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Frugal Thursday’s Workwear Report: Wrap Shirtdress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Is there such a thing as too much neon pink? Not for me. This relatively inexpensive shirtdress is from Target’s collaboration with Carly Cushnie, whose beautiful drapey designs are usually much more expensive. I like the blouson top paired with the gathering at the waist — it’s a really flattering look. I think that black shoes paired with neon can be a bit harsh-looking, so I might pair this with a gray or snakeskin shoe. If you want to go full glam, I would also love to see it with a pair of leopard-print heels.

The dress is $60 and available in sizes 0–22W. It also comes in navy. Wrap Shirtdress

Note that both colors are selling out quickly, so if your size is gone, check out this tie-front shirtdress from the collab.

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Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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348 Comments

  1. I’d like to send a friend something for her birthday next week that is the equivalent of flowers, but not flowers. Anyone have ideas? Specific recommendations welcome! I was thinking bday cake truffles from Milk Bar but I feel like one box is too small and the combo pack is way too much for any one person to eat in any reasonable time span.

    1. My college roommate always sends me neat body care products from Origins or Nordstrom – stuff I wouldn’t buy myself but I am always excited to get.

      1. +1. Barring any known scent sensitivities, this would be a lovely gift to receive.
        One thing I’ve really missed is going to TJMaxx and picking out a really good-smelling body wash or something. I know it’s practically a meme, but it was just such a nice treat for myself.

        1. This is a good idea. The body butters by Laura Mercier are really luxurious and one jar lasts me a long time.

    2. Is Edible Arrangements still doing business? Covid is not food borne. I was skeptical about Edible Arrangements until my boss received one as a gift, and it was gorgeous and great quality.

      1. They are! I sent one to a friend for her birthday a few weeks back and she said it was awesome

    4. Milk Bar has some cookie boxes too – each cookie is individually wrapped and they keep for quite some time if you keep them in the fridge. It’s a bit larger, but still reasonable for one person because of how long they keep.

      1. My husband got me a gift box of cookies from Milk Bar for my birthday. I’ve kept them in the freezer and thawed them as I want one. They’ve kept really well.

    6. I wouldn’t mind receiving an unreasonable amount of truffles! I bet they’re great frozen :)

      1. They are! We did a cake making class at the flagship in Logan Circle, and came home with a bunch of truffles as well. Froze them and they lasted for a long time (MilkBar says 30 days, but some of ours were around longer in the freezer…) They’re great!

    8. I sent the Milk Bar bday truffles to several friends this year for their birthdays and they were a hit! I just did the small box.

      1. You guys are the best. Thank you! I think I will try calling a local liquor store to see if they can deliver a bottle of champagne and will send the bday truffles.good to know they are well received and keep well!!!

        2. Try Drizly! Depending on the city, you can get alcohol delivered from local stores in less than an hour in most cases.

    9. My BFF sent me macarons once and it was divine. I would not normally splurge on them myself and loved it.

      Also have enjoyed receiving bath products form Lush (discussed yesterday, possibly in the afternoon thread) and Cheryl’s Cookies.

  2. Any other city dwellers considering moving to the suburbs? We love our condo and love living in the city, but it feels so cramped right now and the city itself is just deserted, unsafe, and sad. I naively thought this would be a short-term thing but it’s not looking that way. I can’t believe I’m even saying this, but I would kill for more space and a yard right now. Commiseration or talk me out of it?

    1. From the other side, I miss the city so much. Well, not the way it is now, but the way (I believe!) it will get back to eventually. Plus I’m not a fan of yard work, and more space has just filled up with more crap. My husband is super happy out here though, so its a compromise I’m living with for now. I do have to admit I love having a garage… don’t miss those days of driving around and around looking for a parking spot when I had a car in the city, that was no fun.

    2. Ymmv but I’d say only do it if this is something you wanted before OR you are the type who could leave for 1-2 years and could mentally readjust to returning + financially wouldn’t be priced out. I see NYC people buying any home they can in N.J. or LI and knowing those people, it won’t work. Sure we’re in this for the long haul but say that’s 2 years. At SOME point most (not all) employers will want you back at the office. I think it’s fantasy to assume that jobs are going WFH 100% of the time forever. People aren’t even considering that they’ve bought houses where it’ll be a 1.5 hr commute one way. They aren’t considering that they complain about driving if they’re on a 4 day business trip in Michigan and are now living someplace where it’s all driving all the time.

      I’m not saying to not do it. I left Manhattan for Arlington Va 5 yrs ago because I couldn’t see being 50 and still not driving to work. Then after 4 yrs in Arlington I realized I was only living there because it is a “middle ground” living area after NYC bc you have high rise apartments but really I was living a 100% suburban life – never once walking to any restaurant or bar – so really I wanted to be in Rockville or Reston or whatever. Didn’t pull that trigger before this started and I will not buy a house sight unseen but point is this isn’t an abrupt decision.

      1. Hello! I lived in a couple of places off of the Orange Line in Arlington and if you are b/w Rosslyn and Ballston or out off of Walter Reed, there should be plenty that is walkable there. I never had to worry about drinking and driving and it was the happiest and easiest years of my working life. Places like Shirlington can be harder — more car-dependent. It can be like halfway from NYC to the ‘burbs, but I liked not having to deal with swipe cards getting the groceries in from my car and also having my own laundry.

        So if the last sentence resonates with the OP, maybe it’s those things that matter. I didn’t feel that great when in desperate need of a dryer, I had to deal with moving other tenants’ wet laundry randomly left in machines. And now that I go to the store weekly, that’s a lot of bags to bring in and having one door to the outside has been so, so crucial. [Arlington has a lot of older brick houses off of South Glebe that are now converted into rental units, many with daylight basements.]

      2. I agree with your first paragraph. I think it’s a fantasy to assume WFH is going to last forever. If you were already considering moving to the burbs, I say go for it. But I’d be very nervous leaving the city now without considering what your life will look like when things get back to normal-ish in a few years.

        If people are on the fence, I’d suggest renting out of the city. Buying something in the burbs right now feels like a recipe for losing $$ if in a year your office expects your butt in your seat every day and you decide the commute isn’t sustainable.

      3. I agree that I think the WFH 100% of the time will end up being a fantasy for most. I would say that even in the face of surveys at the moment suggesting otherwise. There is just way too much nuance to it that is easily forgotten about when it’s only been a few months and everyone else is working from home which makes for an unrealistic-in-normal-life environment.

        1. I disagree. A lot of companies have had WFH arrangements for employees who want them for years. Now we will have more companies joining that fray.

          1. It’s certainly possible but feels risky to bank on this happening. Many companies may start allowing more WFH but they may not. It’s worth considering if your company will continue to allow this and if for some reason you leave your job if you’d be able to find another job that also allowed WFH.

            Personally, I’m staying put until I have a better sense of what the world is going to look like after all this settles a bit. It’s far too early to know for sure and I’d be uncomfortable making a huge financial decision based on assumptions based on whether WFH will be allowed or if WFH will not be allowed, etc.

    3. We are. We (family of 4) live in San Francisco, and while I love our 2 BR apartment, it’s not really set up for us to be WFH for the next two years (!), especially with a little one at home. I’m seriously thinking of relocating to a house in the suburbs for the extra room.

      1. Apparently home prices in Marin are through the roof for that very reason. I am in the East Bay and I haven’t really heard about prices here as much. What I wouldn’t give for a yard.

        1. Ha! I would love East Bay, but we are thinking East Coast. Our original plan had been to move in Fall 2021,but Covid-19 might have just accelerated those plans for us…

    4. Not exactly the burbs, more like way out in the country, but my rural home with a large yard, flower and vegetable and herb gardens, patio, and woods behind probably looks enticing at the moment. What needs to be factored in is that there is no grocery delivery, no food delivery except for crummy pizza, poor access to good healthcare, a third rate hospital with only two ventilators, and a populace that is solidly red and sees wearing a mask as an anti-Trump political statement. Which is a long way of saying that when you look at something that seems very appealing at a glance, be sure and dig up and consider all the negatives as well. DH and I would love to be in a condo in the city right now.

      1. Thank you for saying that. A good reminder.

        I fantasize about retiring in a place like yours but always come back to healthcare.

        1. It’s a real concern. We are retiring to a city. The ambulance service here is actually excellent, and the local dark joke is that you should try to get the ambulance to just drive around while the paramedics treat you, instead of having them deliver you to the hospital. Local hospital does not even set basic, uncomplicated bone fractures – you are transferred to a city hospital over an hour away for that and pretty much everything else.

      2. Yup. I live in a rural place too and would say the same things. I love it but it has its tradeoffs and frankly I would love to live in a city again in the near future.

    6. Fellow city dweller (in a 600 sqft loft with two people) here. I have definitely fantasized about having a house in the burbs or a nice lakeside cabin in the woods in the past three months. But honestly, it’s not something I would want outside of COVID. I don’t want the commute, the house and yard maintenance, and I would really miss the coffee shops, restaurants, specialty shops, cultural venues and other joys of living in the city. I like the feeling of being surrounded by people, and that’s been the hardest with this pandemic. I know it’s hard right now, and I know this might change once I have kids, but I’m staying put for now. My city has slowly been reopening (I’m in Canada and the situation is somewhat under control) so I had brunch on a patio last weekend and it was glorious.

      1. Good point about cultural venues. Woof, I am really missing that. I love musical theater and stand up comedy. Really miss going to see these things. I really hope venues survive these closures.

      2. There are some small towns with outsize cultural opportunities (such as traveling symphony festivals). That’s the sweet spot for me.

        1. College towns are good for this. I occasionally fantasize about moving to the town where my alma mater is located. It’s not without the socio-cultural issues inherent to rural-ish college towns, but it’s just beautiful.

          Actually now that I’ve been in higher ed for a couple years maybe this isn’t as absurd as it could be. Hmm.

          1. In some ways this is my fantasy, too! I want to go see all the visiting speakers and academic lectures that are open to the public, and sit in little coffee shops and think thoughts. I definitely live in a large city with universities and coffee shops, but in fantasy land the college town has no traffic and I work a flexible 9-5 job at a non-profit that I care about sigh what am I doing with my life.

    7. No, even in quaratine I’m glad to be in the city. But I don’t live in a big building with elevators and no outdoor space, so maybe that would make a difference. I hate maintenance and yardwork and pool closing/opening, car culture so none of that appeals to me. I like walking everywhere. I think if you are someone who was always going to move to the suburbs anyway then maybe this will hasten it, but if before this you would never have move to the burbs, I would think more about whether you will actually want to live there for like 3-5+ years.

      1. +1, if you thought you’d want to move in the next 2-3 years anyway, go ahead – but my husband and I both hate driving, have no desire to be responsible for a yard or purchasing furnishings for a larger house than we need, etc… so even though it’s less than ideal for let’s say 6-12 months of full time WFH, we’re staying.

        1. This is also us. I never see myself living in a suburb. Renting out our city house and moving to a small house at the beach if we are both 95% WFH? Maybe. But not a suburb with long drives, yard maintenance, a ton of sq footage to clean, nope. But I totally understand the appeal if you had kids or if you didn’t have access to outdoor space in the city.

    8. My husband and I did this just last year. I second the other posters who say to think long and hard about whether you want to leave just because of covid or if you have other reasons for wanting out. I have zero regrets about the move, but that is because we wanted a) more space b) a yard c) less traffic/congestion to deal with. However, we also made sure to move within a 30-45 minute drive of our city’s downtown core (with traffic), and moved to a neighbourhood which had a lot of the things we liked about city living (little coffee shops and independent grocers and restaurants) within walking distance or at worst, a five minute drive. We feel our quality of life has dramatically improved as a result! But if your favourite things about city living are just put on hold temporarily because of covid, maybe escaping to the suburbs isn’t for you.

    9. Yes we’re actively looking. Our apartment is incredibly cramped, we don’t see the benefits of the city fully opening for years, and being in elevators and shared spaces with people who refuse to wear masks is…exhausting to say the least. However there is a massive housing inventory shortage right now in most places, and it is proving incredibly difficult to find a house. I’d recommend you at least talk to a real estate agent if you’re seriously considering. See what the market looks like in your area and what timeline would be realistic.

    10. No, but that is part of what I love about my home in ATL. I am definitely in the city and I also have a lot over 9000 sq ft. walkable to lots of outdoor and indoor amenities.

    11. Not exactly the same, but COVID certainly accelerated our timeline for buying a place in DC, and pushed us towards stretching and purchasing a row house rather than sticking with an apartment (which is what we had previously been leaning towards). I know in many cities that buying a house in the city isn’t possible (and even here, the cost feels insane anywhere you buy, and in many neighborhoods that are “more affordable” you are actively participating in gentrification if you do purchase a row house) but we feel incredibly lucky to have been able to swing it. Now we both have separate spaces to WFH on our work calls, and a small back patio. It is a huge improvement on our COVID situation, but is also a location/life we hope we can stay in for at least the next 10 years.

      If we hadn’t been able to do this, as renters with a month-to-month lease, we likely would have started to consider renting a larger apartment or house with outdoor space, possibly even outside the city, though we probably would have hung on a little longer to see how things were sorting out in the fall. I will likely be WFH as much as I want for the duration of the pandemic, my husband will likely start having to go back into the office in the fall at least some of the time, so didn’t want to sign up for a brutal commute.

      1. It sounds like you have some of the same concerns I do – how did you square with the gentrification part? Did you land on basically “damage already done” and buy in an already gentrified neighborhood? Or some other scenario?

        1. Gentrification isn’t actually a bad thing by many metrics. It can have a negative impact on lower-income renters, but it also improves neighborhood safety (something residents of the most violent neighborhoods repeatedly say they want) and economic activity while boosting home values for lower or middle-income homeowners. I think the Atlantic had a good piece on that a while ago, but I’m blanking on the name of the article. Of course it varies by city.

        2. I would fall into the category of “gentrifier” but I also don’t have an attitude that I want my existing neighbors to leave, make them uncomfortable, demand investment that they can’t otherwise participate in, or use code enforcement or police to force them to change their existing lifestyle. I have active relationships with the long-term neighbors in dilapidated homes on either side of me, hope they stay put, and advocate for taxation policies and implementation that will allow for that. I also advocate for projects designed to eradicate the remnants of environmental racism that exist in my immediate neighborhood, which is surprisingly controversial among long-term residents.

        3. Buying a home in the area and fixing it up and “gentrifying” are different, to me. Buy a home wherever you want, but don’t turn around and start petitioning for code changes to make the neighbors get a fancier fence, or complain about go go music loudly playing from a business when that business has been doing that in its community for 20 years, etc. Get to know and appreciate your neighbors and community as they are.

        4. Sorry, don’t know if you’ll see this anymore, but if you do- we bought in a neighborhood that is already very heavily gentrified (think, most 3 bedroom row homes sell > $1 million) but on in a somewhat less desirable location (busy street, a bit closer to a power plant and some housing projects). We are certainly part of the ongoing gentrification of the neighborhood, but the lady we bought the house from was probably in the initial wave of gentrifiers when she bought it in 1977…so I guess more the “damage is already done.” I can’t say I feel perfectly sanguine about it, but I also feel very good about trying to truly put down roots in the city and get involved in local government as homeowners.

          We would have been able to afford a smaller house in a “worse” portion of this neighborhood regardless, but almost certainly were only able to afford this particular house because of COVID. It had initially been priced too high, she hadn’t put much into curb appeal, and the photos online were terrible. The market here never fully shut down, but things did slow down in the March/April period, and she just really wanted to sell. In pre-COVID it probably would have sold for 100k more than we paid. As it was we were the only bidders and went under contract under asking price.

    12. We put an offer in on a single family home in suburbs of NJ outside of NYC (think Montclair) on Monday – we too were seeking more space, a yard, etc. Heard back late last night that the seller accepted 85K over the asking price and waived inspection and appraisal. Our offer was over asking price and was ranked 5th of 7 offers. LOLs and we’re bummed. Now that sets the comps for the area so it’s only going to get more challenging.

    13. We are currently close to my office but in a modestly sized house on a small lot we picked 20 years ago, and it’s been unbearable trying to run two active businesses out of our current space. We could move further out and have a third more space for a third less money, and be in a community with amenities rather than a city that doesn’t even have a public pool. We are super flexible on WFH and the move would put me closer to my clients. The downside would be a 45 minute commute for in-office days. WWYD?

  3. I have my annual review today and I suspect they will announce I’ll get the usual 2% raise (or possibly even less due to budget issues). However – my male co-worker – same title and role as me, equivalent experience and education – is currently making about 4% more than me. Our salaries are all open knowledge to each other since we work on budget proposals where we have to include our daily rates. So I should definitely ask for at least 4% more, right?

    1. So while I would ask for the raise I would frame it as bringing your salary up to market rate. Don’t bring your colleague’s salary into the discussion as there may be mitigating circumstances you aren’t aware of.

      1. Right on. This. Frame this about you and your value and do not bring up other colleague.

      2. Right on. This. Frame this about you and your value and do not bring up other colleague.

    2. Well, if you don’t ask the answer is no. Prepare a list of your accomplishments/ revenue generations etc year to date or historically to present.
      Good luck!

    3. Know your audience and move forward cautiously. Given the tough economic times, make sure they aren’t doing cuts before you do this. You may inadvertently make yourself more expendable than him in coming months.

    4. does your state have pay equity laws? your employer may be obligated to match your salary to his.

  4. For people who’ve settled far from family — say more than a 6 hr drive or you must fly — does the current situation now make you feel like you’ll take steps to move closer? Or do you feel more like — it’s unfortunate but this is where I or spouse and I want to live or raise kids, or this is where my dream career is — so I can’t compromise that and will just ride out the time not seeing family or take calculated risks to travel or whatever?

      5. Definitely in the “calculated risk” category. Then again, my parents and in-laws are retired and live in areas that are the opposite of job centers, so it’s not really feasible to move closer to them. My in-laws in particular have sunk a huge amount of money into a house in the middle of nowhere, and they are going to live there with minimal interaction from us because of their choices.

    2. Ugh, it’s hard. I’m a continent away from my family and this pandemic has made it even more difficult. I’m just grateful my mom was here right before lockdown as I don’t know when we’ll see them again. We won’t move, our careers are here and I’d never move back to the US, but they are retiring to Portugal, if they are ever able to enter the EU and get the keys for the house they purchased.

    3. Even before the pandemic I dreamed of living closer to my mom and siblings but much of the reason for that is that they all live within 2 hours of each other while we are an 8 hour drive away. If we were all mutually a little further flung my own distance wouldn’t bother me as much. Another reason I want to move: the summer there is not as hot as the summer here.

      However it’s unlikely we’ll move closer for career reasons, and even if the opportunity to move closer did arise, we’d have to think long and hard because we’d then be far away from spouse’s family (not just his parents but my SILs who were super close to) and once again an 8 hour drive from someone.

    4. The latter. My husband is a professor and isn’t going to upend his career over this, and I would hate living in the city that my in-laws live in.

      I’m also questioning the assumption that the working people should move, not the retirees. While it may make more sense for a grown child to move from, say, NYC to Charlotte to be near family, rather than have family move to a VHCOL area, I think it’s usually better for the retirees to move.

      1. I slightly disagree based on the retirees I know. They all have established networks of friends and activities. They would be depressed and lonely moving away from their friends, and I’m not sure being closer to family would make up for it. On the other hand, it’s hard to uproot careers and kids too. So it really depends on each family.

        1. Yeah, a lot of retirees are also now on fixed incomes that they calculated on models/assumptions that likely did not include all of a sudden living in a VHCOL location when they had not before. I hear what you are saying but I think this would likely not be financially realistic for most.

      2. Cosign, particular as someone who spent their childhood moving regularly for a parent’s career. I start my dream job later this month, it will run right up to my retirement and I cannot imagine leaving it before then.

        My parents both are retired already, so if they want to be near us and The Kid, then they can move to our area, which has more moderate costs, milder weather, better health care, and more congregations and activities in our minority religion than their area.

      3. I’m retiring in a few months, and watching my grown children settle into their careers and choosing where they want to be. Not sure why I should uproot my life, with a paid off house, a super close support network, relatives I like, in an area where I can get good health care for a chronic condition and am immersed in organizations surrounding my hobbies, as well as moving away from my own mother in law who will need increasing care in the next few years, simply to be closer to my children.

        My calculus may change in a few years depending on where they settle and whether or not they decide to have children of their own, but I don’t see why the retiree should be the one to move.

        I am aware, and am keeping in mind, that my time will be more flexible than theirs for a long time and that I should not impose on them to spend precious PTO with me. I know that my traveling to see them is more reasonable.

        2. I think she is speaking more to families where the assumption is that the family will move to where the retirees live when they have kids, not families where the assumption is just that you will visit each other when possible, etc. If no one is moving this is moot.

          For example, MIL believes we will move to her when we have kids. But we have greater job opportunities in the city we live in, and if we did move to her city, we would still likely be an hour from her based on where we would have to live for our jobs. MIL’s close friends have also started to trickle out of the area as they’ve been retiring and downsizing. MIL has a paid off house that is huge with stairs. A lot of friends I know are in similar situations with their parents– it makes no sense for the kid to move to their parents unless they really do want to move to that city.

      4. Id never ask my parents to move for me (which is why I moved back to them) because they’re so well established with local friends, family, hobbies, routines, etc.i couldn’t imagine asking them to give that up for me, but I also couldn’t imagine only seeing them a few times a year.

      5. I don’t understand this line of thinking at all. My parents are adults who get to make their own choices about what they want to do with their lives and have had established lives for much longer than I have been alive. Why would it be reasonable for me to assume they’d uproot just to follow me? If they wanted to do that, wonderful. But I would never even think about asking that of them.

    5. My family lives in two different countries and the fact that I’m not sure when I am going to see them again is really weighing on me. I consider moving back regularly, pandemic or not, but this has really shaken up my assumption that I could easily live this transcontinental life and I can always jump in the plane if something comes up. I have a great life here, but long-term, it’s something I’m going to have to consider, especially since I don’t want my parents to grow old alone.

    6. My husband’s family is so tightly knit. There’s a million of them and they’re all within 2 hours of each other (Charlotte, Asheville, Greenville). They’re always getting together for cookouts and such, and we hate that we miss out on that, especially that our kids miss out on so many carefree times with their cousins. We’ve thought about maybe buying a vacation house in the mountains so that we could be close to them, but we just haven’t ever felt the desire to move permanently there. It feels like – that place is where we’re FROM and will always be a piece of us, but not who we are NOW as adults in the world.

      My husband’s parents REALLY hate how infrequently they see their grandchildren (all of their kids live in the DC area), so they make that 8 hour drive a couple times a year. We’ve asked if they’d want to move closer to us and they can’t bare the thought of leaving their siblings and their kids. (Every once in a rare while it feels like we kids are less important to them than their siblings are. We know it’s not true, but jealousy shows up every now and then.)

    7. I previously (2 years ago) decided to move to my home city, even if it’d impact my career, to be closer to family and friends. I’m so so glad I did it.

    8. Currently we live about 90 minutes from my ILs and a 14-hour drive from my parents, ~18 hours from my brother. My ILs seem to think 90 minutes might as well be 9 hours, while my parents take the distance in stride. I grew up several hours from anyone in my extended family, so our situation doesn’t seem odd to me. In the grand scheme of things, I wish I lived closer to my parents and brother, and I’d like to give 22-year-old me a talking-to (I purposely looked for work outside my home state and I’ve lived in this region ever since), but what’s done is done. We’ve moved a lot in the last decade, and now I’m absolutely done with moving, at least until kiddo is out of college. After that I’d be open to moving closer to family, as work allows (let’s just say my ILs’ health doesn’t make me think they’ll be a factor by then) but that’s a ways off.

      1. My in-laws live 90 minutes away, and have a similar attitude, while my across-the-country parents came to visit frequently in the “before times.”

    9. Moving closer isn’t really an option for us but i am sooo jealous of anyone who lives within a 12 hour driving distance. Ours is 20+ hours

    10. My mom is dead now but in her declining years my sister and I both tried to get her to move near us and she wouldn’t. She had a few friends left and they were important to her. She also didn’t want to live in either city my sister and I lived in. She was born a country gal and died a country gal.

      It’s sad we couldn’t be with her more toward the end, and I know my sister has a lot of regrets about that (she is farther away) but elderly adults are still adults and you can’t just assume they’ll uproot their entire lives to be near you.

    11. We were already planning to move to be near family before Covid happened. The pandemic actually may make it possible for us to keep our jobs and go 100% remote from another state, instead of trying to find new jobs in the new place and then moving. We’re waiting for my company to give approval, and as soon as they do, we’re out of here.

    12. I’m about an 8 hour drive/ 6 hour train from my folks and actually this has reassured me that my plan to spend a period of time further away from them (18 hours ish by train) isn’t a terribly stupid idea. This is the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing my parents and it’s good to know I CAN do it – and in normal times I’ll always have the next visit in my calendar to look forward to.

  5. Anyone else who is trying to visit parents/grandparents/inlaws in the senior category — feel like YOU are the one saying ok if we want to go by Aug 15 then any final trips to the office, store, social distanced anything must be by Aug 1; we need to drive only w ez pass or whatever other rules you think must apply? While the seniors are — eh whatever it’s fine, come when you want. Like i feel like if we said we’d come the day after going to the office they’d be like sure no problem. Is this just my family??

    1. No. Also you’re being excessively cautious. Wear a mask. Stay distant. You can go to a store when you need to. I think older people have a bit more sense of how bad things can be and aren’t stewing in self righteous anxiety.

      1. Very much this. I think when you’ve lived through what some older folks have (Vietnam, etc) they can more accurately put this crisis into the overall context of history, rather than this being the Worst.Thing.Ever. like some younger folks tend to do (not saying that’s not reasonable, but just saying it objectively is not).

        1. Nothing you are saying makes any sense. I have also lived through Vietnam. This is nothing like Vietnam.

          1. Amen. Our country was deeply divided then, as it is now. Fewer Americans died in the Vietnam conflict then the death toll from COVID-19, and it’s not over by any means.

      2. If your life permits, I think it’s prudent to be very careful before seeing elders, even if they don’t have the same risk calculation. Maybe they accept the risk of dying, but you’d have a long time to live with the knowledge that you were the vector that brought the deadly virus to them and could have been more careful.

      3. Jesus, self-righteous anxiety? During a pandemic where our numbers are through the roof, increasing exponentially by the day, and the loved ones she wants to visit are presumably high-risk (due to age)? Choose a different path if you want to, but calling it self-righteous anxiety is ridiculous.

        My in-laws are the opposite. They are far more concerned about this than we are and expect us to take every precaution possible before seeing them.

        1. Ridiculous isn’t a strong enough word. I’d go with sociopathic. Who delights in coming here to tell someone asking about something related to visiting family that they’re just “stewing” in self-righteous anxiety? I’d say I hope that person finds peace but I’ve heard sociopaths can’t be cured.

          3. People who are defensive about their lack of social distancing don’t want to admit that their actions are harming others. They often choose to accuse everyone else who is taking reasonable precautions of being anxiety wrecks instead.

      5. Why do people need to be so rude. I agree with the point — older people have a different calculus and are often thinking about to how it was during other harder times in life. For example my immigrant parents came from the developing world — there were political riots, tropical diseases would spread etc. — so that’s there frame of reference. Yet why is the OP considered being self righteously anxious or cruel? She’s doing her part to protect older people by say not going to the office and interacting with others or not exchanging cash with at a toll booth if she can instead drive thru. Sure the older people can say — nah you don’t have to — but that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t want to take consider those steps.

      6. I can’t control the risks of going to a store if other people in the store aren’t wearing masks or social distancing.

    2. I think, at least in my family, they just have a different risk calculation. I know my parents (late 60s) very much have the attitude of “something is going to kill me in the next 10-15 years most likely, so I might as well live my life”. Not saying it’s fair, but they definitely have had a more relaxed attitude on all of this. They also assume some level of restrictions will likely persist for a year or two, and they’re willing to make small sacrifices to be safe, but see stopping big important things (hugging their grandkids) as something they’re not willing to give up for what could be 20% of their remaining years here. They just have a different approach and tolerance toward risk and potential death or disability.

      1. Yup. And I think it’s a pretty reasonable position given their much lower number of expected years left.

        1. How nice you get to determine what is “reasonable” for someone to be worth living. Ick. Personally, if there is 10 to 15 years left, I’d rather have my folks not get the hug and be here for the 8-13 years after so they get to know my kids as actual individuals and see them grow.

          FWIW, my folks are being pretty cautious and it seems like their friends are even more so. My mom’s book club–mostly folks in their 70s, won’t even get together outside and distanced because all but two of them (one being my mom who was trying to organize) thought it was too risky. Her best friend hasn’t been in a grocery store since March. A lot of generalizations being made here.

          I don’t think being older inherently makes you less bothered with risk. And I’m troubled by that assumption because I think it’s a way to ease people’s conscience so they can go get a pedicure or vacation or whatever without a pause before visiting them.

          1. She was allowing the elders to determine what is reasonable for themselves. Only you are projecting.

      2. My parents in their 60s have the opposite approach. They are super active and figure they have another good 10-20 years of active life in front of them so don’t want to take any risks that it will be cut short by a virus that could very well kill them. I feel they are a bit extreme and really miss having them around (and the childcare help they used to provide!), but I’m glad they take it seriously. We’re going to go on vacation to a rental house with them later in the summer and will do a pretty strict lock-down for the two weeks ahead of it.

      3. This is definitely the attitude my parents have. They aren’t partying at bars and coughing on strangers., but they have continued to live their lives to the fullest within the parameters. Things like ordering takeout, getting together with a small group of friends, playing golf, utilizing senior hours at the grocery when those were a thing, seeing their grandkids, etc. They are active and healthy with very few risk factors so they feel comfortable with this calculus.

      4. Yeah, I think this is where my family is at, too. My generation is all being much more cautious than our parents and grandparents, but it’s just a question of individual risk calculations.

      5. My parents and inlaws are the same. I’m also not keeping them (especially my 74 year old FIL) from seeing and spending time with their only grandchild. Who most likely will be my inlaws *only* grandchild. I’m just not.

      6. ‘I know my parents (late 60s) very much have the attitude of “something is going to kill me in the next 10-15 years most likely, so I might as well live my life”. ‘

        This. I remember also 25 years ago, my nuclear family planned a trip with my grandparents to an area that then had some bombings targeting tourist spots – in the discussion of whether or not we should still go, my grandparents were very much of the opinion “we are willing to take that risk, we’ve lived our lives.” My parents with 2 young children were shocked!

    3. My parents are coming to visit me soon. They’re in their 60s, but my mom can run a sub 30 minute 5k and my dad plays rec hockey. Their level of health is a lot higher than their peers so I’m not worried and neither are they. Additionally I have been appropriately social distancing and WFH since March. That said if they weren’t in good shape I would insist they stay home. I think there is a lot more to the risk calculus than just ‘old’.

      1. There’s also more to the calculus than life vs death. It might not kill them but result in long-term lung problems that prevent them from being active in the future & cause their quality of life to decline.

    4. This is what my family (spouse and I, mid-30s, two small kids) are doing of our own volition; we haven’t received any such dictates from our parents or grandparents, but I’d rather minimize the risk to them anyway. We’re at less risk & have no underlying conditions, so it’s not really about us, it’s about them. We’re all on the East Coast in areas that *were* hotspots but where cases are falling. If we were in states with rising case numbers I’d probably be even stricter about it.

    5. No. I am visiting my 78 and 81 y.o. parents next week. I said I’d get a test before since I am not quarantined and my mom was like, meh, whatever, and you should stay all week or come back again on Friday.

    6. This is really similar to the above post. Elderly adults are still adults and they get to make their own decisions, whether those are smart or not (in this case) or revolve around you or not (in the case of retired parents moving to be close to adult children).

      1. Yes, yes, 1,000x yes.

        I am closer to your parents’ ages than to yours and I am a little tired of having people in their 60s spoken of as if they lacked agency. By all means, tell your parents you do not want to see them right now if you are concerned over your own health or that of your children/spouse, but please do not talk to and about them as if THEY were children.

        My grandmother is about to turn 90 and during the discussion about visits from her living children and multiples of grandchildren and great-grandchildren, her response was “how much longer do you people expect me to live?” She does not have that much longer regardless of this virus and does not want to die without seeing us over the summer (traditionally when the people with school age children visit.) And as she is a competent adult, she gets to make that decision.

        This is not the same as hanging out in bars with hundreds of strangers.

        1. I don’t understand this attitude because it’s not like people die instantly from COVID. It seems there’s often a lot of suffering involved & I imagine there would be regrets … does that not come into consideration?

          1. Yes, maybe have a robust DNR if that is the plan. Or just stay home from the hospital altogether.

          2. Very few people die peacefully in their sleep regardless of COVID. My other five grandparents have already died (I am including step-grandparents) and only one of them died without suffering. (One congestive heart failure – although she died in her assisted living facility after raising holy h*ll over having been taken to the hospital against her wishes; one as result of multiple strokes; one after complications from heart surgery; one of Alzheimer’s).

            In other words, people mostly do not die instantly no matter what. And my Grandmother, who was a nurse and has a history of TIAs and heart issues, is very well aware of that fact. (And yes, her paperwork is in order.)

    7. The old people definitely aren’t taking this seriously, which is maddening because the safety measures are supposed to be in large part for their benefit.

      I have a weekly videoconference with a group of adults aged 25 – 85. Everyone younger than 60 is still being very cautious and is in no hurry to go back to meeting in person. The old people are all complaining that we aren’t meeting in person, griping that their children won’t let them see their grandchildren, and bragging about how they are dining in at restaurants and going out without masks.

      It’s the same way at work. Senior management, who are all a bunch of old lawyers, have been going in to the office throughout the pandemic, even though the office should have been shut down according to our state’s stay-home order. They had pizza parties for the people who kept coming in to the office, and routinely appeared on videoconferences from the same room, right next to each other, maskless. My 60-something assistant has also been going in to the office the whole time, even though he is equipped to work from home and I keep telling him there is no need to go in. Everyone under 60 has demanded a WFH arrangement.

      I have no patience with these people. My MIL died of COVID in assisted living. At least my own mother is being smart about things.

  6. There have been several posts lately from NYC, NJ, and DC – re elevator buildings. Got me thinking — I live in Arlington Va now in the Clarendon to Ballston corridor. I clerked several years ago in a small southern city and lived in a “garden apartment.” Meaning it was an apt complex consisting of many buildings, each building had 6-8 apts, and your front door opened into the common outdoor stairwell of that building. So if you were ready to leave, you could look out your peephole, see no one coming up/down the stairs and leave; frankly they were wooden outdoor stairs so you always knew if ppl were coming or not by their stomping.

    Seems like it’d be a pretty handy set up esp in these times where we all want to avoid strangers. Do these kinds of apartments exist in Arl or even 1-2 suburbs over? I think they’re called garden apartments but searching for that brings up “such and such gardens” of which there are many — they’re just the proper names of various high rise buildings. Of course my lease expires in January so who knows how safe I’ll feel with movers etc then but I’m curious.

      1. Edited to add: lots of these buildings have elevators too, at least the nice, new ones. Sure, less density per elevator but not a cure-all for your anxiety.

    2. No. We cannot do yet another day of reassuring people that you can take your elevator and not die.

      1. Yeah, sorry, but I say this as a high risk individual who takes every reasonable precaution: you have got to find a way to stop obsessing about your elevator. Either take the issue up with your building or live with it. If you’re posting variations on a theme here 6-7 times, it’s time to step back.

      2. FWIW I think this is a different poster asking for apartment recs not “how do I deal with the elevator” which I agreed has been asked a few times here, but one of those times was me and I’m in New Jersey and not in DC.

          1. No, the syntax and style is nearly identical to the elevator poster. I’m very sympathetic to anxiety struggles during this time, though. The pandemic has done a number on mental health for so many of us.

          2. You are not a forensic comment detective, please stop trying to make these assumptions based on your read of “syntax.”

          3. CSI (Comment Syntax Investigator) is back at it! If you don’t like this genre of question, collapse thread and move on.

      5. We can and if you don’t like it, collapse the thread. People ask for all kinds of advise here. If you just want to b1tch about the question and don’t have any advise to give other than shut up, then don’t read it.

        1. It’s not about shutting up, but about OP needing to hear the message that posting repeatedly about a specific, focused anxiety problem is not going to help her anxiety.

          1. It’s not the same person. Try for reading comprehension. This is a different question and a different poster.

          2. Sure, whatever. I guess there are two posters with the same exact style and the same exact problems.

          3. Ask yourself why you think it is your job to tell any poster to shut up. Is it political for you? Is someone not wanting to be in a crowded elevator really that threatening to you?

          4. Lol it’s shocking to you that on an internet board multiple people can bring up the same question from different parts of the country? Are you new to the internet? And spare me the “syntax” argument. No one things that deeply when posting a question and often you end up writing like all the other posters.

    3. There is a big complex like this over toward Ft. Meyer. Can’t remember what it’s called. At least around here, these seem to be more lower-income communities so may not have the amenities you’d get in one of the high rises around Ballston/Clarendon. I may be wrong. There are also a lot of townhomes sort of between Clarendon/Courthouse/Rosslyn, although I imagine those are pricier.

      1. This. When I lived in the suburbs of Richmond, apartments were mostly what OP was describing — probably because there weren’t high rises on the skyline in the suburbs. In the Va and Md suburbs OTOH, the fancier apartments are towers and the garden apartments seem to just be developments that are “left over” in between those towers are mostly lower income. I was wondering the same thing and I think maybe it’s that you need to be further into the “real” suburbs — could there be places like this as you get towards McLean, Vienna, Tysons? Not that I’m looking to get further from the city for commute purposes but I feel like with rentals while it’s a pain — you can always move for a 6 mo to 1 year lease and then if life goes back to normal and you’re commuting 5 days a week again, you can move back to Clarendon.

    4. I can’t think of specific developments in Arlington, but options like this exist. I know in Southwest DC, there’s a series of brightly colored “townhouses” (they’re actually condos, but some are on top of one another, and I’d say half or more are rented out, so they’re not hard to find on craigslist), and some are as small as 900 sqft.

    5. In my area (upper Midwest, not many high rise apartment buildings, most complexes are 3 stories or less so they don’t require an elevator) a garden apartment means it is the half basement/half first floor level in the building, such that the bottom of the windows are at the level of the grass outside. Lower than a first floor but not so low that it needs an egress window for fire safety.

    7. Yep! Lots of them still exist. My MIL is looking for one in Reston right now, and there seem to be several options. Not sure if you’d want to go out that far, but I’ve definitely seen them in Arlington and Alexandria.

      Also, re: your comment with movers-we just moved across town in DC last week and had movers and I felt totally fine. The movers all wore masks the entire time. We left our apartment right after they arrived, so we were not in that space while they were wrapping our furniture/loading the truck. And then while they were unloading, my masked husband directed them where to put boxes and furniture, while mainly able to stay 6 feet apart, and I mostly was in the kitchen (masked) already starting to unpack boxes. We’re in our early 30s, no pre-existing conditions that make us higher risk, so we weren’t particularly worried, but if you were more concerned you could easily stay out of the house while they were moving stuff in as well and even stay in an AirBnB for one night to be extra careful to air out the house. Given what we know now about likelihood of transmission through touching objects, that doesn’t seem to be an area of particular concern (i.e. they touched boxes, etc.).

    8. Look over in Shirlington – specifically ParkFairfax and surrounding communities. They’re not garden apartments (and I know what you’re talking about and have also lived in them in the south – I think they’re less common in colder climes), but they are condos that open to the outdoors.

      1. This. I think what OP is describing is a southern thing as my sibling lived in such a complex all thru law school in Richmond and I had the same type of place outside of Nashville. Though given that DC/Va sits on the cusp of being southern, I bet they do exist even if you’re driving further than you like.

      2. Ditto, look in Shirlington. Lived there for a bit and loved it. You will need a car but, depending on where you live, can walk to the grocery store, restaurants, library, a theatre, dog park, etc.

    9. Park at Arlington ridge is another near pentagon city. Not right on the metro but they have a shuttle.

    11. Check out the western end of Ballston (west of Glebe), and the Ft. Myer/Radnor Heights area south of Rosslyn/Courthouse. Also around Columbia Pike and down towards Shirlington. Lots of these buildings there, and yes they are called “garden style.” You may just need to peruse Google maps for some likely streets and then drive around a bit. Many of them have apartment complex names and phone numbers posted on the side of the building. Some of the complex names will also pop up on Google maps if you zoom in close enough.

      If you’re really worried about sharing elevators, wear your mask and if you’re on one and it stops at another floor to let on more people, say “can you take the next one? thanks!” and hit the door close button. If you’re waiting for one and when it comes there are people on it, just tell them you’ll take the next one. It’s really, truly, not a big deal. My building also just put up signs in the lobby that elevators should only be for a single person or family/people living together. Maybe your building can do the same.

    12. Lots of them still exist, though outdoor stairwells are less common here due to weather. Colonial Village by Courthouse is a condo complex but you can usually find units for rent. Closer to Ballston is Buckingham Commons, and there are other garden-style apartment complexes nearby around Glebe & Pershing. If you want to go further south, Shirlington/Fairlington/ParkFairfax have what you want too.

    13. I’ve always been afraid of the security of these types of apartments and I wouldn’t go move into one now just for social distancing reasons.

      1. I wouldn’t do it in the areas OP is in currently. The properties in that area are mostly apartment towers with amenities and then these small garden style places that are left over that skew lower income. Hate to say it but look at the news, that’s where the crime is; I’ve seen immigration raids etc. What OP is asking IS very common in the true suburbs where these are nice, new properties and more often there is no high rise option. OP if you’re inclined to do this go further out into West Falls Church or even further like Reston. IDK what your work situation is but if you’re WFH then commuting to DC should matter less.

  7. I’ve been cycling more (on a hybrid bike) and my tailbone is so sore a few hours after even short rides (2.5 mile round trip to childcare). It feels more like the tendons around the tail bone? I don’t feel uncomfortable when I’m cycling, but am working hard, dragging myself and my 35lb toddler up hills. Any advice?

    2. Get a professional bike fit. Your local bike shop should be able to do this or refer you to someone who can. It sounds like the fit is a bit off.

      1. Not strange at all. Your pelvic floor is incredibly important! It’s literally what holds you all together and should not be underestimated.

        I agree that a padded bike seat could help but also ensure that your bike isn’t too small/large and thus causing you to sit too far forward or back on the bike seat. Also, sometimes your bottom just has to toughen up and get used to the bike again.

    4. How hard is your bike seat? I just replaced the seat on my bike with the cushiest one designed for women I could find at rei and it has made my life SO much better. Was maybe $45 and super easy to install. Apparently bike seats – like all biking gear – are in short supply right now, so could be tricky to find. Otherwise, maybe padded bike shorts?

      1. +1. Padded bike saddle designed specifically for women plus padded shorts solved most of my tailbone issues, but I also echo the comments above about bike fit. If your seatpost isn’t at the right height, cycling can be torturous on both your tailbone and your leg joints – we usually notice the tailbone first. Also, you can adjust the “nose” of your saddle so that it feels right to you – some people are more comfortable with it slightly canted up or down (and it can change depending on the terrain you’re riding). You can replace literally any part of a bike so if you need a shorter or taller seatpost than the one you have now, you can get one. You can also cut down most seatposts to fit. A good bike shop can help you with this. If you’re riding 2.5 miles a day 5 days a week, going for a bike fitting is not a luxury, it’s a must-do.

        If you don’t want to do bike shorts, A mazon sells padded bike briefs you can wear under any shorts or pants. I have a couple of pairs for when we ride around cities and I don’t want to wear my “Lycra Bike Person” cycle clothing.

        1. Thanks everyone, that’s super helpful. I’m working from home for the foreseeable and am using the quieter roads as an opportunity to get a bit more comfortable riding in the city. I’ll book into the bike shop and have them take a look. It’s only started happening with the baby seat on the back which makes me think there is something about the way I’m sitting or weight is distributed.

      2. Avid cyclist here – adding padding often does the opposite of what you hope it will do, comfort-wise! When it comes to a saddle, you want support – the touch points of the saddle to hit the right spots of your anatomy – not cushion in order to be comfortable. A 2.5 mile ride, even with the child seat, should not need any cushioning/padding/extra layers in order to be comfortable, if the bike fits and your sit-bones rest on the saddle correctly. Your local bike shop can help with fit.

      3. If you can find it, the Terry Butterfly is a great bike seat and was a game-changer for me.

    5. I switched my saddle that came in my bike to a woman’s specific one from Specialized and it’s been amazing. The prior saddle caused pain no matter how often I ride; the new one is virtually pain free because it hits my sit bones correctly. I agree with the commenters who have said to check the fit also. Padded shorts will Only go so far in fixing this.

  8. I’m turning 50 soon. And I think that that is a sign to start de-cluttering and organizing, so that in the next 20 years, if something were to happen to me (especially if it were a stroke that might incapacitate vs kill me outright). I am thinking of doing something like a Swedish death cleaning pre-emptively. [My 80ish parents, to my knowledge, have never thrown out a thing and haven’t moved in at least 30 years, so I wouldn’t want to leave that sort of stuff for my kids / husband to deal with.]

    I don’t have a move or anything coming up to light a fire. I think I just need a plan of attack. Like I have airtight storage boxes for key older things like tax returns, deeds, discharge of mortgages, car titles. 401K statements and life insurance and bank records, passport, birth certificates, etc. Stuff that is important needs to be labeled. But there may be too much crap in rubbermaid bins, sheets no one uses b/c we hate them but we won’t get rid of (what if have a stomach bug go through the house again??? Well, we own a washer and dryer . . .]. So many kitchen items that are literally never used now but maybe in 2022 we have a dinner party?

    Advice? Just get a match and be done with it?

    1. Perhaps tackle one small section at a time? Whether that is a whole room, a closet, an individual box or drawer, just something approachable enough that you can accomplish it in one sitting. Have a shredder, a trash can, and a box for donatable items handy. Maybe a purgatory box for things you aren’t sure of so you can revisit them in a week/month/year to see if you are ready to make a decision.

    2. It’s been recommended here, but I found the Marie Kondo “does it spark joy” system incredibly helpful. If the sheets don’t spark joy, toss them. Giving yourself the permission to say that you don’t need to hold on to things that don’t make your life better. (As someone who spent 4 months cleaning out & fixing a parent’s house because of the sheer amount of *stuff* they had accumulated and refused to throw out, I may be biased.)

      1. I can assure you that very little of my stuff sparks joy. Old tax returns (no joy, but at least I can purge working papers from ones that the SOL has run on and just keep 3 most recent ones + current records). Various food storage containers (waaaaay too many; but they are often single-use if school or camps get going next year). I think sort + organize + cull + label on some items will be a help. We have some ancient towels that we keep b/c they don’t all make it home from outings / camp / friends’ houses. Maybe if we had fewer things and those things were all nice, the forgetting would happen less. More skin in the game!

    3. What I enjoyed most about the book, was that it was pragmatic and non-radical in its approach, so no match. I don’t think there is a special trick. Take 15 minutes each day and find places for your items to go. I’d keep only two sets of sheets per bed that is used daily (one set for a guest bed). A women’s shelter would probably be happy to take household stuff.

    4. I just read “Goodbye Things” by Fumio Sasaki and feel similarly inspired to throw crap out. He gives 55 tips for reducing your stuff, many of which are very applicable. Two that seem particularly relevant: (1) Tackle the nest (storage containers) before you tackle the pest (items being stored); (2) treat stores as your storage bins–discard now and just buy it again if the time comes that you actually need it. In my own purging, I’ve found it’s psychologically helpful to give my things new homes rather than just throwing them away. I’m sure there are poor families in your area who would love to have your yucky sheets. I used a neighborhood buy/sell/trade group to list many things for free recently, and folks picked them up off my porch with no drama. Thrift stores and religious institutions will also likely be happy to take bulk donations.

      1. “treat stores as your storage bins–discard now and just buy it again if the time comes that you actually need it.” This. I’m pretty good at getting rid of stuff, but definitely guilty of holding on to random, like, picture frames & things “just in case” I want to use them again, or so when my daughter grows up a little more she can use them if needed. I have to remind myself – the mental energy & cost of the space to store these things is NOT worth the $10 or whatever it would cost to just go out and buy new ones when we potentially need them YEARS from now, if ever.

        Agreed, it does help that I use a Buy Nothing group that literally takes almost anything so at least I don’t worry about the environment aspect of it too much.

    5. Can you hire a professional organizer to help you? If you feel overwhelmed like you want to get a match, this might be a good solution – you can buy their time if a few hour blocks to create the plan of attack for you based on your own goals. Ask for a personal rec for a good one, it’s hard to tell who’s good in this area from websites.

      If that’s not in the cards, I’ll say this – donate the old sheets to an animal shelter – you hate them and no one uses them. If you have a stomach bug are you really going to pull them out and launder them and made the bed for the sick person? Post the kitchen items you literally have never used on a neighborhood “buy nothing” group and get rid of them. If you’ve literally never used them as you say, you’re not going to use them for a theoretical dinner party in 2022 – be honest with yourself – did you throw dinner parties regularly before this? Why didn’t you pull these kitchen items out then?

    6. Scan all that paper and then shred it. Even if you don’t love Marie Kondo’s approach (I personally do), following her order might work for you — there are checklists online if you don’t want to get the book. Not because it’s The Only Way or even The Best Way, but you just need a thorough order to go in. Tackle one category of items at a time so you feel like you’re making progress.

      And do this for yourself! Living in a home without all that extra stuff feels great.

    7. I think the Kondo advice to gather all like things together is good advice because if you clean out one drawer of the wardrobe at a time it can get lost on you that you have 100 t-shirts and you will feel good about getting rid of 20 when really you could comfortably toss 60 and have plenty to wear and still keep anything sentimental (just a random example with random numbers; don’t yell about having 40 t-shirts). You may have to do the one-drawer-at-a-time process first and then sweep back through for the collection process once everything has a place.
      Also, please do this. My mother and I, plus a paid helper, have spent a year cleaning crap out of her house to move and this is after a similar but worse and longer process a decade ago. And her house doesn’t look like the home of a hoarder but we are tossing travel magazines from 2004.

    8. For something like the sheets, consider how likely you are to need them and how much it would cost to replace them if needed. If it’s a tiny chance of needing to spend $50, donate them and be done with it.

      Also consider that if you have a lot of ‘stuff,’ it’s hard to find what you actually have because you can’t remember it all and can’t look through it all.

    9. Do it. We are facing the same at 55 and 64 and it never gets easier. We have an attic, which is a blessing and a curse. It’s so easy to put something you’re not absolutely sure you want to get rid of into a box in the attic and never think of it again.

      Having cleaned out my mom’s house after she died (she threw nothing away. If you sent her a hallmark card in 1974 with only your signature, she still had it) I don’t want to burden my own kids with that.

      1. For items like that, the Swedish Death Cleaning book had a great solution too. If you have mementos that are only valuable to you personally, put a post-it not with them that explicitly gives your heirs permission to get rid of that stuff. Also if you have heirlooms, go through them and actually designate who of your friends and family should get them. That takes a lot of pressure off of the people that have to dissolve the estate later.

    10. Regarding the “but what if i need it in 2022” thing. To use your dinner party example, I’ve finally come to realize that if it’s 2022 and I want to throw a dinner party and I don’t have the platters and serving plates for it, then I’ll be able to cope and figure it out. I can still have a dinner party without that stuff. Or I can borrow from a friend. Or I can go to TJ Maxx and buy a few plates. Or I’ll do a backyard cookout instead. Whatever it is, just like I’d cope now if I had to figure out how to solve a problem caused by not having “a thing,” I’ll be able to cope and solve 2 years from now.

      1. This is how I used to feel. Thanks to pandemic-induced demand surges and supply chain interruptions, “just buy it when you need it” is no longer quite so feasible. I just spent weeks stalking kettlebells, inflatable pools, and basketball hoops on the web. Now I can’t find a suitable replacement for the cocktail shaker whose lid somehow ended up in the garbage disposal.

    11. What I find helpful is just to tackle one drawer or shelf each weekend and not worry about the rest. Keep donate and toss bins handy, you will want them. Then I swap out the liner paper and put back the things I to keep back. For paperwork, I set an hour timer, do what I can and then walk away. Over time and without pain I ended up with a tidier home containing fewer things. I find the Marie Kondo thing nuts, I would not survive asking my possessions if they spark joy.

    12. No advice just commiseration and an appreciative chuckle, because I’m younger with small children but went through the exact same “but if we all get the stomach virus?” thought process over sheets recently. I decided to keep some old towels around and, worst-case scenario, someone can lay on a towel while they wait for their sheets to be cleaned. Each bed only has two sets of sheets, now. Plus, the old towels are more versatile than old sheets.
      For party/serving stuff, a couple of years back I boxed it all up and put it away. I went through a year of holidays and anything that I did not go seek out and pull out to use had to go. I gave myself permission to sell a set of China that I ended up with from my grandmother and felt compelled to hold onto, despite the fact I have ZERO memories of it existing before her death.

    13. One small thing that helps me is when I do find things that I know I don’t want or need to keep is finding them an appreciative home – my local Buy Nothing group on Facebook has been awesome for this. I’ll post an item and usually within an hour someone wants it, and they’ll pick it up off my porch! It helps me when I get rid of things to know it has a second life with someone who is excited to use it, especially if I spent money on it.
      Also, it has helped me to attack a cleanout by category rather than by room. So, clothes, them cookware, then photos, etc. It seems to be less overwhelming that way.

  9. I live just outside of DC and, as someone who grew up on the West Coast and is happiest around mountains and water, have considered relocating west for years. Unfortunately due to family and career obligations, that’s not likely to happen for another 10 years or so. I’ve not traveled much (even for short trips) on the east coast because I’ve always saved my time and money for “big” trips to national parks and the like. But now, with travel restrictions and more free time (fewer youth sports obligations, for instance), I’m interested in exploring options for a weekend (and longer over the summer) escape, and possibly investing in a cabin or other small retreat somewhere easily driveable from DC. But as a non-east-coaster, I don’t know where to begin looking. I’ve thought about checking out Deep Creek (where we have visited in the winter but not in the summer), but don’t know where else to look. Does anyone have (or dream about) such a place? I’m really just interested in nature and ideally a body of water where my kids could run around, but beyond that I don’t have any firm ideas of what this place would look like.

    2. Wintergreen, VA is nice – resort-y, but on the AT. Lots of DC people have houses there.

      1. +1 to Wintergreen. My parents have had a house there for years. It’s pretty quiet, has great hiking trails, great views, and is consistently roughly 10 degrees cooler on the mountain in the summer. There are lakes nearby, along with breweries, wineries (love Pippin Hill), cideries, and neat towns like Crozet and Staunton.

    4. I live in MD and what I know is mostly state parks. A lot of my friends love Deep Creek but I’ve never been; Rocky Gap is in the same region with a (much) smaller lake and doesn’t allow gas motors so it may be better suited for quiet paddling. New Germany doesn’t have as much hiking I think but it’s SO beautiful. It really looks like a German Christmas card forest and it has nice cabins. Cunningham Falls has great hiking, lovely forest. Pocomoke has gorgeous canoe trails. Assateague Island (VA) is lovely if you like the ocean but I believe it’s only tenting.

    5. Oh man you’ve got so many options! Check out anywhere near the Shenandoah National Park: Massanutten, Sperryville, Afton, Wintergreen, Harpers Ferry. With a longer drive, Smith Mountain Lake or Peaks of Otter.

      I don’t know West Virginia as well, but there are going to be a lot of options there too. Maybe Snowshoe?

      1. I second Smith Mountain Lake. I live in the Midwet but grew up there. It is truly gorgeous there. The Midwest just doesn’t compare to the beauty of a lake with a mountain in the background.

    6. Do you want mountains or water? Virginia’s Northern Neck and Middle Peninsula are surrounded by water and you can get a waterfront house for much less than you’d expect if you keep your eyes peeled. They’re no more than 3 hours away. https://www.virginiasriverrealm.com/

    7. I posted yesterday, but someone i know recently went to the Airbnb D and D farms and raved about it

  10. I’d love to set up a side gig reviewing resumes / doing interview prep. This is just something I like to do, do have some background with, and have helped friends/family/classmates with successfully in the past. Any suggestions for looking for freelance work like this?

    Also interested in volunteering to do this if you have suggestions for that.

    1. If you belong to a church or any kind of place of worship, they often offer this kind of service to their members. In Texas they’re called “job search ministries” so you might google that in your area. They are free and they have guest speakers come in and help. It’s a nice place for people job searching to talk to others in similar positions, get support, etc.

    2. For volunteering, maybe you could contact your local Urban League, Dress for Success, or domestic violence shelters. In my city, all of those organizations have programs for career prep and helping people find jobs, and would probably appreciate your volunteering. You could also see if your city has any type of program for returning veterans and helping them find jobs. I think this is so nice of you to do!

      1. I for some reason really like formatting resumes, and my friends and family are set. So might as well do it for others! Just emailed the volunteer email for urban league

    3. The first thing that comes to mind are orgs like Dress for Success.
      Also, are you an alumni of a college or university? I bet your alma mater’s career center would be happy to have you on their roster for resume reviews or virtual career coaching. Alternatively, your local community college may be an address, too.

    4. As far as interview prep, maybe you could reach out to your alma mater or local universities or professional post grad schools and offer to do mock interviews? I’m sure grads coming into this uncertain job market would appreciate the help.

    5. I’ve searched (and used!) services like this in the past … you might consider using LinkedIn for this.

    6. Whenever you’re ready for it, please let me know where you advertise. I’d like to have someone review my resume!

  11. How much do you focus on “developing your resume/portfolio” if you’re mid career or later?

    I don’t know exactly how to word this, but in college -> applying to grad school -> grad school -> right after I definitely sought out extracurricular activities that I liked but also that would be good to put on a resume or might be a good networking activity. Am I still supposed to be doing that?

    Basically how much do you go out of your way to do things that wouldn’t help you at your current job but might help you in your next job search? What are some examples of this? And which field are you in roughly?

    1. I’m in law (in-house compliance) and I am very active in my community. The primary reason is because I enjoy it and it brings satisfaction to me. The secondary reason is that sitting on various Boards and meeting a lot of people is good for networking and for job searching.

    2. This is a really interesting question. In the last couple years I’ve started volunteering more regularly – I’m a docent at a small niche museum and a clinic escort. I didn’t choose either as a career boost – I’m definitely NOT going to put the escorting a resume – but I’ve met some folks I can definitely add to my professional network.

      I think as you get further into your career, the sort of “extracurriculars” might matter less on a resume, but might pay off in other ways (as in networking). Continuing education is maybe more directly valuable for a resume.

      I’m in higher ed, but not an academic.

    3. I’m an active volunteer and subgroup leader on my professional association’s Diversity and Inclusion committee.

      I did prior volunteer assignments in part because of networking opportunities, but in the case of the D&I committee, I am doing it just because it is the right thing to do. I don’t care if I never get a work lead out of it.

      But I’m in the final stretch of my working years. I would probably do this and something more network-y if I were 10-20 years younger.

  12. I’m in need of adult seating (or not just small kid seating) in our playroom. We got a Nugget that just arrived, which was intended to go in there. However we love it so much that we’ve decided to put it in the larger, more adult-centric family room (mind you, there’s a play kitchen and lots of toys in there so it’s not 100% non-kid).

    Now that the nugget got hijacked, what’s a good tweener? I was looking at storage chests but many don’t look purpose-built seating. Any recommendations or better ideas than a storage bench?

    1. Maybe a futon? Good for nap time and occasional guests. My 17 year old son has an ikea couch thing that is really a full size futon. He got it when he moved to having a loft bed because other than his desk chair under the loft, he had nowhere else to sit in his room. It also served as a sleepover space for the occasional friend or cousin.

      He still unfolds it and sleeps on it when we have a particularly hot spell and the air up in the loft is noticeably hotter than the air down near the futon.

  13. Very random question — is there any such thing as a “bike stand” whereby you can take a regular bike (like a mountain bike) and put it on some kind of stand so you can use it as a stationary bike indoors for exercise? I feel like I’ve seen this in training videos for US olympic cyclists — because they only train on THEIR bike and will do certain numbers of miles indoors in front of screens to analyze form etc. Obviously I’m not looking for olympian level equipment but just wondering if there is a simple piece of equipment that could allow some usage of a bike that I’d otherwise trash because I now live in an urban area where you can’t ride bikes on sidewalks and no way will I ride in the street with traffic.

      1. This. Also, check Craigslist and FB Marketplace. Simple bike trainers (which are FINE!) often come up for sale cheaply when people upgrade to smart trainers.

      2. +1. Has been a savior with gyms closed when you just want a quick hit of 20-25 minutes of cardio. I just have a regular one but my cycling friends have the “smart” kind that can link to your app and do classes but still use your own personal bike and not buy a peloton.

    2. Yes, it’s called a bike trainer. They run somewhere around $100 for entry-level models. There’s also a substantial resale market for them, if you just want one cheaply to try out the concept.

    3. Yes, they’re called bike trainers. CycleOps makes a good one (that’s the one we have) but there are many brands out there and they also show up regularly on our local Craigslist, barely used. Ours folds up so it takes up almost no space when we’re not using it. Many trainers come with a front block for your front wheel to rest in when you’re using the trainer, but if your trainer doesn’t come with one, get one. They make blocks where when the bike’s front wheel is in the block it can be neutral, in “uphill” position or “downhill” position. Those are nice because you can add some variety to your indoor rides. This is my “off season” for outdoor cycling (we can cycle in the winter, all winter, with no problem but it’s too hot now unless I want to go out at 5 a.m., which I don’t) and I use a trainer about once a week May-September. Tip on the back-wheel trainers: you will need to look up a few videos on YouTube to help you understand how to mount the bike in the trainer. Also, at least with our trainer, the bike is not ready-to-ride the instant it comes out of the trainer; that was a surprise to me when we first got ours.

      There are also these things out there called “roller trainers” that look tempting because you can just “put your bike on them and go.” I have been riding for a long, long time. I am still not able to use a roller trainer without nearly killing myself. You can look at videos of people using them to see what I mean. Even very experienced cyclists can have trouble with them. People can sometimes get talked into roller trainers at bike shops (they’re more expensive than low-end rear-wheel trainers). If you go to a bike shop for a trainer, don’t fall for the sales pitch on roller trainers. A rear-wheel trainer is easier to use even if it requires some setup and takedown.

    4. And if you use it a lot you may want to think about getting a second rear wheel. A trainer can put a lot of wear on your rear wheel.

  14. Hello! Most on here won’t care, but I’m going to post anyway as I’m excited! I have posted a few times about my husband’s snoring. He was supposed to have a sleep study in April that took months to get the appointment for, that got cancelled for obvious reasons. He randomly called the doctor office yesterday and they were randomly able to get him in for a sleep study today!!!!! (And if today hadn’t worked, they were months out. Also, they had told him a few weeks ago they would call him when they were allowed to make these appointments again. So much for that). I also finally bought Housecounsel’s QuietOn ear plugs that are on the way to me.

    I realize both of these things might not end up working at all, but I feel like we are actually taking steps. Fingers crossed.

    1. My husband got diagnosed with mild sleep apnea and now uses a CPAP. The snoring has stopped. ?? Good luck to you!

      1. This would be a dream come true.
        We are moving to a new house in a few weeks that is generally bigger than our current house, but we lose some flex sleeping space we currently have, so stakes are a bit higher of forcing us to sleep in the same bed soon (as opposed to now when we have somewhere else one of us can go). I really hope to solve this by then. Eeek.

    2. I remember your post and I was one of the people who said my husband’s CPAP has changed both of our lives. I’m happy for you! Fingers crossed!

    4. Awesome!

      Something you can do if it takes some time to hear back about the results of the sleep study is to have him sleep with his head elevated with a wedge pillow. Or to use an adjustable bed for the same effect. My dad had to start sleeping like this a few years ago due to an unrelated medical issue, but it also totally stopped his chronic snoring. Also an option if he is supposed to start using a CPAP but has poor compliance.

    5. Housecounsel here! Still sleeping with the QuietOns which help but aren’t perfect. I have only left the bed a couple of times since they arrived. I really hope the sleep study helps you find a solution!

  15. In re: the recent posts on mask wearing in Florida and potential travel – I live in suburban Central Florida and strongly disagree with the sentiment that a visitor has any reasonable likelihood of being criticized or attacked for not wearing a mask. At the stores I visit the majority of shoppers are wearing masks. And I haven’t heard a single personal anecdote from anyone I know of someone criticizing or harassing anyone in public for wearing masks. Although I understand there are many reasons someone may not want to travel, concerns of this nature should be a non-factor in making a decision whether to travel to Florida now.

    1. Part of my team is based in Florida and the other day one of them have said that if you “look like a local” and don’t wear a mask you get a pass. But if you look like you’re from out of state (he mentioned if you’re wearing a suit or anything that doesn’t look like a relaxed Florida local, I guess?) then people are suspicious and you get looks (no one called it harassment though). He said in his area and his parent’s neighboring town, mask usage at grocery stores is 50% or less. A lot of fitness pros I follow are based in Florida and the mast majority of workouts they are posting from their gyms that have opened are showing zero masks. I think this is highly localized so everyone can only speak to their own area and the places they frequent.

      1. Are people elsewhere wearing masks in the gym? Serious Q. Only the trainers in mine wear masks. Some patrons do on arrival and departure but never during activity. I bring one and wear it if I am lingering for some reason or need to have a discussion with a trainer or in the event I just have to use the emergencies-only bathroom (hasn’t happened).

        1. I don’t know from personal experience, gyms are closed in my area. But Florida is where I see athletes and background people in the gym with zero masks and close contact (no tape on the floor to keep people far apart, like 1 person per this set of machines. Other states either gyms are closed or the athletes I follow are still only posting home workouts and not going to the gym or I see masks during lifting and tape separating people. Shrug, I’m not saying this is definitive, this is just based on what I see on SM and hear from my team in FL, these are examples of why I get the feeling from FL that it’s not a thing there.

        2. Our gyms aren’t open and I find it shocking that others are. Cess pits of germs

        4. Not at OTF, no. They have reduced class sizes so that you can easily socially distance, but only the trainers are wearing masks.

    2. That’s just anecdata, and in any case, I’m still voting with my dollar when the time to travel comes around again. I want to spend my money in states that had strong, data-driven responses to this pandemic.

          1. I know, right? It’s almost like people actually care about whether state leaders are jerks or not. FL is bottom of the barrel and I’m not sorry for saying or thinking it. Prove me wrong.

          2. Well, what a lot of people think is science has turned out to be speculative and very wrong and lots of precautions turned out to be of very little value and very high cost, so your opinion of what was the right reaction may be quite skewed.

          3. Yeah I agree. Florida can go f itself. None of my money goes there anymore. And I visited 3-4 times a year prior to this.

          4. Science is always speculative and often not exactly right, because science is a method of figuring things out. It’s still a hell of a lot better than ignorance.

      1. I’m certainly not trying to bring in the tourism dollars! I just re-read and mean that visitors won’t be criticized for WEARING a mask. I was attempting to bring some peace of mind to the people who posted that they had plans to come for whatever reason and were concerned they would be attacked for WEARING a mask.

    4. FloridaWomAnon, thanks for posting this. I have a real problem with people being so critical of FL as a whole and painting with such a broad brush–you never want to go there again, or spend money there again, because you assume everyone there is a dumbass redneck party animal? Or . . . . what? You know that millions of people live in that state? And it’s a pretty big state? And lots of people there have normal jobs and families, and also tourism-related jobs? I know I can just skip over these comments, but I also want to point out that everyone is talking about how it’s stupid to have bars and restaurants and hair salons open. Don’t you think some/many waiters, bartenders, hairdressers want to work? Want an income, just like all of those lucky enough to be able to WFH? You think someone’s livelihood is less important to them just because they don’t have an intellectual job or an office-based job? And you think their personal risk calculation is irrelevant?
      I am tentatively planning on going to FL in late July to visit a friend for a few days. We’ve both been levels of careful we’re comfortable with and we have no plans to paint the town, we just want to see each other. Everyone is acting like FL is a giant COVID cesspool but when you actually look at the data and maps, Miami-Dade is cesspool-ish and Broward is a bit better and Palm Beach County is better than that and the rest of the state is pretty . . . normal, for this stage of things. Hospitalization statistics have been misreported and poorly corrected.
      Everyone is, and should be, free to do their own risk assessment. But it’s just so sad and frustrating to hear people declaring FL, and all its residents, a lost cause of some sort forever and ever.

  16. I think I’m about to get a job offer and slightly panicked because my passport just expired and that’s the only thing I have on hand to use as employment verification. I saw something that SEEMED like during these times at least an expired passport still works for this, but can anyone confirm for sure? (I have a driver’s license on me but no access to birth certificate or SS card from current location…)

    This is US if not clear…

    2. You can get a Social Security card from your local SS office. It takes about six weeks.

    3. Check the I-9 page on the USCIS site. By my quick read, in this case, the only way an expired passport is accepted is if you presented an unexpired passport for the remote inspection, and then it was expired by the time the in-person inspection occurred once you return to non-remote work.

      I concur with others…you can’t rely on List A passport here, you need a list B and a list C combined (drivers license/state id, some expiration exceptions made, PLUS a SS card).

        1. I have a client who needs one right now. He said the SS office is not open to issue cards, but he is going to receive a certified letter attesting to his identity/SS#. This is happening with a turnaround much shorter than 6 weeks. so this might work in your favor.

      1. Unfortunately, that won’t be acceptable as identity documentation for an I-9. The policies on acceptable documents are very specific.

        OP, unless things have changed in the last couple of years I think you can use your expired passport as an identity document for I-9 purposes for up to a year after it expires. The Immigration and Customs Enforcement website should have this info.

  17. Any advice on dealing with a client who (1) does not read my clearly drafted, detailed yet not too long emails, so he never knows what’s going on in the file; and (2) doesn’t have much experience, but aggressively pushes back on everything you do, therefore forcing you to give him a mini corporate law class every time you try to get anything done, after which he inevitably announces that the law is ridiculous? I’m usually good with difficult clients (and I was warned about this person) but man, if I have to listen to one more rant about how my firm is incompetent and everything I do is a useless waste of money and he could have handled the whole thing himself in ten minutes, I might snap. He is the close friend of a rainmaker partner, so I can’t tell him to go… you know.

    1. And he’s also totally going to push back on paying for the hours you spent explaining these things? No advice, just commiseration.

      1. Yep – My billing in the past month includes about three phone calls a week that can only be described as “Client calls to tell me how useless I am and how opposing counsel has a hidden agenda is clearly working for the illuminati. Call lasted 30 minutes” Of course our bill is high… If he just trusted me to do my job this would have closed months ago.
        I’ve never been on a file where my client just yells inane things on calls and opposing counsel is so clearly feeling sorry for me he is also trying to redirect. The whole thing is banana crackers and I know this is the price to pay for working in biglaw but ugh, I want to quit just so I never have to deal with this again.

        1. I had one just like that. It was the worst experience of my 12+ years practicing.

          This guy’s (of course) behavior also included “forgetting” the instructions and agreed course of actions, blaming me for doing what we agreed on, making me redo work, and of course, complaining about the bill. And cursing at me. If it had been “my” client I would have terminated the representation.

          I grin and bore it and did what I could to get off the file after the matter was concluded. Commiseration and good luck.

    2. For (1), emails are now purely a cya. Don’t rely on them to communicate information. You probably don’t want to hear this, but scheduling regular, recurring calls is the best way to address this (sorry). Hopefully that will also help with (2) – if he’s getting updated more often then maybe he won’t have so many questions?

      If he’s complaining about the bill, you might want to give rainmaker a heads up. That could be a way to gently broach the subject of how to better deal with this guy. If they’re good friends then rainmaker knows how this guy is.

      Also commiseration, sorry you’re dealing with this.

      1. You’re right, I need to explain things on calls, and send emails purely as a CYA so I have it on record that I have communicated these things. I haven’t been able to schedule regular calls with the client because he wants to hear about this as a little as possible and is trying to handle parts of it himself, which just makes things harder for us. Partner is aware and knows that client is difficult, but they are friends, so I’ve been told to deal with it as best I can. I’m going to have to call him again to let him know what’s up and get some advice on how to get this to the final step.
        We are (hopefully) almost done, so I’m mostly just venting after a particularly rough call. I will hold my own little personal closing dinner featuring lots of champagne if this actually closes. I appreciate the commiseration!

      2. I’m the poster above. I agree with both of these. Heavily CYA in emails and also keep the rainmaker in the loop so they don’t get a call at the end demonizing you and complaining about the bill, with no context. Even if it’s 100% not your fault and the paper trail shows that, the rainmaker’s inclination will be to think that you must have done something wrong – especially if bad client is a close friend. Also, consider keeping others in your group looped in so you have backup and a source of objective opinions on bad client’s behavior if things blow up.

    3. I feel ya! I recently switched firms, so I got to leave many of those types of clients behind (YAY!) and honestly, I kinda hope I never have to deal directly with clients again. One of my “favorites” was a guy who (maybe?) graduated high school, and would constantly send me federal appellate court opinions to explain to me why his contract was enforceable and the lawsuit against him should be dismissed. I literally had to explain to him dozens of times that the plaintiff was alleging fraud so…. that case wasn’t applicable, especially not at this stage… all which fell on deaf ears, of course!

      A couple of clients came with me, and sadly one of them is also like this. He’s really, really mad about something having to do with his case that happened in 1996. I was literally in 5th grade then, so not only did I have nothing to do with that, I cannot undo something that happened over 20 years ago!

    4. I had a client like this and over time he came around. He did have to pay us for what at times felt like therapy but as we walked through issues and strategy multiple times and he saw things play out the way I told him they would, he backed off. He has since introduced me to another client.

  18. Shoutout to Senior Attorney – I posted a few months ago, looking for suggestions on home reno sites like this one, where you can post questions about home reno decisions. At that point, my debate was whether to do wood floors or go with less expensive carpet. SA basically said: do wood. I always take her advice, so I did, and it is literally just about my favorite thing in this reno – more so than just about any other decision (of which there were many) Thank you!

    Next – anyone have experience with ruggable? Looking for rugs that won’t break the bank, but will hold up in high traffic areas.

    1. I think HomeGoods sells Ruggable rugs, if you have one nearby and want to check them out in person.

    2. This is no more durable, better material for rugs than wool (unless you’re vegan). It’s washable, cleanable, hides dirt, etc. Wool is the way to go. I’d look into vintage Persian rugs, which can be had for much less than you’d expect by checking around online.

      1. +1 that’s why all those antique Persian carpets are still around. They’re wool. As I type this my feet are on a wool Karastan 8×11 my husband took from his parents’ house. They bought it in the 1960s or maybe earlier.

        I have a rug style I like (tribal or Shiraz) and I idly hunt around rug sales and even eBay to find rugs. I’m all rugged up at the moment but I’d do the same in a heartbeat if I needed another. Especially on a nice, new wood floor.

    3. I have 3 rugs from rugsusa, which I learned about here, and I love them. They are help up very well to a cat and a toddler. I hope to get wool rugs when everyone in my house stops vomiting on them.

    5. No experience with Ruggable personally, but a home decor FB group I participate in has a love/hate relationship with them. Apparently the rug itself is about the thickness of a bath towel and it lays over the base piece. I don’t believe Homegoods sells them either.

    6. I love my Ruggable rug. It is very thin, so won’t be the right choice if you’re looking for something cushiony. But the largest size fits into my washer and dryer without a problem and comes out like new each time. I only wash it when I need to and usually just vacuum it. It’s a great choice if being able to easily wash your rug is a priority (incontinent dog, under a high chair, etc.). I love my antique Persian rug, too, they’re just different looks and types of maintenance. I’m not sure which option I’ll go with when I replace my dining room rug in the next few years.

  19. When you think about your life would you want to go back to high school or any phase of the “kid” years?

    I can’t help thinking that age 14-16 was perfect. Only “worry” was school. Had bee in that district since 6th grade so by 9-11th grade had good school friends; not “real” friends in that we didn’t hang out outside of school because my immigrant parents didn’t allow me at others’ houses. But weekends were always home – all 4 of us, so it wasn’t lonely like life is now (single obviously); I can almost think back to raking leaves on a cool fall Sat morning, going to the mall in the afternoon back when malls were fun and there was also stuff happening, you’d run into school friends etc. I don’t think I appreciated how perfect life was then – even though I had less than and did less than most teens. Anyone else?

    1. Yes, I think very fondly of 16-17. I had a blast in the 2nd half of high school. My problems certainly felt big then but looking back I was doing really well.

    2. Oof, I hated 14-16. I was still awkward and was so aware that I wasn’t in the “in” crowd but not old enough to be comfortable with who I was. I appreciate the relative ease of life before adulthood and technology, but I wouldn’t want to go back,

    3. I’ll play. I think of my 2H of Senior Year in HS like this. No, I don’t mean I “peaked” in high school, and I certainly wasn’t part of the super popular crowd. But by then I had found my people, it was a sweet spot of knowing where I was going to college so pressure was off for then, we were starting to do things that were a little more “adult” that now would be totally mundane things to do but man, they were exciting then. I just look back on that as a super fun time. I feel really bad for the COVID Seniors that lost out on this period, although of course there are a lot of phases & life experiences that took the brunt from this.

      1. Yes that period from getting into college – going into college was fabulous. I had a good time in college too, but during that second half I didn’t have any worries or obligations or anything.

    4. I hated the middle/high school years.Dealt with too many mean girls. I loved like 3rd/4th grade and college, despite the fact that college was also very stressful at times trying to figure out what to do with my life, dealing with horrific roommates etc

    5. It’s a fun thought experiment! Every phase had it’s good sides. I miss spending vast amounts of time with extended family about my teen years, but my social life in undergrad was much better, but I met DH in grad school, and now I am living in a beautiful part of the world. I can’t pick one phase over the others, but it’s fun walking down memory lane!

    6. I’m kinda jealous you felt like that. As soon as I got into college I realized how much more comfortable and confident I felt when I escaped high school. I had friends in school, felt like I was having fun, but the freedom to do whatever I wanted where nobody knew my past was so freeing in college. I have 1-2 people I’m close to from my hometown, despite living in a city nearby, and all of my close friends are from college.
      I also think my relationship with my parents (also immigrants) improved so much once I got to college because I’m the youngest and they were able to relax. 14-16 they were terrified about AIM/internet usage because they were convinced I’d get abducted, worried about my grades if I could get into a good college, etc.

      1. yeah, I remember going from high school nerd with a couple of nerd friends, to college and feeling like it was a restart and there was no baggage and I really found my people and my place. And towards the end of college I stopped reading women’s magazines, and what a shift for my confidence that was!

      1. I always said I peaked in high school but I’m making a comeback in my 60s. So hang in there!

        2. I may be posting this too late for you to see, Senior Attorney, but could you expound on your comeback? I just got out of a 20 year relationship and now I’m a 57-year-old attorney who feels like Rip Van Winkle. Online dating? But am I invisible now? Wrinkles? I didn’t count on this. Thanks.

    8. There are a lot of things I don’t miss, but I miss middle school when I had my first boyfriend, who lived on a horse farm (where I rode) and where we could sneak around and make out in the hayloft and in the fields. It was romantic and fun and pre-smartphone with all the social pressure that entails. It made.my.life. when we had our first hand-holding session, our first kiss, and when we first said I love you. I miss how carefree that was.

    9. I guess I’d go back to the earliest point where I’d be able to communicate parental abuse to the authorities & do that & keep doing that.

    10. DH and I were just talking about this last night. I decided I wouldn’t go back to any time before college for less than $50 million. It was ROUGH for me. All of it. Seriously, $49 million wouldn’t be enough to make me endure all that again.

    11. The years when my kids were young but not babies. So late preschool, early elementary school. They were a lot of work but so cute and loving.i was madly in love with my husband and my kids, my career was flourishing I felt good about myself and the world. I would repeat those years in a heartbeat.

      If you’re in those years with your kids now, don’t take them for granted!!

    12. Absolutely not. I hated being a minor, and I would never go back. My family circumstances were perfectly fine, I just hated not being able to make my own decisions that much, even in elementary school. Always having to do what my family was doing, follow rules, ask for permission, money, a ride… obviously I started earning my own money as soon as it was remotely feasible, but it wasn’t enough. I felt trapped all the time. I still feel this dread every time I go back to my childhood bedroom, even after 20 years. Adulthood is the best, I genuinely appreciate it every day!

    13. Generally, I have no desire to go back to my childhood. It was not a good time for lots of (parental mental health issue) reasons.

      But that being said, 18 was a good year for me. I did most of my hard classes junior year of high school so senior year was kind of academic coasting. All the anxiety and insecurity and desperation to fit in with people I didn’t fit in with of middle school and early high-school had passed, I was more secure in myself, and I was less of an a-hole to my mom so fighting wasn’t so bad. I had a good set of friends, some of whom I’m still friends with at this point. I had a cute boy I was talking with but nothing serious. I got a car and could take my sister to the mall and get mall cookies. I got into my first choice college.

      There are other things I enjoyed about being a younger kid– playing barbies in the creek with my sister, playing in the barn across the street, jumping down from the loft onto the hay bales below, lots of unsupervised play.

      But generally speaking, I am much happier as an adult.

    14. No. I definitely had some good short periods (school life in the 7th grade, oddly enough, was fabulous for me socially; aspects of school in general that I liked like clubs or track team; a senior year boyfriend), but overall my pre-college years were characterized by dysfunctional family dynamics, alcoholic, yelling, violent parents, depression, anger (which spilled over socially), always worrying about working hard enough and being good enough, never feeling seen or heard, constantly stressed by home and pressure to perform academically, and aways waiting for the other shoe to drop.

      1. This is me, right down to the last line, except school was generally hell for me because my not-enough spilled into friendships and I was ostracized. I also moved schools 3 times in elementary, so didn’t have a close group of friends.

    15. Nope. I had an OK time in high school thanks to being the brainy kid with a small friend group – I didn’t feel “left out” because I wasn’t trying to be part of the “popular” crowd, wasn’t teased or anything, it just wasn’t anything I feel a desire to go back to.

      What I wouldn’t give for my 22yo body and amount of free time (between college and law school) with today’s bank account, though ;)

      1. Feeling your last sentence so, so, so hard right now. Oh god, I’m afraid I peaked at 22 now. *Holds on tight to SA’s comeback story*

    16. Oh my goodness, absolutely not. Teenage years were fraught with anxiety, depression, alcohol and drug abuse, sexual assault, and general teenage angst. Sure, there were some fun things, but no way would I go back for those fun things and also have to experience everything else! I am a live in the present person and have no period of my life I would want to relive.

    17. That sounds like a good school experience.

      I feel like school was the last time I had to be around the kind of people I now only see on the internet (I guess nowadays they’d be called “alt right”).

      1. (I have other words for them that would probably get me stuck in mod.) But I’ve seldom seen worse things said on the internet than I heard in grade school from classmates. I don’t miss that at all.

    18. I would go back to college in a second. All of the freedom and very little responsibility (now I know it was just deferred) plus living with all my friends. Plus, the glorious naps…

  20. I think this dress looks like two different pieces patched together…the button down top doesn’t seem to go with the slinky wrap skirt. I hate it! Beautiful color though.

    1. I am confused by the hemline, mostly. Maybe it’s just photographed in a weird way.

    2. Me too. And the slit looks ridiculous. And the cheap way to allow room for the bust (gathers instead of bust darts or seams or something structured) is awful.

  21. My exH and I have 50-50 custody of our 8yo son. We do not get along terribly well (only 3 years past the original split, learning to co-parent is a sloooooow process), but are very neutral about the other to Son (I think). So basically, pretty normal for divorced co-parents. All the recent upheaval in our world has really brought to light how different the views of social issues are between exH and myself. I have really made a commitment to myself and my child (and frankly, to everyone) to be open and honest with Son about racial injustice and these current events and why they are occurring. Well, exH has shown on social media that he’s racist (“this is all racism against white men now and I am being persecuted”) and also believe Covid19 is a conspiracy / hoax. (Yes, who is the world is this guy that I married 13 years ago???)
    I worry about how we both have such influence over Son, how much he looks up to his dad and how my message is polar from dad’s message. I’ve added some neutral third party things to my message – we are reading kids’ books on racism and articles together, so that he sees an “impartial” side. And we chat about events we hear on NPR (playing in the background as I WFH).
    Any other ideas to gently reinforce the message against hate (and safety in the pandemic), without getting ugly with or about exH? While I’d love to be able to have a direct talk with exH, I am realistic in that I have zero influence over him and in fact, any discussion would likely just make him dig in and reinforce.

    1. I have a teen son and he sees a lot of these views online. I tell him my opinion, but also talk about views other people hold, how I find those views abhorrent, and then try to explore how a person would arrive at such a view. We are all products of our environment so I try to couch it that way. It usually comes down to education for me.

      It would be really hard when the other person I was describing was a 50% figure in my kid’s life. In my case, it is more distant relatives. Sorry you’re dealing with that. I think all you can do is keep talking. Kids are smart and they figure out things – and people – pretty quickly.

      My nieces have finally as late teens/young adults figured out who their father is as a person, and now want nothing to do with him. He spent 10 years bad-mouthing their mother, my sister. My sister was tempted to do the same but she never did, and she has now finally seen the fruits of all of her restraint.

    2. Unfortunately, I think you just have to trust that your good influence on your son, and that your sons’s reasoning power (maybe not now, but in 5 years, or 10 years) will win out over your husband’s racist viewpoints. You can also indicate how your son can speak in your house, if he leans toward the rhetoric.

    3. Instead of telling/showing your son x is right and y is wrong (which I don’t think you are) demonstrate that you believe in his ability to evaluate info and come to his own conclusions. Do expose him to your ideas/argument/actions. He’s probably going to appreciate the person who encourages him to think deeply and develop his own ideas the most :). You can definitely be like: hm, where did you hear that idea? What do YOU think about it?

    4. I think the best you can do is consciously model kind, ethical behavior and explain why you’re doing what you’re doing. (“I’m going to put my mask on before I go in the store, because I want to be sure that I don’t spread the virus to anyone else; although the virus might not be making me sick, some other people could get really sick from it.”)

      Based on my own experience (daughter is 16) your son will listen to the values you’re stating and will be likely to adopt those as his own. When he sees your husband acting opposite to those, he’ll wonder why. That’s enough, I think. I think you’re correct that trying to work on your ex won’t lead to success and will just add another area of conflict.

  22. Is anyone else having weirdly and/or hostile interactions with colleagues lately? I work in IT support for a very specific area. I’ve started getting emails that say things like “my printer needs toner” (Even if that was my role…are you talking about the printer at your house??) or “I need X” and when I provide X they cc their boss and say “I asked for Y!” To be fair, my company is handling Covid/quarantine shut down horribly (requiring non-essential people to return to the office BEFORE the lassiez faire governor re-opened the whole state) and there have been tons of layoffs. I’m trying to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but people becoming increasingly hostile. I’m here to help you! I experienced some weird sadness recently when my boss assured me my job is safe. Obviously I just have to keep ignoring/being polite, but thanks for letting me vent.

    1. yep we’ve got open hostility flowing from our partners, so yes. All commiseration and venting. Everything we do is terrible, seven seconds late, bad writing, too sloppy, etc. As we head into Month 4 of full shutdown/remote work (that our small office was NOT prepared to be thrown into) I feel like our relationships and interpersonal interactions are taking bombs. Plus no raises despite steady/unchanged workflow. so. cool. It’s demoralizing.

      1. Also in small law. Things aren’t as bad as you’re experiencing (but we had a super nice culture to begin with) but they’re still worse than before. It’s like everyone’s flaws are magnified. People are terse, grumpy, morose. Limited positive feedback. Partners who were always unresponsive and vague and difficult to get in touch with are 10x more so. I love hearing about how everyone else is somehow more productive and more connected.. these seem to be people who work for companies where supervisors actually attempt to manage and understand how to use technology, unlike law (we didn’t even toss around the idea of slack.). Demoralizing is the right word for sure.

    2. I think people are very stressed out by covid and the recession. We see it on here, bickering about whether people are allowed to talk about elevators, and so forth. There are people who are angry that other people aren’t wearing masks and taking precautions. There are people who are angry that people are doing those things. It’s a tough, stressful time, and it comes out in lots of unproductive ways.

      Rise above. This too shall pass.

    5. Yeah, maybe try to distance yourself from it a bit by pretending your observing aliens from another culture or the effects of pandemic stress on mundane work life in the Office … start an imaginary explorer journal: day 90 I observed rainy weather activates our subjects need to set up an email signature but distracts them from remembering reply-all etiquette.

    6. Yes, I’ve seen this too — most regrettably in myself. Some people need a lot of alone time to maintain their kindness of spirit and many are having trouble finding that now.

      Also I think many feel sad about the long July 4th weekend. It’s *supposed* to be a treat — something to look forward to — but instead it looms for a lot of us as yet *more* together time, and without a trip or party to look forward to.

      I’m very sorry people are treating you this way — it’s them, not you. I hope your workweek is over soon and you can do something you enjoy.

    7. Yes, total commiseration. I work for a state elected official. People are awful right now. Someone told me I’m a worthless pile of dogsh*t on the phone a few days ago. I cry every day.

    8. Yes. I’ve exceed my hourly goals for years – until 2020. I’m slightly off pace, again slightly off pace. But the hostility and criticism is intense, exceeded only by the silence. The firm always had an undercurrent of “in crowd” and the rest of us. I read journal articles and blog posts about how WFH during this crisis has improved communication and brought teams together and at first cried. Now, I’m just numb and realize my firm sucks.

    2. Wow. Thank you for sharing. I’m a WOC who lived in the South, though not Black, and this is extremely powerful. Best thing I’ve read in a long time. I wish every American would read this!

      1. I posted it to try to increase the number of clicks on the article. I would love to see it go viral.

    3. I really liked it, although I’d note that there is no skin color that is protective against rape (nowhere in the world). Otherwise, I LOVED the point about how she’s not an outsider writing this, but that Confederate blood runs in her veins at the highest “blue blood” levels. That was powerful.

  24. I’m having one of those days (weeks) where I am SO. OVER. IT. Everything at work seems to be frustrating me. Mainsplaining has been at its peak today. My company is off tomorrow with an early release today, which I am very grateful for. Who is resetting and recharging this weekend? What plans do you have to do that? (Especially if you live alone)

    1. I’m very excited about the Hamilton movie on Disney Plus, which premieres Friday at midnight. I may spend the whole weekend watching it and singing along.

      1. I just found out about BSC and I know what I’m doing while I await my COVID test results…

        1. The BSC club adaptation looks so friggin cute! I love that the actors are all actual tweens, not 22 yr olds in pigtails. I watched the trailer while I was already stressed and frustrated and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get a little choked up.

      2. Yes yes yes! I am watching both with my 13-year-old daughter. I read the BSC books when I was a kid, and she read the graphic novels when she was in elementary school. Her dad secretly enjoys Hamilton, but I don’t think he’ll be bingeing BSC with us.

        We are also planning to watch 1776 for the “sit down, John” reference. And maybe Pirates of Penzance for the modern major general.

    3. Tomorrow I’m flying to the city my boyfriend moves in because he is moving here and I am so excited! Before we start the drive back we will spend the weekend hiking and doing outdoor things. I am so excited to turn my phone and email off and completely disengage from work and even more excited that I won’t be in a long distance relationship anymore.

    4. I’m with you. For a lot of weird perfect storm reasons, this holiday weekend my loved ones are all away so I’m alone abd I’m going to try to reframe this for myself as some indulgent empty house behavior.

      To that end, Search Party Season 3 on HBO Max, also I might start Love Life with Anna Kendrick. Baking a salmon with a fancy (to me) homemade sauce for myself in the toaster oven. Homemade Pesto Pizza night, going to pick up a ball of fresh pizza dough from corner pizza place (their pizza is trash but they sell fresh pizza dough balls for cheap, I hate making my own). Doing some Nike app workouts outside on the roof that I saved on my phone. Clueless is streaming on Netflix (US) so I might rewatch for the millionth time. I think I’ll make myself french toast with a brioche loaf with some berries some morning. I might breakout the champagne flutes and have some solo prosecco and perform a hairbrush rendition of that Leann Rimes song from Coyote Ugly to my loving audience (my dog).

      2. Dang I want to come hang out with you! My dog hates my singing, maybe yours won’t :)

    5. I am! Tomorrow a friend and I are taking a day trip to a small town about an hour away just for a change of scenery. I am devoting Saturday to relaxation at home. And Sunday I am going to do some much needed organization. I may also take off most of next week to get my life back on track and ready for another period of WFH and limited external interactions. I haven’t made all the adjustments I needed to and struggled quite a bit over the last two months as a result. I want to take advantage of the lull I am in at work.

    6. I am so with you. Each work day feels like a month. I haven’t had a day off since March and I am now off for four days. I am going to sleep, do laundry… And drive-thru zoo in a convertible. I am hoping to animals help me recharge! Hang in there OP.

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