Weekend Open Thread

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  1. Weekend Thread :

    If the weekend thread opened later it wouldn’t be SO long and unmanageable by Friday night…

    • Or we could just call it the “everybody’s bored on Friday afternoon” thread and be more honest about it.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Hive five, TCFKAG.

      • My thoughts exactly. Seems like it’s been up earlier. Then again, I was in meetings all morning so I pretty much missed this morning’s thread.

      • Yup, pretty much.

      • TO Lawyer :

        ya I’m happy that it comes up earlier because it makes it far easier to procrastinate on a Friday afternoon!

      • If you’re bored, I have a lot of work I could use some help with. ;)

        • Will you pay me? :-) I’m available on a contract basis for a reasonable wage. Lol.

          • I can pay you in jewelry?

          • Kanye,

            I would work for your jewelry anytime! I just got the pearls that I ordered for my mom for x-mas (they were the giant cultured ones in creams and golds) and they are so gorgeous that I almost wanted to steal them. I get compliments on your necklaces ALL THE TIME. Thanks for being so awesome.


  2. Yay! Open thread’s! I love OPEN thread’s! There are peeople who say I am not real. That is DUMB. Of course I am real. Who do you think is posteing! Kat? Of course NOT.

    Myrna is helpeing me tomorow– we are goeing shoppeing for the decoration’s for next week’s pre-holiday party office spruce up. It is MY job to make the office look FESTIVE, but GONZALO is suposed to do the same for the resturant. I hope they do a good JOB b/c it is MY repueation on the line for recomending the place to the manageing partner.

    Myrna is bringeing some new guy to help and we are takeing the 4 line to BROOKLYN again, b/c there is a place she knows that has ORNAMENTAL decor for the holiday’s and we have to be NEUTRAL in what we celebrate.

    The manageing partner is makeing me prepare some materials for a CLE he is teaching on M&A activities and he want’s me to prepare a SEGMENT on conducting do diliegience in the private market. I have to get on to WESTLAW and the INTERNET to see if I can find some other presentation’s I can COPY–otherwise it is goeing to be ALOT of work. FOOEY! He has to give this CLE at the Bar Association in late January so there is NOT alot of time. He should have aksed MADELINE or one of the new asociate’s, but I guess he want’s to tap my ongoing expierience in Saint LOUIS. YAY!!!!

    But I have to go out there again right after the first of the year FOOEY!

  3. Has anyone tried LearnVest? Thinking about getting a 5-year plan and using their financial planning services but wanted to get input. Thanks!

    • I use the free version and love it. Haven’t done any of their financial planning sessions, but I do love their bootcamps.

    • Middle Coast :

      I’ve been dabbling with the free version, trying to decide between using it and mint. I do like the fact they they have financial planning services, so I might just switch from mint to LearnVest on January 1st. I would probably start with the $89 budget planning help to see how it goes before committing to the five-year plan.

  4. Messy Mess :

    OMG. So, anyone have suggestions on how to get my roommate to not drive me to the point of tearing my hair out with mess? We get along great, otherwise, and do lots of stuff together, but she is the messiest person I know and it’s making me crazy. Unfortunately, I feel like I have not a lot of ground to stand on, because I am not the world’s neatest person, and worse yet, I tend to be as neat as the people around me (so I’m messier now than I was with my last roommate, who was more of a neat-freak). I’m thinking of suggesting that “for the new year” we work on being neater, but…I don’t know what exactly to say, or how to deal with all of it. We already have a cleaner come once a month, but it’s less about sweeping/dusting type stuff than just clutter (though the dishes don’t help, nor does her tendency to cook a meal and leave ingredients and meal sitting out on the counter for hours and hours!)

    • I think you should up the cleaner to bi-weekly b/c you have to at least clean for the cleaner (i.e. tidy beforehand). I think you should do a clean for the new year. Be honest – say that it’s been bothering you, and you know it is mutual, so you’d like to do x, y, z for the new year (no dishes in the sink overnight etc.). Then you HAVE to follow your rules and set the example. Good luck!

    • anon for this :

      I feel like this could be about me! I’m super neurotically organized in my work life and a disaster at home and also have a roommate who is messy-ish as well, but I think would not like to be. First, let me say that I would like not to be so messy as well, so maybe your roommate feels the same. It’s just not something that I spend a lot of time thinking about in the whirlwind of everyday life. (Although, I’m big on cleaning things that are gross rather than cluttery – no food left out for me.) The bi-weekly cleaner is a great suggestion – we definitely clean for the cleaning lady. You may also want to try to institute a rule, for both of you, that public spaces have to be clean and can’t be a dumping ground/mess. I’ll also say that you should be direct, which is not my usual m.o., but is a good idea here. Tell her what is bothering you and what you need from me and then note that you recognize there are cleaning-related things you need to change, so you are working on them. Good luck!

      • Meg Murry :

        +1 on maybe the roommate wants to be less messy too.
        Are you and your roommate typically home at the same time regularly? Could you suggest some kind of little cleanup ritual, like you spend 15 minutes decluttering before you sit down to watch your favorite show or half an hour before you get ready to go out Saturday night? That way you can peer pressure each other into cleaning up.
        Also regarding clutter, are there certain things that are always out, and can you find a way to deal with them? For instance, do you need a coatrack or hooks for coats & purses? A magazine rack or box? A bowl for keys and change? Are there a lot of things that don’t have “homes”? Or is it really the kitchen clutter that’s driving you crazy more than anything else?

        • Messy Mess :

          Well, that’s part of the problem–we’re often not home at the same times. But I suggested a big pre-New Year cleanup and we’re going to discuss what we can plan.

    • Hmmm depends on the roommate, but I generally doubt that you can make someone change their ways unless they are motivated for their own personal reasons. I think you just need to start keeping your stuff organized and picking up more. Then, when it’s clear you’ve put some time into cleaning up around the house, just mention to her in passing, “Hey, can you pick up your stuff in the living room/kitchen when you get a chance? I love it when the house feels clean and organized, and I’m trying to be better about it too!” Just don’t expect her to do a whole lot. It’s more up to you to deal with your own stuff.

    • Anne Shirley :

      So, I’m messy. Too messy. And I’m sure it has bothered roommates. The thing is cleaning and organizing are really a challenge for me (speaking of how people have different areas of struggle). What would help me is to hear: hey, I’d really like it if we could keep the apartment cleaner. How about we both commit to cleaning our dishes for the day before bed, so we wake up to a clean kitchen, and removing our personal clutter from the common areas every Sunday?

  5. Kontraktor :

    Long shot, but would anybody potentially be interested in buying some small purses? I have one smaller/flap style light pink leather Coach purse and one smaller zip-top white/multicolor Dooney and Bourke purse that I don’t use, simply because I have migrated to larger handbags. They are both in new/barely used (in fact, I am not sure I have ever carried the pink one) condition and have been stored in appropriate bags. I love the pink Coach one especially, I simply just don’t use it. Would love somebody here to have them and allow me to recoup a bit to maybe put towards a bag I would use more.

  6. Early TJ it seems: from Europe sorry for the X murder again in a school this morning. From Europe, this was something we feel sorry for you in the US. Not to start issues but we really do not understand how this can happen still over the years. We share your grief and feel sorry for the children and their parents, the family.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I think part of it is part of the larger framework of healthcare access in America. Obviously, gun control and weapons access is a piece of it, but even if guns were made 100% illegal tomorrow, there’d still be plenty of guns in the world and in the US and plenty of ways for someone hell-bent on getting a gun to get one. There would be fewer shootings, but I don’t think our overall violence as a society would necessarily diminish (and to be fair, I believe CT has very strict gun control laws (for a US state, probably not by European standards)).

      I think to perpetrate a mass shooting like that, at an elementary school, there has to be some level of mental illness. And I think lack of affordable, accessible healthcare (including psychiatric services), the stigma associated with seeking treatment for mental illness, and of course, not enough safeguards set up in our gun control system all contribute to a problem like this.

      To clarify – I’m not defending the shooter(s). I think there is a special place in H*ll reserved for anyone who would do something like this. But I also think one must not be entirely sane to get to that point.

      • It seems to me it’s mostly the stigma. The shooter’s mom was (supposedly) a teacher at the school, so she would have been trained on mental illness and would likely have access to medical care. I think people don’t want to admit it about their children/loved ones/co-workers/people they barely know so how are they to judge/etc.

        Safeguards in the gun control system for this are obviously very important, but like you said, Connecticut probably has them. I just don’t know.

        • I think it’s entirely possible that it was a situation where the parents didn’t want to admit it about their child, but I also feel it’s necessary to say that the training most teachers have on mental illness can be extremely minimal.

        • momentsofabsurdity :

          That’s true, I imagine the stigma is a big part of it. But even with excellent medical care, access to mental healthcare, particularly if you are severely mentally ill, is seriously problematic. I watched a friend go through a serious mental issue, which required hospitalization, and even though she had excellent insurance, she was still discharged well before she and her doctors were ready because inpatient mental health treatment is quite expensive and the insurance company basically gave her 15 days before she needed to be released from treatment.

          So even if your insurance is excellent on other fronts, it can be incredibly meager when it comes to mental health services.

          • Plus, if you have a history of treatment for mental illness, you’re kind of screwed insurance-wise unless you make sure to never have a lapse in coverage and always be part of a big plan (like through a large company).

            So sad. As my Capital Weather Gang guys said, “Saddest sunny day since 9-11.” It is beautiful here in DC today.

          • Anon for this :

            A good friend spent several weeks in an inpatient facility and told me that she was incredibly grateful she had the resources to cover her stay as there was no way her insurance (which was excellent in many ways) would. She said she was so disheartened to see others leaving before they were fully helped because they couldn’t afford a longer stay.

        • I haven’t met too many teachers who have the first clue about mental illness. And HE WAS TWENTY. Not like she could make him get are. Quit trying to figure out stuff that we can’t know the answer to.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Add a knife attack at a school in China today. The teacher died protecting the children.


    • Good Grief :

      I really don’t think this is the time for condescending comments from Perfect Flawless Europe.

      • Amen!

      • I don’t think that was condescending. And I think it’s really sad that some people in the US love to tell the rest of the world to be more like us, but hate to hear any criticism or advice from other countries. Are we really so perfect that no other country could possibly have anything valuable to contribute as an example?

        • of course we are not perfect. But neither is Europe. so to come on here and say, “not to start anything, but I cant understand how this can happen in your country” when it also happens in Europe, is a little weird and condescending.

          • She didn’t say anything about “How this can happen in the US” but how it can still happen, and as someone in Norway where this happened two years ago – I’m in shock that a similar event can still happen after what happened here – regardless of where it happens. Europe or the US.

          • I guess my reading is just more generous. These things do happen in Europe too (though to a much lesser frequency) but I also think that there is just a much better approach to guns there. And the fact is that gun related crime is just lower in most Western European countries, period. I also may be more sensitive to this because I really hate the whole “we don’t want to be like Europe” strain of thought. There are so many different ways that I do wish we were more like France! That’s not to say that Europe is some magical haven – it has its own issues. But I think both the US and Europe could learn a lot from each other (not to mention other continents).

          • Cornellian :

            It was a bit weird, I agree, but it seems like she was coming from a good place. Finland has actually had a strangely high number of mass shootings, and I remember one in Germany around the time I was in high school there. http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2012/12/14/nine-facts-about-guns-and-mass-shootings-in-the-united-states/ is a good article on it

        • Good Grief :

          For me, it was “From Europe, this was something we feel sorry for you in the US” that struck me as condescending.

          • That was my first impulse as well, though I do wonder if there is a language barrier and the OP really meant only to express her sympathies.

          • I thought that perhaps the poster was just not the best at English… but I could have been condescending myself and reading the weird syntax incorrectly.

          • And why shouldn’t Europeans feel sorry for us and our breathtaking rates of gun violence?

            An American (who also feels sorry)

          • Europe? Where the goon-cop-thugs are hurting the unarmed protestors?

      • Seriously.

      • saacnmama :

        I don’t think that was the tone of that post. It’s hard for anyone, anywhere to understand how this kind of thing keeps happening or how the US refuses to do the things they are obvious because they might not be enough. The killers in these things usually use legally-obtained weapons. If those were illegal, then when we found people had them, we could arrest them before they perpetrated violence. They are obviously mentally not right, but mental health treatment is so hard to get covered, and as someone else mentioned, if you get it on your record, you’re basically screwed. And the whole thing is just sick.

    • 15 people including 9 kids were killed in a school shooting in Germany 3 years ago. Europe isn’t immune to this epidemic.

      • Not to mention Utoya…

      • While not a school, the massacre at the summer camp in Norway was horrific. I also recall an attack at a school in France earlier this year.

    • I don’t want to get into a political discussion by listing them, particularly about this tragic situation, but there are a lot of things that I feel sorry for Europeans about, too.

    • Young Consultant :

      My European boyfriend and I were discussing this today, and in many ways I agree with momentsofabsurdity. Because gun control laws are so different here than they are in the rest of the “west”, I think it can be an easy thing to jump to, but I think there is a lot more at play leading to all the violent crime in america.

      I can’t remember all the stats anymore, but America does not typically have much higher overall crime levels than other industrialized nations, but we do have much much more violent crime. To me, this really must be a cultural/societal issue. I think we need to start looking at how we discuss and teach about violence and crime to our children, and how we cope with poverty and mental illness in our communities. I believe to really reduce violent crime rates it will take much more than gun control.

      And of course my European-Scandinavian boyfriend thinks we just need to deal with guns like every other western country… (I don’t mean this snarky, it’s just interesting to think about perspectives)

      • One thing I’ve heard (and I think it was mentioned in the Atlantic article that someone posted earlier) is that, at least between the US and UK, more UK home invasions happen when the occupants are there. Presumably because the American burglars are worried that people have guns. Not sure if this is true, but I’d so much rather have burglars take my stuff while I’m at work than while I’m in bed.

        • Yes, it was in that article I posted earlier (http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/12/the-case-for-more-guns-and-more-gun-control/309161/). I thought a lot of the stuff about crime rates in the article was interesting, but hard to know how much was true.

        • Not so sure... :

          If the price we pay is for fewer “hot” burglaries are the shootings of 20 small children in Connecticut and shootings in Oregon, Minneapolis, Tulsa, Wisconsin, Colorado, Seattle, and California all in the same year, not to mention overall higher rates of gun violence, I’m not so sure that it’s worth it. Or at least, I’m not so sure it’s worth it to me.

          • Anonymous :

            The solution is this…

            “Within the realm of constitutional options, the most practical remedy I can think of would be to require that a certain number of teachers or administrators in each school be trained in the use of firearms and armed at all times. That would probably deter most school shooters. It is curious, but true, that even those killers who do not intend to survive their crimes never seem to open fire in the presence of another armed person. No one tries to shoot up a biker bar.”

            From PowerLine, the conservative blog….This is the policy in Israel. In the U.S. town where I live most, if not all of the public schools, have an armed city police officer at the school during school hours. Creating ‘gun-free’ zones just tells evil people where to go. The best offense is a good defense.

    • Anon For This :

      As I sit in my Connecticut home, a few miles away from Newtown, this thread makes me sick. Young children were brutally murdered today. These are our towns, our children. Go read Jezebel for a blog that as something meaningful and real to say.

      • Anonymous :

        If you’re so sick, get off this site. Don’t spend your time critiquing the rest of us.

        • Anon For This :

          Happy to. This is supposed to be a fashion site. The intellectualizing of such a tragedy is heartless ans sickening. Look in the mirror. Your inaction is also to blame.

  7. I feel like a total Grinch, but seriously, I get so tired of potluck holiday parties. I have one tonight and cooked last weekend and last night for it. Then yesterday, a potluck lunch was announced for work next week. One more thing to do this weekend!

    Any thoughts about something substantial I could make ahead for a party on Wednesday? Thought about barbecued beef, but I’d have to be able to microwave it.

    • Could you go to a Costco or equivalent and get something pre-prepared that you just need to warm up? Then you don’t have to worry about cooking!

      Or else, could you make something you could bring in a crock pot to keep warm? Like chili (or the barbecued beef maybe.) For these sorts of things my mom used to make these huge bowls of a salmon pasta salad with cherry tomatoes and cucumbers and a light creamy sauce that could be served cold, which was nice and didn’t need to be heated up.

      • Unfortunately, I no longer have a crockpot, but I might be able to borrow one. That would be a good idea. I usually bring pasta or vegetable salads to summer potlucks. I’m one of the few people who actually cooks so I feel like it should be real food.

    • Sometimes, when I’m feeling lazy I bring a salad to these sorts of things. There’s always so much heavy food that it’s good to have something different. You can also dress up salads and make them look really gourment when they took 30 seconds by adding dried fruit, nuts, crumbled cheese, etc.

      Of course, this only helps if you haven’t been explicitly asked to bring a main dish…

      • That’s actually a good idea. I could make my holiday harvest salad with apples, cranberries, dates, and walnuts. I haven’t been asked to bring a main dish, just feeling like I should because so many people don’t cook.

        • I would bring a substantial salad. What you mentioned, a lentil salad, or that butternut squash salad from smitten kitchen that people have raved about on here. If you don’t have somewhere to reliably heat up your food, you can only do so much unless you want to go the crockpot route. You could alternatively bring nice bread (homemade or store bought) with some kind of jam/spread.

          Disclaimer: I am feeling grinchy about holiday potlucks right now, although I think I have managed to make decent suggestions.

          • I made the smitten kitchen salad for thanksgiving and it’s amazing. Super easy, good at room temperature, just awesome.

          • You did make decent suggestions! I’m wondering about something like curried lentils with yogurt and pita on the side. That would be easy, too.

          • NOLA, I’m grinchy because all the vegetarian stuff was gone by the time I made it through the line in my recent potluck holiday party experience, so lentils with yogurt and pita sounds like an awesome idea.

          • I just talked to a couple of young staff here and they thought the curried lentils were a great idea. That’s what I’m going to do!

    • This is when I offer to bring the plates, utensils, napkins, cokes or Solo cups. But, then again, no one wants to eat the food I make so there is that…

    • I’m also a Grinch about potlucks. Made brownies for a work potluck today. Didn’t get started until 8:30 last night when I was already beyond tired from having not slept well the night before. Then I discovered halfway through that I didn’t have enough eggs and had to run to Target in my jammies. The brownies weren’t done until close to 10:30.

      The kicker? There were SO MANY DESSERTS that maybe 5 people ate the d*mn brownies. And trust, these are really good brownies! What a waste of time.

    • Pioneer Woman’s spicy pulled pork. It’s the jam and feeds a lot and would hold it’s temperature nicely in a crock pot.

      eek note: I have been invited to zero holiday parties. I am really quite happy about it. We don’t have a work one because there are too many of us (fine by me!).

      • *its* temperature.

      • I was sort of sad to realize that I’m only going to two holiday parties this year, but then I remembered that all I want to do is relax anyway. Not so bad :)

        • I really feel good about it. I’m going to ChristmasTown at Busch Gardens….does that count? I can’t wait to eat junk food. :D

  8. Clarks website = 25% off today only, use code FNF12

  9. Anonymous :

    Hi there – having an open house next week, an annual thing (usually 30-40 people attend). Each year, we get a number of hostess gifts, usually wine. It’s so sweet, but we don’t drink a lot of wine, and I don’t think it can be donated. I’d rather people bring a canned food item that I can take to a charity, if they’re moved to bring something. Is there a polite way to word this on the emailed invite?

    • You might just end up getting wine + canned food items. Honestly, I keep the majority of the gifts I get as hostess gifts and pass them along when I go to other homes.

    • Why don’t you just put on the invite that you’ll be collecting for the local food pantry so if people are interested in contributing they can bring a can of food? It’s not like it’s a gift grab and that will cue anyone who was thinking about bringing you a gift to bring food instead.

    • I’m in DC area and accept wine donations. :)

    • You could totally ask people to bring a canned good for the local food pantry. But I’d be prepared for people to still bring you a hostess gift – because of habit (and Catholic/Jewish/mother-induced guilt).

      For the wine, do you have qualms about simply repurposing it as gifts for others throughout the year? It seems like you’d never have to run out to get bottles of wine to bring to a dinner party ever! Woot. You could also bring them into work and give them out to co-workers – or just distribute them to friends.

      (If you have a party later in the year, you could use them for some kind of party favor/raffle item or something.)

      • Anonymous :

        Yes, we do repurpose it as gifts and for parties. I try to cook with it too.

  10. What is everyone up to this weekend?

    Is tarte au citron suitably Christmas-y? I am going to a holiday party and while I love mince pie, I cannot eat another one this season.

    • I made the no-bake Nutella cheesecake last night for a party. It’s so easy. I use the recipe for the individual ones, but I double it because I have a huge tart pan (11 inch?)

      I am going to a party tonight. Rehearsal in the morning with strings because we are singing the Christmas portion of the Messiah twice on Sunday morning. Another party tomorrow night (not a potluck, thankfully) then a very early morning on Sunday to start singing at 8:30.

      • I second the no bake nutella. It is easy and amazing. I’m betting you could tweak the recipe to make a different flavored no bake cheesecake if nutella isn’t your thing (the horror).

      • Crescent rolls with nutella. A little powdered sugar on top after they come out of the oven. Serve with a glass of red wine. It’s amazing. Seriously, amazing.

      • Has anyone managed to do the no-bake Nutella cheesecake without an electric mixer? I don’t have one here, but that looks AMAZING. Cream cheese and Nutella are pretty dense, so I don’t know if I could manage it with a whisk…

        • I made it with a hand mixer the other night but I think I might have mixed it with a wooden spoon the first time I made it. I have never been one to use electric appliances much when baking and I have a sturdy wooden spoon. A whisk would definitely not work. You do have to leave the cream cheese out to soften.

    • Research, Not Law :

      Yes, definitely! While it’s not traditional, you’re not the only one who tires of the usuals.

  11. I like the shoes, Kat!

  12. You guys, I have to confess that I’ve been an utter failure at planning the ATL meet-up, but as part of my resolution to stop spending every waking hour at the office, I’m going to take another stab at it. I know we’re coming up to the holidays, so let’s talk early January: how’s the weekend of the 5-6 or the 12-13 for all y’all?

    • e_pontellier :

      cbackson, I posted on the morning thread (don’t know if you’ll see it), but I’d love to get together. I’m e.pontellier.r et te [at] gmail [dot] com.

    • Rose in Bloom :

      I can do the 12-13 and maybe the 5-6. Thanks for taking the lead in planning again! I hear you on the work – I’ve turned in to a read-at-night lurker only as it’s been a crazy few months.

  13. Clarks is also on 6pm; same boots in brown are 131 and very similar black shoes for 75-85 dollars

  14. I’ve noticed lately I’ve been falling into a takeout rut, and so this weekend (probably Sunday) I’m going to make black bean soup to stick in the freezer so that I don’t have an excuse. What are everyone’s suggestions for other freezable things? Caveat: I don’t have a microwave or a crockpot (I had one, but it was DOA, as one might suspect of something one got for $5 in a doorbusters sale) so it needs to be easy to pop in the oven or dump in a pot. Also, probably less heavy, I’m trying to make sure I don’t gain back my lost weight with a return to the Ricotta Diet.

    • If you eat meat, roast a chicken, or buy a rotisserie chicken at the store. Then all you have to do is make a side dish or two (something simple, like steamed rice or a baked potato and probably a vegetable) and boom, you have dinner. If you roast it yourself, you can probably freeze some of the meat for later.

    • Jacqueline :

      For batch cooking, I really like Martha Stewart’s vegetarian chili (I skip the zucchini and double the canned tomatoes). It freezes well!


    • ChocCityB&R :

      I like visiting Trader Joe’s for freezable foods (especially if you live alone or with one other person). I find that when I make my own stuff I don’t really want to eat it later.

    • I blog about freezable meals! (I’m sorry, regular readers, who know I pop up about once a week to tell people this.) You can get to my blog through my handle. I don’t have a microwave, either, so everything I make is reheated by stovetop or in the oven.

      Many soups/stews freeze well. I also like freezing components of meals: for example, I’ll make a big batch of marinara and freeze it in portions suitable for feeding our family once. Then, when we’re moaning about the lack of food in the house, we can have pasta with homemade sauce. I’ve also frozen breakfast things, like steelcut oats and breakfast burritos.

      Finally, having the right containers really helps. I buy in bulk from Pactogo (which you can google); I freeze a lot of stuff in their 8×8 square cake foil pans, covered in foil. I also use the deli containers in 16 oz and 1 quart sizes. The deli containers are reusable, but the foil end up in the garbage. Less waste than takeout, but not perfect.

      Feel free to ask me additional questions on my FB page or through the blog, if you have them!

    • I freeze soups (chicken with barley, lentil with sausage), chili, or barbecued beef. The barbecued beef roasts in the oven for 4 hours but otherwise takes little prep and you could freeze it in smaller portion sizes. Let me know if you want the recipe.

      • I’d love, love the recipe. I do bbq pork sometimes (or did, when I had a functional crock pot) (probably getting one for Christmas)

        • 4 lb beef roast (rump roast or bottom round)
          1 cup diced celery
          1 cup chopped onion
          1 cup chopped green pepper
          1 bottle Heinz chile sauce (12 oz?)
          1 bottle ketchup (14 oz)
          1 14 oz bottle of water (rinse out the ketchup bottle)
          1 Tbsp sugar
          1 Tbsp cider vinegar
          salt and pepper

          Put the roast in a heavy Dutch oven. Cover the roast with the vegetables, then the sauce ingredients (I put the water over all of it). Cover. Roast at 325 for 4 hours. Take the roast out of the sauce and pull it apart with forks (removing fat). Put it back in the sauce.

          Done! This is a recipe my mom used to make for when we had family visiting for football games. It’s still a favorite. I’ve had friends try it in a crock pot but it gets a little watery.

    • I’m terrible at freezing meals, but I try to be good about advance prep work. For example, if I’m going to need onions or other veggies during the week, I’ll chop up what I need on Sunday and store them in a container in the fridge. If I need to put together marinades, I’ll do that as well. I only do this because I am so.freaking.lazy that if I have to do any prep work at all during the week, 9 times out of 10, I’ll order takeout. I recently saw at my grocery store that they had frozen already-chopped onion.

      For me, the freezer is generally where things go to die. But, I have had good luck with freezing tomato sauce and using it. Fill freezer safe bags with enough sauce for a portion or two, and then freeze them flat (easiest on a cookie sheet). I’ve run them under warm water and then put the still-mostly-frozen sauce in a pan and warmed them through. Also, if you pre-make and cook meatballs, you can freeze them and then drop frozen meatballs directly into the tomato sauce. From frozen to ready, they take about 25 minutes to cook through.

    • I sometimes make a big pot of lentils soup with onions, pour everything in the mixer then freeze.
      You can heat it in a pot, add a little EVOO, some shredded cheese and croutons
      Very yummy

  15. Diana Barry :

    To the ladies who had expressed interest in the clothes I have, I’m sorry I haven’t emailed you yet. I will try to take pictures this weekend!!!!

  16. anonone23 :

    Love the booties! I wear boots under pants all winter to keep rain and cold out.

  17. Has anyone tried perming just the bottom half of their long hair? I have long, straight hair and I think it only looks polished when I use a curling iron and create large waves at the ends. I have had many bad 80’s/90’s perms so I will not dare try to have my whole head permed. I want to just perm the bottm and I figure if it looks awful, I can just cut it off and it would still be past my shoulders.

    • Maybe one of the Korean or digital perms would be appropriate? That seems like the look you are going for.

    • S in Chicago :

      Haven’t permed but would be a little worried about how that might lay as you part differently, etc. Have you used hot rollers on the ends only? I do this all the time and it takes almost no work . I just throw them in before getting breakfast in the morning or before putting on my makeup. Much easier than fussing with a curling iron. It literally takes like 3 min. to put in and maybe 10 min or so to set. I have two different sets and they heat up much faster than their 80s or 90s counterparts. If you haven’t tried, I would totally recommend that route first. Less risk.

  18. Going-anon from this morning :

    I’m the poster who has made a resolution to become debt-free and get out of the legal world in the next 24 months. I realized last night how much guilt has been motivating me to stay where I am not happy, specifically:

    Guilt that my parents had to work long, miserable jobs and buy used clothes just so that we could barely scrape by, and as an attorney, I am somehow disrespecting their sacrifices by choosing to leave a salary that they could not work enough hours in the day to earn.

    Guilt that because I genuinely want to go back to a helping profession, that I am making it harder for other women around me who don’t want to be pink-collar.

    So here is my weekend thread question: Do you have anything in your life (professional or personal) that you do or remain in because of guilt, even if it doesn’t bring you happiness? What do you feel guilty about?

    • espresso bean :

      Regular poster, but I changed my name to be a little more anonymous.

      Good question! I don’t know about guilt, but I definitely do things because I feel like I’m “supposed to” (not sure who thinks that I should do things… society? I don’t know). I have a great job, but I could probably live on a lot less, but I feel like I need to make a certain income to have certain things. I don’t even mean material things — I don’t spend tons on clothes or anything, but just a lifestyle — my own place in an expensive city, the ability to travel abroad 1-2x a year, that kind of thing.

    • Going-anon from this morning :

      Also, I just wanted to say – the support from the hive was overwhelming. I am so thankful for this community.

    • I’m new to posting here, but wanted to express my total support for your decision to get out of the legal world if that’s what you want to do. There are too many opportunities to use the skills you have toward your goal of helping others for you to stay in a job you don’t like. I am a huge believer in the power of changing careers and a witness to how hard it can be to leave all that guilt behind. Not to mention the debt thing. I’ve written about a number of people who have left the legal world for more satisfying work over at life after law blog dot com. Best of luck with your own transition.

    • I’m much better than I used to be about this issue, but sometimes I still feel guilty about being a working mom. Am I REALLY doing right by my child and my family? Deep down, I know the answer is yes, our family is better off because I work, but I can’t deny that I’ve made trade-offs — the biggest one being TIME with my DS. My mother stayed at home and so did all of her friends, so I have no basis for comparison about how all this is ‘supposed’ to work or look. When I did entertain the idea of staying at home (which DH was vehemently against), I felt guilty for even thinking about turning my back on my education, my hard work and other professional women. In my ideal world, I’d work 25 hours a week and call it good, but that just isn’t possible in my profession and I’m not qualified to do anything else.

      I admire the heck out of you, Going-anon. You are making such a brave, powerful decision.

      • I have a cousin with two daughters who struggles with this all the time. She said that what makes her feel its the right decision though is that she would not want her daughters to grow up to stay home and she feels like she is setting a great example for them by doing what she is doing. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with choosing to stay home if that’s what you want, but I thought it was a good to think about it.

        • Thank you for posting this. Sometimes, just knowing that other women feel this way is enough to make me feel like I’m not royally screwing it all up.

      • I think it’s important is for your kids to know that you like your profession and that it brings you some happiness and that’s why you do it. My mom worked for a long time, then stopped working to take care of us, then started her career again. It was difficult for her to start over, but I think I admired that she stuck with it because it made her happier.

    • I don’t know if “guilt” was what I experienced. When I was at the firm and didn’t like my job, I felt ungrateful. It looked like I had everything a girl could want: what appeared to be an awesome job that paid me more money each year than I could make doing anything else (and far more than most people make in several years), a supportive family, an education, etc.—and yet it wasn’t “enough” and I felt ungrateful for not sufficiently appreciating what I had when I knew other people would love to have what I did. Really, what did I have to complain about? A job I didn’t like that paid me a lot? Not very sympathetic. I not sure if this is the same feeling you’re talking about.

      I can’t say I have a similar feeling about anything in my life anymore. Hopefully you too will feel free of this emotional burden once you’re able to move on to another career.

    • I feel guilt because I stepped away from my high-paying job to spend some time with the kids. I feel guilty that I did not enjoy being at home. I am not domestic. However, me going back to work means me being the breadwinner. When my husband stays home, I feel guilt for resenting him when he has so much free time.

    • I keep a couple of old friends that I have nothing in common with anymore and whose company I don’t really enjoy just because we have been friends for so long.

      • I think almost everyone has one or two of these. They’re almost more like family. I think the only problem is when the friendship is actively dysfunctional/draining, or when the person is your significant other.

        • I suppose and this is how I try to think of it, too. I think there is a value to be had from being able to know someone for 22 years, let’s say. But sometimes I just think what am I doing? Recently, I went to visit a friend like that for the weekend and it was just like, why am I spending my weekend doing this? And, then I feel terrible about it and promise to come back soon.

          • May or may not happen, but perhaps 22 years from now you will once again have things in common and enjoy their company? I have a couple of wildcard friends from past jobs and schools who became close even though at the time we almost never hung out and were very different. I also have a friend who used to make crazy drama in my life, who I tried to cut off forever, who recently moved near me. I was brainstorming how to avoid ever seeing her, but instead decided to try starting over completely and it’s turned out to be a great new chapter for us. Life is long and interesting, and I find that friendship isn’t scientific.

      • Yep, I have one of those. And I feel so terrible for feeling that way, especially because she doesn’t have a lot of close girlfriends.

    • OP–Kindly, and in support of your decisions: maybe you could consider your background and motives as reasons to challenge stereotypes about what work is “pink collar” and what that means? You’re able and qualified to make more money, but you want to be in a helping profession instead. For all you know, this is true of most or all of the other people in your future field as well? Assuming the best of them lets you also see the best in your own choices.

      As for my own guilt, I’d say it’s similar to what SunnyD says, though along somewhat different lines. To keep it vague, I have a lot of things in my life that others would wish for, but sometimes I get very bogged down focusing on what I don’t have.

      • I appreciate your input. I certainly don’t think other women in my area are in pink collar jobs because they aren’t qualified to be in other positions. It’s more that I live in a region where there is a lot of social pressure for women to be in pink collar jobs, to stay home with their children, etc. Because I didn’t grow up here, I’m somewhat impervious to that pressure, but I feel guilty because I am one of the only female attorneys in my area (and other women have expressly told me that they point me out as a role model for their daughters for career goals), and I feel like there is a real dearth of role models for girls in this area who don’t want to have pink collar jobs.

        So there is this weird guilty pull in that I actually *want* to be in a more traditionally female-based/helping profession, but that I don’t want to make it harder than it already is for women in this area who do want to pursue more traditional professional roles.

        I can feel guilty about the strangest things…

        • I totally get it, and went through something similar. Sadly, I think it goes something like: “I want to be the one X in this sea of Ys, so that other Xs will see that it can be done. Oh wait, here I am among the Ys, and hating it. I see why so few Xs come/stay here.” Then you make the best decision you can knowing that working toward your own happiness has a more reasonable expected return than working to make a point. Your guilt is understandable but I’m glad you’re not caving to it.

    • Sometimes I feel guilty for being lonely and bored and discontent even though I should feel lucky to have so much free time as a single, childless woman. So many articles talk about how women need and deserve more “me” time. I have plenty of “me” time. I want more “us” time.

    • I think I’m a lot like you. I work in a male-dominated field and ended up here because of a knack for numbers and stats. I like my job, but I’m not passionate about it. If I did it all over, I would be an elementary school teacher. But I think I would feel tremendously guilty for not using the skills I have, especially when there aren’t enough women presently represented in this line of work.

    • I don’t really feel guilt. I might have before, but it’s been so long that I don’t remember. Sometimes I think that we, as women, put too much pressure on ourselves to pick just one thing and expect it to continue to be satisfying throughout our years. I don’t expect the decisions I made when I was 20 to be satisfying and fulfilling now that I’m 40. I’ve changed careers 1.5 times by now (I also started my first career when I was 18). I also stayed home for a few years, right after our child was born. I probably felt guilt about not enjoying that more, until I realized that it was OK to find staying at home a little unfulfilling and not for me. I’m reaching the point in my life where I truly do not care what other people think of me, my decisions and choices (exception for my DH, I care very much what he thinks. I think that’s good, actually). It’s incredibly freeing. But at the same time, I don’t really relate to the angst my friends who are also working mothers are experiencing. I know some of them really struggle with “balance” “having it all” “living in the moment.” I can’t really explain it well, but I don’t allow myself to get sucked into that narrative at all. We do what works for us, and I’m good with that. Be easy on yourself, ladies! It’s OK to change your mind every now and again. :)

    • I feel a lot of guilt about buying things and not using them. This has directly led to my packratty tendencies that I am now trying to get rid of. Ironic, no? But I can’t keep holding onto things because I might use them some day. Nobody has that kind of storage space.

    • Anonymous :

      Posting here because you might not go back to Friday morning’s thread:
      In my own thinking about changing careers/possibly getting out of law entirely, I found Michael Melcher’s articles and book (“The Creative Lawyer”) extremely helpful. Many of his articles (some original printed in the NYT) are available free on his website — www [dot] michaelmelcher [dot] com. (Click on “Ideas” and “Share” at the top of the page.) One of the best is “Why Thinking Like a Lawyer Is Bad for Your Career.”

  19. Somebody needs to stop me! Last week I went Christmas shopping and got a necklace for SIL and a ring for me. Today I went Christmas shopping and got a ring for cousin and a necklace and a ring and then some shoes for me.

    This is not good!

    • I’m picturing you skipping through the department stores picking up random scarves, necklaces saying “One for YOU! One for ME!”

      • That’s ONE for you and TWO for me!

        Oy, I need to stop!

      • Now *I’m* picturing this too (only I don’t know what Tuesday looks like so in my mind she’s a fairy) and its making me giggle. Which is good because I needed that.

    • I don’t know…the sale prices this time of year tend to make me shop for myself as well. Sorry…or, just enjoy?

      • You’re right, Monday, it is the prices and availability (I got the jewelry at the Christmas Booths). But still — two rings and a necklace?!

        Not that I have any intention of returning them, or of saving them as gifts for someone else. I fully intend to wear and enjoy them. It’s just that I rarely buy so many wants-not-needs for myself at once; makes it feel weird.

        OK, trying to shake it off now.

      • Yes! This is what I’m having trouble with. I’ve had my eye on a few things that have gone on sale thanks to the various discounts this time of year. I know they’re good deals/I’ll use them, but then I feel guilty because I think that I could use that money towards nicer gifts for everyone else.

    • I bought myself two cashmere sweaters yesterday. Today, when I realized that there was no way I was going to get the book I wanted to get my mom before Christmas, I went back and bought one for her.


      In my defense, I lost a ton of weight last year and hit goal just in time for spring…so my winter wardrobe is a little thin on the ground.

      • Cashmere is definitely a need, not a want — no defense needed!

        PS: Congrats on the weight loss.

  20. party girl :

    Does anyone have suggestions for ice-breakers/fun games for an ADULT birthday party? I’m throwing a party for my husband and would like to have 1-2 “fun things” for everyone to do. He’s turning 31 – and also, our party will be alcohol-free since he’s currently taking some medication and can’t drink…so I thought party games would be fun – but I don’t have any ideas?

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I’ve recommended this before but… Cards Against Humanity. Seriously. You won’t regret it.

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        Well actually you might. You definitely need to have an occasionally lewd sense of humor. But I’ve never played a game of it that didn’t end in hysterical laughter.

      • Is that like apples to apples?

        • momentsofabsurdity :

          Yeah, it’s basically like a dirty apples to apples.

          • It’s totally how all my friends and I already play Apples to Apples, so I loved it–I bought two sets to give as presents this year!

      • This.

      • Cards Against Humanity are sold out according to their website. :(

    • I understand he may feel bad not being able to drink, but maybe re-think the no-alcohol policy? it seems a little overbearing to make everyone stay non-alcoholic just because he has to. and honestly, adults tend to expect some alcohol at grown-up parties.

      • party girl :

        I should have clarified – we live in an area where most adults don’t drink alcoholic beverages, actually. He and I are sort of outliers on this, and it’s perfectly normal to go to a BBQ or gathering where there is not a beer in sight around here (but sweet tea galore). So while if I were living in 95% of the country, I’m sure this would be wild, at least 70% of the people coming don’t drink alcohol at all, and another 10-20% only drink a few times a year, like champagne at weddings.

        (But we like to drink and so he’s a little bummed about this 9 months of medicine).

        • Karaoke. Seriously. Best party ever.

          • I love you NOLA, but disagree.

          • Ha ha. Well, when I said best party ever, I was referring to my own 40th birthday party which was an awesome party. But a lot of my friends are hams and singers and they loved it. The ones who didn’t sing enjoyed the spectacle.

          • Okay, to clarify, I hate singing in public and have an awful voice, and all my friends in HS were obsessed with karaoke, so I have a lot of traumatic associations. If people will let me be the cheering section and/or adoring fan section, no problem. But if people expect me to *sing*, I will put on my Misery Face. Just tryna stand up for my fellow non-musically-inclined people.

    • GirlMeetsWorld :

      How about Mafia?!

    • My favorite ice-breaker game for corporate parties is People Bingo. Google it if you haven’t heard of it.

    • You could write the names of different celebrities on stickers, and then each person gets a sticker on her/his forehead. Each person has to guess who they are by asking questions of the other guests (who are also trying to figure out who they are themselves).

      If you’re in a non-drinking area, are you doing some kind of fun non-alcoholic drinks? Fancy punch, Italian sodas, ice cream floats, etc.