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A sweater skirt seems like the coziest way to get dressed up these days. This geometric-printed pencil skirt has a fun, retro vibe that reminds me a bit of Peggy Olson in Mad Men.
I would wear this with a solid sweater in navy or golden yellow, or a crisp, white button-down shirt. It’s machine washable (yay!) and is classified by J.Crew as a “sustainable” fabric (double yay!).
The skirt is on sale for $128 and available in sizes XXS–XXL. Code FALLTIME gets you 30% off, which brings the price down to $89.60. Midi Sweater-Skirt in Geometric Ring Print
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Anon
I keep seeing personal finance recommendations to use an HSA whenever possible, but I’ve only ever had access to one through plans that cover almost nothing out of pocket and have sky-high deductibles. For my family’s multiple health conditions that require regular specialist visits and maintenance medications, I would be sucking the money out of the account as fast as I put it in. A PPO plan that costs me more per paycheck but covers a lot more just seems like less paperwork and less hassle.
Am I missing something? Or is an HSA only good for people with in excellent health who want another investment vehicle?
anne-on
Your employer doesn’t offer a HSA for all employees regardless of plan? I’m surprised, that’s an option for all the tiers of health plans we have, plus this year there are higher limits for a family/child care savings option. We also have pre-existing conditions that pretty much require the highest tier of PPO and I have still always been able to contribute to an HSA as well.
Anon
Correct, the HSA is only available on 2 of the 4 plan options. The plans that include it would leave more money in my paycheck, but the deductibles and out-of-pocket limits are 150-200% higher.
Anon
This is pretty common, I’ve only ever been offered HSA with high deductible plan.
Thanks, it has pockets!
Same here, I’ve never heard of an HSA offered for anything other than a high-deductible plan – which is still usually what I choose because the premiums are cheaper and I only have to pay about half my deductible out of pocket. An HSA is generally a good option if you don’t anticipate needing a lot of care outside of, say, annual exams and birth control.
Now, an FSA is often an option for people with HMOs and PPOs, but that’s completely employee-funded. I might be wrong here, but when I hear HSA I generally assume the employer is contributing a certain amount and the employee has the option of contributing additional funds.
Anon
I believe HSAs are only available for HDHPs. But, other plans should qualify for a FSA.
Sunshine71
Anon at 9:25 is correct. HSAs are only available for HDHPs. Not all HDHPs have sky-high deductibles and cost sharing, but they do have a minimum deductible and a max out-of-pocket. Those that have higher cost sharing have lower premiums.
Anonymous
I am pretty sure you are confusing an HSA with a FSA. Child care savings are exclusive to FSAs. And HSAs are exclusive to high-deductible health insurance plans.
Anon
This.
Anonymous
You aren’t missing anything. When my (large pharma) employer debuted HSAs about 8 years ago they advised based on their modeling that only the young, healthy, and single sign up for HSAs.
anon
I think HSAs and high deductible plans really only work for some types of people (and they still carry risk.). IME they are recommended often to people (including me) who are young, healthy, and don’t have or expect to have ongoing significant medical costs. Like folks who go to doctor for a physical and annual well-woman exam (covered, thanks Obama) and maybe get a sinus infection every few years. The idea is that we most likely won’t need expensive care so we’re saving money by using the HSA, getting an employer contribution, and having less expensive premiums. I’ve had one for most of my career so far (6 years) but recently switched to a PPO plan because, after learning I needed a new med/specialist on an ongoing basis and some very extensive number crunching (digging deep into the formulary and learning what plans covered what meds under what conditions–ugh) I determined I would benefit or break even from that plan.
Moonstone
My financial advisor recommended that I put in $2K a year and to try to not withdraw for expenses. She said to think of it as a health-specific safety net and to let it grow to $10K to cover a future surgery or expensive drug. She’d have me max it out every year if I could afford it, so your last sentence is correct.
Anonymous
With the high deductible plan and an HSA, you pay the deductible with pre tax dollars from your HSA.
Anon
We have similar medical needs and I have never used an HSA. I need coverge now, not a way to save money for coverage in the future.
anon
I have an HSA thru my employer and it allows investing of funds, tax free (similar to 401K) if your cash level in the account is over a certain amount. You can take the money out of the investment funds to use for medical costs at any time without penalty.
So from my perspective it does seem that the HSA is for people who can save and hold and use the HSA as a tax haven and investment vehicle.
If you are spending your out of pocket deductible each year than tailoring your insurance to minimize your pain there sounds smart to me. The HSA can wait.
Anon
I agree that the HSA has never seemed reasonable to me as well, but for a different reason: mine are use it or lose it every year. I think some are structured like a true investment vehicle that can be used for healthcare expenditures in retirement, but mine have been such that I would need to correctly ballpark estimate my healthcare expenditures each year, stick it in that account, pay out of that account when costs arise, and then make sure I use my full estimate by ~March of the following year. Seems like way more hassle than it’s worth. I too wonder if I’m missing something.
Anon
Sounds like you’re describing a flexible spending account (FSA), also called a health reimbursement account (HRA), not an HSA?
Anon
Isn’t that an FSA?
Anonymous
That’s an FSA, not an HSA.
Anonymous
https://www.aetna.com/health-guide/hsa-vs-fsa.html#:~:text=FSA's%20and%20HSAs%20are%20pre,like%20a%20line%20of%20credit.
Moonstone
This is gold. I am printing it out. Every October, my partner and I have one of our rare fights and it’s always because he can’t remember the difference between FSA and HSA so we wants to contribute to neither of them. And I usually don’t remember what the source of the confusion is so I am not helpful and just get frustrated.
anne-on
Omg, thank you, this is SO clear. I have both an FSA and an HSA (HSA is for dependent care expenses, we use the max allowance in practically 2 months with after school care/sitters being so $$).
Jules
To Anne-on: It’s your FSA that is for dependent care expenses, not your HSA. This confuses all of us!
Anonymous
I do the math each year and at two different employers it’s always been cheaper to sign up for the high deductible, regardless of spend for healthcare. I am married with two kids and don’t always max out (maybe half the time), but it’s still cheaper all in than the premiums for the other plans (plus their out of pocket spend).
But you have to fund the HSA. I max fund the HSA each year. I use it to spend on health care (some people say to not use it because it’s an investment vehicle), and have extra each year for future healthcare.
Anon
It is cheaper long run, but if you have a sudden health expense, that is a very big bill. I had to pay $800 retail cost for a medicine in January one year and that made me so angry I’ve only done copay plan ever since.
Anonymous
We likewise always arrive at the deductible and out of pocket max early in the year. I agree there is no possible way to “front load” an HSA with enough cash to pay those bills. The first year we had the HSA we basically paid the deductible twice. I funded the HSA and cash paid the deductible as much as I could afford to build up a reserve. We had to cut out basically all extras to afford it. No restaurants, no movies/theater, no absolute necessities. Now, we have enough of a reserve in there that the money going on does indeed replenish the funds going out. It’s was tough to do, but worth it for our situation.
Cat
You’re right to do the math. If you are in good health and scarcely go to the doctor, then an HSA (combined with HDHP) makes perfect sense, as it allows you to save the money you would have otherwise spent on premiums for the future, while enjoying few out-of-pocket expenses for healthcare.
If you are regularly managing health conditions, then it’s highly likely that the total of copays + premiums for a PPO plan will be far less than the total of copays + out of pocket costs for the HDHP plan. So in your case sticking with the PPO makes sense.
You may be able to use an FSA to take advantage of the tax savings on some of your copays or medication costs, but as others have explained, that’s use it or lose it each year.
Anonymous
It is not always the case that the PPO is the better deal if you consume more health care. The premium for our high-deductible option is so much lower than the premium for the PPO option that you always come out ahead with the HDHP, no matter how much medical care you have during the year. The out-of-pocket max is also lower for the high-deductible plan, and you don’t risk losing HSA dollars at the end of the year the way you do with an FSA. Before you select a plan, run the numbers for several scenarios (no health care, below deductible for both plans, between deductible of plan A and plan B, a few points above both deductibles, at lower OOP max, at higher OOP max). Make sure you factor in tax savings on premiums, HSA, and FSA. Also factor in varying treatment of prescriptions. Our PPO does not count prescriptions against the deductible, but the HDHP does.
Anon
+1 it comes down to the specific costs of the plans available to you and to the costs of the services you anticipate needing. Either option could be cheaper depending on specifics.
That said, if you have multiple conditions you’re managing, the PPO plan is almost certainly going to be more straightforward and less stressful to use, which is worth taking into consideration. If the savings difference between the two options isn’t much, consider the value of your time & the mental space managing an HSA & HDHP plan takes. For some people it’s worth it, for others it’s not.
Anonymous
Part of my family is on HDHP + HSA and the other part is on a PPO. I manage all of the bills. The PPO is not any less complicated to deal with. The deductible and co-pay amounts are just different.
Anon
@10:37 ok, for you it’s not more complicated so it makes sense to use both. Sounds like OP is used to a PPO plan, so she’s got to prepare for a learning curve to HDHPs as well as a shift from copays and premiums to contributions and managing more variable expenses until she hits her deductible and/or out of pocket maximum. That’s extra complication and work, and the difference in costs between the plans specifically available to OP may not be worth it.
Anonymous
No, it’s not more complicated for all plans. With a PPO you still have to deal with deductibles and coinsurance, which may be nearly as high as those for an HDHP. In fact, a PPO can be more complicated if you are dealing with deductible + copays + coinsurance, whereas an HDHP will have only deductible + coinsurance. On our plan, it is actually easier to request reimbursement through the HSA than it is through the FSA.
Anon
It’s cruel that this is so complex. But I appreciate these explanations.
Cat
You’re right — I oversimplified. In my case I actually called my insurer when deciding whether to switch from a PPO to a HDHP. It took 3 different reps to get the answer that I would have spent about $500 more out of pocket with the HDHP than with my PPO after accounting for tax savings in the prior year. So I stuck with the PPO.
Anonymous
I completely disagree that if you regularly manage a health condition that you won’t reach the annual deductible or out of pocket max. That is no longer a realistic viewpoint for those who need regular bloodwork, medications, and other screenings to manage their conditions and remain healthy.
Anonymous
Who said that? I don’t think anyone was saying that if you are reaching the max it is because you aren’t properly managing your condition, which is I think how you read a comment. That would be rude and incorrect in many instances.
Anon
I’m certainly not saying this is the case for everyone with health issues, but fwiw I have a chronic health condition that requires specialist visits and ultrasounds twice/year, blood work and prescription medicine, and I never come close to meeting my deductible, let alone out of pocket max. I think I spend about $1000-1500 on medical bills most years. I’m on a family plan with a $10k family deductible and my employer gives me $3500 in HSA money each year, so so far it’s been working well. I now have substantial HSA savings that would cover the OOP max if I ever have a year where I hit that. So no, you don’t have to be perfectly healthy to get good value out of an HDHP and HSA.
LawDawg
I love my HSA. I think of it as getting a 30% discount on my deductible payments because I am paying with pre-tax dollars. Also, I can use HSA dollars to pay for dental costs and other non-health insurance, but still health-related expenses. Every year, I am pleasantly surprised to be reminded that some medical costs are covered 100% even with the high deductible (annual exam, mammogram, etc.). The money I put aside in the HSA lasts a lot longer than I would have thought. And like any insurance, the HDHP pays more once you reach that deductible limit.
No Face
I bounce back and forth between a high deductible plan with HSA, and a PPO plan. The HSA/HDHP option is best for when I know I will absolutely max out the deductible (e.g. I’m going to have a baby that year, or schedule a surgery) or when I expect to have very little health spending. Which one I choose is based on the math for the particular plans I am offered.
Anon
For anyone in the know, does a high deductible plan with HSA make sense if the employer funds the HSA with the entire deductible amount and 100% employer covered premium? After that I’m covered 100% (no copays or anything), but I have a lot of routine medical costs, including expensive medication.
CountC
This is amazing. I would take this in a heartbeat.
My employer gives us $350/$500 depending for our HSA if we get an annual physical. Our premiums barely changed from the copay plan, and my OOPM is $4k for a single person. I hate it.
Anonymous
You are saying your employer will pay your premiums and deductible and that there are no OOP costs after you meet the deductible? So basically you never have to pay anything for health care, and you might get to keep the leftover HSA money if you don’t meet the deductible? I don’t know how you could beat that deal.
Anon
I have this, and it has been great. In this situation, you are not funding the HSA yourself, so essentially your employer is paying for all of these out of pocket expenses for you. The only issue I have run into is that my out of pocket max is now more than my deductible or what I can fund into an HSA each year.
Anonymous
Yes, this makes sense! Take it. If you are spending it all, it won’t be an investment vehicle for you. But it is a great benefit of employment. And note that once you reach 55, you can make a $1000 catch-up contribution over and above the regular annual max contribution. Assuming you would have to pay that yourself, it can be a good tax shelter and possibly a good investment vehicle because you get tax-free growth (you just won’t have a ton of $$ in there to invest if you are spending it all down every year and only accumulating that $1000/year starting at 55).
Thanks, it has pockets!
That sounds amazing, I would go for that in a heartbeat. As it is, employers that pay 100% of premiums are pretty rare these days. My new employer does it, but I’m a contractor; I’ll be eligible for it in 3 months, but since I’m already on my partner’s plan it won’t make sense to switch unless it looks like they plan to keep me on long-term.
MagicUnicorn
This is what I have and it is great. We have the option for a PPO but to my knowledge none of my colleagues went that route.
Anon
The way I approached this question is to calculate how much the amount I put in the HSA now times expected annual return as investment in an index fund would yield in x years. I then calculate how much it would cost me to chose each plan for the year, plus anticipated out of pocket costs under each plan. If my expected return from investing my HSA money is higher than the cost of the plan plus expected out of pocket costs for the year is significantly higher, then I would chose the HPO and max out my HSA with the goal of investing the money in my HSA only, and using after tax money to pay for my out I pocket costs.
Anon
Oops, sorry, I just realized I misremembered. Bah, basically, I did some sort of calculation of how much the extra HSA money times x number of years would yield money in terms of investment, versus how much money I would save from a PPO, and how the amount of money saved from a PPO times x number of years in investment, and then compared the results to see which one is larger.
Anony
I have an “HSA Advantage” plan with an HSA account. I go to multiple doctors, multiple times a month and have anywhere from 2-5 RXs/month. I rarely have anything leftover in my HSA account at the end of the year. My deductible is $2100 w/ an OOP Max of $4100; I typically meet the deductible in July then my co-insurance kicks in (they pay 80% and I pay 20%). My employer front loads my HSA account with $750 in January (one of our perks is this free money, which I assume is part of how much my employer saved when they switched from PPOs to HSAs). I contribute the max amount into my HSA every year; works out to like $100ish/paycheck (every 2 weeks). I would love to go back to a PPO plan because it was easier but my employer doesn’t offer it. Point being, yes you can manage multiple health conditions with an HSA; it just requires a little more work.
Anony
I’m so glad I no longer live in the US and no longer have to manage all this complexity. Our health care system here is great. I just get some amount taken out of my paycheck and then that’s it. None of this nonsense that I also used to do when we lived in the US. After a few years of being away now I start to shake at just the though of going back and having to deal with this stuff again.
Anon
Thank you for just acknowledging how insane this is. It’s the last thing someone struggling with a new medical diagnosis needs, and for those of us with chronic conditions, it just takes so much time out of our lives. All of us have better things to do with our time than manage unnecessary complexity, and the people who are sick aren’t even the ones getting paid for it.
Anon
You should do the math just to double-check. My employer’s lowest pretty high deductible ($5k) and costs *way* more in premiums, so even though I have a chronic health condition that requires multiple specialist visits and ultrasounds per year, I come out ahead with the high-deductible health plan and HSA contribution.
Anon
That should say “My employer’s lowest deductible plan is still pretty high deductible.”
anon
best non comedogenic oil cleanser for face that’s at a drugstore price point? I normally use the neutrogena one, but the drugstores near me don’t have it and amazon can’t deliver it until after I leave town on friday.
nuqotw
I use the target brand version of the neutrogena one and it seems fine to me.
Anonymous
Burts Bees has a great one (I don’t use any other of the products, but the oil cleanser is great).
Anon
La Roche Posay Toleraine Hydrating Cleanser is my holy grail.
Anonymous
Not exactly an oil cleanser but I keep coming back to ponds cold cream. Does the same thing as an oil cleanser. I use Cerave hydrating cleanser as a second cleanse (if I’m not too lazy).
Equestrian Attorney
Has anyone lived with their in-laws in a separate unit of their home? Fiancé and I are looking into buying a house with a small basement or garage apartment for FIL. The context – FIL is recently divorced and not in a great financial position, MIL kept their house. He is still working, but will be retiring within the next 5 years. He is a nice, relatively chill guy and would be willing to help with dog and child care + house maintenance. He would pay nominal rent until he retires, then nothing except maybe utilities or something. We both have good jobs and can afford to do this, although it means we will get a slightly smaller house. SO is close to his father and worried about his future. Possible cons I see: loss of intimacy (this would be a separate unit with its own entrance and kitchen, but shared backyard and he would presumably often be in our home) and, even though he is very nice, if anything goes wrong, it’s going to be hard to manage. FIL has a girlfriend and spends several evenings and nights with her, but no plans to move in with her, although that could change. Any success/horror stories? I was on board until I mentioned it to my dad who told me I was insane to even consider it.
anon
The emotional and relational aspect of your question aside, if you want to “do it the right way”, I’d make sure it’s permitted, whether it be an existing one or one you add post-close. I bought a house with an illegal one last year and we couldn’t get it insured and we wouldn’t close on the sale until we removed the electric stove from the basement. We never intended on using it for an inlaw, but it was interesting how much of a stickler mortgage and insurance providers were on it. Just something else to consider in your overall decision making.
Equestrian Attorney
Good point. It’s pretty common in our city to have a basement unit that’s rented out to students, and that’s been the case for all the homes we have seen, but I’ll look into that.
Anon
How will your MIL feel about this? Will this cause issues that he’s being partially financially supported and has more access to grandkids than she does? Do MIL and FIL get along enough that she won’t feel excluded from your home due to his proximity?
A big pro could be a closer relationship between your child(ren) and FIL.
Equestrian Attorney
MIL does not feel great about it, but her relationship with SO is already pretty fraught (it was a rough divorce and there is some bad blood there) so when we do see her, it’s generally in a neutral place such as a restaurant. She has never been to our home and I don’t think SO would be comfortable with that, although again things might change in the future- the wounds from the divorce are still very fresh in his family.
Anon at 9:20
In that case it might reinforce and add to the rift, especially if there was (rightly or wrongly) an accusation of “taking sides” — whether this is balanced out by the positives and worth it is up to you guys to decide.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t do it unless he were very old and in need of care/supervision. My grandma lives in an apartment attached to the side of my aunt and uncle’s house. It’s a benefit because they can check on her (largely to make sure she hasn’t fallen) and help her with groceries and such. She wouldn’t be able to live independently, so its a huge cost savings vs having her in assisted living. That said, she is definitely in their space a lot (she has a kitchenette but uses their stove/oven), but they have a big house so it’s not as much of an issue. She is able to help with a few things like the mail and accepting deliveries when they’re not home, but I suspect the only real reasons they do it are to allow her independence and cost savings. I don’t think they would do it if there was another option.
Anon
My SIL and her husband were in a position to buy a small condo nearby for a family member instead of having him move in with them. Depending on the cost of housing where you live, you might be able to do this. You would still presumably be buying a smaller place for yourself, but you would maintain your privacy. They bought the condo as opposed to paying his rent elsewhere, because they would at least own that asset whenever he got done using it.
Ellen
Dad agreed a number of years ago to move Grandma Trudy into his home after I went to college and Rosa got married. There was so much room after we left and there was no longer a furry dog or pussy cat that she was allergic to. So she’s been there for mabye 15 years or so, and there’s still room for us to visit and Grandma Leyeh when she comes. Grandma Trudy is a great cook (which Grandma Leyeh never was), so Dad has eaten very well over the years with her and mom cooking for him. I think Grandma Leyeh may sometimes think Dad appreciates Grandma Trudy more for her cooking then Grandma Leyeh, who usually goes out for food. It all works out, b/c Grandma Trudy has IBS and does not like to eat out b/c she sometimes needs to run to the toilet, which is not a good idea in this pandemic b/c other people use the toilet in restrunts and it is never as clean as her own toilet @ home.
anon
Seconding this. I know several people that have done it and then either rented or sold the condo once the family member no longer needed it. It is of course a #privileged solution to the problem but, if it is a financial possibility, I would highly recommend it.
Anonymous
As the person who lives above someone in this situation, it isn’t great for the neighbors. The elderly woman below me can’t drive, so us always home, and is not comfortable with silence. There is a constant stream of noise from her unit, whether it is music or the tv. She isn’t a considerate neighbors at all, and none of us in the building are happy that she is here. She is basically only on a good mood when someone comes to visit her, and I feel like she would be much happier living with someone vs. being here. We all feel like her family dumped their problems in us. She has needed help from each of us, and isn’t grateful or pleasant, her noise levels have been a particular stress during this WFH time, and we all worry that she will have a fall or some other issue that we will need to assist with, since her family isn’t here all the time.
Anonymous
I dont think it’s insane, but I also wouldn’t be eager to take him in now while he is still working. Sure, have the possibility, but let him live on his own for a while, taking care of himself.
Anon
Although I don’t come from a culture where this is common, I fully expect that there’s a good chance that either my parents or my aunt will move in with my family at some point.
I echo the concern about what this might do to the relationship with your MIL, but think that itd be an awesome way for your kids to be really close with their grandfather (which is priceless).
You mention him having his own kitchen and bedroom, but is there a separate living space? While I’m generally into this idea, I think a full separate suite is necessary.
I’d also put everything in writing before he moves in.
Equestrian Attorney
It would be either a studio apartment or a one bedroom. The ones we’ve seen have a separate entrance, kitchen and bathroom (I won’t do it without that), plus an open living and sleeping space or a small closed bedroom.
Anonymous
I’d never do it. Sound like having an extra roommate who isn’t paying or properly contributing who is always home. And elderly with the TV at full volume, and you might end up doing a lot of care if his health declines, and you might end up moving him into the main part of the house if stairs are difficult for him to manage, etc. He’ll probably have to enter your home to do laundry. You pay more every year in taxes and utilities and he pays less — won’t you resent that when you could be building up your kids college funds, etc, instead? What if he decides to move his girlfriend in because she would also like free rent?
Equestrian Attorney
Fair point, although he’s isn’t that elderly yet (62) and his girlfriend still has children from a previous marriage at home (she’s younger) and owns her small home, so it’s very unlikely that she would move in – if anything FIL might move in with her if things get more serious/when her children leave. If that is the case, we could potentially rent out the unit to a student.
Anon
You’re making it sound like she’s considering living with a total stranger. This is her SO’s father and her children’s grandfather. Where is the empathy? I bet her children would rather see their loving grandfather regularly then have a few extra thousand in the college fund.
Anonymous
I guess this highlights the differences in perspective if you have reasonable people in your family vs toxic ones.
OP should certainly consider their personal relationship and the individual himself. Does the father’s lack of funds point to irresponsible behavior or is it a result something else?
Equestrian Attorney
No, not irresponsibility. For various reasons, he put the house in MIL’s name, then completely paid for a renovation right before she left him for another man. She was a stay at home mom, so she was entitled to a good chunk of their savings. He could have made some better decisions, but he is a normal, reasonable person who went through a rough time.
Equestrian Attorney
Also, there is a benefit to me if he is willing to provide regular and free childcare. We both work demanding hours and although our (future-ttc soon) kids would definitely go to daycare, having some backup for late nights/a few date nights/the occasional sick day or errand would be fantastic. He is still young and great with kids (was a very involved father to his four kids and would love to be a grandpa).
Anonymous
I see your point. I posted below (when it shows up) about maybe trying this before committing to it for 5 yrs plus all of his retirement though. So you can see how it works out & adjust as needed.
You might find he’s great with the kids or that it’s more than he wants to take on … later maybe the kids will be adults and he’ll still be on your home … the situation will definitely change over time & it’s a big commitment to say you’ll always house him in your home and at no cost.
Anonymous
This is what I see as being most valuable. He could pick them up at daycare and bring them home if you have a meeting that runs late. Or if they are sick, he could bring them home from daycare and give you a few hours to rearrange your schedule to come home if needed. Or drop off the snowpants/sunscreen/water bottle whatever at school when you forget to send it.
My parents live about 5 mins away and play this role all the time even though they could not do 40 hrs a week of care. Not sure if you read much on the Moms page but parents available to ‘pinch hit’ has been key for many of us.
anna
Honestly it sounds fine to me, but I do come from a culture where its more normal for different family members to live together. If he would be willing to help with your dog and house maintenance, and it would be nice for your kid to have grandpa around, why not? It would be good for him to have as separate an “apartment” as possible.
Anonymous
Sounds like you’ve thought it through pretty well. It depends a lot on the personalities involved – I’d 100% do this with my Dad but I would never do this with my Mom. She’s a nice person, I could just never live on the same property as her because she is awful with boundaries.
Make sure you have a conversation about expectations. Does he ring the doorbell or just walk in? Do you eat meals together? How often? My mom moved in my grandma and it did not go well. She had her own sitting room, bedroom and bathroom but still ate all meals with my parents and hung out in their TV room in the evenings. My mom’s (non explicit) expectation had been that grandma would have breakfast and lunch in her own sitting room, eat dinner together and then relax separately in the evenings.
My MIL has a similar set up with BIL’s family. They purposed built the house to have no inside adjoining door so that the living spaces were more separated.
Equestrian Attorney
Thanks, you’re absolutely correct about expectations. My expectation is that he basically would do his own thing and be in our house maybe once a week (say, Friday dinner), plus maybe the occasional stop by to drop the dog or kids. But we should have a conversation about it, and that’s a good point about laundry, it’s either our place or the Laundromat. I need to have a serious talk with SO about boundaries- he has some guilt about his dad’s situation (which is in no way his fault) and is very invested in making sure he’s ok, which is nice but can lead to some boundary crossing.
And yeah, the only reason I’m even considering this is because FIL generally kind and easygoing and the kind of person I would trust around my house/kids/etc. I love my parents but probably would not do it with them – fortunately they are in a much better place financially.
Anon
I think you are being very practical and it sounds like a great idea. I would have clear boundaries though about whether he can just swing on by to knock at the door, and similarly whether your kid can go visit him whenever or needs to call first or something.
Anonymous
I don’t think your expectations are even remotely realistic.
Anonymous
Why? I posted at 10:01 and this pretty much describes how my MIL is with my BIL’s family. She has her own life going on but makes dinner occasionally and helps them with the kids when needed. They are in school or daycare most of the time but back-up is so helpful.
anon
+1. I’ve seen several instances of this type of arrangement working well. But I don’t think it’s realistic to expect your FIL, who would be living in the same building as you, would be in your place only once a week, or that he’d be doing his laundry at the laundromat.
Also, I wouldn’t do this out of guilt. Concern, maybe, but not guilt. If your SO is going to have a hard time setting boundaries, this is not going to work well.
Anonymous
It totally depends on the parent. My husband and I actually wanted this sort of arrangement with my mom, but my sister got to her first. My mom is very independent and private, though, and wouldn’t be up in our business all the time. She’s also had some bad breaks through no fault of her own, and we thought it would be relatively easy for us to give her a nice little home so she could enjoy her retirement as she deserves. My husband’s mother, on the other hand? Living within a day’s driving distance would be too close.
Anonie
I would stay away from this unless/until the FIL is truly ill and unable to care for himself (maybe 5+ years down the road). Otherwise, I think you are setting yourself up for resentment since the set-up leans so heavily in your FIL’s favor and is not particularly mutually beneficial. I also feel that this could cause long-lasting tensions in your husband’s relationship with his mom/your children’s grandmother. And what if your FIL decides to invite his girlfriend to move in or proposes to her?
It COULD all work out smoothly. The potential risks would be too much for me, though.
Anonie
Also, you mentioned that your father thought this was a horrible idea…is it possible that YOUR parents will be hurt or offended by this act of generosity towards your FIL?
Equestrian Attorney
That’s very possible re: my parents. They haven’t met FIL yet so it wasn’t specifically about him, my dad just thought living with family was a bad idea in general. My parents are pretty private and independent, but we are still very close and they may be jealous of the proximity my family would have with FIL.
Anonie
Yes, definitely something to consider. My parents are divorced and both would be very hurt if I allowed the other one to move in. They would also be hurt if my fiancé and I invited his parents to move in.
Wishing you well as you think through this!
AFT
Echo this. My parents are generally chill and functional people, but my mom gets very jealous when my MIL gets more access to my kids. This despite the fact that my parents have a lot more going on, are younger, retired recently, etc. – while MIL is older and has only DH and fewer activities. My mom doesn’t really have the self-awareness – and I’m not sure I’m ready to say since they are great about helping out with my kids – “hey, if you would drop everything to come over when the kids are sick/on short notice/etc., we’d call you first and more often.” I really appreciate having local family, but once kids are introduced there can be a bit more of a transactional nature to the relationship sometimes that can throw things off. [This is all in the beforetimes and we’re not seeing parents/requiring them to care for sick kids in the Corona-verse!]
If you give it a shot and FIL moves out after a year, will you all resent that you’re in a different house than you would pick yourself? Would you try to re-let the apartment to a stranger?
Anon
If you’re supporting a parent who needs financial assistance, it is, pardon the cliche, a matter of picking your poison. They move in with you, you pay rent somewhere else, or you pay for them to live in a second property you own.
I would see this as the best option because you are building equity in the place he lives in (your home). Deducting the mortgage interest is straightforward. You are more aware of when repairs need to be made. He can help with childcare, dogs, repairs, etc., that save you money.
Anonymous
I think my real hesitation would be the longevity of this plan. Moving him in for 5 yrs as a renter and then forever for free as a retiree … that’s a lifetime commitment. Would there be a way to do this that would be more flexible? Like doing it until he gets on his feet from the divorce? Or put his rent for those first 5 years in a retirement fund so he can live on his own for awhile after that if wanted/needed?
What if you want to downsize your home for your own retirement or to liquidate some funds for a medical bill or to move for a new job or something? Or what if it just isn’t working out?
anon a mouse
We bought our current place with the expectation that my widowed MIL would move in with us in a few years, but she died before it happened. We really wanted to find a converted garage/separate building, but that was cost prohibitive in our VHCOL area so we bought a house with a basement in-law/au pair suite (including kitchenette) plus a main floor bed/bath in case stairs became too difficult for her as she aged. I would pay close attention to the soundproofing, or prepare to make some changes. You don’t want to be able to hear everyone’s conversations/tv shows/footsteps, especially if you stay up later than your FIL. In your case you should also consider your views in case he wanted his GF to move in — if that’s a dealbreaker, better to communicate it up front.
anon
Depends on your relationship with him. My father lives with me in one of our spare bedrooms and it works really well for us. He’s young enough and has a life so he’s not always around, and our house is big enough that it’s not a major imposition. He’s easy to get along with, we’ve always been close, and he and DH get along fabulously.
I sort of come from a culture where this is common. it’s100% common/expected on my dad’s side, although he doesn’t expect it as his mother moving in with him and my mother and the cultural disconnect between them and their expectations was a big factor in their divorce. Obviously it’s not normal on my mom’s side. I generally feel a strong bias against this arrangement, but it totally depends on the relationship and everyone involved is happy with ours.
Anon
Single men, especially older men, like someone to take care of them. Will you end up cooking him dinner, cleaning his part of the house, etc? It’s one thing if he’s infirm and needs support, it’s quite another to invite a bachelor into your home who doesn’t contribute and can easily live on his own.
Anon
+1
Equestrian Attorney
No and no. I would invite him to dinner occasionally, but otherwise do not expect to cook or clean for him and neither does he. He is currently living alone (took over SO’s old apartment when he moved in with me) and he seems perfectly self-sufficient.
Airplane.
Ok but he’s doing this all self sufficiently right now BECAUSE he is still working, living alone and he has a GF. What if he retires, they break up and he shows up at your house for every meal and every load of laundry or just to talk because he’s bored? Is your spouse going to turn him away? You already said spouse feels unecessary guilt about FIL’s situation. There seems to be little upside to this and all of it speculative (you don’t have kids yet, TTC could take years). He’s still working and independent, you can revisit this when he retires.
Equestrian Attorney
Absolutely, but we are buying a house now, and hope to live there long-term, so if we want a basement unit we will need to incorporate that in our search.
Anon
This is our situation and it works out great 95% of the time. My mom lives downstairs. Her unit has a living area, bedroom, walk-in closet, and full bath. We all share laundry, kitchen, and yard.
It is great to never have to worry about housesitting when we travel, or a babysitter (especially for going out after bedtime). It was also nice the few times my mom has had illnesses. I could check on her and take care of her by just going downstairs, instead of trying to jam in visits to a separate place. My kids are love her and their relationship is priceless.
If your FIL is not going to pay rent, it could help to discuss specific tasks that are his to handle (while he is able). So, he mows the lawn, or takes out the trash, or babysits 3 times a month, or takes the kids to school or something like that.
For context, I’m Black so multigenerational households are more common in my family. I also have several Asian neighbors who have similar households. Most White people think we are insane.
Peanut
My daughter plans to buy a house with a garage apartment, basement in-law/au pair suite for me in the next five years. I’m nearing retirement age, can pay for a place myself but she wants me close and I hope to help her care for her kids/foster kids. I’ll probably pay some rent and/or pay for renovations to apartment. We’re normal middle-class college educated but not from a culture where this is common. I would never have had my mom or dad move in with me but my father-in-law lived with us in similar situation and it was fine.
Anon
I come from a culture where this is common and have had over a year of my inlaws live with me in this situation, and a few months (at a different time) of my parents live with me.
– Overall, this is a good idea. My kids are so so happy to have grandparents. In fact when there is nobody living with us in the in-law unit, they seem bewildered and keep asking when grandma is coming. I really can’t overstate how much pleasure they get out of it. That alone is worth any small frustrations I may face and I have to remind myself of that.
– When the kids were babies, my MIL was great at looking after them. She could get them to nap, feed them etc. As they got older, the grandparents struggle to manage them. They are loud and boisterous, the way to engage them is to play a game to them or read to them, and grandparents have limited patience for that. So they are little more than house sitters i.e. I can go out for a walk with DH and have grandparents manage the kids, but not for a full day outing. The childcare help really depends on the grandparents’ personalities and whether they are willing to do the hard work, since it is really time consuming and not easy.
– Usage of common areas is a key source of frustration/potential conflict. I have a specific time of day when I spend exactly one hour in the kitchen packing lunches and cooking dinner, and frequently I would find this was the exact time when an in-law would spend the full hour pottering around the kitchen having peeled one orange at the end of it, or some such. It helped to define that I need the kitchen to myself at this time. Same with TV in the common living room. FIL wouldn’t intuit that we needed the TV after the kids went to bed and after a long day of work. It helped to put a TV in their bedroom.
– What will your FIL do when you go on vacation?
– We sometimes want to have a friend stay overnight and cannot do it when we have a permanent occupant of the guest room. Other visiting friends and family (maybe other side of the family), or friends with same age kids.
Anonymous
My FIL lived with use for less than six months and felt like sixty years. FIL was perfectly happy. The rest of us were miserable. I had many nights in which I just spent the night in the office to avoid going home. We ended up financing his stay in a retirement community. It certainly impacted us financially but we were so much happier. I suggest you have a plan for what to do if you aren’t happy once everyone settles in.
Anon
I wish I could have done this for my mom. As she got older she needed more and more help and I would have loved to have her live in an in-law unit on my property. Unfortunately, in my mom’s case she wouldn’t leave her small hometown and neither my sibling nor I could possibly have moved there. It was so, so hard to manage her care from a 4 hour drive away.
Anonymous
This is my worry – my husband and I have the means to have my parents live here with us, but they both refuse to leave their hometown and we are also about 4 hours away.
Anony
I’ll preface this with I do not have children and am not married but I wouldn’t even hesitate to have my father move in with me if it was necessary down the road. And I’m almost positive that my sister, BIL, niece, and nephew would do the same. Our dad is totally chill and low maintenance, and would absolutely pitch in around the house, provide childcare, and do his own thing. Mom, on the other hand, is more high maintenance and would require a clear intention on boundaries. If I had an in-law apt/similar space and either of them needed it down the road, it would be theirs, regardless if they were paying rent or not. My parents have let me move back in with them a few times over the years; if something happened to me tomorrow and I needed somewhere to stay, they’d let me and not think twice. My whole family has often joked about finding land out in the middle of nowhere and building a ‘commune’ all together. Having to live together at some point would not seem weird at all but we are very close, live in the same town already, and help each other out.
Anon
My comment got eaten like four hours ago and apparently isn’t coming back.
From my perspective as someone in a draconian familial responsibility state, are you aware of and prepared to deal with the implications of assuming financial responsibility for your FIL by becoming his source of housing and (some) caretaking? Depending on where you live, you might consider consulting an expert in eldercare and estate law. You might be putting yourself on the hook down the line for bills that otherwise should be covered by Medicare or Medicaid.
Equestrian Attorney
I’m in Canada, so no – he gets both healthcare and government retirement benefits and as far as I know neither are affected by him living with us.
AnonyK
We haven’t yet but we do have a house with an in-law suite/apartment with the anticipation that when one set of parents becomes unable to live independently, they will move in here. For now it is just used for visiting. I’m white and multigenerational households are not common in my family. My husband is asian and in his family they are not only common, but expected. It really depends on the personalities involved. I would have an easier time with my parents than my in-laws just because my parents have better boundaries. But if/when my in-laws cannot live alone, I will absolutely make it work. I think there are great advantages to it especially when you have kids. Plus, as this year has taught us, there are real downsides to the self sufficiency and social isolation typical in American culture (I realize you are in canada- not sure how much the culture is the same in that regard). It sounds like you feel the personalities will mesh and boundaries will be honored, so I say go for it.
anone
I’ll add another perspective that I didn’t see mentioned. The fact that you are not even married, nor have kids yet, makes this crazy to even plan for. I bought a first house near parents and thought it would be my forever home, only to realize I had been too practical (e.g., near parents, decent price, has 2 units, etc.) and did not choose the house nor life I wanted long term. So many things changed with children in the mix. The number of years til you get married, give birth, end maternity leave, etc. makes this “help with kids” and “relationship with grandpa” long term thinking a bit absurd in my opinion. Choose a home that works best for you and your fiance, your near and intermediate needs, and how you can help out dad under your desired-life parameters. Planning a home purchase to accommodate this arrangement, only for potential future benefit which may end up moot if he moves in with SO or you want your own space or not having the overhead of being a landlord (trust me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be with family nor stranger tenants), makes this whole deal entirely moot imo.
Seventh. Sister
My cousin and his wife live with her mom and it works out well. Part of it is that she’s from a culture where this is a common setup (especially for widows like his MIL). While he is not from that culture, he lived with his parents well into adulthood so he’s got some experience in living with family as an adult.
With my own family, both of my parents had older relatives who had to move in with adult children or nieces/nephews because the older relatives were basically destitute. The setup was mostly related to the Great Depression, and it was pretty darn miserable all around.
Thinking about my own parents and my in-laws, I don’t think this type of communal living would work with my dad or my mother-in-law, but it would probably work with any of the other ones. That said, I would probably rather have any of them live in their own place close by instead of directly on our property.
Anonymous
What are you doing on election night? (Assuming the answer for many doesn’t involve gathering with non-relatives- who will you talk to, what will you eat, how late will you stay up, etc.)
Clementine
Uh, panic texting with my politically active friends, stress eating the good stuff from my kids’ Halloween candy, and drinking something between tea, wine, or straight Stoli on the rocks, depending on how the results are coming in.
Anonymous
Nailed it.
No Problem
Where is Shots Shots Shots Shots when you need her?
Anon
THC gummies.
Vicky Austin
We do election night pizza, which I think is a tradition among journalists that I stole, and there will most likely be vodka. Heh.
Anon
Yep. Election night pizza and beer. On election night 2016 I went to our local Democrats “party” which turned into “crying in public” by about 10:00 PM. They served pizza. When it was clear we were all f-ed, my friend and I went to a different pizza place that was DEAD SILENT, except for people crying or murmuring “oh my god, oh f, oh my god.” We call it “the pizza place where we cried” now…
AnonATL
I honestly don’t think I’m going to stay up and watch it. I remember waking up checking results late into the night in 2016 and crying and not sleeping the rest of the night. Not sure I want to repeat that this year.
Good or bad, I’d rather be well-rested when I find out. I guess this scenario changes if you aren’t on the east coast.
If I did stay up, I would drink one too many glasses of wine and stress eat chocolate and cheese it’s.
anon
Same. The wounds of 2016 are still fresh.
Monday
+1. I went to bed as usual in 2016, though very worried, and was glad the next morning despite the results. There is no scenario in which my having stayed up all night would be helpful, especially since I still work on site and don’t have the following day off.
Equestrian Attorney
+1, although I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep. In 2016 I happily feel asleep thinking Hillary won… the 2 am awakening was brutal.
Anon
Same. I want to eat a proper meal and get the correct amount of sleep, not give myself a gall bladder attack by cramming Ben & Jerry’s in my face to soothe the angst.
Anonymous
In 2016 I went to sleep early thinking we were fine, then woke up to a total $hitshow in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. This time around, I don’t think I’ll be able to go to sleep at all.
CountC
Same. I am not watching at all.
Anonia
Same here. Plus some crying the next day.
Anon
Same here. I also don’t think the results will be clear on election night or even the next morning), so staying up late refreshing results will just cause me stress for no good reason.
Anonymous
I’m hosting a zoom party for a political group I belong to, which, unfortunately, means that all my panic drinking will have to happen after that’s wound down.
Anonymous
It’s Tuesday night, so hopefully tennis if it doesn’t rain. After Bush v Gore, I learned to value my sleep as the news may take a while.
Anonymous
Staying inside and hoping the city doesn’t get burned to the ground by protestors. Probably going to sleep at my usual time, since I doubt we’ll actually know the result for several more days.
Louisa
Hopefully, hanging on the hospital with my spouse And new baby, watching a blue tide win. I have a scheduled C-section on that day. So grateful I live in a traditionally vote by mail state and my ballot is already shown as having been processed.
Aunt Jamesina
How exciting! And certainly a distraction from the day’s events.
Senior Attorney
That sounds amazing!!
Cb
I’m in the UK and in 2016, I did a 3am check of the news and never got to sleep after that so I’m keen to avoid that situation. With UK elections (Brexit, 2017, 2019) we kept saying we’d just see the first area come back, and ended up staying up all night.
Anonymous
Election night is not going to be a one and done. Trump has a team ready to cause as much chaos as humanly possible. Expect lawsuits to try to stop the vote or to stop counting or to toss out votes. Expect the appointment of an alternate slate of electors. And expect this to be adjudicated by Trump appointed judges, whose decisions will make Bush v. Gore look rational.
Anon
If I responded how I’d like to I’d never get a post through on this page again….All the swear words.
Anon
Due to the mass of absentee voting, most of which won’t be open until election night, there will be many states that can’t report their results for days.
Betsy
Doomscrolling, drinking and trying to fall asleep because I assume we won’t have results on election night.
Cat
Probably won’t stay up to watch – if there’s not going to be a clear victory it’s just frustrating, and I can only imagine the kind of tantrums that may be thrown over mail-in ballots and when they’re fully counted (like PA’s counting them even if received 3 days later).
But… on the off chance it looks like we’ll get a clear outcome then we’ll stay up. Drink of choice will depend on what the outcome looks to be…
LaurenB
I have already decided I’m going to be taking a long walk in a nearby forest preserve, and having my phone on only for emergencies. I really do not think my system can tolerate the ups and downs and the breathless announcements and the inevitable Trump temper tantrums.
BTW, this is my conspiracy theory: I predict there will be a (staged/fake) assassination attempt on Trump in the next few weeks, in an attempt to gain a sympathy vote.
anon
What scares me is that this sounds completely plausible, because 2020.
Anon
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if we have a sudden “false flag” event. We’ve fallen a long way.
Anon
I predict that a fake assassination attempt will be bungled and quickly revealed as fake, given the trump campaign’s general level of (in)competence.
LaurenB
Revealed as fake by ABC/CBS/NBC/CNN/NYT/WaPo, but Fox viewers will be left with “questions.”
Anonymous
I envy all y’all who will be able to sleep.
Anonymous
You could do it too. Ask us how if you need help.
Anon
+1
AnonATL
I think it’s going to require a half a Benadryl for me.
emeralds
I just got trained to be a poll observer, so presumably on election night I’ll be observing a poll somewhere. I don’t think we’re going to have an answer on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning, so I’m mentally preparing for the long haul.
FYI, if you’re in the DMV there are still poll observer trainings between now and election day, plus additional opportunities for remote work on voter assistance hotlines. You do not have to be a VA resident to volunteer and legal experience is helpful, but not required (I’m not a lawyer). https://vademocrats.org/pollobserver/
Aunt Jamesina
My workplace has given us the day off (yay!). I voted early, so I’ve decided I’m going to do a bunch of annoying cleaning and other tasks around my house so I can focus my energy in a productive way. Shampooing our carpet and painting our guest room seems like good, mindless ways for me to stay busy and work off any anxiety. I’m normally a news junkie, but I’m going to avoid it as much as possible the day of. We’ll see how that goes, though.
anon
Sounds like a solid plan!
Aunt Jamesina
I think I’m also going to cook a semi-complicated dinner so I have something to look forward to. Fancy Dinner Ideas appreciated!
CinNJ
I did a ton of cooking during the spring lockdown, one of my favorite recipes I tried was a braised short rib with cheese grits… Ree Drummond recipe on Food Network website. I “accidentally” opened a bottle of good red to cook with, and then of course had to finish it. Not super difficult, but delicious! If you eat red meat, I highy recommend the recipe, and also a good red wine.
Anonymous
Rioting. Ima be on the streets with champagne if Biden wins.
anon
See you there
Senior Attorney
Woo hoo! Yes!
I am cautiously optimistic that it will be a giant blue wave, big enough that the election will be called on election night.
A girl can dream, can’t she?
Anon
In the first five days since ballots were sent out, my county has gotten TEN TIMES more ballots than they’ve ever gotten in the first five days- and that record was set in August for the primary. Our very blue state might have 90% turnout.
Minnie Beebe
I’m working polls that day; I will likely come home from wherever I happen to be placed (could be anywhere in the county), have a (large) martini and some food, and then nervously scroll twitter in bed until I fall asleep.
Anonymous
Praying.
Anon
For 2016, we got a cookie cake that said “Don’t screw this up, America,” so this year I suppose we’ll get one that says “Don’t screw this up again, America.” Maybe we should switch to ice cream cake.
We’re not going to know the results that night, so I’ll probably just eat cake, drink, and try to sleep.
Anonymous
Anti anxiety meds…
Anon
Hopefully not having a panic attack and actual medical shock like I did in 2016.
Anonymous
Oh, dear. Please take care of yourself, even if that means shutting down until Thursday (or Monday).
anon
The days are getting shorter and darker, and I am already not doing well from a mental standpoint. For every pro of working from home, there is a huge con. I am struggling with the lack of structure and boundaries between work and home. Home is no longer a sanctuary because I am here ALL THE FREAKING TIME. How do I not lose my mind? It’s looking like I will not be returning to the office until summer 2021. I feel like I am trying so hard to keep my head above water and keep my spirits high and add breaks into my workday … and it is absolutely not working anymore.
Cat
The struggle is real. I’ve found that physically putting away or hiding my work stuff at the end of the day is helpful – my desk is in a corner of our living room, so I literally drape a pretty tablecloth over it at night! I also change from “comfy work clothes” to my normal after-work “relax clothes” even though they are not much different, care- and comfort-wise.
Cb
Sad lamp, lunchtime walk, and a really structured day. I also light a candle at the end of my workday as a little ritual.
anne-on
+1 to all of this, my SAD lamp is on as we speak. Lunchtime walk (while there is still daylight and no snow/ice!) is a big help. An evening ritual is also nice – I’ve been lighting a ‘fancy’ candle and doing 10 minutes of relaxing yoga or stretches recently which is great for counteracting the ‘sitting too much’ aches and pains.
Anon
Can you do something outside every day? I’ve worked from home for more than a decade and I feel like it’s important to regularly leave the house, even if it’s just to take a walk or garden or something small.
anon
I’ve been incorporating lots of walks into my schedule. IDK, it’s really not working anymore. It’s pathetic how much I look forward to running errands just because it’s SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
Anon
So I hear this complaint a lot about no boundaries or separation but it’s something I’ve never had a problem with. I love WFH and feel like my boundaries are better if anything. A few ideas from my routine: if you need to use your personal laptop or computer for work, set up a separate profile from your personal one (so you have to log in/out), have a hard stop time each day, don’t check work email after hours or on weekends, go for a walk or do other exercise at the end of the day, and pick rituals you enjoy that you can’t do in the office – 10 am yoga? Squats during a conference call? Homemade coffee at 12? If it’s your thing, add in regular social calls with coworkers. What can you do to make WFH enjoyable?
Anon
I totally relate. Are you getting outside very day? Are you able to take time to do yoga, a walk, or a workout? These are the things that have the ability to completely change my mood.
Create structure where you can. What time do you start work? Carve out an hour or two before that to get outside, move, journal, listen to music or a podcast, read, whatever.
Anon
I feel like everyone always recommends exercise as a mood booster, but for me it’s just….not. If anything, it puts me in a worse mood. I’m exhausted and sweaty afterwards, not glowing and rejuvenated.
Panda Bear
+1 about exercise! My husband in particular is an exercise evangelist, it makes him feel great… and I hate it. So I remind myself that it’s like investing – even thought I don’t feel any short-term benefit, I am still building building strength, releasing endorphins, and all that good stuff which (according to science, even if I don’t feel it) should help me be better off in the long run. But yeah, I still don’t enjoy or feel better after doing it.
Anon
Hard same. People are always “Find something you love!” while I’m about “Find what you hate the least!” I loathe physical exertion, and I always have. I work hard with my mind all day, I want to sit down with a book.
Anon
I promise I don’t mean this as “Just try harder!” But have you tried taking a walk with an audiobook? In an ideal world we’d all be doing strength and cardio regularly but my medical team has said that it’s totally OK to get most of your exercise from long, moderately paced walks. It’s the only exercise I love doing besides swimming which is not realistic for my life.
Anon
Same. I hate people who suggest exercise for stress/sleep/etc. Exercise is hard, horrible, awful, torture.
anne-on
I can NOT do hard exercise in the morning, at all. It just zonks me out for the rest of the day. What I do enjoy is a gentle walk. Or yoga, or meditation, or a series of stretches. It doesn’t have to be crazy intense, just the act of moving my body some helps. I am mildly ashamed that it took the apple watches fitness categories (outdoor walk, yoga, cooldown, indoor walk) for me to make the connection that yes, walking the dog DOES count as exercise.
anon8
The one thing I look forward to after exercising is taking a nice, relaxing shower.
Anon
The benefits, including mental, of exercise still exist though, even if you need to make yourself do it and struggle through it.
Anon
Unless… they don’t? I’ve made myself do it, struggled through, and mostly experienced pain, mental fatigue, and moodiness, even after months of routine exercise. I realize there are other benefits related to cardiovascular health and aging, but I’m taking that on faith. In terms of perceptible benefits or quality of life, I honestly feel better when I don’t exercise. It’s probably related to health issues I have, but I wish my doctors would help more with it, since I would like to enjoy the long term benefits without making my life so much worse in the short term.
Anonymous
Yes agreed. I will also say that I am suffering from an ankle injury which is severely limiting my mobility and I would give anything to be able to go in a walk right now. Or just run errands without pain. If you can exercise, please do! I will be jealous of you from my couch, one month after the injury and with no clear timetable for healing!
Anonymous
First off, do not be even a little ashamed to talk to your doctor about depression. Things are depressing! It’s normal to be depressed!
That being said, here’s what’s worked for me (in addition to those lovely anti-depressants): get dressed in work clothes, not office clothes necessarily, but different clothes than I wear to Netflix. I walk or bike a couple of blocks for a simulated commute. I open the curtains in my workspace and turn on every possible light to get that “here’s the office” vibe and to do what I can about the SAD. During the work day, I try to stay out of the non-work rooms of my house. I use my guest bathroom. I pack a lunch so I don’t have to use the kitchen. When I’m done with work for the day, I tidy up my desk and close my laptop. Because I’m a loon, I pat the laptop and say “see you tomorrow” and don’t touch it again until next time. Then I walk “home” from work. I workout. I take a shower or bath with a glass of wine or mug of tea and then put on different, cozier clothes. I think having as many physical differences from work time and off-work time as possible (scents, lighting, etc) is really helpful.
It also helps me to have clearly delineated days of the week: Monday evenings I volunteer on political campaigns. Tuesdays I talk to my friends. Wednesday I drink a second glass of wine and watch a movie and so on.
Once a month or so, I also “work remotely” by changing up my routine. Yesterday, for instance, I worked from France by putting on a completely work inappropriate dress (which was fine with a cardigan for zoom calls!). Instead of a smoothie for breakfast, I had a croissant and a cappuccino. I put on French music. I had a San Pelligrino out of a champagne flute with my lunch. Small, stupid changes break up the monotony.
Anon
I LOVE this idea and I am stealing it. You are brilliant!
Anon
These are great ideas. Love seeing stuff like this – you want to be happier with the situation, you have to take control of it and try new things.
Anonymous
This. I walk out my backdoor, around the block and in my front door to end my day at the ‘office’.
Marie
I love the idea of “working remotely from France” and the creative ways you found to make that a fun way to break up the monotony.
Anon
This is great! I do similar things. More “together” clothing for work days (but not at all what I’d wear in office) and makeup (again, zoom appropriate but not full) and jewelry. I do not leave my upstairs until I am “ready to go to work” and then I go downstairs and grab a quick bfast out of my fridge. Blinds are pulled all the way up so that as much natural light gets in as possible. I’m digging out the Happy Light today because we’re starting to get grey pretty often here.
I try to time block throughout the day to keep me on track. This has been helpful on days with zero motivation. I’m also using trello to manage all my work. It helps me to know where things are.
I put a time block around a certain time to stop working. I finish whatever I’m working on. Do whatever end of day things I need to do (to do list for following day, look at calendar and time block, etc.). And then I SHUT IT DOWN. 3-4 days of the week I will go immediately back upstairs to get a ride in on the bike. Even if it is a short ride (they’re all short because I”m new to it), it’s enough to create that delineation between work and “life”. Then I take a 20-ish min epsom bath because holy hell is my body feeling old after a ride, a full shower, and change to the comfy clothes.
Some sort of rituals in morning and end of day will be good for you. A happy light that you can sit in front of while at your “desk” will also be helpful. Please talk to your doctor as well.
Finally, I would recommend looking into remote volunteer opportunities. This may give you something “new” enough and also the “feel good about helping” vibe.
Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing great.
Ellen
Hugs, but you may need to see a bonafide health care professional for guidance/meds. While remembering we are in a COVID crisis, I think you also need to get out during the day, to do 10,000 steps, or else something that burns some calories. That way, your day is broken up and you won’t care if you are in the office or not. You can get through this if you have a freind to spend time with like I do, and it does NOT have to involve anything s-xueal. My freind Myrna provides me with the laughs I need to get thru this, so if you have someone local, call her up! I would stay away from new men at this time b/c they are often more troubel then they are worth, and the last thing we need is more stress, even if they do provide occasional s-xual releases, I would not start in with a new one at this time.
anon
Is your home large enough to create a sanctuary within your home? I have a room where I can enjoy reading a book, talking on the phone, drinking a beverage, etc. There’s also space for my yoga mat. The room has a view of the backyard, and I can watch the butterflies, birds, squirrels, etc. I never work in there, and my family members know that I’m there for alone time and try to respect that. Also, no toys are allowed.
Anon
This might not help with your boundaries issue but for the darkness issue, I break up my work day so I have free time outside while the sun is still out. Right now, I’m stopping work at 4, walking in the woods for an hour or two, having dinner, watching a show or two, and then doing my last two hours of work. As it gets darker earlier I might have to take my walks 11-1 or something. This only works if your employer doesn’t care when you work. I can disappear mid day for a couple hours and no one really notices, particularly if it is at “lunch” time. That means my work day does get spread out so I’m working almost up to bed time but I’m loving the free time I get during the day.
anne-on
+1 – I think just about everyone I work with who has kids (especially school aged kids) has chunks of time where they are unavailable thanks to homeschooling/school pick ups/etc. It is pretty common to be offline in the afternoon for a period and then log back in at night. Heck, the hours of 7-9 or 8-10 are when I grind out some of my best ‘focused’ work, I’m just not as there mentally in the afternoon due to my natural body clock.
Mal
One thing that might help a little bit – could you rearrange your furniture? Could make the space feel a bit new. Inevitably when I do this I find a better way to arrange my things than before.
Another Anon
Hi wise group,
I’m looking for advice/information about the logistics of hiring a lawyer for a potential elder abuse situation where my dad is being taken advantage of financially. I’ve never hired a lawyer before but I got the name of someone who specializes in this area (although I would appreciate any other recs for a lawyer in Connecticut if you know someone great). Do lawyers typically do a consultation? And are there always retainers established, even if the amount of work is unclear at first? I think I want to discuss the law about financial elder abuse as it pertains to my dad’s situation and any potential actions I can take to stop it, and I also need to discuss how to get power of attorney for my dad given that he has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but is reluctant to admit it.
There are way too many details on the whole mess of a situation so my attempt to summarize the relevant: My dad is 80 and was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and likely has had it for a while (I had to push to get this diagnosis, but he can’t remember to pay his bills, can’t remember when something in the recent passed occurred, can’t manage his medical care, etc.). I now have access to his bank account and I see that a woman half his age has received a significant amount of money from him over the past year. He talks about his “friend” often and is often very stressed about his “friend’s” many issues. He has wanted to help her but the total amount is way beyond reasonable. This is not someone my dad is in a relationship with, and he appears to have met her in the past year or so. She doesn’t see him other than requesting checks or taking my dad to his bank to get large amounts of cash for her. My dad has nothing else going on as he has been staying home due to coronavirus and his mobility has gotten very bad this year so he cannot go to the grocery store or anywhere by himself.
Thank you in advance for any advice on moving forward on the legal side. It is a hard situation overall as my dad is very stubborn about admitting needing help and he lives alone with no family nearby. He also has many medical issues. I have been managing his medical care, finances, and day to day life for the past 6 months, with some help from my family, and it’s been taking up a ton of my bandwidth. Overall I need to get him to accept help because I can’t keep doing this, but I would like to also prioritize meeting with a lawyer to prevent any disaster of my dad giving away even more money as he gets more confused.
LaurenB
Ugh, I am so sorry. Fully understanding that your father is not all there, have you brought up the topic with him? Is there a way you can gain financial power of attorney over him? If you have access to his bank account, is there a way you can get something where all disbursements need to go through both of you? I feel for you.
Anonymous
Yes. By hiring an elder care lawyer. Like she asked about.
OP just call the lawyer you’ve got- they might charge a retainer, they might just bill you by the hour, they might do this enough there’s a flat fee for some of it. They’ll certainly be willing to discuss the potential scope of representation and cost with you upfront.
Diana Barry
Where in CT?
Anon
I don’t have advice on the lawyer stuff, but I work in financial crime. I’d definitely call the bank and report it. They will at least do an investigation on their side and file necessary paperwork.
Anon
Also consider reporting to the local prosecutor’s office or the AG — they probably have phone numbers on their website for a financial fraud hotline. I have friends working in this area, and generally people who do this do this to multiple people and repeatedly.
Anon
Our state has an elderly ombudsman. You can call and ask questions, get advice, access some limited resources. Perhaps CT does as well?
My father is in a similar situation. I’ve looked into having him declared incompetent and my sister and I becoming his guardians. It was a lengthy process but not extraordinarily expensive. We’ve been able to protect him so far by working with his bank. We’ve set up one account where we pay his bills, his retirement check goes in, etc. and another that we keep just a little money in that he has the debit card for and checks to. We work with his bank to fix anything that looks suspicious. The folks at the bank have been real lifesavers.
MagicUnicorn
Yea. OP, please call both the lawyer and the bank ASAP.
cbackson
+1 to this. OP, I had to help a friend deal with a similar situation – my friend only found out what was happening when the FBI showed up at his dad’s door with a warrant. Turned out that the “special friend” his dad was “helping out” with money was actually connected to Russian organized crime and dad was being investigated as a potential accessory to money laundering (there is more to the story that I’m omitting, but it’s similar enough to be instructive). Not sure if your parent’s “friend” is local or not, but there are many scams like this and they can end quite badly. Even if you don’t have legal rights such that the bank can talk to you about his accounts, what they can do is take a closer look at these transactions on their side.
anon for this
I’d call Legal Aid first and see what they say. They have an Consumer Law Project for Elders hotline that is on this page:
https://ctlawhelp.org/en/legal-help-elders
Anon
Is there such a thing as a SAD lamp / light alarm clock combo? The combination of occasional night shifts, second wave lockdowns, wfh, and shorter days is making me think that a SAD lamp might be a good move.
I’ve also been intrigued by one of those sunrise alarm clocks for a while.
Since the concepts are similar (and I live in a tiny apartment) I was curious if anyone had a recommendation for a combo unit.
Cat
We got a sunrise alarm clock last winter and adore it. As the days get shorter, it makes us feel less like mole-people when getting up. I think it’s this one, although they seem to have added a few features like setting different colors.
https://www.amazon.com/Sunrise-Sleepers-Simulation-Nightlight-Daylight/dp/B081CHLF46/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=smart+life+sunrise+alarm+clock&qid=1603287687&sr=8-4
Anon
I have a sunrise alarm clock, and I love it too (Phillips brand) – but in current times I love it for the sunset feature! I set it at night when I lay down and then read until it gets too dark and then fall asleep.
Anon
Thanks! I like this one a lot but does it have SAD light capabilities??
Anon
My guess is probably technically no. It doesn’t have UV light, and probably does not get as bright as a SAD light, though it is pretty bright. I think if you need an actual SAD light, this might not be for you, but if you just want something similar, this could work.
Cat
It is not an official SAD light, just a nice, warmly lit way to start off a dark winter morning.
Anon
I don’t think you’d want a SAD light alarm clock, those lights are bright! There wouldn’t be any of the gentle wake up you get with the Phillips ones.
Anonymous
Yes! I have a Philips one with gradual daylight, alarm clock and fm clock radio.
Higly recommended.
Pompom
I’ve been using a Lumie alarm clock for years, and it helps tremendously. I am NOT a morning person, but the gentle wake up helps a lot, esp this time of year forward.
Olive hiking pants for a pear
It’s getting cooler and I need some hiking pants, pref. olive colored, that can fit my generous hips (+ thighs + some tummy) and yet have a smaller waist so they don’t fall off when I put things in the pocket (an iPhone in the pocket can leave me with either sagging bottoms or a precipitous drop).
I usually have good luck at Athleta, but not this year.
For fabric, not summer-weight (I have that and shorts already) and I guess also not cotton some other material.
Anon
My job involves occasional field work and all of the women in my office are obsessed with the Columbia Saturday Trail Pants. I’m a pear and I like the but dont love them, but women with other shapes love them.
As a pear, finding tac pants is nearly impossible so I like that these do fit my hips and butt. I wish they had more pockets but that’s probably a personal preference. I like that they’re not an elastic waist so I can clip a radio to my waistband.
They’re average weight – I wear them year round but wear tights under them if it’s very cold.
They’re sold on Amazon for less than Columbia sells them for and come in several colors, including olive.
Anon
Check out the brand Kuhl at REI. I have your body type and they’re the only ones that work, are high quality, and have real pockets on most styles.
anon
Same body type. +1 to Kuhl.
I also wonder if Duluth Trading might have something that works, although I have not tried it.
Anonymous
Important follow-up: relaxed fit from Kuhl? Or one of the other fits?
ALX+emily
LL Bean women’s vista camp pants – drawstring waist, otherwise fit my pear shape/weight fluctuations well, and come in olive. They aren’t summer-weight but also aren’t particularly warm or thick so you’d need a layer underneath for actual cold weather especially if you’re not moving.
Anon
Prana has great hiking pants. The Halle pants have an interior drawstring so you can adjust the waist. Kuhl also has this feature, but I only have shorts from them – I would guess their pants would also work.
Anon
The Halle pants are my favorite, and I also have Prana shorts. I think they do a great job of fitting my hips and the fabric is always comfy.
BB
+1 to Prana. I’m similar but not quite the same shape – very muscular backside and thighs, but not that small of a waist – but their pants have usually fit me.
Anonymous
I have a similar configuration and like Mountain Hardware.
Anonymous
As a fellow pear, I’ve just bought and liked Eddie Bauer Guide Pro Pants. One version is lightweight nylon (but as warm as cotton jeans to me) and another version is lined with fleece. Both come in an olive color.
Mal
I love my Patagonia happy hike pants – they come lined and unlined. Super comfy with a wide stretchy waist.
Anonymous
I love Prana! But have been hooked recently on Title Nine. I’m in Ventura, basically known as Patagonia HQ but because I have no waist I have a difficult time with fit!!
Anon
Are your offices closing again now that we have a third wave? Or did they never open? Mine did an illegal stealth reopening for the lonely CEO and a few of his special pets, but it will be made legal in our city next week. We’re doing better on the virus now.
Anonymous
We’re gearing up for a 2nd wave, the fall & winter wave everyone’s predicting, but it’s a mixed bag of some reopenings even though it’s clearly inadvisable.
Equestrian Attorney
We had a half baked reopening on a voluntary basis for about a month, and then things got worse and we went back into lockdown… so we never got to our phase III reopening where everyone was going to be coming in at least part-time.
Sloan Sabbith
We had a voluntary reopening that was never pushed in any way and mostly for a few people who REALLY wanted to go in. No pressure at all to go in, and probably 98 or 99% of us are still full time WFH. We’re still technically open to go in, but my supervisor has been in a few times (like when she had trial and didn’t want the cat showing up on camera) and said there’s never more than 3-4 people in the office at one time.
Anon
We’ve been back since May or June, depending on role. The company filed with the state for essential status based on a seriously creative reach, so it’s clear that they are more worried about butts in seats than about safety. I don’t expect another closure unless the state forces them.
Anon
Location: SEUS. We are still pretending that nothing is happening. Gah. The vast majority of people do not wear masks. Asking to work from home would be a direct route to unemployment.
anon
Same here, also SEUS. People at my office mostly wear masks in the hall and break room, but not among individual team members.
Anon
SEUS. We never really reopened. There are a few people going in for various reasons, but most people are still work from home. I’ve been in once since March, just to pick up some tech I needed.
anon
We did a partial reopening, but now there have been outbreaks in 2 of the 3 buildings. I’m still WFH, but there have been some very long serious emails about people coming to work sick or not cooperating with screening at the door. Also, they are doing a free testing clinic Saturday, for employees with or without symptoms.
anon
I’m in D.C. Voluntary re-opening for anyone who wants to go in. Only 3-4 people are ever in the office at a time (I am one of them), we each have our own offices, and we are religiously masked in the common areas. Sometimes, we make chit chat in the common area standing far away from each other, and it’s really nice. But don’t think we’ll ever *require* people to come in again. For me though, being able to come in to the office has helped my mental health tremendously in coping with pandemic. But, if things get bad again here I might stay home.
Anon
We were slated to open in conjunction with city “non-red” emergency status (below 5% positive rate, declining number of infections and hospitalizations, continued indoor masking rule), but the numbers started going back up again and we received a “we’ll see”, which I’m okay with, everyone is working from home very effectively.
Cat
Never reopened, we will be back in spring at the earliest.
NY CPA
Ours never re-opened (firm-wide decision for all offices nationally). This is pretty standard in my industry.
They pushed out to January 2021 “at the earliest” but I’m not holding my breath that we go back before summer.
Anon
Northeast law office. Office re-opened for assistants/receptionist/office manager and the trusts and estates attorney (that has to do in person signings). Everyone else is WFH. The staff has a lot of paper to manage and it had massively piled up from March to September. With this arrangement, no one works near anyone else. If the attorneys returned, the old school ones would be handing papers back and forth with their staff, talking at their desks and all sorts of stuff not advisable. I had to go in to sign a check the other day and my assistant brought me papers to sign. We both had masks on but she was hovering at my desk. I think it is really smart that they keep assistants and attorneys separated for as long as possible. It’s not that we are more important than them. It’s that our jobs can be done 100% remote and because of the paper aspect of the job, theirs can’t. We made it work under the emergency orders and will return to everyone WFH if things get bad enough again but the mountains of paper were getting unwieldly. (I would also love if firms that email everything would stop with sending paper copies too!)
Anon
Everyone who could do their job effectively from home never had to go back, and most of us have been told we’re permanently remote. I actually would love to go back. I don’t think it’s that risky (I commute by car, masks are required in all public spaces and I have a private office with a door) and for me the productivity benefits of having a dedicated, private office space are significant. But I’m not allowed to go in.
Anonymous
It might not be that risky for you personally, but any of the other people in your office may be high risk, or taking the bus and then breathing on you, or whatever.
Anon
I quit my gym this summer and plan on never going back, so I’ve been slowly investing in equipment so I can continue to workout from home (spin bike, weights, etc).
Now that the weather is colder, I need some cold weather running gear. In previous years, I limited my running to good weather only and then was miserable on the treadmill in the winter.
I used to be a semi regular runner but fell out of it a few years ago and am slowly / intermittently getting back to it. I live in PA so we get real winter but nothing insane (like my cousin in MN who had 6 inches of snow yesterday!)
anon
Same type of conditions here. You’ll need fleece-lined running tights when the weather gets below 30ish. For the top, I’d highly recommend thin layers rather than piling on something thick. I have gotten a surprising amount of use from my North Face thermoball vest, which I layer over a long-sleeve running tee. Fleece-lined running tops also are nice.
busybee
Remember to get something reflective- a jacket or vest would be best. Agree with PP that layers are key instead of one heavy layer. Something to cover your ears will be very useful as well as gloves. Dress so that you’re chilly when you start your run- your body will heat up pretty significantly once you get going, so if you’re comfy when you start you’ll be uncomfortably hot midway through.
The Lone Ranger
Wool socks.
Anonymous
I also live in the insane weather territory with dumb snow. I use COSTCO 32 degree brand base layer under my workout or everyday clothes. I basically wear base layer all day every day from October to late April. It works well for warmth and you don’t have to buy new running gear that way.
Clementine
I like a pair of winter running tights – current favorite are CWX brand (they have basically built in knee supports) winter weight, then I layer a wicking tee (usually an old race shirt) under a Merino quarter zip top and put a vest on top of all of it. On my feet I wear Darn Tough socks and trail running shoes.
My trail running shoes are good in the water, have a sole that is more nonslip – particularly on wet surfaces – than my normal running shoes, and seem to hold up to dirt/salt very well. I wear a fleece ear band and those cheap ‘one size fits all’ stretch gloves on my hands. Because it’s dark, I wear a blinking reflective vest and head lamp. A friend has knuckle lights and I’m SUPER jealous.
I do have a pair of yak-tracks which I wear for running if it’s particularly icy, but most of the time this is my get up.
Anonymous
+1 for CW-X. I cannot run in anything else. As for tops, I like the New Balance Heat Loft line.
Anon
I see so many runners wear vests in the cold and I never understand it. When I am running my core is pretty active and stays relatively warm, but my arms freeze! So one of my layers is arm warmers.
busybee
The reason we wear vests is because when your core temperature starts to drop, blood flow to your extremities is reduced. Your body keeps its blood flow at the core to protect the organs. That’s why when your core is only “relatively” warm, your arms freeze. By keeping your core warmer, your extremities will be warmer because the blood flow to them won’t be reduced.
Anon
The blogger Hungry Runner Girl has tips on winter running gear. She runs daily all year-round in Utah.
Breakfast rut
Hi all, I’m SO TIRED of oats and muesli for breakfast that I’ve been eating store-bought croissants for breakfast and desperately need some delicious breakfast ideas. Bonus points if they’re healthier than a croissant :)
Sloan Sabbith
Pre-COVID, aka when I put effort into breakfast, I had a toasted whole wheat English muffin with mashed avocado (bought it pre-mashed at Costco), a slice of tomato, and Trader Joe’s everything bagel seasoning and a vanilla Siggis yogurt. Got both carbs and protein, kept me full until lunch.
Now I eat a bagel with cream cheese and bacon or cereal and bacon.
Anonymous
I like the Cookie and Kate healthy muffin recipes. There are a zillion different flavors and all of them are good. I make a batch, freeze them, and defrost them in the microwave as needed.
Anonymous
Eggs? Pre-make some breakfast burritos you can keep in the freezer and just microwave in the morning? Budget Bytes has a recipe I like.
Z
My favorite breakfast is 1/2 avocado on toast with Trader Joes Anything But the Bagel Seasoning, salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes. Then I slice an 8 minute boiled egg and put it on top. I don’t know if it’s actually that healthy but it feels healthy and kind of decadent. You can boil the eggs for the week and keep them in the fridge to save some valuable morning time.
Additionally, I’ve really been enjoying museli mixed with the Chobani lower sugar greek yogurt, with fresh blueberries and a tablespoon of peanut butter on top.
Vicky Austin
Every year on my birthday I soft-boil an egg, put it on some nice bread that has been toasted and buttered, and sprinkle it with smoked paprika, fresh chives, sea salt and black pepper. A bit fussy for everyday use, but so good.
anon
My lazy breakfast is a piece of whole wheat toast (bonus points for cinnamon raisin whole wheat toast) with almond butter. Recently, I bought vanilla almond butter, which was delicious, but I can’t find it again. So now, I mix a little vanilla, honey, and salt into regular almond butter, and I also smooth it out with a few drops of olive oil to make it more spreadable.
Anon
Yogurt with fruit and seeds is my go to
PolyD
I used to do yogurt with crushed pistachios (the roasted lightly salted ones from Costco) and chocolate sprinkles. Now I do same with a banana, then back to yogurt when I run out of bananas.
Note that the sprinkles are Dutch chocolate hagelslag, not the waxy things from the baking aisles.
Senior Attorney
I love this: chop up an apple (or half if that’s too much for you) and mix it with honey-flavored Greek yogurt and some chopped walnuts. Add some blueberries if you can fined them. DELISH.
Anon
I make my own whole grain bread so I make toast out of that, usually with peanut butter and sliced apple or jam or sometimes avocado and tomato. I also sometimes roast potatoes and cook peppers and onions and sometimes veggie chorizo. That’s good in the fridge for several days and just needs reheating. I might eat that with an egg or mix it with beans and do some sort of burrito. Whole grain waffles and pancakes can be made on the weekend and reheated during the week. I top with lots of fruit and some yogurt and just a little maple syrup. I love breakfast!
Thanks, it has pockets!
Eggs on toast. I use Dave’s Killer Bread, the thin-sliced kind in the yellow bag, with over-easy eggs and something spicy sprinkled on top for extra flavor, like hot sauce or that red pepper blend they hand out at hot pot restaurants. Fruit on the side.
Anon
I bake sourdough bread so lots of my breakfasts include that, but here are my main breakfasts.
1) sourdough toast, a Siggis yogurt, fresh fruit, and a cup of tea with sugar
2) sourdough bread (not toast, if my bread is just out of the oven) with an over easy egg, fresh fruit, and an iced tea
3) an everything bagel with cream cheese and sliced tomatoes (preferably from my garden) and an iced coffee
4) some of my husband’s steel cut oatmeal with dried fruit and a cup of coffee with creamer
I like the idea of sweet things at breakfast, like pancakes, waffles, sweet cereal, and croissants, but I always feel like hell for the rest of the day if I indulge. A little sugar in my tea is about all I can handle.
My fruits tend to be raspberries, strawberries, honeydew melon, apples, or mandarin oranges, depending on the season.
Annony
I like to make a sweet potato hash. Cook a sweet potato (roast it, microwave it, whatever), chop it up. Chop up some breakfast sausage, brown it, add the sweet potatoes, then add in some chopped kale. Healthy, a tiny bit sweet (or more, depending on what kind of sausage you use) but also savory. You can make a batch and then heat up leftovers all week.
My all time favorite comfort breakfast (not healthy) is potatoes, eggs and bread. As the name implies, cook some already cooked potatoes (leftover baked potatoes, frozen hashbrowns, whatever) in butter, add torn up bread (white is best) and then crack an egg over top and scramble it up.
I also like leftover fried rice for breakfast.
Ricotta on toast! If you are feeling sweet, berries with a drizzle of honey. If you are feeling savory, cook up some cherry tomatoes in butter and anchovies and smoosh them a little. Messy, but so good!
Anon
Happy Wednesday to everyone BUT the guy who saw me wearing my law school sweatshirt at 6:30 this morning at the coffee shop, asked for my card (no, also I don’t carry them especially when i’m in yoga pants, uggs and a sweatshirt, but mostly no), and then my number because he needed a lawyer. Told him to call our local legal aid line and he called me a f-ing b**** and “scum.” I hope he has a terrible Wednesday.
Anon
I am so sorry. Internet hug.
Anonymous
That stinks. I hope your day gets better.
This reminds me of how I have frequently had men yell things like “hey, lady lawyer!” or “are you a detective? you are a pretty detective!” at me when exiting various courthouses. No, the fact that I am wearing a suit and look like a lawyer does not make me fair game for your catcalls.
Anon
Oh yeah. So many lady lawyer problems….
Got catcalled walking with my boss my 1L summer on the way back from court. So embarrassing even though i had no responsibility at all for it. We both pretended it hadn’t happened which was the least awkward of all possible responses.
Went to a rural legal clinic with the same supervisor sometime 2L year. Client walked in and winked at my boss. “So glad you brought a pretty secretary along this time! We don’t get cute girls like her in these parts.” My boss looked stunned. I said in that voice that’s professional but mostly icy “Hello, sir. I’m his law school intern, not his secretary. Are you here to talk about MY looks, or YOUR legal issue? Because if it’s me, there are other clients waiting to get help with a legal issue.” I immediately regretted it and was absolutely horrified I’d said it to a client. My boss backed me up, though and told the guy to be respectful or leave. The second we got in the car after the clinic I apologized to my boss for being “unprofessional.” My boss, bless his heart, was legitimately taken aback and confused that I was apologizing for it and had just been about to apologize himself for not saying something first. Then we had a really awkward conversation about misogyny from clients and how standing up for myself didn’t require an apology and wasn’t inherently unprofessional. I really needed the conversation and in retrospect I’m really grateful he talked with me about it (and he was super, super nice) but I wouldn’t necessary have chosen to have it prior to a long drive back to the office from the middle of our state.
Kitten
Why are men?
Anonymous
Yes why are men. Looking at you Jeffrey toobin
Senior Attorney
My thoughts exactly. Good grief.
Anon
Actually, trying NOT to look at you, Jeffrey Toobin.
Anon
Ha!!
Senior Attorney
Amen!
Anon
+1
Anon
That’s a lot of entitlement for 6:30 am
Monday
Sounds like he wanted your number in particular and then turned hostile when he didn’t get it. All too common from misogynists.
Anonie
Ah I am so sorry! Also, getting hit on while wearing a mask is next-level crazy ha. I had a stranger in his 70s tell me recently that I was a “beautiful woman”…my face was covered with a mask?! How on earth would be know? Haha :)
Anon
So I used to represent a meat packing facility and the employees were head-to-toe covered in protective gear (hair nets, safety goggles, jumpsuits with rubber gloves and boots). You could not see an inch of the people’s bodies — but the number of sexual harassment complaints coming out of there was… a lot. It was so weird.
Anonymous
That’s because it’s about power, not attraction.
Anon
+1000000000
Anonie
Haha that’s hilarious! Maybe being “covered up” gives forward men a blank slate for fantasizing ha.
anonshmanon
just another point of evidence that sexual violence is not about attraction, but about power.
Anon
Oh yes, I completely agree. And also, that there is no amount of “dressing right” that can protect a woman from sexual harassment or assault. Just more… why men?
Anon
OP here. I cannot express enough how not-attractive I looked in Uggs and an oversized sweatshirt. I don’t look like one of those Insta girls in an oversized sweatshirt. I look like I just woke up, which I had.
anon
Had this happen to me at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago. Wanted to grab coffee because he thought I was cute. Which part of me? My forehead?
Anon
I guess I don’t see the issue with asking, if they politely move on if you say no. Isn’t that how people met before internet dating? Isn’t that the “putting yourself out there” advice all the single people get. You have to ask someone out to get a date….
Anon
You don’t ask a stranger you’ve never even conversed with for her phone number. That’s ridiculous. Are you a dude?
Generally, you strike up a conversation, at a minimum. You don’t go right for the phone number.
anon
It’s just kinda absurd to expect that a random woman you’ve never even spoken to would be willing to give you her contact info and agree to meet you. A man who does this has not given a woman a single reason to agree to this, other than that he’s a dude. He also has no idea whatsoever if he’s actually into her– all he knows about her is that he thinks she’s attractive. A man thinking I am cute is not a reason for me to go on a date with him. I need to at least think he’s cute, interesting, and safe. Men should be looking for more than “she’s cute” and women are looking for more than “he’s a dude who asked.”
Senior Attorney
It’s rarely about anything above the neck…
Jules
I was at a site where the employees are nearly all blind or severely visually impaired. Within the first minute that I was talking to one of them, he asked in a very silky voice if I was married. I was so surprised, I answered him – and I got the answer wrong!
Jules
ETA, this employee was fully blind.
Anon
What a jerk. I’m sorry you went through that. Not providing your number he is not in any way entitled to on a professional or personal level should not engender a hostile response, but your immediate inclination not to give it to him was apparently dead-on. If he actually does need a lawyer, I feel sorry for whoever takes his case because imagine what kind of nightmare client he would be if that is his initial interaction.
Anon
I started off my career in legal aid, and I had clients (mostly male, although not 100%) like this all.the.time. No, you are not entitled to an immediate response to your phone call. No, you can’t just show up at my office, and you can’t just sit in the lobby until I’m “not busy.” No, I’m not coming to your house alone. So much entitlement.
Anon
I had to call the cops on an opposing party that flew in from another state to sit in my lobby demanding a lien be discharged. Nope, can’t do it. He wouldn’t leave until the cops made him leave. They told him if they saw him anywhere in town other than the airport he’d be arrested. They sent him right back where he came from.
Anon
I am probably way too freaking naive because I would have been thrilled at the prospect of having landed a potential client and given him my card, that I always have on me, because I’m selling myself in many social situations. Someone mentions a legal issue, don’t have a lawyer yet? Here’s my card. But, I’m guessing he gave off creep vibes so you knew he wasn’t really looking for a lawyer and I’m hoping I would have caught that too.
Anon
OP here- I’m not the type of attorney who needs to try to find my own clients so that’s not even something I considered. I can imagine that changes the calculus in some situations. But, also, yeah, he definitely came off as very aggressively creepy and hostile. I don’t think he actually wanted a lawyer. He either was hitting on me or wanted someone to yell at.
Anon
I made a pot of lentils. I thought I had veggies to add to them, but I don’t.
I have to run to the grocery store anyways so what’s your favorite way to eat lentils? I usually just do roasted veggies and lentils in a bowl but would like to try something else
Cb
I have this epicurious lentils and sweet potato bowl on my meal plan this week: A Vegetarian’s Dream Sweet Potato Dinner
And I like lentil soup with red lentils.
Anonymous
I just made a vegetarian shepherd’s pie with lentils. (Recipe from Feasting At Home)
Equestrian Attorney
If you’re not a vegetarian, lentils with sausage is good. Also, in a salad with goat cheese and nuts, maybe some roasted butternut squash if you have that.
Jeffiner
My family loves this Lentil Rice and Veggie casserole. However, we also add a pound of cooked ground sausage before baking it.
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/53560/lentil-rice-and-veggie-bake/
Panda Bear
I like dal tadka style lentils – the curious chickpea and cook with manali both have good recipes for starting from scratch, but you can adapt for cooked lentils too. Basically, I cook a mixture of garlic, ginger, herbs and spices and then add them to the cooked lentils; I like then like to eat them with a dollop of yogurt and some kind of flatbread. I also like to mix my lentils with cooked barley for a different texture.
anonshmanon
Indian Lentil soup is my go-to, ideally with naan.
Anonymous
Lentil loaf
Lentil salad with feta cheese and pomegranate seeds and spring onions
Lentil tacos
Aunt Jamesina
I love lentils with taco seasoning and used as taco filling. I usually make my own seasoning or use the one from Trader Joe’s, which has a nice kick.
Anon
I made Smitten Kitchen’s spicy squash salad with lentils and goat cheese for dinner last night. Very fall.
Monte
Onions that are sauteed in a good amount of olive oil, and then poured over the lentils and mixed with rice. Top with a good amount of lemon juice. This is a bootleg moujendra.
Anonymous
This is speaking to me. Thanks!
Anon
Can anyone recommend a very soft warm sweatshirt? My home office is in a cold part of the house. No hood please, and I don’t mind spending money on the right one. Thanks!
Anon
Not exactly a sweatshirt, but I have a Patagonia expedition weight capilene 1/4 zip that owes me nothing, so much use for many years. Patagonia is a bit pricey on the buy, but every item I have ever purchased has become a wardrobe stalwart.
Anon
+1. Anything Patagonia will last forever. I’m still wearing items that are 20+ years old and they look great.
anon
I’m bummed that Patagonia doesn’t seem to fit me correctly. It’s too short in the torso, made worse by the fact that I’ve problems with the tops shrinking in the laundry, even when following care instructions. Love this brand’s ethics and aesthetics, but I’m done spending good money on it.
Is it Friday yet?
Another +1 for Patagonia – the Better Sweater might fit the bill here.
anon
Yes! I love my better sweater for this purpose. I sized up to get a cozy fit.
Anon
I just got a soft Nike fleece quarter zip that’s very warm
No Face
I have been going back and forth about getting the Fireside Crew or the Midweight crew sweatshirt from American Giant.
Anonymous
I think this is what Barefoot Dreams is for.
Anon
I’m wearing the Costco dupe right now that someone posted here a few weeks ago- LOVE IT. Max & Mia Travel Cardigan. Not available in all sizes atm but it’s great and $27 as opposed to Barefoot Dreams prices.
Abby
I bought the Costco one two weeks ago as well! I love it.
New+Here
I love the Aerie sweatshirt I bought last fall. I was 6-7 months pregnant and it fit me then and fits now. It is an oversized one, if that matters.
Anony
LL Bean fleece-line flannel shirt is my go-to; it’s not much to look at but I have a bigger size so I can throw it on over whatever I’m wearing.
Anon
I got a JCrew factory one with a fancy collar that doesn’t look like a sweatshirt but is, and is fleece lined. Perfect for WFH.
Perfect Ponte Pants?
My WFH wardrobe would be complete with a pair of black ponte pants. I’m looking for something that is not at all leggings or leggings -like, so must be straight or bootcut, and full length. Are ponte trousers a thing? Admittedly, I’m short, so if I bought ankle pants in regular length they would not be ankle pants, so I guess those would still be an option. Anyone found anything recently they really like?
Panda Bear
I got some great ones a few years ago from Boden. I don’t think they have the exact style anymore, but last time I looked they did have a couple of ponte trouser options.
Brass Babe
Brass Clothing has the unicorn of black ponte pants with full back pockets and they’re $25 off today!
Anon
I don’t think the ponte fabric, which is stretchy and too thick to drape well, is ideal for regular style trousers, which might be why they are hard to find
NY CPA
I got something similar from Talbots a little while ago.
Anonymous
There was a pair of knit pants from Liverpool (available at Nordstrom) featured here a couple weeks ago. I like them a lot. The petite size is the perfect length for me (I’m 5’3″). They run a little big.
Pompom
Would some of the Lands End starfish pants work?
Anon
I got some of these at Costco last year. This sounds like the Everlane pants somebody asked about yesterday morning.
Anonymous
NYDJ makes ponte trousers.
Anon
https://www.jjill.com/SearchDisplay?storeId=10101&catalogId=10051&langId=-1&sType=SimpleSearch&resultCatEntryType=2&showResultsPage=true&searchSource=Q&pageView=&beginIndex=0&pageSize=36&searchTerm=ponte+pants
AFT
nydj ponte pants. Several styles available, including bootcut for sure. i think I actually got mine on Amazon!
Anon
I had some from NYDJ a few years ago. I think they were somewhere between trouser and straight leg, and I bought them in petite since they were full length. I liked them, but they ran a little large and then I lost weight so now they’re too big.
Digby
Check out the Liverpool Kelsey pants at Nordstrom. Not sure if they’re ponte, but they’re a fairly thick knit, cut like trousers.
Anon
Betabrand fits the bill exactly.
Nylongirl
I got mine from Talbots. They look good & are comfortable.
This Skirt
If you look closely, the print on this skirt looks like either a red head with an askew angel halo, or a tilted pot of honey.
Senior Attorney
*snort*
Anonymous
Home buying/life logistics question. Fiancé and I are both in our late 30s and want to have kids ASAP. He recently moved about 4 hours away for work. He’ll be on that assignment for 2-3 years, then he can move back and find another job or be a SAHD. It is not possible for him to leave his job before this assignment is up. I’m a lawyer with a very local book of business, so moving for 2 years isn’t an option. We’re just going to have to tough it out. For now, I’ve been spending long weekends working from his place; he comes to me some weekends but he can’t WFH.
I own my house but I hate it; I’m sick of sharing walls and my (15 year old!) house has had so many things break I feel like it’s cursed. The market is hot right now and I could get a good price. I want a SFH but I’m concerned about the upkeep given that 1) a big chunk of my time is taken up with commuting, 2) I’m rarely home now, and 3) future kiddo will likely need to live with FH and I’ll just commute back and forth. I think the “right” choice is to stay put or buy a condo with less maintenance or rent. I just want to feel settled in a nice house that I want to raise my kids in. Any advice?
anon a mouse
If you hate your house, is it an option to sell now and rent for a couple of years, to save money and for ease of maintenance? Your husband’s job and the size of your future family are both important factors to a future house, but it sounds like those are still up in the air.
Veronica Mars
I’d sell the house. It doesn’t get better. Sell and rent until you know more of what you want to do.
Anonymous
I think the right choice involves figuring out a life in which your future infant doesn’t live with its father while you commute to see it on weekends. That’s your problem not your old house.
Anon
Wow, that’s extremely judgmental and unfair. Plenty of children have a parent who has to live away part of the time for work. Judging OP because she’s in that situation helps no one.
Anon
Would you be fine with it if the infant was living with the mother and seeing dad on the weekends?!
I agree that OP’s situation is not ideal, as does she. Sounds to me like she’s selecting the least bad of a bunch of not-great options.
Anonymous
Nope!
Anonymous
All that economic privilege must be nice.
anon
I agree, and I’d say the same if it were Dad doing the commuting.
OP
If you have other ideas, I’m all ears! If we were younger we’d just wait a couple years to start a family. But I can’t really wait until I’m over 40 to start trying. The work stuff kind of is what it is. He’s stuck for the next few years. I’m not going to give up my lucrative and stable practice to move with him for such a short time.
Anon
I think you can find a home that doesn’t require so much maintenance. I live in an 85 year old house that was renovated by the previous owner and I have had to do very little maintenance in my three years here.
No Face
If you hate your place and the market is hot in your area, sell it immediately. Rent and watch the market for the kind of house you and fiance want long term, so that you identify a great house when it comes for sale. Buy when fiance moves back to town and/or you find a great single family house that suits your future family.
Personally, I would not buy a condo that you do not want to live in long term. This just complicates matters when you find the right single family home, because you would need to sell or risk carrying two mortgages.
Senior Attorney
Agree with all this.
Anon
1) Sell the house, you hate it and can get a good price for it, no upside to keeping it.
2) Take advantage of the pandemic and work at home local to FH, travel into current town when you have meetings/court appearances and stay in a hotel or rent a small apartment as a pied-à-terre.
3) When baby comes, get a nanny that can travel with you and stay in hotel if you’ll be br*astfeeding, or pump in advance and leave baby with FH and nanny.
Anon
Horse, then cart.
When your FH is done with his current contract, you can figure out where you two want to live. Your choices at that point will be dictated by both of your jobs – you may need to split the commute, or you may want to buy a place that is close to work for both of you. You may move firms for career or family interests.
Unpopular comment alert: you’re in your late 30s. You absolutely can have kids at that age, but many women struggle. It will be particularly hard when your H lives four hours away; there is a very narrow window of optimal time for gardening, which may or may not fall on a weekend. (Yes, you absolutely can get pregnant when you garden five days before ovulation, but it’s about half as likely as gardening two days before ovulation.)
If you hate where you are living now and the market is hot, sell and rent. Two or three years from now, you’ll know how much space you need for a kid or kids, if that’s in the cards. You’ll know where H is working; if H is a SAHD, you’ll know what your house budget is.
Anon
I made carbonara for my family of sux and have a lot of leftover eggwhites. What can I use them for and will they last in the fridge until Sunday?
Vicky Austin
I just put leftover egg whites and yolks in scrambled eggs. If you’re worried about them lasting I think you can freeze them, or you can make the eggs now and reheat on the weekend.
anonshmanon
This or pancakes is what I would do. They will last in the fridge until Sunday.
Senior Attorney
These meringue cookies are delicious and easy: https://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/double-vanilla-meringues
Senior Attorney
And I haven’t tried this but it looks amazing: https://donalskehan.com/recipes/mocha-meringues-with-jameson-whiskey-cream-chocolate-sauce-and-toasted-hazelnuts/
Senior Attorney
Or angel food cake: https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/angel-food-cake/
NY CPA
Meringue cookies? Bake a cake and cover with Italian meringue butter cream (my favorite type of frosting)? Or even just make the frosting and freeze it for a future date. Try making macarons if you’re feeling adventurous!? Egg white omelets?
Sunday would probably be maxing out how long I’d be comfortable keeping them in the fridge, but they’d likely be fine.
Anon
Coconut macaroons! I like this recipe, though I don’t bother with the chocolate dipping: https://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Chocolate-Dipped-Coconut-Macaroons-11607
They’ll last a few days in the fridge, though Sunday might be pushing it. This recipe really doesn’t take that long so I might try to make them sooner.
anon
Contrary to what people here have said, the FDA says pooled eggs (ie, cracked open) are not safe to store for even a few hours. I might risk it to cook them now if you just cracked them last night but definitely don’t wait!
Anonymous
I mean receipes for macarons literally tell you to age your egg whites for several days, and most people do that. So if you’ve ever eaten a macaron, they’ve probably been made with egg whites sitting around for awhile, in spite of the FDA guidance…
Anon
I just got a pair of AirPods (regular not premium or whatever they’re called) and use them for Teams meetings I call into. Today when I tried to use them for a Teams video call, I couldn’t adjust the volume, it was full volume and I couldn’t adjust the volume on my Surface Pro. Any tips?
Cat
Is it the volume feature within Teams that isn’t working? Or your device’s overall volume?
givemyregards
When I connect my airpods to a PC, sometimes they show up twice (I think maybe it separates the microphone and headphones part? no idea) and have this issue – I have to click on the sound settings and change the volume for the other airpods speaker/headphones listed.
anonyK
I just googled this problem this morning! There is a fix suggested on the microsoft website/troubleshooting forums that comes up if you google- I don’t have it up anymore. I haven’t been able to try it yet because I was googling it during a remote hearing. I also have a surface, fyi. This is a relatively recent problem that seems to be related to recent microsoft update.
Flavors of Magic
Hi everyone,
Long-time participant under another pseudonym, but I’m changing it up for privacy reasons, since I’m about to be highly identifiable. In addition to my day job, I’m also a magician.
I thought some of you might be interested in a side project I’m working on: Flavors of Magic (www (dot) flavorsofmagic (dot) com) (and flavorsofmagic wherever you find your social media), an online series of shows which highlight the diversity of the magic community. We are featuring BIPOC artists, lots of women, magicians with disabilities, showing all kinds of magicians doing all kinds of magic. We are two shows into a seven show run. New shows air every other Thursday at 7pm eastern (so, our Halloween show goes live tomorrow!) but all of our episodes are available for streaming on demand.
Hope you enjoy!
Senior Attorney
Fun! Just followed on Insta!
Flavors of Magic
Awesome! Thank you.
Anon
Me too! What a cool project!
PNW
Been looking for a new fun thing to watch, thanks!