Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: City Stretch Peplum Sleeveless Top

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

City Stretch Peplum Sleeveless TopOne of my guilty pleasures (at least in seasons past) has been The Real Housewives of New York — so of course I clicked when Refinery 29 had a tour of Countess LuAnn’s apartment. I had to rub my eyes when one of the photos credited a white peplum top as being from New York & Company — amidst all of her other designer duds the credit just seemed out of place! It is a cute — and affordable — top, though, so I had to share. It was $39.95, but take an extra 30% off everything with promo code 3011. City Stretch Peplum Sleeveless Top


Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]


  1. Limited sizes. Boo. I want it.

  2. ChinaRette :

    Sigh. Cute outfit. But I’m a pear shape and I haven’t found a peplum that really works for me. Will have to continue to admire from a distance.

  3. TakingFlight :

    Posted last night, but quite late for London. Trying again this morning. THANK YOU Woods-Comma-Elle, FCG and Nonny for your advice! W-C-E, I’ll email you this weekend — thanks so so much!

    Need your wisdom London ladies! Regular reader/commenter, but going anon for this one because of the sensitivity.

    I’m a lawyer, 4 years out of law school. My husband may be transferred to London; in fact, it’s looking more likely every day. I started looking into jobs (currently in-house, commercial role) and am overwhelmed by how different the system is! Any advice, ladies? I’ve picked up a bit about the QLTS through some internet research (do I need to take that test even to work in a company?), and bits and pieces of info here and there. What are the big topics? Land mines? Tips for a successful search? Websites? Should I contact a recruiter – they seem popular (in my Internet searches, anyway). Any advice, large or small, would fall on VERY grateful ears!

    • no experience or particular advice, but I have been looking into the QLTS as well, and my humble understanding is that you need to take it to apply to solicitor level positions (or other post qualification experience required positions). you’d likely be able to get a trainee job right now (but would need the QLTS later anyway), plus it would be a step backwards for you. The other route is getting a job practicing US-law in the UK (something like securities law). I’m going to follow this thread closely, DH and I really want to relocate to the UK.

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      No problem, glad to help :-)

    • Glad you found my advice useful – and if you do move over here, let me know if you’d like to meet up for coffee! :)

      • TakingFlight :

        Frugal City Girl, I’ll definitely take you up on that! I just checked out your website — I quite agree that peacock blue, Miss P, and the old fashioned are some of the finer things in life! :)

  4. Cute top – and I’ll also cop to being a closeted fan of various iterations of the Real Housewives…

    Threadjack – DH and I are thinking about buying a new home, and even though I’m thrilled at the idea of more space, I’m overwhelmed by the idea of decorating/filling it. Are there any home decor blogs that you all love? Any tips/tricks to ease anxiety about filling all this new space right off the bat? Thanks!

    • I really like Marni Jameson. She has a syndicated column that runs in our Saturday paper and she is very practical but fun in her approach. I haven’t read her blog but she has a website.
      She’s just marnijameson [dot] com

    • We bought our first house about eight months ago and here’s how we worked on it.

      May I suggest NOT trying to fill all the space right away. Focus on the rooms you care the most about (we focused on the most “public” ones first) and spend the money to do them right. Then do the rest gradually (I mean, our bedrooms and “office” still have the same stuff that the apartment had — eventually we’ll upgrade, but no one goes in there…and the fourth bedroom is empty :-P). That way we aren’t buying a ton of not so nice stuff quickly, rather we’re buying less really nice stuff upfront and decorating the rest gradually.

      I don’t really use blogs. But my best advice is to look at lots of stores on-line and in person until you find one or two that really fits your personal “style” and then really try to get your look to be cohesive to that. And have 1-3 colors that really travel throughout the house (for us its a kind of pale green, blue, and red) — or at least the whole first floor living space.

      • I should have said that I’ve never used a blog for decorating. I am very careful. My house has small rooms so I measure and look and shop a lot before I decide and I don’t buy anything “good enough.” I’d rather wait for just the right piece. You can do a lot with paint and new window hardware and curtains then find the right pieces of furniture. With wall art, I find that if I’m really looking for something, I’ll buy something that doesn’t “stick.” But if I wait until I find an artist or photographer who I connect with, it’s much more likely that it’ll work in the room longer. I have totally redecorated my house in the past 5-6 years and it’s been fun!

    • Gooseberry :

      I agree with TCFKAG, especially on the not rushing. Focus on the rooms you use and the rooms you’ll really want to be “done” (e.g., for me it would be where I can feed my friends and family so kitchen/eating areas), then fill in the rest as you can.

      CONGRATS in advance! What an exciting step.

    • A little more detail – the house we like is a 1927 colonial, and I think my taste falls in line with the general style of the house. I’m not wild about ultra-modern, so Dwell type stuff is not really up my alley (that style is very cool, and I like it in others’ homes, but not mine).

      • Well, our house is a early 1900s colonial style as well. If you’re looking for a store recommendation, I’m in love with the furniture sold at Arhaus Furniture. We try to mix some modern elements in while keeping it kind of in line with the style of the house — which means for us mixing traditional style pieces with modern colors or different shapes, that sort of thing. Nothing crazy. :-) One nice thing is that at nice furniture stores, they can actually help you lay out a room, which really helped us out in our living room, which had us stumped.

        • I also live in a really old (1912) house, and I think mapping out the rooms beforehand is really helpful. One thing I’ve learned about old houses is that they tend to have lots and lots of doorways, windows, etc., so you don’t have very many solid walls. That can present a challenge when trying to place a sofa, a TV, etc. So mapping out the house, particularly with the help of a professional, is really helpful. (All that said, old houses are totally worth the extra effort.) Good luck!

          • omg, this. My kingdom for a solid wall.

          • Hear hear a.k. hear hear.

          • Oh my yes, says the owner of a 1909.

          • Our house only has one solid wall, and that’s only because the prior owners filled in the doorway! I really love the way it all looks, but it’s super hard to place furniture. And it is definitely something that doesn’t even cross your mind until you’re standing in the middle of your living room, surrounded by packing boxes, scratching your head, and thinking, “But where did they put their TVs in 1912???”

          • I want to know where they put clothing in 1909. Oh, that’s right, they only had two or three outfits. I have seriously dreamed about finding a large closet in my house, and then woken up crushed that it wasn’t true.

          • PharmaGirl :

            I’ll pile onto the complaints of the 1900s colonial (1940s here)… my kingdom for a wall without lead paint or plaster!

          • Oh man. We have been house hunting in an area with a ton of old houses (especially 1940-1960) and I cannot tell you how many times I have thought “But where the f*ck do they put their clothes?!?!” It is so frustrating to stand in the middle of a house selling for the top end of your budget and think well, I couldn’t fit the tv, our current couches, or more than 1/3 of my work clothes, but other than that I guess it’s ok.

    • phillygirlruns :

      another +1 on the “don’t rush it” approach. we moved into our house a little more than three years ago, going from a one-bedroom, 650~square foot apartment in a high rise to a three-bedroom, ~2,100 square foot townhouse with an actual garage of our very own. we had enough furniture to fill exactly one third of the space. our main living area sat completely empty for a month or so while we picked out furniture, and we’ve slowly (and i mean SLOWLY) been working on the rest of it. we were there for two years before we did anything with the guest room – until then, it housed our ironing board and a lamp and that was it. i’m glad we waited, because it was much easier to pick out stuff we actually liked. we’re still nowhere near “done.”

    • a passion for fashion :

      We are in the process of doing this now (upgrading from 3 bd condo to 5 bd house) and we did this 6 years ago (going from 1 bd apt to 3 bd condo). My recommendation is simlar to others, but a little different — spend the money on the items you really like, will use a lot — for us, a nice big new bed for the master, big comfy couch for the family room, and a big kitchen table — and are most important to you. Then dont be afraid to mix and match lower end stuff in with your higher end stuff. Our style tends to be more modern, so we like to use Ikea to mix in lower end stuff, but there are other stores out there that can serve this purpose (world market, pier one, even target). And then consider your lifestyle and surroundings. For example, until my kids are much older and our dear cat has passed, we will never own a rug that costs more than about 100 bucks (Hello Target on-line!).

      I would also suggest that if you can hold out just a bit to get stuff for some of the living space, do that. In our current place, we bought furniture for our living room that we assumed we would never use, as we also had a large family room. But, because the living room is off the kitchen, we use it ALL the time. Luckily the furniture worked ok, but had I known we were going to use the space that much, I would have bought something totally different.

    • One More Vote for Slowly :

      Try subscribing to 2 or 3 home decorating magazines (I like Elle Decor, but go to a big newstand and browse and find the ones you like). Get the old fashioned home delivery. Go through them and mark the images you like. After a few months, you will see themes in what speaks to you. Then you know what to do with your space.

      • I second this — and if you are leaning more toward the style of the period of the house vs. mid-century modern/modern/contemporary, I recommend House Beautiful and Traditional Home.

        I love Apartment Therapy but there is a strong (and I mean strong) bias toward mid-century modern. But you can still find some House Tours that are of beautiful older spaces with wood floors, build-ins, moldings and character — you just have to dig a bit.

    • I recently read a feature article about the Houzz blog, which was described as a sort-of Pinterest for interior decorating with tons of design photos posted by professionals across the country that you can review and clip for inspiration (or use to find someone you might want to hire or consult with). For that matter, I bet there are lots of interior decorating ideas on Pinterest. While I agree with the other posters about going slow, I’d probably start with these websites to collect ideas.

      • I have found that many of the decor pics on Pinterest (or at least the ones that appeal to me) are originally from Houzz. I hear that Houzz is extremely addictive – be careful :)

      • Seconding Pinterest and Houzz. At the very least you’ll be able to look at photos you’ve collected and search for common themes. In my photos I know I see things like blue and gray walls, very neutral furniture, and very few accessories but all accessories pop with contrast. It was a great way for me to identify that I follow the “less is more” approach when decorating.

        If you need a pinterest invite, you’re best to ask a friend for an invite than to get put on the wait list. The site is still in beta mode so they aren’t sending out invites too often these days so you could be stuck waiting months unless you know someone who uses it or you find a person who has a blog or twitter account offering invites.

    • I moved from a 770 sq ft apartment to a 1200 sq ft house. Because of the layout of the house, my furniture is all wrong. So my living room has way too much furniture and I have a room that only has my cats’ litter boxes. I did buy a bed for the guest room right away but that was because my brother came to help me move in.

      I did buy some things I obviously needed from IKEA right away like a shelf for the living room and an island for the kitchen. But haven’t done much else with decorating yet. I have other projects to spend money on. I’m thinking that, when I do decide to get furniture, I’ll hire an interior designer. Picking out furniture was not something I enjoyed the first time around and I’m not looking forward to doing it again.

      • I worry that if I ever move (been in the same place for 17 years), my furniture will not work in a new place because I have bought pieces that fill specific needs for my current house. This is especially true regarding my kitchen, where I have two storage pieces and a baker’s rack to add storage and counter space, but also true for other rooms.

    • Start thinking about the space and colors and take your time. Our downstairs is one big open area so we wanted to keep it cohesive. Think about what colors you like and use that as an accent throughout. I really wanted a red couch so we built around that, keeping the wall color neutral and using slight pops of red throughout.

    • ChinaRette :

      I really miss Domino :(. I still have a few old issues and tons of tear-outs from my high school and early college days, when I was going to buy an amazing old place and make it look like it came straight out of a Domino spread….

    • PharmaGirl :

      Well, if the house you end up with is anything like mine, 3 years after buying you will still not have decorated a single room thanks to the many improvements that need to be made first! Stupid old house.

    • I just bought the Domino book and really like it. Also, check out the apartment therapy blog. It has beautiful pictures and applies to both houses and apartments.

  5. So, this weekend I have to go on my first solo long distance road trip (i.e. in excess of six hours) and I’m REALLY not looking forward to it. But its a family thing and I have to put on my big girl underroos.

    Any advice from the hive on how to ease the misery?

    • Books on tape. I used to have to do solo trips regularly, and they really made the time fly.

      • Second this! Cracker Barrel will allow you to buy an audiobook at one store and sell it back to them at another one (at least they used to). Get something that will make you laugh! Oh, and Dairy Queen has a DQ locator that will show you every Dairy Queen along your route. In my view, a must.

      • My husband and I really enjoyed Sarah Vowell’s “Assassination Vacation.” The author reads it herself. (This group probably knows who Sarah Vowell is, but in addition to being an excellent author, she was also the voice of the daughter in “The Incredibles” movie. The combination of her writing style and her voice are fantastic!)

      • Agreed! We get them sometimes from the library. I can also download them from my library’s digital site to my iPad and then plug that into the car. It’s brilliant, and free.

    • The only suggestions I have involve food treats. Coffee for the first 1.5 hours. After the inevitable bathroom break due to said coffee, gummy candies. A stop at McDonalds for some fries when you reach the half-way point.

      I’ve never done the books on tape, but I do like listening to talk radio during long drives.

    • Get a nice book to listen to.
      I have recently listened to a Donald Westlake book from a Dortmunder series and a P.G.Wodehouse one, and can heartily recommend both.

    • ChinaRette :

      Books on tape! Pick one or two classics from and load them onto your mp3 player. For long drives, something light is best — gossipy memoir or a fascinating historical book. I find that if I try to listen to a music playlist, I’ll take my eyes off the road and fiddle around with it, change songs, adjust volume…definitely not safe for long solo drives.

      • You can also rent audiobooks from the library on your smart phone. Use the overdrive app. You must have a library card to do this, but it DL to the phone, then you can play whenever you want.

    • When I had to drive 4 hours by myself to get to my brother’s wedding, I made a playlist that I knew I’d have a ball singing along to in the car. Like, the car version of singing into my hairbrush in front of the mirror.

      Also, audio books can help break up the boredom….but they read too slow for my tastes.

    • 1. Good music, preferably a mix of new stuff and old favorites to sing along with at the top of your lungs.

      2. Stopping when you want to stop, whether for coffee or a Frosty and fries or whatever. Junk and/or fast food is one of my favorite long road trip indulgences. And all the breaks cut up the distance so it doesn’t feel quite so overwhelming.

      Drive safely!

    • Load up your IPOD with all your favorite songs and sing your a** off like you’re on American Idol. This always keeps me upbeat and awake. The steering wheel makes a great drum as well. Try to stop every 2 hours or so for some air and a drink or snack

    • I like taking the time on long road trips to sing very loudly to songs my husband hates – especially musicals. I usually break out my Phantom of the Opera soundtrack and sing along. Tuesday I watched New Girl and saw Winston doing this, and I immediately thought – “I’m not alone!” Of course he was singing Wicked! To each their own. Good luck!

    • Podcasts! I think there are podcasts on just about EVERYTHING these days. Also, when traveling, you get to eat your favorite junk food, calories and health be d@mned, at least for the driving days.

      I used to do a trip of about 5 hours a couple of times a year. It actually wasn’t that bad, and this was pre-podcast days. I allowed myself to stop at MacDonalds (my comfort food while traveling). The radio pickings were pretty slim – I don’t want this to sound offensive, but a lot of the stations were very religious/Christian (I was driving through a couple of southern states) and it was actually sort of interesting to listen to, me being a godless heathen and totally unfamiliar with this culture.

      Try to enjoy the downtime. I am traveling (flying) this weekend, and although I get a bit stressed out about travel and worry about flight delays, I am trying to embrace the time to myself (I have really been feeling like I need some alone time lately!). I have an iPad full of mindless games, and The Hunger Games and some trashy magazines. I am going to try to just kick back, get some Dunkin Donuts or MacDonalds, and enjoy the time to myself.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Yes, podcasts. This American Life is great for long car trips. Ira Glass will keep you company the whole way. If you haven’t heard the Georgia drug court one yet, it’s especially riveting for a lawyer. Please also make sure you have plenty of water, some granola bars, emergency flares, and current AAA/towing coverage for your car before your long trip. Safe travels!

    • lucy stone :

      I used to drive 6 hours each way to visit my then boyfriend, now fiance, when I was in law school so I consider myself a veteran of long car trips.

      *totally agree with everyone who said books on tape, it passes the time quickly
      *musical soundtracks, if you are into them. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat improves driving across Wisconsin considerably.
      *Plan out your stops so you have something to look “forward” to – only another 45 minutes until the Kwik Trip! 100 miles until the root beer float at A&W.
      *If your car syncs with your phone or you have a bluetooth headset, catch up with old friends you haven’t talked to in a while.
      *Billboard game to keep you paying attention to what’s going on – I would look for a word starting with A, then a word starting with B, and see how many times I could get through the alphabet on the drive.

      • I do most of these as well! I also end up listening to lots of NPR podcasts and the This American Life archives (they have an iphone app). I have a geeky crush on Ira Glass.

    • I used to do a 5.5 hour trip regularly and would take the opportunity to sing along to songs in the car. I’ve got such a terrible voice that any passengers usually rebel if I sing :) That particular trip was through NE Ohio and NW Indiana so it isn’t like there was pretty scenery to distract me so singing. Also, I’ve learned this the hard way, but take stops to stretch your legs. I used to be a “drive until I run out of gas get back on the road immediately and repeat” kind of road tripper. A few years back, we changed that around on a roadtrip and took regular stops. I was AMAZED at how much better I felt and it really didn’t add much more time to the trip.

    • I second the recs for books on tape / podcasts (especially This American Life! They’re in discrete one-hour blocks so they really make the one hour fly by) / junk food. I also manage to entertain myself to a surprising extent by eating Jelly Bellys one at a time and having to guess the flavors.

    • I have plenty of experience with long, solo road trips. In addition to creating specific playlists, I also have several CDs of David Sedaris reading his various works. They are hilarious and I’m sure other drivers who pass me on the highway wonder why in the world I am laughing my butt off!

      I always bring a variety of snacks (salty, sweet, healthy, junky) and beverages. For me, 5 Hour Energy works well if I feel like I’m starting to get sleepy.

      Good luck!

      • phillygirlruns :

        god, i love david sedaris.

        • FYI, this week’s New Yorker has a funny little piece by him, ostensibly about socialized medicine. I read parts of it aloud to my husband last night. (And we’re going to see him later this year!) My favorite part is the very end, and especially, “That’s me, pointing to the bathroom and asking the receptionist if I may use the sandbox, me traipsing down the stairs in a fresh set of clothes, my smile bittersweet and drearied with blood, counting the days until I can come back, and return myself to this curious, socialized care.” I love how he says “drearied” — you know he spent a lot of time coming up with that word. Okay, squealing over.

          • Okay, I just read that piece and based on the excessive laughter that ensued, reading any more will have to be a pleasure I reserve for the privacy of my own home.

      • Yes! My husband and I listen to him read “Holidays on Ice” every year when we drive to visit his mother at Christmas. I look forward to it so much!

    • And don’t forget to stop & take a walk if you start feeling dozy. Get the blood pumping and it will help you stay awake!

    • This is probably unpopular advice that I will get slammed for but if you’re not driving in crazy traffic or weather or anything, I use long drives to catch up with friends/family I haven’t talked to recently. I just put on my headset (I have not made it into the current century and gotten a blue tooth earpiece) and make some calls.

      That and listen to my ipod. I can never focus on books on tape somehow.

    • This is really weird, but when I’m job hunting (or even considering doing so) I practice standard job interview questions out load in the car on long solo trips. Sometimes when I have an interview lined up I’ll plan a trip just for the preparation time!

      • Amelia Pond :

        This won’t help with the misery of a long drive but before you leave: check you fluid levels in the car (oil, transmission fluid, radiator fluid etc), check your tires, check to make sure you have a spare in working order. You don’t want to get stuck on the side of the road!

    • Tired Squared :

      Do you like to sing in the car? If so, make some CDs of stuff you would like to sing along to — it makes the time fly by!

      • I belt out a *lot* of country music on long solo drives. Mostly women singers — Patty Loveless, the Dixie Chicks, Carrie Underwood, early k.d. lang — but also the entire Lyle Lovett oeuvre. DH can’t stand it, so it’s my one opportunity . . . .

    • This American Life and David Sedaris books on iPod are both very, very, very, very good ideas!!!! Thanks!


    • I spent a lot of time driving when DH and I were long distance. Books on tape really help the time go by. I always just got a variety from the library so could switch out if a book got boring. What worked best for me were books that weren’t too deep like Sue Grafton mysteries. I found it too hard to focus on anything too complicated while driving.

    • Real talk: use a restaurant restroom when you have the chance. I’ve had too many trips where I’ve passed by a well-populated exit thinking, “I kind of have to pee, but I’m sure there’s another one a few exits ahead,” only to be faced with at least an hour until the next bathroom option.

      Also, I prefer chain restaurant restrooms over mom-and-pop, only-building-off-the-exit type places because chains are more populated and therefore, IMO, safer.

      Have fun! I love solo road trips.

    • Barrister in the Bayou :

      I can also recommend audio books. Just make sure you like the narrator. I tried to listen to Dante’s Inferno once and I almost went off the road. I had no problem with the content, but the narrator’s voice was just too relaxing. Get something fun and entertaining like Harry Potter!

    • Learn a languge! Especially if you’re fantasizing about summer vacation options abroad. Just pick up a few CDs (BN has a bunch of different ones at my bookstore), or I’m sure there are other downloadable mp3 options.

      Good luck, and safe travels!!

  6. In addition to books on tape, I also really enjoy This American Life podcasts and the ones from the Moth (funny personal stories). Good luck with the drive!

  7. Lovely! Not sure it will work for my pear-shaped figure.

  8. ladies – i am wearing a new slim fitting shirt dress. i have ridiculous static cling on my legs (which are in tights). it is not good. meeting with a client in an hour, help please?
    i tried water on the underside of the skirt, it works for about 10 seconds.

  9. I’m really into the peplum thing, and think it makes my long waist look shorter. But I can’t figure out what I’d wear OVER this for the office.

    • That is my problem as well. Because it is sleeveless I would need something over it, but that would ruin the whole look. Don’t they make long sleeved peplums?

      • Yes, this. Would these retailers just suck it up and make sleeves on their tops and dresses already? I know it’s a bit more labor and material than doing sleeveless, but sheesh, it’s either inappropriate or ruined (if you wear a cardigan over it.)

        Enough with the cost-cutting! I’d pay 15-25% more easily, maybe more, if I could have more dresses and tops with sleeves.

    • phillygirlruns :

      i’ve seen sleeveless peplum dresses (or top/skirt combo) worn over a slim turtleneck. maybe a 3/4 sleeve tissue shirt when it’s warmer?

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Cropped cardigan?

    • MaggieLizer :

      Could a shrug work in your office?

    • peplum blazers. they’re amazing!

      • viclawstudent :

        But wouldn’t a peplum blazer over a peplum shirt be somewhat overkill? That’s a lot of peplum …

        I’ve also been wondering about this, because the shape of the shirt actually does suit my figure, but I don’t want it to be sleeveless. I also think wearing something underneath looks funny, so cropped cardigan or shrug seems like the only option. But I won’t order it on the internet because that sort of thing kind of needs to be tested in person, so it makes the shirt a no-go for me (despite it being so appealingly cheap).

    • I like how the blogger styled it in the link to girlwithcurves provided above – with a long jacket. I actually just ordered this blouse and plan to wear it similarly – I have lots of long cardigans and duster type coats because I am tall and buy them whenever I can find them.

      I do not go sleeveless in the office or anywhere else!

  10. I think we’ve reached the end of my wonderful dog’s life. He isn’t showing signs of pain, but it is clear that systems are shutting down. This is the first time I’ve dealt with this. I can’t decide if I should bring him to the vet and have him put to sleep, or if I should just let nature take its course at home. I really want to keep him at home as long as he isn’t showing signs of pain, but I’m worried I’m being selfish. Any advice?

    • Jacqueline :

      No advice (I’ve never had a pet), but I’m really sorry to hear that your dog isn’t doing well. It’s clear that you care and want to do what’s best, so I’m sure you’ll make the decision that’s best for him.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I’m so, so sorry. Is he still eating? Walking? Responding to you at all? If no to any of these things, take him to the vet, and bring his favorite dog bed and toy so it still kinda smells like home, and get a professional opinion. Dying of dehydration and/or starvation are tough ways to go for anyone, I think. Also, do you really want to have to carry your dog’s body (to where??) once he passes? That would be just about the worst thing in my mind.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I am so, so, so sorry you are going through this. If he’s not in pain, and generally happy, I don’t think its wrong to let him live out his last days at home with lots of kisses and cuddles. I would definitely get a vet checkover – not to see that he’s healthy, but to see that he is at least comfortable.

      If he’s in a lot of pain, obviously, the kindest thing to do is to put him to sleep. Hugs to you.

    • Have you talked to your vet about it? We cannot always tell when my dog is in pain, so I would want to figure out with the vet what problems were going on, how they were affecting my dog, and how they were likely to progress. *hugs*

    • Anonymous NYer :

      I would say as long as he’s eating and drinking without much trouble, and can still go to the bathroom on his own, you should keep him home. I know that sounds selfish, but I still get tears in my eyes when I think about Ginger, the bestest rescue mutt in the world that we had put down in the middle of 2nd semester 1L exams a few years back.

      She had cancer – tumors in her chest/neck area – and I came home to visit her before my family put her down. She was in pain, it was obvious, but she was still the best girl in the world. I understand your conflicted emotions completely. Keep her with you as long as it’s humane, I like to think they’ll remember that – and I know you will. Then when it’s clear he’s suffering, put him out of his misery.

      Crap, now I’m crying at work.

    • So sad to hear about your dog. In my experience, you will know when his quality of life has gotten too poor. Until then, enjoy his company and do your best to keep him comfortable. *hugs*

      I saw some interesting data the other day about zoo animals whose stress hormones were monitored consistently. In the stress hormones shot up near the end of life, and in every case, within a week or two, the animal’s keepers (without access to the lab data) had noticed enough of a decline in the animal’s welfare that they made the decision to euthanize. When you spend that much time with an animal companion, you are just able to tell. I found it oddly comforting to see data that bears out what I thought I knew when we had to put our pets to sleep.

    • I am so sorry that you are faced with this difficult decision – I have been down that road a few times and it is not easy. That being said, many vets these days make house calls – and if you have decided to end the suffering with his/her assistance, the vet can do this at home in your pet’s comfortable and familiar surroundings.

      • this.

      • This x2. When my mom decided it was time to put down our family dog, she found a vet that would make a house call, so the dog didn’t have to go through the stress of the vet’s office and could end her life quietly, in a familiar place.

      • Heartily seconded (thirded?)

        I hope your vet makes house calls (or you can find one who does.) What a tough position to be in– I’m sending sympathetic vibes in your direction. As a dog-lover (and one who sometimes has severe doubts about the goodness of humanity), I’m reassured by how loving and considerate you are about your dog.

    • I’m so sorry. I would just make sure that he is drinking and not dehydrated.

    • Tired Squared :

      anon, I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this.

      What do you mean when you say that “it is clear that systems are shutting down?” Is he still eating, drinking, playing, using the bathroom?

      Your answer to those questions would probably sway my answer, but generally I think that you can keep them at home as long as they eat/drink/play normally (or close to normally … eating less on any one day could just be the heat or something). Once one of those normal habits disappears, I think it’s time.

      But rather than take him to the vet, I’d recommend calling a vet who will make a house call. That way, neither your nor your little one have to deal with the stress of a getting out to the vet’s office, and you can say your goodbyes in his favorite bed/chair/location. In my experience, that was a far better way to say goodbye.

      • SouthernLegal :

        This. Also, for when the time does come, you might speak to your vet about what options are available. More and more vets now are willing to do euthanasia at an individual’s home rather than making you go to the vet. In my opinion, there is far less stress on the pet this way.

        +1 for the article linked by anon below.

        I am so sorry you’re going through this.

    • MaggieLizer :

      So sorry. Hugs.

    • I read this article a few months ago (don’t know if you’ve seen it):

    • Thank you all. I’ve had dogs my entire life, but this is my first time having to make this decision as an adult. Being an adult really sucks sometimes. My vet is in agreement with me that he doesn’t seem to be in pain. He had been deteriorating all week, but yesterday seemed to bounce back, was bouncing around and ate and drank really well. Today he is extremely lethargic and not eating or drinking. He is almost 16, so he’s certainly had a long happy life. I think I’ve decided that if nothing changes I will take him in to the vet tomorrow morning.

      • I am so sorry!!! Hugs. It is a difficult decision. Whatever you decide to do, it will be the best decision, I am sure.

      • Big hugs to you and gentle hugs to the pooch.

      • A dog's instincts :

        Whatever you decide, please be aware that some dogs have what must be a natural instinct to go away to die. My family’s ancient, arthritic dog who some days could hardly walk across the room (unless a treat was involved, and then suddenly it was like he was a puppy again) and NEVER wandered off the property (partly for lack of interest, partly because of the electronic fence) disappeared in the middle of the night about 2 months ago (turns out the battery for the fence was waning). My mother and animal control found him at the bottom of a ravine over a mile away, thankfully alive and only a little dehydrated, 2 days later. A few weeks ago, he did it again (even though his electronic fence was in full force, so that says quite a bit about his determination), and sadly they weren’t able to find him until after he had passed. It’s really sad for us, because even though he was not well, they were doing everything possible to make him comfortable, and the vet didn’t think it was time to put him down yet.

      • Hugs to you. In case your dog changes from not being into distress to being in distress in the wee hours of the morning, as my sixteen year old four legged friend did a couple of summers ago, it is worth knowing in advance whether your vet is available at 2 a.m., and if not, where the nearest 24 hour emergency pet clinic is. My little sweetie was dying and went from no distress in the evening to a situation where waiting for the vet to open in the morning would have been cruel, and the change happened by midnight. We just happened to have noticed a 24 hour clinic in a town 40 minutes away. It was a blessing to have it available. I am so sorry you are going through this – I suppose bearing the loss is the harsh price we pay for their love.

    • Posted this on the weekend thread for another person but want to post it here for you as well. I’m not very religious but I found this site very comforting when my cat was very ill. I posted requesting prayers for very specific things and they all happened the next morning. Coincidence? I’m still amazed by the support I found there. I hope it helps you too.

  11. Anon for This :

    Why do posters say they are going “anon for this”? By all means, pick a different name, but don’t then broadcast the fact that you have just done so. If you tell me you are really a regular, then I invariably try to figure out which one.

    Signed, anon as always.

    • Yup, its true. If you just changed your name to Anon or Ramon or Helen…the effect would be the same.

      • And it’s a lot easier to reference prior commenters if they aren’t just “anon.” Pick anything else, even if it’s just “anon313.”

      • Gooseberry :

        I wonder if that’s true (that it would be the same). I think there’s a give and take to this site — someone you need advice on your static cling, sometime you give advice about interview techniques. Whenever someone says they are a “regular poster, but anon for this,” I feel just a smidge more loyalty/connection/whatever it is, I can’t describe it/etc to the poster. I mean, if I had an answer, I’d answer an “anon” too, but when I know someone has given to the community, I feel extra commitment to give back to her. Is that crazy? As I type it, I think it might be… Oy.

        • when someone says their anon for this but a regular poster, it makes me want to give her (or him?) a big fat hug. but that’s coming from a girl who posted under a different handle or anon-type name consistently until about a month or so ago when i liked this one enough. and i’ve been a reader for years now.

          • Jacqueline :

            I completely agree.

          • Me too. I don’t mind it, if it will help someone feel more comfortable asking a difficult question, but I always feel like they need hugs to reassure them that we will love them no matter what they’re asking.

        • Nope, I feel the same way.

        • Funny, my experience is different. I like some regular posters and dislike others, so I’m not automatically prejudiced. And for the people who really need advice/support (right now I’m thinking of that new mom who was going nuts with work and babycare), I think posters will chime in whether or not she is “new” to the site.

        • Gooseberry :

          Responding to a., I usually agree, but there have been many’a meetup lately, so now people know the real human by their handles, and we’ve heard of so many on here that share their love of the site with their colleagues, etc. I’m just thinking about those cases — I think the hive will love us no matter what (except when it doesn’t, but that’s a different topic) — it’s the combo of who you are in the world PLUS your regular handle that I think makes certain topics sensitive. For example, if I am looking to quit my job and lots of my coworkers are regulars, I might want to go “anon for this.” Or if I cheated on my husband, but his sister knows my handle, I might want to go “super anon for this.” See?

          Not anon for this, Gooseberry

          • I hadn’t thought about that perspective. I guess since I’ve never been to a meet-up and have no friends or relatives reading Corporette (that I know of, at least), it just didn’t occur to me. But yeah, that makes sense.

    • anon for this 2 :

      I’m a regular poster but want to go undercover for this question.

      When I’m wearing my hair elastic on my wrist, am I supposed to put it on the same arm that has the one nail painted blue, or on the opposite arm? I can’t decide which looks better with the blouse, slacks and peeptoe shoes I’m wearing for an interview.


      • Not sure. But just to complete this look, I’d wear a single pigtail on one side as well.

      • I think it should go on the opposite arm–you want each element to stand on its own, without clashing.

        One piece of advice, if you decide to change from slacks to a pencil skirt–make sure the vent in the back still has the X of thread holding it shut. People will think you’re a woman of loose virtue if you expose the backs of your lower thigh.

        • anon for this 2 :

          But if I wear the pencil skirt, then I will have to wear nude or suntan pantyhose with my peeptoe shoes!

          Getting dressed is hard, you guys. I’m so glad I have you all!

          • you’re my fav!

          • No, you have to wear fishnets! I’m so glad to have caught this major error. I would never want a fellow Corporette to give the wrong impression at an interview.

      • *snicker*

      • You guys have no idea what kind of a complex you’ve given me about that hair tie on the wrist thing. ;-p

        • This made me think of how I’ve been drooling over the Nike Fuelband BUT what keeps me from trying to snag one whenver it’s on sale for about 5 minutes before it’s out of stock is that it would look like a GIANT hairband on my wrist!

      • One of my nails is blue right now. I smashed the living h— out of it with a hammer. And it’s blue. Not purple. Blue.

  12. black strappy sandals :

    Anyone have ideas for black strappy sandals? I’m a bridesmaid in a July wedding, and we can pick any style as long as they’re black and strappy. I love the J. Crew Rory, but I don’t want to spend $188 on a shoe I’ll probably never wear again. I would prefer to avoid embellishments and rhinestones, but all the cheaper shoes I’ve seen have them. Any ideas for shoes similar to the J. Crew Rory for no more than $75?

  13. black strappy sandals :
  14. Anonymous NYer :

    Hi lovely and stylish ladies, I am requesting some recommendations from you all:

    Yesterday’s thread about the 4 basic wardrobe staples we all have got me thinking. Almost everyone posted about a favorite dress that they could dress up or down and makes them feel fab. I need something like this. I’m just coming out of “student dress” mode – which to me means sweats and jeans at all times – and I’d like to spiff up my casual wear some. I don’t need the dresses to be for work, I love me some sheath dresses and have several, but for errands/dinner/anything in between I would love to hear about/see some of your favs.

    If you could post some links that would be amazing. Many of you mentioned jersey as the material? I’m down with that, or any other material you can think of really. For price range, I’m somewhere in the Target -> Banana range. Obviously, if something from Target is great, I’ll jump on it, but I’d consider buying one of these magical dresses of which you speak for up to $150 it it’s just right (so, obv, DVF and the like are out).

    Thanks in advance!

  15. I’m looking for some guidance on paying off a portion (a big chunk but not the entirety) of my student loans. A few years ago, I consolidated my student loans through the Department of Education. It was a nightmare, and my loans were being sold off so fast that it took me 6 months of chasing them and constantly updating paperwork before everything went through. I haven’t had any problems since then but my past experience has me worried that this won’t be easy. I’ve read everything on their website and talked to their customer service people. It sounds straight forward – I go to their website, change the amount of my payment from my normal monthly amount to what I want to pay this time (I’m currently enrolled in autopay) and indicate that I do not want to “pay ahead” so they’ll still auto-debit me the normal amount next month. Can anyone reassure me that this has actually worked for them? I know I sound super paranoid but my past experiences has be convinced that something will go wrong. Thanks!

    • can you just try with one “trial chunk” to make sure it’s cool, then proceed forward with the balance if there’s no problems?

    • When I’ve done lump sum payments, I left the auto-payment (Kwikpay) amount alone and scheduled a separate one-time payment for the same day as the aut0-payment, so that I don’t pay any more interest than I need to. They’ll both go through, so I just adjust my one time payment to take the auto-pay amount into account.

      Does that make sense? I’m assuming you’ve got similar options to do an auto-pay and a scheduled payment. That way I don’t accidentally leave the big amount in the auto-pay field.

      • I used to do exactly this regularly, except I didn’t worry about timing the extra payment with my autopay, whenever I had an extra $1000-$3000 I wanted to plop down. Never had any problems whatsoever with it working out properly. The only time it took anything more complicated was when I finally (!!) paid them all off. At that time, I called to coordinate and understand the exact payoff amount, how to avoid any interest hang-over, etc.

    • Tired Squared :

      When I’ve made “extra” payments, I don’t change the amount of the monthly payment — I just make an additional one-time payment. So I’ve clicked where it says “Pay Now,” filled in the amount I was ready to pay, checked the little box that says “don’t pay ahead,” and everything worked out fine.

      • Did not work out fine for me!! Even though I indicated I didn’t want to pay ahead, it still paid ahead.

        • By “pay ahead”, do you mean move the date for the next payment due further into the future? So that your next payment isn’t technically due the next month, but sometime further into the future?

          And if so….what’s the problem with that?

          • Because you continue to accrue interest, and if you’re paying a big chunk, your “regular” payments won’t be due until much much later (they basically pretend you pre-paid a bunch of regular payments — so if you normally pay 100/month and you pay 1000 right now, you won’t get a “regular” bill for 10 months… all the while you’re still accruing interest on the remaining balance).

          • Shrug. I’ve done the lump payment and had the stated “due date” get bumped out a few months…and my regular monthly auto-payments still continued, so I stay on track with interest.

            Maybe it’s an issue if you are doing paper bills, rather than the auto-pay?

    • I’ve done it by scheduling a separate payment from the autopay (which other people suggested), and also over the phone with a customer service person.

    • I paid down a chuck on my student loan last month. My loan is with AES. I did it over the telephone. It was a one time payment, completely separate from my automatic payment.

    • I’ve made an extra payment monthly for about a year. I do it online, separate from my auto pay, with the note “Principal only, Loan Group C. DO NOT ADVANCE DUE DATE.” Obviously you only need the specific loan notation if you have multiple loans with that company.

      • MissJackson :

        This is what I do, too. The magic language is “apply to principle only, Loan Group x [if multiple loans]; do not advance due date”. I make these payments entirely separate from the regularly scheduled monthly payments.

        It’s worked fine with Access Group, AES, and ACS.

        I did have one time where my payment was not properly applied (either I forgot to include the magic language or the system messed up) — I called and they fixed it immediately without any problem.

    • When I make extra payments, I write a check and enclose a note that the extra should be applied to principal only. That’s the way the financial aid offices for both undergrad and law school instructed us to do it; otherwise the extra would be applied to interest. I do not trust the online account payment tool for this.

    • I did this 2x. 1 time was right after law school, I had taken too much out & wanted to give it back and the other time was about 6 mo. later, my parents offered to buy me a car and I took out a loan on the car (which was at a much lower interest rate) and put the $ they gave me towards my loan.
      I did it by calling them & setting up the payment.
      Did not have a problem either time.

    • Also in Academia :

      For me, Kwikpay was a disaster. I sent a huge chunk of money in (well, huge for me) and they prepaid my loan. So I went in and tried to indicate that I wanted to schedule my autopayments to resume. I had to call twice, they were very nice, and each time assured my that my payment would indeed come out of my bank account as scheduled. The day passed, the website continued to indicate that I had no payment scheduled until next year, the time went on, and finally I cancelled my Kwikpay and just set up my BoA account to send them money every month.

      Then, I got a letter from the USDoE/Kwikpay folks telling me my payment was overdue (the one that they swore they were taking out but never did). Then, two months later, I got a letter saying, “We’ve been trying to take money out of your account, but we cannot connect with your bank.” Yes, because I deleted its information from your website! I have never had the situation of having someone to whom I owe so much money make it so hard to give them some.

    • Another S :

      Thanks all for the advice! I’ll be watching my account carefully to make sure the regular amount comes out next month…. and saving my pennies so that some day soon I can be rid them all together!

      • I realized a couple of years ago that if I pay my loans weekly instead of every 2 months, the balance goes down way faster. Department of Education does not understand this and wants me to pay on THEIR schedule, thus giving me all kinds of guff about applying payments on my schedule.

        I don’t understand why OP is concerned about the loan holder advancing her due date. If you pay, even though no payment is due (according to the moron student loan company), they have to apply it to your balance (even though the student loan companies calculate interest daily, as opposed to monthly). After AES and Direct Loans gave me so much guff about their qwikpay feature, I just set my bank account to auto-pay the student loan amounts… and track their application to my outstanding debt on their internet sites.

        BTW, both of my loans have been transferred to new servicers in the past few days. What is this about? I am so annoyed with this!!!

  16. If any of you are fans of the Express editor pants, now is a good time to stock up. The fabric in the current version is really nice and I was able to pick up several light neutrals for spring/summer. My favorite pair is light gray with subtle charcoal pinstripes. Some pairs are 30% off right now. Woot.

    I know many are not Express fans, but for this stage in my life, their pants work great: machine washable, inexpensive especially with coupons, much better color selection than the Gap premium pants (which get shoddy-looking quickly, IME) and a length that doesn’t require hemming. Also, they fit my pear-shaped lower half better than anything else I’ve tried in this price point. I’m a total fan girl for Express editor pants.

    • Thanks for the tip. I’m in the process of losing weight (yay!) but it means that my old work horse BR wool pants that I’ve worn for the last five years look terrible on me (boo!). So I’m in the market for reasonable price cute pants to transition to whatever size I end up at. I am also pear shape, so I will check them out.

    • I’m intrigued. I remember liking Express pants about 10-12 years ago, but thought I was too old for the store. But I do find that for many pants, my waist is too small for my thighs, so I keep having to get pants taken in (except the Gap Curvy fit, which the do not seem to stock anymore, wtf!). So – these work for curvy pears? How do their sizes run? I’m a 4 in Limited’s Cassady line, their Drew line doesn’t work for me at all.

      • These pants seem to run true to size. I am not an especially curvy pear, though, so I can’t speak to the waist/thigh issue on these.

        Also, at 31, I feel like an old woman in Express. I bypass all the club wear for cute early-20-somethings and make a beeline for the work pants.

        • Yeah, I’m 44. That’s pretty much what’s keeping me out of the store. But maybe I’ll summon up my old-lady courage and check out the pants.

    • I have looked at the higher quality (to a point…I’m not dropping tons of money on pants), but Express Editor pants still look the best on me. I have a simple black pair and a black with pinstripe pair I got in 2005 that both still look like new, seriously. I love Express editor pants! Thanks for the heads up. I just might have to go get some!

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      I hardly ever wear trousers, but of my four pairs, three are from Express.

    • 2 of my suits are from express w/ express editor bottoms.

    • PharmaGirl :

      How is the rise on the editor pants? I had to retire a few pairs of express pants because they were scandalously low waisted. Fine for a 25-year-old in her first Big Girl Job, not so much for a 30-something.

    • MissJackson :

      Thanks for this reminder. I haven’t been in an Express for at least 5 years, but out of the blue I got a mailer from them yesterday with a coupon. My initial thought was, “weird, what would I buy at Express?” but maybe I should give it a go. I do remember really like their Editor pants back in the day.

  17. Question for all the posters who recommended that TCFKAG listen to an iPod or other mp3 player during her road trip – do you mean that she should use it as she would walking down the street (i.e., with earbuds) or do you all have some magical means of syncing the device to your cars?

    I would love to be able to do the latter, and I understand it’s a easy to do with most newer cars; however, mine is a 2005 (with CD player but no tape deck). Am I SOL?

    • It depends on how much you want to spend on the solution. My birthday present from DH one year was getting an adaptor installed in my 2004 vintage car. Now there’s a cord that comes out of the glove box, I plug in my ipod, and it pays through my car’s speakers. I think it cost about $100-150ish and the install takes an hour or so at Best Buy. I LOVE it. Unfortunately, the newer models of ipod/iphone are no longer 100% compatible, so while they’ll play music, they don’t charge. I’m sure the newer adaptors are compatible with the new gadgets, but you might have the same problem in a couple of years. (curse apple and their planned obsolescence)

    • The easiest, cheapest solution is an adapter that plugs into your cigarette lighter. You select an unused radio station and “broadcast” your music through that. I’ve had good luck with the Belkin brand. The downside to this solution is that it isn’t the best for urban areas because it’s hard to find an unused radio frequency, but for most purposes, it does the job.

      • Anonymous NYer :

        I use this every day to drive to and from court in NYC. Works like a charm. The Belkin one costs about $80 (not cheap, but will last several years.) I’ve had to replace it once in the past 7 or so years when the wires started getting frayed and poked through the rubber coating. It also charges the ipod.

        • Anonymous NYer :

          I take back the $80 part. That’s how much mine costs me, guess the prices have dropped since more cars now have aux ports or ipod docks.

          • Yay! I am interested in getting something like this but the $80 tag seemed a little steep for what you get.

            But this will all be moot after tonight when I win the Mega Millions, since I will probably use some of my winnings to buy a new car :)

          • Mine was in the $50-60 range. I couldn’t live without it.

          • No, the Belkin or Griffin ones are worth paying more. My mom bought a discount one, and it was a piece of cr*p, the connections were janky, and the volume of the music was never loud enough to hear thru the car sound system, it was a total waste of money. It is worth it to get the brand name versions that actually work.

      • Beware of relying on this solution if you are in the Bay Area. I tried to do this to play XM and there wasn’t a single band/frequency that was unavailable enough to play anything but really static-y crap. I have yet to invest in getting an auxiliary jack installed b/c the local car audio place quoted us $300. Maybe I’ll check into the Best Buy option for my vintage 2005 car.

    • I had an adapter thing that I plugged in to the cigarette lighter. You then docked your I-pod and then tuned your car radio to the same station as the adapter thing. I don’t know if they still exist and the sound quality isn’t perfect, but it works in a pinch. I think I found mine at radio shack or Best Buy or something.

      • Yep, they still exist! I drive an old car with no aux port, and I use this. They’re great when you’re traveling through the middle of nowhere with lots of blank radio stations or when you’re at home and can find a blank station and stick with it. Not so great when traveling in urban areas.

    • I have a radio adaptor but my car also has an aux port. :-)

    • Leslie Knope :

      Try Googling “ipod radio transmitter” and looking at the results at Best Buy. I had one of these back in the day (the day was 2005-2007) and it worked well enough for podcasts, although you definitely lose some sound quality. You plug one end of the device into your iPod’s headphone jack, and it takes the audio signal and broadcasts it as a teeny radio frequency. You tune your car radio to whatever station the device tells you to, and the iPod audio comes out of your car speaker.

    • I believe you can buy transmitters that run through the FM radio in your car

      link to follow

    • Lots of good suggestions. And while I’m sure you all know this – don’t drive with earphones in/on. It cuts down on your awareness of your surroundings, and it’s possible that it’s considered illegal in some states (haven’t checked, so don’t quote me on that) as a driving hazard.

      /End PSA

    • My current car has a place to plug in a cable. I have used the radio frequency things before that Midwest described. They work ok, but can be a little annoying on a longer drive, since stations will fade in and out, and the station you were using might not be “empty” for part of the drive. You can also just get some speakers to plug into your device and use those in the car (instead of using the car’s stereo system).

      I think it would be dangerous to use earbuds while driving, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that was illegal in some places.

    • I had an ipod adapter installed in my car in 2006. I’m sure there are less permanent solutions (Apple store?).

    • Second all the suggestions for radio adapters. I definitely did not mean she should listen with ear buds in. My car has a tape deck so I have an old fashioned cord out of the tape deck to play my ipod through the car speakers and my SO got me a radio adapter for his car since I have been using that to commute lately. I just get tired of finding new radio stations on long drives (No XMSirius or SiriusXM or whatever it is now) so I prefer the ipod.

    • I used to have this one and it was great:–Solution-Black/dp/B000EF3D4Q/ref=sr_1_3?s=mp3&ie=UTF8&qid=1333131802&sr=1-3

      Then apple changed the location of the usb outlet and I had to get something new from my new nano. My new transmitter is built to go in the cupholder of my car so that it not only transmits the music, but it keeps the device steady.

      • 2005 might not be too old, i have a 2006 car w an auxillary mode on my stereo. With that, i just need a cord (forget the name) that plugs into my ipod.

  18. I know some ladies were discussing this a while back but I wanted to ask the question again about hair washing..

    My hair is fine, yet thick and light blonde. I have oily skin but if I wash everyday it dries out my scalp too much (and it adds a lot of time to my am routine) but after 1 day of not washing is it flat and though it doesn’t look gross yet, feels slightly icky to me. Also since my hair is so light, if there is build up my hair looks darker.

    Not sure if I should change my styling products (currently only use Redkin Guts mousse) or what but I hate how my hair looks! What should I do!?

    • I’m hardly an expert on hair-related matters, but since we seem to have the same hair type, two solutions come to mind: 1) using a gentler shampoo so you can wash everyday without irritating your scalp; or 2) using a dry shampoo for second-day hair. When I was using a cheap shampoo brand, I noticed that I got buildup a lot faster, which made my hair feel gross faster. Once I switched to a better shampoo, I found that I was able to skip a day, which was unheard of before. I’ve added dry shampoo to my hair routine 1-2 days a week, mainly because I was concerned about preserving my color. It helps thicken up my hair and takes care of the excess oil, but I definitely need to wash the next day.

    • River Song :

      No solutions here, but just wanted to commiserate: I have the same problem–fine, yet THICK hair that looks lank after one day of not washing! It’s really starting to bug me. I do like Aveda Shampure conditioner because it doesn’t seem to weigh the hair down, but I haven’t been able to find a shampoo that works (dry shampoo seems to make my hair flyaway, and I’m not crazy about all the chemical ingredients). Any suggestions?

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      I have this problem – I try to deal with it by way of dry shampoo and the one I use is ok but not great. It gives some volume but it does, e.g today which is day three since washing hair, leave my hair a bit icky. I have had to train myself to wear my hair up on such days.

      I also have to say that, as a former daily hairwasher, I was sceptical when people told me my hair would ‘learn’ to not need so much washing, but it’s true. Usually day two is still ok and I never thought I could get through three days of not washing my hair, but I can. It’s gross for the first couple of weeks, but I can now get two days of wearing my hair down and one day wearing it up without washing it.

    • Have you tried sulfate-free shampoo?

    • Jacqueline :

      This is my hair exactly (well, except I’m not blonde). Almost too clean and hard to style the first morning after a wash/dry, perfect amount of body the first evening, just slightly limp by the next morning, but very limp by the next afternoon (I may be paranoid, but I always think other people can tell it’s not fresh-out-of-the-shower clean).

      I use Pantene shampoo and conditioner, the Fine to Volume kind, and it seems to work pretty well.

    • Same hair, different color.

      My hair stylist suggested switching to shampooing every other day to prolong the life of my highlights. I pretty much do exactly what he says to do 99% of the time, but this one I can’t seem to master. Dry shampoos just make my hairstyle look weird (I know they work for some people, but not for me.) The only way I’ve managed to do second day hair is a half- or full-updo. But most of the time I just wash it every day.

      Sorry, Bradley!

      OMG, I hope Bradley doesn’t read Corporette!

      I should have been Anon For Hhis.

      • Once I figured out that “shampoo every other day” meant I could still rinse with water and condition everyday, I became more willing to try shampooing every other day. I’m not sure if Bradley would approve, but just throwing that out there.

    • I have the exact same hair type & color, and I feel your pain. However, I managed to “train” my hair to only be washed every other day and I love it! I even feel it looks much better on the 2nd day than it does on the first.

      Pretty much, you just have to suck it up and start washing every other day. You may feel gross in the beginning (I did), but now I hardly notice it. You can use dry shampoo (Tresemme or Suave are my favorites) to sop up the oil on the off day and I find that curling/adding volume to my hair helps hide oil too.

      But honestly, there is a theory out there that once you start washing every other day, your hair stops producing as much oil because your scalp isn’t as consistently dried out by daily washing. I laughed at it at first, but I found it to be rather true!

    • One thing I’ve found that works to balance the over-dry effects of washing every day and the greasy feeling of second (or third) day hair is to wash and shampoo like normal one day and then only wash my roots really quickly the second day. On that second day I don’t even really massage the shampoo into my scalp, I’m just trying to clean the top layer of hair. Then I condition the rest of my hair like normal.

    • Gooseberry :

      Have you tried something that is paraben and sulfate free? It doesn’t lather as much, but these products don’t have to be super expensive and you might seem improvement (it would cut down on the residue, which might be what feels icky).

      • The Kirkland brand shampoo and conditioner at Costco is paraben free, sulfate free, and vegan (plus smells great). Highly recommend.

      • Curly girl here (I like to think we were on the leading edge of this wash-less-frequently thing) – you can also just get your hair wet and then massage your scalp vigorously with your fingers under running water. This will get rid of a lot of soil without the irritants in shampoo.

    • Have you tried Aveda Scalp Benefits shampoo and conditioner? I was having a problem keeping my hair from getting oily at the roots, I can’t stand not to wash it every day, and it’s worked wonders. Most people recommend it for itchy scalp, but it’s also great at controlling the oil and not leaving it flat.

    • I have fine but thin hair (the joys) and am oily. My hair also begins to look lank on the second day, but it’s worst around my face. My solution is to put all but the front of my hair in a ponytail and put on a headband, and then wash the front of my hair only using the sink. Since I have so little hair, it takes no time and dries almost instantly. I find the greasiness (ick!) of the rest of my hair is much less noticeable if it’s fresh around my face. Of course, you lose the benefit of not shampooing every day on that hair, which is most prone to breakage anyway. But I just can’t go around looking all greasy.

    • you could try washing with conditioner only. As long as the conditioner doesn’t have -cones it will wash your hair without weighing it down.

  19. Okay Corporettes, advice time. I will try to be brief and not out myself or my program. Its director resigned this fall, and during the search for his replacement, the program coordinator, who I will call F, has been in charge. While it was initially a (surprisingly, since F has had issues in the past) smooth transition, in the last month, everything has gone up in flames.

    F decided to implement a new interview and placement process for the program’s upcoming cohort. As I’m in my last year, I am particularly invested, since I want to make sure my school is in good hands when I leave. Unfortunately, F’s new process has not been a success; she is at least a month behind schedule, and while my direct supervisor has interviewed and chosen my replacement, F has not notified this person, much less offered her a contract. (Due to the program’s structure my direct supervisor cannot notify my replacement herself; it has to go through the program.) I have spoken with F multiple times in an attempt to ascertain what the hold-up is. She has not been helpful to me, my direct supervisor, or our equivalents at other schools participating in the program, who are concerned about their own situations.

    F just sent an email saying that she will be on vacation for the next week, and that she will not be answering phone calls or emails. She instructed my program to contact our Big Boss’s (the person to whom our director would report) office with any questions or concerns in the week that she’s gone. I responded to F’s email requesting an update on whether my replacement would be verbally offered the job before she leaves for vacation. Her response was vague and included no timeline for the offer. I am planning to request further clarification—but in the (extremely likely) event that her response is equally unsatisfactory, am I out of line in going over her head to the Big Boss at 8:01 a.m. Monday morning? Am I blowing this out of proportion? I just can’t believe how disrespectful F is being to my direct supervisor (F has yet to actually speak to her about this—she’s answered my calls, but not my supervisor’s), all of the schools where this is an issue, and the candidates for the program.

  20. In follow up to the thread yesterday re what to ask and not ask at an interview, what do you think about volunteering the hours that I billed last year and my pay as a benchmark? I am sure this stuff will come up, but is this a good way to open up the discussion?

    • karenpadi :

      I wouldn’t volunteer it. If they want to know, they’ll ask. I would open up the discussion by asking how compensation is structured or how billing rates are determined. They might ask for your current billing rate and hours goal but I doubt anyone will ask about your actual pay.

      At the interview, I would ask someone at your level of experience what they think of the pay (does the firm pay market?) and if they think they are paid fairly. Don’t ask a partner this question.

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