Weekend Open Thread
Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
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Does anyone have an experience with a painful ovarian cyst? I was in the ER this week for pain and tenderness around a lump in my abdomen (under the left side of my 6 year old csection scar). Diagnosed with a 1.8 cm ovarian cyst as the culprit. I called my gynecologist to follow up. Doctor reviewed the ER records and said a cyst that size should not be causing a lump/pain per the nurse who called me back. So, now I have an ER doc saying the cyst is the problem, and a gynecologist that is saying it isn’t. I’ve got an appointment next week to follow up, but I’m wondering about other’s real experiences. FWIW, I called my PCP to follow up as well, and she told me to just talk to the gynecologist. Also, I had a UTI at the ER as well.
I had an ovarian cyst years ago that was literally the worst pain of my life, but I didn’t have an external lump.
The lump would be concerning to me, and I’d want to get additonal testing to rule out other diagnoses.
+1. I had 2 ovarian cysts burst and the first time it hurt so bad I puked. I also had a 10cm cyst about four years ago that had to be surgically removed – it was painful and there was a risk for torsion. Still with the big cyst I didn’t have an external lump.
The ER doc’s job is to make sure you aren’t actively dying and send you home. The ovarian cyst is probably an incidental finding at that size, as someone who’s had multiple. Go to your follow-ups, but be prepared to make more appointments if the answers you’re getting don’t make sense. If you need to go back to the ER, you may have better luck at a different ER.
I had a huge cyst on ovaries, which was palpable and then surgically removed. It was pressing on other organs, felt uncomfortable and it triggered painful cramps. I also had a smaller cyst which burst – and I nearly fainted with pain when that happened.
I also had a lipoma in upper abdomen, which also got uncomfortable, as it was pressing on other organs and was visible under skin (as a lump).
I would do the follow-up to understand what is causing your pain and then addressing it (could be the cyst, could be something else, could be old scar tissue pulling and cramping…). Don’t give up and wish you good luck!
This does not directly answer your question, but if it is helpful, I recently had a substantially larger one removed, along with one ovary and both tubes (I am done having babies). I did not feel any pain; an MRI for a hamstring tear found the cyst. My doctor opted to monitor it for a few months via ultrasound. She wasn’t exactly sure what it was and the appearance was changing, so we decided it had to come out. It was a pretty easy surgery and recovery and I was back to exercising in about two weeks. The cyst was benign.
I would be surprised if a cyst that small was the cause of your pain, but trust your instincts. Go to your appointment and ask your doctor the plan for monitoring the cyst and treating your pain, and seek a second opinion if you aren’t satisfied with the answers.
I didn’t have an external lump but I have had an ovarian cyst that eventually burst. They gave me pain meds for it in the ER. It was extremely painful for a week, maybe 2.
I’ve had many ovarian cysts rupture…which is the worst pain ever, including my first ever period where I ended up in the hospital. Fun times with your parents at 13! I’ve had several removed surgically. Trust your gut. If you are in pain, go to the dr. Or find another OBGYN if she’s not listening to you. There might be something else going on.
Is there any polite way to tell my brother he should settle down asap if he wants to? (and i know he does want to, and he wants children.) he’s mid 40s and has never been in a long term relationship — i just don’t see how he’s going to make space in his life for a new person if he doesn’t do it asap. when we’ve discussed he’s half-heartedly done a dating app or two in the past, and in recent years has been doing the “won’t date women under 30” thing because he wants children.
the problem is that he’s still very covid cautious — he won’t dine inside restaurants, etc. (is there any polite way to tell him to get over that, too?)
There is no polite way to tell a single person who does not want to be single that they should just get past their hang-ups. I’m now partnered in my early 40s but in my late 30s single years, this kind of discussion would not have helped at all, and would have just made me feel awful about myself.
It sounds like you’ve already discussed this with him – what is to be gained by this conversation?
Your brother is mid-40s and has never been in a serious relationship? And he’s still covid cautious? And you think he needs to be told to settle down? It sounds like you’re describing a man with some sort of emotional or intellectual delay. Tell him straight out – no dancing around – but don’t expect it to make a difference. It sounds like he’ll be single for life.
Men are simple creatures and show with their actions. He might say he wants to get married and have kids, but his actions with dating say he doesn’t really care.
I know several middle aged people who still don’t do indoor dining and don’t have any kind of intellectual or emotional disability (they’re all married and most have kids). Never having been in a relationship would be kind of a red flag but it’s also not *that* uncommon for a 40 something man.
+1. He doesn’t sound like a catch, TBH. Going after 20-somethings when you’re in your 40s because “I wanna have kids” is just gross.
I thought “won’t date women under 30” meant dating women who are ready to have kids and not hoping to put if off. Was it a typo for “over 30”?
Ah, it’s possible that I totally misread that. Nevertheless, he does not sound like someone who cares that much about settling down or is prepared to be a partner.
Yea I read it as he doesn’t want 20-somethings who aren’t ready to have kids.
sorry, it was a typo — although i’m not sure how old is too old for him but he’ll only date a narrow age range of like 25-32 or something.
i just don’t think he feels any pressure from a biological clock. but i think at a certain point in life it’s hard to make room for another person because you’ve been alone for too long.
It kind of bothers me that he would have a narrow range and a low cut off age for women when he’s already “advanced paternal age” when it comes to his own biological clock, of which he’s apparently unaware!
This is objectively gross. A mid-40s man who seems like the opposite of a catch, and will only date women more than a decade younger than him? What does he think he has to offer these women? Is he aware that women in their late 30s and early 40s routinely have children? I’m sorry to be so harsh but this is just so gross and emblematic of what is wrong with our culture.
@ OP – ew
I thought you meant he would only date women over 30 because they’d be ready for children soon (but also reasonably close to his age), which actually would make more sense TBH
+1. I can understand having an upper age range of 40 or even 35 if he wants kids, but if he lives in a large metro area women in their mid-20s are likely not ready for marriage and kids any time soon. Early-mid 30s is the sweet spot for women who are ready for kids but not too old to have them.
of course he isn’t a catch! but there’s someone for everyone.. at least that’s the hope
Gently, no. There is no kind or polite way to tell your brother either of those things.
He’s a grownup and he knows what his priorities are. If he’s covid cautious, then he needs to meet a partner who is okay with that, so there’s no need to stop being himself in order to date. Same thing on never having a LTR. He will meet someone or he won’t, but there are lots of ways to have a family, and he will find his way. Or he won’t.
If he finds the right person he will form a serious relationship. Settling down just for the sake of settling down is not a good idea.
It doesn’t sound like conventional dating, dining inside restaurants, etc. has worked for him before now. Dating is not for everyone or the only path to settling down. If he wants to connect with COVID cautious people, plenty of them are going to be women, so I’m not convinced that’s the problem if there is a problem here. In general, when people aren’t going towards what they say they want, I’m not sure it’s the kind of thing where if we just say the right thing, they’ll snap out of it and start acting in accord with what they say they want to do. I have seen it help sometimes when people who had the right relationship kind of set a date by which they’d each take some step, but honestly not about relationships (more about other big steps like house hunting or job hunting).
Men don’t have the biological clock women do, and it’s easier for them to date 15-20 years younger. DH has a friend who is sort of like this (minus the Covid caution, and he has had a few monogamous relationships but has mostly been single). We turn 40 this year, and everyone in their college friend group has been married for the better part of a decade except this guy. DH & I both assume that in our late 40s or 50s, this guy will marry a 30-something woman and have a couple kids with her. Maybe we’re wrong, but it’s not uncommon.
I see your DH is friends with my brother.
(I’m not the OP. Evidently there are a lot of us with these brothers)
My DH’s friend is an only child :) There are a lot of them!
Some people just wait to find the right person instead of settling. Both my husband and I had never married when we met at 40+.
I think you can have an open talk with him. Rather than naming his hang-ups, or perhaps in addition to discussing them, could you suggest a therapist or dating coach to help him along? (Never a long-term relationship? His inexperience has to be hurting him at this age & some extra input might help but it doesn’t have to be from only you.)
I’ve been watching Later Daters on Netflix. I like that it points to the fact that being open to
Learning can get you where you want to go.
i like this idea and haven’t heard of that show. i’ll have to look – does the show use any dating coaches?
Yes, they have one dating coach with excellent qualifications as well as having the daters debrief with friends/family. It’s for older adults looking for a partner (late 50s and beyond) but still relevant I think. I also liked “Love on the Spectrum” which features people with autism which again highlights dating as a learning process (with coaches/various supports).
Maybe you can try to get your brother to put himself out there with some extra support.
Your brother sounds a lot like my brother, some people are just lemons and you have to leave them be. If he actually wanted those things he’d make the necessary changes.
I’d wait until he complains then point out that he keeps doing the same thing and expecting a different result. If he’s serious about finding a relationship but isn’t willing to change his approach then of course it won’t work, or it will take a very long time. In the meantime you prefer not to discuss dating with him.
It is really gross to call another a human being a “lemon”.
I’m okay calling men with gross misogynistic dating standards lemons.
I’m failing to see the age problem—it’s literally the age range folks can still have babies. I’m 50. He and I would be wasting time if having a baby was a priority to him. If I were trying to find a professional basketball player, it isn’t like to happen with a guy who is 5’4. You don’t lose value by age or height but ignoring significant limitations isn’t helpful. There is misogyny and just being real, especially if he plans to date a bit to get to know the person. Save the misogyny talk for real slights—like treating someone poorly by age or gender. He can choose what he wants in a mate. I can choose whether I want to date someone with red hair. Nothing wrong so long as you’re still a decent person to redheads.
What bothers me is the double standard given his own age. 35+ year old women can still have babies; risks just start to go up. 40+ year old men can still have babies, but the risks start to go up.
30 as an age ceiling for women is pretty nuts though, unless he lives in like rural Oklahoma. Most women in major metro areas don’t even want to have kids before 30. I can understand him not wanting to date 40+ if bio kids are important to him, but he should really be dating women in their 30s who are more likely to want kids in the next few years.
+1 million to 12:10. Also, it’s fine for him to be realistic. He doesn’t have the same limits as a woman and perhaps he wants to be in a relationship for a while before jumping into having kids. I also see zero wrong with his age range, it makes sense for someone in his shoes. I’d do the same thing if the situation were reversed. And OP, it is seriously none of your business.
Define gross. I ask because I am not even remotely grossed out.
As a perpetually single person the last thing I need is another smug married telling me how to live my life.
I’m married, but this comment seems super Smug Married to me!
Agreed. This is not your business, OP. Unless your brother has asked for your opinion and assistance, I would urge you to refrain from commenting. He already knows he is single, so no need to point that out, wouldn’t be productive. He can’t live his life to please you.
Some people like thinking about the possibility of things rather than doing them.
Yes absolutely.
Is he asking for your advice? If not, do not provide it.
This, 100%. IF he asks, then you can offer whatever advice you have. But only if he explicitly asks — not if he vents or laments to you. This is a very mind-your-own-business-let-him-live-his-life situation.
+1 to this. He is an adult and well aware of his own personal situation. This is not your business.
Honestly, no. I’m in my late 40s and IME, guys like this either stay single or single-ish forever or find a spouse and have kids when the urge strikes.
My husband’s high school bff never dated anyone seriously until he hit 45. At 45, he got married to a 30-ish woman after six months of dating, and they now have two kids. They are still married and seem happy.
Quentin Tarantino is a relatively famous example of this – got married in his late 50s to a much younger woman (this is probably a Hollywood Famous Guy bylaw lol).
If he’s got a steady job, there’s probably a rich supply of younger woman who would be happy to date him. He also may not really want kids or a partner. Some people are just happier single.
True. I think I prefer it when they forego the preceding longterm relationship, since the other way I’ve seen this happen is a break up with a longterm girlfriend followed by the quick marriage when they decide to settle down and have kids.
Oh yes, the preceding longterm relationship with the woman I usually liked better because she was smart and independent. So frequent, and I always think less of guys who do that kind of thing.
SO MANY of my friends have been the woman in the preceding longterm relationship. The worst.
It’s really on you to have your own standards and get out if you’re not getting what you want. You can call it being led on, I think it’s more wishful thinking and failure to assess the situation. If you want to get married and have kids and the guy you’re with is dragging his feet, break up and go get what you want. It’s most likely he doesn’t want to have kids or a life with you. That’s okay. Go find someone who does.
But what if you don’t want to get married and have kids, and your partner always says he didn’t either, except for him it turned out to be self esteem thing, and after enough time with you he build the confidence to decide to pursue the white picket fence ideal of success? That’s the pattern I see more than hanging around hoping he’ll commit and start a family one day.
Then you have to understand most people don’t actually want that. IME, most men do want to get married. So if he’s saying he’s fine with that, he’s a just not into you. Make decisions accordingly.
There’s no polite way to do this because it’s impolite on a basic level. Mind your own business.
I would go with a straightforward “hey, if you want to settle down and have kids, the time is now. Do the math.” And I would say it ONCE, and ONLY if he brings it up.
I say this because it’s how DH and I decided when to have kids. We were married, and the concept of kids was there, but it was just a concept. I was doing all kinds of hand-wringing about my bio clock and finally talked to DH about it. We walked through the timeline and he realized that our plan of having 3 kids before I was 35 meant starting to try when I was 28, not 30 like he thought.
We did, I got pregnant at 29 and had my kids at 30
.1, 31.999, and 34.
I think “do the math” makes sense if you’re married and in agreement about the age you want to be done having kids, so it was very reasonable to tell your husband in your situation. But it’s not a very helpful thing to say to a single person.
Yes. This is a totally different scenario. You also can’t put timelines on partnering as much as we want. OP, he may already be in a mindset for partnering or prefer to be single—it’s sort of condescending to say this to someone. It’s making it sound like you have a better handle on how they should live their life.
“Hey, John. I know you’re dating and thinking about having kids. Just wanted to say that if you ever feel like bringing a date around, I’d love to meet her. I know stuff can move fast at this life stage and I want to be here to support you- and of course would love to be an aunt! [have a mini-you around] I am middle of the pack with Kid’s kindergarten parents but if you ever feel worried about starting parenting later in life, I’m here for those chats, too. And if you’re not on that life path no worries. Hope to support you no matter what.”
No, telling someone they’re old is never kind.
Consider that you might not have the whole story about what you call “half hearted” dating attempts. I was unhappily single for a long time. I did all the things you’re “supposed” to do to meet someone. It was really hard, but I tried to keep a positive attitude at least outwardly because I knew having a negative attitude about dating wouldn’t help me succeed. My brother telling me, you know your marketability is declining now that you’re over 30, did not make a hard situation any better. He thought he was coming from a good place, like I just not be trying hard enough or I would’ve met someone. But finding a person to share your life with is more about luck than effort. It is possible to put in maximum effort and not get the result you hope for.
lol you sound like a real gem
It makes sense for him to be covid cautious. As a single person, if he gets long covid, he won’t have a significant other to take care of him.
Are you serious? This is such stupid “reasoning”
Most single, childless people are a little nervous about long term disability of whatever cause. I don’t see how that is stupid. As for COVID, it’s known that every COVID infection rolls the dice on some pretty serious complications, and risk tolerance has a lot to do with safety nets.
Just SMH over here, I read a lot of bonkers posts here but this might take the cake.
Question for those who take private music or sports lessons, or whose kids do: How do you handle lessons that run over? I have taken lessons for most of my life and have never encountered this issue before because teachers keep track of the clock and/or because there is almost always someone scheduled after me. Recently my teacher’s schedule changed so there is no lesson after mine. Now she always runs over, sometimes by a significant amount of time. Shuffling music or even saying, “wow, we are almost out of time” does not prompt her to wind things up. I feel weird paying her just for the agreed-upon hour when she is putting in more time than that, especially since her rate seems to be on the low side. But it also seems outside the norm to essentially count minutes and pay accordingly. What I’d really like to do is to keep the lessons to the scheduled hour because going longer really fries my brain, but from talking with other students and parents that seems like a challenge with this particular teacher. WWYD? Just start paying her for the actual time without saying anything about it? Start scheduling a “meeting” that means I HAVE to be done in an hour?
“Judy, I have to be done in an hour today. I’ll set my phone alarm before we begin and put it here on top of the piano.” Done. No need to invent excuses and overexplain.
This. No big deal.
Use your words! Just say you have to go at the end of the lesson. Maybe give her a 5 minutes heads up.
Why don’t you talk to her about it? Tell her that since the schedule changed, you’ve noticed the lessons tend to go long, and while you appreciate that she isn’t watching the clock, you find that you lose focus beyond an hour. I am certain that she will be fine with that.
My husband used to teach guitar, and he always went over the time limit. He gets very focused on the student during a lesson and always wants to feel like they learned something. So if he felt like they were close to understanding a concept or technique, he would keep going to make sure that they had it. His fee was for the lesson, not the hour, and he made that clear with his students after some early misunderstandings. Maybe your teacher is similar?
This is definitely what’s going on–she wants to get a point across and just keeps at it. Which is great until we get close to the hour and we’ve only done exercises and now she wants to get through an entire piece while stopping every two measures. I love her high standards, but it’s exhausting!
With this additional information, I’m wondering if you’re going to need to change teachers. If you take the step of ending the lesson and leaving at 60 minutes — which you need to do — that doesn’t solve the problem of only having done exercises because she gets lost in focusing on them. It seems unlikely that she’s going to change and become the kind of person who paces herself throughout a lesson so she covers the various elements for an appropriate amount of time. That seems like it would take an entirely different personality and teaching style than she has.
I’ve had this thought already. Switching is a tricky thing to do because it’s a very small world, but it might become necessary. There is only so much progress you can make without a systematic approach.
No, OP still just needs to use her words. You don’t switch teachers because you’re too scared to talk about a very minor problem.
This doesn’t sound like high standards. More like disorganization, uncertainty about how lessons should be structured, and inability to calibrate feedback.
+1
Be a grownup and say that you have to keep the lessons to an hour. Then, when the hour is up, say thank you and I’ll see you next week.
Pay her for the hour and then tell her you have to get going. Do not pay her extra for adding time you didn’t ask for.
Source; I took private piano lessons for over a decade as an adult.
Use your words like a big girl.
Someone in the last thread asked about cropped pants for boots and the Veronica beard Braxton and Sezane Martin are really nice. Mine are all one offs from outlets but that’s the look I’m going for. Sorry I missed your comment until now.
Thank you!!!
Has anyone made any work-related resolutions for 2025? One thing that I’ve been thinking about is whether my tendency to be proactive is just causing more stress and headaches for myself and leading to burnout. Especially since I don’t feel like being proactive is noticed or rewarded by those above me. IDK. Really trying to think through ways that I can decrease my stress and overwhelm without quitting my job. It’s not about the hours I’m putting it; it feels deeper than that.
This obviously depends on your industry but my policy now is if something is not legally binding I just don’t care, I’ll half ass it just like my colleagues do. Good work only for things that matter.
A good lesson for us all. Thank you for this advice.
I’m trying to get clarity earlier in the process as to who “owns” projects that I’m asked to help with & who the target audience is. While I’m a lawyer I work closely with HR and other leaders, and often get pulled into projects midstream and either (1) get stuck holding the bag if things go south, or (2) end up stepping up and doing more than legal work because no one else is doing it and it needs to get done. I have to figure out how to do this better, as I also don’t want my seeking clarity to turn me into the default project manager.
Yes, this is exactly what’s happening. If I’m not proactive, I end up with last-minute requests that result in poor work product or not-great outcomes. If I start asking questions earlier, I end up doing project management work, which I do not want to do. I really don’t know how to magically intuit that something requires my involvement without asking …
Oof. If you figure it out, report back. I’ve been in house for about a year and it seems that this is a problem at my company as well. The lawyers are proactive, appropriately concerned, on top of things, clear communicators (this seems key), and take initiative…. we often wind up picking up the slack/driving projects/doing admin work that falls within someone else’s job description just because we’re actually willing to work. And, because we have that client service oriented mentality, we’re willing to take ownership over the final product and make it easy and pretty for the clients. I’m trying to gently push balls back into people’s courts for at least little things.
Mine is to leave my high stress job!
I plan to advocate for myself this year. I want a promotion and a raise. Even though I get stellar feedback and high praise from my higher ups, I need to let them know my ambitions rather than just silently hoping they will guess what I want and spontaneously offer it to me.
My work resolution is to consistently work less than 10 hours a day.
I’m going to steal this one. And be done at 7pm, no later.
I am a Fed. I plan to try to fly under the radar during the incoming administration as best as I can.
Ugh, good luck to you.
There’s something to be said for being less proactive, especially if you’re preparing for scenarios that never come to fruition. It can be such a waste of time when your last-minute effort (when you have all the info you need) would probably have been good enough anyway.
My goal is to stop making things easier for other people and start making things easier for myself. So I want to detach from the good-girl-people-pleasing stuff I have in my wagon of crap and start focusing on the work I want to be doing first and foremost.
The relationship between proactiveness and burnout is a lesson I needed to learn.
Prioritizing proactiveness got me to where I was, but it was also wearing me out. I reached a tipping point a few years ago, and then the pandemic happened. I ended up learning a lot about myself during that time, and being introspective helped me learn how to realize situations that would lead me to burnout, how I was contributing to that, and that I needed to do something about it.
A few years later, I’m so glad I did. Happy to chat further and please feel to email at afterburnoutrette at the service G provides.
Does anyone have a free shipping code for Loft with no minimum spend?! Thanks.
Any book recommendations for a lapsed reader trying to revive the habit?
Looking for books that you love that you wish you could read again for the first time, or would give to someone hoping they would love it like you do.
Can be fiction or non-fiction. Well written, not a “challenge” to read/decipher, interesting characters. Probably the only genre I’m less interested in now is science fiction/fantasy (which I loved as a child). thanks!
My favorite book is The Starless Sea (fantasy, sorry but I love it. saving a magical endless library in NYC, meets narnia)
A book I wish I could read again for the first time is Interpreter of Maladies (short stories and I dont like short stories. Mrs. Sen’s is my favorite.)
A book I just read and it got me through the holidays: Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand (middle age character romance, zero steam, fairly interesting characters)
Just read The Wedding People, which I really liked. I also think about What Alice Forgot still, even though I read it a while ago. And Edith Wharton’s The Age of Innocence is great and isn’t a book one needs to decipher or work at.
Looking forward to other people’s suggestions!
+1 I read 70 books last year and The Wedding People was one of the very best. I completely loved it. Perhaps in my top 10 ever
The books I most wish I could reread again for the first time aren’t necessarily books I’d recommend to someone trying to get back into reading. They tend to be rewarding but heavy family dramas, like A Place for Us. For getting back into reading after a slump, I find spy novels, mysteries and PG-13 rom-coms to be the best. For more general fiction, authors like Liane Moriarty, Emma Straub and Taylor Jenkins Reid to meet your “well written, not a challenge to read/decipher, interesting characters” criteria.
I kind of re-vamped my reading in the last two years. Honestly, I did it through reading all the popular “romantasy” books out right now – ACOTAR et al. But then I branched out into other recommendations. What I like to do is go on to Libby and filter for “available now” and then sort in order of popularity. If I pick one of the ones high on the list that calls to me, it’s a very good chance I will enjoy it.
I just read the English translation of a Japanese novel titled What You Are Looking for Is in the Library. I was charmed by it, and would love to get to read it again for the first time. No hard work involved.
The book I wish I could read again for the first time is Warlight, by Michael Ondaatje. It starts, “In 1945 our parents went away and left us in the care of two men who may have been criminals.” The images in this book have stayed with me for many years.
Recently I really enjoyed The Other Valley, by Scott Alexander Howard. It’s speculative fiction, which usually I don’t like, but I was drawn into this one immediately.
Good luck! Keep going until you find something you like. If you don’t already have Libby, it’s great for letting you read samples.
For me it’s easy reading. Mystery and thrillers by authors with tons of books. Then the Elin Hilderbrand, Emily Giffen, books that come out once a year and are beach reads. They’re page turning and easy and get you back in the habit.
Anything by Umberto Eco.
I loved reading A Gentleman in Moscow.
And anything and everything by Fredrik Backman.
For getting back into reading two things tho at have helped me are 1. Literally reading kids books. Not just YA but even middle grade fiction or books like Charlotte’s Web. There are a lot of new kids’ authors who are really good, and books, too. These books are shorter and easier to get through but there is a lot there to revive your mind to reading.
2. For more adult reading just lean into shorter attention spans and get short story collections or anthologies or books of essays. I really liked Liz Phair’s memoir book and the humorous essay books
Joan Didion compilations of her non-fiction articles are terrific: The White Album, Slouching Toward Bethlehem, Where I Was From, Democracy — all great reads that you can pick up and put down and pick up again when your unpracticed attention span wanders (or if you are reading in a highly-interrupted setting). Enjoy!
The Discworld books by Terry Pratchett! They are a delight and an easy read. There are a ton of them but you can start anywhere – the stories all stand on their own.
We are redoing our backyard, and I am entertaining the thought of a playhouse for the kids. They are currently 8 and 5.5, we don’t get much use out of the swings and slide rickety old structure we currently have, but in my head I am thinking that maybe if they had a nice, private little house / space of their own, they would like that, even as they grow older. Kind of like a treehouse, I guess. Has anyone done this, or have any thoughts on it? I would take any thoughts on the wisdom of doing this, and any recommendations for good quality that isn’t toooo expensive.
My kids did not make much use of the house I built for them. In my head, I imagined they would hang out in it. It was a lot of wood and I would not do it again because they did not use it as much as I thought they would. I also have several areas of natural hideouts like under rhododendrons and lilacs and evergreens (I cut the lower branches, they can travel beneath from tree to tree while covered). They do not make consistent use of those either (around ages 2-4 they were interested).
I have a Vuley monkeybar set with glider, climbing net, etc. That has been a hit.
I think your kids are kind of the older side for installing a play house to be worth it. I think of ages 3-8 as kind of the peak age range for that kind of thing.
My sense is if kids aren’t naturally outside people, a wooden house that eventually fills with spiders is not going to be a hit. There is a nostalgia around treehouses because kids used to be outside with friends for hours every day. Now kids go inside if they want to sit around, and there’s not usually the “neighborhood kids all gather in the treehouse” ethos anymore.
I agree with upgrading your swing set or getting some other active toys. A big benefit to playing outside is the opportunity to build strength, especially upper body strength, so I think along those lines for my kids. (Not that everything about childhood has to be about accomplishment, but moreso that outdoor equipment walks the line between challenge and fun, with great physical and mental benefits)
I agree; I have really happy memories of a childhood treehouse, but I also had neighborhood friends I played with for hours every day.
The spiders are real in playhouses. My dad built one for my sisters and me and we would rarely go in due to the spiders.
I have vivid memories of the spider filled playhouse in my neighbors back yard.
Upgrade the swing set. you could just do swings and skip the climbing slide structure- another spider trap. We looved the swings as tweens and hung out there with friends.
Do people still do rope and tire swings in trees??
Personally, I’d avoid backyard monkey bars after breaking an arm falling from a neighbors set as a kid.
Maybe just a gazebo that can be filled with benches and a space for kids for now and turn into a teen hangout spot with good WiFi in a couple of years
I feel ya but I’m not sure if your kids agree