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I keep hearing amazing things about shoes from 1.State (their Saffy heels are available in about 20 colors right now, which is always the mark of a winner). If you're comfortable in 3″ heels, these pictured booties have some great reviews — and they're on a fabulous discount right now, marked to $60 from the original $150. I'm picturing the “stone suede” ones because they show the details better than the lovely black suede ones do, but also because I can see these being fun if you live in a place with a really mild winter and are comfortable wearing booties with bare legs or sheer hose. (Know your office, of course!) The boots come in sizes 5-12, in four colors, and have a ton of sizes left. Preete Booties
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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
vanity anon
I have some bumps on my lower eyelid and just underneath my eye. For vanity, I’d like to get them removed if possible.
Who do I go to? A plastic surgeon? Are cosmetic dermatologists who do this kind of work a thing?
Any recs in Silicon Valley?
I have a derm for annual skin checks, but I’d feel bad taking the time of someone who does medically necessary work and who is extraordinarily booked up (and likely extra expensive for something not covered by insurance).
Anonymous
Ask your regular dermatologist. Either they’ll do it or they can refer you. Do not feel bad about this.
Anon for this
I hate those things! I feel like they go away by themselves but I’ve also had the dermatologist take care of them. I forget what she does — freezing maybe? No pain or problem even when they’ve been on my lashline.
Anon
Go to a dermatologist who can tell you what it is and what can be done about it. You probably shouldn’t just go willy nilly removing parts of your skin without getting it diagnosed first. I wouldn’t start with a plastic surgeon without a dermatologist referral, unless the plastic surgeon was ALSO a dermatologist.
Anon
Yep, regular dermatologist. I’m guessing you’re talking about milia? I’ve had them removed before. My derm just pricked them with a needle and whatever was inside came out, it bled a tiny bit and healed up in a week or two. It’s super simple and super common, don’t feel bad about wasting their time!
AFT
Maybe milia, which I understand to be basically gunk stuck in your pores? My dermatologist can take care of them — I would start there. I’ve been told that some jurisdictions allow a medspa to remove them (not endorsing that and it’s not permitted in my jurisdiction).
Vanity anon
Thank you, all! I’ll ask my regular dermatologist.
NOLA
I have the 1.State Nead bootie, with a similar zipper style but pointy toe and only a 1.25″ heel. Nordstrom Rack has them in stock, mostly in the mushroom color. They are great looking and really comfortable!
KPM
What would you do? I’ve had to work with a colleague only a few times (and know I’ll have to work a lot more together very soon), and I’ve been experiencing weird undercutting in just our limited interactions. Couple of examples: Phone call to discuss strategy on something, she brings up a bunch of technical roadblocks. I send an email summarizing the call and the road blocks so technical staff can address. Boss weighs in that he doesn’t see them as roadblocks–and she replies to all that she agrees with him. Example 2: Trying to be social with her before a meeting and we talk small talk. During the discussion, she references where we are sitting and that it was same place as the day before’s meeting. I say I should move my computer screen since boss kept leaning over and giving me edits to a project I had up on my screen throughout the day. Boss walks into the new meeting and she says to him loudly that I’m complaining about “his micromanaging.”Handful of other things– all super minor things like this, but all done to make me look bad in some way. I had heard rumors she was difficult to work (taking credit for work she didn’t do, embarrassing folks for minor mistakes, throwing folks under the bus for her own mistakes, etc.). Figured I’d try to form my own impression. I have that impression for sure now. I normally feel like bullies need to be called out on bad behavior or it escalates. That said, right now, she’s a shining star (particularly with my boss). So I don’t want to step into more of a mess with her. Worse still is that my boss has brought up the idea of her reporting to me at some point. Hell no–there’s no way I want to be in her cross hairs anymore than I apparently already am for no reason… Any advice? As I type this out it sounds so middle-school. I’m just miserable to be in the same room and it makes me sad because I’m used to just focusing on the job and really enjoy the job.
Anon
Re: the comment to the boss. “Cindy, I’m certain that I said nothing of that sort. Can you tell me why you got that impression?”
Re: technical emails, in the future, start emails off with: “Cindy expressed concern over the following issues: (….)”
Document the living daylights out of that witch.
Anon
Yes, document everything. Sorry. She sounds awful. But fwiw, if your boss is suggesting that she potentially report to you, he’s clearly not seeing her as a bigger shining star than you. I totally get why you don’t want to manage her, but I would try not to feel threatened.
Ellen
It can be very terrible when you are working with another woman trying to curry favours with the boss. I kind of had this issue with Madeline, but I was so far ahead of her on my billings that the manageing partner never even listened to her when she tried to put me down. The ONLY thing I would look out for is whether she may try and bam boozel your boss into a situeation where she can assert her feminity over you. If he is at all receptive (and that is bad for the workplace), look out! When I was serving supeenies, I was the only woman doeing that, but there was an incompetent secretary who was able to keep her job and get more money b/c she was haveing $ex with the boss in his office every day. There was NOT a thing I could say or do about that. Just make sure to document anything funny that is going on and if you have an HR department, tell them. FOOEY on both of them if true!
BackToWork
Many thanks to all who responded to my post yesterday about going back to work after maternity leave! I truly appreciate all the practical advice and the well-wishes. Postpartum was a difficult time for me and I feel more equipped to go back to work (work is something I at least know how to do!) Really appreciate the community here.
Exercise Thank You
Last week, I posted on an afternoon thread about my lack of motivation to exercise. I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied. The poster who said they only do it when they are paying a price to a gym – I think you’re right. I visited a gym over the weekend that seems to really suit my needs. A really creative 4 story place that offers an array of interesting classes, including things I hadn’t thought of before like aquatics. Then to another poster who pointed out how their family’s degrading health is attributed to their lack of exercise – your comment could not have come at a more choice time. My in-law just had an emergency surgery yesterday that could have been avoided by not leading a sedentary lifestyle. I feel this all was the kick in the pants that I needed and I’m actually looking forward to exercising now that I’ve reshaped it for health reasons and not just a “society says so” reason or “you need to look a certain way” reason.
Anonymous
It’s funny how we start out as kids thinking about exercise/activity as a skill and then as adults it becomes about looks. My kid is in dance, gymnastics, swimming and skating. All of them measure and evaluate skills to determine if a certain level has been passed. None of them involve weight (yes, I know weight is sometimes at thing at competitive levels vs. recreational levels). It really helped me re-orientate my thinking about my exercise as being about health/skills not physical attractiveness.
Equestrian Attorney
I signed up for ballet class a year ago precisely for this reason. It has definitely improved my fitness but I don’t think of it like that at all – I really enjoy it and want to get better. I never had that with regular workouts at the gym.
Anon
I am terribly lazy and hate exercising so I really sympathize with you. I’ve learned for me that pre-paying is a good way to get me to show up. If I’ve already paid and booked the class ahead of time I feel like it’s a waste if I don’t go.
Worry about yourself
I find that just signing up for a class is motivation to go, a holdover from my days as a dancer, but it also helps that ClassPass charges me $15 if I cancel within the 12 hour window. I braved the super cold temps last night for my class, so I wouldn’t have to pay the fee!
Rainbow Hair
Yes! “Society says so” or “you shouldn’t like your body the way it is right now” are such negative things to think about (for me!) that they really don’t work to motivate me.
“You want to be able to lift Kiddo when she’s 5, right?” and “you know you’ll sleep better!” are much better motivators for me.
help for socially anxious spouse
Despite how outgoing he seemed when we were dating, spouse is socially anxious (and comes from people so socially anxious that they are hermits). He is anxious when we have friends over or family (not my parents though or his). We are going to a couple’s house for dinner this weekend and his anxiety is through the roof (won’t like their food (who cares? it is one meal), will find something weird with their cleanliness, will have some sort of bathroom issue, etc. etc.). We have known the couple for years through our children and they are very nice and mellow (BUT THEN THEY MAY BE TOO CRUNCHY). It is always something. Any advice to help him unwind? He is ruining this for me already (and he keeps mouthing off about worries that I think that there is now a good chance of one of our kids repeating while we are there, which will really make the evening memorable). He was on board when we agreed to a date (but is now saying that he felt “he had to agree” . . .).
Anon for this
That stinks. Feed him before you go so he isn’t forced to eat anything “because he has to” — plus then he won’t be hangry, and bring his favorite wine/beer/liquor as your hostess gift so at least he has something to drink. Try to talk to him about therapy, though? It sounds like something else is at root here.
Anon
Therapy and medication. This is a long row to hoe. This isn’t a “give him a pep talk” situation. This is “he needs to see a professional for months and maybe years to manage this” situation.
For this weekend, encourage him as best you can to focus on how short-lived this will be.
If you won’t urge him to seek therapy, you need to consider if you’re ok being an anxiety-widow. This won’t get better on its own. I have a friend whose husband is so gripped with agoraphobia and other anxieties that I haven’t seen him in 13 years – despite seeing the wife every couple months. She operates socially as a singleton and he’s essentially a SAHH.
Anonymous
Agree 100% actually with you and the other commenter. He will even say this, half-joking, and then I hear the “I was a psychology major . . .” shpiel, which is that it is all bunk or nothing is proven, etc., etc. It’s like going to the gym — you can’t make someone go.
Honestly, I’m already the anxiety-widow, just never thought of it in those terms until now.
Anonymous
“You can get help, or you can continue to harm my life and our marriage by your refusal to do so. I can’t force you to get treatment, but I’m also not willing to live a life ruled by your anxiety.”
JazzyRose
This this this! You need to lay down the boundaries of him expressing this in front of the kids (because they might repeat it). Is there any way you could tell him you only have the bandwidth to talk about this at certain times (ie he can’t spill his worries continuously.)
Anonymous
With that level of anxiety – if he’s not already doing that.
More immediately, can you help him talk through his fears using ‘and then what’ – basically to help him realize that even if the fears occurred – things are not that bad.
Anonymous
“Tom, we need to talk about your anxiety. I understand going to our friends house was difficult for you. Your constant worrying is taking a toll on me too- I like our friends and need to continue to spend time with people. I’d like you to talk to a professional about this.”
Anonymous
Sorry to say, you probably have to accept him at face value (unless this is new behavior). When someone shows you how they are, believe them, and adjust your expectations.
Anon
Right. It seems like this is either a very sudden change in his behavior (in which case, yes, therapy, doctors, etc) or this is how he’s always been, in which case why are you trying to change him? Sorry to be blunt, but if this is who he is, it’s who he is. Not enjoying socializing isn’t necessarily inherently bad or something that requires medication, it’s just not compatible with what you want to do.
Anonymous
OP here. I think it wasn’t a big deal when we had babies or toddlers and they were always napping or went to bed very early, we were more tired, I was nursing, someone was potty training, you get the idea. But after years of what seems to be kid-induced reduced social opportunities (or just daytime things or meeting at restaurants), it was nice that someone actually invited us over.
[And b/c it hadn’t really reared it head in a while, I’m realizing that I do 99% of play dates, kids movies, kids activities, meet people at the pool, dinner with friends; if I were to die now, I think they’d never leave the house to do things with other people. Thank g-d we don’t home school — they’d never know other people existed.]
Anon
I don’t know, I think I’d really push for therapy even if this isn’t a new thing. It sounds horrible to live like that (for husband, but also for OP) and there’s a good chance therapy will help!
Anon
My husband can get like this before an event. We’ve been married a long time. Basically I tell him to shut the f up if it gets on my nerves, all the complaining about how much it’s going to suck, and he’s just going because I made him, etc. I try to remind him that he will have a good time once we are there, because we always do, but it really shouldn’t be my job to manage his ridiculous b1tching and moaning all the time.
For what it’s worth, my friends who have hung out with us as a couple all think he’s a great, fun guy. They have no idea.
Aggie
My husband can also get like this. Instead of talking about the event throughout the week, I will let him know in the morning that we have dinner plans that evening. It might be something as simple as pizza with the kids….or an event at a friend’s house. If he does not have the opportunity to cycle through every possibility, he has a great time.
(I also keep granola bars in my purse in case the food truly is not to his liking…but more often than not my youngest will find it a few days later.)
Anon
Omigoodness, yes. Except mine starts asking me (days in advance) how long we have to stay at social events. He once tried to explain it away under the label of social anxiety. “Oh, sorry to hear that. Would it help if you pretend they are clients or prospective clients? You don’t seem to have a problem with that.” Sorry to sound harsh but I refuse to indulge the social anxiety of a former class president turned lawyer with a book of business who simply NEVER wants to socialize. He can take one for the team occasionally.
As far as the food, though, my teenaged daughter often eats before going places. NOt only does she like to eat earlier than most but running is her sport so pizza and fried food never agree with her at the next practice. She’ll eat leftovers at home then mainly focus on desserts or lighter portions when she gets with a goup.
Anon
For the sake of your children, please get your husband some therapy. FIL is like this, and it has had a huge effect on DH and the rest of their family. FIL doesn’t as much vocalize concerns about what might happen when he leaves the house, but when he is out of the house (or when we or SIL/BIL) are on a trip, he is incredibly worried anxious about things that might happen to him while he’s out of the house or may happen at the house. For example, the last time they were visiting us, he was worried about driving back bc of a snowstorm in an adjacent state and spent the morning pacing the house and he needed to get back to “organize the laundry room.” We’ve been at restaurants where he’s made us leave in the middle of the meal bc the “dogs might need to go out.” He also has a lot of social anxiety like being concerned about being seen in a bathing suit and has stayed home when his family and friends do something like this. MIL, for some reason, just sees this as a personality defect and ignores it and kind of goes about her life without her husband. My husband though has this constant fear of becoming like his father, and I’ve really had to work with him (and am working) to get him to understand that he has control over whether he becomes like his father or not.
Anon
Repeat after me: People are not improvement projects. If you wouldn’t choose to marry a man like your FIL, that’s your choice and a perfectly reasonable one to make. But is not your MIL’s job (or your job or your husband’s job) to try to change him. As long as she’s not unhappy, there’s nothing wrong with your MIL letting him be and going about her life without her husband if he doesn’t want to participate in a particular activity. Acting like your MIL failed her children by not “fixing” your FIL is insanely dramatic (it’s not like he’s physically or verbally abusing his family) and honestly, pretty cruel to both of them.
Senior Attorney
I agree that your MIL is doing the only reasonable and appropriate thing here. Maybe it wasn’t the best choice in the world to have married and had kids with this guy, but it’s not like it’s possible for her to fix him. What the heck is she supposed to do? My suggestion is that you and your husband follow her example and see it as a personality defect and ignore it and go on on with your lives.
Anonymama
I don’t know, if it was something like depression or a physical ailment wouldn’t you encourage them to get treatment? I don’t think treating an illness is the same as trying to get someone to change their personality.
Anonymous
I hate the idea that people with anxiety disorders are “a bad idea” to get involved with. I also believe there isn’t anything inherently wrong with living like a hermit. I enjoy having a social life, but I’m introverted and enjoy the company of introverts. I’ve had good friends who never leave their house except for work or errands, and who only have a handful of close friends that they trust. They are happy but would be anxious wrecks if they had to go out all the time.
I do think that there’s something wrong with OP’s DH dumping all his anxieties on her. She can’t make him not anxious, but she can nope out of those conversations.
LAnon
I don’t know if this will help for your husband, but the thing that helps me get past anxiety of all sorts is focusing on the exact time the event in question will be over, and reminding myself that regardless of what happens, I will make it to that time.
For example, if I’m nervous about giving a talk at a conference, the night before I’ll be in my hotel room and think, “No matter what happens tomorrow, at 8 PM tomorrow evening, you’re going to be back here. Just like this. You’ll be here, and you’ll be fine, and The Thing will be in the past.” Sometimes I even tell myself: “It might be the worst, most humiliating hour of your life… and you’ll still wind up back here, in one piece. No matter how well or poorly it goes, you will reach 8 PM tomorrow and it will be behind you.”
It helps me remember that whatever event I’m worried about is not the culmination of my entire life, and that life will go on after it. If he’s open to hearing it, you could say something along the lines of “No matter what happens/Even if [thing he’s worried about] happens, we’ll wake up Sunday morning and continue with our lives.”
Anon
This is useful advice for many situations. thanks!
Anon
For my anxiety, I run all of the worst case scenarios out and realize they are survivable. I also try to figure out the chance of them actually happening. So, I’m afraid to go to dinner at new friends house. Why? I’m afraid the food might make me sick because I have a sensitive gut. And so what if it does? (a) I tell her I’m not feeling great and leave early? (b) I poop at her house. If (b) happens, I hope there is air freshener. And if there isn’t, I live with some embarrassment. But what if I clog the toilet? I’ll ask for a plunger and be embarrassed but I won’t actually die from it. It would probably be a funny story 10 years from now. Then I ask myself when is the last time I have gotten sick at a friends house, needed their toilet, clogged the toilet and needed to ask for a plunger? Never. Gotten sick, yes? Had trouble with a toilet? Yes. Not been able to figure it out? Never. So the chance of this happening is really slim. Then I realize I’m just anxious about being anxious.
Anonymous
OP here — I’ve actually fixed a toilet twice so no one would think I broke it. Something with the chain and the lever and the float . . . I felt very MacGyer and bad-a$s.
Senior Attorney
I was married to a guy like this. You can’t change him or fix him. Go alone or go with him and ignore his complaining. Those are your only options. (Well, there’s “DTMFA,” which is what I eventually did, but I assume that’s not something you want to consider.)
Anon
He needs therapy.
Civics
Can someone please give me a quick civics lesson. I must have been asleep the days this was covered in high school. To be clear, I don’t want to start a political debate, blame anyone, or even get into the mechanics of the shutdown. I’m just trying to understand how the Senate Majority Leader can control what the senate votes on. My understanding is another senator wanted a vote on a proposal and he refused to hold the vote. He wants to hold a vote on something else that likely won’t pass. So, does the SML get to control when there is a vote or not? Can he be overridden by vote? If a majority of senators wanted to vote for something but he refused to call the vote, what can they do? Is this covered by School House Rock?
Anon
Yes, he controls the legislative calendar . No, he cannot be overridden by vote. He is, remember, the *majority* leader – if the *majority* of senators wanted to do anything, he’d do it. The majority of senators right now aren’t united on the shutdown, so here we are.
Anonymous
That is why this job is a HUGE deal. Same thing with Speaker of the House (didn’t someone say once that Speaker > President?).
Committee chairs are a big deal also, b/c they, too, control the agenda.
JazzyRose
Its okay–I don’t think this was covered in civics. I took AP Gov (and kicked ass in the class) and didn’t realize that there could be elections, like every single year, until after I was out of college. In fact, I was pretty smug about people who didn’t vote in off year elections because I *knew* I did. My other friend from high school the year above me in AP Gov missed the memo too.
Moving
Any recommendations for long distance (cross country) full-service movers?
Anon
Nearly all moving companies are franchises, so whomever owns Mayflower Moving in Colorado does not own Mayflower moving in Connecticut – your best bet is to check local reviews. One exception to this is Graebel Van Lines – owned entirely by Mr. Graebel. Best move I ever had.
Pant Hunt
I love the way LOFT chinos fit. There is just enough room in the hips to accommodate my sizeable bum without looking tight or baggy. They are very low in the front so they don’t squish my insides when I sit (I measured front rise at 7.5in in size 2) and nice and high in the back so nothing hangs out. However, literally none of the other Loft pants seem to fit the same way, and chinos are great but not for winter. Has anyone found similar fitting pants anywhere? Any other recommendations for pants with good hip allowance but smaller around thighs than a normal curvy fit?
75th Anniversary Party?
My grandparents are celebrating their 75th Anniversary with an afternoon reception in their small town in the rural Midwest. The dress code is, per my aunt, “Easter Sunday but seasonal.” Seasonal, in this case, means late February. I am at a loss about how to dress for this. Any ideas?
Anon
Like an afternoon/daytime wedding, maybe a bit towards casual from there. So, in my case, this would mean a dress and hose or tights for warmth with booties or boots (depending on the crowd, but I’d go booties).
Anonymous
Sweater dress in festive colors? Like something from Title 9 or like a grown-up version of a Hanna Anderssen dress? Not gray. Not black.
Anonymous
A dress with long sleeves, tights, and boots.
Cat
75 years! Wow. Did they get married straight out of high school?
I’m picturing the older female guests, given February midwest, are likely to be in dressy slacks and some sort of festively Talbotsy blazer. To fit in with that but not mimic it — wool A-line skirt, knee high boots, sweater in a non-black/gray color?
75th Anniversary Party?
He was 18, and she was 20. He still calls her the “stunning older woman.” They’re pretty great.
Marshmallow
This is so charming, I love it.
I’d wear a jewel-tone dress with sleeves, tights, and booties with a little heel.
LAnon
I would go for a sweater dress with tights, and would probably figure out how to wear or bring some pumps rather than boots. My rural Midwestern grandparents don’t “get” boots as fashion – my grandmother sometimes comments on the “clodhoppers” that she sees women wearing. My mother would probably make a disapproving face if I wore boots to church on Easter.
Anon
What do you do on your lunch break? Besides eating lunch, of course. I pack a lunch almost every day. I’m trying to minimize my “miscellaneous” spending, although I still traipse through my favorites stores on my lunch break fairly often, and I can’t work out at lunch for practical reasons. Ideas for a change of scenery/activity?
LAnon
Try reading! I’ve gotten out of the habit but for a while, I would sit in a common area and read a book for a bit during lunch. It was really nice, although definitely took me a few minutes sometimes to quiet my mind enough to be able to focus on the book. Such a nice mental break during the day.
pugsnbourbon
I really like Longform for lunchtime reading.
Anon
I have started making a point of not eating at my desk. I generally take a book or read my phone and just take a real break from work. I highly recommend it. That’s why hourly employees have mandatory break periods, after all.
Anonymous
I like to walk while listening to music or an audio book.
Anon
I go home and forage in the fridge for food and get distracted by my cat :) I live about 5 minutes walking from my house and it is so great.