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Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here. So Piperlime is featuring designer Amanda Uprichard this week, and I am absolutely loving the bright, colorful dresses, full of feminine ruffles and the beautiful prints — I hope we see some more blouses from this designer for work. After some more research, I found this lovely dress on Bloomingdale's for a better sale than I've seen elsewhere. Love the mixed print (floral and stripes!) as well as the ruffle and the see-through hem detail. Was $168, now $126 (sizes petite-L still available). Quotation: Amanda Uprichard “Michelle” Ruffle Front Printed Dress (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

271 Comments

  1. Biglaw folks – What’s a “managing associate”? Is it a title given automatically to associates at a certain level? When I was in Biglaw, we were all associates or partners (or “of counsel”).

    1. I haven’t heard of this, but my guess would be that the person has been there enough years to be a partner, but didn’t make the cut.

    2. A quick google search suggests it may be a mid-level associate (perhaps one that, for the first time, is managing other associates?)

      I’ve never seen it used, but I guess its a thing.

    3. I’ve actually heard of this. Prior poster is correct – It is a midlevel associate. The idea is that not all associates of the same year have the same ability. Once you show the appropriate skill set, you become a managing associate.

    4. this is a new hierarchy a handful of firms have moved to requiring promotions rather than lock-step advancement from associates (1-3 years) to managing associates (4-6 years) to senior associates (7+ years) and then on to partner.

    5. At my firm they just moved to this:
      (1-3 years) associates
      (4-6 years) senior associates
      (7+ years) managing associates

    6. I had to laugh. There’s an associate at my firm that got that as a nickname several years ago — as a play on “managing partner” — because he likes to act more important than he is. If I ever jump ship, I’ll have to remember that other firms could use the title seriously! :)

      1. Ha – we have a “managing associate” like that. One that is a little too big for his britches. He might be coined with this nickname now.

  2. Been waiting all week for this! Any recommendations for a good knit blazer? Curvy, big chest, shoulders, and arms, and small waist. I find that knit blazers are either cut really skinny or like a tent. I have been on this hunt so long I’m losing hope. Any help is appreciated. Thank you!

    1. I know from experience being different sizes in the arms/shoulders/chest/waist makes shopping tough! My best recommendation would be to hit outlets or sales and get a blazer that fits or is just a little too big in the largest area and have it tailored. It will come out looking made-for-you and you don’t have to spend a fortune!

  3. This dress is cute! I love turquoise, stripes and flowers. And dresses.

    Anyways, I just wanted to say that y’all inspired me to cruise Netflix for tv shows and I started watching Drop Dead Diva. And while it makes me cringe sometimes, it’s hilarious. Nice brain candy show, if anyone was looking for recs.

    And to my embarassing wardrobe fail today – it’s HOT in NYC right now and the humidity finally kicked in today. I typically wear a slip, t-shirt or blouse underneath sheath dresses or tunic tops/kurtas. So today, I’m wearing a dark brown tunic top with bone-colored print but no under layer cuz it’s all hot and humid and tunic tops are nice and easy and keep me ventilated. Well….when I get to the ladies room at work, I realize that the dark brown tunic that doesn’t *need* a foundation layer is quite happily showing my black bra through its sheer fabric. Good grief. Thankfully, my headscarf is covering my chest and I have a jacket in the office, too. Well, at least I’m keeping cool, right?

    1. Thanks for the brain candy recommendation, I have been looking for something for destressing!

      1. I went anon for this bc it’s so embarrassing, but my latest brain candy has been The Ghost Whisperer. It is so bad it’s good. I laugh until I cry almost every episode – the crazy outfits, the fake eyelashes, J Lo Hew cries at least 3x per episode, and her husband character is basically the Brawny man come to life. If he’s not washing the dishes he’s rubbing her shoulders while she takes a bubble bath, all the while asking about her feelings. Highly recommended if you enjoy terrible tv like I do.

        1. I have to have at least one CW/ABC Family Show in rotation at all times for the brain candy factor. I’m just making my way through Greek right now, which is totally ridiculous and enjoyable.

    2. You know, if your bathroom is anything like ours, the light is kind of weird. In ours it makes sheer fabrics seem a lot more sheer than they are in normal light. Just a thought…

        1. Blush not, Ru. Yesterday, I left the ladies room with my skirt tucked into my underwear. Yes! Fortunately, our (female) office manager noticed immediately and I raced to the closest empty office, shut the door and re-arranged myself. I could’ve walked by a client in our waiting room, which was, fortunately, empty. As we say in Hawaii, auwe!

  4. I wanted to give you ladies an update about the offer that I have been working on. I am the one who hates City A and is considering moving to City B, the location of family and friends. After I received the formal letter with the benefits information, I realized that the new firm did not offer some significant benefits that I received at my current firm. I called the partner who sent me the offer and told him that I was hesitating because the offer was not competitive with what I currently received and asking if they would be willing to either up the salary or benefits or lessen the hours. He basically told me that there was likely no room to negotiate but that he would take it to the hiring committee. He also told me to think twice about asking for less hours and that if I did not to work hard that the new firm was the wrong place for me. This was after he acknowledged that every associate’s hours goal in the firms is different and that the salary they offered was in the middle for associates in my class.

    It took a lot of courage for me to call and negotiate, and the guy was basically a jerk a to me. Anyway, just wanted to give you guys an update. At this point, I am guessing that the opportunity won’t work out.

    2. I understand you may not be interested now in the offer, but as an associate in big/mid-law, I would not think that the guy was a “jerk.” He was being fairly honest about how it works — there is not a lot of room for negotiation. The fact that they were starting you around the middle for your class is telling. They are assigning you to the middle ground, and letting your performance dictate how far up or down you go.

    3. Sorry it looks like its not working out. In the future I would not ask for less hours in a negotiation, I don’t think that is a good strategy and I’ve never seen it suggested before.

      2. This.

        Perfectly fine to ask for more salary or benefits, especially if the benefits offered are not competitive with your current benefits. Never, ever even hint that you don’t want to put in the hours they want you to put in.

    4. Hinting that you don’t want to put in the hours is often the kiss of death, but I would not think that applies at a firm where “every associate’s hours goal is different.” At one of my past jobs, I negotiated a lower salary for lower pay (of course the pay cut was not even close to the same percentage as the hours reduction – even taking into account the cost of my benefits, but that is par for the course). In that situation, however, I was had a job and was leaving specifically to work fewer hours. I did not want the job if it included a 2100 hour per year billing requirement and was honest with them about that.

      That is the problem with negotiating. You have to ask yourself if this is a dealbreaker.

    5. One save would be to negotiate at what number of hours you become bonus eligible – so 2100 goal, 1900 bonus eligible or something like that but i’m sure they would then think you wouldn’t even try for the full amount.

  5. Does anyone have an good exercises for slimming down the thighs and butt area? I’ve only gained a handful of pounds in the past year, but apparently it all went straight to the thighs because none of my pencil skirt suits fit anymore. They fit fine in the waist, but are much too tight across the thighs:-(

    1. Most nutritionists/trainers will tell you that there is really nothing you can do to control where your, individual, body gains and loses weight.

      1. I generally agree with this, but try lunges and squats. And if they’re not that hard, add weight.

        1. Also, if they aren’t that hard, add reps. I do lunges up a football field as part of one of my workouts – it takes 125 lunges to go from end to end. Trust me, you will feel it!!

          1. Ooh, but be careful because if your build is anything like mine, you will add bulk to your thighs if you do too much leg/butt work. I have to really limit the number of lunges, stair steps, etc that I do or my clothes REALLY won’t fit and stick to good ol’ cardio to get lean.

        2. I play EA Sports Active 2 for wii everyday. “The trainer” tells me that if you point your toes up in your shoes when you’re doing squats, you’ll intensify the workout for your butt.

        3. This is exactly what I would NOT recommend. On many pear shapes, lunges and squats will actually make your thighs/hips bigger. Read Escape Your Shape for more info, it’s a really helpful book. For your body type, I’d recommend focus on strengthening your upper body, jump roping, and floor work.

    2. Lunges: straight, angled, side to side, etc. Also can lay on your side and do leg lifts.

      Alt: Yoga in general should slim your thighs.

      Some of the P90X routines (legs and back & plyometrics routines) will help you shape your thighs.

    3. I do a barre class a couple of times a week (In the Pac NW and go to barre3, but there are several around). When I was serious, going three or more times a week, I definitely noticed that my butt was firmer and more toned, and maybe a bit better shaped? Not sure if it was actually smaller, but my waist definitely was, and because of that, my pants fit differently.

      I also liked that the mantra was about getting “my best butt, no matter the size” it is a very body positive experience (like yoga in that there’s specific attention paid to the fact that its about listening to your body rather than competing with others.

      1. Ditto on barre classes. While I don’t think it is possible to “spot reduce” a certain area, barre classes will do wonders for toning your thighs and rear (and not to mention my arms haven’t looked better). I do Core Fusion at Exhale Spa (there are locations around the US) which I love, but there seem to be lots of places with barre type workouts.

        I agree with the above poster, at my classes at Exhale, it isn’t competitive and is all about listening to your body on that day.

    4. Butt Blasters. I just tried to find a link online, but couldn’t so you’ll have to settle for my description.

      Get on hands and knees (tabletop position). Then there are any number of exercises. Do all exercises on one leg and then switch to the other leg. For example, do 30 seconds of bringing one knee in and out straigh, then 30 seconds of bringing one leg up and down like a lever, then 30 seconds of the hydrant (knee out to the side), then 30 seconds of the donkey kick (knee in and then leg up with heel to the ceiling). Another option is heel to the ceiling – circle one way for 30 seconds, then the other way for 30 seconds.

      They’re killer. My butt always practically gives out during the exercise, but they work.

    6. Run. Try the couch to 5K challenge if you haven’t before. Just the pure cardio slims down the butt and thighs, usually within a week or two.

      Spin–you need to be really about who the instructor is and how much strength training & resistance work the class involves. That can actually bulk the thighs up :-)

  6. DC Corporettes:

    Any thoughts on the Near SE area, especially the neighborhood around the Navy Yard metro station? I’ve found a promising apartment out that way, but I’ve heard mixed reviews about the area’s safety. I’m single and routinely leave before sun-up, so I’d be walking alone in the dark, if that’s a concern. Anything I should know before taking the plunge?

    Thanks in advance, ladies!
    (I got a “posting too quickly” notice when I tried the first time, so apologies if this ends up a double!)

    1. I live there now. I have never felt unsafe there. Sometimes walking home from the Metro at night, it’s very isolated, which can you make you feel nervous, but I’ve never actually had reason to be uncomfortable other than that.

      Be warned there’s not much to do down there. One good bar/restaurant (Justins!), but it’s very small and low key. The closest grocery store is walkable, but not if you’re carrying a lot of stuff. I usually drive. Not sure if you’re looking to buy or rent, but the area should be developing in the next couple years. If I could afford to, I would definitely buy there. But overall you get really nice luxury apartments that would easily cost $500+/month more than anywhere else in the city. I think the tradeoff is more in nearby entertainment and retail than safety though.

      It’s a young neighborhood too– most people in their 20s, early 30s, at least in my building. A few families, but a ton of hill staff and other young people who can’t afford to live in other areas.

      If you have any more specific questions let me know!

    2. I know a couple people who live around Navy Yard. The main problem is that nothing is close by. It’s a sort of lonely, isolated little pocket. If you live toward the direction of Waterfront metro station, then you’d be closer to a nice Safeway. The other direction, you’re not far from Capitol Hill neighborhoods. But there aren’t many hangouts or activities in the immediate area and there’s not a real sense of community or neighborliness either.

      I haven’t heard any complaints about crime. All of DC has relatively high crime and that neighborhood isn’t any less safe than anywhere else. It’s just kind of empty so you’re unlikely to see other people on the streets or have someone come to your aid if you are attacked.

      2. My brother and dad live in the area. When my dad fell and tore a tendon in his leg a couple of months ago several people stopped by to help him soon afterward. I know it’s not the same situation as a mugging, but it’s not so isolated that no one will be around if you get in trouble.

        I know my brother is planning on moving when his lease expires because the landlord is raising the rent by over $500. I don’t know how common that is.

        1. Ugh, ours went up $200/month. Basically a lot of the buildings came with very good “specials”– I think we got 6 or 8 weeks free rent a year ago when we signed, and they cut that in half. Similar deal with parking– was half off at first. Now that the buildings are getting filled, they are dropping the specials.

          If your building isn’t on “special” I think it’d be much harder for them to do that.

          1. I like that area, but agree that it’s still a little empty… Also second that it would be a great place to buy; there are a lot of development plans, and waterfront doesn’t stay inexpensive forever. If the Nats ever become halfway decent, that whole area will explode. (That’s a big “if” though!)

            RE: people whose rents are hiked the second year of the lease — it’s worth talking to your building’s manager to try to get it reduced. We moved in on a “3 months free” special and when our lease came up for renewal recently, they tried to raise our rent close to $1000 more/month! Absurd, even for DC area. We settled for a $100 increase. You never get what you don’t ask for.

    3. Thanks ladies! I didn’t think the safety concerns squared with what I’d seen in the neighborhood, so I’m thankful for confirmation on that point. Kind of concerned about the rising rent prices, though – I can barely afford it as is! The price and commute benefits will probably outweigh the lack of entertainment for me, but that’s good to know.

      Ellie – do you get a lot of noise/traffic from the ballpark, or is far enough away that it doesn’t interfere too much?

      Thanks again!

      1. I would definitely ask the leasing office about the pricing– see what percent of your rent is on special.

        I’m several blocks north of the ball park, and only hear games when I’m on the roof and the opposing team makes a good play (gotta love the Nats– more fans for the opponents, every game!). Even if you were closer, though, the games never run past 10 or so. What’s more obnoxious is trying to get on the metro around game time.

        As far as break ins and such, I assumed you were looking at one of the new high-rise buildings. The extent of crime I’ve heard of aside from Danielle’s comment was that some (unlocked) bikes were taken from the parking garage of one of the buildings. I feel very safe in mine. Although people can easily tailgate in, you do have to have a key to get in to the building. I’ve never worried about my apartment getting broken into.

    5. I also live nearby. I too leave home early or get home after dark and I have never felt unsafe. That being said, my apartment was broken into and some electronics were stolen. Mildly unsettling for a day or two, but it hasn’t changed how I feel coming or going from my home.

    6. Call and talk to the police about it. That’s what I always do when I move to a new area. Call the non-emergency line, of course…if you explain what you are asking, they will transfer you to the right people. You can find out fascinating stuff that way. For example, in one big town, they told me to avoid the supposedly fancy “river-front” apartments because the river bed was basically a highway for all the transient homeless people and the people sneaking over the border from Mexico (this was in southern California). They told me to avoid some other areas that some people had recommended. I’ve done this in the DC area, and wound up in Bethesda (not that that is the only safe area, but at the time, the police recommended that over some of my other choices). As I remember, the DC cops couldn’t come out and say such and such neighborhood is bad, such and such neighborhood is safe. They were not as upfront as the Southern CA police I talked to, which were in a special office for that sort of thing. What the DC police *could* answer is this: if I were your daughter, would you be comfortable with me living by myself in an apartment in that area? That question can be very illuminating.

  7. If anyone with oily skin is looking for a face wash and moisturizer, I’ve been using the AMBI exfoliating wash and moisturizer with SPF 30 for a month now and cannot recommend it enough.

    The face wash has just enough grit to it so I can feel the exfoliation, but do not feel my skin has been rubbed raw by the time I am done and the moisturizer is perfect. I only have to use one pump for my entire face.

    I don’t wear make-up so I can’t comment on how that holds us, but the EvenBlend formula in the products is working. Many of my stubborn acne marks have faded into oblivion and the remaining ones aren’t that far behind.

    Hope this helps someone.

    1. Hi there @Ms. BEF — Ambi did great things for my skin in college — smothing out blotches and acne marks. I just used the fade cream back then (and, no, unlike their advertisements, I wasn’t trying to bleach myself lighter.. LOL). I’ll try your combo. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Thanks Fiona! Looks very cute and they have my size and great price. I have ordered 5 blazers online and none have worked out and haven’t ordered from Black/White Market before so I hope this works out. :)

  9. Ladies,

    I need help. I sweat a lot on my face and head. I am being forcibly reminded of this fact the minute the summer weather started. I get a sweat stache, a sweat beard–you get the idea. Anything I can do to reduce all this sweating?

    Applying sunscreen only makes the sweating worse. It turns out sunscreen gives me white sweat stache. haha

    1. I do this too. I finally just accepted it. But I admit I have considered botox since this stops sweating.

    2. Have you tried baby powder?

      I have crazy sweat issues in general (did botox for my underarms for a while) and now I take Robinul–it works great for me. May be worth the initial dry mouth side effects (goes away after a few weeks).

      1. How long have you been taking Robinul? I remember someone posting about that on an earlier thread (you, perhaps?), so I did some online research and am very interested in it. I am sure I have hyperhydrosis. My hands and feet sweat constantly, and I would love to find something that actually works. I’m concerned about some of the possible side effects though (dryness, dehydration, etc.) But you think it’s worth it?

        1. Love Robinul! I’ve been taking it for 2 years, and I have had only 2 side effects, and they weren’t major enough to bother me; first, my eyes get dry, and second, if I take it at night, I have crazy dreams. Both of those were easy fixes, I just use rewetting drops, and I take it in the morning. I drink probably 2 or 3 liters of water a day, so I can’t speak to dehydration, as I’ve always kept a water bottle nearby. It has truly been a lifesaver for me, because I didn’t want to put deodorant on my hands and back and feet, and that’s where I was really having problems (plus my armpits). My derm says you should still sweat when you work out, and I’ve noticed I sweat more than other people then, but I don’t have to keep a jacket on to hide my pits, or wipe my hands before shaking someone’s!

    3. I use aerosol deodorant to stop boob/ between leg sweat when I know I will be outside in heat humidity. I would certainly keep my eyes closed or covered (swim goggles maybe?), and I cant guarantee that it wont cause breakouts, but a can is only $2.00 and it might be worth a shot.

      1. On a similar note, I seem to remember a recommendation on corporette for a particular brand of bike shorts to wear under dresses/skirts to prevent chub rub. Does anyone recall what it was? Or have any suggestions?

        1. I like C9 by Champion Women’s Compression Shorts from Target. They’re a knockoff of Under Armour ‘Ultra’ Compression Shorts, which I also like. They’re relatively short (4″) so they don’t show under any of my work skirts, and they wick moisture away and keep me comfortable.

    4. Do you carry a handkerchief? I just wipe the sweat off as needed. And yes, I get a sweat stache too. If you let the sunscreen absorb for around 10 minutes before you start sweating that should reduce it.

    5. I got some blotting papers from Sephora that are wonderful. Sunscreen also makes me sweat more, sucks. I hate having a sweaty face.

        1. In a bind, I use the seat covers in public restrooms as blotting paper. It works amazingly well, even if I do feel stupid using them that way.

          My face sweats like crazy- to the point people comment on it. Haven’t find anything that stops it- however Shiseido Sun Protection Lotion works very well as a mattifier.

    6. Have you tried Super Fluid SPF 50 from Kiehls? It’s not cheap, but as a person who has had melanoma, I am obsessed with sunscreen. Originally, I tried a brand that came recommended (thomas something I think) but a) made me sweat and b) caused me to break out (I may have had cancer, but I’m also vain). I switched to the Kiehls stuff and it’s so light and absorbs so quickly that it feels like it’s gone in 5 minutes. Maybe that would make things better? I don’t think it’s a sport formula, but it is light and lovely.

      1. Wow, thanks ladies. Looks like I will have to suck it up to an extent and apply sunscreen enough ahead of time to let it sink in. I do carry a handkerchief because tissue is not absorbent enough. My only complain is that it also takes off all my makeup.

  10. Hi, I remember seeing some discussion about people’s favorite iphone food tracker apps a while back. I searched the site a bit and saw that LoseIt was receommended by a couple of people – any updates to that or other recommendations?

    1. Myfitnesspal. Great and free app. Tracks everything you eat, has an extensive database and will track calories burned in exercise as well. If you are dieting or trying to maintain a weight, it is invaluable. You also can use it on a computer and it all syncs.
      Link: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/mobile

      1. Second, it’s a great app and MUCH more extensive than the weight watchers database.

      3. I use myfitnesspal. It helped me lose about 15 lbs this year. I have lost about 30 total. I look great. And I am still on mfp, I think that it’s helpful with training (for a 5K, triathelon, or anything really) as well.

    2. I used to use LoseIt, but I switched to the free SparkPeople app because they have a much larger selection of food – it lets you search the food other people have entered, such as “Kroger – chicken salad” or “Stop and Shop brand turkey,” which I could never find on LoseIt.

      It also has a fitness tracker, but I don’t use that function. I haven’t tried myfitnesspal so I can’t say how it compares.

    4. I’ve been using Loseit now since I got my IPhone in Sept 2010. It is still helping me lose weight and count calories. The times when the diet hasn’t worked are when I know I haven’t stuck to it. When I can’t find the food I ate in the calorie counter, I look it up on the Restaurants app or Livestrong app.

  11. Lately I’ve been thinking more about the timing of having children. I know that it’s a personal decision, but I’m relatively junior at a biglaw firm and also relatively “old” for my class year. I know a lot of women wait until they’re further along in their career, but would it be detrimental to have a child as a second or third-year associate and remain in biglaw (in terms of other people’s perceptions of me, like, I haven’t “proven” myself)?

    2. I don’t have kids but from an observational point of view, don’t base the timing on what works for your firm. Do what works for you. Also, it is much easier to step in and out of client work as a junior associate than as someone more senior with more client contacts to worry about retaining during maternity leave. Again, do what works best for you and your partner.

    3. There is never a perfect time to have a baby. Start trying to get pregnant when you want a baby, not when you think the career stars have aligned. If people’s perceptions of you change while you’re pregnant, they’ll change back when you return from maternity leave. Don’t worry about that.

    4. My personal experience is that you cannot perfectly plan when it will happen, so once you feel that the time is right for your family, you should start trying. I’m a third year, so I’m still a “newish” associate, and my husband and I have been trying to start our family. But, conception is proving much, much more difficult than we ever would have expected, and I’m really glad that I didn’t wait to hit the five year mark before we started trying, which was our original plan. With that said, even though I’m still technically a junior associate, I feel more confident in my job than I did as a first year, and like I have room in my life for “other” things (whereas, until I got my feet under me, it was often a struggle to sleep and eat, in addition to working).

      With that said, I’m a litigation associate, and I worry about how I will manage the uncertainty of my job with a child. But, I think that would be true no matter what level I am.

    5. i was a second year. im now a 6th year and my youngest is almost 1. its been perfect for me and although some may disagree, i think its silly to try to plan kids around work or vice versa. there is no perfect time, so just do it when you and your SO feel it.

    6. If you’re ready to have a baby, don’t wait. You may have trouble getting pregnant and then want to kick yourself for putting it off and losing precious time.

    7. I was basically wondering the same thing…I am the only female attorney in my office. I am just beginning to think about starting a family, but the thought of juggling a career and family when my schedule is a bit crazy and my husband’s work schedule is insane (he is a Dr. and works 24hr shifts and night shifts alot). How do you ladies juggle family and work? Any advice/regrets/ideas??

      1. My husband is also a physician (I’m a general surgeon, he’s a cardiologist — both specialties with “true emergencies” — like people who die if we don’t do something right. now.). We have a two year old. We both chose jobs that were at the “family friendly” end of the spectrum within our specialties (he had a job that he could work 8:45-5:30, I took a job that had 1 in 13 call). With that, the only way we could manage this life successfully without going completely insane was with a nanny. We realized that absolutely having to be at daycare by a specific time would drive us insane. Also, we live in a city with no other relatives, so we didn’t have a good plan B if our kid was too sick to go to daycare (which happens on average 1-2/month for people with kids under 2). Selfishly, we also appreciate having our nanny do laundry, light housework, baking etc. It’s also lovely to be able to leave my son in his PJs in the morning instead of having to get him dressed, packed and driven to daycare.

        My husband and I work probably 45-50/week, which is less than average for cardiologists and general surgeons. It’s busy, but we love our jobs and love our son. Other things we do to make life easy — grocery delivery (a godsend — I can order diapers at 10pm and their on our porch when I wake up) live very close to work (our house is 2 miles from my hospital and 1.8 from my husbands) so that we have minimal commute. We end up sending a lot of laundry out so that we do minimal ironing of our work clothes. Basically, we buy time with our kid with the money we earn, and I am grateful on a daily basis that we can do this.

        1. One of the best things I ever heard was to hire as much help as you can afford. We have a nanny and a housekeeper that comes every other week. Diapers.com is wonderful. Also, I learned to let some things go. So what if the house isn’t as perfect as it used to be and that I don’t have as many parties as I used to – they grow up so fast.

      2. It’s hell. But you get through it day by day. The other option is not having a family and that wasn’t where I wanted to be. Hire a nanny, get family help if you can, and just figure it out.

    8. If you’re ready, don’t wait. Your career will never create the perfect opportunity for you to have a baby. Your partner being ready is way more important than where you are at in your job, since he/she will be the one helping you manage sleepless nights and childrearing.

      I think I’ve said this before – I have PCOS and had trouble conceiving at 28. I have a friend who started trying at 37 and never was able to get pregnant. Infertility doesn’t just happen to 40-year-olds. I hope you are as fertile as the Nile delta and will have no trouble, but you don’t know until you start trying. If you start trying when you’re younger, you are both A. more fertile and B. have more time to try treatment if you do have trouble, and have a greater chance of having it be successful.

      If you’re ready, go for it. If you’re not, you have some time, but never wait for your career to be in the “perfect place” before you try to get pregnant, because that will never happen. Good luck.

    9. Don’t wait! I have several friends who started trying when they were 2nd or 3rd years, and it was 5th or 6th year by the time they actually had the baby. (these people were not ‘old’, either, early 30s)

    10. Just chiming in with everyone else – go for it! You should never wait for the “perfect” time, because there’s always an excuse to wait. I have two kids, the first was extremely ill-timed, and the second was long-awaited and hard-won. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. If you’re ready, do it.

      1. Agree that you shouldn’t wait before trying but also suggest that you do everything you can do to maximize the degree of training you get before you actually give birth — the juggle will make it much harder to do afterwards. If you haven’t had NITA deposition and trial training (or your firm’s internal training), do it now. If there are skills that you haven’t had a chance to develop, i.e. worked on a trial, argued a motion yourself, etc. . . try to get those opportunities now, even if it means taking on some pro bono work. You’re at least 10 months away from having a baby, make the most of that time, you will be glad you did it when it was easier to fit it in.

  12. Question re: giving feedback to a first year.

    This week on __day, I was supposed to receive a draft motion from first year X, which was assigned weeks ago. At the end of __day, X comes by my office to ask for an extension. While I wish X had asked earlier, i.e. before the brief was due, fine, as long as I can have it first thing in the morning. But X doesn’t give me the brief until the afternoon, so a day late.

    The brief is a mess. There are typos all over, and obvious errors and omissions in the caption, which I think is ridiculous given that we’ve filed many pleadings in this case already. There are glaring grammar issues. Not bluebooked, no pin citations. And on top of all of that, the brief is terrible. Shoddy writing, barely any citations, no case analysis, no support. It seems like X didn’t even try, but my coworkers have said X was staying late working on the brief. Since we’re filing early next week, I had to stay up very late to basically rewrite the entire motion.

    I’m beyond annoyed, but trying to remember that long, long ago, I was a first year who didn’t ace her first brief either, and someone above me had to edit my work. But then the mean girl part of my head says “yes, but you never turned in a brief full of typos, glaring errors, and little case support.” I feel disrespected by receiving this late and shoddy work. Ladies, please tell me how to give feedback??

    1. Give yourself time to calm down then set up a coffee or lunch date with the first year to give good, constructive feedback. Write out some notes of what the first year did right and wrong so the meeting doesn’t feel like a rant. Take the opportunity to be a mentor and help the person improve. Several years ago I had a very similar experience with a first year helping on a brief that was a complete disaster. I had to redo all of her cites and throw out a good chunk of what she wrote. I don’t think I handled the feedback process well at first but a mentor of mine advised me to sit down with the person and review the issues in detail and explain expectations. Several years later I had the opportunity to work with this person again and was pleasantly surprised by how much she had improved in terms of attention to detail, professionalism and dedication.

      I strongly recommend giving the first year a second chance with detailed feedback and the reason I suggested coffee/lunch is it can help the mood. It can help you put on your mentor hat and it can send the message to the first year that you aren’t just ranting and that you really are interested in helping him/her improve.

      All that being said, I know this is extremely difficult to do in reality and doesn’t always work out sunnily. I had another experience where I took the mentoring approach and the guy never got the message and was ultimately let go but I was comfortable when I gave my review that I had done everything I could do to help him.

      1. I agree with these comments, except that it should be a sit-down in your office where you talk about the work in some detail. If you had not yet rewritten it I would go through her draft in detail, but since you already have, I would instead focus on what you changed and why, so that she understands what she needs to do better. You should also point out some examples of her sloppiness, making clear that you are not going through all of them. You also need to make clear about why you set deadlines, as others point out. A good associate will learn a lot from the process and turn in a much better draft the next time. If you don’t do this, then she will be left to guess as to why you wrote the brief the way you did, and she won’t learn nearly as much.

    2. Schedule a meeting with X – don’t do it ad hoc. Ask her to bring pen and paper so she can take notes. Schedule at least half an hour of time so she can ask questions.

      Begin calmly and tell her you don’t think she understood what the expectations were for writing a brief. Tell her you wanted to have this sit-down so you could make the expectations clear, so next time she will be able to produce acceptable work. This approach makes it less likely she will take your feedback as a personal attack.

      Make sure you address the lateness issue. Tell her extensions must be requested in advance of the due date. Tell her that because the brief was late, you had to work all night to edit it. She needs to understand that her lateness has adverse consequences for other people.

      Make sure you tell her that briefs need to be submitted as a final, filing-ready draft, not as a first draft. That includes cite checking, rereading for typos, etc. Tell her that what she turned in to you was first draft quality and that is not acceptable unless she is explicitly asked to write a first draft.

      Then address the specific issues with the brief, paragraph by paragraph.

      Through the whole process, stay calm and work with the assumption that it’s not that she’s a poor lawyer, but rather than she didn’t understand what’s expected in a brief and that she won’t let this happen again.

      Good for you for being calm and trying to be constructive about this. I wish all supervisors were like this!

      1. This, but one more thing to consider as well.

        I find that junior associates often prioritize based on how interesting they find the assignment. I’m not sure what other work X is doing right now, or if she is working in any departments other than yours, but could it be that she isn’t interested in litigation? I say this because I once had a similar experience with an articled student (same as first year associate in the US) who turned in a really terrible, inexcusable research memorandum. I could not believe the poor quality. Even after he fixed it, I still had to redo half of it again, which I considered a massive waste of my time. But it turned out that he simply wasn’t interested in corporate work. However, he did excellent work for the litigators and is now thriving in a different department. Just something to think about, but I don’t know what the situation is like in your firm.

      2. Such great advice. I had a senior associate give me similar feedback (although my mistakes were less of the typo/grammatical variety) and it was invaluable. He hand-edited my draft and then gave me 1) his edits and 2) the filed version so that I could see and understand the changes.

        I know it was awkward at first for him. but I’ve always appreciated that he took the time to mentor.

    3. Not in law, but here is what I would mention on the time issue (maybe with a bit rephrasing to suit the situation) :

      “I understand that sometimes things take longer than expected. However, I also operate on a deadline and if you need extra time, I will have to know so-and-so long in advance, so I can plan accordingly. If I don’t hear anything by that time, I will assume everything will be done on schedule. ”

      I’m not sure how to phrase the rest of the issues.

    4. This is tough – because it’s not just that X didn’t make the points needed (whether big or small), it’s that the work product itself was unacceptable. I don’t think it’s mean-girl-esque to think that the brief should have been turned in without such glaring errors (grammar, bad caption are not acceptable). I think you need to talk to X ASAP and tell X what was wrong with the brief – firmly, but respectfully. If something else came up for X that prevented X from doing the best possible job, X needs to know to communicate that to the person who assigned the work ASAP. If there is something that was unclear about the assignment to X, X needs to know to ask questions.

    5. I always gave feedback on work like that (the VERY few times I received it) by behaving “as if” the associate tried his/her very hardest and simply didn’t know any better. I would sit shoulder to shoulder with the associate, with the brief on the table between us, and go through sentence by sentence and explain what was wrong and why and what it should be instead. Even with typos and BBing.

      You have to really try hard to do it with a totally straight face and a voice devoid of irony, anger, irritation, etc. But my feeling was that if the associate really didn’t know any better, this was fair to him/her and the next written work product would show the improvement. If, on the other hand, the associate was trying to see what he could get away with with me (this happened with a couple junior male associates when I was a senior associate/young partner), it told him in no uncertain terms that I looked at everything just as carefully as an “important partner,” that I noticed everything, and that I would indeed make him sit through a painful blow-by-blow to get it right. That was usually the end of either the problem or the associate.

      1. You are the type of partner who makes a successful associate. I will always be grateful to the partners who took this approach with me because it really did make me a better writer and lawyer. It will also make a well meaning associate want to walk through fire to please you because you assumed the best of him/her instead of the worst.

    6. Second the above comments about mentoring the associate in a way that is constructive but also makes it clear that certain things about her work – grammatical mistakes, typos, Bluebooking errors, etc. – are unacceptable.

      I’d also suggest explaining the briefing process to X so she better understands why the brief was due when it was due. As a first year associate, I’ve been really surprised by how long it takes to actually write and file a brief. There are a lot of steps that have to happen before a brief is filed that may be second nature to a more experienced attorney but really aren’t obvious to us – (possibly multiple rounds of) in house counsel and client comments, cite checking, etc. She probably thought that it wasn’t a big deal to give you a first draft of the brief a few days before it had to be filed, and had no clue the brief was supposed to be in its final form or that you would have to stay up late to fix her errors. She probably expected to get edits back from you today or even Monday. If you explain how things work to her then hopefully she will not make the same mistake in the future.

      1. That reminds me of a time when I was a first year associate, and assigned to write a brief for federal court. The day before it was due, I gave it to the partner, and told her it was 10 pages over the page limit, so I would do a motion to file an oversize brief. I had done that before in state court, and it was easy to get something like that approved in one day, so I thought it would be no problem. Not so much in federal court. The partner explained that we couldn’t do that in federal court, and we all stayed late rewriting my brief to cut out 10 pages. Fun times. But we did win the motion and I never made that mistake again.

        1. Someone laughed at that once like 10 years ago, I’m not sure why I keep using it.

    7. I can see where this would be really aggravating. Is it possible that he wasn’t sloppy, so much as overwhelmed? If so, he’s probably got potential and you might be doing yourself a favor by giving him some timely mentoring.

      I know that supervising attorneys often don’t feel like they have the time to do this, but could you treat this like an “exercise” and go back and forth with him on several rounds of edits, even though *his* final version won’t matter? Reviewing a supervisor’s edits, and making the changes myself, is how I’ve learned to write like a lawyer. In the future, make his deadline much earlier than the actual deadline (or break the brief into parts and go part-by-part) so you have time to have him make the edits.

      The other helpful thing would be to make global comments, and let X find his/her own errors. For instance, “Remove passive voice – global,” or “spellcheck,” or “plaintiff’s name misspelled throughout.” This also gives X a reference point for the next assignment, because they are clear brightline rules.

    8. I’d suggest asking the associate to join you for coffee (after filing the brief) so you can discuss how the assignment went. I would specifically give the associate a heads up that you’re planning a feedback session so he/she can be ready to be receptive. When you’re giving the feedback, try to focus on specific, concrete examples. Unless this associate is routinely turning in fantastic work for others, I doubt this is a respect issue.

    9. I would schedule a sit down. I would focus on (1) I know that you care about this work and wanting to do good work (2) the product that you gave me does not reflect that (3) what were the problems that caused #2.

      If it’s more time, it’s more time. If it’s more focus while working on it, then the intern/associate needs to work on that. If it’s additional proof-reading skills/cite work, give suggestions on how to obtain that. Stress that this is not acceptable work product, but try to find out why it is teh way that it is.

      1. My practice, if I have the time, is to do a redline when I edit the draft that I am given. After the brief is finished, I sit down with my associate and use the redline to go over the major changes and the reasons fir them, both substantive as well as stylistic. If the draft is rife with misspellings and grammatical errors I point them out in the redline and explain that these are unacceptable in any draft that I receive. I also save the redline so that the accepted changes are a new version and I always have a record of the original draft and problems. This usually works well with an associate who wants constructive feedback to improve his or her work product and has the needed ability to improve and succeed. Sometimes it doesn’t produce the desired result — improved work product. I had an associate that I spent hours mentoring and giving feedback but he was simply incapable of producing acceptable work. When we ultimately let him go, he was gracious, understood the problem and actually thanked me for my patience and mentoring efforts. I knew I had done what I could but it was not a good fit for either of us. You can’t just let this type of shoddy work go without addressing the issues head on, when you are rested and feeling calm about it, of course.

    10. This is mostly repetition at this point but I agree with everyone who said to wait and to write out what you want to say first so it comes off as constructive. As someone who struggled at first, I will say you are doing her a big favor by explaining what she did right and wrong and that in future, she should ask for an extension sooner rather than later. Also, if you can have your assistant delta-view the brief you filed versus what she gave you and give that to her, I found that really helpful (some partners edited in red pen, some sent me tracked changed in word and told me to accept all and file, whatever works for you). I will also be forever grateful to the partner who did all that and then gave me what I felt was a true second chance to prove myself. I was able to rectify the issues and we now have an excellent working relationship and I get a lot of work from him (I’m now a 4th year associate). Please please don’t take her shoddy work personally. It’s not acceptable but she is a first year and should be given the benefit of the doubt, especially if people indicate she was working late to try and finish it. She may have just freaked out so much she didn’t focus well. If you take the time to mentor her and it happens again, that’s another story. But she will be forever grateful for constructive criticism and a second chance…

    11. Agree with the comments above. Again, not a lawyer, but these are my general feedback thoughts:

      – Talk with her as soon as possible (and as soon as you can do it calmly, as others have said). It will be more fresh in both of your minds, and I think it’s best to close the feedback loop as soon as possible.

      – I don’t like giving feedback, so it’s hard for me to resist softening my message. However, I honestly believe that trying to soften the message too much only confuses the message. I know it’s not always comfortable, but be clear, and be direct.

      -Don’t skim over what she did wrong, but make the focus of your conversation how to get it right going forward. The end goal isn’t for her to feel overwhelming, debilitating shame (although it sounds like some “yeah, I should have looked over this more carefully” feeling are in order)–she should leave the conversation knowing that she has the information she needs to get this right next time.

      – Your firm has invested in her, and you want her to succeed. Hiring and training someone isn’t without cost, so you have an incentive to help her improve. At a certain point, obviously, the cost is too high, but it doesn’t sound like you’re at that point yet. I think leading with that kind of message (e.g. “I want you to be successful here, and I want to review something with you that’s critical to your success both here and as a lawyer…”) can be really helpful.

    12. One other thing- as a first year, I have found one of the most difficult things to be balancing my various cases. While this is never an excuse for poor work, it may explain some of what happened here. It might be worth it to mention it to her as, “If at any point someone asks you to do a project that you honestly do not have the time to capably do, you need to be upfront about it and see if there is any flex in the deadline.”
      I know for me, I have been so nervous about ever, ever saying no, that I get into binds where I make it sound like I’m totally free to focus completely on someone’s project, when in reality I have 5 or 6 other cases that I took on first and may need to take priority.
      While it’s never good to say no, it’s even worse to turn in something terrible. Just something you might want to mention.

      1. I think that you have to take some responsbility for the problem yourself. I would never ask young lawyer for a brief so close to the due date that it would put me in a crunch. I also ask the newer lawyers what else they are working on so I have a better handle on how much stress they are under. My experience is that new lawyers want to give me a perfect product and they don’t want me to see their garbage. That is human nature as no one wants others to see a work in progress. For that reason, I INSIST on seeing on a draft early on: this allows me to make suggestions regarding organization and focus.

  13. Does anyone have a recommendation for sheer, long-lasting lip color (moisturizing too would be a big plus). Right now I use things like Bobbi Brown creamy lip color in blue raspberry, Clinique almost lipstick, or Fresh sugar tinted lip treatment, but none of these have any staying power. Am I asking for the impossible?

    1. I would go with a lipstain – anything moisturizing will not be long lasting so balms, glosses and lipsticks are not it. I like the Covergirl Outlast lip stains, it’s like coloring your lips with a marker. I reapply lip balm as necessary and the lip stain lasts and lasts. I would not recommend Maybelline’s iteration, it lasts until you eat/drink something. I’ve seen others here recommend Clinique’s chubbies (I think).

      1. Thanks, Ru. I haven’t been too impressed with lip stains that I’ve tried. I have sort of unevenly-colored lips, and the stains I’ve tried seem to emphasize rather than disguise that (the stain settles in the cracks, if you know what I mean?). I don’t know if other people have this issue as well? But I’ll give the covergirl outlast stain a try, with lip balm (have never tried balm + stain). Can anyone speak to the staying power of the Clinique chubby sticks?

        1. The Chubby Sticks – very nice texture, the color probably stays a bit longer than gloss, but not all that long. Then again, almost every kind of lipstick quickly disappears on me. Clinique’s glosses themselves are pretty sticky and seem to last a while. But will either of them last after eating/drinking? I’d have to say no.

    2. If a fairly reddish-pink is a color that would work for you, try Benefit Benetint Lip Balm SPF 15. It won’t last all day, but is sheer and nicely moisturizing and the color does seem to stay longer after being reapplied once or twice. I’ve also heard good things about the regular Benetint, but haven’t tried it myself.

    3. Tarte LipSurgence. Stays really well, and I believe it also comes in a moisturizing formula that might solve your concerns about a true stain.

      1. I have some of this after another blog (AlreadyPretty) recommended it (I didn’t get the same color). I like that it’s kind of minty, and I loved the colors (at Sephora). I don’t feel like its super long lasting, but it’s also not as drying as a lot of “stains”.

    5. This may sound ridiculous, but since others have mentioned lip stains, I thought I’d chime in.

      I have a good friend who’s a professional makeup artist. Her favorite long-lasting (and dirt-cheap) lip stain is–wait for it–cherry Jell-O. Seriously. Wet a q-tip, dip in the powder, apply.

      You guise, it works!

  14. PSA — Sierra Trading Post has a number of La Canadienne boots on sale now. I think the code E5A82PA6 will get you an extra 45% off. I know you east coasters are not thinking about boots, but pack them away!

  15. I am excited to have found a cute pump that fits wide feet, so I thought I’d pass it on to you ladies! I just got a pair of J Shoes Dorothy 2 shoes in Fern http://www.jshoes.com/uk/collections/women/shoes-2/dorothy-2/

    They’re amazingly cute in person. The tassel/band snaps off and the wrapped colourblock heel is really nice. They seem quite well made and comfortable, too. I normally have trouble finding shoes that fit my wide feet, but these ones have quite a wide toebox. I don’t know if other J Shoes styles fit wide as well, but I’m eying the Fever and Frenzy styles.

  16. Question: I am a recent college grad looking for work at several insurance/finance companies, and have been building a very basic and conservative wardrobe for a while now (gray and black neutrals). I recently bought a few khaki/ tan colored pieces to mix in, in case I ended up at a more business casual environment, but I have no shoes that go with khaki. I never wear brown tones, but I was going to get some casual brown shoes, and found these: http://www.sofftshoe.com/Sofft-Pavia-in-TABACCO-color (I have them in black and LOVE them).

    They also come in a similar, but more fun and youthful dark copper/ bronze color: http://www.sofftshoe.com/Sofft-Pavia-in-Copper-color, which I think I would get more use of outside of work if nothing else.

    My question is two fold: I don’t have brown shoes, so should I stick to the basics if I’m not sure I’ll ever wear them? And for those of you who work in business casual offices or who have casual Fridays, is this too metallic-y/trendy/etc. for that type of environment? Obviously these will not be worn to work if I end up in a very conservative office, but other wise is this an appropriate metallic?

    1. I work in a business casual environment, and while these are really cute, I don’t think they are appropriate for the office (more because of the style than the color). But, if you worked in a more creative field, I think they could be ok.

      I would stick to a nude-for-you pump – you can wear that with your existing wardrobe of grays and blacks, it will work in a more conservative environment.

    2. In some offices, I bet that would be fine (once you’re beyond your first month or so – I probably wouldn’t pull them out initially in any event). However, in my office (business casual, finance) I would consider those a n0-go in the copper/bronze. The shoe style itself is already toeing the line (namely the more-shoe-than-foot line) and I think the metallic color on top of that pushes it over the edge to inappropriate for my office.

    3. I used to work in sales for a high-net worth wealth management firm (ie super duper business formal) and those would not have flown. I found that open toe shoes of any kind were frowned upon (as were skirts without stockings, even in the summer). For better or for worse, a lot of insurance and finance firms are extremely formal.
      Personally, until you are hired and know the office you’re working in I’d stick to close toe shoes for interviews. Though – they’d be very cute for personal wear!

    4. I’m in a Florida business casual office and that shoe would be fine any day of the week. I echo what others say in that you should see what others are wearing and then decide. We officially have a no flip-flop policy but at this point anything seems to go as long as they aren’t sneakers (except on Fridays, when sneakers are fine).

    5. Thanks for the input! Most of the companies I’ve been applying for say that attire is business casual, and most of the basics I have fall more in the “business attire” range. Not to mention that from what I’ve gathered, my career is behind-the-scenes number-crunching most of the time, so although it is by no means a creative field I won’t be spending a lot of time interacting with clients or upper management.

      I’m also from the southwest, so I’m used to a lot more exposed feet than most people (sandals are temperature appropriate 8+ months out of the year). I’ll hold off until I know where I’m ending up and stick to the boring stuff. If anyone knows of more conservative brown shoes that are comfortable and cost less than $250, I would love to hear about them!

      1. I’m in IT for a business-casual insurance firm. You can definitely wear open-toed shoes, but even I would shy away from those shoes. They seem a little chunky and a little party-girlish.

        I’ve been wearing these shoes with my khaki or lighter-colored clothes:
        http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/athena-alexander-benny-slide/3080631

        They’re very comfortable. Athena Alexander shoes have extra padding in the footbed.

      2. I have a pair of dark brown leather Cole Haan pumps that are very comfortable, in addition to being the ultimate in conservtive (if very boring) footwear. I got them for around $250 at Zappos.

        I went to Zappos and searched for brown heels. There were a bunch hit in that price range – some of which were a little more interesting than mine.

    6. Gorgeous shoes! Personally I would wear them in any color, though the copper is riskier. However, I work in an LA based law firm where it is acceptable to push the line. I’d wait and see what type of shoes the toher women are wearing, particularly the more senior women. My other caveat is that I wouldn’t wear them until you have established “cred” (i.e. you’ve been there several months). I think you should be conservative initially and only later branch out to items that might push the line of the dress code.

  17. Just an FYI, I went to Nordstrom last night to check out the Halogen pants (as rec’d yesterday) and found that they also had a selection of the Halogen Taylor fit on sale for $39. The Taylor fit is more for the curvy girls, according to the label. Not all Taylor were on sale–just a specific set.

    1. Quick note: I’m a very curvy girl and I find the Whitney to be more flattering than the Taylor. There’s one more cut, too. I’d just recommend trying them all on, fwiw.

      1. The Quinn is the other cut. I think it’s the same as the Whitney with a higher rise. I am a pear shape with a long torso and the Quinn is the best of the three on me.

    2. Taylor fit is good for me, and I have no shape on the bottom. My measurements are probably about the same for waist, hips, and rear. I ordered a pair on sale just to try them out, and was pleasantly surprised that they fit.

  19. I think this might be a cute dress but the horse hoof shoes are so distracting that I can’t decide. Why do people want to wear shoes like that, they’re SO ugly and make you look stumpy at the same time!?!

  20. Hey ladies. I was wondering if anyone has done laser treatments (specifically hair removal, tattoo removal, or lasik) and how they went about picking their doctor/clinic. I’m contemplating hair and lasik currently and my friend wants to get a tattoo removed so we’re going through somewhat similar searches currently and both need help!

    There are so many places that offer these services and I know I should research to make sure I make a good choice if and when I ever do these (ESPECIALLY for the lasik). I’m just not sure how exactly to go about research! Obviously the websites of these people/clinics will have photos and testimonials but they only show the good. Beyond googling them is there anywhere specific to look for this type of information?

    If it matters at all I’m in DC.

    TYIA!

    1. Do you have a regular dermatologist? I have one in NY that I love and she and her partners do quite a bit of laser therapy – for scars, hair removal/tattoos/etc. I’d ask around your office for dermatology recs, everyone in my office had quite good suggestions (which is how I found my current doc).

      1. I’m not sure if this is awful or not but I don’t have a derm. Should I?

        I always assumed (and I don’t mean this offensively if this is wrong) that derms were for people who had problem skin or moles that needed to be checked out for possible cancer. With the exception of a pms-problem here or there and those dreaded nose pores I have pretty clear skin. I also have never had a mole (just freckles that are genetic in my family). Should I be seeing a derm?

        If so, that might streamline the whole process for hair removal (and recommendation for my friend’s tattoo if they do that too). I’ll still need to research Lasik places but at least the hair removal could get taken care of!

        1. For Lasik, I would ask other people for recommendations. Lots of people have had it. Also, try going to an eye doctor at a hospital or large medical center, they are less likely to be making a big commission off of lasik – whereas lasik only places are making big cuts of money and have an incentive to get you under the knife/laser. Lasik consultations should always be free. If they are not free, don’t go to that place.

          Ten years ago I found out that I have thin corneas and can only have the lasik procedure once, which is why I decided not to do it the first time. Later, when technology got better, I went for another consultation, that doctor told me I am not a good candidate and should not get lasik. He said if I want another opinion, I should get one, but to be careful because some places would do it regardless of whether or not I was a good candidate.

          I think with Lasik you need to be very careful. You don’t want to damage your eyes. So go somewhere with a very good reputation. It might cost more, but it would be worth it.

          1. This. This. This. Get consultations at more than one place – if only to see if they are giving you the same story. And they should be able to explain which procedure you are eligible and why (or why not).

        2. I think it depends. I used to have problem skin as a teenager, so I had a derm then, and then didn’t for a long time. And then my aunt passed away from Melanoma, so I got one (FWIW, I have the complexion and coloring of a china doll, my aunt did not). I’ve had no problems, no crazy moles that need removing or anything, but I look at it now as a prevention thing. If you see one for a check-up, they’ll tell you how at-risk you are of actually needing their services, and then you can go from there.

    2. I’m getting hair removal done at two different places…because that’s where I bought Groupon/LivingSocials for! I’d say join those sort of things, wait for a deal, and do some judicious googling to make sure the place isn’t awful, and spend way less than otherwise!

      With Lasik, no suggestions sadly.

    3. I’ve done laser hair removal (armpits and bikini area) and was very happy with the results (did it about 4-5 years ago). I just used Yelp to find my “medspa” – I’d pass along the name but this was in S.F.

      1. One caveat – a little bit of hair did grow back post-pregnancy (hormone changes apparently awaken the dormant follicles). But nowhere near pre-lasering.

    4. I can only speak to the lasik–do not necessarily go with the first person you see. I saw a doctor who did my sister’s lasik but did not feel confident that he had given me full evaluation of pros and cons. I went with a sure nuff retinal surgeon who also does lasik. For one thing, the first doctor did not charge a fee for the initial consult if you used him for the surgery; the one I used had a separate fee for the very complete initial consult. I got what I paid for and was extremely pleased and confident in the doctor I used. Reputation in the medical community, not cost or advertising, is the key.

      1. Thanks so much for the feedback! How did you go about finding who you actually went with? Did you just speak with your eye dr about who they would recommend?

    5. For laser eye surgery: ask your ophthalmologist who THEY would go to see. I was lucky that mine was also a leading refractive surgeon in the state, so he was able to perform mine (procedure Thursday night, check-up Friday, back to classes on Monday, check-ups on the 1st, second, 3rd, and 6th Fridays after classes.)

      Ask about what specific procedure you would get- a lot of people think LASIK is just general laser refractive eye surgery, but it’s actually a specific type of surgery- I had laser PRK because of my ridiculously thin corneas.

      Whoever you get to see, just remember: you get what you pay for. My dad’s co-work and his wife went to one of those mall-“LASIK”-center demonstrations, and she “won” a free surgery whilst he got half-off a procedure. It’s years later, and they’re both still experiencing troubles from it. If you pay only half what a procedure is worth, chances are you’ll only get a half-quality procedure.

    6. For LASIK,trekking up to the Wilmer Institute (Johns Hopkins) is worth it.

    7. I am in the DC area and had a positive experience with laser hair removal at Reveal Med Spa. They are constantly trying to sell you new packages, which can be annoying, but the actual laser treatment was well run, carried out by nurses, clean, etc. My dermatologist’s office also offered laser hair removal, which I considered, but the hours were much less convenient for me (no evenings, weekends) so I went with Reveal instead.

      Be forewarned that it is very pricey, but money well spent in my opinion. I would research where you want to have it done, then look out for advertised specials – it seems all these laser hair removal places offer discounts periodically.

    8. For laser hair removal I just bought a groupon and have been happy with the results. Between groupon, living social, KGB deals and tippr, laser hair removal deals are offered frequently.

    9. Highly recommend this place for Lasik: http://www.washingtoneye.com/html/doctors.html

      They’re super-specialists. They usually are the doctors who patients go to to get a botched lasik job fixed. I have had to see a neuro-opthalmologist there and they have been great – can’t recommend this practice enough.

  21. Ladies,

    What do you do when someone in your office makes fun of someone else in a manner you find inappropriate? I’ve overheard two people in the office making jokes about someone’s weight multiple times now, and they make me uncomfortable because they are mean spirited. If I’m included in a conversation where such comments are made, how should I react? I don’t want to laugh along, but I don’t know if I should say anything either…

    In case it matters, I’m an intern, the person being laughed at is their higher up (but not a direct boss), is in fact very overweight, and all of the people involved (including me) are thin.

    1. This happens in my office all.the.time. When we get together in groups (especially when we gather for lunch or drinks), people say mean spirited things about basically anyone who’s not in the room – related to weight, appearance, frequency of doctor appointments, wealth, etc. I won’t pile on, and if something is especially uncalled for, I’ll usually look at the person who’s made the most inappropriate remark and say, “come on, that’s not nice,” and purse my lips and shake my head a bit. I have a reputation for being nice though a bit uptight, which is probably not a reputation you can afford to have as an intern.

      If I were in your shoes and wanted to keep the door open for an offer, I probably wouldn’t acknowledge the comments and if you’re specifically asked, “Janie, isn’t Jack such a….” I would just say, “oh, I’d rather not poke fun at someone’s weight.” Still uptight? Yes, but less uptight than proactively coming to his defense.

    2. I don’t really have any advice but am curious to see what others say. This is unfortunately such a common problem for me.

    3. I think there are times when its fine to look uncomfortable, as a way of demonstrating that you don’t approve of the topic of conversation without going so far as to affirmatively object. If they have any social skills at all, they’ll realize that they’ve mis-stepped by expecting you to join in on the joking, and leave you out of it next time (in which case, problem solved). Of course, its distinctly possible that they are entirely lacking in social skills, in which case you can decide whether you want to do nothing, give a disapproving look, or say something along the lines of “that’s not nice.” Also, you won’t be an intern forever – when you reach the point in your career where you are setting the tone of office culture, remember this. It is to your credit that this makes you uncomfortable.

      Finally, in a somewhat unrelated tangent, as someone who is somewhat overweight, can I just say that I am really getting sick of stuff like this? I don’t expect, need, or even want my co-workers to approve of the way I look. I dress appropriately for work, even somewhat more modestly than usual given the fact that I can appreciate that I’m not an ideal of female beauty, and I wouldn’t want to offend someone with the sight of my pudgy knees. I work hard, and I’m really, really good at what I do. I’m not terribly hurt at the occasional thinly-veiled mean remarks about my weight – it’s nothing I haven’t heard before, and no one has really come up with new material since about the fourth grade. Its just annoying, especially because when people make you the butt of jokes during their private conversations, it can easily affect the way they behave towards you during professional communications. I don’t mind what people say behind my back – that’s a reflection on their lack of professionalism and manners. It’s just really irritating when it impacts their ability to work with me when necessary.

      1. Agreed. I am small (way too short) so don’t have that specific type of comment directed at me, but believe me, some people will find something to be judgmental about in everyone.

        I work with a paralegal who has negative comments to make about everyone, the waiter in the restaurant, the woman walking down the street, etc, etc. She herself is attractive (and thinks she is even more so) and does not seem to understand that not everyone can/wants to wear pants so skin tight the judge and jury know what she is NOT wearing underneath. I am not kidding, I spent 3 days in trial with her out of town and thought I would go nuts before I got home, she had something to say about virtually every person we saw, even complete strangers. It was clear that anyone was fair game, regardless of size, abilities, dress, age, etc.

        I think a lot of comments like this are founded in the individual’s own insecurities, but it is still hard to take.

    5. Thanks all for the responses! I’ll keep your advice in mind, and I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has encountered this issue.

    6. What an unpleasant group of people to work with. As an intern, it is challenging to know how to deal with situations like this. I think saying, “ouch” is a great response.

      As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten more bold in pointing out when people are making inappropriate jokes or saying offensive things. When people are saying racist things or telling racist jokes, I’ll say, “I’m not racist; I just say things that racist people say”. That usually shuts people up. Also saying, “I can’t believe you just said that” works too.

      I once had a boss who was basically making fun of the computer science/IT nerds with a coworker. It was getting fairly annoying, so I finally said, “You guys sound like a couple of frat boys”. The boss actually got it because he said, “why, because we’re making fun of nerds?” That ended the conversation there.

      Granted, if you’re going to stand up to your boss in this way, tread carefully. I did it because I knew he was so spineless that there wouldn’t be any repurcussions for me. (I don’t work there anymore because I got an offer at a better place)

  22. Just need to vent for a moment – I recently moved to a new dept. within the same company, after being frustrated with the lack of growth & opportunities for advancement in my old dept (which I otherwise really enjoyed working in). Two other people left shortly after I left for similar reasons.

    I’ve been in my new job for 6 weeks now and today, realizing that things needed to change or people would keep leaving, my old department announced that it would be promoting & giving raises to my former counterparts (and if I’d stayed, I most likely would have been promoted and received a raise too).

    I still think I’m better off in the long-run in New Department, but in the short term, this news is making me a little cranky. Just needed to whine for a minute.

    1. So frustrating! I work in a group with about 12 people doing similar work. The group is great, the environment is great, but the pay is below market. No one has left in over four years though, and while we are not overstaffed, management does not seem at all worried about people leaving so therefore isn’t paying anyone. (Back about 5-7 years ago when people were apparently leaving for hedge funds constantly, we paid a lot better.) I am therefore thinking about leaving for a better paying position elsewhere, but I just know that as soon as I do, everyone else is likely to get paid more. Still, I think I need to take control of the situation and not just wait around hoping one or two of my high performing coworkers get frustrated and leaves first. Sounds like you did something similar, and I think that was the right call.

      1. That’s exactly how my situation was, and the 3 of us ultimately ended up leaving around the same time (without really even knowing the others were planning on going anywhere, we had all just found other opportunities and were ready to move on).

        I think it will pay off for me in the long run (at least I hope so), but this news combined with a not-so-great day in the new job means I am momentarily kicking myself for leaving.

      2. Perhaps you could try to get some offers in comparable positions to use as bargaining tools with your current job? I know there are mixed views about doing this, but I know in some places people are able to do it successfully (including my workplace). Our legal assistant pay is abysmal, so the most experienced assistant got three offers from other government agencies and was able to use them to get a raise.

  23. Hoping someone can help with a request that I thought was simple, but is turning out not to be. Kat’s Lacoste/Malandrino dress post last Friday has had me seeing yellow all week long.

    Looking for a bright yellow silk blouse, with sleeves, either short or long. It should be appropriate enough to wear with a heather grey or black suit for work. Ruffles, pleats, buttons, all ok.

    Nordstrom, Bloomies, others….all no dice! Ideally, I’d like to pick up something tomorrow morning to wear for a dress-up party Sat night, then re-purpose it into the work-wear rotation. TIA!

    2. I imagine it is getting a little late for you, and I don’t know what kind of stores you have in your area, but I typically use shopstyle.com to search out particular items. I didn’t see a lot of bright yellow silk tops with sleeves – they were either sleeveless or not silk. The best option is saw was a Proenza Schouler blouse at Bergdorf, but even on sale it was about $530, which may be outside of your range.

  24. Hello Supportive Ladies!

    After almost three months of unemployment (tech, not law) I have a definite job offer, and I suspect I’ll get another next week.

    Just reviewing my emails. By the numbers, here’s what it took to get to this spot:

    Applied to just over 500 postings
    Received 41 form-letter style email rejections
    Had 11 telephone interviews
    Had 4 in-person interviews

    And here I am.

    Off to have a glass of wine.

    3. You have earned that glass (or two).

      It’s great you posted the numbers — it gives others a sense of what it takes and not to be discouraged if they are at application number 87 (or whatever).

      Congrats!!!

      1. Congratulations! I’m with anon. Thanks for posting the numbers. I’ve been searching for months and am definitely getting into very high numbers of applications. Its hard to stay motivated, so I love hearing people who have been successful after so much work!

  25. Hey ladies!

    I have a problem that I thought you guys might be able to help with. Background: I am a law student in Canada (entering 2L) and other than this one (little) thing, feel like I have everything on track moving towards a career – good grades, good legal job this summer, good work experience prior to law, think I have the clothing thing down alright for both everyday and interviews (from reading Corporette, of course). My goal is to work in litigation (which unfortunately is somewhat relevant to the problem).

    The problem is that I have a blushing problem. It wasn’t a problem until about 2 years ago, and it’s gotten progressively worse since then – used to be I only blushed when I was actually embarassed or nervous, but now I blush in a ton of situations – if I talk in class, if I happen to stop and talk to a professor in the hall, if I have to ask a store clerk a question … in fact, pretty much anytime I have a conversation (or even worse, express an opinion) with someone who isn’t my SO, my parents, or my very closest friends.

    The only bright spots: I didn’t blush during my 1L practice moot and I only blushed during one of the interviews I had last September for first-year summering positions (oddly, that was the one I got, which may mean it’s not as detrimental as I think). But with OCIs coming up, and my desire to litigate, I’m worried that it’s going to keep getting worse, and make a bad impression during interviews and the tryouts for the mooting teams.

    Has anybody out there had this problem and done anything about it? I’ve googled a bit and see a lot of talk about hypnotism, which I’d be willing to consider, and I seem to remember someone on here a while back saying that they’d managed good things with hypnotism and nail-biting? My only worry with that is that it’s fairly expensive and I imagine it would take more than one session to kick … anyways, any feedback appreciated.

    1. I blush a ton. I was told it is an Irish trait. Some of my coworkers like to call me on it. I honestly don’t worry about it. When someone mentions it, I just brush it off “yeah, I’m Irish.” I’d like to hear other suggestions though.

      1. I’m a blusher, and I just ignore it. And I don’t wear any makeup blush when I think it might come on. For the most part no one comments, and if they do say anything I respond with oh was I blushing? I don’t even notice, I’m just so fair.” and they tend to move on.

        It sounds like yours is getting worse though, and at times when you are stressed. I might consider therapy, maybe even just for a few sessions to try and get a handle on underlying stress and anxiety.

    2. I speak with absolutely no medical qualifications, but I am a blusher. For big events, I always take a single aspirin and its anti-inflammatory properties really help. Particularly, it diminishes the blushing that extends down my neck and chest. Good luck!

    3. I’m a blusher too, but I’ve been practicing now for years, and it’s gotten much, much better. Embarrassment is definitely my trigger, but I get a little embarrassed when I’m simply flustered. That means that public speaking can be a problem, but also random interactions in the hall or other seemingly innocuous things. Just getting more comfortable in my own skin has made the biggest difference. That likely won’t happen until you’ve been through a few court appearances, made presentations to senior partners, etc., but I did pick up a few tricks along the way.

      First, when I was in law school, I talked about the problem with my general physician. She prescribed Xanax to take an hour or so before anything I knew would be a problem (like an oral argument). It wasn’t a complete solution, but I did feel less anxious and probably benefited from a placebo effect. Second, my blushing is worst in the neck and chest area, so I always wear a turtleneck when I know I might have a problem. I used to have a whole stash of silk turtleneck sweaters to wear under suits. I also kept one at the office for emergencies. I think I only had to resort to it once, when I got a call to come talk to a partner who seemed angry, but it was nice to have just in case. Third, when I was in law school, I made myself take on things that I knew would make me blush — like moot court tryouts. The more practice you get, the more it seems like a normal part of life. Fourth, I think applying something cool to a pulse point sometimes helps cut the blushing short. When the office is cold, I can get the sensation just from my cold fingers held to my wrist. Fifth, for court appearances and depositions, I over-prepare. I’m much more likely to blush if I feel unsure about what I’m discussing, so whenever possible I write out detailed outlines or full scripts to use if necessary.

      Finally, just look around. You’ll see other people who also blush. Noticing it in a couple very well-respected young associates at my first firm helped me realize that it really isn’t the worst thing ever. People might notice if you blush, but if you seem comfortable otherwise, they’ll probably start paying more attention to what you’re saying than how you look.

    4. I am a little bit insecure at work because I’m very young and fairly new in my career. I tend to blush very easily around my bosses, and I hate it! Whenever I feel like I don’t know the answer or I’ve said something stupid, I feel my face get red. Even in social situations I blush easily. I hate being the center of attention, so if the focus turns to me I usually blush. Like other people have said, it’s probably a confidence thing. Easier said than done!

    5. I’m tan so it’s not a problem I’ve experienced, but the more attention you pay it, the worse it will get.

      I think you would benefit from a few sessions of therapy to help you with distraction techniques or even relaxation.

    6. Thanks for all the replies ladies – lots of great advice and good to hear that lots of you are blushers and not finding it a real problem out in the work world.

      I’ll definitely try the aspirin trick before any events where I’m worried about it being a real problem (OCIs, etc). In the longterm I think I’ll focus on a) trying to reverse the negative feedback loop – I’m think I’m focussing too much on what a problem it is and therefore making myself nervous that it’ll happen, getting embarassed as I start to blush, and then blushing even more; all of you saying that you just downplay it, I have to learn how to do that; and b) maybe try some therapy. My SO thinks that it’s related to anxiety/confidence issues (I tend to think people are judging me negatively) so that advice may be more useful than hypnotism.

      1. A few sessions with a cognitive behavioral therapist might be helpful, especially if you are having underlying anxiety. Your school probably has low cost services if insurance is a problem.

        Also, occasional blushing can actually help as a litigator. Blushing is seen as a sincere reaction, which can help build trust with a jury.

  26. Hi everyone,

    I’m going off to law school in the fall. I’ll be moving to the East Coast after a lifetime in California, so naturally all of my East Coast friends have been talking visits and meetups and shenanigans. My friends and family near the law school are already discussing places we can go and things we can do.

    This is great and wonderful, and I am usually a very social, active person. However, I would like to not be unemployed in 3 years, so I’m thinking I will have to tone it down and buckle down to study. How do I explain that I’d love to hang out, but probably won’t have too much time during 1L? I don’t want to offend or hurt people’s feelings.

    1. What I found when I moved to another country to study is that there is a lot more people who talk about coming to visit than there are people who actually end up coming to visit.

      As for the people near the law school, maybe go along with a few things in the beginning (maybe arrive a few weeks earlier, so some of the things can be done then, and you get help scooping out neat places to eat and so on?). It leaves room for telling them that you have to study later on.

    2. You won’t be studying every minute of every day – just schedule your social time (e.g., Friday or Saturday night) and see them then.

    3. I’d restrict actual overnight visitors to times when you have a long weekend or a break. But there’s nothing wrong with doing a day trip on a Sunday, having a drink on a Thursday, etc. When I was in law school I never studied on Saturdays – it was my day off. If you treat law school like a job and devote 40-50 hours per week to class and studying, you’ll do fine and have plenty of time for a personal life. Where people get into trouble is when they only devote 20 hours a week during the term and then have to go crazy with 100 hours weeks at crunch time.

    4. “How do I explain that I’d love to hang out, but probably won’t have too much time during 1L?”

      That sounds like a good way to explain it! You could talk about how notorious the 1L year is; you are probably learning entirely new ways of studying and thinking, unless you’ve worked in the legal field for some time, and that will take dedication. Once your 2L year arrives, you may have a little more time to spend with friends, though you’ll still be busy.

      I was very focused as a 1L, and that’s good, but would also encourage you to take regular time away from study. Even a coffee break with a friend, or better yet a walk, would be good. Endless work and no play can equal burnout. :)

    5. Your drive and want to apply yourself is laudable, but please don’t forget to take time to enjoy life too. I did well as a 1L, and I attribute it to having a life outside of school. I am not saying go out every night, or even every week if you don’t want to, but it’s okay to see a movie here and there, or have a weekend where you don’t do anything law related. You are encouraged not to work at all 1L year, so that won’t be competing for your time. The key to law school is to not let yourself get miserable and bogged down.

    6. I would try to make time for old friends, as well as for social events with new people. My first semester as law school I had the same attitude as you as in “I MUST study, all the time, law school takes precedence, etc” (maybe you don’t feel that way, but it seems like you’re focused-which is great!). I think you can go too far with it though. You need some regularly scheduled outlets and definitely some law school friends to lean on and commiserate with. My second semester I relaxed a bit more, met some amazing law school friends, and my grades improved quite a bit. I think a huge part of it was not feeling quite so stressed, and having a better support group. Good luck, and have a great time!

  27. Help!
    My husband has been missing from work and completely off the radar – no messages, phone switched off – the whole morning.
    He made some excuse about extra work and left earlier than usual too.
    This is the first time, and he’s new to his present job.
    Can’t decided whether to shout in his face the moment I see him, scout around and thereby let everyone in on it, or just shrug it off.
    How would you deal with this?

    1. Can you check where he last used the credit card? ATM card?

      Are you worried or just PO’d?

    2. Is he in a meeting? Or does his office also have no clue where he is?

      He’ll probably note when he’s done that he has X number of missed calls from you on his cell and will get in touch with you – I suppose what you do next depends on what he says.

    3. Please give us an update when you have one. Only you know your spouse, but if my husband did this, I would be very very very worried.

      1. Hi!

        Turns out he had forgotten an important workshop and given the work he does, they cant keep phones with them so he just dropped everything and ran.
        I was so upset, though!

    4. When you see him don’t shout but tell him that you were worried and ask what was going on. It maybe that he had a huge new project that he needed to focus on, or it may be that you and he need to have a heart-to-heart talk about your marriage, but either way shouting won’t help.

      1. Thanks – yes finally managed to keep my cool but I think a certain amount of sarcasm did creep in…

    5. My friend’s husband didn’t show up to work once and didn’t tell her where he was. Turned out he had a bleeding hemmoroid (sp?) and was too embarassed to tell her. He was so worried about going to the doctors, he forgot to call out of work. Work was concerned when he didn’t show up or call and called her to make sure he was ok, that’s how she found out he wasn’t at work. They just laugh about it now but it was scary at the time. I hope he turns up safe and sound with a good story.

    6. Did work call and tell you he was missing? Or did you just call his work phone and he not answer?

    7. Well, he could be doing some sort of secret/surprise thing for you, he could be cheating, or he could be in some sort of trouble. If I didn’t hear from him for more than a few hours and he wasn’t where he was supposed to be, I’d call the police and find out if there had been any accidents. If not, I’d report him missing.

      If he does show up, I’d be relieved and tell him how concerned you were. You’d hate to be the jerky wife who assumes he’s cheating when he was really out buying you a diamond in secret, you know? But if he doesn’t have a good explanation then I think you’re entitled to be angry and insist on one.

    9. May, please let us know what’s going on. I hope you and your husband are OK.

      1. Hi, Ladies!

        Thanks so much for the support.
        Turns out he was due to be at a hands-on training workshop he had thought wasn’t until next week, and hence panicked and rushed off when someone called to see why he hadn’t showed up.
        I still think a text or quick call was indicated, but my husband just doesn’t think of things like that. He is totally totally overworked so I suppose I shouldn’t be too harsh but things like this have, and still continue to hurt me a lot.
        I guess the sensible thing is to shrug it off and keep smiling.
        Thanks again!

        1. It sounds like this is a pattern which is hurting you. I would schedule some time to calmly talk about it with him. You shouldn’t shrug off behavior that hurts you and which is he can change.

        2. Glad to hear that everything is okay! I would have been seriously worried too. You should have a talk with him at a calm moment. My husband was a bit like this t00 – I chalk it up to his having been a bachelor for too long. But I tried to get him to understand how he would feel if I suddenly went missing in action, and that seemed to help. Now he’s generally good at sending a quick email when his plans change.

    10. It’s hard to tell from the post time stamps, how long was he out of contact? If it was only a few hours, perhaps it’s not as much of a concern. Emergency meetings happen, cell phones die, etc.

      1. Just about six hours. Hmm… so maybe I overreacted.
        Its just that, when a man’s supposed to be at a busy clinic on a Saturday morning, which is pretty much an unshakeable commitment, and the staff there seem to have idea where he is, one does find it a leeetle odd!

        1. I am glad it was nothing serious, but it sounds like you overreacted. It’s one thing if he’s missing overnight or until much later than he’s normally home, but it doesn’t sound like he’s really doing anything to intentionally keep you in the dark. I think some people are just a little more independent than others- I’m not really one who calls and checks in either, so I can understand where he’s coming from. He probably wasn’t in a position to call/text when he was in the training.

          1. I know… sigh… I guess I should put some effort into meeting him half-way on this…
            He now works a 60+hour week and looks like he’s not the only one still getting used to it! I never used to be like this.
            I’m just glad I didn’t blow up over him (although our home has been unseasonably chilly this weekend), which would have been mean-spirited and made me feel very bad afterwards.

            What we really need to address is the fact that he doesn’t have much time just for ‘us’ which, I suppose is what I’m really upset about.

          2. Honestly 60+ hours doesn’t sound bad at all. Are you working much less than he is? Have you found hobbies or friends to make up the time? because that could be some of it. When I was working much less than my husband I felt that way a lot. Then we made it a point to schedule “us” time and stick to it. Now we both work 80+ hours a week and still have the scheduled “us” time, though sometimes it’s a little less.

  28. PSA to summer associates: it is not polite to ask a senior associate whether he or she believes he or she will make partner. It is also not polite to ask the senior associate’s secretary that question. The secretary will likely tell the senior associate you asked, and then the senior associate will know that you are socially inept. Feel better now that I’ve shared. :)

    1. Haha. Yeah, that is right up there with “do you think he’ll ever ask you to marry him?” and “why don’t you have kids yet?”. Tacky.

    2. Ouch. I think that’s worse than the summer who asked every associate who owns a house how much they paid.

  29. I have a question about pencil skirts and the little X at the back of the pleat when you buy one. My whole life I’ve always kept the X in as a way to make the skirt more modest (I’m not super keen on having slits that show my thigh when I walk), but reading here it seems like that’s a huge faux pas. So now what? Throw out all my pencil skirts with slits? Scour stores and the internet for skirts without slits? Do people really think someone is a huge idiot if they don’t cut it out?

    1. My coworker leaves them in for the same reason. She gets sick of people “telling her” she forgot to cut the pleat. I’d suggest seeing a tailor and just getting them properly sewn shut instead. They could probably leave a one or two inch slit so you have room to walk.

    2. Sorry, but yes I do assume this is an accident if someone does it. If you don’t want the slit, sew it up properly.

    3. Definitely cut it out, it’s like leaving the tags hanging on. But, if the slit bothers you, have a tailor sew it closed.

    4. Unfortunately, it does look pretty bad when you don’t cut out your back vent X, but there’s an easy solution. If you don’t like the back vent, take it to a tailor and s/he’ll sew it up for like $5 and no one will notice.

    5. Definitely. I usually think someone just forgot to take it off. You should be able to take the X’s out and tack the slits down yourself with a smaller, less conspicuous stitch. It may be noticeable, but no one will think you inadvertently left the X’s in.

    6. I also assume it’s an oversight to not cut out the slit. It never occured to me that anyone would leave the slit closed on purpose. I’d probably avoid pencil skirts with slits if you aren’t comfortable with them. It certainly looks better than keeping the X sewn in.

    7. Not cutting the slit could affect the way you walk in a pencil skirt. I’ve had several pencil skirts improperly hemmed such that they modified the slit and I could no longer wear them because the lack of appropriate slit made for difficult walking. A lot of times the slit is there for that and not to be immodest.

      But if you don’t feel comfortable with a slit for whatever reason, you should probably look into more a-line/flare shape skirts to avoid the ‘skirt waddle’ or the risk of something ill fitting due to keeping the slit closed. I would also advise looking for skirts that don’t need a slit rather than sewing your pencil skirt ones shut (even professionally) because I think it would seem a little awkward to have a thick seam strangely in the back of a pencil skirt that didn’t move/terminated randomly at such a random point in the middle of your backside.

    8. I’d cut the X and then see if I can use Stitch Witch (or some other no-sew fusible tape) to close the vent myself. If you’ve been wearing the skirts with the X’s uncut, you’re probably comfortable walking in them without the vent.

  30. The X in skirts and jackets is intended to prevent creasing during shipping. It looks odd when left in because it doesn’t cover the entire slit. You can always take your skirts to the tailor and just have the slits sewn shut completely.

  32. Hi all! Since I have read such great travel advice on here, I wanted to put this one out for the public opinion.

    My family is extremely Irish but we have never been to Ireland. My father has traveled a lot of the world as a young man in the Navy but never went to Ireland. He always talks about how he would love to go there. My dad is now retired and on my parents are on a very limited income. I would love to find a way for us to go to Ireland for my dad’s 75th birthday present. I live on the East coast so the flight shouldn’t be too long/expensive.

    My parents had my brother and I way later in life. My brother is a senior in undergrad and I am a second year associate (with a few years working before law school). Needless to say I don’t have a ton of extra money to spend but this is really a lifelong dream/bucket list thing and there aren’t many years left to make it work.

    Now the complications – my mom has severe arthritis in her knees and can not do a lot of walking/climbing. She can do some, and at a slow pace but a walking tour wouldn’t work unless we rented a scooter for her.

    So, if anyone has taken an economical trip that would appeal to older people looking for a cultural/historical experience in Ireland, I would love to hear your tips. Thanks!

    1. How about a coach tour? It might be a bit slow-paced for you but your parents may love it.

    2. I used to live in London, and my best friend is of Irish descent. We met in Dublin and did an AMAZING road trip in Ireland. It’s not that hard to drive on the “wrong” side of the road. We stayed in cheap B&B’s recommended by Let’s Go. A couple were former convents and were beautiful. It was a cheap, gorgeous, fun trip. The only places that had a lot of walking were Dublin (Temple Bar), Glendalough (Co. Wicklow) and Blarney Castle. I highly recommend planning your own trip. There’s no language barrier, a lot of travel books will suggest itineraries based on your time frame, and Ireland is currently one of the “cheapest” destinations in Europe due to the state of the economy, so your dollar will go further there. Just do it!

      1. Yes, we did a road trip too and stayed in B&Bs that we booked through the tourism office in Dublin. It was great. Highly recommend this route – it’s easy to navigate Ireland on your own and it’s great to have the freedom to do what you want instead of having to stick to a tour bus schedule.

    3. Ireland is great and very easy to travel (no language to learn, lots of tourism infrastructure). An escorted tour might be easier for your mother but you could always combine that with some independent travel. If you’re not familiar with Ireland and decide to do independent travel then looking at some motorcoach tour plans can give you a good idea of plans for various lengths of travel (10 days, 13 days etc). Aer Lingus offers some good options: http://www.aerlingusvacationstore.com/vacation-packages/packages/?group=110

    4. Sounds like a wonderful idea!
      Very sweet of you to be working on it without getting disheartened at the apparent odds.
      Haven’t been there since I was in preschool, but wanted to encourage you to go for it!

      1. Rick Steves has written some great travel books. He might have some good Ireland advice for a trip with different ages.

        Just another note: driving in Ireland can be scary/dangerous. I would really recommend busing it or training it around.

  33. I would like to make a thread jack…..

    Who can tell me how I can test the waters to see if I can get a new job. I do not want to loose my job now by having the manageing partner find out I want to leave, but I my father said I should “test the market”.

    Just how does a junior lawyer go about “testing the market” without having your current firm find out?

    I am very afraid that if I start looking around, it will get back to the manageing partner and he will not look at me the same any more.

    How do I go about doing this?

    1. ELLEN fail. But, just to engage you, take the call from the headhunter that always calls and tells you you are so PRETTY.

    2. To the extent the human behind the Ellen persona is actually needing advice, I’ll bite. I am currently “testing the market” myself. What I am doing is applying to posted open positions. I am putting in the last line of my cover letter, “kindly please keep this application confidential.” In my interview I say that I am looking for x, y, and z but am otherwise very happy at my current firm. I make sure they know my firm is not aware that I am looking and that I would like to keep it confidential. I am also contacting people through other contacts of mine to ask about market rates, what firms are good to work for, etc. I only contact people I believe I can trust to keep my inquiry confidential. If I get an offer, I will weigh it against what I have.

  35. I have a question regarding expensive bags, which is prompted by the intern mistakes thread below. I have a leather Longchamp bag – beautiful, simple, and (to me) expensive at full price. It cost me about 50 percent of the ticket price, and it is what I carry as a summer intern. Do you think this is a problem?

    1. No. Don’t worry about it. Even if you paid full price, it wouldn’t have been thousands of dollars, so it’s not an issue.

    2. No literally everyone has those bags, especially young women. They were talking about an intern that had a bag that costs $9,000.

      1. Didn’t realize you said leather! but same applies, the convo was about a bag that was way more than a nice leather bag.

  37. I’m a 30-year-old business professional and desperately need some help/advice on suit jackets, and I can’t seem to find what I’m looking for in the blog.

    How do I find a black jacket to wear with all the different types of black pants in my wardrobe? I really want to look a bit more professional on certain occasions in the office, but I’m not sure what type of jacket is appropriate to coordinate with basic black work slacks. All the blacks slacks I own are different fabrics and shades.

    So, how can I look a bit more professional without having to buy a coordinated suit? Is there a certain style of jacket or fabric I should be looking for? Is there another type of garment that would work? (My entire wardrobe is black and gray, so it is extremely easy for me to get ready in the morning.)

    I’m so lost and really need your help!

    1. You can’t find a black jacket to match all different fabrics and shades of gray slacks. Find a patterned or colorful jacket instead, like a black/white houndstooth, or a pastel tweed.

    2. Since it’s summer, you could also add a white jacket to your wardrobe. It might be worth it for you to buy a classic black pantsuit. You could wear the suit together for more formal days and as separates at other times. A black jacket can do wonders for a printed skirt. If you’re really looking for versatility, buy a 3-piece black suit. Macy’s and Ann Taylor both sell suits as separates. Just make sure to dry clean all pieces together to avoid uneven fading.

  38. Someone in the past week or so was looking for a maxi dress with sleeves. I saw several maxis with cap sleeves at TJMaxx today. The brand was Soprano. They were about $25. I particularly liked the taupe/grey one with the draped neck. I recommended it to my sister-in-law, too.

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