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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Silk tees are a wardrobe staple for me. I try to avoid wearing sleeveless tops under blazers to prolong the number of times I can wear them before I have to take a trip to the dry cleaner. (Check out our post on what to wear beneath a suit jacket.) Silk tops are still breathable, but the tee provides a little more coverage. This ombré version from Theory is gorgeous. I would love to see it under a navy blazer or with a gray suit.
The top is $295 at Nordstrom and available in sizes P–L. Woven Tee In Ombré Silk
Here are a couple of more affordable options: a sleeveless top from DKNY, on sale for $117, and a knot-front top from Kensie for $43.
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Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Anon
This tee is absolute perfection. I would wear this with a suit or with jeans. I don’t buy splurge picks, but this great inspiration.
I’m a civil litigator. All my in-person appearances are suspended, and will be for a long time. Criminal attorneys – are you still appearing in person? Are your courts changing any of their procedures to reduce transmission?
Anon
My jurisdiction has suspended everything through mid-May. Emergency applications can be heard via a skype appearance, but I haven’t had many in the last month and change. Workwise, this has been a godsend for me as it allows me time to catch up on a lot of things, and rest up from my extreme burnout, but the flood on the other end of it is going to be bad.
Anonymous
I am absolutely dreading the Fall (or whenever everything that has been delayed gets rescheduled). And I was hoping for a (domestic, national park and easy to social distance) vacation in August. I don’t think that’s happening.
Anonymous
Somewhere in East Tennessee a judge is hearing uncontested matters (divorces, adoptions) in a parking lot, weather permitting. I admire his spirit to get done that which can be gotten done. It was a good story to read about people so overjoyed to have their adoptions finalized.
Anonymous
That is so great.
anon
In the courthouse where I work (IANAL), they are inly hearing emergency issues. DH is a prosecutor and lots of things are postponed (jury trials, grand jury) but they are still having hearings in court.
Housecounsel
Yes, this top is just perfect. I love it so much.
LaurenB
It’s a gorgeous top but really $295? There’s got to be a re-set about what’s a reasonable price to pay.
anon
Oof I didn’t realize the price, totally agree.
Anon
I do healthcare work, and our emergency hearings can still be in-person. Most judges understandable do not want those to be in person but will only allow the hearings to be via Zoom or phone if everyone agrees. (Luckily, everyone has always agreed, especially when I tell people I am coming from a major city.)
I’ve had several hearings via Zoom and phone over the past month. Courts in my state are overburdened anyway and are very conscious that if they don’t hear something now, they will never catch up.
Mrs. Jones
I work in a courthouse, and as far as I know, all the judges are having civil and criminal proceedings remotely, esp since positive COVID tests at the local jail.
anon
Everything is suspended through mid-May in my state. There are rumblings about zoom hearings for civil matters but knowing the judiciary in my state, I doubt that will be happening. I am glad to be catching up and relaxing a bit now because sh!t is going to hit the fan once everything opens back up.
Anon
In my region, all out of custody matters are adjourned until June. We are appearing in court by phone on custodial matters for bail hearings and sentencings. We’ve had one trial continuation in my area, but generally, even trials where the accused is in custody are being rescheduled due to restrictions on gathering sizes. The backlog is going to be brutal, especially in superior court.
Anonymous
I am a public defender. Our courts have suspended jury trials until the end of May for now. Other hearings are still being heard, but primarily over phone or video. Some of our magistrate courts were trying to have bench trials over the phone, but attorneys were able to convince the court to continue those. The courts are allowed to hear emergency matters in person. We are having a real issue being able to communicate confidentially with our in-custody clients.
Anon
I’m a probate attorney in Texas. We’re doing uncontested hearings by Zoom in my urban county. In a neighboring suburban county (not rural) they are doing hearings by efiling (all documents and testimony submitted in advance of the hearing date, judge reviews everything and signs the order on the hearing date). I think all jury trials are suspended, but I do think they are still doing contested matters via Zoom (I could be mistaken, though).
Anon Probate Atty
I have had to appear in person once for an emergency contempt hearing. It was a sh*t show, as the adverse party tried to physically attack me afterward. I wasn’t really worried about her hurting me at the moment, as I have height and age on her, LOL, but I WAS worried about her dumb a$$ getting in my face. (It’s been 2 weeks and I’m fine, BTW). My other hearings have been done via video or over the phone. All ex parte has been canceled.
Anonymous
I’m a appellate prosecutor in MA. Jury trials are postponed at least through mid-May, most likely much longer. Our state supreme court will likely issue a new decision regarding prisoner release due to Covid. We are still doing various motions and emergency hearings by phone, but it’s a mess. The clerks’ offices are understaffed and testy. I am still very busy people can still write briefs at home (although I have to say it is still VERY hard for me to focus for more than about 30 minutes at a time).
The next six months are going to completely suck (I am assuming things start to get back to normal by June or July.)
Anonymous
I’m an appellate practitioner also. Our state Supreme Court had its first ever video oral argument the other day and has already scheduled another one for later this month! They streamed it on youtube. It was awesome! Both were time-sensitive, emergency writs though and not normal cases.
Anon
WV? If so, hi! :)
Anonymous
Criminal federal matters in NYC are proceeding by phone conference or being adjourned. Grand jury sitting on a limited basis. No jury trials until June 1, at the earliest.
Anon
(un)Happy Monday, all! Low stakes question to ease us into another week: anyone have a recc for a clarifying shampoo that’s easy on colored hair?
Katie
I’ve used Neutrogena’s clarifying shampoo and it’s never fried my colored hair. Follow up with a good conditioner, of course, but this always worked well for me and easy enough to find in many drugstores.
Cbara
Not a clarifying shampoo but I’ve started using cowash shampoos with good results. Since it’s not soapy it seems to be easier on my color treated hair and leaves it feeling clean and soft. So far I like Paul Mitchell Lavender Mint Cowash shampoo and and Oribe Cleansing Creme (great shampoo but much too spendy so doubt I will buy again).
Anon
+1 for cowash – I like the Amika one and i got it at Winners (Canadian TJ Maxx).
Anon
My colorist recommends that I use the Kevin Murphy clarifying shampoo about once a week if I’m using dry shampoo and root cover-up spray (which I start doing about four weeks after my last root touch up).
swimsuit help
I really like all the long line sports bra/ crop tank tops. Does anyone know of bathing suits like this other than the Athleta one (it’s backordered for months). I’ve tried searching crop tankinis, long bikinis, etc., with little luck. Thanks.
Lydia
I think ASOS has some… in previous years Target has as well! (not sure about this year)
AnonATL
Old Navy makes a few options. I feel like I’ve seen some at target as well.
Anonymous
Aerie has some great ones in a wide range of sizes!
anon
Senita Athletics just launched a swimwear line that has a lot of different top options. I haven’t purchased one yet, but I’ve been extremely happy with their workout clothes.
Anon
Land’s End!
And Bravissimo, if you need bigger cup sizes.
Anonymouse
Prana has a decent number of longline-ish bathing suit tops in fun colors and sporty styles.
Anonymous
This models face is my MOOD today.
NOLA
I totally had that thought when I saw the photo! But thankfully, I am feeling better than this model appears to be feeling.
Anonymous
This and “disappointed cricket fan”.
Anonymous
That’s the only reason why I even clicked the post as I’ve no need for this type of clothing. Only 11AM and am already ready to throw in the towel.
anon
hi everyone!
Asking for some words of encouragement if you can spare them. I’ve had a tough few weeks with work being crazy (biglaw) while my fiancé is working nights as a doctor caring for COVID patients in the ICU. I’m exhausted and tired and stressed and to make matters worse we’re sharing a studio, so our sleep schedules are completely off and he’s woken up by me making the normal noises of working all day. Also, it’s hard to feel like what I’m doing is important when he has a front row seat to the worst of this pandemic.
We also postponed our wedding due to the pandemic, which was scheduled for late May. After a tough winter, this time—literally, starting mid-March, exactly lined up with the pandemic—was the light at the end of the tunnel and supposed to be filled with travel and wedding events.
I am so so grateful for our health and for each other, but it’s hard.
Anonymous
Hang in there. Try eye mask, ear plugs and possible separate duvets. DH is European and converted me to using two twins duvets on a kingsize bed.
Anon
Oof. This is hard. Best I can offer is that you’ll look back on this time and wonder how you made it through.
How long are you postponing your wedding?
anon
we postponed to late August but we also have a backup to our backup date (May 2021).
Panda Bear
Oh man, that sounds hard! That is sad about your wedding/traveling postponement. Sure, in the grand scheme, staying healthy and having each other is what matters, but that is a bummer and I would be heartbroken in your shoes. And sharing a studio with my husband would be a challenge in the best of times. It sounds like you are both doing the best you can in really tough circumstances. Also, what you are doing matters – you are keeping a piece of the economy running! Sending you both good thoughts.
Anonymous
One of my friends insists that nothing is really non-essential. We’re all in a web together. Even in a hospital, there are electicians, cooks, housekeeping, janitorial, doctors, nurses, accounting, payroll. Same with lawyers, I feel like if you are busy, you feel how much your clients need you. But even if you aren’t, you worry that they are circling the drain and *need* help but maybe are in over their heads and drowning. But those people I know didn’t have the time to read, e.g., the CARES Act and I did it so they don’t have to. We are all in helping professions.
anon
+1. I am a healthcare lawyer. Most of my clients are small hospitals, surgery centers, and medical practices. Most of them (the ones who do “elective” procedures) have been shut down by COVID, and the others (the hospitalists, the ER docs) are insanely busy just trying to get by. I was insanely busy the first few weeks of COVID, and last week, the phone basically stopped ringing. I suspect our clients need us but are too worried about paying the bills they have and don’t want to incur extra legal fees.
AMB
Our wedding day was supposed to be this coming Saturday. We rescheduled to July but right now I think it is most likely we will have a small ceremony (fingers crossed we will be able to have at least both our sets of parents there in person) and push the reception even further. I am trying to come up with ways to keep myself occupied on Saturday but I will be sad. I have appreciated the articles making clear that we are all in a grieving mode even if we are also lucky enough to be so far not directly impacted by this virus. Hugs!
anon
thank you for your kind words, and I’m sorry about your wedding as well. honestly, the wedding stuff is a huge bummer, and my heart goes out to you too. I hope you are able to make the weekend special in some way regardless of everything.
AMB
I ordered a small version of our cake from our baker and we will have a nice meal and probably make the dog put on his tux for photos!
Abby
Sad to hear about both of your weddings being postponed! We have a few friends that did the same and I can’t imagine how emotional it is. I would pop a nice bottle of champagne and get dressed up that day to hopefully spend the entire day together if possible!
Anon
Crazy suggestion but does your husband’s hospital have a space that is not being used right now that you could use as an office during the day? I know that our local hospitals have a bunch of initiatives to help families with the new normal. One of them includes offering dorm space at a local college for health care workers who are afraid to go home. Maybe that same dorm space could be offered to people like you that have to work while your spouse sleeps. This sounds so tough and I’m sorry to hear about your wedding!
Anonymous
I would be looking for alternative lodging for him rather than for an alternative workspace for her. Housing for health care workers seems more widely available.
Anon Probate Atty
I’m sorry, that sounds really hard. I am one who really needs my sleep – at least 7 hours of it – to function at all normally – so I deeply understand your problem. I second the recommendation of earplugs – I always sleep with foam earplugs to block out the sound of my cats, husband’s snoring, etc. and the best ones I have found, surprisingly, are the generic Target brand. Also, can you call your PCP and ask for a sleep aid? I have used Sonata off and on for years, and I highly recommend it – no hangover feeling the next day, and it’s non-addictive. Waaaay better than Ambien. It’s especially good for those times you wake in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep. Good luck and I hope you get some rest.
Anne
What is everyone doing instead of salon eyebrow/lip threading or waxing? I was just going to ride it out but as this pandemic wears on I’m realizing I’d like to find an at-home solution.
anne-on
Tweezing my brows (and taking this opportunity to let them awkwardly grow out a bit!). For the other stuff I had a flawless facial device which works well. Honestly nobody is seeing me at the moment so eyebrows are more of a priority than the other stuff – that’s more of a ‘when it occurs to me’ job normally, and that’s slipping fairly far down the priority list….
anon
What is the “flawless facial device” – I have used a Wahl trimmer tool I got at WalMart for $15 but it doesn’t last long.
anne-on
It’s at Ulta/CVS/amazon/etc – cheap and easy to use/clean:
https://www.ulta.com/flawless-instant-painless-facial-hair-remover?productId=xlsImpprod16641047
anon
Great, thank you – I will give it a try.
Anon
Is it actually painless? It looks like a mini epilator.
anne-on
And yes, totally painless.
Wendy Davis Byrde
I have been doing my own eyebrows for 13 years. Here’s what I do (caveat that I like my natural shape a lot, so I don’t have to do anything too dramatic): using spoolie brush, brush eyebrows straight up and trim the ones that stick up above my brow line. Use Sally Hansen Eyebrow, Face, Lip Stripless wax kit to remove hair between and under my brows. I don’t remove anything above my brow line because it’s not that bad and because I feel like that has the potential for the biggest mistakes. I use a tweezer to pluck anything that was missed, and use the soothing cream that comes with the kit afterwards. I also recommend using disposable gloves if you have them so that it’s easy to get rid of any wax that drips off.
Leatty
I’ve been using an eyebrow razor every few days and occasionally trimming the ones that stick up above my brow line.
Cbara
I second an eyebrow razor. Only about $1 each on Amazon and can be used to do your own dermaplaning treatment. Wish I would have known about these before I paid $50 for a salon dermaplaning treatment last year!
sleep
+1
I am very very carefully using the dry Tinkle razors from Amazon that I love using on my face and learned about here. I usually use them on my mustache/beard/side burns and am now bravely use them on my brows. Then I use a tweezer for fine tuning.
Senior Attorney
+1 for the Tinkle razors for moustache hairs. I have sparse eyebrows so just trim them with scissors when they get too wild.
AIMS
Tweezer for eyebrows and depilatory for the rest.
BB
I learned the hard way this morning that tweezing long eyebrow hairs is a lot more painful than tweezing the stubble I normally do when I actually keep up with this on daily basis.
Anon
Tweezing everything, even my lip hair (yes, I am crazy). I am used to the pain after years of threading and I like the precision. Thankfully, my threaders left me with a good brow foundation so I’ve been able to keep the shape.
Finally Made a Name
Question for tinkle razor-do you use wet or dry? I bought one a few years ago and tried using it dry. It hurt, and I tossed it. Then, I wondered if you’re supposed to use it on damp or wet skin like a normal razor?
Carrie
Dry. They shouldn’t hurt if you do it slowly. But watch a couple videos to make sure your angle/technique is optimal. Should be a light touch. I have also used them after using a moisturizing face wash like ponds cold cream, which makes them glide even easier. But the exfoliation is not as nice if you use them this way.
I am a total convert. I’ll never wax/bleach again.
Anon
I use it dry and very lightly. I do my whole face. There are lots of videos on it.
Anon
Is anyone else confused by Trump’s reopening phases? Phase 2 says you should not be in groups larger than 50, unless you can social distance – yet schools and camps can open – in middle and high schools the hallways are filled to the brim with kids rushing to their next class – which seems incompatible with the 50 person guideline. Also seems odd that gyms are part of Phase 1? I’m as eager for things to reopen as the next person, but I wish we had leadership to guide us through it logically and safely
Anonymous
I’m confused too, but comforted by the fact that my governor has done a great job so far (data driven, logical, measured responses) and will actually have more control over when and how this unrolls in my state. Everyone is anxious to regain some semblance of normalcy, yes – but if we rush it and have to go RIGHT BACK TO ISOLATION that will actually be worse/harder.
Ellen
I would rather wait an extra month or 2 in my apartement, if I knew that when we all were able to leave our apartements, we would be safe and would NOT have to go back and re-shelter if the virus got bad. Right now, my court appearances have all been continued indefiniteley, so all I have to do is update my litigation breifs to put in the boilerplate about the Governor’s Emergency Order, b/c my cases are NOT considered important enough to warrant the judge holding emergency hearings. The manageing partner has said he will adjust my required billeable hours this month b/c of the virus, but he has not told me yet how many I have to bill, and it is already April 20, so I only have 10 days. Does anyone else in the HIVE have this question? How are the biglaw ladies handling monthly billeings? This is all kind of yucky, b/c I am getting tired of watching Hoda Copy and Al Roker every morning.
htown
His plan was pretty widely praised. Schools can only reopen after areas meet certain metrics that show that the disease spread has slowed significantly. It’s going to be a while from now. Also, gyms seem perfectly able to maintain social distancing. I am not sure if I’ll go to my spin class still, but they could reserve only half of the bikes or something like that. If we’re talking about a traditional gym, like 24 hour sports, they can just have people monitoring and make sure people stay apart and routinely clean the machines.
The point is that we are going to have to accept some risk. We can’t keep everything shut down until there is 0% chance that we will get it. If we reopen and spread starts again, we shut again.
Anonymous
Im not seeing much praise at all.
htown
Then you need to read more broad coverage.
Anonymous
I even went looking for said praise when you commented and did not find wide praise. Which by definition should be readily apparent.
anon
Please provide some evidence of this broad praise. What are your ‘more broad coverage’ news sources?
Anon
Regular poster that is usually very critical of Trump. I thought the plan, while missing a lot of details, was a vast improvement on his prior ideas.
Anon
What, like Fox News?
anon
I don’t think spin class is safe. See Washington choir practice. This virus spreads easily among people who are all in the same closed space, especially breathing heavily. And at this point, I know several people who have been infected by going to the grocery store and nowhere else.
Anon
“Widely praised” might be a bit charitable. I feel the same way about his reopening plan as I did about that poster board diagram of the google site for testing – nice in theory but vastly missing in details and execution. I agree that we will have to accept some degree of risk, but hopefully it will be more calculated as we learn more and have more resources.
Anon
agreed. as OP pointed out, gatherings of fewer than 50 seems to directly contradict opening schools, since they involve gatherings of 50+ also- will people just not use the bathroom at the gym?
Anon
There’s a difference between gatherings for fun like concerts and social events, and school. No one is saying school is zero risk, but it’s a lot more essential than “fun” gatherings. You have to weigh the risk vs how essential the activity is. Outdoor activites are low risk. School is essential. Travel and concerts are higher risk and not essential.
Anonymous
I can’t stand trump and his administration. I think he’s a terrible president and likely contributed to the pandemic’s impact in this country.
But we need to opens schools and childcare soon. Its not low risk but it’s essential. I feel like people here are getting those confused. Even if you don’t care about the long term impact on the kids, how are you expanding business and non emergency medical services when no one has child care? It seem high risk to me send your children to their grandparents (which is what a lot of us are doing, regardless of whether we’re talking about it.)
anon
+1
Anon
While I absolutely want to be as safe as possible, I am also concerned about the lack of childcare and schools. My biggest concern is the impact it will have on women’s progress in the workforce. Since men still make more than women, and since it is still more socially acceptable to be a SAHM than a SAHD, I think we are going to see a lot more women taking a long term leave of absence from the work force. I’m really concerned about my profession (law) becoming an even bigger old boys club.
Anon at 1022
My childless colleagues and those with sah spouses seem to have taken this as an opportunity to get ahead. I don’t blame them but I can’t compete. I’m pretty sure that I’m already losing ground here. I’ll play the world’s smallest violin for myself because I’m still getting paid. But this can’t go on.
Cb
Yep, academic journal editors are reporting an uptick in submissions for publication but only from men. My childless colleagues are definitely teaching this as an extended writing retreat whilst those of us with kids are trying to find the physical and mental space. Not diminishing the unique challenges of self-isolating on your own but still…
anon
So much this. All of this is terrible for women’s advancement.
I also worry about the long-term effects of having kids not in school for such a long period of time. For starters, it will deeply widen the achievement gap and I don’t think anyone can credibly speak about the potential mental health/social development effect this will have.
Anonymous
It will definitely widen the achievement gap. As I understand it, one of the reasons why the achievement gap exists is that some kids learn more at home than at school. Now they’ll have even more time to do so. While they speed ahead, the kids who mostly learn at school will be falling behind.
anon
Correct, also the achievement gap tends to widen over the summer when privileged kids have access to books, enrichment activities, etc. and non-privileged kids do not. This is that on steroids.
Anon
I’m single, childless, and living alone right now. I am definitely not as productive as I am normally. People in my position are not exactly enjoying this. It is emotionally taxing for everyone. I hate the idea that childless people are having an easy time. Also, I never understood why women were still doing more of the childcare and housework. Where are your husbands/child’s father? I would absolutely expect my future husband to pitch in and help. This is not the 1950’s. Why aren’t the men helping?? Maybe this is why I’m still single!
Anon
Also, I’d be way more concerned for my child and reluctant to send them back to school or childcare. Kids can still get sick!! I don’t think schools here in the northeast will be open until the fall and they shouldn’t open.
Anon
Yup. There are also ways to minimize risk. Staff and kids over a certain age (5? 8? I dunno but not that old) can wear masks. You can use auditoriums for learning and seat students farther apart. You can stagger drop-off times. Denmark reopened schools and is doing many of these things.
Anonymous
They can’t wear masks while eating lunch. And good luck getting them to implement handwashing.
anon
You’re right, let’s all just live in quarantine forever!
Anonymous
No, let’s get testing and contact tracing and isolation. Until then, quarantine.
Anon
Kids will wash hands and wear masks if the alternative is staying home. They can eat lunch outside at least until November-ish in most parts of the country. Seriously, research what Denmark is doing. They’re reopening their schools now, and taking a lot of these steps, including staggered drop-offs, moving desks further apart and spending as much time outside as possible. We’ll know more soon how effective these steps are, but it’s certainly possible and it’s not crazy to suggest we try. Imperfect measures are better than no measures or just giving up and accepting we can’t leave our houses for the next 5+ years.
anon
I don’t know why you think testing and contact tracing are going to be available on any reasonable timeline. There’s a huge supply chain issue with a lot of the critical components of testing. The availability of testing is not just an economic/research issue, it’s a “we don’t actually have access to sufficient amounts of supplies needed for all the tests needed” issue. Sufficient testing could also be years away. We need to start thinking of Plan Bs.
Anonymous
Anon @ 12:14, the problem is the schools more than the kids. My daughter’s high school gives 25 minutes for lunch. Even if the kids are willing to wash their hands, they don’t have enough time to go get their lunches out of their lockers, wait in line in the restroom to wash hands, eat, and get back to their lockers.
Anonymous
You’re right, let’s just give up and let ourselves and our children die!
Right now my family is waiting to see if a close relative is going to survive COVID-19, which is very unlikely. I refuse to die of this disease or to let my child die of it. If we lift quarantine now, there will be enormous pressure on me to return to the office and business travel, even though my job can be done from home. There will be pressure to send our child back to school. I will quit my job and homeschool if it comes to that, but it’s incredibly unjust for other people’s bad decisions to put me in that position.
Anon
Anon ya 12:30 that is one of many things that is very easy to change. I imagine most people would prefer a modified school schedule that means less instructional time to accommodate time for things like handwashing. No one here is saying schools should reopen and operate exactly as they did before this!
Anon
Anon at 12:30, the schools will have to adapt. Maybe they’ll deliver lunches to the kids in their classrooms. You seem to think it’s Option A: School exactly as it was last year or Option B: No school. There’s clearly an Option C here. School with some, or possibly a lot of, changes.
Heck, I think even sending half the kids to school in the mornings only and half the kids to school in the afternoon only, with all kids eating lunch at home, would be a *much* better option than no school at all. And that’s a lot more drastic than delivering lunch to kids to eat in their classroom.
anon
Anonymous at 12:36 I’m very sorry to hear about your family member but there is no way to eliminate all risk associated with this. You are of course free to homeschool your child but most people do not have the luxury to wait until there is “no chance” of them catching this before reopening up society. The closures were about spreading out the number of people who get it, not reducing it to zero.
Anon
Anonymous at 12:36, if you have a severely ill child you have every right to homeschool your child, but it’s unreasonable to expect schools to remain closed for years because your child and a few others are high-risk from this virus (and presumably others? Most seriously immunosuppressed people can also die from colds and flu). School closures are doing severe harm to children who aren’t as privileged as your child and don’t have access to education, food or even a safe home environment during this time, as well as to the millions of parents who will be struggling economically because they can’t work without childcare. The best way to minimize the overall harm to everyone, is allow schools to reopen for the vast majority of people who are low risk, with steps taken to mitigate the spread of the virus, and allow the few high risk people to stay home without penalty.
As an aside, I feel like you don’t understand the whole point behind “flatten the curve” – it was never intended to dramatically reduce the number of total infections or get disease spread to zero. Flattening the curve means squishing down and stretching it out, so the same number of people get infected but over a longer period of time. Most experts have said the majority of the US will eventually get infected. It’s just that it’s much better for our hospital systems if that 150-200 million infections is spread over two years instead of two months. If we hadn’t taken the strict lockdown measures in March, we would have been on the “everyone gets infected in two months” curve. The goal with reopening the country isn’t to have zero new infections, it’s to stay on that lower curve where it takes a couple years for everyone to get it.
Anonymous
IDK re masks. We don’t seem to have enough masks for healthcare and mandatory workers. I get that ordinary civilian masks are masks in name only (bandanas, etc.), but I can’t keep a sun hat or sunscreen on kids at camp. I don’t see in-nature camps working well (OTOH, fresh air makes me less concerned). But I can’t see temp screenings for workers/kids happening, so I guess we are just crossing our fingers at that point (which I am OK with trying — it may be fine and if not, better to know in the summer so we can try again in the fall).
Anonymous
Agree about schools and childcare…not low risk but essential. I live in a rural area with vast income disparity. For a lot of our kids, the shutdown means they don’t know where breakfast and lunch are coming from, and they don’t have their own devices and/or internet access for online learning. And rural doesn’t mean no spread, at least in my area. My town is 25 miles from one of the meatpacking outbreaks. My county has the highest rate of spread for the population in my state – far more than the urban counties. We are doing our part to isolate.
JB
+1
This isn’t an all or nothing exercise. We can develop moderate solutions and monitor the impact.
Anon
+2
Seventh Sister
I’m just hoping that the decision-makers in my state actually understand that reopening businesses means you need to open summer day camps and let people have in-home babysitters.
anon
According to the daily beast, gyms were added to Phase 1 after Trump spoke to the head of the company that owns Soul Cycle and Equinox.
Gym/wellness facilities seem tricky. The bigger issue for that industry is that many people are going to switch to working out at home and outside. As much as I love spin classes, I’m not going to be breathing and sweating with a group of people in an enclosed room for a long, long time. Even if it’s at 50% capacity.
Gyms that are just machines and weights might have an easier time if they have staff disinfecting equipment between users.
Sarabeth
Yeah, my indoor workouts are at a rock climbing gym. Even if they open, I don’t see myself going back there for a long time – it’s just not feasible to disinfect each hold between users. I feel bad for them, and if they reopen I’ll consider keeping my membership and just not using it, because I want them to still be there in two years. But no actual climbing for the foreseeable future.
Pure Imagination
I agree with this. Out of all the gym types, I think climbing gyms are least able to maintain good hygiene practices (and let’s be real, would they try hard? Climbing has always been a counterculture dirtbag sport – it’s usually a good thing). It’s a huge bummer, but I won’t feel safe climbing indoors for a long time. I might pursue some bouldering in remote areas outdoors.
Anon
I love how you describe counterculture dirtbag as a good thing, which I don’t understand but made me laugh. I’d love more explanation.
I guess when I think of dirtbag I think of literally unbathed people or maybe Joe Dirt. Or definitely Jeff Lowe.
Pure Imagination
Ha, I meant there is a lot to like there. I’m speaking in broad generalizations, but I often see (or have heard stories from my former dirtbag father about) refusal to conform to sometimes-absurd societal norms, appreciation for the natural world, pacifism, openness and friendliness, simple living, less consumerism, etc.
Pure Imagination
Oh, can’t believe I forgot this one because it inspires me so much – I love how climbers, especially female climbers, incorporate risk and challenge into their daily lives. There’s so much to learn from how they study, practice, and teach skills and knowledge in a sport that does have a significant amount of risk (depending on how you practice it).
LaurenB
How do you guys feel about yoga, pilates, barre, weights and spin relative to one another? (in terms of safety)
Yoga – could limit # of people, enforce distancing, own mat / no props
Pilates – could wipe down reformer, limit # of people, enforce distancing, but reformer isn’t “own prop”
Barre – only touching the ball and barre, easier to space apart
Weights – I kind of feel I would have to wipe every free weight down, but am I paranoid?
Spin – can space bikes apart and wipe down, but enclosed space
First world problem to be sure, but this is what I miss the most!
Anonymous
No to all of it. I have already canceled my gym membership. No way am I going back.
Anon
Wow, I feel sorry for you that you are living in such a place of fear.
The second our gym reopens I will be back in there.
Anon
I don’t know. I’ll take any excuse never to set foot in a gym again. It’s honestly helpful for me to hear that some people actually miss it; it reinforces how much they are just not for me!
Anon
The phases make sense to me, but it’s lacking in details. For me, the biggest one is what happens with public transportation. I get that this isn’t a concern for most of the country, but in many big cities that is the main form of transportation. If my work reopens, I have to take the subway there – during rush-hour, every subway car has more than 50 people. Do the big cities just not reopen? Do we just have to deal with greater risk? I just don’t get what our options are.
Anonymous
I think we deal with greater risk.
I also think a few people on this board will stay locked up for a year or ten and wring their hands at the tiny increase in their risk of getting sick from packaging prior to their elaborate disinfection procedures because the rest of us “recklessly” sent our kids to school or went to work.
Anon
Lol I’m prepared to be called a selfish monster for sending kid back to daycare as soon as it opens
Nemo
I have a friend whose daycare is still open because of her husband’s ER position. Desperate to get work done, she sent her son for 2 days. Daycare is now closed because one of the daycare workers tested positive. Now, son is back home on two week quarantine and daycare is closed. No point, other than to say there will be tons of this with reopening.
LaurenB
+1. The bus / subway issue needs to be resolved in some way.
Anonymous
Listen to today’s episode of NYT The Daily. For once I would LOVE Trump to be right, but it sounds like he is missing a lot of details and realities of this virus. IDK what the right answer is, I miss my family, my job will eventually be at risk.
Paging Senior attorney
Peacock in Tamil: Mayil (muh-ill)
Peacock in Hindi: Mor (as in more)
Enjoy your peacocks..!
Anonymous
Peafowl are beautiful devils. People near my parents used to keep them but they would get lose. One male would climb on top of my parents’ house at daybreak (a process — it would go from car to garage to top of house directly over the bedrooms were) and scream like a person getting stabbed to death. It was . . . something.
Senior Attorney
Haha, thank you so much!! I guess the baby name site we used doesn’t know what it’s talking about!!
Yes we love them! I feel like if you are going to be annoyed by them, you just need to not move to our neighborhood. (That said, I can’t imagine trying to keep them in captivity. They are huge and roam for blocks!)
Anon
I went to a women’s event at Filoli here in the Bay Area, where they had a resident peacock. The main peacock did a big feather spread for us. One of the women in the group asked what prompted him to do it and the guide said, “he’s trying to mate with you, ma’am,” which was delivered in a deadpan serious way that made it so much funnier. One of the highlights of the event.
I just googled the Filoli peacock and it seems he passed away recently.
https://inmenlo.com/2020/02/10/percy-the-filoli-peacock-to-be-remembered-with-memorial-service-and-fund/
RIP, Percy. You had it going on.
NOLA
I think ours would be more manageable if there were peahens. Having peacocks and no peahens means aggressive peacocks! They attack shiny cars because they think their reflection is a rival peacock
Anonymous
Yes (person with resident screaming bird above). They attacked cars, but not dirty cars. I never waxed my car again after that.
And we moved in and THEN the peafowl came. It was a rural area, but having someone murdered on your roof a few times a week will certainly wake you in the morning. And you don’t have to worry about repeat houseguests! The peahen died and eventualy the peacocks did also. Now bears are a big problem. Not sure how peacock vs bear encounter would go.
Paging poster with book suggestions for 14yo
Agatha Christie
PG Wodehouse
Georgette Heyer regency romances
No 1 ladies detective agency series by Alexander McCall Smith
14 was the age I entered the wonderful world of Oscar Wilde, but I was a precocious reader who started Austen at 12.
sleep
Thanks so much for adding your favorites! They sound like good ones.
anon
this tee is so pretty in the picture above, but looks really see-through on the click through link (the lower half particularly).
Panda Bear
Ugh, that is such a pet peeve of mine. I hate having to wear a cami under overly sheer tops.
Anon
SAME.
pugsnbourbon
Especially when it’s $300!
It looks so pretty in the main pic, though.
Pure Imagination
Same. I completely stopped buying shirts like that. It’s a BS feature of disposable WOMEN’s fashion and I’m over it.
Little Red
Yup. No way. I think the DKNY one might be better in that regard.
Anonymous
The only silk blouses I buy anymore are Ann mashburn. She uses a gorgeous 40-mm weight silk. The only cream-colored silk blouse I have ever been able to wear without a camisole (and I have tried a lot). I have just given up on all other silk- it’s enough of a pain to hand wash or dry clean, and you want to make it tissue thin and wrinkly and make me wear a camisole? Pass.
A good sign
I drove around a bit after fetching dinner this weekend and it was a beautiful evening. I saw people out walking and they looked . . . dressed! Nothing fancier than what a person might wear on a movie date with a newish person that there was still a motivation to impress — comfy but somehow cleaned-up and put together. It was nice to see. “Best casual”? “Smart athleisure”? IDK how to categorize better, but it was like a coronavirus version of an evening promenade. It was so lovely to see.
anonchicago
Recs for a tank top w a built in bra? Looks like I will be WFH through May and my two bra tanks are rags at this point. I have DDs so realistically these shirts don’t provide much support; I’m just looking for something that gives enough of a lift to boob sweat and lets me walk outside with a sweater over the tank.
Wearing bras everyday when this is over is going to be such an adjustment
Housecounsel
Bravissimo, a British company, makes bra tanks for the well-endowed among us, and they sell by bra size. Skip Cosabella. I ordered two from Nordstrom Rack and they’re built for a perky B at most.
anon
Duluth Trading Co. has tanks with built-in bras.
Anonymous
Uniqlo air bra tanks. Perfection.
Anonymous
Thanks for asking, I can use the recs too (D here).
Bras and heels… I am not sure if I can go back to them. And I will def want more of my secret work yoga pants LOL.
Anonymous
I mean, I don’t understand a ton about the procedures or think it’s well thought out, but I am actually way less nervous about schools and camps. (a) Things can be modified in the hallways, but (b) and most importantly, to the extent you can make groups smaller, those groups are so much easier to contain for contact tracing. You know who the students are. This is so different to me than shopping, etc. where anyone could be anywhere at any time and you don’t have a record of who’s there.
Anonymous
Each of those kids goes home every day to a family. Minimum one other person, but very likely more. And each of those families interacts with an unknown number of other families and individuals — mom of Kid A works in an ICU, dad of Kid B works in a day care (with countless other family exposures), grandparent of Kid C is in assisted living and the family visited for Easter. All of those kids have to get to school, and in urban areas that may well be on public transit.
Anonymous
IDK — if they kids aren’t getting it, they are likely vectors, no? People work at camps (counselors, kitchen staff, janitors; some have bus drivers). I think that they are like nursing homes (close quarters, lots of inbound and outbound movement each day), only the campers are likely to get it and not be ill vs adults they come in contact with.
That said, I hope camps come back. But on Friday people were insisting that libraries couldn’t open, so IDK if we need to be more creative or just accept that stuff comes back but not as it formerly was.
anon
+1 schools and camps seem to be a good place to start. It’s a closed universe of people who are in the group so tracing would be easy. Also, schools/camps already have schedules/rules that kids are used to following so modifying those rules seems much easier to enforce (e.g., shifting schedules so not all students are in the hallways at the same time) relative to shopping, gyms and other places that are generally open to the public.
Anon
i am a parent, so trust me, i want schools/camps to reopen, but the high schools near me have 4,000 students + teachers/staff. a student might be in honors math, but regular english, etc. and i do not see how we could get the students to the right classrooms at the right time without hallways getting very very crowded. seems easier for elementary schools where kids stay in one class
anon
I get it, I went to a high school with that many students. But I don’t understand why everyone seems to be treating opening schools as an all or nothing. I totally agree that elementary schools are easier (heck, you could eliminate the cafeteria/lunch room and have kids eat at their desks and stagger out recess so only one class is allowed in a designated area throughout the day), so why not start there? With middle school and high school, I think if people smarter than me put their heads together there could be some solutions thought of, for example, maybe the school day is shortened and staggered so not everyone is at school at the same time and not all classes continue to meet in person. I went to a high school with a block schedule (instead of six 1-hour classes each day, every day you went to three 2-hour block classes and then the next day went to the other 3 classes), even implementing that would cut the hallway interaction time in half as well as cut in half the number of students in a classroom in a given day. I’m pretty sure some other tweaks could be implemented to make it workable. Especially with middle school and high school kids who are old enough to be able to disinfect their own desks/supplies.
Anonymous
Frankly, you could get middle and highschoolers to wear masks, use hand sanitizer, and, to a certain degree, keep further apart. Certainly not young elem kid- but there is less “mixing” there. I suppose in our district we could drive the kids vs bus them and save that “mixing,” though my kiddo sits with two kids that are in her class anyway.
Ideas for high school: spread way, way out. You probably can’t get 6′ apart but you can get way further than desks are currently. Utilize gyms and other areas for classroom space if need be. Have class outside (not possible for some, but surely art class, gym class, english, languages and history could move outside occasionally. Make cafeterias for purchasing food only; eating can be done in designated areas (inc outside!).
Anon
That and having high school kids home virtual learning does not require the same level of parental supervision as having an elementary school kid home.
Anonymous
OMG yes. My kindergartner is not doing virtual school. We are reading up a storm and occasionally zooming with her class. I did have her count all the money in her piggy bank and put in piles so she could count by 2s and 5s, so that counts.
I have two other (younger) kids. Her K teacher said to me that she was ready for 1st grade before christmas, so just keep reading. She misses school desperately, though.
Anon
You could even have kids order their meals and have them delivered to classrooms.
Anon
I’m not sure what you think the alternative is. A vaccine is a minimum of 1.5 years away, many experts think it could be more like 3-5 years. Or we may never develop one. We still don’t have an HIV vaccine despite lots of brilliant people working on it for many years. Are children just…never going to return to school?
Your 4,000 person high school may need to split up. Most schools are nowhere near that big, and I can see enforcing size limits. But just saying school in general isn’t possible until a vaccine is insane.
The goal isn’t and never has been preventing all infections. It’s preventing a massive outbreak that overwhelms hospitals. Opening schools with mitigation measures like masks and frequent hand washing, but keeping many other large gatherings canceled and minimizing travel will slow the spread. In flu season, there are almost always spikes after the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, even though we’re all working and going to school as normal all winter long. Non-school/work gatherings can have a real impact and it’s that optional stuff we need to cancel so we can go back to the essentials of normal life without overwhelming the healthcare system.
Anon
Then you just get kids to stay in one class except for lab sciences (where they need the lab). It may mean supplementing regular history with higher-level material, or one student watches a lecture in another room on an iPad with headphones while everyone else listens to Level 2 history. But these problems are not unsolveable and the alternative is parents trying to give them instruction while working full-time.
Anonymous
No, the alternative is to go to on-line school with teachers actually teaching them instead of the useless worksheets they are giving out now. My daughter’s schedule is already impossible enough without trying to keep all of the kids in the same room. They can’t even manage to keep the kids in the same school–half the eighth grade walks over to the high school next door for some of their classes.
Anon
Online learning could work well for high school and even middle school students, but in preschool and elementary school a major part of school (in fact I would argue the most important part of school) is social and emotional development and that simply can’t be taught online. And I think even if schools have to eventually close again, a few months on followed by a few months off is better than just permanently off. I’m seriously worried about what a year or more with no interaction with other kids would do to my preschooler, and I think K-6 kids are even more likely to be negatively impacted. I think governments and public health organizations recognize this as well. If you look at other countries, they are sending the daycare and elementary kids back before the high school and college students, even though groups of young kids are more likely to lead to disease transmission than groups of older kids or adults.
Anon
And who is going to watch those kids at home, genius?
Anonymous
These comments are about high school kids, genius. They don’t need to be watched.
Anon
The comments have been about schools in general and while they have focused on high school, they are not limited to it.
You think the world should revolve around your brat daughter, but let me remind you that a lot of students are not able to do online learning: they lack the necessary technological equipment and high-speed internet. They may not have enough room in their homes to effectively learn for a year. And let me repeat: lab sciences cannot be done from anywhere but a lab.
Anon
They don’t need to be “watched” (theoretically), but you generally can’t leave 12-14 year olds home alone all day unless you want to risk a nosy neighbor calling CPS on you. And not all adults can work from home.
Anon
Yeah. I don’t understand the “schools are so dangerous” takes here. I’m a daycare mom, I get it that germs spread easily in that environment, but it’s such a small, self-contained group. Not like a concert where you can be in the same room as 10,000 strangers. Also school/daycare is so essential. You can’t get any parents back to work if they don’t have childcare – and 98% of the county can’t afford nannies.
Anonymous
My child’s school has 1500 students and 400 staff members.
Anon
But at least in elementary and younger, you’re not mingling with all students and staff or changing classrooms. You stay in the same classroom with 1 teacher and the same 20 kids all day. And older kids can wear masks and better obey social distancing gripes.
Anon
Rules! Not sure how rules became gripes.
Anonymous
My kids have changed for reading/math since they were in third grade and now change for science and social studies. They all to go the library together and a computer classroom. And gym and art. And on the playground with structures on it.
anon
I don’t understand posters like Anonymous at 11:42, clearly these things can/should be changed. Your kids don’t need to switch for reding/math/science/social studies. Of course it’s not ideal to eliminate things like that, gym, art, computer time and library but that doesn’t mean we just give up entirely on opening up schools. It’s not going to look exactly like it did 2 months ago but that doesn’t mean schools need to be closed entirely for a year. Some school is better than no school…
Anon
So change the times they go to the library? Honestly, this is not rocket science and it’s really not that hard to ensure K-6 students don’t have contact with anyone outside their immediate classmates and teacher. It’s absurd that you would suggest leaving 30 million children without education for a year and a half (or more) simply because school might look a little different than it did last year. To say nothing of the impact on parents who rely on public school and affordable aftercare so they can work. The “duh just get a nanny” attitude here is incredibly out of touch. A nanny is not a financial option for the vast majority of people.
Anon
Exactly.
Option 1: no school; children stay home; women sacrifice their careers; many families are completely unable to make ends meet because they rely on free schooling. Many children essentially lose a year of important schooling and fall far behind for college preparations. Science-oriented students do no labs and are not able to handle their pre-med courses when colleges finally open. An entire generation just gets hosed.
Option 2: We get “good enough” in-school education so that students can continue to learn and move forward.
Anonymous
My kids school has 800 kid per grade.
Anonymous
+1. People need childcare.
Anonymous
If you are a day care mom, surely you are familiar with the way germs spread at day care. Both my daughter and I were constantly sick for the first two years of day care. If a kid goes back to day care or school before testing and contact tracing are established, the child and their family are pretty much guaranteed to catch the coronavirus.
anon
The goal was never to prevent everyone from getting coronavirus, just make sure we don’t all get it at the same time. Unless you are content living in quarantine for many years until a vaccine comes out, I think we should all assume we are going to get it at some point.
Anon
Historical point: we have never vaccinated during a pandemic in order to stop it. We have always vaccinated the survivors.
Anon
Yes. In my professional life, I’ve had occasion to talk to a couple scientists involved in vaccine development for the novel coronavirus. None of them believe a vaccine is the way out of lockdown. There is the possibility of emergency vaccines for healthcare workers and the elderly sooner, but widespread vaccination is something that will happen probably 3-5 years from now, hopefully completely eradicating the disease the way we’ve eradicated polio. But we are going to have to figure out a new normal before then. It’s also possible the COVID-19 vaccine would be effective against future bat coronaviruses, since there’s evidence some of the current vaccines are also effective against SARS and/or MERS, so the vaccine being developed now may help in future pandemics. But a vaccine is not a solution for this pandemic, and even with the best social distancing, we’re probably going to reach herd immunity (~70% of the population having it) before a vaccine can be developed.
Anonymous
We’re so, so far from 70% currently. How long would it take to get there?
anon
I don’t think anyone is suggesting we continue quarantining until we hit 70%, just that it’s pretty inevitable that at least 70% of the population is getting this.
Anon
Yes, I’m aware germs spread quickly in the daycare environment, I said as much in my post. But the goal has never has been to prevent all infections. The goal is to prevent a massive outbreak in one city that overwhelms that city’s hospitals. When one person in a daycare tests positive, all the families that attend the daycare can be quarantined, because you’re talking about a few hundred people at most. You can’t quarantine 10,000 people who were at a concert with someone who tested positive. Also, unlike concerts, daycares control who attends – they can say that if you’ve traveled out of state in the last 14 days, you can’t show up to school (my daycare did this for a couple weeks before they shut down and I expect them to have the same rule when they reopen). A community where everyone has a personal connection and cares about each other (daycare) will naturally be much more compliant with rules like this than a group of strangers would be. There are sociology studies on this you can look up if you don’t believe me.
Statistically, people under the age of 50 (which is virtually everyone who attends a daycare, has a sibling in daycare, or has a child in daycare) are very low risk – death rate is <0.2% (on par with the flu), if not much lower (since antibody testing is now suggesting that there are 10-20x as many cases as confirmed cases). I think we can and will need to limit the contact with grandparents once our kids return to daycare, and of course people can decide that, for their family, grandparent contact is more important than daycare and keep their kids home. No one is forcing you to put your child in group childcare. But an overwhelming majority of the (mostly liberal, fwiw) people I know believe the risk is microscopic to us and our kids and want to go back to daycare. Not having childcare for years is unsustainable. A lot of people can't afford a nanny and even among those of us who can, many believe it's damaging to our kids for them to not have any interaction with other children.
Anon
+1 million to this. Well said.
Anonymous
But you’re leaving out that there are a lot of high-risk people, and loved ones of high-risk people, in that under-50 group. Age isn’t the only stratifier. I’m low-risk myself, but I have a spouse who probably wouldn’t survive the infection. So I plan to work from home and isolate as long as I can. But I can’t do that for years on end either.
LaurenB
“A community where everyone has a personal connection and cares about each other (daycare) will naturally be much more compliant with rules like this than a group of strangers would be. There are sociology studies on this you can look up if you don’t believe me.”
I so want to believe you, and then I look at the a-holes protesting in Michigan, Ohio, Colorado, etc.
anon
LaurenB the people protesting feel no personal connection to the virus or those it affects, which is why they are protesting. The only impact they are seeing is the restriction on their lives and their ability to earn income. I think the poster’s point stands, it’s easy to dismiss this as “over-reacting” when the people affected are people in some far away community versus knowing that a month ago your child’s friend’s mother who you know personally had this. Complying with procedures when you personally know the people it’s aiming to protect always work better.
Anon
Anonymous at 1 pm, gently, that’s your problem to solve. I would gently suggest that it’s a lot easier to solve the problems of young, healthy people with not-healthy people at home than it is to shut everything down forever.
Anonymous
Germs spread like wildfire in daycare, but the germs have to come from somewhere. My state’s shelter in place exempts daycare as “essential business,” so they’ve never been closed in our state, and we’ve been more successful than most states at flattening the curve. If no one is traveling or going to restaurants or events and most office workers are working from home, the aren’t a lot of “patient zero”s in daycare to spread the germs in the first place. My kid hasn’t caught so much as a cold at daycare since the shelter in place order began. Part of that is probably the weather warming up and cold season naturally ending, but I definitely think the fact that all the other daycare families aren’t going anywhere except daycare and the grocery store has had a big impact.
Seventh Sister
I feel like schools are more essential than going to the mall or sitting a restaurant. FWIW, my kids were daycare babies that went on to public school. They got sick a LOT from daycare, at least for the first few years, but have rarely gotten sick since then – probably because there is less touching and drooling. There are no zero-risk activities, but I think schools aren’t inherently more dangerous than a lot of other places.
KP
High schools need to post credits and most states have hour requirements for these. Maybe legislatures could soften the time requirement for credits. Otherwise students will be learning but not earning.
LaurenB
I don’t think the virus particularly cares whether you “know” who gave it to you – whether it’s the parent of your kid’s classmate who you’d recognize on site, or the random person at the grocery store.
Anon
But contact tracing and isolation is much easier in controlled environments. If a child in a school or daycare tests positive, the school can shut and all the students and employees and their families can be quarantined. If someone positive is walking around a mall, how would you even begin to find everyone they came in contact with? I mean, yeah, the health department can put out alerts like “Anyone at X mall on days Y-Z should consider themselves exposed” but those messages don’t reach anywhere near 100% of the exposed people, and even if it did reach everyone, people can choose to ignore the quarantine order because the government has no idea who they are. With schools and daycares, there are lists of enrolled students and staff and they can be forcibly quarantined if they don’t comply with quarantine orders.
Paging Quarantine Couple Poster...
How are you doing?
(If she posted an update recently that I missed, someone please let me know?)
Airplane.
Don’t think so, I asked last week and she didn’t post. Was hoping to hear she cleared out of that guy’s apartment in DC and went to her mom’s, brother’s or her own apartment back in NYC.
Anonymous
If she feels like continuing to entertain people with her life, she can. No need to be nosy.
Anon
This isn’t being nosy, no need for you to be judgy.
Amber
I have been wondering about her as well and hope she posts an update! After hearing all of the details of the quarantine, I think it is human nature to be curious and hope to hear she is doing well!
Airplane.
Really, you can’t understand that we might have concern and curiosity and not nosiness? She posted about her story and solicited advice and opinions.
Anon
I feel for her, and would love an update but understand why she may not want to.
I started dating somebody right before this all happened, and it’s been such a weird experience. Relationships just aren’t normal right now. If you found somebody that you feel like could be your person, there’s this fear that you may lose them simply because of circumstances. This is the first guy I’ve dated in 2+ years that I feel like I could have a future with. I was lucky that we met through friends in early February and had hung out a number of times in a group before our first date, so we were comfortable having our second date and subsequent ones just be at each other’s place. But it’s been a weird and hard experience, and I can just imagine how much harder it would be if we were forced to live together at the beginning of a relationship in a one bedroom apartment when people are normally just trying to get to know someone.
Paging Quarantine Couple Poster...
Yeah I’m in a similar boat — started dating someone in December and we’ve been quarantining together. I was pretty nervous about it going into it so I’ve been thinking about that poster and hoping she’s doing well, however the story turned out. Not looking to be entertained or pry, just wanted to check in on her.
anon
Also in a similar boat. I’ve got a lot of mixed feelings about how this has impacted our relationship. We seem to be doing well but sometimes I wonder just how different it would be. My overly sensitive emotional state has also made it fun.
Anon
Totally agree. I’m anon at 11:47, and I’m so not myself right now. I knew that was going to happen and warned him about it early on even before the stay-at-home order was issued, But I’m so not at my best right now. I’m lonely and depressed and extra self-conscious in a way that I normally able to hide. If it wasn’t that we were friends for over a month before we official started dating (and if wasn’t such a nice guy), there is no way I think we would still be dating at this point – Frankly, it’s only because we already knew each other some and really liked each other before that first date in March.
My hope is that early relationships that survive this will be stronger, but I also worry that a lot of relationships that would have survived in normal times are not going to be able to handle the pressure and stress this early in the game.
Anon
I am guessing that if things went the way she wanted them to, she would have updated us.
Anonymous
Wwyd – I’m a senior associate in biglaw hoping to make partner this year. I have several clients and a growing book. I just received a billing question from one of my clients – but I’ve never heard of the matter. I contacted my billing department and apparently a very senior partner in another office opened a new matter for the client under his own name. I thought this wasn’t allowed, or you at least had to get the originating attorney’s OK to not give them origination credit? Any advice on what if anything I should do about this?
cbackson
This varies by firm and also by personal philosophy. In many firms, if that senior partner got that work independent of your relationship with the client, he would be free to open his own matter (if a client is really large, an in-house attorney might hire outside counsel and not have any idea that the firm already represents another part of the business). In others, whoever is the originating partner in the system is supposed to be contacted no matter what.
Monte
Right — this is firm-specific, if not also attorney-specific. Senior partner certainly knows about your other matters through running conflicts, but if this came to him through his own connections, I am not surprised he did not reach out to an associate to coordinate. Especially if your firm doesn’t financially compensate attorneys for broad proliferation credits (and if this attorney doesn’t know you, he’s likely not inclined to help you get credit for a new matter).
I would probably respond to the client while copying the partner to make sure they get what they need, to let him know you know about the matter, and to make sure everyone is on the same page. I would try very hard (and it might be hard) not to be passive-aggressive toward the partner if it is clear he has violated your firm’s rules on origination.
Anonymous
i’m a very junior partner, and i would assume if this happened to me that i’m getting f*cked over, however my outward actions/reaction to people in the firm would be as if its a misunderstanding that I am trying to clear up through fact-finding. Then, you aren’t coming out super aggressively, but you’re not lying down and taking it. I would ask the client for some deets about the matter so you can “investigate” further, non-billed of course, and then talk to my friends in the billing department. With that, I would run the scenario by a more senior partner that i trust, and then proceed accordingly.
Anonymous
In-house counsel here. I’d recommend against contacting the client for details about the matter. This is an internal matter that you should not be bothering the client about.
Anonymous
the client brought it up and she knew nothing about it, asking for baseline details to answer their questions/investigate further seems reasonable.
Ribena
I have gone full quarantine stereotype – I started a sourdough starter yesterday. He is called Bready The Eagle.
How’s everyone else doing in the kitchen?
Pure Imagination
I made some German Brötchen, but they didn’t rise correctly and ended up being too dense. Might give it another shot next weekend.
pugsnbourbon
I made a birthday cake for my wife yesterday and it turned out really well! The King Arthur Flour recipes live up to the hype – this is the third thing of theirs I’ve made during quarantine (lol).
Cb
Yes, their recipes are great.
anon
I love KAF! Try their Double Dark Mocha Drop cookies for the most delicious chocolate-chocolate chip cookie you’ve ever had.
Charlotte A. Cavatica
This will out me if anyone knows me IRL. Since the beginning of shelter in place I have acquired, with the encouragement and sometimes insistence from my husband despite the fact that we have NO counter space to spare, three counter top appliances that have made me very very happy: an air popper (never had one before and now I have popcorn everyday and it makes me happy); an air fryer (I love this. I love this. I love this.); the Mickey Mouse 90th Anniversary Waffle maker (I am more obsessed with waffles than I ever have been and no one in my house is complaining).
Anon
I was looking at air fryers last night (it may have been at 1:30 a.m., I admit nothing) and you may have just convinced me to buy one.
Charlotte A. Cavatica
I’ve been using the Skinny Taste collection of air fryer recipes to get my feet wet, bacon wrapped scallops FTW. But honestly, with kids, reheating foods and all our lazy meals are just so much tastier in the air fryer (chicken tenders, fries). We’ve done salmon and chicken wings as well. I had a mandolin already, but if you don’t AND you want to have french fries, just buy any moderately reviewed one and you’ll be good. Just saves so much time (but be super careful please, it can be a guillotine for your hand if you’re careless). My entire house also enjoys the crud out of kale chips (just oil and salt) and it’s soooooo good in the air fryer again. Just like the instant pot, there’s a learning curve with the air fryer. But… all we got is time and exactly 1,000,000 meals to cook
Anon
Apparently there’s an air fryer lid you can get to fit your instant pot. I’m very curious about this and itching to order it.
Anon
I got a waffle maker for Christmas and I can’t even begin to tell you how much joy it has brought me! My favorite waffle recipe, in case anyone is looking for one, is the yeasted waffles from the NYT. Waffles also freeze great and reheat perfectly in the toaster, and it’s been really nice to make them on the weekends to have during the week.
Anonanonanon
Haha my husband has a thing about counter space and not using it, but I acquired a stand mixer (can you believe I’m 30something and did not own a stand mixer?!) and a small bread machine.
BB
I made buckwheat scones with raspberry jam (the Chicago Tribune/Floriole recipe) because they were my favorite coffee shop treat back when I could still go. Highly recommended if you tend to like whole wheat/oaty tasting treats!
Anonymous
I love Floriole so much
BB
I’ve actually never been! (but it’s top of my list once everything reopens) Buckwheat scone was my go-to treat at Intelligentsia, and I had no idea they had copied it from Floriole (or maybe that’s their supplier?) until I started looking for recipes and found it was that exact one. Mine didn’t look nearly as pretty, but they taste pretty spot on, and I get to use less sugar!
Anon
Made no knead bread the other day (another quarantine cliche!) to make grilled cheese sandwiches and some homemade tomato soup for lunch all this week.
Pie and Cake
My 7 year old asked to make a pie last weekend – we did (this one – https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/summertime-blue-rhubarb-pie-recipe-2012025) and it was amazing. He was so proud of himself.
But my 4 year old was jealous and she insisted that she and I make a cake together this weekend. So we made angel food cake with strawberry-blueberry sauce yesterday, and it was also amazing.
Now 7 year old wants to make a chocolate cake together next weekend. . .
Anon
I love this cycle, it’s very adorable :)
Anonymous
Last weekend I made a rustic strawberry tart, which was delicious but I didn’t quite make the edges large enough and some of the filling overflowed in the oven, which was fun to cleean… This weekend I am going to attempt to recreate my wedding cake for our anniversary. Problem–it was a cream cheese pound cake and all the recipes I can find call for bundt pans, but I am going to try to convert baking time/amount to sheet pans so I can layer/ice. Wish me luck.
Lan Jevinson
I made keto sourdough (not as good as regular, but oh well), keto butter crackers, and Poppyseed Chicken (favorite family recipe from my side that my husband has been obsessed with since I made it for him while we were dating).
Never too many shoes...
Poppyseed chicken sounds amazing…are you willing to share this obsession inducing recipe?
Lan Jevinson
Yes! Here is the version I grew up with: https://www.the-girl-who-ate-everything.com/poppy-seed-chicken/ and here is the keto/gluten-free version I made this weekend: https://www.thismomsmenu.com/poppy-seed-chicken/
Never too many shoes...
Thank you! That sounds like just the kind of comfort food we need right now.
Anonymous
My mom used to make poppyseed chicken all the time when we were kids and I had somehow completely forgotten about it! Definitely need to make this sometime soon.
AnonATL
We made both yeasted and quick breads in our household fairly regularly before the pandemic, but it has increased in frequency recently. Some recent favorites are the King Arthur flour Cinnamon-Apple Twist bread (use double the recommended filling and we prefer the rolls vs loaf) and a Chocolate Banana bread.
I’m on the lookout for an easy crusty bread recipe if anyone has recommendations. There’s something incredibly comforting about a warm piece of crusty bread with butter on it.
I also might have stress-baked and then stress-ate a batch of fudge peanut butter brownies this weekend… I’m pregnant so I’m just going to say the baby needed it. In my defense, he did his belly jig after I ate them so I think he approved.
Anon
The Mark Bittman No-Knead Bread is great. I got a bread making book, and the first loaves are nowhere near as good as that one. (Current book is supposed to be teaching me things, etc., and it has… but the first loaves with less fermentation are just not my favorite.)
Cb
I made the Pret vegan almond chocolate recipe.
anne-on
I made banana bread muffins (cliche! but so easy to freeze and grab for breakfast!) and chocolate chip cookies (also, mostly individually frozen as we do not need 3 dozen cookies at once). Planning on doing challah again this week!
Never too many shoes...
Anyone who knows me knows I am a really good cook but I never bake. Not good at it and not that interested. Have now sourced ingredients to make an apple fritter loaf I saw on Facebook. And I coloured my own hair from a box. I really have no idea who I am anymore.
emeralds
Ha, same. I almost never bake (and never anything more complicated than muffins every once in a while), but since the quarantine began all I want are baked goods. I’ve done yeast bread twice, a tin of muffins every week, banana bread last night, and am taking a shot at beer bread this week. May make a lemon cake as well.
Meanwhile, cooking has deteriorated. Dinner was pasta with jarred sauce and sauteed veggies three separate times last week. Which is perfectly fine as far as dinners go, but it’s uhhh pretty far off my usual standard.
I don’t recognize myself.
NY CPA
I was a pretty regular baker pre-virus, but had only made bread about twice. Now I’m making it every week! I’ve tried baguettes (very long process — Julia Child’s recipe was excellent, the other we tried was awful), a seedy loaf (fine but nothing special), and Julia Child’s sandwich bread (which I now make weekly and is very good and relatively easy if you have a stand mixer).
I also made homemade croissants (not worth the effort), and homemade “rough puff” puff pastry (much less effort and worth it) for beef wellington for Easter.
And brownies because obviously those are a necessity right now (Cooks Illustrated have a great recipe).
Abby
I am starting an Asian phase of my cooking. This weekend made Beef Chow Fun from Woks of Life and it was amazing except my mom pointed out that I used soybean sprouts instead of bean sprouts (didn’t know they were different..)
Coming up is Mapo Tofu, Sichuan Green Beans, Gai Lan, shrimp pad thai, and fancy ramen. I’d love to get into dim sum dishes but they seem so difficult
Anokha
We are baking every Monday to start the week with fresh things! This week, we are trying honey tahini banana bread.
Anon
My sourdough starter is a week old today and going strong. I made the suggested first loaves with commercial yeast added and they were delicious – a tangy sourdough taste. Last night I set up a levain and am interested to see if it’s ready to move onto the autolyse stage today.
I’ve always liked cooking but it used to stress me out having to cook after work, and sometimes having ingredients go bad because I worked later than planned and wasn’t able to use them during the week.
Now because we’re having groceries delivered no more than once per week I’m really doing meal planning. I typically cook both lunch and dinner and everyone seems to like it. I’m cooking for myself, husband, son who is doing keto, and vegan daughter. It’s a lot to try to make something that works for everyone and I don’t always do it (they understood that their choices may mean they forage for themselves) but with deconstructed meals like taco salads they can just take the ingredients that work for them.
Through all this I have really rediscovered my love of cooking. It’s not drudgery yet!
Anonymous
We’ve been doing grocery delivery only, and because delivery times have been very far and few in between, eating a LOT of carby shelf-stable food. Not that I’m otherwise a health nut. Deliveries are becoming easier to find now and we had an entire order of produce yesterday, it is absolute heaven. SO happy to have fresh fruit and veggies in the house!
Senior Attorney
I made homemade corn tortillas and we had the MOST delicious grilled chicken tacos on Saturday night. With margaritas, of course. And today I have leftovers for lunch and am already watching the clock and it’s not even 9 a.m.
Made no-knead Dutch oven bread on Saturday and it turned out great (last week’s was too dense because I used too much flour). Tried baguettes yesterday and they were doing great until they stuck to the plastic wrap during the final rise, then deflated when I tried to peel it off. They were delish, though, even though they were flatter than I’d hoped. I used baguette pans and that was a win.
NOLA
I found a recipe for no-knead whole wheat bread that I’m thinking about trying. I have some whole wheat flour in the back of my fridge. I thought your baguette looked great! A friend of mine sent us a hilarious photo of her failed attempt at a baguette that looked very much like a pen!s. She said that she hid it from her son because she knew that he would die laughing.
Wannabe Baker
Where are people finding flour these days? I’m running low and don’t want to use up the last of it until we can get more….
Anon
I put two bags of flour on my instant cart list every week and last week I hit flour bingo. That’s what I’ve been doing with a lot of the scarce stuff, just trying again every order.
anon
Lots of local mills ship. https://challengerbreadware.com/where-to-buy-grains-flours/
Jules
I was going to make Mark Bittman’s no-knead bread, but yeast is nowhere to be found, so I’ve been making the three-ingredient beer bread (that might have been mentioned here?) to have with chili and soups and for morning toast. I made the first loaf with a basic lager, it was okay; it was much better with a darker and richer beer (Dos Equis Amber). I think it would be amazing with a very rich beer such as a stout, and I’d like to make it with part whole-wheat flour (when I can find some). It could not be faster or easier to make.
https://www.forkinthekitchen.com/3-ingredient-beer-bread/print/5394/
Anon
Yeast is in the air!
https://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-your-own-sourdough-starter-cooking-lessons-from-the-kitchn-47337
Jules
Thanks. If I do this, it will be my only step toward being Perfect Quarantine Woman.
When I bought flour not long ago, my 25-y-o said, “Oh god, are you going to bake bread? What a cliche!” But of course they ate all of the bread . . .
Anon
Might be worth checking with local bakeries or other places selling fresh baked goods. My local tiny gourmet grocery sold me a pound of yeast from their own supply in the back.
Thanks, It Has Pockets!
I just ordered a springform pan so I can make cheesecake. Haven’t really considered breadmaking yet. I do all the cooking and I’ve gotten a lot better at meal planning now that I can’t just pop over to the supermarket a couple blocks away. Made some truly excellent lamb meatballs on Friday.
Vicky Austin
I made bread this weekend, and then promptly used half of it for the Test Kitchen macaroni and cheese recipe. Soul food for the win! Contemplating cardamom buns, devil’s food cake, or these (https://www.budgetbytes.com/cinnamon-pecan-sandies/ ) next.
NOLA
Ha! I have been making the no-knead skillet bread. Almost failed at Friday’s attempt. My water was too hot and I think I killed the yeast, but I managed to revive it with a second packet dissolved in warm water and a little flower. I had added shredded Parmesan and some really good peppered salami and I didn’t want to waste good ingredients! It turned out really good in the end and went great with our dinner.
One thing that’s been good here is that, since the restaurant closed, they have been selling Dickie Brennan’s aged steaks at a small local grocery downtown. We’ve been having incredible steaks on Friday nights with fresh vegetables and some kind of potatoes. I don’t normally eat much red meat but they are sooooo good.
Otherwise, I’m mostly eating my usual salads with fruit (strawberries, blueberries and pears) and chicken and blue cheese. I get a little bored with it every once in a while, mainly because I used to mix it up with takeout or just picking up fish at the local grocery store. I haven’t felt like takeout, so last night, I just did a chicken sausage, some of my homemade bread and a pile of asparagus. I’m not eating as much since I’m not working out. I stopped eating lunch (mostly eating breakfast at lunch time) and I’ll just have skinnypop and a few peanut M&Ms. I suppose I ought to rethink that?
Jean Recommendations
I need some jeans recommendations. Shockingly, I’ve been able to keep up my slow steady weight loss that started in early February during social isolation (Pretty sure it’s from a combination of keeping up with at home workouts, being too depressed to want food, and going from eating out 3-4 times a week to never). Anyways, my two pairs of jeans are now too loose. I normally buy Gap Curvy True Skinny jeans, as I have a larger ass and hips. But even the waist to hip ratio of those is a little too big in the waist for me and I figured I should consider some other brands too.
Any recommendations for a good jeans for those with a large hip to waist ratio?
Anonymous
The Levi’s line – I wear the 315s but I think the 700 line is skinnies.
NOLA
I wear 311s , which are skinny jeans, but I am built the opposite. Straight up and down.
DC Anon
J.Crew’s curvy toothpick jeans (particularly in the Dryden wash) are my favorite jeans of all time. Give them a try if you haven’t already!
anonchicago
+1. I used to buy Gap curvy but my figure changed some. I’m now in love with the curvy toothpick!
Monday
I swear by Madewell high rise. They now have a curvy line, but even the regular fit addresses this issue for me.
Anonanonanon
I’m a skinny pear and the madewell curvy are perfect for the hip-to-waist ratio issue
MagicUnicorn
Levis 311 (mid rise, skinny legs) or 721 (high rise, even skinnier legs).
Anonymous
I like Everlane high rise.
Anonymous
Talk to me about your kitchens. We are doing a small/medium sized renovation: replacing the (hideously patterned, worn laminate plank in a faux tile pattern) floors, painting the cabinets, and replacing the (black and purple?!) granite. We are also painting the trim/walls.
Two questions:
1. We have run of the mill 2 1/4″ oak hardwood floors in the rest of the house. We don’t want to put hardwood in the kitchen for a couple reasons.* We also don’t want anything that is fake-wood-trying-to-look-like-real-wood (eg. LVT in a hardwood type finish) as it will be very obvious next to the actual hardwood. Do you have/ have you seen any non hardwood kitchen floors you like? We are OK with LVT as long as it isn’t too close to the actual wood we have in all the adjacent rooms. We’d prefer non tile as it’s cold and hard, but open to anything.
2. What cabinet colors have you recently seen and liked? We are considering navy-ish lowers and off-white uppers. Brass hardware with that? Is that too trendy? out of trend? Googling has not shown me any real trends other than open shelving which is a hard no for us. :)
*this renovation is a stop-gap until we do a full Big Kitchen Reno in another 5 years or so, when we will be doing all new cabinets and moving a wall. We don’t want to put in hardwood only to have to rip it out/patch it. Also, we have young kids and are about to get a dog and are absolutely positive hardwood will be destroyed quickly in the kitchen (it’s being ruined elsewhere too…ugh). We could be convinced otherwise, I suppose.
anne-on
While I like the look of ‘tuxedo’ kitchens (white up top, navy/black lowers) I do think they’ll look fairly dated in 5~ yrs. If you’ll be replacing them then anyway though go for it!
What area are you in, and what’s the style of the rest of your home? We’re in new england, so we were thinking either slate slabs or bricks laid in a herringbone pattern as those are historically accurate for our old home. We have a similar situation – we can’t replace floors in the entire rest of the downstairs, so the kitchen/mudroom need to intentionally not ‘try’ to match – hence tile or brick in there.
Anonymous
I agree that they may look dated soon- but because we are plannign a bigger re-do that’s part of why we thought it might work for now.
We are in a 1960s colonial in new england. Brick and tile are just so hard and cold for the kitchen. Our mudroom and front entry are both slate.
NY CPA
Agree. If you’re going to do another renovation in a few years, do whatever you like now, even if it looks “trendy”.
Ribena
My kitchen has off-white cabinets, a mid-brown wooden floor (original to the building) and counter, and white and blue patterned tiles on the backsplash. I fell in love with it when I saw the flat advertised! One thing I like is that my microwave is tucked away above the fridge – but it makes it hard to clean. If I were putting in a new kitchen now I would design in easy-to-use waste separation for rubbish and recycling.
Casper
I recently put peel and stick groutable vinyl planks in my kitchen and am really happy with them. Easy to install, not a cold as tile. I put them right on top of the ceramic tile that was already there and I imagine putting it over laminate would be even easier. It took me about 12 hours to do a 9×16 kitchen by myself and it cost about $350. Only tools needed were a utility knife and something to spread the grout. This is what I have:
https://www.lowes.com/pd/Style-Selections-Stainmaster-1-piece-6-in-x-24-in-Groutable-Casa-It/999957689
I also painted my wood cabinets with homemade chalk paint (1 part plaster of paris to 3 parts paint) in a light grey and it worked great. Sealed it with a matte polyacrylic topcoat
Anonymous
OP here- we used something similar in our first home, though they were laid with regular tile grout not peel-and-stick. We had a weird situation with the subfloor and these types of tiles were basically our only option other than roll-out flooring unless we wanted to re-do the entire subfloor and/or reframe all the doors. They are definitely in the running if we can find a pattern we like. we used the armstrong premium ones last time, which were not the cheapest option but were also textured. They were about as good as we could have hoped for given the crazy floor we had to work with.
emeralds
Similarly, this is what we’re planning to stick in our kitchen when we get around to it: https://www.lowes.com/pd/Style-Selections-Stainmaster-1-piece-12-in-x-24-in-Groutable-Oyster/999957697
It looks really nice in person and is not wood-look, which we are avoiding for similar reasons to the OP’s.
We painted our cabinets a warm gray (Behr Rock Crystal), which I’m really liking. Back splash is a glass, marble, and aluminum mosaic. Counters are a warm cream quartz with gray and taupe flecks. We went with nickel hardware. I really like it! It’s neutral enough that it feels current, but it’s not so trendy that I’m worried I’m going to hate it in 5-10 years (which is also our timeline for a larger kitchen reno–knocking out a wall, moving the fridge, and adding an island which we plan to do in a contrasting counter-top color; fingers crossed we don’t have to mess with the existing cabinets).
KP
Sounds gorgeous.
Anon
I would do white with navy instead of off-white, if you go that route. Also if the floor is only going to be around for 5 years I’d do vinyl. There are more modern looking options these days, it’s cheap, and it’s not hard and cold.
Anonymous
but what KIND / PATTERN of vinyl :) We are thinking of white dove, which is what we have in the rest of the house for trim. I guess it’s technically white but to me it’s off-white. Thoughts?
emeralds
I have a vinyl rec in mod that I think would look great with a navy and white/off white color scheme.
Pure Imagination
I love the look of navy cabinets and white counters, but I think it’ll look pretty dated in just a few years. If that’s what you want, though, you should go for it – who cares about trends in the end?
I also liked the look of Julia Engel’s kitchen (from Gal Meets Glam) if you want to consider lighter blue cabinets.
Anontoday
Depending on the colors in the rest of your house, I’ve seen some really pretty sage green cabinets popping up on hgtv recently. You could still do the offwhite uppers if you wanted, but it’s a bit warmer tone than navy.
Anonymous
oooh. they would actually go really well with our house. But I’m even more stumped on floors with sage cabinets. And since we can’t do butcher block counters (see: kids that destroy everything) I’d have to think more on counters too.
Anontoday
If I did green lowers with cream/offwhite uppers, I would probably do a white-ish or cream stone top but on the cheaper material end. Btw, we have Corian countertops and they look pretty nice and have held up really well if you want something cheaper for a short-term renovation. Flooring, I would do a warm-toned LVT that looks more like a ceramic or stone tile. Back splash I would also pick a cream-toned tile that matches the countertops, maybe with some fun texture.
I like simpler kitchens though.. One little oomph of color.
emeralds
Ha, I was really pulling for sage green cabinets but my husband hit that with a hard veto. I love them!
Senior Attorney
Yes I am all about the green cabinets. I ran out of money before I could do the kitchen in my last house, but I was going to do lime green cabinets. And now I’m seeing green kitchen cabinets everywhere. (Check out Dakota Johnson’s kitchen in Archictectural Digest recently!)
TrixieRuby
I wonder if you could paint the floors–I love painted floors, but maybe they will look off. A good painter can paint to stick to anything.
Anon
I don’t think your pretend hardwood floors in the kitchen not matching the oak hardwood floors in the rest of the house is a problem. My old traditional house has oak hardwoods in the “public” rooms and softer fir floors in the kitchen and other rooms mean for the servants and it’s fine. No one notices the difference. We uncovered the fir when we removed some really bad 1970s vinyl flooring… so don’t do that! It was hideous.
In terms of cabinets, we have soft white, not bright white, prefab upper and lower cabinets from Home Depot in one of their standard lines I can’t remember the name of. We paired these with minimally pattered dark gray silestone countertops and it looks fine. This was for our quickie kitchen remodel in 2008 that was supposed to be temporary! But everything is still going strong and we don’t see any need to re-do.
The original Scarlett
For what it’s worth, I’d do hardwood floors & have them stained to match your house. I did that in my kitchen & it’s my only favorite part of the kitchen years later. I’m not personally bugged by wear and tear on real hardwood – to me, it’s like a leather jacket, the patina just gets better with time and the marks/lived in look just make them feel lived in, which I personally like.
KatieWolf
I love the idea of white uppers and colored lowers – I’ve been seeing greens recently that appeal to me. More darker or forest greens rather than sage as other commenters have discussed, but I think any green would be really nice. As for counters, have you considered concrete? I’m going to be re-doing a kitchen this year in a gut job that will hopefully only be a temporary fix (for when we tear down entirely and rebuild in 10ish years) and I was actually looking at some niceish laminate countertops. Not fancy, but they are a lot better than when I lived in an apt.
Anonymous
We have cork floors in our kitchen that are 3D-printed with a gray slate tile pattern and I LOVE them. Cork is so comfortable to stand on but I didn’t like the classic cork look. I did a ton of research before getting these, because I was worried they would look fake or cheesy, but they look gorgeous. We get tons of compliments on them and they have been very durable so far (four years and counting). And the gray would look great with your proposed colors.
Housecounsel
Question not just for the lawyers among us but the potential jurors as well: How long do you think it will be before jury trials start up again? Even if the courts open next month, how many people are going to want to go sit in a cramped jury room (and probably take public transportation there in big cities) and talk and breathe on each other? Sure, we can say it’s mandatory, but how are officials going to have time and resources to go drag in jurors if people refuse en masse? I think it is going to be a real problem in jurisdictions hit hard by COVID-19, and especially for civil trials. I think a lot more people than usual will skip jury duty, and those that show up will largely have to serve on criminal trials.
Anonymous
I’m a civil lawyer in nyc. I think if there’s a shortage of civil jurors there will be a wait on the docket huge push for settlement and/or bench trials. Which is what happens already. I’m not sure how a dearth of civil jurors is fundamentally different from the “scarce jusdical resources” we’re seemingly always facing anyway. The system is already pressing settlements because of a lack of judges, courtrooms and time.
Anon
I’m a plaintiffs attorney and I’m hoping all of my jury trials are pushed into 2021. I don’t think civil jurors are going to be happy being around each other before that and criminal trials typically go first in my jurisdiction. That and I’m hoping to take some parental leave at the end of 2020 so it will be the least disruptive to my case load if things are bumped to 2021 anyway.
Anon
For civil matters, I would not be surprised if it is 2021 before jury trials are happening again, at least in big cities. I live in DC, which means I’ve had jury duty three times in the past 10 years. There is so much human contact involved in the process, not least of which is 200+ people sitting in a waiting room for hours on end. That can’t continue for the time being, especially if we are having 50 person gathering caps which seems likely in DC. They’re going to have to work something out for criminal trials. But it seems an option there is starting one criminal trial a day in the morning and one in the afternoon, with a jury pool of 50 for each, or some other kind of staggered start time process. Once you pick the jury, you’re down to 14 people and those could be social distanced somewhat within the court room.
Even if you put outside the limits on gathering, there are no criminal jury trials happening for 6+ weeks. It will probably be at least a 3 month period in most places. There’s gonna be such a backlog that the courts just aren’t gonna have time for civil trials for a while.
Anonymous
This is a really good question. The problem is the jury room/jury selection process right? Because that requires more than 50 people in an enclosed space, plus people may not show up. The actual trial itself doesn’t seem problematic. Maybe the jury selection process can be modified so they aren’t gathering en masse. If that is the case, I think a jury trial with a 12 person jury could probably proceed by fall?
Anonymous
12 people in a jury box is still a problem. 12 people in a jury room is even worse.
Anonymous
You might be able to pull a smaller jury pool each day, distance them in the courtroom and distance the witnesses and lawyers. But how could they deliberate?
Housecounsel
P.S. why is a question I posed about jury trials in moderation???
Anonymous
A question. I am self employed. I make my own schedule/hours. I made approx 100k last year (pre tax). DH works full time.
School and daycare are closed. I have worked significantly fewer hours because I am shouldering the brunt of the childcare (we have 3 kids under 7!). According to my state’s unemployment website, I qualify for unemployment assistance.
This feels weird to me, since it’s my choice not to work, but from what I am reading this is exactly what the benefit is for: were it not for COVID 19, I’d be working more hours.
I feel a bit squicky applying, since DH’s company was just sold and he was issued a very large check. Our household income in 2020 will be 2-3x what it normally is. And yet– I still qualify for un (under) employment. Is it wrong to apply to receive the benefit? My understanding is that I am not taking the money away from someone that needs it. Thoughts?
I would use the extra cash to continue to support my local businesses, food pantry, and household help that doesn’t come these days.
FP
Honestly, if I were you, I’d file for the unemployment then inject that money into your immediate local economy. That money is there specifically for your situation. Pay your hairstylist, cleaners, order takeout, pay your babysitters.
Anonymous
while i am normally of the mindset of “f the government and if their poorly drafted laws allow you a benefit, take it” i am against you applying for unemployment (and receiving it) under these circumstances. The main reason i feel that way is that money is going to run out and not everyone applying is in your admittedly comfortable financial position, leave it for them. You getting it IS taking money from someone who may need it more. Secondary reason, you are saying that you could take money from someone and redistribute it based on you knowing better, which is some holier than thou progressive bs.
Anon
This. If it were an unlimited resource I’d say go for it but there are families depending on these benefits to make ends meet and it will run out.
Anon
I agree with this. Under different circumstances I would apply, but I also think states will run out of money and the people who need it more won’t be able to get it.
anon
agree with this, even though I would have said it his holier than though conservative bs.
Anon
Agree. The benefits will eventually run out.
AnonATL
I also agree with this. I have taken a significant pay cut and had my hours reduced as a result of this. Apparently that qualifies me to receive partial unemployment pay. I’m not filing for it, because we don’t need it. Our income is cut, but my husband is still employed and we can afford our normal monthly expenses. There is enough strain on the system with truly unemployed households who cannot afford rent and food, and I’m not willing to take that money from them. Read all the articles coming out about insane wait times and people unable to get these benefits. Vox had an interesting piece this morning.
Our safety nets should not be so weak in most states and our country, but that’s another discussion for another day.
Anonymous
I was going to say that you aren’t working fewer hours by choice so much as because your childcare/schools are closed due to Covid so you should definitely apply for unemployment right now. But ethically, if you are going to make 2-3x your typical income and would turn around and donate the money, I don’t think you should apply.
Anonymous
OP here. DH and I are discussing it because while it seems so silly, it is also entirely possible that if this situation gets worse before it gets better, he might be out of a job. At which point we will have savings, and could ramp up my income, but then DH would be on unemployment.
The reason we have 2-3x our normal income is because his company just sold and he had equity that was converted to cash during the close. If (when) they restructure, he could certainly lose his job. Absent the payout, we’d be down a bit YOY from last year. But again, if things get back to normal/ I can send the kids to daycare or camp, I can probably double down on my hours and make up for this half of the year in the second half.
it feels silly not to take it, but also, selfish to take it.
Anon
“it feels silly not to take it, but also, selfish to take it.”
It is selfish. There is nothing “silly” – while you might be eligible for this benefit, it’s only because the rules cannot be reasonably written to exclude people like you. If your husband loses his job, file then. Otherwise, get on your knees and be thankful for everything you have.
anon
I get where you are coming from, with both of these feelings. I say go with your better self! You can do it!
sleep
Well, you are absolutely entitled to the benefit. You and I sound similar – I would also feel a bit guilty about taking it when my life is relatively secure and finances ok.
I like your compromise of using some of the money for good causes – the three you choose are perfect. Pay your cleaning person even though you are having them stay home, get more take out/local purchases and donate what you can to the most needy causes in your community.
Anon
My opinion is that unemployment is a system that you pay into and if you meet the qualifications, you should take it. Maybe you’ll have to pay it back in taxes somehow, or you can use to support causes like you outline above.
anon
+1
I am a management-side employment lawyer and I agree that if you qualify, you should take it and it isn’t a moral conundrum. Unemployment benefits don’t “run out” for someone else because you took it. You are not taking food out of anyone else’s mouth. And if you’re caring for your children and therefore can’t perform your regular job… you are earning the benefits by caring for your children! You’re not stealing, geez.
Anon
“Unemployment benefits don’t “run out” for someone else because you took it.”
This is not true. There is a massive strain on the system caused by tens of millions of people suddenly out of work, and the money can and will run out.
Anonymous
The system also can’t keep up with the crush of applications, so if OP’s application is processed she is preventing the application of a person in need from being processed.
anon
Ok, theoretically they could run out, but if they do, that is the responsibility of the states who need to adequately fund their rolls/ the federal government who need to fund their “bailout,” not each individual to perform their own means testing before applying. I realize I’m reading political tea leaves here, but I do not believe that the unemployment system will be bankrupted without bailout. It’s political suicide and officials want to be re-elected.
Anon
I think you might be mentally overestimating how much the payments would really be. If you’re leaning towards taking it, I would use one of the online estimators to figure out what your unemployment benefits would be. After seeing the payment number you may decide it’s not going to have an impact on your finances (especially if you’re just going to donate it anyways), but it will have an impact for tons of other people and the money is going to run out before this is over
Anon
Since I’m home, well constantly, I’d like to get into a better skin routine. When I try to layer products like a serum, sunscreen and makeup, it get clumpy and the products don’t sink into my skin. Am I just using cheap products? Does anyone have any recommendations? I’m mid-thirties so I need to get into a better routine with better products so I’m open to any suggestions. Thanks!
Anon
It may be that most skincare products can really only do so much and most of what they claim to do is hype. If you want to get serious try retinol, which is proven, maybe via Curology.
Anon
Thanks. I was thinking about trying Skinceuticals serum. My plan is to finish up any cheap products while quarantined and mostly out of the sun and then to try better products whenever things become somewhat normal. I guess my main question was why the products don’t seem to sink into my skin. They don’t blend well and seem to sit on top of my skin on a noticeable way.
anon
This. Most skincare products don’t do as much as they claim. The exception being really really expensive or prescription products. There’s only so much that most products can do.
Anonymous
I don’t know your full routine, but it sounds like the order you’re putting them on may be the issue, in addition to the brand. Some products will clump and produce what look like rolls of dead skin cells peeling off if they don’t react well together. The best order to avoid this is to cleanse and rinse thoroughly. Then, apply a toner, very lightweight essence, serum, and a moisturizer (not cream). A tinted moisturizer is an added bonus because if it provides enough coverage and you don’t like wearing foundation, it can provide the evenness and coverage without another product. Make sure everything feels dry and absorbed before applying makeup. A good primer can also help as the next step to prevent non-absorbed clump. Foundation if necessary and then powder and usual makeup steps. While most expensive makeups will prevent clump when well-absorbed, there are a lot of inexpensive products that also prevent the mess. The skincare/makeup application process is as important as the products you use, since even with the nice expensive stuff, it can clump if you don’t order them properly. Hope that helps!
Anon
Thanks. I usually just use a serum and then a moisturizer with spf. Sometimes I’ll mix my moisturizer with foundation to create a tinted moisturizer. I’m probably not letting it fully dry or using cheap products.
anne-on
Your moisturizer may have silicones and your foundation might – I’d avoid mixing them together for that reason if nothing else. It’s fine to layer, but let the moisturizer fully dry.
Also, please, please use a separate SPF (and a proper amount!) if you’re going to use actives (AHA/BHA/etc.) otherwise you’re just setting yourself up for the newly exposed baby skin to burn/get damaged.
Anon
That makes sense! I’ll stop mixing and try the serum, spf moisturizer and then foundation when I actually put on makeup again. I use an spf 40 or 50 every morning. Well, today just an spf 30 since I’m still 5 feet from the window in my apartment. Also, should I be abiding silicones in my face products? I clearly need some help! Hangs head in shame.
Anonymous
There’s your likely problem. Mixing colored products can cause clumping sometimes. I’d say put your moisturizer on, let it absorb, then apply foundation. I tend to use products with SPF in them, as I hate the texture of most suncreens and lotions, and while I don’t mind lots of layers in skincare due to lightweight formulas, I dislike too many in makeup since the color pigments make it feel heavier on my face than skincare products.
Anonymous
Highly recommend checking out asian SPFs if you haven’t already, they are much more cosmetically elegant, provide better sun protection, and wear well under makeup. My favorite is Canmake Mermaid UV Gel, but there are lots of good ones out there.
LittleBigLaw
I’m so confused about what the next several months will actually look like. When this first started and everyone in my state was planning for only a 2 week shutdown max, it really helped that I was mentally prepared for a much longer adjustment and avoided the disappointment when that obviously wasn’t enough. Now my state is planning to ease restrictions very soon, and while I plan to stay home, I’m not sure what to realistically expect. Is the expert consensus that “reopening” things now will definitely lead to a second wave and new stay at home orders later this summer? this fall? Should I be preparing for schools to delay opening in the fall or even be closed for the entire semester? I’d like to prepare for the worst case scenario but within reason and based on the data. Someone smart please explain to me where we are now.
Monday
I am unable to find the answer to this anywhere, whether at the national or local level. Unfortunately I really don’t think anyone knows, which is one of the hardest things about this experience. I am very suspicious of anyone who talks about the future as if they know.
There are experts making educated guesses, but I’m sure you’re already following those.
Anonymous
If your state is easing restrictions before widespread and reliable testing, contact tracing, and isolation are implemented, there will be a resurgence in cases in the near future. I am planning for school to reopen in September but be unsafe, then be forced to close in October, and am investigating home-schooling options for the next academic year as a fallback.
Anon
I think the problem is no one knows the answers to your questions, which is part of the reason this whole situation is so stressful. Everyone can only make predictions but there’s really no answer. Also, if they open up retail stores and restaurants, who is going to go? I’m probably working from home until July.
Anon
I mean, I think the true worst case scenario is that everything thing stays closed until we have a vaccine, which is fall/winter 2021 at best and possibly a lot longer. I have talked to several vaccine experts and they’ve told me that they think even 2022 is too optimistic for a vaccine and 2023-2024 is more likely. So I don’t think we can stay fully shut until there’s a vaccine. I don’t know that we’ll get back to a true normal with international travel and concerts and sporting events until there’s a vaccine (or everyone has had the virus), but I think schools and restaurants will be open by summer and hopefully the containment strategies (testing, contact tracing, mitigating the spread through hygiene and social distancing) will prevent a repeat of spring 2020. Remember, the goal isn’t to prevent everyone from getting it, it’s for us to not get it all at once. I fully expect to catch it at some point in the next year. Anyone who is high risk would of course have the right to keep their kids home, and I expect we will see reduced enrollment in daycares.
Cb
I’m in the UK so plans here are different but like you, I’ve been operating on the ‘nothing will change until the end of June’ and I find myself to be happier than friends who are banking on the ‘three more weeks’ belief.
Pure Imagination
I agree that no one really knows and that’s why it’s stressful. I’ve posted before about being stressed that my WFH-hating boss will try to bring us back to the office at the first possible opportunity and it’s hard to even picture that right now. And again, it’s not that I want lower-paid, service-industry workers to bear all the risk while I get to stay comfy at home – it’s that I think ANYONE who can do their jobs 100% from home should do so for as long as it takes and then some. We have to reduce the risk for everyone however we can and there’s no way I’d volunteer to go into the office early to prove some kind of equity point. All that is to say that the uncertainty is hard and we’re making it up as we go.
A.
There’s a really good NYT article about this that they published yesterday.
Lan Jevinson
The most stressful thing about this situation is that we have no idea. Even within my organization, higher-ups have said they won’t be returning to the office until July, even if the company WFH decision is ended before then. I’m an opera singer as well as a 9 – 5er and so I feel the stress and uncertainty from that industry too since most summer programs/festivals through August have been canceled, and no one knows what the fall and winter will look like. Even if people can return to work, who is to say that it will be safe for groups of hundreds of people to gather together in the same room? I wish there were more concrete answers.
Anonymous
Listen to today’s episode of NYT the Daily
Anon
Oh god, I’m listening to it now and it is so depressing.
LittleBigLaw
Ooof. The uncertainty is absolutely the hardest part. I don’t trust our state officials to make the hard choices necessary to prioritize public health and trying to follow the news to keep up with current projections/recommendations is anxiety-inducing in its own right. I feel like I could handle just about anything (long-term school/business closures) if I just had some confidence that there was a comprehensive plan, even if it needs to be adjusted every few days/weeks.
Anon
Absolutely no one knows. We can watch other countries ahead of us in the process to see what works for them and what does not work for them.
Anon
Everybody is confused, nobody knows, and things are going to continue to change over and over again. Trying to predict the future with any level of certainty is stupid.
LittleBigLaw
This is factually accurate but not helpful. I’m not looking for Nostradamus, just direction for the most accurate information currently available. I know there is no controlling this situation, but I can control my mindset and trying to understand what’s happening around me as much as possible is a valid way to do that.
Anonymous
That information doesn’t exist. If it did, you would already know.
Anon
I think the best source would be your governor and county health department. The US isn’t going to open uniformly, partly because different areas have been affected by the virus very differently (eg., for now at least, cities seem much harder hit than rural areas) and because every area has a different government and they don’t all agree on the best course of action. Following the national news isn’t that helpful as far as what to expect in your own life, and I think it can make you unnecessarily stressed out. I’ve been really impressed by my state’s governor, even though he’s an R and I’m a D. He seems to be doing a good job of listening to the scientists and caring about public health, but also recognizing that things like school and daycare are essential to reopening the economy. Daycare is actually exempt from our state’s shelter in place order (and the order has been very effective, fwiw).
anon a mouse
In addition to social distancing, the single thing that can really help us is testing. Testing for who has it, testing for who has had it and wasn’t previously tested. The problem is there’s no cohesive plan at the national level for how to get the level of testing that will let governors make informed decisions. Governors are testing as much as they can but there are major supply chain issues with different test components.
Anon
Dude, you’re fundamentally asking people to get out their crystal balls and predict the future. No one can do that. People here do not have any more answers than the CDC, state governments, the WHO, or any other entity out there studying this issue and trying to figure out next steps.
I realize you may normally cope with anxiety by making a plan, but no one, anywhere, can do any meaningful long-range planning because (all together now) we don’t know what’s going to happen. I am a planner by nature. I have to constantly work on myself to accept that I am in an unpredictable situation no one has any control over. It’s not a comfortable place for me to live in but I have no choice. This is where we need to have the wisdom to know the difference between what we can and can’t control.
anon
Agree that we have no way of knowing. I am a planner by nature, but I embraced the fact that I cannot know anything about the future. We are all in a truly unprecedented situation with a new virus, and any plans we make can/will be pushed aside.
I worked really hard to accept that the current situation is my new normal, and I cannot see the future even a month out. There are no plans to make. My mental energy is spent trying to make the best of my current situation. I don’t like it, but I’m at peace with it.
Anon
has anyone done a virtual/zoom game night with friends that worked well? game suggestions? online game sites?
Abby
I’ve done jackbox games. They’re really easy to pay because everyone uses their phone. Only one person needs to buy the package (~$20 I Believe).
I’ve also played a card game, Golf, with other friends. Works for 4 -6 people, best with 4. I’ve played once a week since quarantine and it’s pretty fun!
Wendy Davis Byrde
How do you play Golf the card game online or via video conference?
Abby
We have a zoom call, or facetime. We will deal out everyone’s cards on our end, and place our laptop on a stack of books and tilt the screen down so the camera views everyone’s set of 6 cards, not our faces. So only one person does the dealing for all 9 rounds (or you can rotate, but we thought this was easier since nobody’s trying to cheat lol) and everyone is very specific which cards they want to flip or replace.
Also sidenote re your username: finally finished watching season 3 and last 2 episodes were NUTS.
anon
out of the jackbox games, Drawful is really fun and easy to do (everyone gets a link to connect on their phone, and the game interface is done via zoom/skype.
Mrs. Jones
We’ve done Yahtzee virtually. I heard you can play Cards Against Humanity virtually but haven’t tried it yet.
Anonymous
We’ve played Jackbox Games (favorites are Quiplash and Trivia Murder Party). Normally, pre-quarantine days, we would play at a friends’ house–main game screen goes on the tv and people answer on their phones. Now, friend streams the main game screen from his xbox on mixer.com, we all use our phones/tablets to play as normal, and we have a voice chat channel in Discord so we can talk while we play. I’ve also played Nintendo games online against friends–this is super easy if you have online Nintendo accounts. And also used voice chat in Discord for that.
AZCPA
The Houseparty app also has built in games, like trivia and something similar to Cards Against Humanity (though cleaner). We’d had success with those, and like that its built into the video app – with jackbox you still need Zoom or similar.
Davis
We did Two Truths and a Lie, which was easy and fun!
NY CPA
We did bingo and Taboo zia zoom. Both worked well.
Anon100
We just played Pictionary online last night! Lots of fun! You can use the whiteboard feature in Zoom or use another website. We also helped one friend finish up some crossword puzzles from a newspaper app using the “share screen” feature.
Thanks, It Has Pockets!
People have mentioned Jackbox and Houseparty, I’ll suggest buying the Tabletop Simulator via Steam.
anon
also, Dominion has a pretty decent online game interface, the base game is completely free, and worth many hours of gameplay. The extension sets are reasonably priced and only one player needs to buy them.
Anon
Scattergories works well and there are even sites that will auto-generate a letter, timer, and categories for you
worried lateral
Do you think now is a bad time to lateral if I’m not in one of the counter-cyclical practices? I’m a biglaw transactional associate and accepted an offer two weeks before everything is shut down. No start date has been confirmed because we don’t know when everyone is going back to the office. Is it possible that the new firm would rescind the offer? Or even if they don’t, is now a terrible time to start at somewhere new?
I’m really worried because it’s my first time lateraling. Would really appreciate any advice or thoughts. Thanks in advance!
Anon
I’ve had friends that have had offers rescinded or delayed– hopefully, that doesn’t happen to you.
It is really going to depend on how senior you are and how the group works, etc. If you are senior enough and they know you can work independent, they will have less qualms sending you work remotely. The big issue I see is that unless they really *need* you, then you are going to be out of sight, out of mind, and people may forget to send you work since they aren’t seeing you in real life and don’t have a relationship with you yet.
worried lateral
Thank you so much-those are my concerns exactly too! I’m a 6th year and pretty much works independently at my current firm, but was afraid that it may take a while for the trust to develop at the new firm.
For your friends who had their offers rescinded or delayed, did the firms reach out or just go silent? I’m having a hard time getting in touch with HR at my new firm.
Anonymous
I think I’m the jerk here but I’m not sending money to a colleague who is having a baby. I usually contribute when people collect for the office “shower” (cupcakes and streamers in the lunch room plus a card you sign with a gift card in it). But an email to send money through a payment app to the colleague seems…like a shakedown? I don’t know. Not feeling it.
ThirdJen
I get it, I do. It doesn’t feel the same if you’re not all there to partake in the good feeling. But put yourself in your colleague’s shoes – can you imagine having a baby right now, and how much knowing your office didn’t forget about you in these extraordinary circumstances would make your day?
Preg Anon
Yeah, I mean – I’m pregnant right now. All of the “normal” stuff that happens for pregnant women in my community is cancelled. I won’t have a shower, or any kind of celebration with my colleagues, or the chill weekend in a state park cabin with my husband that I was looking forward to as a last vacation before becoming parents. My church does blessings for pregnant women once a month – that isn’t happening, and our new/expecting moms group isn’t happening either. My childbirth class will be online, and prenatal yoga/fitness is all cancelled, so I’m not meeting other pregnant women and making friends in the way that I thought I would.
I’m healthy and the baby’s healthy and I’m so grateful for that. But it is hard to basically go through this with no one but my husband and a lot of Zoom calls (I am not even seeing my parents due to their health situation). Any kindness anyone shows right now – even just if people remember that I’m pregnant and ask about it during one of our one million videoconferences – means a lot. If under ordinary circumstances you would have happily contributed to a gift card for this person, I’d encourage you to do it now. (Obviously if you are in financial difficulty due to the pandemic, that’s another story.)
A.
Maybe a thoughtful card to your colleague instead? I get where you’re coming from but I also agree with ThirdJen above — small gestures mean so much more to me now than they ever did pre-quarantine. My mom died at the beginning of the month and every single call, email, card, text, and dropped off meal meant 1000 times more to me than I think it would have during normal times. Everything is so much harder now, and people are so mentally wiped, that it meant the world to know others were thinking of me.
Anon
I agree with this. Also so sorry to hear about your mom. Hugs.
Anon
I’d feel weird as recipient of straight cash from colleagues, especially in small amounts from everyone a la Go Fund Me, which isn’t the intent as far as I can tell.
Can you propose one single point of collection and purchase a gift card to her registry retailer, or Amazon?
Anon
They both seem like the same thing to me. Shrug.
Anonymous
I think it is people being extra sensitive to transmission. Typically, for remote workers, we’d collect money and send a few gifts from the registry and a gift card. In these times, I would ask the pregnant coworker what their venmo is and give them straight cash to avoid person-to-person contact (cash, card, etc).
If you can spare it, I’d contribute whatever your normal amount is and go on your way. Absent that, or ideally in addition to, send a card/email.
anon
I don’t get the objection here. If you would contribute to the gift card for the party but we can’t have parties right now, why not send money directly? I would understand more if your custom was buying physical gifts for the shower because the analogue would be buying a gift from the registry and having it shipped.
Anon
what i would recommend is someone from your organization set up a kudos board for everyone to send well wishes to the colleague. then perhaps one person could collect the money and buy her a target gift card or something instead of people sending money directly to your colleague? i would still send the money, but i agree it feels weird to send it directly tot he person themselves
Anonymous
If you’re financially unsound, I think you get a free pass on this one. It’s hard to help others financially when you’re having difficulties beyond run-of-the-mill problems.
On the other hand, if you just don’t want to, then don’t. I’m not now nor will ever be pregnant since I don’t want kids ever, so perhaps I’m a bit biased but you shouldn’t have to be guilted into helping out, especially if it’s a colleague you don’t particularly like. If the situation were reversed, would you want the same from your coworkers?
I would anyway just because this is one of those “contributing to a good work culture” things but I see what you mean about cupcakes and balloons versus straight-up cash.
Anon
Maybe, but the other alternative is that this colleague will be treated differently from everyone else who had a baby, and that is tough.
Anon
I’m a grinch about these things in general, but I’d be more likely to contribute now. Having a baby during this strange time would be so scary and lonely. I can’t imagine having a new baby and having no idea when my parents could even meet him or her.
Legally Brunette
Ideas on making a weekly family Zoom call more fun? Range of ages is 5 – 90. We usually just all go around with a weekly update, which is getting boring. Are there fun questions to evoke discussion, icebreakers, or games you would suggest that work well on Zoom?
Kara
Play any of the games listed above! I find that having an activity helps a lot, and those work for the whole family
Have someone make a non serious PowerPoint – childhood pics of the grandparents, aunts and uncles childhood stories, something like that
anon
great question, following!
Anon100
See the other thread above for virtual/Zoom game night for ideas. I posted about playing Pictionary and doing crossword puzzles. My work also held a virtual bingo happy hour, which was also quite fun (different variations of bingo).
Mrs. Jones
show and tell!
anon
MadLibs!
Finally Made a Name
Maybe this is too late, but seeking input. I was/am dating someone prior to the pandemic, and we are trying to keep in touch with calls and videochat for the last month.
Friday, he told me that his boss invited him to take a walk on a local path, which he did, and then to drink in her car, which he felt somewhat obligated to do, but he did it! He seldom drinks. He had 2 wine coolers and was drunk. He called me on the way home and I was concerned about him driving, but he insisted he only lived a few miles away (true) and was fine. Then, Sat. he was sick.
This entire situation seems ludicrous to me. Drinking in public is illegal and childish. Drinking in a car and then driving is illegal and dangerous. Drinking with your boss in this context seems inappropriate. Drinking with someone in their car during COVID19 is risky. I feel like…who is this person? I’ve known him a year, and we were friends and have been dating for the past 6 months.
For context, the boss is roughly his age (mid 30s) and married. Her husband is “dying of cancer”. She seems to have no boundaries based on other things he has told me.
Am I overreacting? He seems embarrassed about it, but he also doesn’t think think it was fundamentally the wrong thing to do.
Pure Imagination
What?? That whole situation is so bizarre. Honestly, I would dump anyone who drove drunk, but aside from that egregiously terrible action, do you really want to pursue a relationship with someone who apparently has terrible judgment and no ability to set boundaries for himself? Your boss wants to go for a walk right now, you say no. Your boss pressures you to drink when you don’t want to, you say no. It’s not that hard.
Cat
the boss sounds so bizarre as to be made up. Honestly the first thing about this story was “who on earth drinks wine coolers as a 35 year old.”
In the era of job and economy worries, I am sympathetic to people who are playing along with their boss who would otherwise be resistant. He’s embarrassed, as he should be. He apparently lives alone? so if he managed to catch corona from the boss, hopefully he is already social distancing in general to minimize risk to others. I’m not getting myself worked up here.
Finally Made a Name
I wouldn’t have believed it myself except she apparently gave him the 3rd wine cooler from the 6 pack to take home. He texted me a photo of it. I don’t think I’ve had a wine cooler since I could legally drink!
He lives alone and has an essential government job where he still has to interact with the public once or twice a week. He has interacted with his boss twice in the last month, so that was his justification to meet her for a walk. We’ve been keeping in touch over daily video chats and texts/calls given that I’m quarantining at home and he can’t, really.
He claims they’ve never taken a walk or drank together except when she invited the entire department out for Christmas. He doesn’t feel like she was hitting on him, just that he felt pressured to drink which he seldom does.
Anonymous
They still sell wine coolers?
Finally Made a Name
I hear you Pure Imagination. He claims he felt pressured due to COVID19 and not wanting to lose his job. But…that’s your excuse. “No, I don’t want to meet you on a Friday night because my work day is done and I’m self-quarantining”.
Pure Imagination
Yeah, I can certainly see how COVID-19 introduces weird pressures, but at the same time, it’s such a ready-made excuse! Honestly, you could overlook that part of it, but the drunk driving is awful.
Senior Attorney
Ew there is nothing about that scenario that is okay, starting with meeting her for a walk. And sitting in a car and drinking? WTF? And driving drunk, not matter how short the distance? Insane.
That is just nuts.
Finally Made a Name
Yeah…that was my initial reaction on Fri., and it is still my reaction today. None of it makes any sense. I’m glad I’m not the only one to react this way.
Anonymous
I would gage how he feels about it. Does he recognize that he shouldn’t have done it and regret his actions? Or does he not think it was a big deal? Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it might be really difficult to say no to your boss during this economy. He definitely was wrong, but I know people who drive drunk somewhat regularly because they don’t want to say no at work dinners where the wine is flowing, so I can understand how it happens (coming from someone who is teased regularly for turning down alcohol at work events).
Finally Made a Name
He is embarrassed about drinking in public and driving. He doesn’t feel she was hitting on him with “let’s take a walk”, and I think he is embarrassed about that more because of my reaction than because he thinks it was wrong. I would be very uncomfortable if my boss texted me on a Fri. evening asking to take a walk, and I wouldn’t go.
Anon
He drank 2 wine coolers and was drunk? What? First, who drinks wine coolers? Second, how would he get drunk off of 2?
Also, you barely started dating this guy. The post comes off as super controlling.
anon
I’m someone who rarely drinks and could definitely see myself getting drunk from a couple of wine coolers. Some people’s bodies just don’t handle alcohol very well, which is why I stopped drinking in the first place. However, drinking wine coolers as an adult does seem odd to me.
Anon
I am going to raise my hand – I would be drunk off two wine coolers. Me. I have very low tolerance for alcohol and as a result, rarely drink unless I’ m at home. I have had to get a ride home after two high ABV beers. I’ve always been like this; it’s not just since I’ve gotten older.
Anonymous
Me too. I think I had higher tolerance as a teen. 5 years ago I drove 1 mile home after 1 beer and have been ruminating on it for years that I could have gotten a DUI, I should not have driven that night.
Anon
I think I would be drunk after only one wine cooler! They’re about twice as alcoholic as beer, and two beers can definitely make someone a little buzzed, especially someone who rarely drinks. But I don’t think his alcohol tolerance or lack thereof is the issue here.
Formerly Lilly
Old school ulcer meds such as Axid and Zantac have a potential side effect of enhanced alcohol effects. Ask me how I know ….
Anon
Yep, I agree with this.
I don’t know what OP is looking for, exactly? Permission to be mad? Sure, granted.
Finally Made a Name
Yes, and confirmation that this is objectively bizarre behavior. I have been having some anxiety during COVID19, so trying to make sure this isn’t an overreaction.
Never too many shoes...
I don’t care about the drinking with boss in car part at all. But he is lying to you. Even a light drinking man is not drunk on two wine coolers. There is more to this story and it is, I am sorry to say OP, not good.
Finally Made a Name
It is possible! I haven’t drank a wine cooler in over 10 years…it is true he seldom drinks. I love it because he is the DD when we go out. But I do feel like the story could be incomplete, and he’s lying.
Anonymous
this. they hooked up, i would bet my life savings on it (thanks to corona, this is not much currently).
Little Red
Exactly. As I was reading the original post, that was the turn I was expecting it to take.
Airplane.
I think he is lying to you. The texted photo of a third wine cooler was sent to faciliate the lie. Consider breaking up with him, his judgment in all of this, and what he has told you of this story is really off.
Anonymous
+1
Finally Made a Name
So I just googled the brand-Capriccio White Sangria- and I see it is typically sold in 4 packs. He claims she had a 6 pack, and she gave him the 3rd to take home. Hmmmm…..
Anon
“Even a light drinking man is not drunk on two wine coolers.”
This seems like an overstatement. My husband, who is 5’10” and 180 pounds, so not huge but not a tiny guy, rarely drinks and gets completely loopy after less than one beer. It might partly be psychological, but he definitely acts drunk and has told me he feels drunk and I’m not sure why he’d be lying to me (since I’m usually right there and he’s not doing anything inappropriate). I am also not small for a woman and I feel noticeably different after just a few sips of wine on the rare occasions I drink. Not like, falling down drunk, but I notice my inhibitions lowering and I say things after half a glass of wine that I wouldn’t have said sober.
That said, OP, this story has about a billion red flags.
Finally Made a Name
Agree with you that it isn’t unreasonable he “only” had 2 (in a car…in a public park…). I googled the white cooler and see it has 13.4% alcohol, which is higher than beer, so I think it is plausible. Regardless of how many he drank, he called me and seemed drunk, and he drove home. That is the bigger red flag for me. Drunk driving is a hard no. Drinking in public, too. I think the last time I heard of anyone drinking in public was the old undergrad trick of vodka in a Nalgene bottle.
Anon
Uhhh, yeah, two drinks of 13% alcohol would definitely make me feel drunk.
Anonymous
Huh? Drinking in public happens all the time. Bars. Restaurants. Beaches. Golf courses. Campgrounds. Picnics.
Anon
The drinking in public part doesn’t bother me that much. Maybe I just hang with a lot of booze hounds but we will put drinks into solo cups for a picnic, walk, concert, beach day or any other place where you technically aren’t supposed to have booze. We always take our litter home with us. I could also see him not expecting to get drunk off of two wine coolers and then feeling stuck and not knowing what to do. I’ll admit, that happened to me once when I hadn’t had much to eat and had two drinks out with my boss and other senior colleagues. We were sipping them over a meeting and I wasn’t expecting to get drunk. It was only when I was almost home I realized, EEK, I’m buzzed, I shouldn’t be driving. I was embarrassed and careful not to ever do it again.
So, to me, what matters is his attitude about all this. If he was like omg, such a weird story. Met my boss for a walk and then she offered me a drink in her car and then surprise I was drunk and still had to get home and I feel like such an idiot! Then I wouldn’t really be mad, I’d chalk it up to a learning experience.
Anon
I’m a 40 year old parent and me and my friends would also definitely have a drink in public in an otherwise appropriate but maybe not technically legal setting, like a park for a picnic etc.
Finally Made a Name
Of course I don’t mean drinking in public bars or restaurants. I mean illegal drinking in public. Public intox. It is very much a thing that police go after people for where I live. You can’t drink in a public park, or the beach, or walking down the road, or sitting in your car.
Anon
I think I was a preteen drinking 3-4 wine coolers and I’m a very thin person. It just doesn’t add up.
Monte
I am sympathetic to the position he is in, as this is his boss and there must be some pressure there — so I am not sure meeting her for a walk would be “fundamentally wrong” to me (assuming social distancing norms etc etc). The economy is in the crapper and I would be willing to go slightly outside my comfort zone to keep my job.
But not being able to say: (1) I don’t want to sit in a car with you; (2) I am a lightweight and this would be dangerous; and (3) I am an adult and don’t drink wine coolers (!!!) — any one of these would be a deal breaker for me. I cannot be attracted to, much less think about a future with, a man who cannot stand up for himself. But I get not wanting to throw away a 6 month relationship. Good luck to you.
Anonymous
I want to make “I am an adult and don’t drink wine coolers” my user name lol! Agree with these points though.
anon
I don’t get this hipster attitude as to how wine coolers are somehow unmanly/uncool/childish. Let people drink what they enjoy drinking.
Anonymous
It’s not a hipster attitude. As people age they typically develop a more refined palate and aren’t keen on being assaulted by sugar.
anon
I’m team drink whatever you want/what makes you happy! That said, I do think wine coolers were such a common “first drink” for many people that it’s hard to get rid of that association (at least that’s the case for me personally). I’d never give someone a hard time for drinking a wine cooler, but since I haven’t had one since I was probably 17, I associate them with being 17.
anon
Nothing about this story makes any sense at all.
Anonymous
Sounds made up to me
Anon
Not even in a fun way, just a weird and incomprehensible way.
Finally Made a Name
I assure you I didn’t make it up. It is possible he may have. The facts I know are that he was drunk when calling me Fri. night and that he texted me a photo of a wine cooler in his possession. Other than that, who knows?
Anon
He at a minimum made out with her, but my money is on the full deal.
Finally Made a Name
That’s my fear. Making out in a car comports with drinking wine coolers :(
Anon
Yeah, sorry. I just am trying to imagine sitting alone in a parked car drinking booze with someone of the opposite sex that I’m not related to or isn’t a lifelong buddy, and not having it have a sexual undertone. Which means if I wasn’t into reciprocating, I’m not doing that. I mean, why wouldn’t they at least have had the drinks outside sitting on a park bench or something if not? (Yes potentially illegal, but so is drinking and driving so that doesn’t seem to be a deterrent). That would at least have less of that undertone?
Anon
I’m 35 and like wine coolers and this thread is making me feel very bad about myself :(
Anon
Eh, half the people making fun of them here probably drink White Claws and Trulys on the reg, and I ASSURE you 20 years from now people will be like “oh my god, remember when we all drank White Claws ha ha ha ha :) “
Drink what makes you happy! I’m a White Russian gal myself, which sometimes gets me odd looks.
back to big law
I’m 40 and like them too. I like sweet things. So right there with you!
Anonymous
I like sparkling seltzer. Drink what you like.
But, these appear to be single serves of sparkling sangria (so sweet and fruity) but def. more of a wine for ABV purpose at 13.9%.
AFT
Can anyone compare the Rothy’s round-toe flats and the Allbirds tree breezers? I have a couple of pairs of Rothy’s that I love and I know my sizing for them, but none of the current colors are calling to me… the Allbirds have a similar look but more options for colors and a lower price point. TIA!
Betsy
I have both and got the same size for each brand. I love them both, but I actually think I like my allbirds a little bit better and they don’t need quite as frequent washing.