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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Wow, wow, wow. This dress from The Fold is a real showstopper. The gorgeous detailing combined with the vivid cerise pink will make this sheath dress a hit at your post-work holiday parties this year. It will look fantastic in a business formal setting. For party time, you could add a velvet blazer to make it a little more festive, but honestly, why hide all the best features? Throw on some fun shoes and hit the town. (H/t to the readers for pointing this one out!)
The dress is $595 at The Fold and comes in sizes 2–14.
Looking for a more affordable option? This Adrianna Papell dress is $149 at Nordstrom and available in 4–16; this dress from CeCe comes in sizes 14W–24W and is on sale for $77.40 at Dillard's.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Cora
Planning out my black Friday shopping and looking for recommendations:
– I’ve started traveling internationally for work, and I need a bigger carry on backpack. I don’t want a huge hiking backpack, but my lululemon city backpack is a bit too small. It will have to hold: laptop, ipad, change of clothes, toiletries,medicine bag, water bottle, multiple phones/charges, ideally a book.
– A laptop stand. I realized that my dining table (that I use as a work desk) is a little too low. I’ve been putting my laptop on top of a shoe box and that works, but would like to improve on that.
Anonymous
Lo & Sons large Rowledge backpack
Twelve South Curve laptop stand
Cora
Do you know if the Lo and Sons one has an outside water bottle pocket? I can’t quite tell. I like the “attaches to suitcase” part.
Anonymous
It does.
anon
Great recs.
And very good sale now on the Rowledge. I’ll get one.
Monte
I have and love the Rowledge (using it for travel as we speak) but I think it is way too small to carry all of that.
Anonymous
I have the large Rowledge and it will hold all of that except clothes. No backpack that will fit under the seat will hold all of those things plus clothes. The large Rowledge holds more than any other personal article I’ve found.
Sybil
I know I’m too late for anyone to see, but I use my Rowledge for all of that including clothes. I recently packed for three days in Miami with only my Rowledge. It’s tight but very doable. I bought mine when they only had one size so I’m not sure which is closer.
Anon
I travel a lot for work. I see the Lululemon City Backpack is a 20L (liters) size. I carry a North Face Borealis that is 28L, but I have to say it would not hold all of what you are proposing. The toiletries and medicine bag would probably push it over the edge. So while not a specific recommendation, you might want to aim for something bigger than 28L.
(As an aside I will say I find the bungee on the front of the Borealis to be invaluable for my travels, as a place to put my jacket when not needed or a neck pillow for the flight, without trying to jam those in the bag. I’ve done extensive travel backpack searching and there aren’t many that have that that are a practical size).
Cora
I think bungee on the front is a great idea, will definitely do that. It’s tricky because while I do have a suitcase with me I’m traveling somewhere where 1) checked baggage gets lost a lot and 2) if we do field work I can really only bring my backpack. Bigger than 28 L is a good flag.
Anon
I have a Patagonia Refugio 26L backpack that fits all of that (I usually use that to pack for weekend trips), but obviously that’s a sportier look. I have my eye on the Beis backpack (“the backpack”) model. A few friends have it and swear by it as a carry on. I like that the Beis one fully zips open like a suitcase, so it’s easy to pack. However, my friend does say that it gets heavy if she fully packs it.
Also, of course, it depends on how bulky your clothes and toiletries bag are.
Cora
I’m actually okay with a sportier look because I have a long champ bag that I can use day to day if I’m in the office and this will just be for travel + going into the field. Although I may get it in a more sedate color.
Anon
What you really want is the Cotopaxi Allpa. They make both a 28l and a 35l. I use the 35l for 3-4 days of work travel all the time and its plenty big unless you need several pairs of shoes.
NYCer
I have a backpack from Away that I like for travel.
Anonymous
The roost laptop stand is fab if your also travel!
Runcible Spoon
The Tumi Voyageur line, like the Celina backpack, might be worth a look.
Water bottle
I’m putting together my Christmas list, and would like to add an insulated water bottle. I want one that I can open one handed, so not a screw top, and that is leak proof, so I can throw it in a bag. Any suggestions?
Anon
Under Armour thermos. It’s a screw top that has a flip up portion that operates with one hand. Doesn’t leak, keeps ice for 48 hours even in the car.
anon
I switch between two insulated Contigo bottles that I’ve had for years and they’re still perfect. It looks like they don’t make the exact model I have anymore but they have several versions that can be opened with one hand.
Anon
I have 2 plastic Contigos with the straw. I still use them, and they’re probably 5+ years old, but I learned the hard way not to bring one on a plane.
I opened it to drink, and a huge jet of water shot right out and got all over me and the random stranger next to me. So awkward. Apparently the pressure built up in the straw…
Anonymous
The Owala FreeSip is the new trendy water bottle among adult women in my orbit. It is leak-proof and has the option to sip from a straw or not. The only thing I don’t like about it is that the rubber on the lid gets a bit dingy.
Anon
I just bought an Owala from a recommendation here. I used it all weekend driving and running errands, and it was great so far! You definitely can open and drink from it one handed in the car. It kept my water nice and cold, fit in the cup holder, and didn’t spill in my purse.
anon
My sister has one of these, and I’m coveting one. Contigo is another good choice.
Anon
Another vote for Owala. I have many water bottles and this one is definitely my favorite!
aDE
Best temporary root cover up in between coloring sessions? I have tried the Wow color compact (that looks like an eye shadow) and find the application very challenging. Is a spray better?
Anonymous
Best temporary root cover up in between coloring sessions? I have tried the Wow color compact (that looks like an eye shadow) and find the application very challenging. Is a spray better?
Anon
I’ve used a clean foundation brush and Bobbi Brown eyeshadow in the correct shade. I’m brunette and that brand has a wide variety of browns.
Anonymous
I use a spray and find it very easiest to apply and the best coverage.
Anon
I use the Magic Root spray. I recently started spraying it onto a beauty blender and then applying it to my roots and have liked that the best.
KW
That’s brilliant. I have a hard time spraying the hair around my face without getting color all over. Do you wet the beauty blender or use it dry?
Anon
I’ve been using it dry but have been meaning to try slightly damp and see how it goes.
Naomi
I’m just entertained by this – I have a little “reading nook” in my living room with a comfy chair next to the window, near a bunch of plants and the bookshelf. It is everyones favorite chair, from my grandma and dad to guys coming up after dates. Broad appeal.
Anon
I have a chair like that. It’s actually a recliner but doesn’t look like it when it’s closed. I bought it when I had a broken foot and my doc recommended lots of elevation.
My foot still swells (probably will forever) so I sit in the chair regularly. There is always someone in my chair – always – when I go to sit in it. It’s everyone’s favorite. My kids think it’s funny to get kicked out of Mom’s chair so I think they make a point of sitting there.
pbj
What are you wearing to Thanksgiving?
Anon
We will be eating outside (after everyone tests), so: leggings, shoes and socks, long sleeve tshirt and fleece jacket. It is midday lunch.
Anonymous
I mean do you just feel like starting drama or being performative or what? Ya can just answer the fashion question.
Anon
+1. Although I guess I would be confused why anyone would say they’re wearing a fleece to thanksgiving dinner. So I guess it was helpful to add that they’re eating outside (! – no thanks)
Anon
Especially the comment about testing… It’s pretty well known now that the tests don’t show positive unless you’re already symptomatic and a few days into having COVID. We’re celebrating with two senior citizen cancer patients this year (one of whom is currently going through chemo) and we’re neither requiring testing before nor are we eating outside.
I too would be confused about someone mentioning they’re wearing leggings and a fleece to Thanksgiving, but someone below posted they’re wearing leggings and a sweatshirt, so I guess anything goes these days.
Anon
we are inside this year (as in most years) but last year, after the death of a beloved aunt my mother in nj hosted a large extended family Thanksgiving outside. We rented a tent and had heaters. It was quite nice.
Anon
lol. Maybe the fleece wearing Covid tester is a guest and she’s just answering the question. You are all bullies.
Anon
Anon at 2:55 – it’s getting a little tiresome that some of you start talking about “bullying” every time someone disagrees with you. My kid got instruction in elementary school that “bullying and disagreements are different.” Maybe I can find a link to the training and post it for you? Sounds like it might be helpful.
Anon
This is a you problem. Why is her post so threatening to you?
Anon
No one said anything about threatening. Anon above used the word “performative” which it is.
Anon
I’m wondering who’s going to this? I’d politely decline this sort of invite in the year 2023.
Anonymous
Who is attending events like that are those with a fragile elderly relative or immune-compromised individual(s) attending. Man, there is a lot of unnecessary nastiness here.
Anon
I assume it’s for family/friends of an immunocompromised person. That’s so nice and warm of you to make it inclusive, OP. I’m sure it means a lot.
Anon
Probably friends and family of people whose risk status hasn’t declined yet since nothing relevant has changed between 2020 and 2023.
Anon
I hope you’re somewhere where it’s seasonably appropriate to eat outside… I’m in NJ and if someone told me we were eating outside I’d decline; it’s too d@mn cold for that.
I have a few immunocompromised relatives and they resumed indoor dining 18 months ago.
Anon
I have some very high-risk family members (mid 70s with an organ transplant (so on immunosuppressants), cancer actively receiving chemo, and an autoimmune condition) and we resumed indoor holidays in 2021.
We don’t bother with testing because they’re not accurate until you’re symptomatic and anyone with any illness symptoms stays home to avoid getting the immunocompromised sick. We stopped doing indoors activities because its cold where we live. No one is being intentionally risky but we aren’t isolating in advance of holidays: we are still in work or school this week, still going to the gym, and will still see friends Wednesday night. To be fair – my high risk relatives are all still doing these activities too.
While the science has not changed much since 2020, the circumstances of our lives have and we’ve resumed living despite the risks.
Anon
Um, you think the widespread availability of vaccines hasn’t changed anything?
Anon
“I’m wondering who’s going to this? I’d politely decline this sort of invite in the year 2023.”
Same here, absolutely. Eating Thanksgiving dinner outside in 45-degree weather is not my idea of a good time. We’ll go to someone’s house where they understand that hosting a holiday gathering means making sure guests are comfortable.
Seriously – if someone is going to do this to their guests, why host? Just have Thanksgiving on your own. Don’t subject other people to your peculiarities.
Anon
I seriously don’t get why everyone is so up in arms about how another poster who you don’t even know is spending her Thanksgiving. Talk about busybodies!
Anonymous
11:46 Anon–not sure what your elderly relatives have to do with any of this. Some people wear seat belts and others don’t. It doesn’t lessen the risk of not wearing a seat belt. That’s not how it works.
ANon
Totally agree Anon at 11:59! If you’re so concerned about COVID or other illness that you’re making people eat outside then just skip hosting. Do not subject your guests to this. The safest way to celebrate is to not have any additional exposures so just eat with your immediate household and call it a day.
bellatrix
quoting Anon at 11:46: “anyone with any illness symptoms stays home to avoid getting the immunocompromised sick. ”
Lordy, I wish this were true. I know too many people who have had mild symptoms, gone on a trip, and then “out of nowhere” tested positive while they were away from home. People are so concerned with being “back to normal” that they’ve forgotten how to be decent human beings.
Anon
Of course widespread availability of vaccines has changed things for people whose risk is alleviated by their own vaccinations. But it hasn’t prevented widespread transmission which is a big deal for people who aren’t protected by their own vaccines. We don’t have herd immunity. These are reasons why excess mortality remains elevated.
I don’t understand why people are assuming that a very high risk person is hosting. Maybe someone else is hosting a gathering for a very high risk guest?
Anon
Huh, a lot of people hate eating outside. I love it, even when it’s chilly. It’s so cozy to be bundled up and eating delicious hot food while the cold air turns your cheeks pink. I find that mindset shifts and appreciating things for what they are help a lot – especially as an immunocompromised person in this pandemic. I could stay home and grumble or I can adapt and discover new versions of old traditions that are really fun.
Anon
Bellatrix – I included the part that if anyone doesn’t feel well they don’t attend to show because that’s what my family does. We are cautious enough to take standard precautions like that (which people should do anyways) but not so cautious that we’ll never do another indoor holiday with high risk loved ones again. It’s all about balance.
Anon
Seriously, I think we found the Corporette Mean Girls.
Anonymous
This is weird. Can you or let it go? Maybe counseling??
Dunno
Excellent question! I can’t decide between a black/white geometric print dress and dark jeans w a black top. I’m hosting 15 people, only 3 of whom I know well. (That would be my husband and kids.) Rest are newish friends or new-in-town office orphans. We started with one other family and it just spiraled….
Anon
Dress all the way, way more comfortable and festive.
Anon
I would also wear the dress. And also, this gathering sounds fun. I bet you will have a great time and have some great memories from it, in years to come.
Anon
Leggings and a sweatshirt. It’s just me, my husband, kid and parents.
Anonymous
It’s not a huge formal event for my family, so I wear whatever casual jeans and shirt outfit I pull out that morning.
BeenThatGuy
I host and we dress to impress. I’m 47 and have lost 110 pounds since last Thanksgiving so I am showing off what I worked for! Good American black faux leather straight leg pants with a black square neck bodysuit from Aritzia. Meow.
Anon
Love that!!! Outfit sounds amazing.
Anon
Awesome! I love the square neck Aritizia bodysuits.
Anonie
Congratulations!! That outfit sounds fabulous, and you will look stunning!
Anon
I dress for eating, so I need Thanksgiving Pants.
Annony
+1000
Thanksgiving
Be sure to avoid Chandler and his wicker shoes.
Anon
Wow congrats!! That’s incredible
Anon
Likely bootcut burgundy pants, thin grey turtleneck sweater, black belt, and black platform clog boots. Might swap out the pants for black straight leg pants.
I was originally planning on a gray cashmere sweater dress, black tights, and the boots but I remembered the dress has bell sleeves and that is not full Thanksgiving plate friendly!
Our family dress code for all holidays is elevated casual: no jeans ever, but since my grandparents’ passed no one is wearing a blazer or a tie either (though maybe still for Christmas, depending on if and when people are going to mass). Men are usually in khakis or slacks, a button down, and a sweater and women are in something equivalent. Even during COVID when holidays were immediate family only, we still got this level of “dressed up”.
Anon
I’m having some side effects from some medication that I started last week, and we’re driving 5 hours, so the magic yoga pants I got from Amazon, and a grey merino sweater. I would prefer to wear jeans, but comfort is key.
anon
Please share your magic pants!
Hope your side effects ease up with time.
Anon
Also interested in the magic pants!
Doodles
Faux leather skirt with a gray cashmere sweater that has big pink geometric design on it. Gray Skims bodysuit underneath the sweater. Black suede booties. We are going to an extended family member’s house. She usually has 40 or so people. Kids and husband will wear nice sweaters and cords or khakis.
Anonymous
Ecru wool trousers with a bit of gold in the weave, ecru cashmere sweater and taupe loafers.
Wow
sounds amazing
LizzieBennet
Ooh that sounds so luxe!
Anon
That is a fantastic outfit and I bet you will look amazing! I am such a klutz that I would spill red wine or cranberry sauce on it within minutes, and be very sad.
Anonie
Most likely a merlot turtleneck bodysuit (unclipped lbh) with tan slacks and black/cheetah print chelsea boots. This thread is making me realize I should pack a real belt!
Anonymous
Grey plaid dress in a comfy ponte with riding boots and tights. My daughter has a beautiful burgundy and burnt orange silk dress from Janie and Jack and my little guy will wear golf clothes. My thanksgiving is very come as you are but I try to be cute.
Anon
My family does the equivalent of business casual for all holidays and people tend to be festive (plaid pants for Christmas, men wearing ties with turkeys on them for Thanksgiving, pastels for Easter). I’m by far the grinchiest of my entire extended family, and am often the only one not in something “festive”.
I will likely wear a burgundy sleeveless work dress that I got from JCF years ago. This is a workhorse – I wear it to at least one holiday a year, to work probably once a week, and to other festive occasions. I plan on accessorizing with a camel suede moto jacket, black tights, and black heeled chelsea boots.
Anon
Sue Sartor dress, barefoot unless we do outdoor cocktails (in California so hoping for a warm cocktail hour), hosting at our place. I like to dress up but comfortably.
anon
Probably jeans or cords and a dressier top in a fall color. I’d love to do a cozy sweater, but IME, houses get SO HOT from the oven going for hours, people milling about, etc.
M
Either black flare jeans or wine-colored cords and a cozy white sweater. That’s about as dressed up as we get for holidays!
anon
Your family sounds like mine! I mean, DH’s relatives show up in their state football championship sweatshirts and worn jeans, so I often feel very dressed up.
Anon
Stretch velvet pants, a handknit top with cotton knit lace trim, some sort of cardigan – haven’t decided – and of course an apron most of the since I do the cooking.
anonshmanon
probably pyjamas because DH just tested positive for Covid and we are going to cancel the Friendsgiving dinner and stay in and play video games… At least I can put off dusting the living room!
Anon
Ah bummer. Sorry to hear that. Hope he feels better soon.
Anon
We dress up for Christmas, but Thanksgiving is at our fishing camp, so half the family will likely still be in fishing clothes and the other half will be in jeans.
Anonymous
Long-sleeve casualish dress from Boden with tights and riding boots. It’s just my parents+brother and we are going to brunch at the not-super-fancy country club my brother is a member of. We’ve gone out for Thanksgiving brunch for years and it’s nice to not have to deal with cooking/cleanup, but the downside is no leftovers.
Roxie
Black cashmere v neck and black faux leather joggers. Lots of gold jewelry.
Anon
Hot pink cashmere sweater with fleece lined joggers, eating outside with cosy sheepskins and blankets just in case.
Sasha
My extended family is pretty formal when it comes to holidays (my dear maternal grandmother used to explicitly write “Please, no blue denim” on her Thanksgiving invitations when she hosted), so I will be in a yellow/red/dark green plaid A-line dress with a white turtleneck underneath, sheer black tights and lug sole loafers
Anon
Yes we’re a slightly dressed up / no jeans family for holidays too! We’re not even that dressed up (honestly, I just wear something that I wear to work in a festive color) but I like being “dressed up” for holidays!! It just doesn’t feel special to me if I’m in jeans.
Anon
Ooh, this sounds perfect.
(And hello from another Sasha!)
Ellen
I am going home, so I must wear nice clotheing. So Myrna agreed to drive and we can both have dinner at my Mom and Dad’s and I am wearing my best jeans and loose fitting top b/c Dad will have a fit if he saw my pooch, which really started in 2021 when the pandemic caused me to stay home all day and work from home. I still am 15 pounds over weight so I will eat lightly, but will not short myself on the white turkey meat! Myrna is still svelte, b/c she did the marathon, but she can eat like a horse, so I won’t sit next to her. Dad loves her so he will be happy if she sits next to him.
Ginger
A couple of years ago my nieces got everyone to wear matching plaid shirts. So easy and comfortable. I love it. I’m wearing mine with dark wash boot cut jeans.
We had a couple of years of eating outside during Covid. It was usually cold (we’re in the northeast) and I wasn’t a fan but Covid blah blah blah. I’m so glad to be eating inside again and not freezing. Honestly, if there was going to be another outside dinner, I would’ve declined the invitation.
Ciara
I have plenty of PTO at work but I realized that this past year I never took a whole week off. This is in large part because a lot of my friends don’t have much PTO so we go on long weekend trips etc. But I have coworkers who take off 1 – 2 weeks and that seems refreshing. Has anyone else been in this situation?
Maybe I should just extend one of those half-week trips to be a full week. Or a low key solo travel week
Anonymous
Yes and that is why I travel solo and love it. I realized I was spending thousands of dollars a year on long weekends that weren’t fulfilling for me. Now that I don’t, I can afford a week in Europe a year.
Anonymous
Life is short. Take your PTO. Someday you may not be well enough to travel or have the means or some other weird thing could keep you (pandemic whatever). You are working to live and part of living is spending time away from work, whether with friends or family or solo. I have a dad who died right after retirement so my mom’s plans were dashed. I developed an immune condition in my 40s that limits me now. Don’t wait because tomorrow is never promised.
Panda Bear
Good advice!
Anon
Yes!
I don’t know your age / family situation, but could you travel with your parents or siblings? I do long weekends with friends (which, at this point are mostly weddings) but my longer trips are all with my parents and siblings still. I live nearby and see them 2-3x a month, so I don’t have to burn PTO visiting them but we do a week at the beach or something every year.
Ciara
I think thats part of it too. My family loves to travel and still does family trips but right now my sister is not in a position where she can take a whole week off, so we haven’t. I don’t think my parents went on a whole week trip either this year, they did some (international) long weekends. But its an option once we coordinate everyones schedules!
Anon
Anon at 10:18 here – I feel that. Now that we’re all adults with different schedules, it’s been hard to take a family vacation with everyone. My mom is a teacher so can only take off when she’s on break. My dad’s an accountant, so can’t take off during busy season (which is during my mom’s spring break). I had a flexible schedule, until I started part-time grad school on top of my full-time job. My younger brother is a D1 basketball coach so only gets off at certain times (somewhat free during the later spring and summer, no time off at all fall / winter / through March Madness). My youngest brother’s busy season (he works in sales for a golf club manufacturer) is during the summer. By the time my youngest brother graduated undergrad, I had gone back to grad school. My SIL is a nurse in the ICU and works 2 weekends a month and about half of the holidays. When we were in college we’d be off for a few weeks before starting internships, but it was May so my mom was still teaching. By the time her summer break stated, we were working and obviously didn’t have PTO as 10 week summer interns. We were also all college athletes so didn’t get full breaks from school. My dad and I work hybrid, but the others all have jobs that have to be in person every day. Luckily the golf brother, my SIL, and I all live in the same metro area as our parents (and basketball brother is only 3hrs away) so we still see each other easily enough, but planning a week off together is darn near impossible.
So, what my parents do now is say we’re going here on these dates, we would love to have you join us but if not no worries. It’s all been beach trips that are within driving distance for all of us, so if someone can just join for a few days that’s fine. We’ve been working on planning a family Italy trip for over a decade and have yet to find a time we can all go….
AIMS
I appreciate that it’s hard to find a cheaper alternative to some of these splurge Monday items, but the Adrianna Pappell dress is just awful. Those pearl sleeves… The Fold dress is lovely though.
Anonymous
Whoa! I hadn’t clicked the link until seeing your comment. That Adriana Pappell dress is a party dress not an office dress. (And it’s not to my taste.)
It does make me wonder though— is there anyone on this board who wears a dress like the Fold dress to work? I used to work in Biglaw in an East coast city and might have worn this on days I had networking events or the like about 10 years ago, but it just seems so costume-y to me now. I can’t remember the last time I saw a woman wearing a dress like this to work in Boston. I imagine NYC has a critical mass of women who wear business formal, but I’d be surprised to see this color there.
If you do wear dresses like this, what do you do and where do you live?
Anon
I would wear it (if it were 1/3 the price), but I am in the SEUS where we see a lot more color and a lot less all-black.
Anne-on
Yup, I save my Fold pieces for when I’m part of one of my firms ‘big’ events, usually in London, San Francisco, or NYC. I wore a Fold dress to an investor dinner this fall and got lots of compliments. The women attendees will often chat about shoes/accesories and ask about a particularly nice dress/blazer someone else is wearing and the men will often note that they enjoy seeing people wearing color vs. black all the time. I see the Belleville tops frequently at finance conferences in NYC, especially amongst the Europeans.
Anon
I love and work in SF and wear that style often. The food doesn’t fit me right but definitely have similar in my wardrobe and it all gets a lot of use.
Anon
Oh geez, live and The Fold, thanks autocorrect
Monte
I have a different dress from The Fold in the same color and I love it for any networking or conference events (lawyer here). I am in Chicago but have worn it all over the country, especially for any events with women of color. If I am at event with more than standard numbers of black or Afro-Latina women, I notice that we tend to be in more color.
Anon
I wear Fold dresses to work, in Boston. Traditional industry (think: law, finance, consulting). Our office is ostensibly business casual, though you can’t tell from the way my junior colleagues dress post COVID. since the senior folks still dress nicely, I do too. This particular dress I wouldn’t wear in hot pink, but would in a burgundy or green or navy.
Anon
Agree on both counts: the pearls are awful and that a dress like this looks out of place 99% of the time now. I like pink, but I’d never wear a hot pink dress to a work event.
Anonymous
I was a young personal injury attorney in nyc and the fold dress is exactly how my female, very successful, boss wanted me to dress. Bright tailored dresses that would appeal to a jury and leave an impression on everyone. She even wrote me a check to buy some. I left that firm for a million reasons and was a blazer to court insurance defense attorney for the rest of my days but I think the fold is beautiful. Now I’m conducting depositions over the phone in a hoodie.
Senior Attorney
I’m in So Cal and I had a dress that was quite similar to the Fold dress (same color, similar style but not nearly as awesome) and I wore it to work regularly back in the pre-pandemic days. Not sure I’d wear it to work now but would wear the heck out of it at, say, the symphony.
Anon
I have several The Fold dresses that wear when I travel for work either to US HQ or on business trips wherever. Our London office and DC offices are business leaning formal and certainly for senior level people and attorneys. The men wear suits so this type of dress is not out of place, and even when it may be a little overdressed, I prefer it bc I am often the only attorney in a room full or business folks and they need to take me seriously so I don’t err on the side of casual ever. I err formal.
Anon
P.S. I work from home otherwise.
Anon
OMG that Adrianna Pappell dress…the pearls…why?!
Anon
I know! The dress would have been fine without the pearl embellishments.
I see so many garments that would have been fine if the designers/patternmakers/whomever had just stopped before they decided “this needs fake pearls sewn to the sleeves!” or “this needs a metallic lace panel!” or “this looks great as it is, but let’s put a big exposed zipper on it and a big beaded applique on the chest!” There’s nothing wrong with a dressy dress being relatively simple. It’s like retailers think that for something to be “dressy,” they have to turn the embellishment-and-gewgaw meter up to 11. And they don’t.
Anon
Oh come on. I clicked on the link because based on your comments I expected the entire dress to be pearl bedazzled. It’s a small, almost unnoticeable embellishment. I don’t think it’s a work dress but this is certainly not “turned up to 11” level embellishment. You need to find new things to clutch your pearls about.
Anonymous
I see what you did there lol
Anon
I think it’s gross, sorry. It looks like something a teenager would wear to a homecoming dance in the Midwest in maybe 1991. That color is garish and the pearls just take it to this very tacky place. It’s not something I would ever contemplate wearing if I wanted to look polished, “together,” sophisticated, or elegant.
Anon
That dress is my mother of the groom rehearsal dinner dress.
Anon
I feel like it’s just right for that purpose!
Trish
It is a pretty dress and made more festive with the little pearls.
Fallen
Low stakes question: I am making this dish: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1016907-aioli-with-roasted-vegetables and I am looking for main ideas to go with it. Usually I would make chicken but I want to avoid chicken/turkey since I will be eating it all weekend long with turkey leftovers.
Cb
Yum! I’d do a side of salmon?
Anonymous
My husband makes aioli and uses it to cook salmon. I think he brushes it all over, then sprinkles on some panko and maybe parm and then bakes. Delicious!
Anonymous
Pork tenderloin would work. I bet roasted sausage (chicken or pork) would be awesome too.
Ses
I pair roast veggies with halloumi or feta and couscous and treat it as a sort of a combined main
AIMS
Really good bread?
Anon
Add some roasted chickpeas and/or serve with pitas and hummus.
Anon
Looking for xmas upgrade ideas for my winter running attire. The cotton tee under hoodie isn’t quite cutting it now that I am running more than walking (was fine for walking, but this year I’m somehow running more than walking). Is there a trim-fitting long-sleeve item that you recommend? I tend to be cold, would wear a merino buff on my neck. I wear NoxGear over it. Like a heavy base layer item? Merino? Or something else? I have just tried to use athleisure and various Heat Tech pieces, but it’s not quite right. Also, is Oiselle as good as I read? And do stores sell it anywhere or is it mail order (in that case: I am a short pear — is it cut for me?). Or just ask for an Athleta gift card? We have a store where we live. My BF is a “gift giver” type, so won’t be offended by a shopping list.
Anon
I wear these, which I buy on Amazon:
Hanes Women’s Sport Cool Dri Long Sleeve Crewneck T-Shirt, Moisture-Wicking Performance Tee
Anon
Oiselle is generally very good, but how good anything is for you has a lot to do with how things fit and what you do with them. I like their shorts a lot, but they’re expensive. Several years ago, they were one of the few companies who made longer womens’ running shorts, that’s not the case anymore… there’s much more choice out there, so they’re not the only fish in the sea.
First head to Target and try some of their stuff. They punch above their weight for workout clothes. Always have. I still have some of their stuff in my rotation from the early 10s and the current stuff is good, too.
I really like Ibex and Smartwool’s lightest baselayers. They keep me warm when I need to be warm but breathe well so if the weather warms up while I’m out for a while, it’s no big deal. Smartwool, in my experience isn’t as durable, but Ibex is more expensive. Both make excellent baselayers.
For non-wool baselayers, Patagonia Capilene is the best. Their stuff lasts forever, but is expensive. The capilene midweight crew is the specific one I’m thinking of.
Hootster
+1 on Target workout clothes. I personally love Smartwool base layer tops, and they’ve all held up really well for me (I think there’s less friction with tops vs. bottoms, and I airdry)
Anon
I am a winter runner and I like the UnderArmour cold gear long sleeve trim fit long sleeve performance material tops. I have one with a mock turtleneck and one crew neck that I wear. I also have UnderArmour long sleeve front zip close fitting tops in a light material that I wear as a layer over a tank top (fall running). I recently got these jackets from Eddie Bauer for winter running and I love them: https://www.eddiebauer.com/p/D5656732/women's-emberlite-hybrid-jacket?sp=1&color=White
i run a lot
start with long-sleeved Momentum top from Athleta as your base layer. it’s surprisingly warm! add to it as needed for your comfort level. for reference, I run in the dark and it was 30 degrees this morning. I wore the Athleta 7/8 tights, Momentum top, a vest, gloves, and something over my ears and was fine.
Anon
So for the vest: a puffer or is a puffer not going to work for running?
i run a lot
great question! either one! I have a pretty thin vest from under armour many years ago that I wore today, but I will occasionally wear a normal puffer vest!! it’s all your preference. keeping your core, ears, and fingers warm goes a long way.
Anon
It’s probably overkill. I’ve worn a down vest when running exactly once and that was during a snowstorm in Oklahoma.
Anon
For me a puffer would both be too warm and too bulky to comfortably run in. If I need a vest, I wear something like this https://www.columbia.com/p/womens-castle-dale-fleece-vest-2001601.html?dwvar_2001601_color=010
It’s warm enough for me in the high 20s / low 30s for running.
Anon
This is what I wear, too! Mine is at least 15 years old, has been stripped off at multiple marathons and always seems to find its way back to me.
anon
I would get a very thin vest. I have a North Face thermoball that I use for this purpose. An actual puffer would be way too hot and bulky, and I say that as someone who runs in a cold climate!
anon
Thin running puffer will work up until 20F (maybe a bit lower). My best buys for winter running jackets are from NorthFace or Lululemon, as both leave the sides uninsulated. A normal puffer won’t have that degree for ventilation. Underarmor cold gear is also a favorite, but it is WARM. Like sitting around, not moving warm.
Anon
I’m not sure where you live, but even as a slow runner in a place with real winters I get really hot when I run, so I don’t need as much winter gear as one may assume. If this is your first winter doing more running than walking, you may be surprised at how warm you get. FWIW, I am in PA (real winters but not Upper Midwest winters), run ~10 minute miles, and run 2-4 miles at a time.
One thing I always need in the cold is ear warmers. I don’t like full winter hats because they’re too warm (and I prefer running with a baseball cap on) but my ears get very cold. I also always start my runs with gloves, but they come off after 10 minutes or so. I also like wearing wool socks to cover the gap between my shoes and my leggings (I just wear light or medium weight hiking socks).
In most winter weather, I just run in a long sleeve running shirt. On very windy days or days with precipitation, I add a very lightweight windbreaker that’s water resistant but not waterproof (waterproof is usually not very breathable). On very cold days I add a fleece vest and on miserably cold days I will do a full fleece in place of the vest. I never ever run in fleece lined leggings, they’re way too hot for me. I just wear the same leggings year round.
If you plan on running on snow / ice, look into microspikes or yaktraks. I noticed Costco was selling Yaktraks last time I went.
I’ll post a reply comment with links to specific recommendations. Overall, I like Columbia and REI brands (though I admit that I’m frugal with running gear!).
Anon
Also in PA and I find that as long as my hands (10/10 recommend mittens) and ears are warm I am good to go. I hate sweating then freezing in the winter so I dress for 20 degrees above the real feel. I run hot so even then sometimes it’s too much when I get going. If I am warm when I start, I am wearing WAY too much.
Anonymous
Check out this post for general ideas of what layers you will want at different temperatures:
https://tinamuir.com/winter-running-what-to-wear-at-every-temperature/
Wind makes a big difference. I would never wear a regular puffer vest unless the temp was maybe under 20 degrees F – I’d be too hot – but YMMV. In general you are going to need more than one layer. I personally use a thin wicking long sleeve plus another thin fleece long sleeve (ideally quarter zip) a lot, or one of those layers with a sleeveless windbreaker-type vest over it. From Athleta I have my eye on the Whistler quarter zip (thicker/warmer layer) and the Momentum or Flurry as a baselayer.
Oiselle is great but they seem to be having issues at the moment – a lot of stuff is out of stock and I’ve read that some people are seeing orders take forever. I think they are moving warehouses. I did just order something and get it right away, but the things I really want to order are all sold out.
Anon
I love Oiselle. If you order their items, consider doing so from a place like Title 9, to avoid their warehouse and shipping issues.
For shirts, I would do a long sleeve wicking layer plus a top (quarter zip, fleece, or running jacket). If you’re upgrading gear for Christmas, request a winter running jacket.
When in doubt, head into a local running specialty store, try on gear, and see what you like.
Nudibranch
Mentioning just in case this works for you, Hot Chocolate races (if you have any near you and are interested in participating), have this type of jacket and vest as completion prizes. I’ve received several nice ones this way. Note:
My local is San Francisco, so other locations may have different swag.
Taki
My husband and I are both military stationed in the same location overseas. We just got married so we still live separately about 40 mins apart (we mostly stay together but he has occasional night shifts). He has an oceanside condo and I live in an apartment in the historic city center of the closest real city. His mother and her husband are visiting in late Nov-early Dec. They will be staying with him in his guest room for a few days, then visiting another nearby city, then staying for a few days in my city. Do I offer my guest room for the back end of their visit? DH says no, they can get an AirBNB/hotel and it will be a nicer vacation experience for them. They have not asked and I don’t think they will, but I feel like I am being rude by not offering, and I think they would accept if I offered. OTOH I would work every weekday and we would share a bathroom, so I would be afraid of waking them up early when I get ready. I also think my guest room is uncomfortable, but it’s not worse than his lol. This is pretty low-stakes because I intend to defer to DH re: his family, and not bring it up, but any thoughts? Anyone with a similar experience? Thanks.
Anon
I think this is dependent on your relationship with them. If you are close, I think offering is polite. Personally, I’d want my ex-inlaws to stay with me. Current in-laws, not so much.
Anon
I think family culture matters a lot here; in my family (both my side and in laws) it’d be very odd / rude to not offer.
You could always offer and note that it might not be the most comfortable option, so you’re not offended if they decline.
Anonymous
I would be inclined to make the offer in terms of the relationship/making them feel welcome but note that it’s entirely fine if they prefer somewhere a bit fancier or with their own bathroom. My parents always want their own bathroom as my mom has some age related GI issues.
Anonie
His family, his call. Why waste your mental energy any further on this?
Anon
Because newly-married (and sometimes not-so-newly-married) people usually want to maintain good relationships with their in-laws. This is a perfectly reasonable question and OP is perfectly justified in asking it here.
I know this will come as a shock to some people here, but – some of us actually do care about the relationships we have with other people, and don’t want to unnecessarily offend or alienate others, especially people we are related to by marriage and will see again frequently throughout our lives.
Anon
I would offer it to them. It does seem rude not to and most people would not want to ask. You can explain that it is uncomfortable and may be loud in the morning and reassure them that they may prefer to stay elsewhere.
Anon
DH says no, why make this harder than it has to be? He knows them better and thinks that they would enjoy having a reason to stay somewhere special. It sounds like he agrees that they would accept and that it would be uncomfortable and that’s why he thinks you shouldn’t offer in the first place, so they have a nicer time.
Anon
+1 – they could also feel pressured if you offer. I hate staying with people and wouldn’t want the invite either.
Anon
I haaaate staying with people. I am glad you mentioned that!
Anon
And, on the flip side, others would be offended if its not offered to them!
Anon
That’s why I’d follow her husband’s lead though, presumably he knows whether or not his family would be offended.
Anon
This is the right answer
Anon
Low stakes question: Do you dress differently for warm-weather conferences than cold-weather? Context: my national organization’s big annual meeting is always in December, and usually in a city like Chicago, Philadelphia, etc. I have my outfits for that which tend to be in the grey/black range. This year, it is in Orlando, and temps will likely be in the 70s. Will I be out of place wearing normal winter conference business attire? Should I try to incorporate brighter colors? I expect the convention center will still be cold but will everyone be wearing summer-y prints? Thank you!
AIMS
I feel like summer weather just reads slightly less formal so I tend to dress more formally in the winter weather.
Anon
I don’t know the answer since I haven’t had been to any conferences this far south, but 70s is cold for Florida and I think locals will be feeling like it’s winter!
In general the south wears brighter colors, but I don’t think you’ll be out of place.
Anon
This. 70s is cold for FLA and the locals will be in their jackets!….
Anon
Ha! This is a great point.
Anon
This is a great question. From the Northeast and having been to many conferences in Orlando and other southern locations, it is always interesting to me how people dress at conferences in those locations. They wear professional business attire year round and southerners will be in winter jackets when it is in the 50s and 60s! Your winter attire will be fine. Now you may be too warm…but that’s a different matter. I dress for the weather and I will wear warmer weather attire in the winter in Orlando…for me, the 70s is summer! I also wear bright colors because that’s what I like! I have been complimented in Orlando for my bright dresses in a sea of blue, gray and black. Do what makes you the most comfortable!
Anon
The conference center will be air-conditioned/freezing. Though you will be in Florida and could choose to adjust your wardrobe, you will also be fine in usual attire. (Not from Florida but have attended a professional conference in Orlando).
Anon
The coldest conference I go to is in Orlando in January. I mean, outside is fine (60s-70s) but inside they keep it where icicles could form. Last year I had to wear a turtleneck sweater that I luckily had intended for a second leg of my trip under a blazer just to not visibly shiver. I did not care if it was bright and cheery and will plan to do the same this year. May your location be a notch warmer than mine!
Anon
Haven’t crossed this bridge recently, but I generally dress for where I’m going. To me, a conference in FL is going to be a very different look than one in Chicago.
Anon
Same, I’d pull out some of my summer or early fall work pieces for this conference.
Cat
Nah, maybe bring a bright scarf or earrings or wear a more colorful blouse or two, but others attending the conference will also be in winter colors.
Trish
All of Florida is more casual and you will be staying in the tourist area. I would not go too formal or dark.
Anon
I’m new, in my first 2 months of a job, and my lateral colleague treats me like her assistant. How can I turn this situation around?
The colleague in question is in her early 60s and worked here 8 years. She is constantly asking for me to pull data from and input data into the database for her, from simple things like “this person has a new address” to more complex things like a query with X, Y, and Z filters. She never learned how to use the database-I’ve learned more in 2 months than she has. I’ve communicated to my boss how I’m spending a lot of time helping her, and my boss just signs and says this colleague isn’t going to learn.
There used to be a database assistant who quit right before me. I’m rehiring for it, and the role will now report to me. I heard there was discussion about this colleague also reporting to me, while my position was being created, so I wonder if that’s the source of some tension.
Still, I want to position myself as her colleague. We’re both directors, I don’t report to her, and I don’t like spending time on her really menial work.
Betsy
It sounds like most of the tasks you are talking about will fall to the database assistant once that position is hired, so it seems like this situation will resolve itself. I would try to reframe my thinking around it if I were in your shoes. You are the supervisor for this vacant position, so your colleague is reaching out to you to do the work until the position is filled. Try not to worry about it unless this behavior continues once the assistant is hired.
Anon
OP here – I appreciate that reframing!
Anon
Is there anyone else at all who can pull information from the database for her?
Anon
No, we are a small department unfortunately.
Anonie
Who was doing this work for her before you arrived? I would recommend deferring it back to that person if possible, i.e., is there an actual assistant for your team that should be doing this?
Otherwise, if these requests are coming in by email, can you just ignore them? Then if she follows up, say, oh I must have missed that, but I think we’re all supposed to handle our own database work, so hopefully you weren’t waiting on me? Or the like.
The key though is to understand from your boss exactly what the expectation of you is. “X won’t learn” isn’t an answer about what YOU are expected to do. Does your boss expect you to pick up X’s database work? If so, then you just need to do it, as apparently it is within the scope of your role. You need to be clear on whether not doing X’s work will impact your evaluations/reviews. Rather than framing it as, “I’m spending a lot of time helping X on this,” ask her straight up if you need to keep doing it, preferably with a quantification of how many hours per week it is taking and what of your other work you will need to drop in order to keep doing it. Maybe some of that other work can be transferred to X or another team member.
Anon
The database person used to pull the data for her before I arrived. That person left a few weeks before I started. The company didn’t rehire because they wanted my role (a new role) to supervise the database person. I’m hiring for that role now, but realistically they won’t start until the new year.
Anonymous
You have much more patience than I do, nothing makes me rage more than learned helplessness, it’s so off putting when grown adults won’t learn to do things themselves.
Anonymous
This is going to sound harsh but stop doing tasks for her…immediately. A simple “sorry, I can’t.” If she presses, say you’re busy or suggest someone else to do this for her. If you act like her assistant, people will start thinking of you as her assistant. Ask me how I know. If she doesn’t take the hint, I would start sending her to your boss. The “that’s just how this person is” narrative is abetting weaponized incompetence and it really irritates me. She probably does feel threatened so I’d still be friendly, just don’t do her work for her.
Anon
I agree with this wholeheartedly, and I was in a similar situation once with a coworker – who was most definitively not my boss – who wanted me to do things like file her paperwork, answer her emails (!) and do other menial tasks. She was older than me and had a long tenure at the company, but I did not report to her, and was told unequivocally by my boss “don’t let her try to dump work on you” (my coworker was supervised by a different manager, who was so hands-off I think I only saw him twice during the three years I worked at the company).
OP, I would not elaborate on why you can’t do your coworker’s work for her – just say no, and don’t elaborate. I agree with being friendly – don’t be aggressive with your “no” – but also, realize that you are training her how to treat you and the longer this goes on, the harder it will be to stop. If your coworker has a problem with you saying no, suggest she go to your boss about it for clarity. Hopefully, fingers crossed, your boss will back you up. If they don’t – well, you’ve got a problem, but don’t jump into that space before it’s warranted.
Anon
Recently she asked me to do run a query that I didn’t know how to do. She didn’t know either, so she asked me to contact tech support. I CCed my boss, documenting how much time I spent with tech support, and my boss was ok with it (frustrating).
Anon
You’re going to have to get more assertive. There’s no reason why she cannot contact tech support, if the issue is her issue. The more you accede to these requests, the more numerous and burdensome they will get. Next time something like this happens, I would say you have a meeting (or need to prep for one) and go to “away” status and, if you’re in-office with this person, go work in a conference room, where she can’t easily get to you to ask you to do things. Book out your calendar. Become unavailable. And combine that with flat-out saying “no, sorry, can’t do it.”
Also: I don’t know if you’ve tried having a heart-to-heart with your coworker and saying “I have a lot of my own work to do and can’t help you with all of your requests,” in a nice way. If you have not – maybe it’s time.
If your boss really will not back you up, here, you need to consider whether you want to stay in this job, being this person’s de-facto secretary. This will not change unless you change it, with the backing of your boss. Maybe the previous person in your job left because this was a constant issue? If you can’t set reasonable boundaries and have them be respected – I would investigate if you could go back to your old job, because this sounds like a hot-mess-in-the-making.
Anon
This is your answer right here. You have raised this issue with your boss (twice?) and both times have been told that he knows that you are being asked to do the task and is fine with you being asked to do the task. That means – whether you like it or not – this task is part of your job. The fact that the request is coming from someone who is at your level is irrelevant. The fact that she could learn to do it herself is irrelevant. Doing it is not her job. For now and until the new person starts it is yours.
I understand the frustration but my advice would be to stop complaining about it to your boss and just do what he thinks is your job.
Anon
I definitely can time block everything I’m doing and say I’m too busy to contact tech support or google an answer for her.
Anon
The problem with this is that it will mean the work does not get done and since OP’s supervisor implicitly said he was OK with the status quo the blame is likely to fall back on her.
I agree that you are filling in for the person who will report to you until that slot is filled. (Which is pretty typical in my experience.) If the problem continues once that person is onboarded, that will be the time to politely say “you will get a faster response if you send these requests directly to New Person rather than wait for me to forward them.)
I get it. Learned helplessness makes me crazy – but this person presumably brings something to the table and getting into a fight with a co-worker who has been there a while when you are brand new is not a recipe for long-term success.
LizzieBennet
+1. It sucks but it’s temporary.
Anon
Can you delegate this to someone else? If she asks say “oh I am busy working on XYZ (director-level task) so I asked Joe to look into it”.
Anon
Unfortunately there’s no one else on our small team.
Anon
I think this is the root of the problem then. 2 directors with no one to direct is going to lead to issues like this.
Anon
We are ostensibly directing our own individual program areas, which includes data maintenance and reporting.
Anonymous
How meaningful is the title of director if literally everyone is a director?!? If there are only two of you and she has seniority, I am not surprised that she is trying to delegate to you.
Anon
I am wondering if OP is at a nonprofit. Nonprofits, IME, love to give people high-level titles without actually having them do high-level work, or have a level of responsibility that matches the title. They also (sorry to say) sometimes have long-term older employees who have “retired in place” and refuse to learn new things or fully participate in their jobs. I have consulted with many nonprofits in my time (and also served on several boards), and it’s an endemic problem. They’re too experienced, knowledgeable, or litigious-minded to lay off, but they won’t do any work either.
Anon
Yes, it’s at a nonprofit. Retired in place is a good way to put it. It has crossed my mind that my colleague could be leaning way, way out while biding her time until she retires.
Anon
Would it help if you feign helpfulness rather than flat out refuse?
“Sorry Cindy, I need to remain focused on my own tasks today. Although it seems like you ask for help with this frequently. Why don’t you ask tech support to troubleshoot your system access to ensure you can pull those items yourself? Even after the assistant role is filled, we should make sure you are able to complete those tasks yourself when the new person is out.”
Anon
OP here – I like this!
Anon
Given that your boss has told you multiple times that it is not a problem for your colleague to ask you to do this work, I think this approach is a bad idea.
Anon
Sounds like your boss wants you to be doing this work at the moment. I think you need to just suck it up until you hire somebody.
Anon
Can you set up the queries to auto-run and drop the results in a folder or her inbox? Might be a little bit of time up front, but worth it in the end.
Chl
Love all the bodysuits in the thanksgiving outfits! I am late to the game but am interested. I have a long torso. Tell me about your favorite bodysuits!
Anon
Currently pregnant so I can’t wear it right now, but I’m 6’ tall and have had luck with Madewell bodysuits.
test run
Also pregnant so can’t wear them either, but Abercrombie bodysuits fit my 5’10 torso!
Me
The blogger pbfingers has posted a couple and she has noted she has a long torso.
Anon
I like this dress, but I am reminded of one of my big fashion sins from when I first started working: confusing formal-serious attire with formal-fancy attire. I went crazy at Lohman’s and had a slew of outfits that wouldn’t be out of place at a wedding. Silk. And that was the line I drew: if I could wear it to a wedding, I shouldn’t also wear it to work. [And I don’t get it: men’s clothes could do triple duty: work, funeral, wedding; for women, I think we could wear dark workwear to a funeral but if it goes to a funeral, it really isn’t wedding attire. Why in my mind must women wear “joyful” attire at weddings or showers but there is no similar joyful attire for men?]. At any rate, I digress. But this is why I tend to think MMLF dresses in darker colors are solid WORK investments (that I have worn to funerals) but at The Fold prices, it’s a bit spendy for me if I can’t make it a regular work item (and yet, maybe it’s time to go back to my roots: I adore this color and would rock it).
Anonymous
Girl live a little. This is an appropriate dress to wear to work
Anon
That was my reaction too, those rules, wow, that’s just a recipe for sad living. Have a little more fun in your life. Wear the fun, pretty clothes.
Anon
OTOH, if the rules keep you from blowing your funds on inappropriate work items when first starting out, not so bad. Once you manage being invisible and seeing what the vibe really is, you can see what fun things you can buy. Not like me: skirt suit with miniskirt and double-breasted jacket. To be fair, it was at the Brooks Brothers Outlet, so I thought I couldn’t go wrong. But there is a reason it winds up at the outlet. It was burgundy and I wore it with sheer black hose.
Anon
Eh, invisible has absolutely never been a goal of mine.
Anon
Starting out as a newbie, who was sure I had overachieved in getting hired out of state U amid others from HYP, I wanted to just be invisible b/c I was sure any sticking out I did would be in a bad way. Like that line in Silence of the Lambs where he remarks on Clarice’s cheap shoes. I knew I had cheap shoes. I didn’t need to be memorable in any fashion sense. I had loans to repay, no cash to spare, and was full of fear. I think that’s not unique for that age / stage / background.
Now, I do whatever I want, but all of my learning felt like it was on a steep hill, fashion-wise.
Anon
This dress is gorgeous and the exact type of dress I have vowed to never buy again. I think it looks too office-y for brunch or a daytime wedding, and it looks too “ladies who lunch” for the office.
Anonie
+1, I used to use Gwynnie Bee, and one day I ended up at work in what was CLEARLY a cocktail dress. It was pretty embarrassing. I think I tried to cover it with a cardigan, but it was just a super awkward day.
Anon
I’ve done some mullet looks like that — like frump + c*cktail dress = work outfit.
Anon
I feel like I see pictures of the Queen of Belgium wearing dresses like this (and in colors), always with reasonable heels. So, to me, that would be an “event” sort of work dress, especially in 2023 when a routine Thursday is practically spent in a track suit at the office. At my work, if I wore it during an ordinary day, it would be a bit much absent a meeting or event after work. But I think it would also go to a conference since it has sleeves and the A/C may be too brutal (and, as a solid, would go well with any of my patterned blanket scarves).
Anon
To me, any dark colored work attire is fine for funerals. I was early 20s when my last 2 grandparents died and just pulled out dark dresses from my new work wardrobe. Now that I’m late 20s, I have a larger work and non-work wardrobe and still just pull dark colored work wear for funerals. I do find that if I can wear it to a wedding it’s not appropriate for the office, usually for several reasons (print or color, cut, length, cleavage, material). I do like this dress (and I do like Barbie core) but none of the dresses featured today seem work appropriate to me; a hot pink dress is a LOT of look.
While men can wear the same suit to weddings, funerals, and the office I do find that their ties and other accessories differ (at least, a funeral tie is not a wedding tie). Most men I know wear navy or dark gray suits to funerals, but if they wear a black suit then obviously that’s not a wedding suit (or really a work suit for most people).
Anon
I feel like this dress would be better as a work dress if it were more plain in this color or more navy/black with this much detail. Both is a lot (conference dress would be OK) for a workday dress in my office absent a client or external event that day.
Anonymous
This is a perfect work dress for a more senior person making a big presentation or facilitating an important meeting. I wear dresses like this in these types of situations where a more basic suit or dress would read as junior, except I would probably go for forest green or aubergine instead of hot pink. The dress is too business-y for a wedding.
Anonymous
+1. This is a work *event* dress, not an everyday work dress.
Trish
Yes! I looked for beautiful dresses with good fabric when I was doing a lot of presentations.
Anon
I went to buy suits before starting my first corporate
Job (suits required) and because I had no money and no suit-wearing relatives, I ended up unknowingly buying go-to-church suits. Ugh. I am still embarrassed. But I had to wear them because I still didn’t have any money.
Anon
Same, girl, same. I stuck to darker colors and camel, but UGH. I also thought I could wear a plain white turtleneck with everything “because it’s a basic staple”. No. Not in poly-cotton. Perhaps in merino or cashmere. Also: Travel Buff hose. My grandmother swore by Little Color, but that was too dark for me.
Anne-on
I tihnk this dress is totally fine for a ‘big’ work event, speaking on a panel, keynote speaker, etc. – it is NOT what I’d counsel a junior just out of school person to wear to an ordinary day in the office.
Also I guarantee you that your church suits were still a better option than the skin tight editor pants and going out tops I wore in the early 2000’s with a blazer over top (which made it work friendly!). I 100% looked like day to night budget barbie.
Anon
Oh, yes, I was day-to-night budget Skipper. Like got all my workwear from Marshalls or the outlet malls. And I had the worst panty lines ever that I fixed by . . . always wearing pantyhose to mush it all together. And I lived where it was humid.
Anon
Looking for suggestions of 1960s food and decor items. Maybe even a signature drink. We’re playing a murder mystery game set in the 60s so I thought it would be fun to match that theme. It would be nice to be able to make some things ahead of time since I only have 1 oven. Expecting 12 people (all born in the early 80s lol).
Anon
No suggestions, but that sounds amazing and I want to come!
Anon
Tiki Bar!
Anon
Chicken a la king
Fondue
Meat loaf
Beef bourgignon or pretty much anything from Julia Child
Anon
jello mold salad
ANon
I feel like this requires a jello mold!
Anon
The 1960s cocktails my parents drank are still popular today. Like a manhattan or a sidecar or a gin martini. Cocktail glasses were smaller though, so that might be a fun stop at a thrift store.
Anonymous
Shrimp and peas in aspic
Shrimp cocktail
Snowball cocktails (UK version)
Pineapple meatloaf
Canned peach dessert
Cheddar, ham & grape canapes – any sort of toothpick combo would be great
Creamed spinach set in a mold
Pigs in blankets
Celery
You could look up digitized coockbooks from the sixties at Library of Congress
Runcible Spoon
potato chips with sour cream and Liptons dried onion soup dip
spaghetti casserole
beef stroganoff over buttered egg noodles
iceberg lettuce salad with wedges of tomato and Thousand Island dressing
Senior Attorney
This would be a great occasion for my favorite crockpot meatballs (I use premade frozen meatballs): https://www.culinaryhill.com/crockpot-meatballs-with-grape-jelly-sauce/
For drinks, martinis, of course. Or my favorite, Manhattans!
AnonAnon
Solidarity to any fellow Jewish people feeling extra tired by the secular, capitalist Christmas starting before Thanksgiving this year and continuing past January. Xmas music, decorations in stores, public school cafeterias, assumptions that you celebrate Christmas.
Note to non-Jewish people: this feeling isn’t about resenting people who celebrate. It’s feeling potentially extra lonely this year regardless of whether you support Israel or not to live in a Christian dominated country where your culture is largely misunderstood or despised by many and synagogues are having bomb threats called in.
Anon
I’m sorry you feel that way. No one is doing Christmas “at you.” Have you considered picking up some non- religious traditions for this time of year to help feel less left out (decorating a tree, baking cookies)? I’m an atheist married to a Jewish person and love Christmas for the brightness and cheer it brings to a dark season. I try to avoid an emphasis on gifts…. I’m sure some Christians would be annoyed at my lack of religiousness in the holiday celebrations but I am very happy doing things this way!
anonshmanon
Take it from another atheist who grew up celebrating ‘non-religious’ Christmas, and still does – I used to think pretty much like you but I realized in the last years that that stance misunderstands what really is so grating for members of other religions about the ubiquity of Christmas. And maybe your Jewish husband thinks differently about it or doesn’t care that much altogether.
Anon
A Christmas tree may not have religious significance to a person from a Christian background, but most Jewish people do not think of it as secular. It is very, very strongly associated with a Christian holiday.
Anon
This is something where there’s a big divide between Jews and non-Jews IMO. I know a lot of non-religious people and people from other religious traditions (particularly people of Asian descent) who do Christmas trees + gifts, but almost no Jews who do unless they’re in an interfaith household.
I had the hardest time explaining to my non-religious Chinese friend why we don’t do Christmas. To her, it’s an American holiday that has nothing to do with G-d, like Halloween and Thanksgiving, and she didn’t understand why a Jewish person wouldn’t celebrate it if they live in the US. But to many or most American Jews, it’s a Christian holiday regardless of how secular the celebration is.
GCA
Nonreligious Asian here whose family does indeed celebrate with Christmas trees and gifts. If you want a way to explain it, you can talk about other societal defaults (beauty standards based off thin white women, for instance, or assuming the CEO or surgeon is male) and explain how Christmas and other Christian holidays are a just another societal default. Framing it like this could be an easier way to explain how defaults can feel alienating for people who fall outside of those norms.
Anon
Thanks :) I hope this didn’t sound critical to my friend. She was very kind, and I understand why it’s confusing to someone who grew up in China without any of these holidays. The conversation actually made think “Huh, why DO we do Thanksgiving and Halloween but not Christmas?” I just have a gut reaction to it that’s hard to explain. I like this framing.
Trish
GCA: I love how you explained this. Whether religious based or not, the US is culturally Christian as evidenced by the huge importance of Christmas. That said, I am not religious and love Christmas, but not until December 1.
Cerulean
As an agnostic who was raised Catholic, I really hate that people who were raised in Christian traditions act as though traditions like decorating trees aren’t tied to religion. Decorating a tree might not be a religious Christian practice, but it is absolutely a cultural practice that is currently tied to Christianity. Yes, yes, I know, decorating trees in winter is Pagan, etc. But ask a kid what holiday a decorated tree represents. It is not an appropriate activity to suggest to a Jewish person who is feeling isolated by the omnipresence of Christmas this time of year, compounded by current events.
I’m sorry, OP.
Anon
I’m Russian (second generation atheist) and we’ve decorated trees for New Years for over 100 years — that’s how I grew up. All of my Former-Soviet-Jewish friends do trees. That said, if I was American-Jewish, I would feel a lot like OP. Being an immigrant gives me a certain distance — I’m left out, but I also don’t expect to be included.
Anon
I’d love to understand this better. I’m Jewish and I love the holiday season. I don’t know if it’s because I grew up with one parent who’d converted, so we re-purposed a lot of their favorite Christmas traditions into Hanukkah ones (Hanukkah lights and cookies, anyone?), but I’ve always enjoyed it personally.
Anon
Same here, and this year we are leaning into Hanukkah and decorating for that more than usual and throwing a latke making party. All the sadness in the world is pushing us to celebrate more not less.
Bettina
This is usually us but there has been a noted uptick in anti-Semitic hate crimes/threats in my liberal NE city post October 7.
Our kids Jewish day school has armed guards now and they are installing bulletproof windows and doors.
We typically put out lights and decorate our house for Hanukkah but the threat of violence is really giving me pause as we are near a high traffic area.
It’s sad and isolating.
Wish my kids could celebrate their holidays freely and safely too – just like those kids celebrating Xmas.
Anon
I am as supportive of Israel as it gets, and honestly? Just stop with this. No one is trying to offend Israel by putting out Christmas trees before Thanksgiving, which has been going on for years. And please don’t call my religious holiday “secular and capitalist.” Whether or not some people act like it is, it isn’t to me.
AnonAnon
I absolutely w know she that Christmas is an important and meaningful religious holiday for Christians and there is also a version of the holiday pushed by capitalism that is secular in nature and focused on Santa and buying stuff but is still called “Christmas.” It would probably have been called Festivus or Yule in other societies. I’m not trying to fight-I respect Christmas. Am just asking to note what it is like not being part of a dominant group.
Anon
And I am asking you to understand that in my faith, Christmas is an incredibly important holiday (literal Holy Day).
When people say that it’s now secular because non-Christians celebrate, what you are saying in effect is that *people who are not part of my faith get to co-opt and diminish my faith.* That outsiders are the ones who dictate my faith’s holy days and their importance. That the actual celebrants of the faith don’t get to decide what is and is not central in their own belief system.
AnonAnon
Op here-absolutely. I don’t want to disrespect a meaningful religious holiday like Christmas by participating in a version of it that is packaged as focused around Santa and consumerism but still called Christmas. I’m not trying to say that “secular Christmas” should be a thing or that it’s respectful to Christian people. Mean more that capitalism has made it a thing and I find it extra overwhelming this year. That’s all.
Anon
To Anon 12:41 – Christmas is a legal holiday in addition to a religious holiday. Unless I am badly mistaken, Christianity is the only religion that has a holiday which is also a legal holiday. Stock markets close on Good Friday, but not for any other religion’s holiday. Almost all stores are closed on Christmas (except a few ethnic Jewish and Hindu stores).
All this is to say that there is a lot of respect for Christian religious holidays that no other religions get. The fact that others enjoy this enforced time off and make something non-religious out of it is just an offshoot of the fact that this country was founded by Christians, primarily for Christians, even if a state religion was not instituted. The fact that this is a cause for complaint is quite frankly astonishing.
Anon
So a friend of mine works for the ADL and they get Christmas Eve as a company holiday in addition to Christmas Day (they also get several Jewish holidays as company holidays).
I always thought it was funny (in an interesting way) that a Jewish organization gives off Christmas Eve as a holiday! FWIW, I’ve never worked somewhere secular that gives off Christmas Eve as a holiday!
Anon
It makes sense for any organization wishing to give extra holidays to give them around Christmas, when all public schools are closed for a week. (Most Jews who are not observant send their children to public schools, as do many observant Jews). Again, the fact that “public”, “secular” schools universally give a whole week off for Christmas is a perk for Christian observance that is, apparently, taken for granted by many.
Anon
Yeah, I’m Jewish but you can pry my Christmas break (higher ed) out of my cold, dead hands :) Until K-12 schools move away from a long break around Christmas, which will probably never happen (I’m pretty sure even Jewish day schools have extended time off around Christmas), it’s a gift to any employee regardless of faith to have time off this time of year.
Anon
That has what to do with my faith?
If I got Yom Kippur off every year, I would not start co-opting Jewish traditions to “fill the time,” and if I were so ill-bred as to do so, I certainly wouldn’t then turn around and dictate the “real meaning” to Jews.
Sense and manners can take you far. Try them.
Anon
“Sense and manners can take you far. Try them.”
LMAO, you wrote that incredibly snooty post and then topped it off with this line. Take your own advice!
Anon
Completely agree with all of this. It seems like we have at least one or two folks here who are really leaning into some kind of victim mentality, where they have firmly centered themselves at the still point of the turning world, and now everything that happens on the Planet Earth is happening to them, or at them, specifically to alienate them or make them feel threatened. It’s got to be an exhausting way to live, and I don’t understand why people are choosing this for themselves.
,
I am not Christian, nor am I really a “Christmas person” (Halloween is my jam), but I do try to focus on the positive energy of the season and the things about it I do like. I love all the lights, and I love seeing people being generous (BTW – TIBAL’s school wishlists are going to be posted today on Instagram, if folks want to participate in that), and I love that work slows down and I am able to spend more time with my family. I focus on these things, because I feel like solely focusing on the negative and seeing the world as an unrelentingly threatening and dangerous place is not the greatest thing for my mental health. Food for thought for some folks, maybe.
Anon
This, exactly.
Anon
I am not Jewish, so I’m sorry if I’m inserting myself here, but I also hate it. I am a religious Catholic who observes Advent, and look forward to the peace and solemnity that precedes actual Christmas (which *starts* Dec 25 and continues for 12 days) and is drowned out in the culture. Also, I want to focus on Thanksgiving first!
I think what we hate is actually capitalism, and fake cheer, and the emphasis on consumerism and performative celebration. All the deep, reflective, and meaningful elements of holidays/traditions are getting steamrolled by the plastic version pushed at us.
(I am not saying that everyone has to celebrate Christmas as I do! I am commiserating that the capitalist version of holidays is incongruous with the true human experience.)
anon
I agree with you. The Advent season is important to me, and it is HARD, even for Christmas celebrators, to tune out the noise around us. And I find myself getting caught up in capitalism, too, and then feel pretty gross about it because that’s out of alignment with my true values. After Thanksgiving, I plan to purposefully add things to my days that feel meaningful and aren’t showy. (And don’t misunderstand, I have nothing against the parties and cheer! Those are good things! The excessive shopping? Not quite as much.)
Anyway, that was quite a digression. OP, I won’t pretend to completely understand your feelings toward the holidays, I think it makes sense under the current circumstances and I am wishing you peace.
AnonAnon
Thank you. That is a very kind and gracious response. I don’t hate Christmas! I respect it and have celebrated the secular version with family and friends many times. The ubiquity of it is just feeling a little difficult this year. Please trust it’s not something I’ll say to anyone who is celebrating and will certainly not dim anyone’s celebration. It’s just a little lonely this year as an outsider and sitting with the reality that holidays like Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur require taking a personal day to observe while Christmas and Easter are days when many/most get a day off built into their work culture.
Anon
I agree with the time off for holidays point in general, but fwiw I was pleasantly surprised to see that our schools have a day off during Passover (though not at the beginning when most people in the US celebrate) and no time off for Easter. And I’m in a very red state! I do think having time off at Easter is less universal than at Christmas, and many religious Christians need to use PTO then just like Jews do at the fall holidays.
Anon
If this helps at all: observant Christians also often have to take days off to observe holidays. For example, I work with a few people who take off Good Friday each year, not to have a long weekend for Easter but to go to church and observe it as the solemn holiday it is. Much like most less observant Christians don’t take off most Christian holidays, only one of my Jewish friends takes off for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the others aren’t observant enough to warrant taking off.
The only places I know that really have Easter built in as a day off are schools that have spring break over the Christian Holy Week. However, this often overlaps with Passover as well (since the Last Supper was a Seder). Many schools have off for Easter Monday but that’s really a vacation thing; there’s no religious significance to that day. Holy Week has several days with religious significance, but I don’t know anyone with a non-religious job who gets those days off (unless they’re a teacher and it’s their spring break). Many people I know fit in going to church for Maundy Thursday / Holy Thursday before or after work and then take off on Good Friday for church in the afternoon. Also, every public and secular private school near me has Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur off as well.
If you’re feeling alienated by the pervasiveness of Christmas, could you lean more into a Jewish community? For example, my friend is a secular Jew and she works for the ADL so she gets a lot of Jewish holidays off. If you don’t already, could you move to an area with a more vibrant Jewish community? I live in one of the pockets in the US with a lot of Jews – I see almost as many people in costumes for Purim as I see for Halloween. The park in my town with the Christmas tree lighting celebration also has a menorah lighting celebration and they’re probably equally well attended. The bar in my city that goes all out decorating for Christmas has an entire room dedicated to being decorated for Hanukkah. If your kids’ school doesn’t do enough to recognize Hanukkah, could you work to provide programming to recognize it?
Anon
Our public schools in the Midwest always have Good Friday off.
PolyD
Yeah, I don’t love the Christmas creep either, and maybe I’m being naive, but for the most part, it can be ignored. Change the radio if Christmas songs come on or listen to podcasts or your own music. Ignore the displays in the stores. Don’t buy into the excessive gifting.
I do love the lights, though. I wish more people and stores in my area would put up holiday lights – I don’t care what shape or color they come in, but it is so dang dark, I really appreciate the extra lights.
Anon
“The worst part about the holidays is that what should be an opportunity to partake in an ancient call to ‘sacred time’ becomes battered into a desperate demand to fuel the consumer monster.” – Adam Frank, Pepper-Spraying the Holidays: Time and the Ethic of Consumption
If you are religious, I think you don’t have to be of any particular religion to appreciate this thought.
Anon
People can choose to focus on the consumption-driven, consumerist part of the holidays or they can choose to ignore it and focus on the positive aspects of the season. It really is not that hard to ignore it, believe me – I try to tune out as much of the consumerist stuff every year as I possibly can. Unsubscribe to retailer emails; get an adblocker for your browser; tell people you’re only doing consumables, experiences, or charitable donations as gifts this year. Make plans to spend more time at your house of worship, or in nature, or with friends, than in retail stores doing holiday shopping.
You can either let life be something that happens to you, and makes you miserable, or you can make choices that lead to more happiness and peace of mind. If you love being miserable, and feel some kind of existential fulfillment in suffering? By all means, keep doing what you’re doing. Good luck with that, BTW.
Anon at 12:05
Huh? I am definitely not miserable. I agree with you wholeheartedly that one can choose to focus on one thing or another. Hope you’re not this easily triggered IRL, and I genuinely hope your day gets better.
Anon
LMAO. I’m clearly not the one who was triggered here, and I’m actually having a great day, thanks. But hey – I hope YOUR day gets better!
Anon
This is a fine philosophy and was always my philosophy and practice. I was never “miserable” (though it helps that I only ever worked retail in places that don’t play ten Christmas songs on a loop).
But the one year I was abroad for the holidays, I felt a tremendous difference. It’s the only actively positive experience of the holidays I can remember. I really underestimated the low level strain of “tuning out” so much of consumerist culture where I live. And I’m Christian to begin with so there’s no added element of an imposed religion! That must get really old.
Anon
Most religions and cultures have some form of a winter holiday to combat the dark and chilly days and gloomy atmosphere. You can choose to be negative and look at it as capitalistic and consumer driven, or you can delight in seeing pretty lights and people giving each other gifts. I’d rather choose the option where the focus is on joy and happiness and see the good.
Anon
+1 million. But as we’ve discussed before – some people here are pretty firmly fixed in that “external locus of control” mindset and seem extremely resistant to even considering the alternative.
Anon
Yep, so true and it’s got to be such an exhausting way to live.
joan wilder
This is like the ‘rette commentariat version of the apology where people apologize for you being offended and not being offensive. Congratulations for being not just super dismissive of OP’s views but apparently never frustrated by the human experience as relates to our group and religious identity in the world.
Anon
LOL!
Anon
It’s gotta be exhausting getting so offended at everything.
Anon
This is one of those conversations that makes me feel really sad and sorry for some of the people posting here. Their lives seem pretty bleak.
anon today
It feels a little bleak to ‘dial in’ to a fashion blog to call people you don’t know lives bleak…
Anon
You must be one of those people, or the statement wouldn’t have provoked a defensive response.
Anon
I don’t love it either because I like Thanksgiving to have its season, but I don’t really think you’re victimized by the holiday retail season.
Anonymous
If someone said this about any other type of holiday decorations it would be called racist and anti-religious.
Anon
Yeah to me this is just part of being a multicultural society. There is almost always a dominant culture or a more visible one for whatever reason.
Anon
For me it has nothing to do with the current Middle East situation and tying it to that is weird to me (especially because devout Christians in the US are typically big supporters of Israel), but it is frustrating to me as a Jew how many people don’t seem to understand that not everyone celebrates Christmas. It’s thoughtless to give all your employees Christmas presents or send cards to Jewish people wishing them Merry Christmas, etc., and that kind of thing is still done a surprising amount.
Anon
I’m Jewish and don’t see it this way. I don’t expect people to tailor their holiday cards for me and I’d feel left out if everyone at the office got a year end gift except for me. I just take it for what it is and also celebrate all our wonderful holidays.
Anon
You don’t have to tailor the card specifically to each person. Happy Holidays or Happy New Year is fine. Hanukkah isn’t a major religious holiday, and I know some Jews feel frustrated that it has outsized importance because of the proximity to Christmas, but I don’t really care about and am fine with generic holiday things this time of year. But I wouldn’t send a card to a friend wishing her happy birthday on my birthday, so it’s equally weird to me to send a Merry Christmas card to someone who doesn’t celebrate that holiday. Likewise, year end holiday gifts are fine, but it’s annoying to me to be specifically told it’s a Christmas gift when I’ve worked with people for years and repeatedly mentioned I don’t celebrate Christmas. It just to me shows a degree of not listening to what people say and not wanting to be inclusive, since the more inclusive “happy holidays” is right there and takes no more time or effort.
Anon
Again, I’m Jewish and agree it’s not hard to do, (we send Happy Holidays or New Years cards) but we also have some very Christian friends who send us Merry Christmas greetings and gifts. I could waste energy being offended but I try to see it for what it is, someone else being excited about their holiday. The older I get the less energy I have in general for being offended by things that aren’t intended to be offensive. There’s plenty of that already.
Anon
To each their own. The older I get, the less use I have for people who know me reasonably well and can’t be bothered to remember I don’t celebrate Christmas.
Anon
Anon at 1:18 – I’m guessing you don’t have many friends, then. Don’t worry – with your attitude, sooner rather than later, you won’t be getting any holiday greetings at all. Because most people don’t want to be friends with people who get angry and judgemental about well-intentioned efforts. No wonder so many people here complain about being lonely!
Anonymous
We are Christian and get a lot of Hanukkah cards. I am not offended because they come from people celebrating Hanukkah, even though they know that we do not celebrate it. We also get some Diwali sweets. Also not offensive. I don’t think there is anything wrong with sending greetings for your own holiday. We only send New Year’s cards, though, just to be safe.
Anon
Oh good grief, that’s quite a logical leap. 🙄
I have many wonderful many friends who manage to wish Happy Hanukkah or happy holidays to me. I also take the time to remember what holidays my friends celebrate. It’s really not hard!! I’m amazed how many people here think it’s hard to give an inclusive greeting or remember what holiday people celebrate. If you care about anyone at all, you can take the time to remember this major detail about their life!
AnonAnon
Op here-sorry I misspoke in my initial post. Meant to say just that being Jewish/holding that identity is more in my mind this year because of the conflict in Israel/Palestine and the subsequent uptick in threats to (at least my) synagogue. Guess it’s just a year that I’m more aware than before of not being part of the dominant religious culture in this country. I have always just said, “thank you!” When someone wishes me a merry Christmas because I appreciate the sentiment behind the greeting, but for the first time might consider gently saying that I don’t celebrate but am wishing them a merry Christmas just to slightly push back against the assumption that everyone celebrates Christmas.
Anonymous
How about responding with “Happy Hanukkah?”
Anonymous
My fathers family was the first Jewish family in our town back in the mid 1800s. It’s just wild to me how different other American Jewish folks can be. We tried to assimilate as much as possible and we are always hyper aware that racist white people are never, ever on our side. My dads Jewish parents always had a Christmas tree and presents, no one thought that was a problem. The only thing that make me uncomfortable is when people insist on “keeping Christ in Christmas” like we shouldn’t be always to join in the cheerful non religious aspects of the holiday we have enjoyed for generations. It’s like they want everything to be a religious (but really ethnic) purity test before you participate in the fun parts.
Anon
Let me know when I can co-opt Chanukah and Passover, participating in the fun parts without having any affiliation to the underlying faith tradition… and then let me know when I can throw shade at devout Jews for returning the focus of their holidays into their own faith.
Anon
Some Christians actually do light menorahs on Chanukah and have Passover seders (although I would not call a seder “fun”!) It’s always made me uncomfortable as Jew, and I’m not even religious.
Anon
Yeah some Evangelicals very weirdly co-opt a lot of Judiasm since Jesus was Jewish. I think it’s weird because I’m generally distrustful of Evangelicals and their motives.
I’m Catholic (lapsed but I’d say culturally – and I’m a C&E’er) and I attended many Seders with Jewish friends, but a) I was invited by those hosting and b) I was there as a guest, I wasn’t trying to pretend this was my religion and c) I wasn’t hosting it / it was hosted by someone who fully understand the holiday and the significance.
Anon
Oh yes, I’m talking about Evangelical churches putting on Jewish celebrations with no Jews present. That’s what’s creepy to me, and where I live (Bible Belt) it’s pretty common.
Absolutely nothing wrong with Christians, atheists or folks from other religious traditions being welcomed into Jewish homes for holiday celebrations, and we have hosted many non-Jews for Hanukkah and Passover. Sorry if that wasn’t clear!
Anon
Progressive Christians have also gotten into the Seder thing, and I find it really uncomfortable (I’m an Episcopalian, and probably half of my parishes over the last 15 years have done this).
Anon
Lots of Jewish people invite non-Christian friends to seders! Lots of preschools run by Jewish organizations cater to all children and have fun Chanukah parties. Devout Jews have enough shade thrown at them by outsiders – most really do not pay attention to the opinions of outsiders who often view them as “other” and not real Americans, etc.
Anon
All the things I like about Christmas are actually Pagan, so it was the Christians who co-opted the holiday way back when.
I’m an atheist so I don’t really care whether you believe Jesus was born on December 25 or not, but you don’t get to tell me not to enjoy a tree in my house or giving my loved ones gifts!
https://chefin.com.au/blog/these-6-christmas-traditions-are-actually-pagan-customs/
Anonymous
A wreath is not the same thing as a b0mb threat.
Anon
Underrated comment.
Anon
Seriously.
Anonie
No one said that? Pretty sure the sentiment was “hey being Jewish and having ubiquitous, default Christmas/Christianity is freely harder this season bc of the conflict in Israel/Palestine and the related rise in antisemitism (ie bomb threats at synagogue) but way to be super smug and dismissive at the same time I guess? Congrats, you win.
Anon
I lived an ultra-Orthodox Jewish life for decades, and while I’m not longer fully observant, i still live in an Orthodox community. The Christmas season is a non-event for those living a more observant Jewish life. I strongly do NOT recommend adopting Orthodox Judaism as an answer to holiday blahs, but I do recommend spending more time with Jewish friends or other non-Christmas observers, getting involved in whatever synagogue you might be most in tune with, etc. It is nice to spend time with others who are in your same situation.
Anon
As a former observant Episcopalian who is now agnostic and doesn’t really partake in any religion, I have a few thoughts about how mainstream Christmas is.
– I think it’s really weird when people from other religions or non-religious people from non-Christian backgrounds celebrate Christmas. While I understand there’s a way to secularly celebrate Christmas, it’s still really weird to me.
– Now that I’m not a practicing Christian, it’s a little weird to celebrate Christmas. My family is still practicing, so I still celebrate the holiday with them (and I even go to church to appease them). Aside from family traditions, the only things I still do to celebrate are enjoy the lights and the parties. Of course, the prevalence of lights, decorations, and parties draw from the need for light, joy, and connection among drab, dark and cold winters and many cultures and religions have similar practices.
I guess, to me, the celebration of religious holidays should be to the adherents (religious or cultural) of that religion. Christmas and Easter seem to be the only holidays where partaking with no religious background is okay; the way some Christians co-opt Jewish holidays and traditions is generally seen as offensive (this is a thing some Evangelicals do). Most of my Jewish friends are secular but culturally Jewish so they celebrate Jewish holidays. Although I’d say I’m “culturally Christian”, so many people who celebrate Christmas aren’t even that.
Anon
The Jewish people who end up “celebrating Christmas” typically do it because much of America forces Christmas upon you. Christmas is a national holiday (the only religious one). Every business is closed except for Chinese restaurants and movie theaters, which can be too crowded to enjoy. My family started getting together on Christmas because there’s literally nothing else to do, not because we wanted to co-opt religious traditions. I know Jewish people who put up white lights because it looks conspicuous being the only dark house on the street (and this year anti-Semitism is an even bigger issue than usual).
I understand OP’s comment that Christmas creep is frustrating. I enjoy pretty lights and baked goods, but as a Jewish person the Christmas season makes you feel Othered. Straight white Christian people in America don’t know what that’s like and how tiring it can be. Now that we’re bombarded with Christmas displays and music and themed decor for a seven week period, instead of just December, it’s a little exhausting. I don’t hate Christmas, I just hate how it’s a two month thing now.
Anon
I mean gathering with your family on Christmas and putting up lights doesn’t mean you’re co-opting Christmas. I’m talking about people exchanging gifts, decorating with Christmas-specific decorations like a tree.
And, odd of you to assume I’m straight.
Anon
There are a lot of people here today for whom Festivus would be a good fit.
OP, I can see how the current state of the world would make you more aware than usual of being a religious minority. I wish you and yours peace for the holiday season.
AnonAnon
Thank you. That is very kind and extending peace and good wishes your way as well.
Anon
Is that really true? Because if you’re the OP of this thread (and many of the other ones that have been posted recently, claiming to represent the totality of the Jewish Experience in America), frankly, it seems like you live for drama.
Anon
Y’all, I’m upgrading to a king sized bed this winter. Looking at beds, it seems like the trend is for them to be upholstered. Do I have to vacuum or otherwise specially clean an upholstered headboard? I like the look but I am not looking to collect additional chores. I haven’t found many decent wood headboards (vs full bed frames), which is making me second guess myself.
Anon
Room and Board makes nice wood headboards. I personally don’t like the upholstered ones because they seem harder to keep clean and maintain longterm (but that is just a personal preference).
Anon
I love Room & Board, but they only seem to sell full beds. I store things under my bed so I need a frame that works with a bed skirt.
Anon
I just moved our upholstered headboard to the guest room and got one that’s rattan and wood for ours. I love the comfort of the upholstered bed and it wasn’t too much to clean. An occasional whirl of a dustbuster type vacuum was all it needed, with the caveat that maybe our housecleaner did more than that, but I don’t think so. Only changed it out because our dog is getting older and needed a lower bed to easily jump on.
Anon
I was recently in the market for 5 new beds, and I despise upholstered beds and those wrap-around upholstered boxes-how people are not constantly bruising their shins on them, I can’t imagine. But mostly, the dust, the dog hair, the dust. Ugh. In other words, I feel your pain. I have 2 suggestions. First, slipcovered headboards are crazy-hard to find these days, but if you find a simple upholstered headboard, you could have a slipcover made. Second, have you tried metal headboards? That is what we ended up with about 20 years ago because our bed had to go in front of 2 windows. Solid wood (sleigh beds were the rage then) would have blocked too much window. Then we laid eyes on a dark bronze, slightly curved headboard and knew it was the answer. I still love it. A king-sized bed is a lot of bed, so I would look at some of the more Scandanavian/minimalist furniture lines if you want wood.
Anonymous
Personally I find upholstery unsanitary. I go for solid materials like wood or metal that can be wiped down, I use a giant body pillow with removable cover that can be properly washed.
Anonymous
Yes upholstered beds stain – imagine even a few drops of coffee or even resting your head against the headboard will cause a stain
Manufacturers are quick to show upholstered beds, because they will need to be replaced much more quickly.
Anon
I’ve had one for 15 years and have never had any issues with sanitation.
Anon
I like a traditional wooden bed. I don’t like the low platform beds that are everywhere now. I like a box spring + mattress. So I’d probably shop estate/used if I needed a new bed right now. But my sturdy wooden bed from Ethan Allen will likely never need replacing unless there a house fire or something.
Anonymous
we got a new upholstered head board (really with big pillows) last year from rove concepts and I really regret it – wish we had just gone with a simple thuma wood headboard
Anon
Any recommendations for fancy cooking ingredients? I’m thinking nice olive oil, fancy salts, etc. that I could order online and have shipped. My sister and brother-in-law are big cooks, and I’m looking to get something shipped to them for the holidays. They are moving in the next year (once their new house is built), so I am trying to keep the gift giving as something consumable.
lost academic
Penzey’s has good gift boxes for this purpose. Lots of premade options or you can build your own. Consider if they are particular about some ingredients though (like olive oil) and what they’d likely use (e.g. in my house we’d never end up using fancy salts). I’ve liked specialized herb blends and meat seasonings/rubs for this, particularly connected to a special place or cuisine.
Anon
I like Penzey’s for spices, though they’re not very good for “international” cooking. I’d love to have a good rec for the equivalent of Penzey’s if you cook a range of different Asian and middle eastern inspired food. I usually just end up ordering from Amazon the stuff I can’t find locally (I live in a small city so options aren’t good).
Anonymous
I would try Kalyustan’s (https://foodsofnations.com/) or Sahadi’s
Anon
Saffron. It is expensive, rare, and often comes in more formal packaging.
Anon
Oh yes, maybe some saffron, some really good vanilla, and something like za’atar.
Anon
Flamingo Estates. These are gorgeous
https://flamingoestate.com/collections/pantry
OOO
Eataly for gourmet food gifts. Zingerman’s gift boxes are also always a big hit with my family.
anon
Food52
Anonymous
I’m heading to Maine for Thanksgiving and looking forward to replenishing my supply of Fiore balsamic vinegars and olive oils. The company ships reliably. My favorites are pink grapefruit white balsamic and tangerine olive oil (very good as a light dressing) and their original balsamic. I think they make a nice gift because they’re special but good— so many gift-able oils and vinegars are impossible to cook with.
Runcible Spoon
Unless I’m hopelessly out of date, I think balsamic glaze might be on point.
Anon
Late to Yellowstone, but I think I want to watch it mainly for the Beth Dutton clips showing up on my SM feed. Is there an easy way to get it all on one service?
Annony
It’s on Peacock, if you have that service. Come for Beth Dutton, stay for Rip.
Anonymous
Cute luggage that isn’t Away? I have their bigger carry on and I’m in the market for a slightly smaller carry on. I’m very unhappy with Away’s customer service so I don’t want to buy from them again. I’m willing to pay Tumi prices if I have to, but I figured I’d ask this group for recommendations before I shell out that much money. I just don’t think a small bag should cost $750+ ($600 on sale), ya know?
Anonymous
Not cute but indestructible: Travelpro with traditional non-spinner wheels.
Anon
You comment on every post about the non spinner wheels.
I had a pull-behind carry on for years and traveled weekly and developed tennis elbow.
I love being able to push my 4 spinner wheeled suitcase beside me now. It completely eliminated my elbow issue.
I know you don’t like spinner wheels, but clearly the market does because that’s what most suitcases have now. They are not the devil. My suitcases are Tumi and the wheels have held up fine.
Anon
Not the Anon above, hate spinner wheels on a carry-on.
Anon
If it helps, I am with you on loving the spinner wheels. I have given away all my bags with 2 wheels and I’ll never buy another. To each their own.
Anonymous
I have two Bric’s Milano B|Y Elisse carry-ons with spinner wheels and they are UHHHHMAZING in my opinion. I don’t know how I ever dealt with the 2-wheel carry-ons. People who are hanging on to those have better elbow strength than I do, or more patience. Or both.
Anyway, OP – look at Bric’s. The Elisse suitcases I have are not the only option, and their suitcases are generally cheaper than Away, but in my experience, very very durable. I just bought our second carryon because my husband used mine for a trip and just loved it. My first Bric’s has probably been on 25 airplane trips at this point and the wheels still work very well, no broken zippers, no problems with the handle, etc.
Cat
+100
Anonymous
This happens here a lot and I don’t mean to pick on you but I don’t really understand why people respond to a post if they can’t offer relevant recommendations. The OP specifically asked for cute. She’s coming off THE insta-famous super trendy brand of the past few years. She’s willing to spend $$$$. Telling her to get a fuddy duddy bag is like saying that she’s wrong to want what she wants and your judgment is better than hers.
Anonymous
If she is frustrated by bad customer service when the bag falls apart, she needs to buy a bag that won’t fall apart. Perhaps she has not realized that all trendy cute bags fall apart. They do.
Anon
I’m just curious what kind of customer service you need for a suitcase?
Anonymous
Probably warranty-related. Those plastic suitcases tend to crack and the zippers break.
Anon
When it breaks obvs.
OP
I’m trying to replace the removable parts of the lining and the internal compression flap. The terms of the lifetime limited warranty indicate this should be covered but even if it’s not I’d pay for those parts rather than argue with CS about a relatively small cost. But they’re refusing to even sell it to me. This is all removable/detachable from the bag, I find it hard to believe they don’t have spares. I can’t use the bag if I can’t close at least one half of the bag to hold clothes in when you fold it shut to zip it.
And if the answer is no they don’t actually have spare linings/internal parts and there is no possible way to replace it without buying a new bag, then just tell me that. Don’t go round and round for many days giving me nonanswers and promising to get back to me and then the new person doesn’t give me an answer either. It’s completely infuriating.
Anon
Costco has some hard shell luggage if that is the look you want. I suggest Costco because for items other than electronics, they have (or used to have) a 2 year return policy, no questions asked. The Samsonite Amplitude set in either blue or silver would meet my person cuteness standard, but I don’t really care anymore.
Anon
Personally, I went with the Travelpro in a color that was bright and happy. It will show dirt faster than a black suitcase but (1) it is more fun and (2) it is easier to spot when I am forced to check it.
And spinner vs. non-spinner is a personal decision but for people who hate them, please understand that for those of us with shoulder or elbow issues they are much, much easier to use. I would rather have a bag that will not last as long but that does not require me to ice my shoulder after every trip through ATL.
LizzieBennet
+1 about bright colors. I bought a hardside set in bright orange. Not super-high quality but I don’t travel much for work anymore.
Anon
I have both a shoulder injury from pitching fastpitch softball in high school, and an elbow injury from weight lifting, both on my right side. I don’t know if I could pull a two-wheel suitcase through a big airport now without a lot of pain. There are a lot of spinner suitcases out there, and I wonder if the people who are all-in on two wheels just haven’t tried a spinner from a decent brand.
anon
rimowa
Anon
I have an Away and I’m fine with it so far, but more and more I use my Delsey Helium international carry-on because I do travel internationally and the smaller size is less likely to get gate checked. It comes in lots of colors, and the one time it did get checked, it emerged unscathed. I’ve been super happy with it.
Re: spinners versus two wheels, spinners are definitely easier for me to manage as it allows me to change the angle and muscles worked for long treks through airports – push vs pull, it’s more maneuverable, etc. I just had a layover in the Charlotte airport and I have never seen so many people running for their flights from all directions to all directions, it was wild. I was sitting in one of those rocking chairs evaluating everyone’s running form and the duffle bag people were really struggling, the two wheelers looked like they were going to dislocate a shoulder, and the spinner people seemed to have the easiest time maneuvering through the concourse obstacle course at speed. Also, if you think you might have to sprint for a flight, consider wearing a bra because I also saw some desperate one armed chest clutching!
Anon
Ah Charlotte – home of the 20-minute layover and food options that take forever! If this was about 3 weeks ago, I was one of those people.
Senior Attorney
We are really happy with our Monos luggage and it comes in fun colors plus a really cool “terrazzo” pattern.
Anon
I have a Monos terrazzo pattern and am also happy with it!
Runcible Spoon
Look at Tumi or Briggs & Riley brands. Also maybe Hartmann. Good luck!
anon
My summerweight gel moisturizer (Clinique DD gel) is not providing enough moisture for these dry fall days, but I have such a problem finding a heavier moisturizer that doesn’t make me break out. I have rosacea and very sensitive skin, and you’d think that an emollient moisturizer would be the thing my skin needs, but it is not. Those sit on top of my skin and end up clogging my pores, even if they are noncomedogenic in theory. So, any recs for something that’s lighter weight but will still provide some good moisturizing properties? My skin seems to love glycerin and hyaluronic acid, if that’s helpful. I used to rotate in Neutrogena water boost but apparently, the formula changed and is not the same, boo.
anon
If your skin tolerates Clinique, I’d try to moisture surge line – it’s cheap. Super sensitive skin here and it works well. Texture is a bit weird initially but gets absorbed quickly.
anon
Thanks, I’ll give that a shot. I have tried the fancy moisturizers and the anti-aging stuff, and my skin eventually revolts against it all even if it tolerates it initially. I’m currently dealing with a lovely dermatitis flare-up that I suspect was caused by a heavy moisturizer or a serum that I started using in September. Back to basics for me, I guess.
Anon
Vanicream is pretty much the only thing my very sensitive skin can tolerate these days.
Anon
+1 to Vanicream.
I have sensitive skin and rosacea and I can tolerate Vanicream, but my actual favorite is Happy Face by Beauty Pie, which was developed for people like us. It’s worth a trial membership just to check it out.
Anon
Vanicream was recommended to me by the good readers here last week and it is fantastic. No scent, not greasy, not heavy, and doesn’t irritate my grumpy skin.
Anon
The only moisturizer that has provided me with good moisture but not clogged my pores is Cerave’s Daily Moisturizer. I use it in the am and the evening version in the pm. I use a separate hyaluronic acid serum.
anon
Which serum do you like?
Anon
I like The Ordinary. I haven’t tried very many, but the price is right on this one. It does leave my face with a slightly tacky feeling, so I only use it at night.
Anonymous
Belif has a sleeping pudding that is divine. It’s on my Black Friday list.
CK
Vanicream is available at drug stores and recommended by my allergist for my eczema prone skin. Works well on my face.
Rosacette
I used to use that lotion and had the same issue. I also have rosacea. I switched to Farmacy’s honey drop (NOT honey halo- my skin doesn’t like that one) and find it to be similar but more moisturizing. You didn’t ask, but I was still having issues and my derm pointed out it was my face wash (Cetaphil gentle skin cleanser) that was the problem. She switched me to Aveeno nourishing oat cleanser. Though I was extremely skeptical, she was right. My skin texture improved considerably within a week. The matching lotion from that line, however, was a bust for me.
Anon
My skin has such a hard time with the Cetaphil and Cerave lines that I don’t understand how they came to be regarded as sensitive skin friendly! It’s helpful to know that that exact Aveeno soap works for you; I may try it now.
anon
I can handle Cerave, but Cetaphil is awful for my skin.
Anon
Cerave is actually the worse of the two for me. Maybe it’s just too individual to generalize about.
Anon
My sensitive skin likes Vanicream but HATES both Cetaphil and CeraVe.
We like La Roche Posay but only the super gentle moisturizer that comes in tiny tubes, which ends up being really expensive for a drugstore pick (Toleraine Dermallergo)
Greensleeves
I have sensitive skin and have used Kate Somerville Dry Skin Saver moisturizer as my cold weather moisturizer for years.
Anonymous
I’m looking for a great chocolate dessert recipe. Cake, cupcakes, cookies, whatever. I usually make malted forever brownies but want to try something new.
PJ
This cake! https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/dark-chocolate-mousse-cake/
Anne-on
The ‘belgian brownie cakelets’ from Smitten Kitchen, which are the dark chocolate brownies from Le Pain Quotidien. Super easy and SO good – the only trick is making sure the batter isn’t hot when you add the eggs in and whisking well or you wind up with scrambled egg bits.
Anon
Also the browniest cookies from Smitten Kitchen!
Anon
King Arthur Flour’s flourless chocolate cake is amazing, very straightforward, and looks even better in real life than the pictures online. Tastes amazing and easy enough to throw together on a Christmas morning or after work on a weekday! https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/flourless-chocolate-cake-recipe
Also, King Arthur Flour’s raspberry brownies are to die for, but much more involved. https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/chocolate-and-raspberry-brownie-bars-recipe
Runcible Spoon
King Arthur Flour has a flourless cake recipe? Hilarious!
anon a mouse
Katharine Hepburn’s brownies or olive oil chocolate cake are both great.
Gail the Goldfish
https://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/nutella-stuffed-brown-butter-sea-salt-chocolate-chip-cookies-my-favorite-cookie-ever/
Don’t forget to sprinkle lightly with sea salt at the end, it is key.
TelcoLadyJD
These cookies are perfect. Great rec!
Anon
Ghirardelli brownie mix is the best. Top half the batch with powdered sugar, and the other half with Ghirardelli caramel syrup and sea salt.
Senior Attorney
I’m making Ina Garten’s Chocolate Pudding Tart for Thanksgiving. It’s always a hit. https://lifeasalarson.blogspot.com/2013/05/barefoot-contessas-chocolate-pudding.html
Anon
These are my two favorites:
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1022773-chocolate-olive-oil-cake
https://www.food.com/recipe/passover-brownies-good-enough-for-the-whole-year-flourless-499901
(I make the Joan Nathan recipe straight from her book, but this is what I could find online. I make it as a round cake.)
butternut squash soup?
Hoping for another recipe rec!
I am assigned the soup for Thanksgiving. I have a bunch of butternut squash from my garden ready to go.
I had a wonderful old recipe from Gourmet for butternut squash soup but I lost it.
Any recs? It needs to be vegetarian (no bacon) but it does NOT need to be vegan.
I favor the savory warm indian spices + apple + maple syrup over the cinnamon type recipes, but I am flexible.
Anonymous
Chili pepper and cream
anonshmanon
My go-to is to sautee a little onion, garlic and ginger, then add butternut squash cubes and veggie broth. Adding 2-3 carrots is optional, but nicely rounds out the flavor. Same for a potato. Add cumin and paprika, salt and pepper. Cook everything, then puree. Season to taste with more of the same spices, as well as a little lemon juice and chili or cayenne. Toppings can be croutons, spring onion greens, sour cream, caramelized or fried onions, bacon (if people are sprinkling their own topping), grated cheese. I tried out vegan Bac’n bits recently, but I was not excited.
Anonymous
Cookie and Kate Thai curry butternut squash soup.
DC Pandas
https://cookieandkate.com/roasted-butternut-squash-soup/
I make this every year, I generally double or triple the shallot/wine mixture and try to nearly burn the squash in the oven to add a little more funk.
DC Pandas
* Realized that the recipe doesn’t call for any wine specifically. I generally de-glaze with a decent pour of whatever white is already open while I’m cooking. Last year it was a Wente Chard!
Annony
Have you tried searching Epicurious for the recipe?
Greensleeves
I can’t find a link to the recipe, but here’s my go to:
2 Tbsp. butter
1 sweet yellow onion such as Vidalia or Walla Walla, chopped
3 – 4 lbs. butternut squash, peeled, seeded and diced
1 red apple, such as Gala or Fuji, peeled and diced
1 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. ground ginger, or use 1 Tbsp. fresh minced ginger
1/8 tsp. ground cinnamon
3 cups reduced-sodium vegetable or chicken broth
1 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil (optional)
1/4 cup fresh sage leaves (optional)
2 Tbsp. apple cider, or use apple butter or apple juice
1/2 cup nonfat sour cream or plain Greek yogurt (optional)
In a large stockpot, melt half the butter over medium heat, and when it is bubbling, add the onions. After about 3 minutes, add the squash and apples, and sauté with the onions for about 5 minutes. Add the curry powder, ginger and cinnamon and cook for 2 more minutes. Add the broth, raise the heat and bring it to a boil, then cover and simmer it for 15 minutes, reducing the heat as needed, until the squash is tender. (Meanwhile, warm the baguette, if you are serving it.) Puree the soup in a standing blender or in the pot with an immersion blender.
Meanwhile, to make the crispy sage leaves, in a small skillet, heat the remaining butter and the oil over medium to medium-high heat. When it is hot, add the sage leaves and cook them until they are brown and crispy, about 2 minutes. Remove them from the heat.
Stir the apple cider into the soup, and serve it hot, seasoned with coarse salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste, and topped with crumbled leaves of crispy sage (or you may enjoy it with a dollop of plain yogurt or sour cream). Alternatively, refrigerate it for up to 3 days or freeze it for up to 3 months.
Anonymous
I have been using this recipe for years. I think it is originally from Epicurious? There are tons of copies when I did a search. https://www.food.com/recipe/butternut-squash-soup-with-cider-cream-287450
Anon
Just made Southern Living Hubbard squash soup…roasted blue hubbard squash, sauteed leeks, onions with coriander, cumin, added veggie broth, salt and pepper and pureed with immersion blender. Delicious! And it meets the savory warm indian spices that you like!
butternut squash soup?
Thank you for these wonderful recipes.
Fortunately, I have many butternut squashes, so I think I will make a few of these over the next months.
Oh my, you had me at fried sage leaves as a garnish…. be still my heart…
Anon
Saw this elsewhere and thought it could be a fun thread: what are your Thanksgiving plans and how much will the plans cost?
I’m going to my parents’ house and am in charge of dessert. I’m baking an apple pie and a pumpkin pie and supplies cost me $12 (not counting things I already had on hand like sugar, flour, and spices). My parents’ are hosting 12 (my sister, myself, an assortment of whichever aunts / uncles / cousins are around, and 2 family friends). Everyone brings something but my parents do the turkey, stuffing, potaotes, rolls, cranberries, and one vegetable as well as alcohol. Others will bring appetizers, other side dishes, and wine. My family is not much of a dessert family, hence only 2 pies (otherwise I’d make a second pumpkin pie).
My whole family is local – I”ll take a train to my parents’ after work on Wednesday and likely stay til Saturday or Sunday. No transportation costs, as I already have money on my train pass. Since I’m home for the weekend, I won’t have much else to spend money on – a few drinks on Thanksgiving Eve getting together with friends and that’s probably it!
Anon
We spent about ~$150 at the store on ingredients for dinner for 5. We spend another ~$150 registering most of our family for a 5K but the money goes to charity. We have some other plans this weekend that cost $$ (theater tickets), but they aren’t really “Thanksgiving plans” per se.
Anon for this
Plane tickets, a hostess gift, and our share of a restaurant meal, so about $1000. After too many stressful cooking days, our family goes out!
Anon
My two guests both flaked on me for bigger, “funner” Thanksgiving parties. One said “so-and-so’s brother will be there and I really like him.” Then they both wanted me to reschedule my own Thanksgiving to a day “we can all make it.” Um, you COULD make it when you accepted my invitation! And they didn’t even try to include me in their “Friendsgiving” new plans. Knowing I’ll have no one else to spend the day with now.
Well, I needed to clean, and I wanted to cook. I’ll just do what I always do: have a four-course meal by myself, with the dog, and watch the dog show.
Frickin’ flakes.
Anon
While it’s rude of them to flake, why not ask if you can join one of their events instead?
Anon
Since it didn’t occur to them that I would now be spending Thanksgiving alone, I am not interested or calm enough to want to go to their new events. I have only been invited to a Thanksgiving party twice in 20 years.
Anon
Sounds like you need new friends, then.
We do a large family gathering but always invite family friends who aren’t going home to join as well. The motto for every holiday, especially Thanksgiving, should be the more the merrier.
Anonymous
Sounds like they’re bad friends then, so I understand not wanting to celebrate with them anymore.
Could you mention to another friend that you’re now alone for Thanksgiving and ask if you’d be able to join their family’s celebration?
Anon
Hopefully these aren’t your only friends, but maybe just put them in the “good time gals” category instead of being raging angry. I have friends like that, they’re a good time, they usually have invited to big parties and would happily take me along. I’d request an invite and just know these aren’t going to be the people I call for serious support. But go be with people, you never know who else you might meet.
Anon
What’s to stop you from making alternate plans now?
Anonymous
So sorry. That is really awful.
Anonymous
Staying home by myself. I may but sweet potatoes, so perhaps $4.
Sasha
My aunt hosts Thanksgiving every year, so I’ll be taking an Uber to her place (~$40?). Sometimes I can find a friend heading out to the same suburb, in which case, $0. I always bring two French silk pies (I started making my own a few years ago after the local Baker’s Square shut down), and an app–ingredients for that are maybe ~$50? I’ll probably sleep at my aunt’s or my parents’ house in the neighboring suburb, and take the commuter train back into the city Friday or Saturday.
I’m fortunate to have all my family local so holiday costs are very low.
Anon
Congrats to you?
Anonymous
We’re hosting and cooking almost everything, so our only costs are whatever groceries cost. Maybe $250? I’m not sure – we’ve spread it out over a few trips.
Anonymous
By choice, we are driving 13 hours to see my sister. Family of 5.
Hotel on the way there- $150
Gas- gas and road food- $250? not sure.
5k run while we are there- $125 for the 5 of us
AirBNB there- $800
Hotel on the way home- $600 (we are stopping at a theme park)
Also hosting thanksigivng dinner at our airBNB. I’d say maybe $100 of food? Less? My sister is bringing almost all the sides.
Other years, we fly to DH’s parents across the country (easily $2k-$3k in airline tickets) or go ski (airbnb rental is $2k for 4 nights), or we host ($500 in food max, probably much less)
Senior Attorney
I’ve spent about $150 for groceries for dinner for five (not counting wine, which we already have on hand). Will probably pick up the tab for my daughter to Uber from the train station tomorrow. That should be about it — we plan to stick pretty close to home for the weekend.
Anon
We’re hosting 11 people. We spent about $500 on catering the mains (turkey breast and roast beef), a cheese plate, and some of the sides. Another $200 on groceries for crudites, one cake, biscuits, and a couple of sides we are going to make ourselves. We have plenty of wine on hand. Guests will bring more desserts. We will order sandwiches on Wednesday evening for the family arriving early, probably another $60.
Normally we would cook the whole meal which would be cheaper, but this year work is preventing us from being able to spend any time on prep until the night before, and our kitchen is not big enough for more than 2 people to work simultaneously. Last year we did Christmas dinner with no prior prep and it was a miserable, exhausting day. This year I decided I would rather spend the money but actually have an enjoyable day. I will bake the cake and biscuits in the morning (with kids) while partner gets breakfast bagels for everyone, then he will prep two sides while I put out the crudites and cheese platter, then we will warm up the prepared food for an early dinner. Should leave plenty of time to relax with family in between.
OP
That sounds like a great workaround!
An.On.
I need a new computer for my office, should I get a desktop or a laptop? I currently have a laptop, and it’s nice because I can move it around as needed, bring it with for a zoom conference, etc, but I wasn’t sure if there are a lot of benefits to having a stationary desktop that I’m not considering.
Anonymous
I have a laptop that I use with an external monitor, keyboard, and mouse when I’m working at my desk.
Senior Attorney
Yup. Best of both worlds.
Anon
I presume you’re talking about for your home? I only have a desktop because I do a lot of photography and graphic design, which is easier on a giant desktop Mac. If I didn’t do this, laptop all the way, I hate having a big computer sitting out.
Anon
My spouse insists on a desktop because he is a gaming enthusiast. If not for that, I would never get a desktop again. Laptop with an external monitor or two, all the way.
Anon
Can anyone recommend a 50th birthday gift for a woman who has everything? She was a work mentor turned close friend. She’s not married, no kids, and makes a high income so anything she wants she generally just buys. I don’t have a high budget – maybe around $200. I could do jewelry but not sure what to get. I just want to get her something nice. Her birthday isn’t until just after the new year so I have a little time. She’s not into spa days. What would you get?
BeenThatGuy
I’ve received, and given, Venus et Fleur and it’s always a hit.
Anonymous
Take her out to lunch.
Anon
I’m 49 and can technically buy whatever I want too, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love a little luxury item as a gift. I’d look at Mejuri for fun jewelry in your price point, I’ve never hated a Diptyque candle or Aesop soaps. I’d think stuff you can technically afford but feels frivolous.
Anon
I collect bracelets and would love to get this one, it’s 20% off right now too bringing it in your budget
https://mejuri.com/shop/products/curb-bracelet
Anon
A very nice ($) candle and flowers. Or, substitute nice wine or liquor for one of those.
For a gift like this, I’d like a Michael Aram candle in a beautiful jar. Something like this: https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/cherry-blossom-candle/7572439?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=100
Anonymous
You could be describing me, down to the birthdate. I’d prefer to spend time with you, so a meal or cocktails would be great. I generally don’t want flowers, but this birthday I’d appreciate them. I’d also like something like a fancy pen.
Anon
If she’s into liquor, go bourbon or Scotch hunting.
Anon
Probably these
https://kojimapearl.com/products/double-spring-drop-pearl-earrings
I am similar to your friend and was thinking about getting these for myself in the 25% off sale.
Anon
Update from Friday thread poster who was considering getting the green velvet Ralph Lauren dress to wear to the office holiday party. I got it at a department store over the weekend! I also realized I can wear it to another holiday party this year for a charitable organization that I volunteer for. So now I’m getting two uses out of it. Thanks to those who encouraged me to go for it!
https://www.ralphlauren.com/women-clothing-dresses/stretch-velvet-surplice-dress/0076379197.html
Anon
I bookmarked that dress to buy after the holidays when it goes on sale. I love the look; don’t have anywhere to wear it this year but likely will next year. Thanks to the OP who posted it!
Anon
Oh this is gorgeous! If only I were 50 lbs lighter.
Chicago florist rec?
Any recommendations for a florist in Chicago? My sister is having surgery today. She likes more interesting arrangements with lots of color, so looking for something that’s not generic
Duckles
Flowers for Dreams is my go-to. More wild than bright but they’re interesting
Anonymous
I tried Dysport for the first time and now my eyebrows are a little wonky. How long do folks wait before going in for a touch up? Wondering if this will resolve on its own, though it’s been a few days . . . Thanks!!
Sasha
My injector tells me 2 weeks before touch ups to give everything time to settle. FWIW I always feel really heavy and stiff for at least the first week before it evens out. Maybe next time ask for 2/3 of what they gave you this time. I think injectors can be a little heavy handed with newbies
Anonymous
A covid question, not meaning to start drama, just trying to be strategic about our plans. One of my kid’s best friend (A)’s mom got covid last week. “A” tested every day since her mom tested positive on Tuesday and was negative. “A” tested positive for COVID this morning.
My daughter spends all day at school with her (they sit together, have lunch together, play at recess together) and last saw her Friday (Kiddo had tested negative that morning, and also on Saturday AM and Sunday AM).
Is my daughter exposed? If now, how long until we are in the clear? “A” didn’t have symptoms until today.
We have long driving travel plans with our other kids, so I want to figure out the plan of approach if my kid may come down with covid.
Anon
Maybe? I wouldn’t see this as any different from normally existing in the world. I’d make sure I had a comfortable hotel or rental situation wherever you’re going and that’s about it.
Annony
I mean this incredibly respectfully, but this seems like the kind of thing you’d ask your kid’s doctor about. Or any telehealth service.
Anon
I wouldn’t consider your daughter exposed. I’m Covid cautious, but with recent variants + widespread vaccination, people are unlikely to be contagious way before becoming symptomatic. You can g00gle this is if you don’t believe, but there’s been a big change in the last year in terms of of pre-symptomatic spread. Most spread now is after the onset of symptoms. Your kid last saw her more than 48 hours before the positive test and symptoms. I think even in earlier times, 48 hours before symptoms was considered the high risk zone. The risk to your kid from this kid is extremely minimal. (Of course a kid in school could come down with Covid at any time. But I wouldn’t worry about this kid specifically.)
Anonymous
OP here and I think that’s why I’m finding so many different answers. I did look it up and it was clear as mud.
No Problem
I mean, yes, of course she’s been exposed. The better question is what’s the incubation period for the current strains of covid aka how long it generally takes between being exposed and becoming symptomatic and/or testing positive (which may happen at different intervals). If mom tested positive last Tuesday and her child became symptomatic and tested positive today, that’s about 6-7 days. Which is quite a bit longer than I’ve seen the incubation period be with friends and family who have gotten covid lately. For them, it’s mostly been 2-3 days between exposure and symptoms and/or a positive test (generally symptoms followed by a positive test a day or two later).
Honestly, unless someone in your car or someone you’re visiting is considered high risk, I probably wouldn’t do anything. If she feels she can wear a mask for the majority of the car trip, she could do that. If there’s a way to do you sleeping arrangements so she has her own room or can be moved to her own room if she develops symptoms, you could do that. For people who are not high risk, covid is generally not worse than a bad cold. It’s just one we’re able to test for so we know what it is. What precautions would you take if your daughter (or someone else in the family) came down with a cold?
Anonymous
This is where DH and I are, but I wanted to put it out to the world in case we were way off base. Our destination is an airBNB where she gets her own room but I feel like at that point she’s been in a car for 10+ hours with the entire family.
Anon
Honestly, I’d treat it no different than pre-COVID you found out your kid’s friend’s relative was sick. So, I wouldn’t change any plans.
Anon
I got Covid in September, was over it in three days. Didn’t even have to sign out of work; I just went to bed early for a few days.
I got a cold two weeks ago – 99% positive it was a cold, tested negative for Covid, never had a fever. Yesterday was the first day I felt mostly back to normal. It knocked me on my butt. Terrible nasal and chest congestion; aches; sore throat that lasted for DAYS; no energy/had to take three days off of work, etc.
Of all the things I could be exposed to at this juncture, based on my two times having Covid? I’ll take getting Covid over getting a bad cold, any day. And OP’s daughter is just as likely to have been exposed to a cold, the flu, or Norovirus (which is tearing its way through my city as we speak).
Anon
It’s almost as if past COVID infection contributes to the severity of subsequent ordinary infections.
No Problem
I’ve had plenty of colds in my life (long before covid came on the scene) that lasted well over a week and knocked me on my butt. I’ve had others that were more or less over in a couple days after plenty of fluids and extra rest. Is it possible that covid infection makes other infections worse? I’d love to see some research on that before making any kind of assumptions. It’s more likely that there are just a lot of different cold viruses out there and some of them just make people more sick than other viruses (hence “bad cold” vs just “the crud” or a “mild cold”).
Anon
We don’t really know yet. We know there are effects on the immune system that last for a long time and that could both increase inflammatory responses and impair other kinds of immunity, but the focus when looking for clinical significance has been on infections that are more actively tracked (like strep and RSV), and scarier possibilities like TB coming out of latency, EBV reactivation, and cancers accelerating or taking hold. I keep wondering if anyone is going to check for more minor signs of immune impairment like thrush or bacterial infections like sinus infections, ear infections, and bronchitis that are secondary to otherwise mild viral infections, but I haven’t seen any research on that yet I guess because it’s less important. There is also a bunch of research on effects on GI immunity that are long lasting and not seen with other viruses, but I’ve only seen “whoa this is so cool and weird!” type research, not “but does it ever make anyone feel sick though?” type research (and I’m only aware of it because my partner has IBD).
I worry more about cardiovascular outcomes personally, but it will suck if this is the first airborne virus that leaves people with any kind of immune deficiency, though it’s usually only a percentage of people who get hit with the worst outcomes of any virus.
Anon
“We don’t really know yet.”
Oh, but Anon at 3:13 thinks they do know! That person certainly made a very declarative statement, if in fact we don’t know for sure that getting Covid makes “subsequent ordinary infections” worse.
Anon
She’s clearly been exposed, though the odds of her being contagious but not having symptoms or testing positive before Wednesday are pretty low. The question is where you’re going and who you’ll be with. If you’re going to a cabin in the woods by yourselves, I think you’re fine. If you’re visiting elderly relatives with multiple health issues, I might cancel or at least make sure she has 6 days of absolutely no symptoms and a negative test before exposing them (so you could spend Thanksgiving together, but don’t go before that). For situations in between, ask the people you’re visiting what they think.
Anonymous
no elderly relatives. Just one of my siblings and my dad, both low risk and my dad is only 65. And we are staying at an airBNB where she has her own bedroom.
Anon
I’d bring test kits, a thermometer and any over the counter medicines you’d want if one of your kids got sick, then go on your trip. I’m super COVID cautious but wouldn’t cancel for this. Assuming your kids are vaccinated and not likely to come down with severe Covid.
Anonymous
Ha, the spectrum of responses here is the same as the internet search. “Yes, exposed!” “No, not exposed” “use caution, it is probably fine and #life”
My kid is 10, not a baby, and is vaccinated. I have a message into her pedi but based on my past experience she’ll point to the state guidelines which don’t address this scenario (so I guess not exposed).
Anon
Part of this is because in children who are vaccinated, the illness is likely to be so mild that it’s really not that big of a concern. If you have fragile/vulnerable family members you’ll be visiting – specifically, if your daughter will be around people over 65 who are completely unvaccinated, who now comprise the vast majority of Covid deaths – you should be cautious. Otherwise, I would not worry too much about it. Yes, she could get sick and spread it to the rest of your family, but that could happen with the flu, a cold, etc.