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Weekend Open Thread

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snuggly gray hoodie with a shirttail hem and thumbholes

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Nordstrom already has Black Friday deals on the website, and there are some great deals to be had, generally in the 30-40% off region. Brands that jumped out to me right away (I was sorting by customer reviews) were Aquatalia, Aveda, Barefoot Dreams, Lancôme, and TONS of lingerie like Natori Bliss panties.

This Barefoot Dreams hoodie looks super snuggly, and I love the shirttail hem and thumbholes. (I really love almost anything with thumbholes though, ha.) It would make a great gift for someone special in your life, or a nice cozy treat for lounging around the house yourself.

It's $145 full price, but marked to $102 in the Black Friday Deal.

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

192 Comments

    1. I am sorry to yuck your yum, but while that blouse is certainly colorful, this is the exact style “They” have been trying to shove plus sized women into for decades. As a cusp sized person, I’m basically allergic to it at this pint.

      1. Oh my goodness. I don’t mind a breezy ‘peasant’ blouse in cotton for super hot weather but this number is actually yuck. It makes everyone look like upholstered furniture.

      3. I always wear loose fitting outfits this time of year, b/c between Thanksgiving and Hanukkah, all I do is eat all day, and load up on Carbs. So of course I gain even more weight, but since no men are seeing me these days with no clothes on, I have nothing to worry about. YAY!!! I will loose weight by Summer when we all go to the manageing partner’s house in the Hamtons and swim in his pool. By then I will also be svelte, and what ever men will be there will stare at by svelte body! YAY!!!

    3. I like the print. The shape wouldn’t look great on me but I can see a lot of people liking it.

  2. My doctor recommended monitoring my heart rate because it was very low (and I am not an athlete). I don’t want an Apple Watch and all that goes along with that. What other recommendations are there for this very specific need? Or should I just get the Apple Watch and end up loving it like everyone else does?

    1. Are you open to a different smart watch? I use a Garmin Venu (even though I have an iPhone), and I love it.

      I know they say you don’t have to link your iPhone to your Apple Watch, but I knew I didn’t have that kind of self control, then it’s difficult to unlink. So I just got the Garmin device instead and only use it for steps and sleep and heart rate.

    2. I use a Fitbit Luxe that is basically a lightly featured smart watch. It includes heart rate monitoring. It is very small and the battery lasts 6-7 days on each charge.

    3. I have a Fitbit Inspire that just measures heartrate, steps, sleep, etc. It’s much smaller than an Apple watch, which suits my very small wrists, plus I don’t want constant notifications. They’re also much cheaper and usually on sale on Black Friday.

      1. Same. I also was able to get a stainless steel band off Amazon for probably $15 that makes it look like a normal watch. I’ve gotten many compliments on it.

      1. I have the Oura ring and I love it. I did not like my Apple Watch, but the Oura is fantastic and I really like its approach to overall balance (sleep, activity, recovery) instead of always feeling like a loser for not closing my rings.

    6. What don’t you like about the Apple watch specifically? I have it set up so I don’t get messages etc on it and use it mainly for this. Do you wear a watch normally?

      1. I used to wear a lovely Movado when I went into the office everyday. I’ve fallen out of the habit of wearing a watch and would prefer to wear something smaller and more watch-like. I also spend too much time looking at my phone now, so I don’t want to spend the money to get an Apple Watch and then not use its functionality.

        1. Then the FitBit Inspire seems like a good option. It doesnt have much functionality, but does a good job with being a watch, tracking steps, tracking heart rate, and tracking sleep. I also get notifications of new calls and texts, but no other notifications and it might be possible to turn those off.

    7. Shouldn’t your doctor be giving you a Holter monitor to wear for a few days to a week to get some good data? This is how my father discovered he needs a pacemaker, and what was prescribed to my husband after a series of blood clots.

      2. +1 – what is the endgame of the monitoring? Is this a first step in getting some preliminary data about what your heart rate numbers look like, before doing an official ECG/rhythm study? or just to do some general self-monitoring so you get some awareness of what your normal ups and downs are?

        Smartwatch/fitbit stuff can give you a heart rate number. Holter/ambulatory monitors will actually do ECG readings for analysis – that will also give you beats per minute, but will have additional info on the shape of your rhythm (the squiggly lines on the bedside monitors in TV shows) to aid in diagnosis of arrhythmia issues.

      3. I’ve had an EKG in the past and it was fine. My heart rate is just a little lower than usual and she wants me to keep an eye on it. This isn’t a medical emergency or anything scary, just a way to find out if what looks low today is just part of my normal range.

        1. As a person with a congenital third-degree heart block, it seems really odd to me that a doctor would use a smartwatch see if a “very low” heart rate is part of your normal range. What was your heart rate in bpm? How long ago was your normal EKG? What does your doctor mean when she says she wants you keep an eye on it? For how long and to what purpose? Is she a cardiologist?

          Sorry to fire off the questions, but I find it hard to believe that a smartwatch can safely determine whether you have some kind of cardiac rhythm issue. Also, I’m not clear on why you should pay for a smartwatch rather than your doctor ordering a Holter monitor or other medical device, which presumably would be covered by insurance and wouldn’t require you to buy a product you don’t otherwise want.

          I’m not trying to be the voice of doom here, but if you’re not an athlete and have a low heart rate, you may have a an underlying medical issue that needs to be diagnosed and treated. Even if a low rate is “normal” for you, it may not be healthy long-term.

    9. Wrist based heart rate monitors are crap, regardless of who makes them. Whichever watch you buy, get a strap heart rate monitor if you want actual accurate results.
      If you doctor has specific concerns about your low heart rate, they need to set you up with actual monitoring (ie a Holter monitor).

    10. Get a Withings watch! I LOVE mine! For me, it’s the perfect blend of a smart watch and a conventional watch. But most importantly for you, its heart monitoring features are FDA approved. (It was approved years ago by the EU’s health commission, but of course it took a while to get through US regulators.)

      https://www.withings.com/us/en/scanwatch-2

  3. Low-stakes weekend questions: favorite ways to eat and prepare beans? We’re trying to eat more for fiber/heart health. We often make vegetarian burritos with black bean and avocado, but need a few other ideas for easy go-to recipes. We don’t want to do any weekend meal prep either – fast and easy meals are the way. Any ideas?

      1. I use the budget bytes recipe. I think it’s called white beans with marinade, but I use it with mushrooms and zucchini. My daughter loves it and I call it pizza beans.

      2. +1 to pizza beans.

        Also Chili. Melissa Clark’s rice and beans recipe on the NYT. Alison Roman’s kale and bean soup or brothy beans – both fantastic.

    3. Look up Orangette’s creamy beans recipe – super easy, leftovers are great. We serve with rice. Add softboiled eggs for brunch, or slice some kielbasa to add in for a heartier dinner.

      We also do taco bowls a lot – rice, black beans, maybe some seasoned chicken, plus avocado, tomato, lettuce, cheese, salsa. Not too different from your burritos but it’s a change of pace.

      For dessert, the black bean brownie recipe (adding a can to a box of brownie mix) is a nice alternative.

    6. Getting really good dried beans makes a huge different in my enjoyment! I cook Rancho Gordo beans (different types) at least once a week. They are so so easy to cook. I soak mine overnight in water and salt.

      Usually when cooking I will add some vegetarian better than bouillon (probably a tablespoon for half a pound of beans). Bring the beans to a rolling boil for 10 mins. Then a heavy simmer for about 1.5 hours with the lid to the pan partially cracked. I check them every 20-30 mins to see how they’re progressing. Stop cooking when the beans are creamy inside. I know that sounds like a weird description if you’ve only hand canned beans, but you will know it when you taste it. If the beans soak up the cooking liquid, I add hot (very important! I use my electric kettle to heat it!) water and just keep simmering.

      After this I use the beans in tacos, bowls, burritos, by themselves, or in a soup. I will often put some kind of sauce on them— can be literally any salad dressing, BBQ sauce, Bulldog sauce, etc.

      There’s a fun cookbook called “Cool Beans” that has some great recipes as well.

      Happy bean journey!!

      1. Cool Beans has a great lentil “meat”ball recipe.

        I also just add a can of chickpeas or other beans to pasta or lots of other dishes as a easy way to add protein and fiber to recipes where it’s otherwise lacking.

    8. This is better for the summer but I love Skinnytaste’s chickpea and egg salad. Super fast, super tasty, super filling.

    9. Budget bytes has a white bean soup I love and a white bean quesadilla that’s on weekly rotation for us too.

    10. Hummus and other bean dips & toss white beans into tuna or egg salads & lentil soups.

    11. White beans + cabbage + tomatoes + garlic + olive oil + pecorino or parmesan.

      Chickpeas + romaine + kalamata olives + red pepper + feta with an olive oil & lemon juice dressing).

      White beans + ground turkey + garlic + cumin + aji amarillo powder or paste + Hatch green chiles or similar.

      1. I guess I should have specified cooked cabbage. Look up recipes for ribollita (there are a lot of different ways of making it).

    12. I do quesadillas with black beans/avocado/tomatoes. Even faster than burritos and I use the pea protein tortillas to try to up the protein more.

      I keep little portions of black beans, avocado/quac (Costco or Trader’s “individual” portions) and even sauteed mushrooms/peppers in containers in the freezer. So I can throw the quesadillas together in no time, quickly thawing things for a few seconds in the microwave or under warm water. I usually put a salsa, shredded cheese, taco seasoning, fresh tomatoes on them too.

      And it is so easy to make a chilli (I use kidney beans or black beans or a mix – all from cans). It also freezes fantastically well after making, so make a big batch and easy to thaw portions when needed.

      I also like cooking Indian recipes with lentils or kidney beans. Also freeze/thaw super well.

    13. Brace yourself for some southern.

      Ingredients:
      1/2 to 1 brick salt pork
      1 yellow onion
      1 lb dried blackeyed peas

      Dice salt pork and fry it up in its own fat. Dice yellow onion and add when salt pork has released some fat. When that’s more or less ready, throw in the dry blackeyes and cover with water – no need to pre-soak – and bring to a boil, then simmer until the beans are the way you like them – probably 90 minutes minimum. Season as desired — they probably won’t need much more salt.

      Serve with cornbread, preferably skillet-baked, not-sweet cornbread. If you’re really into it, drink buttermilk with this. It’s a perfect meal, and good luck on New Years Day.

      1. This is great but probably not for “heart health”!

        I live in the stroke belt and need to decide how much I even care about my LDL.

        2. To healthify this fry a couple of strips of bacon in a pan. Remove the bacon but keep the fat. Caramelize the onions in the pan, may need to add olive oil. In another pot that is deeper for soups or stews add the water and black eyed peas and onions and if you didn’t eat it yet the bacon, cut up into bits. Boil. Simmer a long time. Add a low-sodium can of diced tomatoes and if you like spice some jalapeños

          I would still serve with corn bread but tortilla chips would also be yummy

        1. But you don’t actually eat the salt pork, do you? Isn’t it just for flavor?

    14. I like what I think the recipe called Tuscan Skillet or something. It usually has chicken but I make it without. I cook a diced onion and some mushrooms in olive oil with garlic, then add 2 cans of white beans, 2 cans of fire roasted tomato, some chopped sun dried tomato and chopped canned artichoke. Season with Italian seasoning and top with fresh basil.

    15. First I cook a pie crust, then I add a filling of black beans, sweet potatoes, and feta cheese. Cook in oven until crusty on top; remove; put in trunk of car for 3 hours; cook again.

      (Sorry… not sorry. Sort of sorry.)

    16. “Vegetarian Cooking For Everyone” has some amazing options. I’m a big fan of her white bean dip with sage and garlic, and her soups.

    17. Mediterranean Dish has a lot of healthy options that use beans. We do the Mediterranean Breakfast Toast a lot, which is great with any hummus.

    18. Order Salsa Lizano online and make Costa Rican gallo pinto. It’s good for any meal of the day.

    19. hummus with raw crudité or slathered on a slim rice cake (Lieber brand) and sprinkled with sunflower seeds;
      white bean dip: drain and rinse a can of white beans; mash with 3 Tablespoons (or more, to taste) of olive oil, some pepper, garlic powder and a VERY small amount of dried thyme;
      tuna and bean salad: drain a can of albacore tuna in olive oil; drain and rinse a can of garbanzos or white beans; place tuna and beans in a bowl; add garlic powder (or sautéd chopped garlic, pepper, optional sauté or raw red onion, three Tablespoons (or more, to taste) of olive oil, a squeeze of lemon juice, and basil; stir to combine;
      “creamed” spinach using white beans instead of cream (look up recipe on the Internet)
      David Lebovitz’s French lentil salad (with toasted walnuts and walnut oil or toasted hazelnuts and hazel oil)
      Serve beans as a substitute for a side carb like rice

  4. This is horrifying and worth reading especially if your Thanksgiving plans include football.

      3. I worked on the claims from insurance programs for the NCAA as well as several large school districts. I would Never. Ever. let a kid of mine play football in any program. Luckily, my kid ended up being a gamer and musician at heart anyway.

    4. Yup. I worked for Ann McKee who runs the brain bank for BU. Sadly got to meet a lot of football families.

      1. I am so glad my kids have zero interest, because I don’t think I’d be okay with it. And I live in A Football State.

      3. I would also never let my kids play football. But I was surprised to learn that many other sports have similarly high concussion rates. IIRC basketball is not much lower, and very few parents seem concerned about that.
        I’m glad I have an academic and artsy kid, not a balls sports kid.

        1. So, my dad was a librarian and my brother is a literal genius. Neither could throw or catch a ball. I was a band kid and wanted to be a band mom when I had kids. What I got was a rambuctious and energetic athletic child who did well in school but never studious. He is small so no football. But I can’t imagine telling him “no” to wrestling or lacrosse. Now that he’s an adult, he plays on roller hockey leagues and climbs mountains. I am fully aware of the concern to the developing brain as I represent juvenile offenders. I don’t know what we would have done if he really wanted to play football. I am glad the schools are so much more conscious of injuries today. While I am concerned for his safety always, I decided to let him live his life.

        3. I’m worried about soccer which can be so healthy otherwise, (aside from various other injuries). And that’s a sport with contact for both boys and girls. Surprisingly, heading the ball isn’t the primary source of concussions (collision, kicked balls to the head, running into other players).

    6. My cousin’s husband has CTE from multiple head injuries as a kid/teen, mostly playing football, but also from a skiing accident. It is terrible.

    7. The 2015 movie ‘Concussion’ starring Will Smith was about CTE.
      I was never more glad that I don’t have a sporty kid after seeing that.

    8. In 2012, Michael Kinsley wrote a syndicated opinion column (focusing on gay marriage) that examined what institution or practice we might in 20 years be embarrassed was currently accepted, and he nominated high school football as what we would all look back at in horror. He said, “In 20 years, I think it may seem incredible that loving parents used to send their kids out to bang their heads against one another in the certain knowledge that this was damaging their still-growing brains. “Certain knowledge” may overstate the case now. But this smells just like smoking, about which the evidence dribbled in until it was undeniable.” I’ve always remembered that column, and several years later I mentioned to my sister that her son should not be allowed to play football due to the risk of head and brain injuries. When he later said that his best friend wanted him to play football, she told him, “no, your aunt says you are not allowed,” and he accepted that answer with a minimum of argument. Thank goodness.

      1. I don’t know, we’re almost 12 years out from that now and I know a lot of parents (including many who are very well-educated) who let their kids play football. It’s surprising to me, but I don’t think there has been a mass rejection of football as youth sport, at least not yet.

        1. Maybe not a mass rejection, but to me it still feels like a big shift whenever it’s actively discouraged.

          The bigger shift I feel has been in acknowledging the TBI when it happens! Higher ed has been taking it pretty seriously.

          I think now we’re at the point where the next challenge is to recognize and treat TBI more often in non-athletes. Apparently it’s missed or misdiagnosed a lot especially in women coming from DV contexts where there have been head injuries but where symptoms are easy to fully psychologize.

  5. PSA: Find out about the travel arrangements of the food at Thanksgiving. Don’t eat a pot pie that has travelled three hours in a car. Keep safe everyone!

    1. This is unnecessary pot-stirring. I didn’t agree with the plans the OP had for her pot pie (and commented about it) but this just seems like superfluous meanness to me. Really think about why you felt the need to do this? Is your life really that boring, that you have to try to start drama to engage in?

      1. You really missed an opportunity to call it pot pie stirring… I will see myself out…

    2. Man, I wish I could get this through my mom’s head. I can’t tell you how many things I’ve thrown out when I get home because she has thrown them in a bag or something with no ice. I don’t let her bring things anymore because of this as well. It’s like she mentally wants to pretend that I live closer than I actually do.

    3. This is such basic stuff! I thought it was common sense that if you’re traveling a distance, you bring something that can be served at room temperature. Or, you know, use a freaking cooler.

      Feeling less confident than ever about my office potluck, lol. Linda better not be letting those meatballs sit for hours and then warming them up just before serving!

      1. If you’re traveling 3 hours, please just bring the dinner rolls. Or a pan of brownies. Literally anything except a pot pie filled with poultry. Food poisoning from poultry is a special kind of awful.

        1. I drove 3 hours with unrisen bread dough. Even though the car was colder than anywhere I’d usually let dough rise for about an hour, giving it three hours was perfect, and luckily the oven was ready to go when I got there. 10/10

          (I know you can’t expect oven space at someone else’s house but this was pre-planned and specifically requested!)

          1. A cousin did this last thanksgiving, they hit traffic and the rolls over-proofed! But they were delicious anyway.

    4. I think this is the season where we all need to remind ourselves of the ‘you can’t eat at everybody’s house’ meme. My kid had never heard of that and had an absolute blast looking up some of the youtube videos/memes about this.

      1. I actually made my excuses and left a house once where I’d been invited to dinner. It was absolutely filthy in every room I entered. Not like “I didn’t get around to dusting.” More like abandoned containers/petri dishes everywhere. You can’t eat at everybody’s house, for sure.

      2. I find that most people this concerned about pot luck to be self-absorbed, entitled germophobes. You are more likely to get sick from restaurant food. Do you have any data for being so rude that you won’t break bread with others?

        1. Calm down. She didn’t say “you can’t eat at ANYbody’s house.” But you absolutely cannot eat at everyone’s house, because some people don’t keep clean houses. It’s weird to me that you got this defensive about her comment, unless…you’re one of the people who has people decline dinner invitations after they see your home?

          One of my friends growing up had parents who never cleaned their house, and they had multiple animals they just let roam free, so there was urine/feces all over the place, along with pet hair, dander, dust, etc. My mom came to pick me up once and was perfectly nice and polite to the parents, but in the car told me “do not eat anything they’ve cooked in that kitchen, and if you want to play with Sarah, why don’t you invite her over to our house. I’ll drive you two any time.” Later I realized that my friend and her brother were constantly sick – either colds, or the “stomach flu” and that it wasn’t a healthy environment. I can only hope living in that kind of filth as kids didn’t permanently harm their health.

          1. We knew a family like that too. We were never, ever allowed inside their house or to eat anything that came out of that house.

          2. Lol. No, I rarely entertain. But there are always obnoxious people at every office who behave as if their bodies are special and they can’t eat at any potlock. Is that you?

        2. Pardon me for not wanting to get explosive diarrhoea, painful stomach cramps and chuck my guts up in the work bathroom. I’d say I’m entitled not to want that.

    5. What is the bacteria that people are terrified of in the FULLY-COOKED pot pie travel situation?? Cooking kills E coli, salmonella, listeria and other bacteria. And then it was not cut open / undisturbed / not exposed to external sources of germs; and reheated to kill any bacteria before serving.

      My iron stomach and I totally would have eaten that pot pie. I don’t see what’s the big deal about leftovers at extended periods of room temperature *after* it’s fully cooked—regardless of poultry or diary. When cooked food goes “bad”/sour, you can smell it.

      I’m actually more concerned about raw and undercooked foods’ possible contamination from feces and animals/pets. Some people don’t wash their produce before cutting . Or don’t wash their hands .
      Think of the recent deadly outbreaks…all from uncooked food: romaine lettuce, tomatoes, cantaloupe, raw flour, peanut butter, etc. That organic kale/watermelon/zucchini could have been sprinklered with water from a creek laden with cow dung. Your knife is just spreading anything on the peel to the parts you eat.

      2. Not every type of bacteria that can proliferate in cooked food makes food smell or taste off. People’s sensitivity to off smells and tastes varies widely. It’s great that you have an iron stomach, but people with low stomach acid from age, medical conditions, or common medications like PPIs are at increased risk, as well as people who are immune compromised from meds or medical conditions.

        I’m definitely more worried about bacteria not eliminated by cooking than about bacteria killed by cooking. But I’m also aware that even when reheating kills a lot of bacteria, it doesn’t eliminate any toxins produced by bacteria when they were proliferating at warm or room temperatures. And even for people with “iron stomachs,” toxins that don’t make someone symptomatically ill at the time of ingestion can still increase the lifetime risk of gastric cancer. Refrigeration and food safety guidelines are fabulous cancer preventives!

        There have been outbreaks from both cooked and uncooked foods. I’m actually not whether US regulatory standards were ever raised to what they were before being lowered as part of the pandemic response.

      3. FULLY COOKED chicken still has bacteria growing, doubling every 20 minutes after 2 hours. Even if you reheat it, it doesn’t kill everything. And you can’t necessarily taste or smell if it’s bad: https://www.eatingwell.com/article/7965905/how-long-can-cooked-chicken-sit-out/

        Your “iron stomach” can enjoy vomiting and diarrhea all you want, but that’s an awful thing to put on unknowing people. I think you also might be surprised how many people around you are likely more vulnerable health-wise than you realize. I can’t believe you’re actually advocating potentially making them sick because ….I don’t know…some weird flex about being able to eat spoiled food?

        You also should do some more reading. You would quickly realize that chicken is also a “high risk” food poisoning food, more so than some of the others you mention.

  6. I’ve posted on here before about a family trip we are planning to India in February to visit my grandfather and celebrate his 100th birthday. DH and I haven’t been in over 10 years, and now we have a 3 year old who will join us. This will be DS’ first international trip. We will take a 14 hour flight to Delhi, stay at a relative’s house for a couple days, then take a 1-hour flight to another city to see a wildlife sanctuary and stay at a resort for four days, then another 1-hour flight to grandfather’s house, spend a few days there, train ride back to Delhi and fly back home. The trip will be 2 weeks total. Is this a lot for a 3-year old? I thought the wildlife sanctuary would be interesting for him and a good way for us to break up the trip a bit and take a break from visiting relatives, which was always overwhelming for me as a kid. I’m not sure DS will get any other chance to meet his great grandfather and meet certain other relatives. Given how long it has been since our last trip to India, it will probably be a while before we take another trip there. But I know we will probably have to deal with DS’ tantrums and that he will probably vomit at least once from all the traveling, food pathogens, etc, and all of the other challenges of traveling with a toddler. Should we go on the trip as planned?
    Should we scrap the wildlife sanctuary side trip and do something else instead? Should I go on this trip by myself and leave DH and DS at home?

    1. I think it sounds like a great trip and not too rushed.

      I don’t know who DS is (kid’s initials?) and three is maybe a too young to remember much but I hope you all have an amazing time.

      1. DS = acronym for Dear Son

        I think your idea to break up the trip with relaxing nuclear family time is a great one.

    2. No, take DH and DS. I’m a big proponent of not letting the bad things that *could* happen stop you from taking a trip that will very likely be totally fine. It’ll work out and seeing family is worth it. We had to take some real risks to reunite with my husband’s family abroad and if the thing we were worried about had happened (they didn’t), we would have just dealt with it.

    3. Go on the trip as planned with the assumption that your son won’t remember anything.

      1. My son doesn’t remember meeting his great grandmother but we have the photographs from the trip and she was delighted to meet her 45th great grand.

    4. Go on the trip as planned, but depending on what DS likes to eat at home bring some familiar foods/snacks with you and OTC meds

    5. On the wildlife sanctuary: My own experience with kids that age is that they prefer interacting/playing over seeing things that adults consider special. So, children’s museums and the like over a zoo. Not sure where the wildlife sanctuary falls on that spectrum.

      On the trip as a whole: what do you want to get from it? what do your relatives want? If you/they want you to be really present with them and enjoy each other’s company, then it makes sense to leave your husband and child behind. If you/they really want for them to meet your child, even though it means less quality time with you, then consider bringing your husband and child.

      Also, what does your husband want? How does he tend to do on trips to visit your family? How would he feel about staying home solo parenting? I’d 100% rather solo parent a 3 year old at home than try to manage a 3 year old on an international trip to visit extended family who have never met the child.

      I don’t think your child will remember the trip or get much out of meeting older relatives, so that’s not really a factor.

    6. Definitely take your son. My mom took me across the world to HK to meet my great grandmother when I was 3. I don’t remember meeting my great grandmother but there is photo proof and reportedly she was happy to meet me. It’s worth it for the older relatives, and actually, doing an international trip at that age made me a pretty decent traveler by the time I was 7. And this was well before the age of ubiquitous screens! I don’t remember much from the trip, just flashes of color, but it was worth it to my parents and relatives.

    7. I’ve been to India before and jet lag can be tough. Assuming you’re coming from rhe US. I would say be prepared for a tired, fussy kid and adjust plans accordingly.

    8. This sounds wonderful, even with some tantrums and difficulties.

      Since some people are mentioning memories, no one knows what kids will and won’t remember, and not remembering doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful or even formative (think of how fast a three year old is growing and learning; engagement and stimulation and new experiences all mean so much at this age!).

      1. Also, your kid may not truly remember the trip, but can appreciate hearing the stories and seeing the photos later. Family lore and family memory is built from these experiences even if the kid is too young to have their own memories. Knowing I met my father’s parents before they died feels significant. I think I have a memory of the meeting, but it could just be from hearing the story.

    9. I’m very pro-travel with young kids (my 5 year old gets several stamps in her passport every year) and I would not take a 3 year old to India in the absence of a family connection. 3 is a tough age for travel, at least relative to 0-1 when they’re more portable and compliant and 4+ where they’re more independent, and the jet lag and food safety issues will make this a lot more challenging than travel within North America or Europe. But with the family context, I say go for it. Even if it’s a hard trip it will be worth it for your son to meet your grandfather.

    10. I’ve taken roughly this trip, for this reason, though to Peru from the US west coast. For us, we were glad we took the trip and glad we took the kid and wish we’d moved around less while we were there.

      I think this is a know your kid/know your family question, but the travel days were the stressful days for us and we would have preferred to have fewer of them once we were actually in Peru. Again, though, know your kid/family—you might be in a situation where this stuff isn’t an issue for you! Travel day challenges for us: naps are hard; packing/unpacking over and over is annoying and an opportunity to forget things ; if you’re trying to use a car seat at all it’s huge schlep and sucks to install/uninstall; any challenges around food that you’ve solved with the grocery store need to be solved again in the next location; depending on where your kid is sleeping, you might need to be hauling around paraphernalia for that.

    11. Your kid will enjoy the wildlife. But be mindful that game drives are usually 3h long and he may be bored. If you’re going to Ranthambor be mindful that tiger sightings aren’t that frequent compared to say Tadoba. But India is lovely, colourful and a feast for the senses. Buy him some ethnic wear, light some sparklers. Enjoy!

      Indian living abroad.

    12. Are there any kids in the extended family and/or young adults or teens who will play with your kid? Are there grandparents or others who can come along and help out? Kids that age may enjoy playground time with a playmate more than schlepping in hot weather to an outdoor zoo or museum. It may be more relaxing for you all as well to chill while someone plays with your kid.
      If you are not personally interested in the zoo, don’t go just for your kid.
      My kids loved to play with my college aged niece and that was a huge break for us adults as well. We also found a drop-in jump zone type place (different large city in India, not Delhi) where we could drop off our 3yo for 2-4 hours and he could play supervised on the bouncy slides etc. Labor is extensive and inexpensive, daycare type places were great. In our case it was in a busy market area, we could drop him off and go shop/eat for a couple of hours and he had good care (ratio was something like 1:3 iirc).
      Take a bunch of dry snacks that he likes – gummies, crackers, oreos, whatever you can – for the long car rides in traffic and boring intervals where all the adults are talking and your kid is bored. We restricted screen time a bit so this was our biggest challenge. And the mosquitoes (we gave up and used the stronger Deet based creams).

  7. PSA that if you have a large bird you basically need to start defrosting this weekend!
    1 day of defrosting per 4-5 lbs is the rule of thumb, and meat is good for at least 1-2 days after being fully defrosted.

  8. I’ve had an android phone since Day 1. Bought a new one a few months ago, it’s a lemon. Partner is an iphone guy and is trying to get me to switch. I use no apple products and hate the idea of adjusting to new tech unless it’s truly significantly better. I hate the idea of spending more for a phone than I did on my first car as I always figure it’s just paying for the label.

    Should I stick with android and just replace the phone (I’ll call for warranty possibility) or trade it in for an iphone?

      1. Why in the world should she spends 100s of dollars more for an Iphone?

        I mean, I love apple products too, but even though I can afford it, they are totally not worth it most of the time!

        1. They are TOTALLY worth it. We were a mixed household for a good long time and finally, finally my husband gave up on the idea that androids are just as good, because they aren’t – he kept trying to believe. Now he has an iPhone and is so much happier with it. And now we receive all of the texts between us, which absoltely was not happening before.

        2. I use my apple ipad and iphone for work so I spend the money. I love the ability to have cellular on my tablet and I haven’t seen another company that offers a similar option. My Gen Z has gone android (to be like his dad) and came back to apple. I trust his research. lol.

    2. I will say, a good Android is just as expensive as an iPhone.

      My parents love their $100 piece of crap LG phones, but the quality is so bad (texts don’t go through, calls drop every ~15 minutes, the pictures are terrible quality, the phones have hardly any memory so they can’t download more than a few apps). They brag about how little they pay for a phone all the time, but if the quality is this bad then it’s nothing to brag about… My siblings and I are on the same phone plan as my parents and my sister lives at home, so it’s not a service issue because no one else has these issues.

      My brother and I only buy refurbished iPhones in last year’s model / a cheaper model. I paid $150 for my refurbished iPhone SE 2 and love it. My brother’s refurbished iPhone SE 2 is 3 years old and has no issues.

      1. +1 to your first sentence. Which is why I’m Apple all the way. I have a Dell computer and a kindle e-reader, so it’s not like this is an Apple only household. They just happen to make the best phones.

      2. +2. I am not an Apple person and never have been, and frankly I dislike how they try to force people to stay within their ecosystem. The only Apple product I have is an iphone and I did so grudgingly, but am a convert. I have a PC, non-Apple earbuds, a Fitbit – but the one and only Apple product I’ll always buy is an iPhone.

    3. I don’t use Apple products other than my phone and tablet. I’m a casual Google user (gmail, shared docs, Chrome) and all of them work just fine. My husband is an Android fan and although sometimes it takes me a sec to figure out how to do something on his phone, it’s not a huge mental leap to switch.

    4. I’d return the phone if possible or exchange if that’s the best option. It’s not like iPhones are never lemons! They just have good customer service so people don’t complain when they have to get a replacement.

      iPhones aren’t inherently better and may be actively annoying if you are used to Android. If you want an iOS device, iPads are lovely!

    5. I’m also Team Android & honestly things got better for me when I switched from Samsung to Pixel – the clean install of Android with no Samsung bloatware was a gamechanger for me. I’m on my 3rd Pixel phone & honestly as long as Google keeps making them, I’m gonna keep buying them cause each one has worked flawlessly for me. There’s no way I’d ever go to Apple.

      2. I was reluctant to get a Pixel, but the price was right (and the salesman was somehow trying to get me the cheapest phone he had), and I’ve been really happy with it, especially how seamlessly it integrates with other devices. I’m sold.

      3. Do you have work apps on the Pixel? I was switching from an old Samsung and was steered away from Pixels that they’re not ready for prime time. Prime time in this case being Microsoft office apps mostly

    6. There’s only one brand of iphone and dozens of brands of android phones. I wouldn’t write off the entire operating system based on a single bad experience over many years.

      Personally, I don’t think the Apple phones are significantly better than the flagship android phones when it comes to technical abilities and features (their main advantage is their popularity/social pressure, although that’s more of a factor in some circles [American high schoolers] than others [for instance, Apple only has a small slice of the market share in Europe]).

      If the phone doesn’t work well and you paid for it with a credit card or pay your phone bill with a credit card, it might be worth checking to see if that card offers any kind of protection, assuming your carrier and/or the cell phone manufacturer aren’t helpful.

    7. I used to not see the difference between Android and Apple until I bought my iPad and was impressed that there is no ‘loading’/waiting time. The operation was so smooth, usability so easy, that when it was time for me to swap a phone, I went for an iPhone and I never looked back. To me, it’s totally worth it – the operational smoothness, immense memory, amazing photos [now, for city trips, I no longer bring my DSLR camera], and the compatibility/connectivity with my other apple devices is a win. I have one apple ID and that’s all I need. No further passwords, no sign-ups, no nothing.
      Having said that, you need to know what are your needs and whether you are fine with what you have been using now vs changing to something new.
      If you are worried about ‘I will need to learn how to use it’, let me assure you, my non-tech parents in their mid 60s befriended their iPhones in one day [until they realized what to find where]. And even they see the upgrade vs previous Androids…

    8. You will adapt so quickly you won’t believe it. Iphones are really intuitive, and that should not be an issue. They are more $$$, but I will never go back!

      1. I feel like there must be two kinds of brain out there because they’re so not intuitive to me, and also not customizable, so it’s just frustrating.

        I did enjoy those videos of parrots calling each other on iPads because they’re intuitive to parrots.

  9. does Banana Republic Factory ever carry XXL? Everything in that size is crossed out. (Does everything there run small?)

    4. Yes but very limited quantities. It’s a way a brand can say they’re size inclusive without actually walking the walk. Really common practice.

  10. If you host Thanksgiving or other events, do you make or cater everything or do people bring dishes they made? I want to plan the menu and I will have plenty of food and accommodate all diets, but some family members want to turn everything into a potluck.

    3. I think Thanksgiving is one time you kind of have to let people bring a side or dessert. It is a holiday centered around food, and people have traditions they count on to make it “feel like Thanksgiving.” I don’t really agree with this, but I would absolutely acknowledge it and give in to it.

      1. Yeah, I agree with this take. Thanksgiving is different than a random dinner party or event at your house. In that case, sure, you get total control over the menu and I feel differently about guests bringing stuff that may not go with the vibe. There are strong feelings and expectations about Thanksgiving!

        1. Ha! My strong feeling is I cook all or nothing for the main meal. You can bring appetizers or desserts.

      2. +1 to this. Although this year our only guests are English and have no Thanksgiving traditions, so I’m on my own! (Hubby is making Yorkshire pudding instead of dinner rolls in their honor!)

    4. I prefer to make everything myself. I tell people that it’s something I enjoy and would prefer to just cook myself. If they insist, I’ll assign people very specific things that I don’t particularly care about, e.g. drinks, cheese board, things I dont eat or like (like green bean casserole), ice cream to serve with pie. Occassionally people show up with unsolicited food and I just deal with it because it comes with hosting.

      1. This is me. And this is the first year in 35 years, besides Covid 2020, that I’m not hosting 30 plus family members and I’m really sad about it. I loved the planning, list making, shopping, and cooking.

    5. That’s pretty normal, IME. The host provides the turkey and a few of the main dishes, and guests contribute as well. And if there are dietary accommodations be very aware that those individuals will likely feel much more comfortable bringing their own stuff. My sister gets SO bent out of shape when my brother’s family does this and feels like it’s a personal insult to her ability to accommodate dietary needs. It’s a bit silly. Just let everyone contribute.

    6. I prefer to make everything and if guests push will ask that they bring wine, drinks, bread, or dessert. Most of our guests for holidays are traveling between 2-5 hours so wine/cookies/cake/bread is the only reasonable thing they can safely bring anyway. A beloved aunt makes amazing cheese straws and spiced nuts which we all look forward to! It’s also common for family to bring special ethnic food that is hard to get in their area (breads, desserts, bagels, etc. – all shelf stable).

      1. I don’t think it ever occurred to me that someone would consider bagels an “ethnic food” ….

    7. I think one of the joys of Thanksgiving or other “traditional” holiday meals is that everyone brings their version of the holiday food and it’s not this perfectly planned and executed menu. Food holidays are for making people feel included, appreciated, and stuffed, whatever that means to them.

      So, if I were to host a Thanksgiving meal, I’d happily have a potluck.

      1. Since you say “if I were to host” then you haven’t done it, so it’s theoretical for you.

        I’ve been hosting for a long time. In the past, I’ve depended on people bringing things they’ve volunteered to bring, and then they bring something different, or nothing at all, or don’t show up. It happens. That’s why as the host, if you want to make sure you have the biggies covered (turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing/dressing, green beans, cranberries, pumpkin pie – things that people will be very disappointed not to have) you do it yourself. Then people can fill in around the edges if they so choose, but it’s not crucial if they can’t.

        1. I’m the Anon at 5:03, and I have actually hosted a lot of dinners (potluck and otherwise).

          I agree that you want to make sure the big things are covered just in case something happened, and I would for sure make the turkey and green beans and dressing/stuffing. But then if people want to bring other versions of the same dish, I don’t really care. I just think it’s fun to try different deviled eggs or whatever. This is the way my family always did it. The host made whatever felt important to them and everyone brought what they wanted. We often had 2 green bean casseroles or whatever, but it was fun!

        2. Right, I feel like I have to make everything anyway because people are flaky and the food safety issues mentioned this morning, and it seems like such a waste.

        3. Ha. Yes, my cousin asked me to bring mashed potatoes a few weeks before Thanksgiving. And I did not remember agreeing to that until I got there.

    8. I make all the traditional stuff and everyone gets upset if their favorite isn’t there or is different than last year so it’s pretty much on lock. There is nothing fancy or gourmet about it – it’s comfort food. The stuff from your childhood. And mine.

      I haven’t yet had any guests with dietary restrictions so that’s good.

      If friends ask to bring something, I usually suggest and appetizer or wine. (If they must, I usually do the “you don’t need to do that” thing a few times and I really do mean it.)

      1. This reminds me of the Friends episode where Monica was making 3 mashed potatoes — with lumps, without lumps, and with peas and carrots mixed in.

        I am hosting thanksgiving for the first time this year and I would love for it to be potluck. Unfortunately everyone we are hosting is either coming from very far away (no pot pies here!) or is older than is really realistic for doing that kind of cooking. We are getting most things catered (from two different places), buying some pies, and I am making a dessert, biscuits, and a roasted veggie side. I did christmas dinner for 10 twice in my life, where I did all the cooking and baking from scratch (both times my husband made the meat main with some chopping assistance from me), and it was exhausting. I did not enjoy those holidays. This year I plan to spend most of the day relaxing with family and drinking wine.

        1. I didn’t see that episode but I can totally see how lumpy mashed potatoes would be evocative for some people!

    9. I’ve only ever attended potluck Thanksgivings. Usually host makes the turkey, potatoes, gravy, and a few sides and provides beer, wine, and soft drinks. Guests bring appetizers, other sides, desserts, and more wine (though that’s usually more of a hostess gift). The host coordinates who is bringing what so all bases are covered and there aren’t duplications (unless intended).

      As for the omission of liquor from the above: one side of my family doesn’t drink liquor so it’s not needed. The other side of my family is pretty particular so people tend to BYO.

      My entire extended family lives less than 30 minutes away, so we don’t have any of the concerns of the pot pie on this morning’s thread. In fact, my aunt and uncle live next door to my parents and another aunt lives about an 8 minute walk away, so they just walk over (which is great as there’s no worry about drinking and driving).

      1. Same. We have picky drinkers and they know to BYO or accept what the host has on hand. The family that live an hour plus away bring alcohol and dessert. Local guests bring a side or appetizer. Some specialize in a certain item so they get to bring their famous cornbread or whatever every year instead of being relegated to salad duty.

    10. It is unamerican and against the spirit of thanksgiving to not let people bring things if they want.

    11. I make all the food for Thanksgiving but we never have more than 8 adults and it’s pretty close family (my nuclear family and my parents are always there, sometimes my in-laws and BIL/SIL are there). I wouldn’t be offended if someone brought a dessert or side, but I would also still make all my normal foods.

    13. My family hasn’t done a huge gathering for years, but back when it happened yearly, it was the host who cooked the meal (the main and all sides) and guests -especially those travelling a good distance- were free to bring drinks or treats that could survive the trip and not make anyone sick.
      The only people who ever got an exception to that were the relatives who could cook well and lived very close and were specifically asked by the host to make and bring this or that one thing.

    14. I just now received an invitation to a holiday party mid December, one we attend every year. It said “if you want to bring something, feel free to bring a beverage. Please don’t bring food!”

      I am not offended, I’m grateful and pleased to be invited back. They make lots of good food for this party and they do it every year. It’s how they show their friends love.

  12. Does anyone here have the Chelsea Overnight Bag from Antler? I’m thinking of getting it as my work tote when I am traveling. Currently using a Lo & Sons Brookline and would like more space. Also open to recommendations for similar bags (ie, nylon body, short handles, zipper closure, and luggage sleeve).

      2. I just read the Kingdom of Prep (behind the scenes of the late 2000’s Jenna ascendancy, among other things) and found it super interesting.

    2. It’s weird to see how little J. Crew has changed over the years. They were selling clothes that looked almost exactly like that this past summer.

      1. It’s definitely not the same cool semi-business casual look anymore. I loved the Ruffled tees or Denim shirts with a patterned skirt look.

    4. Was it J Crew that used to have wedding dresses? I have a vague memory of some retailer including them in their catalog.

  14. Please help! Looking for suggestions for an outfit for a senior role I’m interviewing for at the company I work for. Some of the interviewers don’t know me, or don’t know me well. I’m average height, overweight with bib boobs and tummy, and flabby upper arms but ok legs. Hair is kept professional. I was thinking a wrap dress with a blazer? Based in UK if anyone has specific suggestions. Hoping to keep it under £300.

  15. Thanks for the heads up on those Black Friday deals! That Barefoot Dreams hoodie looks incredibly cozy, and I’m all about anything with thumbholes too. Perfect timing for some holiday shopping or a self-care treat. Appreciate the recommendations!

    If your children need toys, I recommend the store: https://leotoystore.com/

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