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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 231 Comments · by

Thursday’s Workwear Report: Seasonless Peplum Jacket

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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3/4 Sleeve Blazer: White House | Black Market Seasonless Peplum BlazerOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. White House | Black Market is having some crazy sales right now, including blazers. This pictured peplum one is cute and comes down from $150 to $66 — and it's available in regular and petite sizes 0-16. Nice! (I'm also a fan of this three-quarter sleeved blazer, although it's only available in lucky sizes at this point.) Use code 62787 at checkout to get the full discount. Ladies, what are your favorite things to buy at White House | Black Market? Any basics you love there? White House | Black Market Seasonless Peplum Jacket Two plus-size options are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-5)

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

  1. Bralettes

    Can someone explain bralettes to me? I was thinking that they were something to wear around the house (I used to just change into a size-too-large sports bra when I got home or a cami with a shelf bra (I’m built like a teen, at least on top)). I think I like the idea of a bralette as a nicer version of the casual bra. But I am confused upon seeing lots of them on offer.

    Are they for taking selfies of? Or for some variation on festiavl-wear?

    Some are so lacy that they don’t seem to be practical (would show through warmer weather clothes and be lumpy-seeming); others seem to be very look-at-me.

    • Anon

      You have spoken all of my thoughts on bralettes. I don’t get it, maybe for sleepwear if you like to sleep fancy?

    • Anonymous

      I think they are meant to be worn with loose, low-cut, flowy tank tops from Free People. By fashion bloggers. In photo shoots. I think you are supposed to buy them feeling that if you wear them, you too can enjoy a carefree life of leisure frosting cookies in your underwear in the middle of the day.

      • anonymous

        This is accurate. You are supposed to wear them while bathed in warm sunlight in a field of flowers, contemplating how joyful you feel to be alive.

        Or at a music festival when you would like to demonstrate that you are bohemian and non-conformist (in a safe, approachable way).

        I think they’re just gorgeous, so I wear them when I’m lounging around the house with dudes- it’s cuter than tossing on an oversized tshirt from some event, but I’m not totally naked.

    • Cb

      I’m tiny up top as well and wear them for everyday. I wouldn’t wear them under a tight t-shirt but under dresses and blouses, they are totally fine. They are cheaper so I feel less bad when I forget to bring a sports bra and exercise in them.

    • GCA

      Apparently they ARE for showing off – they’re supposed to peek through lacy tank tops and other warm-weather wear. I’m also built like a teen but I am a massive klutz, and if I tried to put one on the straps would probably eat me alive. Like many other trends they befuddle me. But what do I know? I’m a crotchety old early-30s mom. ;)

      • Anonymous

        I’m an Old, too. Most of my clothes are either tailored or preppy. The visible bralette thing isn’t going to work for me. Will save for the winter to wear under sweaters (that is, if I don’t get twisted up in the their overly-strappy backs). It’s like wearing a dreamcatcher.

    • Anonymous

      Wear the fancy ones when you wear a top where your bra straps will show, like with a top with spaghetti straps or similar, instead of wearing a strapless bra. The lace ones are comfy – it’s like wearing those Hanky Panky boy shorts up top.

        • Anonymous

          I’m a 32D and I have two that are comfortable, but if you have a large cup size or need a lot of support it may not do it for you. I think smaller sizes are usually made for smaller cups, but if you have a wider band or are plus sized, it’ll probably work better.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I wear them when they might show – because they are lacy and don’t usually have the signs of a real bra – back hooks, adjustable straps, etc. etc. Usually with racerback loose tanks where a bra might show under the arms, or other fun backless tops where the bralette can be a focal point on the back.

        • Anonymous

          OMG I am such an Old. Backless shirts? I did not know they they made backless shirts (other than halters).

          I am reminded of the Jeff Foxworthy line: you are wearing a dress that’s strapless and a bra that isn’t.

      • Laura B

        Yep, this is me too. I think they give a casual cool vibe, plus they’re more comfortable. And it’s nice to not have to worry about a bra strap peeking through and looking sloppy.

    • H

      I always put on a sports bra when I get home too, or a tank top with a built it bra because it is so dang hot here in the summer and underwire + sweat = ew. Perhaps bralettes could be an alternative, but I can’t see wearing them in public.

    • MargaretO

      Is there such a thing as a bralet that comes in a DD? I actually would love to wear them on the weekends and think some of them are super pretty, but they do absolutely nothing for me. Does anyone know?

      • anonanom

        There was just an article on Buzzfeed last week on bralettes for the busty. I plan to research them this weekend in the sales myself :)

      • Anonymous

        34D/DD here and I found one a adore at American Eagle Outfitters (of all places!)

    • bridget

      I was wondering that, too. Years ago, I bought two bralette-type things – lacy camisoles that hit at the end of the ribcage. I wear them to bed when it’s a zillion degrees outside, or under pajamas when I want a bit of support.

      But I have no idea how it’s a substitute for a bra.

    • Mariah

      I wear them below tank tops, as mentioned, but also with off-the-shoulder tops and deeper-cut v-neck tops where the lace peeks out- my Aerie bralette is pretty much lace all over. I love it, honestly. I have one sweater where it’s not “off the shoulder” but it’s definitely a wider boatneck, and I’ve worn it to work with the bralette below. 99% of the time, it doesn’t show, but if the neckline does fall a bit to the side, a traditional bra strap isn’t showing (and my bra straps are not cute). When I’m out and about, I’ll pull the shoulders down a bit and get tons of compliments.

    • Anonymama

      They are like the anti-push up bra: for people who don’t like to wear bras but also don’t want to be naked, to wear under the looser fitting tanks and tees that are popular now, made to be at least partially seen, but like a mashup between a pretty camisole and a sports bra.

  2. Anonymous

    Anyone have a direct link to the three-quarter sleeved blazer mentioned above? My work blocked Kat’s link.

    • Cat

      I just tried by googling “Seasonless Peplum Jacket” (per the title of the post), which succeeded in finding it, but it is already sold out on the WHBM s!te.

      • SA

        I couldn’t make a full suit out of the pieces that were left. Only very lucky sizes in pants and no more seasonless skirts

      • OP

        I did that for the pictured jacket, but I was also wondering about the jacket linked in the body of the post – “(I’m also a fan of this three-quarter sleeved blazer, although it’s only available in lucky sizes at this point.).”

  3. SF tailoring

    Anyone have a recommendation for a tailor in San Fransisco or the Bay Area more generally? SF, particularly Downton,would be ideal, but I’m willing to travel for someone really excellent. Per the conversation earlier this week, I’d really like someone who will use and offer good experience and judgment about what will look good.

    • MJ

      Yes, very highly recommend Jacquie’s Sew & Sew in Palo Alto. They are open weekends. She dresses Sheryl Sandberg. She is opinionated in a great way–I took her two suits that needed significant alterations. She told me one of them looked terrible with my coloring (I had just moved from brown-haired to more auburny and it was a charcoal gray suit ). She was totally right. Returned it and got it in navy and it was stunning.

      She is pricy. She needs a bit of lead time. She is worth every penny. I feel like a million dollars every time I wear those two suits. Really. All of her staff are very highly trained seamstresses.

    • Anon

      Reply got eaten.

      Yes, Jacquie’s Sew and Sew in Palo Alto. She dresses Sheryl Sandberg. She is opinionated and awesome and worth every penny (not cheap).

      • Ally McBeal

        Louise Austrie in Oakland. She’s also opinionated but is a true wizard and makes my suits look about 400 times better.

      • anon in SV

        Jacquie’s Sew and Sew handled my pre-owned wedding dress (so she had to undo some alterations from the previous owner and then do alterations to fit me), a Burberry coat handmedown I received, and my important suits. She also told me which pieces she didn’t think were worth altering. I find it impossible to believe there isn’t a comparable tailor in SF, but Jacquie’s is fantastic.

    • SF Anon

      Polk Alterations at Polk & Sacramento has been highly recommended by a good friend. I am taking a dress there on Friday.

    • profmama

      Uni Tailors on University in Berkeley.

      Everything from suits to jeans to wedding dresses.

  4. Wanderlust

    Does this jacket look too small on the model to anyone else? It seems like it’s pulling.

  5. Anon

    What is your understanding of the eight-hour workday? Is that eight hours of work plus extra time for lunch (unpaid) or is it 8 hours total at the office with either 30 minutes or an hour for lunch? I have to bill 8 hours at my job and any breaks are extra, but that means that I spend at least 45 hours per week at work even though I get paid for 40.

    • Cat

      8 hours of work… a 9-5 is typically a 37.5 or 35 hour workweek for people (like when my secretary records her timesheet, it’s 7 hours of work and 1 hour of lunch).

    • Anonymous

      In my area, almost all hourly employees work 8-5 with a one hour lunch break, so they are in the office 45 hours a week but are only working 40. I don’t believe they get the choice to work 9-5 instead and eat at their desks.

      • ChiLaw

        That’s my deal. Pretty much everyone works from 8-5 (or 7-4) and takes a real, solid one-hour lunch break. About 1/2 the time I eat at my desk because I don’t mind, and the other 1/2 of the time I leave the office or hang out in the break room with the dudes watching soccer. I would love it if eating at my desk were the expectation, so I could work 8-4, but I understand why it isn’t.

      • Ellen

        I may be in the office for 8 hour’s but billeable hours are another matter. Some day’s I onley bill 8 hours, but other day’s I am abel to bill 18-25 hours, b/c it is called TASK BASED billing. Each task carries a certain # of hours irregardless of how many ACTUAL hours are spend doeing it. So, if I do a breif, I get 12 hours, even tho it may onley take 1/2 hour to change the names and facts. Voila! I save 11.5 hours! If I do 2, I can bill 24 hours but spend only 1 hour of actual time. This is how I can do 8100 hours a year! It took Grandma Leyeh a long time to figure this all out! YAY!!!!

    • CountC

      8 hours of work. I am salaried and don’t have to bill time and as long as I get 40 hours of work in a week, my boss is very flexible on everything else. I come in at 6:30 a.m. (although don’t really have to come in until 7:00 a.m.), leave for an hour at lunchtime to go home and take care of my dog, then leave the office at 4:00 p.m.

    • MJ

      Technically, any breaks should be included in your paid hours, if not in your billables, if you are a non-exempt employee. You can look all of this up on the DOL website. Your state may also have strict wage and hour laws which dovetail the federal laws and distinguish meals from breaks from rest from overtime.

    • Meg March

      Working as a salary non-exempt employee, my experience has been that I am at the office for 8 hours per day, with a 1 hour lunch break. My current job is fiercely protective of that one hour lunch break– I am encouraged to leave, complete pencils down for an hour– while my old job was happy to have you work through the break, but considered it fine if you did take your whole hour.

      • Mariah

        My first supervisor did this when I was first starting out interning with him. After about 5-6 months he gave up on encouraging me to take the whole hour and told me to just take off early if I didn’t take a full hour for lunch, but the “don’t work and eat” thing stuck. To this day, I don’t work and eat at the same time, and I try not to do it at home, either. I think it’s a really good thing for companies to encourage.

    • LSC

      Wait, WHAT? Some people work 7 hours a day and spend 1 hour at lunch? I have seriously, for all these years, been WORKING eight hours a day, tacking on an extra 30 min or an hour for lunch if I take it. I had no idea that anyone did differently!!

      • Cat

        well if you’re not paid on an hourly basis, what’s the issue? If you’re exempt and are typically in the office 9-5, taking an hour to run errands at lunch, and you’re not having productivity issues or facetime issues… who cares if you’re “working” 7 hours a day rather than 8?

      • anon

        I’ve always thought you had to work eight hours and not count the time you spent taking a lunch break. Wow. I would love to only work 7 hours a day and leave the office earlier. I started out in my field as an hourly employee so that has probably shaped my mindset.

      • Sydney Bristow

        This was my exact reaction when I found out my husband technically only works 7 hours a day. I did the math about 6 months in that he always worked 9-5 or 10-6 and always takes an hour lunch. I was shocked! In my world before billable hours, it was always the number of hours you actually worked.

        I wonder if it used to be different. That old Dolly Parton movie was literally titled 9-5. Those people weren’t eating lunch at their desks!

    • All the cake

      8 hours of work, so a typical schedule is 8-5 or 9-6 with a one hour lunch break, or 30 min lunch break and two 15 min breaks at other times.

      That said, our staff works 8:30-5 with an hour lunch break, so a 37.5 hour week (and it’s referred to as such).

    • Anonattorney

      8-hour workday is 8-5 with an hour lunch break. You don’t spend 45 hours at work if you are taking breaks during the day. You spend 40 hours working, with 5 hours of lunch each week.

    • GCA

      I’m salaried (not-law) and was previously freelance – basically hustling all the time. So getting 8 ‘billable’ or business-development hours somewhere over the course of the day is my standard work ethic. It all fits in around daycare dropoff, pickup, chores, dinner prep, and occasionally when there is a client waiting in another time zone, waking up with the baby, putting him back to bed, and doing an hour of work at 1am…

  6. Worker Bee

    A Fed here, it means you are in the office 8.5 hours, 8 hours of work, and 1/2 hour for lunch. So you spend 42.5 hours in the office for a 40 hour week.

    • Anonymous

      Also fed, lunch doesn’t “count” but I’m on a flex schedule so have to work 80 hours a week (independent of lunch) but get an RDO included in that and have to be here from 9:30 to 2:30 – otherwise my hours are up to me.

  7. Navy and black

    I like the look of black and navy together on blogs and Pintrest. Does anyone have success with this in real life? Like wearing a navy jacket and black pants?

    • LAnon

      Yes! This has been my favorite color combo recently. I have found that the only trick to it is to wear a bright enough navy that it’s obvious you’re doing it on purpose – I think very dark navy just looks like maybe you got dressed in the dark.

    • jwalk

      Seconding LAnon’s suggestion to make sure it’s a brighter navy, and I also recommend wearing some other piece or accessory that pulls the two colors together (a scarf, shoe, belt, skirt, etc. that has both black and navy in it, for example).

    • MargaretO

      I agree with the above – make sure its distinct, adding in an accessory that coordinates can help. One of my favorite outfits right now is a black shirt dress with a navy vest/sleeveless “blazer” over it, and a navy necklace. I would avoid doing a third color in the outfit you’re describing – so black pants, black top, navy blazer, as opposed to black pants, grey top, navy blazer.

    • In the Pink

      I do this all the time. I also use a print in a dress with black/blue/white or black/grey/blue and then put on a blazer in black or a navy cardigan. As everyone posts, it has to look intentional.

    • DC Anon

      I do this all the time in my office (business dress code). Sample outfits: Navy dress with black blazer; Navy suit with black shell; black suit with navy shell; navy dress with black accents on it; black ankle pants with navy sweater and black blazer. I wear black shoes, carry a black purse (occasionally a red leather tote), and my jewelry is gold and black. Looks super chic and no one notices if I rewear things frequently. IMO, the key to wearing black and navy intentionally is making sure your clothes are reasonably stylish and fit well, and your overall look is relatively polished. When I say relatively polished, I mean I wear makeup and my hair always looks styled. “Polished” doesn’t have to mean time consuming though — my makeup takes less than 5 minutes and I’ve trained my hair so I only have to wash it twice a week.

    • Mariah

      I bought a fantastic black and navy pencil skirt from Gap about two years ago. So long as you don’t wear such dark navy that it looks like you thought it was black, I think it’s a cool, professional look.

  8. Two Cents

    Any recommendations for a nice air freshener to use in the bathroom? We moved into an older building and the bathroom has this weird smell of pizza all the time. We have asked the maintenance to look into it but I also wanted to see if there a natural air freshener people like (I don’t want a spray, looking for a plug in). I easily get a headache with scents so looking for something not too strong and “natural”. Any ideas?

    • Anon

      Get maintenance to look into it and don’t get an air freshener. The vast majority of them smell terrible and chemically and will just combine with the pre-existing scent. You would be better off looking into improving the ventilation or something.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, I feel like a “natural air freshener” will end up giving you a headache, especially if there’s a weird smell already. Do you live above a restaurant?

    • Anon in NYC

      Have you considered making a baking soda air freshener? I figure, baking soda works in your fridge so why not in your bathroom? Plus, you can customize the scent. (Full disclosure, I haven’t tried this but now I’m intrigued.)

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know if these still exist, but Febreze used to make a small plug-in fan with an attached charcoal filter. It neutralized odors without fragrances. It was seriously the best thing ever.

      • Two Cents

        That’s an excellent idea, thank you!!

        And my first line of attack is to get the maintenance to resolve the issue. But I also want to think ahead of some other options.

        Thanks all.

      • All the cake

        You can also just buy a bag of charcoal briquettes for grilling and put a small amount in an open tupperware container underneath the bathroom sink. In my experience, most smells from neighboring units come in around the pipes. Either that or I’ve just had a lot of neighbors who use their sinks and tubs as water bongs.

        • lost academic

          Don’t accidentally use the self starting or match light kind….

          Activated charcoal from a pet store (for aquariums and similar) might be better.

    • Anonymous

      You can buy charcoal air filters to use instead of perfumed air fresheners. Try the Container Store, BB&B, or Amazon.

    • Anon

      If the super cant figure it out get a machine that cleans the air. We had Panasonic one years ago that works really well. My husband would fart into it and the machine would kick on to clean the air.

      • pugsnbourbon

        This is a delightful image, thank you. My husband would do something similar (and let’s be real, I would too).

    • Ally McBeal

      I am a huge fan of this spray called Zero Odor. It is a smell remover. It doesn’t add scent and it really works to get rid of diaper funk, bathroom smells, kitchen odors, etc.

    • lawsuited

      Fruits & Passions (Canadian Company, I believe) has a Cucina range that is really great – fresh scents that are NOT floral and fake-smelling. When we moved into a new-build I used the Cucina plug-ins all over the house to get rid of the weird builder smell and they worked a charm.

  9. anon

    How do I get my apartment to stop smelling like dog? I vacuum every week, but that only seems to help a little bit

    • Anonymous

      Before you vacuum, liberally sprinkle baking soda on your carpets. Then vacuum as normal.

    • mascot

      Vacuum soft surfaces also, like the couch, and regularly wash the dog’s bedding. We also find that our dogs smell less doggy with higher quality, grain free food, fish oil supplements, and frequent baths.

      • CHJ

        +1. I think the key is to make your dog smell less doggy. Our dog gets frequent (weekly in the summer) baths with an oatmeal shampoo and it works wonders.

    • Anonymous

      Clean out your vacuum every time and if possible spray some compressed air into the vacuum filter. Also, change your apartment air filters regularly. Wash doggy bedding (and the dog) regularly.

    • Laura B

      I used to only vacuum once a week, but had to up it to three times a week. Also, I really like the Bath and Body Works plug in scent things. I usually have one going all the time for the whole (small) house and it’s just a light scent. Interested in the rest of these responses – I’m definitely going to try out some of them.

    • Anonymous

      Febreeze your soft surfaces? Carpet and couches. I use the allergy kind just to get up some dander/allergens and then vacuum. I also vacuum, wash dog beds, blankets, and wash the couch covers (on one Ikea couch) pretty frequently. I don’t *think* our apartment smells like dog (our dog is very small) but maybe it does and I don’t notice it. We do also change our air filter every quarter.

  10. Pins and Needles

    I posted a few weeks ago about having pain and tingling/buzzing in my arms and legs and my concerns about what might be causing this (some of the possibilities seem grim). Thanks to the neurologist who posted here, I was able to call the doctor and move my appointment up by one week (which is a little better), so I’ll be seeing him right after the holiday. I’m still buzzing/tingling and having mild pain in my limbs, but no other symptoms, so I’m hopeful it’s nothing more than some minor nerve damage or something like that. I just wanted to post my appreciation for the responses I received!

    • Anonymous

      I hope you’ll let us know what happens (although I certainly understand if you don’t want to). . . we’d love to hear good news and can help if it’s not (I’m the one with a family member with MS).

        • MS

          Semiregular commenter but changing handle for this since I’m not “out” about this at work. I do not say this to scare you, but I have MS and my symptoms started similarly. I’m glad you’re getting things checked out by a neurologist. It could be a million things, and I will be hoping like he l l for you that it is not MS.

          That being said, I want to say to you what I wish someone had said to me when I was going through the terrifying initial symptoms and diagnosis process: If you have MS, you will be okay. MS is hard, but treatments and research have come a long way in recent years and many (most?) people diagnosed now are experiencing much better outcomes than those diagnosed even just 10 years ago. MS has changed my life somewhat, but it has not ruined my life the way I thought it would. I wish I had known that in the early days when it seemed completely devastating.

          Please do keep us posted. I’ll try to keep an eye out for you and would be happy to post an anon email if you want to talk in the future.

          • Pins and Needles

            Thanks – really appreciate that more than you can know. I am telling myself that it could be a variety of thing that are not too bad, but your post gives me hope that even if it is MS, it’ll all be okay. Will definitely let you know after my visit next week.

    • Senior Attorney

      I had something similar and my doctor gave me a B-complex shot which helped a lot. You might want to ask about that.

      • Pins and Needles

        I tried that and saw no effect. But thank you for sharing – I’m game to give most anything a try.

        • Doc

          FYI – if your symptoms are due to a B12 deficiency (which is very common these days and can only be established by testing not only B12 but your B12 metabolite levels as well, which many docs forget to do), then it does not immediately stop/reverse after one shot of B vitamins. If the deficiency is chronic it may take longer term treatment and time for the nerves to recover/repair.

          Glad to hear you got an earlier visit. Try to make note if any movements make symptoms worse/better, or if they are worse/better at different times of the day, when tired etc..

  11. Friends

    I know we’ve posted about making friends as adults, but what about making couple friends?

    My fiancé and I are both introverts and only have a few close friends each. Because of age differences, all of his friends are significantly older than me and very settled, with several kids. Meanwhile all of my friends are significantly younger than him and still in a party/hookup phase. We really want some couple friends in a similar place as us – committed, childless – and who are “our” friends vs his or mine.

    We aren’t churchgoers. We go out and do stuff – yoga, bar trivia, etc – but have never really met people through our activities. Do meet ups and other online group things really work? Other ideas?

    • mascot

      I meet my now husband through a co-ed volunteer group that had multiple couples in it so look into that. Also, various professional/charitable organizations in my town have “+1” social events where people bring their spouses and you can meet people that way.

    • cbackson

      I am a single person but I have seen a lot of couples attending outdoorsy classes I’ve gone to – like wilderness first aid, outdoor navigation, etc. The classes are often a few hours to days, so you get to know people fairly well. It seems like a good place to make couple friends if you like outdoor stuff.

      • CountC

        I also would look for classes targeted to couples, like cooking classes or things like that. If you’re runners, see if there is a running group around (or any other activity you do together) – I encouter LOTS of couples at races and organized runs.

    • Laura B

      I’m interested in this, although not sure I have any advice. DH and I are moving to a new city soon from our hometown, so making friends from scratch is definitely on my mind. We’re in the same place as you – no kids, happy marriage, and we have hobbies that we both really like to do (yoga & skydiving for me, tournament fishing for him). I’ve been thinking that I want to get involved in a community service organization and I can see that being kind of a substitute for church and a way to make couple friends. I really like being involved in the lions club here, even if I’m the youngest by A LOT – we’re rural right now so not a lot of options. But I can see from the lions club that it would be a really good way to make friends together. I’m hoping in new city, which will be a lot bigger, there will be a community service club that is made of of people more our age range (early thirties). Although, to be honest, I really like the older people too and don’t think about our age differences very much at all.

    • Anon

      I joined Meetup (it was a 20-something women one), met some normal women I liked, and we hooked our husbands/BFs up. Every single one of us stated that our husbands were also trying to find friends, and that while it was difficult for women to meet friends, it seemed even harder for men to meet friends. We have a group of 6 couples that have regularly hung out for 2 years now and we all met through that group.

    • NYNY

      DH and I have made couple friends with our neighbors. Granted, this is probably easier in apartment buildings than in houses, but we have four couples we met in 2 different buildings who we invited to dinner and it evolved from there.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      Team sports on a mixed team? Doesn’t have to be something super sporty – could be more recreational. I’m probably outing myself but DH and I curl, which yes, is totally region-specific, but you could do something like tennis, lawn bowling, baseball, beach volleyball? We’ve made tons of couple friends – we aren’t actually on the same team, but since you play everyone throughout the year you get to everyone in a very low-key way, and there is always drinking after.

    • Min Donner

      Just wanted to add – don’t rule out the possibility of couple friends who are in a different age bracket. My husband is early 40s, I’m late 30s, and the best couple friends we’ve ever had (who sadly moved away) are in their late 50s and early 60s. They literally have children my age, but we just clicked and all 4 of us get along great and have so much fun together.

      • Senior Attorney

        Cosign this from the older end of this. Some of our best friends are young enough to be our kids and we get along like a house afire!

    • Anon

      I recommend getting a (nice) dog! My husband I knew almost no one in our neighborhood before we got a puppy, and now literally the largest portion of our friend group is people we met at the dog park. This has so many benefits, including that you always have something to talk about (how cute your dogs are), there is usually a friend at the dog park to hang out with, you get to combine exercising the dog with socializing, dog people are generally lovely, etc. (Obviously only do this if you can take good care of the dog but if you can, I can’t recommend it enough.)

  12. In-House Litigation?

    I’m a mid-level associate in biglaw and have been approached by a former colleague about a possible in-house litigation opening. The position would be in an in-house litigation department of three and focus on litigation in an area I have experience in. I think it could be an interesting opportunity, but I don’t feel like I really understand what in-house litigation counsel does on a day-to-day basis. I’ve seen their involvement in reviewing draft filings and collecting information for outside counsel. But I assume they do more than that, right? Or does that keep them busy?

    Any in-house litigation counsel willing to share what they do? Or any recommended sources for learning more?

    • CountC

      *Disclaimer – I am not in-house counsel, I am an attorney that works on the business side who interacts very regularly with in-house counsel.

      Based on my conversations and interaction with our BU attorney, he negotiates contracts (on certain matters when escalated), conducts final review and approval of contracts, he does due diligence for M&A, he participates in a variety of customer-related issues when they are escalated above day-to-day stuff (warranty claims, third-party claims, he assists with hiring, he is involved in compliance, he works with our lobbyists, can be involved in HR matters, assists upper level management in risk evaluation and analysis, and more. I am not privy to some of the work he does, obviously, but he is VERY busy. VERY busy and it is mostly NOT litigation related AFAIK.

      • In-House Litigation?

        This is partially why I’m confused, because I know the position is litigation focused. I was told that the position would be managing all of the litigation in a particular area of the law, and likely other cases as well. But everything I can find seems to focus on the corporate aspects of in-house legal jobs. I guess this makes sense since few legal departments are large enough to have separate corporate and litigation specialists.

      • CountC

        Oh sorry! I completely missed that this was a specific litigation position. Wow, time to go home.

        Nothing to see here . . .

    • JayJay

      I manage litigation related to my specialty, but my department has a general litigation counsel, as well. He manages roughly 600 cases at a time. He reviews invoices, reviews pleadings, provides strategy advice, manages service of process for the business, coordinates with the business and outside counsel, and travels to appear at depos/mediations/trials. He also aggregates the risk from all the cases to present to the C-Suite and the BOD.

      • In-House Litigation?

        Thanks. This is very helpful! Maybe it’s not so much that I’m missing aspects of their job (except the risk management part), as that I don’t see the huge number of cases that in-house counsel is involved with. 600 cases – Wow!

        • JayJay

          He has several paralegals that also assist with this, so it’s not him alone. And my company has a pretty good work/life balance – we both probably work 45ish hour weeks generally.

      • Bewitched

        As a counterpoint, we have two in house litigation counsel who manage approximately 175 cases (not sure of exact number). The one individual is also the risk manager, so he is responsible for reporting to c-suite on insurance costs, risks, trends etc. He coordinates the purchase of all insurance products for our corporation. They attend risk management meetings and captive insurance meetings. They supervise a small team of investigators who investigate claims, coordinate record production for outside counsel and the like. The other attorney also performs some in house investigative and advice work relative to cases which might go to litigation (think employment litigation or dismissal of students from programs). They also coordinate responses to subpeonas and prep individuals for court appearances.

    • Anonymous

      I know several people in-house who have the title of “litigation counsel” or something similar, but don’t actually do much litigation. My sense is that in companies, especially with smaller legal departments, most lawyers get pulled into a lot of different matters. It’s part of why in-house was never appealing to me (as a litigator who doesn’t really like other kinds of legal work). And keep in mind that even the litigation side looks fairly different in-house, because you’re often getting involved in the very early stages before a case is filed (while outside counsel are usually retained after the matter has already gone to the courts). I think you need to make sure you really understand what a person in this position would do on a day-to-day basis, since it varies widely.

      • ChiLaw

        Just a reminder that if you do consider it, an interview is both for the potential employer and for you! You can ask lots of questions to find out if it would be a good fit, and you don’t have to decide before the interview that if you got it you would definitely take it.

        What your day-to-day would look like will have a lot to do with the size of the company and the type of work it does. I’m at a small company, 2-person legal dept., and my background is in litigation. Here, I help manage a few litigation (or could-be-litigation) matters, but also do a ton of contracts work, risk management, and a lot of employment work. Because the department is so small, we don’t really specialize.

        I was recently interviewing candidates for HR Director, and it was interesting to see, depending on the companies they were working for, how their experiences varied. One candidate worked for a manufacturing company, so a ton of her work related to workers comp type claims. At my company (because it is largely office staff), workers comp claims are much less common. A company that has a lot of value in its IP might expect to do a lot of IP litigation. Etc. etc. etc.

        One thing to consider is whether you would miss the boots on the ground, going to court aspects of litigation. I almost never do, but I have to admit I have a tiny tinge of jealousy when our outside counsel is going to argue a motion (and my ego wonders if I could do a better job — but I have to let go of it, because that’s his job, and I’m doing mine).

    • Anon

      I am not an attorney, but I have worked closely with in-house litigation counsel, both as an in-house practitioner of my specialty (at a P&C insurer) and a consultant (across all industries). My impression of the job is that they manage class actions and employment matters (but were not responsible for insurance regulatory compliance matters, that went to a separate group outside of GC) and manage relationships with and the work of outside counsel. They also create eDiscovery policies and procedures, work with IT on implementing those practices, and do a bit of litigation risk management assessment.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been in-house litigation counsel at 2 F50 companies (with a specialty in employment law), and the role of in-house litigation counsel varies based on the organization. At Company #1 (large retailer), I managed outside counsel by setting strategy, helping them with discovery (pulling documents, setting up interviews, etc.), keeping internal leadership apprised of what was going on with litigation, and identifying trends (based on the litigation) that we could fix to avoid litigation going forward. I also worked closely with our PR and media teams to address fall-out and coverage of litigation issues. It was a very hands on position, requiring me to put on my “business hat” on a regular basis, to ensure business leaders knew why we were making certain decisions in litigation, and why certain changes were necessary based on the outcomes of litigation.

      At Company #2 (large consumer-facing company that’s not retail), my litigation position is much more siloed, and I don’t have as much of the proactive policy change responsibility. I still manage outside counsel closely – working with them on strategy and helping them get what they need from us internally. I’m also responsible for communication with leadership about the litigation, but I feel like I’m much more of a “lawyer” on a day-to-day basis than I was at Company #1 (and that is solely due to the company culture).

      I loved being a litigator when I was in private practice, and I believe that being an in-house litigation attorney gives you the best of all worlds – you get to be involved in strategy and the “fun stuff” in litigation, without having to actually draft discovery responses or fight with opposing counsel. I feel like my litigation skills have only increased since I’ve been in-house, so if I were to go back to a firm, I would have continued to grow, even if I wasn’t actually litigating cases myself. I hope this helps!

      • In-House Litigation?

        This does help! (and thank you to everyone else for your helpful comments too).

        One of my other concerns it that I’m worried it closes the door to working in a firm, so I’m surprised to hear you mention going back to a firm. Do you think its possible/likely to move from in-house back to a firm?

        • Anonymous

          You absolutely can go back to a firm. When I was in the process of interviewing at Company #2, I had outstanding offers from a couple of large firms that wouldn’t have even considered me back when I graduated from law school. You bring a lot of experience and client understanding to the table after having been in-house, which firms feel is very valuable. I think the only thing you lose is those years of building a book of business, though you can build an amazing in-house network through various organizations that are only open to in-house attorneys (think ACC). I stayed involved in bar associations and I think my network is even better now than it was when I was in private practice.

    • Anon

      Yes, look on PGA website and sign up for group lessons at a course near you. Then hit the driving range once you have a few skills. Most ranges have clubs you can borrow, or can set you up with a few cheap clubs (you need a putter, 5 or 7 iron and a driver, at a minimum).

    • orange

      I took a class at a Rec center at a local college that was open to non-university affiliates (BU if you happen to be in Boston). The captain of the golf team taught it. It was great.

    • s

      Your park district or local community college also might have group lessons for adults.

    • bridget

      See if one of your golf-playing friends will take you to the driving range. I have two sets of clubs and would be thrilled to bring a friend to hit some balls.

      I know some people who swear by YouTube videos for getting the basics.

    • Ms B

      The hubs and I took lessons through the local community college for several semesters at a par 3 course that was five minutes from our house. Lessons were about $65 per person for eight weeks and included a small bucket of balls for more practice after each lesson.

      A group of about 20 professional women that I know organized weekly group lessons over the last couple years. Lessons were at 6 p.m. on a set weeknight in the spring/summer/fall and were $20 per person as long as at least 3 people showed up (which pretty much always happened). The pro we had was terrific and I really liked learning with other women whose skills were comparable with mine (i.e. mediocre at best).

    • lost academic

      I asked a few friends about this a few years ago and they each cautioned me not to let friends give me my first lessons but to use a professional. If you’re golfing for any other reason than to look like you know your way around a golf course, I would consider this good advice.

  14. Kimmy

    First time commenter and not sure if this is allowed, but I thought I’d ask anyway.

    Walked into work today to see an anonymous sign posted at the end of every row of cubicles in my business unit’s area on our floor asking people to be considerate when wearing fragrances at the office due to the allergies or sensitivities of others.

    What are your thoughts on this, Corporette hive?

    I completely understand the sensitivity issue- when my mother was pregnant with my siblings, the tiniest whiff of anything floral made her absolutely ill to the point of retching.

    Personally, I think this kind of communication should have come from a high-ranking admin in the form of an email (wasting less time, paper and ink), and it probably would have been more effective and less passive-aggressive.

    • Cat

      As to substance, totally understandable. Scent is SO pervasive and what smells great to one person can easily be unpleasant (at best) to others, or cause physical reactions like watery eyes. This applies to men and women — one male partner at my Biglaw firm wore SO much cologne that his whole floor had a different smell than the rest of the building did…

      Kind of weird to post notes all over, though. Can you tell who initiated the blast or is it totally anonymous?

      • Kimmy

        It’s totally anonymous. It was someone who was in the office before 8am and spelled allergies “alergies.”

    • ChiLaw

      Kimmy, friends of mine (migrainers) have had real issues with scents at work. I do think that going through official channels is probably the best way to do it (and that is what I’ve advised them to do, because “hey your perfume makes me wish for death” is hard to say to a colleague), but I could see someone being frustrated with that process and taking it into their own hands.

      • that's me!

        I’m a fellow migraine sufferer, often triggered by scents.

        Years ago, I was getting debilitating migraines – the sound from talking was painful, the light from the sun was too bright, movement was out of the question, etc. to the point of throwing up. The migraine would last days – typically all weekend. Then I realized it was because of a Thursday class I had next to a girl who would wear a specific perfume. I know she did not intend it, and I ended up changing seats, but it was honestly debilitating. For some people the sensitivity, allergy, migraine trigger, whatever isn’t just temporary (i.e. when pregnant), it is anytime you smell that thing. That’s probably why there were signs so that people would think about it all the time and not just for a few days after the email. (Also possible someone may be applying a lotion or perfume at their cube during office hours.)

    • Anon

      Come on, you’re not actually mad about paper and ink, right? You’re mad bc it wasn’t backed by the “authority” of HR. This is a real issue, and who’s to say that the person didn’t already try to get HR to deal with it? Remember to try to assume good intent. Don’t get your panties in a bunch over something that substantively is actually a big deal for some people. Imagine if it were you or your best friend who was suffering from this problem!

      • Kimmy

        I’m not mad at all about any of it, and my panties are certainly unbunched. More than anything I was amused, and several of my colleagues have outright mocked the signs. I think it would have held more gravity if it was a mass communication instead of just posting notes.

    • Clara

      Totally fine. Kinda clunky, and a little annoying if I was one wearing scents and now stopped…. since it might make me feel a tad guilty each day… but still fine in my book.

      Many people do not respond to a one time email regarding this issue. There is likely some discussion of this going on behind the scenes that you aren’t aware of, and likely people who are having a hard time and higher ups are tired of hearing repeat complaints. Keeping signs up for a period of time may be a strong reminder that will enable a faster transition to a scent-free environment.

      • Never too many shoes...

        With respect to Clara’s comment about the signs being a good reminder, I would think that unless there is some indication that these notices came from “above” (and if they did, I would think they would be signed by HR or someone and also be free of typos) most people will just ignore them.

    • WestCoast Lawyer

      The flip side of this is someone in my office who apparently took the initiative to put one of those fragarance dispersers along with a spray can of air freshener in the ladies room. I’ve never noticed a particular odor issue in there before, but now it reeks of a horrible chemical floral scent all the time. I’m tempted to chuck it all in the trash, but don’t want to meet passive aggressive actions with more of the same…

    • Anon

      It’s been out for awhile but Jiro Dreams of Sushi was excellent. I believe it’s on Netflix.

        • ArenKay

          If you like food documentaries, Kings of Pastry is wonderful. Exactly as glorious as you would expect a film about a national French pastry competition to be.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Love documentaries – trying to think of a few good ones I’ve watched lately.
      -Spinning Plates
      -SOMM – about sommelier training, also I think a sequel just came out
      -Jiro Dreams of Sushi – you’ve probably seen this one but it really is that good
      -Secrets of Great British Castles – this is a series available on Netflix. The material is interesting and the host is so overdramatic that it’s extra entertaining

    • H

      I liked these:
      Somm – About taking the sommelier exam. And also Somm: Into the Bottle – about wine in general and has some of the same people from Somm.

      Race Across America – about a cycling race that starts in Oregon and ends in Virginia. Unlike the normal Tour races (Tour of California, Tour of Utah, etc), there is no support. The cyclists are on their own for everything: water, food, first aid, etc.

      The Barclay Marathons – About an ultrarace in Tennessee. Also not your typical ultrarace, and you’ll see why if you watch it. It’s basically 5 marathons through the woods and few people have finished it in the 30 years it’s been going on.

      I’d also be interested in suggestions! I love watching documentaries.

      • CountC

        You would probably also like Desert Runners, Ultramarathon Man, Running the Sahara, and Running on the Sun: The Badwater 135. :) At one point, Desert Runners was on Netflic, but I think it’s off now.

    • Goosebumpy

      I very much want to see the one titled…uh…the last name of Huma Abedin’s husband.

    • Emmer

      Second the rec for Somm, and also the Chef’s Table series on Netflix – they are mini-documentaries of amazing chefs and restaurants around the world.

    • MargaretO

      She’s Beautiful When She’s Angry – about 60’s women’s lib. I saw it when it was showing in theaters about a year ago but its streaming on netflix now.

    • In the Pink

      There is one called “Jerusalem: The Movie.” It was originally released for IMAX. That being said, the DVD was just fine. They follow three different 20 year old “girls” and track their lives, faith, and the history of the faiths that all lead to Jerusalem. Done well and balanced. Having traveled through the Holy Land, it was wonderful to see things with different perspectives and some locations I was unable to see myself. There is a website using the movie title if you want more information.

      Can’t recommend re-visiting “March of the Penguins” strongly enough. Such amazing critters and the views of Antarctica… great. I know many on this posting like to rx it as a trip. I’ve been and it’s more than one can imagine and express.

      Last month, PBS was running several documentaries on the life and times of Queen Elizabeth II. There also were a few on “insider” views of Windsor and Buckingham palaces. Marvelous. Bring on the hot tea and Biscoff cookies for that one.

    • Anon

      Meru. It was great. Made me never want to go climbing again though, but I’ll get over it.

    • Anonymous

      It’s not new, but one of my all-time favorites is First Position. It should still be on Netflix, I think.

      • Seattle Freeze

        Have you seen Ballet 422? It’s a documentary following NYCB’s choreographer Justin Peck as he creates La Paz de la Jolla. I had a chance to see one of his other works performed this spring and it was wonderful.

      • BB

        Yesss!! I just rewatched that one a few weeks ago and it was still just as good second time around.

    • Ms B

      Suited
      How to Dance in Ohio
      Casting by . . .
      That Guy . . . Who Was in That Thing
      That Gal . . . Who Was in That Thing
      Becoming Mike Nichols

      I love the documentaries that HBO has been showing and/or producing lately. Really quality stuff.

    • BB

      Not new but one of my all time favorites is Enron: Smartest Guys in the Room. Highly entertaining and terrifying.

  16. Anon

    I have been really, really struggling the last few months with fatigue and irritability. I chalked it up to working a lot, and juggling two young children. I finally went to see the doctor, who noted in my chart a long ago diagnosis of Vitamin D deficiency. She ordered blood work to test my current levels, and thought that may have something to do with my feelings over the last several weeks/months.

    I am so, so hopeful that I can attribute my gloom and moodiness to this particular deficiency, and that supplements will help. Can anyone share success stories of supplements – particularly Vitamin D supplements -helping? Admittedly, I’ve always been a bit of a disbeliever in Vitamins (took them when I was pregnant and nursing, but otherwise, I don’t think they do much). I’m at the point where I desperate to feel better, and not snap at my kids and husband every morning.

    • Frozen Peach

      I could have written this post several years ago. I ended up sobbing at my doctor’s because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong– no energy, cranky all the time, brain fog, moodiness, etc. I thought I had mono.

      For some people, especially women, Vit D deficiency can really, really affect your daily quality of life. I started taking 6000 IU immediately per day, and within a few weeks I was feeling a noticeable improvement. If you’re really low, ask about getting a shot to jumpstart you. The challenge is that your body can only absorb so much D per day.

      • Anon

        Thank you! That is relieving to hear. I really am hopeful it’s a deficiency – at least it will explain the issues.

    • Clara

      Your complaints are one of the most common for women in our age group! And I’ve gotta be honest… the likelihood it is Vit D is pretty low. But hey, it is a good thing to check.

      Meanwhile, start asking yourself about other common causes…

      Are you getting enough good, regular sleep?
      Are you exercising?
      Are you over-extended, and at baseline a bit of an anxious/depressed person and are getting pushed over your edge?

      These are all things that can be addressed several ways, and may also lead to great improvements in your quality of life.

      It can be better.

      • Wow

        What? No. I think there was a recent study that the majority of women have a Vitamin D deficiency and this is even more the case if you have a darker complexion. We’re all in office jobs all day, so it makes sense. I always try to get out at lunch for a short walk just to get some sun.

        • Clara

          My meaning is that the likelihood that her symptoms are due to low vit D is pretty low. Of course, low vitamin D is common, and she may have low vitamin D, but chances are very high that reversing this wont reverse her symptoms.

    • Anonymous

      Yup, I’ve had similar issues and Vitamin D helped. I also had B12 deficiency, protein deficiency, and iron deficiency–saw way more improvement when I got all of those things cleared up, of course. It’s worth asking your doctor to run the other tests too.

      • Same here

        Yes, B12 deficiency, protein deficiency, and iron deficiency can all contribute to fatigue much more so than Vitamin D deficiency.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I have a major Vitamin D deficiency (my doctor said she’d never seen the number so low) and take prescription vitamins. But honestly I haven’t noticed a difference. Maybe I just got used to the feeling since I’ve probably been deficient for a really long time. I wish it made a noticeable difference though.

      There are other things it could be and blood work is an important step in figuring it out. I hope you can get it figured out.

      • SillyValley

        How long have you been taking the prescription vit D? I also tested at ludicrously low levels and it’s taken literally years to creep back up. I just checked my digital health record and it took over 18 months from my first blood test, taking 50,000IU twice weekly and twice RDA the other days, to get to the very low end of normal. Apparently since D is oil-soluble and stored in fat, it takes a while to get it into your body in sufficient quantity, and if you’re someone who’s been chronically deficient it takes a really long time to get back to normal. My SIL, who had the complicating factor of half of her thyroid being removed, also took around 2 years to get her levels back and feeling a difference. I’ve also started making a point to take quick walks in the sunshine most days, which is good for my depression and SAD anyway.

        To OP, make sure your doc also checks your thyroid levels, which can cause major fatigue if off (low, usually) and your fasting blood sugar, to make sure you’re not insulin resistant or prediabetic. And, belaboring the obvious, make sure you’re getting enough sleep, getting some exercise and eating mostly healthy food. Stress and anxiety also make you feel like crap and antidepressants or antianxiety meds are a good option for a lot of people – you don’t have to commit to taking them the rest of your life necessarily, they can be a short-term assist when needed.

    • Meredith

      Major Vit D deficiency, doc reccomended high dose in spray form and symptoms improved remarkably. Tried to go off it and they returned. It’s now the only ‘medication’ I look forward to. Hope it works for you!

    • Anon

      I’m def not a doctor but I am a health nerd, and I’ve read a few things that might be worth researching for you. First, some scientists say vit D supplement pills are not terribly effective and you are so you may be much better off getting ten minutes of midday sunshine. Second, upping your vit D intake from food sources can be helpful, such as grass fed dairy, sun dried mushrooms, and cod liver oil. Good luck!!

  17. Anonymous

    This is going to sound awful, but I absolutely HATE my post-baby body. I have 2 kids, 5 and 3, and everytime I look in the mirror, I just think how much I miss my pre-baby body. I didn’t think I was vain, and I adore my babies, but I wish I could still turn heads instead of just being another mom.

    • anon

      I wish you were happy with your looks, but there’s nothing vain about wanting to be hot. I bet you’re better looking than you feel like you are? Could you work out more? It does wonders for the mood and self-esteem

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Could you update your wardrobe? No kids here yet but due to a medical condition my weight tends to fluctuate. I always feel my worst when my clothes don’t really fit right. Now I have a variety of sizes in my closet so I always have something that doesn’t just fit, is flattering. If your body shape changed, you might need to try some different styles to highlight the good and detract from the points you are self-conscious about. Could you get in with a personal shopper? Buy a couple things to compensate them for their time but note what styles looked good on you and then bargain hunt. Also, ask a friend with similar shape for advice. My stick straight friend shopped my closet for a bit when pregnant. She didn’t know how to dress with bigger boobs, hips and a belly. My clothes were still too big for her (girl was starting from 00) but she figured out what styles would work and knew what to buy.

    • orange

      I can commiserate. I was never that looks conscious — and still really am not (wear minimal makeup, don’t bother coloring my hair, etc.) but the things I liked best about my figure changed considerably. It’s a bummer. Working out helps my self-view, but it’s not an easy fix.

    • Anonymous

      No advice, but I feel you. Since becoming a mother I feel invisible in a way I never felt before having kids. I imagine this is how elderly ladies feel. It’s sad!!

      • Anon

        So agree with this comment about feeling invisible. I hate my post-baby body too. The hardest part is that juggling work and childcare really just leaves me zero time to do anything about it. As much as I’d love to focus and cherish my child’s toddler years a small part of me can’t wait for this phase to be over and to get to a place where my kid can amuse himself for an hour so that I can jump on the elliptical (or use the bathroom, for god’s sake) in peace.

      • Anonymous

        Wow. This makes me sad too as someone who is thinking of having kids one day. This is one thing I am afraid of, feeling like I have lost a part of myself. No advice here, but I hope it gets better.

        • Just me

          Not saying this to humblebrag, but to reassure you. My body post-baby looks more or less the same pre-baby (not as tight/toned, but things still fit the same) and I get compliments all the time from men and women. Of course, there are things that I would like to change but overall I’m content. I’m also not working out at all so I try not to be too hard on myself that I don’t have perfect abs. Everyone is different.

      • lawsuited

        I’m overweight so already pretty invisible, so hopefully I’ll adapt to motherhood more easily.

        • ChiLaw

          Ha, I was thinking the same thing! I’m a new-ish mom, and while I’m not thrilled with all the ways my body has changed (who *does* like stretch marks?), because I’ve never been that conventionally hot bikini-bod type lady, it hasn’t been a shock to my system to …continue to not be that lady. (I look great in a bikini, mind you, but not in the way we’re supposed to think of it.)

    • anon

      Whatever your body type/shape, there are people who WILL find you hot, I promise!

      • Anonono

        Sometimes when I look at my wedding pics I feel this little pang that I didn’t get it together (for me “get it together” exclusively means “slip back into an ED”) to be thin for my wedding day. And then I look at my husband, absolutely thrilled to be marrying me, looking pretty much the way I look now. And it gives me a lot of confidence looking forward — I’ll never have to wonder if he doesn’t like me “anymore” because I “got” fat. I am fat, he knows it, and he adores me.

  18. Living in Atlanta?

    Can anyone provide any insight on what living in Atlanta is like? Just generally in terms of cost of living, lifestyle, outdoor activities and ability to meet people and make friends?

    My husband is being offered a job opportunity in Atlanta that would be great for his career. We are not Americans and will be moving from outside the US from a very high cost of living country, if we do. We are both in our 30’s with no kids.

    Also, I don’t drive (no need to where we are from). I have a driving licence which I have never used and am willing to take lessons again and re-learn, but frankly, I’m terrified of driving and wondering how big an issue this would be.

    Obviously we wouldn’t make any decisions without me visiting Atlanta at least once, but any insight is appreciated. Thanks in advance!

    • Hotlanna

      If you’re moving to Atlanta, it’s time to dust off that steering wheel. You’ll have to drive.

      There have been a few threads recently about living in Atlanta, so you might to do some digging around here, but it’s been well covered.

    • GTGrad

      I went to Grad school in Atlanta and LOVED it(am from a different country too). Yes, it is hot in summer… But that is what air-conditioning is for ,right?
      I lived mid-town in a walk-friendly neighborhood. Didn’t drive,but a few friends did.
      How much you need to drive will depend on where you live.

      There is tons to do- outdoor stuff and the weather isnt too bad most of the year. A bunch of good weekend destinations and daytrip options (Helen, Chatanooga)
      Low COL, good Tech scene in some areas (if that matters to you), good schools.
      It is also super diverse and the people are really nice and warm.

      • I don't like it here

        I’ve never understood it when people say Atlanta is super diverse. You walk down the streets in places like Boston, London, Toronto, NYC, etc. and you hear all these different languages. Everywhere. Pockets of different ethnic food options on Buford Highway =/= diverse.

        It strikes me as a very homogenous place.

        • anon

          If you compare it to NYC or a much larger city, then it’s not as diverse. It’s more racially diverse than other places I have lived (Pittsburgh, small town Virginia, other parts of Ga). It’s also really spread out as a metro area so those diverse pockets are much further apart. Example- the variety of Asian cultures represented in the NE quadrant (think Duluth). Metro Atl is pretty diverse. When I lived in Pittsburgh on the other hand, most of the diversity was concentrated around the university areas. Once you got beyond that, there weren’t nearly as many people of color and most of the diversity was euro-centric. I live in a small Southern city now and I really notice the difference when I go back to Atl.

    • cbackson

      I love Atlanta so much that I ought to get paid by the Convention and Visitors Bureau, so I think if you search for my comments, there are some pretty recently on this topic.

    • Anon

      The costs are ticking up, but still generally low especially compared to other large metropolitan.

      If you live in town, you might be able to get away with walking and Marta, but if you live in the suburbs, you will definitely need a car. I’ve seen worse traffic elsewhere but it’s still pretty bad. Afternoon rush hour is from 3pm to 7pm.

      Lots to do and see, can drive to mountain or beaches. I think it’s pretty diverse. Large Asian, Hispanic, African communities. Plenty of food options. I volunteer at one of many ESL programs in the area and we definitely have a waiting list.

    • anon prof

      I think a lot of Atlantans are bad drivers, maybe because they don’t have drivers ed in the schools. You’ll probably want to drive, though, since there aren’t many areas where you can do all of your errands by walking. Public transit is limited and pretty slow.
      I really like living here now, but it took me many years to adjust to it. A lot of people’s social lives seem to revolve around their church, their family, and their alumni base, so I found it hard to make friends. But most people are nice.

      • anon

        “I think a lot of Atlantans are bad drivers, maybe because they don’t have drivers ed in the schools.”

        Lol. Almost no one in Atlanta is “from” Atlanta. Pretty sure whether or not someone took driver’s ed as a 15 year old is not the biggest determinant of whether they are a crappy driver. Our drivers aren’t great, but they certainly aren’t the worst compared to places like LA, Boston, NY. Our biggest issue is traffic, which brings out a lot of poor behavior. Oh, that and we don’t have *turn lanes* anywhere it seems.

        OP- you’ve got basically no choice but to drive if you live here.

    • Anna

      Think seriously about the weather. I live in a similar city in the southeast and seriously underestimated how much the heat and humidity would affect my quality of life. I used to spend tons of time active outside, but 5-6 months of the year are pretty much unbearable outside. I thought I’d adjust, but since I spend most of my time shivering in my freezing office, I haven’t. I know most people aren’t nearly as bothered by it as I am, but coming from the west coast and the far northern US before that, it’s been a big change. Also, if you’re at all prone to seasonal allergies or asthma, the southeast is terrible! If you’re an indoor or hot weather person, none of that will matter, and everyone I know in Atlanta loves it, but just wanted to throw out the warning.

  19. Atty B

    I have been trying to find a good makeup setting spray with spf 30+. Have any of you tried a product that you can keep applying during the day to keep up the sun protection but doesn’t leave your skin dried out or greasy?

    • Ginjury

      Supergoop Rosemary Spray has an SPF of 50 and works well as a setting spray. I can’t entirely speak to its SPF qualities since I always apply sunscreen in the morning, but I haven’t gotten a sunburn yet so I think it is pretty effective. It is slightly mattifying, but has not dried my skin out.

  20. Napa Know How

    I’m planning a trip to San Francisco & Napa for late September/early October. I ran a quick search here, and there are a couple threads, but wanted to get any fresh takes y’all might have! Suggestions for restaurants or wineries I can’t miss? Tips for scheduling tastings, navigating the area? Ideal location for hotels? How many days would you suggest for each? Thanks in advance!

    • NapaNative

      That is my favorite time of year in the valley! Harvest and crush will probably be in full swing, so my favorite thing to do is drive with the windows down and smell the wine fermenting.

      As for places to stay, Yountville has most of the hotel rooms these days. Downtown Napa proper also has some newer hotels. Further up valley in St Helena and Calistoga you’re going to find more boutique lodging options. (Side note: please stay in a hotel not an air bnb. It is expensive enough for the service and tourism and farm staff to live here already, we need to preserve our limited rental stock for long term housing. We’ve been building more hotels like crazy so short term guests have a place to stay, please use them!).

      How long to stay and which wineries really depends on how “into” wine you are. Are you looking for something in particular, or do you just want to get the general feel of the place?

      For food, budget is also helpful. Looking for uber fancy? Middle of the road? Locals spots?

      • Napa Know How

        Thanks NapaNative! Especially for the advice on hotels v. air bnb. I will definitely take that advice to heart!

        I’m not a wine expert, by any means. I’m coming from Texas, and even though I have a lot of love for Texas, I realize my hill country wine palette will be thrilled by most everything I try in Napa. I think I’ll do a car service for at least one day. I’d really like to discover new (to me) wines, so I’m probably going for quantity one day and quality one day, if that makes sense?

        In terms of food, I love local spots. I’d like to do at least one really fancy “most expensive meal of your life” type dinners. I’m a huge fan of any place that feels casual but has that “pride of ownership” feeling about its food and service. Really anything you can recommend would be helpful! There’s so much information out there, it’s hard to know where to begin!

    • Anonymous

      That’s a great time of year in Napa, although it’s peak tourist season so expect high prices and make reservations. For food, depends on a lot on what you like and what your budget is. The French Laundry lived up to my incredibly high expectations, but unless you’re really into that kind of food it’s probably not something you would do. More middle of the road price-wise, I really like Bouchon (and the bakery), Bistro Jeanty, Farmstead, Bottega, Addendum (Thomas Keller’s famous fried chicken), Boon Fly Cafe for breakfast and Redd for lunch. Gott’s burgers is cheap (although expensive for what it is) and a favorite of both tourists and locals. I think Ad Hoc is overrated, especially now that the chicken is available at Addendum.

      I highly, highly recommend a hot air balloon tour. It’s spendy but watching the sun rise over the valley from a hot air balloon is absolutely amazing.

      As for how to split time between SF and Napa, it depends on what you like to do. I’m not a huge city person but I’d still probably do 40/60 SF/Napa or even 50/50. There’s a lot of fantastic food in the city too, and obviously there are way more restaurants total, so it’s hard to get a good sampling of the food scene in 1-2 days in SF the way you can in Napa.

      • NapaNative

        This is all good advice. Cindy’s backstreet kitchen is also a favorite, as is Taqueria Azteca. Also, SF food is as good (or, gasp, better) so make sure you keep since food budget for there too!

        Car service on your quantity day is a fabulous idea! Your driver may have recommendations on places. The Napa vitners association has a website with lots of information on different producers. Some of the smaller places need “reservations” for tasting due to their permit. In many cases you can try pulling up to the gate day of and asking if they have any reservations available. If they do they’ll just let you in. Doesn’t work for the most exclusive places, but for smaller places it does.

        Another tip for tasting, lots of wineries have wine clubs where they mail you periodic shipments. If you’re a member or are signing up to be one you may get free tastings or tours. If you’ve already got favorites, this could be an option for you.

    • ALX emily

      Not everyone prefers staying in Napa, but I do – I’ve been several times, and now always pick Napa over Yountville. The Napa River Inn is my favorite hotel I’ve stayed at there. Their breakfast isn’t quite as fancy as some other places (but still delicious! and delivered to your room) but I really like the rooms/location and loooove the beds.

  21. Laura B

    Just had a dermatology appointment yesterday and I’m starting accutane in a month – any tips?

    She said I needed to take it with ideally 50 g of fat – specific tips on incorporating more healthy fats? I like peanut butter but only so much. I’m meh on avocado but might try to learn to like them. I really don’t love olive oil on my salads. What else is there?

    • anon

      Nuts, cheese, full fat dairy, coconut products, whole eggs (egg salad with avocado is delish, btw), fattier fish.

    • anon

      no advice on the fats but congrats on starting Accutane! you will love the results. one of the best things I’ve ever done. I only wish I’d done it sooner (started when I was 21, but had moderate acne since I was about 14). Make sure you stay moisturized and take it easy on alcohol.

    • Anonymous

      I took Accutane twice. It was the best thing I ever did for my skin, but it was really rough on me in other ways. Now, I took it 12 years ago, so I don’t know if they’ve made any changes to it… but I experienced pretty severe emotions both times I took it- suicidal thoughts, erratic behavior, general feelings of depression, etc. Definitely be sensitive to that. Also, get a lot of really intense moisturizer and use it even if you don’t feel dry. I have scars from mosquito bites I got that never healed. Also, my lips were chapped and bleeding almost the whole time. So be really aggressive about keeping everything moisturized! I took it as a teen, so I can’t speak to the alcohol, but to the extent that alcohol dries out your skin, try to keep it to a minimum. Also, you’ll be on birth control while you take accutane, so keep that in mind. I know it sounds like a lot of awful side effects, and it was pretty rough, but after my second round my skin was 99% better than before and 12 years later it’s still far better than it was prior to my taking it. Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      Took it twice. Loved it. I never got the advice re: fats, so did not do that. Want to note that as I understand it, the alcohol thing is not just about drying effects (though that is probably true), it’s about liver function, so do be cognizant of that. The monthly testing/appointments are brutal if you are a busy professional, but everything else was positive for me. My advice (which I learned here from another poster) is: Cortibalm. Dry lips were the devil, and really the only consistent side effect I suffered, and Cortibalm was way more effective than Aquafor or anything else suggested to me. I never got the emotional side effects. YMMV.

  22. anon

    Feeling bummed. Just learned I have fairly bad arthritis in my knee in my mid-30s. Deep fissuring of the medial and central trochlea with subjacent bone marrow edema. Wondering if I’ll ever be able to run again…

    • DPT

      See a PT to learn exercises to help. Having strong hip and leg muscles will help quite a bit. Lots of people with really bad arthritis live happy and active lives!

      • anon

        I just finished 8 weeks of PT, which did help a bit. We mainly worked on strengthening my outer hip and glutes. However, there was not a huge improvement, which is why I finally got an MRI. I will see an ortho in two weeks so I’ll probably find out more then, but I’m also afraid they’ll just say “deal with it.” Which seems to be the prevailing take-home message I’ve been getting. Just feeling bummed at the moment, but I do know that it is not the end of the world.

  23. Shopping help - beach wedding?

    Does anyone want to do some fun vicarious shopping for me? I’m going to an evening, barefoot wedding on a beach in two weekends. The dress code is more casual than most. I’m tall, small of chest, and slightly apple shaped, with winter coloring. Hoping to spend less than $250 – I’ll probably not wear the dress much again, but feeling flush with cash and wouldn’t mind paying for the right dress. Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

    • Laura B

      I wanted to try it, so I added zinc into a smoothie, and proceeded to drink about 1/6 of the smoothie and then throw it all back up within 5 min. I must have dosed too much or something, but that turned me off of it.

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