Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Whatever Floats Your Boat Tee

215 Comments

1. Maybe I’m being weird here: does anyone else try to eat a different protein each night of the week? To the point where if you have 3 great chicken recipes you try to spread them into different weeks?

   1. We might do one night of leftovers but that’s it. I can’t imagine eating six-day-old chicken after eating five previous nights of chicken – especially if I’m blowing a Sunday meal prepping to do it. Good for them, not for me.

      1. I think OP is referring to making the same protein multiple times, not eating the same batch of it all week.

   2. I try and mix it up a bit, but we definitely eat more chicken than anything else. I’d say probably 3 nights a week generally.

   3. i eat chicken more than once a week, eat it the most but no this isn’t weird, i get it.

   4. Yes, but leftovers can make it into the next day’s lunch (either by design or because there happened to be extra).

   5. Nah, not weird at all. I make a larger batch of something for dinner, then take it for lunch the next day. I would not want to eat the same leftover protein for days on end, nor the same protein each day. These days I am eating as an omnivore for proteins and it has been great to experiment!

   6. Getting variety in your diet isn’t weird!

   7. we tend to alternate chicken vs. fish vs. veggie meals but that’s because we know our own appetites as opposed to intentionally thinking “we should vary our protein.”

      also, we do the “intentional leftovers” game. We don’t waste weekend days batch-cooking but instead whenever we’re making something involved, we make like 4-8x the servings and freeze in serving-size portions.

      1. do you freeze fish dishes also?

         1. No, now that you mention it. For those we tend to freeze the sauce.

   8. Yes, I rotate seitan, tempeh, tofu, lentils, chickpeas, black beans, soy chunks, tvp etc. But I just try and not have the same thing back to back so if lunch is tofu dinner will be beans.

   9. No, but I do find that I naturally adjust the next week if we’ve had a lot of one type of meat in a week. We do eat a lot of poultry so it’s not uncommon for us to have it 2 or 3 times in a week, but it’s usually in different preparations rather than cooked all at once and then used in different ways, and it doesn’t happen every week. So in a poultry-heavy week, we might make an Indian dish with cut-up chicken breasts, a sheet pan meal that includes chicken thighs, and something with ground turkey. We also eat fish and pork on a regular basis. We eat beef and lamb much more rarely, but definitely still have it regularly.
      We tend to use leftovers as lunches rather than repurposing them into another meal. Although I will sometimes plan on using the meat in two different dishes if I roast whole chicken – knowing we’ll have the leftover meat, I’ll plan on enchiladas a couple of days later.
      I will freely admit here that I’ve never been good at meal prepping or bulk cooking. Kudos to those that do, but it isn’t for me!

   10. No. If the recipes are different enough to have different flavor profiles or different forms I see nothing wrong with eating chicken 2 or 3 times a week. The vision of meal prepping that people on this board have is very strange and not based on reality.

       1. yeah. I said yesterday that we eat chicken or meatless almost all the time at home but to me a pasta with chicken, a salad with chicken, a quesadilla with chicken and a chicken pot pie are all very different meals. I would not want to eat quesadillas night after night but if the base meal is different, I don’t notice or care if it has the same protein.

       2. 2-3 times is one thing but someone yesterday mentioned roasting a whole chicken AND cooking a bunch of chicken breasts every Sunday. That’s so much chicken!

          1. It’s the most affordable right now honestly!

             A roast chicken is only two meals around here though for two eaters (the night it’s cooked, and then a chicken salad for lunch the next day).

             I feel that we eat way too much meat these days because it’s what’s left after some unforgiving dietary restrictions though.

          2. That was me. I have a 9th grader, an 11th grader, and a high school senior who all play lax. My dh is a fairly serious power lifter. I work out as well. Lunches for 5, dinners for 5, and snacks mean we go through a lot of chicken. One roast chicken doesn’t even yield any leftovers if it’s a meal for us. It’s the most affordable protein for us right now. You might not want to know how many eggs, gallons of milk and quarts of yogurt we go through every week.

             1. this sounds like our family. I was going to say that one roast chicken is not even one meal for us – we’d better have a lot of sides if I am serving one lonely chicken.

                We have a second fridge for eggs, yogurt, milk and butter – kids start to get nervous if we have fewer than six dozen eggs available.

             2. They may not be the best eggs ever, but that Costco 5 dozen feeds a lot of people.

   11. I eat chicken more than any other protein, but I still prefer some variety and would probably spread out the recipes a bit.

   12. I’m only cooking for myself and cooking a different protein every night sounds like way too much work! For sure, if I’ve had the same thing several days in a row, something else sounds appealing! But it’s usually easier to scratch that “something different” itch with a standalone change in fruit/veggie sides than proteins.

       I do eat a ton of chicken, because it’s significantly cheaper than other meat in my neck of the woods, and I don’t meet my protein goals on eggs/tofu alone. Whatever works for you though!

       1. Same, though it’s me and a toddler. A different protein every night sounds like so much planning and prep.

          1. Not for me. I don’t do meal prep and enjoy variety. Scrambled eggs, black beans, and cheese are go-to no-prep proteins for us.

   13. I don’t try to, exactly, but I usually like to just for variety’s sake. There are still plenty of weeks when we have chicken or tofu twice (we actually don’t do a lot of leftovers, also personal preference, but one of the few recipes where I always make enough for two nights is a chicken one), but usually my brain goes towards different things throughout the week.

   14. To some extent, yes. We might eat chicken multiple times in a week, but one night it’s thighs and another night it’s breasts. I do make plans for how to use leftovers, like if I roast a chicken we have it roasted on night one and as a component of something else on another night, but I like to vary things a lot. This week so far we’ve had black sea bass, tofu, flatiron steak, turkey burgers, and chicken thighs.

       No shade on the people who meal prep. I like to cook and have a husband but no kids. I plan dinners based on what I get at the farmer’s market each Saturday and if we eat at 9pm, it’s fine. My situation is not everyone’s, and we all have to do what works for us.

   15. I don’t think you’re weird, but no, I don’t eat that way.

       I’m more likely to eat the same 3-4 days in a row. I make something for the week’s lunches and dinners a couple of times a week. This week I’ve had salmon and eggs for four days, the previous week it was cod, eggs and cannelloni beans. Today will be cured meat, beans and peas, and then I’ll batch cook something new.

   16. Not every single night as we usually have leftovers at least once a week, but I do try to vary the protein. I am for once a week vegetarian, at least once a week fish, then chicken/turkey/beef/pork

   17. I try to mix it up, but we eat chicken as our protein more than anything else. And generally we eat leftovers for lunch rather than for dinner.

2. If one person in the relationship has a particular/neurotic way things should be done (let’s say making the bed every single morning, no excuses), do you think it’s on them to execute it since they’re the one with the requirements or should a partner humor them and also try to do the thing the right way? I’ve seen this go both ways (“I have to clean the kitchen every night because I can’t stand when it’s not clean” vs. “I clean the kitchen for my wife every night because she can’t stand when it’s not clean.”

   1. I feel like tasks being the responsiby of the person with standards is ripe for abuse. One party can claim their standard is squalor to completely opt out of household tasks.

   2. Depends on how many neurotic preferences the partner has! I’m the more neurotic one in my relationship, and there are certain things I’ll just do myself because I care a lot more. But, on the whole, my relationship feels balanced in terms of workload, and there are things that DH is much pickier about so he does those.

      1. I think the relationship as a whole has to be considered as well as what the neurotic preference is. If the preference is for the bed being made, then the last person out of the bed is the one who makes it. If the issue is that there is a different color throw blanket for every day and the blanket must be placed on the end of the bed in a very specific way, then the person with this preference needs to handle it.

         The kinda middle question could be something like throw pillows. In my marriage, I am the one who likes the bed made every day. DH does not care about whether the bed is made because he never walks into the bedroom between when he wakes up and when he goes to sleep. But he wakes up second. So he does make the bed because that’s what I like, but doesn’t ever put on the throw pillows because he thinks they’re dumb. If I want the throw pillows added, then I do those.

         1. Idk, I think leaving the throw pillows on the floor is pretty petty. I don’t like throw pillows myself and don’t own them, but if my partner really wanted them and I found myself making the bed, I really can’t see myself doing everything else and then thinking “f your pillows, they’re going on the floor today.”

      2. I also agree that it matters how many such particularities they have/how crazy the overall resulting expectations are. The more outlandish your expectations, the more fair it is that you should be responsible. My husband taught me this in the early days. He could either do the dishes his way, which I found inefficient, or I could do them myself. Both his and my way resulted in clean dishes, and I realized that wanting to control the process was unreasonable.
         But there’s of course cases where one spouse will act like normal cleanliness expectations are completely wild, and then not lift a finger. That’s bad.

   3. I think the neurotic partner should make the bed in your example. Hard to give a blanket answer without knowing what the neurosis relates to.

      1. Making the bed is not neurotic. Not making it is often a sign of depression, ADHD, or other mental illness.

         1. Or just living a busy life. I love when my cleaners make my bed, or when I change my sheets and make the bed freshly. However, I don’t have time to do it every day because of massive family and job responsibilities. I’m not mentally ill.

         2. Or just having other priorities. I do not care if my bed is not made. It just doesn’t make a difference to me. I’ll make it if I have guests coming or if I’m doing a huge clean, but I could not care less about whether it’s made. I do not want to waste anymore of my very limited and valuable time on something I don’t care about.

            1. Exactly. The comments about not making your bed being about mental illness are the kinds of people who get tough to live with.

         3. LOL or sometimes people just don’t care about making the bed? It’s not that deep.

         4. This is so stupid. Sometimes it’s a sign, sometimes it’s not. Can we not diagnose everything from afar?

         5. Completely agree and just don’t understand people who don’t make it, are they just messy in every aspect of life?

            1. If I don’t make my bed the inside of my brain feels messy.

            2. I don’t make the bed, but friends comment on how neat and clutter-free my house is. Maybe some people make the beds but otherwise live like hoarders. Can we be different?

            3. They have better things to do with their lives than fuss over bedclothes that are going to be messed up again in 12 hours.

               Only doing things you care about and not expecting others to care about things you care about is the hallmark of maturity. If you care about your bed being made, go make it. If you don’t, don’t. No one has ever died from an unsmoothed duvet.

            4. No need to understand why people make different decisions than you! You could just accept that people have their own priorities.

               And you could make your same judgmental question from the other direction: are people who feel that making the bed every day is a sign of virtue as superficially controlling and self-important in every aspect of life? See how unkind and ridiculous that is?

            5. The neatest most organized person I know (think loves her label maker and spices are organized alphabetically in her spice cabinet at all times, seriously her kitchen looks like an after picture of the home edit) does not make her bed ever. No one other than her and her husband go in their room and they don’t really spend time in there unless they are in the bed so her view is what’s the point. I don’t understand the weight people seem to assign to making the bed which really doesn’t serve a purpose as opposed to a messy kitchen which really does have to get cleaned at some point

            6. …and does it matter if they are? Messiness is not one of the 7 deadly sins.

               My clothes and suitcases are immaculate but my bed is unmade. Only DH sees the bedroom and he doesn’t care either.

            7. I don’t make my bed but my house is clean and I hate clutter. All other aspects of my life are neat. I just don’t care about making the bed everyday.

            8. I hate tucked in sheets when I sleep. So why would I make the bed and then unmake it to sleep every night? To prove I know how? It’s nice every week when I change the sheets, but not every day.

         6. Allergies/asthma, here. Not making the bed is a sign of wanting a well aired, clean bed to sleep in, and not hanging around and waiting for it to air out.

            1. That’s what I was thinking – I don’t make the bed because I like to let the sheets breathe a little!

            2. It’s actually worse not to make the bed for allergies and asthma.

            3. It’s only worse if it’s a multipurpose room that you’re contaminating all day. Close the windows, close the door, run an air filter, and air out the bed. Probably depends what you’re allergic to as well. This is a very standard recommendation!

         7. Oh, I agree. OP just say that one spouse has a very specific way of making the bed. If that spouse gets annoyed if the bed is made any other way, he/she should be responsible for making the bed.

   4. I would argue that there is a basic standard of housekeeping that is not neurotic and to which both partners should contribute. This includes making the bed daily, vacuuming weekly and whenever there is visible pet hair on the floor, washing dishes and wiping counters/stove after cooking, cleaning bathrooms weekly, etc. There is also a basic standard to which these tasks should be performed.

      1. The standard varies from person to person and family to family. There’s no one set standard that includes making the beds every day, and suggesting so it pretty judgmental. Maybe some people whose jobs are less demanding can do it. I can’t do it and maintain my high level of job performance.

         1. I could do it if I cared, but I don’t care and neither does my husband so we’ve never done it. Honestly I think one of the best parts of being an adult is being able to do whatever you want about low stakes like not making the bed.

      2. Some of this stuff actually is basic cleanliness (cleaning bathrooms when they are dirty), and some of it is absolutely not (vacuuming every time you see pet hair? Seriously? Wiping the counters and stove every time you cook? Making the bed?). All of that is optional.

         1. It is okay to leave sticky food residue on the counter and oil splatters on the stove?!?

            1. From meal to meal? Yes, absolutely, unless raw meat has touched something. I consider myself a pretty clean person, and cleaning the stove every single time you cook is crazy work unless you only cook once a month or something.

            2. Even Martha Stewart only recommends cleaning your stovetop once/counters once a week, lol:

               https://www.marthastewart.com/home-cleaning-schedule-checklists-7377969

            3. It’s so, so unbelievably easy with such high pay-off to wipe the counters after each meal. It takes me maybe 20 seconds?

            4. I find absolutely no payoff in wiping up every pin prick splatter every time it happens, but how wonderful for you that that is a big payoff for you!

            5. You do you, but it’s much easier to clean something quickly and then move on to fun things in life rather than wait for it to congeal and harden.

            6. I truly do not find cleaning the counters once a day or a few times a week remotely difficult. Like, nothing about it is hard or needs to be made easier.

         2. I would literally be vacuuming my house 24 hours a day 7 days a week if I vacuumed every time I saw a dog hair. This sounds like OCD.

            1. Many people with dogs claim to vacuum daily. Not a full vacuuming, but running the stick vac over trouble spots. I do that maybe every couple of days.

   5. I don’t think there’s one rule for this. It’s a give and take of trying to figure out how both of you make a life and home that works for both of you, which usually involves a mix of (a) “this is important to you, and inconsequential to me, so we’ll default to doing it your way”; and “this is really important to you and inconsequential to me, and I’m feeling constantly nitpicked about it, so you’ll take the lead on it”; and “this is important to you in X way and important to me in Y way, so we’ll compromise on Z/this time we’ll just do Y/etc”. There’s no one answer.

      IMO, most of the time when people start arguing about this, it’s not about the one specific thing, it’s about the overall balance.

   6. Within reason, yes. I put some groceries away places that make no sense to me but DH likes them there…. and I like DH more than I like groceries “my way” so I accommodate.

   7. It’s on them to do the thing and more importantly, not to be a jerk when it doesn’t get done. Partner doing the thing is an act of love and a gift and should be received as such.

      1. And acts of love and gifts are critical to a relationship’s success — but they are to be received and perceived as gifts, not obligations.

         Your desires aren’t my obligations, and vice versa.

   8. Part of being in a loving relationship is willingness to make small adjustments to your habits for things that really matter to the other person. I’m not a bed-maker. But if my spouse cared like 8/10 about a made bed while I care 2/10 about the slight inconvenience of a made bed, then I’m making the bed. There will probably be some days that the alarm didn’t go off and I’m rushing and I forgot to make the bed, and I would expect him to have grace with me. But I will do my best understanding that my best will be imperfect.

      This is one of the differences between living with a roommate versus a romantic partner, and I think sometimes people get that distinction mixed up. Like any preference from your SO is an imposition? It’s ok to ask things of your spouse.

   9. our rule when we got married, which has served us very well for 20 years, is that the higher standard wins. If you care less, you do it the way of the person who cares more.

      1. This seems to be the way, rather than defaulting to the person who doesn’t care, resulting in squalor. I like it.

      2. This seems like a recipe for resentment to me, because now you have the weight of two people’s weird preferences on your shoulders instead of just one.

         1. yeah I would hate this. (and fwiw I generally have higher housekeeping standards than my husband)

         2. For every standard that I raise, I expect him to drop one, and vice versa. We meet in the middle, prioritizing our most important standards. This works well for people who have reasonably similar standards of cleanliness but different priorities. And to be completely honest, I would have a very hard time being in a relationship with someone who did not notice or care about their living environment.

      3. I think that’s very sensible!

   10. We are generally in agreement on our standards so it doesn’t come up all that often. But as for the kitchen cleaning at night, I am the one who needs it cleaned up and “closed,” and I’m not satisfied with the way he does it, so I do that chore. In exchange, he’s the one responsible for morning chores like breakfast cleanup and unloading the dishwasher.

       Also I am gobsmacked at the idea that making the bed everday is “neurotic.”

       1. No one said that. Re-read. The suggestion is that being particular *and demanding* about the way the bed is made (eg, how pillows are placed, etc.) feels neurotic.

          1. Exactly this. There is nothing to be gobsmacked about…

             1. Oh gimme a break and read, all the messies were out defending their slovenly habit of not making the bed and presenting it as normal instead of gross.

3. This top is adorable!

   1. Agree!

4. Sharing here because I can’t share IRL. I hit a major retirement milestone, I’ve saved 6x my salary! I’m 47 and my plan is to retire when I hit 10x. I’ll also have a federal pension and SS (assuming it still exists in 15 years) to support. I’ve dialed back my contributions to just get the match because every indication is that I’m on track for my goals with that, and I don’t want to oversave in retirement at the expense of living today.

   1. Congrats! Go you!

   2. Congrats!! What calculators/projectors do you like?

   3. Really? So you think you only need about 10-12 years in savings? Why not keep working to stay in touch with the world and keep earning while you can. It’s one thing to know you’d be able to make it and another to step out and risk inflation or illness making your life stressful when that’s easily avoided.

      1. Congrats!! And I trust your judgment on how much you need and want to celebrate this community!!

      2. 12x income is the rule of thumb for retiring at 65. The earlier you retire the more you need saved, and vice versa. And this rule assumes social security will always be there. If OP’s pension is stable then that will replace SS in the calculations, but I would still not feel comfortable retiring early on savings of 12x income. There’s also the consideration of health insurance until Medicare kicks in. I am in around the same place as OP minus the pension and do not anticipate retiring before 65. The way things are going benefits will have to be cut at least to 75 or 80% before I hit retirement age, unless the income ceiling on the social security tax is raised or removed.

      3. She has a pension, which most people don’t. That’s a huge factor. A good pension can be like 75% of your salary.

         Also the money grows, so saving 10x doesn’t mean you withdraw 1/10th of it each year for 10 years and then it’s gone. Ideally you live primarily off the interest on the money or at the very least draw down the principal much more gradually.

         1. I understand all this and also have a pension. I just don’t understand retiring early (sounds like she’s aiming for late 40s) when life is at least double that and the calculators presume you’re much closer to end of life.

            1. Life is not “at least double that” when you’re in your late 40s. Plenty of people die in their 70s. Maybe retiring early is not the choice you would make, but plenty of people want to. It’s not weird.

               As others said, expenses matter as much or more than salary. Even $1M in principal would provide an estimated $40k in annual income *without touching the principal*. Combined with a pension, that could provide a perfectly satisfactory life in a LCOL area.

            2. There is no way I could live on 40k a year.

            3. No, I’m 47 now and aiming for retirement around 62. If I can hang on as a fed until then, I’ll have health insurance handled, and my pension plus SS will replace at least 65% of my income so I can keep withdrawals from my retirement accounts fairly minimal (under the 4% target).

               My retirement goals involve getting really active in a couple of the community groups and charities I’m passionate about, so I do expect to stay connected to the world. I’m not planning to tap out of life, but rather to orient my time around the people and things that matter to me instead of working for a paycheck 40 hours a week. Obviously if the math doesn’t math when my anticipated retirement date grows near, I’ll adjust.

            4. She’s 47. I didn’t see anything suggesting she was planning on retiring in the next few years. Did I miss something?

            5. That sounds like a dream!

            6. it’s 40K plus a pension, which might well be half or more of her current salary. That’s why I’m saying the pension makes a huge difference. Nobody is suggesting someone with $1M and no pension retire.

      4. 10x salary is based on a Fidelity rule of thumb about retirement income. The money is presumably in investments, not a savings account, so the money will continue to grow as it sits there. Another guestimate people use is that you can withdraw 4% of your wealth without touching the principle. Therefore, if you have 10x your annual income saved you can withdraw 40% of your annual income without touching your principle. Many folks rely on social security to make up the difference.
         https://www.fidelity.com/viewpoints/retirement/how-much-do-i-need-to-retire

      5. What matters is your expenses, not your salary, and this person is silent as to that. When I was in big law, I was saving about 50-70% of my take home pay a year. Thank god I didn’t try to save an arbitrary number of years of my stupidly high salary when my annual expenses were around $50k. (And thank god I saved like that!)

      6. right but maybe she has a huge income right now and doesn’t think she needs that later on. maybe she makes $400k a year. That would mean retiring when she has $4MM saved. That’s usually enough for most people no matter when you retire, especially with a pension.

   4. Congrats!

5. Does anyone here work in public health? I got into EMT/ paramedic work to try to get into medical school. Shift work won’t be good as a lifestyle forever but I now don’t want the long haul of medical school. If you work in public health, please tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly.

   1. Maybe ask your boss about their job? Management in a paramedic unit could be great.

      1. Some of us have jobs where talking like advancement is seen as disloyal to your current role and team. Like asking your spouse to open up the marriage.

   2. I follow public health people on Reddit and the job market for that has been decimated by this administration. What about PA school?

   3. Public health is a huge field so you’d get a better perspective on r/ public health. The ugly and the bad right now is going to be the federal budget cuts. Politics in public health is always an issue (in both parties). Budgets at the state and local level are also often an issue unless you’re in a lucky area where state pays more than federal. The good is that it’s rewarding to help people live healthier lives.

      You’ll get a more detailed answer about specific roles as an epi or biostatistician or policy person, etc. in the board above.

      1. +1 it won’t always be this bad (hopefully) but these are some of the worst layoffs and budget cuts I’ve seen in my 17 year career in public health and next year Medicaid cuts will make it MUCH worse. People accuse you of being corrupt and evil for providing information on vaccines. It wasn’t always this bad, COVID made it worse. However there have been antivaxxers since the first inoculation was discovered and they aren’t going away. You help people stay healthy and prevent disease, but people don’t appreciate or want to fund what doesn’t happen. If you love it, go for it, but you won’t make much $$ and it’s a thankless job.

         1. There have always been antivaxxers, but public health lost a lot of goodwill from all quarters after COVID. Yes the good people were struggling under hostile, counterproductive leadership, and a lot of people want public health to be stronger and not dismantled, but it’s clear the competent, science minded people weren’t running the show and it looks bad.

6. I just saw in a FB group that people were paying $50k-$70k for college counselors?! Is this really a thing? How much have you paid and when did you start? I’ve got a very smart rising 10th grader who’s consistently in the B+ range, we won’t qualify for any financial support.

   1. It’s a thing for the very wealthy. Obviously the vast majority of people don’t do this. It’s not much of a thing in my area. Our state schools are not ultra-competitive though – most decent students from my kids’ high school get into at least one of the two main state universities. And if you want to aim higher than that, you’re generally pretty self-motivated.

   2. Practically anything is a “thing” in that someone is paying that much for something.

      Is this a normal thing to pay that much for? Absolutely not.

      1. +1 that is more than most parents in America contribute to their kids entire college fund so I don’t think it’s a “thing”. I’m reminded of the time someone told me that the LV neverfull was the “most popular” diaper bag. I still think about that and it’s been almost ten years

   3. Not sure I’d bother with a B+ average. Aim for schools with a high admissions rate and call it a day.

      1. Yup. with a B+ average this is really the only path. You don’t need a counselor.

         1. +2

            1. I follow public health people on Reddit and the job market for that has been decimated by this administration. What about PA school?

         2. Wasn’t varsity blues all about these college counselors’ getting mediocre students in?

            1. Yes. And many of those parents went to jail. Would not recommend.

      2. These services are for wealthy families trying to get their A or A+ kids into Ivies. By the math, about 35,000 kids graduate in the top 1% of their high school class, and Harvard only takes 1,500. (Of course, Harvard frequently takes kids outside of the top 1%; numbers are to illustrate the scale of competition.)

         1. To be fair, there are at least half a dozen schools that are essentially peer institutions to Harvard (Yale/Princeton/Stanford/MIT) and dozens more that are not quite in that tier but still extremely good. Any student in the top 1% can go to an excellent school even if there isn’t a spot for them at Harvard.

            1. To be fair, the math still doesn’t work. There is far more talent, however measured, than slots available at the very top schools.

   4. I paid around $1000 all in for a couple of individual sessions to discuss college choices and the application process and a group “camp” where they filled out the common app and wrote their essays. Best money I ever spent because my kid was simply too overwhelmed to start the process herself–she even refused to come up with a list of colleges she wanted to visit–and having the counselor supervise largely eliminated parent-teen conflict. She ended up at the exact school I always thought would be the best fit for her, but she actually “discovered” it on her own and is now thriving as a rising junior.

      1. Adding: she started working with the counselor in the winter of junior year when we were planning spring break college visits. I don’t think stats matter when it comes to the value of this type of college counselor. My kid was at the top of her class with an SAT score over 1500, but she still wasn’t capable of handling the application process without guidance. My friend’s kid with a learning disability and lower grades found it even more useful and also ended up at a school that was an excellent fit for her needs and goals.

   5. I have an autistic kid and had a severe health scare and looked into it in case I wasn’t in the picture or subsumed with health crises. I was quoted between 5K and 20K in a big US city. Many “fancy” places refused to work with a junior. You have to lock in after 8th grade for them.

      I think it is helpful for a working mom if your school is like ours: large public school. They have “counselors” but they deal with qualifying people for free lunch, suicides, pregnant teens. At best, they send your transcripts in time. They don’t know you, so they can’t write a recommendation letter. It’s maybe one counselor for 200+ kids, so no way to do any meaningful college counseling.

      I think that private schools handle this in-house. That’s part of what you are paying for.

   6. I would never consider that.

      If you have a B+ student, apply to your state schools and other schools of interest with high admission rates. No need to stress out.

      I went to a very intense private school that cared deeply about the rates of kids who went to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, MIT, and Cal Tech. That is a very, very intense world, but most colleges are not in that world and most students don’t need to be anyway.

   7. All I know is that the people paying that much are not likely to be getting proportionally more for their money than people paying a lot less.

      1. I believe that if you’re paying this much they’re probably doing something borderline illegal or at least unethical. The $1,000 kind of counselor mentioned above is very different and is a normal thing for upper middle class kids to help them figure out where they want to want to apply + finish their apps.

         1. I don’t know anything about engineering, so I had to learn / be told to look for certified programs in that. Generic college isn’t hard to apply for. Specialized things like engineering, some finance, and some medical programs I could see being helpful for people who don’t have family doing that sort of work already.

            Or I sent my teen to driving school. I would not have done well with that and am grateful for people who will help with various teen learning tasks. I prefer just to be a mom and not having to nag.

            1. Yes I understand all of that but nobody is paying someone $50k to ride herd on a teen. There are perfectly legitimate college counselors that upper middle class people hire so they don’t have to nag their teens to get their applications done. But those people charge a couple thousand bucks. I’m saying anyone charging $50k is not legitimate.

            2. But if someone will pay you 50K, why would you take any less? Charge what you can.

         2. I guess they could be extensively tutoring the kid so they get better grades. That is the real issue for a B+ student.

            1. These counsellors are probably hired during freshman year; they aren’t swooping in the summer before senior year. They will often do everything: determine a kid’s class schedule and course load, find them interesting summer opportunities, find them unique sports to play or extracurriculars to get involved in, and then tailor a list of colleges.

            2. +1

               I don’t think kids get into rowing, fencing, or water polo by accident.

   8. I am kind of confused as to why anyone would need a college counselor that expensive. If you have that kind of money, aren’t you already spending it on a private school that brokers college admissions?

      1. There are definitely pockets the country where the public schools are better than the best private schools. It’s still bonkers to me to spend that kind of money on a college counselor, but not accurate that everyone who can afford that kind of expense has their kids in private school.

      2. I went to a private school that was the most expensive in a large metro area and sent about 10% of the class to Ivy League, Stanford, or MIT. Our college counselor was primarily interested in boosting the school’s stats on admissions into “1st choice” schools and actively discouraged students from applying to any schools that might be a reach. I was basically recruited by the school I went to, and our college counselor made it sound like I wouldn’t get in and shouldn’t bother applying.

   9. There will always be people with more money than sense. Alas, I will never be one.

7. Chicken-related comment: why does chicken that I prepare repulse me on the second day? Whether cold or heated, something about the texture just grosses me out. I don’t have this issue with restaurant chicken. And I like the chicken I make the first day!

   chicken chicken chicken… when I type a word too many times it loses all meaning… chicken!

   1. Heat checking…heat checking these chickens!

   2. I have this issue with chicken breasts. Typically it dries out more and I hate that texture. Plus I get bored of chicken pretty quickly…. it’s just not my favorite.

      To your second point, we studied a case in 1L contracts that asked the critical question, “what is chicken?” For a lively discussion on the meaning of “chicken” and a glimpse into why lawyers are some of the most depressed and neurotic professionals out there, see Frigaliment Importing Co. v. B.N.S. Int’l Sales Corp., 190 F. Supp. 116 (S.D.N.Y. 1960). :D

      1. Also, chicken is the new Lorum Ipsum Dolor https://isotropic.org/papers/chicken.pdf

   3. You’re overcooking it and/or not using enough fat in preparing the chicken to preserve its juiciness.

      Marinating or brining chicken helps preserve moisture. Cooking in some kind of fat also helps.

   4. I feel that way specifically about chicken thighs. I don’t like them all that much when they’re freshly cooked and I really don’t like them cold or re-heated the next day.

   5. I hate the taste of leftover/reheated chicken unless it’s covered in sauce.

   6. I have this too, especially for reheated chicken. It gets a weird taste and texture I cannot tolerate. I do find the more sauce the better – I think it covers some of the weird taste.

   7. The condensation chicken (or other meat) gets while sitting in the fridge overnight creeps me out so much.

   8. I’m Indian and the best way to use leftover dry chicken is in a curry. I believe that’s how Butter Chicken was born.

      1. This is the way.

   9. +1 to chicken reheated in the microwave being off-putting. I can do cold leftover chicken, maaaaybe reheated in the oven if I simply must

   10. Agree, but I also mostly hate leftovers. I find the best way is with cheese and in the oven vs. microwave

   11. I cannot microwave chicken. I’ll only eat it reheated if it’s baked.. So I try to only make dishes that are good for that — a lot of rotisserie chicken gets put in buritos that will go in the air fryer, or a bbq chicken pizza. The only exception is if it’s soup with chicken, in which case I’ve never noticed a problem just nuking it.

8. People with condos/ apartments and cleaning ladies – how often do you ask them to come? Is it weekly or more ad-hoc?

   1. In our small condo, we had a cleaner come monthly, basically to do a deep clean, because upkeep in between wasn’t so time-consuming with a 1BR 1BA as it is with a larger home. We found we all preferred a schedule.

   2. I’ve got a 2 bedroom with 1.5 baths, and I have a cleaner come for 2 hours every 2 weeks. Caveat that I cook regularly and have a potty training toddler, so we’re a household with a lot of cleaning and mess making. They manage most of the regular stuff, and there have been times I’ve thought about adding an extra hour or two a month to get to some more deep cleaning tasks.

   3. We live in a house now, but when we lived in an apartment we had them come biweekly. This is also what we do now in our house. I’m not sure house vs apartment is that relevant.

   4. I live alone in a two bed/two bath now and was previously in a studio. I have them come every four weeks, which is enough for me to maintain things throughout the month and then have them do the deep clean.

9. Who else is getting sick of the “make every minute of the summer count!” messaging? I mean, yes, I want to. But as it turns out, I still have to function at my actual job, which means I still need to go to bed on time and have some semblance of a routine. I am perhaps salty because the bulk of the work that needs to happen on my biggest project of the year always lands in the summer.

   That said, I’m proud of myself for 1) doing outdoor yoga before work this week; 2) stressing less about leaving early to pick up my daughter from camp; and 3) sitting on a covered porch during a rainstorm.

   1. Curious — where’s that messaging coming from?

      I really hate the “Make every minute of ______ count!” It’s just another forms of productivity culture and it’s damaging. Have your summer, enjoy what you can.

      1. It tends to be an online thing, but I’ve also heard it from friends who don’t have full-time jobs to tend to during the summer.

      2. It’s a big thing on the mom internet. “You only get 18 summers, make every minute count” etc

         1. I enjoy it. It’s not the messaging I would seek out during a family crisis or something, but in general, I appreciate reminders to slow down, make the most of the day (when “most” = having fun, not when “most” = working at my corporate job), and find the little moments to insert joy into the setting. How many hours have I killed doomscrolling? How much time have I spent complaining about my circumstances instead of just getting out there and doing something different and joyful? Those reminders are helpful for a natural pessimist like myself.

   2. Yeah, I have to work and can’t afford to travel so summer isn’t really a big thing for me. I try to get outside, read a lot, drink wine on a patio and enjoy the little things.

   3. I might be the odd one out since I know a lot of people who don’t like that messaging, but I like it! Often it’s paired with good ideas for fun stuff I might not have thought of on my own and it can be so easy to execute – think things like popsicles in the bath. If a post bothers me, I sometimes have to acknowledge that I get a little defensive at times if it turns out I’m making excuses to not have fun (too busy/tired/etc.). There is ALWAYS fun to be had in life and I love seeing little examples and ideas from positive people I follow on social media.

      1. Same here, you’re not weird, people here are just cranky.

      2. Yeah, I don’t mind it either.

      3. Note to self: Popsicles in the bath.

   4. Yep, solidarity. It’s the hardest season as a working mom. I also hate summer weather (except for the 1 blissful week we get to spend in northern New England where it’s not 90+) and perimenopause has made that worse, so basically I’m a huge grinch about the whole season.

   5. Log off Instagram or whatever is serving you messages that don’t serve you.

      1. On the flip side, I have to log off certain mom R3ddit pages that are SO negative – they’ll take this same complaint OP has and then thrash it to death over the entire summer. “I am SO sick of people telling me to MAKE every moment COUNT, don’t they know I’m a WORKING MOM???” It’s important not to lean into the negativity for low-stakes things like this.

         1. I think it is very funny to complain about how busy you are …. in like 30+ Reddit comments a week. Girl, you aren’t that busy if you have this much time to complain online!

   6. I feel this way about any “instruction” to feel something, tbh. Cruise director types talking about how much fun we’re going to have? Kool & the Gang telling me to celebrate good times? Words as art telling me to relax, savor, or otherwise enjoy myself? No. I will simply do what I find enjoyable without prompting, thank you very much.

      1. Yes, this seems to be one of those things where people are genuinely wired very differently!

   7. I loathe any type of “should” culture or perfectionist culture. In the real world, people balance competing needs all the time.

10. How abusive would court staff have to be before you alerted the judge? I recently had a jury trial in a small town court. We are not from the small town. The courtroom bailiff was inappropriate and aggressive with us the entire trial. He complained about us to the judge and other courthouse staff. We had spoken with the judge before trial to confirm what was allowed – because the bailiff has complained about our requests – and we followed the judge’s instructions. The bailiff was angry with us that we followed the judge’s instructions and not the bailiff’s instructions. Examples:
    – chambers confirmed our trial tech could test courtroom tech the day before trial. The bailiff didn’t want to let him in. We had to push back as respectfully as possible because this had been cleared by the judge, but the bailiff said we were disrespecting the court.
    – We confirmed that our client rep could have her cell phone with her during trial in case anything came up. During a break, she was emailing with the CFO to try to get a settlement figure. The bailiff yelled at her and threatened to kick her out of the court house – not just the room – if he saw her phone again.
    – we confirmed with the judge that we could bring water bottles; the bailiff did not want us to have water bottles (water bottles are expressly allowed on the court website). The bailiff screamed at us for bringing water bottles and at one point aggressively shook a water bottle in my face while screaming. I had to take a witness right after this and I was pretty shaken.

    I have been practicing for more than 15 years, I’ve never even heard a horror story like this. We have another trial coming up in a few months in the same courthouse before the same judge. I am very concerned for a lot of reasons, but especially because I don’t know what he’s saying in earshot of the jury. The walls are thin back there and you can hear everything. If he’s trashtalking us in chambers then the jury can hear it. I’ve talked to colleagues and everyone is scratching their head, so I thought I’d crowdsource here to see if this group has any ideas about how to handle this graciously. Thanks!

    1. I don’t care who you are or what your position is – you scream in my face, there will be consequences. I would definitely alert the judge.

    2. I would alert the judge, but perhaps anonymously. This is not that dissimilar to how Alex Murdoch got a new trial, so I think judges may be slightly more open to hearing about bailiff misconduct at the moment.

    3. How much of this did the judge see? Although my guess is that the bailiff straightened up as soon as the judge took the bench.

    4. Bring it up in camera with the judge before the next trial.

    5. Maybe the court administrator would be more appropriate? IME, bailiffs work for the court, not the judge, so that would also get you one step removed from the judge.

       Do you know if opposing counsel had the same experience? If so, and if you go to the judge, it would carry more weight if it’s a joint submission.

       1. Going to the administrator would be my suggestion as well.

          In a lot of courts, bailiffs and other courthouse staff are supervised/hired/fired by the administrators. Judges can have relatively little control or say in who is assigned to their courtroom.

    6. I am not sure how alerting the judge is going to make a difference here, since it seems like he/she is complicit. I would try and decide whether it’s worth a report to the judicial commission. But I would also (very sadly, but such is life) consider whether there is additional settlement value to place on a trial in that venue.

    7. Judge here, and this is a sticky situation. My bailiffs are deputy sheriffs, and I don’t have direct supervisory control over them. I would need to know that a bailiff was truly abusive, and had consistent, ongoing issues, before taking something like this up with their supervisor. I have no doubt that you had a bad experience, but descriptions such as “screamed at” or “in my face” get used less than literally at times, so I’m not sure the judge would believe you have a basis for complaint. Again, I don’t say this to dismiss your experience, but just to give you a clear-eyed sense of how a complaint may be received.

       I’d suggest that you clarify procedures at your final pretrial for the next case. “Is there a particular time that’s best for our tech guy to come and test the equipment? When we came last June the bailiff told us this wasn’t a good time to let us in.” Or “I just want to make sure you’re okay with our having water at counsel table – we heard different things from the court and the bailiff when we were last here.” That might cause the judge to realize there’s a miscommunication that needs to be cleared up with the bailiff. Now, if you really think the bailiff is trash talking you within earshot of the jury, then that’s something to bring up with the judge asap, in chambers. But, if you reported that to me now, I’d want to have very clear info about what was said, where you learned this, and why you didn’t bring the issue to me right away. If you really think that occurred, then that’s jury tampering and a big deal.

    8. Definitely alert the judge, and also the supervising/presiding judge of the courthouse. I always want to know how my courtroom staff is with the public because it reflects on me. In my court, the bailiff is under the supervision of the sheriff’s department, not the judges, so if this is true in your jurisdiction, you may also want to cc the person in charge of the bailiffs. It’s also not inconceivable that the judge and the bailiff don’t get along and that is why the bailiff was resisting your attempt to follow the judge’s instructions. Who knows? Your input may lead to a reshuffling of personnel.

       Also next time consider getting details like you’ve listed above memorialized in a case management order signed by the judge that you can show to the bailiff.

11. I am apparently at the Hot Flashes & Crying stage of Peri – any tips on not crying?

    1. I don’t mean this is a glib way, but treating the peri! You know the cause is endocrine; so is the solution. As for not crying in the moment, I haven’t really found something that works (biting tongue/lip or any kind of CBT trick just isn’t enough for me when it’s hormonal).

    2. Not everything is peri. When you just blame your hormones you miss the chance to figure out what else is really going on.

    3. For me, continuous BCPs have eliminated most of the crying and 70% of the hot flashes. In my case the dark emotions were pretty obviously tied to my cycle. YMMV, it’s worth some bloodwork to check that nothing else is going on.

       1. BCP definitely helped me with the cycling. But for me it was more like they made my mental health bad all of the time; I seem to really need progesterone and not progestin.

    4. HRT makes peri symptoms so much more manageable. I’ve been on it for over a year, and it’s made my life so much easier.

12. I just came back from a wonderful trip to Rome but I’m on day 5 of jetlag. I was able to take a couple of days to rest before coming back to the office but I’m still fatigued. Any tips? It seems like when I travel internationally it takes me a week to cover when I come back to the US.

    1. My sleep neurologist is a fan of very low dose melatonin in the evenings, and bright sun right after waking in the AM, to recover from jet lag.

    2. I find traveling west (home) easier – take a strategic catnap on the plane, land late afternoon, force yourself to stay up until at least 8pm, nice long night’s sleep, jump right into normal work routine.

       Allowing yourself lots of rest or long naps prolongs the process. (Similarly, when traveling to Europe, I swear by early check-in to be able to take a 1-1.5 hour nap before lunch. Long enough to not be a zombie, short enough to be able to go to bed at a normal local time.)

       1. This is the conventional opinion about jetlag, but personally I find eastbound easier. I try to stay awake until about 8 pm Europe time, crash and sleep 10+ hours and wake up feeling completely refreshed and on European time. Coming home I feel like a zombie all day every for about a week even though I’m early to bed, early to rise and getting plenty of sleep. I don’t know why I don’t feel “hungover” going east but I never do (at least not for US-Europe, east vs west gets muddier with Asia since it’s basically halfway around the world.)

          1. Yes! This is my experience. Last night I slept for 11 hours and I still feel like a zombie. It’s overcast today which is probably not helping.

             1. My theory is that the red eye flight to Europe is so depleting that it somehow resets you.
                This is the definition of a first world problem, but I actually struggle more with eastbound jetlag when I get to fly business class and get a solid sleep on the red eye.

    3. OP I’m right there with you. I got back from London on Monday and I’m on the struggle bus even though I’m falling asleep easily at 9 pm, waking naturally at 6 am and getting plenty of sunlight in the AM. Every afternoon I feel like I’m moving through molasses. Westbound is harder for me, I’m not sure why.

    4. They say you should allow one day per hour in time zone difference, so if Rome is six hours ahead of the East Coast, it may take six days to recover from jet lag. Just be gentle with yourself, try to stay up to your normal bed time, and expose yourself to sunlight when you arise.

13. That’s a really cute top. I have several Pride-striped pieces that I like to bust out in June — most notably an amazing handbag that jumped out of a store window in Munich a few years ago and followed me home. I get tons of compliments on it. Anybody else like to show their rainbow colors for Pride month?

    1. It’s my first Pride being out, so yes!

       1. ah congratulations!!!!! hope you have a great month

    2. yes! was just looking at wreaths for the door, but i may wait until july to buy one on sale.

       i love the idea of pride wear but am not a fan of stripes, but maybe my teens and I need to do some rainbow tie-dye projects.

    3. Wreath on the door. Our large opinionated cat is normally subjected to at least one photo session in a rainbow outfit I impulsively bought. He looks hilariously annoyed and getting the rainbow crown on his head remains elusive.

14. What are your favorite books to give to high school grads? Not looking for Dr. Seuss and I always add cash, but looking to expand my repertoire for some nieces and nephews who enjoy reading.

    1. Books are so individual that unless you know their reading tastes really well, I would do a gift card to an independent bookstore in their college town.

    2. Give them something you love and have actually read.

       1. This

    3. Not specific to grads, but giving them a beautiful copy of one of their faves.

    4. A lovely idea I read about was to ask people to gift the kid graduating a book that meant something to them, with a note about why. Maybe that’s an idea? Gift them a book you love/has been meaningful, and include a note about what it meant to you. Maybe they read it or they don’t, but having it would be special. (I’ve always been a reader and a gift like this would have been very thoughtful when I was that age.)

    5. I like to give books that are either very current or very personal.

       I used to get great tips from my university student paper for current books that were cool to know about. Now, I would check Daunt books (London) or other cool independent book store.

       For a personal book an inscription, for a cool one a card and option to exchange.

    6. The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch.

    7. I’m giving The Hobbit this year. But it’s probably a small overlap between those who haven’t read it and those who would enjoy it.

    8. Probably not for high school graduation, but if/when they move into an off-campus apartment, I always give a cookbook.

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