ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 136 Comments

Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

black dress with pleat details and pockets

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I'm crushing hard on about half a dozen of Staud's dresses. This polo maxi dress? Love. This abstract print dress (that comes in a bunch of patterns)? Want. This casual linen maxi dress? So chic.

I'm picturing this black dress, though, because it's absolutely perfect. I feel like you could dress it up with heels and an architectural little clutch and some killer earrings, or dress it down with sandals, a beachy hat, and a casual tote. And it has pockets!

A lot of stores seem to agree, because you can find it at a lot of places: Bloomingdale's, NET-A-PORTER, My Theresa, and Shopbop have it on sale, while Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus have it full price.

Looking for something similar? This pretty dress from Tuckernuck has similar simple-but-perfect vibes, but currently only has sizes XS-L in stock. Banana Republic has a square-neck midi for $170 that's available in sizes 0-20 as well as petite and tall sizes, and Abercrombie has a similar one in sizes XXS-XXL. Quince also has a simple jersey one for $50.

Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

136 Comments

  1. I could use some help on how to be an empathetic manager that supports parents while making sure my team performs.

    have an 18 month old and my company hasn’t been the most supportive, but I know worse employers are out there. With that experience and knowing other moms I try to be empathetic with the people I manage about balancing child and family demands, but I have a direct report that is dropping the ball and I really need to talk to him about it.

    Background: He’s been with my company about 9 months, remote but travels into office occasionally. Started off great with lots of energy and confidence but a few blind spots. Because of when he joined last year he wasn’t eligible for the corporate bonus but due to him jumping in on a high burn project very quickly I recommended to our SVP (and he received) a discretionary bonus instead. This is very rare and I think a testament to his performance at the time.

    For the past few months his performance has been spotty. Some things he does well while other balls he drops. He’s often unavailable for chunks of the day due to dr’s appointments, nanny issues, etc., and doesn’t log on later at night to catch up, so emails and work just sits for a day or two whenever he’s out. I’ve tried to be pretty understanding but at the end of the day the work has to get done and it’s just not getting done.

    Over the past few weeks, when I’ve brought this stuff up to him on 1:1s he said I keep changing my mind and I didn’t ask for these things when I thought I did. As a result, I’ve taken to documenting everything. Instead of a Teams call or chat I send an email so he has dates, requests, etc., documented. Last week he called me and blew up over an email I sent, saying I didn’t trust him and actually yelling at me. Definitely a first in my mgmt career.

    This week, he canceled our 1:1 due to a childcare issue but we will both be in person together next week and I’d like to have a come to Jesus with him about performance. In my mind, this isn’t about work/life balance, it’s that the work needs to get done and he’s not on top of things lately. He will say he only has so many hours in the day and his family comes first, and I’m struggling with how hard to come down on him for that because I want to support flexibility. What say you all?

    1. You don’t come down on him for putting his family first; you come down on him for his poor performance doing the job for which he is being paid.

    2. I think this is PIP territory. He needs to be available during working hours, completing his tasks on time, and absolutely not blowing up at you. You sound like a great manager, but you need to stress to him how his performance issues could impact him and that it absolutely isn’t okay. It sounds like he feels very entitled to not perform, take huge chunks of the day off, and get mad at you for not saying anything about it.

      I don’t know any working moms who feel this entitled, so there is obviously a way to prioritize family and not completely disregard your work.

    3. You don’t allow your direct reports to yell at you, for a start. That needs to be a priority here. I’d get something in writing before the next meeting so he can review and ideally reflect before you talk.

    4. I think this sounds like he doesn’t have a nanny, and took a WFH job with a kid that napped through most of the workday and now he has a toddler who is awake most of the work day and things are dropping.

    5. Loop HR in over the temper tantrum, perhaps have another manager with you when you talk to him so you have a witness to his unprofessionalism if he starts yelling again (and for your safety). Focus on his work product and his attitude. Does your company have a probationary period to perhaps put a timeline on when you need to have seen significant improvement?

    6. This irks me coming from the perspective of a working parent who does on occasion need to take a kid to a pedi appt, or do whatever mid-day parental things come with the territory. He’s making it harder for your employer to be flexible to those that deserve it. If I’m out at a school thing or pedi apt, for example, you bet your azz I’m online all night to overcompensate for the fact I was MIA (never am I truly MIA as I’m constantly checking email [character flaw] when at kid things and ppl always have advanced notice). Childcare issues absolutely are real and are often times unexpected – kids get sent home from daycare with fevers unexpectedly and then they have to be out for a full day following the fever, for example. You can’t really plan for that. But when I faced that I still got the work done, on time (albeit later at night / odd hours) and was profusely, and probably over the top, apologetic to my team when it happened.

      So, no, this guy is no help to working parents anywhere. Document all of it and TELL HIM if you haven’t already. Make it abundantly clear “I’m willing to be flexible so long as XYZ” — work done at night, on time, emails answered before the night’s over from what was missed during the day. Then when he fails to do that/meet those standards (all of this documented), you pull back on the flexibility and PIP/heavily consult HR on next steps.

      sidebar: did you tell him the 1:1 can’t be cancelled or insist that it be rescheduled? Don’t give him the freedom to cancel. You are his manager. Manage him, and now.

      1. I once had a boss tell me to knock it off re canceling our 1:1’s. Fond memory. I just hated them and still do. It felt like justifying myself once a week for a full 30 minutes.

        My current job doesn’t not require this, thankfully. I have regular daily interactions w my boss who prefers updates via email and text. It’s great. So I guess I wonder are the 1:1’s necessary or can you just ask for a daily status report instead?

        1. For this guy it definitely sounds like they’re needed!

          It’s a bold move to cancel on your boss repeatedly.

          1. It took her awhile to notice. I just had her assistant cancel every 2nd or 3rd when I had nothing new to report and she usually just filled the time with another meeting. For what it’s worth I still have a solid relationship with my old boss. Much better since we’ve both moved on from the org.

        2. While the employee may have an opinion on this, it is 100% the manager’s decision.

          2. Yeah, I loathe 1:1s but they are the MO at my company and I would never just cancel them repeatedly simply because I don’t like them.

    7. Yelling at you means it’s PIP time already. That’s the ultimate documentation.

      He sounds just like my ex-BIL, who always came into a new job full of steam and charmed and impressed, but he’d get jaded & stop performing at all within the first year. He was full of excuses as to why but the truth was that he wanted to be the golden boy all the time without putting in the effort. He got fired many times after a year, 18 months, 2 years max. And for good reason.

    8. When you do have your come to Jesus, make sure you have a specific agenda. Do you want to give him a month to demonstrate that he can do the job? Do you want to tell him in no uncertain terms that he cannot respond to you with yelling or a tantrum? Etc.

      My point is don’t just tell him he’s falling down on his responsibilities and leave it at that — you need to set up a structure that actually enacts a change. And then follow up with an email, cc-d to HR and whomever else, detailing what what covered and agreed to.

    9. He should explore FMLA if this is dr appointments for anything that would be covered.

    10. You buried the lede. He yelled at you. Unequivocally not acceptable.

      His work is subpar. Also not acceptable. He is unavailable during work hours. At my workplace that is AWOL and is a fireable offense. Not acceptable. I mean, really, just what is this guy actually doing right? Y’all need to start laying a path for him to the door.

      PIP, stat.

  2. Completely frivolous question for the weekend. What color should I paint my nails? I’m going to a concert out of town and want something fun. I’m very pale and will be dressed casually. I’m not going to the store, but I have lots of polish at home, so just tell me a general color (red, blue, hot pink, light pink, purple, coral, black, etc.).

      2. +2 I’m never mad when my nails are hot pink. I also really enjoy bubblegum pink.

    4. Depends on the concert and the rest of your outfit! Rock concert? Black. Pop? Hot pink!

  3. I really like the 6-ply type cotton gauze muslin comforters and quilts and stuff. I keep getting ads for random brands like Ownkoti. Is there a gold standard for this kind of product? I seem to remember someone mentioning something years ago (with a basic name like The Muslin Company or Miracle Muslin or something) but can’t remember and google is failing me.

    1. muslincomfort.com ? I don’t have any personal experience with them, but it’s a woman owned business and seems to have plenty of great online reviews.

    2. I have a blanket from Muslin Comfort, and it is terrific quality. Washes well, still soft after two years.

  4. I recently joined the board of a nonprofit. Do those of you with experience on a board have any advice? It does seem like there is some tension between the staff which wants to board to only fundraise and the board which wants to also provide some oversight and direction.

    1. Congrats on your board position! When you were exploring this did anyone describe the specific board governance type? Will there be any training for new board members? That might help as you navigate this. Oversight is a very reasonable part of board service!

    2. Welcome to my life. I am in my third year on a board where the staff desperately wants the board to fundraise and fundraise only, and the board wants to govern. It is very hard. I think boardsource.org is a useful resource.

      One of the things that I am working on is how I use time at board meetings. It is often really fun to ask questions and get into the operational details. But that’s not always a great use of time or a great use of board resources. So I’m trying to really limit my participation to questions or discussions that go to governance.

      I also think it’s valuable to find some small piece that you can dive deep on and really own. Committees are a great way to do that.

      Finally, one of the most important things is to have a really clear understanding of what is a board decision and what is a CEO decision. There is no universal best practice, and different boards have different approaches. But it is super helpful to have a clear vision from your board president or CEO of what falls into board authority. If you don’t have that, I suggest treading very carefully because that’s when lines get blurred.

      1. Your last point is a good one. I was in the board of a non-charity non-profit research institute for years. The board members were chosen for our expertise in the area being researched. But so was our excellent non profit staff, especially including the president.

        It was really hard at times for several of my fellow board members to remember that we were there to provide input and direction, but not to run the day to day. That’s why we had an excellent paid staff!

    3. I’m a nonprofit fundraiser who also wants you Board members to raise money 😂 Kidding aside, in every org I’ve worked in, there has been one employee of the Board: the CEO. That is who the Board manages and works with and while other staff can (and do!) certainly have interactions/strategize with the Board, there is one employee for the Board to manage. A board’s job is to have fiduciary oversight and ensure the CEO is keeping the org true to mission in a responsible fashion.

      And fiduciary responsibility = fundraising. Nobody wants to do it but it’s a part of the job if you want a strong organization.

  5. Summer is here and therefore I am an unfortunate sweaty mess. Are there any magical products or tips for keeping cool, especially around the midsection/thigh area? I am an apple shape with a bit of an apron belly and once I hit my 30s, it seems like all my sweating happens there. It’s so gross and uncomfortable. I really like being outside but breezy dresses are not an option (even with skimmies) because the sweat literally drips down my legs. Help.

      1. JJ baby powder has been linked to thousands of cases of ovarian cancer and they are being sued left and right for it right now. Don’t use baby powder anywhere on your body – it has talc which is often laced with asbestos and can cause all types of cancer.

    2. Fellow sweaty person. Handling things with a combination of Lume on body – they have one that now includes sweat control – regular deodorant, and things like bodyglide/anti-chafe gel. Good luck.

    3. make sure that your baby powder says talc free–they do exist. there are breathable types of skimmies–jockey makes some. and try Lume deodorant–I have not, but people like it.

    4. To address the swearing issue: try Certain Dry. Put it directly on areas where you sweat. But do not put it on any irritated areas or areas with broken skin!! It will burn. You may have to use it regularly for dependable results. That will stop the sweat from even happening. Talc free powder will also help stop the sweat. Anti chafing gel like Monistat will help the irritation and chafing. Ive also seen women recommend using a maxi pad tucked into the fold of your belly with underwear to absorb sweat. Lume body wash has helped me with slightly irritated skin under my breasts but keep in mind that deodorant will do nothing for sweating. For sweating, you need an antiperspirant.

    5. I got the Thigh Society cooling skimmie shorts and they *work* they feel like nothing but they do keep one a touch cooler than other bike shorts. They don’t provide compression but they do just enough to support the softer body parts in the thighs, lower belly, etc to keep one comfortable.

  6. Curious to hear about your workout routines. Runner, Peloton, weights? I’ve never been disciplined enough to put a thorough routine together, so have always defaulted to treadmill/elliptical. Recently started taking Pure Barre classes, and feel like it’s a great fit to alternate between their classic, align (yoga-like) and define (weights) classes. If you do barre classes, have you noticed any changes to your body? I am 41, so am hoping to focus on building/maintaining muscles, flexibility and core strength. It’s pricey, but figure worth it if I’ll actually stick with it.

    1. When I did a Barre program years ago, that was the first time I saw noticeable definition in my butt. I went up a pants size, no joke. It wasn’t my favorite type of workout tbh, but if you like it that’s awesome!

      My routine – not super defined, try and do three or four 20-30 minute workouts at home every week. I use the Peloton App for at home. I do a mix of the weights classes, hiking classes on the tread (I have a different brand tread), and yoga. I sprinkle in low impact cardio classes that are really fun. If anyone haas Peloton and hasn’t done Rebecca Kennedy’s split programs, I highly highly recommend. They’re so good.

      In a yoga studio, I teach two 60 minute classes a week and I usually take one from another teacher.

      We also try and do weekly local hikes. Right now we’re out of the habit but we definitely feel better when we get this going.

    2. I was in the best shape of my life when I was doing barre classes 3-5x each week. My posture was better, I felt strong and really confident about my body and its abilities. I was in my 20s and now in my 30s I still love a barre class but have moved to other forms of exercise…maybe I should get back to that level of commitment though!

      1. Ohhh, I just re-signed up for barre this morning. It was expensive so I quit about a year ago, but I’ve lost a few pounds so want to see if I can do more of the moves.

    3. I e always worked out.

      Here is my general routine which does vary week to week:

      – barre 2-3x week
      – 2 mile run/walk in morning 2-3x week
      – peloton arms and light weights 2-3x week (just 10 min eac)
      – another 1-3 mile walk in evenings.

      I’m 50yo and have always maintained a size 2-4 figure.

    4. i consider myself winning if i get 3 workouts in a week, with 4 being optimal. i’ve been doing strength training for a long time but took a break back in april and started walking, but now i’m not doing anything and really need to get back to it. just signed up for the Rise Lite program but haven’t done anything yet. i’m kind of freaking out because i’ve heard building muscles in the 10 years around menopause are incredibly important so i really need to get back to it.

      before strength training i did couch to 5k or the FIRM videos/jillian michaels type stuff.

    5. I am 39, I walk or cycle everywhere (typically 25-30 miles a week), go to hot yoga 1x a week, and have added in a weekly spin which I’m kind of obsessed with. It hasn’t impacted my weight (eat too much cake), but definitely impacts how I feel in my body. I’m very tired at the end of the day, but rarely feel out of breath even in my hilly city, and often feel like I’ve got physical energy throughout the day. I was thinner and going to yoga 2-3x a week prepandemic and in the last few weeks I’ve noticed I’m getting to where I was before in planks, flexibility etc, despite the extra weight. I have lupus so the goal is to stay as active as possible for as long as possible.

      I find it hard to develop a routine without a person in the room with me telling me what to do. I use classpass so it cuts the cost and gives me lots of flexibility to check out classes when travelling.

    6. I walk or mountain bike every day and do strength/stretching for core to prevent low back pain from slipped discs. I want to add in more high-intensity exercise and strength as well. I’m mid/cusp plus size and I’ve been enjoying using exercise as a way to see what my body can do, regardless of what it looks like. It’s been especially helpful during pregnancy.

    7. Realistic answer. I walk my dog 2 miles a day. That’s it. My regular non-dog-walking life involves a lot of walking as well, as I live in a walkable neighborhood.

    8. I tried PureBarre for 4 months and I just canceled it. PB was the latest in a long line of pilates/barre type workouts I’ve tried and it was my least favorite. For the price, it just didn’t give me the results I’ve gotten with other, less expensive programs. I did it for 4 months to give it a fair shake. FWIW I’m in my late 20s and currently at a healthy-for-me weight/average build with a history of obesity (so body re-comping does not come easy to me). This is my current routine and I’m quite happy with it! My bf even noticed some ab definition that I hadn’t!

      – 1-2x/week: Solidcore (I use classpass)
      – 2x/week: The Sculpt Society 45 min-advanced program at home
      – 2x/week: PVolve at home (my FAVE workout ever. I started during the pandemic and it gave me the long lean body of my dreams with a perky booty too). I currently do their strength training program to add some heavier weights to my routine.

      + I try to go for 10k steps/day which is usually an hourish evening walk. I also aim for at least 100g protein which I think helps?

    9. I cycle through various Sweat App workouts. some are shorter like 12 week programs and some are three times that length. The individual workouts can be as short as thirty minutes up to an hour and you can choose home based, gym based, weights, body weight, no equipment etc. It’s extremely customizable. I prefer heavy weight lifting but but not Olympic lifting though once I work through a few issues I might start that in the Fall because I will be in the gym at work a lot more and then staff and equipment are really good. I like to change it up a lot. Right now I am doing a Dumbbell HIIT program that is really good. I do three workouts of that a week (other programs had me lifting as much as five times per week) and I am running 5km 3-5 times a week (I don’t always run but usually do a couple of two to three months long training stints a year). I also walk a fair amount and do an insane amount of stairs because I have to go up ten stories a couple of times a day to access my secure system workstation and I walk that and the seven stories up to my office and down for coffee. Have never done barre and don’t love classes but my main client is running a weekly generic PT class and I might join next week because they are super into it and I would like to make friends as I am new.

      1. I generally hit 10k steps on days when I don’t run and 15k+ on days I do. We had a convoluted commute this year because my husband had to go waytown for his job and we had four kids at three schools but we can both cycle next year and the two oldest kids will do that with me for probably about 8 months of the years which will be about 80km a week. (Like the above poster, I also eat a lot protein and aim for 1gr per pound of body weight and I also fast at least 12 hours but almost always 16 or 18 hours per day, I alternate with my focus and pay less attention to the protein sometimes and sometimes to the fasting).

    10. I didn’t notice visible changes to my body other than posture (which is great!). But I liked it and for a while it was my workout of choice (former dancer). I know people who love it and look great.

      Age 35. I have learned I workout best with in person, out of my home, accountability. My current workout routine:
      – run 2-4 miles, 2x/week, with a shoe store that has an inexpensive running program (social and workout)
      – workout 1x/week, with a trainer, for 30 min (free weights/body weight)
      – yoga 1x/week, at a studio. Usually vinyasa or relax/slow flow.

      I went from working out 3x/month to working out 4x/week over the course of a year. People (and me) are noticing visible results in the last three months.

    11. I workout 5 times per week plus one ‘recovery workout day where I do something easier like a family bike ride. I have a Peloton Bike and Tread and a habit of signing up for races at like 2AM and then realizing the next morning that I have to run a Half marathon in X months. I’ve done PureBarre but just use the Peloton classes now.

      I tend to run 2 days 30-ish minute endurance runs/tempo/fun runs on my Tread (can sub out a bike session), 2 days sprints/intervals/harder runs of 20-40 minutes, then one day of a longer run outside. I add in some strength but not enough, usually opting for Peloton barre or pilates.

      I still don’t know if you can tell if I work out looking at me. I dislike my upper arms but also am not willing to do the extreme dieting my body seems to need right now to drastically change shape. Honestly, it’s been diet not exercise that have changed my body visibly, but I notice that as I get older my fitness is keeping me active, so that’s the big benefit.

  7. Maybe an interesting question based on some recent discussions here – what is your ideal marriage? What did your parents’ marriage look like, what do you want to do differently and what do you want the same?

    1. Honestly? I have it. We’re not perfect (no one is), but we’re both happy every day. Our conflicts are minor. Yelling/real fighting happens maybe once or twice in five years. We spend a ton of time together and could always spend more. We laugh every day. We try new things together, like the same things, respect each other, are grateful for each other, and more. We still garden consistently after almost 20 years together. It’s funny, though, since our backgrounds could not be more opposite and both of our sets of parents had various issues. You can find compatibility in unexpected places. I sometimes wonder if it helps that we both went through significant trauma in our childhoods, although the types were different. Maybe it’s made us more empathetic.

      I’ll also add that it’s gotten better as we’ve gotten older. I think we did argue a bit more or have more conflicts when we were younger, but they’re honestly so rare now. I think we’ve both learned how the other person operates and when not to start something – kind of nice to think that we haven’t been butting heads over the same stupid things all this time. People actually can learn and grow.

      I guess my big tip is to have fun with your spouse. Find things to do together that make you both laugh – ideally something adventurous in the outdoors so you both feel strong and proud of the other person for doing something cool. I’m never more attracted to him than when we’re laughing and having a great time together (without phones, of course!).

      1. +1. Am super excited for my husband to get off work so we can hang out. Married life is the best. Interestingly, we also understand each other in that we had our own traumatic childhoods and don’t want to replicate anything our parents did. However, we don’t focus on the past too much. Being free to chart our own path has worked wonderfully, and I have a much happier and equitable relationship than I would have imagined possible (having grown up with some sexist programming). We appear to be very different people, but we have a lot in common and have taken note of each other’s likes and dislikes.

      2. *1 for my own. I didn’t settle, dated a lot and got lucky and eventually met and married my favorite person.

    2. my parents are still together and worked as a team my whole life. they’ve gotten pissy but never truly fought in front of me. i’m not sure if either one could choose the other if they went back in time to when they started dating, and i think the romance died a long time ago.

      my marriage is shaping up to be very similar. we’re a team and a family but there’s no romance but we still love exploring and learning together.

    3. A good sex life makes the difficult parts easier. We’ve been married for 25 years now.

        1. My own grandmother, born in 1906, said the same to me in a very roundabout way. All I can say is “get it, Grandma!”

      2. For me, intimacy is more important than sex specifically. We do best when we have a lot of hugging, kissing, playful gropes, massages, and other intimate activities built in to each day. Sex is an important part, but the overall picture matters even more.

          2. Yea I tend to agree that daily intimacy is important but not necessarily gardening. Everyone is different and let’s not shame other peoples desires and priorities in a marriage.

    4. My ideal marriage is no marriage at all, and I’ve succeeded swimmingly so far ;)

    5. I am very happy in my marriage. We get along well, communicate well, and have a lot of fun together. It was honestly really good for many years, then a few rough years when we had small children and the pandemic. My husband was working non-stop during the pandemic (physician). It was really difficult for all of us. We grew apart during that time and had to really intentionally get ourselves back on track. We weren’t fighting or anything but we were not connecting in the way we always had. We now make it a priority to spend time together and try really hard to go to bed together. Our kids are now teenagers and so more independent which has allowed us more time together.

      His parents had a pretty good marriage and I think he learned how to be a good partner thorough them. My parents had a terrible marriage that ended in a terrible divorce and left me with a lot of trust issues. Early in our marriage, my husband was so patient with me as I worked through those. i hope we have modeled a healthy marriage for our children. Their friends come over and comment that they have never heard us yelling. We have disagreements and don’t shield our children from those but we always speak respectfully to each other.

      1. You had small kids during
        the pandemic and now they’re teenagers?

        Why is this math confusing me

        1. They had rough years when they had small kids and separately during the pandemic. Two separate rough patches.

    6. I am unhappy in my marriage. Husband has plumbing issues that were never addressed. As a result it’s years since we had sex. No touching, holding or any other type of intimacy. We are not intellectual partners. What we are is good parents to our one teenager. My ideal marriage is where there is intimacy, sexual and emotional alongside the good partnership.

    7. I’m very close to it, and I really lucked out. My husband is independently wealthy and generous. I mean, he doesn’t have a castle or anything but he’s been so kind, caring, and giving and I feel lucky every day to have found him. He’s also handsome, sweet, patient, low key, and a great match for my more anxious self. We were friends first, and that’s the basis of our relationship.

      We aren’t perfect–he’s a bit of a “follower” type and really leans on me to do 100% of the planning and logistics, and can be a little childish in that way, but when I look at the big picture, that’s a strength for me anyway and we don’t have kids, so reminding him of a flight time or to complete Honey Do items is really not a big deal. He has a couple chores and does not need reminding to do basics and pick up after himself.

      Also, he’d never had a girlfriend as an adult before me, and doesn’t have female friends (not by choice, it’s just how it shook out in life) and this was perfect for me. I can be a little territorial and jealous and I didn’t want Perfect Ex or We’re Just Friends I Swear or Hottie Coworker in the background haunting me.

  8. Can anyone remember who makes some really chic, beautiful caftans? There was a lovely one I remember coveting last summer, but it was pricey I hesitated. Now I want it, but can’t remember the site….

    6. Thanks all. I think it was Emerson Frye, and now I will look through all of your other suggestions.
      If anyone has a favorite caftan, do share!

  9. I will be in NYC for a week for work in the middle of July. Help me plan outfits, which may include buying some pieces. I will have to walk a few blocks from the hotel to various offices and in these situations, I am usually a sweaty mess. I’d like to avoid this as much as possible by wearing pieces that are appropriate. I’m thinking sleeveless dresses are my go to while carrying a sweater/jacket to put on in the office. What say you? What are you wearing in hot cities these days? I should mention that I will need to look polished and “executive.”

    1. Linen and cotton – forget the 4 season suiting.

      Also, walk slower, stay in the shade, and try to avoid crossing on the “stopped cars” side of the street at lights (engines are so hot!!) – which is counterintuitive to my normal maximum-efficiency walking speed & street crossing but priceless when it’s 98 out.

    2. Did this for many years. On the hottest days, even in a corporate-dress offices on Wall Street, lots of women were in summer dresses. Not sundresses, but like a dress you’d wear to a garden wedding. Bring a jacket, but don’t worry about having a suit look on a super hot day.

    3. I guess I don’t sweat as much as others, but I like linen tee shirts under suits, not wearing the jacket when outside.

    5. I just got back from New York. Here’s what I wore:

      1) Sleeveless blue dress, heels, white linen blazer.
      2) Navy blue wide-leg suit with a white and blue striped t-shirt, carry the blazer
      3) Short sleeved midi dress, no blazer.
      4) I wore heels but everyone – literally everyone – was wearing white sneakers. Highly recommended, and you can always switch into heels at your destination.
      5) Giant dark sunglasses, hair up, and minimal on the makeup so as not to sweat it all off.

      I highly recommend taking a cab or car service. DO NOT TAKE THE SUBWAY. Too sweaty!

        1. Not the original poster but confirming in NYC we all wear sneakers during in-office days! Cute outfits, including professional but trendy suits, with trendy and clean white sneaks.

    6. I mostly wear midi dresses, with a jacket for inside. No heels on most occasions. Everyone commutes in birks or white sneakers, sometimes sandals (sporty ones are popular). I do my share of flats, too. Currently have a pair of silver ones in heavy rotation.

      Linen, seersucker, silk and cotton are your best bet. Anything natural and breathable. Wide leg pants in a summer fabric also work well.

    7. My fave! I was just in NYC in early June and I brought:

      Very lightweight silk shells or drapey tunics

      Linen shells/button back tanks

      Wide legged linen pants

      For executive look: structured linen or seersucker pants/suiting + silk shell + Uniqlo Airism blazer or similar

      Maxi dresses for going out/dinners

      Swingy mini dress that is oversized and breezy

      Everlane Day Glove Italian flat for walking –I think a slim leather flat or lightweight ballet-flat style shoe is the most comfortable as heels can be very unpleasant in super hot weather

      Pretty tencel/rayon printed kimono style topper (in this case “Market of Stars” brand) for air con–can be rolled up and thrown in a purse when one’s outdoors–I think this could work for more casual meetings or work situations as well, over a silk/linen shell + Serious Jewelry

      Street sneaks (in this case Golden Goose, I know, I know but they are the only sneakers that I didn’t have to break in and they go with everything)

  10. Really wish J Crew made the going out blazer in white. Can anyone suggest something similar?

  11. is anyone familiar with STABLE/ABLE accounts? trying to decide whether to keep saving for my child’s 529 or if i should switch all of the monthly amount to his stable. my understanding is that the stable can be used for college and other tuition but also for general life expenses, but 529 can only be used for school. the 529 could be rolled into the stable. but the 529 could also be rolled over to my other child or another beneficiary. we’ve been contributing small amounts to the stable on top of maxing his 529 and all birthday checks go into the stable. he has about 10k in the stable, about 60k in 529 accounts, and another 19k in an utma i started before i knew better. i thinkt he 529 and stable don’t “count” for medicare/medicaid purposes but the utma would.

    (if i start deducting money from the utma for his expenses like tuition and depositing the same amount in the stable account will that be frowned upon by the powers that be? when i researched a few months ago it looked like it’s mostly kids who bring claims if utmas are used inappropriately?)

    my child is 12 and unlikely to go to college but we’ll see.

    1. I can’t compare and contrast but my favorite thing about my kids’ 529 accounts is that the earnings have been tax-free, as long as the withdrawals are properly used for education, which has been huge. So make sure you look into that. My kids are both in college now and we are right on track.

  12. Why is it pancreatic, cervical, and uterine cancer and yet also skin, prostate, lung, and colon cancer? Some are adjectives and some are nouns; all used for body part involved. Grammatically, why is this?

    1. I think it’s not really a grammatical question, but more a question of what caught on as a popular usage and as broad terms for purposes of advocacy and fund raising.

      Because our medical tradition is Greek in origin and the language of academia for centuries was Latin, most medical terminology is Latin and/or Greek, and Greek especially isn’t always catchy in English. (It’s hard to raise money for e.g. “bronchogenic carcinoma” without a lot of explaining.)

      This history also means that we didn’t always bother coming up with an adjectival form of a native English word like “lung” (the adjective is pulmonary, from the Latin). “Skin” again is a native English word, but “dermatological” is and sounds Greek. With the outliers, catchiness is still a likely factor (does the adjectival form “sound funny” because it’s not otherwise in common usage or for phonetic reasons).

      1. Agree with this, I think it’s easier for laymen to understand “pancreatic” means pancreas than “pulmonary” means lungs — so the divide is really that adjectives that sound like their nouns are used, and when adjectives are their own unique word then the noun is used (if you’re looking for a pattern or rule).

      2. So I’d have to do a lot of sleuthing to see if this is historically the case, but to me “pancreatic” is so familiar from “pancreatic enzymes” that it rolls easily off the tongue. I personally hate saying “colonic” because the vowels get mixed up, but I think colon cancer was colorectal cancer which is adjectival but they moved away from including “rectal” in the popular name. With prostate cancer, my guess is that there just wasn’t a native English word that everyone knows, but they were following the “noun” convention as if there were one. (They do use the adjective when it’s not cancer in the phrase benign prostatic hyperplasia.)

        1. Pancreatic enzymes are what, exactly? IIRC insulin is made in the pancreas but maybe there are other things? I feel like I inhabit a body I barely know.

          2. I think you probably know them but just didn’t know the pancreas made them in addition to making hormones. Lipase (breaks down fat), protease (breaks down proteins), amylase (breaks down starch).

    2. Is it possible that skin, lung, etc are being used in the adjectival form here?

  13. I need a swim cover up for myself to throw on after my kid’s swim class that is made of a water resistant fabric. I usually throw on a cotton dress but it absorbs the moisture from my bathing suit (even after I towel off) and gets wet spots in embarrassing places

    2. They make wearable towels for surfers intended to be big enough for you to remove your suit. I usually just drove home sitting on a towel.

    4. I would get something made out of performance fabric, it’s quick drying. The Columbia freezer dress or something from Cabana Life. I’ll link in the reply.

      1. https://www.columbia.com/p/womens-pfg-freezer-iii-dress-1538021.html?dwvar_1538021_color=496&dwvar_1538021_size=L&ef_id=CjwKCAjw7NmzBhBLEiwAxrHQ-ai9j0kgtOjaoqdXctAyjIi21rY30mNWo6-Tw9IjLTSCs-CXu6UJWRoCLp8QAvD_BwE:G:s&s_kwcid=AL!3937!3!!!!x!!!20012679063!&mid=paidsearch&nid=COL|Brand|PMAX|Medium_Price_Feed_Only|Google|US_New&eid=Google+PMax+US&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw7NmzBhBLEiwAxrHQ-ai9j0kgtOjaoqdXctAyjIi21rY30mNWo6-Tw9IjLTSCs-CXu6UJWRoCLp8QAvD_BwE If you have an outlet near you these are generally about 30% off.

        https://www.cabanalife.com/collections/cover-ups-1

    5. I don’t think there’s any coverup fabric that is not going to pick up the spots from your wet suit underneath – quick dry works when /you’re/ dry but it’s not going to make your suit dry.

      If you’re literally just driving home, and this is the “what if I get pulled over on the way” clothes would you be comfortable with something that looks really obviously like swim clothes – like pull on a pair of board shorts and your top is still your swim top? it’ll still get wet spots but it’s clear you just came from pool, not like “I’m wearing something that looks like a sundress with mystery wet spots”. Honestly I’ll run into a grocery store like this too but I live in a pretty casual place, where “stopping on the way home from the lake/mountains/camping” is normal

  14. Someone recommended the Slate article on s3x selection this morning, and wowza. Thank you for recommending it! Has any one else read it and have any thoughts? I’ll reply with the link.

    I had secondary infertility and we opted not to find out the s3x of our embryos- it felt like trying to control something we shouldn’t control.

    2. Highly recommend people ignore this click bait. Yay slate ya found the weirdest people in the country again. Thanks.

    3. I could barely read that whole thing. I feel terrible for the children whose parents have put so much stock into what they think they’re going to be based on their sex. What if your daughter isn’t a feminine girl? What if she’s not mommy’s Mini Me? Yuck. Wish I hadn’t read it!

  15. Went to the annual Florida Bar convention this week and was happy to see women in bright and pastel color suits. Such a change from the blue, black and grey that we have been seeing for many years.

  16. I’ve had neck and should discomfort for the past few weeks and am thinking of trying a new pillow. Currently using a contoured memory foam pillow that’s several years old. There’s nothing obviously wrong but I’m not sure how a good pillow should feel. I’m overwhelmed by the options. Has anyone done this research before and have a recommendation?

    1. This is one area of my life where research didn’t help me; the pillow that helped me cost <$10 from Ikea at the time and the well researched ones were a bust!

      I will say that one nice thing about a down/feather or imitation pillow is that they're fluffable and moldable, so at least it helps to get an idea of what's desirable based on how you're squishing your pillow each night!

Comments are closed.