ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 179 Comments

Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

woman wears white sweatshirt that looks really soft

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I'm always cold, so I spend a lot of time in colder months in sweatshirts — and this one is calling my name since it looks so, so soft.

The sweatshirt is from Zella, and available in six colors, sizes XS-XXL, for $50. If you prefer thumbholes, this one from Sweaty Betty is also getting great reviews. The Zella one has instructions to machine wash tumble dry, while the Sweaty Betty one suggests you lay flat to dry.

(One of my other favorite sweatshirts is from Athleta, although I've found they get nubby if I don't wash in delicates and then lay flat.)

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

179 Comments

  1. We got a puppy two weeks ago. It’s my first dog and while it is amazing in a lot of ways, it is HARD, especially given other responsibilities (kids, work) and the fact that I am so new to this. Honestly it feels pretty similar to when my kids were newborns. Dog owners, when does it get easier? Any advice for the first few months? She is getting pretty good with potty training and loves her crate, but it is easily adding an extra 4 hours of work a day with training, taking her out potty.

    1. It’s breed and individual dependent. I only foster/own adult dogs for this reason.
      Most settle down by about 18 months, but for my breed (greyhound), 2 is more typical and I’d consider 3 and up truly adult.
      Once you get over the initial hump of new house/housetraining/infancy, things are pretty tame until they hit adolescence, the timing of which depends a lot on breed, and then all hell breaks loose again for a few months. That’s a lot of why so many owner surrender dogs at shelters are at that 9-15 month age. Teenagers are going to be teenagers regardless of species.

      1. This is spot on. It’s definitely breed specific + temperament of the dog, but no matter what it’s going to be loads easier once they’re well house trained.

        My golden retrievers were puppies/adolescents until they were 2 years old. After ages 3-4 they super mellowed out and became really easy. Now I have golden retriever – cocker spaniel mixes and they got easy within the first year. My youngest dog is 8 months old and once we got past the potty training, he’s the easiest puppy we’ve ever had. He comes to the office with me and sleeps all day; my colleagues comment they’ve never seen such a mellow puppy.

        All the time you’re putting in training now will pay off for sure, and then you won’t have to train as much (unless you got a super active or working breed of dog, in which that’s a whole different thing).

        1. Small breeds typically lose the puppy and adolescent behavior faster. When someone with a big dog tells me Fido is “still a puppy” at two years old that’s not my experience at all with a 20 pounder. So OP you may have an adult dog sooner.

          1. I got a full size bernedoodle haha so it looks like I will have a puppy for a while. I did notice the smaller pups in dog socialization class are much less energetic (although barked a ton)

    2. I cannot recommend training classes hard enough. Find a local pet company and sign up for puppy classes. Then, make sure everyone in the family takes turns practicing with the dog using the exact methods taught in class. It’ll both train the pup and the humans. Remember that a tired dog is more well-behaved, so give it as much exercise as possible both physical and thought. (This means lots of walks and play as well as considering dog toys that require thinking or exploring.) There are TONS of breed-specific websites and forums, read into those. Congrats on your new family member!

    3. My first dog (also a puppy) is snoozing in the corner curled up right now, and my heart squeezes when I watch him. It is hard but it gets more wonderful as you bond and watch them learn new things. He is a rescue so we don’t know the actual breed(s), and it does depend on type. That said it got a little easier with him around six months when he was through the teething-piranha stage and could go longer stretches without potty breaks.

      1. Teething piranha stage! Accurate.

        We are at 11 months with a small breed and he’s still jumping and snapping at peoples clothes despite being top of his obedience class. They take so much training, exercise and intellectual stimulation which all takes time. (His owners gave him up at 4 months)

        Two years is about the time they grow up, but you’ll hit a nice patch for between baby puppy and rebellious adolescent that will lull you into a sense you’ve nailed it!

    4. It gets easier at 6-9 months when they’re closer to potty trained and big enough to hold their bladder overnight. Echo the teens gonna teen, but it gets easier before that too.

    5. 3 weeks after we got our puppy my husband questioned whether or not we should give her back lol. 5 and a half years later and he drunkenly told someone at a party she was “the love of his life” (rude). For us, the first 2 months were brutal but after that stage where we were waking up in the middle of the night to take her potty it started getting easier and easier. Agree that she didn’t fully settle until age 2 or so, but she got MUCH easier after the 5 month mark, and after about 8 months we basically didn’t have to worry about any chewing (she only ever shredded paper, but that included books and toilet paper) or accidents in the house. She is a mini Australian Shepherd for reference.

      1. haha at (rude). The love of my husband’s life is definitely our rescue bulldog, and I’m only mildly jealous because said bulldog is also the love of my life. And we have kids!

    6. Anything crossed with a poodle you’ll definitely regret about 4-6 months in.

      So much brushing every day and so expensive for the grooming every 4 weeks. Mine is medium poodle mutt and it’s $120 a month, plus the time hassle of drop off and pick up. Ah, regrets!

    7. If it’s a poodle cross you’ll definitely consider rehoming at 4-6 months, they require so much grooming and cleaning every day and if they have the poodle brain then you’ll need to keep their brains engaged.

      I’ve got a poodle mutt and she is lovely but I don’t have children so I’m happy to lavish attention, training, time and money ($120 a month just for grooming) on her.

      Dad has adopted a retired racing greyhound and she’s a much easier gig!

    8. I have a doodle. He is almost 5. He is curled up beside on the couch with a cone on his head from having surgery a week ago to remove a lump. He is one of the very best life decisions I have ever made, but it took a couple of years to come to that conclusion!

      My advice – get on a schedule and ensure the dog gets enough sleep. Over tired puppies are crazy. Lots of training, but equal amount of time or more focused on building a relationship of trust. Find a good groomer now. A colleague found a summer dog training camp where her 10 year old went to day camp with the dog – I thought that was great!

      Enjoy!

    9. New puppies are very similar to new humans, lol.
      It generally gets easier when they are house trained and their milk teeth are gone, although some need to get through their teens before they really mellow. A spay/neuter also helps with that. Depending on the breed, it might be high energy until the senior years.

  2. Just got diagnosed with bacterial bronchitis that is apparently quite bad. Then, promptly got a call from school that 4yo has a high fever. 5 month old is already on antibiotics from an ear infection last week. Husband is also sick. I don’t know what I’m looking for other than someone to tell me it gets better.

    1. Oh no, I’m so sorry. This is the time to call in any support you have and just rest. Don’t do laundry, don’t clean, don’t pick up the house – get groceries delivered and focus on everyone getting enough sleep and taking their medicine.

    2. Ugh. Hope everyone can get some sleep and that you all recover quickly and completely.

      1. I was so confused about how the surgery cured her other symptoms. After being the poster girl for ME, then neck/head surgery for what is cellular dysfunction…

        Glad she is well though.

        1. We clearly need more research on ME; I strongly believe people with all kinds of underlying pathologies are living under that label. Her lab results reminded me a little of how TBI can cause all kinds of dysfunction elsewhere in the body; I guess it makes sense that other issues affecting brain function can?

    3. After getting scans done for a stint of bad migraines, apparently I have a type I malformation.

  4. Might try this again on Monday but does anyone have a recommendation for a digestive health probiotic that undergoes third-party testing for contamination and to show that it contains what it says it contains? I’m Googling but can’t seem to find a good list of options that clearly states what testing is used.

    1. are you looking for a particular strain for a particular illness?

      the only thing i’ve seen is probiotics that have to tell you how many live strains there are, which live strains, and a best-by date. but keep in mind refrigeration may or may not be required, which depending on where you buy it may or may not have been adhered.

      this page talks a bit about that as well as which strains might be best for which purpose – https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Probiotics-HealthProfessional/

      greek yogurt, kefir, and other fermented products tell you the same info, though, so if you aren’t looking for a specific strain then just try to get lots of fermented products.

      https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/13/well/eat/yogurt-kimchi-kombucha-microbiome.html

      1. I don’t know enough about strains to make an educated answer there, but I specifically want one with the third-party testing in place and then I’ll look at strains :) I have one doctor that is wary about probiotics because they’re not FDA-approved or regulated, but I think I need something for my longstanding IBS-type issues. Eating fermented foods isn’t helping enough.

    3. I’d look for formulations that have actually been studied in medical research. I care that I’m taking the ones used in the study for whatever the purpose of taking them is! To see if they’re still alive, you can try to culture something with them (e.g. yogurt).

    4. This probably doesn’t answer your question but I prefer kimchi. Some studies have shown fermented products contain way more beneficial strains, and lab version cannot replicate as many.

      1. I adore kimchi but I thought studies on it were all over the place in terms of benefits (where some kimchi seems to have a lot of benefits and other seems to correlate with higher stomach cancer incidence!). I just hope that my taste in kimchi is a good guide to which is a good idea for me.

    5. New Rythmn, which can be ordered on Amazon, and has a “regular” formula and a women’s formula is 3rd party tested. Before I started taking it, I contacted the company via email and they sent me the testing information.

    6. Not sure if this fits your criteria but my doctor recommended VSL and it is expensive enough that it ought to be tested or otherwise Special.

      1. I think that’s one of the more extensively studied formulations. (Though there was patent drama and I always forget which is which of the resulting two brands.)

    7. I use Renew Life probiotics and while not 3rd party tested, they do adhere to the FDA’s Current Good Manufacturing Practice (CGMP) regulations for human pharmaceuticals. I use the Extra Care Digestive one because I was looking for specific strains and it had it all.

    8. I’m recovering from colon cancer and my nutritionist works through Fullscript for some of my supplements and probiotics for this reason. Not home at the moment but I’ll try to get back on with some recommendations when I can look at the bottles.

  5. do you feel like your office is becoming more political, especially as we get closer to an election? a friend was telling me she thought the old “don’t talk politics” rule was changing with this newest generation and, maybe, the past few years of high division.

    1. Something my corporate employer has started doing is to send out a message to all staff for big political events, whether that is pandemic lockdowns, the Dobbs decision, the wars in Ukraine or the Middle East, mass shootings, or the George Floyd protests. It usually skirts some unoffensive line a la ‘we know this is a stressful time for many, please treat all colleagues with respect and here are some mental health resources if your need them’. I don’t really know how to feel about it. Maybe it’s nice to acknowledge that employees are humans and are impacted by what’s happening in the world. But if I get basically the same language written by strategic communications every few weeks it also doesn’t come across as super meaningful.

      1. As someone from strategic communications who gets tapped in to write some of these? I completely agree. I’m honestly not sure how meaningful they are, or if it’s just condescending.

      2. I don’t really want my employer to comment about politics. I’d like work to be about work. Those messages are meaningless anyway.

    2. there have been a few times lately where more people in the office thought the company should take a position on current events, like Ukraine/Israel.

    3. Mine definitely is. I work for an elected official, although I am a career government worker. Every single action seems fraught today, in ways that have never been true during my decades-long career. I hope this is not a permanent change, but I fear that it is.

  6. Thinking about the recent threads about friends…what’s something specific that you have done in your adult life (post-college) where you have made a new friend? I know there have been threads with general recommendations, but I’d love to hear some specific efforts that have worked.

    1. Aside from work, volunteering. Per a handful of articles I’ve read, adult friendships develop via consistent, low-stakes interaction – like meeting at the water cooler or stuffing envelopes together.
      We moved recently and I started walking dogs at the animal shelter, but we walk solo and can’t let the dogs interact -so kind of a bust on the friend-making part. I’m looking at other options.
      Also – rec sports teams or hobby groups. My spouse is in a photography group and is forming friendships that way.

      1. I met most of my friends through these kinds of regular interactions: Rotary Club, other volunteer organizations, the gym (regular classes at the same time so I saw the same people regularly). And most of my husband’s oldest friends are from a cycling group he was part of years ago.

      2. I found that once you stop playing the sport the people stop interacting. Kind of like leaving a job but that could just be me.

    2. motherhood has a lot of opportunities – some of our closest family friends are people we met through lamaze, plus just various moms i know through my kids’ schools or activities.

      outside of that i’ve joined a lot of local FB groups and there’s a lot of opportunities for more socializing if i had time for it.

      with the holidays coming up if you’re in a loose group of people through an activity or FB group or whatever why not see if people want to get together for drinks or something for an unofficial group holiday party? it costs you nothing to throw out the idea and see if people are interested.

    3. Dance! It took over a year but I made so many good close friends through ballroom dance.

      1. I would love to take up ballroom. How did you get into it? And how intimidating is it for someone who knows very sketchy basics of waltz, swing, and cha cha but has completely forgotten the foxtrot?

    4. Yoga class, knitting group. to a lesser degree book club. When my kids were young, we had a great group that hung out together all of the time, but by the time the kids were in high school they had grown apart and the parents got together less and less. I still see some of these people out and about, and we catch up and meet for coffee and talk about how we need to get together more frequently, and then don’t.

    5. For me, it’s been running club training programs for a local race, horseback riding, and volunteering. The common denominator is that they have all put me in the same place as the same other people on a regular basis, around a shared interest.

    6. Yoga class.

      Having an Instagram for my particular craft hobby has been surprisingly lovely with making friends – both online and local – and I’m participating in a local community exhibition with them!

      Neighbours, welcoming new neighbors and taking garden produce to all of them.

    7. Through moms group during my maternity leave. I put so much effort into it, went to as many meet ups as I possibly could, probably met 200+ moms total, and ended up with 2 close friends and a circle of about 6 friends I can call on in a pinch. I regularly saw a lot more people at first, maybe 20-30, but over time many moved away or drifted apart. Meeting A LOT of people was key — I met so many people who were perfectly great but we just didn’t click. And the friends I did become close with were not necessarily the ones I obviously had the most in common with — we are all actually very different, but we just get along really well.
      I also had lots of friends through work, but many moved away, especially during covid, and now they are just friendly acquaintances.

    8. Work, the gym, local bars, a party where I only knew one person but left with a friend, and agreeing to help a professional contact’s sister find an apartment (rental) in my neighborhood. WIth all of these, I have taken the attitude that “this is a friend now” and behaved accordingly by accepting and making invitations and maintaining contact. It’s been effective. All of this is people in our 30s and 40s and some 50s who are all in that place of “where do I meet new people other than work?” so they’ve been equally engaged.

    9. I adopted a rescue dog and became active in his breed rescue meet-ups. I’m friends outside of dog stuff with one of those people now, and see friendly familiar faces whenever I do something breed-rescue related.

    10. Similarly to other posters, IME it’s easy enough to make friends, but friends are really only “sticky” when you have something in common. I moved to a new city a few years ago and my best friends are are now 1) a friend-of-a-friend who is in the same life stage and career as me, 2) a friend I met through a hobby and 3) a date I parlayed into a friend because of our shared love of another hobby. The friends I met randomly/ through BumbleBFF or who have very different lives (ie, parents, women on the hunt to find a husband, etc) were nice but not lasting friendships without the activity glue to keep bringing you together.

      1. Sadly, you are correct. There are many lovely people in this world but I have struggled in my friendships when our lives are different enough that it’s hard to relate on a deeper level.

    11. If you’re a parent, volunteering in your kids’ schools. I’m shy and a bit socially awkward but I had a hard time meeting people in the early years of parenthood. The baby/toddler groups in my city are through churches and skew politically conservative, which is not my scene at all. And in daycare, I met a lot of moms I had more in common with but they all had demanding full-time jobs and in most cases a tight friend circle through their older kid(s) and they made it clear they weren’t looking for new friends, sometimes almost aggressively so. But elementary school has been a game-changer and now I have a lot of friends, mostly made through volunteering in the schools.

    12. I’ve moved a fair amount as an adult and work has always been the best source of new friends — high quality friends with whom the relationships last even after job moves.

      But with my most recent posting, I am trying to get away from that, in part because we are still pretty remote. So my new groups are from (1) volunteering, (2) a series of classes I have been taking related to a new interest, (3) dog park people, and (4) chatting it up with another woman at a bar and saying yes to an invite from her, another fellow transplant.

      It took about six months to start making friends and almost a year before I felt secure in those new relationships, but they have been great.

    13. I made most of my adult friends at work, it’s weird to me that so many approach the office as some kind of distant place not to be interacted with. Second to that, through networking meets, the friend of a colleague or friend who’s interested in a job at you company or whatever. I’ve ended up with very good friends I met that way. I’ve found I have much more in common with people in my professional circles than through hobbies.

    15. For me, it has only ever been through work (and a small handful of those friendships have continued long after leaving those jobs, which I am eternally grateful for). It’s interesting b/c I have done many of the things mentioned here – adopted a rescue dog, volunteered for a rescue org, become a mother to two young children, participated in a meaningful hobby (choir) – but not one single one of those things has led to a lasting friendship as an adult. It makes me think that I must be doing something wrong…

      1. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. I’ve only made friends through my kids and I don’t expect these friendships to last forever. Most of them probably won’t sustain our kids’ friendships ending.

      2. I have also done all of those things without making a true friend. There will be people I talk to at every class/when volunteering, but I’ve never successfully transitioned it to someone I see outside of that setting.

        I’ve made a few friends thru work. But most of my friends are from a lucky break. I started talking to two women in the bathroom after a speed dating event. They invited me to join them for a late dinner, and I accepted. We exchanged numbers and when they invited me to another event, I went. Its not the type of thing I would normally do since I feel awkward in settings when I don’t know anyone. But I’m so glad that I did because one of those women is now one of my best friends, and I have over a dozen friends I wouldn’t have meet otherwise, We joke that it was the most successful speed dating event since we became such good friends, even if all the guys were duds.

    16. A couple of years ago a new mom picked up her son from my son’s birthday party. I met several new mothers because he was starting middle school but I liked her and felt comfortable with her instantly. She felt like my cousin. So after chatting I asked her if she ever wanted to shop (she liked my house style) and go to lunch? We have been doing that for a couple years now, I also later asked her into my book group and she’s now a dear, close friend. Many people like to shop home stores and lunch (I know I do) so I just start there.

    17. Attended a watch party for a Bravo show at a super-cute local bar! I found a friend who’s also into Bravo and every time we meet up we chat about our various fave reality shows.

  7. Looking for outfit help! I am a lawyer and have been invited by a client to attend a mid-week evening cocktail reception and dinner at a museum in a smaller town than my own. There will be civic, business, and non-profit leaders in attendance. Invite doesn’t address formality, and this is not a recurring event. What would you wear? I want to look nice as this is a great business development opportunity for me but also don’t want to be overdressed and stand out as the “big city” lawyer. Willing to buy new items so specific recs (under $200) appreciated.

    1. This is a “just look nice” event. Mid-week invite to me, means don’t get too dressy–people are coming from work, most likely.

      Good, clean shoes, nice slacks and a blouse, with pulled-together hair and jewelry.

      If you feel more pulled together with a third piece like a blazer, add that.

      If you’re in a part of the country that skews formal, like the South, then a sheath dress and blazer.

      IMO, full suit if you’re not sure everyone else will be in a full suit is too much. Have fun!

    2. I’d probably wear a non-matching blazer and dress type of thing. Like a black dress and a tweedy blazer.

    4. This time of year, I wear heeled boots under dress pants with a silk shell, velvet blazer, interesting jewelry and a fun lip color. The clothes are all black, but I just like black.

    5. Depends on geography, but I think some color helps with approachability. Black dress with brightly colored jacket maybe. All black reads big city lawyer to me.

  8. What holiday traditions would you want to introduce to someone of a different culture spending the season with your family? (Intentionally broad about Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah – whatever you want to answer.)

    1. Talking evening walks to see lights! The lights on houses, in trees, and in shopping centers are my favorite part about December.

    2. Going to somewhere carols are sung or that’s festive (light festival, parade).

      All the cookies/holiday sweets. I’d also do gingerbread house decorating, because it’s fun!

      Big family dinner.

      Kids and presents.

    3. Baking and decorating Christmas cookies
      Driving or walking around to look at the lights
      Christmas Eve service
      A cantata or other holiday-themed performance
      Favorite Christmas movies

    4. Going to your town’s Christmas tree lighting/winter stroll if that’s done in your town. Watching holiday movies, decorating the tree while blastic festive music, wrapping presents, making holiday treats together, picking out stocking stuffers (stockings are my favorite thing as an adult!).
      I’d love to hear what people are doing for their holiday baking – I usually do 3 cookies, 1 type of candy, and 1 savory thing (either nuts or Chex Mix). Last year the recipe I used for caramels made an absurd amount and everyone who walked into our house got salted caramels pressed on them as a gift!

    5. We’re Jewish but do some of the more secular Christmas stuff. These are our usual winter holiday traditions

      Putting up holiday lights
      Walking/driving around the neighborhood to see lights
      Going to the nearby big city zoo or botanical garden to see a more elaborate lights display
      Lots of baking – both cookies and challah
      Menorah lighting for Hanukkah and presents for kids only
      Hanukkah clothing for the kids
      Gingerbread house event at our local parks and rec
      I’m not big on Christmas movies in general but we do an annual watch of Miracle on 34th St

      We don’t have a tree, don’t do Santa and NO F-ING ELF (which I joke is the best part of being Jewish)

      1. We’re Catholic and don’t have an elf, lol.
        As an aside, I love Miracle on 34th and watch both the 1940s and 1990s version every year.

        1. It’s such a good movie! We watch the older version but I like the newer one too. There’s also a novelization of the movie that is great too.

      2. Oh dude I don’t to that ELF bS either. I’m not Jewish, I’m not really Christian either but raised with the Christian traditions. The minute I heard about that one I was like “one more job for Mommy” and noped right out of it.

    6. Chinese take out or fancy appetizer dinner for New Year’s Eve. Turkey for thanksgiving

    7. I had a friend of a non-Christian culture visiting during the Easter season and, in addition to inviting her to join my extended family for our Easter dinner, I made her a little Easter basket of typical American treats like jelly beans, marshmallow peeps, etc. She was delighted!

  9. I puked at work. I’m home now. And experiencing (Ahem) other digestive issues. I’m 99% sure it had to be something I ate. Tips to get well soon? I haven’t had stomach flu or norovirus or food poisoning in years and I honestly don’t know which it is or what to do first. (Google says rest and fluids. I don’t even want to drink anything right now!)

    1. BRAT diet – banana rice applesauce toast
      chicken broth or consumme
      peppermint tea
      hot water bottle/heating pad might help also

      1. This. Tea and broth are much more palatable than water when my stomach is upset, apple juice is ok too. Don’t try to eat anything not on the above list for at least 24 hours after your symptoms are done.

        1. Hot liquids stimulate your digestive track. Peppermint tea helps but let it come to room temp first.

          Avoid imodium. The bathroom stuff is unpleasant but it flushes the infection out of your body faster.

      2. Yep. Keep hydrated and only eat BRAT foods until you can process them normally. Reintroduce other foods slowly.

    3. Gatorade. Or fluids generally if you don’t like that. Rice, bananas, applesauce.

    4. Rest and fluids are really the best bet for most gastro issues. Small sips of water, ginger ale, etc.
      Doordash some aquaphor or vaseline.

    5. UBEREATS SOME EMETROL (sp?) It’s a lifesaver product I had no idea existed and it’s at any drugstore. You basically drink a shot of it every 15 minutes until nausea subsides and it seriously helps (where pepto, etc. does nothing IME).

    6. I wouldn’t eat anything, BRAT or no, until it’s clear the vomiting is over. Just fluids, but make sure you get plenty of them. People’s bodies are different but usually once the vomiting is done, I just go back to eating normal foods and don’t need to do any special diet. My husband usually follows the BRAT diet for a long time though.

    7. even if you don’t feel like drinking you HAVE to. If i get a puking illness I am very prone to passing out from dehydration. Don’t be me.

  10. what was the best gift (holiday or bday) that you’ve ever gotten? what have been the most useful gifts?

    1. This might be specific to me, but I got a whirly pop stove top popcorn maker and popcorn one year and I use it way more than I imagined for movie nights! Makes the best, most consistent oil popped popcorn.

      1. I can confirm this would be a great gift. I bought my own but it is awesome and keeps me from less healthful snacks.

    3. Best gift: the birthday my then 9 year old saved every penny of their allowance to take me to lunch and a movie, and buy me a birth month angel.
      Most useful: the kitchen-aid stand mixer I got for Xmas in 2010.

    4. Most useful – set of eight plastic bowls that I use as prep bowls while cooking. That target clearance rack pick in a white elephant exchange has been going strong for ten years now.

    5. The best gifts for me all happen to be gift cards. For Xmas one year we received a gift certificate to our local performing arts center, which we hadn’t been to prior to that. The Doordash gift card was so helpful after we brought our baby home. My sister gives me spa gift certificates for my birthday.

    6. The year the first Avengers movie came out, I mentioned to my husband that I was surprised Mark Ruffalo was in it because I thought of him as a “serious” actor. I remember the conversation – we were all in the car, including our two kids.

      On Mother’s Day, my then 9 year old son made me a card and very sincerely said “for Mother’s Day, I am taking you to the Avengers movie,” which he pronounced AV-en-gers, because I suppose he’d only read it, not heard it. So we got into the car and went to the theater, I paid for tickets and snacks, and we proceeded to see the movie. He held my hand the entire time.

      That was my favorite gift ever.

    8. My family isn’t big on physical gifts, and my most memorable gifts have all been experiences. My mom is taking me sailing in the Caribbean for my 40th next year. I think it will be hard to top that.

    9. Most useful gift — a set of strong and transparent polyethylene toiletries bags with a “zipper” closure from some Home Goods-style discount store that a cousin gave me for Christmas about eight years ago — I STILL use them whenever I travel.
      Best gift — my first watch at age six, which was a Snoopy watch or a Mickey Mouse watch (I can’t exactly recall) from my uncle. I learned to tell time from the hands of a clock from that gift, and it made me feel so grown up.

      1. Similar to your watch, I got an alarm clock from my grandparents before starting first grade and I used that clock to wake up on my own every day from first grade through high school!

    10. The most useful gifts have been things like salad bowls, salad serving sets, pretty dish towels and upscale food items I would not otherwise spring for.

    11. Best Christmas gift ever was skipping family Christmas to go spend a night at a cabin in the woods. It was so thoughtful and kind, I cried so many ugly tears

  11. Our babysitter is wonderful. She works at our preschool, and she watches DS for a few hours approximately one weekend a month. I am Indian-American and she will sometimes ask me questions about my Indian heritage to make a connection with me. (If it helps for context, she is an older Latina.) She said she likes chai and asked me how to make it. The truth is that I am a coconut and use the chai teabags sold at our regular grocery store. I was thinking of getting her a small gift for the holidays. Should I give her a nice chai gift from Vahdam, even though that’s not what I use? Should I give her the $4 box of teabags from the grocery store, even though it’s not “authentic”? Should I go to the Indian store and get a box of teabags that are authentic but probably taste weird to non-Indians? Or do babysitters just want a cash bonus during the holidays?

    2. I would vote for a cash bonus plus $4 teabags with your “ I am a coconut and these are what I use”explanation.

  12. OK y’all, explain to me how we cover our legs in winter. I know hose isn’t it (thank goodness), but what is?

    For background, I’m an attorney working in an appellate position. West coast of the US, so formality isn’t a huge concern. Others in my office typically wear a mix of dress pants/blouses/cardigans or less formal skirts/dresses, no jacket. My preference is dresses (postpartum, can’t seem to find pants that look good), but with winter coming I don’t know how to wear them. My area occasionally gets snow, but mostly sits in the 40-50s.

    Do I just wear my legs bare and grit my teeth on the way in? Do I have to wear full on tights? That somehow seems a bit much except on the coldest days. Thanks for helping a gal out.

    2. I live in a similar climate and also prefer dresses and skirts. I wear tights that don’t have fleece and don’t find them to be too hot. You can also get patterned tights, which tend to be thinner. I have a couple of very thick tights for the week it gets really cold but mostly wear the thinner ones.

    3. I just wear pants now for this reason. I used to wear opaque tights but according to People Who Seem To Know on here, opaque tights ain’t it. And honestly, one too many mornings struggling to get tights up over not quite dry, freshly*lotioned legs sent me straight into trouser-buying mode.

    5. I wear Hanes black opaque tights with dresses and skirts in the fall/winter/spring. I understand that some folks here feel opaque tights are passé, but nobody’s paying attention to my tights in a work setting.

    6. I wear her tights with dresses and skirts. There are warmer opaque ones and I buy hue brand at the department store. I wish I could recall the name of warm ones I have now, but they keep changing the name and type, so I buy whatever feels nice to the touch, or says thermal. They look like regular tights.

      I usually size up and cut straight incisions into the waistband to make all my tights more comfy. I am 5’4 about 137 pounds and no matter what size I buy I prefer to do this. My waist is much smaller than hips, so perhaps that’s why? I wear knee high and mid calf height la canadienne boots I buy on sale in late Jan to keep my feet warm in dresses and skirts ( they have a thinsulate layer and are very warm, almost too warm indoors). I also love velvet pants for warmth and have some velvet jeans from gap which are warmer than reg pants I now own. On the hunt for merlot velvet or corduroy pants, but willing to wait as I have a few sweater skirts and velvet for winter wear. I live on the rainy west coast so tall boots and skirts seem to keep my legs dryer.

      1. Can you tell me more about the incisions? Like perpendicular to the waistband? Does it not unravel? I always size up too but the waist still bothers me. I’m also pear-bottomed.

        1. I am not the person above who makes the cuts, but I have done the same thing. Yes, the cuts are up and down, perpendicular to the waistband. Stop just before the bottom of the waistband, so you don’t cut into the hosiery part. The flaps you create don’t always lie flat, and it looks weird, but it spares me from the discomfort of a too-tight waistband. I sometimes have made a lot of cuts, like 12 or so, roughly evenly spaced all around the waistband.

          I am 5’7” and weigh 110 pounds. I am skinny and have a small waist. And still, many tights are way too tight for me around the waist.

    7. There is no set of facts under which I would wear bare legs to work at 50 degrees. My office is barely tolerable when I am fully clothed, I would die with bare legs.

      I wear tights. They are not thick or unattractive. They match my clothes (since I skew toward black anyway). And since I frequently wear knee high boots, there is often only a few inches of tights exposed.

      What are you envisioning when you think of tights? I am having a hard time understanding why they would seem “a bit much except on the coldest days.”

      2. My guess is that most tights we see “out and about” are very thick, stark matte black tights that have the dreaded tent effect across the front ankle and are worn with twee or otherwise not quite there outfit choices (like ballet flats, or pumps or something). That’s what I do tend to think of with “tights” until I moved up a notch in terms of cost level and got *nice* tights.

    8. I wear tights. On really bad days I wear fleece lined leggings over the tights, and then rtypically remove the leggings at work. Some days I cover up my legs in a blanket (we aren’t allowed space heaters, so work got us fleece blankets).

    9. I wear tights/pantyhose daily. I don’t get the angst against tights. If they are uncomfortable it’s because you have the wrong size.

      I buy mine from L’eggs (which is Hanes) with the control top and reinforced toe and also from M&S online, which are more expensive but lovely. I get the autograph ones which are more expensive but last ok.

      M&S changed their color names and it’s so confusing. Opaline was Nude, Moonstone was Illusion, Rose Quartz was Natural Tan, Rich Amber was Suntan and Rich Quartz was Cocoa. My friends who are dark skinned said M&S have much better colors available for them in the sheer category of tights/pantyhose. I’m very pale. Rose quartz looked ridiculous on me!

      1. It’s so sad that pantyhose have acquired such a bad rap. They keep you warm and make your shoes more comfortable. They make any legs look smoother and prettier. There is no classier look than a wool skirt with a cashmere sweater, pantyhose, and pumps. I’m glad we don’t wear them when it’s hot, but on a cool or cold day, they were really perfect.

    10. I was a trial lawyer for most of my career until recently, and in SoCal (slightly warmer than your location, sounds like). I often wore tights regularly in winter (typically high 50s/low 60s in the day) and was perfectly comfortable. Otherwise I wore pantsuits with heels and thin trouser socks and that worked too.

    11. When I was in-office with a business casual dress code, I wore lace or patterned stockings / tights or patterned fishnets-like the upscale ones you can get from Wolford, and then socks hidden in my ankle boots for extra warmth. I also layered a slip under my dress to keep my mid section and thighs warm.
      I also like midi or even maxi dresses with deliberately slouchy “boot socks”+ boots + a pair of bike shorts under the dress for comfort/warmth. That’s if you’re more on the “smart casual” side and wearing a longer dress wouldn’t be out of place.

  13. I have never been comfortable cooking. Cooking stresses me out. I’ve taken classes from 3 different places (6-weeks, then two 2-night classes) since 2016 and haven’t replicated a thing. I’d like to be able to cook simple meals comfortably. I live alone and prefer smaller recipes as I don’t have much freezer space. If any of you have suggestions for a great online class, or a starter set of half a dozen simple recipes, or anything – I want to get more comfortable but also feel really intimidated by searching online.

    1. One thing that helped me with my confidence in the kitchen was doing a meal kit. I like Hello Fresh and Purple Carrot.

      I have another friend who had ZERO cooking skills (before this she made turkey sandwiches and got frozen casseroles to heat up). She is the one who introduced me to HF. She will go through phases of ordering the simplest looking meals on there. Expect it to take longer than the recipe says, but it will help with basic skills!

    2. I had zero cooking skills when I left my family of origin. I started by borrowing kids and beginner cookbooks from the library, then other cookbooks as my confidence grew. I also watched the food network for hours.
      Start simple, and don’t try to replicate complicated recipes until your skills improve.

    3. what kinds of things do you love eating? Could be a specific cuisine, favorite ingredients or type of meal?

      Can you describe what is stressful? Is chopping things hard, or measuring ingredients? Is it the process of combining things and getting the timing and steps in order? Are recipe instructions vague for you and you don’t know how it should look/taste/smell? Do you simply feel pressure to enjoy the process but somehow it’s not fun for you?

      1. Timing is hard- and weirdly stressful. And buying ingredients in a size that won’t go to waste, when it’s just me, and I don’t want to eat the same thing every day for a week. It feels like a Big Ordeal to plan, shop, cook it right, clean the kitchen, then not waste.

        1. Ah, got it. Just simplify and make “girl dinners,” like toasting two slices of bread, spreading butter or mayonnaise on the slices and sprinkling them with a couple of slices of cheese and re-toasting them in a toaster oven — instant cheese toast! Also, make a habit of freezing half the food you cook, so you don’t get sick of eating the same thing, and also have something you can stick in the fridge in the morning to defrost and reheat at dinner time. Salads, hummus on rice crackers sprinkled with sunflower seeds, cheddar cheese and ritz crackers, asparagus microwaved for 4 minutes then sprinkled with salt, pepper, drizzled with olive oil, and sprinkled with Parmesan cheese. Also, pasta is your friend. You can do this!

        2. That’s why it’s so important to keep things simple when you’re just starting out.
          You could try mini meals, or even one dish meals and freeze the leftovers.
          It sounds like you’ve gotten stuck on making complicated meals that don’t match your current skillset. Take a breath and go back to the basics.
          With storing food, one thing you can do is buy smaller packages/amounts or find more than one thing to make with them. We are a small family and I stop at the grocery store on the way home almost every day for something I need for dinner that night, because it makes more sense to buy the amount I need than it does to waste food, since my route home goes past the store anyway.

        3. Use the salad bar to pick up produce. that way you can get 1 cup of brocolli florettes, or 1/2 of a cucumber, or sliced peppers without any waste.

        4. You might like the meal planning app from SORTED food.

          They have make recipe meal packs where you get a shopping list for 3 meals with no fresh food waste, you’d get 6 portions. There are videos with narration, timers and they tell you when there’s enough time to wash your bowl while you’re waiting.

          You can see a few examples on their youtube where they plug the app, look for grocery challenges.

    4. What kinds of foods do you enjoy or want to be able to prepare for yourself? Where do you have trouble? I don’t think you need to take a class, since IMO the classes are about technique. If you can read, you should be able to follow a recipe from a cookbook/website that interests you. (If you think “cooking” = preparing a meal from memory or “just knowing” what goes together, that’s not true. People who can cook like that have a natural aptitude, the same way someone who’s a good singer or athlete has. The rest of us mere mortals follow recipes 😉)

      1. I can cook like that, and while I agree that natural aptitude can play a part, what matters more is learning and practicing until skills are mastered, and then building on those skills. Oh, I’m also a mere mortal who uses recipes, lol.

    5. I’d say stop trying to cook fancy and just cook basic.

      Eggs and toast. Can you fry an egg? Scramble one? That’s dinner. I love eggs for dinner. Fruit on the side because fruit comes from nature already prepared. Just eat it.

      A couple of sheet pans, proteins and vegetables on the sheet pans, olive oil, salt & pepper and you’ve got a meal. Roast at 400 in the oven until everything is done, basically. I like skin-on, bone-in chicken thighs for this (35 ish minutes total) and bagged cut-up broccoli and cauliflower. Other good proteins to roast are sausages, pork chops, fish filets (they cook pretty fast, so buy them thicker cut), or pre-made meatballs. Almost all veggies take to roasting really well, my favorite being the cauliflower and broccoli already mentioned, asparagus spears (snap off the hard bits at the end), baby carrots, and tiny potatoes.

      Here’s a very good book on the subject:
      https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/sheet-pan-suppers-120-recipes-for-simple-surprising-hands-off-meals-straight-from-the-oven/9179067/item/24291356/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=high_vol_midlist_standard_shopping_customer_acquisition&utm_adgroup=&utm_term=&utm_content=666157863328&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzbiAhvOoggMV583CBB3NiwaDEAQYAiABEgI-xfD_BwE#idiq=24291356&edition=8397263

    6. It sounds like classes haven’t worked for you, so I’d avoid those again. I learned to cook just by doing it: thinking of something I wanted to eat, trying a recipe, and learning from the results (I don’t think I’ve ever made something inedible, just things that could be better). I also read a lot of cookbooks, just to get a feel for ingredients and techniques and ideas. Videos could work too. I don’t eat meat and like to bake so the recipes and basic cookbooks I like might not be best for you, but if you post a few things you’d like to be able to make for yourself, people might have suggestions.

    7. Stop trying to make complicated things, for one. An intense many-week cooking class isn’t geared toward teaching people how to make simple meals. You’re overwhelming yourself and then acting surprised that you’re overwhelmed.

      Look up one pot or sheet pan meals. Fall is one of my favorite times of year for fresh produce, so many options. Buy some precut butternut squash, brussel sprouts, and dried cranberries. Get some skin on chicken thighs, quick marinade in olive oil, S&P, roast everything on one sheet pan for like 45 mins then broil it for ~5 mins.

    9. Get the Jamie Oliver book that’s called Ministry of Food.

      Seriosly, this book is made exactly for people like you. People with low confidence or low skills, to make real food. It’s a great book.

      1. I have and love that book.
        I find all of his books are great for people with low skills because he simplifies everything and nothing is fancy.

    10. The following dishes are relatively simple to prepare, and you can browse the Internet for recipes (including by putting the ingredients you have in the fridge in the search terms to see what recipes show up):
      chicken salad; tuna salad; thin spaghetti with fried eggs; sautéd (and “burst”) grape tomatoes on rotini with chopped feta cheese; mashed avocado with salt and pepper on toast; oatmeal with raisins; sliced bananas with Greek yogurt, sliced almonds, and drizzled honey; Cincinnati chili (looks complicated, but is super easy, just dump everything in a pot and mix, boil, simmer); pumpkin pie (in a supermarket purchased pie crust); spinach, raspberry, and sautéd walnut salad; white bean dip; shredded/grated zucchini (or other vegetables, such as carrots) fritters made with chickpea flour; baked ground turkey meatballs made with mayonnaise (instead of egg and bread crumbs); bolognese sauce made with 1 pound of browned ground beef and a 24-oz jar of marinara sauce, over 1 pound of spaghetti, sprinkled with grated Parmesan cheese; hard boiled eggs made in a Dash egg cooker; sliced button mushrooms sautéd in some avocado oil sprinkled with dill; a pound of bacon baked at 425 degrees for about 15 minutes in a sheet pan. (Or ask me for the recipes, happy to share.) Enjoy!

    11. A book I like is by Frances Price and called
      “Healthy Cooking for Two (or Just You): Low-Fat Recipes with Half the Fuss and Double the Taste.” A friend’s mom bought it for me as wedding gift twenty years ago and it got me through learning to cook.

      I’d also recommend books about cooking for college kids. Try different cookbooks from the library.

      The internet of cooking can be overwhelming. Narrow your focus

  14. Slightly warmer climate, but I wear hose periodically because my office is freezing. If they are reasonably close to your skin tone, half the people you work with can’t tell you are wearing them and the other half…who cares. The DKNY ones or the Nordstrom store brand ones seem to be the best compromise between “looks nice” and “not that expensive.” I also like the skimmie-type shorts for under dresses and skirts.

  15. DH is in a super intense job for the next 18 months that means I get little time with him. He’s frequently at events on nights and weekends and he is quite literally on call 24/7/365. (The nature of the job is such that even when he’s handed responsibility off to someone else so we can go on vacation, even then his phone is still ringing, just less often – thank goodness it’s only a two-year deal.) He enjoys the job and he’s great at it. But his way of recharging has always been solitary nature activities: hiking, fishing, hunting. Unfortunately, my love language is quality time, followed closely by acts of service, neither of which are remotely attainable right now. My bucket’s been empty for 6 months already and it was barely filled when he stepped into this role because of the high-demand job that came before this one. I also WFH and sit at home alone all day – not awesome for my mental health.

    I don’t begrudge him this role – it’s an honor, and he steps into a chill role after this. But how do I survive the next 18 months? Even scheduled time together gets interrupted by constant work calls and emails. And I don’t begrudge him his alone time in nature – he’s always needed that. But I’m practically single over here! I’ve been going to stay with my mom because at least then I have some company, and he’s not pleased with that and says he misses me. So you miss me for the hour between events, emails, calls, dinner, and bed? Swell. But I don’t want to sit here permanently alone just waiting on that hour. I’m sure other people have dealt with this. How have you survived?

    1. I dunno, friends, hobbies, group exercise classes at a gym, a book club, walks with neighbors? This situation would be hell for a parent, but if you don’t have kids it’s hard for me to muster up a ton of sympathy. Just…live your life. I’m sorry WFH-ing isn’t good for your mental health, but I don’t think that’s really your spouse’s problem to solve. Maybe you should look into a coworking space. I also think it’s weird to decamp to your moms for long periods of time just because he’s “only” home for an hour a day. An hour a day of quality time together is more than many couples get.

    2. No advice, that sounds really tough and i agree you should keep going to stay with your mom or friends for some company. I’m really curious what field he is in…?

    3. There are lots of other things to do besides sitting alone – of course that’s going to make you miserable. Maybe this will be a good time to focus on hobbies and interests out of the house that you probably don’t have enough time for regularly. That might put you in a better headspace to appreciate that hour that you get with your husband while still feeling that your needs are (partially) met. It’s hard though and you have my sympathies.

    4. I think he gets to do awesome job and you get to do what keeps you sane. It’s completely unreasonable to expect you to be unhappy just so that you’re available to him when it suits his schedule. You’re his partner, not his employee.

      Have you told him why you need to go to your mom’s?

    5. I work with people who are your husband. This is pretty common in high ranking government roles – I’m the bureaucrat 2 levels down who has the longer term expertise. I also have a husband who is gone for months at a time for work so I have a lot of thoughts.

      First, like others have said – figure out what you can do solo. You’re going to plan a lot of midday lunches, pilates classes, etc. I suggest volunteering. Is it possible for you to join spouse at some of these evening events? Even if you don’t ‘need’ to be there, is it possible to just be present and spend time together.

      The next thing is that it’s going to work better to try and schedule your time around the natural ebbs and flows of husband’s jobs. So like, somehow Sunday mornings are still pretty quiet in my field. Weekends are pretty fair game but Sundays are usually quiet until 11am. That’s the time you want to plan for a breakfast date. Don’t take it personally when he has to answer a call – I’d actually suggest playing a game and trying to guess who it is and what their issue is. Follow the drama like you’d follow a soap opera.

      The biggest rule is figure out what you need to do to not brew resentment. Resentment is poison to marriage, so really – figure out what you need to do to avoid it.

    6. how much of his downtime is he spending “alone in nature” vs. with you? If he has like 8 hours of free time on weekends and he’s spending 6 of them by himself I think it’s fair game to talk to him about a better balance. That part – how he prioritizes his limited downtime – is where I think the resentment will come from, vs the demands of the position itself.

    7. Reframe this as not a husband problem but a WFH problem. You are isolated and have to make other friends so prioritize joining a community. It could be volunteering for a political campaign, the local women’s club, the humane society, the homeowners association. And not just joining but getting on committees. The issue may become later that you DH is surprised that you up and got yourself a life when he is done!

    8. So your husband’s priorities are, in order,

      *job
      *alone time
      *you

      That’s something to discuss with him for sure.

      I understand everyone needs to recharge, but not at the expense of their relationship.

    9. I mean, you could always find some hobby or other thing to fill your time, and maybe rethink working from home. Going to stay with your mother is not going to solve your problem.
      Objectively look at how much time he spends alone and how much he spends with you and see if there is a huge difference one way or the other, and go from there.

  16. Anyone here use melatonin? I’ve been having trouble sleeping, and have heard good things.

    1. Yes I use it. My endocrinologist said it’s the safest sleep aid and he recommends it for anyone having trouble sleeping because sleep is really important. Every body is different, but for me it’s not like a sleeping pill. It won’t knock me out if I’m trying to stay awake, it doesn’t overcome anxiety-based insomnia and it doesn’t lead to a groggy or hungover feeling, but it helps me feel sleepy and helps me fall asleep once I get in bed. I take a low dose (1 mg).

    2. Yes. My sleep neurologist recommended it at a low dose (0.3 mg) for trouble falling asleep and for adjusting after time changes or from jet lag. I haven’t found that it doesn’t anything to prevent waking up in the middle of the night, but I thin kit does help with trouble falling asleep at bed time.

Comments are closed.