I have a kid with sensory issues and adult sized feet. Where do you find things like Sorels in the wild to try on? I can see REI having some types and Nordstrom having others (both are local in my city).

    • Anonymous

      what are the sensory issues? i can’t imagine sorels being good for anyone with a sensory issue unless they like the input from a heavy boot

    • Anon

      I love my Sorels but would not expect them to be any better for sensory issues than any generic shoe out there. If there is a specific style you have in mind for them to try, I would just order from somewhere that has free returns rather than dragging the kid around town in hopes of finding one in their size in the wild.

    • anon

      Try taking them to an Ugg store (if you have one). The brand has lots of normal winter boots, and hubs who has many, many sensory thoughts on shoes loves the overall feeling of cozyness of them. His words are something like a weighted blanket for your feet.

      • Anon

        This is fantastic input — thanks for sharing. This may be just the ticket for us.

    • Anon

      You might get more bang for your buck by upping his or her sock game. Nothing puts me off-kilter faster than bunched up or wet socks. It drives me to distraction.
      Bombas, Feetures and Darn Tough are my favorites. All are pricey but hold up well. I’ve had so-so luck with Smartwool getting premature holes.

    • RiskedCredit

      My elder two have significant sensory issues with shoes. A thick and supportive sock has worked wonders. It’s like a compression sock almost

      I used to order 10 pair of shoes to try on at home and return 8-9 pairs.

  4. Anon

    Ugh. “Send to me by 3” apparently means send at 1 am now. Since that wasn’t clear enough for the recipient, will “I need this by 3 and if you can’t get it done by then you need to let me know asap (with a read receipt)” be sufficient? I am trying to manage new hires who are making me realize it will take more thinking in my part. They are native English speakers and are in the same office. They are not brand new out of school but graduated during the pandemic.

    • anon

      I’m confused – you needed it at 3 PM and they sent it at 1 AM the following night? Did you ask them where it was when it didn’t arrive by 3?

      • Anon

        +1 – I’m confused about why you weren’t following up at 3:15 pm when you didn’t get the thing.

      • AIMS

        +1. The communication should be “when I say I need it by 3, it means I need it by 3” and not a new instruction for next time with a read receipt.

      • Anon

        You send an email and it goes unanswered. You call their office number and it goes to voicemail. Then you get an email at 1 am. I had to get the thing out the door by 5 so I reached out at 3:15 and silence.

        I’d have done a “I’m in a meeting with Ted until 4 offsite, so I can jump on it then but understand that would reassign it if not” but not work on something after the deadline is blown.

        Also, some of the wording suggests that things are optional when that’s not really the role of a junior person. They have to just do the work. Not do they work if they can. It’s not a choice, it’s a task.

        • Anecdata

          Are you their manager? sounds like there’s a bigger responsiveness and responsibility issue here

    • Anonymous

      “This is 10 hours late. I expected it no later than 3pm. What happened?”

    • Cat

      No, I don’t think your revision will get you what you want. #1 is the fact it involves read receipts, which everyone I know has had disabled since approx. 2004.

      Advice:
      -Outline the task
      -State the deadline
      -Tell them to check in after they’ve reviewed to go through any initial questions
      -When reasonable based on the lead time, ask them how progress is coming
      -If they miss the deadline, inquire at the deadline, don’t just silently fume

    • Anon

      Best thing I s to have asked for this yesterday afternoon. When it was not forthcoming, state that they should have sent you an email or called you to discuss why it was late.

      If there is any explanation beyond this, I would go with “I needed work product from you by 3 pm so that I could review before COB. If I need to send parts off to other departments or return to you with questions, that needed to happen yesterday, not this morning.”

    • Anonymous

      Your staff is up and working at 1am to meet a same day deadline and you’re mad that you didn’t get work product sooner. That seems unreasonable to me, is there context I’m missing?

      • anon

        From my law firm days, I think it’s reasonable to expect “hey, I’m so sorry. I’ve promised to do X for partner Y by tonight, can I get this to you at Z time instead?” Then the OP can either go to Partner Y to negotiate the associate’s time, get another associate to handle, or know that they’ll have to wait until Z time.

      • Anon

        Lol that you think getting it at 1:00 am means they were working all that time. My guess is they got busy, didn’t get it done by 3 pm. Left the office, had dinner, maybe a nap and then finally decided to do the thing. It is always unexcusable to let a deadline come and go without an acknowledgement. The context is they failed the task.

      • Anon

        Eh, I’m not OP but sometimes I stay up way too late because I’ve been procrastinating getting stuff done during the work day. It’s not necessarily an overworked employee.

      • Anonymous

        As a manager I’ve had to learn that not everyone thinks and works like me. If I’m sending something at 1 am it’s because I was frantically working the whole time. It was really stressful when partners would ask when I’d be finished with some urgent research question because… idk! I’m not finding anything directly on point! So I tried to be more empathetic when I became a partner.

        It bit me. Some people aren’t as diligent. They get distracted or something else comes up or some other partner is doing to follow up thing I hated and the associate prioritizes their work first, even if it’s not as urgent than mine. I had one kid routinely leave the office at 4 and log back on around 10 or later, then send typo-filled unintelligible nonsense at 2 am. In other words, he’s drinking with friends and then “working” and expecting to get billable credit for those hours. No I’m writing off your time, you’re redoing the assignment from the actual office, and you’re not leaving the office absent a true emergency until it’s done. And that’s how I became the nightmare partner I never wanted to be.

    • Anecdata

      maybe they thought you meant 3am?!?

      But more realistically – in addition to following up at the deadline, and talking to them about the pattern – if they’re completing work at 1am, how’s their overall workload and efficiency?

      • Anon

        She literally said the employee was unavailable by email and phone. People should not need to be babysat.

        • anon

          If they are unavailable by email and phone, then they can’t take on a task due that day. That was the cue to find someone else.

          I’m not saying the employee was in the right here, because they aren’t. But urgent items require the sender to step up, not just the recipient.

    • Anonymous

      I can see how «send it to me by 3» can be interpreted as “by the end of day”, and that they think they are delivering in spirit, by having it ready for you before the next day has started.

      Since that’s not what you mean, can you add “I need this by 3 pm at the lastest, to be able to finalize this afternoon.” or something that makes it clear this is a relay kind of job where their part needs to happen in order.

      • Anon

        I’m sorry, but how can I need it by X time mean anything other than I need it by X time. I would agree with you if OP had said by COB – that is open for some interpretation, but a set time is a defined known thing!

        • Anonymous

          I have had that happen a lot – people send asks with a deadline X, and if I have a conflict and ask about the deadline, they confirm that no, they’re not using the asked for input until the next morning. It’s not logical, but it does happen. Since these are new hires, it’s worth checking if that’s what they’re familiar with.

          • Anon

            Yes, but asking about the firmness of the deadline and confirming another deadline after you are given the original one, is different than getting the deadline and making assumptions about how firm it is without asking.

    • Anon

      Are they remote workers? This is the kind of situation that calls for an in person contact the next time you see them in the office. And remote work allows this BS to continue. When people are actually WFH, it is wonderful (I WFH) but it is much harder to deal with a squirley coworker, manager, or subordinate because they will just be unavailable and always come up with an excuse.

    • Anonymous

      Wait, so you emailed the assignment and never confirmed that they could do it by the deadline? That is 100% on you. How do you know they even saw the message? Maybe they were, you know, busy working.

    • Anon

      You’re getting a lot of piling on, but I am completely on your side. Adults need to adult here.

      • Anonymous

        But she never even verified that the person saw the assignment or had the capacity to complete it by the deadline. Now she wants to monitor through e-mail receipts instead of actually communicating and managing. You can’t just email someone a quick-turnaround assignment and expect that it is magically completed.

  5. Anon

    Just a wee vent. I have a conference that starts Monday morning with a happy hour this Sunday night. (So, start date 10/9). I’ve been getting separate emails from the conference organizers giving me a map to the ballrooms, telling me download the app, etc, since 9/26. The hotel’s gotten into it, too, telling me how excited they are to welcome me. (The conference hotel is actually full, so this is the hotel across the street, so it’s not coordinated with the conference.)

    I legit am not thinking about this conference until Sunday when I get on the plane. My to-do list has been way too long to be bothered with next week’s stuff now. I’m slightly annoyed that I’ve had to flag and keep track of these important emails about locations and the event app for two weeks because the event organizers think their event is more important than everything else I’ve had going on for the past two weeks? Idk, maybe I’m the only one like this and others feel more secure having that info that early. I’m a 36-hours before kinda gal.

    • Anon

      I don’t like getting information across multiple emails. The “when” is less important than the influx.

    • Cat

      Sorry, I think you are the off one here. For stuff like this I set up a dedicated folder in Outlook and either do a rule for the subject to auto-send it there, or just drag it in immediately to get it out of the way. I would be annoyed to have no details about the event reasonably in advance so I can make sure to pack correctly, etc.

    • Anon

      I think you’re the weird one here. Just stick the emails in a folder until you need them.

    • Anecdata

      just ignore the emails, and skim them on flight over. this is very very typical for events – both because people ignore half their messages (which is why they send so many!) and yeah, because some people DO need or want the info several weeks in advance; and the organizers don’t want to field a bunch of one-off questions

      • anonshmanon

        this right here. A bunch of your peers have already started asking for all this info.
        You can also snooze the email and make it pop back up when you need it.

      • Anonymous

        Think of this from.the organizer’s perspective. Sending this information, all of it, before people start asking for it, ensures they aren’t fielding 100s of individual inquiries in the weeks leading up to the event.

    • Anonie

      To confirm, you think the conference organizers should wait until Sunday afternoon to send out the information about a conference that starts the following morning?

    • Anon

      It’s great that you don’t need this info in advance, but I can guarantee you that there are lots of people who want or need it- people with disabilities, childcare needs, other reasons they need to know details about the facilities or schedule and can’t just show up and assume everything will be fine. I agree that it would be better if came in just one email instead of many, but some of it may be in response to specific questions the organizers have received from other people and they’d rather send the information to everyone than respond to a dozen separate questions. Organizing a conference is a lot of work! And the hotel probably just wants to make sure you remember your reservation.

      • Anon

        Yes, and some people just like to be organised.
        Sometimes I want to skip sessions and have tea with friends or colleagues in that city, or squeeze in a yoga class, so I want the schedule.

    • anon

      LOL. I just got back from a conference that was sending me organizing emails more than a month in advance. And then I think they sell the list of people attending the conference, because I got positively spammed by pre-conference emails this year with random “we should set up a meeting” from vendors.

      Do you have the snooze feature in your inbox? It’s my favorite feature ever. I snooze all of the emails I will need but don’t need right now until the day the conference starts, and delete all of the rest.

    • anon

      Our marketing people tell me they get tons of positive feedback about these conference applications with the maps and schedules and speakers and whatnot, so your organizers may also have a basis for thinking that this level of communication is welcome.

    • Anon

      One time I was going straight from an out of town wedding to a conference. I flew out on Thursday with a suitcase packed with business attire. Friday afternoon the email comes out saying conference attire is casual.

      I’m very pro- sending out conference information well in advance :)

  6. Anonymous

    question of the day: pick one fashion trend to disappear off the face of the earth and never make a comeback

    mine is those frilly rufflepuff sleeves – so unflattering and stupid

    • Anon

      Cold shoulders. One of mankind’s dumbest fashion trends in history. I mean, right up there with plucking your hairline back to your ear-line in Elizabethan times.

    • Anon

      Step off my favorite sleeves!! I am here for them each and every time they make a comeback.

      • Anon

        Me too! I have puny little shoulders and a big head so I look good in puffed sleeves.

      • go for it

        please keep….they work great for my petite self with grasshopper length legs

    • JD

      The current cheaply-made-and-thin-material-shirt hell we’ve been stuck in for 15 years. I don’t want all of my shirts to be sheer.

    • Flats Only

      Extreme high waists that emphasize how short-waisted and pot-bellied I am. Couldn’t do super low rise either, but mid-rise feels like it corrects my proportions and doesn’t highlight my lower abdomen in such an unflattering way.

    • Anon

      The ruffle-y cottage core style that looks like the clothes were meant for a preschooler. It’s ridiculous on 22 year old influencers and looks even worse on the rest of us.

      • Anon

        Yes! I want something non-squeaky (and not something that will sit in landfill for 500 years after I’m dead)

      • Anonymous

        Yes!
        All of my sweaters come from the men’s depratment because that is the only place I have found real wool and 100% cotton.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        You know, 2010 me was very anti-leggings-as-pants, but 2023 post-pandemic me has really embraced it.

  7. Anonymous

    what do you guys eat before a workout? i’ve been struggling to get thorugh some of my leg day workouts – like starfished on the floor between sets. i’m guessing i need more carbs before i exercise but would love some good ideas. does anyone do those pre-workout shake thingies?

    • Anon

      I make my own smoothies: frozen berries, Greek yogurt, almond milk, chia seeds, unflavored whey protein powder.

    • Anon

      Have you tried creatine? It makes a huge difference with strength training and is well-studied.

      • Anon

        Not OP, but do you have any specific brand/formulations to recommend? I’ve never tried it but lately I’ve been getting shaky between sets, even with a protein+carb snack beforehand.

    • anon

      You probably need to eat more straight up calories as a whole throughout your whole day. If its specific to leg day, and not other work outs, I’d revisit your leg day work out. You are probably lifting at your max or otherwise doing something that is wiping you out.

  8. JD

    Relevant question for the boots, are booties still “in style”? I remember when they first came back in about ~8 years ago after the tall boot trend. I’ve never bought any in all that time, and now it seems like they’ve turned into a fashion staple. Any thoughts?

    I’m a little scarred from my mom talking me into some in the late 90s that made my feet look huge. I’m ready to grow past that trauma :)

    Also, any recommendations for booties with a wedge or block heel that are deeply comfortable? I’m currently looking at some options from Tom’s. $100 ish budget. I also need to figure out current pants and shoe combos after maternity leave.

  9. Anonymous

    Are the elders in your life still gullible to falling for various online stupidity or have they learned some discernment now that we’ve been living with widespread computers for 20 years?

    When my (now passed) grandfather first got a computer in the early ’00s, he wasn’t able to discern between actual news articles and click-baity advertisements, the Nigerian prince schemes gave him pause a time or two, but he eventually got savvy and learned. I just had an 83 year old uncle come up to me and excitedly tell me that there was a new program where Toyota was selling unsold 2023 new cars for $40/month – he had seen it online. “Uncle Ed, does it make sense to you that Toyota would sell unsold new cars for $40/month?” “Well, I’m just letting you know I saw it online. I don’t remember any details, but you should look it up! It could be a great savings!” “Uncle Ed, you remember what they say about if it’s too good to be true…” :headdesk: Why, why is this still a thing? After 20 years, WHY am I still having to show elders that that’s a spam email; that, no, Toyota is not selling cars for $40/month; that, no, someone doesn’t have a free gift card for you if you just forward this email, etc?

    • anon

      So frustrating! But, at least he’s talking with you about it and not handing over his personal details. For some folks, running these dubious things by a trusted person is the best way to prevent harm. It works best if their trusted people are always kind about it.

      I have an older neighbor who lost a lot of money to a scam and I so wish she’d asked anyone she trusted for help assessing the situation.

    • Flats Only

      I’m 51, and I’m looking forward to see what scams they have going when I get old. Surely scammers will come up with something that will have 75 year old me in a pickle. Maybe hackers will kidnap us in our own self-driving cars. Or our robot butlers will be controlled by a crime syndicate. It’s going to be very interesting….

    • Anon

      Let me acknowledge that many elders are with it and as savvy as any digital native.

      That said, in my life they’re falling more for Russian propaganda campaigns than for the scams, fake virus alerts, and chain mail I remember when it was more about email than social media.

    • GCA

      Yes – my parents in their late 60s are at least savvy enough not to fall for the obvious online scams, but they just got misdirected by a completely random snippet that came up at the top of a Google search (eg. ‘how to get to the museum of ___’ – it was a random travel app result, completely incorrect) and ended up walking for miles to get to the museum, instead of just…opening the maps app on their phones and using it.

    • Anonymous

      We have had a current wave of our more artsy relatives being taken in by scams like fake customer support calls from Apple, gift card scams, etc. It’s not an age thing, they just seem less able to assess how companies actually work, like Apple is not likely to call you and ask to install a software patch.

      • Anonymous

        Actually artsy folks should be more able to spot scams because everyone is always trying to take advantage of hopeful artists.

  10. Anon

    For those who get in-salon keratin treatments:

    What do you do about your hairline/forehead and temples area? The keratin treatment wears off there first (or maybe that area grows faster?). As I age, that hair is coarser and more wiry than it was before and than the rest of my hair. So naturally, that is where I would want the keratin treatment to last the longest.

    Any suggestions?

    • Anon

      I only get keratin in those spots, every other appointment. 10% of my hair was 100% of my problem. My stylist books it as a “keratin express” — maybe this is an option? My regular hair is straight so it all looks the same now

  11. Vicky Austin

    I have a rapidly growing pile of cherry tomatoes from the backyard garden – what should I do with them?!

  12. Parents that do not want grandkids?

    Just wondering if I am the only one that cannot relate to all the threads around anxious would-be grandparents and in-laws.

    I am one of 4 adult siblings. We are all 40 plus. None of us have partners. None of us have children. My parents have never expressed ANY desire for grandkids to us. It is not just a matter of their not wanting to pressure us. I have specific memories from 20 years ago of my parents talking openly about how d i s gust i n g they thought it was for their friends to provide childcare for their adult children. I was only in college but I remember thinking – ok, I will not get any help if I have kids. And frankly I don’t know many families that make it work otherwise. If I or my sibling was dating someone, my mom would discourage us from inviting that person to family get-togethers.

    Anybody here in a similar position? Do you have ideas of why your parents did not want you to have a family of your own? I seem to be the only sibling that finds this odd and is curious how this happened.

    • Anecdata

      I… what? yes, what you are describing is very odd
      Not the not-providing-childcare part but normal would be comments like “oh, Susan spends so much time with her grandkids, that’s not for us, we’re headed straight to the golf course at retirement!” or “yeah, I’m done with diapers for.ever.; if you have kids nope I don’t be babysitting” o but calling it “disgusting” that some people care for grandkids is … weird.

      • Anon

        Agreed. It almost seems like they’re trying to convince themselves or something.

    • Anon

      Yep!

      My mother had me a a young single woman and unfortunately died when I was about 2. Her parents adopted me. They actively discouraged me from having children, and I always thought it was because they had complicated feelings about raising me (and probably about my mother having/keeping me) In fact, I’m not positive that they really wanted kids, either, but it was the thing that was done in the 50s.

      My boyfriend’s parents are amazing, and his mom is a retired preschool teacher and administrator. She loves and is great with kids. They’ve never pressured him or his brother to have kids, even after it’s become clear that neither are going to. I think with them, it’s just a feeling that they want their own kids to be happy and live life how they see fit.

      • Anon

        What you describe in your second paragraph is nice, and relatively common. But I think actively discouraging your kids from having kids is much more unusual.

    • Cat

      My parents and in-laws were totally chill about grandchildren which I very much appreciate, but your mom seems weirdly obsessed with keeping your nuclear family as-is given your point about discouraging partners…

      • Anon

        Agrees on the gatekeeping the nuclear family. It works great for the parents generation and can really end up hosing the adult children, even if the adult children don’t want to get married or have kids.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not in that position, but I understand your parents desire to NOT be childcare for grandkids. I remember my parents saying decades ago that they wouldn’t want to be daycare for any future grandkids. I think that makes sense. Personally, my parents and in-laws are local, retired, and in excellent health, but are incredibly busy with their own lives to have been daycare. They babysit, but we have to book them multiple in advance before they book up!

      But, I find it really odd that they would actively discourage you from bringing someone you’re dating to a family dinner. Based only on your post, it seems like you have a relationship with your parents. Assuming that’s correct, if you were dating someone and that person wasn’t an awful human and that person treated you well and respected you, then I’m just not understanding why they’d discourage you from having a partner.

      • Anon

        My mother was very welcoming to her kids’ life partners, but I recall that she was disinterested in spending time unless the person was more or less permanent. She said she learned the hard way that it was difficult to attach to someone a child was dating, and then poof, gone.

    • Anon

      I think it’s nice to not care and not pressure your kids. And I understand not wanting to be childcare for grandkids. But what you’re describing is odd, and I’ve never met anyone who affirmatively *didn’t* want their kids to marry or reproduce.

    • anon

      My parents do not pressure us because they have spent thousands on therapy because their respective mom’s had children because they were pressured to, and not because they wanted to.

    • Vicky Austin

      I guess I get not wanting to be childcare for an adult kid, but I’m confused as to why your parents would actively not want your chosen partner at family events, if you had one. Can you give more context for that?

      • Vicky Austin

        “for an adult kid” is confusing. I mean for grandchildren (children of said adult kid).

      • Anon

        Same. Totally their prerogative to not want to be baby-sitters, but not wanting your children to marry or have children of their own does not seem healthy.

    • Anonymous

      I relate to this a little bit. My mother has historically been openly hostile to my SOs and my brother’s SOs, and also hostile to me whenever I’ve tried to speak with her about dating and relationships. If you asked her she’d say that she really, deeply wants us to have very conventional families of our own, but she has absolutely not been emotionally equipped to see us form serious attachments to people who are not her.

      Over the years she has come to see that she needs to change in this area if she wants to maintain relationships with us, and to her credit she’s taken steps to do so. It’s honestly really sad and has been a lot for me to work through now in my 30s.

      • Anonymous

        This is my mother as well. Her marriage to my dad ended badly and she really told me when I got engaged, “why would you want to get married?” My own marriage has now outlasted my parents marriage. She also is not emotionally equipped to see her children form attachments to people who are not her. She actually likes my husband a lot though haha.

    • Anonymous

      We made it work without grandparent childcare. I know lots of families that did. I knew going in my parents had no desire to be childcare, it wasn’t that they didn’t want us to have our own families, they just didn’t want to have that level of involvement…

    • Anon

      I think some people are just less trusting of outsiders and don’t want things to change their dynamic. One of my friend’s families was like this – she was rarely allowed to socialized with friend in high school, no person she or her siblings dated would ever be good enough and the idea of dating is horrifying/immoral (though weirdly her parents want grandchildren).

    • Anon

      It took me a long time to see that my father is like this. It manifested in a lot of ways: saying that I had to “learn to get along with” my sister because she would “one day be all that [I would] have.” Completely aside from the fact that sister is a horrible human being, wouldn’t you want your kids to have friends and family of their own and not rely on their siblings for companionship?

      It manifested in treating SOs like outsiders, being snotty to my husband when introduced, trying to run our lives, the idea that he would snap his fingers and I would come running even if I lived across the country.

      Controlling people don’t like you to have loyalties that aren’t to them and priorities that aren’t them.

    • Hollis

      Totally guessing here but my friend grew up in a family of 5 kids and her mom was just so tired from raising them. It was a ton of work, but especially hard because the younger 2 were more out of control and had some minor failure to launch issues. In any case, my friend’s mom is like “if you have to have kids, don’t have more than 2,” because she doesn’t want the kids to go through the same stress, financial worries, etc. In general, I feel like people have opinions about things based on their own lived experiences, whatever that might be.

    • A

      I can understand not wanting to provide childcare for the grandkids. But never heard it called disgusting. And my parents wouldn’t ever discourage potential partner from family get togethers. Sounds like they don’t want you to have families of your own….

      • Anon

        My mom saw how her sister’s kids, my cousins, just assumed their mom had nothing better to do than watch their kids. In fact I saw it for myself – my cousins were incredibly entitled and ungrateful, and yeah they were disgusting.

        My mom did spend a lot of time caring for her grandchildren, or at least the eldest ones. I only had one sibling who stayed in our hometown to be able to use grandma for babysitting. I always thought it was sad that my mom ended up in the situation she found disgusting when her sister was in the same place – and sure enough, my sibling was very entitled and ungrateful about the whole thing. Like, my mom said hey, don’t make me primary day care because I won’t always be available, sibling did anyway, then had an absolute tantrum when grandma wanted to do something for herself like go on a trip with friends, calling her “selfish.”

    • Anonymous

      I thought this was my mother and then she got a puppy at 79 and I saw her treating it like an actual baby. It spurred me to ask why she never told me she wanted grandkids and she just said “I didn’t want to pressure you.” I also think she was not a natural mother and it was not her favorite thing to do, sometimes even regretted it though not overall, so could not say “it’s the best part of life and you will be missing out.” She also has expressed disgust and disapproval at parents who move to be close to their adult children. But if course now, with a sick husband, she is dropping hints that I should move to the random city she moved to at 78 to which no one in the family, including her, has any ties.

    • Anonymous

      As to the partner thing, my parents are a bit like this. They have had almost no generosity toward my boyfriends. They were very friendly with one decades ago, but only because he was around at my home at my invitation when they were and as a law student he was acceptable. They sometimes paid for dinners for four but never even thought to invite him to anything, like a holiday, though I shared holidays with and even received thoughtful gifts from his family. They have accepted but openly disliked the permanent partners of my sister and stepsister and made little to no effort to make them feel like family. My mother in particular gives no status to my boyfriends. An example would be that I asked for a dual museum membership and she asked why a dual. I mentioned that I liked being able to bring my BF, I would use it more that way, and financially it only made sense since the prices were very similar and it all comes around in exchange. She sort of scoffed and then gave me an individual membership. It was not about the (small) money difference but the principle that she would not be paying for him to get in.

    • anon

      To me, this is three different issues. The grandchildren, the babysitting, and the boyfriend/girlfriend. I’m not in this position, as my mother died young.But I can speak for the grandchildren one, in that I had no desire for any and didn’t pressure my children for any. For me, my children were sufficient; I still adore them, and to bring a child into this world? No. But now I have one, and that’s fine. The mothers and MILs that I read about on here that are nagging for them is something that I just don’t understand.

      The babysitting thing I’ve often read as a socio-economic marker, just expected in certain groups.

      The boyfriend/girlfriend thing just seems like weirdness, being closed-off, unwelcoming, cheap.

  13. anon

    I feel like we keep talking around each other in bootie vs short boot vs boot conversations. And I’m blaming shoe makers. I need them to agree on a definition! three links below, all calling themselves booties, and they all have different shaft heights. Thoughts?

    bootie one (I don’t think this is a bootie at all, but a heeled short boot)
    https://www.zappos.com/p/lauren-ralph-lauren-mylah-tumbled-leather-bootie-deep-saddle-tan/product/9913457/color/675026?utm_source=google&utm_medium=pla_g&utm_campaign=19821315807&utm_term=_o_57840060&utm_content=_g_146439319345_w_pla-1969145195235_l_CjwKCAjw4P6oBhBsEiwAKYVkqzOCrT2v0ww9qTF1JQTG9EHQT5Agrxy35htlsVYiMM1859JYrWNYzhoC0X4QAvD_BwE&gclid=CjwKCAjw4P6oBhBsEiwAKYVkqzOCrT2v0ww9qTF1JQTG9EHQT5Agrxy35htlsVYiMM1859JYrWNYzhoC0X4QAvD_BwE

    and also this is a bootie – to me this is an actual true bootie and not super current.
    https://www.freebirdstores.com/products/detroit-womens-heeled-back-zip-bootie-black-snake?variant=40016398483561&gclid=CjwKCAjw4P6oBhBsEiwAKYVkq5jlUMPj-SaAeEI3oI8-e1oNrfXFPPZJGbn7B1QwSXVqjWOiEEvXehoCTKMQAvD_BwE

    and this is a bootie? I don’t really agree with calling this a bootie; I think it’s an ankle boot.
    https://www.katespade.com/products/merritt-bootie/KE154-001.html?ogmap=PLA%7CACQ%7CGOOG%7CSTND%7Cc%7CSITEWIDE%7CMain%7CKS_RTL_Google_PLA_Signal_NA_Generic_National_PMax_NA_BAU%7CSitewide_Regular_Core_NA%7C%7C20190392611%7C%7CUS&gclid=CjwKCAjw4P6oBhBsEiwAKYVkq0O3yBlGZzDhBnhZmFe_gGQwfUzNyqvnQ2kW4_B_2SZ1jMS8AfnrFBoC_LYQAvD_BwE

    • AIMS

      I think they are all booties but I also refer to something else entirely when I use the term. I think your definition is too narrow. But I agree that option 2 looks dated.

    • Anon

      I agree with you, 1 and 3 are short shaft boots, 2 is a bootie that seems outdated right now, although I would argue only if styled with skinny jeans and otherwise in a 2015 manner.

  14. Anon for this

    My in-laws retired during COVID and decided to move from the opposite coast to 15 minutes’ drive from our house because DH is their older son. They have two other adult kids who could use their help with childcare – my SIL calls them every day and my BIL is a tech-savvy IT guy – but both of them are in a city that’s a 2 hour flight away. We used to see my in-laws almost every weekend, but they have left the country for 1 month to visit their home country and it has been wonderful. I have enjoyed weekend meals for our other family friends and not having to show up at my in-laws’ house and cook for them (yes, that is the cultural expectation for a daughter in law in our culture). Most of all, I love not having to hear my in-laws comment on my weight, hair, looking “tired,” and whether my kids are eating enough or too “skinny” or whatever. I would like to cut back on our visits with my in-laws for my own sanity, but if I say anything, I think DH will feel bad and it will create issues. He already tells me that someday when his parents die, DH will feel “guilty” for not “doing enough,” which is ridiculous since we bought the in-laws a house and are paying their utility bills and having a meal with them every week. We are from the same culture but his parents have apparently drilled in the guilt complex way more than I have. Anyone have any suggestions on finding a good balance here?

    • Anon

      This is why therapy exists, preferably if you can find a therapist who is from your culture. You both need to learn to set boundaries and your husband can learn that this guilt benefits his parent, not him.

      • OP

        Thank you – I think some counseling would be helpful. Even though we are from the same culture, DH and I grew up very differently. My grandparents stayed in their home country so my parents saw them rarely, while DH’s grandmother lived with them for 45 years (until she died) so my MIL had it worse.

    • Anon

      Oof, this would be really hard for me. I know some of this is cultural, but your in-laws expectations and comments would not be ok with me. Is there any way you can send your DH and kids but not go yourself?

      To answer your question about balance, I think in the abstract once a week dinner with local grandparents is a pretty reasonable amount of visiting for local grandparents. I’ve struggled with balance with my parents, but they see us or our kids much more than once per week. The issue here to me is their unreasonable behavior and expectations, not the frequency of the visits.

      • OP

        How do you see your parents “much more often than once per week”? Do they live nearby? Does your DH care that they are around so often? For me, it’s not so much the behavior (even though I complain, I’d much rather cook than eat my in-laws’ cooking – they are not good cooks) but the annoying comments and unsolicited advice disguised as concern for us/my kids’ “health.”

        • Anon

          They don’t see me and DH much more than 1-2 times per week, but they see our elementary age kids essentially every day. They live super close, less than a mile away and do a ton of school pickups, sporting events and even host play dates for my kids’ friends. My issue is less about not wanting to see them (I enjoy their company) but more that I feel like we don’t have enough time as a nuclear family. Hardly any. What you described about feeling relief when they travel is recognizable to me. My DH is fine with it, I’m the one who is struggling more.
          We don’t have any issue with my parents making rude comments, however. That’s a whole separate thing, but it would bother me a lot.

        • Anon

          My sister and parents live in the same town and see each other many times a week. My mom goes over to watch The Bachelor every Thursday, both parents help bring kids to school and activities/watch the siblings during time, the whole family goes to my parents’ house once a week for dinner, often they’ll run errands together, etc. Many of these activities are when BIL isn’t around or does his own thing, but he does like the free dinner each week, and has a better relationship with my parents than his own. So, it’s not that they are spending huge chunks of time together, but more that they are just “doing life activities together”.

          I’m a little jealous, and both my sister and I WANT to spend time with our parents, though I admittedly would feel differently about in-laws. To some extent, I think it’s important that the non-blood related spouse is allowed to bow out/do their own thing as needed

          • Anon

            Agreed, I posted above that we have a similar amount of contact with my parents and letting the non-bio spouse opt out is important. When the kids and/or I do stuff with my parents my husband knows he’s always welcome but never expected to attend, and I think that’s been key to him being so comfortable with their involvement in our lives.

        • Anon

          Oh- that actually makes this way easier! The healthy boundary you’re looking for is “please do not comment on my/our bodies” then immediately change the conversation. If needed, leave the room.

          There will likely be tension when you first start saying this- breathe through it and don’t change course. Their rudeness is reflecting off you and onto them.

          Do NOT engage in the topic more than “please do not comment on our bodies” on repeat. Don’t argue with their excuses. Don’t answer their “questions”. Their behavior may get worse before it gets better. Stay the course, be impeccably polite and welcoming to them.

      • Anonymous

        We see my MIL once a week for dinner. I get along with her well, but sometimes its too much for me. I think it is good for my husband and kids to go though, so sometimes I have to work late that day or I have dinner plans with my friends.

    • Anon

      I also come from a culture where oldest son is expected to take care of grandparents and DIL is expected to cook, etc. But we don’t live in home country, we live in the US in 2023. It drives me crazy when immigrants move to the US but do not expect anything to change. You did not sign up for this situation when you got married. If DH wants to have his parents for dinner he has to cook (or he has to be in charge of ordering takeout). If you don’t want to be around ILs, then leave the house when they come over. Also, commenting on your kids’ weight and your weight is a hard NO and DH needs to shut that down immediately. You guys need counseling and you need to learn to set boundaries.

    • Anon

      I think you and your husband need to really talk and get on the same page. This isn’t something you can resolve on your own through therapy. You need to approach the issue as a team. Maybe it means he goes over two times for every time you visit; maybe it means he interrupts and corrects the conversation when it strikes a nerve; maybe it’s bringing takeout instead of cooking, etc. but you two need to start as a united front. My husband and I do this with both our families (also with strong ethnic traditions) and knowing that we are aligned makes it all a lot easier. We even have hand signals for when we need the other to step up in case the other fails to notice due to what we call “raised with it bias.”

  15. Anon

    I accidentally rear ended someone on my commute home tonight. There appeared to be a small dent on his bumper. I gave him my insurance info and phone number and took a photo of his bumper. Is there anything else I need to do here? Just wait for him/ insurance to contact me? I’ve ever been in even a small accident before.

    • Runcible Spoon

      I suggest you take a photo of the front area of your car, then contact your insurance company and send them the photo of his car, the photo of your car, and his name, insurance information and phone number (if you collected that information). Also, are you ok? Sometimes whiplash-type injuries show up several hours later. I’m so sorry this happened, it can be a bit distressing.

  16. Anonymous

    I am under a ton of stress at work. I am literally forgetting to eat/not making time to eat during the day. (I’m not in direct patient care anymore but I am in a critical admin role, I’m on my feet a lot, meeting with different people, in a failing healthcare facility.) This is temporary, but it started in July, thought things would improve by September, now it looks like I will be done in November. I have little to no appetite. I am living in a long term stay motel in a smallish town with no 24 hour grocery/restaurant options – there are gas stations open 24 hours. Facility rules prevent cell phones in many areas so setting an alarm has not worked. There are vending machines but the cafeteria is closed. I am stashing jerky and nuts and dried fruit in my bag but I am not hungry in the morning, ragged all day, then when I go back to the motel I want to fall into bed. I’m not trying to complain just hoping someone can tell me, when you feel too busy to eat, and don’t have a hunger pain reminder – I know I need to eat and will feel better but it literally seems so not important during the day and I am struggling to prioritize it.

    • Ampm

      When I had the night shift job from hell, I stashed a bowl, spoon and a few cans of Campbells Chunky soup. Are you near your/a computer enough that a calendar/Outlook reminder might work since you can’t have your phone?
      It’s been a while since I’ve been to a town that was too small for a Waffle House/Huddle House… for me double hash browns, scattered, smothered, covered, well makes everything better.

    • Anon

      Instead of alarms, bc you can’t have your phone, can you use “landmarks” in the building? Every time you are in the elevator you eat a snack kind of thing. When you pass the nurses’ station eat a snack. It means you have to carry them with you and I don’t know how practical or possible that is . . .

      I’m sorry you’re in this position. It sounds exhausting in so many ways.

    • OOO

      Stock up on protein shakes and frozen meals. The protein shakes are shelf-stable so you can stash them in your office at work or in your bag. Stash the frozen meals in your break room fridge and at your motel. Make food really easy and convenient so that when you do feel hungry or remember to eat, you can satisfy the hunger quickly.

    • Anon

      This is me when I’m anxious. I set calendar reminders during the work day. Unsure if that’s possible from what you’ve shared. I assume at least some of the people you work with eat lunch, so can you use that as a prompt to quickly grab something? Are there any meetings you can turn into a working lunch? Or make yourself a rule that at a specific time you have to eat something? The latter is basically what my calendar reminder is for, at noon I have to have some small protein and some small fruit (usually a boiled egg and mama chia packet or yogurt).

      It sounds like you’re doing a good job of finding nutrient dense foods. In addition to jerky, nuts, and dried fruit I favor peanut or almond butter packs (the Justin’s ones that you squeeze out), boiled eggs in individual packs, individual cheese squares (Tillamook, Baby Bell, or string cheese), bananas, mama chia and apple sauce packs (individual ones that you squeeze out), macro protein bars (specifically the sunflower and chocolate ones or the lemon ones). A close friend would always have two spoonfuls of peanut butter straight from the jar before she walked out the door in the morning when she was going through a stressful work engagement. If the stores around you don’t have these things and you’re interested, you could look into getting them shipped to the healthcare facility or motel.

      I don’t know if you are also having issues remembering to drink enough, but I use the Water Llama app that prompts me to drink water throughout the day. You could try one of the marked water bottles if that’s possible.

      Hope this helps and I hope you’ve planned something relaxing and fun for yourself after this is over!

    • Anonymous

      protein shake in your bag if you are not eating the nuts/dried fruit. Maybe clif bars? They are pretty tasty. Or try a protein shake in the morning, clif bar or Lara bar or two during the day and then like soup for dinner? You can get some pretty calorie dense veggie soups that just need to be heated. Does the town have a bakery or sandwich shop? Could you have them deliver something to your accommodation every couple days?

  17. Anon

    We ran the AC on Wednesday, when the high was 88 and will have to run the heat tonight when the overnight low gets into the 30s. This swing in weather is bonkers even by Midwest standards.

  18. Anon

    DH has COVID and is on Day 5 of isolation (he is isolating in our guest bedroom). DS and I are fine and testing negative (PCR). Can DS and I meet another family for a pumpkin walk outdoors?

    • Anon

      I think if you tell the other family the situation and they are fine with it, yes. You’re negative with no symptoms and husband isolating.

    • Anon

      You should definitely tell them, in case they’re high risk or have some reason why they want to be extra careful right now (travel, a big work event, etc.). It’s certainly possible that you’re just about to get sick and could be highly contagious even if you were PCR negative yesterday. But you’re technically okay and it’s outside, so there’s a good chance they’ll be fine with it. Best to let them decide, though.

    • Anon

      Agreed you should tell them. We’re traveling next week and would want to reschedule. I imagine many people wouldn’t care, but you should give them the choice.

    • Anon

      I am immunocompromised and would want to know so that we could take a rain check with you.

  19. LA

    Hello, Counselors of Corporette:

    I’m in dire need of some style advice. Hoping one of the attys on the board can come to my aid (pro bono, please!).

    Facts are as follows: I’m a middle-aged woman (not an atty) who will be attending cocktail and holiday law firm parties soon. I have zero dressy outfits in my closet. I need a cocktail dress pronto and, after perusing various clothing retailer websites, am quickly sliding into panic mode.

    Issue: What is a “cocktail” dress or attire, exactly? Not a floor-length gown, certainly, but should I avoid knee-length dresses with beads and embellishments? I want to look tasteful and not too try-hard. I wouldn’t wear a business suit, correct?

    Budget = $400 absolut max.

    Can any of the women lawyers on this board please give me a short opinion letter?

    Many thanks in advance!

    • Trixie

      Depending on your comfort level with skin, wear a solid jewel toned dress in our best/favorite color, with or without sleeves, and interesting neckline (v or boat or cowl or angled) that is to the knee, or shorter if you like your legs, or longer if that makes you comfortable. Add festive accessories and a festive clutch, and comfortable shoes that work with the outfit. Bring a shawl or wrap if the dress is sleeveless. You could go with a full skirt if you like how those look on you. I suggest making an appt at a department store near you and try on lots of dresses to see what cuts you like. Then keep looking on line as well.

    • Anon

      I got a red dress from Trina Turk last year that worked great for my one lawyer-intensive shindig last December. It did not have sequins, so it wasn’t too try-hard, but it had fancy sleeves and fit great, so it also very clearly was not something I would wear to the office. I also tried a couple of things from Tuckernuck, but neither of them worked for me.

    • NaoNao

      In our mid-40s and beyond beaded embellishments on a knee length gown can be aging and mumsy, so you’re right to be wary of that!

      When I have an occasion I typically go in one of two directions: cocktail gown by a “trusted provider” (Lauren Ralph Lauren does lovely, elegant, affordable gowns that flatter older bodies, Marchesa Notte although there’s a princess-y femininity to many of them that might not suit–and you’ll have to look for resale options at <$400, Anthropologie, especially during holidays. When I interviewed at Anthropologie, they revealed that their target market is women 50 and above, which was both a surprise and not, when I really thought about it) or a statement dress–something artistic, dramatic, and unusual. The latter option only is if it's your typical style though!

      For holidays, I'd go with a rich jewel toned dress with just one detail, like a portrait collar, a sprinkle of sparkle, or a beautiful pattern/print but not All the Glitter, ya know?

      A classic look for holidays that I personally adore is a tartan bottom with a solid sash waist (a skirt or slim trousers) and a simple, crisp white shirt a la Caroline Herrera. Then some velvet smoking slippers and a smashing sparkle somewhere–a ring, earrings, etc.

      I own a pair of gray plaid pants with delicate, subtle sequins sewn into the pattern by Chico's and they are a holiday staple. I add a white button down with rhinestone novelty buttons and a chic gray sharkskin blazer + some bling jewelry and maybe a red pump + lip and I'm elegant, elevated, and *comfortable*–also warm in colder weather.

  20. Anonymous

    I have trouble sleeping in hotels. I usually take 2 advil PM and would be asleep within 45 min. Lately, that isn’t working. Is there anything other than dark curtains, walking outside, trying to adjust body clock, and a sound machine to try while on the road?

    • Anon

      I take CBD gummies. I usually just need one 5 mg gummy to fall asleep. I’m a fan of the Martha Stewart brand.

  21. Anon

    Because I cannot decide, please tell me your favorite winter parkas/coats. I live in Chicago. I ordered the Lands End Primaloft 3 in 1 Parka and like it except I did not realize there are no storm cuffs or way to tighten the cuffs. Since it is windy here and can be very cold, I would much prefer storm cuffs. I went to REI and tried on a few different brands and parkas today but literally cannot decide. Thank you!

    • Anon

      If I lived in Chicago I’d spring for Canada goose or something pretty high end. I’ve never been colder than in Chicago in winter.

      • Anon

        Thanks! I do have a calf length Mackage coat that is pretty comparable to CG (and won’t get me mugged ha). It is too warm for anything above 25 degrees F. Looking for something on the other days. Now learning towards the Fjallraven Nuuk Parka.

    • Anonymous

      I have had a number of Eddie Bauer parkas over the years – have liked all. Read the descriptions, reviews and temperature ratings. Btw I live in Toronto, so know cold.

  22. Anon

    I was told by our DEI folks that I can’t use female even as an adjective that modifies a noun, e.g., in a sentence such as “patients reported better outcomes under the care of female physicians.” I understand that using female as a noun, especially in the plural (e.g., “look at those females”) has negative connotations and should be avoided, but I thought “female” was still acceptable as an adjective. To me, “…under the care of women physicians” is grammatically incorrect. Am I hopelessly behind the times?

    • Anonymous

      Resubmit with this language “under the care of physicians who are not man doctors”

    • Anon

      All grammar rules have gone out the door. I mean, “they and them” used to refer to singular, but is now used for any individual who self-identifies with that pronoun. This is not the battle worth fighting – just go with women physicians. Everyone knows what that means.

    • RiskedCredit

      Yeah I had that a couple of years ago. I said so we address mankind as homosapiens?

      I address men and women at work. How someone chooses to identify themselves is their own business. I’ve built my career in a male dominated field and I’m not about to be erased from the conversation because ‘woman’ offends someone. I’m a woman and I’m right here.

      • Anon

        This is a different conversation, though. I agree with you but I *hate* when my company talks about “the percentage of females in leadership.” It makes it sound like we’re animals. It should be “women in leadership.” I think there is a push to eliminate the word “female” for this reason, but agree with OP – there are cases where it does make more grammatical sense, and I think their DEI team is incorrect. Signed, someone who works in comms

        • OP

          Yes, I would never say “the percentage of females in leadership” – it’s “the percentage of women in leadership.” But to me “female” is more appropriate in this context. Also in comms and hate having my writing edited by non-comms people. I’m sure you get it ;)

    • anonshmanon

      I don’t see how female and women is all that different (content wise), so I am confused on what basis your DEI folks are even suggesting this swap.

    • Anon

      It’s part of the effort to make the words women need to describe their lives unspeakable. You have to fight back.

    • Anon

      Is the objection to the word “female” or is the issue that you are not permitted to refer to women? What have the DEI people suggested instead? I guess it could be “physicians who are women” but that is silly. On another note, I came across an ad for a women’s conference for engineers that was also open to Tr@ns men and Tr@ns woman and non-binary. At this point, why have women’s conferences at all?

      • OP

        The former. They want every “female” in the text to be find-and-replaced with the word “women.” It’s not a tr*ns/non-binary issue.

    • Anonymous

      If you are allowed to use the word male as an adjective that modifies a noun, then you need to be allowed to use the word female, and I would die on that hill. The fact that it is *only* female words that are being erased in the name of ‘inclusion’ pisses me off. If the physicians being referred to are female then they should be called that.

    • Anon

      I’m a little confused about the context. I sometimes encounter mistaken advice to “correct” research results in a way that suggests the research was more inclusive than it was (like to say “pregnant people” when only cisgender pregnant women participated in a study — it’s one thing to make a reasonable extrapolation, but another thing to imply the research participants were more diverse than they were).

      Anyway yes people say “women physicians” these days. Even as an adjective, female is going to raise questions about whether you mean women presenting today or AFAB, etc.

      • Anonymous

        Are we supposed to say “man physicians”, too, or are we only worried about not excluding any person AMAB?
        My question stands, but I actually think the issue is what OP referenced – the use of “female” as a noun to mean woman is now considered improper for reasons separate from non-binary/trans issues, but they don’t trust people to use the word properly as an adjective, so address the issue with a blunt instrument.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions