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I saw these Amazon leggings recommended somewhere as the perfect Lululemon dupe — so I dutifully ordered them. The fabric is crazy soft, opaque, stretchy — it really is very nice for $25.
I have a mild preference for the Costco leggings my mother got me last year (a reader recommended them as a Lululemon dupe as well!) — but it's really hard to find them in stock again as it seems like they've had a number of different brands using the super soft fabric. (The ones the reader recommended were Kirkland Signature but I've also heard about some from Danskin.) So, keep an eye out if you're a member.
If you're not a member (or you want them now) — these Amazon ones are great. They have 9,124 really positive ratings, come in 29 colors and prints, and are available in sizes XXS–XL. (For my $.02 they run on the slightly smaller side, so if you're between two sizes, go up.)
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Well the post title is my first clue that I have off Monday, so…yay! (Where TF did the summer go?!?!)
Anon
I didn’t realize it was Friday until just now! Pulling long hours (many of which are overnight) working storm recovery
Anon
Who thought it was a good idea to name a line of leggings “HeyNuts”? Is it a commentary on what people might say to a dude who’s wearing them?
anon
*snort*
anon
Shorter version of Hey[Icanseeyour]Nuts
Nudibranch
And the largest size these come in fit up to a 32 1/2 inch waist. So this is not a typical American XL at all.
As with many weirdly named brands on Amazon, the sizes do not correlate. Be warned and look at the measurements before buying your usual size.
SB8
Does anyone have a recommendation for compression socks? My sister is pulling crazy hours on her feet at work and I want to get her a couple pairs to try.
Anonymous
Yes, I like Sockwell and Comrad.
Anonymous
crazy compression socks!
Anonymous
Lily Trotters!
Silly Valley
Duluth Trading.
Lexi
Are they any reputable job sites that feature remote-only attorney positions? Any tips on spotting problem postings?
Anon
Goinhouse.com
Flexjobs.com
For the first one, it has remote and in-person, but you can filter by remote only. They are all attorney jobs.
The second one is all remote jobs, but all industries, you can use search terms to search for attorney/counsel postings. I haven’t seen anything on these that seems suspect.
Anon
LinkedIn, do a search for “remote.”
anon
+1, this is how I do it. It is slim pickings, though it’s better than it was pre-COVID.
Ellen
I think you can find jobs just by calling the A.B.A. There is a place listing all litigation positions and if you want to go in house, then they have those jobs too.
Anon
How would you manage this situation:
— we have a kid at home who is too young to be vaccinated. Kid is back in school (masked; masks come off just to eat) but otherwise does one outdoor activity.
— adult kid lives in a nearby city with low vax rates and high spread in a mask-opposed state (kid has had COVID and is at least half-vaxed)
— adult kid’s nearby other half of the family is maskless COVID deniers, half of whom have had COVID, all of whom are living their best lives
Husband is opposed to even asking adult kid about visits with the other half of the family (how is Kid going to feel) and yet husband is outraged and has cut contact with unvaxxed people and people running around like there is no pandemic. Am I a monster for just wanting to know what is going on in the background? Like maybe we don’t see each other the same week as the Free&Loose family or do a handy home test (which I have)? I’ve gotten my shots and would not personally care so much, but having the unvaxed kid be out of school for over a year and with Delta spiking, just having to quarantine will be disruptive to a job I’m trying to keep, kiddo needs to be in school, and actually getting sick or getting others sick would be bad.
Anonymous
I think you’re trying to control something entirely out of your control. You won’t succeed you’ll just divide family. If you want to draw a boundary ask your step child to get fully vaccinated.
Anon
+1 this is where I land too as someone who is very worried about my young child getting Covid and is keeping her out of everything except mask-required school, outdoor playdates with schoolmates and seeing family members we know are fully vaccinated and very cautious. Fwiw, most young adults are doing plenty of risky things on their own (bars, indoor dining, hookups) etc. so as annoying it is that your Stepkid’s other family is Covid deniers, I doubt they’re a real risk to your family.
anon
Yes, this. You cannot cut off access to the adult child; that seems cruel and very relationship-damaging. I sympathize with how hard this is, but no, you can’t know what’s going on the background.
Anon
Is this like a college kid who is your stepchild? No idea what the visitation schedule is like but I wouldn’t mess with it. If your stepchild is vaccinated and has had Covid, risk of them getting sick and spreading it seems very low.
Anonymous
It’s your step child isn’t it
Anon
She literally said it was her husbands adult kid? I don’t know why you’re acting like you’re such a good detective who caught her in some kind of misdeed. This is a weird comment.
Anonymous
She literally did not say that and presenting this whole dilemma without saying “it’s my step kid” when the whole issue is you can’t ban your step kid is the problem.
Anon
She talked about the kid’s “other family” so it was pretty obvious this isn’t a full bio sibling of her younger kid, and the “gotcha!” take is just weird to me. And she wasn’t proposing to ban the adult child from her home, she was talking about asking him to take precautions like home testing before coming over. You can say it’s overly cautious or whatever, but let’s not act like she’s telling her stepchild he can’t enter her home.
I hear you
Well, it was confusing to me too. The first time I read it I thought she was referring to the step-kids partner/boyfriend/girlfriend.
Anonymous
Yes, some might describe this person as her step child. She has described her relationship to him in the post, and that would be accurate. And at the same time, it is clear that she is rejecting the term (and the kid). She has made sure to describe him in a way that reflects no actual affiliation between her and this kid, who she has posted about wanting to cut off from HER family before.
Anonymous
Yup agreed.
We see you OP trying to cut off your step kid because you are anxious and it doesn’t fly.
Gilly
The rules for COVID are you do what is prudent for you and your family. Unless you are a step parent or there is a contentious divorce with anti accents, in which case shut up and let the lowest common denominator dictate your safety or lack thereof to you.
blueberries
I am super Covid cautious and I don’t think it’s possible for you to monitor your stepchild’s risks prior to visits. You can ask your husband to help your stepchild get a second dose.
If visits are brief, then maybe encourage them to be outside. If they’re overnight visits, absolutely have your husband request that everyone (your household + visitors) does a home test that you provide prior to being indoors unmasked together. But, do this for everyone who visits–don’t single out stepkid.
Anonymous
Ask adult kid to get fully vaccinated and to quick test before coming to visit. It’s not 100% but it would be a good reminder that they need to be cautious around their sibling.
Covid deniers focus on things like that not large numbers of children die from covid. I would more focus on that asking this because little kid has had a rough time and keeping him in school is good for him and if he has an exposure then he has to stay home so get adult kid on board with reducing chance of exposure by vaccinating and testing before visits.
Anonymous
+1 to your second paragraph. School boards in my terrible anti-vax state finally instituted mask mandates because they realized it was the only way to keep kids in school (since quarantine rules are much more lax if everyone is masked). They even made an announcement about it like “Masks do nothing [false], Covid is a benign illness in children [false], but the stupid health department is forcing us to quarantine close contacts for 2 weeks unless everyone is masked so going forward we unfortunately will have to require masks.” It was hilarious (but also sad that so many people think this way).
LaurenB
What state is this? I swear this is insane how people talk about the pandemic without sharing their state / area. No one can find you, honest.
Anonymous
Why does it matter what state it is? I don’t think you will “find me” (what!?) but your fixation on knowing where everyone lives is super weird. Sometimes it’s just more natural to say “In my ___ city/state/area people do blah blah blah” than to name a specific place, especially if people here don’t know that much about your state and won’t know what adjective you were intending. Like, do you really know what percent of people are vaccinated in every state? It’s not always what you’d expect. Some Midwestern states that went strong for Trump like South Dakota, Nebraska and Kansas have higher vaccination rates than purple Georgia and Arizona. If you’re trying to make a point about Covid policy, “my anti-vax state” can make your point more clearly than just saying the state name and leaving people to wonder if the state has high or low vaccination rates.
Anonymous
Why does it matter Lauren?!?
hi hi hi
y’all’s obsession with LaurenB is so weird.
I’m guessing Indiana based on what I know about a recent public health announcement and school board reaction.
Anon
ok step 1 is that adult kid finishes getting vaxxed. definitely no visits until then. once adult kid is fully vaxxed, which should take a few weeks. then, are you talking about adult kid coming to see you to sleepover? is it just a visit for a meal? because my suggestions differ depending on the circumstances. i would say for sleepover visits, a 7 day quarantine + test beforehand. otherwise, if it is jsut a quick visit, can they outdoors and/or masked?
Anonymous
Wildly unacceptable to require an adult who is a member of the family and fully vaccinated to quarantine for 7 days or stay outside in a mask. Divorce worthy nonsense.
Anon
+1 A quarantine for a vaxed person is absurd.
Anon
He’s not fully vaccinated. One dose is essentially worthless against the Delta variant. I would have a hard time letting an unvaccinated adult be maskless around my young child indoors. The stepchild is an adult and is making his own choices. If they have consequences, so be it. You have to prioritize the health of minor children who don’t have the choice to get vaccinated.
Anonymous
All those suggestions were for even after stepchild is fully vaccinated
AugNon
The other family is a red herring. Talk to your stepkid about whether they are fully vaccinated or not and pick less risky activities when your kid and stepkid will be together (eating outside, park dates, etc.)
Anon
Agree with this. Don’t focus on the other family, it’s not relevant and will just tick people off. Focus on stepkid’s total risk profile and how you can mitigate risk when you get together to keep your child safe.
Senior Attorney
Agree. It’s a tough situation, though. I feel for you.
Anonymous
But it’s not a battle worth fighting for the OP if there isn’t the possibility that “adult child of the husband” won’t report back to his mother about new wife’s disapproval of the ex-wife and her entire family. The very best part is making the husband convey it.
Anonymous
Has anyone ever done a “monotasking” group session? Best practices?
CB
Not quite sure what you mean, but I run writing groups where we all work in a shared space, pausing for breaks and brainstorming. And I’ve done “knock it out” sessions where we had to review applications or update websites. We got a good lunch and there was a sense of cameraderie.
Anonymous
Anyone have any favorite air fryer recipes?
Anonymous
What kind of foods do you like? The Skinnytaste basil-parmesan crusted salmon is one of my favorite air fryer recipes.
Anon
I love lemon pepper chicken thighs. I have a Mediterranean Diet Air Fryer cookbook (the one by Katie Hale – we eat a lot of lentils and fish) where I found the recipe, but there are a million iterations online.
Marinate the chicken in lemon juice, a little olive oil, and spices of your choice for 30-60 minutes. Cook in one layer in the air fryer for 15 min at 375 or until it reaches a safe temp. We usually serve with a three bean salad in the spring/ summer, or with a Mediterranean salad and packet couscous in the fall/ winter.
anon
I’m going to an outdoor winery tonight and plan to bring snacks. Any ideas for something that’s quick/easy/I can pick up from TJ’s?
Anon
Trio of Spanish cheeses, rosemary raisin crisps, and marcona almonds.
Senior Attorney
And some of their sliced salami or proscuitto.
Anon
Make-your-own mini caprese bites. Some small cherry tomatoes, the mini mozzarella bites, some basil, and a bottle of balsalmic vinegar for dipping. Add some toothpick or other skewer-like options and it’s a low-contact easy snack.
You could also get a few of their dips and some dippers. Dips like Romanesco Sauce, the Pub Cheese, goat cheese, hummus, ranch dressing, even the buffalo chicken dip are all good options to mix and match. Then have a variety of veggie and carby dippers like baby carrots, snack peppers, even the butternut squash zigzags, plus crackers, pita chips, breadsticks, etc.
Single Parenting
I am posting to put something into the universe based on this morning’s discussions regarding parenting when you have a partner who does not have flexibility/availability.
Let me start by saying that I 100% understand that people who did not sign up to be single parents should not be forced into single parenting. I also completely understand that people who have partners are absolutely entitled to have equal co-parents with all that entails. I am just writing to push back on the “it is so hard” narrative in case anyone out there is looking at being a single parent.
I have a college age child who I conceived via donor insemination. She is the delight and joy of my life and being her mother is the best thing I have ever done. And I did it while practicing law full time and without financial support from anyone else (although my family would absolutely have been available in an emergency which gave me peace of mind). I certainly made professional compromises and could not devote myself to being a lawyer. I am not in Big Law (not that I would have wanted that). I definitely will never be an equity or income partner. My bank balances and 401K are not what they would have been if I did not have a child to support. But it was possible – and joyful – on a financial and logistical basis.
Parenting can be hard regardless of whether and how much assistance you have. It can be exhausting and stressful. But I honestly do not think it is harder as a single person than as a partnered one. It is not for everyone but if you are thinking about it (and it deserves a lot of thought) please do not be dissuaded by the fear of it being too much for one person.
Anonymous
Thank you for putting this out there! I’m in the same boat but my child is still a baby. I’m at the start of what I know will be a challenging but joyous adventure. So far, so good! My financial situation is enough, my time is valuable, and my sanity is priceless. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve thought “this situation would have been so much MORE difficult if I were still in a relationship with” either of my previous SOs – things as simple as putting together a crib or as complicated as deciding how to make childcare arrangements during a pandemic. It helps that I have my family and family-like friends to support me. Having a romantic/parenting partner is just not necessary for me to thoroughly enjoy getting to be a mom.
Senior Attorney
+1 to “the wrong partner makes it more difficult.”
I divorced my son’s dad when he was six, and remarried when he was 12. And honestly the most fun and peaceful phase of parenting for me was when it was just the two of us. His dad was around and that was a mixed bag, but I loved the dynamic of just the two of us in the house, able to live our lives together the way we pleased.
Anon
Thank you for shsring this! Let me also put out as someone who was raised by a single mom half my young life and with a horrible father the ohter half – being raised by a single mom was way more joyful, secure and complete experience as a kid. And I do remember the hard times in there (from my own perspective), both financially and with finding childcare for me. It was still better than the other thing hands down.
BTW I have been married to a wonderful man for many years, I never ever suffered fools or jerks (let alone stay in a relationship with them), and we have an amazing kid (teen now).
The latter paragraph is not to brag but because I know single moms are often made to wonder about those things by our stupid society.
Anon
I think this is true only because so many hetero marriages are so very unequal in terms of distribution of both practical and emotional labor. I would be very very interested if any gay women have an alternate perspective.
Single Parenting
Obviously I cannot know (and I would also be interested in perspective from same sex couples) but I know from talking to my sister that one of the big sources of stress is her marriage is when she and her husband disagree. It is not that one of them is wrong and the other is right it is that they do not think the same and need to navigate who gets to make the decision. (As an example: How strictly do you enforce bedtime; day care center or home day care; how clean is clean enough; home cooked dinner or order pizza tonight; is that middle school student mature enough to babysit; etc., etc.) Having two parents requires that these types of choices have to be navigated every single day. As a single parent, I make all the decisions. And while I do all the work, it means I do not have to coordinate with another person.
Senior Attorney
Yes, exactly! In that way single parenting is much easier.
Anon
I’m glad for that you’ve made this work but I disagree that parenting without a partner is no harder than parenting with one. Maybe if your partner is a loser who doesn’t do their share, but fortunately most people I know have husbands who pull their weight, if not more. My husband occasionally goes out of town for work (in normal times) and it’s HARD. We survive by cutting a lot of corners – takeout food, more screen time, etc. but it feels very much like short term survival mode and not something we could sustain. I can’t imagine being the only parent 24/7. Obviously if he died or something we’d have no choice but to make it work, but it would definitely be harder. We’ve also pretty much always agreed on kid stuff, and I value his input so I’m actually glad I’m not the sole decision maker. Not saying we have a perfect marriage or don’t have our issues, but my experience is very different than your sister’s and I’ve always been extremely grateful I have him to share the big decisions with.
Paging UTI antibiotics and gut health person
There are some antibiotics that do not mix with dairy, where dairy makes the antibiotics less effective because your body won’t absorb them.
Please don’t just chug probiotic yogurt with your antibiotics without finding out whether your particular antibiotics are the non-dairy ones. Check with your doctor!
The ones I remember I had to have at least a two hour wait before and after taking the medicine to have dairy, were tetracyclines.
Anon
That’s me! Thanks!
I hear you
Good point!
Also, many antibiotics interact with various vitamins and minerals.
I have a family member on Levofloxacin right now, and they have to avoid calcium and magnesium within two hours of taking them as well as dairy. So move the calcium supplement and MVI to a different time…
Another is on Doxycycline for pneumonia, and that one also needs to avoid calcium and mag.
Every time you get a new medicine, do not rely upon the doctors to tell you about drug interactions, food interactions or even the most common side effects. Even good doctors can’t keep up. There are too many meds. Ask the pharmacist when you pick them up, read the stickers on the bottle and the insert if you can. I go to the Drug Interactions on Drugs.com to check for interactions. I keep a running med list saved there (include all vitamins and supplements) and run all new meds through that to check for interactions.
Anonymous
How do you make the best of a work situation where you don’t like your team and they don’t like you? It’s pretty clear the leader of the team I work for thinks I’m a lazy, unproductive, untalented employee and I think he’s an egomaniac who doesn’t respect my subject matter expertise. I’m trying to get a new job, but I’m not having any luck, and since it’s almost impossible for them to fire me unless I do something terrible (long and very specific story I don’t want to share, but trust me on this), we’re stuck together for the foreseeable future. I’m miserable but I can’t justify walking away from the paycheck when I have no other job prospects. Remote work isn’t helping, since I no longer have friendly conversations in the halls with anyone. We only meet when we need to talk about work and it’s always unpleasant.
SMC - San Diego
Been there, done that, quit the job (eventually).
(1) Try making a list of the behaviors that really make you crazy. If you want to be extra, assign a point value to each one (Screaming at someone else so loud you can be heard down the hall: 1 point; Screaming at me so loud you can be heard down the hall: 3 points; Denying you send an email that I have a copy of in front of me: 2 points; Yelling about how I did not give you a document that is sitting on your desk: 1 point; Suggesting that I am wrong on a subject that I know a lot about and you do not know at all: 1 point if alone and 3 if in a meeting; etc.) Tally the points on a daily or weekly basis and reward yourself for each 10.
(2) On your personal computer and not in an email program, draft the emails you WISH you could send but cannot. Really let go and vent. Say every snide thing you want. (My favorite was asking if she had a magic v*gina since that was clearly the only reason she had gotten to where she was [she was sleeping with the married senior partner]).
(3) Work hard on remembering that your value as a person is not dependent on your value as an employee and your value as an employee is not dependent on the opinions of this person. You should not care what this person thinks except to the extent that it impacts your actual experiences.
(4) If you cannot be fired because of a prior harassment/discrimination claim, keep really good notes. Include any documentation and witnesses. It will help with your retaliation claim – actual or threatened. Same if you are a member of a protected class.
Good luck!
Anonymous
Helpful, thanks!
Anonymous
Look hard. Get out as soon as you can. Try to keep references where you can in the meantime. I was in a similar position and my job was eliminated despite having had outstanding performance reviews and two(!) days after a raise. Even if you stay, it’s demoralizing not having ideas supported or constantly seeing how much easier it is for other team members. Toxic groups weigh down careers in big ways and small.
Donnyandbuster
Good luck!!! Sounds miserable. Any way to take on a project working with people you like better to make your short term less miserable? Start having more coffees with people (in your company) just to feel things out?
Anon
Wanted to share some nonfiction book recs for anyone who will have some reading time this weekend:
– Sunshine Girl by Julianna Margulies – she was one of my favorite actresses on ER but I never watched The Good Wife; didn’t know what to expect from this when I got it from the library. It’s a pretty fascinating memoir about her childhood, which was pretty unorthodox. It also goes into her (bad) relationship with Ron Eldard (who she doesn’t mention by name). She ended up meeting her now-husband after she broke off her 10+ year relationship with Eldard and had her son at 40. Not a lot of BTS juice about ER or Good Wife but a few interesting pictures of her with cast members. It’s a good story and an enjoyable (and pretty fast) read.
Uncanny Valley by Anna Weiner – I don’t know what it was about the author’s writing style, but this really sucked me in. The book’s gotten criticism for being about the tech industry when the author isn’t a technical professional, but I thought her “outsider’s perspective” was valuable. Once I started reading this, I couldn’t put it down.
Brat: An 80’s Story by Andrew McCarthy – I was in love with Andrew McCarthy circa St. Elmo’s Fire and Pretty in Pink so this was a fun read, although he doesn’t include very much juice about what happened on the the movie sets, etc. More about how he became an actor, what it was like being mega-famous as a very young adult, etc. He has a calm, engaging writing style. The book was a quick read and did contain some good gossipy bits, which I won’t spoil.
Please share out your recommendations (fiction or nonfiction, whichever!)!
Senior Attorney
I mentioned this the other day on here, but I just finished The Ministry for the Future by Kim Stanley Robinson and was blown away by it (although the first chapter will give you nightmares).
Really enjoyed The Kitchen Front by Jennifer Ryan, which is about a cooking competition in WWII-era England. So much so that I went on to read The Chilbury Ladies’ Choir and The Spies of Shilling Lane, also by her and with similar themes and settings. They would be great light reading for a long weekend.
Anonymous
Thanks! I just tagged Uncanny Valley for a future read.
I want to thank everyone here for telling me how valuable a library card can be, especially in 2021 when audiobooks and e-books can be borrowed.
I have to admit that I all but stopped reading for several years. It just felt like it would be a chore after reading all day for work and it felt easier and more relaxing to watch TV and movies. And when there was so much political upheaval, I got hooked on podcasts and Twitter and took in fewer audiobooks.
Recently, I have made a lot of time to read and I now make sure to listen to books when I am driving or doing chores and I realize it is actually more relaxing. I am delving into my own existing piles and backlogs but also taking great advantage of my new library card (after 10+ years!). I am looking forward to seeing the regular book recommendations here and actually making note of the trusted suggestions.
Anonymous
I have several friends who work in entertainment and they all say Julianna Margulies is one of the people whose public persona is most different from their private persona. She’s curated this sweetheart image publicly, but she’s apparently an extremely difficult and unpleasant person behind the scenes. I know the drama with Archie on Good Wife was publicly reported on (Julianna refused to film with Archie, basically) and everyone I know is #TeamArchie.
Midnight in Chernobyl is great if you’re looking for non fiction to read. I read it right after watching the miniseries and I thought it might be duplicative and boring but it was so good and read like a thriller, in the vein of Bad Blood.
Anon
Maybe she’s advocating for herself? I hate comments like that, they really feed into negative female stereotypes.
Anon
All of this.
Anonymous
Read about what she did to Archie (also a woman), refusing to film with her and then publicly throwing her under the bus. Sexism is very real and some women are bad people who don’t treat others well. Both things can be true and I’m tired of people crying sexism every time a woman is criticized.
Anon
Least convincing proof point, sorry. A celebrity “feud” where she said it was a schedule conflict? Hardly the stuff if evil terribleness.
Anon
I am mostly happily married, I am mostly happy and satisfied with my life how it is. Spouse and I have been together for 7 years. Sometimes I think about life 20 years from now, and think it’s plausible that we could divorce in that time. I’m not wanting a divorce now or even considering that, I can just see how the directions we’re currently growing in could make us incompatible over time. Right now its small things that are typical in couples our age. I try not to think about it too much, but wondering if this seems super problematic?
Anon
You’re borrowing trouble. In case you’re not, fix those things because you’ll be happier working together than living in a steadily less happy marriage.
Anon
What seems super problematic is that you’re fixated on it. Are you sure you’re happy? For me that kind of thinking would be an indicator that something was wrong in the present.
Very Anon
I think there’s a pretty good chance my husband and I will divorce when our only child leaves home. We aren’t unhappy but we’ve really grown apart and don’t have much in common except our child. But that’s enough, at least for now.I really love parenting with him and while I understand that good divorced co-parents still make big decisions together and even spend some time together at birthdays and other milestones, they don’t get to share in the day to day joy (and frustration and silliness and etc etc) of parenting in the same way. I really get so much joy from being a family unit and spending time all three of us. I didn’t even want kids until I met my husband, so to me parenthood and my marriage are inextricably linked. But when our child is not a daily presence in our lives, it’s hard to see how we will stay together because we’re so different and really don’t have much of a connection anymore except through our child.
Anonymous
The world might end before that. Don’t borrow trouble.
Senior Attorney
Except… if you’re thinking along these lines you apparently *are* considering a divorce, right? It kind of does seem super problematic to me.
Anon
Yeah, people happy and satisfied in their marriages don’t dwell on this kind of thought.
Anon
+1 – I can work myself up into a full on crying fit if I even think of my husband not being around in the future. I’m so sorry the OP and others are in relationships like this.
Sunshine
We sound a lot like you are describing. Together 9 years, married 6. Early 40s. We get along great and are happy together. But I’m not sure that where we each want to be in 20 years when we are done working will line up at all (when we talk about it, we have very different ideas of where we want to live and how we want to spend our time when we are 60+). I think we will either divorce or spend significant amounts of time living apart. And I imagine I’m fine with either of those. We will both be financially stable whether we stay together with two houses or divorce. I think there are relationships that have life-spans. Ours may be 30 years, and I’m fine with that. RIght now we are really happy together so I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about where we will be in 20 years. Because also, if the last 18 months has taught me anything, who knows what life will look like in 6 weeks, not to mention 20 years!
Anonymous
I’m very curious what you’re differing visions of the future look like if you’re willing to share.
Another anon
Not the person you’re responding to but in a similar boat. I love my husband dearly, but his ideal retirement is probably living in a cabin in the woods while I would prefer to be in a city / near my child.
Anonymous
I don’t get problems like this. Married 15 years, romance totally gone. Still: he’s family and if we can/could travel I’d want to do it with him. I like having a regular enjoyable date for Saturday. I like having all my $ instead of splitting it in half.
What else do you think is out there? My aunt is fit and healthy and has $ and dating in her 60s has suuuucked – and all she wanted was to keep her half of the $ and have a regular date. Older men who date older women often either want a “nurse or a purse.” If you have to do it then fine great but why break up a happy partnership because “you’ve grown apart”?
Anonymous
I think the people who’ve said they might split up eventually are saying they might decide they’re happier alone. Not everyone is desperate for a partner, particularly when they’re past the child-rearing stage of life. I agree splitting up a relatively happy but passionless marriage on the assumption you’ll find your Great Love is naive.
Anon
I wonder if some of this will change over time. Both of my grandfathers significantly outlived my grandmothers by over 20 years. One got remarried fast, I think because he didn’t know how to cook. The other was in a long term relationship (maybe 10 years), and he started dating cause he was lonely – I doubt he ever cooked for her, but that wasn’t what got him to start dating and he continued to be fine alone after his girlfriend passed away.
But the people who are in their 70+ now have very different expectation about gender roles then many younger people. When our generation hits that age and starts dating after divorce or the death of a spouse, I think guys might be dating because they are lonely and not cause they don’t know how to cook
Anon
Eh, the problem is that single men 60+ outnumber single women by a lot.
Senior Attorney
What? No, that’s backwards.
Anon
Haven’t heard back from a recruiter who was supposed to confirm, but we’re scheduled to talk early next week. Can’t wait to obsess for the next three days. So frustrated. Job searching today seems like pure chaos and all up to chance. I miss when life was slower and you didn’t lose a shot because you took more than ten minutes to respond to a text or e-mail.
Anon
Job searching has always felt that way to me, doesn’t seem any different now than ever before.
anon
If it makes you feel better, i respond to all interview/recruiter emails within minutes, and I still haven’t had any luck (searching for 18 months). I’m not sure what they’re looking for these days…
Anonymous
What hell fiend decided to make monthly time due today whyyyyyyy
Tea/Coffee
I feel you… it’s only the last weekend pools are open, nbd I didn’t need to relax at all, haha :-(
Anonymous
I did the thing. I DTMFA. I haven’t posted about the relationship here, but it’s similar to a lot of what others have been posting here recently — met online, dated four months, started to feel the slow fade at the end of July, but didn’t want to admit it to myself because it was my first relationship post-divorce and I was definitely clinging to the fantasy he conjured up in the early days.
Anyway, I’m both relieved and incredibly sad. Im relieved that I was able to stop clinging to the wrong person. I’m relieved that I’m not overthinking things and I’m back to being on my own. I’m not mourning him, per se, but I didn’t date for four years after my divorce. It was really nice being part of a couple again for a little while (at least until it wasn’t).
I don’t know what the point of this post is, other than to share how proud I am of doing it, and maybe to ask for tips on how to move on. I feel like I shouldn’t be this sad over a relationship that was really just a tiny blip on the radar of my life.
Senior Attorney
Congratulations! You did the right thing and it’s perfectly normal and fine to feel sad! It’s not just him, as you said, it’s the idea of being part of a couple that you’re mourning.
Big hugs! Onward…
Dr. The Original ...
I’ll leave it to everyone else to congratulate you for being an epic bad@$$ (though I think so too) and instead focus on making sure you’re being gentle with yourself. I’m in a similar boat in terms of wishful thinking that then got my hopes up and then it fell apart. While yay for walking away in the long-run, in the short-run, it just sucks worse than the fancy dysons often recommended here. It’s okay to feel crummy about it and be sad about it and eat junk food about it. You did nothing wrong for trying nor for getting your hopes up nor for walking away. I’m sorry you are hurting but I am more sorry for him for missing out on your amazingness.
As a side note, it may help to marathon a trash show like 90 Day Fiance or Love After Lockup to remind yourself that sometimes single is better than a mess! Sending you love!
Anon
“it just sucks worse than the fancy dysons often recommended here.”
This made me laugh.
Anon
Thank you to whoever mentioned the book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, earlier this week. I’m not finished it yet, but it’s proving to be an enlightening read so far.
Another Anon
I’ll probably have to post again Tuesday but as a long shot, anyone recommend an interior decorator/designer in the Boston area? Or online who does apartments? Just signed a contract to buy a condo expected to be ready around October 1 and we need help and I’m realizing maybe Labor Day sale is a good time to figure some pieces out.
Anon
Try The Expert online – you can book 2-hour consultations remotely that would probably be helpful to home in on the pieces you want to buy on sale. Will be hard to find someone available locally for a meeting before sales end.
Anonymous
I used AbbeyK with success a number of years ago – for a one-time, hourly consultation which was helpful in giving me ideas I wouldn’t have come up with myself and did choose to implement. More recently, I used Modsy online, which was fast and similarly helpful for prompting ideas.
Anonymous
I doubt you’ll see this 10 days later, but the author of Elements of Style, Erin Gates, is actually Boston-based.
Anonymous
Posting About Texas
A practical thing we can to support those impacted by the recent Texas law is to give to providers in adjoining states, who are seeing a flood of people seeking assistance. I realize not everyone can afford to travel, particularly in such a big state, but it’s still more helpful that just jamming a tip line.
Anonymous
It’s also helpful to donate to Texas providers to keep them afloat until this law is enjoined. A lot of providers will have to close their doors before then and will never reopen. Also donate to abortion funds in Texas because they will pay for women to travel out of state to get their abortions. This last one is probably the most important of all. Signed, someone who’s working closely on this issue right now