Weekend Open Thread

335 Comments

1. I do NOT know if this is the right forem to ask, but I will try. I went out with a girlfriend last nite to a Thai Resturant on the East Side, and she ran in to a guy there that she knew from college. That guy, Larry, had a friend, David, who kind of latched on to me. Well my girlfriend and Larry took off leaving me to make small talk with David, who is a nice person, but absoluetely zero chemistry, if you know what I mean. So I am trying to be nice to this guy, because his friend is friends with my friend, and the next thing you know, he wants to take me back to his apartment. He didn’t even buy me dinner, not that that would be the guage, but he thought b/c he was a lawyer that it would be OK. I knew NOT to go there, b/c there was no–zero– chemistry, and I did not even KNOW this guy, let alone want to get sexuel with him.

   Have any of you had to deal with a jerk like this and what did you do? I mean I would have told him off right there if it were not for his friend being my friend’s friend, but I did NOT tell him off. Is there any reason to go back to my girlfriend and tell her this story?

2. Vent: Years ago, my husband and I decided, for various reasons which make this decision completely obvious to anyone looking at things from a sex-roles-neutral perspective, that I would be the main career person/breadwinner. I went to law school and am now an attorney. I just accepted a job in another city, which was less than ideal, but in this economy, them’s the breaks.

   And it seems like everyone who I talk to about the move is primarily and completely interested in how it will affect my husband and his career- my new co-workers (I started 3 weeks ago, but we’re still in the process of moving; it’s not that far away, though too far to commute.), friends, potential customers on the house, everyone I meet just has to ask practically first thing what my husband is going to do and how his job will handle this. (He works for a national company and can transfer, though he has to take a demotion to do it. But that’s OK- I’m making more money now, and that was the goal. His job is just a job.)

   I can’t imagine that, if a family were moving for the husband to start a new job, anyone would even think of asking about what his wife would do, or at least, it would be really far down on the list. I know it’s silly, but jeeze, it bugs.

   1. If it’s any consolation, the first thing I ask when a male atty friend says he’s moving is what his wife/S.O. will do. But I hear you. Sexism is alive and well.

   2. Interesting comment/observation. I don’t think it’s necessarily true that people don’t ask or think about the wife. I just found out that my brother- and sister-in-law are moving because BIL got a new job – and my first question was about SIL’s job prospects. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, or because I know how important her career is to her? But I actually don’t think it’s as unlikely a question as you might think!

   3. Not so sure about your final conclusion. I know plenty of people who’ve moved for a spouse’s job, and if the wives were career women, they got just as many questions about how they’re accommodating her career. Case in point – my male cousin recently got engaged, and the two of them used to work for the government together but he was transferred to a new location and she quit her job so they can be together. I’d say half of the meet-the-family engagement dinner was spent talking about job opportunities for her in the new city and how she’ll manage her career since they’ll be moving every 2-3 years for the foreseeable future. Same scenario happened when my female coworker quit her job to move to be with her husband for his overseas military posting.

      Anyway, I’m sorry people have been inconsiderate toward you. Perhaps it’s best to reply that you and your husband agreed to focus on your career, and he has a job lined up in the new city but in the long term you two have decided that you will be the primary breadwinner. It’s a little delicate to say to people “yeah, husband doesn’t care that much about his career,” because that could get back to his new job, but it’s fine to say that you mutually agreed to focus on your career.

      Also, I seem to recall that your husband was really gung-ho about your moving to a new city while you were not? If that’s the case, you could just say “Actually husband really loves and wanted to move to City, so I’m happy I was able to find a job so we could move there!” and leave it at that.

   4. I have to respectfully disagree. My sister moved overseas for her husband’s temporary position and people ask all the time what she’s going to be doing over there. I think it’s the norm when one career-oriented spouse makes a sacrifice for the other.

   5. Well, I know many working couples and honestly if the move was triggered by say the husband, I’d ask (automatically) what the wife would do etc. Maybe it’s the same thing but you’re a bit sensitive since it’s a role reversal (of the traditional male b-winner) ?

      That said, I’m terribly /over sensitive to this too:)

3. Quick question but what color blazer can I wear with navy dresses? Other than white, I’m not sure what other color works.

   1. Seersucker, yellow, coral, brown, pink, kelly green all look great with navy IMO.

   2. I think khaki and light gray also look beautiful with navy.

      1. Thanks ladies! I was thinking those colors as well but just wasn’t sure if it could work. Thanks for confirming. And I never thought about seesucker, yellow or light gray so thanks again!

4. First time poster- everyone seems so helpful, so here goes!

   I start as an analyst at an investment bank soon (but not in NYC, so fashion’s a bit more laid-back) but I always see so many girls and women in great work dresses that are structured and have sleeves, but are still adorable.

   What would be some good stores to find these at? I’m fairly petite (5’4″, size 0/00), but with boobs so it’s pretty hard in general to find things that fit well. Thanks!

   1. Congrats on your exciting new job. Have you browsed through Extra Petite? Her blog for petite fashion is really good.

   2. I picked up a great, classic structured black Theory dress with short sleeves (the sleeves really sold me) at the recent Bloomie’s sale for 50% off.

      Normally Theory is out of my price range, but I’ve noticed that I can swing it on sale prices and it’s normally carried at Nordstrom Rack & Marshalls as well. It’s also great for more petite women, as they don’t seem to have indulged in vanity sizing the way BR & Ann Taylor have.

5. It’s probably too late in the weekend for a response, but I just agreed to do a long term sublet from a friend of mine. Apparently, I’m just finding out, she had bedbugs a while back (six months or a year?) and got rid of them herself. No problem since but do I want to avoid this apartment altogether? I’m renting it unfurnished.

   1. Depending on where you’re located…bed bugs are pretty common and may not have been caused by your friend. That being said, I would have an exterminator come in before you move in. If you weren’t renting from a friend, I would advocate splitting the cost between sublessor and yourself. But since it’s a friend, it may just be easier and less awkward to pick the tab up yourself. I would need to hear they were absolutely gone from a certified professional.

      1. This. See my post earlier in this weekend thread about my brother’s horrible experience with bedbugs. I wouldn’t rule it out completely, but definitely make sure a real exterminator checks (and even then, it’s no guarantee).

   2. FWIW, I’ve read in several places that bed bugs can survive for up to a year without feeding.

   3. After speaking with my friend, I got more info: it was last Aug, very small area (just her bed, they hadn’t spread) and she found it early. They took care of it (came by four times to make sure) and she has had her bed wrapped in those bedbug bags ever since. The exterminator came back a while later as did a bedbug sniffing dog and cleared her of bedbugs, but I still worry they could come back. But she hasn’t had a single issue since last August.

6. Ok ladies, help me out.

   I’m a short girl (5′) and a size 6-8. For a long time, I’ve worn skirts to cheat the whole pant length issue, but my current workplace is business casual and all the men wear dockers and dress shirts. I feel overdressed in a skirt/blouse and would like to wear some dress pants.

   I bought some great Calvin Klein “ankle” pants that on me are full length, but I have a dilemma:

   How does one hem pants so they can be worn with both flats and heels without looking stupid? I have shoes that match this in everything from flats to 3″. I prefer to wear lower heels, but they’re still high enough that the pants would look stupid with flats.

   Can a short girl get away with the ankle pant look? Will it make me look silly? I feel like that would solve the issue.

   HELP!

   1. The reality is that you’re not going to have much wiggle room with heel height and pants. You’ll have to wear them with flats or with heels, but not both. I think ankle pants look silly in a professional context. They can look cute when you’re going for casual, but usually when I see them professionally they just look too short. We have a taller woman at work who manages to pull them off with high wedges, but I think as a more petite women, you should avoid them.

   2. (1) Given your office is so casual that you feel overdressed in a skirt, I can’t imagine that ankle pants wouldn’t work just fine. However, if you bought a regular length ankle pant to wear as a full length, it might be difficult to hem that to an attractive ankle length if the legs are tapered. For petites, I think that that ankle pants with a tapered leg is more attractive than a straight leg.

      (2) I know that there are lots of corporettes who swear by the whole pants-should-be-hemmed-so-that-they-almost-graze-the-floor rule. It lengthens the leg, etc, etc, etc… I personally think this is a total YMMV rule. I have my pants hemmed so that they end up cutting about 2/3 of the way up a 3″ heel, which means that I can still wear them with a thick flat (like a clog) without ruining the hem. I find myself changing shoes a lot during the day (different shoe to take kids to school, to commute, at work, and if I go to afterwork function), and I won’t wear skirts when it’s cold. I can’t imagine how many pants I’d have to own/ end up going through if I took a hard line on the pant hem rule.

   3. P.S. why is everything suddenly being moderated? I didn’t even have a link in my reply?!?

   4. Do you mean you buy “ankle” size and they are full length on you, so you can avoid the petite section? I’m short, too, and for me, some Gap jeans fit me better all around in “ankle” length (which are full length for me) versus petites. I have to go down a size for non-petite sizing, though. If that’s what you’re doing, I don’t see any problem with it, as long as the pants fit you well and are full length. Consider looking into petite sizes, and you have to accept that you cannot have pants hemmed for both flats and heels. You need some pants hemmed for flats, and some pants hemmed for heels.

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