Suit of the Week: Ministry of Supply

138 Comments

1. Thank you for highlighting these! – Spouse of someone who uses adaptive clothing.

   1. Echoing this! As someone who uses a wheelchair for travel, it was so exciting to get on here and see representation.

   2. This is awesome! I don’t need a suit like this, but nevertheless, I’m so glad to see something like this being highlighted!

   3. I wish the post had gone in to more detail about exactly what makes a pair of pants adapted to wheelchair use. I looked at the product page and wow, as someone who does not use a wheelchair I would never have thought of many of those features. The term “adaptive” is so squishy and often just seems to mean “soft and tagless and meant to make the retailer look socially conscious.”

      1. The truth is that clothes can be adapted in 1 million different ways. One wheelchair user may need some thing that’s very thin with no seams so that they won’t get pressure sores, while another wheelchair user needs some thing that lets them transferred to the toilet and use it easily. Someone else might need pants that have a cut-out for a feeding tube at the waistband that dangles, Or buttons on the legs so that a urinary catheter bag can be easily removed.There’s no one way that things can be adapted. These are just a few things I thought off off the top my head.

   4. Amen for the visibility and inclusion on this post.

      Ministry of Supply is wonderful, all around. I have non-adaptive clothing from Ministry of Supply (pants specifically) and I LOVE THEM. All caps necessary.

      1. Good to know, I’ve been eyeing some of their pants for a while now.

      2. +1
         I have the non-adaptive kinetic pull-on pant and I LOVE THEM too.

   5. I was in similar social circles with the founders of Ministry of Supply and there was some questionable stuff with the 2 men forcing out the 1 woman a few years ago. I only heard one side of the story, but it’s not the first brand I’d reach for, though it’s cool that they’re doing adaptive clothing.

2. Attention, travelers: We are hoping to be able to do a European vacation next summer and are planning a few days in Paris before the Bruges-to-Amsterdam cycling tour. You all hit it out of the park when I asked for a London hotel a few years ago (Dukes Hotel in Mayfair FTW), so I’m asking for Paris hotel recs. What’s your favorite and why? Price is not immaterial, but it’s less important than comfort and location.

   1. The Hotel D’Aubusson. Lovely rooms, fantastic location, and great staff. The first time I stayed there I was working on a deal that required me to receive a lot of faxes and I was impressed at how accommodating and careful they were. https://www.hoteldaubusson.com.

      1. I went with Relais Christine 2 years ago and did not regret a second of it. Aubusson was my second choice.

   2. I stayed at Hotel Monge in the Latin Quarter in July and was very happy with it. Not quiiiite as fancy as the suggestions above, but it was lovely (the wallpaper in the rooms is gorgeous!), the concierge was super helpful, the location was great, and it’s about half the price. :)

      1. Thanks! Last time we stayed in a place with eye-watering prices similar to the two (amazing!) suggestions above — it’s nice to see there are some alternatives!

      2. Yes Hotel Monge! We stayed there based on the hives recommendation. Very close to Ernest Hemingway’s apartment and Notre -Dame. Lovely room. Very accommodating and kind front desk staff, too.

   3. The Park Hyatt in the 1st arr is so so lovely and walking distance from everything. If you do it, get the deal that includes breakfast, which is unbelievably fabulous. They also have a Michelin starred restaurant on-site (or did, pre-pandemic) and staying at the hotel gets you dibs on a reservation.

   4. Hotel le Saint is incredible. Absolutely charmingly small but perfectly luxurious. The location is incredible in St Germain. We stayed there our first time in Paris a few years back and we fell in love. Cannot recommend highly enough!

   5. We really enjoyed staying in Neuilly-Sur-Seine because it’s a neighborhood that actual [admittedly well-to-do] Parisians live in, with lots of little tasty bakeries, restaurants, a beautiful public lap pool, easy metro access everywhere, etc. I don’t have a specific hotel there.

      The Versailles Waldorf Astoria is *fantastic* and just outside of Versailles park gates, so you can wander around the Versailles gardens for days (incl jogging, biking, etc) without having to go through the chateau proper. It’s easy to take a train out to Versailles and walk to the hotel w a roll-aboard and light bags. (It’s also amusing to do that because they expect their guests in fancy cars…)

3. Asking here b/c you all often have good suggestions. I know that the military has lots of resources for people who lose a limb. In my city, a man was hit by a car and lost his arm. He was mover, so needs to retool in a new line of work and get a prosthetic arm, which I understand to be quite expensive. This may happen all the time and is tragic each time, but this man is a local hero of sorts prior to this (ran into a fire and pulled out a pregnant woman who otherwise would have died). Is gofundme the answer here? Or are there really programs to help a civilian in this situation? I know that for most companies, STD and LTD policies replace a fraction of income, but this man is on the younger side and seems to want to keep being a contributing worker to his family. [My involvement is with a local community grant-maker, albeit not flush with enough money for all of this.]

   1. The auto insurance of the car who hit him should also cover vocational therapy if he cannot continue in his prior line of work. Alternately most states have job training/voc rehab resources you can track down through the same offices that handle unemployment to help him get started in a new profession. I would highly encourage though focusing first on legal help he might need to press the auto insurance company to cover a lot of these needs. He should be pushing for all of that to be included in the coverage for his injury.

      Have a friend who has been in a wheelchair from an auto accident for nearly 20 years and I have been impressed by how much the auto insurance still covers for that (and has kept me from ever skimping on auto insurance).

      1. OP here: sadly, it’s a hit and run so my guess is that the driver was drunk, the car was stolen or uninsured, the driver had no license. etc. . . . like that route is probably judgment-proof. Which is bad b/c that might have helped him a lot. Will look into the rest.

         1. If he has insurance (auto or home), he should check those policies as they may cover that situation.

         2. Many states have an uninsured motorists’ fund that would provide coverage in a case like this. It’s worth checking.

   2. Since you are familiar with some of the non-profit landscape, you may be a very good resource person, because learning to navigate a new situation is easier with help negotiating red tape and finding help. I think gofundme with prominent placement in the local newspaper/on local TV is part of the answer. Then amputee service organizations like amputee-coalition dot org https://www.amputee-coalition.org/resources/financial-assistance-for-prosthetic-services/ and https://mcopro.com/amputee-resources/resources-for-amputees/ and https://www.limbsforlife.org/ are some sources. And this is from a Boston Marathon Bombing survivor: https://heatherabbottfoundation.org/get-involved/apply-for-a-grant/

4. Pre-COVID, I used to get keratin treatments to even out my hair texture. Now, the salon was just doing dry-cuts for a long time and has a backlog as people come back in after a break. Is there any product that is remotely equivalent to this? Or maybe using a perm solution and just combing the hair straight vs using rollers? My hair is just looking very ratty — even if you color gray hair, it doesn’t behave like the rest of the hair. It always looks frizzy or wind-blown or just bad.

   1. Blow-dry it straight.

      “Using a perm solution and just combing the hair straight” is called relaxing, and I had a stylist who claimed it would work on all hair types/ethnicities. Not sure whether I believe that.

   2. Home keratin treatments exist, but I have not personally used them. R3ddit has a lot of posts regarding them.

   3. I think for home I’d stick with good conditioning/masques, a heat protectant spray, and a straightening iron to smooth it.

   4. I have used the Paul Mitchel Awapuhi line. I don’t know if it’s what you’re used to, but it might help hold you over, and my mom loves it for grays.

   5. K18 treatment and color wow dream coat

5. Looking for advice, coping mechanisms, whatever. My parents are late seventies and in fragile health. They have always been incapable of handling their lives, even before the most “functional” parent descended into dementia. Even as I was a teenager, parents needed to “borrow” money to “make the mortgage” or “pay the property taxes,” etc. None of that money was ever paid back. Parents worked in the non-profit sector, so I made excuses for them and was even proud at times of being able to help out.

   Fast forward to present. My parents live in a beautiful house that I bought for them (I now see, was manipulated into buying for them). I also pay utilities, and their cell phone(s) have been on my account for years. They were supposed to pay “rent” but have not, though they have generous pensions and have no problem spending money on STUFF. Parents are borderline hoarders and I feel that my life is ruled by their stuff, e.g. it would be impossible to downsize their home to something more manageable especially since they have a fit if *I* get rid of something of *mine* that *they* might have “had a use for.* Parents haven’t filed taxes for several years and the non-demented parent is too “busy” to do anything about this (I ask as politely as I can, offer to help, and get passive or outright aggression back). I do not know where their money goes, and the functional parent refuses to give me any insight.

   TBH I have been ok supporting them because I never expected them to last this long. I now feel trapped in my job while they “require” this level of support, including practical support due to COVID. Parents will not allow hired help in the house any more, so whatever help they need comes from me. I am realizing (the pandemic helped) that my life is probably half gone and they might last another 10 years and I will be an old lady by the time I have some independence.

   What would you do? Is it too late for me to make changes? A major fear is that I rock the boat now and then one or both parents pass. The guilt would be overwhelming that I allowed a petty thing like money to ruin our time together at the end.

   Sorry for the depressing threadjack. I was massively triggered by the AM thread where everybody described all the help their parents had provided for them. Like on what planet do parents actually do stuff FOR their adult children?! I do not think my parents have paid for a meal at a restaurant in at least 15 years; it was on me to treat from the time I graduated school (with massive student loans that I slowly paid off).

   1. You’ve posted about this before, haven’t you? The tax return thing sounds familiar.

      I’d move them into a facility that takes Medicaid and stop paying their expenses. Let them spend down their assets and qualify for Medicaid.

      1. No, I just found out about the taxes last month. Have not posted before on this. But now I am going to search the archives because there might be some advice I can use.

         1. There was definitely a post about an elderly dad who refused to file his taxes and a mom with dementia.

            1. Okay, and this person has a different question. No need to jump all over them about it.

      2. Why is this this response to a lot of posts here lately? It’s so dismissive. There are many people who have similar problems in this world. I read here daily, and sure some posts have similar syntax, but most are not so stylistically similar or the style is generic well spoken professional.

         OP— I’m sorry you’re going through this. Elder care is so very hard. I hope you can find some support on the emotional parts of this situation as well.

         1. It is such a bizarre trend, that I have only ever seen in this commenting section. Literally millions of people have aging parents and are struggling through eldercare.

            1. Plus, this response is never made on simple consumer recommendations (favorite commute backpack or face mask or hiking destination). It is usually reserved for people who describe interpersonal problems, for whatever strange reason.

            2. Exactly. I don’t care about the thousandth time somebody asks for vacation destination recommendations or whatever. Why is there a group of people here dedicated to shutting down any topic they deem to repetitive?

      3. Would their assets last 5 years before they’d be all out?

   2. I don’t have advice, but I am sure that others in this wise hive will offer it. I want to give you a virtual hug because this sounds so exhausting and scary and annoying and frustrating and awful. I send you fortitude and courage and support in figuring what is in your control to change.

   3. Hugs. And money is not a petty thing in the amounts you’re talking about.

      It kills me that Britney has a conservator (formerly 2, one for her person and one for her estate) and people like this do not.

      If you own the house, sell it.

   4. My heart breaks for you, you deserve better parents. Alas, we cannot choose our parents….
      I encourage you to find a therapist who can help you, and support you, as you figure out what you want your life to look like and take steps to achieve it. And to reach out to your local Senior-support agency in your area who can help you navigate some of the more complex logistical issues.

      1. Agree with all this. If they have pensions they have the means to get along even if you withdraw financial support. And plus a million to “money is not a petty thing.” Your money is what you have traded your life energy for all these years by working for it! It’s not okay for them to take it so thoughtlessly and disrespectfully.

   5. This sounds so, so hard. I’m so sorry – I can’t imagine how many conflicting feelings you’re having right now.
      I would think of this from a practical, distanced place (maybe have a therapist or even an adults-oriented social worker help you do this) – imagine a friend was telling you this scenario. Take the emotions out of it for a moment. Ask yourself – what time/money/emotional bandwidth am I able to give, realistically? What care or help MUST they have for their own safety and well-being? Start from there.
      I don’t think it’s too late to make changes. If there is a parent that is still functional mentally, than they are still an adult responsible for their own actions. Maybe it’s as simple as “With my job situation I can now only contribute X dollars to your living expenses every month.”
      I am under no illusions that this is hard. Wishing you the best.

   6. “The guilt would be overwhelming that I allowed a petty thing like money to ruin our time together at the end.”

      YOU are not allowing money to ruin your time together. THEY are the ones doing that. Please get therapy; they are using you. You sound like a lovely, devoted daughter; I hope my kid grows up to be like you, and if that happens, I hope that I treat him far better than you’ve been treated.

      1. Coming to day the same thing. Take care of yourself OP. And consider what a “good” end to their life looks like for you – continuing to be at their irrational beck and call, possibly to your financial detriment? There is a good chance if you make changes your parents will lash out and maybe even stop talking to you but that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice for any of you. There is a middle ground where you pull back but still help them have a good life by finding a smalller place to stay, paid help, etc.-if they refuse to take you up on that, it is their choice not yours.

      2. I might have worded my response differently – this is so tough. But, this is not “petty”. This is not $1,000 you loaned them and they didn’t pay back. Or even $10,000. This is MASSIVE. Absolutely life-alteringly massive. This internet stranger gives you permission to ‘taper them off’. I use that phrase because cutting off is so hard – the guilt, for one, a you mention. They have means that they are opting not to use. Start small – the cell phone bill is now theirs to pay, utilities, too. Make them. With my MIL (diff situation but some parallels) we stopped paying her electric and the power went off. She immediately started paying from that point on. It was hard to see her without power, but also that’s exactly what it took to move the needle in our favor.

         Hugs. There’s no right way to do this, but I encourage you to start setting boundaries – financial and otherwise – for the benefit of you and your future.

      3. +1 you owe it yourself to make the choices that maximize your happiness and well-being

         1. +1. You get one life OP and it shouldn’t be unhappy and unfulfilling because of poor choices your parents make.

            You do not have to do any of this. They are using they he11 out of you and why wouldn’t they? They sound like bad people. Like others have said, get thee to a therapist to develop a plan for boundaries stat. And same on the accounting side

   7. I’m so sorry. I recommend starting with a therapist or a support group who deals with family issues. It sounds like you have never learned how to recognize your own needs and desires separate from what they want you to do.

      You can learn to let go of certain expectations that you are placing on yourself. You are not responsible for getting them to file their taxes, or dealing with the IRS when it comes knocking. You will not pay any of the penalties or back taxes either. ​ You are not obligated to fight with them about their hoarding. They have a mental health problem that you cannot solve for them.

      After you get your bearings, you can start the difficult, practical steps. Start with contacting your local elder care resources (city, county, state if you are in the US) to find out what they can get as low-income seniors, one with dementia. Then figure out what you want and need, and what you want to do for them. If you think it is a good idea for you to personally help them at their house, figure out to process of getting paid through medicaid for that (that is a thing!). If the house is a good investment for you, then keep it and account for the cost of cleaning out the place when they pass away. If the house is busting your budget, then it is time to move them. You may need to look into conservatorships. There’s a lot to consider. But first, get some support for yourself.

      1. I agree that OP is not obligated to care for her parents, but on a practical level she is going to bear some of the burden of dealing with their issues because she’s gotten tangled up in the whole mess by buying them a house. It would be pretty difficult simply to sell the house out from under them and evict them without getting their finances straightened out and finding them a new place to live. She will also have to do something about the stuff they’ve hoarded.

         1. All of it will be difficult, which is why I used the word “difficult.”

            1. Perhaps I am jaded; I’ve found that people scream the hardest right before capitulation. They know what shaky ground they are on (lavish house, utilities paid for, daughter at their beck and call, and they even managed to convince her to not hire help), and they know that if she ever gets sick of their acts, their will not be living in the style to which they have become accustomed.

               You actually have to reframe the screaming (literal or metaphorical) into: they are so far out over their skis that they are doing everything possible to deflect the blame onto you, lest you ever see how far out over their skis they are.

   8. I hear you. We have a joke in my family that nothing is passed down, only passed up (e.g., my car will go to my parents when I trade it in, not the other way around). We all have the moments that get to us when you realize that in other families things do get passed down. What everyone has said about therapy is spot on, and it will continue to provide you with perspective that the pandemic has already. It could also help connect you into resources for your parent as dementia is terrible for anyone involved (speaking from experience).

      On the practical side, for me and spouse, we both have a policy that we generally never give family cash unless it is a true gift – e.g., I will buy your plane ticket for you rather than giving you cash for it- and never expect it to be repaid. Direct pay helps with making sure the need is handled, and accepting that no repayment will occur just lets go of the mental energy of judging what someone is spending the money on that they should be re-paying you. Could be a boundary to think of with your parents – e.g., I will pay this [insert bill] directly for you. Seems like the not paying you rent is probably something that will not change regardless of the mental energy you spend on it.

   9. I think you desperately need a lot of therapy.

   10. Hugs – you deserve to be valued. Second the need for a great therapist to support you through this. Could you sell them the house for a nominal amount, get all the bills out of your name and then but cut free from spending any more on them? It seems worth the massive loss to be free of future spending obligations but you’d need a good mental health support in place before you did.

   11. You’re tangled in pretty deeply here. I suggest finding an accountant if you don’t have one already, and laying out a plan to disentangle your assets from your parents’ tax and credit wise. Is the house in your name? Do you have a rental agreement with your parents? What can your parents afford on their generous pensions alone?

       It would be really helpful if the accountant you speak to is associated with an eldercare attorney. A firm like this was SO helpful in figuring out how to get my mom qualified for some help with assisted living – and no, her children were absolutely not obligated to pay for any of it.

       1. If you’re still reading, I join the list of folks thinking of and pulling for you. Hugs.

       2. So much good advice. I won’t repeat it but will add one more point. To the comment regarding an eldercare attorney that you should speak with that attorney regarding other aspects like your parents’ wills, medical, financial and durable powers of attorney, HIPAA release, medical directors.

          DH and I have been dealing with eldercare with both of our families for nearly 20 years. We’ve seen good, bad and, frankly, ugly. It is not easy even if you have a cooperative situation (which DH and I have participated in), and so much worse if the individual or other family members are difficult or obstructive (our current situation). Sending a hug.

   12. Listen to the episode of the Dear Therapists podcast about the woman with the dad’s suicide/mother living with her family. There are only a couple of seasons of this (very good) podcast so it shouldn’t be too hard to find. The advice in that episode might really help you. Good luck.

   13. Who owns the house — you or them? Medicaid can take the house if it’s in their assets, so make sure it’s not in there. (Do you live with them?)

       I think just as a practical matter you need power of attorney and healthcare proxy powers — if they are joint with you on any account I’d also try to get that sorted now. Maybe connect with an estate attorney and you can also do some planning for Medicaid; s/he may also be able to help with the tax issue.

       I would also stop paying their bills. I think the main thing you want is independence from them — I’d just take it. Stop doing the support tasks they could hire someone else for. Go on vacations, dates, take classes, whatever you want to do, do it now. Life is short. If there are nice times with your parents then focus on those.

   14. It is time to reclaim your life. It is never too late, but requires growth and change on your part. I think you need a good therapist to support you, and a good elder services social worker. They need to move into a home of some sort, and you probably will want to sell the house, unless you want to live in it after it is cleaned and painted. It will be hard to get them into a home, so the elder services social worker will be a big help. Money is not petty–it is huge. Their need for care will only grow. Perhaps your local office of public health or home inspections can come have a look at their living conditions–they may be required to move, and this could be helpful to you. Good luck, and hugs to you.

6. We just refinanced our mortgage (30-year fixed 3.875% –> 15-year fixed 2%) – is there something we’re supposed to do special for our first payment? (like pay extra principal or something?)

   1. I have refinanced several times in my home buying career. You just pay your first payment like normal. Nothing special required.

   2. Nope, not unless you want to.

7. Question: my SO’s kids are going to be in college in a couple of years. My SO is extremely wealthy; his wife stays at home. Will colleges look at my assets and income for determining the children’s financial aid?

   #irony

   1. Wait do you mean his ex-wife, or is this our resident side piece? If you and your “SO” are legally married, yeah, I believe you have to report your income and assets. If you are just sleeping with a man who is still legally married to his childrens’ mother, obviously your income does not affect his kids’ college financial aid situation.

   2. Your SO has a wife? This is very confusing.

   3. Pretty sure that the FAFSA and other aid forms don’t include sections for Dad’s girlfriend, especially if Dad is rich.

      1. I’m just laughing at the thought of the FAFSA having sections for each parent’s affair partner(s).

         1. Shush it. Now they are probably mulling over having another pocket to rifle through for funding.

         2. I would totally pimp my husband out if an affair partner was on the hook for college. That sh*t is expensive!

   4. This is confusing, Your SO has a wife?

   5. Is this a real question or an ironic comment?

      Do you mean your SO’s “ex wife” or wife?

      Are you married to your SO?

      Does the mother have primary custody? If she is the custodial parent and fills out the FAFSA, it’s possible that your income will not need to be included.

      If you are married and your husband has primary custodial custody, then yes as a matter of federal law, FAFSA will include your earnings/assets. But this is only my understanding, I’m not an expert.

   6. Stop posting about college expenses for the love of Pete.

      1. this is so strange. Why are you policing what people ask about? You are not obligated to read or comment?

   7. Snort.

      1. Glad someone got the joke….

   8. HAHA well done

   9. This is a joke everyone.

   10. Yikes, this is pretty mean-spirited.

       1. Explain.

          1. I know you’re making fun of our resident poster who seems to be having an affair with a married man and another poster that has enormous anxiety about college expenses. While I agree that both posters are making some not-great choices, making fun of them is sort of over the line, IMO.

             1. (Raises eyebrows) My tongue-in-cheek post is the issue, not the woman who has repeatedly asked for advice on how to destroy someone else’s marriage? You’re just going to have to pardon me, but I do not take etiquette advice from people with that value system.

             2. Hey, I’ve given the infidelity poster plenty of negative feedback about her behavior, so don’t think I’m condoning what she’s doing. I still didn’t find the tongue-in-cheek comment all that funny.

             3. I repeat, I don’t take manners lessons from people who think a tongue-in-cheek comment is a bigger problem than soliciting help in busting up a marriage.

             4. Whether or not it was mean-spirited, it wasn’t quite well done enough to be funny.

             5. I about 60% think the affair poster is tr o lling us so I wasn’t offended by this at all

             6. +1 to Anon at 5:54. I’m not above poking fun at someone involved in an affair, especially this ridiculous commenter who has posted about the same fact pattern from at least three different perspectives and is basically a resident tr0ll at this point. But this post just wasn’t funny! You need specifics to make the joke land, e.g., “his 12 year daughters will be in college in six years.”

             7. Other people found it to be funny and got the joke. At that point, it becomes a matter of personal opinion, not “Yikes” and “mean spirited.” Perhaps we have identified people who thought it was serious, even with the hashtag, and feel tweaked for not having gotten the joke.

   11. Only if his assets include more than 20k in camping gear.

       1. Lol! You win the internets today ???

       2. Now THIS is funny.

       3. They will look at the value of your Iranian yogurt.

8. Any other current or former PSLF-eligible ‘rettes on today? I am over the moon b/c I did about 14 years in public service but did not qualify under the old plan because I refinanced my FFELs into ineligible consolidated loans. I’ve since left public service, but it looks like I should now get about 35K, about 25K in overpayments and another 10K forgiven. Woohoo! So happy that Biden is fixing this program.

   1. ME! And I am elated! On the overpayments, though, I thought they would only be reimbursed if they were made to a Direct Loan? I should get about $23k forgiven and if I receive overpayments, an addition $15k.

      1. According to the website, no such requirement as long as you apply during the limited waiver period through next October. Here’s a good NYT article summarizing the changes:

         https://www.nytimes.com/article/public-service-loan-forgiveness-changes.html
         “What if I end up with credit for more than 120 payments when this is all over?
         You should get a refund, automatically, according to the department’s website, as long as you haven’t already received full forgiveness (say, a year or two ago). If you already have, there won’t be any refund forthcoming even if the current waivers mean that you, in theory, made too many payments before your forgiveness.”

         1. Wow, thank you! And correction: I will get about a $2500 refund for payments over 120 qualifying payments. I’ve since went private and had counted those payments in the refund calculations. I’m still elated!

   2. Yes and similarly dancing around the house today. I have several years of the wrong loan that should now count, and I’m hoping several other months that for some reason are marked ineligible are also credited. I’m still 2.5 years away from forgiveness but it feels so much more tangible to have a PSLF-friendly administration!

   3. Wow, this is great! Congratulations!

   4. not me, but YAYYY!

   5. I have to admit, I saw PSLF and thought PSL and then thought – what, you have to be eligible for a pumpkin spice latte?

9. Thank you for the representation! Wheelchair user here and this brand looks interesting. I use an electric wheelchair so my needs are different to those who can wheel themselves and might need different jackets.
   I wear stretchy knit skirts or wool maternity pants for the higher rise at the back and comfort at the waist (sitting all day and lack of core strength) plus the stretch waistband makes it easier for going to the bathroom.
   Shorter length blazers look better as they don’t get crumpled at the front is my preference. My pre-wheelchair long-torsoed self liked long blazers.
   One thing I didn’t consider before becoming a wheelchair user is how cold it gets! You aren’t moving your body but whizzing through cool air makes you really cold!

   1. that is really interesting – thank you for sharing.

10. I may ask on a morning thread if this posts late but – are any of you all in the situation where you did commercial/financial litigation in biglaw, left to go someplace either because you didn’t make partner or didn’t want that life or thought the exits in litigation were slim, now are doing that other thing and are tempted to go back to litigation because you could get a counsel or non equity partner offer? All of the preceding apply to me, I landed in government, my job is fine and pays about 200k (financial regulator); there’s one specific type of law I’m interested in which is not what I do in the government (finance related but really niche) but have experience from my biglaw days + have kept in touch with networking, conferences etc. That sub area is NOT hot right now. Peers I’ve spoken to from my biglaw days act like I’m being ridiculous as they say just go grab the money doing financial litigation and if that sub area gets hot, you can decide what to do then. Part of me gets it – I could be making 400k+ if someone were to hire me (big IF) but then I think of all the downsides – I don’t get to do what I want (I mean I don’t in government either but I don’t work all that much); I’m back in litigation which I worked so hard to get out of; what if the new firm takes me and then dumps me in 1-2 years when the market slows, no way I’m getting my government job back as it’s too hard to get hired.

    How do you think about this? What’s the calculus between waiting for what you want vs. making money vs. putting yourself back into difficult career situations. FWIW I could use the money to pay off a house quickly.

    1. I’m not in your situation but I wouldn’t leave for a worse job even if it pays double your $200,000 salary. It sounds like BigLaw would be a worse job for you unless you got to do this one niche area which you have presented as a long shot. Is the money worth it to you considering all the downsides (uncertainty, litigation, BigLaw hours, etc.? I think that’s what you need to decide.

    2. Going into biglaw without a portable book is always a gamble and it’s one that I usually saw play out badly. For counsel or NEP, you won’t be expected to have billings but they will expect you to be profitable and my experience is that they expect to see that in about 18 months from when you come over. I wouldn’t do it unless the firm is telling you that right now this minute they are turning down 1500+ hours/year of work that you could do if you came over. Otherwise, the pressure on you to fill your plate will be intense, and it’s hard bc you have no existing client base and you’re expensive. The only exception is if you have a niche skillset that’s necessary to have and hard to find.

       I saw a lot of people come to my old firm from government as counsel or NEP and with a single exception none of them lasted longer than 2 years.

11. Let’s talk about the supply chain shortages. Are you stocking up on everything? What’s going to be the 2020 toilet paper crisis of 2021?

    1. Omg let’s not

       1. It’s out of our hands and expected to last well into 2022 so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

          I’m not going to hoard but I might go 2-3 deep on non perishable essentials

    2. Nothing. Stockpiling exacerbates the problem. We were already experiences over stuff people for holiday gifts, but if I weren’t I would consider skipping holiday gifts (except for kids) this year.

    3. Diapers. It’s the only thing that we need on a regular basis and have no substitute for. (I suppose we could use cloth diapers for home and use the disposables for daycare?) If the store is out of grape tomatoes, we’ll eat beefsteak or canned tomatoes, or make different recipes. The cat might not be happy if we swap out her cat litter but she’ll manage. If they are out of tofu, we’ll eat beans or Gardein. Life goes on if we need a different brand of toothpaste or laundry detergent.

       1. We use cloth diapers and I was feeling pretty good about it, until I realized that we were on our last container of laundry soap – then I became a little anxious.

       2. I don’t think it’s going to be tomatoes or tofu. It’s things that are shipped from overseas, largely China, and are sitting in container ships for weeks because of various labor and timing issues, which means the boat then can’t return to China to get more stuff on schedule. It all has a ripple effect and will take time to get caught up.

          1. We have seen some random food shortages because all aspects of the supply chain are compromised.

    4. whatever it is will be exacerbated by unnecessary stock-ups, so we’re keeping our normal habits (like we always keep a decent supply of various OTC medicines, household products, etc around).

    5. Real talk: The microchip shortage is only beginning. If you need to buy a car, computer, appliance etc., except prices to rise significantly over the next two years.

       1. Ugh both of our cars are more than 15 years old at this point

       2. Yes, the lease on my husband’s car is ending in December and we went out looking at replacement cars and guess what? There are NO cars out there. The showrooms are literally empty. At this point I think we are going to just buy the car out of the lease and hang on until supplies pick up again.

       3. I hate that I had to buy a new washer/dryer combo this year (unexpected $$$$ expense) but if what you’re saying is true, then I suppose that’s the silver lining…

    6. Nothing. Because in the grand scheme of the world, I am rich, and so I will always be able to get necessities and my wants are covered in spades.

    7. Canned cat food. One of my cats is on a special medical diet though, and there have already been supply issues.

       1. My mom was just complaining about not being able to buy any of the cat food that her cats prefer – I haven’t had an issue yet (plus our cats are not picky) but good to know that it’s a Thing.

       2. +1 my cat is both a picky pooper and a picky eater so I need the right litter and food or my cat would seriously harm themselves by abstaining from both. However for human things we’ll just find substitutes, nbd.

       3. Yes, this!!! Amazon has been out of my cats’ wet food for months, and every single major online seller is out of pretty much every Science Diet wet food right now. I haven’t tried shopping in person, but searching online doesn’t suggest I’m likely to have much better luck- I’m just finding photos of entire aisles of empty shelves in the wet food section. Luckily my cats eat both wet and dry food and we had a decent stash on hand, but they’ll be pretty unhappy if more doesn’t show up soon. I’m personally willing to substitute pretty much any food for another, but my cats aren’t so flexible. We already went through weeks of vomiting and hundreds of dollars in vet bills due to an apparent change in their dry food a couple months ago, so lack of availability is super frustrating.

       4. I’m seeing this, too. Also the fancy crystal litter.

          1. NOT THE CRYSTAL!

       5. Ugg. Yes. My boy is on the Urinary SO, and the canned has been out of stock several times.

    8. No. But I didn’t stock up on TP, either.

    9. We try to stock many items “one deep,” so we have a backup supply of laundry detergent, dish detergent, etc. That’s our normal practice, though, and helps if we get so busy that we can’t make it to the store.

       Our oven’s electrical circuit fried in a post-Ida power surge, and we’ll be lucky to get a new one before Christmas. So, I’d say appliances are the new toilet paper crisis of 2021.

12. Related question for people stocking up: does anyone have TWO standalone freezers? I’m seriously pondering a chest freezer for the garage since we are always at capacity thanks to Costco.

    1. No. We have one stand alone freezer.

       I think that it depends on how big your family is and what you intend to do with it. How many people are you feeding? Do you freeze a lot of produce from a garden or buy sides of beef, pork, etc. (the only cases where I’ve seen people do this IRL)? What is your back up plan if the power goes out to keep two full freezers cold until the power comes back on? Two freezers worth of food is a lot of money.

       1. +1 to this. It only really makes sense if you are partially subsistence farming and/or hunting, or buying something like a whole side of beef at one time. For example, I know lots of folks who lived in remote parts of Alaska and they hunted and fished for a good part of their food, and some of them had 2 chest freezers. They also often had back-up generators, though in the winter freezer spoilage during power outages wasn’t really a big problem. In one case the family decided that a second freezer wasn’t worth it and they switched to preserving (smoking & canning) and sold their second chest freezer.

          My guess is that this all is very different from your situation, but the salient thing to take from it is probably: how to make sure that you’re going through all the stuff that’s in the freezer. We have a (single) chest freezer and have to be pretty mindful about what’s in it and make a deliberate effort to use stuff up & cycle it out. With chest freezers it’s hard to use the “add to the bottom / take from the top” trick, so we keep a running inventory. Yes, that’s kind of a pain, but it’s a lot less wasteful than throwing stuff out when it gets to old and freezer burned to be appealing. The inventory also means I have a pretty good sense of how quickly we go through stuff. Unless you have a big family (like regularly feeding 7+ people lunch & dinner at least 3x/week) and are committed to regularly eating a LOT of frozen things, it’s hard to see how the volume that two chest freezers represent is going to make sense. For our smaller household it would definitely be overwhelming.

          The one clear benefit I can see is that it would make periodically de-frosting the freezer **way** easier. Man I hate doing that!

    2. I don’t (NYC apartment). BUT I can think of at least 3 people I know who have a garage that do because they just kept their old freezer at some point when renovating/upgrading. It seems handy, especially for extra drinks/parties.

       1. You mean a fridge?

          I have a chest freezer in the basement. We hadn’t used it in years because we thought it added too much to the energy bill. But we plugged it back in during the pandemic and it has been handy. Especially with two teenagers

    3. We don’t. We have a basement and we do generally try to keep 1-2 backups of non-perishable staples we use regularly in there (e.g., olive oil, tea, dog food, etc.) but that’s more for our own forgetfulness than anything else – if we forget to get it one week, we have a replacement in the basement and then we just order two next time. My understanding is that the supply chain issues are more with stuff being shipped from overseas and food isn’t going to be super affected.

13. Just came to say how glad I was to see this inclusive post.

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