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Anonymous
Views after watching the debate?
Anon
Harris was 🔥. Trump is insane. I don’t understand how this election is close and I’m worried for this country because it’s clear his movement is going to outlive him.
Anon
+10000
Anonymous
I don’t understand how people are voting for him. Did half the country never mature beyond highschool? That debate genuinely felt like a highschool president race where one candidate was going to Harvard and the other is flunking out. But this is real life, not a popularity contest and we need someone intelligent at the wheel.
Nina
I have a great aunt who is an ivy league educated doctor. She recently sent a message to the family group chat saying “I love Trump!”. Love? I get that she’s always voted Republican, sure, but how do you love trump? If she met him in person she wouldn’t like to hang out with him.
Anon
I know some Ivy-educated doctors who support him too. It’s baffling.
anon4
Oh I think he would be really fun to hang out with actually.
Natasha McShane
Cruel and petty fun
Nina
She is normally a very proper person, impeccable manners, never curses. I think that in person she would find Trump to be a boor.
Anonymous
anon4 – as a woman, you think it would be fun to hang out with him?!?!
Anon
I would not assume it’s “just us girls” here anymore. I think we have a handful of regular bridge dwellers of the he persuasion.
Anon
I guess I just hope her team does understand DJT’s appeal well enough to counter it effectively.
NaoNao
The only thing I can think is it’s a generation of people who recall the Trump of the 1980s who was a sort of goofball public figure and infamous/notorious NYC character who people tolerated and indulged. He was at one time considerably more articulate and had the appearance at least of being a wheeler dealer and was a shorthand cultural reference for a “Big Shot Businessman”.
Being as generous as I possibly can, perhaps these people haven’t really let go of that old version of him, as an affable distant “business” person who is a bit of a buffoon and boor, but ultimately harmless–the “short fingered vulgarian” side of him. They can’t see who he is now. I would bet money that they have people like this in their own family: at age 35, Uncle Whoever was a little irritating and boorish, but not scary or dangerous. Now at 65 he’s deep in Q-Anon stuff and tilting at windmills but they sort of refuse to admit the upsetting change.
Anon
I couldn’t stay awake long enough to watch it live, but after catching up on recaps this morning this is my take, too.
Anon
I thought she was terrible. No substance, no plans, no concrete defense of how she has been while in office, no discussion of what she knew about Joe’s decline, just a lot of preaching and nasty smirks. She reminded me so much of the girls who bullied the smart kids in high school.
Anon
So does this mean you think Trump articulated his own substantive plans and that agree with where he would like to take our democracy?
Anonymous
She was the smart girl. Do you genuinely not realize that? Also why on earth would she talk about Joe? He’s not running anymore!
Anon
Yeah she was 100% the smart girl
Anon
And the number of people who like Joe Biden and respect his years of service would be infuriated by criticisms of him now, particularly as he has been so supportive of her. My dad is a Republican and even he says “well at least she is loyal.” And this is coming from a man who thinks she slept her way to the top because of an affair she had in her 20s.
Anon
I think she was smart enough to know that smart girls go nowhere but friends of Willie Brown are where it’s at.
Anonymous
You do get that Trump strategically dated and married and manipulated those relationships for the press, right? This Willie Brown thing is so misogynistic.
Anon
Most guy protégés are just that — protoeges with no relationship. Kamala’s ascendancy is like Hillary’s — they have an edge over other equally smart women that just rubs the wrong way. A tale as old as time though.
Anonymous
Trump was zero policy, and just made stuff up. After birth abortions? People eating cats?
Carol
If she did so badly, can you elaborate on how Trump did well in this debate? I’m genuinely curious.
Anon
I would have had the exact same expression on my face when listening to that. Could she have been stone-faced? I’m sure she’s capable of it, yeah, but Trump is saying ridiculous rambling nonsense. Why pretend it’s intelligent? And if we’re going to go down the road of which of them needs most to defend their actions while in office…
Anon
Did you level the same criticism at Hillary, who came off as much more preachy? If so it’s hard to take the “she’s light on policy” complaints seriously because Hillary had the most detailed policy plans of anyone who’s ever run for president.
Anon
it actually makes me a bit sad for Hillary that if Kamala wins (and I hope she does) that she will be our first female president. It should’ve been Hillary.
Anonymous
That’s right, because in 37.5 minutes, she didn’t articulate her detailed plans about wars in Ukraine and Gaza, women’s health, taxes, racism, the economy, drug prices, and gossip about her old boss. Meanwhile, her opponent made racism comments about people eating pets. Double standard much?
If you live in Ohio, I’m sorry your state is the laughing stock of the country and maybe the world. But OMG worth it.
Anon
She actually did articulate a lot of policy plans in between all the craziness.
Anonymous
A concrete defense of how she has been in office. As opposed to what–four years where he was actual president and didn’t improve global relations, left us with an economy on the brink of collapse and promised a healthcare plan…soon? And if you go to their websites, there is a heck of a lot more detail on her positions and policy than his. I’m less concerned about Joe’s decline than Trump’s. And what does that leave as he continues to decline–Vance? How about a discussion of what happened to Pence? I think that’s the biggest indicator of what sort of leader you will be–your number 2 had to leave for fear of his life.
Anonymous
Yeah, how is this “If you wanted to, you would have” thing not just the perfect boomerang?
Anon
Donald Trump answered a question about his fracking policy by saying “she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens in prison” and you think *Kamala* has no substance!?!?!
Senior Attorney
RIGHT? FFS I actually found it kind of insulting that she even had to share a stage with that moron.
anon
I didn’t watch the debate, did he genuinely say that?? That is wild, I don’t even know how anyone could have responded to that in a substantive way.
Cerulean
Yes, that is a direct quote.
Anon
Yes direct quote.
Anon
So you’re going to vote for the guy who thinks people are eating cats?
Natasha McShane
She really threw her high IQ in his face. Repeatedly.
Anon
Only in America would having a high IQ be seen as a problem.
Anon
I agree with this take. She lacks substance and policies. She spent the evening attacking trump and then looking directly into the camera to preach.
Anon
Your last sentence would never be said about a male candidate. Never.
Anon
The misogyny is real here.
Cerulean
As opposed to the guy who has “concepts of a plan” for Obamacare? I guess Rs have only had 14 years to come up with something.
Anon
Yet Trump’s “concept of a plan” is convincing for you? Or his nasty “she put out” comment? Or his bananas, racist “they eat cats and dogs” nonsense? Or his claim that he and Vance have never discussed his plans for a federal abortion ban?
Come on. You didn’t think she was terrible, because she wasn’t. You have a position from which you will not deviate, no matter the actual data in front of you. And the suggestion that Trump is like the smart kid in high school….come on. Just stop.
Anonymous
Wait did he really say she put out? I watched the whole thing but missed that – if he said it can you point me to where or what topic?
He was predictably a disaster but I feel like white males and many females don’t mind because he’s at least a white male.
Anonymous
Seriously. Throwing the bully tag on Kamala instead of Trump.is rich
Anon
He said “she put out” in the context of a discussion about her race. I *think* he was trying to say that she put out [a statement] that she was not Black and then changed her mind. But it’s Trump so you never know and he did say “she put out” as a full sentence without the “statement” part (and Kamala did look fairly shocked): you can watch the video here.
https://x.com/atrupar/status/1833705366556664146?s=46&t=wWbJ4XfV-2iZEtpTF-nrhg
Emma
Trump said “she put out” in response to, of all things, the question about why he gets to weigh in on her racial identity. Last night I definitely heard it as a nasty way to call her promiscuous, but now reading it in the transcripts I think it may have been him instead trying to say that Kamala “put out” two different things about her race, which is a separate sort of still-nasty comment. The quote is: “all I can say is, I read where she was not Black, that she put out. And I’ll say that, and then I read that she was Black. And that’s OK. Either one was OK with me. That’s up to her.”
Anon
Yes, he really said that:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqG2as_iPgw
Anonymous
Yeah. This needs to be read in context, not just in the context of the words around it, but also in the context of how Trump speaks, with incomplete thoughts and sentences that don’t end, and assumptions that we are all living life through his lens so he can shorthand refer to things because we all saw the same media when he did.
Anonymous
Articulating substance and policies is generally how you win a debate. It is *not* how you win a debate against trump. It’s like she is playing baseball and he is playing football. This is what everyone else who has debated him has tried to do.
She cannot possibly win a baseball game against trump because he is playing within different rules, a different ball, and on a different field. He will claim he won because he won his football game. He will say she lost, which she did because she didn’t play football.
Anonymous
Tackles in baseball are pretty roundly disfavored. He didn’t win anything.
Anon
Except he doesn’t get to determine what game is being played. He’ll rant that she lost. He has already ranted that ABC was “unfair.” He will say all sorts of things. That doesn’t make them true.
anon
This is such an odd take. Who is the smart girl being targeted here? Trump?
Was she asked about Joe’s decline? I must have missed that?
What specifically does she need to defend about her time in office?
Anon
I didn’t watch but I worry that Democrats I know are falling into the “wow he sounded SO crazy, this will finally be the thing that drives supporters away!” trap. His supporters don’t. care. They love this sh*t. It literally doesn’t matter to them that he’s a deranged felon. The “they eat cats” comments will in no way turn off his base.
Anon
I think we Democrats are aware of the tendencies of Trump supporters after 9 years, but thank you for your concern. No one is saying this will move the needle, but Kamala did her job by looking and sounding presidential.
Anon
His base is like 30 or 35% at most though. He needs people beyond his base to win and talking about immigrants eating cats isn’t the way to win them over.
That said I agree this isn’t going to significantly impact the election. Debates almost never do. The last one was very unusual.
anon
Agree. His supporters DON’T CARE. When will people wake up and realize this?
Anon
Everyone knows that. I think it’s great he keeps showing up deranged because I can’t see that pulling in someone who isn’t already a supporter of his.
Anon
This is my take, too. His ride-or-die gang is going to eat up whatever he says regardless of how absurd it is. However, the more unhinged he is the easier the decision becomes for people who are truly undecided.
Senior Attorney
I am hoping this is correct. But I am SO ENRAGED by the people who say “I can’t bring myself to vote for Harris because she isn’t my idea of perfect.”
Anonymous
This. Even if some Repubs are turned off enough to stay home that helps Harris.
Anon
His supporters don’t matter. They’re a lost cause. It’s swinging people in the middle that matters. Those people needed to see the crazy.
Anonymous
I actually think it’s the youth on the left who need to be convinced. My teenager says that her peers were not engaged until Harris entered the race and are now saying they are actually going to vote, which is probably a good thing.
Anon
There’s a lot of anti-voting propaganda aimed at young people on the left right now. I’m glad to hear of teens who aren’t being taken in by it!
Anonymous
This isn’t about HIS supporters. He can say legit anything and win their votes. This is about the Nikki Haley voters, the people who voted for Bush, Romney etc. How can you not realize that?
Anon
Yes, exactly. This is about people who are lifelong Republicans but find Trump odious. This is about young voters who find Trump odious but are worried that Kamala’s policies on Israel and Gaza aren’t what they’re looking for. This is about people who don’t vote because they feel like all politicians are alike and what does it matter anyway.
Anon
It’s impossible to debate Trump on policy because he doesn’t actually understand policy (he still has no healthcare plan!) and just spews lies and nonsense. Harris figured out how to beat Trump at his own game and won the debate by getting him to just light himself on fire. However, I wouldn’t get too gleeful too fast about that, because her biggest weakness is that swing voters still feel like they don’t know about her policy positions. I don’t think it was really possible to make a huge difference on that in a debate with Trump, but I do think she needs to address that more proactively in other forms of media pretty quickly.
Anon
The policy arguments are just red herring. People vote on a general platform that R or D represents, most of them have made up their minds already and would vote for their party regardless of the candidate or their “policy.” Anyone undecided is not voting on “policy,” they’re voting on a vibe.
Anon
I mean, I generally agree with that, but I still think that her weakness with swing voters is that she’s undefined, whether that’s in terms of policy or in term of vibe, and I think she needs to give them something a little more specific than just not Trump. It doesn’t have super detailed, just enough for people to feel like she’s not an evasive amorphous blob.
Anon
The campaign website does have an issues section now.
Anon
Eh, I just disagree. Undecided voters are low information types, not policy wonks. They aren’t sitting down and pouring over specifics. The question is what way do they naturally lean and who can pull them in. And that isn’t done with a policy paper. If it was, Elizabeth Warren would have gone a lot further.
Anonymous
She has discussed policy though. She has laid out concrete ideas for the middle class. I have yet to hear Trump’s plan. His discussion around tariffs is the closest I’ve seen to him touch policy–and even then, it isn’t anything based in how tariffs actually work.
On stage and in interviews immediately after, he still refused to say whether he would veto a national abortion ban. That’s about as evasive as it gets.
anon4
Well she stole his no-tax-on-tips policy, so there’s one.
Anonymous
No tax on tips is a terrible policy and I can’t believe she fell for it. But also, everyone is overlooking that he did say he has “a concept of a plan.” Give the man a little credit. ;-)
Anon
It was nice to see that Dems, or at least this Dem, have backtracked on their “woman is a dirty word” approach.
Lily
Please list the (non-obscure) Dems who said or implied “woman is a dirty word.” I’ll wait.
Anon
Pretend you haven’t seen articles quoting prominent Dems EXCLUSIVELY using “abortion seekers,” “pregnant people,” “people who can get pregnant,” and “birthing people” all you want. I, for one, am glad the Dems have realized that neutering the “Republicans are engaging in a war on women” argument wasn’t going to win elections. They’ve suddenly began saying “women” again in the last 18 months. Cynical, yes, but I’ll take it.
Anon
I’m a Midwest Democrat in a red state and I don’t know any who talks like that. I really don’t think it’s a thing outside of some ultra liberal coastal bubbles.
Anon
Amen to this.
anon
I don’t think that saying any of those things means that “woman” is a dirty word to them. Even someone saying it exclusively is just being kind of pointlessly specific IMO.
Anon
I’m in an NYC liberal bubble and I don’t know anyone (IRL) who talks like that. I don’t spend much time online though.
Anon
I noticed this too. NPR had made a sudden change last year to not saying woman anymore and now they mix it in.
Anon
Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson’s confirmation hearing is Exhibit A.
Anon
Even NPR was on the “pregnant person” bandwagon.
anon
Is that wrong in some way? I don’t get what the problem is with saying “pregnant person.”
Anonymous
FFS. Don’t start with this. You really don’t see the issue?
Anon
Because abortion isn’t a “pregnant people” issue. It’s a women’s issue. All women have a relationship with pregnancy – they want to get pregnant, can’t get pregnant, will someday be able to get pregnant, have been pregnant before. Attacks on women’s rights don’t just impact “pregnant people.” They make all women live in a state of fear for themselves or their daughters and friends.
Also, women are half the world’s population and we deserve a word to describe ourselves. Everyone and everything else gets to have a word. Cutting us up into “abortion seekers” and “uterus havers” is simply a way to make it less obvious that the abortion seekers are the same people who are paid less, raped more, abused more, and spoken over more. There is power in naming and acknowledging that women exist and that they face unique barriers.
anonshmanon
Personally, I don’t have a strong opinion about whether to use the word women less or more. Maybe you just forgot to add ‘are actively avoiding to get pregnant’ in your list. But given the discourse on women’s main purpose being to make more babies, this feels like a meaningful omission in your description of ‘All women’.
Anon
Well, you missed the point anonshanon…. in being a little self-righteous here. You know exactly what’s going on here. I’m also a woman avoiding getting pregnant and for damn sure I see the huge loss when the word police jumped in and tried to silence using Women. And I’m damn sure that I feel every day how my potential to get pregnant is what many male (and female) bosses see when they are deciding when/if to promote me, or whether to hire me at all. And is what makes me more fearful walking down the street alone if I travel to a state that tells me we don’t care if you just got raped, we wont allow you to get an abortion.
We have to have a powerful united front.
Anon
I was disappointed that there was nothing new (all talking points that have already made headlines and that everyone is already decided on). I felt like my time was wasted since even as someone who avoids the news, I had heard it all before just by cultural osmosis? Kamala seemed to be talking to her existing supporters. Sometimes Democrats seem unaware of the need to build trust and not take it for granted? The moment where the moderator said he spoke to the city manager and DJT replied that it sounds like the city manager said what was in his interests to say felt like it encapsulated the weakness of responding to lies with credentialism, institutional authority, etc., instead of with what’s actually true.
Anon
Huh? Both Kamala and the moderators were responding to his lies with what’s actually true. I don’t understand what you mean by this at all.
Lily
So you’re basing how Kamala did based on whether it was *new* to you? Is that seriously your gauge? She talked about her plans. $50,000 tax credit for new small businesses. $6,000 tax credit for families with new babies. Continue to support Ukraine in its fight against Putin. If you already knew about these plans by “cultural osmosis,” great. Do you have nothing to say about the substance of her plan? People like you who constantly demand novelty and entertainment are what’s wrong with our politics.
Anon
I think she needs to win support and the election is too close, and I want her to win the election, not just my vote!
Nora
I promise you that the majority of people do not know all those policies. People are fairly low info on anything policy related. So the debate was new info for them.
Anon
He said “I saw it on TV”. Case closed, it must be true then.
Anon
He didn’t even use the old “I read it on the internet” shtick.
anonshmanon
how would you fact check that claim “with what’s actually true”?? I personally went around and checked that all dogs were safe with their families?
I don’t think the goal for the fact check is for DJT to backpedal apologetically, I think it’s for the viewer’s benefit. Viewers can of course choose to use whichever blinders they think serve them best!
Anon
I think setting ordinary people’s claims and complaints against an authority who may not share their interests helps DJT as a populist. It’s just a pattern that makes me cringe because it’s never been effective for me when I try to get through to people in my life.
Anonymous
How do you fact check without authorities???? ANSWER THE QUESTION.
The expert is the expert.
Anon
Personally, I explained where the rumor really originated (the video of the woman arrested in Canton, the photo with the goose, and the still unpopular Vance). It would also have helped if I knew more about what Springfield is really like.
The pandemic just gave everyone an example of how it’s possible to go wrong trusting authorities and purported experts who don’t give reasons and just speak from on high.
Anon
What response would you have wanted her to give to him claiming immigrants in Ohio are eating cats? She can’t say she personally talked to everyone in Ohio and no one has had a pet eaten. I’m not understanding what your ideal response would be here.
Anon
Maybe talk about what things are really like in Springfield? Talk about how immigration strengthens communities? Most of the people who are vulnerable to these kinds of rumors listen to them because they’re fearful and anxious. They don’t trust the “powers that be,” so saying “people in positions of power and authority say there’s nothing to see here, you fool!” doesn’t effectively counter the narrative that people in power may be working against them. I’m not saying that conversation needed to happen at the debate; I just wondered if the moderator understood that citing a conversation with the city manager was the perfect set up for DJT’s reply. DJT has always said absurdly false things, and voters voted him into office before. I guess I hope it hurts him, but I don’t really see what changed that it start hurting him now. But appealing to an authority isn’t the only way to respond. A cat really was killed and eaten; talking about the horrible thing that happened and how cruel, manipulative, and hateful it was to try to weaponize this incident against an unrelated community helps show that DJT isn’t just open to considering rumors or listening to “the people” even when the authorities won’t listen, but that he’s himself a manipulative and condescending authority figure that can’t be trusted.
anonshmanon
well, I think pivoting to how immigrants make this country stronger is not going to land with someone who believes they eat our pets. And detailing how the sources for this rumor are questionable and mostly don’t even support the claim is getting into the weeds and will have people tune out. You say citing experts is ineffective, but I say other proposed approaches will not be more effective.
If someone is willing to believe this stuff, there isn’t a way to reason with them. The DJT base can not be won over.
Anon
The point is that it’s so much less about believing individual factual claims and more about who can be trusted. In battleground states, the people I know who are deciding who to vote for or whether to vote or stay home are demoralized because they lost faith in experts, authorities, and institutions and don’t feel heard or represented. They’re sensitive to what sounds like ordinary people being silenced or derided by uncaring authorities.
Boo
If someone is seriously stupid enough to believe that immigrants are eating pets in Ohio there isn’t going to be anything convincing them otherwise, authority or no authority. This is deranged level weird here and some basic level of intellect has to be expected of people. It is incredible to me that the discussion here has devolved to what’s the best approach to convince people that Haitian immigrants are not eating cats and dogs, like what?? And also, debates are timed so you can’t spend forever just debunking one thing someone says, and especially when it’s also the stupidest thing a person can say, it’s a waste of time.
Anon
People are here saying they “don’t understand” how the election is this close, why people are voting for him, why accomplished people are voting for him, etc. I think this is not a phenomenon that’s impossible to understand, but it’s a lot harder if people don’t want to hear about their own side’s blind spots and missteps. If we’re expecting some basic level of intellect of people or insisting it’s not a popularity contest or wondering why people would vote for someone flunking out of high school vs. someone headed to the Ivy league, we’re not even understanding how he won last time around. I do not want the people who spread these rumors running the country!
Natasha McShane
Dtj seemed to be talking only to his existing supporters as well.
Anonymous
Are you looking for a candidate to constantly change their policy so that it always seems like a surprise!! If so, Trump is your candidate;?? Are you looking for someone to tease you with what’s coming next, promising things like an exciting week of undisclosed but interesting infrastructure policy. Then Trump is for you?@ Is there a desire for constant showmanship,” Then Trump is for you–] Consistency and calm, cool, and collected might not be your thing?
Anon
Kamala changes her policies all the time, you fool.
Anon
Unnecessary to use the last 2 words here, not fitting for this board.
Anonymous
I’m fine,.,.?*
Anon
The “do you want Ukraine to win this war?” question and reply stood out the most to me.
Anon
I’ve met many Trump supporters from the former Soviet Union/eastern bloc and without exception, they praise him for being strong. They grew up in totalitarian societies, and they gravitate to dictators for leadership. It’s quite fascinating that American born supporters also support strongmen like Puti and Orban (without even knowing anything about them) because Trump has fallen under their influence.
Anon
And as a counterpoint, many of those who fled communism understand the danger of Trump far better than Americans do. Or at least they know what life would be like under his enduring rule.
Anonymous
And as a counterpoint, many of those who fled communism understand the danger of Trump far better than Americans do. Or at least they know what life would be like under his enduring rule.
Anon
Yup….. He didn’t let his most important viewer … Putin… down last night.
Anon
i understand (sort of) that many regular people find Trump appealing…what I don’t fully understand is how he has managed to win over well educated people to work with him/for him. are they all just scared of him? want to be in a position of power?
Anon
I was just thinking about the Claremont Straussians and wondering if they’re just convincing themselves that they can hold the puppet strings of someone so easily influenced? Or maybe they just aren’t as clever as they think they are. I would have thought that Straussians of all people would favor any candidate trying to preserve the stability of the institutions that they perceive as so fragile!
Anon
I briefly knew Todd Blanche in a professional capacity and he is well educated and intelligent, and seemed to me to be more interested in public service than personal glory or money. How he came to be Trump’s lawyer continues to baffle me. We’re seeing this pattern again and again and I just don’t get it.
Anonymous
I think they are like women who choose the wrong men. They think they are going to change him.
Seventh Sister
Honestly, they like money and think having him as President means they have a better chance at keeping all of their money. Or making money off dumb things he does as President.
Anon
+1
Never underestimate the value money has in decision making, especially for people who are wealthy. Many people are inherently selfish. Many people do not see or empathize outside of their social circles. Sad but true.
Anon
But the vast majority of his supporters don’t have enough money to be helped by his tax policies. His tax policies last time were not actually good for lower and middle class people. I fully understand why wealthy Wall Street guys like him, but that’s not his core base.
Seventh Sister
But people aren’t rational about money. Plenty of his not-wealthy supporters (like my sad sack cousins) believe they are one lotto ticket away from being super-duper wealthy.
Anon
Or simply Kamala’s policies don’t appeal to these well educated voters. We can see with our own eyes how much worse off the American people are under Biden. I’m not signing up for 4 more under Kamala.
Anon
But your only other choice is someone who will be far worse. I’d like someone better too, but I can’t conjure a candidate of my choosing!
Anon
How are you worse off? There has been inflation, but that’s a direct result of Covid and the free money that was handed out (by Trump) then. If you look at economists’ charts the Biden-Harris has handled inflation better than virtually every other developed country. The stock market is booming and I feel much better off, economically and otherwise.
Anon
Good for you. It sounds like you may not be someone who really benefited from expanded healthcare access and the eviction moratorium that was part of the pandemic response and that ended under Biden.
Anon
Are you kidding me? Well, that is because the worldwide, once in a lifetime pandemic reached a manageable equilibrium with vaccines. Did you think we would have moratoriums on evictions forever? You think Trump – a landlord – would help you reinstate that? You think Trump will work to expand Medicaid access in the REPUBLICAN LED STATES that refuse to accept help from the federal government to expand Medicaid?
I am the first to be angry with Democrats for eating up donations from lobbyists and dropping the ball on fighting insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies charging us fortunes to access the medical care and medicines that we have been at the forefront of funding for the world, and allowing foreign investors to buy up American real estate and for not making more efforts to push for building affordable housing and honestly…. for not even addressing inflation in a coherent way at the debate last night. But for you to somehow imply that Trump would some how do better than Kamala at looking out for folks facing eviction or folks who don’t have healthcare you are either uninformed (which I don’t think you are) or you are trying to thwart a Democratic win due to frustration with the system and candidates who do not live up to your ideal. Welcome to the real world. It kinda sucks. But don’t let us down.
Anon
Do you honestly believe Trump will put those pandemic era policies back in place? He hasn’t even suggested he will, to my knowledge, let alone indicated how he could get it past a Republican Congress that doesn’t favor free healthcare and protections for the working class.
Anonymous
I understand that Harris does not want to focus on her race/ethnicity, and in general I agree with that. I keep having arguments with people who say she is weaponizing her race. That is so far from the truth; it says everything about them and nothing about her. It is a repeat of the Obama effect of his existence threatening other people’s comfort in their privilege. That said, I really wish she had just said, once in the long response about not dividing people, that she is stunned that in 2024 there is a candidate for President of the Melting Pot who doesn’t understand the concept that when she says she is Indian, it doesn’t mean “not Black”, and when she identifies as Black, it doesn’t also mean she isn’t Indian. Just once and never again.
Anon
My views:
1. Why are we all calling her Kamala? She is Vice President Harris or Harris. The men are all referred to by their last name, but women are being called by their first name. I think this diminishes a woman’s power.
Case in point, Margret Thatcher was always referred to as Thatcher, Angela Merkel was referred to as Merkel. Teresa May was referred to as Teresa not May and was perceived as being a weak leader despite being exceptionally strong to lead at a time of crisis. We don’t say Joe, Barack, Donald, George, Ronald or Jimmy so why are saying Kamala?
2. Watching a rerun of the debate (because I need my sleep and my vote is already decided – President Harris please) it was obvious that the old saying ‘Never argue with an idiot. People might get confused’ applies here. It’s exceptionally challenging to debate someone like Trump and come out ahead. That’s why in life a smart person eliminates toxic people, like Trump, from their lives.
anonshmanon
There have been hundreds of posts here debating whether it’s helpful or hurtful, with no consensus. Bernie, Pete and Beto certainly go by their first name.
Comparing German politics is a big stretch as German voters look for boring and distrust exactly the showmanship that US voters demand.
Anon
Not this nonsense about her name again. I beg of you to read up on branding and marketing and check out her own campaign.
Seventh Sister
Germans (jokingly) referred to Merkel as Mutti or Mutti Merkel, which is somewhere between “Mom” or “Mommy” in terms of formality.
Anon
Le sigh. She markets herself as Kamala. It’s the most unique portion of her name, which is often what politicians choose for memorability purposes.
Elder law attorney rec: NW suburbs Chicago?
Good morning!
Does anyone have a recommendation for an elder law attorney in the NW suburbs of Chicago — Schaumburg area? I’m searching on the database on the NAELA.org site but would be grateful for a personal rec. Thank you!
Anon
Janna Dutton at Dutton Casey & Mesoloras
https://duttonelderlaw.com/
We saw her in downtown Chicago, but they have several suburban offices that their attorneys also travel to for seeing clients.
We only needed one meeting and the advice she gave us was priceless.
Good luck.
Pep
I’m looking for an attractive leather crossbody bag for a trip to Europe. I want something with a slash proof (reinforced) strap and other security features.
Looking at Travelon, I see nylon and fabric bags.
Can someone point me in the right direction for this? TIA.
anon
I think that’s overkill for Europe in basically any scenario. The antitheft straps are really stiff and don’t “lay” right IMO. I got an itty bitty cross body travelon when we were independently backpacking in Egypt and staying in hostels/the like – just big enough for a men’s bifold wallet, small cell phone, and passports. Other than the strap, it was pretty cute. I’d just bring a regular purse to Europe and be mindful of your surroundings.
Cat
+1
Anon
Agreed, this is overkill. Choose a purse with a zipper, not a magnetic snap. If there’s a zipper with a flap on top of it even better. Don’t put anything in the outer pockets that you’d miss and keep your hand on the bag.
Anon88
I just bought a bag from the Australian brand Status Anxiety and I loooove it. Extremely high quality and pretty reasonably priced. I don’t know how strong the straps are, but I would expect leather straps to be stronger than nylon.
Anon
You’re the only person who has actually responded to OP’s question!
Anonymous
I just wear a fanny pack and hold onto it for dear life.
Ginger
Fanny packs can be stolen in seconds by someone who simply pinches the clasp and it pops open. A friend of mine had her fanny pack stolen in Rome by 2 guys who came by on a Vespa. I’ve reinforced my fanny pack by putting a plastic zip tie around the clasp (trimming the ends). It takes a few more seconds to put on (I release the waist straps a bit to get it on over my head but then I cinch them back in once in place around my waist).
Anon
No need for a slash proof bag for Europe. Just do a normal bag and when in areas prone to pickpocketing keep your hand on your bag.
This is what I did when I lived in the Balkans (aa someone who was clearly not a local) and it was fine.
Anon
Have things changed? Bag slashing definitely used to be a concern in Europe.
Anonymous
Italy felt like a third world country when I was there this summer so YMMV
Anonymous
Hahahahhahah stay home then
Anonymous
This is a stretch but I have lived in NYC for decades without a problem and a pickpocket took my wallet in Venice last year. It was just plucked out of my open tote on a crowded vaporetto. Clearly I was not being cautious–the tote has a zipper that I just didn’t zip–but my NYC street smarts were not enough for Venice.
Anon
Southern Italy is rougher, but northern Italy (Rome and above) feels much safer than the US to me. I go nearly every year.
Anon for this
I travel a lot – and in the past 2 years have been in Paris, Rome, Venice, and surrounding towns. No issues, tbh felt safer than at home in my large US city, and def no need for special bags. Like don’t let your bag dangle carelessly from your shoulder while you’re taking pics in a crowded area, use your normal self-awareness, and it’s fine.
Seventh Sister
When we went to France, I felt like the number of warnings about pickpockets on the Metro was way, way over the top as a reasonably street-smart Angeleno who takes public transit on occasion. But then again, we were stuck on an Eiffel Tower tour with a set of fellow American tourists who seemed disgusted/furious at being in a city, so I suppose they do need all the warnings.
Anon
Sherpani has some good travel bags. Some have anti theft features and some don’t, so read the description carefully.
Anonymous
That’s silly. You don’t need security features.
Kate
I don’t think this is overkill, as someone who had a bag slashed off me last year in the EU.
Anon
My solution is just stop walking around with all your stuff. I live in San Francisco and never take anything but my phone and maybe a backup credit card. Full wallets stay home. Purses stay home. Just take a phone and a lipstick (generalized category for whatever you wear) and then you’ve lowered all your risks completely.
Anonch
Amen.
Anon
I don’t know how people walk around Europe without a water bottle. I go through it like crazy over there because we’re walking so many miles a day. I hate carrying it in my hand the whole time.
Anon
In Rome I wore a bag with a zipper close against my body. Pick pockets totally did rifle through the outer compartment, but there was nothing of value there. At that point they’d attracted attention and moved on.
Someone did slash my bigger backpack, but it didn’t cut all the way through.
Anon
I don’t know how you do this, I need my stuff. Hand sanitizer, tissue, Advil, hand cream, a Tide stick, bandaids, etc etc.
Anon
You just adjust if you actually have an emergency. Like if I need a bandaid or advil, I stop at a drugstore. Or you take a small quantity in a pocket. Wash your hands in a restaurant bathroom or go more upscale of you desperately need hand cream. Or pop in a drugstore or department store to sample hand cream. Same thing with water, I don’t constantly drink it but I’ll stop at a cafe for a break and a drink during the day.
Anonymous
I agree with the Band-Aid, lotion, etc. But if you’re only sporadically drinking water you’re probably dehydrated. Most people live life constantly dehydrated which is fine, you do you, but it makes me physically feel awful.
Anon
I truly do not understand the perception that one must sip water nonstop throughout a routine day in order to be properly hydrated. Bodies don’t desiccate that quickly. It’s not like we all need IV stands following us around.
Anon
So funny how literally the rest of the world manages to survive without clinging to a water bottle 24/7.
Anon
This is exactly the kind of stuff I keep in the most accessible part of my bag. It’s cheap and no one wants it.
Anonymous
I haven’t seen any in leather, but Pacsafe has a small crossbody bag that’s quite cute.
Anonymous
I highly recommend an old fashioned money belt that you wear under your clothes. It is hands down the safest way to carry valuable items.
Anonymous
If you’re traveling when it’s cooler, I would just wear your purse under your coat.
Anon
I’m going to be sitting down to work on durable POAs, health care POA/advance directives, wills, and trusts (have one stepchild, one special needs child, and one other child). Husband has been tripped up on the healthcare POA for years and I don’t think he ever signed his because it was too complicated and there were too many things to think about (and having some recent family illnesses, I have my own drafting issues to add to the mix). In terms of things that were really helpful in any of these documents (in retrospect) and really bad (but inadvertent), what have you all once you had to road-test your documents? [ALL I know on this, from lived experience, is that if one parent is secretly funding one sibling and that parent dies, it doesn’t end well for the funded sibling or any of the surviving family members that are on the receiving end of threats and yelling to continue the funding.]
Anonymous
It was really helpful when the decedent left a letter of instruction to her executor on how she wanted her person treated: organ donation? donation to a research organization? burial? cremation? plot? And make a good decision about who to appoint who can actually carry out the necessary functions: don’t give someone medical decisions who doesn’t really understand medical issues and can’t negotiate the system. Ditto for legal stuff, pick someone who knows when to check in with an accountant or lawyer.
Anon
Also don’t pick someone who will go against your wishes for their own string beliefs. My poor FIL was subjected to so much unwanted medical crap at the end of his life because his wife and daughter insisted his DNR be overruled.
Anon
Strong not string
Anon
Oh, that’s so awful…… End of life decisions are so hard.
An.On.
Issues (and their solutions) can be very family specific. I think my best advice you already know, which is that perfect is the enemy of good. Better to have something in place and tweak it down the road than have nothing and wind up with an expensive mess. Be clear-eyed about your family and their foibles. Bad relationships do not get better after a shared loved one dies. In many cases, you cannot achieve all things simultaneously and will need to decide which goals are most important to you. And as always, talk with an attorney experienced in this area.
Anon
Don’t pick multiple people or have joint decision-makers. One person decides or has POA or is executor. If there are 3 kids, pick one and tell all 3 who is it. And best if it is expressed as a neutral reason: Kim is a nurse, Tim still lives in our city, Shelly is an accountant.
Anonymous
Disagree with this because I was able to demand end of life care that was being refused by the other POA decision-maker.
Anon
We have minor children and were strongly advised that whoever has physical custody should NOT have access to/be able to make decisions on the money. So we have our executor, person in charge of the health stuff, and the guardians as separate people. We truly felt each was best suited to that role (executor has plenty of his own money and is a lawyer, POA person is familiar with our children’s health needs and would make the calls we would, guardians are the best suited and closest family members).
I also agree to just get it done now and tweak down the road for health stuff/kid stuff as needed – done is better than perfect!
Anon
Conversely, we were advised that trust is most important and that if you fully trust the person who is named as the guardian of your child, it’s ok to also name them as the executor who handles the money. That’s what we’re doing and we feel very comfortable with it.
Anon
I got out in charge of money once but want named guardian. I was single and had no kids then and truly would not have understood the expenses of having kids and what was reasonable. I’m not sure I’d have been helpful as the guardians were already parents and not squirrelly. I was just known to be a high finance person but that is not the same as a personal finance person. Whatever.
Anon
Not the Anon above but I agree that the guardian shouldn’t necessarily be the trustee.
The people who I think would do a good job raising my kid aren’t necessarily the ones who I would think would make great financial decisions. It isn’t that they are bad with money – they would just spend it differently than I would want.
I also grew up with a stepparent who got weird about money and possessions (would literally steal my jewelry and collectibles given to me by the other side of the family, claiming they were “family” items). I just wouldn’t want a situation in which the guardian would say “this isn’t your money.” Nope, there is a trustee involved in all this who isn’t going to let Mom’s money be a bargaining chip.
Anon
It’s all situation dependent and whatever you decide, discuss it with the intended people ahead of time. I would gladly care for certain children but not if I have to forever make financial decisions with cousin Bob.
Anon
I think my post got lost…
Is your husband having trouble deciding on who should be his healthcare POA, or is the form too complicated, asking all sorts of specifics about what treatments you would allow if/when things happen?
Well, he is not alone.
I’m a doctor and had a difficult time with the forms that we were given for my parents when we were working with their lawyers. The important thing is simply choosing a person you trust to be a POA, who you feel would be able to do what is best for you (with the advice of the doctors at the time), in the spirit of what you would have wanted to be done. Honestly, most people have no idea what diseases lie in their future or what the treatments/interventions are, but most people are reasonable. They would like to live, if possible, especially now when they are young and have a family. So they would like all reasonable treatments taken. And if they had a devastating injury/illness leaving them incapacitated/brain dead etc… that would leave them with no quality of life, they would appreciate mercy and would not want to be maintained like that indefinitely. Just you both discussing that sort of stuff is the important part.
Some of the newer forms are way too complicated, going into detailed questions about everything from when you would allow yourself to be intubated or whether you want dialysis or IV fluids etc… This is not appropriate in my mind, as these things can be so situation specific, and your decisions may be wildly different depending upon how old you are, what other medical problems are going on and what your prognosis is. General preferences are what should be documented, if any. “I never want to be intubated for any reason ever”. “I never want to receive blood”. My parents had made it very clear they wanted to be an organ donor if possible (and elderly folks have a lot of tissues/organs that are eligible for this), so this was great for us to know.
You can edit the forms if you want, or only answer the parts that you want. Or not document anything except for the person you want to be POA. Honestly, doctors are going to follow what your spouse wants, if they are there, if you didn’t have a POA.
Anon
I agree about the forms being too detailed. People who aren’t themselves disabled or severely ill sometimes catastrophize and underestimate potential quality of life, partly through not being knowledgeable about medicine and interventions. People may think they never want to be intubated for any reason ever, but are they imagining “spending the rest of my life on a vent” or “needing intubation for a few days and then resuming a normal life on treatment within a few weeks”? And are they underestimating quality of life on a vent or projecting assumptions about what they need to be happy?
Anon
Exactly.
Anon
Thoughts on Dave Grohl’s recent admission of an extramarital recent baby? My first thought is that someone must have threatened in negotiating for $ to spill the beans and he jumped out in front of it. But my second thought as a lawyer was how does the baby’s mother get hold of a decent and discrete lawyer for this who isn’t about to make things blow up? Because you don’t want to salt the earth and I’m guessing that that’s what has happened here (like Mick Jagger doesn’t have things blow up and he is perpetually going down this road).
Anonymous
I’m so disappointed. Why can’t people not be garbage.
Anon
IDK about garbage, but the older I get, the more convinced that men with $, power, and opportunity are going to cheat. But at least it seems (a big guess, the word seems) that he has care for his children, which is more than I can say for many other men I know who are parents (often of multiple kids) but have no interest in their kids, either on the involvement side or at least the funding of their needs side (and the ire on this is reserved for men who could do things financially but just don’t bother to, especially if they prefer one round of kids to other round/s of kids).
Anonymous
I am convinced that to become famous or powerful requires the type of massive ego that also believes “the rules don’t apply to me!” Whether it’s the rules of common decency or the actual laws.
Anon
*Men.
anon
He’s a literal rock star, so it’s not shocking to me that he had an affair. Probably many. But I feel terrible for his wife and daughters that it’s all so public. Plus, fathering a child at age 55 is gross, sorry not sorry.
Anon
My ex-BIL has 3 kids in diapers and the oldest is about to graduate from college. Those are just the ones we know about — I’m guessing there may be a few more out there.
Anon
At least at 55 you’ll probably live to see your kid become an adult, which is better than Al Pacino and Robert De Niro having kids at 80. I agree it’s gross, though, and on having pretty low expectations for any of these kind of men.
Anon
Honestly, I think less of the women who “marry” them at age 80 to have a baby with them and lock in that sweet $$.
Anon
I’m 0% shocked he has extramarital affairs (would be far more surprising for a rock star not to, imo) but I don’t understand why he wouldn’t get a vasectomy to remove the possibility of this happening, since condoms and other birth control methods aren’t perfect. He and his wife were clearly done having kids.
Anon
+1. There is such an easy solution to avoid this result!
Anon
I’m mostly amazed that all of these rich and famous men haven’t gotten the memo to either wrap it up or get it snipped. This is reminding me of Al Pacino and his oopsie baby – this wouldn’t be an issue if you took precautions! In terms of a PR statement I think it was about as well executed as it could be, and I don’t see a big hit to his image from his (mostly but not entirely) older male fanbase. I do think that his younger fans will hold this against him especially as he really leaned in on that ‘family man’ persona in recent years.
If I was his wife I would be BIG mad – cheating is one thing but exposing your wife to diseases PLUS having a child out of wedlock is such a massive betrayal.
Anon
I wonder if this is always in the back of these women’s minds if you are with any sort of touring person (not even the star — the entourages even) or pro athlete or anyone who travels for work. I travel for work and see how it is with some people at conferences (but I think that as a professional working woman, I’d make a point of not getting pregnant, although I see myself as unlikely to cheat and at least the biological clock runs out on me at some point).
Anon
I imagine a lot of these women know it’s the price of admission and they’re willing to put up with it for money/security/etc.
Anon
Yup. My husband worked for an NBA team. Most basketball wives accept that their husbands will cheat at out of town games. They just want to not be embarrassed with a public scandal or a love child.
Anonymous
Huh, that’s interesting a friend worked for an NHL team and while the single guys were certainly something else the married ones mostly had cute suburban lives and behaved. I wonder if it’s a difference of sports or cities.
Anon
I’m kind of gobsmacked that more men don’t get snipped once they are done having kids. It isn’t on your wife to take birth control forever; she did her part. And I guess if you’re going to cheat, at least you wouldn’t father a child.
Anonymous
I think the lack of vasectomies is a feature not a bug. They love having the power to humiliate their wives and ruin their families lives. These men aren’t giving that up.
Anon
My exBIL got snipped but paid to get that reversed. WTF.
Anonymous
I don’t think most people are even thinking of their wives or families–they assume they won’t get caught, much less are intending to get caught. Having a child also has serious financial consequences. I think it’s a stretch to say they all want to humiliate their spouses and ruin their families.
anon
I wouldn’t go as far as saying that, but I do believe a vasectomy threatens their fragile manhood. There are a surprising number of men even in my social circle who haven’t gotten snipped even though they are long past having kids. Boggles my mind.
Anon
It’s 100% the fragile manhood.
And they call us the weaker sex.
Anon
I’m a FF fan who normally doesn’t care at all about celebrity news, but I’m disappointed and disgusted. He built up this image as a rockstar who is still a family man, and this definitely dispels it. Yes, people make mistakes, but it takes multiple stupid decisions to end up with an affair baby. I feel terrible for his wife and children, who I’m sure feel humiliated and betrayed. Hopefully they get the privacy they need to deal with the fallout and decide whether and how to move forward.
Anonymous
Precisely! His whole PR thing was the reformed rock star who became a wholesome family man. I guess I just need to be pessimistic and assume everyone is evil and change is never possible.
Anon
Not defending him and I think cheating is gross, but I’m not sure how it takes “multiple” bad decisions to have an affair baby. It still could have been a one time thing (though I realize he probably cheated regularly).
Anon
Cheating + unwrapped
Anon
It could have failed.,, condoms are only 85% effective.
Anonymous
Can we not try and defend immoral behavior?
Anon
I’m not defending him, he’s a scumbag. I just think it’s a weird assumption that he didn’t use birth control, since it isn’t even close to 100% effective.
Anonymous
I don’t know how he got that image. It’s known that his first marriage ended because of affairs and it’s been widely unknown that he was unfaithful in his current marriage.
I can’t understand his wife staying. If he’s seeing the kid then he’s either going to the affair partner’s house and not at home with his other kids, or the baby is coming to their house and then they have a baby in addition to 3 kids.
I think a lot of marriages can survive an affair. A baby is a whole other ballgame.
Anon
Initially I thought it was a Prince Albert type situation where a kid you fathered decades ago finds you through genetic testing or family secrets being spilled. Didn’t expect a new baby.
Anon
Which Prince Albert? I’ve never heard of this before.
Anon
Monaco
Jm
Of Monaco
Anonymous
I don’t know or care who he is and idk why you’d assume the mother has done anything wrong her. Man cheats and fathers baby out of wedlock isn’t news.
Anon
Except he issued a statement on it yesterday, as if trying to control the narrative when I’m sure he would have preferred to stay silent. That to me screams crisis PR team at work.
Anonymous
Sure. But why would the assumption be that this mother is the one causing it.
Anon
My guess? He thought something would come out and wanted to get out in front of that. Otherwise, I’d just STFU about it and write a check.
Anonymous
Maybe he just wants to be part of this child’s life and knows it will get out eventually? Or maybe his wife demanded a public mea culpa? I don’t think blackmail is the only possible explanation.
Anonymous
I think it’s the least likely explanation and a weird place to jump to.
Anon
Agreed. I’d have had my lawyer get an NDA and offer a large check. Quietly.
Anonymous
I don’t really view it that unfavorably as I know nothing about their marriage. For all I know, they may have been separated for months. Sort of like Rachel Zoe’s marriage has been over long before they announced. Or they may have an open marriage. That’s between them.
I’m glad he’s standing up to acknowledge the baby and hopefully he’ll continue to. That’s really all that seems pretty clear cut. Don’t be an Owen Wilson.
Anon
Oh, I’d forgotten about him.
Anon
Damn, I didn’t know Rachel Zoewas getting divorced. My then tween daughter and I used to watch her show when we were being lazy. My daughter was really invested in the idea that they’d been together for a really long time.
Anon
Where are you getting that Rachel Zoe’s marriage had been over for a long time?
Anonymous
Since at least last spring she has been vacationing with the kids without him and attending a ton of things without him where he always used to be accompanying her. Much like Jen and Ben, it was over before it was “announced” as over. Hopefully that gives some space to grieve before it all becomes public.
No idea with Grohl. And even if they divorce now, you wouldn’t know if it was because of the cheating now or because it was already set in motion ages ago.
Anon
Oh I see. I thought you meant like “it had been over for years and years.” Makes sense that a public couple would try a private separation before announcing their divorce.
Anon
Yeah 6 months or less is hardly what’s I’d call “a long time.” That’s a normal separation period, especially for a couple who will be scrutinized the minute they announce a divorce.
Anon
I mean he never seemed to me to be someone who was into the vag, but they seemed to work. Sad to me that ultimately they couldn’t make it work.
anon
His long time infidelities are apparently well known in LA. A few years ago, a podcaster I listen to talked about how he had an affair with a mom at his kids preschool. This was not surprising to me at all.
Anon
*discreet
Anon
What a shock that a man doesn’t think things through or consider the women in his life and now it’s blown up in his face.
If you are going to have an affair have a vasectomy or tie your tubes first. It’s not hard if you actually care for others.
Anon
But this implies you can have unprotected relations with your affair partner, and that is a risk vector to your spouse. Wear barrier protection.
Anon
For those of you with a parent in assisted living (so in less than perfect shape for their age), do you go by the Treasury / IRS life expectancy tables in estimating how many years they will likely need to fund assisted living? I’m trying to ballpark 5 years (for someone who is 84), but per the tables, life expectancy is 10 years (which means 50% chance of living more than that). Gulp. The numbers are sobering and my guess is that you need to factor in some time in the very expensive skilled nursing unit at some point. Not the math I expected to be doing, but it is the math project at the moment. Pointers if there are canned spreadsheets out there for this.
Anon
Does this parent still have a living spouse? If this parents estate only covers one person, from what I’ve learned from my family’s elder law attorney, paying for their care out of pocket is considered a “spend down”. Once the estate is almost entirely gone they then will qualify for Medicare. Medicare would then foot the bill on the rest of their care. When this person passes away (in my state) Medicare will start a estate recovery process to try to pull in any assets that can be used to pay back Medicare expenses. But in theory, parent would probably have nothing left.
As far as spreadsheets for this, using an elder law attorney is probably the best route because some of this planning requires state specific information. From my singular experience, they’ll draft up a document noting assets and how they should be handled, along with action planning going forward.
Anon
I think you mean Medicaid (poor people) not Medicare (old, may not be poor). Some are dual-eligible.
Anon
Oh you’re right. I always get them mixed up.
Anon
Medicaid right. Medicare won’t come after you for this because they won’t pay for it in the first place.
Anon
And just FYI, I know someone on here disagrees, but except for a very rare cases, Medicaid will also not pay for assisted-living. Medicaid will pay for skilled nursing when medically necessary, but even then it’s for a limited time. there is no social safety net.
Anon
Can you tell us more about what Medicaid pays for and for how long (and maybe why), if there is a way to give us a 1000 foot view? There are handbooks for people with newborns; are there similar things for people with aging parents? Or just too many variables?
Anon
Medicaid varies by state so you need to dig into your specific state. Here’s a general link
https://www.medicaid.gov/medicaid/eligibility/seniors-medicare-and-medicaid-enrollees/index.html
And remember, to be eligible for Medicaid, you have to have very little income and few assets.
Anon
https://www.medicaid.gov/medicaid/benefits/mandatory-optional-medicaid-benefits/index.html
LawDawg
While not ideal, many care facilities will accept Medicaid payment alone for care if someone has been full pay for a period before that. For example, if your family member’s assets will only cover 4 years and then everything will be spent down, then they will go on Medicaid. The care facility (check the contract) may accept the Medicaid payment for services at that point and you won’t have to pay from your resources. Your family member won’t get kicked out because they no longer can pay full freight. Check the contract; ask the administration; consult an elder law attorney, etc., but I know that the facilities my family has used in different states all have this built in.
Anon
There’s no way to know when someone will die. That said, once you hit assisted living, people don’t tend to live that long, I think the average tenure at my mother in law’s place is a few years with five being an outlier. We are just stashing away a bunch of cash in the event she outlives her own funds, which is likely. If there’s extra, it will go toward our own goals. If there’s not, it’s just what we think the right thing to do is.
An.On.
I believe the average time in a nursing home is less than three years.
Anon
But a nursing home isn’t assisted living. IMO. Skilled nursing? Definitely a sort period. Months or a couple of years. Assisted living — often just there as a solo adult, so wanting meals cooked and someone to come if they fall but they could be very healthy (like “independent living”) and live a typical life span (this category is pretty broad and on a spectrum). Skilled nursing residents are frail / fragile for medical reasons already.
An.On.
They’re both less than three years.
Anon
Oh; that’s sad. My dad is going into assisted living with minimal current care needs. He doesn’t cook and just withered quickly after my mom died. On the paperwork, he seemed to me borderline assisted living / independent living, but wasn’t confident driving in my city and wanted some help with his meds now that it’s not just one pill a day. I wish I’d known this. Where he is, there are graduated care levels and he was on the lowest one (out of 9, I think). No walker, can do all hygiene needs on his own, etc. A bit annoyed that he won’t have a washer / dryer.
Ses
Could you share a source for that figure? I think that would be useful information.
Anon
@12:43. Your dad is an individual. Being in much better shape than his fellow new admissions is probably a great sign for his longevity.
There are people admitted to assisted living who, like my mom, are barely out of a skilled nursing facility, and like my mom, who may only live a few months more.
That contributes to the average. Not everyone dies at 3 years on the dot. That’s why it’s an average (though I don’t have a source for this 3 year figure.)
BeenThatGuy
We moved my mother into assisted living last month after a medical emergency. The state became involved and declared her unfit to live on her own due to the conditions of her home. We picked the nicest facility we could find that also accepts Medicaid for when/if her money runs out. At best guess, paying out of pocket, her money will last 4-5 years.
Pippa
If you have a friend in life insurance, those industry tables are scarily accurate once tweaked for age, sex, residence location, income, and other demographic information – although the really accurate tables may be proprietary.
Anon
Can you share more details? I feel like I need this.
Anon
I am an Actuary. The tables are accurate in the aggregate, but they don’t apply to a single person. We are all unique – our personal statistics contribute to the aggregate, but there’s a lot of variation around the means
Anonymous
My job also deals in averages and it is mind-boggling how many people cannot wrap their heads around this concept.
Anonymous
Canned spreadsheets for guessing when your mom is gonna die? That’s insane are you mentally unwell?
Anon
I think that was a rude comment, but when you’re talking about trying to figure out how much money you need for things, it does help to have a spreadsheet of some sort where you can figure out scenarios. Maybe she lives a year, maybe she lives 10 years, maybe she lives somewhere in between. You see how much each of the scenarios costs so you know what your range of possible financial burden will be
Anon
Is mom going to outlive her money is a valid concern, especially since many adult children are in charge via a POA of both mom and her money. Or do you have $ for a private room, which may be preferred, or can you only afford shared? A pension will last your lifetime, but a 401K will actually run out of $.
Clothing at debate
Can we discuss the debate attire of the two excellent female professionals who participated? I liked the moderator’s outfit! Anyone know who she was wearing? Looked like a Veronica Beard blazer to me with those big shoulders. Her silvery blouse buttoned all the way to the top was severe, but I got used to it. Overall I thought her look worked and I love that she suited up! Harris looked great–very tailored and very presidential. Her blouse was excellent.
Cora
I thought Harris looked so pretty. Her hair looked great. Clothing wise she is definitely going for a prosecutor / judge look, which definitely works and makes her look serious.
Anon
Loved them both too, Kamala’s style is aces.
Anon
And how is she 60? Why does she not have bags under her eyes? Where are her wrinkles? She’s not botox-ed to death since her face can clearly still move – she looked A Mazing.
Anonymous
Based on the fact that I slept 3 hours last night. I assume it’s the no kids think. I’m lucky if I get a solid 8 hours 2 or 3 times a week. DH gets up a lot with them too but I wake up when he does.
Roxie
Imagine thinking that a sitting VP and current pres candidate has less stress than a basic mom, wow
Anon
As my friend Tia would say, “black don’t crack.”
Anon
+1
Anon
I was thinking the same thing. I guess California sixty just isn’t the same!
Anon
I’m a Californian and Kamala is a few months older than me. I don’t want to sit here and pick apart another woman’s appearance, but she and I have similar levels of aging in the eyelid/chin/neck/forehead area.
I think she looks wonderful, and I also think it’s a privilege to age.
Anon
The people I know in California are generally white or Hispanic. IDK if my white friends never used sunscreen or just tanned a lot as teens, but their skin looks like leather and has for some time. Even their necks. It’s sobering what it did for me wearing sunscreen religiously in my 20s even if I thought I looked chalky or oily.
Anon
59 year old Californian who has been religious about sun protection since my early 20s due to my dad’s skin cancer.
I’m the one who says I have a similar level of visible aging to Kamala.
I do have a couple of sun worshipper friends and have seen what that does.
Anon
It’s black (and Asian) don’t crack, not “California sixty.” Most white 60 year olds in California look like leather.
Anon
I kind of don’t think you know what a healthy 60 year old woman typically looks like, and I also think you don’t know many Californians. 55-65 year old Californians is my entire friend group, and on the whole, we’re looking pretty good. No leather faces among us.
Anon
I live in California. I’m not saying white 60 year olds here look awful, but they don’t look like Kamala Harris. White skin ages VERY differently than Black and Asian skin, and in particular shows sun damage a lot more, which is a much bigger factor for people in sunny climates like ours.
Anon
Medical facials, lasers, microneedling, and long lasting (light) neurotoxins like Juveau would be my bet. She’s rich and in CA – this is all standard operating procedure amongst the moms in my circle, I can’t imagine Harris isn’t doing at least that if not more.
Anon
Honestly, my black/indian friends don’t need it. Good genetics trumps all, as long as you don’t abuse your skin (sun/smoking/unhealthy lifestyle).
Anon
+1. The WOC I know don’t do any of this, and don’t need it. Black don’t crack is real.
Anonymous
Disagree. She looked good yesterday but too often she wears browns and beiges that wash her out and 7/10 times the suit looks too big on her with too long sleeves. I guess I am not into the oversized look.
Anonymous
I don’t understand how those suits look so good on Harris! I am 5’6″ with plenty of tall energy and I still look like a little kid playing dress-up in a pantsuit with a big collar. I thought only an Allison Janney or Katherine Hepburn or Tilda Swinton type could pull off those suits, but somehow Harris does it at like 5’4″. She looks like a boss.
Anon
Honestly I thought she was taller. Kind of amazing she can give off a tall vibe!
KS IT Chick
I think the suits are bespoke. If you have it made completely to your specifications and proportions, you can have a style work for you that even a tailored ready-to-wear suit couldn’t match.
She also wears shoes that create longer lines. She blends menswear styled suits with softer fabric blouses so she doesn’t look intensely feminine but also doesn’t appear to be trying to imitate men.
Her stylist is doing good work.
Wondering
Vegans, how are you adding proteins to your meals? Exact dishes appreciated as opposed to “add tofu” which unfortunately I don’t love. This is a temporary situation with a family member for next 3 months and medically required. TIA!
Anonymous
Ask the plant based subreddit (not the vegan one that’s about ethics).
Personally I eat a lot of Indian food with various peas, lentils, chickpeas etc. I put tofu in most Asian dishes like stir fry, fried rice, fresh wraps etc. Most people think they hate tofu because someone fed them sad unseasoned, uncooked tofu. Tofu needs to be pressed to remove excess water and then marinated in some sort of a flavor sauce.
Anonymous
Head to Eating Well and search their vegan dishes.
Anon
Not vegan, but often have meatless meals based on lentils or chickpeas. Indian food is a great source of delicious sauces for these.
Anon
1. I eat a lot more legumes than soy. Lots of Indian dishes with chickpeas and lentils, black beans in Mexican food, hummus and falafel, lentil salads, or I add chickpeas or white beans to pasta salads with the barilla protein pasta.
2. For tofu, I really like the Trader Joe’s sriracha baked tofu plain or on sandwiches. I also eat a lot of scrambled tofu. I add nutritional yeast, black salt, turmeric, chili powder, garlic powder, onions, and sometimes other veggies.
3. Tempeh and edamame are also good. Budget bytes has some decent recipes and the NYT has a good recipe for edamame pesto.
4. I add nutritional yeast, nuts, and seeds to things and eat a lot of pesto and peanut butter.
I get a lot of recipes from cookbooks or make them up so I don’t have links for you, but I do use NYT Cooking a lot.
ABanon
Trader Joe’s has some tasty frozen falafel (and tzatziki sauce in the refrigerated section).
Moose
I like canned lentil soups for easy lunch with protein. Some have 25g per can.
Anon
The Fiber Fueled cookbook has a lot of good health-friendly vegan recipes. Totally worth checking it out from the library. A few “easy” ideas – quinoa veggie bowls (add quinoa with some roasted veg and maybe some chickpeas), falafel, sweet potato and black bean tacos, pasta (esp protein plus or a lentil pasta) plus vegan meatballs, red lentil curry, lentil soup, curries like this one:
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1019911-cauliflower-cashew-pea-and-coconut-curry . Also, I know you were meh on tofu, but this recipe is very flavorful and a bit different from most: https://www.dinneralovestory.com/crispy-tofu-with-ginger-and-whatever/
Kitchen Remodel
Best bang for your vegan protein is “seitan”, which is just wheat gluten / wheat protein. It’s got great texture and is more meat-like than tofu.
As for vegan recipes, here’s my favorites:
Budget Bytes – Cold Peanut Noodle Salad (I always add shelled edamame)
Quiche a Week – Kale Saag Tofu (use coconut yogurt), or just use the spice mix for your own delicious endeavors
Hello Fresh – Coconut Curry with Chickpea & Bell Pepper (I add seitan when sauteeing the onions and peppers)
Rainbow Plant Life – Sausage & Fennel Pasta with Crushed Tomato Sauce using Field Roast Italian sausages (made from the vegan protein powerhouse of the wheat plant – gluten)
edj3
Seitan is amazing and the best ratio for calories to grams of protein. I love cooking with it, esp when I’m in a heavy training cycle.
Anon
The blog eating bird food has a lot of vegan recipes, you can filter by that type. Biggest advice would be to make a large pot of lentils and or beans that you can adapt into different recipes.. they can go on salads, in bowls, be a soup, etc. Bon appetit has a ton of bean type dishes that are often easily made vegan by switching out chicken broth for vegetable broth. If something calls for bacon, you can leave it out bump up the salt a bit, adding in some other savory options like mushrooms, smoked paprika, etc.
Anonymous
Use combinations of ingredients that will make a complete protein to get better nutrition . Rice and beans, pasta and peas, lentil stew with pita bread.
Anon
Strongly recommend using pea milk for cereal, smoothies, coffee, etc. I adore the Ripple brand, which seems to be available in most large supermarkets in the refrigerated dairy section. It has 8g protein per cup and it’s delicious.
Anon
+1 to Ripple. Grocery stores by me don’t carry it, but you can buy the shelf stable version online.
Anon
I’m so exhausted by my boss. Everything I’m supposed to have ownership over – whether it’s a presentation I’m giving or an agenda for a meeting I’m running – I must share them with her for her edits and corrections, even if they’re small edits that make no difference. It’s like she has to have control over EVERYTHING. I feel like I have no agency or autonomy. I wish I could tell her “Just because I do something differently from you, doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong!” I find myself getting irritated on a daily basis. I guess my question is: is there anything I can do about a micromanager or do I just suck it up because trying to address the problem will make it worse?
Anon
Depends on your relationship. If she’s someone you feel comfortable with, tell her this. Otherwise, no. Usually though micromanagers aren’t the types to be receptive. I’d also gauge is she’s a self professed “wants to be a good boss” type, if so, you might have better luck.
Anonymous
There’s no fixing a micromanager, the only option is escape. I recently escaped mine and having my new manager tell me ‘I don’t need to review that project, I trust you 100%’ literally made me cry. Mortifying, but after being stripped of my autonomy for so long it felt like such a gift to simply do my job.
Anon
+1
Anon
+1. My former boss micro managed from a place of anxiety. She was so worried about her own job/reputation that she tried to control every word that came out of her department. It was exhausting, but there was nothing that would have changed how she managed us. If you sense the mico managing is from a sense of trying to control everything, it’s highly unlikely a conversation will change anything, unfortunately.
anon
Micromanagers rarely change. However, I do think you could have a frank conversation about the type of feedback you’re receiving, and try to gauge whether she has any overarching concerns. IDK, I feel like feedback and edits are part of the process but you know your environment best. And if your working styles aren’t compatible, it’s OK to decide that the job isn’t for you.
Anon
I have had this boss a couple of times. The time it went well, I was able to prove my competency to her and then gently but firmly tell her no when she tried to provide edits like this. During one of our 1 on 1s I said something like this: “My written voice is different than yours. If you have material concerns about content I produce, I welcome a discussion about that and will recalibrate my approach. Otherwise, your time is too valuable for you to spend it reviewing and making stylistic edits to all of my work product. You created my role and hired me to ease the burden on you; let me do this and give me the opportunity to thrive in my role.” We had a good relationship and she took that conversation well. We still work together, in fact, although in different departments and with different career trajectories.
The time it didn’t go well…that boss was cray and I just needed to GTFO. She was a control freak and would argue ’til the cows came home about stupid things like oxford comma usage in informal, immaterial, internal communications. It was maddening.
anon
This is where I am too. And then my boss complains about their work load constantly but they won’t let me just do work. I don’t want to leave this job yet, but I’ve started looking.
Pippa
There is nothing but escape and do it quickly before your work norms and confidence is warped by her behavior.
A great boss challenges his reports, develops them, and helps move them along in their careers. You don’t have that.
A terrible boss makes everything harder for his reports in their daily work life in the ways you describe in your post. Plus, by being an awful peer, the bad boss is not sought out for choice assignments and may be slow to hear company news, so his entire team misses out. A terrible boss rarely (probably never) lends prestige to his reports behind closed doors or goes to bat for them when the chips are down.
It’s not just the micromanaging that you see. Micromanaging is symptom of a larger, bigger, lack of management skill. Move on while you are being nibbled, before you get bitten.
OP
It’s interesting you say this because I have actually noticed that my boss isn’t really taken seriously or well-liked by other managers or the C-suite.
Anon
Every micromanager I’ve had has been responding to a lack of power/respect they feel from upper management/execs by holding on as tightly as possible to the remaining power they have – over their subordinates.
Anon
+1, or anxiety.
Anon
My boss is a micromanager too! She sent me 5 emails between the hours of 11 PM – 4 AM last night. I’m not paid enough for this…
OP
Oh yes, she’s one of those boomers who thinks that working all the time and replying to emails on weekends and vacation = more respect.
Anonymous
Putting in a plea not to stereotype her via her age!
Anonymous
Look at how they treat others. Is it a lack of trust in you or in everyone? Chances are, it’s the latter, and that’s nothing you can fix. It’s deeply ingrained. You will be best served leaving. Not only because of your own frustration level but because too much time in this sort of environment starts to create learned helplessness. Don’t ask me how I know.
OP
100% she acts like this about everyone – no one else can do anything right! I’m coming to a lot of realizations right now.
A.n.o.n.
oof. I think I worked for her. get out. seriously, my old boss could not tolerate me making decisions that weren’t exactly the same ones she would make – and also had a very highly developed ability to convince herself if anything went wrong with my decision (including a cross word from an exec team member) that she would have done it right.
it’s not you, it’s her. move on to somewhere where you are valued before she does real damage to your self esteem.
anon
No advice but I feel you. My boss seems to think his way is always best. He delegates tasks to me and does not provide any kind of direction or instruction (which is fine because they are all entirely within my skillset/authority) and says its up to me to handle, and then after the fact makes passive aggressive comments when I don’t do things EXACTLY how he would have.
I’ve been here about a year. Boss is in over his head and doesn’t have the leadership skills his role needs. He is very hands off but then finds little tiny things to exert extreme amounts of control over, and those things are typically in his comfort zone. I’ll probably leave.
Anon
What are some things I could add to warm milk at night? I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately and I like the winding down ritual of making a mug of warm milk but I’d love to make it taste more interesting. I’ve been doing a little bit of honey and vanilla so far.
Anon
Cocoa is the obvious answer, but if regular hot cocoa mix is too sweet for you then you can use unsweetened cocoa powder along with your sweetener of choice.
Anon
Cinnamon or nutmeg or other spice blends?
Anon
Herbal tea? Maybe make a small mug of tea, then add your warm milk to it?
Anonymous
Tazo makes a chai that comes in a little carton. You could add a bit of that for sure.
Anon
Chai has caffeine. It’s spiced black tea.
Anonymous
Tazo makes a decaf chai mix too.
Anon
I used to really like decaf masala chai (cardamom, cloves, maybe cinnamon, maybe ginger, and either decaf black tea or even no actual tea).
Anon
And if decaf tea has any appeal, I also like Earl Gray.
anon
Probably idiosyncratic but, super weak Earl Grey with tons of milk is always soothing as that’s how Grandma would make our tea when we were kids at tea time.
Anon
It’s not just you! My grandma did the same and I still love it.
Anon
Cute. My kids always liked “kid tea” which is the same as your grandma made. Lots of milk and sugar. Weak black tea or even Celestial Seasonings Apple Cinnamon herbal tea. They liked putting the sugar and milk in themselves from a sugar and creamer set. Core memories for them.
Anonymous
Mexican chocolate
cinnamon
ginger
You can make golden tea, which has turmeric and black pepper, cardamom, ginger, cinnamon, honey (or your pick of some of these). I think it is best with coconut or almond milk, but that is for flavor reasons, and I think real (dairy) milk , when warmed, has some sleep-inducing properties, so you can certainly stick with that.
Anon
I like a mug of sleepy time tea at night. I know it’s not milk, but it’s a good option if you want to change it up sometimes
Anon
Would adding an herbal tea bag work? Maybe lavender? I make my kids hot chocolate using a mix, but halve the amount of mix. It’s a powder that I buy at Whole Foods.
Anonymous
Oh. I have some lavender and some rose powder that never see daylight and now you’ve given me an idea.
Anon
When I was a little, my mom did a splash of orange blossom (use sparingly, otherwise it tastes like soap). It’s still my comfort drink when I can’t sleep.
Anon
Thanks everyone! These are great ideas.
Anon
Do you have a frother? You can make a vanilla steamer or an almond steamer or whatever strikes your fancy using Torani syrups. They have sugar free vanilla if that’s your thing.
Don’t sleep on the Torani white chocolate syrup. (Pun intended)
Anon
I add vanilla, as you said, or a few drops of almond extract.
PolyD
Yep, almond extract, vanilla extract, maybe some honey and cinnamon.
NYNY
I used to go to a cafe that had steamed milk with orgeat and cinnamon, which was my favorite when I didn’t want caffeine.
Anon
I just made some version of golden milk with a little bit of saffron. It may help with serotonin during PMS so that’s why I’m trying it, but I did notice that really liked the flavor too and it was nice and soothing to drink.
Anonymous
A few defrosted blueberries.
Anon
I add cardamom, vanilla, and a touch of splenda.
Lexi
Shot of Kahlua in hot milk works every time
Anon
If you are fired up after the debate last night and particularly if you live in a swing state, volunteer to canvass! It is really not hard, even for the most introverted of introverts like myself. Undecided voters are out there and talking to someone in person who lives in their community really makes a difference. Even people who plan to vote for the other candidate are much more polite in person than they might be over the phone. That’s why I prefer canvassing to phone banking, but both are important ways to reach voters.
Anon
Yes!! Commenting to add if you’re not in a swing state, phone bank! I’ve been having a lot of fun phone banking once the initial anxiety wore off. It honestly feels impactful.
Anon
Ok are people actually answering their phones now? I phone banned for Hillary in 2016, but times were different. I ignore all calls from unknown callers these days, personally.
Anon
They use robo dialers! I’d say I get ahold of 15-20 people in an hour.
Anon
I canvassed over the weekend and talked to one person who was undecided and two people who said they didn’t like either candidate and weren’t planning on voting. For those of you who have experience canvassing, what do you say to earn their support?
Hyacinth
Great question. I need to apply to phone calls what I did for good results while canvassing door to door: discuss on policy points about which I felt strongly–without being preachy or implying that anyone who disagreed was an idiot. I don’t know if I changed any votes, but people responded positively to my warmth and sincerity. It was clear that I cared since I was standing on their doorstep.
TLDR; warmth, respect, and “we’re all in this together, even if we disagree on some of the details” can go a long way.
Anon
If your local dem committee hasn’t given you training on this, the best way is NOT to preach or lecture. Ask questions — just a few. So for example, with the undecided, ask, “What’s the sticking point for you?” And then when they tell you, just say, “I can’t decide for you, but here’s how that works for me.” Be warm and genuine. It goes a long way.
For the people uninterested in voting, sort of the same. “I get it — no candidate is perfect. But we have to have a president anyway, so it’s useful to offer your say. You can do it by mail, if that’s easier. ” Again, asking genuine questions, really listening, not getting defensive, and staying friendly.
Anon
Yesterday I did a voter registration event at a local library and registered some people to vote. A few youngsters (18-22 range) and some folks that had recently moved to our town. I became a Deputy Registrar in my County (easy online class) after getting hooked in by our local League of Women’s Voters, so I am going to do a bunch of events over the next month.
This is the crunch. If you live in a battleground state, think about getting involved. It’s only a few hours over the next month or two.
Or donate here…. a great organization trying to get young people registered via outreach to high schools/colleges and other social media outlets to capture more new voters. They have run events with League of Women’s Voters too, and I donate to them.
TurnUp.US
Runner
Heading to Puerto Vallarta with my husband over Veterans Day weekend on sort of a whim — suggestions for cool places to stay? I think I want a boutique hotel, walkable to cool things, beach access. Budget could go up to $400 per night but I feel like we could get something really great for cheaper?
Anon
I loved the Four Seasons there, it’s not a boutique but it was great and reasonable for the chain at the time.
Anon
Is it just me or is the header missing from the regular site today? It’s still showing up at the moms site.
Kat G
we’re doing some testing in the background so nonessential plugins have been turned off for the moment…
thank you for reading!
Cat
Yesterday afternoon, the s-te had been taken over by promotional materials for “Etudes” – any relation to what you’re testing?
Kat G
what now?! that is news to me — we just couldn’t get it to load and were getting error messages from Cloudflare.
Cat
I actually printed the page to PDF so I could send it in to you guys, but not sure how to??
Anon
Seriously, why is everyone all-in on not taxing tips? That will make everything a tip. If not, why should janitors and teachers pay higher tax rates than servers and hairdressers? It makes zero sense.
Anonymous
I don’t know how the narrative that servers have it so much harder than any other service job is so popular. Serving is not that hard, I did it for a long time, when including tips I was grossly overpaid especially when you consider how few hours I actually worked
anon
Same! Servers became heroes during covid. Come on guys. You’re bringing food from a kitchen to tables, not saving babies from house fires.
Anon
Not servers, but the highest risk profession for COVID was kitchen work. A lot of people died.
Anonymous
Servers are generally required by restaurants to share tips with busser and kitchen staff.
Anon
This is objectively false. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35924351/
Anon
The study was https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0252454
Anon
There was also some press at the time that explained the risk in terms of ventilation (since restaurants prioritize airflow towards the kitchen, which may be inadequately ventilated) along with inadequate PPE and demographic risk factors.
https://www.wineenthusiast.com/culture/industry-news/covid-restaurant-kitchens/
Anon
It makes absolutely no sense. Why should waiters pay less in tax than other people working in the same restaurant? Or millions of other people doing hard work in low wage jobs? As someone who spent plenty of time working a minimum wage service job that didn’t get tips, I find it annoying, and also agree that it will just further incentivize tip culture, which I think is bad for both customers and workers. I definitely lost some respect for Kamala Harris when she fell for that nonsense.
Anonymous
You got minimum wage. Many servers don’t.
Anon
Not in the state I live in. Paying less than minimum wage should be banned.
Anonymous
Because many people who are tipped don’t get the same minimum wage at janitors and teachers. All they need to do is provide a tip tax exemption for employees where they are subject to a lower minimum wage than the general minimum wage.
It’s well known that these kinds of tax breaks can be great economic stimulators as low income individuals are often living pay check to pay check and will spend the extra money in the economy vs sock it away in savings.
Anon
Right, restaurants are allowed to pay less than minimum wage in many places due to the assumption that wait staff will earn tips.
I don’t understand why this is a big deal to anyone. How about making corporations pay their fair share of taxes? How about billionaires? The paltry wages of waiters are not going to make any real difference in the revenues collected by the IRS
Anon
I think that idea is too left of center these days.
Anon
I’ve waited tables for years and don’t know anyone who makes less than minimum wage off tips.
And to your second point, I thought whataboutism was a bad thing.
Anonymous
my point was that the employer is not required to pay the general minimum wage rate which means they rely on tips to attempt to make minimum wage (which vary and are often lower for POC female servers)
Anon
Do you personally know servers who make less than minimum wage (inclusive of tips)? Because again, I don’t.
Anon
I suspect if this actually happened the greedy corporations that you want to tax would use this as an excuse to make more workers tip earning so they can pay less in wages.
I’m all for making people and corporations pay their fair share and giving workers more protection. This no taxation on tips concept isn’t that though.
anon
This is what I’m worried about. This is one of those policies that sounds good at first glance but could have bad unintended consequences.
Anon
The regulations require an employer to pay minimum wage if lower hourly pay rate plus tips don’t equal or exceed the federal or state minimum if the minimum wage is higher than the federal amount.
For this reason, in certain states, I have stopped tipping at quick serve places unless it’s exceptional service and then I give that specific employee a cash tip. Doing your job and earning the agreed minimum wage should not come with a tip. Going above and beyond, yes I will recognize and reward that.
The tax code should recognize you can’t do much more than survive on minimum wage. It’s disgusting that 40 hours of work at minimum wage means you are subject to paying income tax, not always eligible for extensive help with food, education, shelter or transportation. It’s not in me, an individual with my own bills to pay, to subsidize the ceo of Starbucks being paid $175m.
Anonymous
The regulations require an employer to pay minimum wage if lower hourly pay rate plus tips don’t equal or exceed the federal or state minimum if the minimum wage is higher than the federal amount.
– this basically never happens. Have you ever heard of a restaurant paying their staff more because they didn’t get enough tips to make minimum wage?
Anon
I think the issue is, you are presumed to earn a certain percentage of your base pay in tips, and they tax on that presumed amount whether you received that amount in tips or not.
Anonymous
This. People are getting taxed on theoretically money. Not on actual cash obtained.
Anon
It’s because of the shift from cash to cards. People used to tip in cash and servers didn’t report it all and didn’t pay taxes on it all. Now people are tipping on cards (especially if they’re using Door Dash or whatever), so all of a sudden people who make a living on tips are having to pay taxes they never used to pay. So people want a return to the status quo but it can’t be under the table now, so if it’s going to happen, it will have to be on the up and up.
Anon
This is true and drives me nuts. It implies that the people who actually followed the tax law were chumps, because it turns out that the government was totally cool with rampant tax fraud within this industry / pay scheme.
Anonymous
It’s me, I’m the rule following chump.
Anon
Me too! I don’t like society being dishonest about what is expected of its participants.
Anon
The government is pretty cool with rampant tax fraud by far wealthier people, so I find it hard to get too worked up about it, but I see your point.
Anon
Sorry, I guess it’s legal rampant tax fraud if you buy enough lobbyists! I wish USA weren’t so firmly in the historically typical camp of giving special tax breaks to the richest people.
Anon
Again, I thought we all agreed that whataboutism is poor logic.
Anon
We bought those congresspeople fair and square! Eff the waitstaff.
-Corporations, probably
Anon
So you have no actual arguments, just statements you think will appear clever? Cool, thanks for contributing!
Anon
My point is that it’s a drop in the bucket in terms of overall tax collection, and taxing the (made-up) tips will make life a lot harder for people who are not doing all that well already.
If you want to raise the amount of tax collected overall, go for the big fish. This is not whataboutism. This is economics and math.
Anon
A government that enacts laws it doesn’t actually expect its citizens to follow is a bad government. This is rewarding and validating tax fraud. It’s a very “rules for thee but not for me” argument.
NYNY
It’s dumb and would be a nightmare to implement. I think it’s one of those campaign talking points that will fade after election. I’ll note that tipped workers are probably struggling with taxes now because they underreported cash tips in the past, but those have dwindled. But the answer isn’t to take away the taxes, but to get rid of the lower minimum wage for tipped workers.
Anon
Of course. He’s just pandering to a certain group of working class voter. Of course it isn’t fair, and tax / credits deductions based on income is much more fair. And yes, people who didn’t declare their tips for years are now unhappy about the use of cards. Folks who don’t declare income really get burned when they retire though, as their social security payments are so much lower.
Anon
i bought salmon at the grocery store and wasn’t paying attention and accidentally put it in the freezer instead of the fridge. is there a way for me to still cook it or do i have to toss it?
Anon
You can definitely keep it and cook it. People freeze store bought refrigerated fish and meats all the time
Anonymous
Huh? Yeah you thaw it and cook it?
anon
There’s no problem. Let it thaw in the fridge and then cook it!
Anon
LOL as someone who lives in the geographic centre of Canada, we eat frozen salmon all the time. It’s not uncommon that the salmon in the fish counter at grocery chains was previously frozen. High end sushi restaurants prefer frozen salmon over fresh. In short, frozen salmon is perfectly safe.
Anon
If you have an air fryer you can cook salmon filets from frozen.
Brontosaurus
Not OP but that’s good to know – frozen fish is really the only affordable fish around here and we are putting our new air fryer thru its paces.
Anon
Thaw it in the fridge, then cook like normal.
Anon
Lol what? Of course you can freeze salmon.
Anonymous
I think the issue is that there may be texture and/or food safety issues if the “fresh” salmon you bought at the grocery store has already been frozen and defrosted once, which is pretty typical.
Anonymous
Not unsafe if it was defrosted by the store in its normal.operations, meaning it was defrosted in refrigeration, not at room temp. Let’s not scare an obviously anxious person.
Anon
Yes! You can thaw it and cook it (just make sure it’s not vacuum packed while being thawed). Or you can cook it straight from frozen.
Anon
Of course you thaw it and cook it. How is this even a question?
Anon
Is there a way to donate to the Harris/Walz campaign without having your personal info collected, shared and traded all over, and ending up on multiple mailing lists? I really wish there was a big cash tip jar where I could stuff some money.
Anon
There are laws about tracking who donates to campaigns, and for good reasons. Your best bet is to give a friend who is already contributing some money to donate on your behalf.
Anon
This is not legal.
Anon
That’s election fraud. Unlikely to be caught if done only on a very small scale, but fraud nonetheless.
I agree to the logic behind tracking campaign donations, but I also find it frustrating and it prevents me from donating. It’s ridiculous that billionaires can donate anonymously through super PACs but regular people can’t give a few hundred dollars without being bombarded with spam for years.
Anon
Yeah, sorry, I suggested that and I was thinking like $25 cash. But yes, don’t do that for anything major! (Or, technically, $25, but I’d do it.)
Anon
No because by federal law they are required to collect information about people who donate money to avoid violations of campaign finance laws. What you CAN do is create an email address you only use for that purpose and then abandon or close down when the election cycle is over.
Anon
No, there are campaign finance laws for very good reasons.
Anon
I’m wondering if a burner email and a fake name/address/phone number would work. And maybe pay using Paypal to avoid putting in a credit card directly. Or ask friend who is already a donor to make an additional donation for you.
Anon
Sorry, I guess this is bad advice based on the responses above!
Anonymous
Yes. Oath Vote. It is the best way to donate without being bombarded with emails and without committing fraud.
Anon
Does anyone here have a home projector setup for watching movies? I have a formal-ish living room that doesn’t have a place for a TV due to window and door placement, and also my piano, which is staying. It’s an over my dead body thing.
My neighbor suggested a projector for occasional movie nights and I’m intrigued. They have an installed screen over their windows that rolls down, but I would actually need to have a free standing screen that could be stowed away between movies.
Any recommendations for or against?
Anon
My daughter has the screen that rolls down from above her window. 1 – it’s a bit of a pain to roll it down so less convenient that a TV, and they don’t use it as often as they’d like. 2 – we watched a movie during the day and the room wasn’t dark enough, so the picture quality was poor. 3 – where are you going to stow the screen? If you don’t have a large closet nearby, seems like you won’t use it very often if it has to be stored in a basement or attic. I think a free standing screen is large and unwieldy.
Senior Attorney
I had a projector for a TV years ago. The key is that you have to be able to get the room really dark, and/or make sure the projector is bright enough to account for ambient light.
Anon
On the other extreme, we have not had a TV in over a decade and just use my ipad for movie nights.
Anon
I mean, that’s basically what we do now, but it’s hard for 3-5 people to share an ipad for a movie together, so here we are.
Anon
Our historic house living room (aka family room; we don’t have another couch + TV area) also doesn’t have a good layout for the TV. We bought an expensive – so sturdy and smooth – swivel mount so the TV can be flush against the wall in a corner alcove when not being used, but easily swing out to face the couch when desired.
Personally the effort of getting the equipment out means I wouldn’t use it, as you’ve described.
NaoNao
I had one at my previous apartment! I really liked it. But…we didn’t prioritize installing it in this new apartment so that’s noteworthy.
Pros: more room to see big-screen stuff that benefits from being on a big-screen without committing to a big old TV hogging space in the room. Also great for girls’ nights where you want to have people over for the express purpose of watching tv or movies and don’t want to cluster around a small set. Honestly, as someone who thinks a big tv sucks all the life and energy out of a room and sits there like the Death Star, (I’m biased, obvi) a projector is 100% the way to go.
Cons:
Have to angle just right: ours was a bit high and I wound up looking up at an uncomfortable angle occasionally.
Need a dark room–although the system we had could and did work in the daylight, it was just a less immersive experience.
Expensive: our system was like…$1000 or something?
Kinda…ugly. We had a weird living room layout where 2/3 of the room had like 30′ ceilings and then towards the back near the kitchen, was a ledge/shelf that was closer to 12′ or so. We mounted it on that ledge and it worked well, but you could see the chunky projector from the kitchen/dining room and there’s no hiding it. Unless you build like a custom bump out or cabinet or something.
Anon
I totally agree with you about the Death Star. I grew up in a home where the TV was always on, especially after my dad died and my mom’s new love interest moved in and had the TV on basically 24/7 (he slept in a recliner with the TV on) and you could not have a conversation in that room or the next because he had the volume up so high.
The dining area had sightlines to the TV so you couldn’t even have a nice TV-less meal gathering.
That’s what I meant by my over-my-dead-body piano>TV comment!
Chl
I got an Xgimi mogo2 projector on prime day on a whim because I wanted to watch the Olympics on a big screen and I love it! Easy to set up. We are trashy and just tape a giant white sheet up in our archway in the living room but even on that it works great and is so fun!
Anon
Trashy works for me! I will check out that projector.