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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 101 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Weekend Max Mara

Suit of the Week

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navy linen suit for women weekend max maraFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I'm not sure how I missed this lovely linen blazer in our recent summer blazer roundup, but it's on a great sale over at Lord & Taylor — and has a good number of sizes left considering the discount. I'm not familiar with Weekend Max Mara, but I've drooled over enough Max Mara to give the offshoot a try. The jacket (Weekend Max Mara Linen Two-Button Jacket) is $180 (down from $450!), and the pants (Weekend Max Mara Straight-Leg Linen Pants) are $106. (L-all) This similar blue linen blazer comes in regular, petite, plus sizes, and plus size petites; here's a matching ankle pant and trouser. navy linen suit for women weekend max mara big

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Ellen

    Yay Kat! I totaly LOVE Max Mara, but wish I looked like Rooney Mara b/c she is so thin she look’s great in skinny jean’s! The days when my tuchus looked good in skinny jean’s may have passed forever! FOOEY!

    Anyway, I see I am the first p’oster today, so I am askeing the HIVE again whether they think I should go in house with Roberta with the thought that I would be general council in 2 years, or stay at my firm. We are thinking that Brexit may cause the firm to have to merge with a larger NYC firm, and that would NOT be good for me and my practise, but the Manageing partner says not to worry. I think he may want to cash out now, before Brexit hits. What does the HIVE think? I am goeing to take a CLE on Brexit to figure it all out, but thought I would get the HIVE’s advise now. YAY!!!!!

  2. Bucket list trip?

    Ooh I like this suit! Not sure I could pull it off though.

    Where would go if you could take one last big trip w/ your spouse before TTC? There are lots of places on my to-visit list, but with the exception of Antarctica or a safari in Africa, which we don’t have the time or money to do right now, there’s nothing that really stands out above everything else. The trip would be in May/June (yes, I like to plan very far in advance…) and we’d have 12-14 days, including travel time from Chicago.

    • Delta Dawn

      DH and I did this before TTC and decided to go to Italy. We did ten days and went to what I would consider the “main” Italian spots (Venice, Rome, Florence, and Cinque Terre). Italy has a great mix of activity (sightseeing tours, landmarks, etc) and relaxation (food, wine).

      Also on my list were Ireland and Greece; having been to neither, maybe someone else can say if those would be good ideas.

      • Bucket list trip?

        Looooove Napa! I grew up in CA and we got married there, so it’s definitely one of my favorite destinations. Enjoy!

    • Sydney Bristow

      Australia is my favorite place in the world. Considering how long the flight is from the US, I’d go there because I can’t imagine taking kids on that long of a flight.

      Likewise, I’ve always wanted to see Angkor Wot. It’s also super far away.

      • Anonymous

        Counterpoint – I went to Australia with my family when I was 8 and it was the most amazing thing ever. I loved seeing all the animals, and am deliberately saving a repeat visit to Australia until after we have kids. Depends on the personality of your kids, but long flights with older kids don’t have to be bad. I’m pretty sure I just read non-stop for the however many hours it took to get there. Which is pretty much exactly what I’d do now.

        OP, I’d go somewhere super romantic and expensive that you wouldn’t take kids to, like Bora Bora or the Maldives. Or if beaches aren’t your thing, maybe a fancy all-inclusive spa resort, like Amangiri in Utah.

    • KinCA

      Italy (we just did 12 days in Rome, Florence, and Tuscany as our big pre-TTC trip and it was amazing) or Greece (Santorini/Mykonos is on my bucket list).

    • Libby

      We are going to New Zealand in November for this exact reason. I can barely fathom being on a plane that long as an adult, with a child it sounds like torture.

      With the trip in May/June, you may want to stick with the Northern Hemisphere, since it is winter in Australia/NZ.

      • Sydney Bristow

        The area around the Great Barrier Reef is fine during winter because it’s in the tropics. Sydney wasn’t bad in July when we were there. Cloudy and rainy a couple of days but temps were in the 50s so we were able to explore.

    • lucy stone

      Alaska. It’d be fun with older kids, but not little (under maybe 8) ones.

    • Anonymous

      Europe. Wherever you loved or want to visit again or have never been. I’d want to explore non-stroller friendly villages, eat late wine filled dinner, have breakfast on my balcony, mid-afternoon adult siesta.

    • SW

      I’m late to the game but need to chime in. If you like to do active/adventure things on vacation, now is the time. If you have more than one kid, it’s going to be a long time before you can raft through the Grand Canyon or rappel down waterfalls or do intense hikes. (Yes, some people do multi day hiking/camping trips with little kids, but it sounds miserable to me.) In your shoes, I’d go to Alaska with a stop over in Vancouver for some fancy hotel/restaurant/romantic time.

      Ooh! I also look back really fondly on long road trips I took with my husband when we were dating (when we had more time than money). What about renting a car to drive one way from Chicago to LA via northern national parks/Oregon coast/PAcific coast highway?

      • SW

        I suggest the road trip because it’s another thing that’s surprisingly challenging about little kids. I knew I’d have to give up sleep and leisurely restaurant meals, but my oldest is 8 and only now is getting bearable on 3+ hour drives.

    • Anne Elliott

      African Safari

      Maldives….snorkel all day and stay in a water villa

      Paris and Rome

      Scotland/ Ireland

      Patagonia

  3. Veronica Mars

    Anyone have any tips for getting out of a funk? I was on bedrest for two weeks and now that I’m better, I’m still feeling a little blah.

    • purplesneakers

      I find getting around and moving (going for a walk, putting on music and dancing) really helps. Or meeting up with friends for coffee, or rewatching/rereading and old favourite. Failing that, ice cream!

  4. Runner 5

    Thank you all for helping me out of my funk earlier. I walked to the river with a coffee (I’m going to miss living so close to a river) and now have the All Out 00s playlist from Spotify going and a bottle of cheap red wine on the go.

  5. Starting Fresh

    Hi Hive,

    Can anyone tell me about a time when they moved to a completely new city all alone?

    I’m moving this month to take a new job in a city that’s five hours from where I currently live. Where I currently live is also where I grew up and have family. I’ve never lived outside of an hour and a half from here, and so have always enjoyed a really well-developed support network.

    I’m terrified and thrilled all at the same time, but as the move approaches the fear is starting to increase. I was fighting back tears on the commuter train home yesterday. I know that I can do this and I know that it’s right, but I am almost preemptively exhausted thinking about how much I will have to work to develop a sense of normalcy there (friends, routines, knowledge of the new city).

    If you’ve done this, can you share any advice or lessons learned? I’m standing on the brink of something big and just trying to screw up my courage.

    • Cb

      I moved abroad on my own twice. I think the key is to find your “regulars” early – even if you haven’t made friends yet, having a coffee place and a yoga class helps.

      • Simplify

        I agree. I did a move like this (12+ hours away) when I went to graduate school and having places I went to regularly helped me feel settled and gave me a routine. Although it was hard at first, I grew a lot in independence and confidence. Allow yourself to feel what you feel but also remember you can frame it positively.

    • X

      I did this. About once a week, I would go have dinner at a nice restaurant and sit at the bar. The restaurant was in my neighborhood. I got to know the bartenders and I chatted with other patrons. Everyone was super friendly and they had a lot of good tips for places to go, grocery stores, etc.

    • Anonymous

      I did it once to a smaller city about 5 hrs away from NYC where I knew NO one — moved for a job (fed clerkship so I’d only be there 1 yr) — and then a 2nd time to DC where I knew 2 people.

      You’ll be fine bc honestly – you have no choice. You have accepted a job and/or resigned your old job. I won’t share with you sunny happy stories of how it was the time of my life bc it wasn’t either time — but when money and resume value is involved, I dealt with it.

    • purplesneakers

      You will be fine. Fear is perfectly natural at this stage; the important thing is that you don’t let it paralyze you.

      Remember that you’re still (presumably) in a first-world country, that there’s no language barrier, and that you have a job; friends and a support network will come in time.

      One of the most important things for me, moving to a new place, has always been finding decent housing. It’s my priority and I don’t mind spending money on a nice house in a safe place. Figure out what your priority is – housing? good food and nice wine? clubbing? – and make sure to plan your budget accordingly.

      Schedule calls and Skype with your family, but don’t let that take the place of making new friends.

      Give yourself space to be upset. It’s a running joke between my BFF and I that every move on my part involves at least one sobbing breakdown over the phone to her. IT’S OKAY. Allowing yourself to fall apart for a short time can be helpful. You don’t want to bottle stuff up and then explode.

      Also? You will be FINE. I promise.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’ve done this twice in my life. Once to a city a 12 hour drive away and then 3000 miles away to NYC. On top of not knowing anyone, I actually hadn’t been to either city before showing up with all my belongings.

      I’m an introvert, which I think can be helpful even if it seems counterintuitive. I can be just fine setting up my apartment alone or exploring the city alone.

      What helped me was getting unpacked asap so my apartment starts to feel like home right away. Downsizing to move can be great but don’t get rid of things you truly love like your favorite mug or blanket that makes a place feel like home to you. Then start venturing out every day or two to explore something new, even if it’s just for 30 minutes. Get comfortable with your new city. Do things like go to the grocery store and really take your time. Try to soak up the feel of everything.

      Keep in touch with friends and family from home, but do your best not to let it hold you back. Try not reminiscing right away. Treat it like an adventure and update your friends/family on all the fun new things you’re doing. Try to focus on looking forward and not back.

      You can do this and it can turn out to be great. The first time I didn’t wind up staying for long (I was laid off) but I remember living there fondly. I’m still living in the second place and my life has changed dramatically for the better. I’m so glad I did it.

      And although it doesn’t seem like it, it is always possible to move back. I’d commit to staying somewhere for a year to give it a real chance but if it just isn’t working for you after giving it a solid try, there’s no shame in leaving. It may be expensive and inconvenient, but sometimes you have to do those things to be happy. Try not to think too much about this but just keep it in the back of your mind.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Oh one more thing about making friends. Spread the word on Facebook that you’re moving and see if anyone knows somebody there that they can introduce you to. You might be surprised. In my first new city I reconnected with a friend from elementary school and we’re still great friends today.

        • Anonymama

          This is a good idea, it is much less scary if you know one or two people there, even if you don’t know them all that well (yet!)

        • Anonymous

          Yep! I introduced a former colleague who was moving to Texas (from NYC) to a good friend of husband’s who lives in the same town, and they hang out now!

    • Anonymama

      It will be an adventure! Just think, in a year you will have friends, and a routine, and know the good places to go, and in the meantime you never know if the girl next to you in yoga class will be your new bff. it doesn’t have to be work to develop your new routine, just doing what you want to do, one day at a time. Also as scary as it is that no one knows you, it is also fun that no one knows you, so you can make a completely new impression on people, or try new hobbies or styles or haircuts or classes, like in the movie Sabrina.

    • Jules

      And post your new city here – there almost certainly will be one or more ‘r3ttes there who would do a meet-up with you.

      Good luck – you can do this!

    • Extrovert

      Yes! I moved cross-country almost 9 years ago now. I knew one person in town, and told myself if I hated it I could move back (I haven’t! Though I still miss friends in my old city) Im an extrovert (see name) so it can be hard–I joined some groups, took some classes, accepted basically any invite on the theory that people I met had other friends I hadn’t met, and definitely used every connection I could. A few years later, ended up good friends with a random acquaintance from college when she and her husband moved to my town, because they reached out on FB. It did still get lonely sometimes–the first few months were a whirl of busy, it was more six months in when I still didn’t have besties, but also had been there long enough that I had settled in, that it got hard. But nine years later I can’t imagine moving back (…ok, in part because I’d have to make all new friends again!)

    • NOLA

      I did it at age 25. Moved from Pennsylvania to Louisiana. I had a meltdown driving the first day, but a friend from home helped me move and stayed a few days. I was definitely lonely for a while, but then I found a church choir I liked (still singing there) and another choral group and joined the church young adult group and slowly started making friends. I also exercised a lot and went roller skating. I get that a church home may not be right for you, but I would say just seek out the things you enjoy doing and you’ll find friends. At the time, there wasn’t a single person my age where I worked and they were all pretty tied up with their lives, so it made me have to find a life outside of work – ultimately a really good thing! It has been hard being so far from family (and I always have to travel to them), but I’ve made it work and have developed friends who are family.

      • Violet

        Definitely join groups–church if you do that, college associations, meet-up activities… Volunteer & get a guide book/app of the area and explore. It’ll be great fun! I’ve done this a few times internationally and you’ll love (hopefully) all the new things to discover.

      • Anon in NYC

        Completely unrelated, NOLA, but I wanted to thank you for the recommendation for the Vera Bradley weekender tote. I would never have considered the brand because I don’t usually like the prints, but I found a print that I liked well enough (and was less expensive than the solid). I just got it the other day and I really like it! I think it’s going to be great for what I need.

    • Terry

      I’ve done it four times. It was hard each time, but also an adventure. Don’t loose the wonderful sense of possibility! I recommend reading “MWF Seeking BFF” by Rachel Bertsche. She moves to a new city to marry her long time boyfriend and, while obviously not completely alone, goes through some struggles in trying to find friends. She has a few strategies and, at least, it’s a reminder that these moves are tough for everyone.

    • In the Pink

      Congratulations on your new life and opportunities. Join a gym, church, charity group or somewhere where your passions lead you in your current home/town. That way you have a quickly found group of people who can answer your questions about the area (cleaners, doctors, grocers, etc.) as well as share your interests.

      You can do this!

    • Shoe Ruiner

      I’ve done that, too. ONe thing that helped me was saying yes to almost anything. I did some stuff I wouldn’t normally do – like adventuring, nothing dangerous – and made some friends that way. I also second another’s advice about asking who knows someone in the area who could show you around. Good luck! You can do it!

    • anon

      Agree that it helps to find your go-to places — for me, that was a yoga studio and church that I liked. I love being outside, so just having walking routines around my neighborhood was helpful. That said, moving can be really hard, so go easy on yourself if you feel down sometimes. I think it helps to plan trips to see your best friends and family so you can still have those times where you feel like you are around people who totally get you and you don’t feel like you are missing out on your most important relationships. Also, invite co-workers to happy hour or go for a coffee run together. That usually works out well as a way to connect more as friends.

    • Anonymous

      I moved across country nine years ago to take my current position. Not only did I not know anyone, I hadn’t done much more than drive through the city once in my life, and did a telephone interview to get the job, so I hadn’t even met any of my co-workers personally! It helped that I had moved across county twice in the past, albeit with a significant other on those occasions, which did make it easier as far as knowing what to expect and how I would handle tings. Expect to feel a little lost and overwhelmed, just keep reminding yourself it will pass. Expect lots of new, little frustrations, such as, wanting to run to the store to get something small for your home suddenly is a big deal, because you don’t know where the closest store is, or how to get there. You’ll need to ask where the spare pens are kept at work. Etc. But you really won’t be lonely, you’ll have too much to do getting settled in to your new home, your new job, and your new neighborhood. Then by the time you relax from all of that, you’ll have a few work friends, maybe some gym friends, or hobby/club friends, to hang out with. I agree with finding your go-to places, whether it is a coffee shop, a gym, a church, or even find an organization to volunteer with once your schedule calms down. And try to enjoy yourself, moving really can be a neat adventure, you can do all the ‘touristy’ stuff that you forget about when you live somewhere 20 years!

  6. purplesneakers

    Anyone have suggestions for what to keep in a purse emergency kit? Most lists I see online are either prepper-heavy or assume I care much more about makeup than I actually do.

    My list so far:

    – prescription meds
    – tylenol, advil, pepto, all in a tiny pill case
    – a few bandaids, and a couple of antiseptic wipes
    – hair tie + tiny comb
    – tiny flashlight
    – usb
    – tide pen
    – tissues
    – mints
    – hand santiser
    – tiny notebook + pen
    – tampons
    – mini swiss army knife

    Anything I’m missing?

    • anonymous

      Power bar. Nuts. Something to ward off the hanger.

      I’d need a snack before any of those items.

    • MJ

      Are you ever honestly so far from your car or home or your desk that you need all this?

      My purse emergency kit is literally just my inhaler and a tampon. Everything else can be bought.

      Also, carrying around a swiss army knife will def mean it gets confiscated at the airport.

    • Anonymous

      I travel with safety pins, a little Sharpie, and a little roll of duct tape.

      • Anonymous

        Oh, and a pantyliner or pad, which will cover more situations, so to speak, than just a tampon. If that’s your thing.

    • AIMS

      Yes to nail clippers! I also like to have some packets of emergen-c on hand and a tweezer (in my small make up bag). I also randomly throw in stuff from my birchbox that i think might come in handy. I sometimes forget to put on deodorant and found Whish deodorant swipes handy (size of a wet nap), also packets of mouthwash you mix with water (although I suppose you could just get a travel size scope or one of those disposable mini toothbrushes).

    • Anonymous

      Portable phone charger (think the lipstick shaped tubes that will give you 1-2 charges) and get rid of the flashlight. You can use the flashlight on your phone.

    • Anne Elliott

      Diva cup
      Wet wipes
      Lip balm
      Advil
      Tylenol
      Lipstick
      Hand cream
      Pressed powder
      Moisturizer
      Hand sanitizer
      Safety pins
      Hair tie

  7. Unique Family Law Situation

    Curious if any of you who practice family law have run into this before. It is a first for me. Usually a custody dispute involves both parents wanting full time residential responsibility. I have a case where both parents have demanding full time jobs and both want the other to be primary. I represent dad. Both want to be involved in the kids lives but both want every other weekend and one or two nights/week. Neither thinks they can do the full time thing alone with their job. Dad’s asking – can she really do that? My instinct is, if you can, why can’t she? But, I’ve usually had dads that are okay with having less parental responsibility because mom wants more rather than actually wanting less time with the kids. This is definitely my first case where neither parent wants primary responsibility. Part of me feels bad for the kids and part of me thinks way to go mom for wanting to be treated equally. I guess the court can’t force either of them to scale back at work. Rather, they would each have to be responsible for lining up and paying for back up child care that isn’t the other person.

    • Unique Family Law Situation

      As I brainstorm, I think, well parents up and flee the state without the kids (usually dad) all the time and are just forced to pay child support. Could the left behind parent force the fleeing parent back to actually raise the kids? What if they both want to flee?

    • HSAL

      This makes me so sad for the kids, and I have no experience with family law, but would their compromise be fully joint? If they’re in the same city, the kids could swap weeks.

    • Senior Attorney

      Of course she can do it. If they can’t agree, the court will probably do 50-50 legal and physical.

    • Anonny

      When I have kids with my spouse prior to their conception I’m having him sign a document that stipulates in the case of divorce he has primary custody. I can’t believe its not more common. Women willingly take on single motherhood while their ex’s are free to run away and start over.

      • Pesh

        But what if you do divorce and you want primary custody? You’re just signing that away right off the bat. You may end up shooting yourself in the foot. Seriously.

        • SC

          +1. Or even if you don’t want primary custody, you may want to be able to restrict the other parent from moving to another state. If you sign away primary custody, you take away your ability to negotiate for restrictions.

        • Anonny

          I’m ambivalent about kids. I only want them *with him* so being stuck with reminders of a failed marriage isn’t really my idea of fun.

          • Aunt Jamesina

            Kids aren’t “reminders of a failed marriage”. If this is how you feel, don’t have kids.

          • Anonymous

            Oh, Anonny. Please don’t have kids if you feel this way. I grew up with a father who was similarly ambivalent about children. They had me and only me because my mom very much wanted a kid, but it really messed me up and my relationship with my father was really terrible for a long time. It’s getting better now. But being constantly reminded – directly and indirectly – while I was growing up that he could have done without me was a terrible thing for a child to experience.

            Also, I second Senior Attorney’s comment that there is basically no chance this kind of thing is enforceable.

          • anonymous

            My mom sees me this way. She loves her second daughter with another guy, but I represent all of her failures, plus we don’t get along (surprise) so she just doesn’t really want to be around me. She isn’t totally aware she doesn’t want to be around me though, so she’s mostly not around, comes around when she’s feeling guilty or wants to feel like she’s been a good mom, makes my life hell, rinse and repeat. Don’t have kids if you feel this way toward them. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling this way! Just don’t drag a kid into it please.

          • Anonymous

            I get it, I worry that if I marry and give in on kids that my spouse will die and I’ll be stuck with them. There’s no question who would get them in a divorce, me – because I’d only be divorcing if he’s done someone horrendous I’d want to keep kids away from. Although if he wanted the divorce and was still a nice person I’d want him to take the children

        • Lyssa

          For whatever it’s worth, agreements related to kids are generally considered unenforceable – best interests of the child reign. That said, if you were both fighting to get more custody (the far more common scenario), he would certainly not hesitate to use something like that against you.

      • Senior Attorney

        I’m pretty sure such a thing would not be enforceable. For the same reason agreements to waive child support are not enforceable — the rights to a situation in the children’s best interest belong to the children, not the parents.

      • Anonymous

        That’s not a thing that is legal or enforceable, a although certainly an interesting discussion to have.

    • AKB

      Oh how sad. I have thought that I would want 50/50 custody in the event of a divorce. My husband is a great father – I would never want to deprive them of that. But if he wanted less time, I would never think to turn away from extra time. They’re children – they should feel wanted and loved. Both of these people sound like selfish fools.

    • Anonymous

      I guess if the kids are old enough and the parents make enough they could try to find boarding school during the week and switch off on weekends

    • Jen

      having not done divorce myself– would’t the solution be one parent (whichever parent) has custody, and gets full time live in help, which is jointly paid for by both parties?

    • Meg Murry

      I hate to even say it, but any chance they are trying to use this as a bargaining chip against each other? If Parent1 knows Parent2 only wants partial custody, Parent1 is also initially only asking for partial custody, and will grudgingly agree to Parent1 taking full custody, as long as Parent2 concedes on conditions X, Y and Z.

      Which is just awful – children aren’t bargaining tools. But it makes me wonder – how *do* you enforce something like this? I know you could have 50-50 split custody, but does that mean neither of them is going to bother making sure the kids get their dental check-up or new shoes when they outgrow them, instead expecting the other parent to deal with it? Ugh.

      As Anonymous mentioned, I know of more than one friend that went to boarding school when their parents divorced in middle or high school, typically because the kid was so mad at the way both of them were behaving that they just wanted away from them both.

      • anon

        Children absolutely are bargaining tools (or some other form of leverage). It’s unfortunate, but true. One of the beautiful things of being an adult myself now is that I’m not one anymore.

    • Bwg

      I thought this was the situation where both parents must share custody and live in the same town/school zoning. Kid spends week weekend with h then next week weekend with w. Repeat. Support is divided along income lines.

  8. Anonymous

    Reposting from earlier: I was asked about my interest in a position at a well-regarded competitor that provides a new title and growth potential (which my job lacks) but is worse in most other ways – flexibility, commute, scope of responsibility, etc. The comp will also be lower although they haven’t shared details yet (they know my current pay). I’m unlikely to take the position if offered – family reasons and the reasons above, but I also don’t want to burn bridges as this is a role that may work in a year or two, and this is the second time they’ve invited me to apply. I’ve had 4 good interviews and keep saying it’s a great opportunity to confirm what I think comp will be. They want my thoughts tonight on what I’m thinking.

    Tonight, do I telegraph excitement and ask to keep moving forward (maybe 1-2 more interviews), proactively ask for comp now, or hint that I’m not likely to take it? I don’t want them to feel I’ve wasted their time. Thanks.

    • Emmer

      I don’t see any harm in saying that you are still interested but would be expecting $X (if indeed there is an X that you would be willing to be paid to take the job). If there is no amount of money that will get you to take it, then you should withdraw from the process.

    • ANON

      I would be really honest that you need the flexibility , commute is worse and that the comp is lower. See what they can do to accommodate you. Also speak to the scope of responsibility in a way that wont burn the bridge but that you would want to move for the right reasons (growth potential which would include this bit).

      Since you’re a known candidate, it’s better to put everything on the table and let them internally organize around what you need to make the move. I would also add that these are things important to you right now and may change in the future (maybe bc you have demanding kid schedule now but not later etc).

      • Anonymous

        Thanks. We started out with this kind of discussion and they’ve been really working hard to accommodate my needs, but at the end of the day, I don’t think they can’t make up for what I have right now (setting aside the lack of “next step” in my job right now).

  9. Student loans question

    I am on ibr now, but was thinking that once, and if, I have some savings I could refinance with sofi or something similar. My question is can you refinance and then pay them in full right after? Is there a benefit to that?
    What about refinancing and making some bigger payments say once or twice a year? I know many people here know a lot about this stuff, so thank you in advance…

    • Anon

      Refinancing is different than paying down principal early. Refi = lower your interest rate. Pay down principal = permanently lower your balance. There would be zero benefit to refinancing if you are planning on paying down principal in full. Why have a lower interest rate on a loan that you are about to pay off immediately? Doesn’t make sense. If, however, you want to make partial payments toward paying down principal (i.e. not extinguish the loan entirely), refinancing can make sense, depending on whether you are charged a fee to refinance. You would need to shop around for both lower interest rates and find out how much the loan company charges for the refi. Please also note that if you change federal loans for privately refinanced ones, you may be giving up certain government benefits, like forbearance or deferment. This may not be worth it to you. It isn’t just about the interest rate.

    • Wildkitten

      I don’t think you would qualify for SoFi if you aren’t making your full payments now. (I’m also in IBR, and I know I would not qualify for SoFi.) I think SoFi is for well-off folks who make a ton of money and are no credit risk so they want the lower interest rate instead of the benefits like IBR or forbearance protections.

      Blonde Laywer might know more.

  10. tesyaa

    Heads up – right now Ann Taylor’s site is showing all sale dresses under $35. Not sure what kind of selection is left.

    • Anonymous

      Love the linen crochet shift dress but it only shows sizes XS, S and M :(

  11. Editrix

    QDRO question: Whom can I ask for advice about a fair way to resolve a situation in which pension benefits were frozen several years after a QDRO was drawn up? The result may be an unintended windfall to one party at the expense of the other — but that’s only one side, right?

    • Senior Attorney

      Find a QDRO attorney. This is complicated stuff and you need a specialist.

      • Digby

        Agree. And make sure it’s someone with experience with pension QDROs, not just 401k QDROs. And that the person’s experience isn’t just filling in the QDRO template that was provided by the plan administrator.

        Ask if the person has experience working with QDROs for the pension plan you’re concerned about. Ask if he or she has dealt with a pension plan freeze and QDROs before. Ask if he or she has worked with separate interest and shared payment QDROs.

        In my experience (as a pension plan administrator), a lot of attorneys don’t have the pension experience and don’t understand these differences.

        • Editrix

          Thank you both for the guidance. It’s been a pain point since the freeze, and as the party economically disadvantaged by the divorce, I can’t see clearly.

  12. Suit Search

    I need a few new suits. After a few years of wearing a suit a couple times per week, I have learned that I like “soft” suits; ones that look structured and polished but are made of a softer/more “giving” fabric than most suits. The one I’m wearing today is a favorite– Antonio Melani, and the tag says it’s 80% polyester, 17% viscose, 3% spandex. I like it because it feels less restrictive, and it doesn’t wrinkle. But I know not all Melani suits are made of this, so it’s hard to tell without trying in person.

    Where can I get more “soft” suits? It’s hard for me to tell online if it’s regular suiting fabric, or something softer. Can anyone recommend specific suits that are like this?

    • Anonymous

      The relatively high spandex content is the reason for this.
      Look for fabrics with that 3% content. 1% will give only a tiny tiny amount, and no spandex will be super constrictive.

  13. Primrose

    Job search question: an internal recruiter told me the salary range for the role I’ve applied for is $X-Y. I would accept X, though obviously would prefer Y. Now knowing this information, am I silly to ask for anything less than Y? (haven’t been given an offer yet so may be a moot point, but can’t help thinking ahead)

    • bridget

      Can you justify Y? Is it market rate? Are you earning (or have earned) close to Y, or can you say that it’s a logical step since you are taking on more responsibility, have not gotten a raise in years at the current company, etc?

  15. J.

    Use the code FOURTH to get an extra 15 percent off. I couldn’t resist! Love MaxMara.

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