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Updated: Oct 9, 2023 171 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Confetti Tweed Cropped Khloe Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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A woman wearing a tweed blazer and denim pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

‘Tis the season for everything tweed. This “confetti” tweed blazer from Cinq à Sept has distinctly autumnal vibes that I’m very excited about. Pair it with a black sheath for a business formal look or some dark denim for casual Friday.

The blazer is $495 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes 0-14. 

Hunting for other wintry blazers? These are some of our favorite brands to check:

4 women wear warm tweed blazers that make a statement
These brands are all great bets for stand-alone blazers in tweeds and other wintry fabrics: brown / teal* / gray / purple* (not pictured but also) (* = plus sizes too)

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    Seeking recommendations on where to shop for jewelry that is a step up from costume jewelry. I’m thinking along the lines of Mejuri, Quince, GLDN.

    Any suggestions?

    • Panda Bear

      It depends on your taste, but if you are interested in pre-owned/vintage/antique jewelry, Ruby Lane has tons of cool stuff! Generally cheaper than buying similar things at retail, and its a chance to find something unusual. Also a plug for my favorite local jewelry store, Market Square Jewelers, which sells pre-owned fine jewelry and has a great website, ships all over.

    • Anokha

      I bought a pair of PD Paola earrings earlier this summer and got lots of compliments.

    • NaoNao

      Jenny Bird is very nice! I’m not sure if Kendra Scott is costume or “demi fine” but I like their more minimalist and sculptural items. Alexis Bittar has gorgeous stuff and is very artistic.

    • No Face

      I bought earrings from Quince and they literally fell apart. Big fan of their clothes, but I’m not going to chance any jewelry.

      • Hootster

        Good to know – I’d been eyeing a chain necklace from them and I might be better off with Mejuri

        • Sallyanne

          My daughter has really enjoyed Mejuri earrings and they have held up well.

    • Anon

      For higher end online, I like Dorsey and for more every day, Ross and Simons – some of their stuff is dated, but they tend of have good basics, like gold hoops, chain necklaces, etc.

  2. Anon

    This is probably a longshot, but does anyone have a recommendation for an attorney who can assist with helping the descendants of the victims of Nazi persecution obtain German citizenship? I believe my husband is eligible (his father was born in the late 1940s to Holocaust survivors in a displaced persons camp) and it would give me a lot of peace of mind, especially with Trump potentially coming back in 2024.

  3. Anon

    Has anyone here been a Girl Scout leader? Any advice? I’m starting a new troop for kindergarten and first grade girls at my daughter’s school and I’m really excited (it seems like we’ll do so many fun activities, and I just love kids this age) but I was never a Girl Scout myself so it’s all very new to me.

    • Anon

      I’m an assistant leader of a girls BSA troop, so a bit different (but totally new to me because I don’t have brothers). But scouting of any sort is so good for kids, so I’m glad that you are stepping up. No advice, but sending good vibes. I find that there is a lot of paperwork (which I’m good at), which makes up for me being on the learning end of everything else.

    • Cb

      My husband just got appointed as the a UK Scouts leader. Sadly, he was hoping to learn some outdoor skills, but they’ve realised he’s an IT person and he’s now in charge of the membership app :(

    • Anon

      not a leader, but have a daughter who has been in GS for 5 years. if you can find people to work with you/delegate work to, that seems to help! for ex, my friend the leader is not the cookie parent and works with a few others who take turns planning events…we also do more fun activities than meetings, which keeps the kids interested.

    • Mid West

      It is an amazing experience being a Scout Leader! I started out leading my daughter’s troop in Kindergarten and she is in middle school now. Girl Scouts is much more flexible than Boy Scouts for earning badges… As Daisies, plan on lots of games to get the wiggles out! Join some FB groups to get ideas on how to earn petals, but don’t stress about doing all the things. Remember you have two years to get things done at these levels. Opt out of fall product sales and go easy on the cookies the first year. Ask for help — in early elementary, we met right after school. We had a sign up for a parent to bring a snack & be extra hands during the meeting. Get someone to agree to be cookie mom. Ask your girls what they like to do and help figure out an age appropriate way to do it. And have fun!

      • OP

        Thank you and others for the advice! This comment is reassuring because we’re doing a lot of this already. :) We’ll be meeting after school at the school, we’ve outsourced cookies to a different parent and we polled the parents about the girls’ interests.

    • Away Game

      Yep! The first few weeks are the worst because you have to do the bureaucratic signup stuff, training, get girls registered, find your meeting spaces, etc. Once you are through that my best advice is to get your Association/Service Unit calendar to see what you could take your troop to that is already planned – Juliette’s Bday is Oct 31, World Thinking Day is in February, and sing up for those. (Because yay – traditions! and fun! and…older scouts are leading so you don’t have to). Then google fun things to do with your age group, present your Daisies with three ideas to pick from, and once they are picked, move throw those. It’s important to let the girls have some (limited!) choices. Also, tell all the parents that the price of admission is 1) the registration free and 2) they have to volunteer for something. Have fun!

      • Away Game

        *move through those. The key for me was having a fun co-leader, and making sure the other parents knew I had a full time job as well, was ONLY a volunteer, and we had to be all in this together. OH – and the girls should do the work. The setting up but ESPECIALLY the cleanup. There are tons of examples online of how to organize that – kaper charts in Girl Scout-ese – but GSUSA really emphasizes independence as well as teamwork, and the parents should be doing as little as possible for cleaning and setup…even if it takes longer when the girls do it.

    • Anonymous

      Yep. My middle child is a brownie. There are lots of ways to run a troop so decide how you want to run yours. Do it all yourself and all on your own terms; be the main point person and run it co-op style; get a co-leader.

      You can make it as much or as little work as you want it to be. We have a small troop and we got all of our homes approved as meeting spots so we just rotate meetings.

    • Anon

      Don’t turn it into a clique so your daughter can be queen bee. Include all girls equally and don’t favor your daughter and her besties.

      Can you tell my daughter wasn’t one of the besties?

    • Meredith

      I had one child in Girl Scouts and one in Boy Scouts, and one thing I really enjoyed about Girl Scouts was that you had the freedom to not follow the set structure. If your group likes to get badges and follow a set program, you can, but you can also go your own way and customize to your group’s desires. My daughter’s troop stayed largely intact though the 8th grade because we did what the girls enjoyed and left the rest. Good luck to you!

      • Seventh Sister

        Probably the thing I like the most about Girl Scouts is that it is very DIY. This can be a drawback, but generally it is really fun and rewarding. My two biggest pieces of advice are: don’t be offended/upset when parents or girls decide to move on (it happens for all kinds of reasons) and make other parents share the workload. It’s not an activity where you can reasonably expect to just drop your girl off for every meeting or event and never have to participate. The other piece of advice I have is to charge dues and make them similar to Boy Scout dues in your area so you don’t have to be so reliant on the endless sales that the higher ups are going to try and force on you.

    • Scout Anon

      I’ve led my daughter’s troop since they were Daisies, and now they’re in ninth grade. It can be so much fun, and it is really cool to see the scouts grow up. Echoing what others have said: do the minimum on fall product sales, go easy on the cookie sales; find fun co-leaders if you can; and definitely lean in to the activities planned by the service unit or council. I just brought my troop to Cirque du Soleil, and they’re preparing to use their cookie money to go to NY (after saving it up for years). It is important to let them lead as much as possible, but within the boundaries appropriate for their ages. This is why our camping trips are almost exclusively long games of poker and flashlight games / night hikes once the sun has set. They’re not interested in doing the badges when they get together to camp, and, since they are older scouts now, the leaders have to step back and let them choose. (Which has been really cool! This group’s dynamics has been inclusive and warm and silly since the start, and that has made it a fun group to lead). Good luck!!

    • Anonymous

      I will echo all those who say to focus on experiences that interest the girls and go easy on the badges. The Girl Scout badge curriculum is very weak and the many of the activities tend to be silly and boring. You can have the girls learn about the same topics in much more effective ways by doing your own activities and taking field trips. A lot of museums, historical sites, rock climbing gyms, outdoor sports facilities, etc. have very good field trip programs especially for scouts.

    • old scout

      I went all the way through scouts to First Class, and my mom was a leader trainer. We both loved the outdoors parts best. My earliest memories are of cookouts and day camp, both the preparation (making stoves and their heating elements, sit-upons, figuring out menus, learning to make a cake in a coffee can, etc.) and the events themselves (particularly learning practical skills like how to build an A-frame fire, sharpen a knife, apply soap to pots to make cleanup easier, waterproof matches with nail polish). I remember shaking cream in a jar with salt to make butter. Yum! With enough supervision girls that young can learn a lot of skills.

  4. Anon

    idk if there are any israeli readers (based in Israel or somewhere else), but thinking of you today. and before this turns into a whole discussion – even if you disagree with Israeli politics, what Hamas did over the weekend was wrong and an act of terror- killing, kidnapping, raping innocent people.

    • Anon

      Thank you from a liberal American Jew. I find the Israeli government abhorrent, but it’s hard to see people blaming the victims for a terrorist attack.
      Fwiw Israel is a really small country, so the scale of the attacks is larger than it seems to residents of large countries like the US. I heard it would be the equivalent of 22,000 dying on 9/11.

      • Anon

        That is good to understand. I also read that it’s the most Jews killed at once since the Holocaust, which is just horrifying.

        • Anon

          The latter stat doesn’t really shock me because there haven’t been that many events where large numbers of people die in a single day. I’m sure more Jews have died in the last year in the Ukraine conflict, for example (Ukraine has a large Jewish population relative to other European countries), but it wasn’t in a single day.

    • Anonymous

      Yes thinking particularly of our community members who may be impacted by this

    • Anon

      I completely agree. I’m disgusted to see protesters in San Francisco (my city) justifying it.

      • Anon

        +1 seeing my “progressive” friends try to justify these attacks to align with their pre-existing views has been really gross.

        • Anonymous

          Were they justifying it or did they simply see a consequence between the previous actions of one side and the response of the other? Understanding where something comes from does not mean justifying it.

          • Anon

            referring to acts of terror as a “consequence” is justifying it. Hamas is a terrorist organization. That’s like saying the 9/11 attacks by Al-Qaeda were a “consequence” of the US’ actions (which is an equally ridiculous statement)

          • Anonymous

            Were you really surprised? Because you can be horrified and at the same time be thinking “I saw this coming time ago”
            (And yes, the 11-s atacks did not happen out of the blue neither)

          • Anon

            I saw people saying it was inevitable (I don’t think this is fair or even respectful of people’s agency!). But they’re the same people who think NATO “made” Putin invade, that Ukrainians somehow deserve invasion, and lately have been putting the Chinese government on some kind of pedestal too.

          • Anon OP above

            The definition of justify in Merriam Webster is “to prove or show to be just, right, or reasonable.” So yes, saying that it is a “consequence” is justifying it by implying it is a reasonable response. And anyway, yes, my progressive friends posting about this on social are saying things along the lines of “no one ever said throwing off the reins of the oppressor would not be violent” and other BS. The person who posted that of course still went on her free Birthright trip and partied it up in Israel in college. The hypocrisy is stunning.

          • Anon

            There’s a letter signed by 31 student organizations at Harvard holding Israel “entirely responsible” for the Hamas terrorist attacks. There’s room for nuanced discussion here and Hamas didn’t arise in a vacuum, but saying Israel alone is to blame is not at all nuanced. Really disappointing from supposed great minds and future leaders of the country.

          • Anonymous

            Ukranians did not deserve invasion but yes, Putin was not going to allow them to join NATO or align with it without pushing back. It was not right that we put them in that danger. And we are responsible of that.

            And if we think that Ukranians have the right of the defend their motherland using the force Palestinians too.

            If you think that these kind of things happens without reason you dont understand how fragile the equilibrium in the world is.

          • Anon

            “And if we think that Ukranians have the right of the defend their motherland using the force Palestinians too.” –> last I checked the Ukranians did not waltz into Russia and kill a bunch of random Russians and tourists attending a music festival, nor did they kidnap children, women, elderly and parade them around on social media. Perhaps if Hamas had even tried to limit it attacks to Israeli military bases (which would still be terrible) or military targets rather than expressly targeting civilians you could say that, but I do not understand how slaughtering people attending a music festival is a valid comparison?

    • Anon

      I’m not Israeli but some of my children and grandchildren live in Israel. Lots of other relatives there too. THANK YOU for your supportive post. I have seen so much on social media basically celebrating and saying Israel had what’s coming and I fully expect to see those comments here – so your support means a lot.

    • Anon

      thank you. i’m not israeli, but Jewish and the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors. do i agree with everything the Israeli government has done and how the Palestinean-Israeli conflict has been handled – no – but times like these are a not so friendly reminder of all the anti semitism in the world. if this had happened in any other country, to any other group of people, i’d be receiving emails from leadership where i work, every person would be sharing stuff on social media condemning the attacks, etc. my heart breaks for all of the parents and loved ones of the victims learning about their innocent child’s kidnapping from a video on the news and everyone else who has lost someone

    • Anon

      This terrorist attack has made me realize that I want to read a definitive history of the tensions in the Middle East regarding Israeli (from founding to modern day). Does anyone have a good recommendation? Dense and heavy preferred over something superficial

      • anon

        Six Days of War: June 1967 and the Making of the Modern Middle East by Michael Oren is critical to understanding anything.

      • FP

        I took a college class back in 2006 on the Arab-Israeli conflict, and this book is what we used. I loved the class and it gave me a lots of context and understanding of all parties and goals. Note, obviously, that it was published 20 years ago, so there may be a better/newer text out there.

        “How Israel Was Won: A Concise History of the Arab Israeli Conflict” by Baylis Thomas

      • Anon

        I haven’t read it, but Martin Gilbert has a history of Israel – he was a well known historian and biographer.

        • Anonymous

          Thanks for the recommendation. FYI it’s on sale for $3 in kindle format on amazon today.

      • Anonymous

        The question of what’s “definitive” is kind of the whole issue, but… I think that going back to pre-1948 is very important. Tom Segev’s “One Palestine, Complete” is an accounting of British Mandate-era Palestine that shows how the current situation was put into place. To me, it was more illuminating about the underlying structure of the conflict than anything written about, say the Six Day War. “No Trumpets, No Drums,” by Mark Heller and Sari Nusseibeh is outdated but still a good primer on the issues that would need to be worked out to advance any kind of peace.

        • Anonymous

          +1 on pre-1948. It’s so important to understand what the area was like before western powers drew up a map to suit their fancies. (See also: Africa.)

      • Anonymous

        If you like cinema you could see this movies:
        Ajami
        Roof knocking
        Inch’ Allah
        Paradise now
        Etz Limon
        and if you need a comedy, Tel Aviv on Fire.

      • Anonymous

        I agree and that is exactly what the Israel army & gob has been doing to Palestinian people during decades. If the situation for the average person in Gaza was bad now is worst.

        • Anon

          when did the Israeli army kidnap Palestinian children and rape Palestinian women? and what do you propose the Israeli army do in response to Hamas’ actions?

          • Anonymous

            It seems you are not aware about what the Israel gob & army has been doing all these years in Gaza and Cisjordania.

          • Anon

            Seriously, I want a response to this question too. What should Israel’s response be? Can you provide an answer?

          • Anonymous

            Since 2004, Israeli settlers, protected by Israeli forces and with total impunity, have committed more than eleven thousand terrorist attacks against Palestinian civilians.
            Events like the one in Douma, where an entire family was burned by Israeli settlers, including a barely one-year-old baby, are not an isolated event.
            The ultimate responsibility for this massacre of Palestinian civilians lies with the Israeli government, which will one day have to answer before the International Criminal Court.

          • Anonymous

            Condemnation of the murder of civilians must always be reciprocal and the death of Palestinians cannot be systematically made invisible. According to the UN Office of Humanitarian Affairs, a total of 6,715 people have been murdered in the last 15 years. 95% of them were Palestinians, without any Western country having torn its clothes and without practically any of those responsible for these deaths having been imprisoned, since the Army and the Israeli settlers enjoy absolute impunity, protected by the most extremist in the history of Israel. This impunity creates the breeding ground on which Hamas and its followers feed and serves to justify their actions.

      • Anon

        agreed. and there is such a double standard – now Israel is going to be crucified for any civilians it accidentally kills while trying to defend itself. and i’m not saying those people’s lives don’t matter – they matter too, but Israel cannot exactly just sit and twiddle its thumbs

        • Anon

          Yes, Israel should be able to commit genocide in Gaza without getting blowback.

        • Anonymous

          Collective punishments against the civilian population represent a war crime according to international conventions and that the Palestinian population cannot be punished for the attacks carried out by Hamas.

      • Anon

        It should be that simple but you might be surprised how many white liberals insist Hamas is not a terrorist organization.

        • Runcible Spoon

          The Hamas charter calls for the dissolution of Israel. The attacks this weekend sure look like a pogrom against Jews.

          • Anonymous

            In these 56 years of military occupation of Gaza, the West Bank and East Jerusalem, all Israeli governments have systematically colonized the Palestinian territories within the framework of a fait accompli policy aimed at making the emergence of a sovereign and viable Palestinian State unviable without have to bear any cost for it.

            You cannot overlook that the inhabitants of Gaza, the vast majority descendants of refugees who were expelled from their homes during the 1948 war, have been subjected to an inhuman blockade by land, sea and air for more than 15 years. without any Western country having denounced the situation or showing solidarity with its population. Now that the drums of war are beating, perhaps it would not hurt to remember that the only solution to the Palestinian-Israeli conflict remains political and that the longer the current situation continues, the more intense and unpredictable the outbreaks of violence will be.

  5. Anonymous

    I’m seeing medium sized gold hoop earrings everywhere this fall. My insta is full of recommendations for cheaper brands, but I’d like something a bit better quality. Any recommendations?

  6. Anon

    Can anyone explain the Acetaminophen Injury class action lawsuit to a non-lawyer? I always thought those commercials to “call now if you have experienced…” were so scammy, but I did take acetaminophen while pregnant, and my daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD despite zero family history on either side. Is it worth it to join the class action lawsuit? What are the pros and cons? If I should join, how do I determine which law firm I should call to represent me?

    • Anon

      I (lawyer, also with a kid with ADHD) assure you that no one but the plaintiff’s lawyers will come out ahead in all of this.

    • Anonymous

      Consider that there may be family history that does not present in the ways you might expect.

        • Anon

          Before, you only got diagnosed with ADHD if you were a disruptive boy. Now, it’s a lot more subtle, and not all attention deficits are coupled with being hyperactive. I’m sure my DH would have been ADD without the H, but you didn’t get any attention if you just seemed to have wandering attention back then. Or now, TBH.

    • Anon

      I’ve been in several class action lawsuits (not as a named plaintiff or anything, but just things where you sign up and get a small payout) but this seems scammy to me…there are so many factors that go into ADHD, I really doubt the Tylenol had anything to do with it.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think anyone should be giving you legal advice over the internet. I can say from having been a class member in a different kind of class action that the lawyers get paid their expenses and a third of any recovery, and that it takes forever for the courts to do what they do. I would talk to a lawyer who does personal injury work involving pharma to understand how this is likely to play out.

    • Anonymous

      $10 says there *is* family history, you just don’t know it because of how ADHD is.
      I have a kid with ASD and ADHD, I would have sworn no family history, and then I learned about this relative and that relative and another relative and their struggles/challenges during childhood, etc…and voila, family history of ASD and ADHD.
      PS. Those lawsuits are scammy and the only people who ever win are the lawyers involved.

    • Anon

      I don’t fully understand the scientific claims involved, but it’s been known for a long time that ND people have abnormal glutathione levels. There always seems to be more interest in “what makes ND people exist in the first place” than in “what potentially harms people who are and were always going to be ND”!

      There are a lot of ND people who do not want to feel like aspects of their personality and way of thinking are the outcome of some kind of damage that happened in utero in combination with genetics as opposed to genetics alone. This has always come across as internalized ableism to me, like it’s okay to have ADHD if it’s 100% hereditary, but bad if it’s partly partly epigenetic, or bad if it’s secondary to a medical condition, or associated with maternal fever… I can’t relate to this perspective.

      The research the lawsuit was based on didn’t look like complete trash to me, but my question was whether the relationship they found was actually signaling that the pregnant parent also has trouble clearing Tylenol (which I think would be unsurprising in the close relative of someone with ADHD or ASD). Tylenol has a horrific legacy in general and is a relic from a much less safe era of drug approval, so I won’t shed any tears on its behalf whatever happens.

      • Anonymous

        Abnormally high or abnormally low levels? Is it feasible try to self medicate with avocado, almonds, turmeric etc, or are the levels in food too low to matter?

        • Anon

          Abnormally low. I have not heard of anyone trying to self-medicate with food and doubt that would work, but there’s been some research on whether orally supplemented N acetylcysteine has benefits for autism (it raises glutathione better than food or supplemental glutathione does). NAC is also what is used intravenously to treat Tylenol overdose. I think supplements have also been studied for things like nail biting (which it apparently helps with for some reason). I think its main medical indication is actually as a mucolytic, but it does a lot of different stuff.

          • Anonymous

            Struggling slightly to decipher what you have written, but I’m definitely going to start feeding more of the healthier foods with that chemical in, to my son who is autistic and bites his nails. I wish I was more intelligent and could better follow what you said.

  7. Anon

    Are there any good resources re providing family care to elderly relatives with terminal cancer? [Relative is half of an elderly couple, still living in their home, but that’s not a great set-up and I’m worried that the caregiver will lose the will to keep up once it is just him alone.] I am now learning about neuropathy and how chemo can make people so terribly cold (like keep their house at 80 and are still bundled up in it cold). I feel like I am sprinting with this and not keeping up with what I ought to do or be on the lookout for.

    • anon

      The best thing to do is to get the caregiver hooked into a support network of other caregivers. Is there a support group at the cancer center? There are many remote zoom groups too that can be helpful, since it may be hard for the caregiver to go out for a group. Other patients/caregivers give great advice and support

      Support message boards, like this one, that target individuals with that particular cancer type are often fantastic. They are ways for family who live far away to also learn and gain knowledge and ask questions. It is sad that strangers on the internet can sometimes be more helpful than doctors, but they are.

      The key is finding the nurse/chemo nurse/one empathic doctor that will answer phone calls/portal messages to help with day to day symptom management. If your loved ones are elderly, having someone go to appointments and take notes/ask questions is the best. They are overwhelmed, can’t remember it all.

      You mention “terminal” which is unclear… Do you meant they are on hospice now? Hospice nurses know some, but not enough if your loved one is undergoing active treatment.

      If you can afford it, throw money at the situation. Pay people to clean the house/do the lawn care. Help to do the shopping for the caregiver… set up easy accounts for online ordering of groceries/food delivery/costco type supplies/amazon for medical supplies. Get an accountant to help with the finances. Take as much off the hands of the caregiver as possible.

    • Bette

      Ask their doctor to connect you wish an elder social worker. They will have great local resources for you.

      Also FYI medicare covers in home hospice, so you should look into that.

      Good luck.

    • anon

      I’ve been caring for my mom past 3 years, going through cancer treatment. This year has been a significant decline in health. For those mentioning hospice care, that is not available if you are going through chemo/any cancer treatment. I have not found many helpful resources.. Reddit has a cancer caregiver thread that was somewhat helpful, and american cancer webpage has some decent high level things. Some general advice based on my experience
      – Warmth.. heating pads that can be set to warm are very helpful. So are hand/feet warmers (i buy disposable kind on amazon). very soft hat/head covering that can cover ears. Warm scarves, soft fleece/flannel blankets, socks.
      – have a really good primary care doctor. They will help more with pain management, general symptoms i find than the actual oncology side.

      primary doctor can prescribe in home physical/occupational therapy. I found that most helpful in terms of looking at overall house. Encourage caregiver to get some kind of therapy, I’m using betterhelp and found a great match with a prior hospice nurse.

      • Me

        I second all of this except to add. If the chemo is just a treatment to keep symptoms at bay rather than to see remission, a hospice may take the patient on. Hospice’s goal is to keep a patient healthy while they are dying – whether that is going to happen in one week or 1 year.
        New to me was that hospice itself is not an organization. There are many organizations that are hospices; hospice is a category of providers. The nurse will come to the home with frequency that is dependent on the patient’s condition and help with medicine and comfort issues. Hospice offers social workers, religious counseling, etc. it isn’t limited to medical issues.
        If you’re not at the hospice stage yet, talk to a treating physician about having PT and OT come to the house. Like hospice nurses, these people are accostomed to treating people in the patient’s condition and can have a lot of practical advice for comfort issues.
        Things that helped us:
        Drinking through straws helped the patient drink more.
        Sweet foods can help provide more calories. Calories are generally more important than nutrition. So if ice cream is the answer, eat ice cream. Also look at the Ensure products that are high in protein. I think they’re disgusting, but the patient would drink one per day.
        Heating pads and Origins Hugs (which is like a bean bag you heat in the microwave that provides an almost immediate infusion of heat)
        Lots of thick cream on skin. Heat the cream a little bit first and apply several times per day. Chemo makes skin so dry.
        Soft clothing, including pajamas, and soft sheets because the patient’s skin can become very thin.
        Fuzzy socks on top of regular socks.
        Shower chair. Especially if the patient may be unstable. Even if the patient doesn’t need it now, buy it anyway so everyone is ready when the time comes.
        Soft, expensive toilet paper or a bidet seat to replace the regular toilet seat. The GI upset is real, and the diarrhea can really become a problem. Costco sells a Toto Bidet seat that was a lifesaver. Have Immodium on hand for the same reasons and ginger chews to help with vomiting.

        If I can think of more things, I will post here.
        Unfortunately, I’m not aware of good resources for the care givers. The doctor may have some resources. We figured it out as we went along. Ask friends and family nearby for help and/or throw money at problems. People want to help – ask them to grocery shop, ask them to mow the yard, ask for anything you can.

    • Anonymous

      The local government may offer respite care. A colleague of mine used it. Basically, someone comes in to take care of the sick family member while the health person gets a bit of time to take care of themselves (including leaving the house).

    • anonymous

      End of Life (or “Death”) Doulas now exist. It’s a new field, but the people who undergo the training tend to be very compassionate towards the dying and their loved ones and very aware of all the things that they will need help with.

    • anon

      An elder care consultant (called off a list of elder care consultants provided by a hospital social worker) was an absolute angel who helped me tremendously with assembling the right services to provide help with terminal cancer.

      I wish I had called and been able to get the help earlier—she had contacts for really great resources. Expensive, but worth every penny.

  8. Anon

    I know churches have rules for who members can be and what you need to do to have a wedding somewhere. What about funerals?

    Relative A was born a Baptist but has gone to an Episcopalian church for 40+ years and has been active there. She has never done the adult rite of entry (kind of like confirmation but for adults). She might want a memorial service there since she has lived there for decades (but it’s not “home” — she wants to be buried by her parents back where she is from), but is worried that she isn’t actually qualifies. Burial will be several states away — maybe the Baptists there would handle? The local Episcopal church is sans rector currently. This would just be a graveside service.

    • Sansa

      My grandmother was similar, except swap Baptist for Presbyterian and Episcopalian for Catholic. She had a Catholic funeral without question.

    • Anon

      I don’t think it’s ever too late to join, unless she has a personal reason for not taking that step with her church.

    • Anonymous

      You just need to pick up the phone and call the church and ask. No one on here can tell you.

    • anon

      I’d call the particular church and its cemetery to ask. We recently purchased a plot from a Catholic cemetery. We are not Catholic. They used to restrict burials to only Catholics but have opened it up for everyone in recent years. Only way to know is to call and ask.

    • Anonymous

      This will be very denomination and perhaps even individual priest dependent. Episcopalians are generally pretty chill about these things, though I’m sure there are exceptions. I would probably contact the diocese for their official policy in writing if possible. I wouldn’t rely on whatever the priest du jour says, as personal biases sometimes come into play.

      Tw abuse. A family friend was Catholic and divorced her abusive husband after he beat her within an inch of her life while pregnant, causing her to miscarry. Husband was a cop, it was a small town, nothing happened to him. The local priest refused to sign off on her request for an annulment. She eventually needed a hysterectomy and requested last rites before she went in for surgery. Priest refused. Totally against church policy, btw, but that didn’t really matter when she needed the surgery and no one was willing to step on the priest’s toes to give her the blessing. I think the hospital’s chaplain finally obliged. Some people won’t follow the rules unless they really have to.

      • Anon

        Aren’t last rites only for people who are dying? I would think a routine surgery wouldn’t be a last rites occasion.

        • Anonymous

          Nope! The notion that last rites happen only on your deathbed is from movies. It’s very common to get it before a potentially life threatening surgery, which is basically anything that requires general anesthesia. If you die during surgery then you would’ve never had the opportunity for last rites. The sick usually get them too even if they’re not deathly ill yet; growing up, it was standard for an older person to get last rites if they were hospitalized for any reason including something like the flu or heatstroke.

    • Anon

      It’s typically two different things. You need to buy a plot or space in the cemetery and then you arrange the service and coordinate with the cemetery. There are people you can hire to do that, similar to wedding celebrants or you can contact a local church, synagogue, etc. and see if you can hire someone there. I’d talk to your relative about their wishes, if they’ve never been a practitioner of a particular religion, it would be odd to me to pull that in at death.

    • SMC- San Diego

      Call or email to diocesan office and ask for help. Episcopalians generally do not require someone to be a confirmed member of the church to have a priest preside over their service, whether in a church or graveside. Since the local church does not have a rector (although honestly I would be surprised if they do not have an interim or priest in residence), the diocese will be able to help and will know which priests are active in the area.

      • Anon

        +1 that there’s probably an interim rector (even if visiting from a nearby parish).

        I’m a cradle Episcopalian but I cannot picture the Church refusing to preside over the service of a long-time member who wasn’t officially a member…

        • Anonymous

          I’m not an Episcopalian, so can’t comment on practices there. But at my church, we restrict weddings but not funerals. We go out of our way to accommodate funerals. But weddings require a lot of “customer service”—over many months—and a lot of building arrangements and staff time the weekend of. It’s a lot for a place that’s not an event center, so we only do weddings for members.

          • SMC - San Diego

            This is exactly my experience as a practicing Episcopalian. We are not an event center. We restrict weddings and put some roadblocks in place – partly because marriage is a sacrament so although we do not prohibit divorce, we like to be sure people have engaged in premarital counseling. And honestly it is partly because our building is beautiful, and some people just want a pretty and cheap place to hold their wedding and it a lot of work for our office, which is mostly staffed with volunteers.

            Memorial services are different. We view these as part of our ministry. I regularly volunteer for funerals for people I have never met and who are not part of our congregation because people who have lost a loved one should be able to have that support even if they are not active members of a congregation.

          • Anon

            In some denominations, the church will not perform the wedding unless the couple subscribes to many tenets of the faith. Many require pre-marital counseling in the church before performing there service, require the couple to be engaged for a certain length of time before getting married (to avoid hasty decisions and the divorce that often follows), and sometimes, to raise the kid in the faith.

            There really aren’t any analogous requirements for funerals, except that the funeral be fitting for the church (avoid blasphemy).

        • Seventh Sister

          I’m a member of my Episcopal church but I don’t actually remember if I was actually confirmed. I don’t think I was, tbh, the priest when I joined our church was a total hippie and would just have people sign the members’ book at Pentecost? my teenage daughter recently went through confirmation, and the bishop came to confirm all of the kids at the end.

    • NY CPA

      My grandparents’ funerals were both done by ministers at the local presbyterian church even though neither was presbyterian. The family was not very religious but wanted a minister and they were happy to help and make the ceremony appropriate to our family. They did a very good job.

    • anon

      My grandfather was baptized Protestant but attended Catholic Mass weekly with his wife/my grandmother since they were married (grandma is turning 100 next month so we’re talking many decades). He never received any rites or communion. When he passed, the Catholic priest offered our family to give him a Catholic service, calling him more devout and faithful than most baptized Catholics in the congregation. They were very willing and it was wonderful for him and the family.

  9. Anon

    Did any of you read article about how diversity fellowships at law firms (like Morrison & Foerster and Perkins Coie) can no longer be limited to people from underrepresented groups? Edward Blum (the white man who brought down affirmative action) went after the firms and the firms settled by basically opening up the fellowships to everyone. Doesn’t that just defeat the entire purpose of having such a fellowship? The whole point is to recruit people from underrepresented groups! I’m a lawyer and previously worked at one of these law firms and I don’t get what the issue is with basically providing money to a desired candidate in order to incentivize them to join an otherwise non-diverse firm. Also, as a parent, there are tons and tons of fellowships, summer internships, science research fellowships, etc. that are only open to people from underrepresented groups. Are all of those programs now going to go away and be opened to everyone?

    • Anon

      “Also, as a parent, there are tons and tons of fellowships, summer internships, science research fellowships, etc. that are only open to people from underrepresented groups. Are all of those programs now going to go away and be opened to everyone?”

      Yes, it’s already happening.

    • LA Law

      To answer your question: To the extent that they are framed as limited to a racial/ethnic group or women, yes. Those are going away. (And to be clear, I do not agree, but it is an inevitable result of the current Supreme Court’s rulings. If private colleges cannot prioritize certain groups, I do not see how private employers can do the same.)

      The organizations who want to achieve diversity are going to have to be creative (first person in your family to go to college, graduated from high school with x% of students who qualify for free lunch; etc.,), which given the economic disparities in the US, is often a proxy for race. It is going to be harder for organizations that are trying to increase the number of women because proxies for gender are much harder to find.

      • Anon

        “graduated from high school with x% of students who qualify for free lunch”

        And that’s not foolproof, believe me, because we’re white people and our HHI is $260k and our kid goes to a Title I public high school where 80% of the kids qualify for free lunch.

    • Anonymous

      Yes all of those programs are going away. This is what the supreme courts decision means. And no, focusing on overcoming barriers won’t work.

    • anon

      I think everything is going to start to focus on socio-economic status, or other types of experiential hardships versus race/ethnicity. I don’t see things going away, just a period of adjustment time to figure out how to reframe criteria.

      • Anon

        In other affirmative action contexts, it’s already come up that socioeconomic status or experiential hardship could turn out to serve as a proxy for race (and therefore remain unacceptable).

        • Anon

          It also doesn’t work well for women in STEM. Not that affluent girls don’t have any advantage over poorer girls (they absolutely do) but they’re still super underrepresented compared to boys.

    • Anonymous

      Yes, they are. Even big law firms are required to comply with anti-discrimination laws.

    • No Face

      Edward Blum and others do not want any program of any kind that addresses racial/ethnic disparities or racism at all. It is intentional. People in this movement are challenging books about diversity in libraries, Florida has steadily made more and more diversity initiatives illegal and banned AP African American History from being taught in high schools, etc. It is a very well-organized movement that is very successful.

    • anon

      In higher ed, and I can tell you that those programs are under a LOT of scrutiny right now. I think we’re going to see a lot of changes in those programs or at least the marketing around them. Like yes, they may be aimed at an underrepresented group, but they will be technically open to all, or whatever.

      • Seventh Sister

        My college did this in the 1990s, fellowships/unpaid internship stipends were technically open to all but in practice you were very unlikely to get them unless you were in an underrepresented group. That said, it was also a numbers game and my class was full of people who applied to everything.

    • Anonymous

      If you are a lawyer, read the recent SCOTUS decision on affirmative action in college.

    • Anon

      For what it’s worth, it’s legal to discriminate (for lack of a better term) on socioeconomic status. So firms can provide opportunities for summer associates whose parents have not gone to college, who grew up in poverty, etc.

      • Anon

        My understanding is that they could still get in trouble if it turns out that this is serving as a proxy for race, so it may be legal but there’s a lot of caution surrounding this; is this not right?

  10. Anon

    Is there any combination of FlightRadar 24 and Waze? I was flying at night recently and had a window seat and while I knew where I was going, I had no idea what I was flying over, just lights where roads were and sometimes you could see cities, etc. I know that because planes fly on a circle route, it’s not what it would be on a map (and then planes can get routed around for different approaches, congestion, etc.). This is just for short-haul travel over the US (cross-ocean planes seem to have screens showing where you are over the water).

    • Anon

      some of Deltas’s newer planes have this built into the seat display! My last flight across country, I set the display to my window and enjoyed seeing the towns go by.

      • Anon

        Most airlines have free in-flight Wi-Fi for T-Mobile subscribers now (and maybe other phone companies?)

        • Anon

          As a T-mobile person, I love this. I haven’t seen it offered for my work phone which is Verizon but that’s fine bc I can expense that!

    • Cat

      JetBlue had this on domestic flights, although I haven’t flown them for a few years now since we can’t get anywhere from Philly unless we connect thru Boston.

    • Anon88

      Either the airline’s app or the seatback screen will have a map. Even if you don’t pay for wifi you should be able to access the airline’s app or website in-flight.

      • Cat

        Does American have this? I’ve looked for it before but the flight info seems to just be time elapsed, not a map.

  11. Seeking unicorn top

    I’m seeking a long-sleeved tee type top similar to heat tech extra warm from Uniqlo but in a cooler white color. The Uniqlo one was too ivory/yellow on me. https://www.uniqlo.com/us/en/products/E450736-000/00?colorDisplayCode=01&sizeDisplayCode=004
    I want physically warm (so probably not all cotton) but soft, smooth rather than ribbed (so looks ok if showing under a blazer for the office), and crew neck. I’m a “summer” on coloring so looking for soft white – cool toned but not stark, optic white. I’ve done lots of googling and have a few options ordered but wondered if anyone has specific suggestion for such a top you know and like? Much appreciated!

  12. Secure earring backs

    I’m looking for secure earring backs for my diamond studs. The screwbacks inevitably loosen and are no more secure than regular earring backs … I lost a stud a few years ago this way :( Any suggestions?

    • Anon

      I have some earring backs that require you to squeeze the two sides together to get them on or off the earring. Your local bench jeweler will know what they are, and should be able to show you lots of options.

      You’ll likely need to change out the posts at the same time so they work with the new backs.

  13. anon

    athleta ascent top in magnolia white, spanx better base long sleeve crew are two to consider. Alternatively, I always recommend to people the silk thermals from LL bean or other retailers. I find they layer well under my work tops, and provide good warmth.

    • Ginger

      I have a couple of Athleta ascent tops (I’m wearing one today, as a matter of fact) and I really like them. Thin and warm. I also have REI silk long underwear that is a staple under jeans in the winter. They actually make my jeans fit better, the jeans just gliiiiide right over the silk.

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