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Weekend Open Thread (and Kat’s picks from the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale!)

Nordstrom Anniversary Sale

Nov. 2024 Update: The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is over for the year, and we don't yet know when the 2025 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale will be. Stay tuned for their Half-Yearly Sale, which usually starts around Dec. 23. (Unfamiliar with the NAS? Check out this page for more info on why it's the best sale of the year.) Sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the major workwear sales, or check out our roundup of the latest sales on workwear!

The below content is about the 2011 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

As noted earlier, the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is on! For the weekend, I like this relaxed split neck top in a black and white floral — it's classic, comfy, and looks super chic. After the sale ends on August 1 it'll be $88, but for the moment it's $59.90. Bellatrix Split Neck Woven Top

There is TONS of stuff for the Anniversary sale, though, so I thought I'd do a quick roundup of my favorites. Click on the picture for the pricing info — in general, though, the pics below go in order of price.

There's also a lot of lux lingerie on sale, including:
– lots of Spanxicon, including SPANX® ‘Two-Timin' Tightsicon
– lots of On Gossamericon underwear
– lots of Hanky Pankyicon underwear
– Le Mystère ‘Dream Tisha 965' Lace Underwire Braicon

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

287 Comments

  1. Question about Income based repayment loan forgiveness for 10 years of public service. My school keeps using the words “may be forgiven after 10 years” but my financial aid office told me it’s definately forgiven after 10 years. Can anyone confirm that if I make the 120 payments and am in qualifying employment the whole time, it will be forgiven? I’m starting to have nightmares of waking up in 10 years and having 500k in loans because they have been at 8% that won’t be forgiven

    1. The way I understand it, is that they will be forgiven after ten years if you meet all the requirements and complete the forms (which are not yet available). You will have to get on the IBR payment plan with direct loans and make sure to stay on top of their paperwork. I am currently paying under this payment plan and for some reason, this year it has been a hassle to recertify my income, etc. It was not a hassle last year, so hopefully this is not how it will be in the future. Also, I am pretty sure it is only for federal loans, not private loans. (I don’t have private loans, so I am not sure.) Try looking at the direct loans website and it will give you more info. Less clear right now is what, if any, tax implications there will be on the forgiven balance.

      1. For some reason the IRS didn’t provide info for a lot of people this year. I had to re-certify my income too and I had to call and talk to them because I got a second notice saying they hadn’t received my paperwork, and they told me they were backed up with tons of forms to process. So this shouldn’t be the norm in the future.

        And yes, it’s only for federal loans.

    2. The thing is that the program hasn’t existed long enough that anyone’s loans have actually been forgiven yet, and the paperwork isn’t available yet, as Anon above said. There are regulations stipulating which types of employment qualify (very broadly, anything public sector except for organizations with a political affiliation should qualify). But there’s no guarantee, because Congress could eliminate the program entirely or regulations could be passed disqualifying certain types of employment.

      Check out the information on finaid (dot) org. It has a really good explanation. Personally, I am relying on this program completely. And you won’t rack up 500K in loans – my income-based payments, on a 50K salary on my $115K worth of loans more than cover the interest, so the loan amount isn’t increasing.

      1. My IBR payments do not exceed the interest, and I make 43k with 80k in loans, interest rate at 7.125 or thereabouts, so…. I don’t know. I have to kick in an extra $200 or so to knock off some of the principal.

        I currently will qualify for forgiveness, assuming I keep the same job for 10 years, but I’m not relying on it. They could change a lot of things. For instance, right now apparently you qualify for forgiveness regardless of your actual income, as long as you’ve been working in public service, made payments etc and have remaining balance. But my fiance is a medical resident who, knock on wood, will be making 300k minimum in 10 years given his specialty. I would be shocked if they would forgive my loans given our combined income level then, regardless of my public service. And I don’t think they should, honestly, even though I would benefit. We’ll see how it goes. In the mean time, I’ll be doing my best to knock down the principal.

    3. I too am relying on the program, but as Ruby said, Congress could eliminate it at anytime, so I’m relying on it with the understanding that I may never receive the forgiveness I’m hoping to get.

      1. During a presentation from Equal Justice Works on loan forgiveness earlier this year someone brought up the concern about congress changing the rules. The presenter pointed out a few things. First if you graduated this year you will be in one of the earliest groups to be eligible for forgiveness and they are unlikely to touch the program until all the loan forgiveness actually occurs. Also, there are a number of contractual issues. If Congress decides to change the program for people who are already enrolled they’d likely be on the hook breaking contractual obligations.

        As a lowly rising 2L who got her worst grade in contracts, I have no clue as to how true any of that is. Thought I’d bring it up in case someone can shed some light.

        1. I don’t think you could sue, for a number of reasons. But I don’t think they’ll eliminate the program, either, at least not for people already on the plan.

        2. When my husband applied to law school, he thought he would able to deduct the interest from his student loans from his federal income tax. So he chose a more expensive (and better) law school. During his second year, the tax code was changed, and the deduction was phased out somewhere around $75K.

          Laws can change.

      1. True to size, pretty much. I always get the same size in CE dresses – I’m pretty curvy so if you’re not, try down a size.

  3. I really like that Halogen pencil skirt. I’ve never purchased anything from that brand though, and I’m not sure how it would fit. Can anybody speak to the sizing of that brand/particular item? I normally wear a size 4 and have very narrow hips, especially in proportion to my waist. For reference my measurements are 34-27-34. The description says to size down, so should I just go with my usual 4 or go down to a 2 or 0? Thanks!

    1. Definitely size down to at least a 2. One of the nice things I’ve found about Halogen though is that it’s cut for curvier hips, so be prepared to return if the fit is way off for you.

      1. Do not buy the size 4! It will be too big. My measurements are 34-28-38 and the size 4 fits me. You might even want the size 0.

    2. I find Halogen skirts run big, so you’ll probably go down a size, maybe 2. I’m usually a 4 and ended up with a 0.

      1. I have the skirt in a different color from last season. My measurements are very similar to yours (33,26,33). I have the size 0 and it can be a little loose sometimes. Definately get the 0!

  4. I can only admit this to you folks here…when I woke up this morning at first light to go to the bathroom, instead of going back to bed like I usually do I got up and shopped the sale.

    5. Good for you. Who cares what the hubby says! You are working. You can spend money.

  5. Ranty rant of the week: am I the only one bothered by the Milk Advisory Board’s new campaign? The one that urges men to give their women milk if they have PMS, because milk (supposedly) calms the symptoms of PMS? I first heard it when NPR was going through their sponsors, and it was pretty much “Milk. For men suffering from PMS” or along those lines. I thought it was a joke at first. (Well, at FIRST I thought, wait, do men really get PMS? Wow, NPR is really on the cutting edge of science!) Visual ads show put-upon men offering up milk to essentially avoid their “crazy woman” with PMS.

    Now, I do have PMS every now and then and I believe it’s a real thing. Maybe milk helps, maybe it doesn’t. But the idea the men are the ones who suffer from PMS (because they can’t do anything right, get blamed for stuff they wouldn’t normally get blamed for, etc.) is one I find pretty offensive, to both men and women.

    Thoughts?

    1. Totally agreed. The implication seems to be that women with PMS are like children who need to be looked after.

    3. Agreed. Because women never suffer the effects of having the hormones (in their bodies, I might add) do a number on their emotional well-being every month. /end sarcasm

      Men at the mercy of PMS is a tired trope.

    4. I mean obviously your not the only one, the reason its even getting attention is because everyone is outraged about it. I don’t see the point in getting outraged over things that are supposed to be outrageous. Like if every time I heard Howard Stern I was like does anyone else think he is so offensive! I feel like its just feeding into it more.

    5. What the f-ing f? do you have any links? I am a member of my NPR station and will definitely write a letter – I find this offensive and borderline misogynist.

      “Milk – it calms hysteria so addle-brained women can get back in the kitchen”

      1. Uh, submitted too soon. I meant to say that I can just imagine the Onion spoof – “Milk – it calms hysteria so addle-brained women can get back in the kitchen”.

      2. The link — and it kind of hurts to write, just a little — is: everythingidoiswrong [dot] org. I just looked at it for the first time. Crap like this … it just makes me feel worn down, as a woman, you know? Like, Hey Milk! What did we ever do to you?

        1. I agree, and I’m going to write a letter to my local NPR station. If they want my money, they can explain themselves. Their general manager is a woman, and evidently her uterus didn’t prevent her from rising to the top, so perhaps she’ll see things the way we do.

        2. Ha, I’m lactose intollerant so I already have a grudge against Milk. Now I have another one!

    6. Reminds me of the Parks & Rec episode with the hunting accident. Amy Poehler’s character rattles off a list of “female-related” reasons for shooting someone by accident, and it kind of illustrates how silly they sound.

      I haven’t heard that Milk ad, though, I’ll have to listen for it.

  6. I want the Halogen pencil skirt a lot, but I’m holding off on buying clothes until I’m closer to my goal weight. That’s a while from now, sigh.

    1. I was doing that same thing, but I have read numerous times that you should buy clothes for your current body and then tailor them or shop again once they no longer fit. So, that’s what I’m doing this weekend – partly because I’m running out of pants! I fully intend to lose this weight, but I need to look and feel good while here. (Of course, if you don’t “need” clothes, this may not apply…)

      1. I ended up ordering the purple magenta (which is backordered until August 10, but I should have lost another 5-10 pounds by then) in a couple of sizes to try. Nothing’s falling down yet, but nothing is fitting terrifically right now either, so.

    2. I have lost about 50 lbs over the last year and a half–My recommendation is to find some of the nice heavyweight knit skirts–Eileen Fisher, St. John, Misook, Jones New York make some I like– they fit over a whole lot more sizes–also dresses. A skirt with a fixed waistband requires a closer fit than most other types of clothing. Pants with a gappy waistband are not great, but they don’t fall off you!
      A dress can be a bit loose, as well.

    1. “Palace protocol decrees that Catherine wear pantyhose and closed-toe shoes as a matter of course …” The first thing I thought was “wow, she married into a family who have a dress code??”

      I, personally, love Kate’s style, and think that her conservative way of dressing is appropriate for her role as the Dutchess. But it’s not making me want to start wearing pantyhose all summer …

    3. For those opposed to this trend, what do you wear to court? I have been too many women lawyer events where judges (female) say no bare legs. ??? My leges tend to “pasty,” as the article puts it, and I’m not too skillful with spray tanner, either. What does everyone recommend?

        1. At bar assoc. events this summer I’ve noticed that many of the younger (under 60) state and federal judges in my area (midwestern state capital) surprisingly don’t wear hose with skirt suits and dresses. I was sure that I would find the opposite, but I’m overjoyed that I no longer have to wear sheer hose when I appear before them!

      2. I wear thigh high hose with the rubberized “gripper” band at the top. Much cooler and more comfortable than panty hose, and I haven’t had any problems with them not staying up. I can’t really do bare legs in my office, and our courts are pretty conservative.

  8. Just back from the sale, heaven help me. I went through it pretty thoroughly, but quickly, so I don’t remember all the things I saw. A few notes:

    I picked up Kat’s recommended Halogen ponte knit skirt in purple – definitely size down, maybe even two sizes if your bum and hips are smaller than standard-size bum. I also picked up Kat’s recommended CE faux wrap top – it’s FABULOUS. And the Eliza J knockoff of the Middleton engagement dress (359891) – it fits like a dream. So flattering. However, the one on the sales floor had a snag in it, so examine yours carefully. The Halogen silk shell (353184) was lovely – I got the plum color. It also comes in a black/grey dot pattern which looked nice and I don’t see online. The CE Apollonia skirt (354734) fits great, just like all other CE skirts.

    Lots of stuff was already gone at my store, so I did a lot of online ordering. The aforementioned Eliza J dress. The Black Halo Jackie in teal (362224). The Burberry quilted jacket in burgundy (352262).

    Dislikes: the Halogen button cardigan (351040) – I felt like an old man in it. The Halogen sweater jacket (351060) was cute, but not quite right for me. The Apollonia jacket (354783) looked as terrible in person as it did online, at least to my taste. The Halogen leather jacket (351109) looked cute in person, but also didn’t look super high quality, which might be fine.

    Alas: the Louben pinstripe dress (364215) is so, so cute. It also runs at least two sizes big, maybe three, so they don’t make my size (normally a 2 or 4). For those of you with more of a figure, try on this dress and make me jealous.

    I didn’t see any bags that I loved, or shoes I had to have. Perhaps that’s for the best – I seem to have gotten in plenty of trouble already.

    1. THANK YOU for drawing my attention to the Eliza J dress – I totally missed it.

        1. Anybody who has seen the Eliza J dress in person – can you tell me if it would work for a tall person? Meaning, how high-waisted is it? Thanks!

    2. I ordered the Halogen skirt in purple and mustard this morning after everyone’s fabulous comments. Sized down, so we’ll see how that fits.

      I’m disappointed to hear about their buttoned cardigan since I just ordered it, but I kind of like Grandpa sweaters in winter. They make me feel all warm and cozy. I ordered it in the petite and regular to see which fits better.

      I’m going to do my best to make it to the store this weekend so I can try on the silk shell you mentioned. It’s one of those basics with a little extra. I’m concerned about the length (I’m short) and the fit through the bust (which I’ve had problems with from Halogen).

      Thanks for posting all your finds!

      1. The Grandpa sweater was definitely cozy. Just not my style.

        The silk shell was a nice length for my long torso, but that’s a super easy thing to hem if you need to because it’s unlined. The material is pretty thin, actually. It fit a bit full in my 34A bust, but not enough for me to reject it outright. I may end up getting it taken in on the sides.

    3. SF Bay Associate – thanks for the tips – super helpful! Did you happen to see in person either of the following?

      Me Too Paige Flats: http://theonlineshopper.blogspot.com/2011/07/deal-of-day-me-too-paige-flats.html

      Or the McGinn Elizabeth Jacket?
      http://theonlineshopper.blogspot.com/2011/07/high-fashion-friday-mcginn-elizabeth.html

      I purchased the flats and am very close to ordering the jacket – but it is now backordered so I am having a few doubts. This sale is really making my Friday. Thanks!

      1. I saw the flats in person, and they seemed fine. A bit pointy for my own personal style, but not actually witchy. I avoid the elasticized shoe collars because they tear up my feet. The bow was not cutesy, so good work Me Too on that. I didn’t see the jacket.

        1. Thanks SF Bay Associate! I will update you all after I get the shoes (re: whether the elastic cuts into the foot). I am typically a rounded-toe person myself, but after seeing P.Kate strut around in pointy toe shoes, I am starting to embrace them again.

      2. I got the flats in nude, they are super cute and really comfy. Nice padded footbed and the flat bow is chic rather than little girl like. They seemed to run slightly big. FWIW, I though the leopard ones looked cheap in person.

    4. I also ordered the Eliza J dress! Can’t wait for it.

      How bright is the purple Halogen skirt? Online it looks so dark that I wouldn’t want to wear black with it. But if it was bright I think that would be a great look.

      I wish that Burberry jacket was still available in cream. . . sigh.

      1. The skirt wasn’t too dark to wear black with, but not bright/pastel-y like the spring version. Really a medium purple, not a deep eggplant.

        The top worn by the model when she’s wearing the purple, lime, or yellow skirt is the dot print of the silk shell I mention in my original post.

        2. Is the Eliza J dress as low-cut in person as it appears to be on the model? I like it, but worry about the amout of skin bared.

        3. By purple, do you mean the dark amethyst or the purple magenta? If the former – how bright was the purple magenta?

          1. The amethyst, not the magenta/fuschia type color. The magenta/fuschia was far brighter than what I would wear personally, but it wasn’t neon or anything. A confident, stylish woman in a less conservative work environment could probably rock that skirt at work.

      2. I got the Eliza J dress in Navy too. It is about as exact of a replica of the Kate Middleton dress as I’ve seen. It fit really well, and on me at least is not too low cut. Also, I think you could very easily hide a small safety pin or have a snap added if you are concerned. It also comes in a peacock color, which looked pretty on the hanger but seemed too shiny when I tried it on.

  9. Open thread, excellent…

    I have recently become very restless in my life. For one, I am the only one in my social circle who is single. I have a couple of single friends outside of my usual circle, but these are people whom I (for various reasons) don’t see that often but am trying to. This is starting to drive me a little crazy. Not because I am desperately wanting to be coupled up – sure, I’d like to date, but it isn’t the be-all and end-all. That said, with most friends in couples and working in BigLaw, meeting people to date doesn’t happen that easily.

    The issue is basically that I feel like an outsider when it comes to the people in my life. Everyone else is settled in their lives and I feel restless. I don’t feel particularly ready to settle down yet, but the fact that I am not is significantly affecting my social life. My coupled up friends have their weekends locked down with baby shopping and couples BBQs or, just generally, hanging out with their other halves. Even though I am quite happy in my own company, I am increasingly beginning to notice the impact on my life – lack of people to go out on a Saturday night with, nobody to go on vacation with except my parents…

    I have increasingly started considering moving somewhere new – abroad, preferably – but wonder if that is just a reaction to general dissatisfaction in my current life. I would essentially have to generate a whole new social circle and that is in itself rather scarier to face than my current predicament. On the other hand, I have no ties as such keeping me here and now is as good a time as any. But, I digress.

    The point is, I am just a little lost and figure I am not the only one who has gone through this. This is not intended as a ‘woe is me, all my friends are in couples and I have no one’ nor is it intended as a ‘all couples suck. I’m just trying to figure out how to get make the most of this stage in my life. Any words of encouragement/advice/ideas would be welcome.

    1. I’m sorry you’re having “social” issues–I did, too–I did get married at 30, but never had kids, so for twenty years was left out of so many of the kids-people’s lives….First, it does get better. After everyone marries up and has kids, they start splitting up, plus you may well meet someone in the meantime. Even so, you will branch out and find people in the same boat as you. Second, as you get older, up until say empty nest age, your social circle will shrink naturally as the couples and then the parents do more stuff without you. When you are in school, everyone is “like you” more or less. The more life decisions people make, the more sorted they become. Again, cast a wider net–there are plenty of wonderful people in the same state as you.

      I would not move other than because you actually want to live in a different geographical location. Where ever you go, there you are, and as you see, you will be starting all over again. I moved 1000 miles from anyone I knew, and it took a while to recover, then I got married and we moved 1000 from both my home and my second city. Finally, we moved nearer my parents, but 1000 from all of our friends from both adult areas. Not the best way to cultivate a circle of friends. I would say each move set me back a year or two in terms of social contacts.

      It does get better naturally, plus you need to just keep your eyes open for opportunities to meet new people. They happen more often than you think! Good luck!

    2. You’re definitely not alone. I’m also the only single person in my local group of friends and it can be frustrating and lonely. My girlfriends and I started having a girls’ night at least once a month with the understanding that SOs are not allowed. It’s been nice because we can hang out rather than picking an activity that we know the boys won’t like (shopping, chick flick, etc.) just so certain ladies don’t feel guilty about not inviting their SO to dinner (and can more easily put up with his whining about not knowing how to feed himself… you’re 32 for god’s sake, learn how to make a sandwich… but I digress).

      Vacations are tough, too. I’ve been saving up to do a fabulous trip with my alumni association, which has a set of vacations for the 35 and under crowd. Their office said that most people go by themselves or with a friend and that couples are the minority, but I want to do some more research to confirm. Perhaps you could do something like that? I’ll be interested to see what others say.

    3. I want to start by saying I was going to post almost exactly the same thing as you! I totally understand the restless feeling and cannot wait until I feel settled. While I’m like you in that I’m very happy in my own company, it is very lonely when everyone you know is coupled up and (sometimes) leave you out of certain social situations because you aren’t part of a pair. I’m also starting to see my social circle shrink more and more. That’s good and bad in that I now know who my true friends are and the ones who aren’t, good riddance to them, LOL.

      I’m into the second month of a yearlong internship with a global company putting in my dues before I can apply internally to one of their locations in Europe, preferably London. I’ve wanted to move their since I visited family there as a child and always had this longing to branch out on my own. While the thought of starting over completely terrifies me, that’s part of the reason I want to.

      The idea of reinventing myself in a new locale is what I feel I need at this point. I don’t have roots down and not being in a relationship or having a permanent job gives me the flexibility to pick up and go wherever I want because I haven’t really put down roots yet.

      You are definitely not alone and I understand the frustration when it seems like everyone around you has their life all planned out. I can’t wait to hear what everyone has to say as I’m very open to any advice/insight you can provide. TIA.

      1. Anon Lawyer – I’m sorry you’re feeling restless. I think the best advice I can give is develop relationships with people in different phases of their lives and take the lead in planning activities.

        I’m married, no kids, and definitely need my “girl time.” My girlfriends and I plan one “girls-only” vacation a year (check out VRBO for amazing condos/ houses all over the world that accomodate groups). And I do a girl’s night once a month with wine, cheese, maybe we go for a movie or dancing. My friends with kids need a break from the kids and their SO and it gives us a chance to catch up on each other’s lives. I suggest checking out meetup groups that require attendance every few months for membership – find a group that does interesting things that you’d enjoy (classic films, book club, salsa dancing, etc.).

        Not sure where you live, but I bet there are people on Corporette in the same situation and location who could be great company.

        Also, for Always an NYer – do it! Go to London and don’t think twice about it! You will have the time of your life! Don’t be afraid to go to a new place and have to “start all over” – just see it as an adventure and an opportunity to meet new people, learn a new culture (and let’s face it, kind of a new language), and travel.

    5. You’re definitely not alone, I’m with you on the happy being alone, yet suffering socially because of it. No advice for you, sorry- but I can commiserate.

      1. not sure moving will help…do you have hobbies or sports ? hiking? biking? dining? people with interests do these… even in couples, men go off golfing or fishing or something like that and women sometimes do something their husband or SO has no interest in, so if you find some activities, you are likely to find some good company…and there are all sorts of activities- volunteering, wine tasting, book club. If my suggestions sound stupid and boring, it is not the right one for you but there probaby is something you want to do-

    6. I can testify (as my handle suggests) as to the positives and negatives of moving. When DH and I first moved abroad, we moved to a small-ish town in Asia where there was constant influx of Americans and other English speakers working as English teachers. We had a big group of friends and were out all night every weekend. BUT. As friends moved away and new (younger) teachers came, it became obvious that this wouldn’t last. Then I got preggers and my group got smaller (no more all-nighters!), and then we moved to Europe….where after 6 months we have yet to make friends outside of work acquaintances and DH’s nearby family.

      Getting off of the point now but basically, moving is not necessarily a solution…With the side note that the opposite problem can also occur – having a spouse and kid sometimes means that I miss out on having girlfriend time. :)

  10. Any advice for interviewing with someone you’re already working for? I’ve been working with a program at an NGO in a temporary position for 6 months and next week I’ll be interviewing for a permanent position in the same program. It’ll be a a group interview with 5 people — all current supervisors/colleagues who I know fairly well.

    I’ve never done this before so I’m not sure how to approach it — what tone to keep, what questions to ask, what to wear (it’s a VERY casual office). Any advice or experiences you could share would be welcome!

    1. I did this in my current job (government). It was understood that I would get the position as a promotion, but that we had to go through all the formalities anyways. I said I was going to wear a suit and was specifically told not to, so I didn’t. They ran through the standard questions, which I answered as I would at any interview. It was quick, because they all knew me and my work already. However, if there is serious competition/recruiting for the job it may be different.

    2. No experience here, but I would recommend that you assemble a list of good things- complements that you have received, numbers reached, over all evidence of your good work, to specifically bring up in the interview.

    3. I work for an international development NGO, and have interviewed people who are in temporary positions with us and applying for permanent ones. Normally, in our office, there is competition and no one is a shoo-in. If you’re a shoo-in, my advice may not apply. But if there’s competition, you must treat it like a serious interview. Definitely wear a suit. Do not ever answer a question as though you presume you will get the job. Be prepared to answer serious questions, including substantive ones. It’s fine to illustrate your answers with examples from your current position or make reference to the fact that the interview already knows this about you (e.g., as you know, I am always willing to work late when needed, which I did regularly while working on the Argentina project).

      In my experience, about 50% of the time the current intern or temp blows the interview by being too casual and unprepared, and it’s often because they feel entitled to the job. So, don’t fall into that trap.

    4. I ditto the advice to treat it seriously. I had a temp that thought he was a shoe-in for a fulltime position who didn’t answer the questions substantively or prepare for serious questions. He was not hired.
      Prepare questions about the position/opportunity for growth, interview your interviewers and dress like you would for any other interview. I would make a point to use examples both from this position and from previous positions when you answer questions.

  11. I just want to thank the poster who gave the following advice about the bar exam. I don’t remember who it was, but the gist was that, if you are really concerned you will fail, just think of the July bar as practice for the Feb bar. I thought about it a lot for the past few days, and have been able to reinterpret it to apply to my own struggles.

    Essentially, my scores on practice tests indicate that I perform best when I am relaxed and *very* well rested. For a lot of personal reasons, I am really behind in terms of covering all the review material I should have covered this summer and I have been trying to force myself to work insane hours and cover it all in the last few weeks. I can’t maintain my “rest schedule” (including not only sleep but chill-out time). But today, I made my peace with the fact that I may fail, it will be ok, and I have learned a lot from my mistakes already. I will be in better shape to approach it the next time, both in terms of study approach and in terms of mental well-being. That said, I am still going to try my best, but I am not going to strain myself doing it.

    Thank you again to whoever helped give me this perspective, and I hope my thoughts might be helpful to anyone out there who is struggling in the way that I was.

    1. I;m glad someone else is feeling this way too. I need almost as much chill-out time as I do studying time to stay sane. This makes me feel lazy, really anxious that I’m not working hard enough, and certain to fail because I’m not pushing myself. Especially when everyone is studying 10 hours a day at this point. But I’ve always done well on tests and I’m hitting pass on all the practice stuff when I’m relaxed.

      I like they way you are thinking about it as practice for Feb. My job is not dependent on passing right away. I don’t want to go through the stress and pay all that money again, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

      Good luck! I think we’ll both be okay.

      1. The crazy thing is that until now, I have always thrived under pressure and last minute marathon studying was my most effective approach. But for me, I think I am just too burned out for that technique to work right now. And, the bar is not like other tests.

        1. I think that was me – I’ve gotten some great advice and support from this community, and I’m so glad I could do the same for someone else! I was in your shoes a year ago, and I remember how stressful the bar is, especially this close to the exam. If it helps, I did not cover EVERYTHING my review course said I should cover, and I still passed.

          And I also know a few people in my office who didn’t pass. I’m sure it was tough for them (and I don’t say that lightly), but life did go on, and all of them have been admitted to the bar in at least one jurisdiction are now licensed attorneys. Good luck!!!

          p.s. I might have to think of a new name if I keep commenting. :)

        2. I took the bar last summer, and I didn’t know ANYONE who thought they were 100% ready. In fact, one of my best friends was hysterical the night before and her score ended up in the high 170’s…which I had never heard of before! In the next week, focus on what matters the most (i.e., subjects you are struggling with and topics that are “double-tested” on the MBE and your state’s test).

          This isn’t law school–there is no upside of a perfect score or setting the curve–all you need to do is pass! Stay calm and focused (I know, easier said than done). The whole thing will be over in 9 or 10 days :)

  12. Does anyone know of a website where I could order a customized diaper bag? I’m due in mid-September with our first child, and my husband’s birthday is at the end of August. In addition to his full-time job, he runs a nonprofit organization that he is very passionate about. For his birthday I would like to get him a diaper bag that has his nonprofit’s logo on it, but the only sites I found just do personalization (such as names or initials) or customization such that you just choose one of their patterns. Are there any companies where I could send in a logo? I found some that will screen print a photo on a bag, but that’s not really what I’m looking for and I didn’t really like the size/look of those diaper bags. Thanks!

    1. Find a diaper bag you like and then find a local place that does embroidery for t-shirts, caps, other stuff for sports teams. If they won’t do it, I bet they’d know someplace that would.

      1. You might also look at the bag done by Seat Belt Bags by Harveys. They are often on zappos I think. Even though they aren’t personalized, they are made of sturdy stuff and one of the color patterns might speak to your hubby. Happiness and health to you –

      1. Check out Lands’ End business outfitters — they have a “no minimums” deal going on permanently, you can email or upload the logo, and they also take personal credit cards (so you don’t have to be acting as a business to order things — people in my office order individual items with our business logo on them all the time). They have a number of bags and totes and things that might work.

  13. This summer I am clerking at a small firm and tomorrow is the annual pig roast at the partner’s home. The event will be completely catered so I am not sure what to do? Do I bring something tomorrow (a bottle of wine?) or do I send something after (a card? flowers?). I am so lost. Please help. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

    TIA.

    1. People may disagree with me, but I think it’s always appropriate to bring a hostess gift such as a bottle of wine, even for a work event. For me, if the event is at someone’s home, then I must bring a hostess gift, period. I also would send a short, handwritten thank you note afterwards. Even if the event is completely catered, the partner’s significant other (most likely, the partner’s wife) has to make sure the house is clean and neat, the kids/pets are out of the way, etc, so she still has a great deal of work connected to hosting. Some of your colleagues may not bring anything, so if they comment on your wine-bringing, just say lightly, “Oh, that’s just how I was raised.” and smile nicely.

      1. I agree about a hostess gift. There was just a discussion about this yesterday (?) and people had a lot of good ideas in addition to wine–chocolates, gourmet olive oil, William Sonoma kitchen candles. People also mentioned sending flowers as a thank you after the dinner, which I like in theory, but I would be worried that I’d procrastinate about it and not actually do it until it got to the point where I would wonder if it would be awkwardly tardy.

    2. Bringing flowers is always appropriate, even if they don’t have a vase/don’t like them/ whatever. you clearly cared enough to think of it, and you don’t run the risk of offending etc.

      1. Please, please: a lovely handwritten note . If you want, I think a small bouquet of flowers or a box of nice chocoloates is plenty. As a partner, I hosted an event at my home for a new associate. I had it catered, but I did have to arrange the cleaning, beverages, set up, flowers, kids out of the way, etc. The next day the associate sent a generalized email around the office thanking everyone for the nice event. Slow burn on my part. Send the note.

    3. I’ve always brought a bottle of wine to such things unless I knew of a specific reason not to (recovering alcoholic; doesn’t drink alcohol; etc.).

    4. Bring flowers (in a vase) or wine (for them to enjoy later), send a thank-you card afterwards addressed to the partner and his wife.

      1. Or the partner and HER husband :) I don’t think op gave the gender of the partner. I’ve recently caught myself making a lot of gender assumptions and I’m trying to stop – that is the only reason I saw it here. Ex. Hubby – My nurse at work said I shouldn’t worry about the mole. Me – why did she say that? Hubby – well, HE said that it is an xyz mole and that abc moles are the worrysome kind…

        1. Sorry – but pig roast screams guy to me. Not sure why, but I’ve never known a woman to host a pig roast.

          2. A dear friend of mine – an engineer – and woman – hosted a pig roast last summer. Jes’ sayin’….

  14. Travel help needed: Am going to Vail and Houston next month and would love restaurant suggestions (we are both omnivores).

    Also Hoston corporettes–suggestions on where to stay\things to do? We have a family event late Satuday afternoon, but are free the rest of day.

    Thanks ladies ;-)

    1. I just moved from Houston. I was there for school, so I did not experience nearly as much stuff as I would have liked.

      For food I would suggest Irma’s (http://irmashouston.com/) for delicious Mexican food. There is not a set menu that I know of. When you sit down they will tell you what they are making for the day. I also really like the Breakfast Klub for what I consider a good southern breakfast (think chicken and waffles). I wouldn’t try and go during the weekend because there is a line out the door and down the block.

      As for things to do, some of this will depend on when you are going to be there. Miller Outdoor Theatre offers free performances (http://milleroutdoortheatre.com/events/month/). When my family visited, they enjoyed all of the museums that are all within walking distance of each other.
      Have Fun!!!

    2. I’m not from Houston, but I’ve spent a lot of time there. Houston is a pragmatic city that offers all kinds of shops, restaurants, cuisines, etc. If you’re coming from a smaller city, there’s good eating and shopping, but not that many touristy things to do. If you’re coming from somewhere like NYC, DC, etc. it really might not impress =/

      But here it goes with accommodations. Since my parents and I mostly go to shop, we’ve always stayed around the Galleria and been happy with it.
      – The JW Marriott was nice http://goo.gl/PbRb3
      – The Post Oak Hilton was a little less luxurious, but still more than okay http://goo.gl/9imk
      – The Westin that’s attached to the Galleria had really seen better days when we were there a year or so ago http://goo.gl/LyyvJ
      – The Hotel Derek http://goo.gl/SvY5Z is my parents’ favorite hotel in Houston. I’ve stayed there with them once and I liked it too (I don’t remember how recently though)

      Food
      Tex Mex
      – Hugos has slightly more upscale fusion-type food. http://goo.gl/w275a I’ve only been there for a NYE dinner where the food was amazing, but we didn’t order a la carte
      – Ninfa’s http://goo.gl/MlTeb is really famous for Houstonians, but is a little overrated (see Yelp)
      – Chuy’s http://goo.gl/3utu2 is originally from Austin, but the locations in Houston are good too, and they’re kind of funky. Their food is the most TEX-mex, whereas Hugos is tex-MEX, if that makes sense. They have really good creamy jalapeno dip/sauce and Mexican Martinis.

      Steaks
      – Brenner’s is very Houston http://goo.gl/YYbv0, and the food is also famous for being good. If you like watching Real Housewives of Any City, you might be able to get some cray-cray people watching in.
      – Pappas Bros http://goo.gl/aSl5G is more of a chain, but the Pappas family is all over Houston doing BBQ, Seafood (Pappadeux), Tex-Mex (Pappasitos), etc.

      Asian – Houston has a ginormous Asian population, but most of the places are kind of hole-in-the-wall or unwieldy if you’re not a native speaker. My gut instinct is that if you’re from a larger city, you’ll get just as good (or better Asian food) more easily there, and if you’re from a much smaller city or don’t know Asian food really well, it might seem kind of grungy and not worth it.

      Other
      Texas has a chain of good Grocery Stores that has an alternative to Whole Foods Market that I find more foodie (international foods, etc.) and a little less pretentious* http://goo.gl/cWp3b. They always have really yummy prepared foods and a cafe that is cheaper than Whole Foods.
      *On applicable in the yuppie universe

      How’s that for some severely hedonistic tips? Hopefully some Houston-rettes come by with more credible advice :-)

      1. I SOOOOOOO miss Central Market!!! Probably the thing I miss most from Houston.

    3. I am a hometown gal.

      There is a behind-the-scenes tour you can take (small guided group) at NASA. Costs more, but great and worth it. You’ll need to have transportation as NASA is about 1 hour drive south (freeway) from the main center of Houston.

      Downtown – there are tons of shows on in the performing arts center. Jones Hall, Wortham (Opera and Ballet).

      In the medical center/museum district, Museum of Fine Arts has great exhibits, and so does the Natural History Museum.

      We have great zoo, but it’s been hot and humid and you could find it beastly.

      Main shopping is the “Galleria” area, high end and medium, all in an AC 3-4 story sprawling mall. Tiffany, BBBiddle, Coach, Escada, Armani, C. Herrera, Niemans, etc. Nearby is a huge Container store and DSW. Other area is Highland Village in “River Oaks.” About a 10-15 min drive on the same street. All high end plus houseware big stores like C&Barrell, Restoration Hardware, etc.

      Food – we love to eat out in Houston.
      Downtown high end –
      Brennans (good creole, french)
      Damians (Italian)

      Galleria mall –
      Del Friscos steaks
      Oceanaire
      Gigis (asian, french)
      Cheesecake Factory and Luxor

      There are lots of good steak houses in town –
      Ruth’s Chris
      Sullivans
      Pappas Steak House

      You can’t fail with bbq – Otto’s was Pres. Bush’s favorite
      People also like Goode & Co.

      Vargos is old style Houston dining, but it’s been fluctuating lately. Lovely grounds.

      Tony’s is in Greenway Plaza area and long time great, expensive place.
      So is the Palm, a bit west of there.

      Kiran’s for incredible Indian.

      There’s a huge buffet place at the Ship Channel (you can watch the boats) called Brady’s Landing. Sunday brunch? A bit rustic.

      If you are staying north at IAH airport, the Woodlands is the place/area to go for shopping, arts, music, food. It is a good 1.5 hour from the center of town (Galleria area).

      Houston is large and sprawling, you’ll need transportation.

      Asian – PF Changs.

      The ladies who lunch love Ouisies’ in River Oaks.

      Welcome to town. We’ve got everything for everyone, seriously. It will be hot and humid, more than you imagine, and after Vail…gosh. We call it “air you can wear” and it helps keep the wrinkles at bay. Just go from AC vehicle to AC place and you’ll be ok.

      ENJOY.

      Check out a copy of “Texas Monthly” magazine, they list the up and coming restaurants with reviews in the back.

      1. For South American/Mexican/Latin, you might try Americas (Galleria area) and if you have never been to Fogo de Chao, we have one and you must arrive hungry to get the benefit of all the meat!

        There are many Tex-Mex places in town and every Houstonian has their own favorites…even the small, private ones are typically good, so it’s hard for me to recommend. Might depend on your location. Many swear by Molina’s. We like Pico’s and Escalante’s is a great flavor without the fat place. Los Tios is a Houston original, but too high lard for many newbies.

        For more Asian, PF Changs is in the Highland Village shopping center as is a new Escalante’s and a new steak/seafood place.

      2. LOVE Brennans.
        I would stay away from the “chains” like Del Frisco or Palm. they are good, but Houston has such great local flavour. eat something you cannot get anywhere else!
        Escalante is a great local chain. excellent.
        Fadi’s is amazing “quick” arabic food. it is more of a cafeteria style, but then you can order kebabs and such. it is a great lunch option.
        Chuys is a texas institution, but is now a chain spreading. it is very cheap and “low class” tex-mex. but it is good. Hugo’s has great “high class” mexican and a lovely brunch.
        59 diner has good “diner” food and excellent milkshakes. excellent for a hangover or at 4am (it is 24 hours)
        the “original” carrabbas on Kirby (higher class than the chain you see across america (which it inspired) and fresh ingredients) has yummy italian food and a nice enclosed porch to eat.
        all of the pappas brand are good. I find them a bit overpriced, but they are texas.
        Taste of Texas is in the “burbs” but it very, very good .

    4. If you are adventurous, go to “Feast” in Houston.
      amazing.
      seriously.
      I have lots of other recommendations if you give more specific indication of types of food?

    5. I had a family member staying in Houston for medical treatment, and they took me to (what I think I remember correctly) Rice Village. There were several amazing restaurants (an italian one who’s name I cant remember, but blew my mind), and a variety of shopping and whatnot to wander around looking at.

      I’ve never been to the Vail area without it being buried in snow, but if you are outdoorsy there are hiking trails, and some ski resorts will let you ride the lifts to just enjoy the scenery.

    6. I was in Houston on business in the fall. I stayed at the Marriott near the galleria and it worked out very well.

      I attended a week-long training class in the galleria so I chose the hotel specifically for the location. Since the location was fairly central, I didn’t rent a car. I didn’t want to have to deal with negotiating the city, getting lost, etc.

      So I then spent most of my non-class time in the galleria. If I’d had a car, I would have been more adventurous in my dining. That said, I really liked Del Frisco’s. The bar staff were lovely. I dined there 2 or 3 nights, all by myself. And I didn’t feel self-conscious. They were very charming and they gave me free drinks. Another awesome place is the bar/restaurant in Saks at the Galleria. They also gave me free drinks. And when I told them I was on a limited budget, they handed me the Galleria employee menu.

      So… I don’t have local knowledge, but I can say that everyone was so nice. For an east coast girl, it was so much fun. And the servings are giant.

  15. 401k question. I have a 401k with my current employer. I am changing jobs. At my new employer, I only become eligible to contribute to their 401k after a year of employment. (a) What do I do with my current 401k? I assume I won’t be able to roll it over into the new 401k for a year. (b) Do I have any options for pre-tax retirement saving while I wait a year to become eligible to contribute to the new job’s 401k? I think I make too much $$ for a Roth.

    1. Current 401(k) – check with your current employer and see what the timeframe is for rolling it over. I know our employer won’t let you touch until you’ve been out of the plan for a year (not necessarily the common case), but they might let you keep it where it is for at least a year. Otherwise, roll it into a traditional IRA (non-Roth).

      1. SEP IRA’s are for people who are self employed. Ask your current employer if you can keep it in the existing plan for a year. If not, you’ll need to open an IRA Rollover and put the money in that account. You could just keep that account or you can roll the money into your new employers account when you are eligible to start participating in it.

    3. If your vested account balance is > $5k, your current employer probably can’t force you to take a distribution upon termination (that is, your employer probably has to allow you to leave the money in that plan). If you don’t want to leave your money in that plan, you can roll it over to an IRA, or your new employer may let you rollover your old account into their plan, even though you won’t be eligible to contribute for a while – my employer allows that, and we’re not exactly on the cutting edge of benefits.

  16. Oof, starting the bar whining section of the weekend post early. Just took my MBE practice and scored 55%. That’s a mere 110 correct. My state requires at least 115 to get the essays/MPT graded. just great. I scored better at the midterm than I did today. I’m going to fail. I AM SO SICK OF STUDYING FOR THE BAR EXAM. I’m going to go cry now. And drink a glass of wine. I don’t care if it’s only 3:43 in the afternoon. Because I haven’t even been drinking wine the last few weeks since I’ve been studying so much. All for a 55%.

    1. Keep in mind that a passing grade on the bar exam is actually a failing grade in everything else you’ve ever done. All you need to do is make like a D+. That’s about passing on most bars. So keep plugging away at it. You’ll do well enough to pass, even if it’s not what would get you an A+ on a real test.

    3. You know, even though I’m two years after the fact, it kind of makes me feel better to know that so many people are freaking out about the test in the same way that I was during that one horrible summer. You’re not alone, and it does suck, but keep in mind that no one else feels any better about it then you. (I studied at home, and was thoroughly convinced that I was the only one who was that miserable. I wasn’t.) You’ll get through it.

      (I’m sort of thinking of showing some recent Corporette threads to my husband (not a lawyer) and saying “See! I wasn’t so crazy back then!”)

      1. I agree with Lyssa (I’m also 2 years after the fact) — let me say you’re not alone and lots of us have been right there feeling the same way in years past! Doing whatever you need to do to stay as calm as you can throughout studying and during the exam is key. Personally, along with a fair amount of crying along the way that summer, I had a total meltdown after the second day of the bar (MBEs — I was horrible at them), and seriously considered not going back for the third day of essays. My bf had to talk me down and convince me I just HAD to at least finish the third day. Somehow I did and was able to pass, despite being such an emotional wreck. Just keep at it — good luck!

    4. I knew backwards and front that if I did not pass it would be from the MBE… and nothing I did seemed to raise my scores at all. I don’t know that I ever crested 60% on any full practice exam. I never felt confident about it but the day of, I did not panic and I think that helped me pass overall (my state does not release scores so I don’t know how I did). Have a cry, take a walk/run/something, and come back and keep plugging away. You can do it.

    5. EVERYONE gets terrible scores on the practice MBEs. The whole point of them is to (1) get used to taking a full-length test, and (2) scare you senseless so you study your heart out for the last three weeks. It sounds like you only need 5 more points to pass the MBE in your state, and you have several weeks to get there. So I’d say you’re right on track! Hang in there, take the night off, and be kind to yourself. =)

      1. I did hundreds and hundreds of MBE practice questions and never scored more than 60% while studying, but I passed. Up until the week before the exam I was only scoring 55-59%. Keep studying, but don’t worry.

      2. I think I got a 104 on the big practice MBE day and it freaked me out. I ended up passing. There were clear areas where I was fine (contracts) so I scaled back the studying on that and focused on the things I was sort of middle of the road on. It was clear at that point that property was going to be the one subject I just couldn’t understand, so I kept studying that like normal and didn’t bother trying to raise my score on it and just focused on increasing my score on things that I could grasp.

        Panicing at this point is totally normal. I think that is the point of the practice MBE day.

    6. Corporette is my break from listening to people b*tch about the bar exam. I realize I can’t ask people to stop talking about, but I hate that its on every single thread.

      1. I agree with this. It’s Kat’s community, and threads can be skipped, I get it. Still, there are so many forums for law students and fewer for professional, out-in-world working women (especially once you subtract the ones aimed at parent issues). Can we just stipulate that the bar sucks and leave it at that?
        (BTW, comments exclusively seeking/getting commiseration are something I love about this blog, but mostly because it’s where WORKING professionals can seek advice or support on such things.)

        IMHO, complaining about bar studying and taking doesn’t add anything relevant to this community , and certainly nothing NEW, since it’s all over the place here. It’s just the self-gratification of release…and there’s a name for that.

        1. Really? This is what you catty b!tches jump on? After all of the inane “how do I get a raise” and “What do I do about my awful review?” posts? You’re right, skip it and move on to the so much deeper and more relevant posts. And don’t hide behind an anonymous name.

          1. Uh nothing that was said was catty, and the community is certainly not b!tches. There is a difference between the raise questions, and ones which cause panic in other people. And you have an anonymous name…

            Here’s something catty, I think you should have two glasses of wine tonight, because that was a complete overreaction.

          2. Inane, really? What are you doing here, then? You apparently have no problem with non-fashion topics generally. And you just insulted about half the posters on this (and other!) threads.

            But I think it’s awesome that you post under your full name; you’re right, it’s so courageous…oh wait.

        2. Two more weeks and no more bar posts…I’m sure we bar-takers will be happier to see them go as anyone else!

        3. There may be plenty of forums for law students out there, but Corporette has a lot of readers who have survived the bar and may have advice, not to mention that the exam-advice-seekers may feel a lot more comfort when said advice comes from a regular poster they’ve come to know and respect. The point of user names in a community like this is to develop something relationshipesque — why silence a sizeable group of the community if they can get comfort or guidance from some familiar sources?

          I’m also two years past the bar, and you can count me as another who got barely 100 on the Bar/Bri MBE but went on to pass. I found the practice MBE offered by the NCBE (http://www.ncbex2.org/catalog/) to be helpful.

          1. Because its panic inducing to read people saying things like I barely got a 100 on the Barbri MBE and passed! when you are getting less than that. Its not to silence them, it would just be great if it was all on one thread, so people didn’t have to give up on Corporette all together when they find it to be a great five minute break

          2. CfM, I’m really sorry I didn’t think about that before making my post! I certainly didn’t intend to freak anyone out any more than they already are.

        4. Wow…I am really shocked by all of the complaining about complaining about the Bar. I agree that there are several topics on this site that seem to come up over and over again (hello…babies?!). These topics are not always relevant to every single reader, but definitely add to the community because they are things that most professional women face at some time in their lives. I personally think that corporette has gotten a little “older” and is becoming a less relevant place for younger, newer professional women (…actually thinking about starting my own blog for this demographic). Although the advice of more experienced women is very helpful (and usually why I come to this site), cut us young ones some slack! We are here because we need help and sometimes just reassurance and a place to vent! Whether you are a lawyer or not, realize that a large chunk of corporette readers are taking the Bar and are completely freaked out by it (whether it’s warranted or not). Can’t we all learn something about how to deal with such an incredibly stressful, high pressure situation? I think so.

      2. I get tired of the bar posts too, but I figure it’s a hazard of Corporette. I’m not a lawyer, and I’d personally be THRILLED if more non-lawyers posted, but that’s not the reality. The reality is 90% of the posters are lawyers and law students, and I have to just skim those posts.

        Having said that, ElevenElle, I realize you’re extremely stressed right now, but the bar exam is not the only serious consideration in a Corporette’s career. Concerns about salary and review are not in the least inane, and they’re concerns you’re going to have long after you pass the bar.

    7. Are you taking BarBri? Some how I didn’t notice the percentage goals for the questions I was doing and was freaking out too. But then I talked to someone and realized that the booklets set out the percent you should get right at the front of the book. As you go on, the percentage goes down (like to 50%!) because they are giving you the hardest questions.

      I feel your pain. But chin up, we can do it!!

      1. I’m taking Kaplan actually and they don’t give averages. I scored much higher on the midterm and the general quizzes. I thought this would be a last “ok, got it” practice test and them, boom, lowest score yet.

    8. Are you taking BarBri? If so, was the MPT part taight by Professor Van Honigsberg (I think that was his name)? His crazy stories about people getting concussions, or getting in huge car accidents, or having computer meltdowns, and still passing, really helped me get through. At the end of studying, right about now, I was having anxiety attacks. But picturing that BarBri prof saying “Pass!” after telling us about other people’s horrible experiences really put everything in perspective.

      No one–and I do mean NO ONE–can know everything. If you’re taking CA, you should know that you get points for (literally) making rules up on the essay portion. You can wing it, and you will pass.

      1. I’m getting tired of these Bar threadjacks too, yet I have to respond to this comment. I took the CA bar in July 2008, home of the infamous federal executive powers question, which BarBri had explicitly told us had never and would never be tested, and wasn’t even in the conviser. And yet there it was, essay 2 on the first day. I started to panic, and then I heard Honingsberg in my head, loud and clear: “if you don’t know it, NOBODY knows it. NOBODY!!!” and “everybody passes. everybody.” I mouthed NOBODY! to myself as I wrote the essay, making up all kinds of b.s. At lunch, my friends and I all got our sandwiches, and though we had a strict rule against discussing content, we all looked at each other and said “NOBODY!” and started laughing.

        Adding to the Honigsberg lore, four weeks before the bar, my friend’s father who lived in another state unexpectedly died of a heart attack. Two weeks before the bar, the friend discovered their spouse was cheating on them, and wanted a divorce. My friend passed.

        1. I’m not taking California, but since you said you are getting tired of the bar discussion, I just want to let you know that your post was really helpful to me.

          I’ve learned a lot from this board over the years and really benefited from the support and advice. I try to give back whenever I can. For those of you who are tired of the bar discussion, maybe just ask yourself if you’ve ever benefited from the advice/support of someone on this board who is either senior to you in experience or is going through the same thing, whatever the issue is. All us bar studiers could someday be the attorney who specializes in a field you want to transition into.

          Happy weekend everybody!

          1. That was an incredibly gracious response that (properly?) puts me a bit to shame for objecting to the bar threads. Good luck to you JAS1. Poise in adversity will serve you will during the bar.

          2. Its not necessarily that I am sick of the bar talk like I would be if it were everyone talking about say, asking a raise, its just when you are looking for a distraction and you come here, and people are like “I only got 60 right!” and you are like omg I am only getting 30 right! i will fail and when I fail they will put me in the town square and everyone I have ever known will walk by and tell me that they are disappointed in me

    9. By saying you’re sick of studying you seem to recognize that repetition of uninteresting material is pretty mind-numbing… ditto for the complaints about studying for the bar sucking.

      1. CfM – I do agree with you that people sharing specific scores can be nerve-wracking. What I like is when someone who already passed shares the incredibly low scores they got in the final few weeks of studying.

        SFBayAssociate – thank you, it was very gracious of YOU to follow up.

        Anyway, best of luck to all!

    12. Are you doing Kaplan? The MBE test that we just took is comprised of ONLY hard/expert questions, so keep that in mind. Also, word on the street is that the average for this practice MBE was a 97. If you got a 110, you are actually doing absolutely fabulously!! Also, I would check to see if your state requires a 115 RAW or SCALED – if it’s scaled, you’re fine since with the curve you’re actually tracking a 130-135.

      Now to the whole “why have I studied for this for this long for a 55%?” I feelz it. Only a couple more weeks.

    13. I’ve posted this advise before for corporette bar takers (last year), so apologies if some of you have seen this before.

      Due to relocations, I’ve taken multiple bar exams. Like many people here, i was completely freaking out prepping for the 1st one, until my bf at the time asked what the average pass rate was for people who fit my profile (from my law school, 1st time takers). It was close to 80%. So he asked, when was the last time you were in the bottom 25% of ANYTHING? Um, never. So why do you think you will be this time? That actually completely ended the stess.

      The bar is a test of MINIMUM COMPETENCY. Yes, you need to study. Yes, go to bar review. But the bar really isn’t that hard — it just isn’t. It’s long, but it isn’t hard. And one of mine is CA. It’s not hard either, and the alleged low pass rate is misleading — the pass rate for 1st time takers from ABA accredited schools is completely consistent with other states – 80%-ish range. (the one exception is the patent bar – which i also passed on the first try).

      So please quit stressing out. Seriously. Ask yourself, when were you in the bottom 20-25-30% of ANYTHING????? Never? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

        1. I would just like to thank you for this advice!! This REALLY helped me feel better about myself today. :)

      3. Um…I was in the bottom 30% of my law school class, so I would have cried if I was reading this post while studying for the bar. Current exam takers, please take heart though: I still passed the California bar exam on the first try!

        2. Agreed I am in the bottom 30% of my class and found that to be so condescending and defeating. Looks like I am off corporette until after the bar.

  17. I’m curious about everyone’s shopping budgets. Do you have a strict monthly budget or do you sort of buy when the mood/sale strikes? How much do you estimate you spend per year on clothes and accessories?

    1. I’ve tried to budget and found I just couldn’t keep up with it. (not necessarily that I couldn’t follow it, but I just couldn’t make myself do the actual keeping track.) I’m more of a buy when the mood strikes type of person. I tend to go in spurts; I buy several items, but then don’t buy anything for months. And I almost always have a few things in mind that I’m looking for and would buy if I see one I like at a decent price.

      It’s pretty hard to estimate, but I might guess $700 or so per year, just in terms of me spending on myself. But a) I’m pretty cheap, and almost never pay full price for clothing (and almost never buy accessories for myself, since they are expensive and not “necessary”), and b) almost all of my really nice things come from my husband. We keep all money jointly, so it’s the same money either way, but I don’t have to look at it before it’s spent.

    2. when I first started working, I would allocate 30% of my net salary to start my work wardrobe. I did keep track of every purchase in an excel sheet to know cost per wear.
      when I got my apartment, this shopping budget dropped to less than 10%. Ever since I started saving for a car, I have a budget of about 25 dollars per month (for accessories or cheap additions).
      Yes, sadly, I am on a shopping ban until next spring…

    3. Right now I’m on a shopping ban as well. In generally I don’t think twice about spending $200-$300/month on clothes, with some months being more if I have events to dress for or there is a good sale and some months being less if I don’t like the styles or am too busy to shop. My best guess is that I spend ~$2500/year on clothes. I thought that was a lot before but I think it might be on the low end around here!

    4. I have a $50 maximum on any clothing/shoe/accessory item. It usually works for me, but during this period where everything is on sale, I may need to re-evaluate.

      It doesn’t help that I’m working non-stop and feeding my stress/fashion passion by shopping online late at night.

    5. I don’t have an actual budget, but try to keep vague track. I use Mint, so I have it set up for an every 3 months budget of a couple hundred dollars, and then can look and see if I’ve forgotten about those three pairs of shoes last month, or if it’s really true that I feel the need to shop! There are usually a few things on my list that are really needing/wanting a new pencil skirt/black shirt/jeans or whatever, but otherwise it’s just what’s pretty and what’s boring me about my wardrobe.

    6. $200/month budget. It’s worked really well for me for the last 2 years or so – it helped me curb some frivolous overspending I did before that.

      After my last I added a tweak to the system, namely an exemption for high-quality, basic items. I find I tend to buy too many cheap things and not enough high-quality basics, so now if there’s an expensive, high-quality item I want to buy, I waive the budget limit that month (but I’m not allowed to buy anything else that month).

  18. My small firm does not have a vacation policy (or a sick leave policy or maternity leave… but I digress). I’m a first year associate and in August, I will have been here for a year. I took two days of vacation before my wedding in April, but haven’t taken any other days off since I started. Is it unreasonable for me to take a day on either side of the Thanksgiving break so that H and I can take a small vacation? Or should I be waiting awhile longer before I do anything like that? FWIW, there are two other associates. One of them has taken a day here and there over the last year. He has been here a little over two years. The other associate took about 8 days off last month to go on vacation. He has been here for four years. Thoughts?

    1. I should say that I didn’t really go ON vacation the two days before the wedding. I took two days off work.

    2. Not only would I plan on taking that day or two off around Thanksgiving for a vacation, I would also plan on going into 2012 with at the very least a verbal agreement regarding the approximate number of days I would anticipate taking off in the next year.

      “I know we don’t have a formal vacation policy, but I’d like to make sure we are on the same page with regard to vacation and/or personal time now that I’ve been here for more than a year. Next year, I anticipate that I will require approximately X days of vacation and/or personal time, which is in line with industry standards. I will want to take off (whatever time) during the holiday season and (whatever else), and of course I would also like to include a day or (whatever) as necessary for unanticipated opportunities/requirements.”

      The idea being that you set expectations up front, but you also give yourself wiggle room with an extra couple of days in case you are ill or have something (good or bad) come up at the last minute. This could be an annual conversation if your company doesn’t feel that it owes its employees the respect of a clearly communicated policy on the subject.

      1. I like the way you phrased the approach. I despise feeling guilty about or being scared to take a day off. I think that’s the reason there isn’t a policy – because it discourages everyone from taking time off because none of us really know what’s “allowed.”

      2. I wouldn’t even say I require X vacation. I would just say “I plan on taking approximately X days of vacation.”

    3. Our firm doesn’t have a vacation policy for attorneys, we just need to keep our billing up. We don’t have a minimum exactly, but obviously if you’re not billing much, and taking lots of vacation, you’re probably going to have a meeting with the partners at some point.

      1. I should add that I take one week vacation in the summer and one week at Christmas, and occasionally take a personal day. You’ve been there a year, you’re due a vacation.

    4. If it makes you feel any better, I get 5 weeks of leave per year and I’ve never managed more than a long weekend or two, to prevent me from accumulating so much leave that I lose any additional accumulations.

      I think it’s totally reasonable to take a week off, especially around a holiday.

    5. Do you have an hours requirement? If so, I imagine the “understanding” is that if you make your hours, you can take as much vacation as you’d like. I’ve often taken vacation in excess of a formal policy but as long as I make my hours, no one has ever cared

  19. Thanks for the link on this post to that bra, Kat!
    I’m used to paying about twice as much at Intimacy (with which I am less impressed, the more they expand, though my first visit there was revolutionary), and I’m really in need of a couple (at least!) of new bras right now–while I’m also short of cash. At Nordstrom’s prices, so long as I can find my size, it looks like I can afford two good quality bras. I can’t sufficiently express how nice that would be…

    1. I used to go to Intimacy, but frankly in my city (Chicago) felt that Nordstrom had a larger selection.

      1. I find Intimacy more likely to carry 30E/F than pretty much anywhere else I know of in Atlanta (but if anyone has recommendations, I’m interested!).

        I’m going to give Nordstrom a try, though. Do they do alterations to bras? If so, then I could be set, even though the lowest bandsize they list online for the styles that interest me is 32.

    2. I also use BraSmyth…found their returns to be done well…and I usually order in two sizes and send one back. If you know your brands and sizing, sometimes their pricing and availability beats Nordies.

      1. I had a bra fitting at Nordstrom’s yesterday – my first there – and wow, I was impressed. I have had a bra fitting once before at a specialized place but I thought this lady at Nordstrom was way better, although a bit pushy. The selection was great, and prices with the NAS were decent.

        1. By the way, I was already wearing the right bra size, but the lady at Nordstrom’s helped me find bras with a shape that fit me better, and that made ALL the difference.

      2. Thanks! I’ve bookmarked them. I think I’ll check out Nordstrom during their sale, because (thank you other commenters, as well) I keep reading good things about their bra fittings/departments, and I need to try on bras in brands other than the one I’ve been wearing for the past 7 years. I know different brands/shapes can fit differently, sometimes.

  20. Threadjack –

    Biglaw associates – Has anyone ever mistakenly misbilled a client? I just found out i did and do not know whether this is really bad for the firm or not. I billed a couple of hours of some work I did to the wrong case. The client reviewed the bill and just sent out an email to me and the partner about the misbilled work – wondering what the work has to do with her case. I had to send an email to the partner telling him those hours were billed to the wrong case. he has not responded. What to do? Does this happen often enough that I should not over react?

    1. I have misapplied time before, but it has never actually been billed. It is my understanding that all the bills are reviewed by 1) the billing attorney; and 2) any attorneys appearing on the bill that billing cycle. Any errors are usually caught at that time.

    2. How long ago did you email him? I think it’s ok to follow up a week later to make sure he didn’t miss the email. It totally happens, but like Anon said, usually the billing partner catches it before it goes out.

    3. Not unusual. It looks bad, but it’s not unusual at all. Frankly whoever approves the bills/sends them out should have caught it! Not that that means you shouldn’t take the blame – but it’s not a huge deal if it only happened once.

    4. I’ve done that before, but it was caught by the billing attorney before it went out. I wouldn’t worry too much about it, apologize and tell him it won’t happen again.

  21. I’m having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Some of you may remember when I posted about travelling with my boss. His attitude towards me has gotten worse and worse.

    I’m working 10 to 12 hour days and I don’t make much money. My sister and brother who work less than me each make double my salary.

    Today I was overwhelmed with work and asked if my boss or the other guy on my team could help by taking just one small (less than a day’s work) task off my plate. My boss’ response: “you seem to think you have a greater workload than everyone else, but in fact you have the smallest workload.”

    And that’s just completely untrue. Neither he nor the other guy are working nights or weekends.

    And I’m just miserable. This is the first time I’ve asked for help. When I ask for help, I need it. The last time I was this stressed out I got the shingles.

    Sorry. I just needed to vent. I just logged into monster to look for alternatives.

    1. Wow. It sounds like your boss is a little out of touch with your workload. I know it would add time to your day, but is there any way you can document a week of your work life? (If you bill time already, then it’s pointless, I suppose.) It doesn’t sound like you want to (or should) stick around, but it might be something nice to lay on his desk as you walk out the door, so he knows exactly how much work will be left undone without you…

    2. Okay, I remember your last post and he sounds like a jerk. BUT. One thing I’ve learned and successfully coached a few co-workers on recently is that there is a big difference between working hard (long hours) and working smart. I don’t know if you may have an issue with using your time effectively, but it is definitely something to consider if you’re working long hours, you’re getting burned out AND someone in a leadership position doesn’t agree with your perception of your workload. Look for efficiencies – not for him, but for you. Work on managing details, finishing tasks in fewer steps, avoiding any mistakes and keeping CALM – again, not for him, but for you. And of course, whether this is an issue that you need to work on or not – either way he sounds like a jerk so I wish you luck with your search. (In 90 days I coached someone working 12-hour days and on the verge of being fired for mistakes to work 8-hour days and stop making so many errors, and they assigned him 2 direct reports.)

      1. I like your thinking, but I’m working long hours because I’m supporting a production system. I’m in IT. I don’t have many projects, but I have many small tasks that come up unexpectedly.

        I support an enterprise-wide reporting system. If a job fails, I have to fix it. I’ve spent the last 2 weeks fixing problems and failures. We just went live with a new system on July 1st so I’m supporting that. It is running in parallel with our existing system, which I also support.

        So my workload has basically doubled, but he doesn’t seem to get that. And, of course, he was out from the 1st ’til the 11th. And the other guy on my team was out for part of that time as well.

        I am trying to keep calm. Today I needed to focus on my 2 longer-term projects, which I’m behind on so I asked them to step in on this smaller task.

        1. Sorry to hear about your problems. Working in IT for 10 years I’ve seen that happen often to people. Do you have a ticketing system that you can show your boss to show how many issues are appearing and how long they take to fix? Maybe the other guy on your team is good at communicating to your boss what his workload is. Watch how he does it (weekly reports? hallway conversations? brings it up in meetings?) and try to approach it the same way.

        2. Production support is the worst. I’d really look for a way to document everything you’re doing and try to make it clearer to your boss.
          Also – how about a well-timed, short vacation? If someone else has to support both systems for a few days, maybe they’ll see that you actually have a lot of work.

    3. I remember your jerk boss! Good for you for looking for something else. Sometimes even having the knowledge that there are alternatives out there can make your day better. It sounds like work is taking up a lot of your life right now, but try to concentrate on enjoying life outside of work- your job can’t own you. Best of luck in your search

    4. Well, are you sure they aren’t working, perhaps not in the office? I am not at all doubting your workload, but have been in the position of others assuming I had a lighter workload because I left the office at 6, but what they didn’t see, that my boss did, was me logging back in and getting work done after putting my kids to bed, or early in the am on the weekends etc…. All to say don’t concern yourself with what others are doing, focus on what you are doing. Are you working as efficiently as possible? Are you doing work that could/should be delegated? Not sure if you are in a billable environment, but are you keeping track of what you do ( which you should be doing anyway)? Ultimately, it sounds like you need a plan to move on, so get started on it.

      1. Ahh, okay see now that you are in IT. My guess is you need to communicate, without it sounding like whining, the change in you world, and make sure you are not comparing apples to oranges. It does matter how many systems you support, unless the total number of issues has increased. That is what you have to convey. Presumably some clients on system A are now on system B, but are more people having problems? Do some qualitative and quantative analysis on what is driving your workload. Convey that.

  22. I have an ‘informal interview’ with the Veteran’s Museum Archives next week. Does that mean I should wear my suit (black, white pinstripe skirt suit) or go for a nice pencil skirt and jacket?

  23. My secretary comes into my office about a dozen times a day (I’ve counted) to make such non-work remarks as “my brother called and we’re going to Sea Galley for dinner tonight,” or “look at these pants I just bought” or “there’s fresh coffee” or “I think I’ll water this plant.” I have put up with this for about a year but it is really starting to drive me crazy. I have tried several tactics. I keep typing on my screen and don’t make eye contact, I shut my door (most of the way), I don’t respond, I ignore completely. It will not stop! I feel for her since she is often bored (not enough work to do) and she is naturally a chatty person. But it really bugs me. She is going to retire in about 18 months so I think I will just put up with it until then. I hate confrontation and I think it would hurt her feelings terribly if I just told her not to come into my office anymore. I do not mind interruptions if it is work related but the casual observations about the state of the world are irksome in the extreme!!! There, I feel better now.

    1. I have the same problem. My secretary also wants to engage me in conversations about the weather, life in general, what I think about Carmeggeddon this weekend, something another attorney is working on, etc. I appreciate her attempt at friendliness, but it gets grating, especially when I am also dealing with her gross incompetance and complete lack of professionalism. I make sure to review her honestly each year in the hopes that she will change, but alas, tis not to be. No words of advice – just feel your pain.

    2. Oh, how I feel your pain. There is a shared assistant who sits outside my office and who talks constantly, and when there is nothing in particular to talk about, she keeps a running commentary on everything she’s doing. It’s so distracting!
      I’ve told her nicely that it’s not a good time to talk when she has actually come into my office (usually to file or something), but she seems to think that she becomes inaudible by walking into the communal area right outside… or she doesn’t realize or care that her constant chatter can be heard by all.
      (BTW Door shutting is frowned upon here as we are in-house and have to be always open for our clients. Earplugs & headphones are also not good options for me.)

    3. I do not like to shut my door unless I am eating, so I have resorted to the half-way closed door. This makes it harder for someone outside to make eye contact but does not seem standoffish. The attorney in the office next to mine is out for a couple of weeks so when she gets back the chatty secretary will divide up her remarks between us. Right now I am the only one in the vicinity to talk to.

    4. “Hi secretary! I’m really busy lately, and I enjoy chatting with you but I can’t really take little breaks during the work day. Instead, how about when I get my coffee break every day at 2:30, you come with me and I’ll buy you a latte? We can catch up during the walk to and from Starbucks.”

      1. This is a diplomatic and wise solution. I wish I were a bigger person, because my first reaction was that I would rather die a slow death than spend a well-earned and much-needed break managing my interoffice relations…or spending time with someone who really irritates me, and who, frankly, I’m not interested in socializing with (personality thing— NOT a lawyer/assistant thing).

        1. I wouldn’t want to take someone who annoys me to coffee either, but maybe make it a point to go out and chat with her at the same time everyday, just stop by for 5 and see how she is doing.

        2. Well it’s different if you don’t like your secretary – it sounds like the OP likes her secretary, just doesn’t like the interruptions. But for the sake of peace in the office, maybe you could schedule a weekly coffee date with the secretary? My department normally has a Friday afternoon Starbucks trip – it’s good for catching up.

  24. Threadjack: does anyone have any experience with applying at a position, going through two (or more) rounds of interviews, and then never hearing back from the dream employer? I interviewed twice at what I would call my dream job the last week of June, and I thought the interview went well. They told me they would let me know in a few days, and I haven’t heard anything. I have emailed two of the people I interviewed to let them know I am still interested in the position, and to check if they have made any final decisions, but have not received a reply. Any suggestions or advice? TIA.

    1. When was your most recent email? I’d probably max out at two per person, and only two if they are very, very widely spaced (multiple weeks at the very least). On the plus side, things can get busy and dealing with hiring can fall by the wayside. (On the minus side, it’s possible they picked someone else and are being slow and weiner-like about telling the “No” pile, which is why I probably wouldn’t call, rather than email again.)

    2. I’d say with about 90% certainty that they’ve offered the position to someone else and are waiting for that person’s decision.

      Sorry. Maybe he’ll turn it down and you’ll get the dream job after all.

        1. Something similar happened to me, too. And I also ended up with the job.

          Last week of June is not that long ago- plus there was a July 4th weekend in there as well…

    3. I don’t know how it is in law, but in the IT world, you may never hear. I actually got a rejection this week for a job I applied to in September. I’ve been employed since October.

      I never heard back from several companies that I interviewed at last fall. And you might as well give up on hearing from jobs you applied to, but were asked to interview at.

      Seriously, last fall there was a job that I was perfect for. I met all the qualifications and I even had a contact. But I never heard from them. I still don’t know what happened.

    4. Duckie’s probably right–they have offered the job to someone else and are awaiting a reply. If that person does not accept, you are still in the running. On the other hand, maybe they just got busy or someone important in the decision-making process went on vacation, etc.

      I probably would not email again, wait a couple of more weeks at least.

    2. Yup. Freeway is moving at a crawl for about 25 of the 55 miles of my commute, so I’m not leaving until traffic improves. I hate sitting in traffic!

      1. I stepped out for a while, but I’m back. In that time, my boss told someone that it was okay to reboot the server so my queries got cancelled again. I’m back at the starting point. The query, in question, takes 2+ hours.

        1. YIKES. Your job sounds like a horror show – I can’t wait for the day you update us to say you’ve found a new one!

  26. I’ve been seeing a lot of button down cardigans and button down sweater vests for men at Lacoste and Fred perry. If I bought my 25 year old significant other one would he look cool or ridiculous?

    1. I love, love, love men in sweaters. If you like men in sweaters, then I guess he’ll look pretty cool to you, and who cares what anyone else thinks?

    2. I think it is cool, but I also think it depends on his style of dressing. How will the item merge into his wardrobe?

    3. It’s more I’m just worried the look is either too dated or too flaky- I can’t remember the last time I saw a man in a button down sweater vest.

  27. hi ladies! happy weekend!
    any tips on what to wear for an engagement shoot. we’ll be in dc around the monuments, the metro, maybe even a museum or a bar. hoping to do it in the evening so that its not so hot.
    thanks!

    1. if it’s not too far, i’d add walking down to the water (navy yard park, or tidal basin maybe) and getting a couple shots there.

    2. My only advice is to avoid the matchy-matchy engagement photos.No need to look like you’re marrying your twin brother. You can still have a unified feel by both wearing jeans for example. I think I would go with a nice summer dress though. Wear what you look the best in! Enjoy.

  28. Ooops figured I should post to the Weekend Thread so sorry that this is a repeat threadjack but does Elie Tahari fit like Theory clothes? Just trying to figure out sizing. Thanks in advance!

    1. No. I’ve found that Theory’s sizes runs small – meaning I have to size up. Elie Tahari runs pretty true to size in my opinion.

    2. Oh, I usually find that they run the same. But I am built very slender and not very curvy, so this may account for the difference.

      1. I think the body type makes a big difference. I wear the same size in Theory and ET on top, but I go up two to three sizes in Theory bottoms – Theory seems to be cut for the slim of hip and bottom. This is definitely a YMMV situation. Order several sizes and take some back.

  29. Thread jack (my first ever!). I need to vent a bit, and would like some advice.

    A bit of background: I’m a law student currently interning abroad and am prepping for OCI next month. The organization I work for initially appeared to be an extremely professional work environment, but I learned after the first few days that every one was more interested in having a friend than a serious conversation about the field the organization specializes in or improving the institution (which is my research project). I’ve worked at the organization for almost two months, and am on very friendly terms with everyone (despite the gigantic language barrier).

    So, last night a couple of interns went out and one of them got drunk and told me that at first he and a senior person in the office (who I find nice, but unprofessional, and who happens to sit in the same room as me) quite disliked me at first. I was then told by the other intern that there was an initial general consensus that I was “standoff-ish”. Of course, they reassured me that I am very well liked right now. They commented that a significant part of the problem is that because I am extremely tall and quite attractive (but not cute), I am perceived as intimidating. Upon reflection, I still think that I acted very nicely and professionally… so I am unsure where the negative impression came from. Regardless, this information has created 2 problems:

    1) I am freaked out about OCI because good first impressions are essential. As a tall pretty woman I am afraid that if I act seriously I will come off as arrogant, but if I act bubbly then I will come of ditzy. If anyone has any thoughts on this please share!

    2) I am unenthused about finishing my internship in the company of people who would be so unprofessional as to discuss their initial dislike of an intern with a fellow intern. Since I was not aware of this initial sentiment when I developed good working relationships with these people, I also feel a little betrayed. If anyone has any advice on getting through these sorts of situations, I would be happy to hear it.

    1. 1. I think it’s pretty normal to be intimidated by a tall, gorgeous woman. I have to admit, I am also intimidated by tall, gorgeous women. But why do you feel like you have to “act” anything? You’re intelligent, you can speak intelligently without sounding like a ditz, and you sound (read) pretty driven. So just talk how you would normally talk, with a little extra deference. Also, from what you’ve said, OCI is very different from your internship and they’re looking for different things. If you don’t get an offer, it won’t be because you’re tall and gorgeous. :-)

      2. It sounds like you and your office have different definitions of what “professional” is, and the fact of the matter is that different definitions of what “professional behavior” is permeate throughout the world. But it also sounds like you may have misread their cues: they may have been friendly to make you feel more comfortable in your new surroundings. From what you’ve said, it kind of sounds like you responded with being all-business, which can be intimidating. The other intern probably should not have told you what your first impressions in the office were, but the fact of the matter is that people talk about other people in the office kind of all the time. No, it’s not professional, and just because everyone else does it doesn’t make it right. But letting it taint your work product or working relationships with people in response to it is equally unprofessional, IMO. If you still feel strongly about it after a few days, go talk with your boss and see what he/she has to say about it. Honestly, with kindness, if you don’t let it go now, you’re going to be “betrayed” everywhere you work.

    2. 1) Be yourself. It wouldn’t do you any good to try to drastically change your personality for an interview, land a job, and then have to maintain a strange charade throughout. If you are professional and appropriate in your conduct, you’ll find a place to work where this is appreciated.
      2) Can you chalk it up to cultural differences? Plus, alcohol loosens the lips and inhibitions, and people say things that they might normally keep to themselves. I would try to take it as a compliment that you are now well liked and move on.

      1. I’m tall, I’d like to think pretty too :), with blonde hair which just adds to the stereotype. I have definitely had the “whoah you were super intimdating when I first met you, but now I realize how awesome you are!” Every guy I have dated has said the exact same thing.

        I found that with the firm I’m at now (which I got through OCIs) they really appreciated my confidence and intimidating presence, in a way. Lawyers are supposed to be confident and almost a bit intimidating, especially litigators. I’m not saying lawyers should perpetuate the jerk lawyer stereotype and be intimidating in “that” manner, but there’s nothing wrong with looking confident and acting like you know what you’re talking about (so long as you do). That being said, I’m always very deferential to superiors in the manner that I should be. I always smile and ask people how their day is going, etc. (because I actually do like chatting about it). But when it’s game time, it’s game time. So long as your friendly whilst being super amazing and confident, eventually people get over the intimidating factor.

        I wouldn’t try to change your demeanour because it will come across as fake. But do show a genuine interest in other people and be able to laugh about funny things. No one wants to be around someone serious 100% of the time.

        During interviews I would wear a low heel only, though.

    3. I wouldn’t worry about OCI too much, but you might want to see if you could soften some of your body language during your interviews. I bet your career counselor or a good friend could evaluate you and give you some tips. For example, smiling when you talk could help, maybe even tilting your face in a different way, maybe pausing an extra second before answering questions. You can come across as warm and down to earth without being either bubbly or arrogant.

      I think I read similarly to you (tall, confident, etc.). In the past I also have undervalued social interactions and making friends with co-workers in favor of the “serious conversations.” This is both a false dilemma, and a mistake. You can’t really be successful in an office setting without mastering both. Put this drunk conversation behind you, but realize this might be a skill to develop over the rest of the summer. (Agreed with the other commentator who points out that people in offices talk behind each other’s backs all the time. Just realize you’re not the only one–I’m sure everyone in your office is judged when they walk out of the room.)

    4. You’re not alone. I’ve been told by people that I come across as intimidating because I am very tall, and I like to think I’m attractive without being conceited. What I’ve found is that I am a very serious person at first glance, it’s only after I get to know someone that I begin to let my hair down, so to speak.

      I think it’s incredibly rude that a senior person in your office would discuss not liking you to a fellow intern, not to mention it was completely inappropriate. That being said, I wouldn’t go to the senior person with this knowledge. You found it out when your fellow intern had too much to drink and probably never intended to tell you.

      I understand the feeling of betrayal and know it will be difficult to look at the senior person the same with the knowledge you now have but saying something will only make it more awkward for you. You’ll be out of there soon so just count down the days with a smile knowing you have a much better opportunity just around the corner.

      Keep your head up on your interview, remain confident that you are the best person for the job, and the best of luck!!!

    5. I get this reaction from some people, and I have just learned to let it roll off. I personally don’t think there’s much that can be done about it, because I already make an effort to be friendly and open with new acquaintances, and I genuinely care about people’s feelings. I find that people who have the poor judgment to say “I/we didn’t like you before, but now we do,” aren’t the most credible when it comes to assessing others’ personalities. And if they like me well enough now, then it’s all good.

  30. Can anyone recommend a good, reasonably priced tailor in New York? I live in Queens, but am willing to travel further afield for good service. It’ll mostly be getting clothes taken in – skirts, pants, possibly dresses, shirts.

    1. I love it! What’s the fit like? I am biggish small or a small medium…. hard to buy in S, M, L ranges…

      1. I’m a small/medium, depending on the time of the month and I think it’s perfect. On me, it’s fitted at the waist because of the elastic waistband. It’s a-line in the skirt and it’s not tight in the top.

        I wore it all day today over a bikini. And now I’m wearing it with a bra. I wouldn’t wear it out somewhere fancy, but I can wear it to the beach, and to run errands, and for casual beach-side cocktails. And, if I’m feeling particularly lazy, I might wear it to bed.

      2. So my comment’s stuck in moderation, but I’m a small/medium and I got a medium. It’s perfect – not too tight, but fitted at the waist

  32. Anyone have a recommendation for a good shampoo for thin, oily hair that is also color treated? I’ve been using the Pureology Pure Volume Shampoo for the last few years, but I’d like to find something else, preferably something a bit more affordable. TIA!

    1. I have thin, oily hair too – and I’ve tried all sorts of professional shampoos, etc. and the price was just killing me. I switched to herbal essence body envy on a whim and it works great. I guess since it is designed to give you more body, the shampoo and conditioner doesn’t weigh down the hair. Sometimes I am able to wake up the next day and my hair isn’t as oily as it had been. It’s usually around $2.99 per bottle on sale, so it’s not too expensive to give it a whirl. Good luck.

    2. I don’t have a shampoo rec (I’m still searching myself!) but I use Paula’s Choice conditioner and it’s amazing! It’s super light so it doesn’t weigh my hair down, and you only need a tiny bit so it lasts forever. You can only order it online as far as I know (just google Paula’s Choice).

    3. I highly recommend the L’Oreal Everpure Volume Shampoo and Conditioner. I have thin color treated hair that I wash everyday. The Everpure line definitely helps create volume, plus my color does not fade as quickly as it used to.

  34. This is pretty far afield from business attire, but since you all have such great advice on other topics, here goes:
    As some of you may remember, I had a baby recently. I exclusively breastfeed, but have been trying one bottle feed a day as prep for when I go back to work. My baby at some point started refusing the bottle and has not taken it for the next many, many weeks. We have tried everything – different bottles, different nipples, different locations, different bottle feeders (me, my husband, a friend), different drinks (breastmilk, formula). He will not even take a half ounce in a bottle and cries for the breast. I even tried going away for 5 hours one sunday and my husband tried feeding him, but he refused and cried himself to sleep, woke up hungry, was given the bottle again, and cried until he was exhausted once again.
    Faced with going back to work now, I am concerned he will just starve until I return. I’m wondering whether to phase it in by going back to work part-time (or working from home in the evening – not even sure if this is possible, it’s not encouraged in my company), or whether I should put off going to work for another month or two (until we’ve resolved this issue), or just going back full-time and seeing if my caregiver can get him to cave in.
    If not for the bottle feeding issue, I would go back to work full time. We are at our wit’s end about this – any suggestions? I’m really looking for suggestions about how to deal with going back to work (part time/full time/postpone) as opposed to suggestions of a new type of bottle or nipple (since I’ve seen/tried plenty of those from the net). But any advice is welcome. Thank you!

    1. Check out the archives at askmoxie. org. At least one of the frequent commenters on that blog faced the same issue and went back to work as a surgical resident. For my two cents, you’re best off going back full time and assuming that your care giver will be able to get him to eat. Give it at least 2 weeks (your baby won’t starve, but you may be up all night breastfeeding). If the situation hasn’t improved in 2 weeks, reassess.

      1. I’ve been in your shoes. It sounds really harsh, but the only way really is just to let him go hungry at daycare for a couple days (he probably will refuse the bottle, initially). I really don’t think anything else will work. You probably will be up most of the night nursing, but probably within a week or two he will settle into a routine.

        Even if you stay home longer or work part time, I think you are just postponing the inevitable – he is probably never going to take a bottle (if he’s like my kids) until he is really really hungry.

    2. Can you put him in a daycare near work, and feed at lunch? Or have your nanny bring him to the office at lunch, if you have a nanny? I have coworkers who have done both. He’ll still probably need a mid-morning and mid-afternoon bottle, but at least you know he’ll get a good meal in at lunch.

      1. Thanks. Unfortunately (and without giving away too much of my anonymity) neither is a real option for me, though I could probably go home at lunchtime once in a while (taking a slightly longer lunch break than usual). Maybe I’ll plan to do that the first week though.

    3. My baby refused a bottle but would drink out of a little cup. He was over 6 months old when I went back to work, though.

    4. I’m mostly offering support since I’ve been there, done that as well. When I went back to work as a resident, my baby wouldn’t take a bottle at all and I had 36 hour shifts. We got through it, and I bet you will, too. My son never took a bottle well. On my call day/nights, he sometimes would only take 8 oz all day…and then nurse for hours and hours when I got home. And he finally got over and now, of course, he’s fine.
      Others have given good advice–mine is to keep trying every bottle/nipple you can find. On about the 15th try, we found “the” brand my son would take. Other options are cup feeding, spoon feeding, or even syringe feeding. Please talk to a lacation consultant if you can find one you like and trust. They have seen it all before and can help you through it. Good luck!

    5. Have you looked at the La Leche League website? They have great forums with tons of advice. They obviously tilt toward (very) pro-breastfeeding, but tons of women have tons of ideas, and it can be a nice community for support when you are going back to work, and struggling with these things your co-workers may not be struggling with.

      1. I found that website very helpful too although my feeding problems were a different to yours.

    6. I had the exact same problem a few weeks ago. Baby hated the bottle and refused to take it since he was about 6 weeks old. The first 2 days back at work, he took about 3 oz over 9 hours (combo spoon feeding and bottle) and started waking up at night to eat when he was previously sleeping through the night. We also tried everything, syringe feeding, cup, spoon feeding w/rice cereal, etc. His caregivers kept trying and he has taken up to 12 oz now, but sometimes only 6-8. He’s also 4+ months, so he’s also eating some solids to get more calories in, and started sleeping through the night again. Good luck. I would give it a couple weeks at full time and see how your baby does. There will definitely be an adjustment period. If it isn’t getting any better after a couple weeks, you can scale back. I breastfeed him when he wakes up, then before I go to work, when I get back from work, and before bed, so he gets at least 4 good feedings which helps. BTW, the nipple he decided to take is the Playtex latex nipple (not the silicon one) and at first he would only take it if he was being distracted/entertained. Post again and let us know how you’re doing.

    7. My baby did the same thing. I had to go back (full time) when she was 3 months old. Finally, after I had been back at work for 6 weeks, she took a bottle. For those first 6 weeks, she would wait until I got home to nurse and then would nurse most of the night. I called her pedi and she said that she won’t starve herself, and as long as she was eating over the 24 hour period she would be fine. She still grew during that time and had wet diapers and everything. She was just stubborn!

    8. Sorry, I’m not sure if by “bottle” you mean formula or expressed breast milk. If EBM, then, well, I’m not sure. But if you mean formula, try mixing just a bit of formula in with the breast milk, then gradually upping the proportion of formula. I did this with my daughter, and she quickly (took about 10 days) became sufficiently accustomed to formula that she would take either.

  35. What is an appropriate gift for a legal recruiter after a successful placement?

    1. the commission they get for placing you! and perhaps a nice, brief thank you note.

    2. The one time I was placed by a recruiter – she sent ME a thank you bouquet of flowers at the office. They get paid a bundle, so I think a nice note would be plenty.

      1. I got it in black and removed the tags and filled it up before looking at it on the website and seeing the grey. I would totally have gotten the grey if I had the chance. It was an impulse buy. The pink was adorable in person but i didn’t get it because it was adorable, not necessarily professional.

        1. Nordstrom will still take back the black, even though you’ve removed the tags.

        2. I second SFBay – Nordstrom will take it back and do the exchange for you. They’ll probably even give you free shipping on the gray bag since they don’t have it in store.

  37. Ladies, please allow me to vent.

    I’m vegetarian and just found out that at our office gala dinner, all the ‘special diets’ people ( veg, kosher, halal, etc) will be lumped at a table ( sit down dinner) rather than be allowed free seating. This is because the organizers ( who obviously have no such dietary issues) could not be bothered tonprperly negotiate with the hotel.

    I am furious and asked them what they would do if the ceo had special diet needs? Only to get a blank stare and ” all people are equal” comment. I wanted to attend as it’s the one chance to celebrate with colleagues in an informal setting along with their SO.

    Upshot: I will go only for cocktails and the exit, to attend another social do ( personal) that I thought I’d miss…but am still furious.

    And this is a company that claims to value diversity a LOT.

    If asked why I didn’t stay for dinner, would you give the true reason or would you throw in a fake excuse?

    1. Does your company have a diversity committee/coordinator/chair that you can reach out to? I completely agree that it is TOTAL B.S. that you’re being relegated to the special table. I have a common special diet need too and I always feel like I am causing trouble by requesting food at these events that complies with that.

      BUT would it be so terrible to sit at the special-food table? You might end up meeting and networking with people you may not have met before, instead of sitting with the colleagues and friends you already know. You already have something in common with them when you sit down. You could schmooze/network with standard-diet colleagues during cocktails. And then when next year’s gala goes into planning, you know about how they did things last year and can be more proactive/involved, possibly with the help of your dietary-restriction friends you met last year. It’s a lot easier to effect change from within than without, especially if you can say “we did things X way last year, it had negative effects 1, 2, and 3, so let’s try Y way this year.”

      Frankly, it’s a work function, even though it’s an “office gala.” Work functions, whether in the office or outside, are not about what you want. (And again, I agree with you that it’s total b.s., but sometimes one has to put up with total b.s. at work). You will look ridiculous if you give the real reason you want to skip it. Do you really want to fall on your sword over a dinner??

    2. On a recent out of town trip, we had a company dinner at a seafood restaurant. I’m vegetarian, and on the waiter’s suggestion, ordered salad, steamed beans & plain rice. What I got instead was beans dripping with bacon bits/grease and rice obviously cooked in chicken stock, again, with unidentifiable bits. The salad was just greens & tomatoes – not very filling.

      At 9 pm, I had to excuse myself from the dinner and make an emergency run to Panera Bread to get a sandwich before they closed for the night – since I knew the hotel room service wasn’t all that veggie friendly either. This was essential since I hadn’t eaten proper food since noon.

      No suggestions, just wanted to commiserate as a fellow vegetarian who has to survive company events!!

    3. Can you directly contact the hotel? I am a vegetarian too, and whenever I am at events with sit-down meals I can usually just get one of the waiters to help me out, but last time I was at a weekend conference with 2 meals a day provided, I called ahead and asked what options they had and they were very accommodating. If the hotel is in your area, its usually easy to sweet-talk them by saying that you and your “special diet” friends or associates are always on the lookout for a hotel that can be accommodating for an upcoming wedding/party, etc., and you already have such a long list of hotels that have disappointed you, and next year you are going to help with the planning so that this kind of discrimination can be avoided; or whatever your case may be. At the end of the day the hotel doesn’t want a reputation for being difficult, and they want repeat business from your company at next years gala and from the people who attended. If their catering or special events manager can understand that you might get the free seating you want.

      1. Thanks.

        – no, i cannot call the hotel direct
        – there are just 10 special diets (out of more than 100 people) so thought they should have managed it better
        – the others have no co-relation to me workwise (except 1) and honestly i hate the comments we get from other staff (who think they’re being funny) saying “oh, the special ones etc”
        – this is the first time an office dinner has had this weird arrangement (never faced it before in all the years I worked for this company)

        It’s 100% ok to not attend it – no repercussions – and I always attend office outings so this won’t be held against me.

        SF Bay Assoc – I take your point ,I’ll socialise over drinks and then plead my friend;s 40th birthday bash as an excuse!!

  38. This past week, I shopped the presale and griped about how the Nordstrom’s Anniversary Sale was full of capes and nothing that appealed to me. Well after it opened to the public I looked online at everything and bought a ton of stuff. Today I went to the store and bought a ton more stuff. And this evening I went online again and bought even more stuff. Earlier this week, someone said that the sale is a marathon and not a sprint and they bring out more merchandise to it for the public opening. That is so true.

    Anyway, I won’t take the time to post the link- but there is a gorgeous $450 Cole Haan leather jacket that was in black in the store and in brown and black online. That grey Halogen skirt that Kat has in her picks- avoid it unless you have no hips and desperately want to make it appear that you do have hips. There is a matching blazer for it and they look terrible together. It is like putting a nice fitted blazer on a burlap sack. Also the black and white top that Kat has at the top of this thread- I didn’t try it on, but the fabric feels like it would be itchy and it is pretty sheer.

    If you visit the Salon Shoes section of the store and ask one of the salesmen to bring a pair for you to try on, be prepared to be sold something else too. I asked to try on the Cole Haan brown leather high-heeled boots. The salesman brought the boots, the Cole Haan pumps with the lace styling, and the Cole Haan suede ankle booties I have been eyeing since last year that he told me sold out at last year’s Anniv Sale. I tried them all on, and the brown boots were too tight in the calf, but the black pumps and the ankle boots were wonderful. I bought them, and now feel a mixture of guilt and delight.

    Ladies- I have to admit something. I tried on jeggings for the first time and LOOOOVED them. They were so much more comfortable than the skinny jeans I have been wearing for the last few years. Do any of you actually wear jeggings? For a long flight? Out shopping? Do you have a brand or style that you like? Do people actually look at someone wearing jeggings and think that they are jeans at least a first glance?

    1. I have some jeggings that I adore. They look like regular skinny jeans–I think that is key to pulling them off. The ones with fake seams or fake pockets don’t look as appropriate to me. I wear them out casually, but would never wear them to work or any work function–too tight. Still, fun with boots or cute flats. I say go for it!

  39. I was wondering if anyone has any advice/tips for going to New Orleans in mid-August. I am staying in the French Quarter from Thursday to Monday. Any tips, good restaurants, fun things to do? Thanks!

    1. It is going to be hot, hot, hot and muggy! Don’t miss Cafe Dumond one morning for breakfast beignets. Be prepared for the heat–it will be very casual wherever you are. Commander’s Palace is great for dinner. The choices for restaurants are so varied, and I have never had a bad meal in NOLA. Get reservations through your concierge early, or you may be eating at 10 pm!

    2. Take the St. Charles Ave streetcars down to the Garden District (it’s around a dollar or two and you can ride the whole line) and walk around. The houses are beautiful. You’ll also be by the Audubon Zoo over there.

      Back in the French Quarter, Acme Oyster House is fun, if touristy, for a meal. Inside Hotel Monteleone, there’s a bar made out of an old carousel that (slowly) rotates around the bartenders. Cafe du Monde is a must just because everyone will ask if you went there. We did a ghost tour but were not impressed. I felt like I was having a local history book read to me. We went to a burlesque show which was pretty fun, but I can’t remember where it was.

      I had a great brunch at EAT Restaurant- I think it was on Dumaine Street. It’s a nice little BYOB that does dinner too. For music, we found that renting a car and going outside of the French Quarter got better results, but we had some local friends to guide us around.

      It will be so, so, so hot. I went in May and I had to have a siesta every day just because I needed a break from the heat. If you get up early in the morning, it’s a much better temperature and you get to see the cleanup from the crazy night before. It’s also gorgeous in the evenings, so save your energy.

    3. Thanks! I am from the NY, NJ, PA area so I’m used to hot and muggy even though I’m sure it will be worse there. It’s a last minute, random trip before school starts. As long as no hurricanes I’ll be happy! Also, anyone know what areas I should avoid/are not safe?

  40. I have spent a LOT of time in NOLA for work. 3 of my fave restaurants are: Restaurant Stella, Restaurant August, and Bayona. I have been to most of the traditional standbyes (Commanders’ Palace, Paul Prudhomme’s place, several Emeril places, Brennans, Gallatoires, etc.), but prefer the three I mentioned. All 3 are in the FQ. Have a blast!

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