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Amber
http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2010/06/09/get-real-one-lawyers-take-on-having-it-all/
I thought this was interesting, too. It’s a female attorney from a Big Law firm telling other women that it’s not really possible to have a huge career in big law, a great relationship with kids and spouse, and time for exercise or other hobbies. Has this been everyone else’s experience? There’s nothing in my city that would really be considered “Big Law” in the NYC sense, but it made me nervous about even the bigger firms in my city.
anon
No. I’m not saying it’s always easy, but it has clearly been possible for me to have a very successful legal career (made partner at a top firm) and also be a good mother to little kids. Okay, hobbies, not so much, but that trade-off is worth it to me.
Eva
Most working people across all careers don’t have time for work, family, major hobbies AND getting the gym everyday. It’s silly to assume that if you had a 9-5 job it would be easy to have a great fitness routine, lots of time for your family, and be able to write the great american novel on the side. Get real (not directed at anon above, of course!).
Delta Sierra
It would be fine if 9-5 jobs really were 9-5, and a 40 hour week really was 40 hours. In real life, I find it’s more like 9-7, or 8-6, or 8-8, plus maybe also a few hours on Saturday or Sunday if there’s a big panic on. I think it’s the irregularity of the hours that = more trouble than the number of hours. Regular hours means you can hire staff ($ allowing) but staffers like regular hours, they have their own commitments to get to.
RR
I don’t read the article to be saying that precisely, but rather that you shouldn’t expect automatic happiness and balance. Honestly, “balance” is a tricky concept. Think about what your ideal balance would look like, and you probably picture being a happy, successful lawyer, having a perfect marriage, raising beautiful, well-behaved children who adore you, going to the gym daily, all while recycling, being at every child event, spending lots of time listening to your spouse, volunteering, etc. We paint this idyllic picture that would leave us frazzled as hell if it were reality.
In reality, I am a senior associate in BigLaw with a good career, albeit normal concerns for everyone in this economy. I have twin toddlers who I actually get quality time with. I have a solid marriage. I do volunteer. I have friends that I talk to frequently, albeit by Yahoo groups. And I even go months at a time of getting up at 5:00 a.m. to work out. There isn’t time for much in the way of hobbies, but I’m happy. Now, would I call that balanced? Would you think me balanced if you looked at my daily life – when I’m running out the door late with a daughter who is screaming because her brother won’t hold her hand and with sticky goo on my suit? when I’m leaving work before I should be so I can see my kids quickly at home before they go to bed? when I’m trying to decide which of my overcommitments I should scrap or how to decide between the seminar I agreed to give and the trial that I didn’t schedule but fell in my lap? No, you would think I was a crazy woman. “Balance” is a myth. But it is very possible to have a legal career, be a wife and mother, and still be a person you like at the end of the day. You just have to give up the unrealistic expectations that it’s always going to look rosy.
divaliscious11
RR – that sounds awesome! (maybe because it sounds so familiar – except my 2 are twins and I’m in-house now…) but you rock, because it works for you!
divaliscious11
Err. that should have said NOT twins, but you make it work for your family. that is the balance, and the having it all. when I left BigLaw, there were those who more or less said I was throwing away a great career. – meh, it was what was best for my family at the time… and in the end, I have a great career, and am probably further ahead than iIwould have been if I’d stayed in BigLaw longer. Does it work that way for everyone? No, but ultimately, sometimes you have to create your own path to success….
And RKS, my little one has special needs and that’s a whole additional and different challenge in and of itself!
RKS
Exactly, RR. I’m a former BigLaw associate, now in gov’t, and I have three kids. Yeah, most mornings I look like a crazy woman.
A woman at my firm used to say, “you can have it all, just not at the same time.” That really has become my motto. My kids have more demanding needs now (2 have special needs) so I’ve scaled back my career. When they get more stable/less needy, I may scale up again. Who knows. Your career is long and there are many definitions of success.
Particularly in BigLaw, usually something has to give. You want a great career (which usually requires longer hours)? OK, you can pick husband, kids, exercise or hobbies. Not all of them. Whether it’s 1, 2 or 3 of that list that you manage depends on the actual demands placed on you (practice area, city, firm culture, kids’ needs, etc). If all of these are important, then they may come in phases, not all at once.
LP7
Just FYI, this was made by a “big firm” lawyer in Texas. Oddly enough, the firm is well-ranked in terms of relationships with working mothers/diversity, etc. So the comment caught me slightly by surprise.
divaliscious11
Didn’t work out that way for me, but I do know several BigLaw partners who have made it work or are making it work. It really is dependent on the partner you work for before you make partner. If he/she thinks it can work, you can make it work, if he/she doesn’t, you may have to move to make it work…
JuliaBee
For what its worth – I’m a Senior Associate at a BigLaw firm in LA. I have never billed more than 2050 hours year, and am still highly regarded and definitely on partnership track (I hope:)). While billing 2400 might make it *impossible* to have it all, I think its an overstatement to say any BigLaw job is incompatible with having a successful and fulfilling family life. I see partners at my firm leave routinely before 6 or 6:30 in order to make dinner. I plan to have kids in the next few years and actually think the firm would jump at the chance to help me “do both” or “have it all.” Not saying its going to be easy, not saying there wont be sacrifices, etc etc but I think there is a HUGE different between 2400 at a top NY firm and more manageable hours at many many other AmLaw 100 firms around the country that still offer high quality complex legal work with top market compensation.
Legally Brunette
Your post gives me hope! :) Thanks.
anon
Curious what everyone’s thoughts are on this article: http://blogs.wsj.com/law/2010/06/10/when-is-looking-too-good-not-good/
Eva
I think the topic of the post has been thoroughly discussed here, but I think it’s awesome the wsj bloggers keep Kat on their radar!
Ru
ditto
Housecounsel
The discussion of hobbies, or lack thereof, makes me feel better. I don’t have any at the moment and while I don’t miss any particular hobbylike activities, I always felt like my hobbylessness made me a boring person. Now I know that as a working mom who would rather spend her nonwork time supporting her kids’ hobbies than her own, I feel not alone and OK.
RKS
You are most definitely not alone. At this point, I wouldn’t know a hobby if it bit me on the arse. :-)
K
I do think biglaw is incompatible with balance, if balance means work, spouse, hobby, AND seeing your kids, at least in this town. In biglaw here, to be a star you do really have to work all the time, including face time (eg telecommuting is not encouraged at all ever) and all the partners that I have known with young kids either (1) never see them during the week, except for a few minutes in the morning, or (2) do crazy things like work 24 hours IN A ROW, at least once a week, to get ‘one day off’ to see the kids occasionally. (That partner also has 2 nannies.)
I am in a small firm and make less than 1/2 of what I used to in biglaw, but I have every Fri off, telecommute 2 days/week, don’t work past 5, and still get full benefits. I also perform with an arts org and see my kids every day, and have an awesome relationship w/ my spouse. Still working on getting in exercise after #2 baby but once baby sleeps thru the night it will be easier.