Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I always love Frye boots for the weekends — they’re super comfortable, and they last forever. I like these short redwood leather booties from Frye — I suspect they’ll look perfect paired with denim. They are currently marked down as part of the Nordstrom Anniversary sale — right now they’re $189.90, but after August 6 they’ll go back to $278. Frye ‘Jane Trapunt’ Bootie

Speaking of the Nordstrom sale — they do have a ton of great shoes, bags, and accessories on sale, including:
– Boots from Stuart Weitzman, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Aquatalia by Marvin K, Frye, and Indigo by Clarks
– Pumps from Stuart Weitzman, Cole Haan, and Via Spiga
– Great bags from Rebecca Minkoff, Kate Spade, Cole Haan, and Tory Burch
– Fun accessories from Kate Spade
– Gorgeous diamonds on sale, including these huggie earrings that I now want…
– Watches from Skagen, Michael Kors, and more…

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  1. Any suggestions for Columbia, SC?

    • Rose in Bloom :

      Are you looking for things to do or places to eat or what?

      The Columbia Museum of Art is pretty good.

    • D Train South :

      . . . drive through it and head to Charleston?

      • Rose in Bloom :

        As a Charlestonian, I would have to agree that this is a lovely solution.

    • Places to eat primarily. I’ll be in class during the day but will have some down time. I won’t have a car though.

      • How much money do you want to spend? A friend of mine who has lived in Columbia for 10 years suggested Motor Supply for dinner ($$) and Pawley’s Porch for lunch. She said Motor Supply is good for lunch too!

    • I went to college in Columbia, and my in laws still live there! It’s a neat place.
      Saki Tumi (on Gervais, in the Vista) is a great sushi place, and, during happy hour, they have half priced drinks and sushi!
      Depending on where you’re in class, you might want to grab a cup of coffee at Cool Beans–it’s a great local coffeeshop (with good baked goods/wraps/soups/sandwiches) on College Street (across from campus–if you’re at the federal training center, it’s maybe 4-5 blocks away).
      Miyo’s is a really good mid-priced option (probably $15-$20/person) for Asian food about 6 blocks from the training center (off of Pendleton Street). Enjoy!

    • I have taken classes at that same location. :) There are some good restaurants in Columbia and a decent blues bar. I wish I could remember the names of the places I went. Enjoy.

  2. ChocCityB&R :

    Ladies, I need a new work bag! I’m looking for a brown leather satchel, preferably something under $200 (but I understand if it’s an impossible mission). I really like this one from JCrew: http://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/accessories/bags/PRDOVR~51653/51653.jsp?TCode=GGBS00002

    TCKFAG? Anyone?

    • You should get SOMETHING that matches the Fry boot’s. When I was in college all the peeple had Fry boots. 3 guys offered to by me a pair b/c I did not have a pare.

      Now I have alot of shoes b/c I need to look good at work. I could NOT Wear Fry boots tho b/c the manageing partner want’s to see my leg’s.

  3. ChocCityB&R :

    Ladies I need your help finding a new everyday work bag. I’m really liking the brown leather schoolboy satchel style. (Example in a link to follow). Any recommendations for something, preferably under $200?

    • ChocCityB&R :


      • I’ve had good luck with work bags at TJ Maxx. You can find stuff like Michael Kors discounted very heavily. (Though I found a random label I’d never heard of, and love it).

      • SAlit-a-gator :

        That’s a gorgeous! I was in the market for something similar. Alas, I did not find a leather briefcase for less than $200. But, I went to a huge Kate Spade outlet sale recently and they had a nice weekender bag in black nylon piped with black patent leather. It has a long strap and can double as a more non-traditional briefcase, weekender, or (future) baby bag. I love it, plus the black nylon is way more lightweight than leather. Hope your search turns up something good!

    • I can’t open your link at the office, but you might try Cambridge Satchel. They have great discounts on slightly damaged merchandise too, if you’re looking for a deal.

    • I don’t think you’re going to find a leather satchel for under $200 unless you check out stores like TJ Maxx or Nordstrom Rack.

      Having said that, from a quick search, I like these:
      Coach Madison Leather Flap Carryall
      Coach Legacy Leather Candace Carryall
      Fossil Maddox Satchel (only $218 on Zappos)
      Fossil Vintage Re-issue Weekender ($209 on Zappos!)
      MICHAEL Michael Kors Hamilton East/West Satchel
      Rebecca Minkoff Cupid

    • So, I have to agree with others who say that with leather, sometimes going cheap can really hurt the quality of the product you get. But you can sometimes find good deals at the Maxx or the Rack. But I tried to find a few examples of deals on-line.

      I like this one, though it might be a bit small for your needs. http://www.endless.com/dp/B004IYJXMK/ref=asc_df_B004IYJXMK2071195?tag=dealtend-22458-20&creative=395033&linkCode=asn&creativeASIN=B004IYJXMK

      • This one’s kind of cool, in a more briefcasey way.


      • And this one is very…british. I like it.


    • If you want something under $200, I’d suggest endless . com. I recently bought a great satchel that I love on endless, and since it was the last one it was leather and only $150 (regular price almost $400). The site tends to be searchable, which I love. Plus free shipping and free returns.

    • ChocCityB&R :

      *Sigh* well I knew under 200 was a pipe dream, especially because I particularly like the aged antiquey leather satchels most. These are amazing suggestions, I’ll check out Maxx and Rack before pulling the trigger on something online. Thanks!

    • You need a trip to Eastern Europe! I bought an amazing weathered leather satchel in Krakow for less than $100

    • You might try a Wilson Leather outlet.

    • Stephanie Plum :

      Spotted a random brown leather Cole Haan bag in the same style as your link at TJMaxx the other day- $199 down from $500 (per the CH tag). Hanging near the men’s socks, boxers and backpacks.

  4. As C[this site]s, we are the responsible, organized, overachieving chicks. Which means when there is a family crisis, the best person to manage said crisis is apparently the C[site], despite that person having a very busy job and life of her own. My grandfather is very ill in the ICU, and despite the fact that there are EIGHT adult children and spouses of his children, including three SAHMs of adult children who don’t have jobs, none of them seem willing to be responsible i.e. talking with the doctors, figuring out what’s going on, visiting him, supporting my step-grandmother. I’m so tired and so busy, but I feel like if I don’t step up, no one else will, and my grandfather will be the one to suffer for it. Has this happened to anyone else?

    • ChocCityB&R :

      Yes!!!!! Yes 1000Xs.

      My husband and I are both the “responsible ones” in our families. That means I get to deal with this twice as much. And I’ve found that in some ways, I like being the responsible one. It’s a natural part of my personality to want to help others, to want to be a leader and a confidant, to give advice and counsel. BUT THEN IT ALL GETS TO BE TOO MUCH. And I’m in that situation right now (although with taking care of other people’s children, not caring for aging adults…yet).

      So I empathize. I can’t say I’ve found a way out of the mess, other than to put my foot down on occasion so that I get a break for as long as I need to recharge. One of the great things about being so involved with the kids is that I’m able to see which will be the next generation’s “responsible one” and warn them accordingly.

      • Not sure if I’m amused or sad that we both started our posts exactly the same way. Guess most responsible family members wind up with double-duty the same way.

        • ChocCityB&R :

          I’ve noticed the same thing among my friends TBK. And the inverse is true. My crazy super irresponsible cousins/sister somehow managed to find spouses that are just as irresponsible and crazy as they are.

      • Heh… You know what they say: the best way to get something done is to find someone who is busy and give the job to them.

    • Oh, yes. Yes. Definitely yes. I’m also (suprise) married to the responsible, organized, overachieving member of his own family so now we do double-duty. I have an in-law who is sucking up huge amounts of Mr. TBK’s time. I can’t ask him not to go, but I’m also sad that the in-law is currently seeing way more of my husband than I am (this in-law tends to need him whenever we have something major going on, which I don’t believe is just coincidence, so I have to shoulder our whole burden while Mr. goes and shoulder’s in-law’s whole burden). It can be so overwhelming and frustrating because even if you’re the most organized and responsible, you can’t do everything. I hope your grandfather and step-grandmother appreciate what you’re doing. I did a lot for my grandparents before they died and it really strengthened the bond between us. It meant a lot to them that I took time for them, and the love and appreciation I got from them was incredible.

      • Ugh, “shoulders” not “shoulder’s.” I HATE grocers’ apostrophes!

        • Actually it should be shoulders’. if you want to nitpick about it :-).

          • Katie Nolan :

            Actually, if we’re nitpicking, it should be “shoulders,” as TBK’s revision was correct. :

    • Anon, my sympathies. Be sure to take care of yourself in this situation.

      Is there any way you could set up a “Chore-chart” of some sort, sent around by email perhaps and asking for help with set tasks? Things like visitation, step-grandma support, shopping, cleaning the family home, rides to/from hospital for others etc. This is where your organization skills come in and if it is a general call for help, perhaps they won’t feel like you’re nagging or being controlling, if that is their issue (not that I think that’s how you’re coming across).

      I think perhaps some of your relatives may not feel competent talking to doctors and some of the in-laws may not feel like it is their “place” to speak for the family. This may be the area where you step up and communicate to your relatives that you are going to fill that role unless someone else wants to, and that you will keep them updated if they wish. Not knowing your family, I don’t know if they would get more offended to be told what to do or to be asked to do more than they are comfortable with, so that’s your decision point.

      Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

      • I agree, best wishes.

        I also agree that this seems like an excellent group of people to delegate to. Don’t feel like you have to do it all yourself – find out what they are able to do (even if they’re a little less than willing) and make them accountable.
        I would send out an email like “I know we’re all worried and want to help, but I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that everything is getting done. To that end I volunteer to make a [chart/list/whatever] so what people know who is doing what. Here are some things I think they need help with: x,y,z. If you prefer any of these, or if there is another way that you feel you can be of help, let me know, otherwise I’ll send out another message tomorrow so that we’re all up on the same page.”

        I mean, you understand your family dynamic better than me, but that is what I would do if no one is stepping up. They might have good intentions but just need organizing. I hope that everything goes well! Be sure to take care of you, too.

      • I agree with this. Not to defend them too much (I don’t know why they’re not pitching in, of course), but I think that a lot of people just wind up feeling stupid and unsure of what to do in situations like this. If you can direct them towards specific duties, they may be perfectly willing to pitch in.

        Best wishes to your family in this difficult time.

      • I very much like the idea of the centralized task list, with people signing up for different bits. Most people do want to help, they’re just not organized enough to know where to start :-). This sounds like a google sort of project incidentally, can you set one up? Or get a family geek to set one up?

    • Yes. The very characteristics that make you a capable professional are the characteristics that make you able to deal with a crisis. You’re a leader. Step up. The alternative is that there will be no one advocating for your grandfather’s care. I’ve been there.

      • SoCalAtty :

        True, but sometimes it is a little much. I like the idea of designating specific things to specific people, that might work. That being said, I’m that person for my family and my husband is for HIS family, so sometimes I feel like I’m caring for 2 families!

        I had a psych describe it to me once as “being the family lifeguard.” You are always the one it falls to when things blow up or need to get done, so you get that low level “what’s going to happen next” anxiety thing going. I’m not referring to the OP’s specific situation because when someone is sick or elderly isn’t the time to make a stand, but certainly I’ve taken some advice and let younger, perfectly capable (but willing to put stuff off on us if we’ll let them) family members “drown” a little. We’ll see if it works.

        • Merabella :

          This is really a great way to describe this. You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop when you are, as you put it, the family lifeguard. It is hard to let some of that go, but part of it is taking a stand when things don’t really matter to set a standard for later when the issues are much bigger.

    • I have always been this person for my family too. Family members who are worried about another family members will approach me and say, “you know, JK, you should really talk to so-and-so.” After years of doing this and worrying about everyone else I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t feel the stress of it as much anymore because I take an anti-anxiety/depression medication daily, but I am still “the responsible one.”

    • parenthood :

      Nothing to add except that this thread reminds me of Adam and Kristina from “Parenthood.” I am either the Crosby or the Sarah, so I look forward to meeting my equally irresponsible spouse in the future!

    • Anonymous :

      I am the responsible one in the family. But guess what? My brother is schizophrenic and can be very needy, along with others in the family. At the same time, my brother gets me like no one else. He can call me on my stuff and he will listen and give a hug when no one else is there. And, for what its worth, I wouldn’t trade my legal career, husband, kid, and home for his dreary and painful life.

    • SpaceMountain :

      And there’s more to come as everyone is going to name you executor of their wills.

      • I will admit that, rather than naming a family member as executor, I totally named one of my fellow overachieving chick friends. Of course, she reciprocated.

        • Until this moment I had not thought about who I would name. No one in my family is a good candidate.
          Its a good thing that at the moment, all I have to bequeath is student loan debt. Maybe someone good will appear (or my family members will step up their game) by the time I have something of value.

      • This. I recently went through the exact.same.thing. with my ailing (and ultimately, deceased) Grandfather. On top of that, as the “lawyer in the family,” I simultaneously became resonsible for his Medicaid planning (note: I do NOT practice in that area), which made things equally difficult / frustrating. In addition, there are 4 children and I constantly feared overstepping my bounds as a grandchild, although no one made me feel this way. Along the lines of what Bluejay and other commenters said above, throughout the process I realized that everyone copes in different ways, and we all have different strengths. As a capable professional, my instinct was to step up and lead. I advocated for my grandfather every day because that is exactly what I am trained to do, and what I like to think that I excel at. When I sent out emails delegating responsiblities to other family members, some did exactly what I asked and others just ignored me. I learned not to take it personally because they were coping with the situation the best way they knew how. I don’t mean to sound all “kumbyah” (sp?) about this, because it took me months of frustration and tears to get to this place. Mostly, I resented being at the hospital and eventually nursing home and arguing with doctors/hospice/social workers/ Medicaid rather than sitting by my Grandfather’s side and holding his hand. But advocacy was the best way that I could serve him, and I know that he (and the rest of my family) appreciated it. And it made me feel less “helpless.” Some of us have bigger burdens to carry, and maybe we should be glad that we can handle it better than most. You can do this! (Whew…that was a bit catharthic for me…sorry for the rant!)

        • Thank you, EM. It’s important to use each of our skills.

          • Yes, EM. When I feel the weight on my shoulders, I try to remember just how good I really have it.

    • Yes, of course, I am always that person, too. But the flip side is, from the point of view of the… let’s say less accomplished…. if they do anything independently, we will just come in and criticize them for doing it wrong. There’s some truth to that, no?

  5. Boden’s fall collection is up on the site now and there’s a wool dress, with sleeves!


    • Rose in Bloom :

      I bought this same dress in charcoal last year and really like it. Typical Boden with narrower hips, but good quality. I bought the rest of the suiting pieces too.

    • I’m not sure how I feel about the construction of that dress, it looks kind of awkward on the model.

      I am kind of in love with this dress though: http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Workwear-collection/WQ045-GRP/Womens-Grape-Wrap-Front-Wool-Dress.html (though I know how people on here feel about cap/dolman sleeves, they just don’t bother me as much).

    • This looks gorgeous. Now I need a Boden coupon…

      • I got an email with 10% off. The sales for new lines don’t really get rolling until a couple of months in. But sign up for their email list, you’ll get coupons.

        I have to say, I had an epic Boden fail (not too upset, though, because I really didn’t need to spend that much!) with their latest big sale on summer clothes. All the shirts are so boxy! And I was so excited to get a wool cardigan with just a bit of chiffon down the placket for under $40, but it was very short and boxy, really unflattering. I find that the only items of theirs that really look good on me are the dresses and some of the skirts. I tend to do better with their jersey items, especially when they have a pseudo-wrap style. It’s a shame because I do like their style.

    • I almost bought this the last time around, but the reviews scared me off.

      Hey Boden, you don’t have to give every dress an empire waist!

    • SV in House :

      I have this dress in navy pinstripe from last year and LOVE it.

  6. Uh Oh. Is it boot-buying season again, already?!? i am in so much trouble…..

    • Seriously. I love boots.

    • I just ordered these. I’ve had my eye on Frye boots for a long time, but haven’t been able to quite justify the price. So NAS + beautiful Frye boots + not able to buy clothes during said sale = Frye boots coming to me.

      • that is a mathematical equation i can get behind

        • I ordered the cognac Vince Camuto booties. Yikes.

          • covetcovetcovetcovetcovet

          • Those are purty!! If I wasn’t terrified of the heel, and if they weren’t totally impractical in the snow, I would get them. But they are totally gorgeous.

          • I have a similar Vince Camuto pair (black suede with a chain up the heel) from last year and found them really stable and easy to walk in. Then again, no snow in Louisiana!

  7. You guuuuuuuuuuuise…
    Last night I got an invite for a facebook group – for the group planning my 10 year high school reunion. I officially feel old.
    So I figure I’ve got about 6-12 months until the reunion. I need to (1) lose 40 pounds, (2) get myself a hot husband, and (3) start making tons of money.
    In all seriousness though, someone please tell me to calm the f$%# down and that I’m awesome and I’m going to blow all those snotty b*tches who made feel like I never really belonged out of the f’ing water. High school wasn’t the most horrible experience of my life but I’m afraid that I’ll go to the reunion and I’ll discover that I’m still the EXACT SAME awkward/shy/scared girl I was then.

    /End rant. Thank you for listening. I need a drink!

    • Motoko Kusanagi :

      High school reunions aren’t mandatory. I’ve skipped all of mine (and, after my college 5-year, those too) and I have zero regrets.

      • This. I have no desire to go to my high school reunion when the time comes. Even though I only live an hour from my parents who still live in the house I grew up in, I would prefer to spend the night at home with a good movie/book! It would be a waste of my time especially since I’m not friends with a single person who graduated in my year unless you count Facebook!

    • I haven’t gotten anything about our 10 year yet, it’s usually during homecoming, if I remember correctly. Thing is, I moved away the morning after high school graduation and haven’t been back since. I’m like you, do I have enough time to get an SO, drop a few dress sizes, and snag my dream job?
      So really, I bet PLENTY of people feel that way about going to their ten year. I wouldn’t stress too much. If it’s too awkward, sneak out early!

    • phillygirlruns :

      high school reunions seem a lot less exciting now that we have facebook – which is even better, because it allows me to be very nosy about what everyone is doing without the burden of actually interacting with them.

      • Agreed. Part of the reason I’ve skipped my 10th and 20th.

      • Agree. I just did my 10th, and literally about 35 people out of 525 showed up. It was awkward, and we only stayed for about an hour, then went out dancing with friends. Go if you want, but don’t freak out.

    • My 10-year reunion will be this fall, too. I don’t have much interest in going. You don’t have to go to yours, either, if you don’t think you’ll have fun. It’s part of the beauty of being old :)

    • It’s going to be okay. I promise. This is coming from someone who was also super awkward/shy/scared girl in high school. ButI think you should go. Seriously, people chill over time. And if they’re still snotty to you, JSFAMO!

    • Oh, God, young people. Get off my lawn.

      • and mine ;o)

      • Hee hee! Ditto.

      • Srsly, I just had to do MATH to realize that my 20 year reunion is next year (I guess?).

        On topic — I haven’t been to one, probably wouldn’t go now — I keep in touch with a core group of friends and there are periodic weddings that we have mini-reunions at. I think I’m the only unmarried one, so I guess I either need to step it up and get engaged/married OR someone needs to get divorced and remarried.

        • My 30th is tomorrow in PA and I am in NC. But my 47 year old self would totally kick the a$$ of my 17 year old self. Total lack of any style or self-confidence back then. I’m sure they’ll have a lovely time at the fire hall tomorrow night.

        • OR, you could get married to yourself like Sue Sylvester and register for Manolos (or whatever’s actually cool now) like Carrie did on SATC. ;-)

          Just kidding. Though…that does sound like a pretty funny way to through a kick-*ss party.

          • Holy Cr8p, do you have to be kidding?? Cause all of a sudden I want to really do this for realsies.

          • You know, sometimes I read my own posts on here and I wonder, what is wrong with me. My apparent inability to spell is only induced by this site. I swear I know the difference between throw and through, for example. Grrr.

          • Luckily, I have a pretty awesome group of friends who would probably rally around that idea…

            When I have contemplated just eloping, one of my besties said I couldn’t, since I HAD to have a wedding so people could give me stuff, since I ‘ve been regularly giving bridal and baby presents for the last dozen years or so. (She was being funny/sweet about it, not gift grabby, so no pearls need to be clutched).

      • Senior Attorney :

        Mine, too.

        *shakes cane*

    • TurtleWexler :

      I panicked a bit when I got the FB group invite for my 10-year, too. But they ended up planning it for the weekend prior to the bar exam, so I had a great excuse not to go. Unless you really want to attend, just come up with an awesome reason not to (what’s that? You have a business trip to Honolulu that week? Aww, what a shame. Okay, maybe you should keep to something true, but it shouldn’t be too hard).

      • Merabella :

        You have been asked to be a speaker at a conference because you invented post its…

        • She was 12 when that movie came out!

          • Merabella :

            Then no one will have seen it, and she can totally pass it off as her own story.

        • Alanna of Trebond :

          Isn’t that from Romy & Michele? Because I’ve seen that and I just had my 5th hs reunion. (ok, not quite just anymore, I think I’m at 7 years from high school).

    • Anonymous :

      I just went to my 10-year last fall. I had a lot of the same concerns as you – but it ended up that over that decade, 99% of people have all grown out of that drama. None of us are the same as we were in high school. And for the one or two people who didn’t change, well, the rest of you will look at them and collectively sigh.

      I ended up having a really great time (as someone who has gained 43 pounds since high school), and I hope you go.

      • This. I had gained a lot of weight since high school but I had a blast at my 10 year reunion (and I was certainly not “popular” in high school). Most people were really nice and eager to catch up with none of the cliqueyness (sp?) of high school.

      • This. I did not have a good time in high school, and nearly threw a fit the night of my reunion before leaving because I was nervous about my husband learning what a picked-on dork I was.

        Everybody had matured, and we discovered that everyone has struggles in their life, and everyone was so kind. It really helped me to put high school into perspective and realize that everyone pretty much had a horrible/melodramatic time in high school, and that we were all really good people at the end of the day.

      • Associate :

        Agreed. Despite the mini panic attack my BFF and I had sitting in my car before going into the reunion, it was very enjoyable. Most of the people who decide to show up are the friendly types anyway. In my experience you’ll also find that if you have it even partially together, you’ll be ahead of the curve at the 10-year mark.

      • Agreed, most of the drama and cliqueish-ness will be gone. The women will look amazing, the guys less so, and people will be much nicer than you expect.

        I just got peer-pressured by a friend and reluctantly went to my (gulp!) 35th reunion, after not having gone in many years. I had a surprisingly good time, saw some old friends, reconnected — nonromantically — with my HS boyfriend and had nice conversations even with some people I hardly knew in school.

        Don’t go if you really don’t want to, but I promise you it is not something to dread.

      • Agreed. People were way nicer than in high school, and cooler. Make sure to bring your partner/family – one of my friends got married, and didn’t bring her husband, and I really wanted to meet him, because he sounds awesome on fb.

      • Research, Not Law :

        Agreed. I was prepared for a massive mess of everyone trying to impress each other, but I sucked in my new mama pouch and went. I was so glad I did. Everyone was very chill and just interested in catching up. Many people had chosen not to come because they didn’t feel like they could impress, which was so sad.

    • D Train South :

      I’m the snotty b*&ch from high school who made you feel like you didn’t belong.* Ten years out, I needed to lose 40 lbs, had no husband at all, had huge school debt and a modest paycheck, rented my home, drove an old foreign sedan, and had only a few friends. I would have been thrilled to see you at our reunion, even if I barely remembered you, and we would have talked about things other than our weight, our lack of luck in love, and our finances. I would not have said a single bad thing about you when our conversation was over. And I would have left relieved that people actually spoke to me at the reunion. People really do mature and change from life’s experiences.
      *though if you hadn’t been intimidated by me, my position in school, and my friends, I would have actually been very kind to you

      • Are you a troll? That asterisk is pretty harsh.

        • I know. I thought it was a really nice comment until I got to the last line. It was the typewritten equivalent of a scrolldown fug.

          • Yeah, and it’s totally inconsistent with the rest of the post. I’ve changed, matured, etc., but it was actually all your fault anyway, so I didn’t even need to change.

          • I took it that she is saying she wasn’t actually a b*tch, but she was in the b*tch group. So she had the status, position, and friends, but wasn’t actually an evil mean girl. So she is not blaming those that were intimidated, she is just saying she realizes that these things made a wall between her and those that were intimidated, but if there hadn’t been that wall, she would have been nice

          • Right…but that’s kind of like guys saying “Oh…I don’t want to date you because I’m intimidated by you.” Its a cop out.

            Anyway — se la vie. Thank goodness high school is over. :-)

        • karenpadi :

          Yeah, that asterisk is why I ignored your friend request on Facebook.

        • D Train South :

          No, I’m not, and I did not mean that to be harsh at all, though I can see how it can be read that way. I apologize, and please let me try to explain: I wasn’t unkind to my fellow classmates, but I was highly successful in my endeavors in those years. I just peaked early. A lot of my classmates, particularly girls, were afraid of me and avoided me because they perceived me to be judging them even though I wasn’t. As a result, I felt judged and misunderstood, too. I suffered a different kind of social isolation due to those misperceptions. While I can look back on this now and think “I should have just approached them and invited them for a sleepover”, I was 15 then, too, and just as afraid of rejection. I would be relieved now, as I would have been then, if those girls who were afraid to talk to me in high school started a conversation at our reunion and actually got to know me. That’s all any of us really wants, isn’t it?
          My point for the OP is that she may find out those girls weren’t what they seemed, or at least that they have mellowed from 10 more years of life experiences, and that they are just as nervous about going to her high school reunion as she is.

          • D Train South :

            Wow . . . just read the comments.

          • sigh, it is so easy to misinterpret a few sentences on the internet…. your explanation totally makes sense, and I know what you mean. I don’t think I experienced this exactly, but i have had situations where people assumed I was a snob because I was shy… well, D Train, wanna start the ‘Misunderstood Comment Club of the Day?’ we can have cupcakes and fondue ;o)

          • I get what you mean. Not because I was one of the cool girls. I was a COMPLETE freaking nerd, totally shy. Now I’m not. But I have started some friendships recently with people who were in my graduating HS class and with whom I was never friends in HS. The more time I spend with them now that we’re all in our 30s, the more I realize I never knew who they were when we were in our teens.

          • should have added to the last sentence: despite what I thought I knew about them at the time.

          • I knew what you meant the first time, honey. Hang in there. Sometimes I feel like the women on this site are having their turn at being the mean girls.

            Says the former band geek who honestly can’t imagine being popular high school at all. :)

          • Oh, and to add to the general discussion. I haven’t been to any of my high school reunions. I only remember one or two people and I haven’t kept in touch with them. Occasionally I’ll be back in my hometown and someone at a store or a restaurant will greet me by name and I will have no freaking idea who they are. I must have hit my head in college or something.

            “I sat by you in geometry class!” was one opening.

            All I remember about geometry class was learning about theorems (awesome!), the cute guy sitting in front of me (to whom I said not one single word all through high school and I couldn’t pick him out a police lineup today) and the fact that my teacher was missing a finger.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Well, if our conversation at the reunion went like this post, I’d walk away thinking “Yep. She’s still a snotty b*tch.”

    • anon analyst :

      I went to my 15-year reunion a couple of years ago. I was shy in high school (and still am now, but had a small group of friends. I ended up going by myself b/c my friends live out of town. Also, I didn’t bring Mr. Analyst b/c I’m sure it would be boring for him.

      I thought I might vomit from being so nervous, but once I got there I sat at the bar with a drink and ended up chatting with different people – even some of the popular guys I used to have crushes on. Everyone was really cool and mature. This was way out of my comfort zone, but I’m glad I forced myself to go.

      Find an outfit that makes you feel fantastic and go show them how awesome you are!

    • You would actually be surprised how much people change and grow up over 10 years. I was glad I went to mine. Everyone was chatty and friendly. The cliques are gone. You should go. You may be pleasantly surprised.

    • I skipped mine. Lots of mean, ignorant and racist people in my h.s., so I never bothered.

      My reasoning was this:
      1. The people who were nice from my h.s. days I’m still in touch with and I see them as our respective schedules allow, so I don’t need the reunion to see them, which leaves….

      2. My tolerance level for hearing people I either don’t ever think about or don’t even like brag about their asinine lives….which is ZERO.

      3. I have nothing to prove socially to anyone*, so I don’t care to flaunt job/relationship status/appearance/etc. at all.

      *I am not particularly gorgeous, brilliant, or successful, if one really wants to get crazy hypercompetitive, but I am really happy in my own skin, so I feel lucky in life. And that’s enough for me!

      • SoCalAtty :

        I went mostly for not very nice reasons! Everyone in high school said there was no way I could go to law school and/or be a lawyer because my family couldn’t afford to send me. They all thought it was a joke when I said I was planning on law school. By my senior year and we had to say where we wanted to be in 10 years in front of everyone, it was a big joke – “oh yeah we know, SoCal wants to be a lawyer, yeah right!” Well there I was, 10 years later, married to my high school sweetheart, new shiny car, working attorney, new horse, looked really good (I had been riding like 3 horses a day 6x a week before/after work so same weight more or less but tan and fit) and super happy. I of course have a ton of debt and my own set of pretty severe problems and setbacks in life, but that particular year was pretty fab.

        Oh man it was great. Yes, I admit I have a particularly long memory and can be a little vindictive.

        Everyone looked exactly the same, and behaved the same. I am not at all kidding. I did too, really, I had just figured out (sort of, I had someone do it for me) what to do with my hair and how to make myself look presentable. My HS go to outfit was jeans, flip flops, and a hoodie with a tank top under it! Actually, that’s still my favorite outfit. I think I made conversation with everyone, even the ones I didn’t particularly like, and I had a good time.

        You will be fine – everyone just shows up and drinks and chats. I went to a HS in a smallish town, and those kids were MEAN – think mean girls mean and every sterotype blond cheerleader you can think up. Everyone was nice and polite and circulated the room. For losing weight, I find having a time limit/goal makes it easier, so for that I would say try to find a nutrition plan (or even a nutritionist) rather than a “diet.” Something you can do forever. That is the healthier way, but it can be really tough.

        • I love this story. And I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with having a long memory or a speck of vindictiveness– it prevents one from being a doormat, and can nudge us along towards our goals.

        • Gail the Goldfish :

          I am super jealous that you have time to ride 6 times a week.

          Though this confirms that I need to stop being a lawyer in New York and start being a lawyer in California, because all my California lawyer friends seem to be doing far more awesome things than all my New York lawyer friends.

        • Your post has re-affirmed I should not live on the east coast where I have no time to ride and less time to be relatively tan!!

    • Do people even go to reunions anymore? Facebook has made reunions redundant – you’ve already caught up with everyone and know what they’re up to. The people from high school who aren’t on Facebook probably won’t show up to the reunion anyway. In my class of 600 students, only about 60 showed up for the 10 year reunion – and I’d say at least 200 of my class still live within driving distance of our high school.

    • I was in your situation. I joined the group since it made for an easy, one stop shop of people’s fb profiles that I hadn’t kept in touch with, thereby making it even easier not to attend the event itself even though it was local. (I could also see which people were super enthused and going, which was mainly the “beta popular” crowd that I didn’t really interact with in HS at all (um, not b/c I was so alpha popular lest that come off snotty sounding – b/c I’m the “few good friends” type).

    • I went to my 10 year and am not old enough for another one yet. I live in the same city where I went to h.s. so I didn’t travel–and it wasn’t worth traveling for. In high school, I was the introverted too tall girl with bad acne who was nice to everyone and liked by everyone, but wasn’t really anyone’s “friend” and certainly no one thought I was cool (and I didn’t really want to be cool). My class had about 100 people.

      At the time of the reunion, I was still really tall, had much better skin, was generally much better looking, was still very single, and was a Biglaw associate. I was surprised by how normal people seemed–everyone else got taller, they all finished college, everyone got a job, and we all just lived normal lifes.

      I’d say about half of the class showed up at the reunion. Some with S.O.’s, others not. Everyone just stood around and talked. The cliques from high school were gone. No one seemed to care about who was cool and who wasn’t; who’d kept up with whom and who hadn’t (I’d kept up with 2 people andam not on Facebook); who was fatter or skinnier; and who was making more money.

      It was just a fun social gathering and I’ll attend my 20 year too. You may find the memories are worse than the current reality. You’ve probably changed a lot in 10 years—they have too.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Mine was last summer and the official reunion was awful, but my extended circle of friends got together at a park the next day for a picnic and that was great. I totally recommend doing something like that with your friends.

      Here is what happened at mine, and I’m sorry if this freaks you out. I went in there looking forward to seeing people I hadn’t seen in years. I wasn’t popular at all, but there was a person or two that I was hoping to have the chance to talk to that were in the popular group. When I walked through the door to the event, it was as if everyone reverted back to their high school ways. I’m happy and confident in my life now, which is much different than it was in high school, but I became that shy person again and everyone was back in their little groups and I didn’t feel like I could approach the people I wanted to see. It was a weird feeling. There was this weird level of pressure at my reunion that even though I felt awesome going in, I succumbed to anyway.

      That being said, it was great to see my friends who I’m still close with as well as people who were in my group in high school who I had lost touch with. And the picnic the next day where everyone was relaxed and brought their kids and dogs was WAY more fun.

    • Watch Grosse Point Blank. Best reunion movie ever!

    • My 10-year reunion is August 4th. I decided not to go for a few reasons. Partially because I was asked to be on the planning committee, and I found out none of them had changed since high school. They were still very petty, and it seemed (to me), they just wanted to go back and revel in their ‘glory years’ of ASB and cheer.

      I’m happy with my life now, wasn’t too big of a nerd/outcast in my high school, but didn’t feel the need to go see everyone who probably hasn’t changed all that much. Maybe I’ll go to my 20th…

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I dreaded mine literally until I was parking in the lot of the hotel…. but in the end, I had fun. The jerky people were still jerks, the people who were my friends that I’d lost touch with had done pretty well and were still decent people. Glad I went, and will go to 25th….

    • Just stay on facebook, lie about all of the above, and develop some last-minute excuse for not going to the reunion (like a last-minute work trip to Fiji).
      Note you can simply hire a hot bf for the occasion (or rope in the nearest gorgeous gay guy of your acquaintance).

    • You ladies are all awesome, thanks for the reassurances and comments. I think I was more freaked out by the initial “OMG, it’s been 10 YEARS!!” I’ve still got quite a bit of time to think about it and, based on what I’ve seen posted in the FB group, I’ll make a decision once the actual reunion gets closer to determine if I’ll actually go or not (I live in the general vicinity of where I grew up so travel’s not an issue). FB has allowed me to follow some what a lot of my old classmates are up to, but it may be interesting to actually get to see/be in the same room with them.
      Anyway, thanks again!

    • My mom and dad went to their 50th and 60th high school reunions (respectively) last summer, after not having gone to any of their previous reunions, and even then my mom was freaking out a little bit before hand (oh, i wonder where i get that from?) about being awkward or not cool, or what if people don’t talk to her, etc, and they both had the BEST time! Especially just finding out what everyone was up to in their lives, and telling old stories about high school. And, my mom reconnected with her best friend from freshman year of HS, and they have been visiting each other across the country and talking on the phone. It is so adorbs. ;o)

    • Migraine Sufferer :

      I was disinvited from my high-school reunion… (Due to dropping out my junior year. they sent me an invite and I RSVP’d but then they said I could not go!)

    • The “upside” to the stinking economy, as well as people growing and maturing, is that some (many?) people will be more gracious than expected.

  8. Investing :

    I am interested in what everyone does for retirement savings and investing. I feel completely lost. At this point, I have my emergency fund, my only debt is my mortgage, and I am putting 15% in a 401k with no match, just because I’m not sure what else to do. Also, I just put money I want accessible if I need it (other than emergency fund) in my savings, but it also seems like that’s a bad idea. I’m not eligble for a Roth IRA.

    So, I’m interested in what types of investment vehicles you all use. Do you have retirement funds in addition to your 401k? I guess I’m just curious what other people do to get some ideas.

    • ChocCityB&R :

      I like financial threads (and if it’s not obvious, I’m also having a slow day at work) so I’ll bite with specifics:

      I currently invest the max in my employer 401k (I think it’s 16500?) and about 500 per month in a Vanguard Roth IRA life cycle fund (target 2055 if anyone is interested). My husband does the same, except he puts half of the max in his employer 401k. We have a 12k emergency fund in a high interest checking account. After that, we still have about 10k a year left over, half of which goes to a fun splurge (maybe this year new hardwood floors) and the other half is distributed to our IRAs. We are planning to have kids in the next few years, so now we’ll likely save .25 in a 529 account, and the rest for a down payment on a new house in a better school district.

      Overall, I’m happy with our plan. We have some student loan debt (around 50k) and our mortgage debt (150k), but nothing other than this. I’m sure I’m not maximizing our financial potential, but everything is on autopilot, we don’t struggle to pay bills, and we don’t feel overly constrained by our budget. Therefore, I live by the motto, if it ‘aint broke…etc. etc. At the same time, I get sick every time I check my investment accounts, because they aren’t doing so well…

      • karenpadi :

        Excellent plan! I’m pretty much the same except I have a “normal” lifecycle fund (I think it’s a 60/40 fund) instead of a Roth IRA lifecycle fund. I don’t want to have to wait to enjoy my savings.

        OTOH, I can’t stand my 401(k) plan. I have my IRA in a Vanguard 2040 or 2035 target date fund and it’s doing fine (up 2-3%/yr). My 401k is in Wells Fargo’s equivalent fund and it’s leaking money (down 5% this year)!

      • I just want to say that I love Vanguard. Had a very good experience with them moving some 401Ks from jobs I had left into…. whatever it is that doesn’t hit you with a tax penalty. I have some of it in a lifecycle fund, too.

    • Jacqueline :

      Would also be interested to hear everyone’s thoughts on this. I’m in almost exactly the same situation — no debt, 15% in 401(k), and my emergency fund is intact but I add a little each month, just in case. I also fully fund a Roth IRA each year because I’m eligible. Beyond that, I buy individual stocks a couple of times a year. Do you do that? If you’re comfortable with higher-risk investments, it can be a good way to go.

      But like you, I have too much just sitting in an ING account that gets next-to-no interest, and I would love to know what I should be doing with it.

      • Same here… though we’re saving for a downpayment on our house, so that’s where our extra money goes :)

        In addition to our IRAs and 401(k)s we do have an investment account with Vanguard, where we currently only have a few stocks. I think when we have more to play with (as it sounds like some of you do) we’ll get in touch with a financial planner and work on more investments. When you’re young it really does make sense to buy stocks.

        And as ChocCity mentioned, never too early for the 529…. think of how much college will cost in 20 years!!

    • I play the lottery and wonder if I’m too old to still be a trohphy wife…

      • Hey, that’s my plan as well. If I put 15% of my salary into retirement, I wouldn’t be able to make my housepayment. Thinking of putting a profile on match.com that says “Looking for husband with good pension plan”

      • If you can fool some of the people . . . :

        I am 46. When, at 40, I met my fiance, who is 4 years older than I, I was extremely worried about rumors around town that he was dating a “much younger (about 25 years old) woman.” When I complained to my friend one day about it — “don’t they know that I am a 40 year old, serious, professional woman and not a 25 year old trophy wanna-be wife!?” — my friend said “hey, if you can get away with looking 25 and people believe it, work it!” She was speaking with the wisdom of a then 60 year old and she was entirely correct.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House :

      When I was in private practice, my “savings” plan was “whatever I don’t spend stays in my checking account.”

      When I left private practice, I consolidated all my accounts and saw that I had a sizable (though by no means sufficient to retire on) chunk of money. That is when I interviewed financial advisers and chose one. He actively manages most of my retirement money, which consists of an IRA that houses the money that used to be in my firms’ 401(k) accounts and a brokerage account where I put all the other money I had saved.

      I also have both a 403(b) and 457(b) at work, which I max out each year (no match). My adviser helps me decide what to do with those accounts, too.

      All of these accounts are invested in a variety of mutual funds and other non-single-stock investments.

      I also have an online account (I refuse to continue calling it a high-interest bearing account!) where I save longer term non-retirement money (a car in a few years, major renovations to the house, a future wedding) and a regular savings account at my local bank where I have my checking account (vacations, “life happens” fund).

      I would not be comfortable buying single stocks on my own. If I were doing it without the advisor, I would set it up the same way and buy a mix of perhaps 6-10 different mutual funds — a target date one, and then a couple that rise when different sectors are doing well, so that over the years, at least one will always be up.

      I agree with ChocCityB&R about looking at the statements. For the last few years, the only real increase in the value of my accounts has been the contributions that I make. I continue to invest, however, because: (1) what? I’m going to stop saving for retirement? and (2) when things recover, I will own more shares of all these funds, and then when the per-share value rises, the value of my total holdings will rise.

      I would be interested to know how people figured out how much they need for retirement and how anyone who has gotten there felt about no longer “needing” to contribute and being free to spend that money elsewhere.

    • Left Coaster :

      Related to Me Too’s comment about pensions, I’m curious about what other public employees do for additional retirement savings. I’m a government worker, and I pay 12% of my salary into our retirement fund. Under the current plan, I am entitled to a pension of 80% of my salary when I retire at 62 (or a proportion if I leave the job after vesting, which will happen for me in three years). How much more should I be saving? I throw a few hundred dollars a month into a deferred comp plan, into which I already rolled over my 401(k) from a couple years in biglaw. But I’m not doing anything beyond that . . . .

      • Former Partner, Now In-House :

        I also work for the government and have a pension. My retirement planning assumes that I will never get my pension and will have to live on whatever I put away myself. I asked whether I could opt out of the pension and was told no.

        I figure better safe than sorry and, as far as I can tell, the only downside is that I may end up with more to spend in retirement or more to leave behind. Am I wrong about that?

        • I work for a govt too and I cannot see govt worker pensions completely disappearing in the lifetime of people reading this blog (barring any insane SC decision pn municipal bankruptcy). Even Scott Walkers plan to realign WI’s pension and healthcare obligations still keep the plans exceptionally generous compared to private plans. (And I say this as a huge liberal.) The govt I work for is taking a revolutionary stance of asking workers to pay just 2% into their future benefits plan (up from zero). Seriously, even if I had to pay 10% it would still be a damn good deal compared to private sector benefits.

          I understand that we all need to hedge for risks as we see them but this is one I find exceptionally unlikely. Except if you work for the cities of Stockpn or Harrisburg, then good luck cause those budgets are f@@@ed.

          • Left Coaster :

            I totally agree. I work for a very solvent city in an extremely liberal part of the country. My contribution is relatively high because my salary is pretty generous for a government employee, and I am more than happy to be paying that much. I’m all for being cautious, but at least at this point in my life saving double for retirement seems unnecessary to me.

      • I’m a federal employee with 5 years in, so I’m vested. I put 15% into TSP (like a 401k for the government), and my agency matches 5% of that. I also put money into a Schwab Lifecycle fund every month, and I of course have a savings account. I have less than 10k student loan debt, and I rent, so I think I’m doing okay for now. I’m under the new retirement system, so I will get less than 80% of my salary for a pension (you’re lucky!).

      • States are cutting their pensions left and right. When I worked for the state, I assumed I wasn’t going to get it (like Social Security).

        You should have your own retirement planning.

        Start interviewing financial planners. They help you figure out whats best for your personal situation.

        • Left Coaster :

          The problem is that I’m paying 12% of my salary already into the pension, and I can’t opt out. And, because I’m a government worker, it’s not like I have a ton extra to go into additional retirement vehicles (I still have a lot of student loan debt). I’m throwing some extra money into a 457(b) but I’m already pretty stretched, so counting the pension as entirely lost money puts me in a pretty tough spot. I guess consulting a financial adviser is probably the best course of action.

          • Former Partner, Now In-House :

            You might interview 3 or 4 candidates and, along with the usual questions about fees and approach, ask them about this. It could be interesting to hear 3 or 4 different professionals’ opinions.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I cashed in my tiny 401k when I was in law school to take a great unpaid internship. Post law school, I still haven’t found full-time permanent employment, so I don’t have a 401k. I’m currently building up my emergency fund as quickly as possible with about 3/4 of my extra pay and the other 1/4 goes to pay extra on my highest interest school loan. As I hit goals with my emergency fund savings, that ratio will change and I’ll also start putting money into an IRA. Not the greatest plan, but it’s what I’ve decided will work best for me in the land of temporary document review projects.

    • Cornellian :

      I’m 26, just started working fulltime with a MA and JD.

      I have a 401K I’m on track to just about max out this year (just started in spring, so I’m not sure). i use the cheap funds, but that may change as it grows. no matching!

      I have a roth IRA with money I contributed from work during college with something like 20 K in it.

      I have another 40K invested with edward jones, 2K in shortterm savings (that’s being contributed to, i swear I’ve only been working 3 months!)

      I have a small amount of student debt I’m paying more than the minimum on

      I have an old stick shift car and rent my apartment.

      • Former Partner, Now In-House :

        So how do you decide how much to invest in which funds in which accounts?

        • Cornellian :

          General investment advice I’ve received, things I’ve read, and informal help from my edward jones woman. I am coaching myself to have a relatively high risk tolerance as I have a while to retirement. I have between 5 and 15% in 9 different funds. There are only about 20 on offer, which I think is typical with employer-sponsored plans.

  9. Francie Nolan :

    Has anyone else seen this piece of news? Sam Claflin is being cast as Finnick Odair…He does not match the image in my brain, although I don’t know who does…what are your thoughts?

    • No, I hadn’t seen that. Hmmm…I could see it, with some hair dye.

      • Francie Nolan :

        Maybe the hair dye would help me picture it. Taylor Kitsch is closer to what I was picturing.

    • I google imaged him – he’s the young guy from the last Pirates movie. That character was kind of lame, but I think looks-wise he’s close to what I imagined.

    • Actually that’s pretty close to how I imagined him! Can’t waitttttt

    • He’s going to have to be a lot…tanner then he was in Snow White and the Huntsman. But hey, I thought Josh Hutcherson looked ridiculous to play Peeta before the movie and he turned out awesome, so who am I to judge.

      • Anon Analyst :

        Yeah, I felt the same way about Josh Hutcherson. I was imaginging someone like Zac Efron for Finnick, but I’m keeping an open mind.

    • 2/3 attorney :

      I definitely pictured Channing Tatum for Finnick. Mmm.

      • Jenna Rink :

        Yes, me too! I’ve been on such a Channing Tatum kick since Magic Mike came out.

    • I was totally on team Jesse Williams. Not like that was at all likely to happen but still…

  10. Ladies, I need some insight about hijacking my Nuva Ring.

    Yep. You read that right.

    My apologies to all medical professionals who may be horrified by this, but when I took oral contraceptives, I would occasionally (and responsibly, I think) tweak my body’s monthly calendar–triggering my period to occur only two weeks after the last one, or delaying it to four or five weeks. I realize this isn’t the recommended practice, but I never seemed to suffer any ill effects, and it was nice to be able to re-schedule my period around, say, vacations or really busy weeks at work.

    I’ve been on the Nuva Ring for about six months, and I can’t figure out how to achieve the same flexibility here. The packaging says that the ring will be effective for up to 28 days (rather than the standard 21 that usually come between periods), but I find that my body disagrees around day 22 or 23–so no luck delaying a period by just leaving the thing in. I know the ring’s hormones are triggered by the heat of my body, which is why my unused rings stay in the fridge–would it work to put in a new ring on day 22, take it out (and safely wrap it in the foil packet!) and put it in the fridge when I’m ready for my period, and then re-insert for the ring’s remaining viable days? Would this be crazy? Gross? Please advise.

    • It’s completely safe to skip your “period” (when on hormones it’s just withdrawal bleeding anyway). I’m on seasonale and only get my period every 3 months, but there were times in college where I literally went like a year without it (just kept taking them back to back).

      The fact that you still bleed even if you leave the ring in means, yes, the hormones are dwindling, so the only way it would make sense is to take it out and put a new one in before the hormones run out. I don’t think I would keep a used ring in my fridge and put it back in though, unless for some reason you are trying to save money on these guys….sort of gross, and most insurance will let you get a refill ~5 days before the old one runs out, meaning you should be ok to fill it while the hormones are still working on the old ring.

      • Oh, I just realized you wanted to put it back in for your period. If you want your period, just take it out. Though I don’t know why anyone would want their period ever.

        • Totally agree… I take seasonale nonstop and haven’t had a period in who knows how long. It is amazing.

          • AnonInfinity :

            Tritto. I posted this morning that I just got Mirena, and one of the huge benefits to me is that many women completely stop getting a period. My gyn (who is a man) was also VERY excited about that side effect. I’m not sure how many times he told me the good news and that if I have spotting, even for a few months, it will be worth it bc OMG 4.5 YEARS LEFT WITH NO MORE PERIODS.

            (Sorry for the Ellen caps, but he really was very, very excited)

          • One of my great disappointments with Mirena is that I have *not* had this glorious side effect. And I was a Seasonale user before (migraine with aura, so I had to stop using it) so I, too, would go 9 months+ with no bleeding.

      • I was just really excited to add my suggestion of the mirena but I saw someone beat me to it. I’m on my second one, got the first one out to have baby #2. I freaking love the things. No periods. Ever. The last one I had was when my son was 6 weeks old, and we had his 5 year birthday party last night.

        – for those of you paying attention, yes that means I’m operating on an expired IUD. It’s an amazing pain in the neck to get to the Dr. when you have a big job, a 9 year old, a 5 year old and a DH who wants another baby.

    • Call your GYN. Seriously, most of them are pretty understanding about moving your period around and they can give you safe and effective advice.

    • Why do you need to get your period? You could take the old one out and put a new one in the day before you expect your period to start. As far as I understand things, your period isn’t really a period when you’re on hormonal BC because you don’t ovulate and there’s no danger in skipping it for months or years on end.

      • Of course, consult your gyno; meant to say that before I hit submit.

      • I used to back to back my pill packs all the time for years. I had between 4 and 6 periods a year. Then I switched to NuvaRing and tried to back to back it too. I usually have ridiculously clear, nice skin, for which I am very, very grateful. With the second of the back to back NuvaRing, I got the *worst hormonal acne ever* on my chin. It actually scarred. Apparently this is a rare side effect for NuvaRing. You are forewarned.

        • Jenna Rink :

          I had that too! I got the worst cystic acne of my life when I was on the Nuvaring. But other than that minor detail, I loved it so much that I still used it for 5 years!

    • Did You Know :

      An interesting piece of trivia I recently learned:

      Orthodox Jewish women can only get married while they are “clean,” which only happens after a certain number of days have passed since their period ended and they have been to the ritual bath. Apparently, at least in some Orthodox circles, one way of ensuring that you will be “clean” on the day that all your relatives and friends have purchased plane tickets and made hotel reservations and you have hired a caterer etc is to take the Pill for a couple months straight so that you don’t get your period until your wedding day is safely passed.

      I learned this recently from the woman who takes care of our local mikveh, and it answered a lot of my questions.

      • SoCalAtty :

        Yep, even many conservative or reform brides to be do this and go to the mikveh before. It is a pretty neat thing to do with your jewish girlfriends, actually.

        To the OP: I did this with the regular 30 day BC, ortho cyclen. You just don’t ever take the blanks. I would guess this would be the same thing – just replace prior to period. I read a study somewhere that less periods actually lower your risk for certain cancers? That was a long time ago, I would check NIH and, obviously, check with your gyn. Mine was always really great when I wanted to schedule things, so to speak!

        • Did You Know :

          My fiance, who is Israeli, had another solution: “lie to the mikveh lady.” Apparently this is what the Israelis do. Of course, they have no choice because there is no civil marriage ceremony there so you have to be married by the (Orthodox) rabbinate.

        • Theoretically, fewer ovulations lower your risk of ovarian cancer. The theory is that as the egg bursts out of the ovary during ovulation, it “wounds” the ovary. The wound healing process involves cell growth and division – each time a cell divides, there’s a chance for a mutation to occur that could allow the cell to grow out of control, which is basically what cancer is.

          I think the epidemiology is pretty good that fewer ovulations = decreased risk of ovarian cancer.

    • I’ve left mine in an extra 7 days so I skip my period on occasion. It’s a bummer that that doesn’t seem to work for you. Have you tried it more than once? Maybe that one ring was a fluke.
      If your insurance will cover it or you can talk to your gyn I would get extras so you have a new one after the 21st day. I’m not sure the fridge thing would work, I get the impression that once its “active” it can’t become “dormant” again.

    • Yeah, I wouldn’t put the old one back in at all. It seems kind of gross to me. I’m also on nuvaring an I usually just switch it every 21 days and put in a new one, although the one time I tried 28 I had no problem (its just that getting pregnant now as a single lady would be no bueno and I’d rather be safe than sorry). After about 6 months I usually schedule a period/forget to order another 3 month supply. If for some reason i need to have a period i just take it out and start a new one 7 days later. They tell you to use a new one if it’s out for more than 3 hours (I think) so I doubt putting it in the fridge for a week is doing you or it any favors.

      Ive been pretty successful at getting free samples when I go to the dr, so if it’s a cost thing, I’d try that first. I’m pretty up front about it and say that these are expensive I skip my periods and that makes my yearly exam happen about every 10-11 months. Ive never not gotten a few samples to make up the difference.

    • Nuva Ring is meant to provide a constant level of hormones for 28 days. Once the ring reaches a certain temperature, the 28-day clock will start. Putting it back in the fridge after it has been activated will not delay the 28 days. I recommend talking to your doctor. I know I need a higher dose of hormones to be able to skip my period because I tend to have a very heavy period when I am not on hormones. I was never able to use Seasonale and I had about 4-5 other friends who had similar bad luck with it. It may have been that your old BCPs delivered a higher dose, which allowed you to be more flexible about moving your period around.

    • I took Nuvaring continuously for about years, letting myself have a period maybe once or twice a year. I had no problems at all, and your GYN can write the Rx so that you “have to” take it continuously.

    • Just a little reminder from a DES daughter that messing with your hormones rarely seems to have much of an effect on the spot..

    • I’m not a doctor by any means, so do not take my endorsement as medical advice, but I have found this to be a good resource: http://thewelltimedperiod.blogspot.com/

  11. Whee! I just did my first review of a problem employee as a middle-manager – acting partially as her advocate (the improvements we’ve already made together and why/how they need to be recognized) and partially as support to our head (the improvements that still need to be made and how they will happen). It’s the first time I’ve really been free to manage and train someone the way *I* think is the most effective for her – collaborative, skills-building, etc. – and it seems to be working.

    We’ve set up discrete tasks, metrics to measure improvements, and timelines (she’s someone who desperately needs structure and has difficulty imposing it from within). Our head is going to run interference with other mid-managers who have a legacy of problems with her while I continue to get her up to speed. She’s genuinely finding the changes helpful and it’s impacting her personal life as well (she has a bit of a hoarding problem at home – again, organizational issues – and she’s started working on cleaning up one small area at a time).

    I’m proud of her and proud of myself. Now, gosh darn it, somebody hire me to do this full time!

    • That’s terrific! I think this is one the hardest things to do. It’s one thing to set expectations, but the way you describe really focusing on her and working with her to help her be a better employee is impressive. I bet if you do this effectively, it won’t be long before you’re doing it full time. I just don’t think it’s a very common skill.

    • Way to go! I know it can feel so good to make an impact in an emloyee’s life – she must feel really lucky to have you advocating for her.

    • Congratulations! It sounds like you’re going about this in all the right ways :-). Good to hear that you’re seeing results, it’s excellent for both of you.

  12. Dear Coworkers,

    I totally understand you are hungry, since we are sitting in an all-day, brain-melting, off-site meeting for 8 hours, and that our workplace never considers paying for or providing food at our meetings. It’s not like I got up early to prepare food to bring for myself, so that I can eat or anything. Cause it’s not like I have blood sugar issues or anything. So, please, continue to go ahead and reach over and help yourself to my food, and ask (whine) to have some of my coffee. Cause I wouldn’t want to make you all be adults and go shopping/prepare your own food or anything. That would just be silly.

    Your mother (apparently)

    • SO much crazy! How can your employer not provide ANY refreshments? And how rude and self-absorbed are your colleagues? Good thing it’s Friday…

      • SpaceMountain :

        I work in a government office, and they never provide refreshments. Everyone learns to hit the Starbucks ahead of time or bring along a granola bar.

        • That’s sucky! My government office definitely provides food and bevvies for all-day events, and even coffee at lunch meetings.

    • You cant eat at a meeting and not offer any to anyone else. Seriously, you sound like a b#*#&

      • Okay, errrrybody needs to dial it down a few notches. I know its been a tough week out there, what with the heat and you know…life, but seriously. Take a chill pill.

      • omg, you win! you totally figured out I’m a b-, do you know me IRL or something, cause usually only my bestest of bffs know just how huge of a b- I am… or you must work with me, cuz that’s the only way you’d know my office and the meeting process/culture here to judge me so accurately from only a short post on the interwebs… hugs, new BFF!! xoxoxoxo

        • karenpadi :

          FWIW, I’ve met zora IRL and she is not a B-.

          When there is a famine, bring your own food. Don’t steal other’s food unless they offer it to you–then it’s not stealing.

      • phillygirlruns :


      • Here, have a bite of my half eaten protein bar. I’m sure you don’t have any germs. Why don’t you drink out of my coffee mug while you’re at it?

        Seriously, have our cycles all synched up and now we all get PMS at the same time? What is with the commenters lately?

      • i think that post was sarcastic?

        • Oh man if it was sarcasm that makes much more sense! Because the orginal post was sarcastic too. Man, what if we all jumped on a lady who was actually supporting zora, but didn’t make it obvious enough? Oh dear… Let’s all go back to bed and start over.

          • CT- that is the best idea ever, I totally need a mulligan on today! Do you think that they would mind changing the agenda so i can go back to bed and try this again? :o)

      • You need to eat some FONDUE. Yes, we have enough to share with everyone.



      • Lay off of our zora!

      • I work in government, too, and usually everyone attending a meeting knows, or is informed about, our new rules prohibiting us from offering any (free) food. I think it would be crazy and in fact, rather b*tchy, to expect others to pack a lunch for you when you know full well there will be no food.

        It’s nice to offer, but I know if I packed myself a lunch I would have packed enough food for me to be satisfied and not much more, so yeah, I would be annoyed to have someone trying to mooch my lunch. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to anyone else, either!

      • You are vile, gfd.

    • I was always taught it was impolite to eat in front of others unless you have enough to share. Perhaps you could have eaten your snack out of sight?

      And your employer definitely should have provided some refreshments!! Shame on them.

      • Glucose Sensitive :

        But does that rule apply when you are eating on schedule for medical reasons?

        • AnonInfinity :


          And even if you don’t have a medical reason for eating, we are grown ups, not children in an elementary school classroom, and a meeting is not an occasion where one individual would normally bring food for the group.

    • Wow, sorry you guise for starting a whole blog-splosion! I was trying to make it funny, but apparently…. i need to eat more fondue ;o) kisses!

      • No, my dear, the gfd-person is the one who needs to eat more fondue. I will share with her, really, I promise.

        You are just fine as you are, zora. :-)

        • awww, but what if I *want* some fondue? Esp. if it’s chocolate. Can we all share?? :o)

  13. I really want to get a tattoo. I have thought about the design and the placement for awhile and am ready to go for it… but I am worried about what my mom and dad will say. I know that sounds ridiculous coming from a 27yo, but it would be somewhere that they would be likely to see it at some point and I despise disappointing them. Backstory: I have two small ones already, that are 100% covered in public and that they know about and were less than thrilled with me for getting. I got them eight or nine years ago. My dad has even offered to pay for removal of them. (Which I don’t want because I hardly notice they are there, and I like them because they are a part of my life.) I don’t know if I need advice or just commiseration or someone to tell me to suckitup, buttercup.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      My parents still don’t know about mine but it’s not in a location they would see (I’ve had it ~4 years, at this point).

      My only worry would be if you are getting it in somewhere your parents will likely see, are you also getting it in a place that might be visible in work attire? If it’s something like a back tattoo that would be visible since you and your parents take a lot of beach vacations, then I would say go ahead and get it and don’t worry so much about what your parents think. You will never make choices that are 100% acceptable to them and I think in the end, as long as you reassure them you are still the daughter they’ve always had, they’ll get over it. On the other hand, if it’s, for example, a wrist tattoo, I think that is probably inadvisable (depending on your industry!), unfortunately, and I would rethink placement.

      • It would be on the inside arch of my foot. Do you think that placement is a bad idea? I feel like I could cover it if necessary for work (attorney), but I would like to hear any feedback on that you might have. I appreciate the rest of your advice, though. I have lived my life in a way that I know makes my parents quite proud and I know I can’t please them all the time, you’re totally right!

        • OMG ow ow ow ow ow. I cannot imagine. I am a person who has to clench every single muscle in order not to kick the pedicure lady in the face. Ow ow ow.

          re: your parents, suck it up. And then tell them they need to suck it up too. You’re an adult and can make your own decisions. My father doesn’t like my tattoo either, but he only felt the need to tell me once and has dropped it for the 15 years since.

          • Merabella :

            I once accidentally kicked a pedicure lady. I felt so awful. I think I tipped her like $30 for a $15 pedicure.

          • I can’t get pedicures for that same reason, or really the lady (because only one person could bear with me) has to be very patient lest I kick her.

        • Been there... :

          Like you, I have a couple in places no one would know unless I were naked. But I’ve taken trips with mom so she has seen them and voiced her displeasure. My dad saw my navel ring and asked “what. is. that.???” to which I replied “jewelry” and he dropped it. I got another tattoo a few years ago after my first Ironman and it’s on the outside of my right ankle. I’m also a lawyer and I never thought twice about it. In fact, my mom has never said a word and she certainly knows it’s there. So they’ll get over it. And they are part of who I am so I’ll never cover them up.

          • An Ironman deserves one. Congratulations.

          • I used to have pierced cartilage. Just one [stainless steel] ring. I did it my freshman or sophomore year of college. My mother went BALLISTIC when she saw it and immediately threatened to tell my father. My father’s reaction? “Herbie Middlename! Why didn’t you get GOLD?!” And he was serious.

            So I guess you never know how your parents might react to these things.

        • From experience with a foot tattoo on the inside arch, they will definitely fade from rubbing/shoes. So make sure your design is one that will still have the same meaning if fading happens!

        • Foot tattoos are tough. The area moves a lot and encounters a lot of friction, so they are hard to heal. You may experience fading after a few years and will have to get touch-ups to keep it looking good. Just be prepared to take care of it more so than your other ones, which I am assuming are on easier-to-heal spots.

          • Also thinking about a foot tattoo on the inside arch of my foot. Fading isn’t too big a deal I don’t think, but does this mean script (my plan is for a few words) is a no-no?

    • Thanks for the responses so far. I am going to go ahead and get it done. I am sure my parents will get over it and this particular tattoo will mean a lot to me. If they don’t get it, I guess they just don’t!
      Been there…, I agree that an Ironman certainly deserves a commemorative tattoo. Thanks for your advice.

      • When I got my first tattoo, I actually posted pictures on my blog of the process (kind of gross but fascinating!) and then just let my mom call when she saw it.

        The second one I think she noticed when I was changing or something at her house. It’s on my back.

        Perhaps you could offer to pay for their first tattoos!

    • It is silly to be worrying about your parents at 27. However there should be lots more to worry about, like potential future corporate pool parties :-), or simply the fact of getting a tatoo nearly 30 years after Cher has hers removed because they aren’t cool any more. Just saying..

  14. In addition to reeling from the horrible shootings in my state, I can’t get over the freaky-ness of the fact that one of the victims was nearly killed last month in a mall shooting while vacationing in Canada.


    I’m finding it very hard to focus on bar prep right now. Everything seems stupid. And pointless.

    • Cornellian :

      step away from the computer. I would either

      a. go to a movie (you’ve paid and probably wont leave halfway through even if you start itching to study some obscure rule of proeprty law), or
      b. run/walk/bike in a straight line 30 minutes from your house. No other way to get home but to do the same 30 min path back!

      I just took the February bar so this is very fresh to me, but please, please, please step away from the books in the last few days.

    • Agreed! No on taking the Bar this week should be studying this weekend. If you don’t know it by now, you won’t learn anything this weekend.

      Get outside, take a hike, listen to music while you play Words with Friends, or watch reality tv. Chill. Get rest and eat healthy food.

      • anonynonynon :

        YES. I’ve been waiting for an excuse to stop studying all along… here it is!!! Ahh.

  15. Y’all I just spent an hour and a half at a very nice outlet mall with many designer stores (hello Michael Kors) with my brother’s family and they don’t like to shop! Managed to hit Jockey and stock up (my faves have apparently been reinstated) and bought a new pair of gym shoes. But holy crap the damage I could have done!

  16. Does anyone have any recommendations for books? I typically read non-serious books – Nicholas Sparks type with the romantic aspect.

    Looking to get into some great books on my upcoming weekend vacation!

  17. I have a game to play – so today i was looking at the care tag on one of my favorite sweaters and i realized it’s from 2007 (on banana clothes they say like summer 07) This sweater is a once a week type deal, thin, bright colored, comfy cardigan – i could not believe how old it was! so – what’s the oldest piece of clothing you have that still continously gets a place in your wardrobe?

    • Anon Analyst :

      I think I have some skirts from 2002 that I still wear. One is a classic gray pencil skirt. Another is a black and cream geometric print skirt that I mostly wear in the summer.

      I think there are probably others. I tend to prefer more classic/basic styles so I have several items that stick around as long as they are in good condition.

    • Oooh, I know! A gooorgeous maroon velvet blazer my mom bought me in high school from Anthro before anyone had even heard of Anthro. And I was like, mom, I am like waaaayyy too cool to be wearing a like blazer! Why did you not buy me some baby ts or something (I can’t even remember what I wanted in high school!) for the amount that you spent???

      And now, twelve years later, I adore it still. I hate that I can only wear it in the winter.

      • Oh, that was 1999, by the way.

      • Oh man. Baby tees. Definitely a fashion choice I will not be repeating if it ever comes back in.

        • emcsquared :

          I saw a teenage girl in overalls last night and felt so bad for her (it was a costume for a play, so not her choice). She was built a lot like I was built in the … erm…90’s, and I realized how lumpy and dumpy I must have looked back then.

          • Oh my. . . remember when you’d wear one side of the overalls unsnapped. No? Just me?

    • I have some skirts and dresses that I had made when I studied abroad in Ghana in 2000, and I have a clutch purse that belonged to my mom in the 1960s. I probably have some older things that I don’t use regularly, too.

      • Oh, duh. I still have and wear my very first college sweatshirt, purchased in 1998.

    • phillygirlruns :

      j.crew sweater, fall 05. v-neck cardigan, green/pink/white argyle. bonus points because i picked it up at buffalo exchange for about $15 – easily my best per-wear rate.

    • Oh, this one’s fun! I have a pair of cotton shorts that still look good that I have been wearing on a regular basis since I was in high school. I believe my mother bought them for me in 1995.

    • this is an awesome game! I am trying to think, but I’m not sure i have any idea. Also, I’ve been putting on weight lately, so I have been slowly retiring pieces as they get older and older. I used to hang on to things for a really long time, though, I was still wearing a few things from college for about 10 or 12 years. I don’t think I do that as much anymore. Maybe my oldest things are from 2008?

    • I have a Target faux wrap dress (Merona brand) that’s a black & white pattern and a Gap black faux wrap dress that I got during Sophomore year of college (2005/2006) that I wear to work now on a regular basis. Have both held up great!

      • *Both have held up great.

        I’m too old to see a movie at Midnight…. running on 4 hours of sleep.

      • anonymiss :

        Grey wool pencil skirt from Warehouse London (when they used to have a store in Soho, sigh) that I bought in eighth grade. Which was 1998 or 1999. I’ve lost and gained weight such that in college it was too small and now it’s a bit too big, but I can’t bring myself to throw it out. It was only 10$ back then on super-sale, and is still in perfect shape and going strong.

    • 1994 – a pair of Nike soccer shorts from high school. I don’t know what fabric soccer shorts are made out of, but the three pairs I have are so old and still look the same. The waist elastic is stretched a bit, but that’s it.

      For work clothes, I have a Banana skirt from 1998. Again, some synthetic fabric that just holds its shape and color amazingly.

      • I have a pair of 3/4 length black spandex leggings from high school (~2000) that I still wear constantly. Whatever they were made out of, they are amazing. have not ripped, sagged, or faded. I think I bought them at Kmart, seriously.

        Until last year I wore the same Express suiting as from high school….yeah, I know. It took gaining weight for me to ditch that stuff and buy real work clothes.

        My college sweatshirt as Bluejay mentioned is another- bought it in 2001 I think, and have worn it ever since. My school rebranded all their crap about halfway through my time there and I haven’t bought anything since, I think the new logo/mascot is so ugly.

      • I have a pair of boxers that my best friend in 4th grade gave me. I’m over 30 now and still wear them as PJs. The only reason I can wear them is that the elastic completely degraded and the waist is bigger than it was so many years ago.

    • 2/3 attorney :

      I have my grandpa’s pea coat that was issued to him when he was in the Navy in the 40’s. I had it tailored for me. He is so tickled when he gets to see me wearing it :)

      • 2/3 attorney :

        But maybe this was only meant to be stuff we bought. If so, sorry, I just love talking about that.

        • manomanon :

          whether or not it was things we bought that story is awesome! My little brother has our great uncle’s navy issue pea coat (which is probably identical to yours lol) and he always looks warm and fabulous in the winter. If I could steal it and get it tailored for me I would :)

        • my brothers and i used to fight over our dad’s navy issue pea coat. warmest. coat. ever.

      • aw, that is a great story ;o)

    • K...in transition :

      When I’m leaving the house in jeans/tshirt wardrobe and it’s too chilly for nothing but too warm for a coat, I wear one of my very favorite things in my closet: A 1989-1990 mint condition New Kids on the Block tour jacket.

      • Dying of the awesome.

      • I still wear the scars a girl gave me in 1992 when I told her NKOTB sucked and wasn´t a real band. I was a 100% metalhead back then. :) Respect to you and your jacket!

        • Mighty Mouse :

          I got your (metal head) back, Pip. And I’m singing Master of Puppets. ;)

          Not a fan of New Kids back then, either! We were such a minority, I think.

      • You’ve got the right stuff…. baby….. :o)

      • OMG. I got NKOTB tickets for my 8th birthday – my very first concert! If only my mom would have bought me the tour jacket, I could be as cool as you.

        • Migraine Sufferer :

          It probably wouldn’t fit…

          If I could find a NKOTB touring jacket, I would absolutely buy one for my sister- who was pathetically *in love* with them all!

      • You should totally wear that to the concert they have in Hershey, PA on August 18 (as a bonus, you get Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees too). I can only assume the aging-boy-band overload will be amazing.

    • Black BB suit: 2006

      Grey BB suit: 2000

      Black Varda pumps: 2002

      Sweater sets (various colors) from Barneys: 2007

      Silk wraparound pants purchased for US$7 in Vietnam: 2002

      White cotton cropped pants by Espirit: 1999

      Burgundy J Crew wrap dress: 2003

      Black Coach leather backpack: 1999

    • I have a lot of clothes from my high school years.. and I graduated in 2002

    • Navy Pinstripe Blazer from H&M dating from 2000. I bought it a few weeks after H&M opened its first NYC location on 5th avenue!

      • The oldest work clothes in my closet are from H&M, 2004ish — some of their stuff holds up SO well! (And some disintegrates immediately, sadly.)

    • A pair of strappy sandals bought at a supermarket in the mid-nineties. I wear them every summer, and apart from a few scuffmarks (which barely shows on the dark grey material) they still look fairly new. They are magical – no matter how hot it is or how much my feet swell, they never chafe or hurt. Best buy ever.

    • Well I would have had my winter coat from the early 90s (soft red corduroy barn coat with quilted lining) but I left it on a plane coming home from Boston in March and it was never found. I have a Heinz sweatshirt that was from when my brother worked there, also in the early 90s. I still wear it.

    • Research, Not Law :

      I literally just got rid of underwear from 1995.

    • Cornellian :

      I have a girls’ size 10 pair of boxer shorts that i wore this week, purchased when I was (unsurprisingly) about 10. so… 1996?

    • I have a navy pencil skirt that I bought in college for rush and still wear to the office on occasion. Vintage 2001.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      until they finally fell apart last year, I still slept in what were either my middle school or high school gym shorts. So, 1998, 1999, probably? I still have some sweaters from high school and college. Actually, I still have a lot of clothes from high school. I should probably get rid of some of those. And for special occasions, I’ll break out my great-grandmother’s silver purse from 1921.

    • Trina Turk black pants from 2004. Worth every single penny I paid for them.

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      I have a shirt that I wore in middle school that I really like–I think I got it at Marshalls. So that’s 2000 I think. I can’t remember if its from 7th or 8th grade. I have some skinny jeans from forever 21 from 2007. I have a great pair of Nine West pumps from 2005, when I first entered college.

    • DVF wrap dress bought at Loehmann’s when I was in high school (so the late 1990s)! And the dress I wore to my college graduation almost 10 years ago.

    • Boots from 1995. (20-eyelet kind of rugged black leather, with a nice grippy sole). I heart them.

    • A black poly blend skirt from Limited that like, halfway between an A line and a pencil, from 2003.

      A pair of black ponte knit pants from Express circa 1997. They are my most favorite yoga-type lounge pants. They skim but do not cling, are matte, and slightly bootcut.

      A purple college sweatshirt from a school no one in my family has ever gone to, but that my parents bought my older brother when they were on vacation in either 1992 or 1993. I got it as a hand me down in about 1995.

    • Associate :

      I have a J. crew dress I wore for my 8th grade graduation that I wear around the house/the dog park now. I’m 29, so that was….1997?

    • Fun! i love this game. I have a few:

      Awesome a line skirt from middle school – Express circa 1994. I wear it to work, to travel, on the plane, on the weekend. it doesn’t wrinkle or show dirt and goes with everything. amazing.

      shift dress from 8th grade graduation black with white polka dots, recently wore it to a very casual wedding! (can you tell i haven’t grown since middle school? :) )

      i have a great hat i got on a vacation with my mom when i was 16. I wear it every winter and always get compliments!

    • Belle et Rebelle :

      I have a t-shirt from an overnight trip my 8th grade class took to PEEC (Pocono Environmental Education Center) in 1986 that I still wear when I paint. The fabric is getting so thin that it’s probably not long for this earth, but I’m not tossing it. Also, it’s kind of fun to see splatters from all the different paint colors I used over the years in different places I’ve lived.

      I also still have a sweatshirt from 7th grade with the school mascot on it, but I never wear it, so I don’t think that counts.

    • Not counting anything truly vintage (my mom’s from back in the day etc.), a pink t-shirt with a red heart-shaped design on the front that is that perfect, soft, worn-in texture. I got it from my cousin as a hand-me-down sometime in early- to mid-elementary school…so, before 1995. It was probably 5 years old then. It has always been insanely out of character and yet somehow one of my favorites. And it managed to survive that awful period in college when I was cutting the necks off all my t-shirts. (Am I the only one who did that?)

    • I started going to a great dress-maker nearly 15 years ago and still have pretty much all of his stuff in regular rotation – many have gone back for multiple repairs and I still love them all. I also have some 90s Armani and Helmut Lang suits – the bottom halves died long ago but the boyish small-shouldered jackets still go strong and I’m holding out for as long as I can between dry-cleanings to make them go further.

      I also have some wonderful traditional dresses and blouses from my mum and my husband’s family, plus some very stylish polyester dresses from when mum was a cool young teacher in the 70s. These aren’t really regular rotation though – they only come out for special occasions.

    • The jacket of my interview suit is Ann Taylor and was purchased for me in 1999 when I started highschool at a school that required girls to wear coats (but not ties!). I swear it’s still interview appropriate! I got compliments on it last fall at EIW.

    • Sports bras circa 2000. Somehow they made it through high school, AAU, college bball, and now my regular workouts. Although they are a little worse for the wear! (I can’t bear to spend $15/ea for a cheap one to replace the set!)

    • I have a skirt I bought at Club Monaco over Memorial Day Weekend in 2005 (yes, I actually remember exactly when I bought it. I was in Chicago for a wedding, and we didn’t have Club Monaco’s in my hometown or where I went to law school. Thus began my love affair with Club Monaco). It’s received tons of wear over the years, and it still looks great.

    • I have two shirts that are probably as old as me, if not slightly older, that were my mom’s. I was born while my dad was a captain and stationed at a AFB in Michigan. Apparently a bunch of the squadron wives got together and had shirts made with the squad’s name and emblem on it. One of the shirts is a regular t-shirt and the other is raglan style. I think I found them in the house some years ago and claimed them as mine. The cotton’s gotten rather thin so I have to wear a cami underneath, but I still love them.

    • I have a pair of slouchy gray super stretchy socks…with a huge LA Gear tag on them. I must have had them since 5th grade or so, so approximately 1990. Every time I clean the sock drawer I think I should throw them out, but they are the perfect wear around the house on cold winter mornings socks. Stylin’

      • Anonymous :

        Most of my clothes are from 2007 or so. I had a black button down that I wore for twenty years but I got too fat for it. What is the normal number of years to keep an item of clothing?

    • There are two silk dresses stored at my mom’s house that used to be mine. They were from Talbots in 1990 or so. I swear I’m going to wear them again someday. And they are at my mom’s house because she wore each of them to occasiona.

      (Talbots used to be a lot nicer, and I used to be a lot poorer, so these were major splurges for me even on sale in 1990.)

      I also never throw away any sweater I handknit. I have sweaters stored from as far back as the ’80s, but the ones I wear are from about 1995 and 2003.

    • Pair of jeans that I wore in middle school that I made into shorts (my 14 year old self actually did a very nice hem job) when they got too short for me. Still have the shorts and they fit on “skinny days”. Almost never wear shorts at all though, except for working out. So those would be from about 1995… 17 years old.

  18. Sydney Bristow :

    I only got one response the other day, so I’m trying again. Does anyone have a premium LinkedIn account? Do you find it more useful and if so, how?

    • maybe all the silence is your answer – I don’t know anyone that has one :)

      • Sydney Bristow :

        I’m thinking you’re right! I thought nobody saw it because it was below the last name change thread. :-)

  19. Merabella :

    After a long drawn out drama between my mother and I, I finally got my wedding pictures and now have no idea what to do with them all. Where do I put them? I don’t want my apartment to now become a shrine to the wedding. How do I hang them/put them out without our apartment becoming wedding central 2.o?

    • One picture in your bedroom, one picture in the family room, the rest of them in an album on the coffee table.

      • One for your office and one for your husband’s office is fine too. And if you have family pictures, you can frame one or two of those in addition to the ones of you for your bedroom and living room.

        • I like this idea.

          My mother wanted me to expand a particular shot (the one where she said I looked the prettiest) to some ridiculous size and hang it in our bedroom. I told her that I may be gauche, but I’m not *that* gauche to turn our bedroom into a GlamourShots Memorial to Me.

    • I bought one of those big frames that’s kind of like a collage (you know, holds a few different photos of different sizes and shapes) and put it in a spot that I go every day but is out of the way of visitors so that I’d see it frequently but others don’t get bombarded with it every time they come over.

    • emcsquared :

      We have a wall that is visible from our living room couch, but only if you know to look there (like, you’d have to turn your head away from the TV and all of our actually tasteful wall hangings). I hung a big print of my favorite wedding photo in a big, tacky frame that my husband loves on that wall. So we can see it and enjoy it, but it doesn’t accost visitors.

      Otherwise, all my wedding photos went in a wedding album that I pull out only when asked. It wasn’t a big expensive Wedding-with-capital-W photo album; just a pretty ring binder from Target with some three-hole punched photo pages.

  20. Dupont Circle :

    DC ladies who went to the meetup – I remember we talked about the recent shooting in Dupont Circle, but I don’t remember who asked for more info and I didn’t get everyone’s email addresses. At any rate, here’s the information we received from ANC representatives, via the Dupont Circle Yahoo group (which I recommend you join if you live in the neighborhood):

    We met with police last night and also spoke with the detective
    handling the case. We impressed upon them that residents are confused
    as to exactly what transpired and concerned that there could be
    follow-up violence in the neighborhood.

    I spoke by phone with the detective and he was very helpful and gave me
    a pretty clear picture of the events he is investigating:

    On Saturday afternoon, two juveniles with guns (neither juvenile
    resides in the District) were in search of robbery opportunities. They
    started at the Dupont circle and then decided to walk east on Corcoran.
    They saw two adults carrying cash and saw them go to the apartment
    above the Cairo Liquor Store.

    The adults (neither resides in the District) were there because they
    were hired to paint that apartment. They were completely unknown to
    and previously unconnected to the juveniles.

    The juveniles went upstairs and found the painters in two separate
    rooms. They then attempted to rob both painters. However the painters
    struggled with them and stopped them. During the struggle, one painter
    was shot twice in the leg. Both guns were either taken or
    relinquished and both juveniles fled. One was caught.

    (The detective believes that the painters exercised restraint in not
    shooting the juveniles. However, I did not ask him about the reported
    shots at the street level. The officers we spoke with last night said
    that someone (perhaps one of the painters) fired shots either in the
    air or at the juvenile who got away.)

    Police are now on the lookout for an African-American teenager, aged
    16-17, who was wearing a black skullcap, torn jeans with green
    underwear. Some witnesses said he was wearing a white tee-shirt and
    had short dreadlocks.

    NOTE- The detective said that the paint job was close to completion,
    so the painters mayor may not return. He does not see any reason for
    the other juvenile to return to the scene because they have no known
    ties to the neighborhood, and because of how actively/quickly residents
    and police reacted on Saturday. But police are on the lookout just in

    The arrested juvenile is being cooperative. But he will be charged as
    an adult. Therefore we will be able follow his judicial process and
    give you more updates over time.

    • Dupont Circle :

      Oops – forgot the final paragraph. The body found nearby the same day was unrelated to the shooting.

      PS- Police have also confirmed that the Latino male found dead
      Saturday morning in the alley near 17th/P died of natural causes and
      there is no suspicion of any violence. We will also follow up on this
      over time to get any additional details.

    • I wasn’t able to make the meetup :( but thank you for this info!

  21. My sister-in-law is 10 weeks pregnant and I want to send a congratulatory gift – any recommendations? I’m at a lose as it seems to early for baby clothes/things. This is their first child. Thanks!

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I gave my cousin a teddy bear for the baby when she got pregnant with her first child. I also got her dog a toy as a “big brother present.”

    • If you are close to her, I like to give L’Occitane Shea Butter. It’s the best for preventing stretch marks. (I say close because stretch marks are a personal thing).

    • Research, Not Law :

      How much do you want to spend? A prenatal massage gift certificate would be nice later on. A gift card for Gap would let her buy maternity or baby clothes.

      While I didn’t expect anything, I received baby clothes, food (ginger candies and such), baby books, and maternity clothes. I liked the maternity clothes best, since it adds up. Food is too particular.

    • A gift certificate to get a pedicure, or just some flowers! I received both when I announced, and appreciated both.

    • How about some books? “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy”, “Baby 411”, “Baby Bargains” and “The Happiest Baby on the Block” were all given to me when I was pregnant by friends and they were helpful.

  22. Oh.so.tired. :

    What shoukd I eat for breakfast before the bar exam? I have to survive 5 hours of zero munching or drinking (even water!) during the AM sessions of the bar. What will keep me full but give me energy?

    • Oatmeal with brown sugar and some craisins in it (and nuts if you like nuts) with a juice and a coffee for the caffeine?

      • that’s like sugar (brown sugar) + sugar (craisins) + sugar (juice). a whole lotta sugar.

      • oh.so.tired :

        despite never eating breakfast, I often each oatmeal for lunch (er, sometimes even for dinner when I’m too lazy to cook), and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Quaker Oatmeal with Walnuts, Raisens, and Dates. Sooo goood! Thanks for the suggestion- I may bring a few packets with me to the hotel.

    • You can drink water during the bar exam.

      • Maddie Ross :

        It’ll depend on the state. Of course there’s always a water fountain, but many (ahem, Virginia) don’t allow you to keep water with you in the room.

      • oh.so.tired :

        I think it varies by state- in my state we’re not allowed to bring water into the exam. Although I’m assuming there is water fountain somewhere in the huge conference center, I don’t want to spend time leaving the testing to find it unless I absolutely have to.

    • Protein and fibre will keep you full longer.

      • oh.so.tired :

        Thanks. I’ll search for breakfast foods that contain a lot of protein and fiber. As you can probably tell, I hardly ever eat breakfast so I really needed to think this one through!

        • Anonymous :

          If you have a Trader Joe’s nearby, they sell single serve containers of greek yogurt (which has lots of protein) with fiber added. If you want to avoid too much sugar, get the plain kind and add some fresh fruit.

    • I guess it varies by state (and I’m sure the people in my row hated me) but I got up to go to the bathroom/water fountain multiple times during each session of the bar exam. I just can’t sit still that long.

      • I recommend going to the bathroom or water fountain at least one time. The chairs in my state were so unbelievably uncomfortable that I found that I had to get up once each session just to stretch my legs.

        As for food, try to have protein/fiber and stay away from diuretics that will make you have to go to the bathroom multiple times during the morning sessions. I actually found that afternoons were harder because the adrenaline rush had worn off and I just ended up crashing.

    • 2/3 attorney :

      I am in no way comparing the LSAT to the Bar, but I will just mention that instead of drinking coffee before the LSAT for the caffeine, I took a no-doz so I wouldn’t have to pee.

    • Cornellian :

      I’m not sure, but try it out this week!

    • another anon :

      I wouldn’t deviate too much from things that you would normally eat for breakfast. The day of the exam is not a time to mess around with eating new things that might upset your tummy or with eating so much that you get sleepy. I would just eat slightly more of whatever your most filling regular breakfast is.

      I also would not mess around with taking any new medication (e.g., no-doz)–you just can’t predict how it will affect you.

      And can you really not leave the room during the entire 5 hours? Surely even the strictest jurisdiction would have to allow for bathroom access during a 5 hour block of time??? If you can leave to go to the bathroom, there will probably be a drinking fountain (or worst case scenario you can at least get a few sips from the bathroom sink).

    • OC Lawyer :

      I hid Werther’s candies in my bra and when I wanted a break, I went into the ladies room and into a stall to put one in my mouth. The proctor followed me into the ladies room, but not into the stall. I assume that if she heard the wrapper, she thought it was a tampon.

    • emcsquared :

      If you’re looking for protein and fiber, I recommend yogurt (plain, nonfat) and granola, maybe with some berries for sweetness. Or scrambled eggs and high fiber toast with peanut butter.

      I ate my normal breakfast but also carried a protein bar and water bottle with me to the bar exam and powered them down just before they let us into the room (since I, like everyone else, got to the exam site 45 minutes early).

      I agree with the commenter who said to follow your normal morning routine, if at all possible (even if that means moving your normal breakfast earlier in the day). I used to teach LSAT prep classes, and I had one student who got sick from eating rich food before the test, and several who passed out from not eating before the test.

    • West Coast 3L :

      I am having issues with this, actually. My state allows food and liquids, so coffee’s coming in with me for sure, as I’ll get a migraine without it. The problem? I seem to have developed IBS (or something) in the last year and my stomach has started grumbling constantly, particularly in the morning. I think it’s due partly to the caffeine or acidity because as my consumption’s increased in the last week or two, it has become louder. So loud, in fact, somebody gave me the stink eye during a simulated MBE. It was mortifying.

      Any suggestions on how to deal with this for the test? I don’t want to be “that girl with the loud stomach” and distract my fellow students (and myself, being self-conscious about distracting them). I usually have greek yogurt with some fruit or granola in the morning and I’ve tried switching to something more substantial, like eggs and toast, and it hasn’t made a difference.

      • oh.so.tired :

        meh. I would eat whatever breakfast food you need to help you do well. Most people, myself included, will be bringing in ear plugs. A room full of thousands of people frantically typing will probably drown out any stomach grumblings. And on the MBE day, I expect people will put in their earplugs if it is bothersome. I wouldn’t give anyone the stink eye for something they dont have full control over!

        • Belle et Rebelle :

          Agree – most folks will have ear plugs in if they are sensitive to noise, and I guarantee that your stomach rumbling will not be the most annoying sound in the room anyway. Eat whatever you normally would before the test but maybe bring some kind of food in with you if you think that would help if your stomach does start rumbling during the exam. Maybe a banana or some string cheese? Or a PB&J sandwich from home? I’m thinking something relatively quiet and bland.

          • Except in CO! No ear plugs for us. Can you believe it?!!!! I’m quite irritated about this, actually.

          • AnonInfinity :

            Why can’t you have ear plugs? That is out of control.

            (I did not use ear plugs, but I don’t see the point in not letting folks have them?)

    • Just wanted to say good luck to everyone who is taking it! I will be right there with ya. I’m a little more relaxed as it is my second bar (new state), and I echo what everyone else has said. No major changes the morning of the bar!! I’m gonna be sporting a banana while standing in line waiting for the VBBE to let us in and eat some eggs and oatmeal at my hotel. So excited!!! (rolley eyes)

      • Good luck in VA! Make sure your suit is of a breathable fabric, and don’t put on the jacket until you get inside. Roanoke is HOT in July, even in the morning, but the Convention Center will be cool inside.

        • Thanks! Am I going to get kicked out if I wear sheath dresses with a blazer? I don’t have a skirt suit but all my pants are crazy long and I want to wear my comfy flats . . .

          • No, that will be fine. Although a piece of great advice someone gave me for VA was to wear both a cardigan and jacket into the exam b/c it could get cold in there. I was freezing for a good part of the exam. When I warmed up, I could take off the jacket and type in my cardigan which is much more comfortable.

  23. 2/3 attorney :

    Has anyone heard of a watch brand called Charles-Hubert? I found one I like on amazon for a reasonable price but it seems too good to be true.

    • 2/3 attorney :


    • I haven’t, but I’ve had perfectly nice watches in the <$50 range, so I wouldn't consider this at $96 too good to be true. It's not a prestigious brand, but who care – if you like it, go for it!

    • Merabella :

      I got a watch from Kohl’s and I really love it. It was I think $60 with tax, because they are always having sales, and I get tons of compliments on it.

  24. For Nordies Price Adjustments – does it still have to be available in your size or is just available enough? I’m only a yellow belt in Nordstrom-fu (I’m looking at you, black belt) :)

    Thanks ladies!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Did you buy online or in store? Online purchase with online adjustment –> they just need one item in any size in any color of that same item in stock; chat with the online rep. In store purchase with in store adjustment –> they may try to tell you that you only get an adjustment if they still have it in stock in your size. I’ve heard this sometimes and it’s one of the reasons I don’t shop in store much anymore. Push with management and they will give you the adjustment.

  25. Woods-comma-Elle :

    I suspect I will need to bring this up again after the weekend, but bar exam prep. Yes, I’m thinking about it. Looking at the various prep programs, obviously BarBri is the best known name, but the distance learning course in the UK is like twice the cost of some of the others e.g. BarPassers.

    Has anyone used BarPassers and is it any good? The whole flowchart concept appeals to me as I would probably make flowcharts anyway to learn and remember ths stuff, but should I just suck it up and throw $5k at BarBri?

    Any suggestions/feedback on alternative bar prep providers would be welcome!

    • Does PMBR/Kaplan offer a full course for your state? The distance option tends to be less expensive than the in-person classes. I found the materials to be quite thorough.

      • Woods-comma-Elle :

        Yes, I could do Kaplan, but it costs almost as much as BarBri. Just to clarify, I’m in England, so my options are limited to distance learning.

    • I did the remote learning BarBri. At that time, it was an ipod course. It worked. It was expensive, but you only want to do this once. It’s worth the investment.

    • CA lawyer :

      I thought Themis was good.

    • I’m currently using Themis (CA) and have friends using it for other jurisdictions. I feel pretty prepared (*hopefully*) and so do they. The pass rates are also pretty good. Beware that it is all online and there are occasionally problems with the website, but in the grand scheme of things that is pretty minor. Its also less than $2k.

    • West Coast 3L :

      I did/am doing the full BarBri course (although it was $3500 for the full thing — in-person lectures and books) and regret having paid what I did for it. I think it depends completely on how motivated you are/how well you figured out the basics of law school exam-taking, but I definitely felt like the overall program was catering to the least common denominator. I know how to use IRAC, I’ve taken a few timed tests in my life, and understand this thing called “process of elimination.” I didn’t need to pay $3500 for someone to tell me that’s how you pass the test.

      If I had to do it again, I would just buy the materials from BarBri (which would’ve only been $500, I think) and make my own ten-page outlines from the Conviser Mini Review (and do a ton of multiple choice). The lectures were terribly hit and miss; a couple were great, but went into way too much detail, others were sub-par, and still others got the law completely wrong. And I still ended up having to make my own outlines because the 40 page “lecture notes” I had for each day weren’t something I was capable of digesting for all 19 topics.

      Also, there’s just something about the setup that makes me think part of their teaching strategy hinges on making you as terrified as possible that you’re going to fail and, well… come on. That’s just mean.

      Anywho, that was my experience and it may have been different for others, but I wish someone had at least warned me. My money would’ve been better spent on a trip to Cabo in August.

      • Bar Member :

        Please give us this advice again when your results come out.

        Yes, BarBri is a pain in the a$$. But you don’t know whether the lectures will help until you know if you’ve passed or failed.

        The exam is next week. No one can be super-sure they will pass.

        • I know that things have changed over the years. I took the Bar in 1982 afer working full time as a federal law clerk in another state for the preceding 14 months, bought BarBri materials, studied nights and weekends pretty religiously (as in going to library and locking myself there on weekends) beginning early May, and one week of work off before the Bar. Law students have made it this far in school and have done fairly well, and I find it hard to believe that most people cannot pass by buying the materials and studying on their own. You have already had most of the materials in law school, presumably, and whatever godawful class you did not take (UCC for me), you can learn by reading and studying.

          West Coast 3L is probably correct in her assessment. These bar courses are hugely unnecessary in most instances.

          • But that’s not to say I was not scared to death at the time. All my friends took the actual courses.

        • West Coast 3L :

          I would be happy to check in with the Hive when results come out!

          And I didn’t say I was super sure I will pass. If I was, I wouldn’t be spending this beautiful Sunday cooped up in the library. I did say that the lectures weren’t worth the extra three grand for me, especially given the fact I had to go re-outline the material from scratch myself because the lectures were unreliable and bloated.

          Case in point: the torts lecturer said, “Oh, don’t worry about this area, I’m not even going to cover it because it’s never been tested in your state.” I looked up past exams on the State Bar’s website (for free), and what did I find? Twice it was the focus of an entire interrogatory. On top of that, it was all over BarBri’s own practice MBE questions.

          Helpful to some people? Of course. Worth it for me? No.

          • Anon NJ and MD Bar :

            I agree with this. The Barbri lectures are okay, but not great. Most of the lecturers are terribly boring and they go off on tangents. It reminded me of law school classes without the cold calling. They tell stories and sing songs when all I want is the relevant information and some tips. Time is so valuable that it is frustrating when they waste 5 minutes telling us about their family or personal life. I focused mostly on the lecture information which was a mistake because they did not include a lot of important information that was on the essay and practice questions. That was probably my biggest mistake and may cause me to fail. I think the bottom line is that the lectures are not worth it. You just need the books.

          • Bar Member :

            I think these same criticisms could apply to most of my law school professors.

            Yes, they went off on tangents and some of what they said wasn’t relevant.

            Part of being a lawyer is being able to distill what is being said to you into what’s actually relevant.

            If I were doing it again, I’d take BarBri again. Bar study is tough enough without having to make your own schedule and do your own research.

          • West Coast 3L :

            Yes, distilling information is part of being a lawyer. But if I’m going to have to distill the material anyway, shouldn’t I save myself the three grand and cut out the middle man? Plus, teaching 19 topics in two months for a three day test of mixed multiple choice and essays is much different than teaching one topic twice a week for an hour and a half each day over the course of seventeen weeks for a three hour caselaw-based essay exam.

            I’m not suggesting studying for the bar from scratch. The Conviser Mini Review is where it’s at, and I believe you can buy it (plus multiple choice, essays, and MPTs) for $500 (as I mentioned above). If someone’s looking to save money (which Woods-comma-Elle was), it’s a serious alternative to consider.

            And the Paced Program isn’t rocket science (though I think you might get a copy of it if you just buy the materials). 60-70% of my fellow bar-stuudiers ended up ignoring it after the first two weeks because it was physically impossible to keep up with. A strategic Google search would probably provide you with a template you could customize for your own learning style.

            I’m not knocking anyone it worked for and that’s great you would do it again, Bar Member. But I didn’t perceive the value of my purchase.

          • Anon NJ and MD Bar :

            I think law school is completely different. You are listening to the professor for about 13 weeks and engage in class discussions. It’s inevitable that things will get off track, but Barbri should not be treated like law school. I just think the lectures could have been better. As for the paced program, I think you can easily map it all out and 1-3 subjects per week.

      • Although I think the lectures were helpful for me, I also regret taking BarBri. I found their multiple choice questions and practice essay model answers to often be inaccurate and/or unclear. Additionally, it seems like their strategy is to give you way harder questions in practice exams to freak you out, even though the real questions are nowhere near as hard. The online tools often malfunctioned, and the people working for BarBri (the ones you could ask “substantive questions”) were completely unhelpful. However, I will say that there is value in having a schedule to follow – not sure I could have self-paced appropriately without *some* program.

    • Not sure what state you need but look into BarMax. I believe they do NY and CA. It is much cheaper. I used their MPRE free program on my phone and I really liked it.

      • Oops didn’t read the whole post before replying. Fail! Ignore my last post!!

  26. It may be opressively hot and rainy outside, but this is the time of year when a young (or not so young) lady’s mind turns to her fall wardrobe. So what updates are you all thinking of for fall for both your professional and off-duty wardrobes?

    Personally, I am in the market for a glen plaid pencil skirt, a new suit for my September trial, congac riding boots, and a moto jacket, preferably in tweed or boucle. Accessory-wise, I am feeling the need for some spiky gold jewelry. Also, my perpetual search for just the right nude (for me) pumps continues.

    • 2/3 attorney :

      I love thinking about fall when it’s hot and rainy outside!

      From the NAS, I just ordered a brown leather jacket, a cobalt blue wool coat, and a brown leather watch. I would really like to get a really textured tweed skirt, some opaque tights, a few jewel-toned sweaters (maybe a statement necklace for over these), and brown boots with a heel (although I don’t know if I can talk myself into these since I already have nice flat ones).

    • Black knee-high boots that I WILL wear to work.

      Haven’t thought about much else yet. I’m actually coming around to the idea of colored jeans and just ordered (well, pre-ordered) a pair of olive (at least that’s what it looked like on the computer) and a pair of dark orange skinny jeans from Old Navy. They probably won’t fit at all – for some reason, skinny jeans get stuck on my calves and then are gigantic in the waist – but I want to try them out.

    • This fall I am permitting myself to buy one new suit, one work dress (I’m thinking of trying out DVF) and maybe one new “statement” blazer (tweed?). But I have a new policy of Less Is More (still trying to implement Project 333 – will get to it this weekend) so these items are only allowed if they are good quality and practically perfect in every way (like Mary Poppins).

      I am not officially allowed to buy any non-work clothes whatsoever, except perhaps a pair of brown boots.

      • Equity's Darling :

        You’ll have to report back on your statement blazer- I’ve been trying to find one that I love for at least a year, recognizing that it would likely need some tailoring, and I’ve been unsuccessful so far.

      • Please report back on your 333 efforts?

    • I sew most of my clothes. On my list for fall (not all of which will get sewn, guaranteed and other items not on the list will be sewn) are:

      Brown pencil skirt
      Camel sheath dress
      Olive sheath dress
      Brown/cream wrap dress
      Orange blazer
      Denim military jacket
      Brown/camel plaid skirt
      Some tops

      And I need to buy knee high black boots for work & I need to replace my black cardi. Maybe I’ll get some cognac boots as well if the budget allows. And a couple v-neck sweaters as well.

      And the weather here today is perfect for thinking about fall – overcast and high 60s (I think – 20C)

    • Ann Taylor just got in a glen plaid pencil skirt and matching suit jacket. Two birds one stone?

    • Riding boots! Neeeeeeeeeeeeeed!!!

    • I’d love to find a pair of knee-high brown flat boots that will actually fit my proportionally-large calves.

      • Merabella :

        Check out Zappos. You can look up boots by calf circumference. You may have to try a few types, but you get free shipping both ways. I have found 2 pairs of boots this way. It is the only way I have ever found any that are both cute and can fit.

    • I’m looking for a trench coat. That one is definitely a need. Would love to find some nice riding/flat boots, but that’s more of a want. Though I foresee myself thinking about them enough that I convince myself they are a need as well.

    • microscience :

      Oh, I need help with this. I’m going to Paris and Norway in mid September and am looking for a pair almost knee-high dark brown boots that are good for walking. Ideally the boots would look good with a dress, but mainly they should be able to fit over skinny jeans. Since I’ll be walking a lot, low to no heel is best. I’m a grad student so cheaper is always better but I’m willing to invest in some long-term pieces. Any advice?

      • Alanna of Trebond :

        I am making a similar trip–actually we might be in Paris at the same time, and my favorite boots are Bandolinos. I’ve had them for five years now and they have held up very well. It turns out they are on sale from Endless (or at least a very similar design). I am putting the link in the reply, but they are the Caresse Riding Boots.

  27. Thanks everyone for the heart condition advice yesterday. Today I went to get my heart monitor. Everything seems to be working ok, except that I must comment on the apparel.

    I got the device from a young PA. She had a high pony and was wearing a hot pink hooded zip-up sweatshirt open over her scrubs. She looked like she could have walked right out of her dorm room at the local state college. (She also explained it all very quickly and very high-pitched, and then asked, “Any questions?”) (Yes. Will I die of heart failure? But I don’t think you can answer that.)

    Please, if you wear scrubs and interact with patients (who may be very scared that their hearts are going to explode), it helps to look like you know what you’re talking about. Would it have hurt to wear a cardi instead of a hoodie?

    • I was the commenter yesterday who said that my mother has Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome, and, to answer your question, yes, she definitely leads a very normal life. She cut down on her caffeine intake and tries to get plenty of sleep, and that has been all the treatment she needs for her symptoms thus far. The abnormal heartbeat comes and goes, but she is in her late 50s and works out 5 days a week, runs 5Ks, works full-time, etc. Should you find out that WPW is what is causing your issues, keep in mind that the sudden death with WPW is very, very rare.

      • Thank you!

        • I also posted a couple of days ago in response to your post. I have WPW and would be happy to talk more about it if that’s what you are diagnosed with. Like MOR said, I lead a totally normal life, including regular exercise, full time work in big law, and chasing around a toddler. I am going to have a minimally invasive surgery next month to “cure” the WPW, but I’ve managed pretty well for the last 12 years by cutting back on caffeine and sugar and making sure I stay hydrated. Also agree that sudden death would be very, very rare for WPW from what I understand.

          • Perfect! I will definitely check in if I’m ultimately diagnosed with WPW. Right now, though, I’ve just started the 30-day monitor EKG thing. So we’ll see how that goes.

            (It’s kind of a pain being wired to something all the time. I haven’t had to go to court yet, but I’m dreading courthouse security.)

  28. The hottie hubs is having a milestone bday next month. I was thinking of getting him a nice watch in the area of 500 or less. Any recommendations are appreciated.

    • There was some discussion of men’s watches on the watch post a few days ago.

    • This description of your husband is rather strange.

      • Yeah, seriously. Why would anyone think their spouse is a hottie?!? I hope my husband never thinks I’m a hottie.


    • If you can go up a few hundred, I got my husband a stowa fliegler with a brown leather strap for our wedding anniversary and he loves it more than any of his several thousand dollar watches. It is a very well made watch and quite lovely. I ordered it rom the manufacturer so it took a month or so, but well worth the wait. I just gave him a watch case and a picture of it to hold him over. My husband is very into watches and seiko also has some stylish diving watches in your price range. For him and his friends, it is all about being all to have leather straps and NATO straps and ditching the steel bracelet sometimes. We are late twenties, fwiw.

  29. Cornellian :

    Riding on the earlier questions about investments…

    How does everyone factor in the health, wealth, existence of their family members to financial decisions, if at all. I feel like I’ve been doing things like renting un airconditioned rooms in Texas on a 3k/week salary in order to save money, because I’m an orphan and worry about things like having no one to fall back on, potential wedding costs, etc. If I lost my job or had a huge health problem, I really don’t know where I would go to sleep. That said, i don’t have elderly parents to take care of…

    Just curious if/how everyone else thinks about this stuff.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House :

      I assume I will get no help from anyone. On the other hand, I have oldest child syndrome and also assume that I might be responsible for all my siblings at one point or another. When I left private practice, friends spent a fair amount of time talking me off the “but I can’t have a lower salary because what if little siblings 2, 3 and 4 need something and the parents can’t provide it?” cliff. Eventually, I realized that my in-house salary, combined with my assets, combined with my resourcefulness would be sufficient to help anyone who needed it.

      I don’t know that I could live in Texas without air conditioning.

      On a more serious note, I think that the question is: can I provide what someone (me or a dependent) might need? The answer takes into account income, assets and ability to tap into other avenues of help (e.g., having the ability to work the medicaid system or the first time home buyers program or whatever).

      Does it help to think about it that way?

      Another way to address the risks you mention (job loss, huge health problem) is insurance, so you probably want to make sure you are comfortable with your insurance choices. Speaking of which, if there is any chance you qualify for USAA (I ask only because you say Texas), sign up immediately. You will have great coverage but also a feeling that there is a bigger entity looking out for you.

    • K...in transition :

      you could always come stay with me and wear blue nail polish and hairbands on our wrists!

    • I’ll admit that I don’t think about it at all. I grew up working class, but my father invested very well and he also always took very good care of me so I never wanted for anything. Now, I evidently have quite an inheritance waiting for me. (Of course, I am in no hurry to receive it.) But in the meantime, if I were to have a medical emergency, I know my dad could cover my out-of-pocket expenses. Losing my job would probably mean moving in with my dad, but that’s not the end of the world. I do have various types of insurance, of course, including renter’s insurance, in case of a fire or flood. But what I really learned from my upbringing is that if you work hard, live modestly and manage your money well, you can retire modestly with a nest egg. I hope that turns out to be true for me like it was for my dad.

    • I feel obligated to continue earning a big paycheck, maintaining large life insurance policies, and saving a lot because I expect that at some point I will have to take care of my older sibling, who apparently feels no obligation to be financially responsible whatsoever. It has recently became clear to me that the inheritance we both sort of expected to get will be depleted by the older generations, and since then I have begun thinking of my retirement in terms of “saving for two.” I will confess to feeling resentful about this.

    • All. The. Time.

      My ex-bf told me that I was the only Biglaw lawyer he knew who lived like a homeless person. Sometimes I wish I could have a nice home and normal life like my colleagues:/ Getting married would certainly help, but I am beginning to lose hope on that one.

    • Back the truck up. You’re making ~$156K/year and renting in Texas with NO A/C?!

      Girlfriend. There is frugality, and then there’s cray cray. Yes, you should save, but seriously. Upgrade to some air condish, at least.

      • I agree with Herbie – you don’t need to live in the lap of luxury but, for the love of all things holy, please find yourself a place with AC. I live in Florida and the thought of no AC is just excrutiating.
        I’m not an orphan, but I do kind of understand your situation. I have one parent, my dad, still alive and kicking but not in great shape financially. I’m less than half his age and I make more money than him (and I don’t actually make all that much money for a lawyer). If I lost my job, got sick, etc., I’ve accepted that I can’t expect a lot of help from my dad (as much I know he’d want to offer it). But I’ve also accepted that at some point at least some part of his financial maintenance will fall to me.
        So my advise is to save aggressively (but seriously, get a place with AC), make sure you’ve got a health emergency fund (since you’ve got little to no family support, I’d recommend 6 months expenses), and get some good insurance.

    • Seattleite :

      I think about it all the time, esp. since I have some pretty high risk factors for some ugly huge health problems. I was paying down debt aggressively, and just got that paid off last week. Now I’m saving aggressively and will buy a long-term disability policy before the month is out.

      Already making plans for the ‘old lady commune’ that I will establish with my friends as we get a little slower and homes get hard to maintain on our own. (Power in volume, and all that.) Keys will be issued as husbands kick off or are run off. It will work because we are all introverts at heart and these are decades-long friendships so known quantities.

      In my 20s and early 30s, I felt a great deal of responsibility to provide for my parents and sibs’ financial futures. That passed as I watched their irresponsibility ad nauseum. My new rule is that I won’t work harder, or sacrifice more, on behalf of someone else than they will for themselves. I won’t let my parents be hungry, but my sibs are on their own.

      • Former Partner, Now In-House :

        1. Congratulations on finishing the debt last week!

        2. Did you see the recent article in More magazine about communal living (“Home But Not Alone”)? Very interesting.

      • Love the ‘old lady commune’ idea. Mine shall be in Belize, though.

    • Yes. As someone who grew up with a single mom (divorced, no child support) and two siblings, and no one to fall back on, I am far more frugal than my law partners. I am single, and that is easier in some ways, harder in others. No “second income,” but no children either. After working for 20 plus years with partners who all grew up with a silver spoon, I do not believe anyone who has not been there can understand what it is like to know that you have absolutely no one to fall back on in a financial crisis.

      That said, there is no way in the world I wound rent an unairconditioned room in Texas. (I am in Mississippi, so I know whereof I speak.) You cannot possibly be getting good rest with the summer heat. You can afford a place with a/c and go get one this weekend!

  30. Expats in Canada? :

    Any expats in Canada on the site? I was wondering how difficult it was to find a job, it the Visa requirements were the same or as difficult to get as the ones in the US? Also, if you stayed, did you ever attempt to get Canadian citizenship?

    • Not an expat, but I think the Canadians here may need a little more information in order to help you. What industry are you in? If you are a lawyer, which jurisdiction are you coming from and how many years have you been practicing? And finally, why are you coming – are you following a spouse or a family member?

      • Expats in Canada? :

        I have a finance and HR background. Worked for the government for a few years and looking for a move.

    • This is mostly hearsay, but a friend of mine recently moved to Canada to be with her new bf, and after spending several months figuring it out, felt like the visa process was way too hard and complicated, including you have to have many thousands of dollars in a bank account when you move there, etc, so they finally decided to just get married at the courthouse, cause it seemed like it would take her more than a year to get residency. But, take that with a large serving of salt. ;o)

    • Equity's Darling :

      My firm does have an immigration group, and I do about half my work with them – we basically do all types of immigration except refugee/humanitarian, and most of our clients are corporations trying to bring in temporary foreign workers and help those workers obtain permanent residency.

      Canadian citizenship takes quite a while to get. Most people simply get work visas, then proceed to get permanent resident status over a period of a few years, and then sometimes proceed to citizenship, though usually not, since permanent residents get all the benefits of being a Canadian except being able to vote (and many permanent residents just don’t care- they have health care, access to all services, etc., and voting just isn’t that important to them, in the grand scheme of life).

      The job market in Canada varies by part of the country and the industry. The visa requirements also vary, based on a lot of factors- do you have family coming with you, are they admissible? If you have had any criminal charges, or are medically inadmissible, that is a problem. I don’t know what type of job you’re looking for, and whether you get a work permit can depend on the demand in that occupation in the specific region…there are NAFTA exemptions, and a variety of provincial programs that can make it faster.

      The whole purpose of our immigration system is “how will this benefit Canadians”, so…just be aware of that. Every application we make is based on the benefit to Canadians- be it economic, social, personal, etc. To justify Citizenship and Immigration issuing a work permit, or permanent residency, they need to be convinced that letting you in will provide enough benefit to Canadians.

      Basically, like every other area of law, the answer to all your questions is “it depends”. The Citizenship and Immigration Canada website has a lot of information, though it’s terrible to navigate, and if you want to contact me personally, let me know – we do have a fair number of clients that are simply individuals trying to get into the country, so it’s certainly in the realm of our practice group.

  31. Apartment hunting :

    Would love some advice on knowing when to go for it with an apartment!

    SO and I are in the midst of apartment hunting (our first time living together) and by multiple accounts, the current rental market in our city is pretty tight – not quite as intense as NYC but apparently it’s not too far off of that. My issue is this: by nature, I am not a quick decision maker – I’d much rather have a few days to think through things. Given the market, I don’t think that we have that luxury.

    We’ve looked at a few places so far and generally are in agreement about what we like/dislike. So far, the one place we’ve seen that would have been near-perfect rented within 30 minutes. SO is generally more flexible than I am, which is great, but it also means that I am usually the one with yes/no vote. We’re looking at a few places this weekend and I’m wondering how those in tighter rental markets decide when to take the plunge (realizing, of course, that it’s a one year lease, not a mortgage :). We have until September, so it isn’t crunch time yet, but I’d like to avoid waiting until the last minute if at all possible.

    How do you know when to stifle your I-want-to-analyze-this-from-all-possible angles side and go for it? Any and all thoughts/advice welcome :) And, if you want to throw in any living-with-SO-for-the-first-time advice, please go ahead! TIA!

    • karenpadi :

      I’ve only gotten over this by repeatedly “losing” places because I took too long. Experience is a harsh teacher.

      Re moving in: figure out money ahead of time. Seriously. What each person will pay, whose name the accounts will be in, how you two will balance any differences at the end of the month.

      Enjoy! It’s exciting!

      • OC Lawyer :

        There are all kinds of check lists available for what you should talk about. I think I once saw a good one at LearnVest DOT com.

    • K...in transition :

      Make a list of the mandatories, of the wants, and of the it’d-be-nices. Make a list of the deal-breakers. If the place fits your mandatories, has none of your deal-breakers, and has even some of your wants/ibn items and if SO really likes it, go for it! You’re renting, not buying, so it’s not a forever requirement, just a short time! Also, if you can figure out that the place fits your lists before you even go (or pretty immediately after you get there, tell SO that it’s up to him. it’d probably be nice for him to feel like he gets to be the decision maker for a change!) :)

    • In NYC, you can’t really rent a place more than 4-6 weeks before the lease starts, not sure about your city. If it’s similar, you and SO can use this time to look at places and come to an agreement about what’s important so you’re prepared to pull the trigger in a few weeks. It’s good to have a list of things you would like but be willing to trade for another amenity (e.g., I’d love a washer/dryer in the apt, but would settle for laundry in the building if there’s an eat-in kitchen.) Then think seriously about your dealbreakers. What do you absolutely need? Dishwasher? Second bathroom? Your own closet?

      As far as living-together advice, it’s good to look at the space and think about how the two of you can be in it at the same time while doing separate things. Couple time is easy, but alone time can be tricky, especially in a loft or studio apartment!

  32. Mentor vs. Supporter (?) :

    I am racking my brains trying to remember where I read or heard or watched someone talk about the difference between a mentor and a “supporter.” The first term was definitely mentor; the second term might not have been supporter. The point was that a mentor might teach you specific skills (technical/substantive or leadership or office politics), but a “supporter” would champion you as a “person to watch” in the organization with senior leadership.

    I thought I might have heard this distinction in Sheryl Sandberg’s TED talk, but I just watched it again and it isn’t in there.

    Has anyone heard about this distinction before?

    • Mentor vs. Supporter (?) :

      I found my notes. The second kind of mentor is called a “sponsor.” It appears that I heard this term at a March 2011 summit for Women General Counsel sponsored by the ABA Commission on Women in the Profession and the SF Bar.

    • I also heard this Mentor/Sponsor distinction for the first time at a recent women’s networking event. I’d never thought about it before, but I think it’s a really important distinction to make.

      • Mentor vs. Supporter (?) :

        I’ve done some reading about sponsors now:




        I am in the middle of a 360 and the 360 assessor has told me that my boss said that when she retires in 2-3 years, she does not plan to recommend either of the two attorneys who report to her (me and me colleague who hates me), or anyone else, as a successor. I am asking my assessor to help me find a sponsor within the company.

        Has anyone done this? Any suggestions or advice?

  33. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

    My mother is getting remarried in a couple of weeks. What is the gift etiquette in this situation?

    If I am supposed to get a gift, do you ladies have any suggestions since she is not registered anywhere and if I ask her, she’ll just say “you being there is gift enough.”

    • Oldest Sister :

      Picture frame.

    • karenpadi :

      I didn’t get my mom a gift when she remarried. She had a very limited registry and 800 guests. Plus, I was maid-of-honor so I got to buy a dress, shoes, etc. and a plane ticket. She said that was my gift to her. ;-)

      • Oldest Sister :


        • karenpadi :

          Yes and at least 2 wedding crashers. They are active in the community and both from large extended families. His first wedding and her second, so they initially tried to balance out “big party” with “modest celebration” but it ended up being a “big party” because if you invite his second cousins you gotta invite her second cousins (even if it is her second wedding)…

    • I’m a big fan of pottery or platters or the like made by a local artisan wherever I’m from. Its always a big hit.

    • If you know the future husband well enough, it’d be nice to think of a gift that’d include them both. Oh something like opera/baseball tickets, a matching pair of suitcases for the honeymoon, whatever they’d both like.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Second this. Experience gifts are always my go-to.

        Or maybe a card with your heartfelt handwritten well-wishes? I’m a mom, and I’ve been remarried, and honestly that would mean more to me than anything my son could buy. And I would totally, totally, TOTALLY mean it when I told him that his being there would be gift enough.

        On a more prosaic note, when I got married a friend gave me a hand-held whisk broom and dustpan, and I have used them almost every single day for the past 13 years, and I think of her every time I use them. Maybe something like if it doesn’t feel right not to have a package in hand?

    • Seattleite :

      Some sort of gift that says “Welcome to the family” to her new husband?

      For example, if you all have similar Christmas stockings, one for him, too. Or the monogrammed beach chair to match everyone else’s.

  34. @SoCalAtty - Horse Question :

    Hi SoCalAtty, I’ve seen that you’ve mentioned that you ride (and there have been a few others too). I would be really interested to hear how you manage this and your attorney job – I used to have my own horses before law school, and since starting work as a lawyer I’ve been riding a friend’s horse one day a week, but sadly he is now long-term injured. I haven’t been able to find another suitable horse to share, so I’ve been toying with the idea of getting my own horse again, and there are stables nearby (I love California). Do you have your horse at a place where they provide care for the horse if you can’t make it? Do you have someone else exercising the horse? I would love to hear how you make it work.

    • Also in California (Los Angeles area) and would love more info too! The last time I was able to ride was during law school. So sad. =(

    • Not SoCalAtty, but I am a riding attorney! I inherited my horse in my last year of law school (kind of an odd situation). I have always boarded him at a full care farm. All of the barns I have been at include feeding, blanketing, turnout, holding for vet/farrier, etc. in their full care.

      I have had a couple of different work situations since . . . in smaller town BigLaw, I had the money to horse show but no time to ride. I often had to miss lessons and really only rode on the weekend. This was not even remotely ideal and was one of the reasons I got out of BigLaw. When I couldn’t get out to ride either a friend would ride him for me or I would pay my trainer to. This only works if you are at a barn where you trust your fellow barnmates and/or have a trainer. I was very lucky in that everyone at my barn was a great rider.

      When I worked in gov’t, it was much easier to get to the barn to ride, but I had no money to show. I rode three or four times a week. I still had friends hop on if I was going out of town for more than few days, but it was much easier to ride whenever I wanted.

      Now, since I am unemployed, I ride whenever I want! I moved states so he is at a new barn, but it has a similar set up. If I can’t get out as much as I want, I have someone else take a peek at him to make sure he is all in one piece, but our barn owner and barn staff are also very good about checking on everyone. I haven’t had anyone ride him for me at this barn, mainly because we are not in any sort of program where it would matter if he went a week without being ridden. He lives a good life :)

      I will add that I now live in a place where traffic is going to mean I will be riding late into the night on weekdays once I find a job. I know lots of people that do it though! You just have to accept that there will be nights when you go straight to the barn from work and then straight to bed when you get home from the barn!!

    • Not a lawyer, and I’m on the East Coast, but my family owns a boarding barn! (45 minutes to an hour outside of DC in the heart of Virginia hunt country etc. etc. etc., if any DC/NOVA peeps need a place for their ponies.) You should definitely be able to find places with full board (e.g. your horse will be fed and taken care of). Most of the people who work in DC come to ride themselves 1-3 times per week, and then generally pay someone else to exercise their horse at least once. My barn will hook them up with someone if they need it, or they find their own person. That appears to run from $25-60 per hour.

      I hope you find a way to make it work! Horses are so great. I aspire to be financially stable (get it?) enough to have a personal horse again, located somewhere near me, instead of riding my dad’s critters when I get the chance to go up for a visit.

      • a. – I bet we know a lot of the same people! The horse world is so small :) I grew up riding in NoVA/Warrenton, etc., went off to college in SC, ended up becoming really good friends with a woman whose dad has a horse farm right outside Middleburg. I knew her step mom (as the one who showed up at “C” shows in the “A” rig haha). Now I know horse people all the way from SC to PA! I <3 my steed for sure.

        • Oh my god I bet we do. I grew up/am still located in central VA, but when I was in middle school my dad moved back to the familial homestead in Middleburg, so I was usually there for summers. I didn’t show much after he moved, since it was too challenging to coordinate from two hours away, but one of my life goals is to get back into combined training and hunting. Instead of my current routine of bumming around the farm on one of my dad’s field-hunters-in-progress every month or so.

          • Very cool! I used to go to horse camp as a kid outside Charlottesville, in Palmyra. Showed down there a bunch. I have always done the hunters, but may be doing some newbie level dressage with my new boarder friends. I always love small world connections. If you have any interest in taking this discussion offline, shoot me a note at countchoculacorp at gmail dot com.

  35. *sigh* Got back from week-long CLE out of town last week, worked full time this week, 6 months pregnant, caught a cold/fever from my toddler, toddler has developed ear infection and is screaming his head off night and day (and is, btw, allergic to antibiotics), oh, and the bar exam is next week. Ever feel like maybe you bit off more than you could chew?

    • So do you have a sister, brother, mom, dad who could come and stay with your daughter (and your significant other?) to help our around the house and you go stay in a hotel for the next few days until the Bar.

      It might be the only way for you to save your mental health. :-P

      • Entire family lives out of state, and all our parents and siblings work full time anyway. Husband is doing the best he can. I can’t leave yet, have to work Monday morning before driving up to test site. But I’m coping. I’ve already taken and passed 2 other bars, the last one just last February, so I’m hoping I can at least flounder around and make enough noise on the essays to make them thing I know something about the state law. Flashcards FTW. And my OB cleared me to take some good OTC meds the days of if I’m not better by then.

    • Completely agree with TCFKAG. Get thee to a hotel, and your husband can find someone to help out. The only thing that will suck more than taking the bar while pregnant, sick and being kept awake by a toddler is re-taking the bar while pregnant, sick, and being kept awake by a toddler and a baby.

      • Oh, and husband is not in law and doesn’t really pamper for bar exams. I don’t think he gets how stressful they are. Last one I took, I wanted to stay an extra night to recoup instead of driving home (2 hours), but he didn’t want to waste money on the hotel. :-/ People manage through worse, I guess. I keep reminding myself of the lady who went into labor during her bar exam and still passed.

        • If he doesn’t “get how stressful” the Bar is, then you need to tell him.

          Take care of yourself! That’s #1 here. Don’t be a martyr. Sure, some super-woman went into labor, but there’s no guarantee that you are her.

          • Midori, I agree with Rosalita. Don’t be a martyr. And even if you are superwoman, you don’t have to be one *this week*. Think of the stress on the baby and tell hubby to suck it up. Just my opinion reflecting on things I did while pregnant that I should have delegated. Unless he is stressed to his limit, you need help more than he does. You don’t want to end up with pre-enclampisa, premature labor or exhaustion. Good luck on the bar!

  36. Okay, I’m going to post a link in the subsequent post. Can someone PLEASE tell me that they know where Ann Hathaway got the shoes she’s wearing in this picture. They’re amazing (the dress is awesome too, but the shoes are my favorite part.)

    Thank you Team Hive!

    • http://gofugyourself.com/well-played-anne-hathaway-2-07-2012#comments


    • According to Red Carpet Fashion Awards (link to follow), they are custom vegan Casadei heels.

      • http://www.redcarpet-fashionawards.com/2012/07/19/anne-hathaway-in-j-mendel-the-dark-knight-rises-after-party/

        • Of course they are. Appropriately unobtainable. But I do think these Kate Spades are similarish.


          • Or maybe these.


          • Those Kate Spades are real purty.

          • At a slightly lower price point, the Cole Haan Air Juliana comes in silvery gray, although I’m not crazy about the heel.


          • Only lucky size 11 left.

  37. K...in transition :


    which of the 7 deadly sins are you?

    Me? I am 10000% sloth. Not only because I’m not any of the other 6, but because I am perfectly happy to just be for as long and as often as possible. Not to say that I’m not type A at work (I totally am), but when I’m home, I’m in what I call hardcore sloth mode. Your turn!

    • AnonInfinity :

      Not proud to admit this, but I am envy. In my personal life I find myself getting jealous of others’ material things. At work I find myself getting jealous when others get cool assignments that I would have liked. All of this is despite the fact that I have plenty of great stuff, a great husband, and a great career (i.e., plenty of cool assignments myself). What is up with that?!

    • Senior Attorney :

      Envy, for sure. With gluttony and sloth in hot pursuit.

    • Seattleite :

      Gluttony, fo sho. All too often, I keep eating just because I like the way the food tastes, even though I AM FULL. Sigh.

    • Gluttony.

      Left to my own devices, I cook and eat and cook and eat and cook and eat…

      I love restaurants, too, and, indeed, any tasty food. If on vacation in a foreign location I’ve never been to, and offered a choice between seeing [some sight] versus a really yummy meal at a restaurant favored by locals, I’ll pick the latter any time.

    • Wrath.

      I’m widely known as a nice person, but it’s because I work at it all the time. You wouldn’t, as they say, like me when I’m angry.

  38. Plus size "The Dress" PSA :

    Nordies has a 3/4 sleeve version of The Dress in the online Rack section for $44.97. Magenta color in 16w and 22w.


    • I didn’t realize this was what we call “The Dress”. I bought it in a print after Kat featured it. I also have The Skirt in black. Love both of them and am so glad to learn of them here on this site.

  39. hellskitchen :

    Anyone else into the new show Political Animals? I am hooked.

    • ooo i really want to watch, i heard Sigourney Weaver interviewed on Fresh Air, and it definitely sounded good. You like it?

      • Ditto. She’s an excellent interviewee. Loved her anecdote about the Reagan White House dinner. LOL!

    • karenpadi :

      I saw the first episode on Hulu. Love. Love. Love. I like me a strong female lead in a show that passes the feminist test of “number of scenes where two women are talking to each other about something other than a man” (Google says it’s the Bechdel test).

      • great endorsements, ill totally check it out. ;o)
        As for the Bechdel test, the depressing part is the ‘number’ to pass the test is…. One….. and it’s really depressing how few movies/tv shows even pass that! (i.e. First episode of The Newsroom does not) … But, yes, it is exciting that this one does. Adding to the queue!

      • hellskitchen :

        I didn’t know about the Bechdel test but this show definitely passes it. And Elaine Barrish seems to be a nuanced, complex character. Can’t wait for the second episode tonight

    • I watched the first episode and loved it. What do we think of the clothes? I thought she looked like a beautiful Secretary of State who was very stylish.

      • hellskitchen :

        Oh yes; the outfits are gorgeous yet believable – not over the top

  40. For any Indian/South Asian Corporettes: Any advice on dating websites? One of my closest friends would like to start dipping her toes into the world of online dating, but she doesn’t really know where to start, and my understanding is that the Auntie network can give her names of websites, but not much more information than that.

    In related news- had my 30th workout since joining the gym this week, which means I get a new bag! (and to feel good about myself, I suppose) Anyone have any bags in the $150 range they’ve been eying?

    • Lululemon has a cute gym bag now – the Daily Gym Bag in bruised berry.

    • I met my spouse on IndianDating dot com. Liked it better than shaadi dot com which I tried first – but found out that it was used much more by the Aunties and Mummys than by the guys themselves :-)

    • Legally Brunette :

      I highly recommend Shaadi – I know eight couples who have met their partner through Shaadi, including my sister. All are attractive, educated, wonderful people who were great catches and just had not find anyone on their own. I think Shaadi gets a rap for attracting more traditional/conservative folks and of course there are people like that, but there are also plenty of South Asians born and raised in the US who have profiles on that site who are not traditional, more secular, etc.

      You could also try bharatmatrimony (and the regional affiliates depending on what state your friend’s family is from – ie: keralamatrimony, tamilmatrimony, etc. but my sense is that those sites are much more traditional).

    • Thank you for all the advice. I’m sure she’ll be very excited to hear some advice from people who have some real experience with the sites!

  41. More bar exam whining, which I know is annoying, but UGHHHH as bad as it was the first time, taking another state’s bar exam is torture. Seriously, torture.

    I passed CA one year ago; I can pass MD without much trouble, right? I keep telling myself that and then online shopping instead of doing MBEs.

    • You will pass MD with no trouble if you passed CA! I had a friend who used the PA BarBri books to self-study for MD and he passed.

      I also 100% agree with a second state bar exam = torture. I passed PA four years ago and it is so annoying that in one more year I could have waived in. But noooooo, now I have to sit in VA. Ugh.

      P.S. Right now I am online shopping (and posting here, clearly) instead of doing practice essays.

      • Ahaha, PA books. That’s awesome. That takes a lot of chutzpah. :)

        • More than I have, that’s for sure. He’s Secret Service – most of them have more chutzpah than they realistically need ;-)

    • It is actually torture. I’m miserable. Signed, taking the CA bar.

  42. First of all, hai guyz. I still love you all and try to read everything, but it’s hard to keep up with commenting with my a wacky schedule and lack of a computer during my workday.

    It’s probably too late in the weekend for this kind of meta, but here goes: I appear to have acquired a Gentleman Caller. Which is, you know, yay slumber parties and classy dates and stuff, but I am just have so. many. issues. getting stuck in my own head. I can’t even begin to let myself trust that he is actually interested in me, or that he will stay interested. I can feel myself doing all of the things I have done to sabotage every other relationship that I’ve ever been in (example: I told him we should be friends on our second date, then quasi-bailed on the platonic hang-out we had scheduled after that; but for some unknowable reason he asked if I wanted to reschedule, then that time I actually went and, shock of the century, allowed myself to enjoy his company instead of focusing on all of his minor flaws) and after that mini-debacle I am trying so hard to not, and just enjoy our relationship for what it is and has been–but my god. It is so much work. I feel like I am questioning everything every second I am not actually with him. I feel like if I let myself really like him, or invest anything, or let him know that I’m investing anything, it will end. I don’t know why I’m like this.

    At this point, it’s not even so much about this specific Gentleman Caller (even though he’s pretty cute), and just that I want to stop being like this in every relationship I ever have for the rest of my life. Is this something I should go to therapy for? Am I doomed? How do all of you other Type A control freaks let go enough to actually put your trust in another human being?

    • Do you trust your friends like you? Why should this be any different? It definitely sounds like something you should go to therapy about I think, it would be good to talk this through with someone

    • For what it’s worth, I did therapy after my divorce partly for this very reason. I was beginning to be worried that I just didn’t respect men, especially since my mom did the same with my dad when I was growing up. I wanted to break the pattern so I specifically addressed it in therapy. At this point, I’ve only been with one person since my divorce, but I can say that I haven’t had this issue at all. He has a lot less education than I do, but he was very career-focused (he’s retired now) and passionate about his career, life and me. So I can say it’s worth discussing with a therapist because it worries you and because you’re seeing this as a pattern in your life. Given everything you have going on and your planned relocation, now may not be the best time but soon!

    • I have somewhat related relationship issues and therapy has been very, very helpful (although I still have a ways to go). But make sure you find one you really like. Definitely shop around!!

    • I dunno, but if you figure it out, let me know. In the meantime, know you’re not the only one.

    • You are not doomed.

      I was kissing like every frog I could find (and then dumping them immediately).

      Then I went to www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. I also realized that dumping those guys and not “investing” in them was really about not investing in myself. I didn’t think I deserved better, and was scared to let guys get close to me. It was just easier to treat myself like a s-l-u-t. (No one called me that except myself.)

      But you are worth so much more. You are worth someone caring about you, loving you, and nurturing and protecting you (even though you’re fully capable of taking care of yourself too).

      • Just want to second this website. It helped me immensely after a tough breakup and helped me figure out what I want, specifically in terms of a relationship, but I also translated it into friendships.

    • I definitely think therapy could help, but on your own you could also start trying to think more about what YOU want, whether YOU’RE having fun, whether YOU want this to go anywhere, and less on all of these things as applied to him. I used to obsess in all the ways you describe here, and I realized that in all my worrying about being good enough I was forgetting to account for myself…and dating some real doozies as a result.

      Also, while I am far from a seasoned sage–I’m only 30–I will also venture to say that this kind of thing will probably automatically tone down as you get older. If I had to give one single reason that I’m not so much like this anymore, about anything in my life, it would be that I have better perspective and can see that nothing/no one is the be-all end-all, that a lot of outcomes are “just so” no matter how strongly we feel in the moment, and that the same person will be rejector or rejectee many times in the course of dating life, without a lot of sense to it either way.

      Finally, for what it’s worth, I think the right person will either calm your nerves naturally, or be able to hang around without demands while you calm your own nerves. There will be more than one of these, by the way–i.e. you don’t have to bind your soul to the first guy who achieves this out of fear that nobody else will ever be able to do it again.

      Enjoy yourself…

    • a., First of all its nice to see you! Second of all — would it help if you thought about the time you spent with him (for now) as just one date at a time — as it — what are we going to do today that’s going to be fun?

      And then just remember that no matter what you do with him or tell him, tomorrow you’ll still be the same cool, awesome independent woman you were before (if he’s a guy worth hanging out with — which it sounds like he is). But kind of like a alcoholic, just take it one date at a time, and see where it goes.

      And yeah, have a friend who knows you well get brunch with you and talk it out (but make sure its someone who can tell you how it is!)

      • Oh…and I hope this is a good thing for you and that you have fun no matter what ends up happening. :-)

    • Seattleite :

      1. Although there may be some very small subset of the species that is, in fact, doomed, I doubt you are part of it. :)

      2. Therapy can be incredibly useful anytime there is a pattern in your life that you a) don’t understand or b) can’t seem to break. So, yes, I’d give it a try. Many therapists will schedule a 15-minute free consult or phone call to help you see if you ‘click.’

      3. It’s not so much about trusting another human being, because there is simply no way to guarantee that Person X will never betray us, hurt us, or let us down. It’s about learning to trust ourselves – that we can and will survive those betrayals, hurts, disappointments – and that knowing we can survive and even thrive in spite of them. It’s a process getting to that spot, but that process is exactly what therapy did for me.

    • TO lawyer :

      I don’t know if you’ll still see this, but here goes. I’m like this too (or was anyways). With my current SO, things are different but sometimes I still have to fight myself from reverting back into my old patterns.

      We’ve been together for 7 months and hearing him recently say that he’s now in this for the long-term helped me calm down. I was constantly terrified that he would end things if I was too “needy” or something.

      The other thing is we went fairly slow, esp at the beginning. It’s fairly serious now but for the first 3 months, it was definitely not exclusive (for either one of us) so we had time to test the waters before committing to one another.

      I do sometimes have to remind myself that I’m strong and even if worst case scenario he bails, I’m still me. I may be devastated but it won’t be the end of the world. We also had a few fights a couple weeks ago, and it took everything that I had to not end things because I was frustrated and upset.

      I also tend to over-analyze so I have to force myself to stop doing it – when things go badly or we’re a little snippy, sometimes it has nothing to do with us but other things in our lives and that’s ok. I think the commenter who said that it’s not about trusting someone else but trusting yourself is key. You need to remember everything that is good about yourself and trust that he sees that and that’s why he’s with you – he wants to be with you, just like you want to be with you.

  43. Ladies I need some help and feel grateful I discovered this site. I just started my first job as an associate. I quickly saw this week that I am going to have to step up wardrobe. I am looking for some great work appropriate skirt and dress recommendations. I was also pulled aside one day and was told pantyhose should be worn in this office so I am looking for recommendations on pantyhose as well. I don’t think I will mind wearing them as the office is super cold anyway.


    • What city are you in? Are you in straight sizes? Do you wear suits to your office? All key questions.

      • I am in NYC. Suits are usually required a couple days a week. Yes to straight sizes.

        • Mandatory pantyhose in NYC in July? Ugh! (I thought most NYC firms were genuinely business casual…)

          Yes, look at the archives. I’d say, just try to figure out generally what types of outfits female attorneys at your firm wear. Start with some basics in neutral colors (so that people don’t notice that your clothes are on a pretty short rotation schedule) and build things up from there. I’m sorry I can’t give more specific advice as I left law firm life more than two years ago and since then have avoided Ann Taylor, Thomas Pink, and the suit collections in department stores. I do wish I had had this site to use as a resource when I started. Happy shopping! :)

    • If you mouse over “Shop” on the header of the page, and then mouse over “shopping guides”, you’ll see that Kat (the owner of this site) has written guides on suiting, what to wear under suits, and on heels. Those are a good place to start. Also, on the right of the screen, there is a word cloud of popular topics. I’d click on Pantyhose, Workwear Basics, and whatever else interests you and read the posts and the comments on those topics.

      If you live near a Nordstrom, I’d suggest calling and making an appointment with a personal shopper. Many readers of this site use Nordstrom personal shoppers to help them build their work wardrobes.

      Good luck!

      • karenpadi :

        I’ll pre-second the advice of seeing a Nordie’s personal stylist. My first appointment is still a week away.

        I’ll admit it–I don’t dress as well as I should either (’05 law grad) and wardrobe is something that challenges women more than it challenges men. Some women love the challenge and the thrill and some of us, well, we hate it and tell ourselves that our work matters more than our appearance. We are the ones who benefit most from getting help.

        When I was in your shoes in January 2006, I went to an Ann Taylor (I might suggest Gap or Talbots now–I don’t like Ann Taylor’s quality anymore), found a friendly sales woman and spent $800 I didn’t have (yet) on enough clothes to wear for a week. I did similar things in the lingerie and shoe dept at Macys. It bought me some breathing room and I supplemented those clothes later on. Granted, I later hated some of those clothes but I was grateful that they served their purpose.

        I think it’s great that someone cares enough about you succeeding that she pulled you aside. I’d drop her a quick “Thanks for letting me know about the hose requirement. I really appreciate it.” the next time you see or chat with her.

      • Seattleite :

        Check with Macy’s WRT personal shoppers, too. I met with one last week and she was fabulous – ran all over the store, scoured the clearance racks, ordered other sizes sent to my house. I must have tried on 50 pieces during a 3-hour appointment. Not all Macy’s have personal shoppers, but you can search in the ‘store locator’ function for one.

    • Hanes Silk Reflections. Buy them in bulk online at onehanesplace DOT com. I like Travel Buff and Barely Black.

      For skirts, suits and dresses (and any combination thereof), visit the suit department at the largest Macy’s near you. Look especially for Tahari and Calvin Klein suits that have a jacket, pants, skirt and dress. You should be able to buy 2 or 3 sets for a reasonable price and that should get you very far while you more slowly build up your work wardrobe by trolling sales at Brooks Brothers and Talbots and the like.

      • I see you are in NYC. Head to Macy’s Herald Square and add a stop at the suit department of Lord and Taylor.

        Once you get 2 or 3 suits and buy yourself some breathing room, start frequenting Brooks Brothers (you are lucky to live in NYC, where they have a serious women’s department, ours carries only golf and ladies who lunch clothes), start going and trying on their suits. Then when they have sales, you’ll know what works on you.

      • Style disaster? :

        How obvious is it if one wears carefully chosen supermarket pantyhose (usually No Nonsense Nude or Off Black with reinforced toes b/c I never, ever, wear peep toe shoes)? One of my grandparents, who worked as a hosiery buyer for department stores, reasoned that it wasn’t worth spending more than the bare minimum because all hosiery shreds at the same rate. I’m happy to be frugal but I’m wondering whether hosiery technology has improved over the past few decades.

        • Others may have a different take on this. I would suggest going to a department store that displays samples of Hanes (mid-range) and also high-end stockings. Put your hand inside the samples and note the color (if nude, believably natural; if not nude, subtle), the sheerness (not opaque, that would be tights) and the silkiness (pretty darn smooth and a tiny bit of sheen). Then compare the brands you are considering. I am not familiar with them, so I can’t say. But that is how I would go about it.

        • Gail the Goldfish :

          I’m of the opinion that it’s not. I wear Duane Reade brand pantyhose. I used to buy nicer brands, and then I realized I can’t go more than a day without getting a run in them (I’m a klutz), so why pay more? Of course, lately I’ve just stopped wearing them all together unless it’s cold (yes, even in court. But it’s just state court, and rarely do I even see the judge).

        • I fully support drugstore/grocery store pantyhose. I buy multiple packs at a time. I can wear and wash them 4-5 times before they get a run. I have never invested in expensive hose, and doubt I ever will.

          For those of you in the same boat, but not in NYC, check out Burlington Coat Factory for affordable conservative suits and tops.

    • Thank you all! These all are some wonderful recommendations. I plan on using these right away!

      • Also, if you absolutely hate pantyhose, thigh highs work well in the summer. In the winter, you’ll probably want full on pantyhose.

        Depending on whether $ is an issue, once you learn your sizes in Ann Taylor, Talbots, or whatever brands you find fit well, you would be amazed what some regular shopping on ebay will get you. I’ve found good suits there for a fraction of what I pay full price or even on sale at those shops.

  44. CaAtty and Ruby are you out there? Hope all is well.

  45. I love OPEN thread’s! The manageing partner is VERY happy b/c yesterday, we got 2 more file’s for me to work especialy for the cleint. YAY!!!

    We are abel to bill by the HOUR, rather then the matter, so the manageing partner is VERY pleased with me for geting these extra case’s.

    The ONLY thing that is NOT so good is that I am not abel to get a percentege of the billing’s, b/c I am NOT a partner.

    I am just going to get my 3% raise for now, and the $100 gift card he gave me for Lord and Taylor’s! I am heading OVER there in about an hour to see what shoe’s are on SALE today, but I think I MAY have to wait until after LABOR Day to get a real sale. The manageing partner will NOT pay me the 20% on the money I pay if I use the GIFT card, so I will have to go to NINE WEST and buy shoe’s if I want to get my alowance from him! FOOEY b/c Lord and Taylor’s has the best shoe’s! FOOEY!

  46. Going on a Greek isle cruise soon! Any recommendations on hotels/places to eat/things to see in Athens and Istanbul (where the cruise begins and ends)?

    • We found Athens restaurants pretty touristy, i.e. mediocre in quality and overpriced. You won’t really have time to hunt that special hole in the wall and seeing the sights will be your priority (as it should be), so just… lower your expectations for Athens.
      We did not like Athens at all, outside of the historical sights, so my advice would be to make your stay there as short as possible. YMMV of course.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      My favorite sites in Istanbul were Topkapi Palace, Haghia Sophia, and Sultanahmet Mosque. It’s been a few years since I’ve been, so I don’t have any specific restaurant recommendations, but go to Ortakoy (a neighborhood) and try the stuffed baked potatoes. If you’re there a few days and have time to go out to the Princes’ Islands, they’re neat, but I would hit all the other major tourist destinations first.

    • I'm Just Me :

      Have a coffee or a frappe at the top of Lycabettus Hill, the food up there is over priced and not so hot, but the view is amazing and the church is lovely.

  47. Migraine Sufferer :

    Seattle Meet-up? Someone threw out a comment a few weeks ago about a potential Seattle Meet-up. I’m still interested. Would a Saturday afternoon work for anyone? Or sometime during the week in the evening? Is downtown a good venue? Suggestions?? emails to contact and set up a meeting?

    • Oh, as a road-warrior [fanofthissite], I would love a Saturday meetup! Downtown would be fine…

  48. This is wedding-attire related, so please skip if not interested.

    I am taking the bar next week (boo!), starting a new job (yay!), and getting married next month (double yay!). I don’t have wedding shoes or jewelry yet. I’m hoping to get something from NAS but won’t have time to stop in. I’m looking for 3″ white or silvery (or bright blue? am I crazy?) open toed shoes I can dance in and wear again <$100 and sparkly earrings (also hoping to wear again) probably in the $50 range? Any recs?

    Also… while I have your attention: my dress has 1" shoulder straps and a v-neck. Hair up or down (it's long and curly)? Necklace or no? I've been studying for the bar all summer and have not planned any of this!! Sorry if this post is annoying… I know my friends can only take so much of me obsessing about ALL THE DETAILS.

    • Silvercurls :

      Mazel tov! Re hair up or down: I’m sure either will look fine. I would go for comfort (you’ll look more relaxed if you’re not worried about your hair) unless you realize that your hair style needs to accommodate other activities such as attaching a veil or headpiece for the ceremony. OTOH if you’ve always wanted to be a bride in a French braid, upswept bun, or long hair hanging freely beneath a circle of flowers, go for it.

      I searched etsy for “earrings”. Items are listed in the same sequence in which they caught my eye. (Everything below appeared on the first page of my search results—scary! I’m sure you can search for earrings bridal but I was too intimidated by the idea of information overload.) Have fun choosing, or do your own search, or follow someone else’s suggestions if everything here makes you want to run screaming out of the room :) .

      P.S. C**p**tte commenter Kanye East has an Etsy shop. Sorry not to think of her first but it is the middle of the night where I am.

      Shop: DesignsbyTBrigham
      Swarovski Pearl Earrings Silver Cascade Cluster Dangle Cream Clear Crystal Bridal Jewelry Customizable

      Shop: DivineJewel
      Bridal Earrings, Victorian Style, Rose Rhinestone, Stud Earrings, ROSELANI

      Shop: WiredVintage
      Vintage inspired button earrings, ivory earrings, rhinestone button earrings, bridal jewelry, bridal earrings, pearl earrings

      Shop: PlumbCrazy
      Rhinestone Chandelier Bridal Earrings — Chandelier Earrings in Silver Filigree and Swarovski Crystal Rhinestones — CONTESSA http://www.etsy.com/listing/77833738/rhinestone-chandelier-bridal-earrings?ref=cat2_gallery_9

      Shop: LuLuSpendor
      Wedding Jewelry, Crystal and Pearl Drop Earrings, Small bridal earrings, Swarovski Earrings. MAE Drop

      Shop: Morganprather
      Drop Dangle Earrings in Gold

      Shop: SpeciallyForU
      Personalized Sterling Silver Korean Name Earrings (the ones in the photo contain the message “I love you” in Korean)

      Shop: CrinaDesign73
      Bridal Earrings Cubic Zirconia Ear Wires, Cubic Zirconia Connectors and Large Cubic Zirconia Crystal Round Drops

      Shop: JaniceMarie
      Clear Crystal Bridal Earrings – Long Dangle Sparkling Crystal Earrings – Cluster Earrings – Wedding Earrings by JaniceMarie

    • I’ll put links in adjoining posts to avoid mod-bot. As far as hair, I like a soft part-up/part-down or up do. I considered down for my wedding, but my hair frizzes out during the day and the hairdresser warned me it would lose any curl during the day, but I guess it wouldn’t be as much of a concern for you.

      For earrings, I got mine at a antique store. You might look at the antique section on Etsy. But I’ve focused on shoes initially.

      • http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/nine-west-rocha-pump/3294857?origin=category&fashionColor=GUNMETAL+GLITTER&resultback=2088

        These are four inches, but have a half inch platform. And come in blue glitter and silver glitter.

      • Though I just noticed you’re looking for something opened toes, these are kind of cute.


        • These are the open toe version of the Nine West pump and on sale: http://www.zappos.com/nine-west-danee-gold-silver-glitter

          I bought a pair of gold glitter Nine West pumps as a gift for someone and, keep in mind, the glitter is not a fine glitter and it does fall off.

      • This one’s good, if you’re a lucky size.


    • I vote having jewelry on, but it doesn’t have to be super-expensive stuff if you don’t want. Pearl stud earrings and pearls around your neck will always look elegant.

      For shoes, bring something super-comfy for the reception. Some of my friends have even changed into white flip-flops.

    • Thx Ladies!

    • lucy stone :

      Go to DSW for shoes. I got a pair of bright blue Ninas there for about $50 and they were awesome. One of my sorority sisters got the same ones in champagne for her wedding because she liked them so much.

      Good luck and congratulations

  49. Some belated thoughts on the watch thread a couple of days ago, from someone who works at the epicentre of status watches (east Asia, banking) :
    – If you work in the ‘whiteshoe’ type professions ie. banking and similar, you will encounter colleagues, bosses and clients, probably men, who take a casual interest in the kind of watch you wear (not dissimilar to interest in someone’s new car). At its mildest, it will pass without comment. At its most intense, it will involve taking off, handling, trying on and interested questions about how you acquired it – where, when, why and how much.
    – Owning an interesting watch need not be expensive. The main point is to try and get as much watch as possible for the money you’re ready to spend. This will usually mean :
    (1) mechanical, not quartz – a mechanical watch has a clockwork movement whereas quartz is a battery-powered technology which dates from the 50s and which enabled the more industrial production of inexpensive wrist watches.
    (2) in-house, not 3rd-party, movements – many luxury watch brands manufacture the visible parts of their watches in-house but buy the clockwork movement (the heart of the watch as it were) from a specialist manufacturer, typically a Swiss company called ETA, which supplies over 50% of the market in mechanical movements and is currently owned by the Swatch group.
    – New watches which tick the boxes will be Rolex (which manufactures its own mechanical movements, albeit somewhat unimaginatively) and some current-model mechanical Seikos and Citizens (including the Eco Drives which are mostly mechanical and pretty innovative as watch technology goes). Vintage watches are another inexpensive option – fans of men’s dress watches could go for an Omega Seamaster, which was a popular model for Omega in the 50s – 70s when they were still manufacturing their own movements, and are still reasonably easy to find, robust and relatively inexpensive.
    – Of course you can opt not to ‘play’ – wear something visibly fun and sporty from G-shock or Swatch, wear what you love and to hell with everyone else, or just skip wearing a watch. But do be careful of spending up for something which looks the part of a classy investment, but which is effectively just another fashion accessory with a good branding campaign attached.

    [end of lecture.]

    • Thank you for this. SO is turning 40 shortly and has been wanting a vintage dress watch. You just did my homework for me!

  50. Silvercurls :

    Reposting w/out links (first comment in moderation):

    Mazel tov! Re hair up or down: I’m sure either will look fine. I would go for comfort (you’ll look more relaxed if you’re not worried about your hair) unless you realize that your hair style needs to accommodate other activities such as attaching a veil or headpiece for the ceremony. OTOH if you’ve always wanted to be a bride in a French braid, upswept bun, or long hair hanging freely beneath a circle of flowers, go for it.
    I searched etsy for “earrings”. Items are listed in the same sequence in which they caught my eye. (Everything below appeared on the first page of my search results—scary! I’m sure you can search for earrings bridal but I was too intimidated by the idea of information overload.) Have fun choosing, or do your own search, or follow someone else’s suggestions if everything here makes you want to run screaming out of the room :) .
    P.S. C**p**tte commenter Kanye East has an Etsy shop. Sorry not to think of her first but it is the middle of the night where I am.

  51. Brides to be, there are some gorgeous wedding dresses on sale at neimanmarcus dot com. This one http://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/Tadashi-Shoji-Cap-Sleeve-Lace-Mermaid-Gown-Women-s-Apparel/prod143150210_cat980731__/?icid=&searchType=SALE&rte=%252Fetemplate%252Fet1.jsp%253FNo%253D360%2526Ns%253DMAX_RETAIL_PRICE%25257c1%2526N%253D4294967275%2526st%253Ds&eItemId=prod143150210
    is now about $300.

  52. Hoping it’s not too late in the weekend for this…
    Calling New Yorkers (or those familiar with the shopping!) — I’ll be in NYC and would like to go to a J. Crew store with a good selection of suits. Which location do you think would be best?

    • e_pontellier :

      The silence may be your answer… I buy a TON of JCrew and have to get all of their suits online.

  53. Decidedly, I love this site and reading all of the great advice! You ladies are awesome. I always, however, end up wanting to ask questions at the end of a long thread, but here’s hoping someone is still reading this far down!

    I am re-writing cover letters for OCI, and I am sooo lost. Can some of the lawyers out there give me a hand? I don’t really know what I want to do yet, so it makes it hard to customize letters for different firms. They all seem relatively the same when you look at websites–how am I supposed to know why certain firms appeal to me more than others aside from their physical location? (They are all civil litigation firms with multiple offices.)

    I keep wanting to write “I want to work at your firm because I want to work with really cool, smart people on really challenging and exciting projects. Oh, and I want to litigate.” And then writing about how applicable my 1L job and past work experience is. How can I say this in a more professional way, and how can I tailor it to a firm that I don’t really know anything about? I feel so clueless about law firms in general O.o

    Thanks for any insights!

    • I don’t think you really need to hand-tailor the reasons why you want to work at a certain firm (frankly, they’re interchangeable, although don’t ever, ever act like they’re interchangeable during an interview). This is the format I was taught in law school and have always used:

      Dear XX,

      Paragraph 1: Intro. E.g., Please accept the attached materials as an application for Position. I am currently a student at Law School and [insert other interesting factoid like: a 200X graduate of University, a member of the Law Review, captain of moot court team, whatever). (If you have a reason you want to work at a particular firm or in a particular city, add it here or in the last paragraph. E.g., “As an Iowa City native, I would be honored to have the opportunity to spend the summer working with Iowa’s top litigation boutique.”)

      Paragraph 2: Bragging. E.g., I chose to attend law school to pursue a career as a litigation attorney. Through my participation in Clinic, I have developed many of the skills required of a litigation associate, including conducting depositions and drafting briefs. I also have completed the trial skills program and won a mock trial competition.

      Paragraph 3: Conclusion. E.g., Given my experience in activities X and Y, I believe I am an ideal candidate for Position. I would appreciate the opportunity to further discuss my qualifications in an interview. Thank you very much for your consideration.


      Regardless of the format you use, I can tell you that I would never, ever read a cover letter longer than 3 paragraphs. I don’t care if you’re the editor-in-chief of Yale Law Journal. Keep it short.

      Good luck!

      • Thank you!

        Right now I have 4 paragraphs because I split up bragging pre-law school (career #1) and during law school. Kind of: intro — here’s what I spent the last 4 years doing and why it will help me be a good lawyer — here’s the actual law experience I have (not much!) — conclusion.

        I’ll see if I can figure out how to cut it to 3. I mostly kept the pre-law school stuff because it worked really well to catch the reader’s eye last time around (I had an interesting job).

        Thank you again!

        • Your cover letter should highlight things that aren’t immediately apparent from your resume, are directly applicable to the position you’re applying for, or that you want to highlight because they are truly brag-worthy (law review editor, summa cum laude, Rhodes scholar, etc). Nothing wrong with including the pre-law school stuff, but you can keep it to a sentence. E.g. “As a soldier serving in Iraq, I learned to analyze situations quickly and accurately under extreme pressure. As a law student, I have applied my analytical skills to the life stories of former child soldiers, successfully winning asylum for a dozen Ugandan teenagers through my school’s immigration law clinic.” Yadda yadda.

          A big part of being a lawyer is learning to write concisely and clearly, conveying important information without obfuscating it with wordiness (of course, another big part of being a lawyer is obfuscating what doesn’t help your case). Think of your cover letter as a mini-writing sample and draft it accordingly.

  54. Jacqueline :

    I picked up the Vince Camuto Parker satchel in black at the Nordstrom anniversary sale, and I’m torn about whether to keep it. It’s BIG, which is good for lugging makeup/lunch/flats/notebooks, etc. back and forth to work, but I wonder if it’s too big for my 5’3″ frame.

    Here’s the bag:

    Thoughts on this particular bag (cute or too trendy?) and/or the general quality of Vince Camuto leather bags?

    • It’s a painful dilemma.. Basically, if you really must carry makeup/lunch/flats/notebooks etc :-), then you’re stuck with a big bag. If you go too small in order to fit your frame, all you’ll accomplish is missing important elements of your day, or worse having to carry 2 bags. That’s really to be avoided imho.
      You might want to put a small clutch-type bag into the big one, so that you can do occasional things with just that (lunch with clients doesn’t call for the whole daily paraphenalia)?

  55. Hello east coast ladies.

    Since I’m traveling to the east coast most of the time now, I’m a fish out of water when it comes to work clothes. My first challenge was finding light weight “third pieces” (mostly cardigans) to be worn in hot weather. I’m pretty good there now, but if you have suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

    So here’s my main question – are suede shoes at all practical in NYC? They work here in SF because our wet weather season is very, very predictable. But I’m not sure about NYC. So far, the summer thunderstorms have seemed rather unpredictable, and I’m not sure whether that continues all year, and have no ideal how often there’s snow on the ground, which negates suede obviously.

    I can’t really do the commuter shoe /work shoe thing, because my work involves hoofing it between three different buildings a few times a day.

    I bought the Stuart Weitzman “surround” suede wedges at NAS (item #539560) and they’re beautiful and I like the cut, but would not be a great deal for me at $199 if I never get to wear them.

    • e_pontellier :

      mamabear, I feel you are far too wise to take advice from a newbie [to this site] like me, but I am a NY-er, so here it goes!

      I think suede shoes can be just fine in NYC but if the forecast is more than 25% chance of rain, I would throw a pair of Dr. Scholl’s flats in your bag, along with an umbrella. For example, this week in NYC, I would not wear suede shoes on Monday (forecast 30% chance of rain), Thursday (forecast 40% chance of rain), or Friday (forecast 30% chance of rain). I use weather DOT com and find them reliable enough. Good luck!!

    • mamabear, rain is unpredictable on the East Coast. So maybe it’s shorter stormy deluge more than anything in the summer, but you still have to deal with it at unexpected times (for a Californian). The big difference I found when I moved in that direction was that I needed some rain stuff that was also suitable for warm weather. It’s OK to only have a fur-lined raincoat in SF, you’ll only ever need it when it’s cold. In NY you need a lightweight trench type thing.

      For NY summer humidity, it’s good to wear silk a lot. Think Japanese climate control :-). And you’ll be much better off in woven shirts, preferably with a little texture in the realm of seersucker, rather than t-shirts. Avoid polyester at all costs. Get a couple sleeveless-or-nearly options too, like cap sleeved or something that covers the shoulder a bit, things you could never use in SF. Linen pants are a classic, but I do silk pants too, love them. A silk dress would be perfect if you do dresses.

      You should also start planning for winter now, as you won’t find anything least bit suitable in SF. First, you need a winter coat, ie something which reaches well below the knees (without vents), windproof if possible (wool melton is good) and which closes completely (like tall button-up collar and/or hood). Plan on buying this by October at the very latest, or you won’t have any choice at all. And also get a matching warm hat in real wool or fur, that’ll get you through most blizzards with your presumed good SF scarf collection adding color and variety.

      Then you need boots. Canada-grade boots. Totally waterproof, insulated all around, slip-resistant, salt-resistant. Preferably reaching over the ankles, not necessarily knee-high. Especially if work requires you to move between buildings, you need to be able to move around town without frostbite. I highly recommend TipTop shoes, which carries good walking shoes and still has salesmen with real advice :-). Otherwise your SF pantsuits can do for the winter, as long as you think to order (also by early Fall) some silk longjohns and vests. Two or three of each will do you, as they dry very fast, but they add another 20o to bearable temperature range.

      One thing you have to watch out for is climate control. In the summer you always need a cardigan and perhaps scarf, to temper the overactive a/c. In winter, you need a suitable-for-the-public inner upper layer, so that you can quickly strip if you find yourself in a suffocating spot. I found that warm bottom and a good long coat allowed me to wear practically the same silk shirts on top. In case of emergency you can rip off the hat and scarf and whip open the coat and wool cardigan in a blink, so you don’t faint in the subway :-).

      Exciting :-). Get some season tickets to the Met too :-).

      • e_pontellier makes a very good point – you need to get used to checking the weather every morning. Otherwise, like me at first, you’ll be perpetually dressed for yesterday’s weather, and miserable :-).

  56. Ptooey!

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