Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: The City Layered Blazer
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This beautiful wooly blazer from Favorite Daughter is a classic design with a slight twist. The ribbed sweater cuffs give the look of layers without any of the added bulk. I also love the fact that it has a slightly longer length, but without the boxy look of a lot of oversized blazers. Pair this with your favorite pants for an easy office look.
The blazer is $348 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS-XXL.
Hunting for women's blazers under $50? Our favorites as of 2024 are below — if you're open to going up to $75, also check out these options from Amazon, J.Crew Factory, Old Navy, and this Uniqlo blazer.
Sales of note for 1/1/25 (HAPPY NEW YEAR!):
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started — up to 60% off! See our roundup here.
- AllSaints – Now up to 60% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
- Ann Taylor – Semi Annual Sale! Up to 40% off your purchase; extra 60% off 3+ styles
- Banana Republic Factory – The Winter Sale: 50% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- Boden – Sale, up to 60% + extra 10% — readers love this blazer, these dresses, and their double-layer line of tees
- DeMellier – Sale now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
- Eloquii – Semi-annual clearance, up to 85% off; extra 60% off clearance
- Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off — reader favorites include their scoop tee, Dream Pant, ReNew Transit backpack, silk blouses and their oversized blazers!
- J.Crew – 25% off full-price styles; up to 50% off cashmere; 70% off 3+ sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 60% off winter faves; extra 25% off $100+
- L.K. Bennett – All sale half price or less
- M.M.LaFleur – 30% on almost everything with code
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off fall and winter styles
- Sephora – Extra 20% off sale items for Beauty Insider members
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
- Summersalt – BOGO sweaters, including this reader-favorite sweater blazer
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – 40% off + 25% off, sale on sale!
- Universal Standard – 25 styles for $25, 1/1 only
Packing for a work trip. My suitcase size is for not-winter clothes apparently. I could check a bag with all of the fluffy layers and boots and tights but I am going to make this work.
Tall heeled boots (Aquitalia Rumba) under a longer loose skirt are OK in an NYC office? I just want as much as possible on my legs. Unlined pants won’t cut it.
In all the (non big law) offices I’ve been in that would be totally fine. I agree with what you’re saying about tights (especially if fleece lined) + skirt being warmer than pants.
I have packed for 10 day winter trips (fun trip to Central Europe), and for week long winter work trips (Colorado for 5 days in February) in a carryon. You’ll be in NYC, not an arctic expedition, I imagine a carryon will be fine. Wear your bulkiest clothing on the flight (boots, bulkier sweater, parka – you won’t wear your parka on the flight but just stuff it under your seat).
I can’t answer your question about boots and a skirt as it depends on industry, but unlined pants or dress/skirt and tights with the appropriate outerwear will be warm enough – that’s how most of us dress most of the time in winter.
If you’re walking between places, that will keep you warm (I always have to unzip my parka (if I’m even wearing a parka, I wear lighter coats a lot) if it’s over 30 and I’m walking to work, I overheat). Otherwise, you’re only outside for a few blocks before ducking into the subway.
In the winter I live in the following outfits: jeans and a sweater, work pants and a sweater, sweater dress and tights. Throw on a winter coat and hat/gloves/scarf as needed. Make sure whatever you choose for footwear is both weather appropriate (slush, ice, salt, puddles) and doesn’t leave your ankle exposed (I mostly wear Chelsea boots or white sneakers – with the sneakers I just need to make sure my pants or socks cover exposed ankles). I pretty rarely wear snow boots or higher boots – if I wear high boots that’s a fashion choice not a weather one). However, I do often wear my Blundstones which are my “sh!tkickers” aka good traction and durable enough for all weather
I find that office clothes are not nearly warm enough for me. Cold ankles are the devil. My fleece-lined pants are out of place in the offices I go to, sadly. Ditto fleece-lined leggings. I have the gear, but only for weekends. And WFH. Hard for me to be warm enough in a damp climate in the winter for me in Chicago / NYC / Minneapolis when on foot between offices and hotel.
Yes, you need to avoid the cold ankles (as stated above). If you really can’t wear typical office wear, then size up in normal work pants and wear a pair of tights or long johns underneath. Ditto with a thermal top under the sweater. Luckily, thermals are very small and won’t take up much room in the suitcase.
+1
Thin layers. It works.
Try Lands’ End silk long underwear under your pants. These add very little bulk but tons of warmth and pack down to nearly nothing. I often carry them in my work bag when I am not already wearing them, and pull them on in a bathroom if a meeting room is cold.
How do they layer under unlined wool pants or synthetic pants? I’m not sure I have much room to spare in some pants and don’t know how they’d drape with looser-leg styles.
To answer the question of how these layer: very well. The fabric is thin and kind of slippery, so it doesn’t “drag” against the pants fabric. I find them easier to wear under pants than fleece lined tights, both comfort-wise and appearance.
Great! How are they in sizing? I am a pear, which can make me a M (waist) or L (hips are 40+” with generous stomach / thighs needing a lot of fabric to cover). They maybe are having a sale now or over MLK so I will try to get some.
I would go with the larger size. The waist is stretchy, so I think it will be fine.
do as the city dwellers do — one pair of warm shoes for commuting (like boots – wear these on the plane) and then bring one pair of nice shoes to wear at the office. Thin layers are better than bulky – think a cashmere vest or Tippi type sweater over a silk blouse, not a big chunky swacket.
I think this is hard to do when traveling though – this works best when you can leave your office shoes at your desk. If you’re traveling and just posting up in a conference room or stashing your stuff at someone’s desk there’s not a great place to leave the bulky shoes.
Also, totally industry dependent – I haven’t needed the nicer office shoes in years. Boots that are nice enough for a more casual office but durable enough for the weather have served me very, very well.
+1 that layers that consist of normal work clothes. You don’t need anything special for a work trip to NYC in winter.
NYC winters really aren’t that cold, thick fleece tights are the key. The longer the better for a coat, mine is knee length. Make sure your boots are actually waterproof. Accessories like a scarf, hat and mitts are essential. According to google it’s currently 28 degrees colder in my city than NYC and this morning on my commute I wore all the above and was fine.
+1 that NYC in winter isn’t very cold (arctic blast and bomb cyclones notwithstanding, but even then it’s not the arctic) and this is overkill
When you are in the office, it will likely be a comfortable temperature. So the real question is how much will you be outside? Agree with anonymous @8:50am that accessories make all the difference. Hat, gloves, and warm scarf keep you warm. If you have a wool or cashmere wrap, you can use that as a scarf outside, a blanket on the plane, and as a wrap if you’re somewhere chilly. Also, in cold windy weather, I like to wear tall boots under wide-legged pants for an extra layer of warmth/windproofing.
I suspect some sub clinical hypothyroidism, but I just cannot get warm enough. Or warm period. Thin layers like a Tippi won’t cut it. I can’t move around enough inside to stay warm. I sit on a blanket that I keep on the seat of my chair. I wear Doc Martins and thicker wool socks. Turtleneck under a thick sweater and then maybe a scarf. Translating that to a formal setting in winter is a challenge — I remember Condoleeza Rice and her long coat and tall boots but I have a feeling I don’t quite pull that off after adding a scarf and giant hat (I have ears that get painfully cold) and serious gloves.
Silk long underwear. It’s very thin, very warm, and wicks moisture if needed. I wore it Every Single Day in the Summers I worked in an over-airconditioned office, where I needed to present a very polished professional appearance relative to my pubic facing position of authority and found that the constant comments about my sweaters/blazers were undermining. And it was the fact that I was wearing these layers in the summer that was causing all the unwanted drama – not that these garments weren’t perfectly professional, I just looked different from my female peers. Urgh. My male peers continued wearing their long sleeved shirts and blazers, cranking down the air conditioning and using more electricity . . .
You won’t need anything special for winter in NYC, it’s not an arctic expedition.
+1 It’s okay to feel the cold and even be uncomfortable because of the cold for short walks around the city. Dress with accessories so that your head, hands, and feet are protected outside and you will be fine.
Coming from California, hard disagree. It’s cold AF in NY in the winter and I don’t blame OP for wanting to deal with it. OP, personally, I find adding things like gloves, a scarf and a hat do wonders. Regular tights or socks with boots. I loathe fleece tights.
I feel like a dry winter is fine. The East Coast to me feels so damp that even warmer temperatures chill me to the bone with the dampness. It doesn’t snow enough to get rid of the water in the air that way, so it hangs around and they skies are gray and it looks and feels awful. I want a beautiful clear Scandi winter day and never get it here.
I live in NYC, and I think it is cold here! Ha! The lows this week are in the teens or 20s, that counts as cold to me.
I agree that for a work trip you do not need outdoor expedition gear. But it is chilly!!
If you’re coming from a warm climate and don’t own a lot of standard winter stuff, this won’t be true.
The best thing I’ve done for myself is deciding to check a bag when I travel. Take a real suitcase and pack whatever you want in there.
I do that sometimes, but I have suffered with lost luggage (had to wear smoky clothes for two work events back when people smoked and my bag with my other suit went AWOL for 36 hours).
So my hack here is still take a carry on small tote bag with one change of clothes and some underwear just in case. I haven’t had a bag lost in decades, but it’s like carrying an umbrella with a 10% chance of rain, having an emergency outfit means never having lost luggage.
My experience is airlines have gotten a lot better with luggage tracking technology in recent years. In the age of smokers everywhere, I too had lost bags but that hasn’t happened in at least twenty years.
+1 Modern airline travel isn’t like this anymore. Don’t pack for the airlines of 20 years ago!
Enh if it was personal travel I’d agree but work travel means no checked bag. If traveling with colleagues you’ll slow the group down which is a big no-no. If traveling alone and the bag gets misplaced, you’ll appear high maintenance when you explain why you aren’t dressed properly for the weather/office.
Or you have back issues or had to gate check. Real life isn’t “up in the air” as much as I wish George Clooney was part of my work travels.
This is a know-your-office thing. My colleagues don’t blink at waiting for checked bags, but the older colleague lecturing us on how s/he never checks their bag and how you really must fly first class? That person gets made fun of behind their backs.
I would lean toward flat boots instead of heeled boots because I also end up walking more in NYC than in my normal life. Wear all your big layers onto the plane and shove it under your seat.
Also, sometimes I wear regular tights or fleece lined tights under unlined pants in the winter. They prevent cold ankles and my pants still look normal.
Remember that all indoor spaces will be incredibly overheated. In the winter I have to wear relatively cool clothing (think a thin cotton sweater, not cashmere or a fluffy sweater; no long johns) and then top it with a long, warm coat outdoors. I do wear boots and tights or boots and pants to avoid exposed skin on the ankle or foot.
FWIW, my biglaw office in NYC is still absolutely freezing in the winter.
My “secret” is compression bags. I can pack all the layers in my carry on this way.
A New York office has heat. I am in one right now. It is snowing, and people are dressed in normal office attire, not for the arctic.
I just got a French press for Christmas! I’ve been seeing conflicting advice on whether you absolutely need specifically French press coarse grounds or if you can use ground coffee from the grocery store – what do y’all do? Also, what is your grounds to water ratio?
I have both right now actually, a lighter roast I asked the coffee shop to grind and a dark roast from the grocery store. Both seem to work fine.
Worth the effort of the coarse grounds. You can buy a perfectly fine grinder for not much $ and then just buy the beans to grind fresh at home!
If you’re like me and not a real coffee connoisseur, regular ground coffee works just fine. But you may have higher standards than me!
I’m not a huge coffee connoisseur, I just needed significantly better-than-instant coffee at home.
I have a burr grinder to coarse grind myself, it’s essential.
Definitely grind yourself. It needs to be coarser than the pre-ground beans or else it will seep through the filter. I am too lazy to grind every morning, so I grind a whole bag at once and store it in a vacuum seal canister. I use 4 tablespoons of coffee and fill up my 13.5 oz press, which makes one big, strong cup.
in my opinion, freshly ground provides a ton of flavor. But do whatever you like!
I used store bought ground coffee in a French press for years. It was fine, did not seep through the filter in my very cheap press. But as stated elsewhere, this is driven by your personal standards. Mine are low. I just didn’t like what we had in the office, and I refuse to pay coffee shop prices.
+1 same. I used grocery store ground coffee for 10+ years with a french press and it was fine.
I didn’t splurge for a burr grinder till I wanted to get into making espresso at home to avoid coffee store pricing.
I feel like a step up from the grocery store coffee would be what OP already did with having a local coffee shop grind to a coarser/french press appropriate grind.
Even if some of the coffee grounds make it into your cup, they quickly settle on the bottom of the cup. I just don’t drink that last sip and pour it out.
I write a lot for work, used to write a lot for school, and have always loved writing. I would like to get into writing as a hobby, but I have never had an interest in creative writing or journalist – what other writing hobbies exist?
I studied the social sciences (BA and MA), worked as an intelligence analyst and now work as a policy analyst so my days are spent writing and editing briefs and memos, among other duties. Over the course of various positions, I’ve done some communications and technical writing adjacent work, but wouldn’t say I have much experience in either field.
I love crafting a written document, editing to make things tight, and have a real passion for distilling complex information into an approachable product for a non-technical audience. But, I’ve never had an interest in journalism, creative writing, personal journaling or the like (and I always hated English class! Loved writing history papers, hated writing English ones).
No one (even me!) is writing reports and memos for fun – but I do want to write for fun. Any ideas on what to write or how to get started?
FWIW, this would be (at least for now) purely for fun – I can’t freelance with my current job. Not opposed to freelancing down the road, but it’s just a no go right now.
Blogging seems like the obvious answer, but the writing part is usually a byproduct of another hobby – do you have other interests you could write about? I read blogs about history, folklore, nature writing. Sports, food and fashion are other obvious ones. Are there policy areas you’re interested in that you could do similar kinds of thinking/writing about as your day job without crossing over? If you don’t want to start a blog you could consider long-form instagram captions if you don’t mind taking photos as well or there are (somewhat surprisingly) subreddits where well-informed and thoughtful comments and discussions do happen.
I’d so this in Substack form today.
You could write features for smaller local publications (normally the freebies, local city magazines, smaller local papers, etc). I do this for fun and it makes a little bit of side money. :) And it’s really fun to talk to people about things they are excited about. Look for the freebie publications at grocery store or in news stands and email editor about them. :)
Love the idea of writing a local advice column – that’d be fun!
You could get into editing Wikipedia, which is mostly done by volunteers.
Could you write grant applications for nonprofits? Or other comms help (website updates, member newsletters, policy updates) for them?
Non-profits need volunteers to write their monthly newsletters, annual appeals for donations, adoption bios for cats and dogs . . . there are endless opportunities! Check with your local food banks, humane societies, animal rescues, arts nonprofits, PTA, house of worship, etc.
youd be suprised how much report like writing happens in some online groups!
If you have an area of interest, i guarantee there is a forum, tumblr, reddit, substack, or other audience waiting and ready for your 6000 word breakdown of hummingbird migration policy changes or whatever. people love graphics btw.
I regulary enjoy reading 800+ word meta analysis essays on singular episodes of a tvshow from people I follow on tumblr.
You may need to do some sluething and splunking to find where your audience is hanging out ( they might be the people reading the free local front to back, who knows). But there is no shortage of people happy and willing to read your technical report and then dicsuss the minutia with you. for fun, on a Saturday night.
The hobbydrama subreddit has long form deep cuts of hobbies Ive never heard of-if you need an easy example of a place youd probably be welcome.
I’m having a custom wall art piece done by a local artist. We have worked together on the size and colors that I want, and she quoted me $485 for the finished piece. Do I tip her on top of that? This is my first time getting art directly from an artist. I’m in the southeastern U.S.
I’ve never done this, but my gut response is no. You’re buying a product from her, not a service. Also, she has the ability to set her prices as she sees appropriate and is not beholden to, say, the hair salon where she works to do it. If she thought she should be paid more, she would have charged more. I would pay the asking price.
Agreed. No tip.
No, you don’t tip artists.
PS – I am a retired artist and went to art school.
From the other side (a person who has commissioned art), I did not tip. So I’m glad this is the answer!
I figured the artist was a professional who valued her work appropriately. I did post the work on social media tagging her and brag about it to everyone I know. I think she appreciates this even more than a tip!
No, you have negotiated the sales price with the owner of the product. Pay that price and go in peace. Just as you do not tip the owner of a beauty salon who cuts your hair, and you do not tip the owner of a business if they send a technician out to fix your heater (as opposed to the employee, depending on local practice), you do not tip the artist, that could be viewed as a bit offensive/insulting to treat the artist as a mere tradesperson providing a routine, repeat service, when they are a craftsperson, creating a unique one-of-a-kind work of art. I hope this helps, and you enjoy your new piece of art!
How early can I send out invitations to my Galentine’s party? I’m expecting 20-25 people (inviting more than that and figure half or so won’t come but we shall see who RSVPs). Can I send 30 days before the RSVP deadline? Is that too early?
I always say the earlier the better!
+1. My calendar fills up quickly. I’d send the invitations today.
5 weeks until 2/14 so I think any time would be fine.
1) Always err on giving people too much heads up than not enough!
2) If you were the poster asking about hosting a Galentines party a little while ago, I would caution you that for parties like this people treat RSVPs really loosely. It’s a casual party with friends. I host a lot and either just text people or use the app Partiful, but I don’t put too much stock in the RSVP. I also wouldn’t put an RSVP deadline, but if you do I’d expect a) RSVPs to roll in after the deadline and b) people who didn’t RSVP to show up anyways (and people who did RSVP to no show). I don’t even attribute this to flakiness, but the nature of a house party – a strict RSVP isn’t required nor is staying for a certain amount of time. House parties are meant to be loose.
3) If you’re the poster I’m thinking of, I believe you were planning on a craft or game or some sort of structured activity. For house parties of any sort, I assume people will treat it more like an open house and come and go as they please, so plan around that. Some people will come right on time but dip out early, some will arrive 2-3 hours after the start, most people will be somewhere in between. There will be people who are there for 5+ hours and people who are there for an hour.
3a) If you are doing a specific activity at a specific time, include that in the RSVP so people can plan around that. For example, my friend has an annual Christmas party with a white elephant. Her invite text says the party starts at 8, goes until whenever, and there will be an optional White Elephant at 10 PM. If someone wants to partake in the White Elephant, they know they need to be there by 10 PM.
Totally fine to send now IMO.
I already have an invitation for a Galentine’s day party in mid-Feb (received ~1 week ago) so I say “go for it!” Everyone is coming back from the holidays and planning so this week is a great time to send.
Cross-posting for more thoughts – know many here have dealt with pumping and return to work.
Has anyone planned to quit breastfeeding/pumping when it’s time to return to work, but by choice and not necessity? I am mostly pumping with some direct breastfeeding and it’s taking a toll, plus I have low supply so we need to supplement with formula anyway. I work from home and in a lot of ways, pumping will actually be easier when my baby is at daycare, but I’m finding that my instinct is to stop pumping so that it doesn’t take away from the few awake hours per day that we will get with him during the work week. Plus I would be able to sleep more at night and we could streamline our logistics, which would help me be more present during those hours. Based on experience so far, i expect supply to crash when I reduce pumping, which would also prevent nursing (which we both enjoy more). I think I’m willing to take that risk. However, I also have several friends who regretted “giving up early“ and while their experiences are not mine, it does give me pause and make me want to truly consider whether this is the best option for us. In addition, my baby was five weeks early and he won’t be entirely producing his own antibodies by the time he starts daycare at almost six months actual age, almost 5 months adjusted. I have no freezer stash to extend that. I have a very supportive husband who will follow my lead on all things related to feeding. Thoughts and considerations to keep in mind?
I had a similar feeding situation to you, and absolutely beat myself up about it with my first child, and bent over backwards to keep going. With my second, I gave myself grace, and stopped about a month after I went back to work, when she was around three months. My advice for you is to first and foremost over everything, do not allow yourself to feel sadness or regret over whatever you choose. My kids are in elementary school now, and those days are long gone, and I know you know that no matter how the child is fed, they will be just fine. I can’t even remember how long I made it pumping with my son now…that’s how unimportant this is in the scheme of things.
Also, one more thought on the “giving up early” – I thought I “gave up” on b-0feeding my son, and swore up and down that I would do EVERYTHING I could to make it work with my daughter. And guess what – even with multiple specialists and contraptions and a will of steel…it still didn’t work. Regretting anything in this space is not worth it and steals from the beautiful joy of having an infant, which is a blip in time anyways.
Most important more here: don’t let yourself regret your choice. Pumping at work or not pumping at work are both perfectly good choices, the deciding factor is whatever you would enjoy more. I’m currently on month 10 of pumping at work, and while it’s kind of annoying, I find making and cleaning bottles far more annoying, so this is what has been best for me, and consequently my child. However, I am very much looking forward to throwing my pump away in the next month or so. Anyone who judges you for you baby feeding decisions is someone who is far too invested in your life and doesn’t have healthy boundaries.
I stopped BFing the week before I went back to work with my second, which was March 2024. Zerooooo regrets. DD also was losing weight/sliding down the percentile scale between weeks 3 and 10 for no good reason so also switching to formula turned that around and lifted a huge mental burden I had been carrying around that. It was not part of the decision making calculus in stopping BFing but it was definitely a secondary benefit.
I have an office job that is theoretically adaptable to pumping schedules but I just abso-effing-lutely hated pumping.
I pumped longer with my first and with my second stopped mostly shortly after going back to work. It is totally fine and it kept me so much saner. You do not have to justify it to anyone. You love your baby and your mental health and time are worth something. Best of luck!
Six months is really good! I tried to pump for about a month after I went back to work and then gave up. My supply tanked and I was getting maybe an ounce per session, so I was having to supplement with formula anyway. Baby was 4.5 months when I stopped. I have no regrets about it (baby is currently 8 months). I find that making her fresh solid food brings me much more satisfaction than breast feeding, so that occupies my headspace these days.
Do what’s right for you, your body, and your mental health. The baby will be fine.
Yes. I wish I’d done this with my first. I was so committed to making it work, and it came at an enormous personal cost (my sanity).
I feel like this is where the competitive mommying started. Maybe before (medicated vs unmedicated births vs c-sections)?
Right now I know a biglaw mom religiously spreadsheeting college communications and ghostwriting a kid’s e-mails re admissions and who knows what else. My kids either don’t stand a chance or will be totally fine because their successes and failures are their own (I’m still working, so have no time for my things, let alone theirs). I guess we’ll see.
Geez, that is NOT going to serve her kids well in the long run.
FWIW, my oldest was born in 2009, which was sort of the height of breast-is-best messaging. It seems like that attitude has moderated a bit.
My sister is a system chief at a large metro hospital. Her residents are high achievers who crumble at any type of constructive criticism. They’re smart and capable but have gone through life with parents who put them in bubble wrap. She likes these folks, but it’s been a bit of a shock for her.
Today’s world requires more scaffolding for teens than the world in which we grew up. When we were in high school you could get into a good college by studying on your own for the SAT, writing an essay that no one else read, and typing your application on an IBM Selectric. Now that colleges don’t use objective measures such as SAT scores and many students have paid advisors helping with their essays and “engagement,” you are doing your child a huge disservice if you don’t provide them with some sort of guidance and support.
Things have gone so far upmarket that colleges for the 1% (and 5%) are just aimed at them and require / want the inputs that only kids at $ private high schools are even aware of. The rest of us won’t have a clue and we aren’t really wanted anyway (and it’s also out of budget if you are say just middle / upper middle class). Families with working moms are middle class in terms of awareness even if they are upper-middle in terms of funds.
This. Thank goodness I had a normal lactation consultant who reminded me my pre-baby goal was to get to 6 months of exclusive nursing, that pumping was harder than nursing, and that it was ok to stop if that was what was best for me because healthy/happy mom=healthy/happy baby.
I hated pumping so, so much and was relieved when it was over. I was also able to keep up a morning/nighttime feed for a good 6 weeks after I stopped pumping despite what the more fearmongering consultants claimed (you lose your supply instantly!).
❤️❤️❤️
Yes. I was exclusively pumping, so stopping when I went back to work after maternity leave (12 weeks) meant stopping breast milk entirely, and that brought some complicated feelings. I had a workplace that would have been very supportive, but I also had a significant commute. Plus I was heading into a bit of a complicated childcare situation with 3 different private babysitters throughout the week so I was facing so much packing and prepping. And, frankly, I was very burned out on pumping and struggling with PPD. So I decided to switch to formula and I knew I’d made the right decision when I tossed my pump (it was already second hand and well used) and immediately felt a deep, visceral sense of relief. My complicated feelings came because I had a great supply and felt guilty that if my body could produce all that, how could I not give it to my baby? But once the decision was made and my routine was simplified, I had zero regrets. And that baby is a thriving tween now.
I have lots of friends who regret pumping as long as they did, to counterbalance yours. You can’t know for sure how you will feel in the future, you can just make the best decision you can with the info you have.
No dog on this fight, but if you need it from a stranger, you have permission to put yourself first here. Tons of studies show there’s no continued benefit to breastfeeding for the child (economic to the parents perhaps) past a couple of weeks. I wouldn’t hesitate to stop before going back to work and make your life easier. Having a kid and managing the newness plus a job is more than enough.
I was determined to pump for my son’s first year and I should’ve stopped earlier. We supplemented with formula as soon as he started daycare because I couldn’t keep up and I could’ve just swapped to formula at that point. I think there’s a weird point of pride about the freezer stash and I totally bought into it.
FWIW, I was able to nurse intermittently even after I stopped pumping. My son wanted to nurse at night and on weekends and we were able to continue until I wanted to stop.
There is not a wrong answer here. Your baby will do great either way. You are doing a great job at a really hard thing, and this internet stranger is cheering for you.
I absolutely think you should stop pumping. I pumped for 3 months (including 1 month while back at work) and had some frozen, and we supplemented with formula so we got about 4 months of milk and it was such a RELIEF to be able to sleep on my stomach again. If your kid hasn’t started daycare yet, I would be even less concerned: it sounds like he’s missed half the winter months already, which is always the worst time for them to get sick.
I stopped pretty quickly after returning to work with both of my kids. It was just on more thing to do. No regrets. Neither of my kids cared at all. At five months, I genuinely don’t think it matters that much if you nurse or use formula. What would your regret really be about?
I switched jobs a few months after returning to work from mat leave and decided not to pump at new job. Kid #1 was ~9 mos at that point and we’d had a relatively uneventful BFing journey, but I thought the potential stress of explaining my pumping needs to a new job & finding the time to pump wasn’t worth the effort for a short time. Said kid is now taller than me and in HS honors classes so [mostly joking] no major and long-lasting effects observed. Do what’s right for you personally.
I had low supply and basically killed myself to breastfeed for six months. When I went back to work, I tried pumping but it became clear to me that I faced a binary choice: either spend time pumping or spend more time with my actual baby. I picked the baby and never looked back.
Thanks all – I appreciate these perspectives. It’s been a crazy journey. When I was pregnant, I planned to combo-feed, but when my baby was born preterm and I encountered supply issues, it seems that I cared more about breastfeeding than I had realized. At the core, though, I truly believe fed is best, a happy mom is the best mom, and quality time with my baby is my top priority when he goes to daycare. It helps to hear positive experiences here to counterbalance others I’ve come across.
Also, without a supportive husband, I probably would have switched to formula on day 3.
I was in a similar situation as yours and decided to keep pumping during the workday and direct breastfeeding when we were together, with formula to supplement whatever more baby needed. I was never able to get a freezer stash and didn’t worry about it. I quit pumping at 10-11 months (couldn’t take it any more) but by then my milk supply was stable enough that I kept nursing morning/night and weekends for another year and a half, and I’m glad I kept pumping until that point.
I like my job a lot, and like many jobs the work load ebbs and flows. There are weeks I’m totally slammed and weeks I’m twiddling my thumbs. I’m hybrid, but a bit butt in seat / stay green on teams culture (which, I’m fine with – even though I’m salary I feel very guilty not working during my work day). Work in an industry where my work computer can only be used for work.
Any ideas on what to do on slow days to stay productive? I’ve already finished my mandatory annual trainings (done on our FY, not CY – I’m not that speedy!). I take a lot of non-mandatory training too (encouraged by my supervisor), but that’s usually “live” training, not something I can do asynchronously.
Are your files properly organized and named? My work ebbs and flows, and one week I finally had enough with the bad naming conventions and ‘v6-john edits’ BS and completely cleaned up the company files and it makes my busy days so much easier not having to hunt through disorganized mess.
I would do life admin by keeping my personal computer nearby. During slow times, take care of bills; downloading any statements you keep electronically (like credit card or bank statements); responding to personal emails, etc. Comparison shopping for best rates on insurance, etc. Order my groceries, do menu planning, etc. All of those take a hit when I am slammed, so I feel not one ounce of remorse for taking care of them during the work day when things are lighter.
What do you do in the office though?
You can do all that stuff at the office.
Having a personal computer at the office is not normal and would be a clear indicator I’m not doing actual work
Use your phone
Your phone also makes it look like you’re not working
Why can’t you use your work computer?
Everyone in my office is on their personal phone during the day at some point. We also can’t use our work computers for a lot of things – no one bats an eye and no one thinks you’re not also doing work. I have never worked in an office in 30+ years where everyone works every single minute of the time they are in the office. What world do some of y’all live in?
Obviously I can be on my personal phone here and there in the office (and everyone is), but it’s not a good look to spend a lot of time on it and thus i’m trying to avoid that
OP, I assume you are the Anon @ 9:25 above.
Are you new to a salaried role? Or is your office culture against doing anything personal at work?
In my current office, this is one of the perks to being salaried. There are times where I will be putting in far more than 40 hours each week, and times when I will be putting in fewer. I can do some personal stuff on my work device. And while it might be noticed if I pull out my personal laptop for something, being noticed doesn’t mean I am being dinged for it. It is not against any company policies and my boss does not care because I am available and am getting my work done. If anyone were to ask, I would just tell them I am checking a message from my doctor’s communication portal, or completing my kid’s online permission form, confirming a delivery schedule, etc. I am not streaming movies or working a side hustle, and I am very quick to drop the personal stuff should work need my full attention.
Organize all of your work files. Then personal life admin stuff using a flashdrive.
flash drives are a notorious security risk and strongly discouraged at my work (not the OP).
I’m the OP and I cannot plug anything into my computer, including a flash drive. I’ve had 4 employers and only one allowed the use of flash drives.
Non secure flash drives brick my work computer. That said we have a personal use policy, so I’ll do very PG things on my work computer like make a grocery order or design my family holiday card because I have exactly zero issues with IT seeing those activities.
When I had a lot of downtime, I was really good at keeping up with all the adjacent academic literature in my field. I scanned the journals when they were published and saved articles to read on slower days. I would also write 2-paragraph summaries to myself. Occasionally it came in handy, but mostly it kept my brain nimble (and I was able to talk about it when interviewing for my next job).
Wow – I’m very impressed. You are quite disciplined.
Can you connect your phone to your monitor and keyboard? Even in secure environments your monitor/computer accessories don’t have any tracking software.
How would you do this? I can’t use anything bluetooth on work devices, so I don’t think so
With USB-C and a splitter. Also I can’t tell if you’re overly cautious or technologically inept because in top secret environments you can’t have your personal phone at your desk, but in all other secure environmenta there are some form of personal use allowances.
Yes, we have a personal use policy, but we still can’t be randomly plugging devices into our work laptops even out of the classified areas. That gets us a call from security. I got told I couldn’t even do pro bono work (no flash drive needed!) on my computer in off hours (which I ignored), so I don’t know what to tell you. Some offices work differently than the ones you have worked in.
If you connected your phone to your monitor it wouldn’t be connected to your laptop…. you’d unplug the laptop…
Just because I don’t work in a SCIF doesn’t mean we don’t have a strict technology security policy
And plugging my
personal phone into my monitor while unplugging my laptop from it would by far look the weirdest in my office out of any suggestion made yet here (again in my office). But I also have never seen someone do this monitor thing in my 30+ years of office work so *shrug*
Do you have any ideas for work that you would like to develop? It’s not clear what you do, but maybe there’s a way to streamline a report you run or improve a workflow. Something that bothers you each time you’re doing it, but because you’re slammed, you just have to plug through and get it done? The downtime could be your opportunity to take that on as a pet project.
I know you said you already do a lot of training, but maybe do some more but in areas that are less obviously job specific and more personally related. For instance, learn a language; expand your Excel skills (I use Excel a lot at home for repeating lists (packing lists: beach, to see family, work; recurring budgets: vacations, holiday gifts, house projects; addresses for mail merge); take a deep dive into Outlook tasks, categorizing, and rules, etc.; or learn how to use AutoCorrect in Word to replace a short string of characters with phrases or sentences you frequently use.
I echo personal admin work on an iPad or something if you don’t have a different laptop. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t make appointments during their down time. You can also listen to audiobooks. I’ve never worked in an office that had 40+ hours of work constantly. Most of the time, people are in someone’s office just chatting.
This wouldn’t work in all jobs, but in my hybrid job that doesn’t require 40 hours per week of actual work, I tend to make my in-office days work heavy and my at home days work-light. I use the extra time at home to do all of the personal admin and just personal stuff that I want to get done but I can do while I’m also near my computer so it appears that I’m still live and I’m monitoring everything going on. Like I can do laundry or chop veggies for meals and stay green and monitor emails.
Since you referenced training, are there any types of training you could create and provide (if this is not part of your job)? Or any type of program that you could create that would be beneficial for you or your department? I had similar lulls during a job years ago and I created an internship program. But be mindful about creating a program–it was a lot of work and you have to figure out to whom you can transition the work so it does not become a permanent job function if that is not what you want :)
If there is a position to which you would like to be promoted, consider that position’s duties and if there are any steps you can take now to prepare for those duties, e.g., certifications, training, etc. or add those duties to your job if practical.
Are you a member of a state or national association and if not, can you join one? In addition to conferences, associations for various professions/industries provide asynchronous training and certifications.
One last thought–is there a local or regional group for your profession that meets or provides a listserv (this can also be an offshoot of the larger association)? If not and you think it would be helpful, you could create one, which may be beneficial for your job and/or as a resume-builder.
Listen to books or podcasts and take notes on your computer to look active. You can even read e-books on your computer.
I posted in the check in thread, but that was quiet so really just wanted to mark the New Year and hopefully focus in now on a new start, so this will probably be my last post under this user name. I’ve been updating through last year. In February I called the police after I reached breaking point with my husband. He then did something unbelievably stupid and I was able to get protection orders put in place for 2 years (I’m in the UK). He carried on drinking and his health deteriorated and he died 2 months ago. We believe it was suicide, the inquest is outstanding. I still loved him and miss him very much, and the last few weeks have been hard. But, I now know he had behaved in the same way with at least one of his exes. It has been a year I do not want to dwell on, so I will focus on the blessings, new and old friends and a new life in a new place (we had moved 4 months prior to separation). I have no desire to go back, and I did feel genuine relief for the first time just before Christmas, so I hope I am on an upwards path. This community has been unbelievably helpful. I have saved all my posts and your answers, they have really kept me strong. I would never have believed the support from internet strangers. Thank you and may 2025 bring you good things xxx
Thank you for your update, earlier and now. So glad ‘hear’ you are doing well and finding joy and comfort in this new phase of your life. Wishing you a lovely and happy new year too!!
Wishing you peace as you continue to navigate your new normal. Thanks for updating us!
Sending my best to you.
I’ve been through a very similar situation (no kids, it *was* suicide), and it’s very hard. Even though it’s been nine years, he still looms large in my consciousness. I guess there’s no getting away from it. I just look at it as a waste of talent, waste of potential, etc.
You’ll never forget, but you’ll still recover and thrive. Keep us posted now and then.
Would appreciate your thoughts on this dilemma. I booked a VRBO in another city for this summer to host six adults in town for one of our kids’ weddings. B/c we need three bedrooms and bathrooms, it isn’t cheap. Both my son and my sister live in this town, and I contacted the host to see if one of them could stop by to look at the unit, for a couple of reasons. First, that part of town is a bit dicey and they want to look at the neighborhood, and second, I’ve heard horror stories about people getting scammed on VRBO and want to make sure the unit is as listed.
The host has said no, that for security reasons, they won’t provide even the address until 24 hours beforehand. She said the unit is as pictured, in a one year old building.
If I cancel, the next best option will be hotel rooms for all of us, which will be considerably more money, but no risk.
WWYD?
Hotel is the way to go, there are laws to protect you. Short term rentals eff up the housing market and are often illegal. You could end up holding the bag, I routinely have the cars from the illegal Airbnb on my street towed.
+1. Short term rentals are terrible for the people who actually live in those neighborhoods and leave you with no protections because they’re often illegal. Just book a hotel, where you actually know what you’re getting.
My family rents out our shore house on VRBO. I think that both not providing the address in advance is odd, but also I think it’s odd to ask someone to stop by to “inspect” a property prior too booking.
She likely has the unit booked fairly solidly, so you can’t just have someone stop by to check out the unit when it’s occupied with other renters! If its booked solid, the turnaround time between renters is usually only a few hours – she (or a cleaning company) is working during that time and doesn’t have the ability to give a tour. Or, there’s a good possibility that she lives out of town and it’s a PITA to drive in to give a tour.
IME, my house is being used in one of 3 ways: I”m using it (either for my own vacation or, more likely, doing maintenance on it) and if I’m on vacation, I don’t want to be showing it (and it isn’t show ready!) and if I’m working on it, I don’t want to lose time working to show it; it’s rented in which case I cannot let you see it because other renters are using it!; or it’s the off season, my house is shut down (its not winterized at all so the water is shut off, the outdoor furniture is piled inside, and maintenance projects that I started in the fall are halfway through until I open the house and finish them in the spring) AND I live 2 hours away and I’m not driving in to show the house for 10 mins.
Of course, I’d think that the good compromise would be to provide the address so your son or sister can do a drive by of the property, but as a VRBO host, it’s a) odd to get this request and b) a total PITA to accommodate it.
The norm is to book any sort of short-term accommodation sight unseen. You trust this with hotels (and who hasn’t had a bad surprise with a hotel being less desirable than portrayed online), people do it all the time with Airbnbs and VRBOs.
+1
This seems like a really odd request to make for a short term rental. If you are really curious, you should be able to zoom in enough on the map provided in the listing and be able to tell roughly where it is on the road for your family member to drive by and get a general sense of quality from the outside.
Are there reviews on the listing?
And then look up that city’s crime map to see what the odds are of getting mugged or having your car broken into. Or, worst case scenario, home invasion. In my city most of the STR units that are new or newish are in “transitional” neighborhoods at best, and renters are absolutely pikachu faced shocked that they are accosted with a weapon or the car’s window is smashed.
I would switch to a hotel personally.
Hotel for sure.
Unless there are a ton of new builds in the area, you could probably figure out which building it is. It would think it odd to allow you to check out the unit. You could book for a random night before the big event to check it out, but I’m not surprised they don’t want to show you around. I’d still book the hotel in this case, though.
Have you already reserved the unit? Every time I have made a reservation, I’ve received the actual address at that time. It is odd to me that you don’t get it until 24 hours beforehand. But I’ve also never asked to see the interior of the location. I’ve relied on reviews by prior renters to confirm the authenticity of the pictures. The dicey neighborhood and “security” issues would make me cancel and find an alternate location. I’d have son or sister try to find a place locally that may fit your needs better than a hotel.
This is what reading reviews is for. This is an odd request. If you’re this unsure, then you need to book a hotel.
This definitely sounds like a scam. I understand not wanting to arrange a viewing of the inside. It might be inconvenient for the owner or even impossible due to other bookings. But not providing the address is a huge red flag. I live in a tourist area and scams happen here fairly often. I would not send money to this person.
No, I don’t think it’s a scam. Almost every VRBO I have rented did not give me the address until right before the stay.
That’s my experience as well.
I’ve never had a bad VRBO experience but always worry a bit before I get there.
Where I live, short term rentals are illegal, so people just don’t post the address and hope to get away with it. But they’re cracking down on enforcement, so you’re gambling that your reservation will mean you actually have a place to stay.
Just go ahead and pay the higher cost for hotel rooms and peace of mind. The end.
I would book a hotel room. Even if it’s not a scam, you’re renting in a sketchy part of town. That itself would incline me towards a hotel room.
This sounds very much like a scam to me! Not giving the address means you can’t even Google it to check it exists, or that someone else (the legitimate owner/tenant) is staying there.
We rented a house for family over the summer in my neighborhood and while the map would give you a general.idea of the location, every single one stated the address would not be provided before booking. It is the general way of doing business now, and it makes sense for a lot of reasons. But the houses were real. I rented one and a friend has since rented our second choice.
Maybe? My point was that it’s worth extra money to stay in a not-bad section of town.
Hotel, no question. I would not want to be one of the six adults potentially stuck with five others in a sketchy VRBO in a dicey part of town.
Any recommendations for high quality cashmere? I bought a Nordstrom brand sweater in December that already looks rough, despite dry cleaning and using a sweater shaver. Willing to spend for something that will last. Thanks!
Nordstrom knits are horrible. The house brand at Bloomingdale’s is much better. Or the Antonio Melani knits at Dillard’s.
Also, generally had good luck with the house brand at Saks. But, highly advise going in person to touch the sweaters as you can normally get a good feel for what will last.
I hear that Talbots (Audrey pullover sweaters) and Land’s End offer affordable yet good quality cashmere. Good luck!
I bought Land’s End cashmere and returned it because it was so itchy. I’ve never experienced itchy cashmere before. Maybe previous years were better.
I’ve been happy with my Talbots Audrey sweaters.
Theory has the best cashmere around. No pilling.
Haha jinx!
Vince!
Thanks everyone, appreciate the recommendations!
Not MM LaFleur, unfortunately. It is better than Nordstrom brand though.
Most affordable cashmere doesn’t last well these days.
Aqua cashmere.
For those of you who are nurses or have kids or family members who are nurses, would you recommend direct-admit nursing programs or going the route of schools where you apply to the RN program as sophomores? Kiddo is trying to decide, is worried about going to a school and finding that there won’t be an RN seat for her there, and being stuck with no plan. The schools all say not to worry about it, but that doesn’t really help her decide. For reference, UNC and ECU have seats you apply for later and aren’t guaranteed to get (process seems to use both subjective like “fit” and objective factors like grades). Some schools want you to be a certified nursing assistant first. UNCG admits kids to its nursing program as high school seniors. I don’t know how much it matters. It’s not like my college wasn’t going to have enough history major slots or ask me to decide this early. Her high school just pointed her to community college to get an LPN but she really wants to learn higher level science also not just LPN things.
I’m in a different area than you, but I haven’t heard of nursing schools where you don’t apply as a nursing major while in undergrad. Of my friends who went to nursing school, they all applied to the school as nursing majors and knew they were going to be in nursing school when they committed there. Or, at the very least, it’s a school where you apply to the school and can choose your major but choosing your major is guaranteed, you don’t have to worry about not getting a slot in the nursing school.
YMMV, not in the south and not in a circle where anyone entertained an LPN instead of a BSN. Friends went to Penn, Georgetown, BC, Pitt, and Drexel for nursing.
I see a lot of schools where you are admitted as a pre nursing major. Later in, maybe 25-40-a fixed number get to continue in the RN program. IDK what happens to the ones who aren’t picked. It may be how “impacted” programs work, where there is more interest than capacity or the school has a high admit rate and only the top students get choices. I get the feeling that at that point, it may be too late to do something else or a kid has to do a fifth year. Maybe all of the kids at a UNC-type school get in if they still want it.
Something to consider is that, at least in my area, where you went to school matters a lot for getting your foot in the door with nursing. If you want to be at one of the big hospital systems, you need to either go to those systems’ universities or another highly ranked nursing school to get a job there right out of undergrad (I’m in an area with both really good hospitals and really good schools, so YMMV). If you’re at a lesser ranked nursing school even an hour or so away, you’re going to need to start at a smaller or less well regarded hospital, work there for a year or two and then move to the bigger hospital systems.
Also, if she wants to become an NP, she should factor both undergrad nursing school and hospital system where she’ll work into her decision.
This may be a dumb question, but how do you know which hospital systems have nursing programs (outside of things like Vandy, UVA, Georgetown, etc. where there is a major teaching hospital and a related school with an undergrad program)? Or maybe those programs are the best place to start? Asking honestly — if you want to go to Georgetown or UVA for nursing and sincerely want that, are those schools just as hard to get into as for other majors?
All I know now is that a friend’s kid who had a random undergrad major but is strong, has a job as a surgical tech (no training needed) and the major hospital where he works is paying for him to get his RN. So it seems crazy that some paths are hard for this and others circuitous.
there are lists of programs around the country…but re your other question, I went to Penn undergrad and it at least used to be that it was easier to get into nursing than the other 3 schools. People used to apply to nursing and transfer out. Except once you were there, the nursing program was actually much harder than a lot of the other majors.
I thought you only didn’t get admitted into your major if you were doing poorly – it’s not 100% guaranteed but it still is pretty much guaranteed if you’re a mediocre student?
OP here and I have no idea. I can’t seem to drill down to # of pre-nursing admits to # of formal program admits, let alone any hint of why it’s not 1:1 (some kids may choose another path early or transfer or drop out or have severe grades issues). Some schools who have expanded their plans are very loud in reassuring that as long as you have an ACT score of X, you will be waived in to the RN program with no issues and otherwise they rely on grades and that they will have slots to match interest. [That said, that is what they say now; who knows if that continues to be the case over time, so it’s like you have to read all correspondence from a school very carefully.]
You can ask the school, but I’m pretty sure they all get in if you meet some low GPA bar and take the right, clearly spelled-out classes. The reason why it wouldn’t be 1:1 is because kids fail out or pick something else. I don’t think this is anything to be concerned about.
My niece just did this program. She got into the nursing and all of her “good student” group did as well. She’s at South Carolina.
depends on the school and the numbers. this is less of a thing at private institutions. i think you’ve posted previously, but i would not recommend the LPN route
Good morning!! What’s the right amount to gift for a bat mitzvah where only your child is attending? What about when entire family (of four) attends? NYC area.
I would do somewhere between $50 and $100 a head (depending on how close you are to the family, how fancy it’ll be, etc.), in multiples of 18.
This.
Just to make the math easy: that’s $54, $72, or $90.
Kat – The comments are weird again. This was originally about what to give at a bar mitzvah.
Low stakes comment- I love seeing lists of people’s favorite things from 2024. So let’s start the thread- what were your favorite or most-used things or suggestions from the past year? Beauty, attire, kitchen, service, etc – any discovery you’d like to share!
I had a pretty consumer heavy 2024, and these are some of my favorite purchases:
– Shark FlexStyle
– Nespresso (I was a pot of coffee girl before, had to make a change for other reasons and now I’m obsessed)
– Dr. Dennis Gross Peel Pads (the biggest change for my skin – much more noticeable than starting tretinoin, which I also did this year)
– balayage (I had never dyed my hair before, started this to add some definition and to cover some grays. I love it).
– Walmart+ for grocery delivery. I save money (way cheaper than buying groceries at the stores near me) and time.
– Adjustable weights. Even if I don’t have time for a full workout, I can pump out a 10 min session and do something.
– Londontown nail concealer – “my nails but better”. I love the look of this and it dries quickly too!
+ 1 for the Londontown concealer
Ideas for good yet gentle nail polish remover? I’ve tried non-acetone and acetone versions and they are so strong smelling and dry out my nails. I’ve also tried the more natural olive and June dipping remover pot at Target and it actually damaged my nails for months.
I’ve heard the Zoya one is good. It’s what I’m trying next, as I’m having the same issue.
I only use Cutex. Very, very effective but gentle enough on my nails
I use the Londontown nail polish remover
I love these lists too.
My favorite overall purchase was a Manta sleep mask. I bought it for a flight but I use it every night. It blocks 100% of light which is an amazing martial compromise because my husband loves watching movies on his laptop in bed. Serious game changer.
For clothes, I’m obsessed with my Left on Friday Field Day sweatshirt. It’s silly expensive for a sweatshirt but the perfect material, fit, drape, color, everything.
I bought CRZ yoga brand running shorts and biker shorts from Amazon that were actually fantastic fit and quality.
Also, despite telling myself I didn’t need more smocked dresses, I wore the heck out of the two Hill House dresses I bought this year. I styled them a bit differently for 2024, but leaning into this as a personal style and preference for 2025 too.
I really like my CRZ brand running shorts and so does my 16 year old step daughter. I’m 5’9″, 150 pounds, and the mediums fit well. I haven’t tried the yoga pants.
I love my CRZ leggings for running, lifting, and lounging!
We bought new coffee mugs (that are larger and hold more coffee!) where the handle is a thing that covers all of the fingers of the hand holding the mug. It is so cozy, especially now that the weather is cold.
If your mugs also don’t get too hot when you put them in the microwave, will you please let me know which ones you bought? The old mugs that I inherited from my grandmother don’t get scalding hot in the microwave, but every new one (including ones from nice cooking stores!) do. I want coffee mugs where I can re-heat my coffee and not burn my fingers when I get the mug out of the microwave.
Have you looked into an electric desk top drink warmer?
My best mugs for this are BIA Cordon Bleu ware. Looks to be sold many places and is really nice mid-tier stuff.
I have these insulated glass mugs and they keep my coffee hot for a long time and don’t overheat in the microwave https://www.amazon.com/Bodum-Bistro-Coffee-Ounce-2-Pack/dp/B00E2RU5TS/ref=asc_df_B00E2RU5TS?mcid=3626c4409fea3f03921c45640c0a7db1&tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693675163809&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17164489840554670856&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9031064&hvtargid=pla-415244695084&psc=1
These really are wonderful.
We bought them at The Annapolis Pottery but I don’t see them online.
My stand out find of 2024 was The Fold. I have spent a small fortune since trying on in person and it is astounding how phenomenal the pieces look and how incredible they make me feel.
Second place and holding strong for four years now is the work-out app, Sweat. It’s changed my life and continues to improve my fitness year after year.
Runners up weirdly three very different green dresses: 1) a green knit polo collared dress I bought from Simon’s (Quebec family owned department store). Drape is beautiful and it was perfect with chunky brown high Frye boots over the holidays; 2) Anthro Somerset mock neck dress in green for Xmas parties was a huge success. I got loads of compliments on it; 3) another green dress, this time a random deep v neck, off the shoulder knit bodycon dress I grabbed at Winner’s for $27 that was also perfect for a handful of events over Xmas. Also got loads of compliments.
A new to me discovery – finally started using body glide for runs.
Such a game changer.
Random things that contributed to my happiness in 2024:
-loose leaf tea from a local shop. Previously thought I didn’t like tea, because I had never had really good tea.
-my Shark hair dryer and diffuser. For the first time in my adult life, I feel like I have professional-looking hair rather than the same frizzy ponytail I wore when I was 7.
-comfortable sneakers that I can wear to the office. With suits, even, since we relaxed our dress code last year!
-grow lights for my house plants. They look so lush and make my house feel more fresh, especially in these short, dark winter days.
Tell me more about those sneakers!
They are super basic winter white canvas sneaks. Nothing expensive or fancy.
I tried on a bunch of different brands until I found one that fit me well. Turns out my feet like Adidas so that is the one I kept, but there are oodles of cute options. I really wanted something like an All Star but they don’t work for my foot, so I just ordered half a dozen visually similar shoes and returned all the ones that didn’t work.
PS – I get so many compliments on them, too. I work in finance; we used to be very stodgy corporate until easing the dress code during the past two years. We can inject little bits of personality and it is so much better.
For makeup, I really enjoyed the following (new to me) products in 2024:
– Merit stick concealer – blends like a dream and great for “no makeup” makeup
– Merit flush balm cream blush (can also be used on the lips)
– Dior forever natural velvet powder foundation (also great for “no makeup” makeup)
I also got my first lash lift & tint in 2024 and I’m hooked. I’ve gotten 2 more since the first one in early 2024. I love the look.
I also invested in my bathroom and got a floor shelf for my makeup drawers in order to get them off the counter. The shelf went behind my door (there is a little floor space there for it) and my sink has never looked clearer and cleaner. So much better looking! I got the shelf at HomeGoods so I don’t have a specific product to share but I thought I’d share the concept.
Other products I enjoyed in 2024:
– My new Quince triple compartment work tote in black leather (I might also get the cream/tan colored one for spring & summer)
– Very affordably priced but great quality velvet curtains from Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B095C1D77F?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_image)
– A long barreled curling iron (I have long hair). I got the T3 one.
– Dry erase fridge calendar from Etsy (GirlFridayAcrylics is the name of the shop)
I got a permanent bracelet that ended up being my favorite purchase of 2024. It’s just so elegant and I never have to worry about it!
I also discovered a new favorite perfume that makes me incredibly happy every single day: YSL’s Libre. It’s decadent and wintery so I tend not to use it in the summer but it is truly a shot of joy for me every morning. If you don’t have a perfume that does that for you, go find one!
I’m intrigued by this perfume, google says the top note is lavender which I love!
1) the Nespresso Vertuo I got as a Christmas gift last year. Heavy use in 2024 by all family members. My favorite use is to make an iced coffee with one packet of raw sugar mixed in while the double espresso shot is still hot, then ice cubes, then either lactose free milk or oat milk. Just like my favorite drink from Peet’s!
2) My Allbirds Tree Pipers were my most worn shoes, year-round. (I am not in a snowy climate). I walk a lot and find them good for that as well as just being part of my outfit. I bought a backup pair I like them so much. I’ve washed them and they come out of the wash like new.
3) all of my beautiful earrings from Kojima Pearl, which other than my wedding rings are pretty much the only jewelry I wear daily. They’re so pretty and unique. Favorite new habit.
4) I bought the T3 brush style hair dryer from the Nordstrom anniversary sale over the summer and now I don’t dread drying my hair. It looks so much better too.
5) a year of good socks. Last year (2023) I decided to ask everyone for socks for Christmas (I recently saw a meme that said you know you’re a grownup when you’re excited about getting socks for Christmas – it me) but I appreciate them so much now. Bombas low socks for nice weather, Smart Wool knee socks for winter. I asked for recs here and really appreciate them! I asked for more socks for 2024 Christmas and am enjoying the new ones too!
I got an Apple Watch at the recommendation of my cardiologist to monitor for dangerous arrhythmias. I have a “benign” arrhythmia but it’s the kind of slippery slope thing that can lead to other types. I wore a Zio patch for two weeks a couple of times (with no findings) but the adhesive drove me crazy.
So he recommended the Apple Watch and it has been so much more than a heart monitor for me. I find the “rings” especially motivating, and they really keep me accountable for my daily exercise.
I never wanted an Apple Watch because I didn’t want to be one of those people who is distracted by constant text/call/email notifications (I know some of these people) but I just turned off all of those notifications and just use the features I like now. I appreciate all of the health information it collects beyond my heart rate.
I am so surprised that I like it as much as I do. But given that I got it in January 2024 and have now spent a year with it worn daily (and nightly) I realize it truly is my most useful purchase of 2024.
I got into Dazzle Dry nail polishes and they are magic for me. I loved gel manicures but the removal is so rough on my nails.
Dazzle Dry has all the benefits of gel without the drawbacks. Nontoxic, cruelty free. No UV light involved (am prone to skin cancer, already had a melanoma removed by age 30), I can do at home in under 20 minutes, the base and color coats dry in a minute each and the top coat is rock hard after 5. Lots of colors available, new ones all the time. Dark colors do not stain my nails.
Can’t bring myself to bother with regular nail polish anymore, even for my toes. I did notice that the last time I used Dazzle Dry on my toes the natural nail was less discolored than with regular polish.
i stopped getting their colors, but still use their base and top religiously. their colors got tacky for me really quickly after opening. i think it works just as well with Essie or OPI! Dazzle feels like it’s being shipped from someone’s basement, and yet i love it so much.
Can a cobbler fix this or should I toss and buy new? I have a pair of Born (not sure how to do the o with a / on mobile) boots from ages ago. I probably haven’t worn them for more than 5 years, but I was excited to wear them again now that tall boots are solidly back. Sadly, the strip of leather down the back of the calf has degraded. It’s cracked and peeling, and the leather is completely gone in some spots especially by the Achilles tendon. Is it worthwhile to see if a cobbler can do anything with it? Or are they toast and I should just get new boots? The cobbler I like isn’t particularly convenient to me so I’d prefer to save the trip if it’s unlikely to be productive or more expensive to fix than replace. Thanks all!
My cobbler does a lot of leather work and I would absolutely ask him to repair the boots.
Real leather shouldn’t peel.
It can crack if it gets dried out.
I think given the price point for Born boots and the likely cost of the repair ($40+) and how it is going to look, I would get new boots at this point. A cobbler could probably glue on a new piece of leather over the cracking one, but I don’t think it will look that great.
I wouldn’t invest in old boots that likely cannot be fixed and are also probably out of style.
If these were your favorite, most comfortable boots that are in otherwise great condition, they might be worth fixing. But if they are just starting to show their age overall, I’d be more inclined to save the cobbler money towards replacing them, and find a sharpie in a close-enough color and use that to even out the spots where the leather is worn through.
And for new boots, look into proper leather care and maybe how this happened (do you have a habit of constantly rubbing the boots on a chair rung or something?) to prevent this type of wear going forward.
Suggestions for a pillowy soft mattress topper for a king bed? DH and I bought a new mattress a few years ago and it’s too hard for me. I’m a side sleeper and it makes my shoulder hurt. I suspected the problem was the mattress, and then we went on vacation for two weeks and my shoulder pain went away. We had a soft bed where we stayed. We would like to save this mattress if possible because it’s pretty new and is lighly used as we both travel for work. I’m thinking a mattress topper is the answer.
Side sleeping is really bad for you. I have scoliosis so I routinely see doctors for alignment stuff and every single doctor has told me I need to train myself to sleep on my back. It sucked but was so worth it.
Sleeping on your back causes snoring.
It looks like every sleeping position has a downside to it so you might as well do what’s comfortable or natural for you unless expressly told not to by a doctor (like when my cousin had a detached retina and had to sleep in a chair for a bit)
Side sleeping is bad for you, that does not apply to everyone.
+1
With the appropriate support (look online for side sleeping positioning), side sleeping is great for stomach and sleep apnea issues.
They make special pillows to help with the alignment issue.
Emily Henderson has a rec up on her blog. I have an all feather one I got years ago and love. Highly recommend regardless of how you sleep, they’re so lovely.
I went through this and wasted money on toppers. You can’t really fix a mattress that isn’t right for you. We ended up getting two twin XLs for our king frame so we could each have a different firmness on our side.
We have the ‘Holy Lamb’ brand mattress toppers on all of our beds and they are wonderful. The oldest is about 10 years old and still holding up well with weekly airing/flipping. You can get samples of the thickness online but we’ve been happy with the deep sleep option though the ultimate might be better if you want ‘sink into a marshmallow’ fluffiness.
We have the Avocado 3″ latex foam topper. It’s soft but supportive.
I am a fan of talalay latex, which is both soft and supportive. I got a few extra years out of a mattress this way, but I did need to replace it eventually.
I have a 3” Tempurpedic memory foam mattress topper. I love it.
“Sleep on Latex”. The product, customer service team, and return policy (should you need it) are all amazing!!
I’m going to a conference in April and need help planning what to wear. It’s a tech-ish higher ed conference and the dress code is very casual. I was over dressed last year in ON pixie pants and a knit top. This year, I plan to wear jeans and a t-shirt.
I have a handful of solid colored t-shirts that I like, what can I do to add some interest? Where do people buy patterned/printed t-shirts? I’m a size 16/XL.
When I see a t-shirt out in the wild that I love, I google it when I get home and order. My “Tell your dog I said hi.” t-shirt is the best money I ever spent. Honest to god, people are nicer to me in that shirt and it’s the best conversation starter for socially-awkward me.
Boden has some really cute knit “tees” that feel easier to wear than the typical graphic tee which I as a fellow size 16/XL find tough on curvy/fuller bodies. I also really like Old Navy for inexpensive novelty tees, they have really cute patterns and some fun slogans/sayings/puns.
Adding in Uniqlo but they IMO run small.
Anyone into analyzing dreams? I keep having a recurring dream (nightmare) of having to go through some crazy hard obstacle course. I keep falling and failing while everyone else is managing it fine. And I’m usually half-clothed. Awful stuff.
I also have a recurring dream of forgetting things and not being able to leave my house for work or school because I just can’t get it together.
These are both pretty common stress dreams. Mine are either “I’m going to miss this flight” or “I didn’t go to class all semester and now it’s exams.”
I get the second one and the variant “I have to give a solo recital/perform a concerto on this instrument I haven’t studied since college.”
Yes! I get this one too!
+1 – I’m in consulting and I have had every possible variation on ‘I’m going to miss my flight!’ dream when I’m stressed. I give my subconscious creativity points for the dream where I literally went from a broken down Acela, to avcommuter train, to taxi, to a shuttle bus, only to realize I was at the ‘wrong’ (imaginary) Philly airport.
That second one is a doozy for me, especially as it feels real since sometimes I really did miss a lot of class. But it seems to have mostly gone away in recent years. I had a new version of stress dream yesterday that seems focused on my being indecisive and also needing to balance my own needs with those of others better. I agree that OP’s dreams seem to be versions of stress dreams that suggest perhaps she needs to take a day or a weekend to focus on organizing aspects of her life.
My high school crush has started appearing regularly in my dreams. I’m single and dang it’s giving me so much false hope
Ugh, that sounds awful
My recurring nightmarish dream theme involves post-apocalyptic dystopian scenarios where I am fleeing from “them” along with a random group of people, some of whom may be double agents. IRL, I work a corporate desk job and my hobbies revolve around things like cross stitching and flower gardening.
My dystopian dream a few days ago was that I needed to escape an AI/robot driven environment where there were no people, just elevated walkways with cables and dead ends. Too real!
Sounds like a standard issue anxiety dream to me. I graduated from law school in 2010. Legal job market was in the toilet, didn’t have a job at graduation despite good school, good grades, etc. Was a terrible time for me. About once/year I dream that I’m back in college or law school and about to graduate with nothing lined up…. questioning my choices, freaking out, trying to decide what the next step is, applying for grad schools, changing my major…. doing anything to fix it as time runs out. Feels awful. But when I wake up, I’m always a little extra grateful for my job!
The obstacle course dream might not be a stress dream. I sometimes have dreams like that if I need to get up to pee. For me, the difference between a stress dream and my subconscious trying to get me to go to the bathroom is whether I slip back into the same dream after waking up. With a stress dream (mine is that I’m about to compete in a race and forgot to train), I full emerge from the dream after waking up.
It’s a stress dream. Try some techniques for dealing with your stress during non-sleeping hours (easier said than done, I know) and you’ll probably get a break from dreams of this sort.
Mine tend to be:
1) forgetting I was taking a class and today’s the final
2) missing a flight or being lost while traveling
3) being at an event and realizing I forgot to put a shirt or pants on
I started Tamoxifen today (hormone suppressant to hopefully prevent a reocurrence of breast cancer). Anyone who has been through this care to share their experience? I’m 45 and not really experiencing perimenopause yet. I’m scared, nervous, angry, and just generally looking for support or advice, but also interested to hear others’ experiences, good or bad. My doctor is starting me off gradually with a goal of working up to a daily 20mg dose within the next few months. I’ll be taking it for the next 5 years. :(
I’m 49 and almost at the end of my five year cycle. It’s hard for me to know what is tamoxifen and what would have been perimenopause regardless but i’m a good 15 lbs heavier and i sleep much less well and i’m generally sort of achy. i still get a period but less often but i had had a mirena until i was diagnosed and hadn’t had a period in about a decade so again hard to know what was tamoxifen and what’s age. I am ok with the gardening but dryness is apparently very common. i read somewhere that doctors are not interested in quality of life issues post cancer and instead like to say things like, “well would you rather be dead?” and i have found that to be the case.
Right there with you, OP. I’m 45 and just finished 5 years of ovarian suppression and an AI; moving to tamoxifen for the next 5 (or until I’m thru menopause, which I suspect will be more than 5 years given my mom’s experience). Other than the weight gain, I’ve been ok on the AI and OS, so I’m hoping the same will be true on tamoxifen. I’ve heard all levels of experience on it. The one’s with a bad experience are usually the most vocal, so don’t worry too much.
I’m 50 and in my fourth year of tamoxifen. Very hard to say what’s perimenopause and what’s the drug. I’m probably 5-10 pounds heavier than when I started. Still get a period about 2x per year, but i was regular for the first couple years. Hot flashes come and go—much worse in summer and when I’ve had red wine. Sleep issues have been my biggest issue, and magnesium and/or melatonin have helped. In the beginning, hot flashes were the first thing I noticed.
I will say the first year after cancer treatment I was very angry about it all, had some health anxiety, and had therapy weekly for a time to have some mental reset. Treatment is a slog, regardless of severity, and often the goal is just to get through it. Mentally, I needed more time than just the physical stuff.
I started Tamoxifen when I was 46 and was on it for about 7 years. Going on it ended my period. It also led to depression and lots of hot flashes. I ended up adding Effexor which helped with both. I’m 57 now and have been off both for several years. The dryness is real, so pay attention to that as well. Good luck!
I am newly engaged and just started the wedding planning process. We are located in the NYC area but looking forward venues outside the city that can accommodate 100 guests. Any suggestions on wedding planning tips, venues, photographers, DJs would be greatly appreciated. I’m trying not to go crazy with planning while still working a demanding full time job and I feel like my head may explode!
the garrison in cold spring is lovely. wave hill. bronx botanical gardens (two venues, both lovely). congrats!
Out of the box suggestions in NJ: Newark Museum, Crystal Plaza in Livingston
i went to a wedding at Crystal Plaza in Livingston. i find those event spaces so tacky. there are a million of them in Long Island, NJ, etc. It was like the Crystal Plaza wanted to be the Plaza, but wasn’t… (I’ve also attended weddings at the Plaza). 100 guests is also a smallerish number that should give you a lot more choices.
The single best tip I got was: pick 2-3 items that *really* matter to you and spend the money and effort there. Mine were my dress, flowers, and photography. Other things I made compromises on and was okay with a “budget” version. It also allowed me to focus on finding the “best” possible vendor for those top items and budget accordingly.
Dress regret may very well happen. I spent so much time and did so much research I was really shocked when it happened to me. I did get the “right” dress but I wound up being out over $1000 and that really stung. So budget in for dress regret if possible.
Also don’t let “I wore a napkin and used old coffee grounds for my invites” crowd get to you. It’s a once in a lifetime (usually!) event that you wait a long time for and it’s a big deal. It’s okay to spend a bundle.
Finally, don’t let family members use this as a quasi-family reunion. Understanding that motivation can help you redirect or keep the guest list manageable as to the “but whyyyyy can’t everyone under the sun come?”. “I totally get that the family wants to see second cousin thrice removed, but this is a wedding, not a family reunion. As much as I wish I could, I don’t have the budget or resources to host a family reunion / wedding right now.”
Thank you! Yes we are trying to keep it small, under 100. I don’t want extended family to make it a family reunion and that’s why some are not invited. I care mostly about the venue and the DJ so everyone has fun! I’m trying to accommodate everyone but my general mindset it if you’re not paying for it, you don’t get a say.
Such a good point about the family reunion. My mom tried to do that with my wedding, and now my daughter is planning a wedding and groom’s side is trying to do the same.
Stay strong OP!
I went to a fabulous wedding at Blue Hill at Stone Farms several years ago. I haver no idea how costly that venue is, but I suspect it is expensive.
It is really overwhelming at first, but if you already know how many people you are hosting, that narrows down your options for venues a lot, especially if you are on a budget.
I agree to focus on what is important and/or fun to you. For us, it was creating a silly shrine to our cats and doing a funny, production number-style first dance. All vendors will try to make you feel like what cake/dress/invite you choose is Incredibly Important and Representative of the Success or Failure of Your Union, but at the end of the day, most of the wedding is a very big party. (No one encourages you to spend hours thinking about marriage itself).
Also, there is something to be said for a short engagement. Wedding planning can expand to take up as much time as you allow it, so if you aren’t that into it, don’t allow it too much time. And if you enjoy it, drag out the engagement!
Due to family circumstances, health and age, I want a very short engagement. I don’t care about invitations. I’m actually open to some via email. I don’t even care about a cake or the cake cutting. I’d be fine with a dress that costs $300. I really just want it to be a big fun party at a lovely setting and I want all my guests to enjoy.
Greenvelope for invitations.
Costco for flowers.
Get wedding cupcakes: tastier, cheaper, and more fresh. (Mine were made that morning.)
A dress for $300? Consignment stores or try Anthropologie’s BHLDN line on sale.
Thank you! I could even just get a dress from Lulus and I saw some beautiful Mac Duggal dresses for about $700. My wedding dress budget could go up to $1,500 but I think $300 is also doable. I’m not exactly a traditional bride who wants to be a princess.
There is an Anthropologie outlet (Reclectic) right outside of Philadelphia, and they have BHLDN dresses — it might be worth spending a day checking it out.
Replying very late but hopefully you will see this…check out Les Aimants. They do both custom dresses on an expedited timeline (~8 weeks for a totally custom dress created from a 3-D body scan) starting at ~$2500 and also have some cool ready to wear options. They have a boutique in Soho and their website is https://les-aimants.com/
Congratulations!
If you know the exact dress you want, look online for pre-owned dresses. I bought my dress on stillwhite.com and also saw several on Poshmark. I found the specific dress I wanted at a bridal store, then found the same exact dress in my size online for about half the price.
one decision that i think helps cut down options is do you want a venue that does it all or do you want to rent a space and then rent chairs and a caterer and hire a bartender…. that helps narrow things.
I’d definitely recommend a venue that does that stuff “in house” – much less to plan and coordinate
Thanks! Yea we want a venue that does it all. Working full time and planning a wedding is nuts!
If you want a more rural vibe, the Full Moon Resort in the Catskills is basically a hippie wedding factory.
PS – I got a custom-made skirt and top from Kimera design in Brooklyn for my wedding outfit. I think it cost around $300, although this was 15 years ago. Regular wedding dresses have long lead times, so a short engagement will also narrow your options in the dress dept. But narrowing options can be helpful.
This is kind of outside the box, but when I was looking for a venue for a milestone birthday party on New York, I ended up with a party boat and it was AMAZING. Also much cheaper than other venues.
I am also currently in the wedding planning process (though less newly-engaged)! My reccs:
1) Sit down w/ your fiance and discuss roles/expectations (who can feasibly do what, considering individual strengths and constraints), your budget, and your shared priorities. We have a motto for our shared vision that has driven our decision-making. Write down what feels true to you as a couple, not what you see on insta.
2) This will be driven by your shared priorities, but decide what budget line items are worth greater investment. Do you care about food but less about music? Then allocate more to catering and less to DJ/band.
3) Join alll the wedding planning reddits – these have been SUPER helpful for me.
4) Find a spreadsheet or planning tool that works for your lifestyle and brain. There are tons out there!
5) Don’t lose sight of what this is all for. Prioritize your relationship at the end of the day. Have at least one date night where you don’t chat wedding logistics (which was hard for me!). Love each other well and have fun. :)
general wedding planning advice (got married last year!)
reddit is good for general process/planning stuff, timelines, etc.
local FB groups are good for finding vendors, reviews, etc.
draft your guest list first as that determines a lot of other things. With your fiance, chose the things that are most important & the vibe you want. Make your decisions and spend your time accordingly!
Also, divide and conquer where you can. For example, my now-husband is super into music, he handled that. (and brought ideas to review for special moment songs, etc.). I had the aesthetic vision and handled decor.
I went to a similar sized wedding at the Mayflower Inn in Washington, Connecticut, and it was very nice. Also second the rec for Blue Hill at Stone Farms.
* at Stone Barns, sorry!
I got married in NYC and while I didn’t end up choosing one of them, I recommend you consider some art galleries! They give a beautiful cocktail party-stye vibe and would be great for 100 people. I looked at a few and they were very cool.
You could also book a restaurant — I’ve been to a wedding at Frankies 457 in Carroll Gardens that was amazing.
I got married at Frankie’s and it was amazing :)
But I don’t think they can accommodate 100 and it’s not cheap.
Ive been to a corporate event here during the week – gorgeous! – and understand they do wedding receptions too
https://www.hyatt.com/hyatt-regency/en-US/newjp-hyatt-regency-jersey-city-on-the-hudson/weddings
I’m speaking of the top floor ballroom specifically.
I seem to recall a few discussions here about newer options for colonoscopy prep that aren’t as horrific as the liquid. Anyone have any recommendations? I have a newborn and am breastfeeding (so I’ll clear it all with my doctor), but I’d like to request something more palatable if possible to make logistics easier. The office defaults to the old-fashioned kind and I’d be willing to pay OOP for something easier to tolerate and manage with a newborn.
My clinic defaulted to the horrible giant jug of liquid too and I couldn’t keep it down, so I did the Miralax and Gatorade method instead – google it, lots of clinics use it. It’s a flavorless powder mixed in Gatorade. It’s just like drinking Gatorade, it’s no big deal at all.
That said, I would maybe not do a colonoscopy while you have a newborn – the day before you have to fast and do the prep and I can’t imagine doing that while breastfeeding and trying to take care of a baby.
I used the Miralax/Gatorade method and it was very difficult for me. YMMV. There was one last step drinking a very small bottle of liquid laxative, and I basically couldn’t finish it.
Interesting, the method I followed didn’t include that last step. It was just the powder in two big bottles of Gatorade.
Trust me, it’s not my top choice to get a colonoscopy with a newborn! I have to get it done – it’s not just for routine screening.
I would also add that I was religious about following the pre-procedure diet for a week before hand, so I think that made the prep easier for me. The worst part was the fasting – I was SO hungry. I chewed gum to help with that (just don’t swallow it!)
Yeah – I presume if anyone needs a colonoscopy with a new born its for a good reasons and not just for kicks! (both due to the logistical nightmare and that the recommended ages for routine colonoscopies don’t really overlap with childbearing ages)
Whatever method you do, drink it ice cold and as fast as you can. When it’s cold, the flavor is more muted.
My clinic did the pills and Miralax version which was fine though I was kind of sick of juice by the end of it. The best advice I got was to mix up all the miralax overnight to make sure it was fully disolved, and to drink it cold, with a straw (vs. in a cup). The other pro tip I appreciated was to stock up on good miso soup broth or pho broth – I’m not a sweet’s person and having a savory broth was very much appreciated.
Yes, I used a stainless steel tumbler with a straw to keep everything cold and easy to drink.
I did the miralax + Gatorade protocol. Echo the recs for the beverage being cold (Woot woot, G Love!). My dr also had some modifications on the timing based on my size (being rather petite). Assuming you have to do this with a newborn (which sounds miserable, especially if your body is still healing from delivery), there’s really no great way to clean out your colon but it’s over fairly quickly. Good luck!
Shout out for the G Love reference!
I don’t care for Gatorade, so I checked with the medical office and got the OK to mix up the Miralax (an entire container-full) into two quarts of iced tea and drank that on the specified schedule. I also made some sugar-free lemon jello ahead of time, and stirred up some chicken broth to drink a couple of times during the day to stave of the sensation of hunger pangs and to ingest something with a savory flavor for a change.
I used Suprep pills. They were so much easier than the liquid Suprep that my doctor had asked me to use in the past. She was insistent that I needed the Rx and didn’t want me doing any of the cleanses that use OTC products. Taking the pills with copious amounts of water was way easier for me, but the reality of getting cleaned out and a second dose at 3am is unchanged.
This is the winner in my household. I think the main reason it’s not used more is that insurance doesn’t like to cover it.
I will do pills next time. My doc also offered Ducolax pills.
For my first one, I tried Suprep but couldn’t get down more than half the bottle, so my doctor gave me the okay to switch to miralax/gatorade for the second dose in the early morning. It tasted fine, but was SO much liquid SO quickly I was violently vomiting and felt horrid until the procedure. I was sufficiently cleaned out, though!
I hope your doctor has told you, but you will need a ride to / from the procedure AND you will be under anesthesia, so you should also have child care for your baby lined up and ask re any BF issues from the anesthesia. I couldn’t drive the day of the procedure and napped after eating so soundly that I likely could not have co-slept safely and probably shouldn’t have been looking after a baby solo until the next day. So if your driver can take the day off work AND be the primary caregiver once you are done including the next night, that leaves you just taking care of yourself. Good luck!
My doctor gave me a poop in a box kit to do instead of a colonoscopy. Is that an option for you? The kit is mailed to me, I poop in the box, mail it back for testing. The results are only good for three years, but it was much simpler than getting a colonoscopy. (I hear in some countries – namely those with socialized healthcare – the test gets automatically sent to you when you hit 45. If the results are abnormal, then you get to do a colonoscopy) My Husband’s doctor gave him something similar, only he took his poop to a lab.
Just a guess, but if she’s got a newborn and is doing this, the screening only “poop in a box” method is likely not going to work for her.
I’ve had both babies and colonoscopies but I’m so confused by this comment. Are you thinking that because she might still be bleeding vaginally it would impact the test results?
It’s a different test that looks at only one of the questions colonoscopies can answer, and it’s a screener, not a diagnostic, for that issue.
Agreed. The stool method is for people at a lower risk of whatever they’re looking for. I know I’m commenting on a day old thread, but a nice bonus of a colonoscopy is that it can remove small polyps just due to the physical nature of the test in your bowels.
The Suprep was easier for me — I mixed it in whatever liquid I wanted that wasn’t red or purple. I want to do the pills next time though. I found out after my 1st colonoscopy (and the terrible jug) that you can pay out of pocket for other options which I HIGHLY recommend. Second ordering broth from a ramen shop so you have something nutritious that isn’t horrible jello.
looking for suggestions for a “little something” for a 50th birthday of a very old friend with whom i’m not close. like $25 or thereabouts. can bring to party or send ahead.
Flowers or champagne.
Fancy chocolates or framed photo of when the two of you were young.
This is better. When I turned 50, I got so many flowers you’d have thought I died. Also so much champagne, too much champagne.
small ceramic dish for holding a pair of earrings and such, with her first initial. It’s useful, and she can think of you whenever she uses it. I think it’s called a ring dish or a trinket dish, and I just checked online and found several versions under $25. Good luck!
An orchid plant. Great deals from Trader’s / Costco. Perhaps with something chocolate and a nice card.
Help me come up with an idea for a not crazy expensive spring break destination. Second week of march. Flying or driving from Houston with young kids. Heeelp! We just got back from from Mexico City which was fun and actually checked this box, but now I’m at a loss! You all are so well traveled! Specific destinations or even better places to stay? We’re up for anything.
Have you done Galveston before? It’s really cute with the pier and kids museum. Lots to do and not super expensive.
We’re doing a 4 night Disney cruise out of Galveston for spring break. I probably wouldn’t want to cruise with babies or toddlers though so ymmv depending on how young your kids are.
If you’re up for a longer flight we love southern Europe (Spain, Portugal, Italy) at our mid-March spring break. The weather is generally mild but you avoid the high season crowds and prices.
I think a Disney cruise out of Galveston is definitely in our future.
For Europe, I actually totally agree on time of year and I think we could handle the time change. I’ve always traveled economy but I’m a little intimidated by the idea of flying with three young kids in economy. Have you typically flown in the back of the plane? I want them to sleep! Is this something I should be worried about?
How old are they? It’s definitely easier to sleep on a plane in business class and we have actually flown business to Europe (outbound) a couple times at spring break because we got such a good deal on flights, but have flown economy plenty too. I feel like it’s manageable even if they don’t sleep. We don’t normally have non-stop flights so we don’t get to our final destination until the afternoon and we typically just go out for an early dinner or some ice cream and then go to bed and sleep through until the next morning — kids are generally much better at that than adults are. My husband always seems to wake up at 2 am after an early bedtime in Europe, but our kids never do.
I do think traveling to Europe with multiple toddlers would be kind of exhausting, regardless of where you sit in the plane, so I would probably be inclined to wait until the youngest is 3 or 4, unless you have huge age gaps and the older ones could be helpful with a toddler.
I’ve done lots of transatlantic travel to visit in-laws with kids, and they do just fine. They don’t get a great night’s sleep, but they do well enough and they typically adjust within a day. I’m always jealous!
30A area of Florida. Rosemary Beach, Seaside, or Alys Beach.
Going to be cold water then. I’ve been at Memorial Day even when there were only a few brave souls in the cold water. It’s a great area but I’d save it for summer.
On the other hand, we spent two Covid Christmases in Destin and both trips we had at least one 70+ degree day where we swam in the gulf. The water was surprisingly warm to me, although I come from quite a bit farther north than OP. You definitely can’t count on swimming in the winter because it can be in the low 60s and rainy all week, but I think spring and fall are the perfect time to go there. It’s miserably hot and crowded in the summer.
Yeah, 30A isn’t a summer destination in my book. I have been in March, and it has been totally fine. I guess it depends on personal preference.
Any recomendations for a knit blazer or similar that would look nice with soft skirts? I am looking to step up by business casual looks and am looking for something that nips in at the waist a bit. I saw the one on Banana Republic Factory which looked promising, and would love reviews if you have that one!
The lands end cotton knit blazers are amazing, they run big though. Machine wash cold, air dry.
J Crew Factory has a good sweater blazer.
Gibson Look
Nic + Zoe always has a knit blazer or two. I’ve owned three of them that I wore (old size) and now wear (new size) all the time. Nordstrom carries the brand, not sure who else.
for those of you who live places where this is a thing: my senior in high school wants to go to an island resort with 10-15 friends for spring break. no parents. he will not be 18 by then. I don’t like it at all but generally tend to lean towards letting them do the things their friends are doing (for those who disagree, that’s fine but i don’t need to be yelled at or shamed here). 1) can he even check into a hotel without an adult if he’s not 18? 2) what are realistic parameters to put on him? 3) debating telling he needs to figure out a way to pay for it himself which i think would be the end of it as i don’t see him coming up with $4000 or whatever in the next four months even with a job. did you/ would you let him go?
An island resort as in outside of the US? I’d be wary of that.
I appreciate your interest in letting him do things with friends, but this is a terrible idea. Even if they can check in to a hotel, this never ends well. Find an alternative.
I’m also pretty laissez faire with parenting but this sounds like a bad idea to me too
That sounds like a bad idea.
(not a parent)
I am generally not super risk adverse but would not be okay with this. My DH and I sadly know of several people who died on trips like these – HS spring break in Mexico, got drunk and fell off a balcony, did a dumb dive into a pool, etc. And these were good, otherwise responsible kids.
I’m 30, but when I went in these trips (13 years ago! ah I feel old) there was lots of underage drinking an gardening. The hotels served anyone. You can check in at 17 most of my classmates were 17 as was I. I’d probably make him pay for it himself since there is nothing eductional going on.
I would not. Groups of teens unsupervised are just a recipe for disaster. FWIW my parents were pretty free range compared to many even in the 90s and I got to backpack around Europe with a friend the summer after high school graduation, but that was with one trusted friend they knew. I’m really surprised so many parents are cool with the 17 year old group spring break resort trip. In general parents seem so much more overprotective now than 30 years ago, and most of my friends’ parents were pretty aghast at my parents letting me go.
There is a lot wrong with this idea that goes beyond normal “let kids spread their wings before college.”
The cost, the lack of adults, the lack of backup plan if something goes wrong, etc.
Sounds like a really terrible idea. The only way I’d consider this is if there was a chaperone of at least two parents and I’d want to be one of them. I’d let them have space while there but there would be mandatory check-ins twice a day and I’d make sure they were not being served alcohol at the resort. Ideally it would be Puerto Rico or U.S.V.I.
There is no way to prevent them from getting alcohol. Even if the resort won’t serve them, some kids will have fake IDs and they’ll just go to a liquor store or DoorDash the alcohol. In the Caribbean they wouldn’t even need fake IDs, since there’s often no minimum age to buy liquor or if there is, it isn’t enforced *at all.* But even in the US with better enforcement you have to assume they’ll find a way access it.
Parent of a teen, and I would not be okay with this. This seems prime for bad decision-making. He’s still a 17-year-old. Plenty of time for this kind of thing.
Don’t high schoolers usually have commitments that keep them from traveling over break? I was thinking of why this wasn’t a thing in my circles, but I realized its because kids still have sports practice or part time jobs or SAT prep or whatever even on breaks
Sports practices normally pause for spring break and you can take vacation from a job. This wasn’t a thing in my high school, and isn’t a thing in my kids’ school (thankfully) but not because of sports and jobs. Most teens travel with their families for spring break.
I was in high school over 10 years ago and sports practices and games didn’t stop for vacation. If you were playing a high school sport, you weren’t traveling for spring break. The kids who didn’t play sports (which was not many, small school pretty much everyone did something) either just stayed home and chilled or worked (or picked up babysitting jobs for younger kids) or went on family vacations. Some families brought kids’ friends on vacation too, but I also hadn’t heard of kids only vacations at this age.
We did senior week after we graduated from high school, but that was at the nearby beach (like 90 mins away) and while it was adult-free it usually was at someone’s parents’ beach house so no rental liability. It was, of course, a booze fest, but a safer booze fest than this sounds to be
I’m in my 50s and we had sports practices over spring and winter break. If you played a varsity or JV sport you couldn’t travel over breaks. Same with my older siblings (in their mid 60s now).
I did this as my senior trip 25 years ago – we had a package deal advertised by some company that specialized in spring break trips, I don’t remember the name anymore. It wasn’t officially offered through my high school so we didnt have any chaperones.
Voice of dissent here. He’ll be in college in less than a year. I went on trips like this in high school and survived just fine as did all of my friends. I don’t believe in making decisions according to the worst case scenarios.
I think this is survivor bias. College trips are chaperoned (for reasons!).
I wouldn’t even want to stay in the kind of hotel that would welcome ten to fifteen teens. Last time I was in a hotel that had unchaperoned college students, they broke stuff in the pool area, pulled the fire alarm, and got into physical altercations all while under the influence.
I think this is a horrible idea. But college trips are not chaperoned. I went on spring break trips with friends during college and it was always just a group of friends who would be between 18 and 22 years old.
+1 but the difference between senior year high school break and freshman year college spring break is HUGE. By spring break of college, you’ve had six or seven months of college under your belt –that makes so much difference. Binge drinking and rule-breaking also doesn’t have the same appeal because you aren’t living under your parents roof and “sneaking around.”
I went on an official college trip that was not chaperoned (except that the professor and TAs were also on the trip) and one of the boys assaulted one of the girls in the hotel. It was horrible and had lasting repercussions for collegiality in a department where students had to work together very closely.
I was recently at an all inclusive with a big teen group. They got into a lot of scrapes with hotel security (loud in the late hours, horseplay in the pool, throwing up from a balcony into the courtyard below). Even if you think your kid can handle it, it was so annoying for the other hotel guests.
This is one reason that as an adult I go to adult only resorts (which are often 21 or 255+). Not interested in that nonsense.
I was with my kids so that wasn’t an option. Ugh, even thinking about it annoys me all over again. They were shouting F bombs in the pool.
I’m also avoiding the loud littles.
This is interesting. We always stay at adults only resorts when traveling without kids, but I’ve never considered whether the age minimum was 18, 21 or 25 and I just looked up some of our favorite recent resorts and they’re all 18+. We never saw any groups of teens or college students. (Very few teens/early 20s at all, and the few who were there were with their parents.) We tend to favor more luxurious resorts so maybe the price keeps the teens away, although $4k per person is a pretty big budget, especially if that’s after putting several kids to a room.
This honestly wasn’t even a good idea when I was in college, much less in high school. And I’d bet your son doesn’t actually think it is either.
This is insane. No I wouldn’t let him go and I absolutely wouldn’t even consider paying for it.
No way I’m shelling out $4000 for what is likely just bouncing around between clubs and beaches while doing various drugs/drinking alcohol. But this is based solely on stereotypes, and if he’s a very responsible kid who isn’t into that sort of thing AND all his friends going on the trip are also responsible AND I know what they’ll be doing on this trip abroad that they couldn’t do closer to home and cheaper AND he fronted most/all of the money himself, then I might go for it. Is also consider how comfortable he is with travel generally.
Your second question (what are realistic parameters) caused me to raise my eyebrows a bit. There are no realistic parameters in this setting because you have no enforcement mechanisms! He’s almost an adult, and he’s going to be making his own stupid choices soon, so this trip isn’t too different than sending him to college in that regard. The difference is the support systems in place when he does make a stupid choice and the consequences of those actions.
FWIW, I never got a Rumspringa like this. I’m a little jelly TBH. Anything I did was in college, on my dime, and often on a futon and with having to cook pasta to have money for beer. I’ve seen smart teens band together and lower their IQs sober, so I’m really hesitant to throw alcohol and no supervision for a week-ish amount of time into the mix. That said, maybe ask him to plan his way through MLK weekend and see how that goes?
There is an enormous difference between a bunch of college girls using their own money to rent a house and cook pasta (which my friends and I did back in the day) and an unsupervised gang of rich high school boys living it up at a tropical resort on their parents’ dime. We understood that we couldn’t trash the house or we would have to pay for it. OP’s son and his friends are not going to have that source of inhibition.
Are you in Charlotte? Because that is A Thing here and people start planning it the minute school starts. My kids are not the cool kids and don’t get invited to those (and that is fine with me), but I know several families who do that. Sometimes the adults go, but they are barely there and off partying themselves (really there just in case of a Great Emergency). I can’t imagine that this ends well.
What most people I am friends with do is go on a trip and let each kid nominate a friend to bring along (or two families that are friends going together).
Wow, I grew up in Charlotte and graduated high school in 2011 and this was very much not A Thing when I was a teen. The most we did was go to Myrtle Beach.
Yeah, I assume that if you are 18, you can rent a hotel room in Myrtle Beach. And you can probably get some booze. But if you are arrested for being stupid (or even a criminal), at least you are on US soil and US law applies and you could deal with the hospitals and getting the kid bailed out, etc.
I think “kid abroad over spring break” and I think of Natalee Holoway and Aruba and how crazy the laws of The Netherlands were what mattered there and IIRC her mom was there.
As the mother of girls, my mind went immediately to Natalee Holloway as well.
I’m pretty relaxed but I don’t think I’d agree to this. Yes, this time next year he’ll be in college and not only do I expect my kids to spread their wings at college but I also want them to have experienced being drunk before they go to college (which I know is controversial, but I think it’s safer to get drunk for the first time with your long-time buddies in someone’s parents’ basement with someone’s parents nearish by than with all new people in a frat basement on night 1 of college). I also expect my kids to study abroad and become well traveled while in school. I know that groups of teenage boys make boneheaded decisions, whether that’s in the aforementioned parents’ basement or a freshman dorm. I expect my kids will do a post- high school graduation “beach week” with their friends where there will be alcohol and poor decisions. I don’t love all of that, but I wasn’t born yesterday, I know what’s the norm around here.
That being said, I don’t think this is a great idea and I don’t think I’d allow it. IF I were to allow it, I’d want at least a few adult chaperones and him to pay for it. Doing boneheaded things at home or at college is one thing, in another country it’s totally, totally different. Also, I don’t spend $4k per person on my own vacations, I’m not doing that for a teenager. Especially not when I’m about to be paying for college. I’d be happy to propose an alternative (take a few days off of work and take him and his friends somewhere or offer a nice family trip instead), but this doesn’t make me feel okay.
I didn’t allow my very responsible 17-year-old daughter to go on an unsupervised weekend beach trip an hour from home with her two equally responsible 18-year-old (female) friends. There is no way on earth I would allow a 17-year-old boy to go on the trip you are describing, especially if the island is outside of the U.S. Aside from the fact that they are most definitely planning to drink/use other substances/try to pick up girls, what happens when there’s trouble and no adult around to deal with it? For example, what if someone gets hurt and needs medical attention, or a flight is delayed and they miss a connection and can’t rent a hotel room? These days you can’t even get a flu shot without a parent present if you’re under 18.
this is a thing where I live too. Usually at least 2 parents go as well. A million years ago DH did this in Ft. Lauderdale, FL with friends and no parents and he wasn’t 18 yet, though some of his friends were. Idk that there is a huge difference between senior year of high school and freshman year of college (when he will be 18). I have no clue what the laws are when he is still 17. where I grew up, closer to graduation, seniors did something called “beach week” where they drove and rented beach houses, which honestly in some ways is worse than being on an island bc i imagine it involves drinking and driving
Another person who thinks this is a terrible idea. I was a very responsible high school senior with very responsible friends. I had a couple of times when I decided to lie to my parents and go to a party with strangers and substances. I wasn’t even planning to consume any substances, but in all cases, I ended up in situations where I really wish I could’ve called my parents.
Instead, I ended up trying to figure it out for myself, coming home at 4am after telling them I was spending the night at a friend’s house, and having to keep lying to explain my sudden decision to come home at that hour. Since I was smart and sober, I made it out of these situations with little/no harm done.
I can’t imagine dealing with this in another country, potentially in another language, surrounded by a bunch of people who are also not fully in control.
Even as an adult to who spends a fair amount of time outside the US, dealing with medical issues, plumbing issues, documentation issues, etc. is stressful. Again… does your son have experience handling these adult issues without any support from you already? I feel like paying for himself is the bare minimum to show the problem-solving skills that might be required on a trip like this.
Absolutely not.
My parents were pretty laissez faire but I had to pay for most trips myself. They paid for school trips. As a result I thought about/wanted to go but when it came down to it, didn’t want to spend the money. (I had the money because I worked as a certified nursing assistant all through high school). So I think this would be a good way put an end to it without saying no, which is what I think you should do.
For context, at 17 I had driven by myself 4 hours to see a show with a friend, went with a large group of friends unsupervised to a music festival 1 1/2 hours away, and similar trips… but I think these spring break beach trips are a mistake and would not let my otherwise free-range kids go.
For college spring break, we split gas $ and went to visit some friend’s friend in Florida and slept on the floor of his fraternity house (unless we made new friends . . .). Dollar menus at fast food restaurants. My first / only 4K per person vacation was my honeymoon.
If this were my child, I would decline letting him go on such a trip until he is 18 and legally responsible for his own decisions. I might be seen as a grinch, but the chances of things going Very Wrong are just too high for my risk tolerance.
I agree that sending him on this trip is loco, but I’m trying to identify exactly why I think so. He will be in college soon, where he can get up to anything. I guess a trip like this, especially such an expensive one, is condoning rich-kid-on-vacation behavior. Spring break trips in college in my experience are more likely to be paid for by the person who is going. My parents also saw it as different while I was “under their roof” vs generally not.
I definitely wouldn’t pay $4k for this. $4k for a trip to Europe whereyou might have a cultural experience is one thing. Paying $4k to go get drunk in an exotic locale is another.
Some other differences with college
-On college campuses, campus police are normally the first responders to emergencies like alcohol poisoning, and don’t arrest kids for underage drinking or weed possession. Regular US police are different and foreign police are different still.
-For that reason, kids are much more comfortable calling campus police, which means severely intoxicated people are less likely to die
-In a dorm there’s an RA and/or dorm parents and even in an off-campus frat there’s often some kind of older advisor living in the frat (my ex-bf’s frat had a grad student advisor living there), so there’s more supervision from adults or at least from college students who aren’t brand new to college.
-Kids are much less likely to be drinking and driving on a college campus than they are on beach vacations
I would not say yes because of the cost alone – he can do this when he can pay for it.
PS – at that age I had drive halfway across the US with my brother, who was only a year older, on our way to work at a summer camp for the summer. My parents were not particularly protective, but they were also not handing us thousands of dollars to sit on a beach and drink.
This is one of the moments when I’m glad I’m poor and stuff like this isn’t an option in my circles.
I’m not a parent, but I grew up in Florida in a spring break area, and this is a terrible idea without parents. Even as the responsible kid, let me just say that you not only have to be responsible but able to withstand peer pressure to the extent of telling people absolutely not when they want to drink copious amounts of alcohol or do some idiotic thing that will not be tolerated by local authorities. And they are much less tolerant during spring break.
Look, you know your kid and their friends, but can they handle a medical emergency on their own? It’s one thing to get wasted with your friends where you have the safety net of even campus security or another adult you can call in an emergency. Another country? Nope. I would be uncool and either arrange for at least a couple of actual adults to be in the same place that can take charge in a worst case scenario or just say stay local.
My senior year we went on a cruise with at least some chaperones. Probably a lot easier to contain the damage that way.
Mom of middle schoolers, so I’m not quite there yet, but I would never pay for something like this, and I probably wouldn’t let my kids go even if they somehow had the money to pay their own way. I just really don’t see any upside, and there’s so much potential for things to go horribly wrong.
I went on a teen tropical island vacation once, but it was ostensibly a summer camp (ActionQuest) and therefore had chaperones. Some kids still managed to get served alcohol, but at least they had to be discreet or they would have gotten kicked out of the program. Unsupervised teenage boys often make really poor decisions, especially in packs.
What?!?
Rich parents do this now for their children?
I mean, what could go wrong?
Not new — isn’t this basically what Brett Kavanaugh’s infamous “beach week” was?
Going to the Jersey Shore or Delaware isn’t the same thing as going to a foreign country for $4k per person.
This reaction is new, not the concept. It’s why kids all have arrested development, so much helicoptering.
OP didn’t say foreign country. It’s totally possible to spend that kind of money on an island in Florida if you want a nice resort.
I don’t think the budget is the main issue here. I mean, it’s a higher budget than I’d give my own kid personally. But the red flags for me as a parent would be the alcohol and substances, the possibility of driving impaired and the possibility of SA (for a female child). Not the money.
And for a boy, the possibility of his being an assailant.
This isn’t a thing where I live, but it was a thing where I grew up. My parents wouldn’t let me go, and I wouldn’t let my kid go on a similar trip. BUT my parents were really smart about it – they said no AND bribed me. They said they’d pay for part of a chaperoned trip to the UK (maybe half?) if I paid for the other half with babysitting money. Worked like a charm.
Love this solution and hope you had a great time!
As a former wild as hell party girl (Boys and booze. No drugs.), hell to the No on this.
Friends’ parents, teachers, etc all thought I was little Miss Responsible. Some parents even said they let their kids go on things because I was going! Even if your son is not a modern day me, some of his classmates are. Can you possibly swing a family trip that would be a huge treat for your son as a compromise?
Planning a last minute-ish getaway from our freezing midwest winter. We want somewhere warm and some beach time but are not people that can lay on the beach for days and days. Narrowed it down to 2 options:
option 1 – cruise around the Caribbean leaving from NOLA. We’d spend a few days in NOLA too. (I love it. DH hasn’t been but excited to.) Pros: 2.5 hr direct flight, longer trip ~10 days (3 in city, 7 for cruise). Cons: haven’t done a cruise before, a little unsure if we’ll love it. Royal Caribbean or Norwegian. More affordable for longer time.
option 2 – 7 day trip to Hawaii. Likely Kona (time on both sides of island, have been before and loved). Pros: know we’ll love being there. Cons: more expensive for less time, flight time around 12 hours both ways (no direct flights) – worth the travel time for a shorter trip?
Thoughts??
I’d do Hawaii. Travel is worth it for 7 days. Cruising is so polarizing and I’d probably try to do a shorter cruise the first time, especially if you’re already wary of it.
I looked at that RC Nola cruise for our spring break! We ended up doing a Disney cruise (for like 8 times the cost) to make our kid happy, but it did seem like a nice itinerary.
+1 to Hawaii. Do a long weekend in New Orleans another time.
Hawaii is always worth it. Kauai gets my vote.
Those are the two options? Costa Rica?
Yeah, Central America seems like a great alternative – Belize or Panama or CR
can def take another look at those! trying to plan something pretty easily – part of why considering a cruise. Generally am all-in on researching our destinations, for this one work/life won’t allow much time for planning, and we’re on a budget (compared to many here anyway lol) and from initial research those looked considerably more $$ for the dates we could do.
Hawaii no question. Cruises are trash. A floating crappy buffet barge.
What about Miami? Short flight, has a beach but isn’t only a beach.
we’d like to do something a bit more out of the norm for us since we have a good chunk of time to take off. FL is more of a long weekend to me.
I live in New Orleans and advocate for it all the time, and I have a more or less favorable opinion on cruises, but I would do Hawaii in a heartbeat!
This winter, New Orleans is getting ready for the Super Bowl on Feb 9 and has Mardi Gras parades throughout February, so unless you are traveling very soon want to be involved in that, it may not be what you’re looking for this year.
Also, it’s not reliably warm. Yes, it’s warmer than the current temp in the Midwest. But it’s about 40 degrees today, and the overnight low is 34, so not exactly beach/ pool weather. I did a short cruise from New Orleans to Cozumel in February a couple of years ago, and I don’t think the temperature ever got above 80 (but it was only one stop, so if you’re going further south, it’d likely be warmer). That was warm enough for the beach and some snorkeling in Cozumel, but for most of the trip, it was chilly and windy by the pool on the moving ship.
I wouldn’t do a 7 day cruise if you’ve never been on one before. Cruises are a start with a shorter cruise to see if you like it thing, especially a Caribbean cruise (as opposed to like, Alaska). People either love them or hate them (I’m in the hate category). I suspect if you are not people who can lay on the beach for days and days, you will also not like them.
I agree on starting with a shorter cruise, but disagree with “I suspect if you are not people who can lay on the beach for days and days, you will also not like them.” One of the main reasons I prefer cruises to resorts is that there’s so much more to do than lie on the beach. There are also cruises to Alaska and European cities that don’t involve the beach at all.
This may come across as a silly question, so please bear with me. I’m mid to late 30s and I often don’t feel like a “real” adult, whatever that is. What are some things that you have, use, do etc. that feel like a thing a “real” adult would have, use, do. Obviously there’s more to being an adult than the stuff you have, and I’m working on that too, but for the purposes of this question I’m just looking for more superficial stuff. Sort of fake it til you make it.
Curtains are a big one, an apartment with only the plastic rollers is juvenile. Matching towels and linens. Art on the walls in frames (no tacks!). Area rugs.
A 401k, investments, savings, your own cell phone plan, no passwords shared with your parents.
I’d push back on the saved passwords and cell phone plan – I think it’s fine as long as you’re contributing (I pay for service A, you pay for service B; here’s a check or venmo for my portion of the joint cell phone plan). Just don’t 100% mooch off of your parents.
Kind of similar – I am the keeper of the family plan for my partner, myself, and his local family (parents and sister). It started as a way for his sister to have a more affordable option for phone service (teacher, single), and when his parents moved back, we added them too.
Really? My phone service is $15.00 per month. If you can’t afford that, you probably shouldn’t have a smart phone.
Not actionable advice here, but something interesting to note: Nothing makes you feel more adult than “my parents are living with me” instead of “I am living with my parents”. I’m sure something similar can be worked out with shared passwords/phone plans/Netflix account/whatever
Yep, I stand by my comment. If you’re using your parents insurance, phone plans and Netflix, you haven’t grown up yet.
Wearing suits to work, setting a calendar reminder to change the filter in my furnace, paying property taxes, paying taxes in general, navigating airports/flying seamlessly, preparing healthy meals in advance for the week, having nice furniture.
I’ve got a gym membership and I have a grocery shopping/meal planning system, and I enjoy utilizing both those things. Oh, and I am particular about the materials my socks are made out of. These are some of the little things that make me feel like I’m in control of my life.
I’d also consider what areas you actually feel insecure in (career? relationships? hobbies? life admin?) and try to hone in on improvements you could make to those areas. For example, spend some time on home decor and home improvement if you’ve felt self conscious that you’re still renting with no real plans to buy a house.
I know you asked about the superficial stuff, but I feel like a big part of feeling like an adult is caring less about the superficial stuff and focusing more on the big picture. So for me, that’s stuff like saving money and and spending money to take care of myself and others. More specifically, it’s things like prioritizing retirement savings, having a few charities that I’ve been donating to for decades now (I’m in my mid 40s, started in mid 20s), making sure my house is safe (even if it’s a rental, make sure you have first aid supplies, a fire extinguisher, CO and smoke detectors; I just bought a radon monitor for the basement of my new house), having the kitchen equipment and pantry ingredients to make frugal healthy meals easily, and having a basic set of tools and cleaning supplies to keep your home decent shape (again, this applies whether you rent or own, though you’ll need to have more if you own, unless you’re so wealthy you can hire someone to do literally everything).
having matching, nice silverware & dishes has made me feel much more ‘real’ adult! (we had fine but assorted/mismatched stuff before, new stuff is from getting married but one of those things that I’m like… I should have done this years ago!)
furniture that isn’t matchy matchy but is purposefully selected to go together in the space (vs. the assorted hand me downs, etc. – still working on that one!)
getting my nails done
situational, but home repairs/maintenance
real art
I think a lot of what makes people feel adult is being in a “the buck stops with me” position. This applies to superficials like decor (acquiring or getting rid of furnishings with a sense of agency and purpose) as well as different kinds of preparedness (whether that’s knowing what number to call in a situation, having the needed item in one’s bag, anticipating a guest’s needs, etc.). If someone is still traveling light through life, having a really well curated set of personal affects and a strong network of connections may be priority. If someone is putting down roots, I think committing to long term quality furnishings (even if still renting) can help feel like “this isn’t just a bed I’m transiently crashing in for now, it’s my bed that I chose and will rely on for the foreseeable future.”
I think the hallmarks of ‘real’ adulthood are more about planning and responsibility as well as being able to put off short term enjoyment for long term benefits. Some typical examples would include starting a savings/401k plan, making sure you do your yearly physical exam/dental visits, saving for long term goals, making steps towards a relationship/children (if that’s what you want), etc.
Having a plumber, HVAC, electrician, etc.
Echoing what some others have said. For my apartment, these things made me feel more grown up:
– Nice curtains
– An elegant color scheme
– Matching dish set in stoneware (Target has a great set for $25)
– Having real glass wine and champagne glasses
– Real, framed art hung on the walls (not hung with a tack) with a nice frame that has a glass pane
– Some kind of dining table with chairs (if there is a space for it)
– Rugs if the floor isn’t carpeted
– Having several sets of bed sheets and a proper set of covers that all go together
– Decorating with intent and not having clutter. You don’t have to travel the world to get pieces (although that is a great way to collect a range of pieces that tell a story and that you love). But maybe instead of picking up the ceramic cat decor item at HomeGoods, get on Etsy and find an artist who makes them all the way in Egypt or find a local artist and ask them to make you something).
I didn’t have some of these things until I was 30, so don’t blow a ton of money getting everything at once. But perhaps a few things to save for. Good luck!
Well, my FIL fell and broke some bones and had to live with us for a few weeks this fall. I’ve never felt more like a “real” adult. It was lovely to have him with us, and we were happy we were able to help him. And it was stressful, scary, and exhausting on top of everything else in our lives (work, child, etc.).
More superficially, the stuff we have has some permanence. I don’t mean that we will have it forever, but we also aren’t bringing things in “for now” or “just until we find something better.” Instead, we’re replacing that stage of items with things we love. We buy furniture (mostly from thrift shops or estate sales), or agree to take it from family, because we love it and can find a place for it. We are looking for just the right artwork. When we replace kitchen tools, we upgrade a bit.
Also, we own our home and, within reason, can do whatever we want with it. Even without a major renovation, we can change the paint color, cabinet hardware, light fixtures, bathroom hardware, etc. We haven’t actually gotten around to all these changes, but it makes me feel like a “real” adult when we do anything to the house. (I suppose you could do some of this with a long-term rental, so it’s really more about being settled.)
It is often great loss, stress and heartache that marks the beginning of adulthood.
May your childhood last as long as possible.
That was true for me. I’ve felt very much like a grownup since tragedy hit.
Agree with this. I’m not sure I’ll really feel like an adult until I’ve lost a parent, so I’m happy to put that off for as long as possible.
100% agree. My mother died when I was 25 And my dad ran off with a bimbo. That made me grow up. Being on my own.
Adulthood is having:
-A to-do list, calendar, grocery list, and meal plan
-Coping strategies to support your mental health like lunchtime walks or regular conversations with a supportive friend
-A doctor, dentist, and optometrist
-A good skincare routine
-A cleaning schedule or routine (or outsourcing those tasks)
-Short and long-term savings
-A reliable form of transportation, preferably a car that is less than 10 years old
-A file system for important papers
-Belonging to something bigger than yourself, like regularly attending a house of worship or volunteering somewhere meaningful to you
My two cents, anyway.
Hosting when I could say “please just bring yourself, that’s all”. I had proper dinnerware and glassware and provided all the food and drink. One of my first feeling realty grown up moments was serving my parents a proper meal in my own apartment.
I have a high school freshman and a sophomore. Is then when we should be informally touring colleges that are easy to drive to (and while students are present)? And this would just be to get a feel for large vs medium vs small schools and urban vs college town vibes? I got asked by an Alpha Mom I know where we had been to already and had nothing to offer but a blank stare.
We only known GPAs for 1 or 5 quarters at this point; midterms / finals are in a few weeks. The sophomore had a meh PSAT/pre-ACT. More formal / targeted tours would be either for when you have more data on what might be reasonable schools to apply to?
My kids’ schools theoretically have counselors, but many/most people hire their own (and when that is, I also have no idea). I feel like the SAHMs all know this but I work mainly with guys, I can’t even get this by osmosis.
i live in NYC, move in private school circles with private advisors (and fancy spring break trips). i say this only to say that if people i know aren’t doing it, i don’t think it’s necessary. no one i know started actually looking until junior year. that said, there’s no down in it if you’re kids are interested/ cooperative. I will say that i have heard from other parents of seniors that they think they spent too much of high school worrrying about it so you might want to hold off.
I’m 30 and my parents started this when I was I think a sophomore in HS. My brother and I both played 3 sports and did other extracurriculars during the school year, so we couldn’t do a spring break trip so we started with random trips to local schools soph year and then found a week in the summer before junior year (a rare week without extra curricular commitments or summer jobs or a family vacation) to tour a few specific schools. We were at private school where 100% of graduates went on to 4 year universities and the school had a good and well-resourced college counseling department (which was different than the school counselors). Very few students went to public universities (going to our state’s flagship U was what the “dumb” kids did), and this was maybe on the early side of normal.
One thing I would say is that if you’re going to guide your kids to a certain type of school, don’t visit schools beyond that as it may get their hopes up. For example, if your deal is you can pay for public universities only, then don’t visit the beautiful SLAC that’s the poster child for “college in the movies”, just take them to a few of the local public universities.
College is hard b/c sticker price is only one input into the price any family actually pays. And at this point, you don’t know to look at a SLAC like Davidson or College of Charleston. If you can drive to either, just go for feel and maybe a snack / stop at the bookstore. Otherwise, more than a glancing exposure might not be helpful. My kids have been to Local State U for summer camp, so they are at least familiar with what a large university feels like (at least theoretically). They know how the cafeteria and unsupervised vending machines work, which was heaven for them.
There’s a lot of people here who say things like “I can cover 4 years of State U but I can’t pay for private school / we won’t get financial aid / my kid won’t get merit aid / I don’t want my kids to take on loans so they have to follow our budget” – if you’re one of those people then don’t go to the SLAC you know you won’t want your kid to go to.
I was from a background where I’d knew I’d get financial aid at private schools (making them cheaper than public universities) so we visited a lot of SLACs, which is what I was interested in. Had we toured them and then I was told I had to go to State U, I’d be crushed.
You can always get merit aid at some sort of SLAC, just maybe not a very good one. There is a low-ranked SLAC in our town that gives massive amounts of merit aid to kids who would otherwise have to go to Last Chance State U, and most of them are very happy there.
I am one of the anti-loan middle-income parents. The financial aid calculators gave such wide ranges that we had no way of predicting what we would be asked to pay. We let our daughter apply wherever she wanted, but we did not permit her to apply anywhere through a binding early decision process. She understood that we could pay $XX,XXX per year and that if the bill was higher she’d have to choose another school.
About Davidson in particular, it is one of the rare institutions that commits to meeting all need for admitted students without loans. Not that anyone said otherwise, but since it was mentioned in this subthread which involves affordability, I wanted to put this out there.
At that stage we only visited schools in places we were going to be anyway. It was mostly to get a sense of the vibe (and was successful in that she pretty quickly discarded the idea of going to any of the large urban schools) and to get her started thinking about it. She did not end up going to any of those schools since she fell in love with a campus we visited out of state during an admitted student tour (I refused to do dedicated out-of-state college trips until we knew where she had been admitted), but her second choice was another out-of-state campus we visited on an unrelated vacation.
+1 – we have a 6th and 8th grader and will often wrap short trip to a local college into a vacation. I wouldn’t make it the entire purpose of these trips but if we’re already in NYC I’ll show them NYU/Columbia, we’ve visited Lehigh when we saw family in PA, Georgetown while in DC, etc. At this point one kid loves ‘city’ schools, and the other is firmly in the smaller leafy liberal arts track. Beyond that I don’t plan to formally ‘visit’ any schools until at least the summer after 10th grade when you have a better idea of GPS/PSAT scores.
that is somewhat absurd with a 6th and 8th grader. i’d say maybe with a sophomore. a lot of kids i know start visiting generally fall of junior year to get a sense of different types of schools, with a more well thought out trip spring of junior year, and then maybe a follow up trip early senior year if trying to decide where to apply early.
It’s not absurd to spend an hour walking through a pretty campus with middle schoolers when you’re already in the city. I have a first grader and we sometimes visit college campuses when traveling, because it’s interesting. Planning a trip where the sole focus is visiting colleges is totally different.
I think this makes sense – just be exposed to it and you can go from there. And yay Lehigh :)
I know college admissions was different 20 years ago, but this was basically my parents’ approach and I think it worked well.
I was a campus tour guide while in college at a large midwest state university. Giving tours to freshmen and sophomores felt very pre-mature. As a guide it only seemed beneficial that young if kids needed a bit of a reality check into what what dorms look (ex. shared bathrooms), like how large campuses are, etc. Students in their junior year were way more meaningful. You could see the wheels turning and they are more engaged.
When my kids were high school age, we started swinging by whichever college/university campuses we happened to be near. We do a lot of family road trip vacations anyway so it wasn’t a whole thing for us – we were in the area anyway.
My kids were 100% opposed to formal tours until they were actually applying, so most of the time we just drove onto campus and walked around to get the vibe. They both ended up attending universities we casually visited this way.
I work in a very niche area of finance. There is one recruiting firm in my market that mostly dominates the niche. But they’re an important, boutique shop. I’ve know them for years.
I’m currently many several rounds of interviews/conversations in on a job for a search they’re running. Basically it’s been said the company wants to hire me for a very senior position and they’re working to write/tailor a job for me. It has most of the approvals and the budget, so it’s not done-done but they want me and are working to make it happen, I’m told.
It was a “want”, not a “need” to leave my current job but that’s changing. I never expected the process to be fast. It’s been since July/August and it’s just… slow. I have been patiently along for the ride however my situation at my current job is deteriorating by the day. This isn’t just a “close your door, put your head down” situation but I can’t describe any more without giving up a lot. I’ll say, leadership is a disaster, and I’m putting it lightly. They are directly getting in the way of my day to day (and many others – not just a me thing). My partner just quit. I’ve never been an anxious person but I was shaking having to walk in this morning. My job isn’t at risk (at this point) but I need out.
Back to the search firm. The person running my search is more junior and this company is basically her only client (they’re a large company and they keep her plenty busy). I have a good relationship with an MD at the search firm. Any reason to not call that MD and make sure that I’m also being considered for other positions that come up? I actually started my search with her and it got handed off to the junior person. I fear the person running my search has tunnel vision to just this one job and I just don’t want be passed for something else because I’m earmarked for this current job… and then the job doesn’t materialize for some reason. Like I said, this is niche work so it will take time to find something. I’m also pretty regularly asked by the recruiter about my own timing considerations when taking a/the new job (are you interviewing for other jobs/are there other offers with timelines we need to consider? are there bonuses to wait for, etc) and the answer has been no. But now I’m feeling like leaving isn’t so much of a want as a need, and timing for my own sanity/mental health is feeling more immediate.
Should I call the MD to make sure I’m being considered for other roles? Would you tell the MD or the more junior recruiter about timing considerations in light of deteriorating environment over here? I haven’t had a new job in 15+ years so I’m totally unsure of how to navigate. I think the deteriorating conditions mean I’m less likely to wait forever and more likely to take a good enough job, which hadn’t been the case until the last 30 days or so. And, thank you if you got this far.
Yes, I think it is appropriate to call the MD and just catch up, let them know where things stand for you, and ask if there are other places to be looking. It is not n your best interest to be out shaking other trees. I just finished a job hunt and I am super happy that I shook every tree because what seemed like a great opportunity turned out to be the second best option out there for me.
*It is in your best interest