Weekend Open Thread

321 Comments

1. Pretty in the picture, but not sure it’s going to go on my “one day if I’m rich” list. This kind of shoe always seems to make my foot slide to the front, something about the opening.

   Personality Related Threadjack–

   I realized that part of the reason I don’t like my job is that I don’t really understand/get along wtih my supervisor. She’s not a bad person or a jerk, it’s just that I don’t “get” her. Very introverted, very private, so I always feel our interactions are 1) driven by me and 2) awkward. Add to this that she has some actual deficiencies as a supervisor (never giving feedback, unless it’s negative, in which case being hyper critical and accusatory even for tiny mistakes, unclear goals and assignments, unclear expectations, etc.)

   So, how do you get to know someone if they are so unknowable? And what if you get to know them and still don’t like them? Especially when your job satisfaction is so impacted by how much you get along with the people you work with, is there a solution beyond just avoiding the person as much as possible to avoid awkward interactions?

   1. Is your supervisor friendly with other colleagues and not friendly with you? What do you mean that your interactions are driven by you… do you mean professionally, or efforts to get to know each other?

      If you mean that efforts to get to know one another are being driven by you, perhaps you should stop trying so hard to get to know her, especially since she is so introverted and private. Your efforts might be making her feel awkward, or like you’re intrusive. Just stick to work for the time being. You might find that this 1) actually helps you to get to know her better because she can “relax” without feeling the need to engage in social niceties, and 2) improve your job satisfaction because you no longer are concerned with being friendly with her.

   2. Well, I’m an introvert, and it takes forever to get to know me. I can’t help it. I’m really private, and not much of a chit-chat-er. Once I get to know someone, I can be pretty open and talkative actually. I would say the way I get to know most people is I end up getting thrown together working on a project. Working closely with one person (or a few people) on a project that forces lots of interactions usually helps.

   3. Amelia, I think that with someone introverted and defensive, a strategy would be to find out how she likes to deal with information and more importantly, how she deals with conflict. Perhaps she wants daily emails outlining your progress on a project. Or she wants a quick status meeting weekly, or a memo on her desk every Monday.

      Then take it a step further: Is she a visual learner/processor or an auditory processor or a tanglible/tactile learner? I would bet that she is a visual learner and may not want to make decision orally but only after time to lay everything out and review it. That coupled with any insecurity or intervertedness may make face-to-face communication awkward for her, and as a result tortuous for you. You may be an auditory processor and thus not mesh with her naturally.

      Regarding lack of acceptable/timely/helpful feedback, if you were to set up an email update system, you can reiterate her instructions, your deadlines/targets and your progress. This also serves the function of making sure that you both are on the same page and may help clear up the problems with her critical responses and unclear goals. And it provides you with a chain of correspondence in case she ever “forgets” that she agreed to a certain action.

      Depending on your knowledge of her personality, you could suggest setting up some kind of check-in meeting or email system or you could just start doing it and hope for the best.

      Hope this helps.

      BTW, love your name. My grandmother, who I never met, was an Amelia.

      1. I went to a retreat recently where we took personality tests, and talked about how different personality types interact. The retreat was for my church, not for work, but one of the types described my boss to a T. When I came back to work, I understood more about what makes him tick.

         Taking personality tests sounds cheesy, but it can really help you understand other people, and how best to work with them.

      2. Gah! I should have run spell check to catch “my” typos. Sorry!

   4. My supervisor is somewhat similar with the feedback, and that’s mostly because she’s so busy that once she gets around to putting out all the fires, there’s really not any time left for positive feedback or clear goal setting. If people want to talk to her, they usually have to wait in line or stalk her to get their opportunity.

      I’m a very private person and don’t really like to reveal many details about my personal life, even to some close friends. I don’t appreciate people trying to pry in those areas, and tend to pull away if I sense that people aren’t going to give up. There are some people for whom work and home are very separate spheres, and there’s no amount of trying that is going to change that. You can still be friendly without “getting” her.

   5. I am very private too, even amongst my closest friends at times. I never talk about my personal life. But I can talk all day long about meaningless stuff like American Idol. If you are trying to get to know her personally it might be better to talk about harmless pop culture things. If it is an issue where you can’t figure out what she is looking for work-wise from you that is another issue. You can be a private person, but be able still communicate to people regarding work.

   6. Jonathan Rauch wrote a fantastic article on caring for your introvert: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

      There’s a lot of potential pitfalls in introvert/extrovert interaction that extroverts are often unaware of (it’s harder for us introverts to be unaware since extroverts tend to talk about what’s on their mind so much ;).

      It sounds like there’s a lot more going on there besides just introversion (the hypercritical thing is a different, unfortunate issue entirely…) but this might provide some food for thought.

   7. As an introvert, I can sympathize with her. However, I do understand that extroverts love stimulation and don’t know how to act around people who are … not stimulating.

      So I guess my advice would be to be as genuinely nice and friendly as possible (although I wouldn’t engage in personal conversation since you know, she is your supervisor). Emphasis on being genuine b/c if she senses you don’t like her, she won’t ever open up. Don’t make her feel like a monkey performing tricks for more outgoing you.

   8. Amelia,

      I’m an introvert and recommend you find the best way to interact with your supervisor.

      Try this for the next assignment you get: go and speak with her face to face. Then for the one after that, call her, even though she is just across the office. Then for the third one, email her. See which one gives you the best answers you have for questions etc.

      You may also have to “train” your supervisor for your needs as well. I had an internship where people would give me vague open ended research assignments, then say three days later, I need that NOW! Or I needed 60 examples, not twelve! (Or I needed 10 examples not 30!) So whenever anyone gave me an assignment I would email back with, how many examples do you need and when do you need it by? It took a month, but now everyone knows to include that info in the first request.
      If there’s basic info that you are not getting each time, make yourself a very boring copy and paste list and send it over and over again until she gets that she needs to include that info.

      You might also want to read, “Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money?” It’s an out of print self-help book. There are some chapters about what its like for extroverts to deal with introverts. Then put a lovely bow on it and leave it on your supervisor’s desk with an anonymous note: Wanting to make sure you reach your full potential with this company.

      That book changed my life!

      1. There are many different ways of leadership. Perhaps the leader is delegating too much to you for your abilities to handle right now, and that is why the direction seems ‘vague’. Rather than sending a note asking questions, why not outline what you think the task should be, and send it with a note that says ‘here’s what I propose..your input is welcome’. Asking questions with a cut and paste list is not ‘training’ a supervisor. It’s communicating that you are unable or unmotivated to handle tasks without clear direction and therefore I as a supervisor need to delegate to you less, and coach/direct you more. That’s not necessarily a good thing for someone looking to advance in the organization.

         Also…about leaving an anonymous note on a book; i consider this in extremely poor taste. If someone did this in my organization, it would be unwelcome and the person who sent it would be called in for immediate feedback on how to engage in open communication.

         1. Both very good points. It’s good to see a differing, but respectful point of view.

         2. That’s why the note would be anonymous. If you signed it, you would be a bitch. And if you just left the book there, it would be considered a cruel joke.

            As for “training” a supervisor: if the supervisor makes the same mistake over and over again in assigning something, they need to be trained. If they say “do x” but they really want y… you’d better figure out how to get them to tell you y. I know if I sent a “here’s what I’m going to do” plan to most of my supervisors they wouldn’t have actually looked at it, they would have said fine, and then still been unhappy with the result. If your supervisor would respond to a plan, I say go for it, as it seems much more proactive. But would have not worked for me.

            (The best day of my life was when my attorney boss offered to double my salary to stay and I still walked. Am I in tough economic straits? You bet! Am I still happier juggling four part time jobs? Absolutely!)

            1. And if you left the book there unsigned, you would be a passive agressive b)^%h and add not-unjustified paranoia to the office atmosphere.

      2. You don’t train your supervisor you manage yourself to the needs and strengths of your supervisor ……

   9. Thanks so much to everyone who answered my question on how to deal with an introverted boss. You’ve all given me a lot to think about, and it’s so great to be able to vent about something on a Friday, go away, and then on Sunday come back to incredibly thoughtful and helpful advice. I’m feeling better about going into work on Monday because of you guys. I will definitely put into practice what you’ve told me. Thanks again!

2. Love these shoes! Totally out of my price range at the moment, but still fabulous.

   Does anyone have styling suggestions for second-day curly/wavy hair? I’ve been trying to shampoo less frequently, but my hair just seems fuzzy on the second day.

   Also – does anyone have experience using hot rollers? I’ve been inspired to buy a set, but could appreciate any tips!

   1. ha – I *would* appreciate any tips! The *could* seemed to imply otherwise…

      1. Is my 7th grade language arts teacher spooking around on this site? Oh please.

         1. It’s pretty clear to me these posters are correcting their *own* posts in the interest of clarity.

   2. Wet it with a spray bottle or just your hands in the shower, then spritz on some curl reviving spray. I like Bumble and Bumble. I can get 2-3 days of good curly that way.

   3. I recently got a hot roller set myself, and love it. However, I’m a bit of a minimalist when it comes to day-to-day hairstyling, so I only use my hot rollers for special occasions. My main tips are (a) not to put too much hair on each roller – the first couple of times I put too much on the smaller rollers, which didn’t lead to a good result, and (b) leave the rollers in for as long as possible (at least an hour) – the longer you leave them in, the longer the curls will last. Because I generally only do this for special occasions, I don’t really have a need for the curls to last for more than half a day, but I suppose you could experiment with curl setting spray.

   4. My hair is wavy, but I generally blow it dry straight. I do enjoy using hot rollers for “second-day” hair to make it smoother, esp if I don’t have time to flat-iron. I have a set of Conair “travel” rollers that I love. There are just 5 big rollers. I use all five (two in front, two on the bottom and one on the crown). It gives me some quick control and makes my hair lay nicely. I will caution, my hair is long-ish (somewhere between my shoulders and my bra strap) — I’ve used rollers when it’s been shorter and not loved the results. I will also caution, if I let my hair dry naturally (so it’s wavy), the hot rollers will not give me the same effect. It’s as though there are too many curl patterns competing and it just looks messy.

   5. It depends on the type of curls you have and how long your hair is, but I just use a curling iron on the top layer if it is too frizzy on the second day and I don’t feel like rewetting my hair. I have a curling iron sized for the natural “fatness” of my curls so it seems to work okay. I let them stay curled for a bit to cool and then run my fingers through to break up the curl so it looks a little more natural.

   6. have you looked at the message boards on naturallycurly dot com? lots of tips on the quest for second-day hair. i recommend a silk/satin pillowcase and “pineappling”.

      1. Thanks, I’ll have to check it out!

         And thank you everyone for the responses!

   7. You should still wash it, just don’t shampoo it. Take a shower, wet it, and condition it. My hair’s a fuzzy mess if I don’t wet and condition daily.

   8. I think it depends on the styling products you use! Mousse can help with the second day frizz since you can use it on dry hair and I use some biosilk too. Also, twisting it in small sections when it is wet, with some gel, mouse, or whatever, will keep it sleek.

   9. Conditioner every day is crucial for my curly hair. Hair lotion is useful too. (My hair is really fine so gel would be too heavy for it, but if you have coarser hair you might want something with more hold than hair lotion — I find different curls thrive with different products, so experiment.)

   10. I have thin curly hair and have to wash every day because it gets too oily otherwise. I tame frizz with products- usually mouse or spray, not anything heavy. Products that are made to add shine work well.

3. I put this in an earlier thread, but am going to repost here.

   NYC Corporettes: Any advice for a fun bar in which to throw a graduation party? I don’t want to pay for everyone’s drinks but would love if they had some kind of open bar/bracelet thing where everyone could pay their own way. Thanks! I’ve been searching around but everyone on here has such good taste, I had to ask.

   Read more: https://corporette.com/2011/05/06/frugal-fridays-tps-report-pencil-skirt/#ixzz1LbDA6PAb

   1. I’m not sure why you’d need bracelets if people are paying their own way (and that seems to be the opposite of “open bar”). That said, a friend had a birthday party at Bowery Wine Bar, which is in an out of the way location but had fantastic sangria, a good space, and tasty food. They actually set up a short open bar (with bracelets) then everyone paid the rest of the night.

      1. Thanks for the tip.

         In terms of bracelets/open bar I have been to birthday parties where the guests can choose to pay for a limited open bar for a couple of hours, or they can just hang out and pay for their own drinks. It seems like its a nice option when you are trying to get a group together but can’t afford to pay for their drinks.

4. I am in desperate need of some jeans recommendations. Has anyone found a go-to brand or cut that will accommodate not just ample hips/behind, but also thicker thighs? My upper thighs have been getting bigger these days, and even the now-ubiquitous “curvy” cuts many brands have introduced have failed me. I am a 6/8 (28/29), but in most brands, my thighs are, let’s say “stifled”, in anything short of a 12. I would really prefer to avoid tailoring if at all possible. TIA!!

   1. I have the thighs that ate New York, hips to match, and I’m finding that Levi’s 505 Straight Leg jeans are really working for me. As a plus, they’re available on Zappos, so free shipping!

      http://www.zappos.com/levis-505-straight-leg-stretch-blue-wave

      The Blue Wave is pretty much the perfect saturated dark blue.

      1. I laughed out loud at your post. Love the imagery.

   2. You know, I love Lucky Brand. They’re high enough quality to last and not lose their shape, and the sweet & low cut does well by my…athletic thighs. (Which are simultaneously muscled from running in the front and inescapably flabby on the sides. I contain multitudes.) They’re pricier than Gap, say, but not as expensive as Joe’s or 7.

      1. This. I am pear shaped and have ample hips, butt and thighs. I swear by Lucky Jeans. The Classic Riders work the best for me because they don’t gape in the waist, which is always a problem with other jeans, AND they are cut higher in the back so I can bend over/sit down without flashing those fortunate to be standing behind me :)

         1. Second Lucky Classic Riders. Also Joe’s Jeans Wide-legged Muse works very well. My outlet mall has a Joes, so I can pick them up for $60 or so.

      2. I saw some Lucky jeans marked down on the Nordstrom’s site.

         1. Ross almost always has a few Lucky Jeans tucked away in the bigger sizes. I’ve bought size 12s for $15 or less.

   3. I am in the same boat. By the time most jeans are big enough to stretch over my thighs, they’re big enough everywhere else that I don’t have to bother undoing them to take them off. I recently got a pair of Levi’s that seem to work, though. They fit big once the denim relaxes, though. I usually get a 30 in jeans, but I’m a 29 in these.

   4. My “thunder thighs” look great in AG jeans. Just got this pair a couple months ago and I love them: http://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/womens+clothing/womens+pants/womens+jeans/a+g+jessie+curvy+bootcut.do?sortby=ourPicks

      1. All my jeans are Gardeau – they seem to work for the rounder of shape. They also come in lots of leg lengths…they’re one of the few brands I can buy and not have to have shortened.

   5. Lucky, Goldsign and Cookie Johnson are my go to brands. I have a pair of 7 for all Mankind etc… that fit, but like one of each, but multiples in the above mentioned 3. (I love jeans and my goal is to get a job where I can wear them every day!)

   6. I love Fidelity Denim. I tend towards more muscley thighs, and they fit really well, and are super flattering on the bottom. I love them to the point where I’ll just buy them w/o trying them on, and I’ve never been disappointed- trouser jeans, boot cut, skinny jeans, all of them fit well.

      Sort of pricey (like $200 CDN), but worth it for sure.

   7. Try Joe’s Jeans. I’d say my thighs are my biggest problem area and there are several cuts there that look great on me- big enough in the thighs and butt, but still small enough in the waist to avoid the dreaded back gap. My favorite is the Honey cut, but there are about 2-3 other styles that I can wear without any issues.

   8. Strangely enough, Express’s curvy jeans fit me perfectly (just try on several pairs in the same size since they’re totally inconsistent within the same size and style).

      1. I noticed this too with all Express pants. So frustrating. I have dress pants in a size 4 and just bought the same pair online in a different shade in a size 6 and the 6 is SMALLER than the 4. I held them together to make sure I hadn’t gained weight. So weird.

   9. My little sister has had great luck with GAP denim. They don’t work for me because I have chicken legs and wider hips, but they look spectacular on her! She also likes Big Star jeans, but only a particular few fits, so you might try those as well. GL!

      1. I second the Gap recommendation. I’ve had great luck with them.

      2. Yes, Gap. I seem to always need to have the waist of pants taken in – I dance and have what I like to call “powerful” thighs. Gap Really Straight fit me great, although I do have to subject them to a hottish dryer every so often to tighten them up (the fabric has a lot of give, which I actually don’t mind because it makes the jeans much more comfortable). I also recently found that Gap Curvy Fit for regular pants fit awesomely and somehow make my legs look really long.

   10. Chico’s jeans. Well-priced, stretch reasonably but don’t get baggy. Don’t look like Mom jeans.

   11. I have found James Jeans to be the most comfortable/flattering on my wide hips/thick thighs/relatively small waist.

   12. I love Not Your Daughter’s Jeans. I am a size 20, so I only know about that one size, but they fit true to size for me, fitting well over my thighs and hips. I get tons of compliments on them, which sadly at my size, doesn’t happen very often.

   13. Thanks all for the ideas! I feel ready to face the dressing room again!

   14. Paige Denim Montecito cut (there are other good ones too). Paige assumes that you go in at the waist, and some cuts are generous for us curvy girls. I recommend going to the paige denim website and doing the “fit finder” quiz – it’s really helpful. The Macy’s near me carries montecito cut so it’s easy to try on.

5. Can I get advice for someone else?

   My sister is a soon-to-be-college grad who has been looking for a job. There was a job posted on her university career network that she applied for. She was brought in for an interview and at the close of the interview, her interviewers said, “We really like you, you’re a perfect fit. If you want the job, call HR on Monday.” (HR is in a different state than where her interviewers are based and where she would be working.)

   So the following Monday, she calls HR. The HR woman is a bit huffy and says things like, “Well I am very surprised they like you and it is very unlikely we would hire a college grad for that title and that salary” (the ad posted listed that it was seeking graduates from 2009, 2010 and 2011, and the salary was a cut above entry level, by about 10-15K. My sister has had 10 or 11 internships, but no full time post-college work experience, obviously). Later that day, one of her interviewers calls her and says, “You know, it’s kind of political here, but we really want to bring you on board, we just might have to modify your title. Your compensation won’t change, you’ll still be paid what is listed in the ad. But we want to keep this quiet so please don’t share that with anyone.”

   So yesterday, the HR woman calls to formally offer my sister the job. She states the junior title and then states the salary – about 10K LESS than what is offered in the ad. My sister said she didn’t know how to respond, so she just said thank you for the offer, please give me a few days to look it over. Her interviewer asked her to email with any questions and if there was any issue in the paperwork – however, she emailed and called and he is on vacation “with limited access to email and phone.”

   She sent him a polite email, saying basically “I recognize that you expected to hire a more senior-level candidate than me, but what we talked about in terms of compensation during my interview isn’t what was offered. I’m willing to meet you in the middle and find a number that works for us both.” He hasn’t yet responded and the HR woman is pressuring my sister to sign a contract. I told her to give it until Monday, at which point… what? I didn’t know whether to tell her to just take the job at the offered salary (which is a healthy entry level salary about equivalent to what I’m making, but certainly less than what she was told — however, she’d still want to take/do the job at that salary) or to keep putting off the HR rep or…? I don’t know what to tell her!

   1. Could she say “I’m very interested in the job but the terms are different from what I discussed with interviewer. I’d like to speak with interviewer when he returns from vacation before I sign the contract.”

      1. When the HR woman called her back yesterday afternoon (the woman was like “You’ve had all day to think , do you have an answer yet?” essentially) that’s pretty much what my sister said. The HR rep basically said, “Well your interviewer gave me the information and that’s what I have so I don’t expect they’ll change. We really want to get your paperwork processed.”

         My guess is there was a mixup and the interviewer said, “Okay we’re okay with the junior title” and the HR rep adjusted the salary as well. It’s also possible the interviewer decreased the compensation, but that would be weird as he specifically expreessed to my sister that the compensation would be the same as advertised.

         1. *expressed! Not expreeesed!

            1. Oh, give us all a break! What’s with all the typo police on this site?

            2. Uh, anon, you do realize that what you are seeing here and above is the original poster correcting *herself*?

   2. I’m not sure whether she should take the job or not; I think it depends on how much she wants it otherwise (is the salary good for her, does she have other options, is it a business/field/etc that she really wants to be in, etc.), but I would recommend that she keep in mind that this might be a very stressful place to work. If they can’t even present a good face for the interview/offer process, they are probably going to be extremely difficult to work for and with on a day to day basis. (Given this market and assuming that she’s not sitting on any other offers, I would probably be inclined to take it anyway, but a lot of that comes from my poor experiences in the job hunt for the past few years.)

      I would tell her to wait until at least Tuesday- it’s likely that the interviewer will have an opportunity to respond by then, and what he says should give her more guidance. I might question who is in “superior” in this situation- HR or the interviewer? Good luck to her!

      1. My (admittedly limited) information is that they have recently expanded to my sister’s city, HR is still based in a far away state and there are clearly some conflicts between the new city people and HR.

         She has no other offers and really liked her interviewer and her interviewer’s boss and met most of the people on the team she’d be working with. It just seems to be this conflict with HR, but it’s hard to figure out where that stems from. I think she would happily do the job for the amount offered, which like I said, is a healthy entry level salary, it’s just the strangeness of being offered one thing by the interviewer (and his boss) and something else by HR. She told me she feels weird fighting for money she shouldn’t reasonably have in the first place but I think she should, I just don’t know how long she should wait to hear from the interviewer.

   3. I think it was a mistake to tell him she was willing to meet them halfway (since it’s not even clear he knew what number was being offered and perhaps would have spoken up if he had), but I’m not sure how to fix that at this point.

      Has she told the HR contact that the salary is lower than what was discussed? Was there any sort of explanation?

      1. She told the HR rep yesterday that the terms and compensation where different than what she’d talked about with the interviewer. The HR rep basically said, “Well your interviewer gave me the information and that’s what I have so I don’t expect they’ll change. We really want to get your paperwork processed.”

         My guess is a miscommunication somewhere along the line but it’s hard to know where, whether it was my sister misinterpreting what the interviewer was offering, the HR rep misinterpreting the interviewer’s assent to a more junior title as an assent to a lowered salary, etc.

         1. I think she needs to tell HR just that – that there’s clearly been a miscommunication at some point and that unless she is authorized to negotiate the salary (ask nicely if she is), it’s important to wait for the interviewer to return and offer his take. If I were your sister, no way no how would I sign anything at this point.

         2. I think she should make clear that she is really interested in the job though so that HR doesn’t think that she is just delaying hoping to get an offer from something better.

         3. I agree. She should make it clear that she is interested in the position, but she should certainly not sign anything at this point! It seems a bit sketchy. Maybe like they are trying to take advantage of a young inexperienced woman. Wouldn’t the interviewer’s boss have authority to increase the salary? They can’t both be on vacation!

   4. Does the interviewer’s email say when he’ll be back from vacation?

   5. This is a great lesson/reminder to NEVER accept the first offer. Always ask for more than what they initially offer you. (I’ve always gotten more when I asked for more. I didn’t learn this until later in my career. Your sister has the opportunity to learn this from the beginning.) She should simply state she was expecting a higher salary and ask how much room there is for negotiation. She shouldn’t get caught up in their politics.

   6. Wait until the interviewer gets back. HR can be snitty about the title, but if the compensation is lower than she was offered, she has the right to wait for the interviewer to confirm. I would not have offered to split the difference….

   7. I think she shouldn’t sign the contract until she’s discussed this with the interviewer. Most likely HR doesn’t have the authority to negotiate salary, even if they wanted to. This is essentially a bait and switch, and it’s a sign that the employer is disorganized and erratic (and that HR is going to be a PITA to work with). Whether she should take the job at the lower salary after discussing this with the interviewer is her decision.

   8. I work for a manufacturer’s corporate head office. HR uses this trick ALL the time. It’s one of those new sneaky HR tricks.

      They extend an offer at a very low salary and use extreme pressure to have the candidate sign right away.

      The other is hiring at a set “salary” then converting it to an hourly rate, then reducing the number of hours you officially work.

      Remember, HR is paid by the company to protect the company from your rights.

      When things are tough they need to justify their roles with real cost savings (such as negotiating lower salaries for new hires).

      Good luck.

      1. “Remember, HR is paid by the company to protect the company from your rights.”

         This is great advice. People forget this far too often and it’s very important to remember it in all your dealings with HR.

      2. So true. Human Resources is a misnomer. They are on management’s side. The department really should be called Personnel – the way it used to be.

         1. Agreed on the misnomer. I have yet to meet a “Human Relations” person who really likes people. :-)

            1. Ditto! I used to conduct unemployment hearings and those HR people can be terrible! Many of them sounded like a broken record when it came to their policies as well. “She did not call in so she was terminated.” Ah, well, the employee was in a car accident and in surgery that morning.

            2. When I worked at unemployment, I hated the HR people. Truly inhuman in many cases.

6. Threadjack, sorry. I need wardrobe advice. It looks as if I am going to be called in for an in-person interview up in the Aidorandacks, at a boarding school/camp. It’s for a newly-created Director of Communications position. I don’t want to wear the standard black interview suit as the place is very outdoorsy. What do you think of a silk knit t-shirt in red, gray pants, and a black blazer? Too casual?

   Help me, collective Obi-Wans. You’re my only hope.

   1. I think that would be fine. I would wear a low heel, but so long as the pants and blazer are of nice-quality materials, I would go with this outfit.
      I went to college really close to the Adirondacks, and it is so beautiful up there! You will be very lucky to live there (during the 5 months (at best) of nice weather the area gets a year). Best of luck with the interview!

   2. I think that’s perfect, though I might go with a different color shirt to be a bit more seasonal. Wear comfortable shoes in case you are taken on a campus tour. I know you’re going to get people who say you should always wear a suit, but I think you’d look a little ridiculous showing up in a black skirt suit. I think you should pick the kind of outfit you would wear if you were asked to give an important presentation to alumni/parents/big donors.

   3. What about a brownish or taupe colored suit? If you pair it with either flats or chunkier heels (not pumps), that would feel pretty “Adirondacks” to me while still maintaining the appropriate level of formallity.

      I am not sure you should skip an actual suit for a position of communications director.

   4. Hah! Love the Star Wars shout-out. This community is the best. Good luck with your interview!

      1. You all rock. Will be searching for a non-black suit and chunky heels this weekend. Also, AAAAAAAAH!!!!

   5. I’d wear a suit. Not the standard black conservative suit, but a suit. It’s a communications position and you need to look like you can represent the camp in public, in formal settings. I’d go for an elegant pantsuit with feminine accessories like a silk scarf and pearls.

   6. Check out Academic Chic – I think at least one of the women at that site works at a northeastern boarding school. They’ve had several posts on what they would wear to interviews for different academic-type places.

7. Hi, I am trying to figure out if I will be able to come to NY City for a weekend to host 3 guests, and whether I can host them for less than $800 (including hotel and entertainment). We are all driving in from Utica, NY, so we do not have to worry about transportation. The guests are my boyfriend Will and his parents. I hope to be able to get a transfer here, so I do not want to stay in a cheap hotel, but do not want to be too extravegent, either.

   I was visiting with my company in NY before, so I know already about Broadway shows and TKTS, and am looking for 2 rooms in the East side of Manhattan, with Will and his dad to be bunking together in one room and Will’s mother bunking with me in the other.

   I’d like to pay no more than $150 / nite for each room (which gets me to 600), and then $200 more for entertainment. (Will has agreed to pay for the food). Is this do-able, or am I dreaming?

   1. NYC is very commutable. I think if you look for hotels in, say, Brooklyn or Queens near a subway stop you could get more for your money. Staying in Manhattan on that budget in someplace that isn’t “cheap” for a weekend will be quite a challenge. Run some quick searches on priceline, hotwire, etc. to see what’s available within your budget to get a sense.

      Another thing to consider with staying in Manhattan is parking since you’ll be driving in. If that’s something you’re expected to pick up, that would further eat into your budget.

      $200 for entertainment seems fine if you don’t feel the need to see the hottest shows, hit up several $20/person musesums and attractions, etc. There is plenty to do on the cheap to fill a weekend in NYC, but the typical tourist itineraries call for probably spending about $50-100 per day per person on entrance fees, shows, etc. so 4-8x your entertainment budget. Just make sure everyone’s expectations are in check and you’ll be fine.

      1. You could save yourself some money and stay in Jersey City and ride the PATH train into the city (a 10 min ride.) I have seen a lot of tourists doing this lately.

   2. My husband, dad, and I stayed at the Residence Inn in Times Square a few years ago. What I loved about it was that it was reasonably priced and we saved SO much money on food because they had a full kitchen, with a stove, fridge, and microwave. My father has lots of health restrictions so there was little he could eat in a restaurant. We literally saved hundreds of dollars by eating in. I know you mentioned that you’re not paying for food but it’s something to consider.

      Aside from saving on food, the hotel itself is very nice and centrally located.

      http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/nycri-residence-inn-new-york-manhattan-times-square/

   3. If you want to stay in Manhattan, check out airbb.com to see if you can find an apartment that sleeps 4. Many of the listings are on the Upper West Side, where you might be able to find street parking (or cheaper garages than you’d find in midtown).

   4. You could also check out the Margot Guest House on Lexington & 106th. My mom stayed there a few weeks ago and liked it a lot. It’s way uptown, but it’s quiet and cute. Rates $140-$185 according to their website.

   5. This question would be best asked on the tripadvisor.com New York City forums. They answer questions like this all the time. I would NOT look for a rental apartment, since vacation rentals are ILLEGAL in New York City.

      Whether it’s doable will depend entirely on your dates – during the summer you would have a decent chance of finding something; during the fall, no chance in Manhattan.

8. A big thanks! I posted on the weekend open thread a few weeks ago about my endless search for a bikini for my 17 year old… big busted (34D) but size 4 bottoms…. everything we encountered was far to revealing, too matronly, or lacked support. Someone suggested Lands End Canvas for hipper styles for the younger set and we landed a suit she just loves! Here’s the one we settled on… thanks for everyone’s suggestions.
   http://canvas.landsend.com/pp/BandeauBikiniTop~219661_-1.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::HZ9&CM_MERCH=IDX_Women-_-Swim-_-Bikinis&origin=index

   1. That’s cute! A fuller bust always looks so great in a bandeau, a style I love but doesn’t flatter my small bust at ALL. Score one for mom knowing best. And Happy Mother’s Day, Midwestern Mom!

   2. Cute!

   3. I discovered Lands End Canvas last spring. And now I buy all my bikinis there. I also buy a fair amount of my casual summer clothes there. Love it. And the prices are really good.

9. Traveling to Slovenia and Croatia in a few weeks. Would appreciate any advice of things to do, places to see, restaurants, etc.

   1. I love Slovenia! It’s a very neat country. I’d visit Bled (in the north) and spend a day or two in Ljubljana. I was there over Christmas so we spent most of the time at the Christmas festivals–not sure that’s much help though.

      I was in school so we stayed at the hostel that was converted from a prison–they offer tours! The dragon bridge and the castle are nifty.

   2. I’ve never been, but I think Split, Croatia would be fantastic. It’s the site of Diocletian’s Palace. Diocletian was one of the early Byzantine Emperers. He voluntarily gave up power and created a tetrarchy of emperers to succeed him and then retired to Split to grow cabbages. (There’s a great podcast, called 12 Byzantine Rulers, that has inspired my desire to go to Split.)

      1. The islands in Croatia are fantastic – I’d go down the coast from Split to Dubrovnik, and drop in on an island or two on the way – Hvar and Korcula are both lovely. Or depending on time, Croatian Istria is nice, and very accessible from Slovenia – you just keep going onwards from Piran. (Art deco on the beach!) You won’t get sandy beaches up there, but it’s still lovely (I am very fond of Rovinj and Pula). Oh, and you can do a day trip to Venice if that’s your thing.

         Seconding Ljubljana and Bled (or Bohinj, if you prefer less touristy lakes) in Slovenia. I wouldn’t bother with Zagreb in Croatia on a short trip unless you’ve got a transport connection there.

   3. Just got back from a two week trip to Croatia. What cities are you hitting up? I was in Dubrovnik (great), Split (mediocre – you can hit all the interesting stuff in a day and it’s really not worth staying in longer than that), Porec (a resort town with nothing to do other than relax), Pula (super cool Roman stuff), and Zagreb (awesome, cosmopolitan, definitely worth your time).

      I can write you a small novel about whichever cities you care about. Also beware of guidebooks – I found that they were not always right about when things were open or where they were located. (Used Rick Steves and I think Fromers.)

   4. Haven’t been to Slovenia, but I have been to Croatia. I absolutely loved it. I went to Dubrovnik, Split and Hvar. Definitely visit Hvar. Such a beuatiful town and was my favorite of the three. If you are going to the beach, bring shoes that you can wear in the water. The beaches are rocky. I got a cute pair that sort of look like sneakers from Lands End. A lot of home owners in Croatia rent out a floor or apartment of their homes. You can save a lot of money by staying at one of these places instead of paying for a hotel. Easy to find on line. There are also a lot of locals looking tourists to stay with them when you get off the ferry in Hvar and Split. If you go to Dubrovnik, walk the wall. If you have time, take a day trip into Montenegro.

   5. I was in Croatia at the end of October.

      Split was great, you can take ferries to visit the little islands like Hvar, which are super cute. They have AMAZING pastries, so make sure you get some.

      I really loved Dubrovnik, it was like a Roman escape- walking along the walls and seeing the sea was gorgeous.

      Honestly, just ask wherever you’re staying for tips on restaurants to visit.

      There’s also a national park called Plitvice, which was gorgeous (it’s north of Split, south of Zagreb), and I would highly recommend going on a hike there (stay on the trails, there are still land mines….).

   6. I love Slovenia! Lake Bled is stunning, and Ljubljana is a sweet little town. I also enjoyed Piran – very beautiful little port town. The hike up to the castle on Lake Bled is a must and the castle above Ljubljana is also nice. Didn’t do much other than enjoy the sights and eat good food (the pizza was amazing everywhere). In Croatia, I’ve only been to Dubrovnik, which is big tourist stop, but very lovely, and you can swim in the crystal clear Adriatic outside the city walls. If you have time, Kotor, Montenegro isn’t far and is gorgeous. Writing this makes me want to go back!

   7. I went to Slovenia for a few days during the early springtime a few years ago and also stayed in Hostel Celica- the converted prison. Area artists contributed to redoing all the cells and they are quite a sight to see. Even if you don’t stay there, it’s worth a visit. It’s in an area of town called Metelkova, which is this artsy area decorated with a lot of graffiti and street art. It’s fun to walk around and when I was there, there were a lot of bands playing in the evenings in that area.

      Bled is not to be missed as it is probably a town you’ve seen in a lot of pictures without realizing it. I’d recommend spending about a day there and another day or two in Ljubljana. Unfortunately when I was there, most of the tourist activities were not in season, but I still had an amazing time.

      1. I stayed at Hostel Celica, too! I was going to suggest it, but thought the scene (especially the open bonfire/night boozing in Metelkova) might scare fellow Corporettes.

         1. Me three! (I also didn’t think of mentioning it, but my comments were more general.)

   8. Plitvice was beautiful—a giant park with thousands of waterfalls. Just about the most gorgeous place I’ve ever been. It’s inland, between the southern coastal cities and the capital Zagreb, and I recommend a night or two stopover there.

   9. Plitvice National park…beautiful waterfalls. You might want to also hit up mostar if you can rent a car….croatian/bosnian border. The alphabet changes to cyrillic if you get far enough south, so be prepared if you’re trying to read signs!

10. Need advice dear corporettes,

    This is for my husband not me. He is a consultant and I knwo that some of the posters here are too.

    Husband got a copy of his quarterly review that was not positive. This was a surprise for him. He had talked with his boss last month about the review and the boss had said, I have a few things in there -nothing major or worry about – but a few improvements like ” improve communication skills” etc.
    The background is that husband recently started this job and was assigned on a project where the company was still trying to sell services/product etc. Unfortunately, this place the client was a houry woman who was compeltely unpredicatable. She made husbands life miserable – by constantly changing her requirements and lying about it, literally shouting at husband etc. Husband was the only consultant present day to day and got fed up several times and escalated the matter to his boss who told him to hang in there. He finished his assignment in few weeks. This particular lady is known within husbnads organization as very difficult to work with and no one wants to go there etc. This being a new job, husband had no idea going in. Boss knwos all about this and is still pretending that he is on husbands side. However, the review was much more damaging that he led on to beleive in their discussions – to the effect that husband is not a good communicator, did not deliver etc.
    Husband is upset about it and is worried because, a) he is really not at fault and no one can handle this particular client – he was put in an impossible situation, and b) he thinks that the boss is not able to drum up enough business and so is giving out bad reviews to cover his ass in future, in case people need to be laid off. Being a consultant, he nows that is how things work.

    He is thinking about talking to his boss or someone else ( another project manager who gave him good reviews). Since people have recieved so much good advice on this website, I thought I should consult the corporette hive mind about the best action possible – how to talk to the boss etc.

    For further background, husband is currently staffed on another project – so its not as if he might be laid off tomorrow ( thank god).

    1. If I were your husband, I’d start looking for another job. This sounds like a no-win situation.

       If the eval is real, or if it’s, like you say, a set-up/CYA in preparation for a “lay off,” either way, he’s screwed. Better to start looking now.

    2. Husband is supposed to “accept” or acknowledge the review- some HR thing. He obviously does not want to. Do people get to put forward their side under such circumstances or conditionally accept the review?

       1. Can your husband write his own assessment and append it to his review? At my university, you can do that and any time your evaluation is copied, for any reason, they must copy your attachment and give it with your evaluation. So your “side” of the story is always told.

       2. A supervisor of mine refused to sign off on his performance review, so it can be done. From what I understand, at our company HR then steps in to negotiate. I’m not sure there’s much point to it, though. It sounds like he should be looking for a new job either way and there’s no way he’s going to argue his way to a good review, just maybe a less bad one.

       3. My husband refused to sign his completely inaccurate performance apprasal a little over a year ago. Inaccurate, as in getting dinged for a project he didn’t even work on & wasn’t responsible for. (His manager is seriously in over his head and incompetent.) He also wrote an email to his manager documenting that he didn’t work on that project and asked for a revised performance appraisal.

          Nothing ever happened. Husband was on pins and needles for a while wonding what would come of it, but nothing ever did.

          Fast forward to this year’s review and he got a glowing review, which he signed.

    3. Thank you all for your insight! I guess we all knew the answer to that! Look for a new job! In the menawhile, he will not sign the review!

11. Got a lawyer-Corporettes question- Does anyone have any experience with being the only associate in a small firm of partners? I’ll be starting my new job in a little over a week- the partners have been together since I was in kindergarden (they’ve had other associates in the past, and I’m replacing one who just left, so they’re not new to the associate experience, I’m just not sure about how to relate to them being so much younger and inexperienced and without any peers to lean on).

    I’m not sure what specific issues I should be concerned about (if even any), just looking for general experiences, good and bad things, general tips, etc.

    1. Find out who the prior associates are and take them to lunch/coffee/a drink.

       If none of their associates stuck around very long, it would behoove you to know why.

       1. I only know of one specifically, who apparently had some personal problems that caused her to leave. Tried to check in with her while I was interviewing, but she didn’t respond.

          I’m not really worried that there are any issues or anything- the entire impression I’ve gotten so far is that they seem easy-going and friendly, I’m just concerned about trying to integrate into their system and connect, or something along that lines.

    2. Lyssa, I’m in your boat! Small firm, all male partners, and I’m the only associate. Day-to-day, the difference is mainly in small things. The partners go to lunch together every day, and they ask me to join them about twice a month. I don’t see it as a bad thing necessarily, and most of them have been together for 15 or 20+ years.

       I agree with you – it can be tough to feel much less experienced and not have a ‘safe’ person to ask what you might think is a dumb question. I’ve tried to stay in contact with colleagues from my previous firm as well as attorneys I know through local bar work. I can call up a friend and say, “I’m confused about such-and-such.” Their insight can often provide me with my answer or at least enough knowledge so I can discuss the matter with a partner.

       I suggest you try and keep those relationships alive, whether from law school, your previous firm or from forming new relationships. Ask if the firm will pay for you to join a relevant section of the local bar association and a legal networking group (young lawyers, women lawyers, whatever). Also, when you are feeling intimidated by a topic or task, it probably doesn’t hurt to say something like, “Joe, thanks for your help on my question about economic contribution in divorces. I’d like to read more. Do you have a couple of specific articles you’d recommend?” You will learn and feel more confident, you will show them you are interested in learning much more, and you can then have a springboard to say, “I read that article you recommended, but I’m confused on this point. Can you explain that a bit more to me?”

       I think you will do well, but I know it’s a little intimidating when you feel young, they seem old and you know there are huge amounts of information gaps between you. I wish you good luck, and congratulations on the new job!

       1. I’m going to have to take your advice about staying in touch with peers outside of the office as well as trying to show interest in the work. I had just read this post on Monday – only female attorney in a firm with 3 partners in their 50s/60s and a male associate old enough to be my father (I’m in my late 20s). Coincidentally, today all 4 of them march out of the office at 5 to go to a sporting event. It was the first I’d heard of it and I can’t decide if I should feel excluded because I’m not “one of the guys” or because I sit on the same floor as the (female) paralegals and they don’t think of me as an attorney.

    3. This is my situation. When I started, there were a few more associates, but through attrition and staffing changes it’s been whittled down to just me. I’m a few years older than the partners’ kids, so in some ways they’re somewhat parental toward me which can get frustrating, but I just make sure to stick to my guns and try not to be too submissive (still respectful, of course).

       The nice thing about such a small practice is that we really do feel like a family – I’m up on what’s going on with their families, one partner leant me his car for a weekend getaway when our rental fell through, we’ve “double dated”, etc. The tough thing about such a small firm is you’re always in each others’ pockets, so to speak, and there’s nowhere to escape to. It’s important that personalities click, and you may have to adapt to each partner if they have differing styles.

       I’d suggest tracking down former associates or interns (Linked In is great) and speaking to them, and also asking the paralegal/admin for advice about firm culture and expectations and for tips about succeeding.

       Good luck!

    4. I work at a small firm as the only associate with four male partners. Make it your goal to become one of “the guys.” As an attorney, even though you aren’t a partner, you should be invited to regular lunches, unless it is specifically a partner meeting. If they don’t invite you, invite them to get it started. They are probably just as concerned about how they are going to related to a much younger female and think they will bore you with their golf, sports discussions. Find common interests with them, just as you would anyone else, but don’t do anything to magnify your youth… get started with talking about general subjects like sports teams, TV shows (not Oprah or MTV!), current events, etc. Just make a point to show that you are interested in being a part of the firm and don’t do anything to separate yourself, such as identifying more with the secretarial staff rather than the attorneys. You have to start this way from the beginning or they won’t think you are interested and it will be much harder to change it later.

    5. I’m in a similar boat – small firm with 3 male partners, 2 male senior associates and… me. The gender gap and the age gaps are sucky, but I got used to it. I recently went on the firm trip with all of them, and it was a great time. I would just try to keep your head and and work hard. Also, I have tried really really hard not to be looked upon like a daughter to any of the attorneys here. I am sure they still think of me that way sometimes, but it makes the gap into a chasm.
       I do like being the only female though – the partners are more generous with their compliments and they try harder to include me, and they rarely poke fun at me the way they do to the to senior associates. I never really worry about what I wear on days when I don’t have court because they are totally oblivious, so I can get away with some more casual, or perhaps trendier, if I feel like it, outfits.
       I go out every Friday for lunch with the two senior associates. That helped. (But they invited me, so you might have to take initiative if they don’t do the same.) Also, every Friday, at four thirty, we all stop working and have a beer together and talk. I try to stick around for that because it’s bonding time – even though it kills me sometimes because I want to go back home so badly.
       I would be happy to give you more specific advice as you feel issues looming, but it’s hard to say much more specific things.
       I was nervous at first about the dynamic, but I assure you, it will be fine!

    6. This is my setup exactly. Most of the partners are men who have kids my age. They definitely relate to me how’d they relate to their kids; for example, if their kids are going to a certain concert that weekend, they ask if I’m also going. I don’t mind it at all. What I do like is that a couple of them are already planning for their retirement in 5-10 years and have openly talked about how I should get to know so-and-so client very well so I can take over their work with they retire. They take me to important hearings and meetings and let me handle smaller cases pretty much on my own. Having been at a bigger firm where none of this happened, I am absolutely loving it.

       One caveat – the personalities of the partners really matter because you see and work with them daily – no avoiding anyone in a small firm. So just hope for a nice fit on that front, and if you can get inside info from prior associates, all the better. The other downside is that you won’t have any friends your age at work – so you’ll have to keep those friendships with other young lawyers alive outside of work hours (lunch, happy hour, etc.)

       Good luck!

    7. My last position was like yours – two associates under seven partners (and the other associate worked in a totally different area of law than me).

       I found that in my 3 years there the partners were simultaneously wanting me to work independently and unwilling to relinquish control over my work. Each partner seemed to have different rules about what level of responsibility I would have. Two in particular were micromanagers. I could understand why they were – as owners of the business my work potentially affected their bottom line. But I just could not work in a situation where my judgment as an attorney was constantly being questioned with endless edits of documents and where my client contact was restricted, yet I was being told I needed to work more independently. I found this extremely frustrating and it was the main reason I decided to leave.

       If I were starting that job again I would be more systematic and proactive about increasing my independence level incrementally, taking into account each partner’s personal level of comfort with my work. I am not sure exactly how this would have worked, but I think at the lease I should have been more assertive about how I wanted to work instead of letting the partners impose the work structure on me.

       1. Your story is almost exactly like mine. I wish I had been more assertive at the beginning. I have found that the two assistant’s I work with most are the closest to my age and I have become friends with them, which is good but also kind of awkward at times. I would like to be thought of as an attorney, not a part-attorney part-assistant. I was the ONLY attorney out of 8 in my office that did anything for administrative assistants day,m even though I had emailed both partners a week before to give them a heads’ up about it. So I have the respect of all the assistants but I don’t know about the partners.

    8. I’ve been there, too, and am still with the firm many years later. Much depends on the personalities of the partners in this situation. In my situation, I get along very well with one and not so well with the other. We have brought in other attorneys over the years (mostly family members of the senior partners, which presents an entirely new set of issues). Frankly if that begins to happen in your firm, I would recommend at least considering leaving at that point.

       That aside, don’t expect to be treated as “one of the gang” at first. These guys are probably not only good at working together but also good friends outside of work. Their first thought is not going to be to remember to invite you to lunches or other get-togethers. Do not get your feelings hurt; the suggestion to invite them at times to lunch is probably a good idea.

       If other associates have left over time, there is a reason for that. In similar firms I am familiar with, it is usually b/c the associates never felt that they were being given enough responsibility and/or compensation. It’s hard for long-time partners to part with some of their percentage of the take, even if you are increasing the “take” by your work so that there is no actual loss of income. That does not mean you cannot learn much from this experience and perhaps even become a partner and make very good money, but in the long run, you may never feel truly on an even basis with your partners. They will always view it as “their’ firm and you as the “newbie.”

       All of sounds a bit negative and I hate to send those vibes, I’m still with my firm for a reason: the guys are basically good people, the work is exciting and rewarding, and my percentage gives me excellent compensation. But no job is without its downsides. Knowing that going in may make it easier in the long run.

       1. I tried to integrate myself with my male co-workers at my last job, but honestly, I had nothing in common. Whether I missed out on some plum assignments, who knows, but we were all happier when I just let them do their own thing…And at my latest job, I didn’t even try. It just makes my life so much easier not trying to be something I’m not (i.e. over 50, male, and interested in sports).

12. I interviewed for a job a few days ago and they told me they would get back to me at the end of the week. Mid-week, I see a newly posted job posting for the job applied for. Bad news?

    1. Sorry :(.

13. Can anyone recommend some black flats (or slight heel) to wear with skirts to work this summer? I need something comfortable to wear bare (w/o hose/tights), that I can walk in, but still look office-appropriate. Comfort is really the key as I have sensitive skin/feet! I could spend up to $150 but the cheaper the better, just in case they don’t work out. I’ve browsed through zappos etc but there are so many choices it’s overwhelming and a lot of the reviews are contradictory.
    Thanks in advance!

    1. do jcrew’s ballet flats suit your feet? They have more padding in the sole than they did in previous years, so my heels don’t hurt like they did in previous iterations (although admittedly there’s still not a whole lot of support, but how much can you really expect from a ballet?). Plus, there’s usually some version on sale at any given moment.

       Brooks Brothers flats also come highly recommended for style and comfort from many corporettes.

    2. Me Too has lots of flats in the $70 range though sometimes you can find them on sale (or at Nordstrom Rack) for around $40. They are very comfortable, though they do stretch out after a while so I suggest sizing down. There is also a break-in period, so when they are new I recommend wearing them for a few short walks before committing to a full day.

       I’m curious to hear what other posters recommend as well!

       1. Seconded and thirded Me Too flats–because I have three pairs of the same black patent Me Too flats.

          I also have really sensitive feet, along with super high arches, plantar fasciitis, and a mile-long walking commute, but my Me Too flats have been perfect since Day 1. Honestly, they’re magnificent.

    3. Just got these on Zappos. They are quite comfortable. http://www.zappos.com/naturalizer-maude-black-leather

       1. I also have these and wear them as my daily commuting shoe and sometimes around the office when my heels hurt. They are very comfortable and have lasted about 6 months so far (which is average for me). My only complaint is that they have started to stretch out a lot, so sizing down might be a good choice if you are at all in-between sizes.

       2. I also love these shoes – super comfortable and much cuter than most “comfort” shoes.

    4. I just got these from Land’s End:
       http://www.landsend.com/pp/ClassicOpenToeBalletShoes~219577_253.html?bcc=y&action=order_more&sku_0=::ADH&CM_MERCH=IDX_Shoes-_-Women-_-BalletFlats&origin=index

       And google for a coupon. They have them all the time.

       1. I have these and they are HORRENDOUSLY uncomfortable. Flat as a board except for a weird bump that is supposed to be a cushion, and they shred my heels. I can barely walk a block in them.

    5. Try Clarks. I have few great pairs of black flats and wedges from there.

       1. I have these ones : http://www.clarksusa.com/eng/product/swan/74582

    6. Ecco Bouillon styles are the most comfortable flats I own, and I have problematic feet. I wear all but one pair of mine without hose.

       1. I have A LOT of problems with flats rubbing my heels! Funny enough, something with a slight heel is always guaranteed to not cause me problems.

          I find I have to get flats that don’t have very much, if any, structure on the heel- this probably means they aren’t very supportive, but that is way better than your skin being torn apart! I have found a lot of aerosoles flats (especially driving moccassins- which Jcrew also makes) to work well.
          Look with something with a slight wedge/heel so that the back of your foot isn’t rubbing- the heel pushes you forward and stops blisters from occurring. That has been my saviour! I have a couple of pointy-toed low-heeled pumps from NineWest outlet that I can seriously wear all day, walk around everywhere, with no problems. THAT is a huge success for me.

    7. Sofft brand is great. They are about $100 but if you look on 6pm shoes they often have them on sale. Sofft also makes shoes called (something like) sofftstyle. I can’t remember the exact name, but I’ve seen them at the FAmous Footwear outlet near me (which may also be a different name now).

       I’ve heard great things about Cole Haan Nike Air, but haven’t tried them yet.

       1. So, basically, go to the store I don’t know the name of and look for the shoe brand I don’t know the name of. It’s late on a friday and I guess I need to be going to bed.

          1. Thanks for the laugh Mille :-)

    8. I love JCrew ballet flats. They are typically a little pricey (but you can definitely find simple black ones in your budget) but come in all kinds of textures and colors. I have some navy blue suede flats I bought early last year and that I have been wearing a lot. They still look like almost new and are just sooooo comfortable (have a little more cushion than the typical really cheap flats you can find) and come with a tiny flat heel to give some more support to the shoe. And they are definitely office appropriate.

    9. I got these from Aldo about a month ago and I’m enjoying them: http://www.aldoshoes.com/ca-eng/women/shoes/wedges/79987476-patik/98
       They’re a slight wedge; normally I wear flats but I’m finding these actually more comfortable to walk in. Aldo shoes don’t last forever and ever but I’m expecting these to last me through to mid-fall at least.

14. Definitely check out Aerosoles and Naturalizer. Easy Spirit has low-heeled pumps that are really comfortable as well.

    1. Ooops, that was for anon asking for the shoe rec.

15. Hi everyone – hoping for the Corporette fashion advice: I’m traveling with a group to Washington DC for a swearing-in in front of the U.S. Supreme Court. Thoughts on what to wear? I’m thinking a charcoal gray suit, but should I wear black? Thoughts on skirt suit vs. pants? Given my area of practice, this will probably be my only time at the Supreme Court in my capacity as a lawyer, so I’d like to look pretty fabulous. I’m planning on buying a new suit for the trip, but I’m worried that I’m in the wrong season for a formal suit. Any suggestions? Any tips on how not to embarass myself in front of the Justices? Thank you all for any advice you have – I’m really looking forward to this trip!

    1. Wear comfortable shoes – ones you can walk a mile in. Any conservative suit will be fine.

    2. I’d say skirt suit…(1) I think it is more formal and (2) probably more comfortable than pants in the D.C. heat.

    3. Definitely wear a suit but you do not have to wear black. You’re going to be crammed in like a sardine so just wear something comfortable. You also will not have room for a big bag. And wear comfortable shoes since you will be walking a lot and the floors can be slippery.

    4. Skirt suit and comfortable shoes. Yes, in DC we do carry around heels and wear flats (and slip into the bathroom to change); if you feel comfortable doing that, by all means do it. I say skirt because some days we’ve gotten summer weather and skirts are so much better than pants.

16. My grandmother’s passion was Ferragamo shoes. She had the perfect size 7 AA foot.

    When she was alive, I’d run into her in the shoe department at Filene’s Basement at least once a week. And I’d get calls from my friends all the time saying they’d just spotted her there. The downtown Boston Filene’s Basement was mecca for the bargain-shopping fashionista. RIP, Nana and FB!

    That said, I don’t think she would have gone for these. She preferred a more classic pump.

    Not one of us (5 daughters, 5 granddaughters) had her shoe size. The Cambridge goodwill was a treasure trove in the winter of 2000.

    1. Awwww.

17. I could use some fashion advice/reassurance. I have my first day of work as an SA at a Biglaw NYC firm (business casual) in the coming week. I was planning on wearing a heather gray pencil skirt suit with a navy silk shell with a high ruffled neckline (the Victoria cami from JCrew) for my first day. I was going to bring along a cardigan to wear at my desk if the suit jacket gets uncomfortable. Would that be inappropriate, to wear a cardigan instead of the suit? Also, I’m planning on wearing these shoes in black patent, but worry they may be a little too much for the first day. http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/cole-haan-wanda-air-pump/2958771
    Any thoughts?

    1. I think that sounds great. I’d throw in a bright-colored belt (orange? lime green?) for fun. Those shoes are gorgeous.

       I’d carry the cardi and see how it goes, or what other women are wearing. (But I’d recommend wearing the jacket. You want to make a good impression on your first day.)

    2. Hi – as a former Biglaw SA (and former Biglaw associate), I would recommend the suit. Everyone will be in a suit, trust me. Your shoes sound fine. I’d probably not do the Victoria cami, just because it is a little ruffley and makes an impact (I have it and love it, but I don’t tend to wear it to meetings for that reason). The easiest thing to do to would to wear a shell (grey gives you a lot of options) and an interesting necklace so that you aren’t too blah but also not too memorable, if YKWIM.

       1. I agree with this – for the first day, wear a suit.

          It’s likely that you’ll tour the office and meet the office heads, and even if you look fab in the tank and bright belt they might not appreciate it for what it is (and you DON’T want to be known as the summer who’s more concerned about her looks than her work). Go with the more conservative look the first day or two, and once you’re settled into your own office start pulling out the more fun clothes.

          1. And I should add – the outfit you described sounds lovely and I bet it looks fantastic. I just think a suit is more appropriate for the first day.

    3. You should wear a suit your first day. Even if your firm is business casual, most SAs will be in suits the first day.

    4. I’d suggest not wearing something sleeveless the first day. You don’t know what the office and meeting room temperature is like, and if you get hot you won’t have the choice of removing your jacket or cardigan entirely. Otherwise, the outfit sounds fine.

    5. I would definitely wear a suit the first day (even though the office is business casual), but don’t worry about switching into the cardigan later in the day (when you’re settling into your office, or sitting through hour 2 of tech training, or if it turns out no one else wore a suit and you’re feeling a bit overdressed, etc.). That is totally fine.

       Your outfit sounds lovely, and I LOVE those shoes. I think they would probably be fine, but if you feel like they might be too much (they will be more noticeable with a skirt suit than under pants, for instance), then maybe go with something more sedate just so you won’t be worrying. Good luck!

       1. I agree you should wear a suit. You may be overdressed for the office, and you can recalibrate for the rest of the summer, but this is one day (probably one week) you want to stick out as a SA so people know to introduce themselves and get to know you.

18. Corporettes, good news, I got an offer today for my dream job! Not so great news–its with a government agency with a top secret clearance. I am now trying to remember every place I’ve lived, job I’ve had, and person I’ve known in the last 10 years! Please, does anyone feel my pain? Please tell me I will get through all this paperwork without totally losing my sanity!

    Happy weekend everyone!!

    1. Congratulations!

    2. Yea, I had that feeling with the bar application (though I don’t think it was quite as long). This won’t work with jobs, obv, but I did figure out an easy way to locate all my past addresses: my amazon.com shipping records . Thanks to the fact I ordered books A LOT (minor addiction…), I had all my addresses all the way back to 1998, including the random 3 month summer addresses, which was well beyond when I needed. (Plus, it’s fun to see what I bought when I was 15…)

    3. I totally feel your pain. I went through the background check years ago. Just set a goal each day (e.g., finish the addresses tonight, do the references tomorrow night, etc.) and you’ll get through it.

       The FBI agents were super nice when reviewing the application. A few of my former bosses had disappeared and some addresses weren’t quite right. I needed a few more references because they couldn’t reach some people, etc. The agents were very patient and very nice on the phone.

       I’d notify each person that you are putting them down as a reference, even the mandatory references (bosses, etc.). I’d also check with the “optional references”–some people don’t feel comfortable talking to the FBI under any circumstances.

       Relax. You know your history and they see many histories so they understand unusual circumstances. I had one reference call the Girl Scouts a “fringe organization” that I had ties too. My reference said the agent just laughed.

       1. Oh, one more thing. The best references for me were my friends’ parents. They were very proud of my new job and knew a lot about me. Plus, they weren’t “just kids.”

          1. Thanks for all the great advice! I didn’t even think of listing friend’s parents as references–genius!

             Also, its great to know that the agents are really nice and understanding. The last 10 years of my life includes college so I’m racking my brain for all of those 3 month addresses and waitress jobs at random restaurants.

             I guess the upside is that I’ll only have to do this once!

             1. This book is pretty useful: Security Clearance Manual — How to Reduce the Time it Takes to Get Your Gov. Clearance, by William Henderson. One thing I remember: for each of your addresses, the investigators have to find someone nearby, some sort of neighbor to talk to (or landlord maybe?). So if you can list a neighbor for each, that speeds things up considerably. He offers lots of tips like that.

             2. Actually, TS clearances have to be updated every 5 years, though the update should be easier since you may be in the same place for all 5 years. I actually have a file on my computer that’s called “info for next update” and has the addresses and information about different places I’ve lived and visited since I have to travel a lot for my job.

    4. Ugh, I remember doing that for an internship. This might be a bit expensive, but I’ve pulled Accurint and other peoplesearch reports on potential clients and they show most of the addresses the person lived at.

       I lucked out – my mom had a whole page in her address book of every address where I’d ever lived. So helpful. I did mine by listing all the months of all the years I had to cover, and filling it in month by month so I didn’t miss anything.

    5. Go to one of the “find people now” websites and run a check on yourself. It’s scary how much information they have, and a check will only run you about $15.

       1. I got out my box of letters and found some addresses from my college days when I moved around quite a bit.

    6. The Amazon shipping history is a great tip! If you’re still coming up blank on a few addresses, you might also want to request a free credit report (just don’t go through any of those sketchy sites like freecreditreport [dot] com — though I have to admit I kind of love those commercials). If I recall correctly, the credit report will list past addresses where you had credit as well.

       If you remember a street but not a number, try google maps and then look at the street view to see if you can recognize your house, etc. And in the end, just do the best you can… The investigators have seen it all, and if I could get a clearance with one residence listed as “Big Red House” with the directions “take the first right off the road from [bigger town], turn left at the 2nd roundabout, and the house is on the right past the small shop with tires out front” I think you’ll probably be okay ;-)

       1. The credit report was how I found some of my old ones for my bar application. Annualcreditreport.com is the legitimate site that you can go to once a year and get your credit report from all 3 reporting agencies for free.

          Also, look through old bills if you have any. When I moved across the country I ended up scanning all my old bills that had been in a filing cabinet (even though you don’t need to keep them that long). I didn’t save the really old ones, but wrote those addresses down in a word document so I would have them.

          Congratulations on the new job!

    7. My hubs is going through this right now. I do feel your pain. We went through a period as new newlyweds where we moved about every 6 months as we progressively left rat-hole apartments behind and I had to go dig out a ton of old records to figure out where, exactly, we had lived. The “foreign national contact” thing is tricky too, because I don’t know about you, but I don’t necessarily inquire about the citizenship status of people I casually hang out with. Do your best and don’t worry too much. We were told that as long as you make your best-faith effort to answer the questions, if the investigation turns up discrepancies they can usually get worked out pretty quickly. I LOVE the tip about Amazon shipping history; wish we had thought of that when my husband was filling out his application. We’ve been ordering from Amazon since the late 90s and it would have been an easy way to recreate our address history. And congrats on the new job :)

    8. I’m late to this party, but in case you’re still reading: the best way I found to construct my living address history was to get my free credit report. They were all on there because I had changed my mailing address for my credit cards each time I moved.

19. Oh, Corporettes, I’m so frustrated. Like many of you, I have 200K+ in student debt, half of which should be forgiven in about 6 years, and about 5K in credit card debt, which I am slowly paying down. Due to high interest rates paying down my credit cards is like trying to bail out a canoe with a hole in the side using a teaspoon. I have a decent credit score, no late payments ever, etc, and obviously have an atrocious debt-to-credit ratio owing to the student loans. So I decided to apply for a credit card with a low interest rate through my bank in order to do a balance transfer, and the banker promised me he’d talk to the credit approval people, tell them that it was for the purpose of a balance transfer, etc. With the two-year low interest rate I was pretty sure I could knock off my credit card debt. I was really excited, because right now I’m flushing about $200/mo down the drain on credit cards, but it takes ages to reduce the balance at all. I was so excited at the prospect of being able to get rid of them once and for all in the foreseeable future.

    Anyway, today I got the letter in the mail that I was declined, due to a high debt-to-income ratio. I only took out those damn loans so I could have a middle class life, and they just come back to bite me in the ass every chance they get. And I’m sure that credit inquiry further worsened my credit score. Oh, and I got a notice that my rent’s going up 5%, but I’m only getting a 3% raise this year. Whyyyy, Corporettes.

    1. Sorry to hear that! I feel your pain. I’ve been working 4 days for the last 2 years (took 1 day to go to school) and I was looking foward to going back to 5 days after finals next week and taking the “extra” money to pay off my cc debt. Then hubby got laid off 3 weeks ago! There goes those plans. Instead I find myself rushing to fill out my FAFSA for next semester so I will have loans available “just in case.” Sigh.

       1. When you have a spare couple of hours get out all your credit card agreements and make a league table of the interest rates. Then prioritise paying back the cards with the highest interest rates, and always pay a little bit more than the minimum payment on the others. Credit card interst rates can vary widely so it is useful to pay back the highest interest rates first.
          One of your existing cards might offer you a 0% or low interest rate balance transfer without the need for an extra credit check, so look out for those promotions.
          I’m based in the UK so YMMV.

          1. I only have one card with a balance, but the other doesn’t have a low enough interest rate to make it worth doing a transfer. Thanks for the idea, though.

    2. I totally get your frustration!

       Can you do some juggling with your student loans? Maybe you can ask for a few months forbearance- take the money you were planning to pay the loans with and knock out the credit card. Keep in mind interest will keep accruing on your student loans during this time.

       Depending on your situation, you can switch over to income-based repayment for your federal loans to give you more wiggle room.

       Lifehacker suggests https://www.billshrink.com/ to search for the best credit card for you. I was planning to try them out myself.

       If you have a plan in place, try to get a card with an initial low or zero rate- these are easier to get than the low interest rate all the time cards because after x months, the rate shoots up to something in the teens or twenties. If you are disciplined enough to pay it off in the initial period, give this a shot.

       1. No, I can’t. I would lose eligibility for my loan forgiveness program if I got a forbearance and I’d have to reapply with no guarantees.

          I actually did exactly what you suggest, and got declined. It’s just such a total bummer.

          1. Have you thought about a co-signer? I know that can get tricky, but that might get you the card you need. Other than that, I’m out of suggestions.

             You totally have my sympathy, Kumquat. Keep at it. In a few years, you’ll have put a huge dent in your student loan debt; it’s going to feel great.

             1. I’m sorry Kumquat! High interest rates are killer to climb out from under. Have you tried negotiating with the credit card company? Maybe you could ask for a period of lower interest rates, which would allow you to get ahead, or at least out from under. If you have never been late and are a good customer, maybe they’ll be inclined to work with you?

    3. Sit down, preferably with a glass of wine, and do some budget analysis. You should pay the minimums on your student loans and throw every available dollar at the cc debt. All the little stuff, ie bringing your lunch, brewing your coffee at home, etc… Once you knock out the CC debt, figure out what the balance on your student loan after the forgiveness point. Try to start saving the cc payment in a savings account until the forgiveness date. That you’ll a cushion and/or a lump sum to pay on the post forgiveness balance.

       Having a plan is always helpful when you are in this situation…..

    4. I empathize. I have a ton of student debt, plus credit card debt, too. I ran up the debt working for peanuts, trying to get experience so I could make money. I JUST started making a good salary in time to miss out on every program designed to assist people, but I’m in my mid-30s. No savings, so I couldn’t buy a home and get the first-time homebuyer’s credit. Totally phased out of the loan assistance programs, including the student loan interest tax deduction, but would have qualified for years before they were implemented (and thus run up less high interest debt). On paper, I appear to make enough to live quite nicely, but honestly, between making up for lost time and qualifying for not a single tax deduction or loan assistance program, I feel like I am drowning and now trapped in my job. I will be paying my $200,000 loans in full, probably over 30 years. It will get better, though. My strategy has been to be very aggressive for the short-term so that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and have a longer comfortable path in front of me.

    5. $5k isn’t that bad! You can find that extra money somewhere over the next year or two – that’s an extra $100 per week (maybe $125 with interest). Can you babysit on the weekends? Tutor after work? Board cats? And cut your discretionary spending as much as possible if you haven’t already. All the extra $$ should go toward the credit card.

       As for your rent – can you negotiate it at all? Give it a shot. And if not, take comfort in the fact that unless you’re paying a huge % of your salary in rent (60% or more), your raise should more than cover the rent increase on a dollar basis with some leftover.

       Finally, while you don’t want to apply for too many credit cards (as all the credit inquiries further reduce your credit score) I think another 1-2 applications for different cards that would allow a balance transfer at a reasonable rate would be appropriate. If that doesn’t work, you can also try getting creative with something like a peer to peer lender like Prosper – won’t be an amazing rate, but probably better than the 30% or whatever it is you’re paying now.

    6. Do you have a significant other? Mine has a higher salary than me, but a crap credit rating. His bank desperately wants me to switch to them and keeps offering me joint credit cards with very low interest.

       Is your credit card freestanding or from your bank where your checking account is? If its the first, I would see if your bank will offer you a lower rate to bundle all your accounts there. Or if it’s the second, shop around a couple other banks, and ask, “what can you give me on my credit card interest if I move all my accounts to you?” Or just threaten your bank, “I got this offer for x % and I’d really rather stay with you, can you meet that %, because I’d hate to move banks.”

       Or just call and ask your bank if they’ll lower your % rate. My grandmother did that and she’s on a small fixed income.

20. Any suggestions for a wedding reading? I’m trying to find something to read at a friend’s non-religious ceremony this summer… something insightful, moving, relatively brief, and not from the bible. (This is making me realize just how little time I’ve devoted to good literature since law school/becoming a lawyer :(.) TIA!

    1. I think the last stanza of Whitman’s “Song of the Open Road” would be so lovely at a wedding:

       Allons! the road is before us!
       It is safe – I have tried it – my own feet have tried it well – be not
       detain’d!
       Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the
       shelf unopen’d!
       Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn’d!
       Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!
       Let the preacher preach in his pulpit! let the lawyer plead in the
       court, and the judge expound the law.

       Camerado, I give you my hand!
       I give you my love more precious than money,
       I give you myself before preaching or law;
       Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?
       Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

       Alternatively–and clearly I’m on an American poetry kick here–William Carlos Williams’ “The Ivy Crown” is the most romantic poem I’ve ever read, bar none. It’s longer, but oh-so-beautiful.

    2. I also love e e cummings “I Carry Your Heart With Me”

       i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
       my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
       i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
       by only me is your doing,my darling)
       i fear
       no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
       no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
       and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
       and whatever a sun will always sing is you

       here is the deepest secret nobody knows
       (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
       and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
       higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
       and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

       i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

       Not sure if it’s better to read on paper than aloud, though.

       1. My DH bought me a slim silver band bracelet engraved with the first three lines of this poem “i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
          my heart)i am never without it.” The first line is on the top, the second on the face, the third line on the bottom.

          I always wear it when I travel. Love the poem!

       2. Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116 is a classic non religious reading:

          Let me not to the marriage of true minds
          admit impediments. Love is not love
          which alters when it alteration finds,
          or bends with the remover to remove:
          Oh, no! It is an ever-fixed mark.
          That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
          it is the star to every wandering bark,
          whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
          Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
          within his bending sickle’s compass come;
          love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
          but bears it out even to the edge of doom.
          If this be error and upon me proved,
          I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

          1. Love love love this. I was just going to recommend this. It’s a family tradition. My grandmother was in the Shakespeare Society in college and this was her sonnet. It is really beautiful.

       3. I could never read this out loud because I would cry. But it is very beautiful.

          1. Oops. That was for the ee cummings. But I do like all the other suggestions, too.

    3. I read this at my sister’s wedding:

       Love’s Philosophy

       The fountains mingle with the river
       And the rivers with the Ocean;
       The winds of Heaven mix for ever
       With a sweet emotion;
       Nothing in the world is single;
       All things by a law divine
       In one spirit meet and mingle.
       Why not I with thine?

       See the mountains kiss high Heaven
       And the waves clasp one another;
       No sister-flower would be forgiven
       If it disdained its brother;
       And the sunlight clasps the earth
       And the moonbeams kiss the sea –
       What is all this sweet work worth
       If thou kiss not me?

       -Percy Bysshe Shelley

21. What are people’s thoughts on job listings on craigslist? I’m getting a little desperate, but I just can’t bring myself to respond to anything on craigslist because I can’t imagine any legitimate/decent job can be found there. Am I wrong? I’m in law, and I’m wondering if there are legitimate jobs posted by very small firms. Is there any harm in responding to some?

    1. Even though it wasn’t for a position as an attorney, I got a job as a file clerk from a very large reputable biglaw firm after college from a listing on craigslist. I certainly would disregard it and it certainly can’t hurt to see what’s out there. Good Luck!

    2. My experience is with a non-law job, but I have been at my found-on-Craigslist position for close to two months. My bf landed at his most recent job via Craigslist, as did a classmate of mine from undergrad. I remember being skeptical when the classmate mentioned this, but it worked out well for him as well as my bf, who absolutely loves his job. All of our jobs are legitimate on-a-career-path jobs, too, I promise :)

       That said, if the company/firm doesn’t include their name in the posting, skip it–any legitimate posting will have no trouble providing identifying information.

       1. As an addendum: Craigslist isn’t The Ladders, and it appeals to smaller businesses in large part because of is its ease of use and its cost. Are you likely to find The Best Job Ever With World’s Greatest Benefits and Lots of Prestige? Probably not, but if you’re looking for legitimate and decent, it can definitely be found. Bottom line, I guess, is take it for what it is and it can be a good part of the job search.

    3. I think legitimate employers are using Craigslist more and more because they are trying to get exposure to a particular demographic (younger) who spend time on that site. But yes, you’ll have to more carefully vet these listings.

    4. I found my current job on craigslist four years ago. I also found many many sketchy jobs there. I’ve been trying to convince my firm to post on lawcrossing, but they haven’t switched yet. The postings on Craigslist are much cheaper than for most other job searches, so for small firms they make some sense. I do think they get a lower quality applicant pool from craigslist because most people are skeptical, so if you have a strong resume you might stand out from the crowd when you do find a legitimate post.

22. I looking into alternatives to taking bulky or heavy Yoga mats when travelling with work and I have seen a few people wearing the Vibram five fingers shoes instead of using a mat. I would love to hear from anyone who has got experience of wearing these or other similar ‘barefoot’ shoes. I am particularly keen to hear about fit, how you look after them, their ‘stickiness’, would you recommend them etc. I aim to wear them for Yoga, using gym equipment, body conitioning style exercises, free weights etc.

    Wearing shoes for Yoga/not wearing shoes for fitness activities is often looked down upon in my part of the world …. so I will just reinterate that this is as an alternative to using a mat/bulky trainers in situations when carrying either would be difficult or look unprofessional/ awkward. Not using a mat/ barefeet is not really an option as it is slippery on carpets and potentially not hygienic on lots of other surfaces, so that is why I’m interested in these ultra thin shoes.

    1. I feel like a mat is absolutely critical unless you’re going to be sticking to standing poses only. For me, the problem isn’t with my feet, but with my knees and hands. If I am on carpet, I get rug burn, and if I’m on a hard surface I need something to protect my wrists and knees. I know Gaiam and probably a few other companies have travel mats that easily fold up into a carryon suitcase and don’t take up too much space.

    2. I have the Gaiam travel yoga mat, which folds up to about the size of a t-shirt. It’s been all over the world with me. It’s pretty thin so sometimes I layer a towel over it for kneeling poses.

       If you’re not going to use a mat but are worried about slipping, I suggest getting sticky yoga socks and gloves. Gaiam makes them, and I’ve seen them on the Barefoot Yoga site too.

       1. Oh, the Yogitoes towel is also a good travel “mat.”

          1. Thank you!!
             MelD – I know exactly what you mean about knees and hands too! I have got a thin travel mat but it is quite heavy, and not that small, and the ultra thin mats I have seen don’t look robust enough to not strectch in an annoying way e.g sort of get all tangled up in surya namaskar.
             Eponine – I completely forgot about the sticky yoga socks and gloves. I was recently at a big Yoga show and they had lots of wool knit socks and gloves with sticky spots on them but they were made of acrylic and wool mix and were itchy :-(

             1. Try the Gaiam travel mat. It’s only $20ish on Amazon, and I’ve been really, really happy with it. It doesn’t bunch up for me.

    3. This may not help you much, but I will say that I absolutely love my Vibrams for running and free weights. They definitely changed the way I run and I find that I look forward to workouts more. Putting on real tennis shoes seems clunky and heavy these days. However, you will look absolutely ridiculous in them. Also, I can’t speak for the yoga specific vibrams, but I’m not sure I would enjoy wearing the ones I have for yoga. They don’t have a substantial sole, but it’s still there and I’d think it might be hinder poses where feeling the sensation of your foot on the ground is important.

    4. When I’m travelling light, I use a Manduka Eko SuperLite mat, which is similar in size as the Gaiam travel mat–easily packable into a tote bag or suitcase. It’s grippy and non-slip on both carpet and hard surfaces (wood floors, concrete). Like most travel mats, it’s thin, so I wouldn’t recommend it for everyday use on concrete floors without another mat underneath.

       I have no personal experience with Vibrams, but I have friends who wear them for running and love them.

23. Does anyone have any ideas for “heirloom” gifts for men? I wanted to get my fiance a wedding gift that he could have for a long time, kind of akin to an engagement ring. My budget is around $2000-3000. The only thing I’ve thought of so far is a watch, but he already has a very nice watch that he loves. I don’t want to get electronics because those go out of date so quickly. He likes outdoorsy stuff, food, and classical music. Any ideas?

    1. Since he likes classical music, perhaps an instrument of some sort could be an option? (You could consider including a couple of lessons if he’s interested in learning.)

       (I tried to think of something like this when I got engaged, too, but never was able to come up with anything good.)

    2. If “outdoorsy” means a hunter or shooter, your budget would buy a very nice rifle or shotgun. If he likes exercise and you have the space, think about a rowing machine or other equipment. Your budget also would cover a pretty swell bicycle, if he’s into that.

       If he has a nice watch already, maybe he would appreciate a silver box for his watch, cufflinks, etc. You could also find an antique chest or other piece of furniture in that price range.

    3. Mont Blanc makes an Hommage a Frederic Chopin Meisterstuck fountain pen. If he likes cooking- a really nice set of knives.

       I’m not sure what “outdoorsy” means, but you could get a backpack and tent combo, a kayak, or a mountain bike.

       Bellstaff leather jacket?
       Eames chair?
       Golf clubs?

       1. It looks like Mont Blanc makes Arturo Toscanini and W.A. Mozart pens as well.

    4. How about an engraved swiss army knife?

    5. Cuff links, if he’s the type who would have any use for them, an engraved pen or money clip, perhaps.

    6. I vote for cufflinks (then again, I’m biased – I gave my hubby cufflinks when we got married)…they are so classic, and every man will have occasion to use them at least a few times in his life.

       Another option – though I know you mentioned he has a watch already – is a nice pocket watch. I have given pocket watches to several of the men in my life (Dad, brother, hubby) at various points, and even though they are all very different, all of them have loved it. You can even have it engraved with his initials or an inscription inside the cover. Just a thought :)

    7. A specially made briefcase or luggage, like the ones here: http://www.saddlebackleather.com/

24. A bit of advice from the medically-minded corporettes…

    My sister is graduating from nursing school (she’s getting her BSN) in a couple weeks, and I need a few good ideas for graduation gifts. Not too expensive, as my credit card is almost maxed out between bar prep course, groceries, bar hotel, and health insurance. When I asked her what she wanted she said she wanted blonde highlights in her hair (we’re redheads), which my parents are getting her. I would really like to get her something that she will get a lot of use out of either at the hospital or while studying for the NCLEX. Thoughts? Thanks in advance!!

    1. How about a simple necklace that she can wear with scrubs? Tiffany’s has simple teardrop and initial necklaces starting at about $100.

    2. All the nurses at the hospital I go to have tons of cute scrubs. Maybe a gift certificate to a store that sells them? Another nice idea is if she’s working the night shift you could get her an ipod and a car converter and/or a star bucks gift card for her drives to and from the hospital.

       1. Don’t do the scrubs because some jobs provide them. What about a gc to The Walking Company or a local comfort shoe store?

    3. She’ll need to maintain those highlights. How about a gift certificate for her next appointment?

    4. A nice stethoscope, if she doesn’t have one already. Littmann makes good ones, and the Classic II SE is pretty basic but ~$65. Try Redding Medical to order it online.

       1. This is what I was going to recommend. My husband is a nurse, and this is what he got for graduation. He loves it.

    5. My sister got her BSN last year, she asked for “stud” type earrings because nurses can’t wear dangly ones at work. I went on Etsy and got her about 10 pairs for around $60. Some were little classy pearls or jewels, but others were fun shapes and little animals, because she often works with kids.

       I also second TCFKAG’s advice about a car charger and Starbucks (or Dunkins, etc.) gift certificate, especially if she is on the night shift – or a Nook/Kindle if her floor is really quiet at night (geriatrics or triage or a smaller ER).

       Congrats to your sister!

       1. The new special offer Kindle is $114. I just got it for my mom. It’s pretty awesome. Makes my origina generation kindle look a little sad…

25. I know this may be late in the game for the open thread, but I am looking for advice on dealing with a super-casual dress code.

    Just finished first week @ job with State govt. agency. Official office policy is business casual, but I am located in a building a few blocks from the agency’s main state office. This office is waaaay more laid back/friendly/relaxed than state office (yay!) but also waaaay more casual. Everyone wearing jeans/t-shirts etc. So I’m actually feeling pressure now to dress down, something I am not necessarily interested in doing (yet.)

    DH & parents say no, don’t do it. But how should I respond to comments/questions about my dress? I don’t want to seem like the eager-beaver type in a job situation where everyone seems to be neutral about the position (I would sum up the responses of people so far as to the job/job satisfaction as “meh”).

    Any advice is appreciated. Thanks & I love this site :)

    1. I work in an office where t-shirts, jeans, sweats, and flip-flops are the norm. I wear decent jeans or twill capris, button downs or cute T’s from JCrew, and maybe a cardigan, and flats or sandals. I agree that you should not dress to uppity as the employees will resent anyone who makes them look bad. Seriously, when someone in my office looks half-way decent, it is because they have something else to do that day.

    2. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dressing to your comfort level. I work in a business casual environment and some people interpret that as anything but jeans (I see shorts sometimes) while others still wear full suits everyday. I think it’s best for you to stay consistent. I feel like if you just suddenly switch downward, people will get the impression you are trying to be an eager beaver. If you just stay with business casual indefinitely, people will think of you as the woman who likes to dress nicely for work. FWIW, the dressiest person in my department is male so I don’t think gender makes a difference.

    3. Maybe buy a couple of pairs of “nicer” jeans and mix your dressier tops with those and your less dressy tops with your more business-y bottoms? If anyone says anything, you always have the option of making a comment about wearing what you’ve got from a prior job, not wanting to buy a whole new wardrobe and make a big deal of it… something like that.

    4. I am in a similar situation dress-code wise, although our official dress code is casual, not business casual (er, business casual if meeting with a client, otherwise casual).

       If I were in your shoes, I would want confirmation from someone of when (if at all) that the super casual dress code was officially okay, i.e. if you’re not meeting with anyone from the main office on that day. Without that confirmation, I’d probably stick to business casual, albeit on the casual end.

       If you do get confirmation that the super casual dress code is okay and decide to keep wearing business casual, I honestly think you may get fewer comments on your dress than you think. That being said, if you’re worried about seeming too eager-beaver-y, here are some thoughts:

       1) You can treat Friday as casual Friday.

       2) Consider wearing less-formal shoes–I wear a lot of flats.

       3) I’ve found that certain dresses and skirts can seem less casual (shoe choice plays a big role here) because they aren’t as directly comparable to jeans as dress pants are.

       4) Remember that you’re just starting, so whatever you do will set the tone for what your dress code will be. It will be a lot less jarring for you to wear business casual now, and mix in jeans on Fridays and/or a few days when you’re rushed, than it would be for you to go completely casual, then start wearing business casual again out of the blue.

       I will say that overall, the option to be casual is a nice one to have, although I do have moments when I wish I had a need for more of the clothes shown on this site! Also, congrats on the new job!

    5. Since people are noticing and letting you know it’s not the norm in that office, I would definitiely consider dressing down. I would suggest wearing your tops from your old job with nice jeans. That way you still look nice, but you’re wearing jeans so you fit in. If you are the only one wearing formal clothes, it may not appear that you are merging into their company culture.

       1. My office is so casual that I am frequently annoyed at how some of the junior attorneys and paralegals dress when witnesses come to the office or when we go out.

26. Hi Corporettes!

    I just received an email from BigLaw firm in DC where I will be an SA this summer. The email stated: business casual attire is fine, unless you have a scheduled meeting or anticipate meeting with a client or another firm visitor.

    I’m assuming that we received this email because they WANT us to be dressed in business casual attire. What is business casual when you’re basically on a 10-week interview? How can I look professional and “interview appropriate” while still being business casual?

    I have zero fashionista in me- if someone could give me tips or point me in the direction of a good source- I’d really appreciate it! I remember one time coming across a blog of day-by-day photos of the blogger in business casual attire- but I don’t remember what it was. And yes, it’s that bad- remember, zero fashionista in me!

    1. I was an SA at a business casual firm. I suggest wearing dress pants with blazers, dresses with blazers, and pencil skirts with nice blouses and a sweater, that kind of thing. I also mixed in suits occasionally.

       First day, wear a suit. First week, wear dressy business casual and see what others wear. But just aim to be one of the most dressed up people because it will make you look more professional.

    2. I was a summer at a BigLaw firm last summer (not in DC, but in a major southern city). Our dress code was business casual; I wore suits every day because I was in litigation and so at risk every day of being brought to court, but the other two girls always went the business casual route since they were in different sections (all three of us got offers, so both of these were obviously fine). Every day they wore either a knee length skirt or a pair of pants; the pants often looked like they might have just been from Express’s Editor line or Banana Republic – good fit, well pressed, nice and professional, but nothing terribly fancy. Pretty much always black, navy, gray, or dark brown, from what I recall – basic suiting colors. That was generally paired with a button down blouse or other nice top (knit or something similar), with a nice sweater or cardigan to wear at their desks since our office got chilly. Both also tended to wear either nice ballet flats or low heels. This worked fine for every one!

       I would wear a suit on the first day, since you have no idea what will be coming and won’t have your schedule yet. Then I would advise having a few non-risky options ready for the next few days (nice pair of black slacks or nice knee length black skirt, etc.), but if you think you have to go out and purchase something new, wait until after the first week. Looking at associates in your section and age range will be your best bet — then just make sure that you are a nice, even more put-together version of the more senior associates. Try out pretty much any good department store (Macy’s, Dillards, Nordstrom’s once you get that SA paycheck), look for a few pairs of well-fitting pants in materials that look like they might work for a suit (that’s how you know they’re nice enough), and a few nice tops that are flattering but never too tight or revealing. Don’t get anything strappy, of course, and avoid sleeveless unless you know for a fact that it is OK – look for blouses and shirts with actual sleeves — at the very least cap sleeves!

       I think one thing that’s very important in a business casual environment is to plan what kind of sweater or jacket you can bring (or keep at the office) for when it gets chilly inside, which is all too common with summer A/Cs. Do make sure you have some kind of nice option for each outfit – say, a nice black cashmere cardigan that will work with pretty much everything, and maybe some kind of a blazer or sweater (or cardigan) that would work on with brown/blue outfits where the black might not be great. It’s been my experience that in a business casual environment that part of one’s outfit just gets forgotten about; at some point, since they don’t have the matching suit jacket people just wear whatever sweater they one day left at the office regardless of whether it really does look nice enough or matches their outfit that day (that’s definitely what I did as a legal assistant when frankly I didn’t think anyone cared whether the sweater I wore in my cubicle matched – it was a super comfortable black knit and looked nice enough, and I didn’t mind leaving it at the office all time). That doesn’t fly so well for a summer associate who needs to make a stellar impression!

    3. I’d suggest pencil skirts or wool slacks and a nice blouse or button down. You can wear a blazer or cardigan (especially if the AC is cranked up in your building during the summer) but don’t feel obligated to unless you know you’ll have a nicer lunch/meeting. I also happen to love sheath dresses with a cardigan over it (because most of mine are sleeveless).

       You really can get away with 1 suit, 3 pairs of pants (mine were black, brown, and gray, and one pair can be your suit pants or skirt if you’re desperate), a black pencil or a-line skirt, 6-7 tops,a dress, and 2-3 pairs of low-heeled pumps.

       Banana/JCrew/Ann Taylor clothes will be absolutely fine.

    4. Put on a suit. Remove the jacket. Add fun shoes and pretty accessories. If you’re cold, add a cardigan. Voila, business casual.

       1. Ha!

27. Sorry if this post is a repeat. My first attempt was stuck in moderation.

    Hi Corporettes-I’m trying to find a pale yellow bag which will fit my computer to carry to work for the summer. By light yellow, I mean soft, buttercup yellow. Every one I have seen so far is too small or brassy yellow. I would appreciate any recommendations you ladies have. Thanks!

    1. Endless has a Marc by Marc Jacobs in yellow
       http://tinyurl.com/43ayjxl

       Kate Spade has yellow this summer
       http://tinyurl.com/3eppcnk

       And I saw a really pretty yellow color at Dooney & Bourke recently. I would just check out their website.

       Good luck!

    2. I like this Kate Spade Adele style – the yellow looks a but lighter and sunnier here
       http://tinyurl.com/3qrwglt

    3. Ooh – I went to that link, and found this one that I kind of like better: http://tinyurl.com/4xkpphv

       1. Ooh, that is very nice.

28. I am going to visit my 85 year old great uncle next weekend. He’s at the point where he doesn’t really leave his house because of his age/health. I haven’t seen him in about ten years, and I wanted to bring over some things for him. Anyone have any ideas of what might be appropriate? He’s a very devout Catholic, but he still likes to have a nice drink now and again.

    All suggestions appreciated! Thanks!

    1. My elder relatives love food made from old family recipes/forgotten eras of their lives. Even depression-era food with out of fashion ingredients bring back a rush of childhood memories. That generation often doesn’t cook much at this point, because of time/mobility and also because recipes usually make too much food. Do you have any recipes from your great grandparents? My grandfather loves a depression-era cake his mother used to make. My SO’s grandmother loves matzo ball soup made with good homemade stock, and brisket from her mother’s recipe.

       1. Great suggestion! Sadly, I don’t have any old recipes–all of my grandparents have passed away so it’s hard to get that stuff at this point.

          1. That’s ok – it doesn’t have to be a family recipe per se :). I’m sure you could find some recipes online from the appropriate area or culture if that’s the route you decide to go. I’ve made my SO’s family latkae recipe and since then tweaked it a lot to be more “me.” My version is a hit too and always gets the family talking about Aunt Ethel’s also wonderful version and the happy memories associated with family latkae dinners.

             Alternatively, go on iTunes and find some music that was popular during your great uncle’s teens and 20s. He probably hasn’t heard some of the music in years and years. Play your mix and get him talking about happy memories the music reminds him of.

             Another thing the elder people in my family seem to love are really cozy slippers with a no-slip bottom.

    2. I know at that age, my maternal grandparents would have loved a selection of large print books. If he’s not technologically averse, he might like a Kindle or other e-reader that will allow him to read almost anything with a larger font. My grandmother complained endlessly about how poor the selection was for books with large print, but now with e-readers, that is no longer an issue. Otherwise, you can just order him a few large print books from Amazon that you think he might like- be it classics he might have talked about, devotional material, or new bestsellers.

    3. My grandfather is turning 97 next week and has been pretty much homebound for a while now. Every time we go over there we bring some pastries, and that seems to go over well.

       At that age, a lot of older people’s eyes aren’t very good anymore, so cds and music are good gifts. Last year for Christmas my mother gave my grandfather a Vera Lynn cd. She was very popular during WWII and both my grandparents were excited to hear her songs again. My grandmother is a devout Catholic as well and really loved the cds of Latin mass and Catholic prayers we gave her a few years back.

    4. You said he likes a “nice drink” sometimes; if he likes bourbon, I highly recommend Basil Hayden’s. It’s lovely and smooth, and usually $30-40/bottle.

29. This might be a bit late in the weekend thread to get comments, but hopefully some of you have some great advice as usual!

    I’m starting on Monday as a summer associate at a non-NY biglaw firm and I’m really getting nervous about it! I was surprised by how much I liked the firm during OCI’s and it was my first choice, but the thing is that the culture of the firm is…entrepreneurial, I guess. (Or that’s a buzz-word I heard a lot during interviews.) It’s a particularly male-dominated firm, which I don’t mind. I’m generally a pretty quiet person, not introverted, I love working with others, but I’m not super socially outgoing. I tend to have close friends rather than a huge circle of acquaintances.

    I guess I’m just looking for advice on what to expect in terms of the interpersonal stuff. I assume I’ll be able to handle the work and the dress-code (thanks to long-time reading of corporette, of course) but I’m stupidly nervous that I won’t fit in or people won’t like me! Any advice for making a good impression with my other SA’s as well as associates/partners at the firm?

    Also…any advice on how best to connect with/use your firm-assigned mentor? I just got the bio of mine and she’s a 4th year but with some serious credentials…I’m worried she’ll be super outgoing and perfect and intense and we won’t connect. We went to the same law school, if that helps.

    1. Just relax. It will be like any other professional workplace. You don’t need to change your personality, you just need to be able to make small talk over lunch–which you had to do in your interview anyway. Act confident, and try to get other people talking by asking them questions about their background and experiences.

30. Ladies, I’d like your thoughts on some management issues with a colleague. I am at a large firm and have been extremely busy for months now (averaging 200 billables per month since September). The last few months have been even busier, and I’ve had to negotiate turning down or farming out work on my deals to other associates in order to meet deadlines. Problem is, the only person who has availability to help out is absolutely terrible. She’s at the same experience level as me, but her work is consistently subpar (lack of analysis and missing major issues in the fact pattern). She also has around a 50% success rate of meeting deadlines, and on multiple occasions I’ve had to take back a project at the last minute and turn it in late myself because she hasn’t even started on it or because I won’t have time to correct her work and still meet the deadlines.

    I’ve talked to a more senior associate in outside of my practice group for advice, and they gave me a few suggestions regarding having her report the work directly to the partner if I’m concerned she’ll miss the deadline. That said, how would you handle this? I’m fed up with having to redo her work and letting my own projects suffer as a result, and I really resent spending another late night in the office trying to stay above water while she’s not pulling her weight. Should I proactively tell a more senior person in the group about the issue, or just stop asking her for help and let her waste away from lack of billable hours? I’ve already tried befriending her and talking about pride in work product as a means of getting her to care, but I’m starting to think she just plain sucks and doesn’t care.

    Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

    1. I would definitely tell the more senior attorneys AND stop giving her work unless she asks for it and you let the person up on that project’s work-chain know that she has taken it on. I would proactively tell someone so that you can keep giving her stuff if she tries to do better, and so that you can make sure that prior lapses haven’t been attributed to YOUR mistakes. So far it seems that involving this woman in your projects has led to more exhaustion for you — so while I say give her work if she needs it, asks for it, takes responsibility for it, and you can spare it, stop doing her favors at the expense of your sanity and professional reputation.

       If you have too much work and can’t farm it out, I would advise making a report detailing the status of each file you’re working on, figuring out which ones you honestly can’t handle and can fulfill your billables without, and talking to the more senior persons on the project to see how they would like it handled. Like that if it is farmed out to this person because she is the only person left, her inadequacies are not your responsibility, and the attorneys know you proactively dealt with the situation when it was your problem.

    2. I’d highly recommend talking to someone more senior about the problem, but don’t expect the problem to get solved quickly. We have a similar situation in my office, and 5-6 other attorneys are being pulled away from their work in order to ensure her work is passable. She is an extremely nice woman and her training was admittedly poor, but the consensus seems to be that she’s really not cut out for the work she’s doing. Right now she’s been assigned a mentor attorney who is documenting his experiences with her and trying to figure out whether she’d be better off in a different sort of position or not working with us at all. He makes written reports about his experiences to document what is going on, and I think this is a good idea for you to do when you are forced to work with this woman.

31. Q for any fed government attorneys here. I’ve heard that applicants have to disclose mental health issues on their applications for any gov’t attorney jobs and that this may be an automatic or semiautomatic disqualification. Is this true? How much can they ask you, and does anyone know whether disclosing this stuff is really likely to get you blackballed?
    Thanks.

    1. Below is a statement from OPM:

       Mental health counseling in and of itself is not a reason to revoke or deny a clearance.

       [Q] In the last 7 years, have you consulted with a health care professional regarding an emotional or mental health condition or were you hospitalized for such a condition?

       [Instruction] Answer “No” if the counseling was for any of the following reasons and was not court-ordered:
       – strictly marital, family or grief not related to violence by you; or
       – strictly related to adjustments from service in a military combat environment.

       If you answered “Yes,” indicate who conducted the treatment and/or counseling, provide the following information, and sign the Authorization for Release of Medical Information Pursuant to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA)./111thCongress/12_01_2010.asp

       http://snipurl.com/27t9wl [www_opm_gov]

       1. Wait a second. When you sign that release, what exact information gets disclosed? Does this mean that the employer is going to get records of your mental health counseling – i.e. what you talked about, advice given, treatment recommended, etc? Wow, if so, that’s incredibly invasive.

          1. Normally, yes. But there are many psychs who don’t give out treatment records, or who will only give medication records and no treatment records (notes from sessions about how you’re doing). This happens even when the government is asking for them. They see it as a confidentiality breach and an impediment to treatment, even if you were to sign the release.

          2. No. The employer does not get that info. The instructions above are for the SF86, the application for a security clearance. It goes to the agency (security dept within the agency) that is doing the background investigation for the clearance It is NOT part of the employee’s personnel record and does not go to HR or anyone in management.

32. I want to say a big thank you to everyone who recommended My Intimacy in a posting a few weeks ago; the store just opened in the DC area and I went for a fitting today. Love it and had a great experience with my fitter; she was no nonsense and didn’t push me at all to buy anything. They are a bit pricey but I found out my bra size is incorrect (from a 36A to a 32D – huge boost to the ego) and can now build my bra wardrobe from there.

    1. Was this the Tyson’s Corner location? Did they have a good selection? I had a bra fitting once at a place in Chevy Chase – they didn’t have much of a selection in my size and I ended up feeling a bit pressured into buying a pricey bra that I didn’t love!

       1. Yes at the Tyson’s Corner location. It’s a bit deceiving to the eye, as you can’t see the selection; they are all hidden in drawers. But my fitter was great – Henrietta – she brought in a huge selection that I tried on – and then left me by myself so that I could re-try them all on and take whatever I wanted. I could have left without purchasing anything.

          1. Great! Thanks for the feedback – I will have to check it out!

33. Hello Ladies! I have a What-to-Wear question.
    During a period of ,”Frig my life!” I applied for a job in Alaska. I’m going there for the interview next week.
    What does one wear to an interview at an oil company, followed by a complete medical exam, Drug/Alcohol test, vaccination, security check, and fingerprinting?
    Thank you in advance!

    1. Are you an attorney? Is the job in Anchorage or Fairbanks? If yes to both, wear a conservative pants suit.

       If you’re not an attorney, but it’s for a job where a suit would be appropriate, in Anchorage or Fairbanks, still wear a suit.

       Alaska is very casual. The nicest restaurants have folks in suits, and folks in carharrts. Same for the Anchorage Opera and Symphony.

       Anchorage and Juneau are about the same fashion level as Seattle or Portland – lots of rain jackets. Women’s footwear is a lot of Keens, Merrills, and Danskos.

       But this is still a job interview. Most of the successful business people here (especially at the oil companies) come from more fashionable places in the Lower 48.

       Will they be accompanying you to the medical exam/etc? If not, you can change into something more comfy. Or at least change your shoes.

       I’m a litigator and go to court almost every day. I wear suits to court, but change into khakis/jeans in my office. (I usually don’t change tops, but that’s just me. Many of my colleagues are in hoodies or fleece at work.)

       1. PS: This is an absolutely AWESOME place to live. :)

    2. Agree with the above. Wear whatever decent pants suit you have and you will do fine. You should wear semi-sturdy nice shoes though, since there is still a lot of gravel on the streets from winter. Keep in mind too that “fashion” here is at least 3 years behind the lower 48, and so long as you look presentable and business-like the details don’t really matter.

       I assume your interview will be in Anchorage. It is still chilly in the morning and evening so bring a fleece jacket or something. Be prepared for sunlight until 9:30 and beyond at night. Post a message if you have time to be taken out for a drink after you interview!

       1. (Lawtalkinggirl – Should we have an ANC Corporette meetup? Wouldn’t that be fun!)

          1. I am moving back to Anchorage after I graduate law school! If you plan a corporette meetup after the middle of June I am in.

34. I saw some advice on this blog about going for a bra fitting. I’ve always had a large chest which I like, but I recently lost 100 lbs, and my boobs are significantly smaller and sag more. I do not like the way they look and have been considering plastic surgery. So I decided I would give the bra fitting a try before I made a final decision about surgery.

    The fitting worked out amazing! I went to Soma (which is owned by the same company as Chico’s). The woman who fit me was great and made what could have been an awkward situation into a comfortable (almost fun) experience. The store had a great selection of types of bras of all sizes. The fitting was free, and the bras cost about $40. My chest looks great again in clothes, and I feel much more confidant.

    I highly recommend doing it. Thanks to all the people who recommended it.

    1. Your skin will tighten over the next two years.

       Believe me ;-)

    2. Thanks for sharing this. How inspiring!

35. This might be too late in the weekend to get a response, but I’m going to try anyway. I recently came across some pictures of myself and my teeth are noticeably not white. I’m going to get one of those teeth whitening systems (probably strips) they have at Target. Does anyone have a brand they like most?

    1. Crest White Strips worked great for me.

    2. I like the Crest strips too, but beware they hurt the eff out of your teeth. (Or at least, they did mine.) I had extreme tooth sensitivity and based on the reviews online this is not abnormal. Plan to take Advil.

36. I really like Crest Whitestrips – I used to get the 14-day version. For me, just using half of it worked just fine, and I kept the rest to use on a more occasional basis. I used the strips a few times a year when I was in college. On a cautionary note – I eventually developed a bit of a sensitivity to the strips, but that was after using them probably a half dozen times over a period of 5 years or so, so probably isn’t a concern for you at this point! Now I find something as strong as strips unnecessary – I just do upkeep using a whitening mouth wash (either Crest or Listerine, whichever happens to be on sale).

    1. My experience with the Crest Whitestrips was very similar to SRJ’s, though the sensitivity I developed from using them went away pretty quickly (within days?). The results after using them for a few days were pretty great, so I would say that the benefits outweighed the risk of sensitivity.

    2. I use baking soda and peroxide. It is very inexpensive and it gets results. You just have to get used to that strong taste in your mouth.

37. Scarpasa shoe website (flats and low heels only) has 25% off until May 11th when you enter the code “lovemom”. I haven’t ordered from them yet but they are a source for nice flats that people seem to be looking for.

    1. Thanks for the tip. I’d never heard of this site, but I can’t wear heels and am always on the lookout for nice flat or low-heeled work shoes. I was also pleasantly surprised at the selection of shoes made in Italy and Brazil.

       Just ordered some dark purple pumps (since Kat is always singing the praises of purple shoes). They were already on sale, and the coupon code still worked for an additional 25% off.

38. Warning- I’m about to ask an embarassing question about feet.

    Hi ladies. I’m hoping some might weigh in on this. I am considering orthopedic surgery for bunions. My podiatrist says that they are genetic, and if they cause pain and I have trouble fitting in my shoes I can get the surgery. I don’t think I urgently need the surgery, but this is an unattractive pain. I have a bump at the joint on each foot that is constantly calloused, and this has gotten worse over the last couple of years. I’m only 31 and a lawyer for the government, so I was wondering what the recovery would be like. I have lots of sick leave saved up, and I could set aside time for this after my wedding later this year. Do any of you have experience with this?

    1. I had bunion surgery about 6 years ago, when I was 25. My surgery was very straightford, so the recovery wasn’t too bad. I took the week off from work, but I was able to drive and walk around. However I did have to wear a surgical boot for 6 weeks after the surgery. From what I have heard, recovery can be painful, especially if you also need surgery on the second toe (if it on your big toe).

       I’m really glad I had the surgery. No more pain, and I can wear cute shoes.

       Good luck!

    2. First of all, no one is “too young” for bunions, and like your doctor said, they’re genetic. Second, it’s purely medical, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed.

       Surgery willy correct the joint misalignment, which is what causes pain, but it will not likely change the shape or appearance of your foot. It’s usually a quick outpatient surgery and you’ll be walking with a cane (and drugs) shortly after surgery. You’ll need a cane and you’ll be in one of those post-surgery velcro and foam shoes for at least a week, but other than that your mobility isn’t very restricted and the recovery is not difficult at all.

    3. I used to work in disability, and bunion surgery was one of the things that really surprised me as far as how long recovery was. (I hope I don’t sound like I’m trying to scare you- just to let you know.) When the surgery involved an osteotomy (removing part of the bone, which it usually does), it was not unusual for people with desk jobs to be out of work for 4 weeks, and folks usually had lifting restrictions for up to 12 weeks. I was also told that it is quite painful.

       All that said, most of our claimants were older than I assume you are, and many were overweight. I’m certain that getting it done when you are younger would lead to a better recovery, so if this is a “do it now or really need it later” issue, you probably should go ahead with it, rather than try to do it when you’re middle aged. If you have a desk job and your employer is willing to accept that you will be unable to get around for a while, (and you can transport yourself to and from work, which is also an issue for some people), you should be able to return in 2 weeks, barring any complications. If you can work at home, you’ll be in even better shape. Also, if you have Short Term Disability, this is the time to use it (if it applies for this short of a time period) as well, which may let you save some of your vacation.

       Good luck to you!

    4. My mom had surgery to remove a bunion on her left foot last summer. The initial recovery is as everyone described it – a velcro boot, stay off it for a couple weeks, and then physical therapy. But she also probably waited to long to have the surgery, so her big toe was curved in and pushing against her second toe. She had to have a pin put in the second toe to straighten it out and that has been the hardest part about her recovery. It takes time to work with that pin so it doesn’t break and there are still some shoes that she can’t wear because they’re uncomfortable even a year later. But she is twice your age, so that may have something to do with it. I would say go for it because the longer you wait, the worse it will get. You probably won’t have to take much time off work since I’m assuming most of your job consists of sitting at your desk or meeting with people. A trial may be difficult, but attending court hearings should be fine because you wouldn’t have to stand for a long period of time. Good luck!

39. I had a final round interview for a fantastic job last week and anticipate either a “no thank you” or an offer on Monday (tomorrow!). I have two more final round interviews over the next 1-2 weeks, which are not quite as prestigious, but might be better fits for me.

    My question is, in the event I do get an offer from the first place tomorrow, how do I handle asking for some time to think about it? They know I’m interviewing elsewhere. I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t want the job, but I would also like some time to think about it (I should hear at least from one of the others a week from tomorrow).

    Also, any advice on making the choice for the “best” firm I can get into, which I anticipate will always be a strong stamp on the resume, versus a very good place that might culturally fit me better (and is less “up or out”)?

    Thanks so much!

    1. From when I got my job offer, from my current job – there was a deadline that they had to have the answer by. I think it was about two weeks after I received the offer. Norwegian companies might differ from US though.

    2. It’s perfectly standard to ask for 1-2 weeks to consider the offer. If you do receive the offer, I suggest calling the ohter 2 firms, telling them you have an offer and have a deadline to make a decision, and asking them if they can move up your interview so that they can make a decision on whether to offer you a job before you have to make your decision about the first firm.

       Congratulations on the interviews!

       1. Thank you– this is helpful!

40. Studying for my last finals ever and twitter just told me that my bf is enjoying a steak and basketball game. *Feeling very resentful of his Sunday* (and anyone’s who isn’t trapped inside frantically trying to learn fed cts!)

    1. I know how it feels! I just finished my last final for this year. Still have one more year to go. Stay motivated! You’re almost done! Have your b/f take you to an awesome dinner after! You will enjoy celebrating.

    2. I KNOW!!!! I have my last law school final ever later this week, and am currently finishing my last paper, which is due tomorrow… while my hubby is in the living room watching a movie. I am sooooo jealous of him right now.

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