Weekend Open Thread

350 Comments

1. I have an interview coming up next week, and the directions noted that the dress is business casual. Any wardrobe suggestions? It’s an entry-level job in education, and as part of the interview, I’ll be giving a short presentation.

   1. Wear a suit. If you really think a dark gray/navy suit would be too formal, wear a “fun” suit (i.e., a suit with short sleeves or other details that bring it down a notch) or a dress with a coordinating blazer

      1. I would not wear a suit, even a fun one. If the instructions say “business casual,” and the interviewee wears a suit, I would assume they have trouble following instructions.

      2. All wearing a suit would accomplish is demonstrating that the interviewee cannot follow simple instructions.

         I’d wear a sheath dress with a cardigan, hose, and simple pumps. If you are more comfortable standing up to give a presentation wearing trousers, trousers are fine too. And if you prefer to wear a jacket instead of cardigan, I think that’s fine too.

         1. My thoughts exacactly!

   2. I would wear a blazer. Either with pants or a skirt, maybe even a dress. I think you can dress down a blazer so that you are still projecting authority but not looking overdressed. For instance, a dark beige skirt, neutral top and navy blazer. You’ll look dressed up but not as formal as a full suit.

   3. Definitely wear a jacket, whether or not the skirt/pants you wear make it a suit.

   4. As a law student, I attended several ‘job-talks’ by professor candidates – they universally wore a jacket when presenting (although I think most of them didn’t have a full-on suit). The women generally wore a sheath dress with a jacket, or slacks with a blazer. The men generally wore blazers and slacks. If you’re looking for an entry-level professor job or your presentation will be in front of professors, that’s what I would go with.

      If it’s to a group of IT or administrative types – no idea!

   5. Wear a suit. “Business casual” is the dress code for EMPLOYEES. You haven’t been hired.

      You don’t have to wear your fanciest suit and your dressiest accessories, but you should wear a suit.

      1. It sounds like the directions to her were to wear business casual clothing.

      2. Why would they tell her the dress code in the DIRECTIONS for the interview unless the information was relevant to the interview?

         1. I concur that wearing a suit is still a good move. It demonstrates respect. I’m in a casual-casual environment (meaning jeans are fine except when clients are in), I tell interviewees that we are a casual environment, but if they show up looking as casual as us, then that’s a black mark. You haven’t been hired yet. Perhaps a nice pantsuit would be a good compromise.

   6. I love Corporette! Thanks for your answers. I’ve decided to go with a grey sheath dress, black 3/4 sleeve blazer, and black pumps.

      1. I think that sounds great! Maybe a pop of color somewhere — chunky necklace if the neckline is right?

   7. In law school I was invited to many events that claimed to be ‘business casual’. I found that 90% of the students (particularly the males) opted for business. To some extend it was almost awkward following the instructions so I gave up.

2. Does anyone have any recent experience with suits from Victoria’s Secret? I searched around Corporette and found some info from 2009, but I’m considering purchasing one and I’d like to get some reviews. Thanks!

   1. I wouldn’t. I’m a huge VS fan for other things, but their clothes are generally not good quality. Their shirts and dresses are okay, but I bought a suit jacket and returned it and the skirts seem poorly made. No reason to waste your money.

   2. I was thinking about getting a dress from VS, but a friend of mine who used to order a lot from their catalog said that they have several different manufacturers for their stuff, so it’s not consistent quality and sizing. Just a word of warning.

   3. And the suits are often designed in way that shows off your body in a non-professional manner.

   4. I have a couple of dress pants (for work), and a couple of casual day skirts (flouncy, not for work) from there that I like, but I didn’t like any of the jackets. It’s not great quality, but it definitely worked on my budget.

   5. I have over the years ordered about a dozen suits from them, but only kept two. The two that I have are wool blends – they’re bright colored knee length skirt suits that I got in college and that I still feel good wearing at my law office, but would not wear to, say, something quite as formal as court or an interview (just because they’re a bit “cute” even though still professional enough to fly at my work). The reason I’ve returned all of the other suits is that they tend to look too cheap or too young – the fabric is often mediocre quality, the pants always look terrible on me (too tight in the butt and thighs, or shapeless on me), and the suit jackets are often very high cut so they’re hard to match with separates.

      On the flip side – if you really like this suit, take a chance – every once in a while you’ll find a gem at VS. And their return policy is great – I have never had trouble getting them to take a return and refund me in full.

      1. Although I should point out that the two suits I kept were purchased five or six years ago, and it seems to me like VS has steadily decreased in quality in their work clothes over the past few years…

3. I’ve been waiting for the open thread to get some advice on a career transition. I currently work in tax at a BigLaw firm in DC, and I know that I do not want to stay at any BigLaw firm long-term — the lifestyle is just not right for me. I’m thinking quite seriously about transitioning into doing Trust & Estates work and working in a small firm environment, which I think would be a good fit for me and suit my strengths and background well. I’d love to hear from anyone who does T&E work about where you work, what the practice is like, salary expectations, and any other considerations I should take into account. In addition and just as importantly, what would I need to do to market myself as a T&E lawyer to small firms? For example, should I pursue a certificate in Estate Planning?

   I’m also trying to start networking with T&E lawyers in the DC area to explore my options, so I’d love to know if there are any Corporettes out there fitting this description!

   1. What kind of tax do you do? It might affect whether you can move into T+E without doing further education.

      Does your biglaw firm do T+E? When I was in biglaw someone transferred over into T+E from another practice group and took a 1 year hit on class. Many biglaw firms don’t do T+E, though, so that may be an issue for you. I have also seen people reinvent themselves as T+E lawyers by going back to school and getting an LLM in tax. Since you are in DC, Georgetown would be the best bet. NYU is the other good one.

      I am in Boston, started out in biglaw and moved to a small firm (well, a ‘big’ small firm, if that makes sense) when I was a 6th year. I took a 57% pay cut, although I also went down from 100% to 80% at the same time, so hours-to-hours it was a 47% pay cut. The big difference is department size – I only work with 1 other person (who is nice) on a regular basis, instead of 4-5 partners (who were mostly jerks) – and the pace. T+E is never an ’emergency’ area even in biglaw, so the hours are very predictable. I also work 1 day from home, which is great. The other side of that, though, is if my boss doesn’t get me enough work, I don’t have enough work for my hours. When you are working with a bigger dept, that isn’t an issue. Note – I still don’t have many of my own clients, but up from zero in biglaw. I have one big client (estate worth $30M) and about 2 of my friends per year have me do their plans, but it’s not enough by any means.

   2. I do T&E out in California. Out here, most probate attorneys are solo – we’re one of the largest “probate” firms around with a whopping 11 attorneys! I do primarily T&E litigation, which means the hours can be litigation like. For those who do primarily estate planning, the hours are very much 9-5. At our firm, incoming attorneys, even with prior experience, usually start at the bottom, since there can be a steep learning curve. Our firm pays starting associates about $80k.

      Depending on your tax experience, you might want to look at getting an LLM. I’ve known several people who have switched firms through networking at school. I’d recommend joining your local T&E groups (county bar association, state bar association, ABA groups) for networking. In our area, we also have a couple of regional estate planning/tax planning/financial planning groups). Also, see if you can get some pro bono experience. Let me know if you have more specific questions. Good luck!

4. I also have a large chest, and without this reader’s recommendation, I, too, would have avoided the empire waist. It’s interesting to learn how the wide waistband makes the difference. I also love the great scoopneck. Wish this came in other colors.

   1. Same here. I just bought it, with a 30% off code! Woohoo!

5. Bummer, not available in my size. This is so cute!

6. I tried this dress on and thought it was soooo cute (seriously, I still think about it sometimes), but it was too big up top for my small-chested, pear-shaped self. I would have had to take in the shoulders for it to work, I think. Sad – it would have been a great summer work dress!

7. Can anyone tell me what some of the best things are to do in DC if you are just coming in on Sunday for a Monday meeting? I am staying in Arlington, VA, and want to be able to see a few things on Sunday afternoon. I have to meet the managing partner on Sunday evening in Arlington, so I really only have about 4 hours (between 1 and 5 on Sunday). I know I have to take the METRO.

   1. What are your interests? There are a gazillion things to do in DC.

      If you like art – I can easily spend 4 hours at the National Portrait Gallery/American Art Museum and be very happy. It’s a great museum. Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro or Metro Center if you’re on the blue line.

      If you like museums generally – go to the National Mall and pick two museums to visit. I’d recommend Air and Space and American History (or if you’re an art lover, Air and Space and the National Gallery of Art). Metro – it depends on which museum in particular, but L’Enfant Plaza or Smithsonian are close to all. You’ll also have a view of the Capitol on one side and the Washington Monument on another. Walk around to the other side of the Capitol for a view of the Supreme Court and Library of Congress. The National Archives is also in this area and you could go see the Declaration of Independence in place of one of the museums, if you wanted to.

      If you like monuments and are up for a walk, in 4 hours you can easily do a loop and see the Jefferson Memorial and the Tidal Basin, the Roosevelt Memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, the WWII, Korean, Vietnam, memorials, and the White House. You could probably even start at Arlington Cemetery and walk across the bridge.

      Hope this helps!

      1. I agree with all of Eponine’s great suggestions. I also highly recommend the Newseum if that is something you’re interested in. If you’re staying near the Rosslyn metro you’re within walking distance of Iwo Jima which I think is pretty cool. The FDR memorial is off the beaten path but hands down my favorite monument/memorial in DC.

   2. If you’re in Arlington, Arlington Cemetery and Iwo Jima could easily occupy 4 hours. I’d hit Arlington Cemetery first, and check the hours beforehand. Last time I was there, they had a big display on women in the armed services, including hours of interviews with women who had served (including in WWI, I think). We only had an hour, but I could have stayed all day.

      If you’re going to hit the National Mall, bring walking shoes, and don’t miss the Korea memorial – I think it’s one of the most haunting, but a lot of people don’t even know it’s there. One of my favorite routes (though it’s a long walk for 4 hours…) is to start at Union Station and walk all the way to Lincoln.

      1. The World War II memorial is also worth checking out and I always get a shiver seeing the Vietnam memorial. If the weather is good, you may just want to walk around the mall and then grab a bite to eat downtown.

8. Thinking about the poster who is receiving test results today. Hope you were able to concentrate on your closing yesterday. Hope today’s news is positive.

   1. Adding my good thoughts too.

   2. I’m also sending good thoughts.

   3. Ditto!

   4. I will say, once again, this is an amazing community. I just pulled up the weekend thread trying to decide whether I should post my results and I have all these well-wishes waiting for me. The universe has been giving me a giant hug today. And yes, I’ve needed it.

      For all of my plans, logistics made it so I actually found out Thursday afternoon which ended up being a good thing. My biopsy was positive for breast cancer and it looks like my first step will be chemo. Maybe the full weight hasn’t hit me since I’ve been so busy reaching out to friends and family and implementing my cancer action plan (yup, type-A lawyer here). But this anonymous community of support is also extremely helpful. I’m sure one day soon I’ll be asking for advice on how to rock a silk scarf until then I’m donating my hair to Locks for Love and satisfying my curiosity for the super short pixie-style hair cut. Fingers crossed I can pull it off!

      P.S. The closing went smoothly and I even talked to my boss who is unbelievably supportive.

      1. Wow, hugs to you, soulfusion! I really hope your treatment goes well and that you won’t be a stranger around here.

         1. Agreed. Big hugs. You’re not alone.

      2. Soulfusion — I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. *hugs* Sounds like you’re surrounded by people who love you, which is so important at a time like this.

         And, yes, ROCK that pixie cut!

      3. So sorry to hear about your diagnosis, soulfusion, but we’ll be thinking of you here on the board, and will be here if/when you need additional support.

      4. Hugs.

         Rock the pixie cut and try to do something kind for yourself this weekend, whatever that means for you. It sounds like you have a great support system in real life whch is great.

         More hugs.

      5. Hug! And hand squeeze. For an unsolicited and hopefully uplifting anecdote, breast cancer runs on both sides of my family – pretty much all the women get it. Knowing this history, we all get screened early and often. Every single one has survived BC and lived healthy, happy lives for decades and decades afterward. And your pixie cut will surely be sassy and fabulous, a la Keira Knightly or Emma Watson!

         Please keep letting us know how you are. We may be all anonymous, but we are your anonymous sisters.

      6. More hugs! My aunt was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, but they caught it early and she is in complete remission after just a few rounds of chemo. Take heart that breast cancer is actually *very* curable if you catch it early enough. And remember that a lot of us here on the board are silently (and not so silently) supporting you and wishing you well!

      7. More hugs here! Have had you in my thoughts all week, and will keep you there.

      8. Thinking of you, soulfusion! (On the scarf note, grab a few fun colors of the American Apparel long jersey scarf. Cotton sticks better than a silk scarf and the long ends can be knotted at the nape of your neck in a lil’ “bun.”)
         Most importantly, don’t forget to take care of yourself as priority #1!

      9. I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis, and best of luck to you in your next steps. My heart goes out to you. Make sure to lean on family and friends for support. They want to help, even if it’s to take you out for a mani/pedi or whatever else you’re feeling. And please do keep us posted.

      10. I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers, and it sounds like you are handling this with a remarkable amount of strength.

      11. Big *e-hugs* to you!

      12. So sorry to hear about the results. I just got teary eyed reading other people’s well wishes for you, and I am thinking if you have this much love and support from an online community you have never met, that you have a million times more in your support system. You will pull off the hair cut beautifully and I can tell from your postings that you do in fact have a lot of soul and a lot of spirit. “Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity is a greater one” and I really truly wish you all the best and I hope you will keep us updated. I will keep you in my thoughts.

      13. Thinking of you!!

      14. I am so glad you updated us as I had been thinking about you, although I am sorry about your diagnosis. I apologize if this is too intrusive, but did they give you a stage? I am just curious, because I know you said your doctor found your lump.

          I know your head is probably spinning a little right now, but like others here, I have known several women who were able to treat their cancer with chemo (one had mild radiation also) and have been just fine. I’m thinking of you. Hang in there.

      15. I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I hope you keep coming around and updating us on your progress!

      16. I’m so sorry. I went through this 10 years ago. It’s hard, but hey, I’m still here, and I’m totally healthy. I hope that your treatment will be equally successful. Sending you lots of hugs.

      17. We’re here for you

      18. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, soulfusion. Just want to add to the pile-on of virtual hugs!

      19. Thoughts and prayers are with you, soulfusion.

      20. Oh Soulfusion, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure that this is a major departure on the road you thought you were on. You have not asked for it, and I am hesitant to give it, but I have a few thoughts, both as a doctor who has treated women with breast cancer, and as the loved one of people who have gone through it.

          1) People will relive thier experiences of breast cancer through you, and their experiences may or may not be helpful to you. Some will minimize their experiences, and imply that it’s no big deal. Otherwise will suggest it’s a catastrophe of epic proportions. Neither camp will be listening to you. Figure out which of your friends and loved ones can walk your road with you, and tune out the rest.

          2) People will tell you all about thinking positively, and how important this will be for you in your disease. I have trouble with this for two reasons: one, I think the corollary to this is if positive thinking is responsible for your cure, than maybe negative thinking was responsible for your diagnosis. And I call bullsh*t on that. Secondly, all the discussion about positive thinking can silence women who are angry, who are sad, who are mourning and who are struggling. And that’s not right.

          3) You deserve a collaborative multidisciplinary team to treat your disease. Your medical oncologist, your surgeon (both breast and plastic as needed) and your rad onc people should all know each other. If you don’t get that where you are, you deserve a second opinion at a place that delivers multidisciplinary breast cancer care. If you need recommendations, I can give them to you.

          4) Your experience is your experience. Other people can provide support and love and presence, but you get decide what you want and need, and how best to achieve it.

          5) You do not have to bear this burden alone (this is the opposite of #1). Support will come from unlikely places. You deserve it.

          Your post was very brave, and I imagine it was awfully difficult too. I am sending good thoughts and love your way, and prayers if you would like them. If I can do more, please let Kat know. I really have come to love this community of women, and believe that we are hear.

          1. Quick clarification. It’s not that I’m against positive thinking, especially in the face of a difficult situation. I just think that there should also be room for anger, frustration, devastation and sorrow. Having moments of darkness does not cause cancer to spread, and it’s okay to have those moments. But I’m all for optimism and hope — sometimes that is all that carries us through.

             1. Just chiming in with virtual hugs. And EC MD is so very right, esp. about 1-3. Again, more hugs.

          2. What EC MD wrote about taking the time to be sad/angry etc. is so true. I have Crohn’s which impacts some of my day to day life. For the longest time I just smiled and said I was fine and never let it “get to me.” Then out of nowhere I started having panic and anxiety issues. Therapy made me realize that I had sooooooooooo much repressed sadness and anger. That totally shocked me because I always thought I was a happy, optimistic person that nothing bothered. I had never mourned the events that were ruined because I was sick. I never mourned how every day was faced with uncertainty about how I would feel. My life is not that awful and not that hard. But there are some things about it that do suck and I had to realize that and have a few pity parties. My anxiety was sooooo much better after I did that. It is so easy when people say “oh I’m so sorry you have to deal with this” to say “oh, it’s fine, it’s no big deal, etc.” Once and awhile, just say “yeah, it sucks.”

      21. Big hug from me too! You sound like a strong and amazing woman!
          I wish you all the best.

      22. A word of encouragement: my mom’s family has the BRCA1 gene mutation. My mom had breast cancer, with many positive lymph nodes, at age 48 in 1981. She had surgery and 1.5 years of various chemo treatments and is alive and kicking now!
          My twin sister was diagnosed almost four years ago with Stage IIIc breast cancer, had surgery, chemo, and radiation, and is doing great. In fact, she ran the Salt Lake City Marathon two weeks ago.

          You CAN get through this, and I firmly believe that a positive attitude can make a huge difference in the outcome.

          My sister had long beautiful red hair, and it was extremely traumatic for her both when she had it cut and when she lost what was left of it. Just be ready to have a pity party if you need one, and then move on. I finally talked her in to a wig, and she was quite happy with that, although she often just wore a cap of some sort.

          Anyway, as the doctor told my sister, just look at it as “2011 will be the year I had cancer.” Hugs and best wishes.

          1. I just read EC MD’s post and want to note that I totally agree that it is BS that negative thinking caused this, and I do not mean to say that positive thinking will heal you.

             You definitely need and deserve the team approach described: I have never been so impressed with a team of doctors as that my sister had. In my experience a University hospital is excellent in this regard.

             Also, on a practical note, just get as much rest as you possibly can. All of this will be extremely draining, physically and emotionally, and focus on taking care of yourself.

      23. Big hugs — you are in my thoughts.

      24. Much hugs. I will be thinking of you also.

      25. So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I am thinking of you!

          1. Please know that you will be in many thoughts and prayers….please (if it is OK for you) keep us posted so we can continue to support you.

      26. I’m heading out to relay for life and will do a lap for you. Best wishes!

      27. Also sending my support, good thoughts, and virtual hugs!

      28. Ditto to everyone—I’m sorry to hear your news, glad you shared it, and am wishing you all the best for successful treatment. Huge hugs. And, I’m so impressed that you already have an action plan and are ready to engage. Good for you, and please keep us updated!

      29. more hugs! thinking of you!

      30. My mom is a breast cancer survivor (10 1/2 years!), and she said going to the Komen Race for the Cure was always very inspiring. Survivors have a ribbon on their baseball caps for every year they are cancer free. She said seeing so many women with hats covered in ribbons was inspiring and comforting.

          I wish you the very best of luck and hope you will keep us posted.

      31. Take care of yourself. Sending positive thoughts and healing vibes your way….

      32. Thinking of you!

      33. We are all thinking of you, and please lean on your anonymous internet community as much as you need to!

      34. Thinking of you!

      35. *Hugs* Hope the treatment goes well and keep us updated (if you feel up to it)

      36. Let me add my *hugs* and best wishes to everyone else’s. Hang in there. We are here for you and routing you on!!

9. I wanted to circle back and give some feedback on this skirt that everyone here has been raving about.

   http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/halogen-seamed-knit-skirt/3184916?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=503

   I really like the color and the sturdy fabric, but the sizing seems to be way off. I ordered one size smaller than my normal size, and even that is too big. However, I don’t think I could get away with going down 2 sizes (would likely be too tight). Anyone else have this issue? I’m not sure whether I like it enough to get it tailored.

   1. I’m eager to hear what folks say. I have it in a “0” so I can’t go down, but it’s still loose.

   2. I bought a petite size 6 which is down one size, and it fit perfectly. It is a great skirt.

   3. I bought the skirt in black and green. I love it! Yes, it runs large, so if you’re not sure sure, go with the smaller size. I am a curvy hourglass figure (39-31-41) and this skirt has just enough room in back (whereas most pencil skirts on me are way to tight).

      Also, it wears great throughout the day, has a sturdy (synthetic) fabric, and has really flattering seaming on the sides.

   4. I thought this skirt fit odd. On me it clung to the stomach but yet had lots of loose material.

      1. I have this in grey and black, and while I usually wear a 10 in certain lines, or an 8 in ones that run larger, in this I needed the six. So, I’d say it runs about 1.5 sizes larger than, say, standard Halogen bottoms, etc (I am also an hourglass, if that helps). I love the skirt, though, and wear it all the time. One warning, the grey I have (I think it’s the same one here) is sort of an odd grey, so I have difficulty finding things to match with it. Most of the grays I own are blue-based (charcoal, pale grey) and this seems to have a different base, color, but I can’t quite put my finger on what…

10. So, I’m super annoyed with another associate at my firm (“LOSER”), and I need advice. I am a junior associate at a big firm, and LOSER (who is my same year) constantly makes condescending remarks towards me. I wouldn’t really give a crap except he does it in front of people who are senior to us. A few examples below:

    1) We are at a meeting with two senior associates. I ask a question re the format of signature pages. LOSER says in an arrogant tone “Of course we have to include signature pages.” Ok you idiot, I’m not asking if we need them, I’m asking about the format.

    2) We are at a meeting with a senior associate. Senior associate asks how my day is going, I say it’s going great, just a little tired from watching the royal wedding this morning. LOSER interjects while rolling his eyes “I don’t understand why anyone would waste their time watching that.”

    3) Same meeting as #2 above. I ask senior associate a question. LOSER immediately attempts to answer my question (um, excuse me I don’t think I was talking to you), which I find very rude because (a) I wasn’t asking him and (b) since we are both the same year and in front of a senior associate, I feel like it’s making me look bad. In any case, he was wrong, and senior associate told me that my question was a good one.

    Should I confront LOSER about any of this, or should I just smile and take the high road, which is what I have been doing up to this point? My concern is that the senior people might think I don’t stick up for myself, or worse, that LOSER is smarter than me since he corrects me in front of others (although he’s wrong most of the time).

    HELP!

    Thanks,
    Annoyed

    1. You know, others are probably as annoyed by LOSER as you are. Story #3 makes this sound true.

    2. Take the high road. It sounds like he regularly makes an ass out of himself in front of other, more senior people. Just be as gracious as you can and bite your tongue.

       1. I agree to take the high road. No matter what you say he will not change his behavior. If you are annoyed by him, others are probably too. It’s very difficult, but you are better off. Don’t let his behavior affect yours.

       2. Agreed. Senior Associate is already noticing that loser is a loser. Take the high road and never deviate off of it. Show you can work well with difficult people and in difficult situations, maintain a good attitude and see who gets more interesting assignments as time goes on.

          Think of loser as practice for the jackass opposing counsel at a depo we all eventually have – he tries to make you look bad, he interrupts you, he’s condescending and rude, and makes ridiculous objections, all to throw you off your game. But if you remain calm, persistent, reasonable,and polite, then only one person looks bad in the transcript – and it’s not you.

          1. Also, you’ll probably find that within a few years, loser will be shunned by the senior associates and partners who are well liked because they can get easily other associates (like you) to work with them. Loser will probably end up doing most of his work with the horrible partner no one wants to work with and whom everyone always tries to find a way out of working for by citing other work. Loser won’t have other work, so loser will be stuck with horrible partner. They deserve each other. Be patient, stick to the high road, and loser will get what he deserves just from his own actions.

    3. I would be polite, but curt with him. e.g. in #1 you could say something like, “yes, of course we need to include signature pages, I’m asking about the format” and go back to your question to senior associate. I think there is sometimes a way to make it clear to rude people that they’re being rude without being rude or unprofessional yourself.

       1. I completely agree. Be polite, ignore him as much as possible, but if you can take the opportunity to politely push back DO IT. His bark may be worse than his bite, and once he learns that he can’t belittle you he may lose interest.

    4. Don’t confront him — he’ll deny that he means anything by his comments or accuse you of being overly sensitive/paranoid/etc. You’ll end up even more frustrated, and he’ll know he’s succeeded at getting under your skin.

       This person is actively trying to undermine you. Why? Who knows. Maybe he perceives you as a threat. Maybe he’s insecure or even unhappy, and his conduct has nothing to do with you personally except that you make a convenient victim.

       If you’re in front of other people, I would ignore his behavior unless he says something truly offensive. I had a very similar situation at my firm with a woman in my class. I was her first victim. She would constantly take little, unnecessary jabs at me… things that, by themselves, didn’t seem like that big a deal, but when strung together constituted a pattern of petty meanness. Every time a new, younger female associate joined the firm, that woman became her victim. It was at times infuriating to deal with. For the most part, I gritted my teeth and refused to acknowledge her behavior.* I trusted that others would recognize that it was inappropriate without me interjecting. And they did. Everybody eventually recognized her for exactly what she was– a bully. As the years passed, she ultimately found herself without allies (or friends) at the firm because if you spent enough time with her, you’d find yourself on the receiving end of her vitriol. She made a lot of enemies.

       So, chances are, the people around you see him for exactly what he is: a jackwaggon. If they don’t, give him time. After that, and if he seems pretty popular, you might want to reevaluate whether these are the people you see yourself working with long term. As Robert Sutton discusses in “The No ***hole Rule,” ***holes breed ***holes. Life’s too short to waste it away in a den of ***holes.

       For now, give it time. Take the high road. Ignore what you can. Also, I wouldn’t worry about people thinking he’s smart and that you’re not. My experience is that everybody gets recognized for what they truly are eventually. I’ve seen associates come in as smooth-talking golden boys, but within a year, most everybody who’s worked with them has figured out that they’re incompetent and/or jackwagons. Those who haven’t figured it out– well, they’re usually incompetent jackwagons themselves, so let them have each other, I say.

       * I say that most of the time, I ignored her behavior. I always did the first few years we worked together. Strangely, I started calling her out on it a few years down the road when her bullying was directed at others. I was no longer her target, but I guess I just got tired of seeing other young women victimized, recognizing that they probably felt uncomfortable doing anything about it given her more senior status, and not saying anything. I’m not sure she ever truly improved her behavior, but I certainly felt better about the situation.

       1. I’ve never heard the term “jackwagon” before.

    5. I’ve found that losers tend to weed themselves out.

    6. Thanks for all of the advice, ladies. I guess it’s frustrating to think that I seriously might have to put up with his ways for literally years, but whatever, I definitely don’t want to do anything to make myself look bad, so I will continue to take the high road. I really hope that some other people are annoyed by LOSER, but he seems to be buddy buddy with quite a few people in my group. Maybe I just don’t fit in this group. I like Sally’s advice about being polite but curt – perhaps I will try that if the situation presents itself again, which I’m sure it will.

       Thanks again all :)

       1. Sometimes I’m able to better deal with difficult people by pretending that I’m an anthropologist, observing their special tribe. It helps me separate myself from their behavior mentally.

          1. Haha notalawyer I love it!!!

          2. OMG I am sooooo using this with one of those “takes the time machine to work” types.

          3. That sounds like the How I Met Your Mother episode where Marshall was a [the show’s equivalent of a summer associate in BigLaw]. He pretended he was an anthropologist living among the jungle gorillas to deal with his frat boy colleagues.

    7. Agree with others about taking the high road, but I do think there’s nothing wrong with standing up for yourself in an instance like #1. I work with someone who always cuts me off as I am mid-question to interject the answer to something far stupider than I was attempting to ask. I always politely respond, “Actually, my concern is…” [And then see myself to my office to bang my forehead against my desk in private.]

       Give this guy the rope to hang himself, but do not let him put words into your mouth.

       1. This is great advice. Let loser ask his stupid question (bonus points if you can let it hang in the air for just a second to let his idiotic behavior really land) then do as C2 suggests. Say it with a sweet smile. Then, proceed with the private forehead-banging.

          These types of people are so hard to deal with. Hang in there.

       2. Oh, yeah, I agree. I didn’t mean she shouldn’t respond at all – just that she shouldn’t respond in kind.

    8. People are going to realize that this guy is an a-hole. Ignore him. Don’t give him the satisfaction of pissing you off.

    9. Give him enough rope to hang himself.

    10. Agreed w/ everyone saying the Sr. Associate(s) have already noticed. Lawyers are competitive, and some go lower than others. If you have to step on someone else to make yourself look good, it is clear that something is missing somewhere else. Do not resort to this sort of behavior – you are better than this, and believe me, the others on your team appreciate you not stooping to this person’s level. Stay classy, professional, and if need be, say you’ll take the discussion/questions offline with the senior associate if jr. keeps interjecting, interrupting, and desparaging.

        I agree with the ladies here telling you to take the high road, with a caveat. Is there a mentor or senior associate you can speak to about this? I have found that, particularly when this is a male assoc. v. female assoc. situation but in any case, others may have some constructive tips for dealing with it in a more proactive way. You do not want feel walked on, or be viewed as a pushover, and you should try to establish a course of dealing involving this person that puts you on similar footing rather than being berated.

        It could be that this person has no idea how irritating they are being, so I don’t know if I would call this person out on it.

        1. SV Associate, I do have an assigned partner mentor; however I honestly don’t feel like I can talk to her b/c she seems to be friends with LOSER outside of work (they do social things together in groups and once she mentioned they had dinner together), so as you can imagine I don’t even want to bring the issue up with this mentor. Thanks for your help, though. You’re right – I don’t want to be viewed as a pushover and that’s kind of my main concern. I love all of the advice I’ve received on here and hopefully things will get better. Thank you!!

11. Sorry for the repost, didn’t get any replies earlier:

    I’m working w/ a recruiter to switch geographic locations within my field. He’s gotten me an interview offer w/ a biglaw firm in desired city but firm doesn’t want to pay interview travel or relocation expenses.

    The expenses are not a deal breaker for me but I know this isn’t typical for biglaw and don’t want to sell myself short on the front end.

    Any negotiation tips or suck it up?

    1. Jet Plane, I just recently went through a job search due to my husband getting a job in another location.

       I learned through this process that almost all BigLaw firms currently require the candidate to pay for the travel expenses for the first trip. After that, the firm will generally pay travel expenses for follow-up interviews.

       It is my understanding that this is not really negotiable.

    2. I had a similar experience with a biglaw firm. Unfortunately, in this economy, I think you need to suck it up, especially if money is not an issue. Good luck with your interview!

    3. I’m not sure about BigLaw, but in other contexts, flying there impresses them. Not all candidates will do it. If you want the job, you should.

12. I have never tried on a BR dress that was an appropriate length on me. I’m 5’8,” and both office dresses and sundresses from BR always seem too short.

    1. I sadly agree. I also have an issue with any BR dress like this being too low cut to wear to work.

    2. I’m only 5’5, but I wear some BR tall dresses which usually hit me at the knee. However, you’re quite a bit taller than me so even BR’s “tall” version might still be too short!

       1. Their dresses are way too short for me as well. I’m barely 5’5 and they are an inch or two short on me. I can’t figure out whether their sizing is way off, or whether they think women want dresses they stop two inches above their knees. Either way, it can’t be helping their sales.

13. What is the shortest length a skirt can be to still be appropriate for business casual?

    1. It depends on so many factors. I have short legs and am short overall, and I usually wear skirts 2-3 inches above the knee. There’s not a lot of skin showing because my legs are short, and anything longer makes me look stumpy.

    2. If you’re standing up and let your arms hang, the hemline should be past your fingertips.

       1. Whoa! I just tried this and my fingertips hang 5 to 6 inches above my knee. That wouldn’t be okay in my business casual office.

       2. Good lord unless you have an unbelievably long wingspan this length is not appropriate at any office. This used to be the check at my high school (public) and it was just to make sure no butt was showing.

          1. Yep, this is what they did in my high school! I think an inch or two above the knee max.

          2. Hrm. Perhaps I have *do* a long wingspan, then. Following that rule usually ends up with skirts no more than 3″ above the knee on me. Didn’t mean to lead anyone astray!

       3. I’ve got a proportionally large bum — skirts that short or even two inches longer at the front & sides won’t come anywhere close to covering my bottom at the back. What a ridiculous standard of measurement.

    3. Our dress code states that the skirt can’t be shorter than mid thigh when you are sitting down. I always thought that was a good way of putting it.

14. I teach a graduate research class (6-10pm one night a week, 8 classes per quarter). Anyway, had my first class with a new cohort last night and I wore a pair of Doctor Scholl’s pumps (link below) all day to work and then to teach my class and my feet felt so good at the end of the night. These were actually way better than the cole haans I have (I have a pair of air pumps and flats)… it really felt like I was wearing bedroom slippers with arch support. So normally I’m a little sore from standing/pacing/lecturing esp. in my feet, legs and hips and with these shoes I just felt normal.

    And for fun-sies (because it’s too weird for me not to share)… in my class last night I got to deal with a student rolling in totally drunk and staying for the whole 4 hr class (he wasn’t disruptive and a classmate who’s a cop ended up driving him home).

    http://www.onlineshoes.com/womens-dr-scholls-magic-black-calf-suede-p_id215618?adtrack=froogle&term=Women%27s+Dr%2E+Scholls+Magic&offer=&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=256380

    1. I have these shoes and while they are comfortable, I’m not crazy about the style, particularly the buckle. My boss says that I look like a leprechaun when I wear them. :)

    2. Are you sure this is the shoe you meant to link to? The link goes to Dr. Scholl’s flats, not pumps. I’m really interested in finding a pair of pumps that I can wear comfortably all day because I do a lot of standing and walking (like a teacher but not quite as much).

       1. @Wondering – I wore them with black slacks so they weren’t super visable – and at this point I’m more interested in comfort than anything else.
          @ Ameila – yup – sorry typo – these were the flats I had. Reeeeeally comfy tho.

15. Just curious, for those Corporettes who are married/engaged/heading down that road, at what point did you realize your significant other was the person you wanted to build a life with? How long were you into the dating process? Was there a specific moment or event that made you realize it?

    I’m in a relatively young relationship, but I’m already feeling pretty certain about it, which is simultaneously exciting, surprising, and a little scary. I know there’s no “set” time for anything to happen in relationships, but I’m just curious as to what other people’s experiences have been. So share away, please, Corporettes! :)

    1. For me there was no moment, it was a slow dawning/realization. I would say that at about one year I knew I could be happy in marriage with him, mostly as I felt our values aligned and we were both invested in the health of our relationship. I guess that was the kicker, the fact that I felt like he was “in it” enough to really work on the relationship without a lot of eye rolling and histrionics…that told me that he valued our union as boyfriend/girlfriend/domestic partners, and would likewise value our union as wife/husband. After two years, I felt even more certain (also because we had been living together for a year so I also knew he wasn’t a slob/grumpy morning person). After three we got engaged, mostly waiting that year to save money and to make super duper sure. A year later, married, and it’s been 3 years since and I haven’t looked back once.

       I was on the young side when I met my hubby, so we had the luxury of taking that much time to really make sure. My friends who are older and dating are on the “accelerated plan” and complete my timeline in about 1.5-2 years. I think this is in part because being in early-mid 30s means a shorter fertility window, but also that being at that age means you have a better idea of what you want and what you need in a relationship.

    2. someone once said that you never can really know about your future with a person until you’ve had a huge blow out fight that results in you seriously reconsidering the relationship (the person who gave me this advice said that it required at least a few days of not talking to each other too, but i think that only works for certain people).

       i really doubted this advice when i first heard it, mostly because i was, at that time, engaged to a man with whom i had never had a blowout fight. we never had a huge fight until three months before our wedding, at which point, neither of us opted to stay in the relationship. i think that when you have that moment where you have that very real internal dialogue of “should i stay or should i go” and then you both opt to stay is the closest to that magic moment of knowing.

       1. I’m not sure I necessarily disagree with this, but I will say that some people just don’t have huge screaming fights. I’ve been with my now husband for 8 years now, and we’ve never had what could be called a huge blow-out fight. I’m not entirely sure I could be in a relationship in which fights like that occurred. I just feel the need to say this because I think we kind of get bombarded in our society that you have to have these huge fights to be in a real relationship. There’s always going to be conflict in a relationship, but couples need to handle it in a way that works for them. If a couple is just not handling it, whether by not acknowledging it, or by one person always being the one to give in, that is when I worry.

          However, we did go through a really long period of reconsidering our relationship, which I think served the same function. Thinking about it, I’m not sure I would have been so sure if we hadn’t gone through that time.

          1. I’m sure that by “blowout fight,” anon means one where you question whether you should stay in the relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean yelling, throwing objects against the wall, etc. We don’t all react to conflict with anger.

             1. I wasn’t sure entirely sure what she meant, and I’ve had more than one person tell me that until we had a “real fight” my husband and I weren’t in a real relationship, so I always feel the need to jump in and say yes, it is possible.

             2. I was hesitant but now would like to share and see if anybody has some advice. I am in the midst of such huge fight (not the first) with a man I’ve been with for 5 yrs and the future prospects are not good (he refuses counseling). We are both divorced and have kids only from previous marriages between 17 – 22 yrs old. Mine are the younger ones but only one of them still lives with us (she is a high school senior) and will move in with her dad in July. SO is the breadwinner because I am still stuck with a doctoral dissertation I was hoping to complete this summer and have been teaching several classes as an adjunct. What would you recommend for part time job if I will be living alone frugally, need to keep the current job for the next academic year and hope to earn the Ph.D? Also, what is the recommended coservative venue for money that sits in IRA (mine) and trust accts (my daughters) that since the crush earns practically no interest? FWIW I reside abroad.

       2. Ahh, yes. The Great Giuseppe’s Incident of 2004. Fabulous that we opted to have that blowout fight in our favorite restaurant. Obviously in this context “blowout” didn’t mean shouting at the top of our lungs at each other, but we definitely had a chilly cab ride home. I moved out of his parents’ place and got my own apartment because we agreed we needed space, but we agreed we both wanted to work on the relationship and not give up on each other. After getting some of our other issues sorted out, we got our own apartment. At that point we knew we would get married, but it took several more years before we felt we were in the right place to do it responsibly.

          1. Oh, and as for timing: knew him three months before we started dating, dated for four years before the Incident (with plenty of smaller disagreements during that time, of course), engaged after we’d been dating for almost seven years, married a year later. We’ve been together for 10.5 years total now, and still going strong. Of course, we were 18 when we met so taking things slow wasn’t a problem.

    3. Same as Amelia, there wasn’t a “time” for me, it was more about how close we became and couldn’t see ourselves apart. We had been dating for about six months when we started saying that we would be together forever (cute aside: I had a belt that I dropped off at the repair shop; he worked nearby and picked it up. I attempted to pay him back the cost of the repair (about $15, but I was still in college and that was a pretty good amount of money to me), but he completely refused, insisting that he wanted it to be “our” money soon enough.)

       Anyway, we were engaged a little after we’d dated for 6 months, and married a little more than 2 years after we started dating. I was still in college, so the long engagement was mostly to accomodate my school schedule, but also due to being pretty young (seemed like I should at least be able to have a legal drink at my wedding!).

       Anyway, it’s ten years next month, and we’re still quite happy. I argued the other day (and got a pleasantly surprising amount of support) that there are a lot more advantages than people give credit to in marrying young. You can grow and develop together; you’re more flexible and haven’t established issues that are “yours”, and any money that you earn, you’ve earned together, and so on. I know that there are arguments for waiting until mid- to late-20s, but, personally, I’m really glad that I married at 21.

       1. Congrats on your relationship! I’m a sap and am always so happy when other people find a great match.

          I knew my now husband was different when we were dating and my ex showed up to talk to me at my work (a bar at the time – I was in college). My ex was so dramatic. He told me he still loved me and wanted me back. Funny, because he had never uttered those words while we were dating. I realized that I wanted a man who knew he wanted me when he had me and didn’t play games. And I had him. We had been dating for 2 months, maybe. In two weeks we will have been together for 9 years and married for almost 6.

          So, I think it’s never too early to “know.”

       2. I was one of those that chimed in regarding getting married early. I don’t regret it for a second. I knew my husband in high school and we dated some our senior year (not all that seriously) until we both were accepted into the same college. We stayed together all through college. I knew he was “the one” my sophomore year when my mother (who meant well) asked me if I didn’t want to break up with my then-boyfriend and try dating other people…wasn’t that what college was about…etc. I thought about it and responded that I had never met someone that I was more impressed with or wanted to be with more than my husband.

          Six years of marriage later, it’s still true and going strong.

    4. Am I supposed to include the 5 years spent dating my first husband, the 5 1/2 years spent married to my first husband, the 1 year spent divorcing my first husband, the 7 years spent single and becoming partner while never dating after the divorce, the 1 year spent on a relationship that went nowhere and the 3 years spent single and dating before I met my fiance?

       Or just the time between the day I met him and the day I “knew?”

    5. at what point did you realize your significant other was the person you wanted to build a life with? How long were you into the dating process?

       We were pretty close friends for a year before we started dating, and then within two months of dating (during which we had already said “I love you”) we decided we wanted to move in together. Unfortunately, we were in separate cities at the time and had to wait another nine months to actually move in together. It wasn’t until we’d lived together for about 4 months that I knew he was it, this was the guy. My husband claims that he knew the second time he saw me that we were meant for each other, but if that is really the case, he did a damn good job of keeping it close to the vest at the time!

       Was there a specific moment or event that made you realize it?

       Not really. At the time, it seemed like we’d been together awhile, but now looking back, it was really no time at all. We got engaged a little over a year after we started dating and then got married a year later. A lot of people, at the time, were shocked because A. it was a rapid timeline, B. my husband had been engaged before, to a woman he was with for three years, and by comparison we hadn’t been together any time at all and C. I was VERY young, only 21. I was completely taken aback when he asked me to marry him and hadn’t been expecting it at all, and later found out he had actually held off – he’d wanted to propose on our first anniversary of dating, but chickened out. I look back on it now and think “wow, that was all kind of fast – and crazy” and if it was my son doing what my husband did, I would probably freak out. But we’re still together, so I guess it worked.

       I am one of those saps (or maybe romantics) who thinks you either know or you don’t, because it’s either there or it’s not. I think the biggest mistake people make is overthinking the whole thing and going down some checklist of everything they wanted to see how the person they’re with measures up. Look at today’s big wedding. There were a lot of people who thought it was a mismatch, and that Kate was wasting her time, but in the end she got to walk down the church in the white dress and say “I will.” If they stay together, they’ll have the last laugh.

       1. I sort of agree on the either know or you don’t and it’s a mistake to overthink it. I’m a severe over-thinker and agonize over almost every decision, from jobs to what to order at dinner. But I don’t remember ever feeling like I was weighing options or debating whether to marry my husband.

          1. I think you hit the nail on the head. I am an extreme Type A overanalyzer, but with the man that inspired me to pose this question, it’s just like, “Yup. This is it.” I am sure in a way that I have never really been sure of anything before, and it’s simultaneously fantastic and disconcerting because we have only been dating a few months (hence the question).

             1. Well then, don’t worry about it. I speak as another overthinker, but one of the things I have been trying to learn to do is trust my gut – gut instinct is rarely wrong. Trust your gut, enjoy it, and let things happen as they happen. Congratulations on finding what sounds like a great relationship.

             2. Yes! I had moments of “is this it? is this all there is? will I have to put up with this forever” etc with previous boyfriends, but with my husband it was never like that – it was just there. :) We have been together for 10 years and married for almost 5.

             3. Yup – sometimes you know. My husband and I have been together for six years, and no matter what has come our way, I’ve never doubted he is the love of my life. We started talking about getting married less than two months after we started dating, but we both agreed it would be a mistake to just jump in immediately and neither of us felt a rush to tie the knot (still in college). We moved in together, and got engaged 2 and a half years later. I’m glad that even though we knew we were headed down the aisle we took our time, since it gave us a chance to enjoy wonderful, distinct stages of the relationship – dating, moving in, affianced, etc…. – but I think we would be just as strong and happy if we had gotten married way back then.

    6. A month, at most, until I knew in my heart that he was the one. And we’ve been married now for a long time. Be happy that it feels so right!

       1. I met my husband in the midst of my intern year of surgery, in the cardiac surgery ICU (he bailed me out of a bad situation as senior cardiology fellow). We had flirted on and off for a month, and then he asked me out. The first date, I was like, oh, he’s a nice guy, I’d go out with him again. By the third date I drove home thinking “why on earth is he still single?!” Two events that solidified our future together, early in the relationship:

          1) about a month in to our relationship, we were talking on the phone as he walked into his house…to realize it had been robbed. I asked him if he wanted me to come over and he paused and said yeah, that would be nice. Him being vulnerable and appreciating support was really key to me thinking of building a relationship together

          2) We redid his closet together early in our relationship, and we were able to work together as a team, despite not really knowing what we were doing and multiple trips to home depot in a weekend. It was just fun, collaborating together.

          He is older than me, so realizing that he could be vulnerable and being teammates on a project together really helped me see that we would be equals in our relationship. We basically moved in together about 8 weeks in to dating (though I kept my apartment another year). We definitely fell into the category of “when it’s right, it’s right”

    7. I knew my Larry (now husband) was “the one” when I discovered that someone who was my best friend could be my husband. How dumb I was not to see this right away! I should have known this when:

       1) he did not shy away from meeting my parents
       2) he always asked to help me do things other guys wouldn’t be bothered doing
       3) he was always there for me to cheer me up when I was unhappy
       4) he brought me food he cooked when I was not feeling well
       5) he moved all of my stuff for me every time I decided I wanted to try some new place to live and
       6) he never pressured me to do anything I did not want to do.

       In short, he treated me like a royal princess, and I almost let him get away, taking him for granted.

       I finally realized years into our friendship that he was so much better then the losers I was pining after.

       I asked him to marry me and we have lived happily ever since.

       Girls, look around and make sure you are not chasing some jerk that you won’t be happy with. I learned and now have a very happy and secure future with Larry.

    8. 3 months, max. But I was 17 at the time, so we were together for 6 years before we got married, including 3 years of living together. It’s ok to “know” early in the relationship (ok in the sense that you might be right), but feel free to give it some time to “make sure”.

16. PSA: Tahari dress almost exactly like yesterday’s TPS marked down to 50 bucks:

    http://www.smartbargains.com/go.sb?pagename=prod&sp=All%2BProducts%252f%252f%252f%252fUserSearch%253delie%2Btahari%252f%252f%252f%252f&dk=elie%20tahari&deptid=9&catid=1408&prodid=1411676841&t=Search…prod.10

    Google smartbargains coupon and I bet you’ll find one:)

17. I knew about halfway through our first date, but I’m kind of unusual in that regard! That said, of course I wasn’t *ready* for a commitment at that point – I just knew that this guy was going to be the right one. I didn’t feel ready until about two years into our relationship, when we’d been living together for about a year and mingling finances/making major joint purchases/etc.

    It’s been four years now, we’re on the brink of engagement (we’ve discussed it and I’m fairly certain the ring has been purchased, but the BF is keeping his proposal plans top secret), and I still feel incredibly lucky to have met such a wonderful man.

    1. Oops – meant to reply to K above.

18. Hi, ladies. I am getting married this fall and have a question about gifts for my three bridesmaids and matron of honor. I was hoping you could help me come up with an idea for what to give them. These ladies range in age from 28-33. Some are professionals and some are not. My matron of honor (my older sister) is married with two small children, and the others are not married and have no kids. Some have active lifestyles, and some do not. Some drink alcohol and some do not. They have different fashion styles, so I don’t think I would be able to pick out a piece of jewelry they all would like. Also, when do I give them their gifts? The wedding is a destination wedding in the Caribbean, so if I give it to them there, it would need to be small enough for them to travel with easily.

    Thanks, Corporettes.

    1. Got the ages wrong- 26-33.

    2. My friend had a destination wedding recently and gave her attendants very beautiful necklaces that were made out of a pretty sort of coral, local to the destination.

       If they all have different styles, you could pick out a piece of local jewelry, different for each of them. (Or delegate this to a relative whose taste you trust.)

       As an aside, I’m a fan of delegating tasks to relatives. I’ve been on the receiving end, and it really made me feel a part of the wedding. I went to a wedding once where the groom’s aunt was in charge of making the flower arrangements the morning of the wedding. The flowers themselves had been bought at a local Sam’s Club, along with the materials, and the aunt had a bit of experience in flower arrangements, but had also read up on it beforehand. She invited all the female family members, trained us, and we made it a big family experience. It was wonderful. (This particular aunt liked to be involved in things, and I expect she would have been bothering the wedding party. So it was a win-win.)

       1. Yes – my sister gave us all regional jewelry (sea glass) – mine was a different color since I was the maid of honor. It was “not my style” at the time, but now I wear it all the time!

    3. Get them all something different. No reason they need matching gifts, and it’s more thoughtful to do something personalized for each. For my two bridesmaids (my sisters), I got one a stack of books and one a bracelet. I spent the same amount on each, but adapted to their tastes.

    4. Spa treatments at the resort?

       1. I think his is a great idea!

          1. This…

       2. This is an awesome idea.

       3. Yes for spa treatments at the resort! Also, I would prefer after the wedding when they can really relax.

    5. I had a MOH, 4 BMs and 1 bride’s dude – so I ended up making a gift bag for each… all included a sleep mask, ear plugs, a small pot of lotion, a small bottle of face wash, a small bottle of wine (or fizzy apple juice for the non-drinker), and a pair of comfy socks (they were all flying cross country or internationally to attend my wedding), for each of the ladies I got a box set of necklaces from amazon (see link below) and a pashmina for them in the same color. For the bride’s dude, I got a nice set of cuff links in the shape of globes (since he’s an international policy person) and a nice scarf (since the wedding was in Feb). I also included a card thanking them for the love/support too.

       http://www.amazon.com/Sterling-Peridot-Amethyst-Citrine-Pendant/dp/B001TH7JZC/ref=pd_bxgy_jw_img_b

    6. I don’t think you have to give them all the same thing. But if you do want to, here are some ideas:
       -Pretty ballet flats that they can wear at the reception if their feet get sore
       -Pashminas
       -Gift certificates for the spa at the hotel, or a spa back home
       -The same type of jewelry, in different styles (i.e. a bracelet, but a different one for each bridesmaid)
       -A puppy!!!!! (just kidding)

       1. Just laughed out loud at the puppy suggestion. :)

    7. I got a different book for each one, and wrote a note to each thanking them in the front. I was going to get hardbacks, but a lot of the books I wanted to get hadn’t been released as hardbacks, so I ended up getting trade paperbacks instead. I felt kind of bad I didn’t spend more money, but I thought it was more important to get each of them the perfect present, and books had been a large part of my relationship with each of them.

    8. We gave Cross pens engraved with the date. We bought them in bulk for all our attendants. It was pretty well received, and everyone uses pens.

    9. Sunglasses, maybe? Have the wedding date printed on the case?

    10. My husband had the same situation with his groomsmen, and he ended up getting them all Chuck Taylor sneakers in our wedding colors to wear at the reception. The pictures were great!

        1. I had a similar age range, etc. with my matron of honor and 3 bridesmaids. I got them each a mirror compact with their name and the date of the wedding etched in the front. I figured that they could all use a mirror to throw in their purses, so it was useful and pretty.

           We gave the wedding party their gifts during the rehearsal dinner.

19. I love this dress. I had two in a similar fabric but with a different shape from DKNY. The only problem is that the linen is prone to wrinkle a lot.

20. As usual, I could use the advice of wise Corporettes. I decided to take a clinic this summer in part because of the meager job market and to get experience and credits in order to make my last year easier. I am all set to do that, but a friend mentioned that her friend, an attorney, is looking for an assistant. Before I could tell her that I already have summer plans, she mentioned it and the friend agreed to look at my resume and interview me. Now I seriously doubt I could do both this summer, but I want to make sure I am not passing up a good opportunity even if it is just networking. Any advice on what to tell my friend or how to handle this? I’m assuming the assistant position is just be secretarial work so it wouldn’t be such a great opportunity, but I hate to let these things pass.

    1. During the interview, find out what the position entails. Let the interviewer know you are looking for a substantive legal position. If it sounds good, you can always back out of the clinical. If not, you can offer to do smaller research projects or maybe something in the fall.

    2. Go to the interview and find out what the position entails. If it will be good experience, go for it! If not, do the clinic. I am finishing one up now, and it has been a really good experience!

    3. Are you committed to the clinic? It would be very bad form to continue interviewing once you’ve accepted another position.

       I’d tell the attorney that you’ve already committed elsewhere for the summer, but you’re interested in exploring the local legal market and will be looking for opportunities in the future (next school year or 2L summer or whatever). Ask her if she’d be willing to meet for an informational interview or informal chat.

21. Just ended my 2L internship with a federal agency. Handwritten thank you notes for every attorney (around 7) Or can I email thank yous to most and handwritten for mentor and boss?

    1. Either one is acceptable, but FWIW I’m a lawyer in a federal agency and in my four years here only one of our interns handed out handwritten, personal thank you notes in my office of about 30 attorneys. I had him sit in on one of my depositions, and he thanked me specifically for that. I kept the note on my desk for a couple weeks and I’m still impressed that he did wrote notes to all of us and remember him for it a couple of years later.

       1. Maybe someday I will start proofreading my anonymous comments on this blog for gramatical errors before posting them.

          1. – make that grammatical AND spelling errors.

    2. I would be touched to receive a handwritten card from a former intern. It’s only happened once or twice in my career, and it reflects very nicely on you. Whether to send them to all or just your mentor and boss depends on how closely you worked with the other attorneys, I think. If you don’t have anything personal to say to them, I’d opt for a less personal medium like email.

       1. Our intern two years ago did something extraordinary. He painted a beautiful water-color seascape. He left it in our conference room after hours on his last day, with a handwritten thank you note for all the “advice and kindness” he received. Unbelievable!

          He ended up getting a great job the next year in Florida, with plenty of recommendations from our office!

          1. That only works if you are a good artist ;) One of my partners got a HUGE oil painting from a grateful patient, in the style of those “art shows” in airport hotels they advertise on TV late at night. It was a lovely gesture, but it was not to his taste….it stayed in our clinic work room until one of the schedulers took it home.

             1. That’s true. This guy is naturally gifted, and the painting has Turner-like light qualities. I imagine he is a born artist and went to law school for the usual reasons.

    3. I always mail handwritten thank you notes a day after I leave, so they arrive early next week, to anyone with whom I worked directly or substantively interacted.

22. I’ve been thinking about learning (some) French, in anticipation of a yet-to-be-scheduled trip to France. Has anyone tried the Rosetta Stone program? It’s a few hundred bucks, so I wonder if people found it valuable. For context, I’ve had a semester of French in college, followed by a month in Paris. College was a long, long time ago, however, and my vocab is almost nil at this point.

    This question is only tangentially related to this blog’s subject matter (Paris = great clothes), but I suspect the women in this group might be knowledgeable on this topic! Thanks for your thoughts.

    1. I would not waste your money on Rosetta stone. It’s an ok program but not worth the funds. I lived in Paris for a bit and trust me, you definitely won’t need French to navigate or have a good time. Buy a book of phrases, test drive them, but English is very prevalent.

    2. You’d be better off taking an intro or French for travelers course at the Alliance Française nearest you.

       1. Great suggestion, I second this. I love Alliance Chicago! Graduated college as a French major almost a dozen years ago (gulp), and I take a course there every year or two to keep up. They have a few classes for travelers/tourists from what I recall.

    3. If you do want to try Rosetta Stone, just borrow from the library! I know our local public library has it.

    4. http://www.frenchpod101.com/ or something like this is probably a better bet, especially since you already have some background in the language

       1. I used the Michel Thomas CDs, a while ago, to refresh my French, and I thought they were just about perfect. You’ll probably find the first bits slow going, but the CDs pick up about mid-way in and from there can definitely help get the French flowing again. Of course, there are probably downloads or some other format now, but at the time, it was CDs.

          Much less expensive than Rosetta stone, and useful for the level of French I needed to recall.

23. Any suggestions for a long weekend in Charleston, SC? I’m headed there with my SO in a few weeks and would love recommendations from corporettes who have visited or live there – activities, museums, galleries, restaurants, hotels/B&Bs, tours, etc. We’re driving there, so we’ll have access to a car, and are considering bringing our bicycles too. Thanks in advance!

    1. Charleston is beautiful, and really neat. I highly recommend just wandering around the historical areas. There’s a lot of wrought-iron balcony rails (think New Orleans-style).

       1. Love love love Charleston. Have been back for long weekends the past two years because we love it so much.

          I think it has really excellent dining, especially given the relatively small size of the city. My most memorable meal over the past couple of years (and I travel a lot for work, even spent 3 months in London last year) was at McCrady’s in Charleston. We also loved Slightly North of Broad (SNOB), High Cotton, Magnolias, and Old Village Post House (slightly outside of downtown in an adorable house).

          As for things to do, as Original Lola said, it’s a great city for just wandering. It reminds me of the French Quarter in New Orleans, with a quaint European feel, but without the debauchery of Bourbon Street (not that that’s not fun it’s own way!). We also took a boat tour and that was a lot of fun and a great way to learn some history and see the sights in the harbor. The boat tour company had a package deal with a carriage company where you could also take a carriage ride through the city, but we were there in August — it was really hot and we were beat and sunburned after the boat tour so called it a day.

          1. Meant to add — we have stayed at Isle of Palms a bit outside the city (20 minutes or so), and though we are not bikers, I did notice that there were lots of bikers on the beach. The beach is huge and wide and the sand is packed down pretty firmly, so biking on the beach is a popular thing to do.

          2. Oh my goodness, McCrady’s menu looks amazing! I just made a reservation. Thanks!

             1. I second the McCrady’s recommendation — ate there earlier this year and was blown away (and I live in a bigger city with lots of incredible restaurants!) The table next to us was an older couple who’d flown in from New York just to eat at McCrady’s. FIG is another great place to check out.

    2. Agreed. I pretty much just wandered around downtown when I went. It’s a great city. I love the architecture–my favorite are the sideways porches (you’ll understand when you see them). If you’ve got time and want to go to the beach, Sullivan’s Island and Isle of Palms are barrier islands close by and have nice beaches.

       1. Oh, the aquarium. I enjoyed the aquarium.

    3. Thanks for all responses so far! Charleston sounds lovely and I’m really looking forward to taking a few days away from work (definitely long overdue for a vacation).

       1. I went there once in May – and it was scorchingly hot. Really unbearable. So you may need to get up early and do your walking around the city before 9 am, or after 7 pm.

       2. A great way to experience the food is through a cooking class! They cook, you learn, eat, and drink.
          http://www.mavericksouthernkitchens.com/
          I’ve gone there twice and loved it both times.

    4. McCrady’s for sure. But also FIG. Go to FIG. Wonderful.

    5. There are many wonderful things to do in Charleston.

       Are you interested in history? There are a ton of beautiful historical homes. If you don’t want to go into houses and tour, be sure to walk around the area south of Broad street, particularly down Meeting Street towards White Point Gardens. Also be sure to walk along the Battery and see Charleston Harbor. If you are interested in Civil War history, take the boat tour to Fort Sumter, go see the Hunley (the first submarine to sink a ship, then it promptly sank itself), and to Magnolia Cemetary.

       I would also recommend going to look at churches – Charleston is known as the Holy City for a reason. Some neat ones: St. Michael’s, St Phillip’s, the French Huguenot Church, Reform Synagogue (first reform synagogue in the US), First (Scots) Presbyterian, Circular Congregation. They are all fairly close to one another.

       As for galleries/museums, there are a lot of neat ones. The Gibbes Museum of Art on Meeting Street has some lovely work. There are a lot of small art galleries on East Bay and Church Streets.

       The Aquarium is very nice, as someone mentioned. It has a lovely view of the harbor.

       Be sure to go to the beaches. If you like to surf, Folly is the place to go (though don’t expect Hawaii sized waives). Many people from out of town go to Isle of Palms, but my favorite is Sullivan’s Island (closer, less crowed).

       Also, eat! There are a ton of wonderful restaurants downtown. Be sure to have shrimp and grits. Some of the best: McCrady’s, Anson’s, anything owned by Maverick Kitchens (S.N.O.B (Slightly North of Broad), High Cotton). One of my all time favorite places is Homily Grill – it is often overlooked by tourists because it is not as close to the main tourist area.

       If you have any other questions, want any more detail, let me know as I love telling people about Charleston.

    6. Thanks again for all the suggestions. In case any of you check back, I do have one more question: recommendations for a place to stay in the historic district. We don’t need anything super fancy, although nice and clean (or at least clean!) is a must.

       1. I spent several years in Charleston — it is quite simply my favorite city. The best thing to do is wander. Many of the homes have plaques that tell the history of the home — there are MANY houses that are still there from the Revolutionary War. Definitely hit Church Street — it’s my favorite. I also have to recommend the rooftop bars for lunch or an evening drink. The Vendue Inn has “the” (in my mind) rooftop bar — more casual. The Market Street Pavilion has a beautiful rooftop bar that is much more fancy.

          As for places to stay — I recommend searching for little bed and breakfasts downtown. We’ve had luck at the Anchorage Inn on Vendue Street. It’s right by Waterfront Park, which is another favorite spot in the city (and where my husband proposed!). If you have no luck on the B&Bs, try the Best Western King Charles Inn. I haven’t stayed there, but I think it has got to be the nicest Best Western that exists, and they have good rates. The Embassy Suites is in the old Citadel building and is also nice, and in a good location. It’s right on Marion Square, and they have a cute Farmers’ Market there every Saturday morning. Regardless of where you pick, I would definitely pay the extra money to stay downtown because then everything is walkable.

          Other things to do — they seem cheesy, but I’d take your pick of a carriage ride or ghost tour. The guides are well versed on their history and you learn things you might not otherwise. I’ve toured a couple houses on the battery — they’re okay. I was most impressed with seeing where the waterline was inside the house after Hurricane Hugo. Also walk through the College of Charleston campus. You’ll recognize Randolph Hall on the Cistern from The Patriot, Cold Mountain, The Notebook, etc, etc, etc.

          Speaking of hurricanes — if it rains, downtown floods very fast, so keep an eye on the weather.

          enjoy!!!

          1. also recommend Pearlz for an easy more low-key dinner. Might be a good quick, cheaper dinner to fill in between SNOB, McCrady’s, Magnolia’s, High Cotton, FIG, etc. All great recommendations.

             Try Hominy Grill for brunch — shrimp and grits. it is slightly off the beaten path, so get directions from your hotel.

             Bikes would be fun to have, but are also notoriously stolen in the downtown areas, particularly overnight. Hopefully you wouldn’t have that problem for your short amount of time — but I really don’t think you need them, and I’d hate for you to have that experience.

             Oh — another favorite and slightly more local — since you’ll have a car, go to Red’s on Shem Creek. It’s over the “new bridge” and pretty easy to find. You can sit outside and watch all the shrimp boats come in. Usually you’ll see some dolphins swimming around. Perfection.

             also, another tourist hotspot, but very good and worth the wait if you have a sweet tooth — Kaminsky’s on Market Street. Best desserts in the world. Avoid other tourist places: Hyman’s (mad advertisting, but nothing special), A.W.Shuck’s, Bubba Gump Shrimp, Sticky Fingers. There are much better restaurants, so don’t get sucked into those.

       2. I live in Charleston! So nice to come across a conversation about it on this blog, which I read all the time. I had some friends in town today and they stayed at the Harborview Inn. The room was really nice, and the location is great — right in the middle of things.

          I’d add Lucca to the list of suggested restaurants. It’s a small Italian place that I keep hearing excellent things about from reliable sources . I “third” the Hominy Grill recommendation; go for brunch. Hall’s Steakhouse is a fantastic restaurant — the kind where you can lose yourself in the atmosphere, food and service — though expect NY prices. Grill 225 is another good steakhouse with a great rooftop bar. If you go, definitely definitely get the tuna tower. It is amazing. Fish is also really really good, if you like seafood and Asian flavors. It’s a nice change of pace from the Southern fare you’ll find everywhere.

          If you’re in town on a weekend, check out the farmer’s market in Marion Square (at King and Calhoun streets). It runs from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m., I think, and in addition to fresh local produce and art vendors, you’ll find some amazing brunch/lunch fare. It’s great for a stroll.

          If you happen to be in town during the last week of May and first week of June, check out the Spoleto Festival USA. Amazing annual performing arts festival. These aren’t local groups performing — they come from all over the world. Excellent.

          There’s good shopping to be found on King Street, which has a mix of national and local retailers. If you’re near the City Market, make sure to get a praline from one of the shops on the side. For a fancy dessert, the coconut cake at Peninsula Grill is famous. If the restaurant is packed, you can eat it in the bar area, and it goes well with a bourbon or glass of rose wine. (Lots of people recommend Kaminsky’s for dessert, but everything I’ve ever had tastes like it’s been in the case for days. Skip it and go to Peninsula Grill.)

          Enjoy!

       3. I stayed in the Doubletree Hotel in the historic district. Clean, standard, and smack dab in the middle of the historic area – right next to the open air market. Great location, very walkable. I didn’t care much about fanciness of the hotel as long as I got a great location.

          Charleston is amazing ~ I really loved it. It’s completely walkable, especially if you stay in the historic downtown.

24. For those of you who’ve lost weight, where did it come off for you? I’ve lost around 20 lbs (yay!) and my arms and legs have slimmed down and my boobs, booty and hips have shrunk as well. What I can’t get rid of is my gut – it – went down a little bit but then it stopped. I now have this belly that never really shrank with the rest of my body slimmer – I look so odd. Did this happen to any of you? How do you deal with uneven body fat reductions? I know there’s no such thing as reducing fat in a specific area but what can I do? Any tips or commiseration? Please tell me that my belly will eventually go away……

    1. Lipo? Spanx?

    2. I’m currently doing a weight loss challenge with a friend and I definitely commiserate. While everything else is slimmer, my upper thighs have not changed an inch. I’m resigned to the fact that that’s where the chocolate and cheese settle. It makes finding pants so hard :(

       But once I drop the set number of pounds, I plan to keep up with my general fitness. Hopefully, feeling stronger and healthier in general will help me accept my shape.

       If you’re not tracking exercise or calories, and you like numbers/stats, try Sparkpeople. The basic tracking stuff is free and there are tons of specific message boards.

       Good for you for the 20 pounds! That takes a lot of willpower.

    3. Only commiseration. My belly is the first place I gain and the last place I lose :( What helps me is to focus on getting strong and fitter–that tends to be an easier way for me to see progress and helps me to not focus on my belly. It still bothers me, but not quite as much if I focus on how my body performs instead of how it looks.

    4. I have an apple body shape and lost 15 pounds about a year ago. I did notice a slight decrease in my belly size, but still do not have a flat belly. If it’s any consolation, I doubt others pay as much attention to your belly as much as you do. I know when I look in the mirror, my eyes go straight to my “Buddha belly,” but nobody else seems to notice it.

       Basically, what my weight gain did was get me from a point where I hated wearing a tucked-in shirt with fairly close-fitting pants to a point where I can comfortably wear a tucked-in shirt with fairly close-fitting pants so long as I’m also wearing control top undies. Without losing a TON more weight (which would be really unhealthy for me), that’s as good as it gets, and I’ve decided to be happy with it.

    5. What did you do to lose the 20? I could do with some of that advice!

       1. I joined weight watchers about 8 months ago. I *know* what I’m supposed to do eat healthily but I just never did it. I just walked in, filled out the paperwork and tracked my food and exercise the way they said. It’s very straightforward and I like the meetings. The best part is the way they assign values to different types of food and that all food is game – there’s no special food or supplements.

    6. If you have (bio) kids, it may be stretched abs rather than extra belly fat. Have you tried stepping up your ab/core work to see if things start to flatten out?

    7. Well first – congrats on the weight loss!!!!! I’m actually the opposite of you – I rarely gain in arms or belly and those flatten out pretty quickly… but that butt and those hips and thighs are un-freakin-shrinkable. But here are a few thoughts:

       First, even though getting core muscle won’t get rid of fat in the area, it will help shape that area so that it appears more flat, and you’ll have an easier time noticing when you do start to drop a little. I think what’s really important here is not so much the top abs but the bottom ones and obliques that will lift that area more — any abs workouts that target bottom and sides will probably help here.

       Second – drink water, water, water — any fluid retention will build up in your belly area. You may also have a bloating issue — some people are simply more prone to bloating and don’t realize what it is. It can be due to a sensitivity to carbonation, sugar, dairy or gluten. Any one of these might be a bit of a trigger for bloat in that area- see if you notice any patterns, maybe even try to cut one of these categories for a few days at a time to see if you notice a difference.

       Part of it might just be time… Do other women in your family tend to gain in their stomach area first and lose there last? If that’s the case, I would say try all of the above to speed up the process, but patience will eventually get you there. Clearly you’re on to something weight-loss-wise!

       1. Second the comment about sugar/ dairy/ wheat sensitivities. As part of a yoga program, I cut out all these for two weeks – a found that they were contributing to a huge amount of bloating and general digestive discomfort. You might try cutting out these common allergens for a short time and see if you notice any difference.

       2. Add another one to the dairy/gluten bloat camp.

       3. I haven’t even considered this, thanks for the tip! I do notice that I gain weight when I have extra sugar but as for bloat, I will definitely drink more water and try leaving out sugar, dairy and gluten.

    8. Congrats on the weight loss! I’m in the same boat (lost 20 lbs) but am also a bit frustrated with my body at the moment. I have lost in my boobs and some in my butt and waist, but the thighs are just staying put! I am about 30 pounds away from goal, and was told that my body composition is probably going to shift around a lot (I typically plateau here) without the scale moving much in the next 4-6 weeks. I have been advised to add something different to the workout routine – not much more, just another activity that is different from what I’m doing. I was told that sometimes, people are advised to not workout at all for a week and then go back to it, but I won’t do that (working out is a mental godsend, I am finding). And, like everyone else, water water water!!! It will go away, so just appreciate yourself for small victories (sticking with your plan through the upteenth office cake party or HH) until you push past this phase!

    9. No tips, but definitely commiseration! My upper arms seems especially designed to collect and retain flab, no matter how much I lose elsewhere. It’s so annoying. But, I think it’s important to make peace with our bodies’ little quirks. I’m not confident enough to be sleeveless unless it’s sahara-like outside, but at the same time I don’t waste time hating my arms like I used to. Keep up the good work, but also don’t beat yourself and stress about the “belly”— it might be beyond your capacity to non-surgically alter.

    10. Thanks for all the support, ladies! I’ll keep pulling through but it helps to know that I’m not the only one. I am pretty happy with my body – I look way better now than I ever did with spanx on before but I just want to be a little happier, lol.

    11. Ru-Congrats on the weight loss. I had gastric bypass surgery about lost 100 lbs. and have similiar stubborn thighs. Everyone has parts of their body that are the last area to show the weight loss (or become more lean with exercise) or so my surgeon says. Unfortunately, he said those spots typically become even slower to show progress as you age. And typically they only look the way you want it you are underweight. But all is not lost, I swear.

        On a positive note, he also said that those parts tend to react better to strength training than actual weight loss, so you may want to add that component to your exercise or focus even more on the thighs if you are already doing it. I helped me but they will never be perfect. He also said that the weight continues to shift even after you stop losing lbs. It takes probably 3 months after you stop losing for your body to “settle” into a different steady-state.

        And he said that these items tend to be true even if don’t lose a drastic amout of weight, as long as you maintain exercising after you increase your calorie input to allow you to maintain the goal weight.

        Sorry for the long response, but these thoughts gave me great peace of mind during the plateaus and frustrating times. They kept me motivated if when I didn’t have instant gratification on the scale.
        Good luck!

25. Ru – first of all, congrats on losing so much weight! I don’t claim to be an expert, but fitness is a strong passion of mine and many of my friends come to me for fitness advice, so I hope I can help you out too. You’re very right in that you can’t “spot treat” and lose weight in one area; however, if you continue to lose weight then I do think you will notice a smaller waistline too. For you, it might just be the last area where you lose weight, esp if you have a fair amount of fat there (sorry that sounds so harsh). Also, could you tell me what types of food you eat in a typical day? Diet is a HUGE part in weight loss and how your body looks, so that could be affecting it as well. If you’re not doing this already, I would stay away from processed foods and “bad carbs” – white rice and bread, sugar, alcohol (which contains sugar), pasta, etc. And I would only do wheat bread in the morning – like eggs and a piece of toast. Eat a lot of lean protein, as that will keep you fuller longer. what types of workouts are you doing? You should try cardio intervals, as the short bursts of high intensity cardio will raise your heart rate, thus burning more calories throughout your entire workout.

    Again, congrats on your amazing accomplishment of losing 20 pounds! Tell me what your current/diet workout plan is and hopefully I can help you :)

    1. Thanks Honey Bear, for the detailed response. I lost via controlling my sugar intake and weight watchers. I probably am not getting as much protein as I should be but I make sure to have a lean protein at every meal, especially breakfast. I do cardio and strength training 3 times a week.

       Sigh, the body doesn’t lie. I do have white pasta and white rice. I need to really work on that. Actually, I think I eat too much carbs in general, whole grain and not. Hmmm, something to work on…

       1. Lipo. Best $3.5k ever spent. And best kept secret. WW and serious exercise also helped me lose 20 lbs and took me to a sz 0-2 but since I’m borderline apple-shaped, I still had a pretty serious belly roll that taunted me and was a major fit problem with all my clothes. So I had a nice chat with a MD, signed myself up, and wow, did it work wonders. Now that it is almost 10 years and 2 pregnancies later, I am contemplating doing it again.

       2. Yes for sure – just cut out white pasta and white rice and carbs after breakfast. Talk to me in 3 weeks and see if you have seen any results.

          Also, what type of cardio and strength training are you doing?

26. Anyone tried Spanx bras?

    1. I have 3 pairs of spanx panties. They do wonders for my rear end by holding it in tight. The only negative I think of is that they are a little difficult to take down when I have go to the bathroom. It is not a good idea to wear spanx when you have an upset stomach or diareah, because you may not be able to move fast enough. Other than that, if you are able to deal with the tightness, you will look a lot firmer.

    2. Yes – I love them! Extremely comfortable and are seamless under clothes.

    3. No, because they only come in small sizes. Sara Blakely, if you’re reading this, women come in sizes far beyond a D cup and we spend money too!

       1. Why would anyone make spanx bras in small sizes??

    4. I wear one every day. They are comfortable beyond measure. My co-worker is also a daily wearer. Not sexy at all, but the bra holds everything in place, with complete comfort. It’s a front hook and easy to put on and take off.

    5. I love them and wear them every day. As we’ve discussed before, a lot of women wear a band that’s too big and a cup that’s too small. I had been insisting on the too-big band because of the “back fat” thing, but the Spanx bras solved that for me. I can do the smaller band and appropriate cup and it looks great.

27. It looks super cute, but can it really be dressed up to a LBD for a cocktail occasion? It looks a little plain for that.

28. Any recommendations for a mask (or other skincare product) that’s good for pimples and oily skin? My recent breakouts are of the thick, round, reddish variety, not blackheads or whiteheads (although occasionally I get whiteheads). I normally have oily but clear skin and I’m not sure what to do about this.

    1. I used to have terrible skin. I have used Biore Blemish Fighting Ice Cleanser and St. Ives Apricot Scrub for years. Also, I just got the Olay cleansing brush. Once in while I breakout, but in general my skin is good. Oh, I use the CVS version of some Clean & Clear stuff too. Basically use a combination of Salicylic acid (the cleansers) and Benzoyl Peroxide (the CVS stuff).

       1. ProActiv sulfur-based mask is wonderful. I use it as a spot treatment, too, leaving it on overnight.

          1. DDF Sulfur Mask has been discussed on Corporette before. I use it, and I have a Clarisonic, and I haven’t had a serious breakout in over a year. The supposed theory is that the sulfur in the mask penetrates the skin and stops new pimples from forming. I have no idea if that is true, but the mask works.

             I also am a big fan of peels. I use Philosophy The Microdelivery Peel – it’s two steps, a crystal exfoliator and then you put a gel on top of that for the “peel” effect – and it is GREAT. I always get compliments on my skin after I use it.

             I also highly recommend Clarisonic brushes for breakout-prone skin. It has made a lot of difference for me.

             I will say, though, that the red round pimples sound cystic to me, and especially if you’re getting them on your chin, they may be hormonal. Are they forming on a regular schedule – like once a month, or every two weeks? Have you changed your birth control lately?

    2. I think you can’t really go wrong with Queen Helene Mint Julep Masque. You don’t want to do it more than once a week, but it really does pull out blackheads. I sometimes leave a blob of it on particularly stubborn pimples overnight. It’s effective and CHEAP too; I’ve had my tube for at least 3 years. You can get it at any drugstore
       http://www.amazon.com/Queen-Helene-Original-Masque-Facial/dp/B0016BHMKS/ref=pd_sim_bt_5

    3. I’ll echo the suggestions to use a mask with sulfur in it and I’ll add my all-time favorite acne treatment which, unlike a mask, can be worn all day: Mario Badescu’s buffering lotion.

    4. Thanks all! I ended up getting this one: http://www.kiehls.com/Rare-Earth-Pore-Cleansing-Masque/792,default,pd.html?start=1&cgid=face-cleansers-scrubs The lady at Blue Mercury recommended it as her favorite of the sulfur/clay masks. I’ll let you know how I like it.

29. Strategic Business Coaching

    Nathan Orms is a strategic business coach and has changed lives around the globe. His time-tested, proven success strategies and techniques coupled with his belief that everyone has the right to succeed make Nathan the most sought after business coach in the world. Here’s what a couple of Nathan’s students have to say about his coaching… “Nathan… [Read more]

30. Even though I though I blew my interview, I got the call this week that I was accepted to the part time MBA program I applied to. I’ll start in the fall. Can anyone whose done a part time MBA program offer any advice they’d wish they’d had? Thanks!

    1. No advice — but congrats! That is great news! Good luck this fall.

    2. I did 2 years of part-time law school while working full time. Not sure about an MBA program, but my tips from that experience include:

       Be ready to give up your weekends completely. I like to wake up before work and exercise, and I’m not a night person, so really my only time to do schoolwork was on the weekends.

       Not sure if you’re dating anyone or not, but this will be a big test for you if you are. Luckily my current boyfriend was in the same program, but at the beginning of law school I dated someone who “only” worked full time. It really takes a toll on your relationship.

       Make sure to take mental vacations as needed. Working and studying can be a very exhausting experience. I always had one or two classes I knew I could miss without failing, and when I really needed a night off, I would take advantage of that. YMMV, but I found that I went to work/school the next day feeling much better.

       Not sure what else in general, but if there are any specific things you’re wondering about, let me know.

       1. Thank you both!

    3. Create a weekly school schedule and stick to it. If you have a family/social life schedule that in as well. Get ahead of schedule when you can, because life will happen. Repeatedly. Unless you are already working where you’d like to be post MBA, find time to build relationships/network at school.

    4. Congratulations! Two thoughts from my experience.

       I completed my MBA because I wanted specific training in a few areas (and because my company paid for the degree). As such, I was in the minority in my class because I didn’t want to change jobs or companies after completion. The other people in my class where usually trying to change industries and were obtaining their MBAs to give them knowledge of the industry they are trying to pursue. Laslty, I loved my job and traveled a lot for work, so my MBA was not my highest priority. I just wanted to achieve the grade necessary for my company’s reimbursement. Shallow, I know, but it’s the truth. So these items came were my lessons learned for my experience and goals:

       -Be honest with your group about your goals. If the rest of your group wanted the highest possible grades, 1) I either worked way harder on the projects than I wanted too which led to extra stress and getting sick, etc or 2) I felt bad that I didn’t put in as much effort as the rest of the group.

       Once I started telling my group my goals at the beginning of the class, I was able to find other people with similar goals, and the group projects were much more managable. Likewise, people who wanted the high grades were grateful that I was honest. Even though I felt a little foolish telling everyone that I was basically a slacker, it made my life a lot easier.

       -Complete it at your own pace. If you want trying to change industries or leave your company upon completition, take more classes than recommended during the term or take accelerated classes during the breaks. If you have goals similar to mine, take fewer classes. The stress is not worth it if you become overwhelmed. I took a semester off and 1 class per semester sometimes (vs. the recommended 2 in my program). I found the classes more meaningful when I had a good amount of time to devote to only 1 class. I also retained what I learned much better.

       -In my program (not sure if this is true everywhere), the professors were generally impressed by our classes because we working full-time and then coming to school until 10 pm, so they were generally more lenient on grading for the evening students than their full-time classes.

       Good luck! It’s a ton of work, but I enjoyed it and am glad I did it.

31. Thin letter of rejection — that is what I came home to yesterday. After emails from the head of the department stating I was well received and another partner in the group saying he personally hopes to work with me. It kills me, they said they are definitely looking for an associate in their group, so why not me? Talk about taking the wind from my sails!
    Is it inappropiate to ask the hiring partner if he has any criticism he can pass along. I am not buying that it is a staffing issue as I know they definitely need another associate, my only thinking is perhaps they want someone more senior.
    Blah – this was my favorite #1 firm. Back to the drawing board…

    1. I feel you, Bk foette. I am waiting to hear back on a second interview I had two weeks ago. I thought it went really well, but I’m starting to get nervous. I know they need someone and that they need someone relatively quickly, so the more time that passes, the less likely I think I am to get the job. So sorry things didn’t work out for you, but I’m sure something even better will come along eventually.

    2. I think it is perfectly appropriate to ask – graciously – if they have any feedback that you can take along, when you’re thanking them for the interview process. (Sounds strange to thank for a job you didn’t get, but these people liked you, apparently, so it might be nice to thank them, in case a new position opens up in the company.)

    3. Don’t ask for criticism, but do ask what would have made you a more competitive candidate? Was their a skill set gap? This may give you a more substantive response as well as some direction for making yourself a better candidate for the next opportunity.

32. Has anyone browsed by some beautiful black boots with no higher than 2.5 inch heel, on sale, recently? Or do you have a pair that you really love? I’m in the shopping mood this weekend and coveting some boots I saw walking by. I would really appreciate any recommendations.

    1. For ankle boots, I have some wonderful Gabor brand, which I bought either from Zappos or endless.com or 6pm.com

    2. Frye Veronica Slouch!! Wearing them now, feeling awesome.

    3. I have a pair of Cole Haan/Nike soles that I bought two seasons ago. They are stacked wood heels and black leather knee high slipons. They were originally about $500, and I bought them for half off at Nordstrom.

       They are super comfortable and so tailored they will never go out of style and so well made they will last forever. If you can find the current year’s version, I’d try those.

33. Ok ladies, you have been so great in the past I am going to ask for travel advice as well. My husband and I will be traveling to Athens for 10 days in mid June while he attends a conference for work. I will have everyday free, and he will have free time as well. At the end of the trip, we are hoping to spend a few days on one of the Greek Isles (but have no idea which one!)
    I would love recommendations for what to see, where to go, where to eat and any tips for visiting Greece in general. Thanks!

    1. My husband and I spent a day on Rhodes last September as part of a Mediterranean cruise, and loved it. I would love to spend more time there.

    2. Santorini is beautiful and romantic. A good place for a couples get away, and the food is fantastic! You can buy tickets in Athens to take the speed boat to the island. I’ve been to many of the Greek Isles, and Santorini is my favorite.

       1. I love Santorini. We went there on vacation. I remember it was so romantic and it was also where where the second Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movie was filmed. I often picture myself as Blake Lively and the Greek guy as my husband. I can see myself being swept away by the white sand beaches and the waves and everything.

          Oh well, back to my due diligence (ugh).

    3. Oh! I picked up the most recent issue of More magazine and there is an article on 50 fierce women. Lady Gaga got a full page photo spread while Sotomayor, Ginsberg, and Kagen barely made a footnote. So sad.

    4. I highly recommend the new Acropolis museum that was completed prior to the 2004 Olympics. It is so modern and beautiful! While it was being constructed, they discovered remnants of an ancient town so they built the museum on top of this plexiglass material so you can look down and see the town as it was. Loved it! http://tinyurl.com/3wh9dmq
       Of course, climbing to the top of the Acropolis to see the Parthenon was amazing and even more so after I went to the museum.

       For upscale shopping (or window gazing in my case!) definitely visit the neighborhood of Kolonaki. Great little cafes and restaurants there, too. The Plaka neighborhood is the oldest section of Athens. Most of the streets have been closed to cars, so you can really walk around and enjoy it. It is also a great spot for restaurants, shops, and cafes.

       As for the islands, Mykonos and Santorini of course are the go-to locations that you see on postcards of Greece. However, they are very touristy. If you only have a few days, there is a ferry in Athens that can take you to the close islands of Aegina, Poros, or Hydra within about 45 minutes. They have ferries running very frequently and I’m sure your hotel will have more info. This is great for a day or two and you are still very close to Athens.

       If you want to be more adventurous, I would suggest Corfu or Kefalonia which are west of Athens on the Ionian Sea. Corfu is large island that is very metropolitan and has a lot more going on, but still not overly touristy. (Beautiful chapels and beaches, and a lot of World Heritage Sites. It is the rumored location of the Royal Honeymoon!) Kefalonia is rugged Greece and you will really be able to get a romantic, secluded feel if you are more of a beach person. It is where Captain Corelli’s Mandolin was filmed.

       Weather: I went in June as well and was surprised as how warm it already had become. It is a dry heat. Bring cotton, linen, and light natural fabric clothing! Layers are your friend. A lot of places do not have air conditioning, and it tends to get very hot in the middle of the afternoon. Comfortable shoes are a must! I was especially glad I brought wedges because a lot of the streets are uneven and cobblestone so any other heels were out.

       Have a great time! The Greek people are friendly and warm. Great food and a lot of fun.

34. Just wanted to share: Yesterday I met Justice Sotomayor (after hearing her speak to a large audience), and she is a wonderful woman! I am so glad that she is on the United States Supreme Court.

    She spoke about her experiences at the DA’s office when her three male assistants would get asked if they were the prosecutor — but no one would think to ask the latina in the room (who WAS the prosecutor). She also said that she would only be satisfied when there was parity on the Court (especially as there is parity in terms of entering law school).

    She was also extremely kind, and spoke with each and every person (strangers!) who came up to her after her speech during the dinner, even though I think she didn’t really get to eat her meal or sit down.

    1. I just think that is so neat. Justice Thomas visited my alma mater a few months ago, and it was a very similar experience- The dean even commented to me that he (although he’s at least 20 years younger) could barely keep up with him, he was so happy and eager to meet and greet people. I only got to shake his hand as part of the crowd, but he still talked to each of us as if we were old friends. Amazing experience.

       1. That’s awesome. I have such respect for Justice Sotomayor. She strikes me as someone who appreciates the opportunties she’s had and has made the most of them.

       2. Justice Thomas is great. Amazing man, and so many people write him off without getting to know anything about him. I highly recommend reading his autobiography.

35. BREAKING NEWS:

    Ellen broke up with Alan. Go to http://www.bitterlawyer.com/i-need-a-drink-while-studying/ and check out the comments. I think we may need to have a collective moment of silence.

    (And for those former BitterLawyer fans – yes, the blog is back. They started it back up a few days ago)

    1. Ha! Any chance Debra at 8:25 pm is related??

       1. Ha! I thought that too ….

    2. This is a big day for us all, especially Ellen/Alan. *moment of silence*

    3. Oh no! poor Alan, how will he ever find another Ellen???

    4. Hahaha. Thanks for sharing!

36. Is there anyway to send champagne without needing someone to be there to sign for it? In the alternative, any good ideas for just got engaged token to send? My sister got engaged and I won’t see her for two weeks, I’d love to send something other than flowers

    1. Sending alcohol is hard – many states (13 I think?) don’t permit shipping alcohol and if you’re having it sent from a store/vineyard, they will need someone (who has to be over 21) to sign for it. What about a thoughtful note and a beautiful frame for a picture of the two of them? Or a gift certificate to a nice restaurant in their city so they can celebrate their new engagement?

    2. I’d just bring champagne when you see her. Or you could send chocolates?

    3. Call a liquor store nearby the friend, buy a bottle, and the liquor store can contact the friend to come pick up a special gift. People have done this for me and some friends, and it was a great way to do it.

    4. Instead of sending champagne, what about a fun set of flutes? I think the company is called Lolita Martini Glasses and they sell painted wine glasses and martini glasses–I’ve gotten friends glasses to celebrate babies and engagements and such when I can’t really send wine.

37. A while ago, someone posted about a child who was being abused by baby sitter. Hope she and her siblings are safe or on the way to being safe….have not been able to forget that.

    1. Hi, that was me. Thanks for your concern. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if there is a happy ending to this story. I called DHS and filed two official reports. Someone from DHS went to conduct a home visit, and the little girl as well as her sisters denied any sort of sexual abuse (or any abuse, for that matter) from the neighbor or from her dad.

       The silver lining to this story is that the girl is now living with her mom, not her dad. She seems happier and is a lot cleaner/neater than she used to be. I’m hoping for the best.

38. Threadjack!

    When you’re applying for a job on a basic form, is it wise to list your current salary within the application (there is a blank for salary, next to each employment history entry section).

    I ask because I’m applying to a nonprofit after working in a corporate position. My current salary isn’t astronomical, but it’s certainly more than I’d get paid at the nonprofit. I don’t want to put it out there and have it be an immediate turnoff, but I don’t want them to think I’m hiding information, either. Thoughts?

    1. I have never heard of an application asking for your past salaries. That just seems awfully invasive and odd. If it is the employers’ form, however, I would say that they want to know. If is a generic form, not from a specific employer, I would not provide the information, although you might put an asterisk and say “available upon request.”

       1. I’m actively job searching, this salary request is common.

          A recruiter explained to me that a new company only wants to give you a small raise and that NOT providing the details counts against you.

    2. I work in the nonprofit sector. We ask this, and frankly, if your current salary is too high it works against you because we assume you won’t take a 50+ percent paycut. However, some applicants get around this by explicitly stating in the cover letter, in so many words, that they are not concerned about a pay cut and are looking for increased job satisfaction or whatever. Others indicate on the information form they fill otu that their current salary is X, but their salary requirement is Y (where Y is in our pay range).

       Hope this helps.

39. Couple of questions for you ladies: I just accepted a new job, and the firm wants two things from me:

    1) They want a picture for the website, but I guess they don’t have a photographer come in like the big firms seem to. They asked me to go get a nice digital done and they’ll pay for it. Where would I go for something like that? Olan Mills or something like that? I can’t remember the last time I had a professional photograph done!

    2) They want me to provide a list of names to send out announcements to. Who should I tell them? I’m moving in from another city, but have lived in the area before. People I know there would be: My parents and brother and a few of their friends; old friends from High School (15 yrs ago) that I’ve connected with on facebook (only to give one initial catch-up conversation then just periodically “like” their statuses or something); anyone connected to the law school (I graduated about 2 yrs ago); and a few classmates from LS, although none I’m really close to. Any clue how many people I should be aiming for?

    1. Do they have to be from the area? Please, someone correct me if I am wrong and this is common, but if I got an announcement that a person I knew in high school accepted a job as a lawyer, I would think it was weird. Like great, we work to. I’d feel that way about getting one from a LS classmate I wasn’t close with either. For graduation announcements, I’m sending them out to family and really close friends. Again, someone correct me if this is actually a common occurrence, but I would only send it out to people I am close with.

       Now that I’ve written that though, is it a way to build business? I could be being to judgmental about this, I’ll be interested to see what other people think.

       1. I don’t know if they have to be from the area or not, but it would seem weird to send them to people in my soon-to-be former town- why would they want to know (other than the ones that I’d be close enough to have already told them)? I assume that the main goal is to build business (and just plain “goodwill”)- I don’t think it’s akin to graduation announcements. I am worried that it would be weird to send them to people I’ve only had very limited (i.e., Facebook) contact with in the past few years, though.

          1. You’re in TN right? Assuming that your new town is within a few hours drive of your old one, there’s a good chance you’ll be working with people from your old town at least a few times a year. At least, that’s how it works in my state, which is pretty similar demographically.

    2. Congrats on accepting the job :).

       Sears or even Walmart does photos. I’m not sure of the quality – perhaps ask another female associate at the firm for a recommended studio?

       As for announcements – I think you’re somewhat misunderstanding the point of these. I get these periodically from law school classmates, including ones I haven’t seen in years who live 1000 miles away. The idea is that if someone I know in, say, Iowa asks if I know a lawyer, I’ll remember that Jane Smith from law school works at a small firm in Cedar Rapids and suggest her. Think of anyone you know who potentially might do business with your firm or provide a reference to your firm in the future. I wouldn’t send it only to people in the new town, and I wouldn’t send it to any friends and family members unless they are lawyers or potential clients. Definitely send it to your network in your current town, as they’ll be likely to provide referrals to you should they know people who need a lawyer in your new town. Also send it to anyone from your law school class that you know well enough to have a (business) mailing address for.

       1. Thanks Eponine. Actually, though, there aren’t any other female associates (or partners) at this firm. I was thinking of making that my next post: How do you “know your office” if there are no female models to follow!

          1. My mom worked in the women’s jail as a drug counselor. The best news she ever got was an announcement that one of her former clients had passed the bar and was practicing law, some fifteen years later. Thought I would share the warm, fuzzy since some people do turn their lives around.

          2. Oh Lord. I worked briefly at a small firm (12 or so lawyers) with only one other woman lawyer. The dress code, drafted by men of course, required women to wear hose at all times, but didn’t ban sneakers or open toed shoes. So the support staff basically wore hose with socks and sneakers every day.

             Good luck with this :).

             1. I would ask where others had their pics done-our small (19 attorneys) firm uses a photographer and we just make an appt. to go to his studio. This way we all have the same background. As for the announcements, that’s interesting…we just sent ours to the local paper and local biz journal. Congrats on the new job!!

       2. Agreed. It’s actually nice hearing when a classmate has moved to a different firm. I’ve certainly given former classmates work, or even a good word, when they’ve moved to a preferred counsel firm. Except for the handful of incompetents who somehow pass the bar, most lawyers can do the job, and business is built on relationships. Don’t focus on the stone, focus on the ripples.

       3. Eponine’s right – the announcements are marketing for you. They should go to as many people in your network as they can. In marketing terms, everyone you know is either a potential client or know potential clients. Send them to everyone you know in the new town (absolutely including facebook friends) and contacts in other towns, too.

          This is how clientele is built.

          As for a photographer, Olan Mills or Sears is ok, but if your firm is footing the tab, ask for a recommendation for a photographer in the local area. (And there’s nothing wrong with billing the firm for getting your hair and makeup done for the shoot, too.)

          1. Ditto on the mailing list. If you have friends from high school or college in your new town, they are potential clients for the future. Former law school classmates anywhere are potential referral soruces. And attorneys in your current town are also potential referral sources, esp. if you are moving to a bigger town in the same state.

40. We have been trying to conceive for a few years and while I’m still hopeful, I don’t think I can deal with another baby announcement from friends. I’m happy for our friends but also so very frustrated.

    1. Try being 40 and single and being a bridesmaid yet again :). I feel your pain.

    2. Hugs!

    3. Hang in there … it’s so hard (been there, done that). Do your friends know what’s going on with you?

    4. While I’m not trying to get pregnant, I am ready to take my relationship to the next level and I’m tired of hearing of people I know getting engaged and/or married and having babies. I’m not bitter (really I’m not) but I just don’t want to see pics of the ring/wedding/sonogram on sites like Facebook anymore :-/

       1. I know how you feel. All of my friends are getting married and having children, and my SO is still not ready to take the next step after 3 years. Sigh.

          1. At least you have an SO…

             The grass is always greener. Being happy for others is sometimes difficult.

             1. You’re right. He makes me very happy, and even though patience is not a virtue I possess, I am trying to be patient.

                Good luck to you, Still single!

             2. You are lucky to have someone to try with. I am preparing myself (slowly) for the idea that I may some day have to choose between sperm donation on my own and adoption later in life (if I remain single past my child-bearing years).

          2. Sigh indeed. This fall will be 4 years. We met in law school and he is the one for me… but he’s looking for a job and I know he won’t even begin to think about the next step until that happens. He’s just one of those guys that wants to have their ducks in a row before taking the plunge… However, in my defense – I told him clearly (without an ultimatum but quite seriously) that after a certain point I will get tired of waiting and something will have to give sooner rather than later.

             Oh well, I guess I gotta stop watching the pot or the water will never boil.

    5. I can *so* relate, Still Trying. We’ve been trying for 2.5 years now and while I’ve gotten pregnant, I can’t seem to stay pregnant. And it seems like every week, some friend of mine is either announcing that she’s pregnant or giving birth. I’m happy for them all (truly), but it’s like a knife in my heart every time.

       I’m still hopeful and I remind myself that once we actually do have a baby, I will have a different appreciation for how much of a miracle a successful pregnancy actually is.

    6. Only my closest friends know. It does make me feel better that I’m not the only one (and that this is one of many frustrating moments in life). Infertility is so common yet nobody ever speaks of it. This experience has definitely changed my perspective. I will never ask anybody when they’re going to have kids. I want to go off on people who ask me that now!

       1. I feel for you — we have been trying for 1.5 years now. Seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant with no problems. I have recently become more open with my struggles. I plan on doing IVF no later than January 2012!

       2. Will share my tale of this: age 30, junior associate in BigLaw. Get a call from an old high school friend. She tells me about her kids, asks when we will have kids. I give some vague reply. She then launches into a HUGE lecture on how I shouldn’t wait, my career shouldn’t be holding me back from kids, etc, etc. I sat silently, said nothing. At that point, we had been trying almost 2 years, had failed out of low-level fertility drugs that made it very unlikely any others would be tried on me and were looking into adopting. Yeah, my career was the reason we didn’t have kids.

          After that, I *did* start telling people who made rude comments that we were having problems. It helped shut them up, at least a little.

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